Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The World Cup Fever

Episode Date: June 23, 2026

Sophiena and Emma are fully embracing World Cup fever, with sticker books, family sweepstakes and staying up past bedtime! The ladies also chat about the surprising nostalgia of sharing Toy Story with their children, why some mums lose their sex drive after having babies, and whether one listener's toddler is secretly a tiny shark after developing a biting habit. Plus, Sophiena reveals how a mystery bruise led her to relive one of the most embarrassing school-run moments of her life.Emma Spring Bank Holiday Sale is live! Get up to 25% off plus extra 5% using the code SECRETSLEEP at Emma Sleep.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Safina and Emma will be here in just a moment. And if you love a good laugh at those times parenting doesn't quite go to plan, then we've got the perfect next listen for you, the Teen Commandments. Sarah Cox and Claire Hamilton look back at their own brilliantly chaotic teenagers while trying to make sense of parenting teenagers today. Along the way, they cover everything from the jazzles and floor drobes to famous snogs, fanny farts, and all the wonderfully awkward stuff in between. Search for the Teen Commandments and get the show lined up to play next.

This is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. This podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. Safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do. And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself. You can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly? All secrets are welcome in the... Secret Mum Club! Thank you. Oh, it's good to be back together. How the fuck are you, my girl? Also, can we talk about how fucking exciting today is? Although you're not going to hear this one. It's going to be delayed, but are you going to talk about... England?

Ingleard. Angerle! Ingleon. Engleynne. Angerlead. We were just talking about, like, pop culture. Fuck, now I'm so gas. Pop culture in like 97, 98 being like peak British pop culture.

Was that when that came out, Vindaloo? It was massive, wasn't it? It was huge. Three lions was like 96, which would have been the Euros. And there was a World Cup in 98. France, 98, I'm going to say. Listen, no one knows the actual technicalities, Emma Jones. Only you would have this phantom of knowledge.

But that was massive. is what I'm saying. Nah, nah, nah. And also, what was the other one? Was Chumbabamba? Chumbabamba. Was that a World Cup thing? I get knocked down.

Was that just a normal song? That wasn't a football thing, is it? You used to be played in Linnekers, though, when you went on holiday. Linnikas was a football bar, wasn't it? Wayne Linnikas. Yeah, Linnec... You used to go there? Yeah, all the time when I was on holiday, yes.

Oh my God. And they used to play that. I get knocked down. You went before it was like, before he was iconic. Yeah. Yeah, I did. Oh my God. Oh my God.

But many are nights, many are nights in Lennox. In Wayne's bar. Going, Wayne eight. Oh my God. I know. Was Gary ever there? I don't know that I would have known, really. I only know him for a bag of crisps.

I didn't even know even play football, bless his art. I've only never known him for Chris. Where is he on Match of the Day? What does he know about football? Do you know what? The first time I ever saw him at match of the day, I was like, what is his relation? What's the Chris man doing on there? What's the relation to Crisps and football?

I mean, if he can just advertise crisps and get onto football, hello, there's chance for me. blissfully unaware, bless her art. In the 90s, everyone said my dad did like him, Gary Leenica. Oh, no, he doesn't. Do you not think? He's beautiful, your dad. A bit back then. Not saying Gary Lincoln is not.

He's handsome, yeah. He's doing a barlo. Would you say he does a barlo? What, he's getting better as he gets older. Yeah, ageing like a fine wine. Like your dad. I can't say that. Go on, Steve.

We can say that about your dad. That's weird. Tremendous man, your dad is. But yeah, we're so excited. Do you know what? We've got World Cup Mad in our house. We should have done a sweepstake. Well.

Oh, shut up. the script. I don't read the script. Emma reads it. Also, there's a trend here because I also never read my contracts with Maddie. Maddie just does it all. She's like, are you happy with the contract? And I say, yes, did you read it? No. That's what you're here for. Absolutely did not. Is there anything bad in there, Maddie? I should be aware of. No, but if there was, I would tell you, that's my girl. Yeah, yeah. That's my girl. No, the girls do it. Maddie Amazey all the time. Yeah. I don't read no contracts. No. I haven't got time. It'll take me about a fucking week. Although, sorry, when I get an off course here, I'm joining a book club.

When I say I'm joining, I am the head leader of the book club. I've ordered off campus. Have you seen it? Right. No, but tell me, because everyone's going on about it. It's like basically the summer I turned pretty again, is it? But on crack. Right.

Ten times better. What's it on? Prime. Okay. Prime's coming through. Prime did the summer I turned pretty. Prime is off campus. Oh, I need something new to get into you.

But I bought the books. And I'm starting a book club. I did say to my sister, could you make it audio and just read it to me. I was going to say, do you hate, don't you hate reading? Yes, I do. But, you know, there's a time that you can start something, what is it? It's never too late to start something. That's exactly not.

It's never too late. Never too old. Never late too old to start reading. Start something. I did a book club in lockdown and I think you will regret it because the speed at which you have to get through books. Emma Jones, you haven't seen me read. I found very stressful.

You haven't seen me read. It is like a snail pace. I said to my sister, can you just. just can I call you, I'll buy you the books and you just read it to me? Yeah. She said no. Which, I think it's selfish. But, you know, that's where I'm at.

So you'll be reviewing that in like 20, 29? I'd probably go maybe 2035. Give me a bit of time. Be fair. Give me a bit. Come back in a few years. But if it's off campus is wild in the house at the moment. I need to get into that.

I've watched it five times. Yeah. The World Cup is massive. Are you doing, we're doing Panini stickers and everything. We're, we're, I've completed the M&S sticker book. You've done it. We're on Panini. We're swapping with the fam.

