Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - There Was Dog Poo Flying Everywhere

Episode Date: July 31, 2023

It’s been another rollercoaster week for Sophiena and Emma. One is battling with the effects of hay fever and being poked in the nipples, whilst the other had a walk in the park filled with bodily fluids. We also hear secrets and messages about baby eating habits, using “The Period” as an excuse for everything, and the things you say when your child is getting on your nerves! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Two weeks later. We're coming at you with another service announcement. This episode is still delayed because I selfishly got engaged. We've spent two weeks talking about somebody's engagement. So yeah, this one, it may seem a little bit odd, but just roll with it. It's a bit like imbatigo. It's there, it's irritating, it's itchy, but put the cream on, buckle up, enjoy this episode. Slightly, slightly delayed, but we'll be

all caught up next week. And we hope you're having a wonderful week. So God bless you. Stay tuned. Let's all party! With the best of them. We're back, boo. would you bloody believe it but you're gonna say we're back bitches that's becoming a catchphrase we're back boris we're back

bitches yeah i like that one do you like that one we're back bitch like that one do you like that one we're back bitch we're back bitches this is the secret mum club i'm safina and i'm emma and this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere a safe space to share our secrets because we all have secrets don't we we do and as we know sharing is caring you don't even have to tell us who you are. No, you can keep that to yourself. You can be anonymous. And those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the Secret Mum Club. How's your week been? Do you want to do yours first?

Do you want to flip it? Flip reverse it? Put your name down, flip it and reverse it. It's your... Yeah, flip reverse it. Put my name down, flip it and reverse it. It's your flip, flip, flip, flip, flip. It's your flip, flip, flip, flip. Yeah, go for it. Change it up. It's going wild in the aisle with Dale Winton. All right.

So fuck my week, how was yours? It's my name on the door. We're doing my week first. Okay. Tell us about your week. It's been, we haven't done much, but the weather's been lovely, hasn't it? Beautiful. So we've just been doing...

Before we get into that, how's the hay fever? Because I am dying. Can we talk about the hay fever? A slow and painful death. I can't handle it. I got those drugs you told me about. Yes. We can't announce them.

No, can't name them maybe. No, don't name them. But they have helped a little bit, but it's just still been so so bad i had to stop taking them did you seriously bad chest infection i'm eye drops no spray two no sprays i'm actually doing a salt wash with a no spray as well does that help no nothing's touching the sides nothing touches it i saw some um advice on the news the other day and it said just stay indoors i saw someone tick tock roll around in a nettle bush uh because apparently there's nettle stings will take your mind off of the hay fever brilliant eat local honey yes that doesn't do nothing for me no but

apparently you have to start that in winter to like build up like immunity so i think i'm gonna try that next year are you yeah don't know where you find local honey in uh you have to get your own bees right yeah get high get a little okay i'll get high for christmas i'll start eating local honey in february yeah did anybody teach you to have the jab on your bum no but i don't know i've i've read mixed things about how effective that is yeah lots of people say it works but my doctor said i'm not allowed it why because i'm a medical history oh yeah so he just said it's a bit high risk yeah it's advised that i don not allowed it why because i'm a medical history oh yeah so he just said it's a bit high risk yeah it's advised that i don't have it i don't know i mean look nothing will be worse than the summer that um i was pregnant and i couldn't take any of the medication

but i couldn't tell anyone i was pregnant because it was really early on so i just had to suffer in silence i cried i literally cried with how bad the hay fever was people that don't have hay fever will like they'll never understand i think chris is getting it yes honestly he was like why do i keep sneezing why am i so itchy it's coming do you think you've like passed it on to him it's coming for you i just basically rub my eye burgers and just rub them i would say you will have this hay fever but i had it both with both pregnancies did you well colby's was the worst but colby and dots were there august and september oh yeah was pregnant both times and had it oh man next time if there is a next time i'm going to try and plan it so that i'm not pregnant in june

so that i can take all the drugs that i want you need to go home and start kissing in bed and getting those itchy legs down honestly what are you wasting the time here for get home and get on the itchy legs get home and scratch those legs and have a little snog in bed there won't be any kissing in bed because as you know we sleep let's normalize sleeping in separate beds okay because there would be no itchy legs yeah there'll be no itchy legs and there'll be no kissing in bed i'm absolutely mortified that even out that i do sit in bed and kiss like where's everyone else kissing then where are you kissing where's where are you kissing Stefan where are you kissing him you don't kiss your partner after

you've been together for 15 years there's no kissing I kiss him all the time do you know I just have like a cheeky kiss in the kitchen I kiss Joseph more than I kiss Stefan and listen that's what happens when a baby enters your life yeah I hardly feel like it'll come back i feel like the first few years of ours weren't so intimate yeah look i know what needs to happen to make another baby all right so just scratch those legs girl leave the hairs nice and long and just scratch that itch but no the weather that's nickeling you just get a scratcher he comes in six foot tall. Six foot tall. He wishes. Well, mine. Or yours.

