Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Wall Of Shame

Episode Date: February 11, 2025

Joseff has a "cheeky" new nickname for Emma, and Soph is battling with Renley, who’s developed a new obsession with the toilet. Meanwhile, the secrets are coming in thick and fast, including one about a little graffiti artist in the making and a case of Aussie slang gone wrong! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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We find ways to figure out just how we're feeling also we're ready to face whatever the day throws at us. Join me in escaping the chaos and taking a moment for calm. So how are you? Come and join in we know sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can give that to yourself, you can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the Secret Mom Club! Shit we did it! I was given Superman.

You were given... Lois Lane. Looking intently and deep into my soul. I was a-hunching. We did the words without looking. We did the words without looking and then you did hold the tablet. How the fucking hell are you, you divine cheeky girl? Please tell us, we need to,

Emma share secrets off the- I am a cheeky girl, I am a cheeky girl. I wish I could wear those top pants. You were. But you will see my whole foo foo. Hanging out of those tiny little shorts. Yeah, Joseph's got a new nickname for me. Yes, he has.

Please share with our friends. He, so, you know, he's been a bit of a nightmare going down to bed. So he does like to call me back into the room quite a few times before he falls asleep. And I'm also at the same time, desperately trying to get myself into bed because I like to go to bed early.

You were transitioning from bath to pajamas. That's it, yeah. I was in between shower to pajamas and he was calling me and I've got to go in quite quickly because otherwise he'll wake Sadie up. So I just had a shower before I put my pajamas on, he's like, mommy. And I walked back in there and I had no clothes on

and because I was naked, Joseph looked at me and said, cheeky girl. I'm like, I'm trying to be serious and be like, lay down and go to sleep. Cheeky girl. I'm like, I'm trying to be serious and be like, lay down and go to sleep. But internally, I'm like... That is so funny. It's such a good nickname. I think because he hears me say it to Sadie all the time. And he's always like, she's a cheeky girl.

He kind of knows what it means. But it's just the fact that I was naked at the time. I was like, that's so appropriate. And you just walked in, you cheeky girl. You cheeky girl coming in here with no clothes on, you little tease. You little minx. Come over here and give me a kiss, you minx. Oh God bless him.

I know, he's funny. So you're looking absolutely ravenous today. Ravenous? Is it ravenous? Ravishing. Raviness. Ravishing? Ravinessvenous? Ravishing. Ravness. Ravishing? Ravness means hungry.

Yeah, because my sister used to get this the wrong way around. But I am ravenous, I'll eat you. When she was starving, she used to be like, I am ravishing, as in like, I'm beautiful. I was like, that's not the right word. You mean ravenous. I'm there with your sister. Yeah.

I'm so good. Thank you. Radiant. I've had my one haircut of the year. Drink it in. You teased us, you cheeky girl. You teased us on the stories with your foils in and then you didn't show us no more.

I know, I didn't do a reveal pic. No, you didn't. My sisters are like, send a photo. Yes, not even to the family group chat. No, I find it really hard to get a good picture of your hair after you've had it done. Like I can't, I'm not like a Gen Z. I don't know how to take a flattering selfie.

How'd you do it? What's the tips and tricks? Just go for it. Just, yeah, that looks a little bit creepy. Like shoot down so you don't look like you've got a double chin. Yeah, yeah, get that angle. No, I couldn't.

Hand on your hip even though no one can see it. In the mirror or just selfie? I would just go selfie. Yeah. But I couldn't get a good picture so I didn't send one to anyone. And I certainly didn't put anything on social media. You didn't. But I just, I can't, a good picture so I didn't send one to anyone. I certainly didn't put anything on social media. You didn't.

But I just, I can't, I was saying this to you, like I cannot get over how expensive women's haircuts are. It's wild. And this is, you know what? Men's haircuts are mental. Chris pays like £35 for him and Colby to have a trim. Expensive. They've got no hair.

Yeah. That's, I think it's crazy. Well, Stefan is like, I think he's like 40, 50 quid in central London because he goes for like a proper stylist. But sometimes he goes to like a barber, which is like a tenner. And he's like, Oh, now I couldn't get in at my normal hairdresser. I had to have a barber appointment this time. It's gonna be a nightmare. And I'm like, your hair literally looks just as good. And it's a fifth of the price. I'm like, always go to the barber, obviously. No, it's like 10 to 12 pounds. Stefan's obviously a queen. He's the price. I'm like, always go to the barber, obviously. Nice. 10 to 12 pounds. Stephans obviously a queen.

He's quite extra. I love that he was like, oh, I had to go to the barber. He's like, I cannot get in with Chris. That's his regular hairdresser. Chrissy, where you at? Yeah, he loves it, but I never get my hair done because I can't take the stress.

One, I can't justify how much that it costs. It costs an insane amount of money, let alone having it done in London. And two, I can't look at much that it costs. It costs an insane amount of money, let alone having it done in London. And two, I can't look at that ugly bitch in the mirror. They're fucking lying to me. Who is that bitch in the mirror that's looking straight back at me? I've never felt so fucking insecure

and disgusted at myself. That's not me. I thought you were gonna say, I can't look at this ugly bitch opposite me. I was gonna say, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. When you sat there in that mirror, you look like a thumb. You're in that massive huge gallery.

You sit there like, do you know what? You look like you're nuts because you've got foil on your head, like you're contacting aliens. You've got no clothes, no shoulders, no neck. You also sat in front of the mirror that's so bright in the salon. You look radioactive.

I also have glasses and when I have to take them off, I can't see anything. So I'm sitting there for four hours. I'm like, you could be doing anything. And at the end, they do the big reveal and they go, what do you think? I'm like, yeah, I can't see it, but it looks great. I'm really happy. Yeah, looks lovely.

And then she puts her glass on, comes out and she's like, oh, I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. Do women ever like their hair after they get it done? I had a really bad experience never again. My mom always hates her hair when she gets it done. Tell us though, what your mum does with her hair at they get it done. I had a really bad experience never again. My mom always hates her hair when she gets it done. Tell us though what your mom does with her hair at the moment. Well, so in lockdown when the hairdressers were closed

my dad started highlighting my mom's hair and like doing her roots and stuff. And then they were like actually. He's now her personal stylist. He's so good at it that she doesn't get it done at the hairdresser anymore. My dad just does it. So Nick has her hair done.