Yeah. We're on McDonald's cups. We're on McDonald's happy meals. When I tell you, I'm five cups into McDonald's. I'm also five days of eating a big Mac straight. I can't shit. I'm constipated. But I'm going to complete the cup.

I want those fucking cups. It's also like, is it the first world cup of Colby? No, because it's one every four years. Yeah, but probably the first one that he's been like, he would have been five before. When I tell you, he is so. Is he so excited? But do you know what's pissing me off about this one? I said to Stefan, I think the host nation makes such a big difference to the feel of the tournament

because the time difference is fucked. They're so late. So is he actually managing to watch any of them? So we also this week have had, Colby's had his first ever sleepover, which is huge. Absolutely huge. So he went for a dinner date with his friend on Friday and they then dropped him back home so kindly because it was getting a bit late and they worried about us leaving like rently at home. Sorry, coffee's repeating on me.

Redley, they bought Colby back because obviously Renly had been settled to bed. And they were like, can we do a sleepover? Can we, can our friend stay? Blah, blah, blah. And we were like, look, we've both got football tournaments in the morning. Why don't we do it tomorrow night? Well, they came for a sleepover. I tried to make it really cool.

Oh, they came to yours. Yeah. Would you, I was going to say, would you let him go? Only that one. Only this parents, yeah, because I really, really trust them. Plus, they only live in the next road to us. They live in the road behind us. So it's really, really convenient.

And they, I trust them. with everything and it takes a lot for me to trust to trust someone so I um he came for a sleep over and I was I'm really honored that they allowed me to have him but let me tell you take my job very very seriously I didn't sleep I listened to them watch the whole of the of the game they watched a game I don't know what game it was but they were laughing they were giggling they stayed up to watch the game and it was 11 o'clock at night so I was texting to his mom like just so you know they are still awake is that okay like i'm cool with colby it's sunday tomorrow he's not doing anything and she was like yeah yeah they got to do they were just really excited

what about the sleep over but i feel like it's the first year where colby is just like fully in it but not just that colby uh renley's loving it doty's loving it yeah it's so cute we've got a family sweep steak it's just it's great it's great i mean i never i said stephan like he was like i'm going to get that, panini stickers and everything. And I was like, I feel like I really missed out on this because girls didn't do football stickers back in the day. All the boys were doing it. But like, that was never part of my, and like I had sisters. That was never part of my life. So now that I'm an adult, I'm getting so into it. I'm like swapping. I'm trading. I'm like, right, we need this one. We need that one. We haven't got that one. We haven't got that one. And the kids are into it. Like,

they don't understand it, but they're just into sticking the stickers on the book. Although toxic trait though, how do you feel about them putting the stickers in your book? I was just going to say, I do have to let Joseph do it, but really pisses me off. I've bought three books. Have you? Dottie's got a book. Colby's got a book. I've got a book.

Me and Chris share the book. Yeah. Me and Chris are corner to corner. Scraped down with a Tesco club card. Yeah. That's neat in the lines. Yeah. If they were to come near my book,

let me tell you, I've completed many a Panini sticker books in my time. And if they are to touch my book, like that's it. World Cup's over. No, they're savages. Like he'll just stick it down one. Dotty.

just literally goes, yeah, that's in there. Next one. Or he thinks it's funny to put it on the wrong place. I go, okay, it's Saudi Arabia number 17, okay? And he's like, oh, ooh, sticking it all over the place. I'm like, it's not funny. It's not funny. It's so not neat.

But I love that he's like into it. I'm a big sucker for like a tournament. I love it when there's something big on that's like uniting the nation. I love an Olympics. I love an Olympics. I love a World Cup. I love a Winter Olympics. I love it all.

I'm like fully invested into it. I'm watching. I even love the United States. Paralympics. I love all of them. Every single Olympics give them all to me immediately. I was really obsessed with that skiing, skiing one where they were skiing up hill, weren't they? The cross-country skiing?

Yeah. That's nuts. That was nuts. I was, I dabbled in this year to that and that was crazy. I know. But me and Stefan are finding ourselves, like I decided really last minute to get into Love Island. So I started Love Island when it was on like day 10 and I'm currently on like day three. So I'm well behind, but I'm getting really into it.

It's got really good characters in this year. But characters. Humans. Humans, whatever. I mean, they are acting a little bit, but whatever. But every evening, I'm like, I can't catch up on Love Island and I'm falling further and further behind because me and Stefan will just be sitting there watching like around Norway. Yeah. But I'm like, I just actually love having it on.

Last night was France and Senegal. Senegal. Good one. They did good. Yeah. They did good. But in Beppe, did he get three in last night? No, two.

Two. Yeah. Yeah. Messi scored the first hat trick. Messi did. At the tournament for Argentina. He did score the first hat trick. Kobe was very excited to tell.

me that this morning. Yeah. Bless his heart, he gets up every morning and then he asks my phone and he Googles because obviously there's two games in the evening, isn't there? We've been watching the highlights in the morning, have you? Yeah, Colby puts her on. But like, the moment his eyes crack open, he's like, what's the school?

Can I have your phone? I need to know. And then he was so excited about Messi's hat track. Yeah, it was good. But yeah. It's just so lovely, isn't it? I just love it. I love it.

And it really reminds me, it's nostalgic for me. Like, it really reminds me of being younger and like remembering. Like watching with my parents being on. Yeah. But I am very. I'm fucking annoyed about the time difference. Like a Europe one is like the best because they're just... But then are we being selfish because what if all the other countries want to watch?

