Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Vernix Thief

Episode Date: November 7, 2024

The gallery fills up with another artistic masterpiece, sparking memories of the ladies’ childhood art attempts. They’ve also received a follow-up about the sewn sleeves predicament, and this week’s secret has everyone on high alert! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Staying on top of Canadian news does not have to be boring. Canada Land is a podcast that brings you the news differently. Our reporters break original news stories that you won't hear anywhere else, and our hosts and guests have funny and smart conversations about what is happening in Canadian politics and media. We're living through an era of heightened anxiety and fear. This prime minister is not worth the cost, crime and corruption.

I am not a KGB agent. Listen to Canada Land, wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com. This episode is sponsored by It Ends With Us. Based on the bestselling phenomenon by Colleen Hoover, this captivating and faithful adaptation of the book is the perfect pick for your next movie night in. I'm going to tell you to watch it, but I think because you are the book worm between us,

you need to read the book. I'll try the book. You've seen the film? I have seen the film. And I don't, it's hard, isn't it? Cause every time I see a film, I want to talk to you about it, but I also want you to watch it.

So I can't say no too much about it, you know? I'll give this one a go. I think you have to. And then we can talk about it. It ends with us tells the empowering story of Lily Bloom, grappling with a painful past, Lily embarks on a new life in a new city and opens her own flower shop. After falling in love with Ryle, Lily begins to see sides of him that remind her of her dangerous father. With the support of her friends and allies, Lily must find her own strength to

break the pattern or the pattern will break her. Rated 15, it ends with us is available to buy and watch on Apple TV Plus, Amazon Prime and Sky Store. Touching me. Touching poo. On the live show we should do put poo into a song. Put poo into a song lyric. How many songs can we do? I think we're really good at it.

We should do all the songs that we can change the lyric to poo. Aga, poo, poo, poo, pineapple do, were we? Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And welcome back to your Thursdays episode. Where we get to squeezing all the extra bits and bobs from the week. We'll squeeze you.

All of your comments, thoughts, questions and fun stories. I won't squeeze you because the poo might come out. To keep you going through the weekend. Shall we jump on in? I still sound like a sex host. A sex line caller. I don't even know what a sex line caller sounds like but I sound like this is sexual. Sounds like you do. That's So you've been going on about what can I say? It's time for another be careful that might turn to people. Oh, I thought you meant strain my voice for the live show. Fucking hell. Yeah. I know it turned you on. Dirty bugger. How annoying I ironed my jeans. Yeah. Did you get a bit

of scaly water on there? Who? What's that bit? I was looking at that. I washed the tissue in my pocket. All right. But the lines. Why does it do that? I don't know. I've now got marble effect. What the fuck is with my knees? Whoa. Baggy knees. Baggy trousers. Baggy trousers. Anywho, sorry, we got waylaid. Emma, take us away for number one, please. All right, we're starting off with more to add to the gallery. Shit. Cue the music. Hi, Sophie and Emma. Here is a drawing of an owl by my six-year-old daughter, Isabel. Right. Three, two, one. Two, one. What? What?

What? Woo! Hold on a moment. How old is she? Six! Right. We need to have a chat with Dotty because she is not drawing Percy like this. Isn't that brilliant? What the fuck? That looks exactly like...

Like my poo. Like a tawny owl or whatever type of owl that is. That looks like a good, it's even on a tree branch. Yeah. What's the method there do you think? Pencils? A sketch? I don't know. I love that she's done bris- bris-stroking. Is it bris-stroking? Brush stroking? She's done like all the feathers and everything. Yeah. It's very realistic isn't it? Stunning. Sorry do you want to come up close? Yeah let's have a look. Take a look up close. I think it is pencil. It's not even crayons, She's gone hard in with them pencils. Yeah, the eyes are very... Detailed. Yeah. Yes! Intense. And she's even done like the nose and got the little pupils in. Yeah. So phenomenal.

