Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The X-Rated Gallery

Episode Date: July 3, 2025

The SMC gallery has opened its doors once again… and this week’s artwork is looking a little revealing. The ladies hear from a mum whose school run went completely off track, Emma’s still fighting the buggy battle with Steffan, and Soph's dreaming of golf buggy life in the US. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This episode is sponsored by the OCS Summer Pre-Roll Sale. Sometimes when you roll your own joint, things can turn out a little differently than what you expected. Maybe it's a little too loose. Maybe it's a little too flimsy. Or maybe it's a little too covered in dirt because your best friend distracted you when you dropped it on the ground. There's a million ways to roll a joint wrong, but there's one roll that's always perfect. The Pre-Roll. Shop the Summer Pre-Roll and Infuse Pre-Roll Sale today at always perfect. The pre-roll. Shop the summer pre-roll and infuse pre-roll sale today at ocs.ca and participating retailers.

["Secret Mom Club Theme"] Hello, this is the Secret Mom Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And welcome to your Thursday's episode. Where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week. Squeeze your bits, all of your comments, thoughts,

questions, and fun stories. To and bobs from the week. Squeeze your bits. All of your comments, thoughts, questions and fun stories. To keep you going through the weekend. Shall we jump on in? It's time for another... Correspondence Corner! Got to get that right chest infection in there. Get it out. So Emma, should we have the first one please?

Let's. So many of you have been in touch since we've come back. Gemma's been on and she said, I'm so happy. I moved to America nine months ago and your podcasts, I've listened back to them all now. Bloody hell, I thought she was going to say, I've moved to America just so I can listen to the podcast. I was going to say, listen, we're here.

Oh, I've moved to America to get away from you. Don't worry, was going to say, listen, I moved to America to get away from you. Don't worry. You can get us everywhere. We're global, baby. Wherever you get your podcast. Even on the airplane. Yeah. Even on your flight there, you can listen as long as you're flying. BA or air lingus. Air lingus. She says your podcast have saved me mentally. I listen while walking to encourage myself to get out and about.

Pretty sure my new neighbors think I'm a bit odd. I'm always laughing out loud to myself. Love you, girls. Oh, Gemma. Gemma, girl, you get those steps in. I want to know more about I moved to America. Yeah, tell me. Because you've been looking at homeschooling in Texas. Me?

This is a long-term plan. Jesus Christ. 10-year plan. I would love to move to America. I know you would. I'd really love. One, the flight is holding me back just a tad. Oh yeah, how are you going to get there?

Don't know, but if I'm there, I can't get out. Cause I'm not coming back. You can never leave. I can never leave. But you can travel to lots of places within America. There has been a lot of people though on social media that have gone from the UK and moved to America, but they are back.

Oh, cause of the situation. I don't know. I don't know what it is. I need to know good States. I need to know good States, good schools. Is there any States that do you have a like a stricter than other states, you know? Or places where you can get a lot of house for your money. Because you were looking at like on Rockwood.

I do look at those more, can't you? Yeah. In places where there's not some land. There's like gated communities in America, which is phenomenal. Where you can drive golf buggy, buggies around them. Sorry. You can drive golf buggies and they have like little shops and amenities that you can go to just on a little golf buggy. Get me there. I need it in my life. You just need to go on a boat. So Gemma, obviously don't tell us whether you are, because that is data protection,

safety. There's a lot of weirdos. Give us like a general, give us a zip code. How long have you been in the UK? What was the reason for moving? Yeah. Just like the, not too much, but just enough to scratch the itch. Yeah. Thanks Gemma. Thank you Gemma. God bless you.

All right, we've got another picture for our gallery wall now. Oh stop, cue the music. Hello ladies, big fan of you both. Love listening to the podcast on my way to work. Thank you. I thought I'd share a piece of artwork my five-year-old son brought home. It's the last week of term, so we've had lots of drawings to look at and chat about but this one, let's just say it left me speechless. The only thing I could manage was, I'm glad you

didn't draw daddy. We're all in this together. Much love. Siobhan. I bet she's annoyed about that. I know. You must get that. You probably have that your whole life. I'm really sorry. It's when people call me Swarfiga or Glideena. It's one of those, you know, or when Roxanne, people go to Roxanne. Roxanne! Okay, ready?