Stefan says he's five foot ten and a half. The half is important. Don't take that from him. No. He needs that. I know. But no, it's been, we've had a nice week out in the sun. Apart from the hay fever, apart from the fact that I got severely sunburned.

I don't know why I don't learn my lesson. Every year it happens. I get burnt i feel terrible about it afterwards i feel really guilty i've got crazy strap marks uh on my neck i just i don't know it's worse because i always i was to say lube up the babies gosh spray them up with sun cream yeah but then i forget myself and then i do the bit where you got it on your hands and you just go oh yeah like your mum does so your hands and your wrists are lovely and protected

my hands lovely now don't match my face your face is so tanned well this has got a bit of bronzer on it right too

just you know for the camera we're a good girl vogue vogue no I just it was a little bit uneven

and what with the rosacea I kind of feel like I needed to even it out but you just do your hands don't you but you forget about your own you forget about yourself joseph is really um olive skinned and people keep going oh the baby's lovely and brown i'm like i don't think that's a good thing i don't think you're supposed to let your baby get a tan but he does look lovely and he's got little white

creases where his little fat arms and legs are his hair's gone so blonde and he's like a little plant like it's grown his hair's grown he famously had no hair for ages uh but his hair's grown loads and it's lovely and blonde now so he does look he looks like a little scandinavian baby yeah he's like a surfer dude i'm really glad he's got stefan's colorings because stefan was like a milky bar blonde kid really blonde hair and tanned skin yeah so thankfully he doesn't take after me. But yeah, he's... Why? You're stunning.

I'm very pasty. And I burn. You don't look pasty now. Well, look. I'm glad he takes after his dad. Okay. Is all I'm saying. One other thing that has come out of this hot weather is I've been sleeping in bed with

no clothes on, as I'm sure is normal. You're always in your pyjamas in bed, actually. You never sleep naked. It's too hot. Where's your discharge going? What if you're leaking? your pajamas in bed actually honestly on instagram it's too hot where's your discharge going what if you're leaking what about them crumbs yeah what about your fufu crumbs where are you going with those i haven't got any i'm very look i'm just i like to be free in the sheets a freaking free and freaky baby when it's hot but what's knocking the step on you dirty bugger but what's been happening is when joseph comes into my bed in the mornings he has taken to poking me in the nipples nice does that ever happen to you go on dj loves the nipple tweak i don't know whether

he remembers from when he was breastfed that's where the that's where the good stuff used to come from or is he just like what's that wow I don't know I poked him back in the nipples I said you've got some too too you can play that game Joseph what you do just check and see if you're on on air mum well it sounds like a jolly week anyway look this is like this this is what the hot weather brings out in us we're just delirious how's your week been i physically cannot top this week that was phenomenal i feel like we i would like to be a fly on the wall in your house oh i don't know if you would i would generally would my week has been a lot better good a lot better we had some a couple of a couple of weeks

that have been a little bit on the dodgy side what with the hospital and then the behavior at school and it's all just got got been a lot yeah got on top of me so we had a nice week away in the week away last week we were in london so that was a nice reset and then this week we've done something emotion i went and picked up dotsy's school uniform oh yeah first ever she's starting reception she's starting reception yes so it's her first proper big scale big girl uniform and i don't know if i'm too early or i feel like i'm buying the school uniform i've gone like two sizes up. Like I've gone a size and two sizes up.

So that she'll grow into it. So that she'll grow into it. Yeah. Plus we're covered in case, because I don't want to be the last minute Annie. You know, when you don't have any of the school uniform ready. But what you're saying is she might grow over the summer. She may grow over the summer. But I'm also still covered

because the other stuff I can just return back, you know? Yeah. So I've had that to deal with this week. Oh, she looks so cute in it. The the uniform i haven't put her in it you haven't my heart just can't take it i just can't do it i just can't physically bring myself to put her in the school uniform why i think it's because that is i know we were talking about this a lot on my instagram and i feel like that for me is like the last bit because i had colby but but I also had Dotsie to distract me. And then having now Dotsie go to school, I don't have no little person to depend on me.

