Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Vaseline Baby

Episode Date: January 16, 2025

One listener drops a huge surprise that leaves Sophiena absolutely shooketh! Plus, the extra secret of the week involves a whole lot of Vaseline… and one very slippery baby. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mom Club, I'm Safina and I'm Emma and welcome to your Thursdays episode where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week. Squeeze your bits and bobs, all of your comments, thoughts, questions and fun stories to keep you going through the weekend. Shall we jump on in? It's time for another Corresponders Corner. That's beautiful. Thank you. You were beautiful too. Thank you.

Sorry. I should have said that first. That was awkward. So Emma, should we have the first one? All right. We've got a message from Mia. Hello Mia. She says, hi both. I just wanted to write in

after listening to the school sweethearts episode and hearing Emma talk about how hard things have been with Joseph lately. I have an almost four year old son and a four month old daughter. And when I was pregnant with her, I dreaded having two kids because my son was, well, let's just say he was a bit of a dick.

I wasn't expecting that. I love that though. That is honest. Honesty is the best. And you feel like you can't expecting that. I love that though. That is honest. And you feel like you can't say that about your children. Because people will judge you. Sometimes they're awful. Sometimes I always, I sometimes think if this was a 30 year old woman talking to me, I'd punch her in her fucking face. Yeah. Or I'd walk out and never talk to her again. It takes so much shit, don't you? You do keep coming back for more. But yeah, go. Sorry.

I don't know if he sensed things were about to change or if it was just a phase, but parenting him was the hardest thing I've ever done. He tested everything. Like you, when I asked friends or family for advice, no one could relate because their kids seemed like angels. Lucky them. But a few months later, my son is now my little bestie. Oh, I'm holding out for that.

He adores his sister and he's absolutely thriving. So I just wanted to say I've been there and it's brutal. Just keep pushing through and hopefully he'll come out the other side soon enough. Thank you Mia. That is really, really sweet. That is really sweet. And I do, I feel really bad.

Yours is peaks and troughs, isn't it? Yes. Because Jojo doesn't have patches where he doesn't enjoy Sadie. It's not like constantly a nightmare. But he's so up and down every day is completely different. You don't know what you're going to get. And it's kind of the little things that like I'm a little bit like, oh God, how's he how's it going to be today?

Yeah. Because like he's less tolerant of her for example when he's tired. Yes. And so he's tired a lot her, for example, when he's tired. And so he's tired a lot at the moment because sometimes he's not napping. So he'll just get in a mood where he's destructive and he'll get all the toys out, throw everything everywhere, knock Sadie over,

snatch things off of her. And I'm just like, why? Oh my God. I feel like I'm just watching this carnage go on around me. And I do feel bad saying, I really appreciate me as honesty because I feel bad saying bad things about Joseph. The babies, yeah.

Because he is lovely, he's so sweet. He is hilarious at the moment. The things he's coming out with, he's cracking me and Stefan up. But also sometimes he's really testing. And it's really hard to manage that when you've got two babies, you're really tired, you've got so much other stuff going on.

I'm back at work now, like I just have less. You're more tired. I'm more tired, I just have less like capacity for it. So I appreciate that and I'm glad that it got better for you. It will, I promise you it will. And it's not even that it's gonna get better, like you're holding out for it to get better. Things would just be more,

you'll be able to manage things different because you'll have it more fixed into your head. So their behavior may not be different, but your hormones are still all over the place. We're still, do you know what, it's funny, funny you should say that like the, there was like a fact I saw the other day that our bodies don't go back to our normal hormones as to before the baby.

Is it for like a year? Two years. Two years. Two years. And even then they still don't go back to normal. So since you have a baby, it's pretty much. It changes your DNA. Did you know that?

Yeah. Having a baby literally changes you. Which is wild, isn't it? Yeah. So I just think sometimes it's not so much about us teaching them, it's us learning. Them teaching us. Yeah. Yeah. And also it's all like, it's constantly

on this like revolving thing. Like everything's like adapting and changing all the time. Like Joseph might go through a phase where he's a little bit easier and then Sadie might become a bit more challenging or she might be like a nightmare toddler or he, yeah. Exactly. Like it's all, it's all changing all the time and everything's just a phase as we always say.