By Steve. By Steve. I think I need to rope Steve into doing mine. I think you should give Steve a try. I could save a lot of money. You really could. This was another 275 pounds. How does Steve feel about it?

Do you think he'll be all right? I think he'll be up for it. Is he cap or is he foils? I think, I'm not sure. But he'll turn his hand to anything. Oh God, Steve. But yeah, I just- It's such a dad thing, isn't it?

It's, yeah. For repairing a curtain pole, building a toy box, coloring your mom's hair. He'll fit your kitchen and dye your hair, you know? Jack of all trades. What a service, dude. I know. I wouldn't let Stefan lose some of my hair.

No, I don't think I'd let Chris lose some mine. No, I shaved Stefan's hair in lockdown and it was- What, his whole head? It didn't go well. No, he wanted me to do it like his normal style, but obviously I'm not a qualified hairdresser, so it was shit. Chris wasn't available. Really hard. Chris was not available. Ironically. No hairdressers were available. Very hard to do the fade, like the gradient

into the, it was very clumpy. Was it given Lego? Blocky Lego. Yeah. But luckily we didn't have to see anyone. Steps were in. Yeah, they were. Five, six, seven, eight. In 1970. But yeah, just another insane, I hate the stress of like, you don't know what it's gonna cost. And then you go to the counter and they go, that'll be 300 pounds please. And you're like, what the fuck?

How much was it? 275. Well, it was not as bad as 480. Was it 480 or 380 last time? It was 280. So it's similar. I thought it was 380. Was it? It was nearly 400 pounds every last time. It was 280. So it's similar. I thought it was 380. Was it?

It was nearly 400 pounds every last time. I think it was nearly 300. Okay. But what's mad is that like, it's not, I haven't had anything like radical or drastic done, but when you add up all the different services, it's like a root tint, that's 50 pounds, a cut and finish, that's 60 quid,

a toner, that's 30 pounds. But I guess what I didn't take into consideration, I think this was said last time to ladies at Messaging, I'm not undermining your job as hairdressers. I think you're all fucking phenomenal. But I think because the, it doesn't change because the cost of like rental of the shops and things. Renting the chair. That has to surely come into consideration.

It just seems so expensive to me though. And that's why I only get my hair done once a year. So soak it all in. I do love the hairdresser though. I find it so expensive to me though. And that's why I only get my hair done once a year. So, soak it all in. Cause I do love the hairdresser though. Like I find it so incredibly relaxing. No, no, as in like their job. Like I would never be able to do that. I've got the most utmost respect.

It is so skillful. So skillful. It is. I would poo my pants if I had to cut someone's hair. I just can't move. Or color it. And some of them, you watch them. Obviously I can't see them all,

but there's some like on social media that you watch. Genius. How do they even create that? Do that, what? I don't get it. They are really clever. And I think like it takes a long time. So fair enough, you know,

if you're with someone for four hours, you've got charged a lot of money. You do. But I just, I hate it. Especially in London. I find it stress and anxiety inducing and I don't enjoy the experience at all. So this will be it now. I wouldn't say I enjoy the experience and anxiety inducing and I don't enjoy the experience at all. So this will be it now.

I wouldn't say I enjoy the experience and it's nothing on the hairdresser. It's just me. It's me. Oh yeah, I'm the problem, it's me. It's not you, it's me, honestly. I look like a thumb in that chair when I sit there like. I hate it, I hate it.

And also what other things are there in life where you don't know how much you're paying for the service until it finishes? I wanna know upfront. Nails? Maybe nails, but I feel like you go somewhere and it's like a manicure's 20 quid. Like you know how much that's gonna be.

Whereas like with the hairdresser, they're whacking on toners and all sorts. They're like, that's another 40 quid, so. And then you have to pay for a blow dry. Do you have to pay for your blow dry and straighten separate? Cut and finish includes a blow dry. But like my friend went to a hairdresser

where she got charged loads of money and then she had to blow dry her own hair. I mean. Yeah, I don't know. I know that they break, they do break it down though. They do say that it's extra to have. Yeah. But yeah.

Anyway, I'm not here to slag the hairdressers. I'm just saying I find it very stressful. You look divine. Thank you. I'm just so pleased to finally be rid of my greys. It looks very, very healthy. My greys. Yeah, and I've just had a load chopped, locked off. Looks lovely. very shiny. Thank you. It's giving, it's giving. It does feel. Maybe

she's born with it. It does feel very healthy. It's not even that is it? It's L'Oreal because she's wearing it. I haven't been since pre-sadie so it was due. It was due a couple. You look great. Thank you. Do you feel great? I don't feel 275 pounds. Greater. Greater. You feel worse off. But I feel 275 pounds. But you don't have gray hair. I don't have gray hair, but I feel extremely stressed. You need to hook up Steve.

I do. Get Steve in. Steve, you'll be listening. Steve, you're probably not listening. Come and sort me out. But your mom might be listening. Yeah. And then she'll pass the message.

Yeah, mom, tell dad. Nick, pass the message on to Steve. Or I could just phone him. You could. Yeah. That would not be as fun though. Pass the message on. Yeah. fun though. Pass the message on. Yeah, thank you.

Pass the message on, Steve needs to do my roots. Yeah, thank you. And mine if he's up for it. Yeah. Yes. How's your week been? Do you know what? Right, I'm very overwhelmed by this year. I keep talking about this and I come on my social media

because we're very aware that I'm not doing my Instagram stories at the moment. I know people are sad about it. I get it, I'm sad about it. But I don't know what it is about this year. I'm just very, I'm just trying to hang on. Overwhelmed. For dear life.

And it's not even like, I'm not sad or anything like that. I just feel like everything is moving really, really fast. Like everything is traveling fast. Like I'm on a treadmill. I said that last week, didn't I? I'm running on it, it's 100 miles an hour, but I'm just not getting anywhere. It just feels like a load, like I feel really heavy,

like I'm just carrying a load. What is it, like practical stuff? I think it's because I'm right on top of Renly's birthday, which what, are we now five weeks to go into his first birthday? Not even, is it? Four weeks? Four weeks? Oh, don't do it.

