Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Two Hundred Udders

Episode Date: August 27, 2024

Poonamis seem to be everywhere this week! Emma shares the chaos of dealing with one during her road trip to Wales, while another mum experiences a messy mishap during her first attempt at baby yoga. Meanwhile, Sophs has somehow dodged the trend and tells us about her serene family getaway. You've been busy sending in your back-to-school checklist ideas, and we’ve officially discovered the wildest location yet for listening to the podcast! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do. And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself. You can be anonymous.

And no secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the Secret Mum Club. We're welcoming back Sadie Baby. Sadie Baby. She's in the studio. She's got her toes out. She is living the dream. She's in a little summer outfit.

We've been upgraded to some new bits in the studio for the babies. I didn't bring Renly though. No. And also we were here early today, weren't we? We were here really early today and it's school holidays. It's chocker. Yeah. It's hot.

Yeah. It's busy. The boy's on a free course meal every day. So he is just at home chilling. Chilling with daddy. With the big ones. Yeah. We've also just got away

back from being away. Yeah. Yeah. So it's always been too much. Yes. But we have a bouncer in the studio now, don't we? We've been upgraded. We've got some equipment from some uh some bits and boots so we've got a high chair

bouncer and a walker yeah i said but he's basically renly can come in now and have three course meal and basically baby stay out run around the studio because he's in a walker moving a walker well i was like let's not do the walker yet she's a bit too young for that and then you came in and said basically renly's already, he goes up and down the kitchen on the tiles. He loves it. She can't quite hold herself up yet. She's like flopping her head forward a little bit. So we're in the bouncy chair.

We were saying this, weren't we? Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. And how insanely fucking rude. So rude. What a bitch. I've just got so much I need to say to you today. We were just saying, weren't we, about the babies, because Sadie is rolling back to front.

Front to back. Back to front, front to back. Back to front, yeah. Back to front. Whereas Renly basically looks like a fish out of water. Yeah. He just lies there like a sack of potatoes. Fat potato. Does, like a sack of potatoes.

But he's shuffling himself along the carpet. But he does. He's feet down on the floor and he wiggles himself up the room. Yeah. And, yeah, he's standing up all the time. He's in his walker. He's busting out three meals a day. You think he's going to walk earlier than Colby?

I 100% think he's going to walk before Colby. He loves it. He loves being up on his feet. She's had enough. Get out of that chair. I think she actually needs feeding. Should have done that before the episode started. Sorry.

Just bear with us. Emma's going to get her titty out. We're blessed today. We've got different people in the office, haven't we? In the studio. Because Maz has been away. Our Maz has been getting married. She's probably been getting married.

So we're making do with Dan. Shout out to Maz. We miss you terribly. Yeah, so we came in super early this morning. I wasn't up early enough to watch your Instagram stories. No, I was talking and I was saying that I was going to bring Renly today because I haven't brought him in for so long now.

And I was like, it is a little bit different for you because Sadie has the boobie, doesn't she? Well, and also Stefan is away

for the millionth time. I've actually come to think that Stefan isn't real. I know. He's phantom. I'm not actually married. I think you're making him up. Yeah.

I might as well be. He's never around. He's working, to be fair. That's what he calls it. Yeah. We know you,fan work we're on to you working hard or hardly working yeah he's working apparently in manchester but he's back tomorrow he's back tonight oh is he yeah oh so you're gonna have an easy night no it's

another bedtime solo bedtime and then he'll be back for nursery drop off by the morning but today not to toot my own horn she did great but i set my alarm for 6 30 which i haven't set an alarm in ages because normally the baby just wakes me up so that felt weird um and then i got both babies ready yes she did got them out the door and myself ready got them out the door got joseph dropped at nursery by 7 30 i made the 7 48 train i pissed off all the commuters with all my shit and my double buggy. Yes, you did. Made someone give me their seat so that I could feed Sadie

because she hadn't had her breakfast yet. Fed her on the way in. While sipping on your coffee. Whilst I even managed to pick up a coffee. I've got to look out. Someone's got to look out for mummy. Someone's got to look out for mummy. You've got to look out for yourself, girl.

Exactly. People were pissed off at you though, weren't they? Yeah. Take up the whole train, love. Because I looked so leisurely. I was just like feeding Sadie, sipping my coffee, all my shit was everywhere around me and people were cramming on

and cramming on. So you should though, so you should. More people getting on at every stop, looking at me and I thought, do you know what? No, I'm not going to feel bad about this.

I'm here, feeding a baby. They probably thought, where the hell is she going to at 10 to 8 in the morning? She can't be going to work with her baby. Well,

guess what, bitches? She's a single mum who's got two jobs. Exactly, yeah. She's doing what mum who's got two jobs. Exactly. She's doing what she was doing on the train. Keep leaving my nipple hanging in the air. Say he's just freeing the nipple.

Honestly, they were men. Not free the willy, free the nipple. Mostly men standing around getting a full show of my nipples. My journey was mental today. Busy because I don't normally travel at this time. We're normally a bit later, aren't we, when we come in? Yeah. I literally was face on today with a man's belly button.

He was so insanely tall. The train was so crammed in. He'd come in. And then the next one, I was in his armpit. And he had his armpit right like this. Imagine this is my face. This was his armpit. What did he smell like?

I don't know. I just kept my head down. I thought, I just can't look up. It's too awkward to look up. But Lisa had no sex show this week. Yeah, thank God. Thank God. That was tragic, wasn't it?

That was traumatising. So that's us today. And then this week, as I think I've previously mentioned, we were away with the in-laws in Wales for like nine days, which is quite a solid amount of time to spend with your in-laws. That's absolutely stunning, isn't it? But it was good. It was like nice to have help, like, you know,

them cooking me dinner every night, not having to tidy up, all that stuff. But obviously living with anyone for nine days is like quite intense. Full on, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, it was quite intense. Were you all in one house? All in one house. And Stefan was hardly there because, again, he was away working.

Was he? So it was just me and the kids and his parents quite a lot of the time. Yeah. So I've probably pissed them off as well, to be honest. But no, they're really great. It's just like getting someone else to know the ins and outs of your routine and stuff. I think sometimes unless you live it,

you don't really know exactly. Like before I had Renly, looking back when I had the other two, it's hard even to go back to that, to try and sympathise with somebody that's going through the newborn stage because it goes past so quick and you forget, don't you?

So sometimes having it there is a refresher. And like, even my mum will say, gosh, I've forgotten. I've forgotten about this bit or I forgot about this bit. Gosh, isn't this bit hard?