So like you'll soon get to an eight and six year old who just sit on a tablet and have no interaction with each other. And I'm sat there like, please, someone just sort of make a puzzle with me. And I'm like thriving. Many will do puzzles with you soon. He will do puzzles with me soon.

But yeah, you're constantly like, oh, I just want to get past this next phase. And then yeah, when they're older, you'll be like, I wish they were two again. And they want to hold my hand. No one wants to play with you soon. He will do puzzles with me soon. But yeah, you're constantly like, oh, I just want to get past this next phase. And then, yeah, when they're older, you'll be like, I wish they were two again. And they want it to hold my hand. No one wants to play with me now. They just want to play with the baby. Yeah.

So everyone comes to my house to see the baby. And then Dottie and Colby run through the door. They used to run to me. Now it's like, Yeah. I'm like, oh. Yeah. That's, I'm chopped over now.

Yeah. But you know, I wouldn't have it any other way. Oh, it's sad, isn't it? But it's all, it's all, and'm chopped over now. Yeah. But you know, I wouldn't have it any other way. Oh, it's sad isn't it? But it's all, it's all, and everybody's journey is so different. Yes. So, so different. Yeah.

So we appreciate you. Yeah, thank you for that Mia. Bless you. Yeah, thank you Mia. All right, we've got another message here. It says, hi ladies. Hello. I've been a long time listener

and I've followed Safina for years. I've stopped it. I've been meaning to write in for a while, but mom life and baby brain always get the best of me. I'm currently eight weeks postpartum with my first and only baby girl and she is an absolute dream. It took me a while to choose a name for her.

I wanted something unique, but meaningful. The past few years have been tough as I've navigated being a single mum, dealing with mental health challenges, work struggles and more. Through it all, your podcast has been a bright spot for me. You ladies are truly amazing. Oh, thank you. I don't think I've ever laughed, cried or gagged so much listening to something, but I absolutely love it.

With all that in mind, do you know where this is going? No. With all that in mind, I knew what I had to name my daughter. So I'd like to introduce you to Ms. Safina Jolene. Stop, you've got a baby named after you. This is pink. You are joking. She was born via scheduled c-section on November the 1st, weighing six pounds, one ounce. Lots of love, Abby from Florida, USA. Stop. What the fuck? You've got a baby Safina. Oh my God. Probably the only other one in the world. And it's a Jolene.

Jolene! Jolene! Jolene! Oh my god! Safina Jolene. Safina Jolene. Safina Jolene. Welcome to the world baby girl.

What there? Oh baby Safina! I'm in utter shock. I feel honoured. Do you? I feel so honoured. That's amazing. That's huge. I can officially say there's another one. I feel honored. Do you? I feel so honored. That's amazing.

That's huge. I can officially say there's another one. In the world. In the world. Same spelling. And she is just a dinky little dot. Miss Safina, she's only eight weeks old. But I really hate this picture.

Why the hell didn't she call Safina Emma? What the fuck, Abby? Hello. Whose name's on the dot? Emma's a tenner penny. You don't want another Emma. Oh my gosh. Thank you, Abby. That's amazing, isn't it? So much.

Incredible. I hope she's... I was going to say just as great as me, but I was a pain in the ass when I was younger. So I hope she's not like... I hope she's a little less challenging. I hope she's not younger, Safina. I hope that she is just, oh, a little dream. Oh, Safina the second. No, she's our own Safina.

She's in Florida. Flow Rider. Flow Rider. Oh my God. I'm actually, I'm actually shook her. Are you touched? I'm gonna put it on my CV. Curriculum vita.

Thank you, Abby. Baby's named after me, one. I hope she's a little dream, but honestly. She says she's an absolute dream. Oh my gosh. me, one. I hope she's a little dreamboat, honestly. She says she's an absolute dream. Oh my gosh. Oh, Abby. Truly, that's phenomenal, isn't it? Beautiful babies, Abby. Beautiful babies.

Congratulations to you, my sweetheart. Honestly, what a treasure. Baby Safina. I'm actually choked up. Yeah, that's huge. That's massive. We have the same name. You didn't even call your own baby Safina. Yeah, that's huge. That's massive. Yeah. We have the same name. You didn't even call your own baby, Safina.