I thought I had an extra week. I think with the approach of him turning one, I was gonna say four. Four, we skipped a few years. Fuck me, I'm really ass-treveled. Because he's turning one. Also, I'm feeling very weird about September coming up. I know that's miles away,

but I'm trying to prepare myself for the next year of school. Already? Yeah, the start of the new year always prepares me for like the new, because technically it's July, we break up in July. But then by the time that comes around, I've then got two more birthdays I need to arrange. I've also got my sister's 40th birthday this year, which is stressing me out. It's also our 20th anniversary. My niece has turned in 16, two weeks after Renly. Did your sister get married at 20? No, they've been together 20 years.

Oh, together 20 years, sorry. Yeah, together, they've been together 20 years. So it's their 20 year anniversary of being together. So I just feel like there's a whole lot this year. Like it's huge. This year is massive. Don't let it overwhelm you. There's time until then.

I'm trying not to, and I think as well, I get so many people say all the time, like, oh, you're not on your social media much anymore. And I think something I will say is that I started it when I, the babies were so little and I think no one prepares you for like the next, the next stage of life. Like now they are going to be nine and seven and I'm busy. Like what with going to, sometimes I do the school run, get home, I cook dinner, get them ready for bed, but I take Colby out to a club. Then I come home,

got to get him bathed and ready and into bed. Then I've got to clean up, sort everything out that Chris hasn't had the time to do if he's sorting readily or vice versa. Some nights we've got double club, some nights we're out for three hours in the evening. I can't, I don't have time to cook dinner. So I do my HelloFresh or Chris cooks HelloFresh and then whoever's the past and ship does the dinner cook. So people are like, oh, you don't do your cooking videos because I have such a minimal, a minimal window

that I need to cook in that time to get dinner on the table to get, I'm eating my dinner cold. I'm here then everywhere. And the thought of like remembering to get your camera out to film that, you're like, I've just got to get through. I've just got to get through. Feed everyone some food. I've generally just got to get through the day.

I've got to feed everybody, make sure everybody's happy. Make sure I've read the book, filled out the reading log, then pick up with Colby's reading, fill out his app online, then he needs to do maths online. Then if he's got homework, I need to do that. Then I need to figure out getting food in so that I haven't burnt dinner. By the time he's got homework, I need to do that. Then I need to figure out getting food in so that I haven't burnt dinner. By the time he's got to have his dinner in

for an hour ready so he doesn't get a stitch at football. So he needs to eat an hour before he goes to football. Then, Dotsie wants to play a board game. We can play a board game, we can have fun because that is our time. I've already lost six hours of them being at school. Also while factoring in a toddler who is everywhere. He's not a toddler, he's a baby.

He's everywhere. He is toddling, that's what I meant. He's toddling around everywhere. He's cutting teeth left, right and center. He's got another cold, you know? Yeah, it's a lot. It's a lot. I feel really guilty about how fast the time goes.

And I feel like you'll get this. I get pushed loads of content on social media, which I kind of love and kind of hate, which is like, why are we rushing through everything all the time? We're rushing through every moment of every day. Like, we've got to go here now, we've got to do this, finish your dinner, get in the bath,

get out of the car, put your shoes on, da, da, da, da. And I'm like, every time I see them, I'm like, that is me. That is my life. They, every minute, every hour of every day, we're always rushing to get somewhere. And it's like, why are you always rushing your kids? Like you're rushing through the best moments in your life. Like take a step back, breathe.

And I'm like, I know, I do need to take it all in a bit more. But also we've got to be somewhere. We've got shit to get done. We've got nursery drop off, we've got bedtime. If I'm late to school, then I get, the school tell me off. So I can't be late in the morning. But then it's waking the children up earlier.

That's great. So we had like the, I am making a conscious effort this year to slow down, to enjoy their moments so much more because the children wanna play with Renly. He's at an age where he's playing and he's interacting with them and they love having their time with him in the morning. But that comes with the consequence,

they got to go to bed earlier. They need a certain amount of sleep. And yeah, I am rushing to get bedtime because I want them to have a good chunk of sleep, you know? And she wants to have her book, but I feel like I'm just, I just feel like I'm very, like I'm spread. I'm spreading thin. And I just think it's just, cause I've got a lot on.

I've got a lot on. Throwing into the mix that I'm potentially planning my wedding. So if that could happen in May, that would be great. So yeah, I just feel like I'm juggling a lot. And I know I'm juggling a lot. And I know it's, I could just let it all go, but I just, I can't.

Cause I just want the best for everybody this year. First birthday, ninth birthday, seventh birthday, 16th birthday, 40th birthday. You put a lot of pressure on yourself. I know. To do things for other people, don't you? I wouldn't say I'm doing it for other people because I just want it to be great for them.

Yeah. Like when she turned 17, I'd be like, look, 16 was great, 17, we've got to let it go. There's your car, off you go. Drive, you know? It's just the milestone ones. The milestone ones are so special. And I just want, and I'm trying my best to work

and be mum and clean the house and cook the dinner and do everything that I can, which I'm very lucky that I do have Chris, but also to be auntie and also have all of the children together because they all want to see each other. But my sister's life's so busy. So trying to intertwine everything all the time. It's just, it's hard to do it all.

It is hard to do it all. And I think that's something a lot of people will resonate with, because it's just life. Yeah, it is just life. But I'm also not letting it overwhelm me in the fact that I'm just like, I just, the phone is the last priority. And that's the honesty. I know that people say, oh, I love your Instagram stories,

but the honesty is, is that the phone is the last to go down. Like I would much rather, like when Renly wakes at four o'clock, he gets a whole hour of me before the other two wake up. And he's now taken priority over that slot. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And there will be a time when that slot becomes available to be mine again. But right now that four o'clock slot is Renly's. And then the other two wake up and Renly goes down for a nap. So then I get my normal, the normal routine, like the, the, the bit that's been replaced is my morning hours. Yeah, yeah.

Well, that's nice. And he gets me before the other two and then he goes down for a nap. They wake up and I get to have fun breakfast time. And you get no time off. I do. No. Yeah, but I'm lucky because they do. We're on such a good routine at the moment that the bedtime, you know, I get, I'm getting

the evening with Chris. So what I'm losing in the morning, my hour on my phone or my hour on my own, I get it with the baby. And then in the evening, it's mine and Chris's hour. And that's the thing as well. I think when you find a routine that works, you just got to stick to it. You dent, break it.