And you forget that like they've got older. So like now that they're doing it, they're getting extra tired. Yeah. And I think like, you know, they don't normally get up that early. Whereas like we were up at crack of dawn

like you know it was probably annoying for them to have them have us in their house but because they live so far away but did they invite you? they did invite us

and do you know what the timing worked out perfect because Joseph's nursery was closed for a week so otherwise it would have been me at home on my own with both babies for a week oh yeah

so I thought fuck that I'm going to the in-laws this is a no brainer I'm going to the in-laws and they fucking invited you as well look you can't say they're probably bored of you

they invited you and also because we don't get to see them that often because they're so far away the time is so much more precious I'm like soak it up because we're not going to be

we're not going to be doing this seven hour journey a lot do you know what I mean that's a long way another seven and a half hours in the car were they okay in the car they were okay

the way there we drove overnight actually which someone did suggest didn't they the other podcast but you said that worked when Jojo was little but not now he's bigger overnight actually which someone did suggest didn't they the other podcast but you said that worked when jojo was little but not now he's bigger yeah do you know what he didn't sleep but at least the journey was quicker it was he did sleep eventually but it was like five hours whereas on the way back we did it daytime and it was like seven and a half

because you just have to stop for sadie so much and then like inevitably like she you stop you do the feed do the nappy and everything five minutes down the road the feed works its way through she's done a massive poonami yeah i had to stop in this lovely village in the middle of rural wiltshire do a shitty nappy on the side of the road what in the boot of the car did her on the driver's seat oh did you but i've just you know people probably looking out their windows being like why are you flashing that why why yeah why is your nappy full of on my front drive didn't do the old um fl the old fling it into a wheelie bin. Fling it and burst it into someone's wheelie bin. I didn't.

Not after we said on the podcast. I didn't. I didn't. I didn't do that. But no, it was lovely. Apart from slagging off the weather in Wales and the fact that it rains all the time. Wet in Wales. Wet Wales.

No, we did have some lovely days. And weirdly, my mum and dad were down there at the same time for some of it, visiting their friends who also live in Wales. No, we did have some lovely days. And weirdly, my mum and dad were down there at the same time for some of it, visiting their friends who also live in Wales. So did you see your mum and dad while you were there as well? We did, yeah. Do they get on with your in-laws? Yeah, they get on really well. Stop.

Because of the distance, they don't get to see each other that much. But they came round for dinner one of the nights and I was like, this is going to blow Joseph's mind. Because normally... Both his nannies and grandad's. Both nannies and grandad's in the same place. Normally it's like one or the other, obviously. So my mum and dad walked into Stefan's mum and dad's house

and he's like, what in the fucking fuckknuckles is going on here? My two worlds have collided. What the hell? He actually really took it in his stride. Has he ever seen them together before? Yes. He hasn't.

Actually, no, I don't think he probably has. That is mental. They haven't seen each other that much either. They've only seen each other like once when we got married and maybe like one other time. But I don't think Joseph was born. So, yeah, it was weird for him. But I think because he's so young, he kind of just like didn't think anything of it. He was just like, oh, obviously it's normal that Nanny and Grandad would be here.

Because he doesn't know that they live miles away. He was just like, oh, cool. You're all here hanging out. Like absolute dream come true for him. How phenomenal. I know. I love that for you. So we had a lovely,

we had a lovely time. Stefan's dad insured me on his car so I was pimping. What does he drive? He's got like a nice big Audi. Oh, has he? Yeah.

Hey. Go on, baller. Someone's doing well. You were L-I-V-I-N. He's actually not a baller at all but he's got a nice car. So,

yeah, I was just driving around the valleys just, you know, thinking I was hot shit. Wow. Had a great time. How else do you want to live your life? Exactly. That's all I can say. No, it was really nice.

Yeah. How's your week been? We have been away. You've had a high rolling time as well. We did. We've been living the dream. We've had a lovely time. We were balling, didn't we?

We were big time ballers. You hired? A stately home. A stately home. Hey. I don't even think you can even call it a stately home. Dan thought it was a hotel. It was, how many rooms?

I don't know how many rooms, but it slept like 30 people, 30 plus. And you had how many people there? We had 12. Not going to lie, the first day I got there, I was like, oh, this is a little bit. Bit much. Bit scary. Yeah, a bit much, but maybe a bit scary because there was basically three floors so you could either go upstairs you could be on ground level like in the middle or there was also the basement as well so

like when we went into the house this big open entrance lobby hallway and then she took us in quickly did a quick show round and showed us everything we went up the stairs i was like oh the bedrooms are beautiful. She was like, right, OK, now we're going to make our way downstairs. I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we went down the stairs and then I was like, oh, is that everything? She was like, oh, no, you've got to come this way. Went out to another like east wing of the house.

And then she took us downstairs for more bedrooms. But I think the longer I, when I got there, I was OK. I was a little bit like, oh, it's a little bit scary because I'm that type of person that if I turn the lights off at home you best believe i'm bolting i'm bolting from the kitchen through to my bedroom what you scared of screen screen man's just gonna chase me anybody yeah just man wearing a sheet anything in the dark just anyone chasing me yeah yeah anything okay chris stupidly will jump out on me or something so it's giving me the willies all the time right so we went downstairs but the longer i stayed the more frightened I got yeah because your imagination was probably going wild

it was through the fucking roof and do you know what I didn't sleep ironically because I'm away so I just don't ever seem to do you not sleep as well when you're away no I don't shut off

and you're saying Renly didn't either he was a little bit unsettled I'm alright to be fair I'm alright but I kept having to go so all the children slept in the basement and my heart I just don't think I could shut off or settle He was a little bit unsettled. I'm all right, to be fair. I'm all right. But I kept having to go. So all the children slept in the basement.

And my heart, I just don't think I could shut off or settle. So I kept going down. So at one time, I went down at one, I went down at three, and then I went down at five. Then five, Renly woke up. So I was going down to check on all of them. But I then had to leave them down there and get my fat ass up the stairs in the pitch black I tell you what I've never fucking I've done about 45,000 steps a day because I was running up the

stairs through the hallway through the dining room from the kitchen through the lobby up the stairs back into my bedroom I got it back in bed and I was like it took about half an hour to get around the whole house I kept losing my sister and losing my mum I lost the dog at one point couldn't find anybody me and my sister were like ships in the night so who was there your family your sister's family mom and dad yes nice yeah we went away and i had a swim and pool in somerset in somerset yes i think it's summer i'm pretty sure it's somerset yeah yeah yeah that's when you went to cheddar home holcomb holcomb in somerset I think there's a Holcombe in Norfolk no I wasn't in Norfolk that's for sure yeah that's that's the opposite way that's the opposite direction yeah it was definitely

Holcombe and Chris done his um his normal thing of as you are as we're driving somewhere always in the car right obviously my dad's Chris and Chris's Chris both electricians right I've spent my life going along and my dad go see that house over there i worked in there see that one over there change the lights in there that one yeah i've done that one as well literally i was telling my mom and my sister about it right driving along in this little sleepy village we were so close to get into i think it was from i think that's excuse me if i'm i didn't pronounce it right but i think it's's Frome is where we was. Is it Froome? Froome? Froome. Froome.

Froome. There you go. Sorry. So we were driving along this little village. We were so close. The sat-nav was saying we were like five minutes away. Driving along, Chris goes, bloody hell. I was thinking, oh, here we go.