Right, you ready? Three, two, one. Okay. What? What is it? That's it. Okay, it's taken us a while to work it out. Is that boobs?

But it looks to be a stick figure with huge knockers. Humongous boobies. Humongous boobies. And I think that's the five year old in the background, isn't it? Yeah, there, just sat on... So it looks to be mummy and the little boy. Yes. That's lovely. That is adorable, isn't it?

Yeah. Your boobs look very perky. I feel like he's been very generous with those. Yeah, and really... Maybe over-eccentrated the arms. Really lovely. Is there anything we can take from this is that he... And they arms!

He's really captured... ...captured you. I thought that was like the landscape, but no, their arms. It's like Mr Tickle. Yeah, yeah. Very long arms. Maybe you give good hugs and he just must think you've got the world's...

With a comfy bosom. Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow. Everybody needs a bosom. And very long, slim legs. I'd say he's done the flattering depiction. That's what I mean. Great tits, great legs, great arms to hug with. Long arms, yeah.

I mean, and look how fucking happy he is there. Yeah. I would say that's an absolute 10-10. Frame it. Frame it. He's a framer. You need to frame that at home because we're going to frame it on our wall. I'm taking this one.

Oh, you've got loads behind you. I've only got a few. Okay, you take it because then I can look at the saggy boobs. Not saggy. Perked. You can look at the perky tits. Perked to perky tits. All right, we'll put it up.

Okay, thank you. Yeah, good job you didn't draw Daddy like she says. I wonder how maybe. Yeah, I wonder how. I think Daddy would like to know how. I wonder how Daddy would come out in all of this. I think Daddy would like to know how he would be drawn actually. I think he would be drawn. Maybe send it up. Okay. Thank you. Yeah. Good job. You didn't draw daddy like she says. I wonder how maybe I think daddy would like to know how daddy would come out and I'd like to know how he would be drawn actually. Maybe send us that one next. I think he would have very short arms, very short arms and very long legs. Yes. Thank you Siobhan. Thank you Siobhan so much. All right. We've got another one here. It says, Hi ladies, I was listening to the bum

bum episode and the conversation about the woman who doesn't want to carry a baby, but still wants to help children. It made me think of Safina's point about how we talk to others about having children. For me, I'm on the other end. I'm not being asked when are you having kids? I'm getting, when are you going to stop having them? Oh, what? Okay. I had my first son in September, 2023. Lovely. My second in October, 2024.

Yes. And we're expecting another in January, 2026. Wow. Okay, I'm obsessed with age gaps. So that was a 13 month age gap, first of all. Yeah. And then it's gonna be like a year, another year and a bit, isn't it?

13 months. 14, 14, 15 months. 15 months. Wow, okay. She said, my first was born seven weeks before I got married via C-section. Wow, you like to be busy. And my second was a V-back. My husband and I chose to have our kids close together. He's in his mid-30s.

I'm in my early 20s and we want him to have lots of time with them as they grow. Sadly, some family members have been quite nasty about it. Oh no, but we're happy and doing what's right for us. Lonte. What? That's her name is Lonte. Beautiful name. Oh my gosh. Like this is again, this is on the other end of the, what is it? The other end of the spectrum scale on the other end of the scale. You've got one when you're just don't want to have children. Yeah. And then one where if you do want a big family, you're judged, this is what I mean in life.

People are never happy. People are never, ever fucking happy. It just goes to show. You just can't, and I'm somebody that's, my sister had, so my sisters now are 16, 14, 12, 10. So she had four kids two years apart basically. Yes, yes. Which to me, I was only 19 when my sister fell pregnant

and I was having the time of my life. Let's have another one! Every time she said she was pregnant again, were you like, yes! I can't tell you the love it brought to my heart, but I just, I don't think you're ever going to please anybody. No. And I don't, I think it's just, fuck the world and think about, protect your own fucking peace.