You didn't. You dent, break it. So no, I'm okay. We're just, we're just really embracing life. I'm fully deep into it. We're ice skating, we're football, Dots is- Ice skating looks phenomenal. Oh, Dottie's outfit.

I just can't with the outfit. The leotards. Oh, I was gonna say I would have loved to wear that when I was little, but actually I'd love to wear it now. I think I'd love to wear it now. Yeah. I won't lie to you though, the glitter, I'm gonna be shitting glitter for weeks.

It's everywhere, Emma. It's over the car seats, it's over the carts, over the sofa, it's everywhere. It does, and then it doesn't come off. She comes in from school. It's everywhere, Emma. It's over the car seats, it's over the carts, over the sofa. It's everywhere. It does. It doesn't come off. She comes in from school. She's like, do you mind if I just put my little ice skating dress on? And I'm like, yes, I do. No. I look like, what is it when I've got like grills? What's that? She's just dotting glitter off her leotard. What, you've been eating the leotard? No, just everywhere.

You've got a gold tooth, Soph. No, it's just dotting glitter off her leotard. What, you've been eating the leotard? No, just everywhere. It's not a gold tooth, Soph. No, it's just Dottie's glitter off her leotard. But she wore it to ice skating this weekend. Oh my gosh. She looks like an Olympian. She's so beautiful. She just felt like a queen. I think she just come off and she,

I've done, I got some little videos of her, but I smile the whole time. She was just radiant. We did actually have a little spring on this weekend a little a little what is it called when it's I can't get me fucking words out what's it when it's like a unexpected uh surprise surprise. We turned up to ice skating and one of the coaches was like oh I have a slot from half 11 till three. So the babies had their first one on ones. Oh.

I'm not gonna lie, I was. A little Brucey bonus. On the side. You got this. Honestly. Tiger mom. I'm having the best time with the ice skating. Are you?

Yeah, I am. I do love it. I love that they're doing that. It's making them, they're both so happy and so excited to do it. It's nice that they're doing it together as well making them, they're both so happy and so excited to do it. It's nice that they're doing it together as well. Yes. Isn't it? But I feel like there is gonna be a time there

when Cobbs doesn't wanna do it anymore and I hope she's confident enough to do it on her own. Yeah. At least he's like eased her in. He has eased her in. She's used to it. Yes, she is used to it. But that's where we're at.

How have you been apart from your air? That's it. That's it for me. Yeah. You've got nothing to add. You've just absorbed all my shit and go home and think, thank fuck. I also quit the ironing, didn't I? Do you want to know something? Steamer? Haven't bought it back. Still got the steamer. I just steam a garment either before bed, depending on how everyone goes down, or I steam it in the morning. Heaven. Genius. Heaven on earth. Do you think you're saving time? Yes. Yes. Yes.

And do you know what? No washing in my conservatory. Because it's all away. Because I just take it out the tumble dryer, fold it, put it away. Yeah. I'm a new woman. That's what I do anyway. I know, but I wasn't doing that. I was missing the trick. Now I'm contemplating being in the iron. We've done a role reversal. It's collected dust. I know you need to get a steamer on those. I know I do. Steam around those sheets. Just plug it in. I want to see you iron the sheet while it's on the duvet.

No, don't do that. I would like to see that on your Instagram though. No, no joke. What me steam in my bed? Steamer content. Yeah. Well, I, do you know, I just steam my leg. I do, yeah.

The scabs are just coming off. I'm scarred for life with that bitch. Scarred for life. It's deadly. And do you know what? It's so crispy and it keeps catching on my trousers. And then I had a three hour shave the other day. Oh yeah.

Three hours to shave my fufu. That's what I've done this week. Shaved my fufu and it took three hours. I felt like I was in the Antarctic ocean. Is it Antarctic ocean? Arctic. In the Arctic, what? I don't know. I felt like I was in the Antarctic Ocean. Is it Antarctic Ocean? Arctic? In the Arctic, what? I don't know. I felt like I was in the North Pole. It was Baltic in the bath.

It looked like I'd skinned a gorilla and I was three hours deep into my day. Three hours. I said to Chris, bloody hell, you've been on the school round a long time. He said, I've been driving around the block. I've been trying to call you because the baby was asleep in the car. So I kept driving around. I looked at three hours to shave my Fufu. Even mine's not that bad. Fufu legs and bumhole. Three hours.

That's how hairy one. Yeah, an hour each. I blunted two razors, two razor heads. I went through three razor heads. Two were completely blunt. The third one might be able to get a little bit of armpit. You need to get on the nail out of that. Wow.

You need to get on the nail. I can't do that nail after. I think I'm going to consider laser hair removal. Yeah. Is that painful? Yeah, my sister's had that done. Has she? Yeah.

I think it's quite effective, expensive though. Well, yeah, but what do you do about your Fufu? Yeah, you can get it done there. Well, they, they. Yeah, yeah. It can't be worse than a wax. Have you not had a wax before? Yeah, you can get it done there. Well, they, they. Yeah, yeah. It can't be worse than a wax, have you not had a wax before? Yeah, I have and I left it far too long.

The roots, them little bulbs on the top, they look like something you get at the garden center. When I tell you they take them roots out my fufu, they look like something you could plant in your garden. Plant it in the garden, get a nice flower. Pube tree. Bloody Nora. Pube plant.

I can't do waxing, no. Harry hanging out in my bum hole, I can't. I can't give that to somebody. But laser can't be worse than waxing. I don't know. Let us know if you've had it done. Yeah, please do let me know if you've had a full body hair removal.

Yeah. Laser hair removal. And would you recommend? Would you recommend? Maybe that's something we could do. Listen, does it just never come back? Is it like a one-off? I think that's content people would like

to see on your Instagram. Would they? Just some ideas. Listen, does it just never come back? Is it like a one-off? I think that's content people would like to see on your Instagram. Would they? Just some ideas. Yeah, okay. But is it forever? That's what I need to know. I think it can grow back. That's the problem.

Oh, I can't, I can't. I know. I keep thinking the same thing about laser eye surgery. I want to get it done, but it can reverse itself. And then what do you do? Just get it done again. Yeah. I don't know how I feel about them clamping your eye open.

And burning it with a laser. Quite savage, isn't it? That is quite a little bit, and you're awake. Yeah. But no more glasses though. I guess you'd have to be awake, wouldn't you? Cause otherwise your eye. You do have to be awake.