I need to know is she just six or is she Virgin seven? Because I don't feel like this is where we're at. The ages that people write in with these letters, I feel like, hmm. I feel like we're- I'm gonna need to see some ID. Yeah, I'm gonna need some identification. Yeah. That's 10-10. We're in the era of drawing with Joseph,

and he's always like, mommy, draw a, and then like insert animal, like polar bear, cow. I've actually got a cow down, obviously, because it's his favorite, but like draw a whale, draw a polar bear, draw a horse. I'm like, God, what do you think I am? I'm actually got a cow down obviously it's his favorite but like draw a whale draw a polar bear draw a horse I'm like, what do you think? Jesus

Okay, let me do a more relatable one Neil Buchanan from art attack. Oh, okay. Well, that's a bit more your that is my era. I know art attack I didn't know his name is Neil. You'll be canon. What a wonderful man I loved it when he used to do the sketch on the floor. The giant one. And he used to piss me off when I used to go through the whole thing and I couldn't get it. Yeah, right to the end. I used to be so adamant on the fact that I got it and then it got to the end. I'm like, motherfucker.

It would pan out and you'd be like, oh, it's not what I thought. Oh, fuck hell. Piss me off at that one. Always right at the end of the episode. I did like the ones in the- They kept you watching. Yeah, I like the one in the dark. The glow in the dark. With the salt. Salt at one. Always right at the end of the episode. I did like the ones in the- They kept you watching. Yeah. Didn't they?

I like the one in the dark. The glow in the dark? With the salt. Salt shaker. That's so clever. Yeah. So good, wasn't it? What a guy.

Bring that back. Well done, Neil. Now I know your name. We can go on first name terms. I love you, Neil. What? Love you, Neil. This says, thank you for helping one mum of three babies feel seen, heard and somewhat

sane. Love from a fellow Emma. Well, Emma, that was bloody lovely. With a heart emoji. Well if we need an Emma, when Emma decides to take another month off work, you're coming in gal. Yeah. From one Emma to another. You're getting the call up. You are getting the call up. Thank you. I'm waiting for another Safina to message in to be honest. There won't be one. Might find you a Sophie. One of a kind. There's lots of Sophie's I

think. Yeah. I don't think there's any. Have you ever heard of another Sophina? Yeah, she's a gymnast in America. Oh, right. But she spells it different to me. Oh, so no one like you really are one of a kind. Yeah, no one spells it Sophie-na.

Sophina, yeah. It makes me laugh because it's when, everywhere when I try and say things, people go, oh, hi, Sophie. I'm like, oh no, it's Sophina. And they go, no, it's Sophie with an N like, Oh no, it's Safina. And they go, No, it's Sophie with an NA. Yeah, that's Sophie now. Yeah. And they're like, Oh, or some people go Sophie, what does the NA stand for? Does some people think it's your surname? Not actually my name. Sophie. The name's no,

Sophie. No. Oh, no, no. What's your name? You ever had that one before? No, that's a new one. That's yours. You can have that one. But no, a lot of people don't think it's, they just don't know what the NA is. Yeah. Even though it's all written, it's all one word altogether. Yeah, all lowercase. Yeah, weird. It'd be easier when you change your name. I know it won't be easier when you change your name.

What am I going to become? Charlie? It'll be easier when you change your surname, but it won't at all. Cause your name's still going to be Suspina. Ignore me. I haven't had much sleep or a coffee. Yeah. I don't have a coffee yet. Well, thank you. Emma. Yeah. Thank you. God bless you. Really good. That'll be going up on the gallery wall. That is going to go on the gallery wall. Are you having that one? And what have you got your side? You've got Elfie. But I haven't got much over here. Elfie on the shelfie. I've got Elf on the shelf and I've got the watermelon slice. That watermelon is good. Yeah. And you've got the Vincent van Gogh. I've got Elfie. But I haven't got much over here. Elfie on the Shelfie. I've got Elf on the Shelfie and I've got the watermelon slice. That watermelon is good. Yeah, but you've got the Vincent van Gogh.

