Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Water Gun

Episode Date: July 1, 2024

We already know that children say the craziest things, but one secret involving a water gun comparison has our jaws on the floor! There’s been a lot of travel chaos this week as Sophiena deals with a train poo and Emma goes on a five hour drive with two kids. The ladies are also asked about the best way to tell your partner about pregnancy! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello this is the secret mom club i'm safina and i'm emma and this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere a safe space to share our secrets because we all have secrets haven't we we do and as we know sharing is caring you don't even have to tell us who you are you can keep that to yourself you can be anonymous and no secrets can be serious or silly all secrets are welcome in the secret mom club or silly, all secrets are welcome in the Secret Mum Club. How's your week been? Are we doing me first this week? Yeah.

Do you want to go first? What have we been up to? Where you been at? Who you been seeing? What you been doing? We went to Wales for the first time. Not for the first time for me, obviously. For the first time for Sadie.

Oh, to see Stefan's mum and dad and dad yeah to see the in-laws he always gets really excited when they go back to the motherland for the first time she was fuming about it she's not happy about it she's a london girl she's a londoner she's a london girl she doesn't want to go to wales stefan always gets really excited when we go over the seven bridge and like does a uh it has to do like a video my dad does that as well my dad's not even welsh he put welsh hymns on and a film does going over the Severn Bridge and like does a uh it has to do like a video my dad does that as well my dad's not even Welsh he put Welsh hymns on and filmed us going over the bridge and he filmed Joseph's face and Joseph's like I've been in the car for five fucking hours I'm sick of this shit my dad always tells me a joke when he goes over the Severn Bridge go on how'd you get to Wales

in a car how across the Severn Bridge and then he says how'd you get to wales in a car how across the semen bridge and then he says how'd you get to wales in a car oh i might say across seven bridges no open the doors how'd you get two wales in a car two wales open the doors god love my dad dad that's a classic dad joke that's such a dad joke um but no traveling with two children no joke it took us so when on friday came back on monday a combined 14 and a half hours in the car that's disgusting i know i just when i left i said to them we're never going to see you again because i'm not doing that no too long could you not fly to wales is there an airport there you can fly to cardiff but i think that's more of a faff to be honest we did say talk about next time getting the train yeah because we took the car because obviously you have loads of shit of course when you've got children yes but um but the time

in traffic and not even just the traffic like the stops you have to make yeah for the newborn to get out of her car seat she can't be in it they can't be in the car seat too long obviously they need feeding they need nappy changing and also she's just at the age where she just gets fed up. Yeah. So like one time she was crying and we were like, you've had a clean nappy. You've had feed. What do you want?

She's like, I'm just sick of this fucking car seat. Just get me out. And poor Joseph. And then you've got to like, it's hard enough with one of them, but then like she's screaming because she's unhappy. He's waking up from his nap because she's being really loud. Yeah.

It's just like traveling with the two of them. It was wild not for the faint-hearted not for the faint-hearted if there weren't two of us because i was toying with the idea of coming back without stefan because he needed to stay up there for work and blah blah blah but i made him come back with me because i was like there's no way dude you can come home and then go back we did exactly that we came home from west wales to london seven hours in the car next day he got up went back on the train yeah because i was like there's no way i wouldn't survive that on my own and people that have done it kudos to stefan no well he probably would um does joseph like to watch film in the car he doesn't watch films we spoke about this didn't we because you said colby would watch films yeah he used to watch when he was little yeah he doesn't have the attention span for films in general so what does he tend to do in the car just nap he'll either so he'll nap for a

good chunk of it thankfully still then he's got an ipad and he just watches episodes of things on there yeah he loves dougie but i love dougie my beef with it is so he's seven minutes long yeah every seven minutes you've got to change it to a new episode yeah and then we just listen to music and then he plays with his toys. He likes playing with like his animal figurines. That keeps him going for a bit. But bless him, I felt so bad for him. Because he kept saying, basically, are we nearly there yet?

Are we at their house yet? And on the way back, are we at Jojo's house yet? And we were like, yeah, yeah, nearly there, nearly there. Six hours to go. Six hours later. Yeah, we're nearly there. We're nearly there. He was so patient. Obviously, two-year-olds have got no concept no concept of time so he was just like i'm just in the car playing and it feels so long

for them doesn't it it felt long for me yeah let me tell you that is no traffic was that without traffic too that was so we did three stops on the way there three stops on the way back and then traffic on the way down was bad in wales and then traffic on the way back was bad coming into London. Right. Just, you know when you're just like FML. FMLAO. LMFAO. No, it wasn't that.

We weren't laughing. We were not having any fun. So how were the in-laws? Were they good? It was great. But that's the thing. I'm like, he loves it down there. He's got like seven cousins to play with.

They've got loads of outside space the weather was good it was stefan's birthday so we had a big party for him it's all lovely when you're there yeah but getting there i'm actually traumatized i don't think i'm gonna be able to do it again for a while it's taken us this long to get sadie there well when we move there we'll be closer and you'll always stay there but we'll have the opposite problem getting back to my parents is gonna take ages then yes either way yes. Either way. You're up shit group with no paddle, really. I know.

It's a lose-lose situation. You should have thought about this before you considered marriage and children. Marrying a Welshman. Yeah. Because I was always going to either be in London or Wales. You should have met somebody maybe like Barbados. That's even further. Yeah, but that would have been nice, wouldn't it?

Go to Barbados. What about Wales? Wales is nice. Yes, nice. It's not hot though, is it? No. And it rains all Wales is nice. Yeah, it's nice. It's not hot though, is it? No. And it rains all the time.

It's beautiful scenery. Beautiful. Always raining. Yeah. Actually, we did have nice weather at the weekend. Don't people say wet Wales?