No, I didn't. Not for any reason. No, because Dottie could have been Safina the second. She could have, but I just, I didn't want to give her a name that was already my name. Yeah. Hence why none of the boys have Christopher either. Yeah, do they have it as a middle name?

No. No, and even my dad is Christopher. Yeah. So I could have gone with that. That's too many Chrises in one family. Colby is Col dad is Christopher. Yeah. So I could have gone with that. That's too many Christs in one family. Colby is Colby Dane. Yeah. Dane is after my mom's family.

So like my granddad, my grandma, that was their family name. Oh, nice. And then Renly James is after my one remaining uncle. That sounds really depressive, but he's alive and kicking and doing really well and to honor him as being the last family member. Also my brother-in-law, so two birds one stone. Oh yeah.

Because we've got Uncle Jammies. And then Dottie is Dottie Violet. Which is Dottie is short for Dorothy, which is my grandma. Yeah. And Violet was Chris's grandma. Oh lovely. So they're all very sweet.

Really nice meanings. God, I just picked mine at random. Did you? There you go, go on random. No, Joseph's I thought Sadie's got a sentimental middle name. Sorry Sadie is Stefan's grandmother. I was about to say fucking bloody hell. That's a really nice meaning. That's a really lovely meaning. I was gonna say she's got a lovely middle name, hasn't she? And then Joseph's his middle name is actually Joseph. It's very confusing. I remember, see? I took him to the gym crash the other day and they were like, what is his name?

I was like, oh yeah, sorry. Say it again. I was like this again. In case anybody's new here. Tidia. Tidia Joseph. And they were like, what should we call him? Because he's not responding to his first name on the form.

I was like, yeah, sorry. I was like, his whole life is going to be a nightmare. Call him Joseph. It's his middle name. Let's just leave it at that. Does anybody call him Tidia? No. No one? No. No. We just leave it. Does anybody call him today? No one. No No, we just prefer it for it's an option and hope that it's not too rude or

Do I feel like you'll know what I'm gonna say? Why did we do it that way around? No, do you do you don't regret giving him that name? No, I don't I think maybe we should I think maybe we should have done it the other way around because it's just I mean It's not really ever a problem I've only had two instances, the one at the crash where they were like, what should we call him? And I was like, it's Joseph.

At the doctors, what do they call him? And then at the doctors, sometimes they call out Tiddy. And I'll be like, oh, that's really confusing because we, and obviously the older he gets, like his name just becomes Joseph. Like it's gonna be so normal. Do you call him Joseph? Yeah. Yeah.

No one calls him that. We were just like, kind of like the name and it sounds better this way round, but actually it probably would have just been easier to just do it that way. Would you swap them? No, can't be asked. No.

Can't be asked. And like when I register him at school and stuff, I'll just call him Joseph and then everyone will just know that that's his first name. But a lot of people do do that. A lot of people do use their middle name. Use their middle name, yeah.

It just takes a bit of explaining. Like if you register them somewhere new, you have to be like, and then people are probably like, why the fuck didn't you just give him the first name? But anyway, it's done now. Why did you start referring to Joseph by his middle name? We always knew we wanted to use Joseph because I was like, cause Tiddiot is so Welsh that I was like, when we live here, no- But when you're in Wales, we could change it, but then by then he's going to be like four and then like Joseph will just be his name. And like, I can't imagine him being called anything different now. Joseph, yeah.

But we were like, it will just be too confusing, like the pronunciation and everything. Like we were just like, we like the name and it will like be a cool thing to like be down on his birth certificate. Because Stefan felt really strongly about him having like a very Welsh name. And Sadie's got a very Welsh middle name as well. Her middle name is Anwen. I love her middle name.

Yeah, it's cute. I think they flow Anne Wen. But for the- I love her middle name. Yeah, it's cute. I think they flow nicely together. But yeah, for their given names, we wanted it to be like something easy to pronounce, something that everyone could get and spell and whatever. So yeah. We've given poor Joseph enough problems with the double F.

He's got to explain that every time. Do you know what I mean? Poor boy. Anyway. Thank you so much. Baby Safina, thank you Abby. Thank you Abby. And your babies are so beautiful.