This is something that I'm learning a lot this year is to just protect my own peace. I'm somebody that falls in the trap of trying to please other people. And I'm trying to please everybody else around me. And in turn, sometimes making myself really unwell because I'm trying to please everybody else. And it's impossible. You can't please everybody. So I say, protect your own peace, stay in your bubble. As long as you're happy, your partner's happy. That's all that fucking matters. And just keep having more. Honestly, I hope it's going to be like 20

encounters. Yeah. Yeah. I'll be here. They'll be on one of those TV shows. I'll be here for it. But congratulations. It's all amazing news. I'm sorry, your family, I'm being kind about it because I'm, you know, that's what you want. I'm sorry your family, I'm being kind about it because I'm, you know, that's what you want. I do love a close and age gap. I really love close. I mean, it's fucking hard at the start. Oh, of course. But I think it's so nice as they grow. And this is what I said to you, didn't I? When I obviously when you fell pregnant with Sadie, the age gap is very similar between Joseph and Sadie, Colby and Dot. Yeah, I think bar like a month, isn't it?

And I loved it. I truly, truly loved it. Even when they were really little. Yeah, so it was just so phenomenal. It's so phenomenal. Yeah, fucking hard. I'm not gonna sit here and say it was the easiest thing in the whole entire world, because it's not, it's bloody hard,

but it's incredible. I know, this is why I question a third, because I'm like, I love the idea of them all growing up together and being best friends. And I'm seeing that come through now with Joseph and Sadie. And it just makes my life when they're best friends together. And I just think, let's throw another one into the mix.

It's so nice. So I was sitting now and say, am I done? My brain wants to say yes, but my heart is saying no. I thought you always think more would be nice. I know. And it's just, it has to, you have to find a cutoff because it's financially, you know, it's financially can we afford more. It affects everything, doesn't it? Like if we have another one now, it changes everything.

But yeah, it'll be so nice for you to grow up and be close in age and be friends. And as much as it does hurt, you have each other. You have your beautiful babies and you just have to kill them with kindness, I say. And the more they see you succeed and the more they see you doing well and being a great mom, the more hopefully it will dawn on them that they should hold their fucking judgmental comments to themselves. Yeah.

Because I'm sure they'll wanna be around the children. I'm sure they will. They'll wanna oogle up all them newborn baby cuddles. Oh, good luck with the rest of your pregnancy. Yeah, good luck and keep us updated. Hope it all goes smoothly for you. Thank you so much for your messages and drawings. If you have any comments, thoughts or funny stories why not get in touch? You can email us hello at secretmumpod.com or with Secret Mum Pod on TikTok and Instagram. Next it's time for one of your secrets.

We love a secret on the Secret Mum Club. And you're also good at sharing. So Emma, what have you got for us today? All right, this comes from Rebecca from Merseyside. Oh, hello, Rebecca. She says, Hi, so for Emma, I've been listening to the pod for over a year now and it always brightens my day. I'm not a mom yet, but fingers crossed, I'll get the chance soon if I ever find Mr. Right. Crying laughing emoji.

I thought I'd share a little secret from when I was a kid. My mom used to work part time and had Thursdays off. One week my dad was working away. He usually did the school run and he decided to ring at 10.30am to see how it had gone. Mum answered and said, Oh yeah, we're all good. They're having a great time playing. Dad paused and said, you did take them in, didn't you? She'd completely forgotten to take us to school. My sister and I, aged four and six, were just playing. Oh, because dad got them to dress for school. My sister and I, aged four and six, were just playing. Oh, because dad got to go to school on. Yeah. Safe to say we've never gotten dressed for school quicker.

From then on, dad would always call before the school run to check in. Bonus, he was a primary school teacher and later became a school inspector. Right. So he was like, get those kids to school. Jesus. Mum was in trouble. Mum was in trouble. She was in big doo-doos. Yeah. I would just let them have the day off. You would. Yeah. But not just let them have the day off. You would. Yeah. But not if your husband was a school inspector.