It is wet. It's very wet. Yeah. So I should have thought about that before I married him. Yeah. My sister lives three doors

down from my mum and dad and she's on a campaign to get me to move on the same street. How would you feel about that? Have you signed the petition? They're constantly asking me, when are you moving down here?

When are you moving down here? It would be really handy for childcare. It would. It's a bit too close though, I think. I don't know. I think I'd really love it. Would you? Yeah.

You'd live on the same street as your mum and your sister? Yeah, I'd live on the same street as them. Would you? Yeah, I would. Definitely my sister. I'd love to live. I think my mum maybe would be pissed off with me. But live on the same street as them. Would you? Yeah, I would. Definitely my sister. I'd love to live, I think my mum maybe would be pissed off with me. But you're all quite close anyway,

aren't you? What I would love is if you could just drop in for a day. Oh, yeah, I go back and forth. All the time? Sometimes I see her a couple of times a week, sometimes I don't see her,

but it just depends where we're at or what we're doing. But yeah, she's only, you know, she's only sort of 20 minutes in the car yeah i'm very jealous of that and the brother lives at the bottom of the road i know there's people who have it worse like my friend lives in london her family are in san francisco so they're even further away that's

phenomenal i just moved to san franc i would as well i don't know what they're playing at staying in london she's mad matt does she go over there much they only get to see them about twice a year. That's so sad. I know. I'll be like, I married you just so we could go to San Francisco. Yeah. Can we just get out of here?

I think they probably will move there eventually. Yeah. But you move into Wales eventually. Basically, they're like our best friends in London, and we're all going to leave London at the same time. We're going to go to Wales. They're going to go to America. Never to be seen again.

No. It's one of those where you say, that's like the end of friends we'll stay in touch this is like the end of an era but we're going to have to go to San Francisco to see them

whoa what a shame what a hardship what a really hard life oh holiday to California oh god nightmare fucking hell

god that must be so bad someone's got to do it but yeah that was our week and then and then I got sick so you did get so i've just been feeling like shit to be honest with you yeah and that's not the one with the baby when you're

getting no sleep no we're still what's he doing on the bottle now because we're still up three times in a night we're only up once oh and i'm early doors aren't i he tends to get up about he can any time between three and five yeah depending on when he goes down and then are you up for the day i get up for the day yeah yeah i get up the day so if he's up at three he tends to feed for like an hour so then he'll go back down at four so then from four i just kind of stay up do you yeah and what time do you go to bed about eight oh yes you're getting a good eight hours i'll go to bed early do you feel fresh yeah feel great fuck you thank you thank you so much i'm here every week twice a week in fact oh i'm so jealous but he's on the bottle and he so he has six ounces before bed and that keeps him going for eight hours yeah

six and then he goes well he tends to have his last bottle about eight o'clock so he has bath time bath time at six then he has a little bit of play time from sort of six to seven and then if we can get him to go sort of seven till eight of just chilling down and then eight years his bottle he goes to bed man he likes have story times with the other two so we do dotty story time and then colby story time that's nice and he does love that. Yeah. And then everybody settles at exactly the same time.

Your bedtime sounds idyllic. Normally it's me trying to give Joseph his milk while Sadie's screaming her head off and he's had enough of it. To be fair, this is the only thing I've got any raps on is bedtime

because Redley loves his routine. Yeah. Like he loves his bedtime. Yeah. Loves his bar fees. That's great though. If you can get that down. I remember that being

one of the biggest headaches with Joseph trying to get him to like go to sleep in his own bed and. Loves his barfies. That's great though. If you can get that down. I remember that being one of the biggest headaches with Joseph, trying to get him to like go to sleep in his own bed and all that. It was so stressful. So stressful. Although we, do you want to tell everybody? We haven't transitioned out of our bed yet, have we? Oh, he's still in with you. Don't like it.

Oh. Doesn't like it. We put him in the little next to me bed. No. No. It's not the one. We tried to do it in the school holidays and it's just not the one. But you're all right with having him in with you, aren't you?

With us. Yeah. Yeah. 100%. I just worry. You just worry, don't you? I think I just worry. I don't want him to ever feel stressed.

And I do worry about the, when he's in a cot on his own, a bed on his own and then he's in his own bedroom. I feel torn. I feel torn. Like you never, you never think you're doing the right thing. Like sleeps in with me now which is great because i'm like we're both getting the most sleep but then i'm like is she only going to get used to sleeping with me and then never go in her own bed exactly i do want my own bed back eventually i don't know it's so stressful isn't it it's so stressful and i don't know whether i'm just more more protective this

time because it's our last baby yeah i do think that as well i'm like do you know what if she wants to stay in my bed for a bit longer then so be it i do get worried about forming habits but she's only 12 weeks old so yeah i am struggling a little bit and i think i just got myself a little bit worked up so i was like i'll just come back into bed yeah and he sleeps well in there yeah he does sleep you just got to do what you can to get the most sleep i don't want him in there when he's 15 you know and he won't be all as well. Yeah, he does sleep really well. You've just got to do what you can to get the most sleep, I think. I don't want him in there when he's 15, you know, and he's like, all right, guys, a bit more room. In charge, you can move over.

Fucking hell. I say he won't be. He might be. He might be. He might be. You never know. Do you know what? I wouldn't even move over.

No. Because everything with him, you're going to be like, this is my last one. Stay. He's 25 now. He's still my last one. I'd still give him an apostle. I'd still wipe his bum if he needs.

If he needs it, I'll do it. I'm going to blow my nose. Sorry. It's still my last one. I still give it in a bottle. I still wipe his bum if he needs. If he needs it, I'll do it. I'm going to blow my nose. Sorry, it's covered. Tell me about your week, snotbag. Okay. I have the hay fever, for one, is still killing me. Yeah, through the roof. I can't handle it.