No, fuck those guys. I like it when they're on all day every day. You'll have like a match at like midday three and six. That's the best. I would say you're being a little bit selfish in this. Listen, four years time it might be back here. Even the Qatar one, times weren't bad. The timings weren't bad for the UK.

That one was all right. We caught quite a few games. But if it's ever in like Japan or America... You fucked. All right. Do you want to know? Your team for our two-person sweepstake. Is it just you're me?

Yeah. No, because you'll give me a shit one. No, I think it's all across the podcast in the network, not just us. So we got... As then William and Jordan are in this as well. I think everyone is, yeah? Matt, are you in? Rosie.

Oh. Well, we need to find out who everybody's got. Yeah, I think you've done quite well. I think actually both of us have done quite well. Okay. Who have I got? Uruguay. Not bad, but you're probably not going to win.

That's not Portugal. And Mexico, I've got. Oh. Do you want to know who my sister's got? Go on. Ivory Coast. Not terrible. Not terrible.

Again, not Portugal. Not the worst. I got Argentina over my house one. It's not Curacao, is it? I got Argentina with my house one. That's really good. That's solid. That's solid.

I did ask my brother, though, what is the winning prize for this? He said he hasn't decided. Just pride. Just the fact that I won. Yeah. Argentinian citizenship. Colby changes every week. Does it?

Depending on who he's winning. Is it not supporting England? No. What? He's blessed his heart. It's got no hope in. He said if it was a women's mom, I root for the girls, England girls.

When it's the Women's World Cup, he loves the girls. Why is he not supporting the men's team? Right. It's a little bit of a sensitive topic. I don't think I want to get into the nitty gritty, do you? We don't really win them, do we? Yeah, but you've got support the country that you're from. Hey, even if you, even if you,

I might be from Uruguay, actually. Even if you lose. I know, I know. I mean, we're not even supporting our home team at the moment because Southampton's right up the Swanee, isn't it? Well, yeah. That's not looking good for us. I know, I know, I know.

Obviously in our house, I'm supporting. I am supporting England. We support everybody. Yeah, but I've got split nationalities in my house. You have. So, like, Stephans. So Welsh people don't play for England? No, they play for Wales.

Are they in the... They didn't qualify. But obviously, Scotland's and England are in it. So, Stefan's supporting Scotland. Scotland because he wants to represent the Celtic nations. Fair enough. I'm supporting England because Is he Celtic then? Wells, yeah. Wales, Scotland and Ireland, but only Scotland are in it. God, this is a lot of geography. Joseph's supporting America because he's best friends just moved to America. He has. So he's like Team USA. And it's so cute whenever we open up in English stick as he's like, any USA players? I know.

That's adorable. And Sadie's supporting Norway because it's where Elsa and Arna are from. Go on, girl. So, and they did very well yesterday. Dottie just selects which teams she liked. the colour of the kit off. Yeah. She really, really loved last night's one. Who is it again? What, Argentina? No.

It was France and... Senegal. Senegal. She liked the pink flex. She's going for Senegal. She also really likes the players just that wear pink boots. Yeah.

So she'll just pick her, the player that's got the pink boots and she'll go, I'm supporting this one. Well, we've Norway say, he's like the pink team and I'm like, it's red, but sure. It's red. But no, it's fun, isn't it?

It's so much fun. We're just supporting everybody. Yeah. You know. Go football. Go football. Go soft. Oh, there was a really funny trending video of a lady that was like, why, it was basically, she's American and she was talking about why America's in the World Cup.

She was like, who's our team? What even is our name? Do we even have football players? Who are these people on this team? It really made me chuckle because it's so me. And I try really hard to be invested in the things that the children really love. And I do try my best. And sometimes Colby's like, oh, mom. Yeah.

God bless you. Yeah. But no, we're rooting for everybody. May the best man win, I say. Yeah, may the best team win. May the best team win. The other huge event of the week is the release of Toy Story 5, which you've been going quite ham. Ham for?

Hey, but I'm here all day. If you missed her dad jokes on the last episode, go back. Go back. We are ham on this. Yeah. Literally. Because I thought, so Renli, he was very into Pepper Pig. We've gone through a big transition with Ren.

So we have Pepper Pig. Yeah. Then we moved on to Paw Patrol, which we... Well, actually, to be fair, at the start, it was elemental. Yes. Then we went on Zootropolis, and it was still very massive on Zootropolis. He really loves Judy. But I don't know whether it's because we've named our Hoover Judy.

So everyone goes, Judy Mops has come in. Because Judy hops, but she's a Mops. So we call her Judy Mops. So that obviously, then he's like, Judy, Nick, Tilly, Zuzu. That's what it calls Zootropolis. Yeah. We dowled our feet into Pepper Pig, which we were big on Pepper Pig. Yeah.

Took a slight detour to Paul. Patrol, kind of like poor patrol, but he only really likes the cars, not fussed on the dogs, and he really loves rider. And then we've been through a smidging of a phase of Bluey, then that one went. And now we're huge, huge Toy Story. And it is a toss-up between Toy Story and Cars. Yes. Toy Story is peaking a little because all three of them love it.

And so many people are like, why are you so obsessed with Toy Story? because it's the one thing that brings all three of them together. Like when the boys are playing football and they're out in the garden, Dottie doesn't really get involved. And then when Dottie and Rennley go to dance, Colby doesn't really get involved. So they all have their like individual things. But Toy Story brings them all together.

Like they will play with their little figures together. They were flying buzz up and down the stairs. We did a zip line from Dottie's bedroom to Colby's goal in the garden. And we put the toys on hangers and we did a zip line down into the garden. And Renly, just stood on the bed and he was like, to affinity and me on. And like kept coming. So it's the one thing they're all playing with collectively together.