He goes, I fucking recognise this place. And I was like, no, you fucking don't. I had to ring my sister quickly. I was like, listen to this. Put him on loudspeaker. He was like, driving along. He was like, yeah, yeah. a fucking co-op i fucking worked in that co-op my sister was dying because we were in convoy they were in the car behind her so i said

we've not even we're two hours away from home and he's already telling me the places that he's worked in but it was honestly the most amazing like the most amazing weekend unreal dots you learned to swim yes what the fuck i saw that that gave me hope because obviously we're not doing the old swimming there was a few people that got a little bit angry with me and was like clearly you had a horrible teacher or clearly she did listen because otherwise how is she swimming i did see a few people commenting saying that they were teachers though some were nice but some were nice yeah and saying that like you know you should never a child shouldn't be made to feel scared in their swimming lessons.

No, and I do think it was, you know, the swimming environment. I thought the teacher was lovely, but obviously the children just... It just didn't work for them. They just weren't grasping it. Some people did get a little bit angry with me about that one. And they were like, well, clearly the swimmer worked if she's swimming. Clearly you're a liar. It didn't work because she's not been swimming.

Yeah, but she was doing so well. So well. And she was doing so well so well and she was jumping in jumping in going underwater the whole lot colby colby lived his life in live in he was chucking we so i bought a little bag of like um do you remember when we were kids and you were learning to swim and you get like the swim weights yeah and they sink down to the bottom and you can go down and get them we used to um do it with a that makes me sound a lighter like this makes me sound like such a pauper a brick we used to do it with a coin a coin yeah get the coin on holiday that's quite a normal thing is that normal yeah yeah like we used to do that my dad used to do it on um on holiday and he'd chuck a coin with a peseta yeah in spain

peseta is that what they were called pesetas no before the euro. Yeah, it was called pesos. Peseta? It's not peseta, is it? I think so. What is a peso? That's another currency. Is that Mexico? Dan? Pesto. We've got a bit of pesto, mozzarella.

Potato and pesto. Anyway, we used to play it with a coin. Yes. Yeah. A shilling. Yeah. But dad, you shook a shilling in the pool. But yeah, you do it on holiday don't you

and you take your snorkel tube out and down you go so we basically put we were we had those in the pool and they were sort of the one that loved the pool the most up there with Colby

but it was Renly Renly you said he fell asleep in the pool oh shit you're not under supervision obviously I loaded a video under supervision and he was harnessed in

yeah I don't want anyone to come for me about that but we were in the pool for like two hours i kept checking his temperature he was living fine the moment i took him out the pool screamed oh my gosh absolutely cried his eyes out put him back in you could do like a that's how it was but no he he loved it so first time in the pool was an absolute great success oh good there was so much truly there's so much I could talk about. I honestly thought you were in the south of France.

I felt like I was in Italy. So beautiful. So beautiful. And if you get the weather in the UK, it's just lovely, isn't it? I mean, we completely immersed ourselves

in the whole experience and we truly did feel like we were on holiday even though your gal shit scared of flying. Yeah. Well, I thought, hang on, where is she?

She told me the fucking line, bitch. Yeah. She told me she's scared of flying. She just fucked off to France. I thought, where is she told me the fucking line bitch yeah she told me she's scared of flying she just fucked off to france i thought where is she flown to this definitely driven this definitely isn't in the uk but no lo and behold you're in bloody somerset yes i was living my livin oh it was it was it was divine i was gonna say i was we were ready to come back we weren't ready to come back but then you are because you want your routine how long did you go for?

We went for four days. Okay. Four days? Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday. Came back Tuesday. It's just a long, like I was saying about being at my in-laws,

it's just a long time with other people, isn't it? Yeah. I feel like sometimes you just want to get your own routine and your own space back. As nice as it is,

you're like, you can't do it forever. No. And like, towards the end, everyone was like, you left your towel on the floor.

You didn't flush your piss yes and in the words of Emma if it's yellow let it mellow if it's brown flush it down flush that shit down

but you were saying that the kids don't even flush it when it's brown no just leave it just leave it I'm used to flushing it now

but my mum she got the shock of her life walking on a poo like ah sorry mum that was mine this is normal Suze in my house

don't worry about it but no it was really lovely but my heart can't worry about it but no it was it was really lovely but they're they're my heart can't deal with the taking them away from their cousins oh i know because we were talking we were talking about we had the same thing joseph had like nine days with his cousins and they're so considering there's quite a big gap like i think the one who's playing with the most is like seven yeah and he played and joseph's two and a half so like their games aren't really similar,

but they are so sweet with him. Like they play all his games and they let him just boss them around. And he was having the absolute time of his life. Like they go in the soft play and I can kind of lead them because I know the older kids are going to look after him. They're like making sure he was safe, making sure he didn't hurt himself.

I was like, I can see why people get to a point where they just keep having more kids because the older ones start looking after the little ones. And it actually gets a bit easier. Yes. Now, my sister brought our children along. I had literally daycare all day. If he wasn't with someone, one, he was with the other one

and then he was with all of them. Then he was back and then he was. It's amazing. I can't put him down now because he just wants a hug. He's used to being held. He's used for a hug. But he just feels really, he feels so guilty because there was just, I didn't, well, not that I didn't see him.

Obviously, I did see him, but they just take him off here, there and everywhere. I know. They were taking him out and they were sitting on the swing with him and they were pushing him around in his pram or Chris was in the pool with all the children. Oh, I love him. Because I was wrinkling up. Yeah. I was trying to catch some rays, you know.

Catch a few tan lines. Joseph came up with a new phrase while we were there and he kept saying I don't know where he got it from but he kept saying let's go and have a nice day out so whenever he wanted to go and play with his cousins in the garden he'd be like come on let's go and have a nice day out and they'd just go and play outside together

God bless his heart that is fucking adorable so now I'm like Joseph did you have a nice day out and he's like yeah you have a nice day out? And he's like, yeah. You had a nice day out? He's like an old man. The stuff he comes out with. But yeah, then you're like, sorry to break you up. But I know you're having the time of your life.

We need to go and spend seven hours in the car now. Yes, you do. Sorry about that. But yeah, no, my niece texted me this morning. She was like, I miss waking up to his face. I know he keeps asking me for his little cousins, Caleb. He keeps asking me for Caleb now. And I'm like, sorry, he lives 300 miles away.

Yeah, I was going to say, at least we're close. Yeah, at least you can see them, can't you? But there we go. We're loving the summer holidays and we're all about living in the moment. But we've half an eye on going back to school. Yeah, we've been talking about the back to school checklist, haven't we? And what's going to be on your checklist. We've had a lot of messages about water bottles.

Do you always have water bottles? Yeah, it's a dreaded topic. It's a dreaded topic every fucking year. Kelly says, new water bottle, why do they get so gross? They are...