So beautiful. Them genes are strong. Strong girl. Strong girl. So thank you for your messages today. If you have any comments, thoughts or funny stories, why not get in touch? You can email us hello at secretmumpod.com

or with Secret Mum Pod on TikTok and Instagram. And next it's time for one of your secrets. Mine? No, not yours. Sorry. Welcome back to the Zoomerene. Are you ready? Is that from TikTok?

No, it's just my dad. He used to answer the home phone saying, welcome to the Zoomerene. Why? Just because you used to get loads of junk callers. Oh, right. Do you remember the landline? Yeah. With the cord.

Yeah. Yeah. I saw something the other day. It was like a friend of mine. saying welcome to the zoomerene. Why? Just cause you used to get loads of junk callers. Oh, right. Do you remember the landline? Yeah. With the cord. Yeah. Yeah.

I saw something the other day. It was like a throwback to a BBC news article from like 1993. And it was like, soon you're going to be able to see who's calling you on your home phone. Cause it was the first time that had a display that came up with the number. And I was like, oh yeah.

Before that you just had to answer and be like, hello. No idea who it's going to be. Or if you didn't get the one with the detachable, with the- Cordless. No, no, no, the one that had the handset but had the keyboard and the screen. So you used to get that, but if you used to just get the one

with just the plastic and the buttons were on the inside of the phone, you didn't know then. No display. You just answer like, oh fuck. Hello, oh fuck, it's them. Fuck, it's Jean, I didn't want to talk to Jean. Call me, call me. Should have ignored it.

Should have fucking ignored it. Yeah, can you imagine that? It's mad to think about that now, isn't it? Or tax discs in the window. Yeah. Do you remember tax discs? They're not that old. When did that stop?

10 years ago. Oh, okay. It's quite old. I've still been putting mine in. Do I not need to? They don't even print them anymore. We're paperless in our car now. We love a secret on The Secret Mammal Club.

And you are all so good at sharing. So Emma, what have you got for us today? All right, this comes from Amelia in Spain. Hello. Is it hot in Spain right now? Is it what? Is it hot in Spain right now? My sister's in Gran Canaria and she said it's hot. Listen, is it hot in Florida? Maybe she go see Safina. Yeah. I can say that now. Road trip. Road trip. Oh my god. Secret mum club does the states. Alright, Amelia in Spain says, Hello ladies, I have a secret from when my daughter was two. I was at home with my niece and we'd left my daughter playing in the living room while we cleaned the kitchen. After we finished, I realized it was too quiet. We checked every

room and finally in my niece's room, there she was completely naked on the bed covered in Vaseline. Oh my god! She'd managed to get it all over herself the bed and the mirror. I couldn't stop laughing. Amelia! That's one of my worst nightmares like with the pseudo cream. If they get that all over them. I fucking hate Vaseline. I fucking hate. It's so waxy. You can't get it off. I'm gonna gag. I can't touch that Vaseline. Oh no. I can't handle Vaseline. This is why you don't do lube, isn't it? I can't. No, no. Vaseline. That stuff is greasy as fuck. It's so greasy. I've got childhood trauma from it. It's water resistant. My mum used to like just grab, she used to drag her nail through the Vaseline and she just used to smear it on our faces.

For what? Like when we were off to school, when we were younger. Why did she put Vaseline on you? And she'd have Vaseline under her nails and she'd go, oh, just take a bit of that greasy gelatin under my nail. Absolutely not. Even now she says to me, don't put your finger in it, just smudge the pot around your face.

Fuck off, mom. No, I'm not doing that. What was she putting Vaseline on you for? Like if we had chapped lips, if we were going to school, she'd just smudge the pot round your face. Fuck off, mom. No, I'm not doing that. What's she putting Vaseline on you for? Like if we had chapped lips, if we were going to school, she's just smudging us in. Not for any other reason. Jesus Christ. Lube us up to kick us downstairs.

Imagine how slippery that baby was. Slidy. That's what I mean. How did she pick her up? Imagine smearing it off the mirror. Oh. What? What oil based products did you use to get it off? Petroleum jelly that

you can't get that off. It's so thick. So thick. Oh, and the smell of Vaseline. It doesn't smell of anything, does it? Yeah. Does it? Yeah. Smell it. Yeah. Get everyone sniff your Vaseline now. As long as it's not a scented Vaseline. It smells. I don't know I still use Vaseline on my lips no I do not no Bot lips both secret loop all of them no I can't with Vaseline it's not the one do you know what makes me feel a bit sick is like keep dipping the pot like I used to have those little pots little pots at school you'd keep keep dipping your germy finger in it and putting it on your mouth, dip it again, put it on your mouth. Think of the germs. What was that about your nail?