So I feel like it's a bit of a... It's a massive change, isn't it? Yeah, it's massively. And like we've had our first day at her school. So this week we went up to have like a song and rhythm at her at her school her new school and it was divine did you love it oh my goodness the mums i had the best time honestly i felt like i was on a day out they don't let me out much but today i'm out and i'm singing along but we all the mums were lush the children beautiful. And I'm just so excited for her. Is she going to the same school as Colby?

So the schools are the same, but they're an infant junior split. Right. So normally you get the primary school, don't you? Which is all in all. Or you get the infant junior split. So they are in an infant junior. But when she goes up, she'll have a couple of years with him before he leaves to go to secondary. Oh, that's nice.

Yeah. So yeah, it was a big week but we've basically just chilled we've been to the beach we've been in the garden the weather's been beautiful we've had the water slide out when you said you'd built like stuff for them to play on in the garden i thought it was just like your normal household like swing set maybe a slide you've literally built something that you would get in like a proper pop garden yeah in a beer garden well what you don't know is i'm actually taking tickets out the back 50p for an hour drop your kids off 50p for an hour i said joseph down there

it's a bargain i'm just no it's amazing i'm surprised they ever want to leave the house they probably don't i've never bought them one before so i feel like because it's they're at a good age i'm gonna go all out and they'll have like that's a good investment because they'll have years of use out of that such a great investment and so much cheaper than taking them out every single day they're out there yeah it's an absolute jolly for me it's brilliant parenting's never been so easy yeah they're so far away as well if they are arguing at any point can't hear them no and shut the conservatory door even better the neighbor's problem now it's perfect honestly it's genius it is perfect so no it's been a lush week good just trying to chill you know chill out and just enjoy chillax don't do it when you want to go through it emma and i really want to hear from you yeah we want you to join us in the secret mum club you're

all welcome you can share your secrets with us respond to what we've been talking about already or just say hello it's me you hear me you can find us on tiktok and instagram just search secret mum pod or the email is hello at secret mum pod.com oh my god have we got some more of those yeah last week so we've got some messages in yeah let's get into that let's roll into it okay i've got one here it says hi ladies both my kids had constipation when their teeth were coming through get some lactose prunes and mash it up in yogurt. It helped massively. Good luck, girlies. This is probably me having to rub Joseph's back when he's a little bit constipated.

I was about to say, with me and the hemorrhoids, would that work for my bum? I think. Because I can get a bit constipated. Then old Harry the hemorrhoid just wants to pop out and say, hello. I think it would work for anybody. I mean, prunes, famously, we do give the baby prunes when he's a little bit backed up and they do really it's almost does he still need a rub on the potty when you give him prunes no it's almost instant as well like they work really quickly and they do get him going but we've almost had i thought this says when teething

with constipation but i thought teething gave you diarrhea on the opposite problem because actually we've gone a bit too far the other way now and he's got much looser but i think it's because his teeth are coming through so yeah it's maybe it affects different babies differently yeah but luckily for us because it was quite horrible to see him really like struggling he would actually like cry yeah trying to get poop out so it's quite nice now that it's getting a little bit easier for him. Well, I can relate to him because when I'm constipated, bloody hell, that's sore. Yeah, yeah.

That's so painful. Were you ever constipated when you were pregnant? Not when I was pregnant, but because I had a caesarean in the end. Yes. So they give you these really strong painkillers, but they make you constipated. So you have to take the painkillers and laxatives

to keep you regular. But when you stop taking those, they only give you a certain amount when you leave hospital. Oh, my life. That is the most constipated I have ever been. I think I was on the toilet at one point for like an hour shortly after I'd had the baby.

You have to see the wiggle back and forth, don't you? You're on all different angles. Oh, if I sit like this. I've never experienced anything like it before i was massively constipated when you were pregnant both pregnancies the whole horrendous not the whole time the whole time the whole time not the whole time just in the middle but i was big as well i was like 30 30 to 33 weeks so i was this big old woman on the toilet with this big belly and you know when you can't I can't find my muscles to like,

so I used to just drag myself on the toilet. Because I just had this big belly. I couldn't find any muscles to get it out. You've just reminded me. Do you know something that I actually really liked the feel of that I miss was when you were really heavily pregnant and you sit down on the toilet and you can feel your bump on your legs. Do you know what I mean?