Minging. Hanging. And Joseph's at the moment are the... Also, and they leak. Why am I spending a bottle? Don't know if I can say the brand but I feel like

you're all going to know because I say about it all the time on my Instagram. I spend so much money on these flipping branded bottles. And it leaks all over their schoolwork. What in the effing hell? Do you know what with Joseph? Because he's so little and when he's eating and drinking at the same time, oh my God, the floaty bits that end up in the water or the bits that end up in the straw. It's when they take a swig out of your bottle of water and they backwash it and they give it to you and you're like he's obsessed with drinking out of my glass at the moment so i'll have a nice fresh

pint glass of cold icy water and they always take a drink when they've got a mouthful of food don't they oh food saliva he's like i want mummy's one oh honestly i can be or they pick it up don't they with their dirty hands and you go to pick it up and it's all the glass yeah um jess says a metal water bottle we break plastic ones i think it is worth investing in a metal one. Plastic ones, they drop and they do split really, really easily. Yeah, no, it's good to get. And also those metal ones keep the water a bit colder. I'll tell you the best ones we've bought.

We did buy some. We bought into the fad because everybody at school's got them. We had the Air Ups. Oh, yeah. I personally don't like the Air Ups. I think they're a little bit of a fad. Yeah. But, you know, each to their own.

But the children absolutely love them. But I tell you something, on Amazon, they do like the non-branded version ones. Yes. Best frigging water bottles I've ever bought. I don't know. I don't know how much they were. I want to say they were maybe no more than £10. Oh.

Which does seem like a lot. But they do not leak in any way, shape or form. Better than the Air Ups. Our Air Ups, one of our Air Ups leaks. Do you know what I see everyone with now is those Stanley Cups. Yes, but you can't really give the children those at school. No, and also I'm like, I'm not going to pay £100 for them. Oh, I only buy mine in Primark.

I don't buy the fancy design. Yeah, the real ones. No. You're not paying £100 for a bottle of water. How good can it be? I saw someone on the TikTok trying to steal some. My mum was trying to steal them in America. Oh, they're worth a lot of money.

A crate of them. Yeah, yeah. Gemma says trying to steal them in America. Oh, they're worth a lot of money. A crate of them. Yeah, yeah. Gemma says a leak-proof water bottle. Oh, here you go. That lasts more than a week before leaking. There you go. Yeah. Aroma Sip is the brand I bought.

Aroma Sip, which is on Amazon. Get the Aroma Sip Air Up. Yeah. Well, they're not called an Air Up, are they? Because Air Up is the branded bottle. But they're just called an Aroma Sip. But they do the same thing. And you can put pods on them. Yeah, you can get the pods. But even if you don't use the pods, they're a great branded bottle. But they're just called an aroma sip. But they do the same thing. And you can put pods on them.

Yeah, you can get the pods. But even if you don't use the pods, they're a great water bottle. Okay. Phenomenal. Heard it here first. Love this from Hannah. She says,

you need courage, but also a new lunchbox. You got new lunchboxes, didn't you? I did. I have bought. I bought Dotsie's new lunchboxes again from Primark. I'm pretty up on that. I don't want to lie or blow my own trumpet,

but I'm pretty much done. You were really organised with that. Are they like steamed like although i did miss the cut off for the new school uniform the branded jumpers you were so smug as well i know what a bitch and i fucking missed it but we're pretty much there are they branded lunchboxes because i remember that was a big deal when i was at school like what it'd be like what disney we i don't think we're there yet so dotsy's just got a little disney lunchbox from primark with the bottle yeah and their little bag colby is he's not really into a lunch box he likes the box but doesn't really want anything on it like he'll happily just take a plain blue one a plain okay clear one grown up yeah yeah he doesn't he doesn't really like anything on it he

does sometimes like his little lunch bag, but he's got to be in the mood for it. Yeah, okay. I did give him a Disney lunchbox. It lasted a couple of weeks, and he was like, can I not have this yellow lunchbox anymore? Is that because other people at school don't have the themed ones?

Yeah, maybe. He's at that age now, isn't he? Yeah. And quite a few of you, and Michelle, Marie, Deirdre, to name a few, said wine, and Saz said cocktails. 100%. You need a lot of booze. And Saz said cocktails. 100%. You need a lot of booze.

100. You need 100. 100. 180. Not even just for back to school. I'd say all year round. Now, I would say just keep that fridge well stocked. Yeah.

Summer holidays. Just keep sipping away. Yeah. Keep puffing away. You know? You just got to do what you got to do to get through. Yeah. And it's hard.

It is a stressful time. Yeah. There's a lot to think of not only you're trying to keep your tiny humans alive occupied not break the bank not lose your sanity not lose your shit on every single occasion yeah it's a lot to hold together then throw in the midst of buy some school uniform but pray your children don't grow yeah because then they could have a growth spurt and not fit the uniform by the time they actually go back to school or like me miss the fucking cut off to when you can actually buy the fucking jumpers so what are you going to do now send

them in last year's all right they'll be halfway up their fucking elbows you'll grow into it don't feed them the rest of the school holidays so a little tip as to what i do when i buy the school jumpers i always buy a size up yes so when they have grown out of them and they go into the next size it's then a reminder for my brain to buy the next one so i then buy a next size up yeah so i'm always in you're always one ahead i am always one ahead so i do have a jumper for the first day of school i just haven't ordered multiple so let's just hope that they don't run through a shit storm on day one because otherwise i'll be washing jumpers day one well come september you can order another one no or can you not yeah yeah that's what i mean by the time

they get back to school as long as they're back and then i'll then i'll order them but also i don't think it helps is it not only have you got to think about the school uniform girls are the worst so you'll find with jojo you get pair of shorts trousers tops jumper bosh yeah lunchbox yeah okay girls you've got summer dresses summer shorts summer skorts you've got shorts skorts skirts dresses pinafores then throw in the mix p.e kit do they still do the long socks as well that we used to wear yeah you can get long socks tights frilly socks there's so much for girls like i've bought doxy two pairs of socks she's got four dresses also she is a messy pup so i have to be i have to be you have to wash that

every day i don't wash it now i just put it in the wash basket i've got one for every day of the week right yeah smart yeah but also summer dresses she doesn't like a summer dress she likes the summer dress but also she has to wear shorts underneath yes i'm not one to let the pants out yeah so i did buy her a romper but she didn't like getting naked at school the toilet so i bought her some little pleated um i bought some little paper bag shorts yeah and then i just bought her also a little skort so it's pleated at the front but shorts at the back cute honestly it's nice i'm a sucker for a school uniform and then you've got to get trainers and shoes i'm actually quite excited about because i don't know what school they're going to go to and i put way too much thought into like, what

colour is the school uniform going to be and is it going to match their complexion? You won't be back in Wales by the time they start school, will you? We might be, but even around by us I don't know what. I think there's one red and navy and there's one blue. Is that going to work? I don't know. Do you know what? I do love driving

past the private schools near us. They're maroon and yellow. And do they wear little straw hats yeah around it oh i love and their little book bags and blazers oh my gosh i can't deal it's too much also i do like the lilac screener form there's a lilac one what was mine was bottle green and mustard yellow mine when i was little was bottle green sorry that was my secondary and school was, primary school was blue. My primary, green, secondary, all black.