Is that sexual? Get it out, yeah. Thank you. Does your nose ring ever get in the way of blowing your nose? No, it doesn't actually. This is... I can't even taste anything you've got i know you've got so basically you've got the symptoms that i had a few days ago where i was like head cold bunged up couldn't taste anything so annoying now that's gone but i feel like my teeth are falling out but this is just permanent this is just permanent all the time can you not take anything for that i take no spray

eye drops and drugs there is an injection you can have but i'm not allowed to have the injection the doctors allow me not to have too high risk yeah what about if you put some vicks around your nose it doesn't work for me don't touch this no and then people say put vaseline don't they around your eyes to protect them around your nose so it don't go in wash your hair more to get the pollen out makes it worse for me so i have to keep it in just keep it up as long as i keep it up and out of my face can we talk about hair because my hair is falling out at an alarming rate your hair has grown into a beautiful lion's mane what the hell i knew you were gonna fucking say that i don't know why it's gone so long your instagram story the other day

when you were like my hair is growing so much got my own balayage it's so thick and luscious i don't know what's your secret what's her secret i don't know i don't wash it hardly ever okay i hardly ever wash it okay you had thick hair anyway though and i yeah i did have a thick hair yeah but it's grown quick yeah it has grown quick but i feel like i'm lovely like a new woman this week can i have some yeah do you want me to yeah come over with my bald head i need it how's your week been my week so we talked about the garden didn't we yeah i'm going to start my garden charlie dimmer basically yes not alan titmarsh alan titmarsh it titty marsh um i've we've put plans in motion okay we're moving the cabin

we've ordered decking nice we are putting some grass seeds down um and we've ordered some gates oh like we are all systems go go go my plan is to have this done before the six weeks holiday because i cannot look at my garden for another six like in the six weeks holiday so i'm raping in the help of my dad yeah good old chrissy boy yeah he's um i thought your dad was called chris as well he is chris that's weird isn't it yeah buncy it's my dad's Yeah. Good old Chrissy boy. Yeah. He's, I thought your dad was called Chris as well. He is Chris. That's weird, isn't it? Yeah. Buncey.

He's my dad's. Or Taz. People call him Taz. Do they? Why? Because he loves Tasmanian Devil. Oh.

And all his snowboarding gear is all Tasmanian Devil. Your dad's a snowboarder? Yeah. God. And my brother. He gets cooler and cooler by the day.

My dad's pretty fucking cool. Is he? I'm not going to lie. He's a pretty cool guy. Yeah, he's still 60. What is he? 60, 65, 66? Oh, so he was quite a young dad.

Yeah. They're 30 when they had me. Both 30. They had Roxanne at 28, same as I had Colby. Oh, yeah. And then had me and Richie at 30. Oh, right. Yeah.

So I wouldn't say that's... No, not that young, no. Average. Yeah. I'd say. Yeah. Yeah. But he's cool.

Cool dude. He's a very cool dude. So are you going to lay that deck in yourself? Yeah. Lay that deck in. Yeah. So we're going to lay the deck in ourselves. Oh, God.

I'm so in awe of you. I bought some paint and I've Pinterested some really funky shit that I want to paint the wall in the garden white and put some nice pots on it. Nice. And then I thought it'd be nice if the baby's chalk on it and it's it's going to be wiped down yeah so that is yeah i'm on i'm on one garden project underway well hopefully it stops fucking raining so you can get it done i think it's going to be easier if we rain because i've got to lay some grass seeds yeah the thing that's holding us up at the moment i'm not going to lie anyone know anyone with a high ab i just

need a high ab for what for like an hour like an hour. Like one of them. A digger. No. The hi-ab. It picks it up. Oh, a... Hi-ab? No, what are you saying? It's a hi-ab.

No, see? If Adam doesn't know, it can't be right. Is that a brand name or is that the name of the thing? It's the truck. It's called a hi-ab, isn't it? Grabber. How do you spell it? H-I-A-B.

Hi-ab. This is a high ab a little crane type thing on the back of a lorry yeah high ab don't know what you're talking about so basically you know when people move like a jacuzzi yeah or they move something and it goes over the top of the house it's like one of those trucks i'd call that a grabber or a lifter a grabber is like one that grabs. Yeah, like the arcade game. Like a little, like we're on an arm. The claw.

The claw. No, it's... I'd call that a claw. Either way, I need one of them. I feel like you know the technical terms. If it's not a high ab,

don't tell me. I'm not bothered. Right, if anyone's got a high ab. Yeah, we need a high ab. We basically need to move the log cabin but by the time you hear this episode,

I've probably already moved it. We've done it already. Yeah. You yeah you you do get shit done i feel like yeah i don't fuck around yeah we're on a mission to get the shit done and i need it done before the school holidays so i've basically been doing that this week i have been searching decking i thought i was going to really enjoy it it's not so fun it's one of those jobs it's like booking a holiday you think oh this is gonna be fun and then when the research comes around, you get so sick of it. Oh, I'm over it. I'm over it and I've not even started. It'll be worth it when it's done.

It's going to be worth it. Yeah. It's going to be worth it. And I just keep thinking that before I know it, we're going to have somebody toodling around and the garden is safe for Renly too. Oh, yeah. That'll be nice. To pood all around.