Like when your bump like rests on your thighs when you sit down on the toilet i don't know because i just my thighs were touching everything nice anyway anywho we got we got distracted there but thank you for that advice there's another one i might try that yeah another one yeah let's do it we've got three today this one says hi soph and emma the period talk was very relatable and i just had to share my own period talk that i've had with my young kids yes

I've shared baths with them since they were basically newborns but it's got to the point that I need my own time back I just want bubbles

yes a glass of wine yes and a candle in silence yes so I've come to the resolution of using my period as an excuse

to bathe alone even when I'm not on so now when I go up for a bath and the kids follow I just say mummy has her lady problems today and they soon run off in the opposite direction genius this one's absolutely legendary

i'm just gonna put a sign on the door the period yeah sorry can't come in do not disturb it's the period mommy's got her lady problems today that's actually iconic yeah love that they must think she's um just menstruating all the time but they wouldn't know any different because they're too little to know that's the great thing about kids you can really trick them can't you we're not going to tell best reason for having a baby i use it with chris yeah you want a bath no period i mean period again yes do you want some itchy legs no period do you want to snog in bed oh it's the period it really is i mean i mean it's a period. Do you want to snog in bed? It's the period. It really is.

I mean, it's a shitter that you have to go through that for years of your life every month, but it really is the perfect excuse for something. It is the perfect excuse for everything. Even when you're in the shop and you say to somebody, you see someone's got a lot of massive queue of shopping. Any chance I could just... I've only got three items and the period. Any chance I could just nip in

oh yeah sure sure yeah yeah sorry I'm on the period yeah sorry sorry am I flushing is it hot in here oh it's just the period

do you need a glass of water I thought you never asked it's the period I used to do that when I was pregnant as an excuse for going to the toilet like anywhere

yeah I would just walk into places and be like I'm pregnant close your toilet yeah people's houses whatever got another email here

it says hi both I just wanted to touch on co-sleeping another co-sleeping one with your child from the first episode mine is 12 turning 13 and he's still with me

in separate beds my son has learning disabilities and he's 12 but his mental age is 6 to 7 I treasure this as he still holds my hand while he falls asleep

it's going to make me cry oh gosh but I worry that he's now getting older and this can't last forever thank you for talking about it in the podcast it really means a lot oh i think i'm actually gonna cry i nearly cried reading that that was so sweet cherish it yeah don't worry about his age soak it up cherish it oh my gosh yeah it's gonna cry really emotional i don't if i look at your watery eyes i'm gonna go oh god just cherish it yeah i just feel like there will be a time when he is he doesn't want to do it anymore he is mentally

ready and you know just go off their lead follow their lead and just yeah because he's going to be ready one day oh my god why are we we're literal crying oh that is so beautiful yeah and i don't think you've got anything to worry about i just follow his lead and soak it up because i hate the most what a special special relationship and such a special bond i know oh that one's an emotional one so you can get in touch with us on anything at all yeah and as you've just heard it can be anything from serious to silly and you can be totally anonymous because between us we've probably heard it all before and remember sharing is caring we're all in this together and we know that we are we're all stars and we see that we've got it we nailed it each week we'll be sharing our secrets and yours in the secret mum club

we're gonna roll in to my secret of the week hit me don't fuck about with kids and animals it's just not it's not for the faint-hearted okay i you know how idyllic is it idyllic yeah i'm a dick like it's nice and tranquil like a nice little dog walk let me tell you it it ain't it's it's not we had an episode it doesn't happen every time no but this walk was specifically traumatic what happened can i just say first off i do not know how people have children and pets like 99 95 percent of the time it's very easy that sounds like too much work but they're buds they're just buddies all the time yeah of the time it's very easy. That sounds like too much work. But they're buds.

They're just buddies all the time. Yeah, I think when it's nice, it's lovely. It's nice for them to have a friend. But this one episode may put you off. I think it might. So we went on a dog walk. Yeah? Make sure everyone has a wee before you leave.