Where does your eye go when you close your eyelids? Down, up? Up. Does it not just stay in the middle? No, it goes up. That would be really scary, wouldn't it? If you lift someone's eye like this. I know, Jessie.

Yeah. Equally weird when you can only see the white of someone's eyes though. Sometimes I do it when I'm trying to wake Joseph from his nap. I like literally peeing his eyelids open and he looks fucking terrifying. Anywho, what a random catch up this week. I'm so incredibly sorry. We're all over this place.

It's been wild. It's been wild this week, hasn't it? Okay. Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yeah, we want you to join us in the Secret Mom Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about, or just say hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search for Secret Mom Pod, or you can email us hello at secretmompod.com.

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19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connexontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Hi, I'm Evie. Some days I wake up feeling a little bit worried. Do you? Some days I just feel really wriggly.

If you feel the same, then why not join me in my podcast as I ask how are you? We find ways to figure out just how we're feeling also we're ready to face whatever the day throws at us. Join me in escaping the chaos and taking a moment for calm. So how are you? Come and join in wherever you get your podcasts. It's time for another. Another back the fuck up is time for the Correspondence corner! Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr in my journal labyrinth come in come in so Emma do you want to take it away please my girl yeah this one says hello Safina and Emma oh I mean that is my name I know right yeah

Venus sounds very like our formal it's high so yeah hello Safina and Emma I just finished listening to the pizza delivery episode and heard Safina story about Renly pooping everywhere except in his diaper yeah Yeah. Phantom poo. Phantom poo. I've never heard of that happening to anyone else, but it happened to me. Oh, stop it right now. When my daughter was about nine months old.

We were in a- Same age. Yeah. We were in a shoe store and I was carrying her when I felt her belly tense up. Suddenly she had diarrhea everywhere. It shot straight down her legs. And because I was holding her down my leg and into my shoe. Good job they were in a shoe shop. Yeah, thank god. Get yourself some new kicks. I looked

at my husband and said, I need you to find me a pair of shoes. We have to go to the car. Ironically. When I got to the car, I opened the boot to change her. I took a look at her and no poop on her clothes. None. Nothing. Then I got to her diaper and there was still nothing. I was completely baffled trying to figure out how this was even possible. My husband and I just ended up laughing. She's now two and a half and I also have a little boy who just turned 10 months old.

Oh! Same age as ours. And I'm happy to report that it hasn't happened again yet. Much love, Danielle from Alabama. Danielle. Wow. Danielle. Wow. Not even any poop on her clothes. No, how did that happen?

That was like a rocket shit straight out. Yeah. That must've been a clean break right down the leg. Yeah. Nappy must've been sort of in the bum cheek. Or loose. Or loose, yes. How does that happen?

I don't know. The force at which it must come out to miss the nappy is insane. Vile. And not even a remnants of poo. No, nothing. Nothing. Reuse that nappy. I wouldn't waste anything.

I would have left it on. Get it back on. Change your clothes. Don't need to. She's not even got poo on her. No. Oh my gosh. She's fine. It was Danielle who had poo all over her. And her shoe.

And her shoe. Oh, God love her. Gosh. How strange. See, this is what I mean when I say this podcast is a safe place because there's always going to be at least one person. How strange. See this is what I mean when I say, this podcast is a safe place because there's always gonna be at least one person. It may not be 10,000s, but there'll always be one person that has gone through this.

And this shit is the reason. We're all in this together. We're all in this together. Yeah, you're not alone. And I've been in a place with some more people as well. Yeah, I believe the phantom poos. Wow. What?

Thank you Danielle so much. So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yeah, it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember. We're all in this together and we know that we are,

we're all stars and we see that. Really got into this week. Secret. But I'm feeling very tired today. I'm so sorry. Am I letharg? I am lethargic. Is that the right word?

Are you? Lethargic. How is being back at work? I meant to ask you that. You back in the rhythm. Yeah, it's all right. Everybody needs a rhythm for a night. It's just nights.

Like our nights are just irregular, yeah. Yours are as well though. Take the rough with the smooth. Yeah, yeah they are. But do you wanna laugh? Go on. Because amongst all the crazy shit that's happened to me this week,

let's just alliterate on the things that have happened to me this week. Dottie told me three times in one day that I have no friends. She doesn't mean that as it sounded. How does she know? She's only seven. But she said to me, there was one incident.

We were sat on the sofa and she was like, how does it feel to not have any friends? Why did she say that? I don't know. We were just watching the telly and they were talking about having friends and not having friends. And she was like, how does it feel not having friends?

Does she mean like just generally or was she talking about you specifically? Me, cause she asked me and then she went, cause you have no friends. Oh, wow. So I went, I do have friends. And she was like, oh, yeah, I know, but like, not really friends. So the conversation just sort of led on. And then she said to me, so something called others, she said about having friends. And then she went, you won't know because you don't have any friends.

And I went, stop it now. Your dad is my friend. Really hammered it home. because you don't have any friends. And I went, stop it now, your dad is my friend. Auntie is my friend. And then she was like, I can't say that because I've got loads of friends, you haven't. And I said to her, enough's enough now, you've told me three times today that I don't have any friends.

I do fucking have friends. Emma's my friend and she went, oh yeah, the lady from the podcast. And then she went on to say Maddie, Maisie and all of these. But then she went to me, they are my friends as well though. I went, Maddie and Maisie are my friends. She was like, no, no, they're mine and Colby's friends. Right, okay.

And then they went on to say about everybody. That was my friend. And actually they're only my friend because they're their friends. So that was great. And then another one to add insult to injury is that she went to Colby in the bath, which I overheard while sat on the stairs, hoovering up. because they're their friends. So that was great. And then another one to add insult to injury is that she went to Colby in the bath, which I overheard while sat on the stairs, hoovering up.

Actually, I wasn't hoovering. I was picking up AstroTurf with my hands. I couldn't find the dust pan and brush. I was just picking up little blacks, sat on the stairs and dottied through the flannel in the bathroom. And dad said, she said, dad said you need to wash your face. And then she come back out, went back in and she went, because you'll have a spotty face like mom and no one wants a spotty face like mom. She's really got it in for you at the moment, hasn't she? And I just thought, I don't have a spotty face. And then she went, oh yeah, it's rosy face and it's rosacea actually. So if you're going to say it at least.