We can't keep Joseph out in the garden and it's annoying because we finally, it's the first house we've lived in where we've got a garden. He's such a little indoor baby yeah he doesn't we try and get him out there and he's like I'm going back inside now play toys do you take his toys in the garden we do take some toys out there I think we need to get some more fun shit yeah in the garden but also I don't want to mess up the lawn so I don't mean he loves a swing I'm not getting a swing because it'll wear the grass down I'll get a slide i'll compromise at a slide but the slides still have the little legs on the ladder yeah but not as bad as it did you have a swing in your parents garden when you were younger yeah like the grass underneath it would just never grow we were

just on a mud patch yeah we just had the mud because your feet were scuffing it off we had loads we had slides swings swim and pull maybe that's what a good parent does no because you're a good parent so that's you technically just what was it i'm depriving my child of swings i don't need to ruin the lawn i also need to somehow muster in a wendy house dotty's asked for a wendy house for her birthday she asked for a jacuzzi or a wendy house so i thought yeah jacuzzi is quite high end a bit luxurious for a five-year-old yeah soon to be six um so we're i'm trying to look for somewhere to put like a nice wendy house out in the garden for her but i'm like staging the garden so as you come out the back door i'm gonna go deck in yeah they're gonna

have a little fence yeah so that i can shut the fence and know that when the bigger two at school and renly's out there he's got a little safe area pen yeah then i'm gonna have the cabin from the back end of the garden down to the side because what i'm gonna do is i'm going to make an outside play room now take the toys from the bedrooms and put them in the playroom yeah because the thing i'm finding which no one tells you about a bungalow not only does food go everywhere with children in a bungalow because they eat in their bedrooms yeah because they just run up and down so i've eliminated that with the new kitchen layout no one has food anywhere other than the kitchen yeah or the garden um toys i'll randomly go into dotty's room like

half half two in the morning and she'll just be there like hiya yeah barbie and ken they're off to the caribbean she's just playing she's playing she's been playing and it drives me it drives me mad so i said to my dad i need to and then to go on from that i'm then going to split dotty's room in half so she could still have her double bed have her bedroom have her little sanctuary then renner's will have his own little room temporarily until we convert upstairs yeah so he'll get his own little space as well and then all toys will be in the garden that's so satisfying i can't wait to get my living room is being overtaken by toys and i cannot wait to get them the hell out of there when joseph moves into a big bedroom that can be playroom bedroom yeah no shit in the living room

no i can't wait i don't have anything in there anyway they tend to but they might you like to play in their own rooms yeah dots loves to play in their own room and colby yeah that's good i think or in the garden until they're meant to be going to bed like the other day me and stefan heard a noise on the monitor we were like what the hell is that joseph's meant to have been asleep for like an hour he's got a maca paca toy that makes a noise he's just squeezing maca paca in the middle of the night and it's and it's coming across the monitor going maca paca waka maca mika maca what the fuck is that fuck how much wine we drunk yeah exactly oh man so yeah then i thought we can have playtime in the in the cabin they're gonna have a little there's a heater in there already

they've got a tv in there so be able to watch a film play their toys i'm gonna put their little desks out there as well so they'll be able to have homework and play time and do it all out there and then when they come in bedrooms are just bedrooms yeah perfect sanctuary they'll never need to come in the house you'll never see them it'll be great well i'm hoping i'll be in there with them but i thought and then the deck i'm gonna have deck in the grass the cabin and then on the back we're gonna have a little greenery for colby to play football in the middle and then on the back we're gonna have a little greenery for colby to play football in the middle and then on the back have the climbing frame the swings how can i how big's your garden huge absolutely ginormous someone's doing well for themselves am i i don't think i am it's just still my old house about 10 years um but yeah that's my plan lovely that's all i've

been doing this week so again not really a very exciting week the hay fever chris has been sick and renna's has had the jab so i ceased the opportunity and thought you know what call me charlie dimmock i'm getting on my garden in getting on my garden chris is in bed ill redley was just sleeping on me so i am feeling quite productive i just just designed a garden for myself nice so yeah that's pretty epic isn't it ground force let's go so emma and i really want to hear from you yeah we want you to join us in the secret mum club you're all welcome you can share your secrets with us respond to what we've been talking about or just say hello you can find us on t and Instagram. Just search for Secret Mum Pod or you can email us hello at secretmumpod.com. It's time for the Correspondence Corner.

You were real Cornish then. You were Corner. So Emma, what have we got this week? This one says, hello, lovely ladies. I've just been listening to the episode where you mentioned weaning the babies off dummies. Oh, hot topic. Yeah yeah i'm intrigued by this i've been trying for so long to remove my little girl's dummy from her however her teacher recommended a book she used for her children called b gave up her dummy for the last month flair and i have been reading the book most nights and

we've been leaving her dummy on top of the book every morning at first it was a bit tricky but now flair comes down pops her dummy on the book, and then the dummy fairy comes and takes the dummy and brings it back for bedtime. This book has worked wonders for us, so I hope it can help more struggling mums out there. Lots of love, Kelsey, from North Wales. That's actually incredible.

That's genius. North Wales. North Wales. So, homie for you. Well, wrong end of the country. Still Wales. But my Wales homegirl. My Wales homie we uh that's

actually sounds like it would really work for joseph because he loves books he loves books so he's like really receptive to stories and stuff so i feel like that could really work sounds like you're getting rid of it during the day but giving it back to her at bedtime so at the moment joseph doesn't have it during the day he's he's got good at giving that up sometimes he needs a little bit of coaxing in the morning to leave it upstairs but sometimes he literally just throws it down in his cot and also because he has a milk first thing in the morning he's keen to get on his milk so he just lobs the dummy so that's fine but it's getting it off of him at bedtime which is going to be the next step which actually i don't i'm not too stressed about doing because he sleeps really well with it it

gets him to enjoy going down to bed and it's not like we're in and out putting it back in for him in the night what is your reason for wanting to get rid of it so badly just don't want him to have it when he's like too old but then what's too old i don't know these are still his milk teeth yeah so you haven't really got to worry about things like that i personally think they do they do drop it when they are when they are ready to maybe we'll just leave him to do it by himself then. Because it's not like he's not walking around with it in the middle of the day. No, it's only night time.