Like Colby's asked for some, I've been doing decorating Dotty's room this week over on my Instagram. If you haven't seen, I'm sorry, it's a lot. There's a lot to catch up on. But I've been decorating her room and she chose a Jessie room. So we've been trying to get as much Jessie. But we're kind of cowgirl slash Jessie. Yeah. And then Renley's room, I'm going to obviously do Andy's bedroom in Renly's.

room, yeah, with the clouds. And my sister's been painting the little bricks for the letters on the wall. And she's done me a little end backwards so I can have it all on the wall. And then Colby was like, oh, mum, I really want something toy story from my room. And I was like, okay then. Because not that I wanted him to grow up, but equally don't want to push something onto him. And he'd be like, Mom, I'm too old for that. Come on, I'm too old for that.

But he has asked for some Rex. He did ask for some Rex bedding. So Colby's got Rex bedding. Dotty has got, at the moment, she got Slinky Dog bedding. And then Renly's got the whole. Toy Story bedding on his bed. And I'll tell you what, the joy it is brought, all of us, the whole family, going on our missions to collect our staff, decorating their rooms and just going into their bedrooms in the morning. And like they come out, Colby always comes out with his Woody,

Dotty comes out with her Jessie, and Renny looks for bars every morning. And it's just brought me, it just brought me a lot of nostalgia this week. It's so nostalgic, isn't it? Jesse was saying to me this week, were you into Toy Story when you were little? And most of the time when he asked me that stuff, I'm like, no, we didn't have that when I was little. And I was like, yeah, I genuinely was. I think the first one came out in 96, 94 maybe. No, you're asking. But we were like the right age for it.

We were than I. I had the VHS and I loved it. So I was like, no, I genuinely did love it. Generally loved it. So I love that he loves it now as well. No word of a lie. We've been looking forward to the release of Toy Story 5 for about a year. We've booked tickets for Saturday.

I am so excited to see it. I just need to get me that bucket. I need that fucking bucket. Yeah, I do. I want that popcorn bucket. I'll be damned if I'm going to make it. out on that. You're a right merch whore, aren't you? I am a merch haul. I love good merch. I'm not going to lie to you. But no, it's just bought a lot. And it's it funny now, like there was one point we were

Andy's toys. You know, we were, we were Andy playing with his toys. We are now. Andy's mom. I did die though. There's a lot of people that like, Sodby and Andy's mom, I'm definitely Sid's mom. That might have been me. I might have been Sid and then I might now be Sid's mom. Yeah. I was so scared of Sid and his toys. I hated him. Renly says to him, no, Sid, bad boy. Bad boy. And he says to Woof, he's like, no, woof, no, don't do it, woof, woof. But it's just something that every night we sit down, we put a toy story on. And it's just lovely. Like, even going into their bedrooms and they're both watching it, like in their bedrooms. It's just bought a lot of, a lot of nostalgic. It's such a lovely film. And it brings, it has like a different meaning as an adult,

like in Toy Story 3 when Andy goes to college and his mom goes into his empty room and she's like, I wish you could stay here with me forever. I fucking cry every time I'm going to give his toys to Bonnie. And the kids are like, they don't understand the sentimentality of it. They're like, just film. It's just going to,

she's just going to, shut up. Like, what's really hard now, though, is I, even my sister phoned me in the bath last night. I was fully naked in the bath. The bath went stone cold while I was in there. And she just phoned me and she was like,

Safina, you do know there's a, there's potential chance that next year, Eden will fly the nest. Obviously, we're watching Toy Story massively at the moment. I said to her, I know. I told you this. And she was like, yeah, but you didn't actually alliterate the fact that Eden can leave the home next year. I said, yes, I did.

She sat in the car with me the other day and said that she was looking at universities in Manchester and London. And she was like, I know, but you didn't tell me. I did. You just didn't take the information in. She refused to accept it. I just don't know. I'm not okay with it. And like you said, I'm now watching them with these two.

I'm bawling my eyes out because I'm preparing for my eldest needs to potentially fly the less. the nest and it's fucking hard. It weighs really heavy on your chest, doesn't it? Yeah. But isn't it funny as well? There's films that you watch now that when you were a child with the innuendos. Oh yeah. That you think, fuck, that's really bad.

Or I used to remake that when I was a child. My parents must have cringed at me like, don't say that, that's really bad. Or I used to do, do you remember Joe Pusquale? Yeah. And is twin brother Raynard? No. Do you don't remember his twin brother Raynard? No.

Well, they basically used to wear tape measures on their jeans. And they used to go, whey with their tape measures. No, I don't remember this. Insert, Maz, insert a clip of Raynard and Joe Pascuali. But me and Richie used to walk around doing it with no thought in the world. But now, looking back. They were measuring their penises. Yeah, or reenacting a willie.

But we used to do it in my mum and dad's like family or when they had friends round. And everybody used to crack up. And I used to think, I've really nailed this one. They find this absolutely hilarious. Yeah, it's because it's about a penis. And looking back now, I think, fuck, how did they let me do that? That's dodgy as fucking shit.

But yeah, it's a very, life's great at the moment, isn't it? Yeah, no. Life is. It's good. Yeah. It's sun's coming out. Finally.

Finally feels like summer. Well, it's meant to be at Joseph's Sports Day today, as you know. You didn't have it. Canceled for two weeks in a row because of the fucking rain. I did wonder today on the train. I was coming up and she's going to miss his sports day. I was going to miss it. It was meant to be today.

But they were like canceling it again. Have they rescheduled it for next week then? They haven't rescheduled it yet. Okay. I think it's Wales, isn't it? They just got to see what's happening with the rain. But the forecast looks good. Stunning honies.