I think I would have divorced him. I don't think you'd be together. I think I'd be in too much trouble. We'd hate each other. If Chris was a school inspector, I'd be like, sorry, mate, we're done. Yeah. I'm too- We don't agree on anything. I'm too naughty. Yeah. I was naughty as a child and I'm still naughty now. I'm breaking all the rules. I'm a naughty mummy. I'm a naughty, naughty one. But that is so funny. Because I guess she thought I don't normally do that. This is my normal routine. I'm going to get up. They're going to be playing. Yeah. Wow. Love that so much. That is hilarious. Isn't it? Quick get to school. That's the kind of thing that Stefan would do. They would just have the time of their life just playing.

Yeah. That's what Stefan would normally do. Like I have to like leave him instructions to be like, you did do this, didn't you? No. Oh, well that's like me. I told Chris not to put something in the dishwasher last night and I said, oh yeah, I just need to wash. I need to soak that dish because it can't go in the dishwasher.

Nearly snapped his fucking neck. And he was like, what? So it'd have been in there three minutes. Three minutes it was in the dishwasher. It's not meant to go in the dishwasher. My classic is, because normally I pick Sadie up from nursery at the time she has her naps. They put her down in her buggy.

I pick her up, take her home. She sleeps in the buggy, right? She's unbeknownst. I get a bonus two hours. She wakes up at home. It's a lovely little arrangement. Stefan, who does the nursery drop, keeps forgetting to leave the buggy.

So I'm like, where's she gonna sleep today, Stefan, at one o'clock, when they need to put her down? am I going to do? Just carry her home in my arms? Yes, carry her home in a sling. Every morning I'm like, buggy! Don't forget. And if you're listening, Stefan. Stefan doesn't fucking listen to us. Don't forget the buggy today. Definitely he's not here. We can guarantee that Stefan is definitely not in the room. Thank God he doesn't listen.

Maybe divorced. Chris listens. But like that's so Stefan and Chris. Yeah, that sums them up. Yeah. Have you ever forgotten to take the children to school? Then let us know. Email us hello at secretmumpod.com

or we're secretmumpod on TikTok and Instagram. And make sure you've hit that follow button wherever you're listening. And we'll be back first thing on Tuesday. We'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mump Club. Bum. This episode is sponsored by the OCS Summer Pre-Roll Sale. Sometimes when you roll your own joint, things can turn out a little differently than what you expected. Maybe it's a little too loose, maybe it's a little too flimsy, or maybe it's a little too covered in dirt because your best friend distracted you and you dropped it on the ground.

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Do you know what I find embarrassing for no reason? Carrying a baguette home from the shop? Yes, that's on par with walking downhill. That's mortifying. I get like that when I have to wave my arm out for a bus to stop. Oh, see it's not just you. We're Sam and Tatum and this is the podcast. Where we film a save space just to laugh it all off. Whether it's a story about one of us two. Like when one of us paid for a dating app. Hey, not on the promo.

Oh, episode who? Or a tale from your life that you want to share with the group. New episodes drop every Thursday, come if you want. Listen to Embarrassing for No Reason wherever you get your podcasts. This episode is sponsored by the OCS Summer Pre-Roll Sale. Sometimes, when you roll your own joint, things can turn out a little differently than what you expected. Maybe it's a little too loose, maybe it's a little too flimsy, or maybe it's a little too covered in dirt because your best friend distracted you and you dropped it on the ground.

There's a million ways to roll a joint wrong, but there's one roll that's always perfect. The pre-roll. Shop the summer pre-roll and infuse pre-roll sale today at ocs.ca and participating retailers. Do you know what I find embarrassing for no reason? Carrying a baguette home from the shop. Yes, that's on par with walking downhill. That's mortifying. I get like that. I wouldn't have to wave my arm out for a bus to stop. Oh, see it's not just you. We're Sam and Tatum and this is the podcast where we film a save space just to laugh it all off. Whether it's a story about one of us two.

Like when one of us paid for a dating app. Hey, not on the promo. Oh, episode who? Or a tale from your life that you want to share with the group. New episodes drop every Thursday, come if you want. Listen to Embarrassing for No Reason wherever you get your podcasts.