That's literally just comfort for him. It's a comfort thing. If it was during the day, maybe I'd say try and work on it. But if it's just for comfort, bedtime, don't stress yourself too much. No, I know. Or if he's really upset and losing it and having a tantrum, every now and then he'll have it during the day. But that's very, is still very dicky though he is small he's very little he doesn't understand giving it up like when um sadie came along and i was saying like oh the dummy is for the baby do you want to like not

have yours he's like no you literally can't pull the wool over his eyes he's like no i still want mine do you want to stop wearing nappies now that baby sister wears them? No. I bought him a potty. Did I tell you this? It's an animal potty. It's got a leopard face on it because he loves animals. And it's yellow, which is his favorite color.

I cannot believe I found a potty to meet all his criteria. I was like, he's going to be so excited about using this. And now I'm like, do you want to sit on the leopard potty? And he's like, no. Why would I want to piss on my animal? He he's like no why would i piss on my animal he's like no he puts his toys in it of course he does yeah he likes to put his food in there from the trolley i'm like that's not what it's for it's for poo poos and wee wees but no he's he doesn't do anything he doesn't want to do he's a very he knows his own mind he knows his own mind i picked him up from nursery the other day they were like oh he all the other children were playing on the floor today.

And he walked up to them and the group said, Joseph, come sit down on the floor and play with us. And he said, no, I don't want to. And walked off. Just like his mum. That's my boy. Doesn't do shit that he doesn't want to do. You can't get him to do shit.

But no, that's a good tip, Kelsey. That is a really good tip kelsey that is a real thank you and i'm really glad it's working for you yes lovely name it's a beautiful name i love the name yeah yeah very pretty very pretty all right one more message here it says hi ladies i've just been listening to you chat about surrogacy and i wanted to write in to say that i too am having a baby via surrogacy yes yes we wanted people to get in touch so exciting my husband and i have been trying for over a decade to have a baby

and after multiple failed attempts at IVF, we went down the route of surrogacy. Our surrogate is a friend of ours and after spending months having blood tests and clinic appointments, we had our transfer at the start of March this year and we're currently 16 weeks pregnant.

Stop it. Our surrogate is rocking pregnancy and keeps us updated with how she feels bump picks and current food habits it makes us feel involved our little miracle is due in november and both my husband and i are scared and nervous at the same time i'd love to hear what you think a nice gift to give our surrogate would be once baby has been born we're having an elected c-section so i'd love to give her something to ease the pain or just a nice gift all my love anonymous oh my god what do you get for the person that gives you your baby gift in the whole entire

world what do you frame your face to start with because I think that's the gift that always keeps giving is just a picture of you yeah um I don't know that's a hard one maybe go with something like a really nice piece of jewellery. Yeah. Something that, maybe like a nice necklace with like a little, something that's sentimental to you both. Yeah. Or something to remind her so that she doesn't have to always have it on show, but it's there. Yeah.

Like a locket with a picture of the baby. Or if you know the baby's name, like an initial. Or if you know like the due date, you could have like the due date. Yeah. So that she's got it on her. On her. They must know the date because it's name, like an initial. Or if you know like the due date, you could have like the due date. Yeah. So that she's got it on her. On her. They must know the date because it's an elected C-section. Oh, how amazing.

Yeah, that is a really. And your friend's doing it for you. Like how selfless for your friend. What a great friend. What a great friend. What she deserves. I don't know if there's anything you could give to thank her. I mean, nothing matches a baby, obviously.

No. The best. The best gift you could give. I her. I mean, nothing matches a baby, obviously. No. The best gift you could give. I would be intrigued to know if she has had babies herself. Yeah. We were asking that last time, weren't we? Yeah, we were asking that last time. What are phenomenal... What?

Both phenomenal women. Women, I know. Both phenomenal women. Do you know what's nice as well if they're friends is she'll probably get to see the baby grow up as well, which is lovely. Yes, she will. Do you know what you could get for your surrogate?

I've just had a thought. Oh, go on. You'd have to get it done while she was still pregnant though but you know that bust that i got done of my mold of your pregnant belly she could have that and then keep it forever as a memory of her her carrying your baby the pregnancy yeah but you wouldn't be it wouldn't be able to be a surprise because you'd have to go and get it done and she has to get naked so it's probably you do have to get, but I would say it's worth it. You got one. It's like this big. I got one.

Yeah. I was expecting it to be life size. I'm not going to lie. I want you to be able to stand in it to feel. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's just like a lovely little statue that goes up in your home as a reminder of your pregnancy.

But she would have to be in on that one. Yes. But studio bust if you want to get it done. Hashtag had. hashtag had hashtag not gifted so yeah i feel like there's no gift is ever going to be enough is it it's not going to match it's like you can just give her like a bit some milk tray and have done with it yeah you can't do that milk tray and a card but i feel like yeah thank you thank you congratulations i feel like you'd have to do something but i feel like there's so many things you can do that are

sentimental that aren't of a big cost value yeah not that they obviously can't put a price on what of the experience you're going through right now but what i'm saying is there's there's lots of lovely things that you can do yeah can't you yeah that don't cost the earth yeah we just can't think i would definitely go for a piece of jewellery with the date on it. Something you can keep is a good idea. Yeah. Maybe you could get something where you both have, like, linked, so they're intertwined. Yeah.

You know, like an old best friend's necklace. Best friends. That's what I was just thinking. And you had something that was linked. Yeah. That only both of you had. Yeah. So you've always got something that links the two of you.