Oh. Black jumper, black trousers, white shirt. Nice. Yeah. Smart. It's very smart,

very clean, very elegant, very slimming for me. Flattering. Flattering. But yeah, no, so the,

that's a nightmare to not only try and keep children alive, do all of that jazz and then throw in buying a screen of form yeah yeah

it's crazy if you need a drink go for it hun but we appreciate all of you you got this shit get in the bath listen to the Sunday episode while you're at it

have a glass of bubbly and go again and go again we move if you've got anything else for our back to school checklist email us hello

at secretmumpod.com or find us on instagram and tiktok emma and i really want to hear from you yeah we want you to join us in the secret mom club you're all welcome you can share your secrets with us respond to what we've been talking about or just say hello you can find us on tiktok and instagram Just search Secret Mum Pod or email us hello at secretmumpod.com. It's time for the Correspondence Corner. I started really low then. Yeah, you pitched that low. I went in low.

We soon matched each other's key though. Yeah, we did. So Emma, let's have the first one. All right, this one says, Hey Soph and Emma, I love listening to your podcast in the morning while milking my 200 cows. Shut the front door. Okay, me and Joseph. 200 cows?

Me and Joseph are visiting. Oh my gosh, where are they? Does it say? That might be confidential. Maybe don't share that. No, no, no, we're about to find out. Soph mentioned bumping into a cow on her walk in a recent episode.

Did you? Did I bump into a cow? Oh, because we spoke, I think we spoke about... No, I didn't. I spoke about my walk on New Year's Eve and I walked into that cow field,

didn't I? Was that the one? And I spoke about my sisters being chased by a cow. And she says, I just wanted to confirm with you that cows are curious animals and are definitely

more scared of you than you are of them. No way. Stop it. They're so big though. Why do they approach you so fast? Curious. So I don't know.

They don't run away from. But this other cow was brazen as shit. Just come straight at me. Apparently I think what we think is like them charging us to kill us. She's saying they're just curious. Oh. They just come and see what's going on. Oh.

You know. That's very sweet though. She says not a mum but thanks for making my morning milkings more enjoyable with your funny stories. Been listening since episode one. Rachel from Cork in Ireland. Thank you, Rachel, so much. Sorry, Sadie's currently just rolling off of the changing mat.

Sorry, new skill. She's got a new skill of rolling. Talking about cow tipping. Inserting Dan. Dan, tip the baby back over. We're not cow tipping, we're baby tipping. Took her like a pro. Well done, Uncle Dan.

You did it. Yeah, just manhandle her. Shove her on there. God, I can't take her anywhere a pro. Well done, Uncle Dan. You did it. Yeah, just manhandle her. Shove her on there. God, I can't take her anywhere anymore. She's going to go again. She's going to blow. She's going to roll. They see me rolling.

They're hating. There goes your phone. It's chaotic in the studio today, I warned you. This is what happens when you've got to bring your baby. I didn't have to bring

her last week and it was a piece of piss. Here she goes. Here she goes again. She's going again. Oh no. Go on Sadie Gill. Go on Gill.

I hope this is on. If that was Renly he'd be like this. He struggles to get his head... Let's wait until Sadie and he tries her out. She might be too low down but I'm hoping we can get this

on camera because guess what? Absent Daddy hasn't seen it happen yet. I feel honest. Let's get a video for Stefan. Thank you so much. She's back over. You nearly went back the other way.

That's pretty much me when I try and get out of bed in the morning. Thank you to Rachel from Cork in Ireland. Thank you, Rachel, so much. I love that. Yeah. So much. 200 cows. I would love to go in.

I wonder if she gets cramp. 200? Yeah. Imagine pulling all them tits. Imagine how many udders on 200 cows. Fuck us. There are eight udders on 200 cows. Fuck us. There are eight udders on each cow. Four?

Do you think she manually does that? That's like 800 udders. She can't manually. She must have a machine. Yeah. Although it sounds like she's manual. The morning milking. Rachel, let us know.

Are you manually doing those 200 cows? If we need video evidence, please, of your... Wow. I've never milked a... I've touched another, though. I freaked out. I've never done it. It's the kind of thing you do on school trip, isn't it?

Have a go of milking another. I think it's... We need to stop doing... What it looks like is what you expect it to feel like. Manking sign. And another one? Me and Joseph would love to visit. You would love to visit a milk account.

If we could get an invite, that would be great. Thank you, Rachel. Another email here. It says, Hi, ladies. I just listened to one of the episodes. If we could get an invite, that would be great. Thank you, Rachel. Another email here. It says, hi, ladies. I just listened to one of the episodes when you talked about potter heads and I had to write in about part of my birth story. Oh, my gosh. What has this got to do with Harry Potter?

Came out. He's a wizard. You're a wizard, Harry. You're a wizard. After I had my epidural, everything was calm and I was only at five centimetres. So we were just relaxing and had the TV on. My husband put on Harry Potter and shortly after, things started progressing quickly.

Oh my gosh. I was 10 centimetres and being told to push, so we didn't have time to turn on the calming music playlist I spent hours making. I gave birth to our baby girl with Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire playing in the background. Oh my... That's a good one, to be fair.

The Goblet of Fire. It's a classic. There couldn't be anything more iconic for you to watch while your vagina is burning. The Ring of Fire. Yeah, the Goblet of Fire. That's actually what I call my vagina. The Goblet.

It just eats up all this shit. Sorry, Sadie, I don't want to get you in the head, girl. She's gone again. Let's just leave her down there for a bit. She's loving life. Love listening to you both. All the best from Casey in Ohio. God bless you.

At least you'll never forget that, Casey. That's memorable, isn't it? I think I'd be really angry at Chris. Do you know what? When I was pregnant, well, not pregnant, sorry, in labor with Dottie, Chris had the Olympics. Did he? Yeah, just sat up with his legs reclined watching the Olympics. He was like, any chance you just can keep it down?

Do you remember what event it was? I keep it at 100 meters. Oh, that's an exciting one. That's the only one I watched. And then I couldn't remember anything else. You've got to get it done quickly. You've only got like nine seconds. Yeah.

Oh, fuck. It's not the right time. I'll break your buckets. Could have done it during like the, uh, steeplechase or like the 10,000 kilometers. Russian shot putter.

10,000 meters, not 10,000 kilometers. Yeah. So I didn't, I didn't race them to give birth to them getting to the end of the finish line. Renly probably would have come out in time. He would have fucking rocketed out. He beat the 100 metres.

He's going for gold and he's not even in the world yet. All right, Usain Bolt. All right. I wonder if she called her Hermione. That's the girl, isn't it? Did she have a girl? We don't know what. She's their baby girl, yeah.

Did she? Yeah. I wonder what she called her. Hopefully not Goblet of Fire. All right, last one for now. She could have called her Ember, though. She could have called her. Hopefully not Goblet of Fire. All right, last one for now. She could have called her Ember, though. She could have called her Emma. That's the one who plays Emma Watson, isn't it?

Plays Hermione? Yeah, but Emma is fire. Yes. Yeah. Ring of fire. It's also great. Emma is a great name. Yes.