It looks absolutely beautiful, doesn't it? I'll let you know. Well, there you go. That was my week. Pretty much it all about me, me, me and my hoaring. So we're just going to wrap this up. I haven't got time for your week, okay? Emma will catch that up next week.

Tell you next week. If you could just give us a download next week, two weeks worth if that's okay. So Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yes, we want you to join us. in the Secret Mum Club, you're welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about or just say, hello!

You can find us on TikTok and Instagram to search for Secret MumPod or you can email us, hello at secretmumpod.com. Welcome back. I forgot that it's a secret. I'm excited. Welcome back to the whore shop.

It's going to be the title of the episode. I'm a whore. What can I say? Boo, you whore. Boo, you whore. Do you whore? you know what actually my secret is only just come to me right now. I come into the studio this morning and told you that I've got a bruise on my bottom

and I don't know how I got it. And it's actually really bad. It's actually really savage. It's all the way down my leg. I don't know how I got it. It's tended to touch. It's massively bulging. It wasn't until I actually just went to the lavatory and took a pee.

That it's dawned on me how I got this bruise on my leg. Also, you went in the toilet, which has the mirror right opposite you. So you had like a full view of your bruised. Actually, I had a full view of my bum just seeping over the toilet and my bulging bruised. Honestly, it's wild. So not only this week, did I have an encounter with a man? Did you see it on my Instagram? No.

Stories. There's a lot. I know. There's a lot to unpack in my life at the moment. I'm giving it large on social media. Yeah, no, I'm loving it. Quick tap-tap, tap, tap through all the taps. Just skim through.

Just show her that I've seen everything. Get the highlights. Shut up. See you next week. I basically had an encounter in the car park with a man who was very, very lovely, very sweet man. I want to say he was like mid to late 60s, really lovely. Talking to me about the car. Renli was in the car.

I was waiting for the rain stop and I was waiting to get into the recycling bins, put my bag in there. He'd come up to me. He's like, oh, I love your car, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Then he said to me, can I see your boot? And I thought he said, can I see your boobs? So that encounter happened and I was fucking embarrassed. All right, there.

And I said, I beg your finest pardon. And he said, oh, I've got golf clubs. I'd love to see your boots. And then asked me, well, what did you think? I said, listen, let's just carry on. So not only was I fucking embarrassed to have had this encounter in the car park with this stranger. I thought this poor 65, 70-year-old man wanted to see my boobies. He didn't. I then rushed to school, again, Renly Sleep in the car, so I parked right near the door of the

school. And I had some, because we've been sought in Dottie's bedroom, some dressing up. And I said to the school, would you like it? Great. I'm going to go back to the car, bring the car close to the baby's going to sleep. I'm going to drop it in. There was a group of mums. A group of mums. Lady sat behind the window at the checking desk. I'm running across a playground. I'm I've got you dressing up. I fell up the fucking stairs. Oh no. I fell up the stairs.

I fell up everyone. Yeah. My Birken stops slipped off. I put socks on in my slip on Birkenstocks. You shouldn't do that. There's a reason you shouldn't wear socks and sandals. That'd be the reason. They nearly killed me off.

So that is how I got the bruise on my bum. I fell up the stairs with the split the bag of dressing up. The dressing up went everywhere. Everyone just looked to me and went, you all right? Oh, so awkward, isn't it? In this moment, what do you do? I was thinking, don't go red, don't go red. It's fine.

I was like, fucking hell. Anyone think I'm having a bad day? I just thought, you've got to style this out, Sabrina. Yeah, you have to. Style it out. I got in the car, cried. I cried about the fact that I nearly showed a poor man, my boobs in the car park, and fell up the stairs at Dottie's school.

I was really having a shit day. And then it was Chris come home from work. And he was like, how are you? Some really bad shit's happened to me today. I flash my tics in the car park. And I fed over in front of all the school moms. I could really do with a gin and a tibing. tin because you just grabbed that for me.

And then I dividered I did and I fell to sleep and then forgot about my bruised and it wasn't until I was taking a pee in here. Oh yeah. What are you meant to do in that moment? What are you act? I actually think it's more awkward for the onlookers because you don't know how to respond. You're like, are they okay? Can I laugh?

Because I find nothing funny than people falling over. Yeah. So trying to stifle that laughter is like really difficult. But you've got to be like, oh my God, are you? I've told Chris and he was like, I said to me, oh, okay. I had a fool today. Had a fool today. And he said, what are you?

I don't think you should say had a fall until we're over 80. He said, what are you 85? I did have a fall. It was fucking so bad. You've got to say, I've stacked it, mate. Stacked it. Now I didn't know what to do the next day. So I went to school a bit later.

To avoid everyone. Yeah, I did. I'm also, can't go back to that fucking office desk anymore because I just can't look at the woman directly in the eyes. Did they see it? Everyone watched me, Emma. Because also I'd also greeted my announcement and my arrival by shableness. shouting across the car park,

I'm coming with the dressing up! So everyone had turned around, drawing to look at me, giving Leo energy across the car park, centre of attention, look at me, made a fucking tit of myself. Next time, shut the fuck up, don't wear socks and sandals.

In fact, don't donate anything to the school. No, I will. I will donate. Were they at least grateful for the dresses? Oh, 100%. And I donated Dotty's school uniform bits that are too small. Obviously, we've only got a few weeks left.

And she's moving schools. So I was donating some small youth screen of point to them. in time. Well, I'm sure. Step in time. I'm sure they were. Or in my case, don't step in time

and fall up the fucking stairs. So that was, that's my secret this week. Not so much a secret for the five ladies that watch me. Yeah. That is great.