I've got the fucking Inside Out too. You've got Starry. Oh, we missed in Foulage. And you've got Starry Night. Starry Night. Starry, Starry Night. Paint your palette blue and gray. That Inside Out is fucking great.

Phenomenal. Phenomenal. Phenomenal. All right, one from Becky here. Hit me, Becky. It's this, hi, Soph and Emma. I discovered your pod after hearing the help I sexted my boss crossover and I'm officially all caught up. Wow! What the fuck? That was quick. Bloody Nora, Becky.

I wanted to share that I've been on the fence about having another baby because my son has allergies that sound a lot like how Colby was as a baby and I found it really tough. But after just one week of listening to you both. Stop it, you're going for it. I feel inspired and ready to start the trying but not trying phase. This is dangerous, okay? This podcast should come with a warning

because listen at your own risk. You're all gonna get. You're all gonna want. Itchy leggies. Another baby. Itchy legs. She says, thank you for bringing so much positivity and helping me see things clearly.

Hopefully I'll have some news to share soon. Becky! Oh, you're welcome to the club. Oh my bloody God. But you had Colby with allergies, but then Dotty was fine. Dotty had absolutely zero. So, but then Colby has allergies,

Dotty had nothing, readily severe reflux. Although Colby did have the reflux as well, the reflux with the allergies. But it just goes to show that one baby could be totally different from another. Totally different. And Becky, I feel like you've got this.

I feel like once you've had one, any more that they throw at you, you're just powerhouse. Take it in your stride. Take it in your stride. But I love that you've come not only from Jordan and William, sext my boss, you've also stayed for the ride, and you've caught up.

And we've convinced you to have another baby. And we've convinced you to have sex. I mean, that's what we're here for. We're just the people that are given. You're welcome. You are so welcome. And good luck, enjoy it. Don't put pressure on yourself.

And let us know when you have an itchy leg. I get it. We'd like to be there. We'd like to FaceTime. No! Oh, hopefully we'll be hearing from Becky. Oh gosh, Becky, I appreciate you so much. We've also had a response from Callie. Oh, go on Callie.

Do you remember Callie? This was the sleeves sewn together. Oh gosh, I died. She says, hello lovely. I don't know if you know. I wet myself over poor Callie. I'm hoping it's good Callie. I don't like to read them because I think people are going to be like, oh my gosh, I died. She says, hello, lovely. I didn't know if you knew. I wet myself over, poor Callie.

I'm hoping it's good, Callie. I don't like to read them. Cause I think people, where I've got an iPad, I think people think that I read them before. I don't read them. It's all a surprise. It's all a surprise. And Callie, I was so worried about that episode.

I think we needed to put the whole episode in compliance. So many people messaged me going, you know she means she just sewed the ends of each sleeve together, not two sleeves together. I was like, it took me a while to realize that. Yeah. At the time we were like, what the fucking straight jacket? I'll tell you how much, I can't tell you how much joy it brought me. Listen to it. Even listening back. When I listen back to it, again, oh my gosh. Anyway, how's your bladder today? Hold on to your bladder. I've had a nail

gray and I've had a cup of water. But just to recap, if you haven't listened to the episode, you need to listen back. But it was the episode, it was a Thursday episode. It's called the sewn sleeves. Yeah. Okay. Callie stole the show.

Ready? She says, hello, lovely ladies. I thought I'd give more context about my sewn sleeve story. She must have been listening going, fucking idiots. They've got it wrong. They're making me sound like my mum's fucking mad. She says, when I was around eight

and still sucking my thumb, my mum tried her last resort, sewing the ends of my sleeves like little mittens. Like things. They weren't joined together so I could still move my arms separately. Yes, thank you, Callie, for explaining. So thick.