Yeah, get it right. Insult me correctly. Yeah. It's rosy face. Yeah. So that was great. That's it at least, insult me correctly. Yeah. So that was great. That's where I'm at this week. Thanks, Dot. So you can see where the week is. It's going. Where we're at with the anger maybe that's in the house. So we've gone on from Renly

eating poo. Yeah. What's he done now? He has planted himself inside the toilet pan. That is my son in the toilet. When I say he wasn't just in the toilet, as in his arms were in, he's paddling around with the water, he was feet off of the floor, hands on the side of the pan, potting, popping, patting, whatever he was doing with the toilet water. No feet.

We're talking, he's holding his weight inside. He is Renly toilet rider. He's like a gym, what I'm imagining is a gym nass on the pommel horse. Holding his full weight. Do you want a demonstration? Yeah. This is the toilet. Like break dancing.

This is the toilet pan. This is Renly. Can you see me? Yeah. This is Renly. Feet off the floor. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm getting cramped. I've got cramps.

Oh my God. I'm getting cramps right there. Stretch it out, flex your foot. Wait, hold on. Flex your foot. I can't, I'm back. Right, okay, so that's how I found him in the pan. Okay, so basically world's strongest baby

is holding up all his own weight. So I didn't know how he got into the pan. So there's a lip around the toilet. So I obviously did the logical thing and let him do it again so that I could see how he was getting into the pan. How has he done it? So he, hold on, I need to get back into position because I'm all out of sync. Am I back? I'm back. Yeah. So he basically put his hands under the lip of the toilet, which freaks me out because the germs, he puts, and he literally just pulled himself

and then he puts his arms in and he just was legs out like a little lion, patting the toilet water. Oh, and I said to Chris, I was in the kitchen cooking and I said to him, I can hear water running, tapping, I don't know what, and then Chris was like, oh, I think Colby's in the bath. Let me go double check. It was Renly, not Colby in the bath, but Renly in the toilet.

It was Renly bathing in the bog. Oh my God. Who, never. This child is honestly going to be the death of me. Is he just getting himself around the house now? Just like, just walking around? We've started freestanding. Oh have you?

So he'll let go of things now. He'll just let go. And how's he getting about? Crawling? He stands there. No, he walks along the wall. He'll crawl sometimes occasionally, but he walks up the hallway like a ventriloquist. Is it a ventriloquist? No, a mime. Like a mime. Does this? Yeah. Up the wall? That's all he does up the wall. He's so clever.

He's saying shit. Is it? Because I think I say shit so much. Don't eat that shit. Get out of the toilet. There's shit in there. Stop eating dog shit. Yeah.

Now he just says shit. He's heard it so many times. Shit. Does he use it in context? No, he just says it all the time. You hear him on the monitor baby go, shit, shit, shit. Cause you can't say mom, but you'll say shit. So yeah, it's been a wild ride this week.

Wow. I feel like he could just like get himself about the house. Like Sadie, she can't do anything. She's like, just sits on the floor. She wants to stand up all the time. But that's normal, isn't it? I think, well, what's normal? Everything's normal.

Everything's normal. She stands up, she wants to stand up, she can't get herself about. She's taking a few steps. She's crawling everywhere though. She doesn't crawl. What? No, she's gonna go straight to walking, I think.

Do you think? Yeah. You never told me this. She doesn't crawl. Why have you been holding this information? I've only just found out today your feet are a size four. What the fuck? Crucial information.

This is crucial friendship information. I know, I had to let you know that I can shop in the kids trainer section because I'm a size four. She just bought some new treads. When I tell you Emma never treats herself, she's had her hair done. She bought herself new treads and she told me today she's a size four. I was telling you my trainers are cheap because I can fit into kids sizes because I'm a size four. And now you've just kept this information for me.

No, she's got no interest in being on her tummy and being on her frowns. She'll cry if you put her like that. Sometimes she'll let you just sit her down, but most, 99% of the time, she wants to be standing up. And when she's standing up, she can take a few little steps with the walker or the shopping trolley, which makes me think she's gonna go straight to that.

She's not gonna be asked for crawling now. Call me one interesting crawling. He just used to sit in the middle of the room or just stand up and walk with the walker. What she wants to do all the time is just stand and you kind of have to hold her and watch her make sure she doesn't fall over. She doesn't like a little activity table to stand in,

like the ones that don't bounce just a standing one. Too restrictive now. She wants to be able to get about, you know. She likes the shopping trolley, but sometimes she hasn't really got it in her head that she needs to like do steps. So like the thing will wheel away and she kind of just like stretch like stretch Armstrong

that's it and her whole body like bends and I'm like you're gonna need to take some steps in. You're gonna snap your spine. You're gonna snap in half and every now and then she'll take a couple of unstable little steps but yeah I think she's- I die at the bend. Move your feet! No, it's getting away from you. My little hack is to put something in front of the wheels so it can't go- Or I put it in, I put it against the wall.

It's like the walker. I put it against the wall. Yeah, cause she does like to just stand and hold it, but once it gets away from her, that's it. She's like- Bend and snap. bend and snap. Bend and snap. Oh God, so you need to be really careful.

I was in the back of my head. And he does really like it walking. So the babies will walk him and they hold a hand each. And he really, really likes that. That's not so great when you walk around Tesco and you just pop in for a few essentials and he's like this, in the pram like a possessed exit. They're getting to the age now where you can't contain them. So then you get him out and he's just poodling around and all three of them are just near

on wetting themselves in Tesco. I mean, they're having the time of their life and I'm there relishing it. I love it. At least you've got the other two to help out with it. Other people aren't so enjoying it. Not so keen. No, they're not enjoying it so much. They're not enjoying our little cutesy bubble that we're in. Get that baby out with it. Other people aren't so enjoying it. No, they're not enjoying it so much. They're not enjoying our little cutesy bubble that we're in. Get that baby out my way.

Get the fuck out of the way. But yeah. Oh, Renna's. Well, there you go. Another new one of my disgusting nearly one year old who's now decided to get in the pan. Tell you what, his immune system's gonna be banging though. I don't know, he's got a cold today.

It's probably because he's been in the toilet. Literally inside the toilet. I just said to Dottie, for the love of God, please tell me you flushed it. Oh. You know, if it's yellow, let it mellow. It's all I can think of my head. If it's yellow, let it mellow.