Also, I think there's a camera outside the sky. Oh, they'll be watching that on replay. There'll be a show of some for the footage. Delete it. And then archive that shit. Ask mad to archive it.

That's the archives. No, say, put that in compliance. Put that in fucking compliance. Destroy it. Burn the evidence. along with them telitubbies. We still haven't never outed those. No, they'll never see the light of it.

I feel like they're going to come out at a live show. Maybe that should be the only reason that anyone ever comes to the live show. If we can ever get to a live show, they will be released at the next live show. Me and Emma dresses. If we don't burn them. Who thought that was a great idea? I think it was my idea. I think it was.

To be dressed, yeah, Maz's. Pregnant teletubbies. Precnant teletubbies. Yeah. Not our finest hour. And also, I think there's one, at one point, I'm dry-humping you. Yeah, riding me. Riding you. Yeah, well, you're bent over as Lala and I think I'm tinky winking.

That even is fucking shocking information to even say out loud. So anyhow, we're going to get into your secrets after this short break. We've got three secrets from you. Right, Emma, this week, three secrets. We're going to. So Emma, three weeks. Three weeks, one secret. Three weeks, three hours, one fucking secret.

We got three secrets from you. this week. Emma, we're going to be disgusting to take it away. I don't think that was still fucking right, but let's crack on. Okay, this says, hi, Sophie and Emma. Hello. Help! I appear to be raising a tiny shark. Oh, my 18-month-old daughter Francesca is constantly biting her big sister, Sadie. Oh, five.

She's five years old. She's not five sharks. Yeah. There's five in brackets. Oh, five Sades. Sadi. Five. Yeah.

God, imagine five Sades. Yikes. We're talking multiple surprise attacks. a day. The confusing part is that the girls genuinely adore each other and play beautifully together until Frankie suddenly senses weakness and clamps onto an unsuspecting toe, finger, arm or belly, like she's auditioning for a wildlife documentary. Unfortunately, I don't quite have the heart to bite her back, as some people suggest, and Sadie is far too sweet and sensitive to retaliate. She mostly just cries in betrayal while

Frankie toddles off looking extremely pleased with herself. What's even stranger is that Frankie only bites Sadie, never children at nursery, never me, never her dad, Apparently, Sadie is the chosen prey. Please tell me this is normal sibling behaviour and that I'm not raising a future cage fighter. Any advice would be greatly appreciated before Sadie starts wearing protective gear around the house. Lots of love, Samara, from Newcastle, Australia.

Wow, someone also was in my life the other day from Ipswich in Australia. No way. I think it was Ipswich in Australia. Is there an ipswitch in Australia? They might be one in America. But I was like, oh my gosh, is there one? I don't.

It basically was an R-Ipswich. It was another ip switch. And I was like, oh my God, we got an Ipswich. Oh my God. We got anip switch here too. I'm going to say, Sadie is the chosen one because she is her favourite. And do you know what? It's that safe thing, isn't it?

And I think it's who she's safe with. It's who she's safe with. And it's really endearing. It might be that she is really struggling to express her excitement. And her, Sadie might be her really happy plays. And the way to show her that she's really, really excited is to bite her. It's because she's at that age where, like, they can't really express themselves properly. Also, they're teething in.

like at 18 months. We've got big teeth coming at the back at 18 months. And it's a lot. And it's just a lot of emotions and everything going through them. And they just don't know how to. Because they can't really talk properly. There's a lot of like, I think that's when a lot of like mood start. People go, oh, I'm getting the terrible twos a bit early.

Yeah, that's because they can't actually tell you. Yes. We're right on the cusp here at 18 months, two years as to words start coming in. Yeah. But they don't know how to use their words. So in their brain, they know what they're thinking, but they just are not quite, there to just say it. I personally, I personally would say you haven't got anything to worry about.

We had one episode of biting and that was only ever Colby 2, Dotty and I did, I did bite him. I didn't leave teeth mark, but I did bite him and he did say Al and it never happened again. And then we haven't, obviously, my two are bigger now than Renley, but Renley's never bit them. Yeah. But I personally don't know what you can do. We just say, Sadie's a bit of a bit of a bit of a bit.

Is she? You just keep saying no. Yeah. You just have to, like, I didn't bite them back either. Or sometimes I'll like play bite at her fingers. Like nibble them and be like, no, no, no, no. You can only do it like that. Not hard.

It hurts Mummy. Yes. Like, but she'll do it to me, Joseph. It's that thing about like that, you know, you think, oh, they always play up for me. Yeah, because you're their safe place. That's who they feel safest with. And it's like when people say, oh, they're really good at school, but then they're awful at home. Yeah.

Because your home is their safe place where they can actually be themselves. Yeah. And you'd want them to be okay. You want it to be that way around. Yeah, you want it to be that way around because you are their safe pace. And I know it seems like you only get the negative side, but that's the way that they can express themselves for you to be able to know how to work on or how to make them feel better. So I always think that way around is a better way.

But I'm with you. I think it's a communication. We do have to keep saying, no, taking Frankie away from the situation. You're going to hurt her. That's not kind for Sadie. Yeah. And it's good for Sadie, I think, to see that she knows that it's naughty. if she's ever in a predicament, that someone's doing something naughty to her,

that she's going to get that same respect as that someone's going to be told that they're doing bad. I know Frankie's only diddy, but I would say, just communicate. But if anybody has any hints and tricks and tips, yeah, let us know. Please do let us know because we do love to pass it on and help other mums that are raising tiny little sharks. Yes, but I think completely normal and nothing to worry about. As obviously brutal as it is, I think it'll go out of it. I think she'll grow out of it and I think she's going for Sadie because that's her best.