They make baby onesies with hand covers now, but I was too old for those. It did help me stop. Glad I could make you laugh. Love the pod, Callie. Callie, honestly, you bought me so much fucking joy. They're like they're creating like a scratch mitt and you know when the baby's grown up. I did get that at the end of the record last week. But I'm glad that we had the misunderstanding because it honestly led to one of my most favorite moments. Honestly, hands down, is possibly my favorite episode. It's the highlight of the podcast for me since we started. I will never forget. I will never ever forget that episode. A lot of people messaged me as well saying they were lolling at it.

Were they? Yeah. Stop. That is so sweet. I love that. But Callie, honestly, you brought us more joy than I think you even intended to. Yeah, than you realize. Thank you. Thank you. This episode is sponsored by It Ends With Us. Based on the bestselling phenomenon by Colleen Hoover, this captivating and faithful adaptation of the book is the perfect pick for your next movie night in. I'm going to tell you to watch it, but I think faithful adaptation of the book is the perfect pick for your next movie night in.

I'm going to tell you to watch it, but I think because you are the book worm between us, you need to read the book. I'll try the book. You've seen the film? I have seen the film. And I don't, it's hard, isn't it? Because every time I see a film, I want to talk to you about it, but I also want you to watch it. So I can't say no too much about it, you know. I'll give this one a go. I think you have to. And then we can talk about it. It Ends With Us tells the empowering story of Lily Bloom.

Grappling with a painful past, Lily embarks on a new life in a new city and opens her own flower shop. After falling in love with Ryle, Lily begins to see sides of him that remind her of her dangerous father. With the support of her friends and allies, Lily must find her own strength to break the pattern

or the pattern will break her. Rated 15, It Ends With Us is available to buy and watch on Apple TV+, Amazon Prime and Sky Store. Staying on top of Canadian news does not have to be boring. Canada Land is a podcast that brings you the news differently. Our reporters break original news stories that you won't hear anywhere else, and our hosts and guests have funny and smart conversations about what is happening in Canadian politics and media.

We're living through an era of heightened anxiety and fear. This Prime Minister is not worth the cost, crime and corruption. I am not a KGB agent. Listen to Canada Land, wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.

everywhere. AKS.com. Welcome back. We love a secret on the Secret Mum Club. And you're all so good at sharing. So Emma, what have you got for us this week? OK, this comes from Anne. Hit me, Anne. She says, hello ladies, your talk of vernyx fanny batter. That's a throwback, isn't it? Fucking hell, I nearly took a mouthful of water then. Glad I didn't.

Fanny batter. A while back reminded me of a story my mum told me from my birth back in 1993. Due to complications my mum had in a previous pregnancy, she was induced four weeks early so I was clotted in the sticky white fanny batter. The midwife informed my mum that it's a really good moisturizer and she then proceeded to remove some from me and apply it to her own elbows. The 90s was a crazy time, but I can't.

What the fuck? What the jeepers creepers? Oh, get some of that fanny butter and put it on me dry elbows. The 90s was a crazy time, but I can't get over that some woman was walking around the hospital with my, oh, it wasn't even her mom. It was the midwife that took her off the baby

and put it on her crusty elbows. I thought it was the mom. No. Strange enough. No, no. The midwife took the funny batter and put it on her own elbows. I can't get over that some woman was walking around the hospital with my mum's fanny batter

on her elbows. What the fuck? You'll be glad to know I was on high alert during the birth of my two girls. On high alert! Back the fuck up! Get off my fanny batter, you motherfuckers! This fanny batter is only mine! Can you imagine just what you're doing just rub it in my fanny batter

It's good for the bags Fucking hell and there was no fanny about a thieving midwives either time with either of them the 90s were wild Wow Wow That is crazy someone just coming in and going oh, I heard you got some So maybe in here some vernix the elbows, any chance I could take some fanny butter? My lips are terribly dry today. Is there anyone just had a baby with some fanny butter I can... Smooch head all around! Oh I've been up another woman's vagina! Fanny butter? It's not fanny butter for no reason. It's not called fanny butter for no reason. I did rub Brenner's in because he was quite fanny better-ish. He was really deep fried.