And it's named after the actress. Ember's better. All right, last one for now. This says, hi, ladies. I love listening to your podcast. I just started a couple of months ago and I've binged every episode from the beginning. You legend.

Wow. It was so amazing listening to your pregnancy and birth stories along with your mum's stories. I laugh so hard every episode. Oh, I don't want to say it. We're a riot. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for 18 months

and we just got our first positive pregnancy test. Yes! Oh! I'm currently listening to my first Sunday soak as an expectant first time mom. I'm on an emotional rollercoaster. I can't, I can't.

You ladies, one of my favorite parts of the week. And I truly cherish this podcast and all it has brought me when I felt hopeless in this journey. I'm so glad I have it now to get me through until the baby is here. And after love Carly, the most adorable message. Thank you so much. I think I say that about every message, adorable message thank you so much i think i say

that about every message but that one is so what a beautiful beautiful human you're she's you already know she's going to be a fantastic mom and you're going to listen to it with such different ears now that you know that you're going to have a baby yeah don't listen to any of our advice it's all yeah we're the worst also you're going to I'm jealous that she's going to be growing a human. Again. Yes, we're happy for you. Congratulations. But we're also jealous. Yeah, that you're going to have a little time. But it's not us. Just because you know how phenomenal

that experience is. I know. Oh, Carly, I hope you have the best pregnancy and I wish you the most easiest pregnancy. Yeah. And birth. And please keep in touch please keep in touch let us know

we would love to know how you're getting on and how things are going wonder if she knows if the gender if she's far enough we want to be there every step of the way

please share every step with us first scan gender birth I mean I'll come to the room name I'll deliver so you'll be there

I'll be your birth and partner you know what you're doing by now to be fair she'll be your doula we're home birthed I'll get in the pool partner. You know what you're doing by now to be fair. She'll be your doula. We're home birthed. I'll get in the pool with her. Get Renly's float in there. Get Renly in there.

Live episode anyone? So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yeah, it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember, we're all in this together and we know that we are we're all stars and we see that so this is the secret mum club the safe space for us to share our secrets. Here's my secret of the week.

Do you know what? It's a little bit of a rant. I haven't had one in a while, I feel. Are you ready? Yeah. Buckle up, brace yourself. We have also covered this before. Do you know what?

Recently, I've been getting lots of messages saying, I wish you would portray your life in real life. You make your life seem like it's really perfect and really positive. Do you? Apparently. Who are these people? I have no idea. But do you know what, right?

I'm actually quite offended because I, as a parent, do not film my children having an emotional struggle, whether they're having a bad day, whether they're tired, overtired, overawake, whatever the situation may be, where they've had an argument between each other and neither one of them knows how to navigate their way through it i don't instinctively go do you know what this is fucking great content yeah get your camera out don't be embarrassed kids really kick it off over there so i like i don't know i literally fully immerse myself into the

situation i try to be the mediator i try to be level-headed i encourage them to work out together i try to be there to help them and support them through something that is a really big deal for a child like it's such a big deal and who am i to sit there and go i'll just get my phone out like i'm shaming them and so many people ask me or so many people have made comment recently to you portray your life to be really really perfect and i don't think that's real life i feel like yours is one of the most like honest raw i don't think i could be apart from having my children and people are so baffled by the fact that my children bicker they're siblings yes they are siblings they do bicker but they they get on literally 95 96 percent of the time they get on really well they're like the

best of friends they adore each other they love each other yes they bicker they live in the same house like any normal siblings but i don't have to do big blazing beat up rows or they're pulling each other's hair out or they're hitting each other or kicking each other they just don't do that yes maybe am i lucky yeah maybe probably i don't i don't really know but just because someone's kids are doing that doesn't mean that everyone's are gonna be we're all doing different things through life nobody is doing anything any better or any worse yeah we're all just doing our fucking best to get through and people are like oh you're always so patient because it doesn't matter whether i scream fucking blue murder in their face and shout at them or whether i stay calm they're gonna do the same thing the situation

gets resolved how the situation gets resolved we've had this conversation before you've been like because i'm not a patient person at all and always like you always seem so patient and you're like i just embrace it all whether it's a good day a bad day they're having fun or they're having an argument like what's the point in getting stressed because you're stressed that makes the children stressed you're then stressed with stefan it's then a stressed house everybody feels the environment what's the fucking point i think it's actually amazing that you can always just be so positive just cut it off i mean i'm not saying i'm positive all the time there's days i'm having a bad day and i'm just like oh just will you get along you

know there's times when i i break out but i'm equally not going to record those bits because i don't have my phone out because i'm engaged yeah in the in the moment it's also up to you what you share you don't have to share anything you're just it's annoying you know when your people are like oh you're really portraying a fake life is that because recently you maybe it's because i've been doing more yeah you posted your thing of your nice holiday yeah and people people are hating on it i don't know i don't some of them have come from a nice place i feel but some of them are just are quite yeah quite peculiar and i just think well i personally as a parent wouldn't record my child if they were having a mental breakdown or emotional breakdown or whatever they were whatever they were going through i personally am not the person to to film that nor do I want to put that all over the internet.

Why? Why should you? I feel like I'm belittling them. Like, oh God, don't know how to do that. Ah, let's record, you know? No. You know, if people want to record that, I'm personally not comfortable with seeing that content myself. So I always think, is it the content that I enjoy watching?

I always post content that I enjoy watching, that I also enjoy making. If I am uncomfortable watching a content where somebody is filming a child having a breakdown, like there's certain trends, like it's silly things. There was a trend that went round where people were breaking an egg on the children's head. And I personally, me personally,

it's not anything on anybody anybody else i personally felt really really bad watching parents i hate things like that my friend sent me one the other day and it was like a new trick to stop a baby crying and you throw the plastic cheese slice on the baby's head and they do all stop crying but i'm like that is not funny i don't personally find that funny like i don't think slamming a hard egg that can be sharp, why would I slam that on my child's head? And film it. Like, kids aren't content machines.

No. They're babies. No. And I just, I don't know. I just feel like I'm in that bit as I always create content that I enjoy watching, you know? And I always use, like I said to you, I use it as my digital diary that one day we'll be able to. we'll be able to look i think in terms of showing like that honest like

day-to-day life of a family that's exactly what you do come in the kitchen and i'm doing an instagram story and they're squabbling i deal with the situation there and then like at hand i don't just go back you go back you catch it like what do you want me to do show me script i don't shout i don't scream at them sorry that i'm a happy person i don't you know there's days where it's a bad day but they're you know you choose to share what you want it was just more of a like a more of a just i am a very normal person i live a very normal life i put as much out as i possibly can and as much as i want to yeah on social media i don't just show you all the good bits that is just my life yeah you get to see my life and that's how

we're living yeah so that is you do you slash slant slant slant slant rant rant secret i was going with secret and rant together slant she's got you she's she's loving the rant she agrees do you agree sadie she's like and while you here, I've got a few fucking words to say myself. I've got some things to get off my chest. So that's my secret. So now we are going to move on to some of yours. Sadie, you ready? We've got three secrets from you

we're going to be discussing this week. So Emma, hit us with number one. All right, first up, this is from Diane, who says, hello, ladies. I heard Soph describing her awkwardness at the couple and their PDA on the train in a recent episode. So I thought I'd share a very recent awkward moment I had. I love getting out for walks and I'm lucky to live in Scotland

where there are so many... Oh, my Christ. Yeah, where there are so many beautiful places. On Saturday, I headed off early to walk a section of the Fife Coastal Path. Beautiful. Sounds stunning. It was a beautiful morning and I was strolling along,

enjoying the views across the water to the Isle of May. One of the things I love about walking is people acknowledge you. I didn't see many people along the way but those I did encounter I said good morning to and they said the same. I hadn't seen anyone when I passed a family sitting down on the beach enjoying the view. No sooner had I passed them than a silhouette appeared on the horizon. As the silhouette got closer, I thought to myself, that man doesn't appear to be wearing a top. I was perplexed, as it was sunny, but not that warm. Then, as he approached even closer,