If it's brown, flush it down. Dotsie doesn't flush, we all poo. No, nothing. She lets it all just hang out in the bog. And I just, oh, please. Please let it be clean. Please, please. I can't be dealing with dog poop. What, she's, he's at his sister's poo.

He did and it was clean, thank God. And then it's the hand straight in the mouth. Oh. Disgusting. Disgusting. Well, that's my secret of the week and we'll be back for one of yours after this short break. ["The Daily Show Theme"]

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Some days I wake up feeling a little bit worried. Do you? Some days I just feel really wriggly. If you feel the same, then why not join me in my podcast as I ask, how are you? We find ways to figure out just how we're feeling. Also, we're ready to face whatever the day throws at us. Join me in escaping the chaos and taking a moment for calm. So, how are you? Come and join in wherever you get your podcasts.

We've got three secrets we're going to be discussing this week. So Emma, let's have secret number one. Hello Emma and Safina. Hello. I wanted to share a story about my three year old daughter soon to be four, much like sweet dot you never know what she'll come up with. Sorry Ronnie, with this week I've had, isn't it? Yeah, she's watched Soph's TikToks and Instagram reels with me. Oh God. I'm so sorry. So she's picked up some of her sayings, which is just adorable. Recently, every time she passes gas, she sings,

get down with the trumpets, yeah, yeah, and announces that her bum trumpet has gone off. Ah ha ha ha ha. Well, this usually happens at home. Last week, she took it to another level. I was dropping her off at preschool, and after I gave her a hug, she stood next to her teacher, as all the kids do.

As I was turning to leave, she shouted, Mom, my teacher's bum trumpet just went off and it stinks like dad stuff. She's writing out her teacher for foreign. I was mortified. She even plugged her nose and belted out. Teacher got down with the trumpets. Yeah, yeah.

I haven't been able to make eye contact with her teacher since. Much love, Shelby from Nebraska USA. What? Oh my God, you've gone global. Oh my God. You've gone across the pond with the bum trumpets. Nebraska?

Wow. What? That's wild, isn't it? Let's get down with the trumpets. I haven't seen that. Is that song in America though? Rizzle Kicks, did they make it over there? Yeah, did Jordan make it too?

You might be making it more famous than Rizzle Kicks. Well, Perrie said, didn't she? She says, get down with the trumpets. Perrie Edwards, yeah. Maybe she got it from you as well. I don't think she did. She probably got it from the song. She's always called it that.

Bum trumpet. Get down with the trumpet. Wow, you've gone international. I have. I haven't seen a bum trumpet for a while on your Instagram. I feel like though, if you say that, Cor, can you smell a bum trumpet? Or can you smell a trumpet? Like when you're out in the shop, no one knows it, you're like, fuck, can you

smell a fart? That's what it means. Yeah, can you smell a trumpet? I wonder if she pegged her nose like, Jesus trumpets. Jesus, and it stinks like dad's. I think her teacher probably didn't wish him in. I say embrace it. Nothing worse than when you try and sneak a little one out though and someone clocks on. Or when you sneak a little one out and it stinks. And then someone comes over to you and you're like, who was that?

Done that this morning in Starbucks. Sorry. Oh crumbs. Sorry if you're in Starbucks. What a beautiful name as well, Shelby. That was on my daily name list. Was it? Yeah, love the name Shelby.

I wanted Shelby for a boy though. Oh did you? Chris wasn't too keen on having it for a boy. Is that the one out of Piggy Blinders, Thomas Shelby? Yeah. Yeah, it's his surname, isn't it? Yeah, I love the name Shelby. Stunning.

Boy or girl, I love that it's for both, but yeah. Unisex, yeah. Yeah, I love it. Thank you so much. And I hope she continues with her bum trumpets. Yeah, me too. Get done with the trumpets. Okay, let's have secret number two.

Hi, Safina and Emma. Hello. We always think our kids are angels, don't we? Well, I recently learned how wrong I was. My neighbor knocked on my door and said, Hi, I'm so sorry to bother you, but I've noticed the kids playing near the side of my house. They're no bother, but I've seen something written on our brickwork." I immediately thought, oh no.

God, is this my fucking neighbor? This is my neighbor. It's my neighbor right now. She continued, it's Freya's name etched into the bricks. I apologized profusely, told her I'd bring Freya over to say sorry and promised it wouldn't happen again. Then she said, also, and showed me a photo of another brick with the word fuck scratched in huge letters. I instantly went into defense mode and said, I accept the Freya, but I don't accept the fuck. Surely my sweet little nine-year-old wouldn't go that far. But when I confronted Freya, I saw the panic on her face when I mentioned the second brick. I lied and told her there was CCTV footage and she crumbled. Through tears she

admitted to both the Freya and the fuck, which she did as part of a dare. I don't know what's worse the fact she wrote fuck on someone's property or that she literally signed her name next to it. Yeah, if you're going to commit a crime Freya, let that be a lesson. I made her write a card and marched her over to apologize. I'll definitely take what she says with a pinch of salt from now on. Love Robin. Oh Robin. Oh my god.

You would try and get away with it though wouldn't you? Do you know what? This reminds me of so many things that I did when I was younger. My sis had like a 10th birthday party or 13th birthday party or something like that. And my mom and dad had like a camera up just rolling and I was doing this. They're never going to see it. Sticking their middle fingers up.

I remember coming down. My mom and dad called me downstairs. They were like, they just had sit and watch this. There's all of these boys and then there'd just be me like. And I was like, that's not me. My dad was like, slitching. That's not me. I think we recognise our own daughters sticking their middle finger out. What's even worse is the over-read family content of us when we were babies. Our videos. So they lost a video of probably my first walk to be doing. They lost a cute baby video but they got you doing that. Which I think actually now arguably is even better. I hope you've still got it. Please put it on social. At the time it wasn't funny, but it was so fucking

scary. So scary. I've never been so scared in my whole life. I was like, oh, I didn't do that. I was just pointing and then I was like Roxanne made me do it. Then boys made me do it. They bullied me. My dad is just like, just don't ever do it again. And then another time, have I told you about the time when my mum's friend renovated her son's bedrooms? And we went down for like a play date, right? And we were up in their rooms, we had a really lovely day. But I put my leg through that, she had a bathroom cabinet, she was renovating the house, she had a bathroom cabinet in there and I put my leg through the bathroom cabinet. Didn't tell them that it was me that done it. So by the time I got home, I said to my dad, oh, I cut my leg at, I would call a sue,

I cut my leg at Sue's house, right? And my dad was like, oh, that's okay. So then they, dad phoned Sue and said, oh, I think Safine has broken something. Can you just go and check? She was like, oh, while you're on the phone, there's been some damage done to the boys' bedrooms. There's been some writing done on the wall. And dad was like, oh, no, I'm so sorry. I don't know who's done it.