He had lots of lots of fernicks on him. Neither of mine were born with a lot, but I think that's because they were more closer to term than Renly, weren't they? Yeah. Well, Joseph was over actually, so he was... Dottie was covered in it. Was she? Yeah. And she was only a couple, she was less than a week, six days early. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't really. She was a sumo wrestler. She needed some lubing up. They knew. In there they were like, you know what, this one's an absolute rocket. How much did she weigh? She was a whopper, eight, four and a half. That is quite big, isn't it? But she come out like a little Buddha. Yeah. I kid you not. I even said to my mum, don't judge me for this comment. I even said to my mum, don't you dare take any fucking pictures of her, you wait till her swelling goes down.

Because she was, I just said to the doctor, I said to the midwife, what's happened to her? And then I was convinced it was a boy and I was like, where's his willy? And she was like, it's a girl. Oh my God, what's going to happen to her foofoo? Why does it look like that? Why is it so big? The midwife was like, I think you need to calm down.

You need to calm down. She's a bit swollen. Bless it's mama, you dare take any fucking pictures. Swollen lips. So we've got no pictures of Doc. No, until she got cute. Yeah, yeah, she grew into her face. The swelling went down.

Yeah. Bless her heart. Is she all right now? She's great. At six. She's great. She's not traumatized by it at all. Bless her heart. She's great. She's great. She's not traumatized by it at all. Bless her heart. Wow. Thank you for sharing that Anne. We appreciate you. The image of her on high alert when she had her children is cracking me up. Back the fuck up. I would

have gone in with the stick and said, I know what you do with my Anne. Yeah, I know what you do around here. Leave my fucking fannics alone. Okay. What are you going to say, leave my fanny alone? And that. Leave my fanny alone. Yeah. Imagine you just scooped it out from the inside. Whoop. Get that on. That's why they say don't bath them, isn't it? Leave it on for a bit longer. Yeah, let it soak in. It was great for me because when you have your first baby, the first thing you want to do is give them their first bath. Don't you get really excited. Obviously, dots, I let it soak in.

But obviously, Renly being in the NICU. He didn't have a bath for a while. No, he didn't have a bath for a while. So his body really, really soaked it all in and we never had cradle cap. And I wonder if it's because I didn't wash it off straight away. Oh, interesting. Yeah. When did you first have a bath? You get so excited, don't you, to wash it, give your baby's first bath. Definitely leave

it a good two weeks though. Was he two weeks do you think Renly? Yeah, yeah, Renly didn't have his, well we were in the hospital together for seven days and then it wasn't till we then went home but because we were back and forth to the hospital we were just too busy, too tired. What with the other two? I just didn't have the time to bathe him so no. There you go, maybe that's the key. Two weeks.

Someone, maybe a midwife could let us know what is the actual time best maybe to leave. Yeah. Them to suck it all in. I used to just massage it in. Massage his little, cause obviously I can't hold him, could I? So I used to just massage his little arms

in the incubator. It is a shame when they lose that like soft waxy feeling. Isn't it? Yeah. Anyway, sorry. Bill Vernick's deep dive there. Sorry, sorry. Sorry, sorry. Sorry, sorry. Yeah, yeah. Anyway. Sorry. Bill Vernick's deep dive there. Digesting to the old fanny batter. Have you seen the fanny batter thief? Then do let us know.

All I can think now is Marvin and Harry just coming in the hospital. I'm here for your fan batter. Creeping in the dead of night. Give me some of that. The email is hello at secretmumpod.com or with Secret Mum Pod on TikTok and Instagram. And we'll see you next Tuesday. And we'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the... Secret Mum Club! Staying on top of Canadian news does not have to be boring. Canada Land is a podcast that brings you the news differently.

Our reporters break original news stories that you won't hear anywhere else, and our hosts and guests have funny and smart conversations about what is happening in Canadian politics and media. We're living through an era of heightened anxiety and fear. This prime minister is not worth the cost, crime and corruption. I am not a KGB agent. Listen to Canada Land, wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere.

Acast.com