That only you have. Yeah. Yeah. Something that she can remember you and you have yeah yeah something that she can she can remember you and you can remember her by yeah well well thank you for that yeah thank you good luck with everything i hope everything goes well yeah please do keep us updated though yes i'd love to know how the journey is going during november for the both of you so let us know yeah not long no no where are we now july august september october november five months wow nearly halfway

wowzers but thank you so much for messaging in and letting us know so you can get in touch with us on anything at all yeah it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous because between us we've probably heard it all before and remember we're all in this together and we know that we are we're all stars and we see that cut to an ad break this is the secret mom club the safe space for you to share your secrets and here is my secret this week so i've experienced something this week that i've never ever experienced in my life before probably because i wasn't doing it with the other two or never did it with the other two sounds peculiar so you know we travel here every

other week yeah and we come on the train yeah well i have um the train has been been getting busier and busier i don't really know why since the since all the strikes were happening the train's kind of dulled down a little bit but you know i think it is actually i think i know what it is is because we started recording a little bit earlier yes now we're coming in with all the commuters aren't we yeah so the train life is is busy so it is a struggle i'm not gonna lie to get a seat mate tell me about it i'm coming coming in with a double buggy what the fuck people are like get out you're not commuting to work you've got a baby with you excuse me no no i am i'm a working mom i'm a single mom who's got two jobs

it's a tiktok trend but i am so yeah i got on the train today it was a little bit busy we had to wait a couple of stops for some people to get off. And then I ceased the opportunity. I saw people were getting off. So I thought I'm going to take Renly out of his pram. And I'm going to try and sit down in the seat. Because I didn't want him sat in the dune. I don't like him sat in the dune the whole way.

So I thought, you know what? We're going to park a pew. So it was really busy. There was lots of people going off. Lots of people coming on. And I kind of just stood there with the baby. And i moved the pram into sort of the bike bit to not intrude on people putting their bikes in there but the pram was out of their way and then there was this man and he was just like oh you are you okay and i was like oh yeah yeah i'm doing all

right and he blessed his heart put a strap around the pram and then i took my rucksack off so i had my rucksack on one arm while i was holding Renly because I thought when I find a seat hoik it up onto the onto the thing and then I can sit down and just hug him and he'll all sit on my lap and so forth the man took my bag off my shoulder and directed me to a seat and he was like oh there's there's a seat here and he was like oh I'll take your bag so he took my bag put it in the overhead sat down so he sat down next to me how lovely I had the nicest journey in the whole entire world into the office today met a beautiful lady called Emma um and she's got two older children no another Emma but all Emmas are legends it's a known it's a known fact so Emma she's got two older children she's got a 16 year old and an 18 year old and then the guy next to me i feel really rude because i never got his name but i was so grateful for him but he um has two

children so he's got a five month old and a two year old oh and their birthdays are with in like three days of each other so i was like you've clearly got a time of the year special itchy leg time that you do and he was like yes i have that's a close age gap as well i know i know wow you're having a lovely chat but as i sat on the lap on rentley was at my lap and he was sort of smiling at everybody and i said i turned to the guy and i was like you know all we need now is just for him to take a poo and i was like no no we don't we don't want him to take a poo the man looked me really really peculiar and he was sort of like sort of like i looked at him like look back at renly renly was as purple as an aubergine he was actually like so he we were sat on a train and he took a shit

while i was on the train while talking to emma who was in a very close proximity to me she was sat right next to me we were seat next to each other. The man over the way. And I just said, isn't this a weird experience? We here as a collective group are watching somebody take a poo. Yeah. But you wouldn't want to watch me now,

curl one out. No. I wonder when that stops because you know, Joseph has started telling us like, I'm doing a poo poo or like he just sit on the floor and we say,

are you doing a poo? And he goes, yeah. Well, we still, Colby still has his bum wiped. Does he? Yeah, because to be fair, to give him his dues, poor boy,

to be fair, he doesn't really like doing it himself. He would rather somebody else do it. But he, with all of his milk intolerance and stuff, he sometimes gets a really upset tummy. Yeah. So he tends to make a bit of a mess.

Fair enough. So he's always like, Dad, can you come wipe my arse? And I love he always calls Dad. Always. Yeah, Chris. I'm still running with the pregnancy hormones that my stomach can't handle it yeah colby needs you he needs you chris specifically you so i had to first experience firsthand my first nappy on the train on the train on the train and you went into the toilet the man helped me down the aisle to into the toilet to the toilet yeah and i went in the

toilet pulled the little thing down i shit you not i thought i was on a fucking cruise and we were going through serious waves renly was rocking back and forth i was trying to wipe and then there was poo under my nail then chris rung me and i was on my phone and then my phone fell on to renly and i don't know if there's shit on it i don't know I can't believe you braved going in a train. Never had to do it before. Yes. It was an experience in itself. I'm not going to lie to you.

Train toilets are bad enough just for a wee. But for a baby train, how do you change your bum on the train? Well, we're on the train quite a lot because Cos London

and I normally just do it in the pram. Oh. Keep it contained in there. But then he's not in a bassinet so he wouldn't be able to do it. What would you do if, do you have Joseph in the pram though? Do you do it in the bit that's open or you do it in a bassinet what would you do if do you have joseph

in the pram though do you do it in the bit that's open or you do it in the bassinet in the bassinet that's so slim as well the bassinet i know but you get this is the skills you get down when you're a mum changing the bassinet or if joseph's not there i can lay a flat on the seat bit put a little blanket down yeah but i did i had to make a i had to make a pillow out of nappies. Yeah. So that we could protect the tent. Yeah, so hard, the plastic, isn't it? And dirty. And dirty. Of course. Dirty.

Dirty. But he, at the time of his life, he was smiling away. Happy to get his... Happy to get his... She just loves having her vagina out, you know? Does she? When you let them out into the air, she's so happy about that. Redley's not too much happy.