So she was like, oh, I know who's done it. My dad was like, well, how do you know? And she went, don't worry, just come down to the house and you can see. So as we're on the car on the way down to the house, my mom and dad were like, have you drawn on the walls? Have you drawn on the walls of Sue's house? Because she just renovated it.

She's just done it all lovely. I was like, no, it's not me. I saw Richie doing it. It's definitely Richie. So my mom and dad were like, Richie. And he was just sat there, it's timid, like really meek and mild. And then got into the house and my,

she said, stay down here. So mom and dad went upstairs. I just remember them coming down dead silent, got in the car, drove home. What did you do? I was like, British is going to bed, yeah, because he's so bad. And then when dad sat me down, they were like, you wrote Safina. Repeatedly all over their wall. I wonder who it was. It was me, because I'd just written Safina, Safina, Safina. Why did you write on the wall?

I don't know, I don't know. I would never have done that in my house. Obviously at the time it wasn't funny, but right now, hilarious. So I feel from every angle that this could have been my life. This is you energy. This is me energy. So when I was sat there, it's brass as day and I said it wasn't me. It's not me.

It's just Safina over the walls. Yeah. Everywhere, all over the walls. And I put my leg for her bathroom cabinet that was on the I said it wasn't me. It's just Safina over the walls, everywhere. And I put my leg through her bathroom cabinet that was on the floor. I thought it'd be funny to stand on it and ended up going through the glass bathroom cabinet. We like, Richie framed me by writing my name. It wasn't me.

The one where you would face is literally on camera though. It's got no defence. I feel like I can literally see you. My poor parents. Like poor Freya, and I tell her that it's on CCTV Freya, we've seen you. Fuck Freya, I tell her that it's on some CCTV Freya, we've seen you. Fuck Freya and you're on CCTV. Literally signed it like a Banksy. It wasn't me. I love how your immediate defense when

you're little is just like, it's not me. Like sometimes honesty is the best. It's me, it's my face. My dad used to tell me there was CCTV everywhere. Always. Me and my sisters. So we literally lived under constant fear that we were being- Watched my big brother. Recorded because he was a police officer.

Oh yes. So like anything we did in town, he'd be like, I can see you, there's CCTV. And it literally like made me be so well behaved. So I was like, well shit, whatever I do, my dad's watching. I'll just make this fact, my dad's gonna see. He wasn't watching, yeah.

He wasn't watching, he had better things to be doing. But he's already ruined my childhood now, so it's fine. Childhood drama. We appreciate you, Robin, God bless you. And big up Freyo, I think that's iconic. I live with that memory and I'm very happy with that. Yeah, she'll find that hilarious when she's 35. She will find it hilarious.

Right, let's have our last secret. All right, this one says, hello ladies, I was listening to you singing the thong song and it reminded me of a time. The thongs... You were like the thongs thongs... Hey I like what the beeg is... I was listening to you singing the thong song and it reminded me of a time I had to explain what a thong was in Australia. When my daughter was two I gave away a spare stroller to a woman who wasn't from Australia. Later I realized I'd left a pair of my daughter's thongs in the

bottom of the stroller. So I sent her a message saying I'd come by to pick them up. The woman replied, there aren't any thongs in the stroller. After a few confused messages back and forth, it hit me. She must think I'm talking about G-strings. They used to be called G-strings. How retro. They used to shape your bum hole, didn't they? There was G-strings and T-strings. Remember T-strings? T-strings literally had no fabric.

They were literally just a line. Like a dental floss up your bum. I had to awkwardly explain that I meant shoes, not underwear. Let's just say I collected the thongs as quickly as possible and learned to be more mindful of Aussie slang. Thank you for making me laugh every week. Emily from Queensland, Australia. We're all over the globe today.

Simple baby. I feel like it's beautiful in Queensland. It does sound weird when you say my daughter's thongs are in the buggy. Especially if she's like two. Sorry. If you've got them thongs in there, your daughter's two. Yeah. Yeah, she wears thongs. Yeah. She doesn't like a VPL. It actually might be two. One on her feet. Who can blame her?

It's definitely a matching pair in there. Mine and hers. Yeah. Mummy Daughter Thongs. That's a line of merch that I think spotted a gap in the market there. What? Mummy and Daughter? Mummy Daughter Thongs. Sandals, not the underwear. Fuck, I was about to say we're going too far with this. Jesus Christ. Flip Flops is even weirder word though. Yeah, flip-flops.

I think flops actually sounds better for sandals. No, no? No. You like flip-flops? Yeah, just sandals. Sandals is fine. Sandals, yeah. Or flip, I quite like flip-flop.

I would say flip-flop. Yeah. But it's a weird, when you think about it, it's quite a weird word. It's a weird word, yeah. We do say weird things though, don't we? But yeah. I love these little language differences. I love them so much. I live for them.

I love for them when they're, yeah, all, everyone's is different. All over the world. Like Fanny Pack has gone back. Yes, the Fanny, it causes so much confusion. And the Jahn-nee, Jahn-son, the toilet. Yeah, we had that. Did we say that? We did say that the other day.

Yeah. But thank you, everyone. Thank you for today. You've really given me a giggle today. I needed that. It's like proper girls club today Thank you for sharing your secrets this week Everyone is welcome in the secret mum club if you'd like to share your secrets with us you can the email is hello at Secret mum pod calm or with secret mum pod on tik tok and Instagram have bummed trumpets got a new in trouble

Or if you left your thong somewhere? Let us know. That could lead to so many things. Let us know, there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the... Secret Mum Club! Fandu casino daily jackpots guaranteed to hit by 11 p.m. with your chance at the number one feeling winning which beats even the 27th best feeling saying I do. Who wants this last parachute? I do.

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