No one needs to wee. No, we're all good for a wee. Going to go out the door, Chris says, you know what, I'm just going to stay home. You stay home. Put your feet up. We're going to have just a nice little walk me and the babies and the dogs great everyone's weed bladders are empty key key part of this story okay bladders are empty got it okay so off we go having a lovely time on our walk so we're just poodling along we get nearly to our destination colby all of a sudden just dropped the dog leads the drop dog

leads just dropped so there's me not only bolting for the dogs the children are bolting for the dogs but no one can actually catch the dogs because the dogs are far too fast the dogs miraculously stopped so i caught up with the dogs i need to pick the lead up hold the lead to put it back in my hand to find the leads are covered in dog shit not even my own dog they're not my own dog's poop so not only did i do that turn around to colby also covered in another dog's oh no how did that happen oh he must have touched the leads picked the dog up i don't there was there was poo flying around Poo just seems to circulate around me, doesn't it? It always comes back to poo with you. Because I talk a lot of shit.

But, you know, he was covered in poo. To then turn over to Dottie, not only reaching, vomiting at the smell of the dog poo. She wouldn't come near me because I had dog poo all over my hands. I wouldn't either, to be fair. But to top it all off, which was great once I got the situation sorted, I used my own self to wipe down Colby, of course. No children wanted to walk next to me. So they're just running off ahead while I'm just stood back here.

Covered in shit. Dog poo leads. They're like, let's go to the park. I was like, why don't we just go home? Drop the dogs off. Still want to go to the park. No, still need to go to the park. We have to go to the park. You promised the need to go to the park. We have to go to the park.

You promised the park. No one in the park stood near me. I'm not surprised. Because I stank of dog shit. And then to top it off, Colby needed a wee. So I had to assist him in the bush with a wee, covered in dog shit, while then one of the dogs tried to drink the wee.

Oh my Christ. Colby was flying wee everywhere because he was like, no, she's going to bite my willy. And Dottie's been sick. Dottie's just still hanging out, basically on the zip line, like, wow, yeah, I'm having a great time. Got home, got home to Chrissie, it's like, I've had a lovely time, have you? They're having a fucking laugh. He was like, you've only been out 45 minutes what the fuck happened i don't know everything everything happened to me but that's a that's a one-off it's not all the time no it's not for me children and pets no thank you they're not just for christmas they're not please think think seriously please think

think seriously think seriously stay at home next time i i am thank god the sun's here because it's too hot to walk the dogs so now they're just getting a licky pad for half an hour in the garden to be fair people say it's the best thing for dogs isn't it it's the same as having a walk a licky pad what's a licky pad you basically put like yogurt on it a bit of fruit a bit of peanut butter some dog ice cream, freeze it for a little bit, then give it to the dogs. Yeah, stay at home next time.

Yeah, I'm going to. Be more Chris. Channel my inner Chris. So that's my secret of the week done. Next, we'll be hearing some of yours on the Secret Mum Club. Can we make a battery so powerful it can run the next generation

of renewable energy? At the University of British Columbia, we believe that we can. Dr. Jian Liu and his team are developing safer, more powerful batteries for electric cars, solar panels, and more. Building a Western Canadian supply chain to bring them to the world.

At UBC, our researchers are answering today's most pressing questions. To learn how we're moving the world forward, visit ubc.ca forward happens here. This is the Secret Mum Club and we all share our secrets here. So we are going to roll into secret number one of the week. It says, hi both. I have a 15-month-old baby girl and we're really struggling to get her to eat food. She still has baby food and refuses normal foods. I don't know if this is a normal thing, but other babies her age eat everything.

Am I doing something wrong? Thank you for making us laugh. Jennifer. Oh, thanks, Jennifer. Jennifer. i would say um completely normal yeah and you say here other babies her age eat everything i don't think that's true actually and i did think that for a long time because that's what you see on instagram or that's what you hear from your mum friends you see a lot of it on social media don't you it's not true no i think babies are so fussy and they're so fickle your baby girl is 15 months old joseph is like 16

nearly 17 months old so really similar and he is so fickle with food like one day he might love something and eat it all up so i'm like i'll make you that next time next time i give it to him it's like i've presented him a plate of shit yeah and he throws it on the floor like people i think other babies don't eat as well as you think they are no they're really fussy they're i think what we don't take into consideration as well is that they come out all they're used to drinking is milk and then we throw all these flavors at them all these sorts of things in their mouth but i will say i had a colby was an insane eater good like avocado smoked salmon fingers dots pouch straight in the mouth that's all she ever had was a pouch it's funny and you probably brought them up like exactly the

same we tried all the food with dotty she wasn't interested she didn't want toast on avocado she does still now doesn't eat meat she would happily eat 30 000 yogurts a day even now she'd much rather like a yogurt pouch she doesn't even want to spoon the yogurt because she doesn't like the feel of the spoon in her mouth yeah so she'll rather have a pouch but i yeah i go off of them yeah i just think get a lot on social media get to eat what you can like as long as your baby is eating and obviously they're not eating a load of rubbish fed baby is a happy baby it's probably fine do you know yeah as long as well baby is eating and obviously they're not eating a load of rubbish. Fed baby is a happy baby. It's probably fine. Do you know?