He's getting better with it, though. He's not too happy to have his willy out all the time. He doesn't like having any of his skin out, does he? No, he's a real... Do you know what? I think it's because of the light. You know the light he had? The light treatment.

And because he was so warm and cosy under that light. Now he can't stand being cold. Just don't think he likes being cold. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. So that was my secret this week. So you've done a poo at Waterloo. Yep.

He's done a poo on the train. Ticking them all off. Together we are just awful as shit, to be honest. We've got three secrets from you we're going to be discussing this week. So, Emma, take it away with number one, please. All right. This one says, Hello, ladies and babies.

I have a secret. I've just found out I'm pregnant with my second child. It's very early and I haven't told anyone yet oh my god we're the first to know we're the first to know congratulations congratulations

she says I want to know how did you tell Chris and Stefan when you found out I didn't tell Chris I just told Stefan yeah I didn't tell Stefan I just told

I just told Chris I'd love to do something special but I don't know how I'll keep it a secret much love anonymous from Southampton your gal my gal my gal um I I'd love to do something special, but I don't know how I'll keep it a secret. Much love, Anonymous from Southampton. Your gal.

My gal, my gal. Mine weren't really special, I'll be really honest with you. Go on, how'd you do them? Colby's, I literally handed Chris a bag of about 25 tests and I handed them to him and he was like, what's this? I pulled them out on the bed

and then freaked out that I'd just poured a bag of piss on the bed. And I was just like, oh no, it's not going to plan and then I kind of it all just went from there over the moon Dotsies he how did I tell him about Dotties I think Dotties was oh Dotties was New Year's Eve I kind of um you kind of get an inkling I said to Chris would it be funny if we found out we was pregnant because I'm I'm my period's late chris was like oh it's new year's eve should we go and get a test i was like oh if you know if you want to and then we did and then literally was like half past 10 and we did it and then we sat there we were like happy new year and then we were like we're gonna

have a baby this year because obviously it was a brand new year yeah so we did that that's a good one and then renly's was chris got back from holiday and i was just like i've missed my period and i feel like shit and chris was like wouldn't it be really funny if you're pregnant and then i ordered one on deliver a row came to the house can't believe you can deliver a pregnancy test i know it's wild isn't it yeah and then yeah got a test delivered to the house we did it and it come back and we found out together and it's the first time i did it and it come back and we found out together. And it's the first time I've taken a test. Within there.

And we found out the result together. Oh, that's nice. Because like when I did it with Dottie, I went in the toilet and just did it by myself. But like I did weed in a cup with Renly. Yeah. Because I was a little bit, I don't know, I guess I was a little bit, I was like, oh, don't be so fucking ridiculous. But you knew you'd been out on the cocktail celebrating your engagement.

So that's what it was, wasn't it? Knew I'd been a bit itchy leggy, you know? Got a bit freak in the sheet with pizza dick. You know? We got freaky in the sheet. Mine weren't that good either. I knew, because my first, with Joseph, we'd been trying for like six months or something.

So I think I'd done a couple and obviously I'd missed my period, did another one, thought, I'll probably come back a couple and obviously I'd missed my period did another one thought I'll probably come back negative again so I'm not like thinking anything of it and we were about to go out for dinner and I was like oh I might have a few drinks tonight but just in case let me see whether we're pregnant so we were just like in the house getting ready to go did the test and I was like oh it it says positive but like it was just like really really yeah really nonchalant I was like oh you know like I don't know says positive, but like, it was just like really, really nonchalant.

I was like, oh, you know, like, I don't know, it just wasn't like, we won't drink tonight now. Yeah, I was just like, oh, we won't have drinks tonight and then we'll just see how it goes kind of thing. So like, that was like, I was a bit in disbelief.

I was like, oh, it says positive, but you know, we weren't like, yeah, celebrate. And then with Sadie, it was really quick. I think literally the day after I missed my period, I did the test and I was like, oh shit, it's positive. Stefan wasn't there. And then with Sadie it was really quick I think literally the day after I missed my period I did

the test and I was like oh shit it's positive Stefan wasn't there and then with that one I literally just texted him uh at work a picture saying I think I'm pregnant and he was like oh uh okay see you later so mine are crap sorry I've got absolutely no tips see you dinner time yeah what's for dinner there is so many beautiful ones though on like pinterest yeah you can do really nice you can do really nice ones i saw something on youtube where a husband found out before his wife and let her know which is a bit creepy but they'd been trying and he took some of her wee out of the toilet put it on a pregnancy test and showed it to her. I don't know.

One, why didn't she flush her wee? Why was it sat in the toilet? In the night, we are, if it's yellow, let it mellow. If it's brown, flush it down. Because the flush will wake the babies up. Monopoly Double Play is back at McDonald's and it's easy to get into the win. First, you peel on pack. This is me winning a Universal Theme Park vacation!

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but yeah and more he put his hand in the toilet to scoop up the way he got like a syringe pet the pet to draw it up yeah but i thought in the my first scoop up the wee. I think he got like a syringe. Pipette. Pipette to draw it up, yeah. But I thought in the, my first thought was the wee in the toilet would be too diluted because it's with water. It needs to be really concentrated

wee for a pregnancy test, doesn't it? But yeah, I also didn't want to let myself get too excited about mine. It was never really like a really big celebration because I was always

so anxious and nervous that I'm just like half glass, half empty. I'm just like half glass half empty I'm like something will probably go wrong so you don't don't let yourself go you don't let myself get excited but yeah there's so many beautiful ways which you can tell them though yeah the boys I do like like the Christmassy ones when they're wrapped up or I don't know there's so many different ones you could do like I've seen random ones where people like put them in a sandwich and they bite into it yeah I would just like to do yeah something random like leave it in the fridge

or something and then when he goes to make a cup of tea he'll be like what the fuck just put it in the cup of tea to stir it yeah and then hand it yeah oh christ did i leave that in there i'm so sorry yeah pregnant or put it like under his pillow or something surprise surprise shall we yeah i don't know i would love to really catch someone off guard though and be like i'm just i'm so bad at keeping secrets i'm really bad at lying yes it's not this is not for you no no i wouldn't be able to i wouldn't be able to do it what a nice surprise what a lovely surprise i hope you managed to find it congratulations please let us know how you yeah let us know how you break the news. And how he takes it.