I realised not only was he not wearing a top, but in fact, was not wearing any clothes at all. Not a stitch. Imagine, if you will, my awkwardness at the approaching sight of a bare-naked, fully-grown man. Whilst I'm struggling to process what I'm seeing, he casually strolls past with his bits flapping in the breeze. And chirps, good morning, as if there's nothing remotely fucking unusual about a stark, bollock naked man wandering along a coastal path. I somehow blurted out a morning in response whilst in complete and utter shock.

I turned around after he passed me, thinking my eyes must have been deceiving me. But no, there he was, naked as the day he was born. By this time he was adjacent to the family on the beach and he decides then is the time to put his fucking shorts on. Didn't think that was appropriate when passing a single solo lady walker. Oh no. And Soph, I know there are so many questions, but I have no answers. What in the fucking fuck?

She knew you were going to ask so many questions. She knew. There's no nudist speech in the facility. Just why? What for? What was he thinking? I got nothing. I'm sorry.

Keep being brilliant. Diane. Did he have shoes on? She signed off. Diane, somewhere in Scotland. Diane. It's like she never made it back home. Diane's still out there.

She's not even made it back. What in the fucking hell can I just say that is so inappropriate what is the difference between a nudist

and a flasher he's not a flasher what was he holding his clothes but he's basically just

was he in shoes I think that's flashing territory because you're walking past a solo lady walker

and you're just happily like, good morning with this willy waving around like he's got fucking... Like, are you a nudist or are you a flasher? What's the difference? When you're a flasher, do you have to be like wearing a...

I thought you had to have a mac in your flash. And then you get it out. So if he put his shorts back on, what did he have? A rucksack? Did he have shoes and socks on? Did he have his clothes in his hands? Was he bare feet? I don't know. This coastal coastal walk is that on the sea so was he by the

sea yeah but she's saying it wasn't even that warm someone nicked his clothes and he just thought you know i'm gonna own this shit someone stole my fucking clothes i've got to do the walker shame oh naked he had them he had shorts he put them on when he saw the family but no thank fucking god mate not the solo lady walker if you listen to this podcast you need to write in and that was you what are you doing naked no there was no um nudist beach and it wasn't even that warm so what was he doing i'd be mortified for my poor children if you're a nudist or a naturist do it in the safety of your own home i think people do but there's i've been past the cyclists doing like a a naked ride yeah yeah yeah but you've got it's weird isn't it because they have all their rucksacks on and not weird

if you do it and it's down for you i'm i'm cool with that but they put their like rucksacks on don't they straps across their chest and then you see their willy their willy on the saddle and like the ball bag split side over the the seat or if it's a woman. Right up the foo-foo, that is. Saddle. Get it right up there. Saddle right up the bum. I think you've got to do it in a designated nudist space. I don't think you can push that on anybody else.

No. Is it pushing? I feel like I'm being really rude. I don't mean to. Otherwise you're just walking around making people feel uncomfortable. But people truly, there's some people that truly believe

that we shouldn't wear clothes. Fine. Like the apes. Fine. But that's not generally. Was it apes? Cavemen. truly believe that we shouldn't wear clothes. Fine. Like the apes. Fine, but that's not generally like. Was it apes? Caves men. But what was it that didn't wear clothes? It's not generally accepted in society, is it?

No, because I can find sometimes willies are a bit aggressive. Yeah. So the person may be friendly, but their willy may say otherwise. I think as a woman walking along on your own as well, that's going to make you feel a bit uncomfortable. Yeah. Isn't it? Yeah.

It's too much. Don't walk right past and say good morning I don't want to say good morning to your ball sack free willy hello to your one eye willy

hello willy I don't want to see anyone's willy I would have probably been really fucking awkward and gone hello willy one eye willy

give him a wink you know when you just can't say something in your head you're like don't say it don't say it don't say it

don't say it don't say it hello willy you know would you just can't say something in your head you're like don't say it, don't say it, don't say it, don't say it, don't say it. Would you have stared him directly in the penis? I fucking wouldn't have got as far as walking past him. I would have seen his saggy ball sack and I would have ran the other way. I would have gone to the family as well.

Grab the children, there's a nudist coming. Run! There's a naked man on the horizon. Yeah. I've got so many questions Diane, I just can't. She says she's got no answers coming run there's a naked man on the horizon yeah I've got so many questions Diane I just can't she says she's got no answers sorry

what a day I know imagine just getting home after your little morning walk and thinking just saw a random penis today

what have I just seen it's like watching Naked Attraction isn't it I do love that I do love that I do love inspecting all the willies

me too and the vaginas yeah because you don't. And the vaginas. Yeah, because you don't ever think that vaginas are all different. But they are. Maybe he was having sex with someone and he just thought, oh, I'll defer this situation

so I'll walk away. She didn't see anyone else though. Just a man on his own. Strolling naked. Maybe the woman was in the bush. Well, I hope you made it home safely, Diane. Yeah, Diane. Well, thank you for sharing that.

There is so many questions I need to ask you. But I do want to come to Scotland. So hopefully you'll be there and the naked man won't. That would be lovely. Don't do the five coastal paths. Okay, let's have number two. All right, no name on this one. It says, I have to share a story with you guys

as I know it will be appreciated. So at nine weeks postpartum, I've had my first period and the weather has also hit a high. It's National Yoga Day and I take my little boy to a yoga taster session. Wow, well done. Nine weeks postpartum. And she's going to yoga tasters. Baby yoga. Wow. I had my gallbladder taken out in July last year.

So really coming to terms with the mix of that and the postpartum period. Bloody hell. I know. Well, all I'm going to say is that during this yoga session, my little boy makes some horrific sounds, but it gets worse. The teacher asked for us mums to do some yoga too. So I lay on my tummy for the first time properly since the C-section and feel a hot flush coming on. But this wasn't any hot flush. My stomach cramps and I rush to the nearest toilet to change my baby. In inverted commas. All in all, I nearly shit myself during a baby and mum yoga class and my baby did shit all up his back. Needless to say, I'm unsure if yoga is for us.