She loves her. Yeah, I think so. But again, we may be wrong. So if you could share your advice, that would be wonderful. Thank you, Samara, so much. Okay, let's have secret number two. Okay, this one says, hello, lovely ladies. I've been struggling a bit lately and I felt this might be the perfect place to ask for some advice

and hear from anyone who's experienced something similar. My partner and I have been together for five years and have an 18-month-old sum. He's still breastfed and isn't the best sleeper, so I handle. all the nightwakings myself. My partner does try to help, but our son won't settle for him, so it's usually easier for me to do it. My partner is amazing and works two jobs seven days a week. We don't live near family and I don't really have any friends nearby. So when I'm not working, it's usually just me and my son all day, every day. The reason I'm writing in is because I have absolutely no sex drive. Since my son was born, my partner and I have probably had sex

three times. I feel awful about it because I love him dearly, but I just can't seem to switch that part of myself back on. It's not only sex either. Sometimes I struggle with physical affectionate and loves hugs, kisses and cuddles, whereas I often find myself pulling away from those things. I wasn't always like this, and it's not because I don't love him. We still enjoy spending time together, have great conversations and laugh a lot, but I'm really struggling with the physical side of our relationship. It's almost as though part of me wants to be affectionate and intimate, but a much bigger part of me just doesn't have the energy or desire for it, and that side keeps winning. I suppose I'm wondering if this is normal. Has anyone else experienced this after having a baby? I'd really love

to hear from other mums because right now I feel quite alone and I'm hoping I'm not the only one. Lots of love anonymous. I think very normal. I would like to say this is absolutely normal. Yeah. Chris is quite, we're not really affectionate people, me and Chris. We'll have like a hug and a kiss. Yeah. But it's hard when you've got the babies around and we try our best to be, you know, huggy, kissing and all of that to show the children, you know, that. we do love each other. We do still like each other. Yeah, we do still like each other. But I feel like it's really hard when we're so wrapped up in doing things. But with regards to sex drive, I have nothing. Yeah. I have nothing left in the barrel. When it gets to the end of the day,

my guy, I'm sorry. Yeah. You know, it's been, well, Renley's two. I don't think we've even had sex since having Renley. And you're both like, fine with that. Absolutely. You find doesn't change anything. And I know that's not for everybody. And I know there's people that are going to say, oh my God, poor Chris, like, free him, let him out of the house. I hate this, I hate this, like, dynamic that, like, only men want sex. He deserves better. And it's just, it's wild to me. The door is open.

Chris is welcome to leave any time. People think I've got him chained in the house. I haven't. He can leave. But it works both ways. He's tired. We're both tired. And sometimes just even having time to watch a film together without either one of us nodding off is way more important.

It doesn't change anything about the fact that. I adore him and think the world of him and I love him to pieces. I find him insanely attractive. But do I, I haven't got the time. Yeah. It's a lot of time involved in that. And people may think I'm wrong and that's fine. But I also don't want people like Anonymous to sit here and think we're all just at it like cat and dogs. No. And I think this is something that people really don't talk honestly about because I think people find it a bit embarrassing to say. Because you feel shameful. Like am I'm sitting here and saying I've had Renley over two years ago and I've not had sex. Yeah. Of course I am. Yeah. Why? I equally do panic about the children walking in. And I think that fear in my head outweighs it. Not just for me for Chris as well. Chris gets really paranoid. Chris is like, no, I can't.

But what if the babies? What if one of the children walk in? It's just there's a lot going on all of the time. And I think it's not spoken about enough. But it definitely warrants conversations to, I would say to your husband. Like me and Chris talk about it all the time. And I'm like, I'm sorry, my guy. Do you want to try it at the weekend?

And we get to the weekend. And we're like, fuck that. Yeah. If you're both on the same page, like totally. fine, but obviously you need to communicate. I think this is where resentment builds up in relationships. And people generally think the man wants it more and the woman's not feeling it.

And do you know why you're not feeling it? It's because you're knackard, you're waking up in the night. Nothing is more important to you than you to you than going to sleep, probably early and getting, you know, a good night's sleep. Or banking as many hours as you can before that baby's going to wake you up. You've got an 18-month-old clung to you, stuck to you all day. So when someone touches you, the last thing you want is to be touched. You want your space.

You're tapped out. You're tapped out. So overstimulated. Yeah, like the affection is just like, it's just not there because you're like, I've been touched all day. And that's not to say it will never come back, but it's just you are, like me and stephen always say, we're in the trenches. We are.

We'll get out of it together, but you have to talk to each other. We're a team. We're in this. And what I think annoys me is the fact that there's so much, there's so much like pressure put on a relationship that a relationship can't be a relationship if you're not having sex. Yeah. And I don't know at what point we got to that. so much more to a relationship than just having sex.

Especially after you've had kids. We're also not sexy people, me and Chris, as in it's not something like we talk about or not, I'm not, again, I don't know if I'm being prudish. We're not like a grope or a bum slap or anything like that. We'll have a hug in the kitchen and we'll have a kiss and things like that, but we're just not sexes. Yeah. But even before you've had kids, there's so much talk.

Even before we had children, we weren't like, rah. Yeah, but there's so much talk in relationships. about how many times a week you have sex and people comparing themselves to other people. Oh my God, I'm not having sex three times a week. My relationship must be in trouble. It's bullshit. Some people don't want to have sex. Some people want to have loads of sex.

But equally, if your relationship does depend on sex, that's okay for you also to that to be the most, you know, the biggest thing in your... Yeah, the most important thing. If that's what you both want. If that's what you both want and if that's not what you're getting in the relationship, equally, that doesn't make that feeling invalid for you. If that's something that is important to you, you're okay. to walk away from a situation if that doesn't fulfill your needs.