Yeah. Well, it is fine. As long as she's full. Yeah. She's going to be fine. Society or social media tells us that we shouldn't do pouched food. That's really bad. You should be having all these finger foods.

They should be eating guava fruit and papaya. No. Yeah. Just feed them as long as they're fed and they're happy. Yeah. A fed baby is a happy there's a lot of pressure because i went into weaning being like i'm gonna make everything homemade from scratch i'm gonna freeze these tiny little portions and the ice yeah and i did start

off doing that and then i just thought this is a ball lake especially when i give it to him and he doesn't want to eat it like i'm just like wasting my time and he did get used to sucking everything out of a pouch because he loved the pouches then i felt really guilty about giving him those i felt guilty about giving him the little snacks and crisps and wafers because there's loads of stuff online about them being terrible for your baby but honestly when you're so desperate for your child to eat something i'm like just have something have anything yes as long as you're full and so i did sleep through the night i did that with colby and then with dot c no yeah i did that with Colby. I don't care. And then with Dotsie, no. Yeah.

I just didn't have the time. And I didn't, generally just didn't have the time. Yeah. And I just think sometimes if you're giving them one of those, you know, cheesy puffs, you know, the big puffs. Yeah. Cheesy melt. Yeah, cheesy melt.

They'd love them. Yeah. And they sit there for hours just. Yeah. Yeah. And it's easy and it's quick. And yeah, obviously in an ideal world world like they would eat brilliant food but i think she'll grow out of it i'm like you though jennifer i really need to grow out of anything

though because she's good well yeah but she will she will move on to proper food eventually eventually yeah she'll grow into eating other food yeah i guess it's just the pressure that you don't really need isn't it i know yeah i'm a bit like you jennifer because i feel like all the other babies are eating like salad and like if we go around someone else's house for dinner they'll often like present joseph with a plate of like cucumber and cherry tomatoes and i'm like he's not gonna eat that he does he's he's doesn't eat salad no he just eats carbs does he like tomatoes no he'll just spit them out on the floor and i obviously try and do get like fruit and vegetables down him. But at the end of the day, like if he's having... Do it in a puree.

Yeah, just puree stuff. Yeah, if she likes purees actually and baby food, you can get a lot of good stuff into purees. I used to just make a batch soup at the end, like on a Sunday with all the mouldy veg. I used to just batch cook it, blitz it up so it was a soup. And then he just used to add it to pasta. So it's packed full of veg. You freeze it up, take a scoop out with an ice cream scoop yeah put it in the pan bob's your uncle fanny's your aunt to be honest joseph lives on beans on toast oh my man my guy

i bloody love beans and i'm not ashamed of it they're helped towards the trumpet yeah yeah so thank you jennifer that was a nice one. Yeah. I like that one. So we're going to roll into number two. Okay, this says, I'm a mum of four, but three of them are adults now. My youngest is 14 and she struggles with school life as she's been brought up in an adult world. Everyone says she's better off in the staff room than in the playground,

but emotionally she struggles with anxiety and has little faith in herself. A child can stick their tongue out at her and she can't handle it, but if she had to argue a serious matter, she will in a very grown-up manner how do i boost her self-esteem and tell her not to allow silly things to upset her so badly love from tamara oh tamara thank you that one is a toughie yeah it's interesting isn't it i guess if you've always grown up with older siblings because it's like what would i tell myself yeah has the older siblings maybe tried to talk to her

rather than mum and dad yeah she might find that a bit more yeah maybe find it a little bit more relatable to hear it from a sibling so i wonder if like if tomorrow could maybe speak to the other children or do it's like a collective like a a family meeting. Yeah. Yeah. But like not with too much pressure. Yeah, not with just like a chat. Yeah. And just like all put our two pence in. Yeah. To make her feel like, that's a difficult one, isn't it?