I feel like that was quite a lot to do. What a shit situation. Yes. That was a lot. That's a lot to put your body through. I can't believe you've had your gallbladder out and you've just grown human birth to human. Nine weeks postpartum and you're off-section you're off to baby yoga and your

periods are back that's a whole lot to deal with that is a whole lot to deal with i would sit your bum bum down and stay at home relax yourself yeah because no one needs that no one needs that shit chill that was like me the other day with the mushroom did i tell you that no oh i've been eating mushrooms wouldn't i when i was pregnant you never guess what happened had the baby attached to me because we're doing, he loves a contact. He's a bit of a mummy's boy. So I thought,

I'll make myself this yummy breakfast. Made a sausage and egg sandwich, munching it away. It was absolutely delicious, scrumptious. And I thought, do you know what?

I really fancy some mushrooms. Haven't had some since I was pregnant. Was that your like pregnancy craving? Yeah, mushrooms. Loved mushrooms. Mushrooms, mash and pie.

Like they, I loved them. So I've been having them with a little bit of garlic butter on them i thought partial to a mushroom let me yeah let me just chef up some mushrooms um i must have eaten about four of the mushrooms and you know when you hear a dog and you know a dog's gonna be sick and it goes well i was holding the baby and my stomach just went and i said to chris oh my God, I'm going to vomit. And he was like, no, you're not.

And I was like, I couldn't literally say anything. I was like, it's coming, it's coming. So I had to like dump the baby on Chris, went into the bathroom, like something out of the excess. I was literally like. No. I can't even look at a mushroom in the supermarket without feeling instantly sick.

Have you had one since he was born? No. No, that was the first time I had it since he was born and i can't literally can't stomach them did you like them before you were pregnant literally one of my favorite things in the world is a mushroom maybe your hormones have changed now and you can't me it was disgusting i thought i all i could imagine in my head is the taste the smell i checked they were in date they were fine and it was just like i was eating slugs and I just couldn't. And I put one in and I was like, these aren't going down.

Did you get the saliva? Yeah. The glands were going. It was rejecting out. The belly was gurgling. And yeah, I went into the bathroom throughout. The poor children were like, fuck, mum, are you okay? Mushrooms is a common phobia because I think people don't like the texture.

The slimy texture. I'm so gutted. I love a breaded garlic mushroom as well. I love a mushroom. I'll never look at them in the same way. There's no mushroom in here for any more of that, but I just wanted to share that with you. Sick with the baby in the carrier would be a new one. We've done a poo and a wee, but not a sick.

That was nearly one for my secret of the week. I nearly vomited all over the baby. Good job you managed to get him out. What was he in? He was just in the clip, so I just literally clipped here. Chris held the front of him. I clipped here, clipped the back and chris was just holding him in the carrier and i just ran to the toilet good it wasn't the one with the material sling because they're like i would have just had to run to the toilet with him strapped to me yeah yeah nightmare to get off

those ones awful bloody hell yeah take it easy honestly don't be yeah don't be don't be putting any stress on yourself but i hope you're okay you sounded okay about the situation to be honest yeah and you know what the shit up the baby's back we've all been there yeah don't worry about that's a weekly occurrence it's a daily occurrence for us yeah totally for saying what those breast milk poos all right right let's have number two all right no it's not it's number three number three you've got number twos on the brain and i love a poo the last secret is from mor. She says, hello, you lovely queens. Oh my gosh, thank you. My husband and I had gone to my mum's house while she was out of town to check on it

and grab a book she was letting me borrow. The book wasn't where she had told me it would be, so I went on the search. I decided... You know where these ones are going, don't you? Oh, she found the karma sutra. I decided to check her bedside table, where to my surprise, I found all my single mother's sex toys.

I was in such shock and pure denial that I picked one of the toys up, thinking I had to be wrong. I wasn't. Needless to say, I shoved it back in the drawer and left... Fucking hell, I thought you were going to say she fucking shoved it back. Shoved it where? Jesus Christ. No, just back in the drawer. Shoved it back in the drawer.

And left the house in a hurry. As my husband was laughing, I made him swear not to breathe a word to anyone. Love you both, Morgan. My mum doesn't have any. That's it. That's all I'm saying. No, no way. She has nothing.

No. No. Nor do, you know, they did it three times. That's it. That's it. No more itchy legs. I remember being at a house party at my friend's house when we were almost have been like 14 and he was like you know the one house whose parents let them have

all the parties his parents were out obviously rummaging through his parents bedside drawers and we found like all their stuff sex toys lube imagine, 14-year-olds, we were like... But your mum... Not your mum. No. No. You need to erase that memory. Get that out of your head.

Get that out of your head. Are you ever going to talk to her about it? No, she said they can't breathe a word. Okay, pretend it's never happened. Put the husband's in on it. I think I'd have to leave the country. I'd have to. Sorry, Mum.

What's it called when you... I'm busy until 2085. Thank you. Appreciate you. What's it called when you, like, break up with your parents? Like, sometimes teenagers do it. No. It's got a name.

Teenagers do it when they want to, like, they don't want to be in the, like, guardian, the custody of their parents anymore. They can basically become... It's like, you know, when Gwyneth and Chris, like, consciously uncoupled. Who's Gwyneth and Chris like consciously uncoupled who's Gwyneth Paltrow oh and Martin I like you talked about them like they were just your friends well what other Gwynny and Chris do you know there's only one when they broke up instead of his divorce they called it they said they were consciously

uncoupling and there's like a word that you can do you know emancipation emancipation is when like a teenager can break up with their parents because they just like don't want to be on. What an awful word. That sounds very close to masturbation. It's two very similar words. And when you don't have anything to do with your parents anymore. You need to emancipate yourself, Morgan, from your mum.

Emancipate yourself. Emancipate. Or as your mum would be doing, masturbate yourself. You know, whatever floats your boat there, Morgan. She can masturbate, you can emancipate. Oh, I thought she was going to say she can masturbate. Oh my Christy Christ.

Morgan, I hope you're not scarred. I feel scarred for you. So I'm going to take the load of your mother's sex toys. But she's a single woman. We should be letting her live. Sorry, we should say. Live and let live.

Yeah, live and let live. Live and let live. I nearly sung the song then. What's the song? Live and let die.. Live and let live. Live and let live. I nearly sung the song then. What's the song? Live and let die. Yeah, we don't want to use that version. No, get it. You get it, mum.

Go and get it, mum. Go and get that dildo. Imagine she listens to this podcast. The mum. Yeah. Go and get that dick. Shit. Go and get that rubber dick.

Well, thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. If you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. You can email us, hello at secretmumpod.com or with secretmumpod on TikTok and Instagram. Have you ever nearly shit yourself whilst doing the downward dog or opened your mum's bedside drawer and really regretted it? Let us know. There really is nothing too outrageous.

Keep an eye out for our Thursday episodes and the Sundayted it. Let us know. There really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episodes and the Sunday Soak. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like high blood pressure developed during pregnancy, which can put us two times more at risk of heart disease or stroke. Know your risks.