Oh, it's a bloody, it's a petri dish of germs and viruses. It's unsanitary. Chuck your vasolines out. It is. Vasoline, where's your chapstick? No offence, Vasoline. Why is it not just on a stick? Yeah, well you don't need to use your finger or your dirty fingernail. No, I can't. I can't with the Vaseline.

Vaseline and there are your triggers, aren't they? Yeah, and fucking baby oil. Oh, really? My mum lubes herself up in baby oil. I shit you not, I've nearly fucking broken my neck about three times every time I bloody try and get in the bath. My mum used to have baby oil all in her bath, and then she'd run the bath water away

and just turn the bath on for us. She used to get in like, wow! Mama, dislocate my hip! I bet your mum's skin is smooth as fuck though. She is smooth. Like a dolphin. But she... She is, no, I can't, I can't use baby oil.

And that green, when it pearls on your skin, no. Oh, the blobs, like the globules of water, cause it can't. It oil and that green when it pearls on your skin. No, the blobs like the globules of water because it reminds me of the car when the car wash man puts the wax on. Oh, yeah. And it beads up. Yeah. Just instantly I get chills. I just think, oh, baby oil in the bath.

Oh, God. Trumper. Disgusting. Disgusting. But thank you for sharing that secret. But thank you so much that secret with me. But thank you so much, Emilia, for getting into it. I hope you got over it.

Please don't tell me you've ever had Vaseline ever again in your house. I can't even tell you I've never bought a tub of Vaseline. I don't have Vaseline. It's where my mum gets the ones that are coloured as well. What are you doing? Now you're smearing it all out of your face. She just runs. She loves the lipstick though, doesn't she? Oh, it's when the children come.

Like my mum will take Dottie out to the park and she'll go, oh, she had a bit of dry lips, so I put some Vaseline on. She comes out like this. What have you got on your face? She's like, oh, I just rubbed the Vaseline all around it. Your mum, it's coloured. It's red. She looks bloody crazy.

Like a clown. She looks like she's sucking, you know when you suck a bottle. Yes. God, Madge. God. Have you seen peanut butter baby on the internet? No. A viral thing from like 10 years ago. No. A toddler covered her baby brother or sister, I can't remember, in peanut butter.

And the mom comes in the room and she's just like, what the fuck? Right. How would you get that off? I would be, I think I'd cry at the fact that that's a waste of peanut butter. It would have to be a crunchy peanut butter. I think I'd spoon. Or spoon it. Spoon it off. Spoon it off. Have some respect. Put that into compliance because you'll get arrested. The comfort will be cancelled. Not even a week into 2025.

I'd have to spoon it off. Yeah. I'd just literally sit by the toaster, packet of bread, sit them next to me. I would just spoon. Scoop it off. Yeah. Slice a toast. Yeah, in the mouth, in the gob. Yeah, I would. I'm not letting that shit go to waste.

Or back in the tub. Back in the tub. I just don't know how you'd get it off, cause that's again. It's so thick. Greasy. And oily, yeah. Yeah, it's oily peanut butter, isn't it?

Those nuts. These nuts. These nuts. These nuts. These nuts. Don't leave your toddler unattended is the lesson. Well, you've got to give them a little bit of freedom. You've got to take the wins where you can.

If you want to hop cup it in, they're in their bedroom playing. You've got to get shit done. You've got to get shit done. I know. You know? I know. Have you, have you had a Vaseline covered toddler? Then please don't let us know.

I don't, I can't. We don't want any more stories like this. I don't I can't we don't want any more stories like this. I don't think I can withstand that anymore. Peanut butter hit me up. Nair in the mouth or Vaseline on the body. Keep it to yourselves. Thank you. Do email us hello at secretmumpod.com or with secret mum pod on tiktok and Instagram and we'll be back first thing on Tuesday and we'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the... Secret Mum Club!