It is really hard because 14 is like, it's still quite young. But then also, I feel like 14 year olds these days are quite grown up, aren't they? Yeah. Insanely grown up. I've got a 15 year old niece and like she just seems yeah i don't know whether it's like social media or what but she seems much more grown up than i was when i was 15 i literally drove past a group of kids on the way here today on the like my old school and it was my school uniform they all had their skirts rolled up i just i never done that i was never one of them no i did i used to get told off did you yeah no i was shorts all the way i used to just wear

shorts but yes yeah sorry tomorrow i don't know does she like does she have a lot of friends her own age at school maybe that's something that you could encourage her to hang out with you know i was the one that was always in the staff room just because i was rogue and just never went to class school yeah my mom used to say all the time you're just there for the coffee not not the education she wasn't just the coffee and the cigarettes but yeah maybe like see if the siblings could maybe talk to her about it or just make like a family chat like a family conversation i was trying to think if i was my 14 year old self and how i would have found it like how i would have liked to have received it or now being in her position with

maybe a 14 year old how would i want to put it across um but yeah it's trying to take something that is serious but to put it across in a light-hearted way yeah but she's doing amazing it's really what an incredible 14 year old girl yeah tough one um you're doing obviously doing such an incredible job we've already raised three adults yes i'm sure you probably know what you're doing more than we do yeah that's that's probably really true but you're doing a smashing job she's obviously just such an incredible, incredible young lady. But yeah, sorry, we couldn't be more advice on that one.

Also, though, being, I know you don't want her to be too grown up at 14, but being able to deal with some grown up things is a good thing as well at that age. Because, you know, she's going to be grown up soon. She's going to know how to handle those things. Streetwise. It's like streetwise when you're clued up with things. Yeah. So I don't think that's necessarily all a bad thing. But as well, it is only school, isn't it it so much will change for her when she leaves school yeah or

goes up into higher education you know college that's only a couple years away so but yes well thank you tamara that one you got us stumped on that one yeah that's what i do but keep us updated and see if there is anything or maybe someone could let us know. Maybe someone could message in. Someone else who's got older children maybe. That might be really nice that we can maybe pass on to Tamara. That might be some nice that we can share on here.

A bit of listener on listener action. Some input from everybody. Right. Let's roll on to number three, baby. Hey mums, my son is 33 now but when he was little I got so sick of hearing mom mom mom mom so in a

stressed state i said i'm not your mom i'm just looking after you till the lady comes back oh my god i know it's awful but what was more awful was when he got sick of me and i and said i wish the lady would hurry up and come back to pick me up do you think i was too harsh in my outburst from rebecca wow rebecca that is something else there is no judgment here at all rebecca this is a shave space as we know shave space this this is actually phenomenal isn't it i mean we've all been there we've all been there in that stressed state maybe not so much with joseph no not yet but i know it's like the attitude for me yeah because colby is very much in a i would say a little bit of a difficult time he's very much in the little bit

of a back back chatty stage he's six nearly seven he's getting a little bit testing of the boundaries so i do wonder sometimes if I feel like it's coming and we're trying to handle it as but you do get stressed you do it's like when he says um the other day he said to me well you're asking me to do that but she's not done it and I just think I beg your pardon I'm sorry who do you think but do you know what i mean so i wonder in that aspect you are tired you are stressed you are doing a million and one jobs yeah and i have no doubt i personally haven't never said i'm i'm not your mum i'm just looking after you till the lady comes back it's the fact that that's not even bad yeah i wish i wish the lady would come

back he really got you back with that one he did get you back but i feel like he felt your humor there yeah i feel like he gave back as good as he got yeah and look he's no he's 33 now and he's fine and he's here to tell the story it's a funny a funny story. It is a funny story. But no, I don't think you were. I don't think, would you say it was harsh? Look, I haven't got to the point yet where I've heard my name shouted at me a hundred times a day. I feel like it's harsh. I'm sure I might get to that point where I'm just so desperate for Joseph to stop saying, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy. I feel like it's harsh, but I feel like it's so warranted yeah because you're so stressed yeah and so tired yeah i feel like it is harsh

but unless you're a mum i don't think you'd really get it yeah yeah or a dad you wouldn't understand yeah or a dad or grandparent when they're like nan nan nan so yeah that was that i might actually use that line when when jose. Do it. Yeah. See how it plays off. We'll see in 33 years when Joseph comes back. See how that goes down. Thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. Yeah.

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