But it's in my situation, it's just not something. I think there's so much more to mine and Chris's relationship than us having sex. But I think it's not spoken about enough. And I think we are in this category of being like, oh, you don't have sex. Yeah. Oh, how embarrassing? Yeah. Are you not embarrassed?

I'd be well worried. I think he's definitely cheating on you. That's the other one is people are going, oh, gosh. Oh, you're driving somewhere else. He's getting it from somewhere else. Yeah. not just be the fact that we just really, really love each other. We love each other. We adore each other. We adore our children. We adore our life. He's my best friend in the whole

entire world. I can't imagine my life. And I even say now, like, if we were to separate, I wouldn't be with no one else. No one would ever match Chris, ever in a million years. But also, I do believe there is going to be a time when the children grow up, whether they fly the nest, whatever they decide to do in the whole entire world. That is my time to fall in love with Chris again. That's my time then. Same with you and Stefan. Same with every couple is that once the children have flown the nest, like your mum and dad now, they've got so much now that all three of you have gone, that they're doing things and they'll now say to you, oh, sorry, me and your mum, we've got things to do this weekend.

We're doing the gardening because you're then re-establishing your whole relationship all over again. And I'm excited for that bit. I'm excited to fall in love with him. You know, who I fell in love with when we first got together is a different version of who I fell in love with when we had Colby, and it changed when we had Dotty. It's changed massively since I've had Renly. The love in our relationship has changed at every stage.

And when the babies leave the home, our love again is going to change. And I just think it's not the be-l and end all for some people sex and a relationship. I personally, it's not, to me, this just sounds my life. Yeah. It's not important to me. I know it is important to some people. But it absolutely breaks my heart that she feels the way she feels. the way you feel.

Yeah. You're definitely not alone. You're not alone. It's totally normal. And I just think you need to let your partner know how you feel. Because that's when the problem comes is when you're not both on the same page. And one of you is like, oh, you never have sex with me anymore. You must not like me.

You don't fancy me. Our relationship's over. And you're just like, I've just got an 18 month old attached to me all day and I'm knackered actually and I'm up in the night. Like silly things, like small things. And they're like, oh, do you want to have a cuddle on the sofa? And you're literally like, no, sorry. I'm really tapped out.

But when you're stood in the kitchen and the kettle's on, just that oh just give him a quick hug because that'll make because there's some people in relationships my sister doesn't like affectionate at all but james is very very affectionate and Roxanne sometimes oh come on let's have a quick hug you know and it's just sometimes i think being communicating it and talking about how you're both feeling because also we don't know where your partner's at and where his heads are and i think being open and honest and just saying look when it gets the end of the day yeah i'm shattered yeah and the last thing i want to do but can we put a nice film on chuck a blanker over us, watch something nice together.

Rather than both going, one's going for a bath, one's going to jump into bed and before you know it, we're both asleep, you know. Yeah, yeah. But definitely, definitely talk about it. Don't ever feel alone. We're all in this together. We are. Emma's having sex all the time.

Yep. She's a kinky-k-y-old. You know what I mean? No, but also sometimes there's nothing I'd rather do than sit on opposite ends of the sofa silently scrolling on our phones. Like that's like a beautiful part of the relationship as well. Do you know what I mean? It's hard, isn't it?

I am only joking though, not to a stitch. She's had it all the time in the kitchen. It's you leave. Just everybody's different and every relationship is different and it's not saying one is worse or one is better. Yeah. It's all equal but just communication. Yes.

Right. Let's have our last secret. Okay. This says, hi, Sopan Emma. I was listening to the episode The Mum Bra and I know how much you both love children mispronouncing words. Do you remember the bra? Bra.

My son Jackson is now 19 months old and as nursery likes to remind us a proper little chatterbox. He's definitely found his voice. At the moment, he's completely obsessed with Anna. animals and toy story. Oh. And I've attached a clip of him naming all the toy story characters for your amusement. Oh my God, I'm so excited. Lots of love, Emily and Jackson from Swindon.

Jackson, I'm excited. Oh my gosh, look at him. You can say Buzz? Us. Can you say Jesse? Jesse. You say Woody? Daddy.

Can you say Rex? Yes. Say Rex. Yes. Can you say Rex? Yes. Yes. Oh, we're saying sex.

Oh, Jackson, you did so good, sweet. He did Jessie great. Essie? Yes. D. Jesse? Us? Sex?

Sex? Sex? Sex? Can someone cover my eyes? Oh, my gosh. Oh, adorable. So adorable. Rex.

Renly does Rex, but he goes, Rex. Ah! Every time. Be it scary, Sadie says. Oh, yeah. Really, really goes, oh no, scary, scary, scary, bit, come, mummy. Scary bit cum, mummy. I'm like, scary big cum.

Scary bit cum. That takes a lot to get used to that one. Scary bit cum. Yeah. A pud. I beg your father's pot. Excuse me. Scary bit cum.

And he holds his boobs. Scary bit cum. Or sometimes he does this. Scary bit cum. And his little eyebrows go, oh God, it's so funny. So funny. Oh, Jackson. What a guy.

Oh, beautiful. We love them. We love... Yeah, keep them coming. Oh, I just love Toy Story. It's just bringing... It's much as the World Cup is bringing us together. Yeah.

So fucking Toy Story 5. 100%. It's really uniting the nation. Yes, it is. Thanks, Emily. Thanks, Emily so much. And big love to you in Jackson. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week.

Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. And if you'd like to share your secrets with us you can, the email is hello at secretmompod.com.