How he takes it. Like, how we're like, is he in the sense of... Hopefully he's pleased. Let us know, let us know how it goes. How it goes down. So let's have secret number two.

G'day ladies. I've had two boys, Douglas and Finley, born at 36 plus 2 gestation in January. So twins then. i'm not sure if this has happened to anyone else but the other night i checked the baby monitor and douglas had flipped onto his front at 1 40 a.m we don't swaddle and are quite scared to sleep now any advice on

what i should do kelsey so they are monitors with my belly sleepers yeah yeah we've always had monitors but i suppose if you're asleep you're not always gonna see what they're up to if they're not making any noise do you know like if they just roll over silently in the night but then if they were to roll like the outlet if the outlet was i would let you know it would alert you and let you know okay yeah because we just have a camera monitor so it only alert on sound the sense yeah sensing one for movement yeah they are expensive though i won't lie yeah then what are they like a couple hundred quid yeah i don't know how much the outlet one is

it's um it's a little bit expensive but you can get those and they do alert you don't they they send an alarm i think it's your phone they alert you to your phone as well um to say that either if like the breathing's reduced or anything like that yeah i mean so if they're born in january they're five months old right yeah but they they're he's they're naturally moving on their own as well that's what i mean that's a little that is reassuring it's not like you've put a three-month-old baby on his tummy and he can't roll back back yeah yeah i always remember that being like a worrying time in the i think between like four and six months is when they're starting to like move around and roll and they might get onto their tummy in the night but they

can't get themselves back and i think you're supposed to put them back onto their back but obviously if you're asleep yourself you can't you can't always do that but i think at like five six months their necks are strong enough to lift themselves up from the mattress they're not going to be face down into the mattress um so i think the advice is just as long as their arms aren't swaddled um you kind of just have to roll with it until roll with it until they can roll both ways yeah but i do remember that being a bit of an anxiety inducing time knowing that they could get onto their front and they couldn't get back but yes colby used to sleep all night so he used to sleep on his tummy. So he used to sleep on his tummy. But he only liked to sleep on his tummy.

So he never rolled from front to back. And then Dottie. Yeah, she I don't think she she might have flipped a little bit back and forth. But yeah, no, Colby was from like literally nine weeks. Colby slept on his tummy. It's so nice when they can start sleeping on their tummy officially because that's how joseph sleeps now and if they sleep he sleeps so much better but obviously he had to sleep on his back because there's so much more calming on their chest yeah no there was a time when they could only sleep on their tummy they couldn't sleep on their back and then there was a time that they can well when the advice changed yeah oh really

yeah now they can only sleep on their back interesting yeah you might just have to go through a few weeks or a couple of months. If you want to get a monitor, obviously that facility. Get a movement monitor. Yeah. But soon they'll be rolling. So you'd be, I'd say you'd be all right. Yeah.

They hate it. I, yeah, never, never got on with the swaddle either. Did you? Swaddling the arms in? No. No. The, we had the, the ones that make them look. Oh yeah, love to grow.

Yeah. Yeah. Hated them them all of mine hated swaddle yeah redley's in his sleeping bag because obviously we're in mid-december and the winds are it's freezing yeah christ but no he likes a sleeping bag but he's the only one that's like to sleep in bag the other two didn't like what did they have on they used to have a blanket did they yeah yeah just both had blankets interesting yeah all right ready for the last secret yes hello ladies and babies when my son was four he got his first pumping

water gun after being in the garden all afternoon soaking us all that evening in the shower my son shouts out you know the extra skin on my willy do you think if i pump it it will be like the water gun and would shoot out my milk my milk oh my husband absolutely died laughing with tears in his eyes and replied no son when my boy walked into the bedroom he said mummy what do you think so I said well no I don't think so but why do you think that milk would come out of your willy he looked at me with a disgusted look on his face and says well if girls make milk from their boobies boys must make it from our willies can't argue with that logic love charlotte from london oh god bless him yeah that's not that's a very very good knowledge actually quite smart imagine you just come in and was like i've

just been pumping my willy like my water and loads of milks come out what a clever little dude i mean he's wrong but it's the logic is it's quite smart i love it for him yeah how adorable i know what a sweet i wonder how old he is four four that's really clever for four isn't it he's made the link between boobies baby milk and willies jies Joseph started saying that he I would have died obviously because I breastfeed Sadie he started saying

that he milk comes out of his boobies now does it yeah he says does he try

and breastfeed her he doesn't hasn't tried to put his nipple in her mouth yet but he does walk around

with his tops off and says I've got milk in my boobies to feed Sadie he asked Stefan the other day have you got it

daddy daddy was like no only mummies have that and he still was like well I've got it the other day, have you got it, Daddy? Daddy was like, no, only mummies have that. And he still was like, well, I've got it. He still was like,

well, I've got it. Sorry, mate. Sorry you're not in the club. Yeah, me and mummy have got it. Sorry. Sorry you ain't got no booby titties. Oh, adorable. Thank you, Charlotte.

Thank you so much. Thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. If you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. You can email us hello at secretmumpod.com or with secretmumpod on TikTok and Instagram. Has your water gun shot out milk? Or did you have a fun way of telling your partner you were pregnant?

Let us know. There really is nothing too outrageous. And keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the... Secret Mum Club!