Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - What Happens In The Secret Mum Club, Stays In The Secret Mum Club

Episode Date: June 12, 2023

This week Sophiena bares all from her wild week which includes accidentally shoplifting and an unbearable revelation about the Titanic. Meanwhile, we share your secrets about dealing with a multitude of questions when you have twins, losing friends when you become a Mum, and sleeping techniques. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

we're back boo would you bloody believe it i'm safina i'm emma and this is a place to hear and share the secrets that us mums have been keeping to ourselves because we all have secrets don't we emma don't we and we all know sharing is caring so join us in this safe space you can be totally anonymous and be serious or silly all secrets are welcome in the secret mom club right you were off tone then right get that ready for next week three two one secret mom club yes lovely nailed it i feel like we should go in this week with a little bit more a little bit more of an introduction to your people my people we've come together yeah we've come together we need to still learn the

words to that it's been a week right I feel like we need to delve in because we've brought your people and my people and we've created harmonious love together but I feel like my people don't know much about you yeah I feel like I want you to share a little bit like how how did Emma become to radio that's what most excites me I had a really like traditional path I went to university I did um in Cardiff and I did a master's degree there and then I just started working for my local radio station which was fab i was like a roving reporter um when i was like i don't know like 21 or something so that was really fun and then um and then i did a bit of work at sky news and then i started working at absolute radio which was like a total that was totally

different to anything that i'd done before because it was all like quite serious news and like very kind of straight and then um yeah and then I started working on The Breakfast Show with Dave Barry. So now I read the news on his breakfast show on Absolute Radio. There's four of us. So we're all kind of, you know, co-hosts on the show. All different ages? All different ages. But it's all, they're all men apart from me.

So I like, I really keep them in line. Good. Yeah, crack the whip. It's lovely. I have to get up very early but um it's it's worth it we work on a breakfast show which is lovely you get really lovely listeners on a breakfast show because they're very loyal they'll probably be listening every day when they get up and go to work or they're at work um so it's a really lovely kind of community of listeners and you get really

nice interaction with them so so yeah so that's me that's what I do and I was I haven't asked you because I know you've got sisters yeah are you an auntie as well I am yeah I've got a little nephew Seb he's like two and a half and then obviously I've got my Jojo he's 15 so it's just the two boys just the two boys that's lush and how do you find auntie life? Do you know what? That's actually what made me want to have a baby. I was never really like a maternal person. And then my sister had a baby. And I just feel like that like set something.

That love in your heart. Going within me. I was like, oh my God, this baby. Is phenomenal. Suddenly I just went home. I said to Stefan, I want one for myself. Let's go. It was very

sudden pants down let's hit the sack and then 15 months later we've got a little bundle of joy yeah it's very cute i did like his picture in the week was he with granddad he was with his granddad and he had the funniest face yeah it was such a mood where were you people say that i've got um you know rbf resting bitch face and he really sadly for? People say that I've got, you know, RBF, resting bitch face. Yes. And he really, sadly for him, has inherited that. He's got such a miserable resting face that people are like, is that baby all right? I'm like, no, I swear he's having a lovely time. He just constantly looks miserable.

He was just such a mood, wasn't he? Where were you? We were, so it was at home at my parents' house and there was like a lovely brass band playing in the park and he just like couldn't look more unimpressed. I took him on a, what do you call that thing in the playground? A roundabout or a merry-go-round? That thing that like scoots round.

Yeah, roundabout. Put him on that the other day. He was just like pathetic. What is this? Like just rolling round and round and just, you know, looking miserable. But I swear he's a happy baby. Yeah. It's what you say. He just looks like his mum, poor miserable. But I swear he's a happy baby. Yeah. It's what he says.

He just looks like his mum, poor boy. How's your week been? Because you had a bit of a stressful one last week, didn't you? The only stressful thing about my week last week is the Titanic isn't real. Sorry, what? The Titanic. It's absolutely boggled my brain.

For a whole week now, I'm infuriated by it. The Titanic isn't real. I get the boat is real. You do know the boat really sank. Yeah, because that left where I live, Southampton. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Colby's been learning about it, hence why the follow-up of this. But the Jack and Rose... Oh, yeah. It's just made up.

It's made up. So there was no diamond. No. There was no old lady that lived to tell the tale. The old lady that dropped the diamond into the ocean in the end. I'm absolutely furious. She doesn't exist. But to be fair, they had to find something. I was going to say they had to find something to make a film out of,

but I think the actual event of the sinking was dramatic enough. I was going to say the whole process of the boat going down was enough. It was enough for a movie, James Cameron. Yeah, so yeah, that is... If I'm honest with you i'm furious that's blown your mind all week i'm so sad about it like the intensity of that film was so so big when we were when it first came out it's iconic though i think it came out in 1997 so we as july birthday twins were nine and i remember going to see that with my parents at the cinema.

I think it was a 12 and I think they snuck me and my sisters in. Well, my sisters were probably old enough. But I can't believe I sat in a cinema at nine years old and watched that film with my mum and dad with that sex scene in the car with the hand down the steamy window.

Mine was the, paint me like one of your French girls. Paint me like one of your French girls. Paint me like one of your French, yeah, that's awkward as well. So awkward. She lays there naked for about an hour.

She must have been so chilly. Honestly. Now, in my mental state of where I am grown up, do you never watch your back and think, bloody hell,

someone get her a robe. It must have been uncomfortable. Yes. Can't believe my mum and dad did that. That's bad parenting. Yeah, that was, that was not good for me that's what

it was like in the 90s nobody cared did you have a better one i had uh well it was our wedding anniversary oh stop it when was that uh it was just yesterday it's five years since we got married but i realized that at the end of the day yesterday, I had spoken, I hadn't seen my husband at all because I was away and he was working. And I'd spoken to him on the phone, I think twice. And we hadn't wished each other a happy anniversary. I was just like, your relationship just goes to shit when you have a baby, don't you?

I probably just said, you know, Joseph's done two poos today and he's had a Weetabix and what's for dinner? I'll see you later. How long have you been together? 15 years. This is it. By this point, it's like... You might as well just pack up shop.

Nobody cares. Sometimes I don't even say hello to Chris. I just ring him and just offload. Yeah. Washing machine's broke. Empty the dishwasher. Cook this for dinner. It's all left out. Feed the dogs. See you yeah what do you want yeah just and they all ring me and just be

like what are you doing i don't know but i don't really have anything that we need to talk about on the telephone yeah because we've already been together now eight years yeah we might as well just save for it till the evening because we're gonna have some time together yeah but we're not really gonna have much to talk about you've got to save it it till the evening because we're going to have some time together. Yeah. But we're not really going to have much to talk about. You've got to save it up, haven't you? Because there's nothing to talk about, really, after this long. I mean, I can talk some waffle for a good amount of time. But not for eight years.

No. Come on. I don't know. I've given it a good go. We're still going strong. In the words of Whitney Houston, this podcast is nothing nothing if i don't have you god i really think we can sing i feel like this is just going to be our podcast in a nutshell yeah i'm so sorry if people don't like singing but it's a part of us yeah yeah anyway it's not

about us it's about you and we want you to join us in the secret mum club you're all welcome you can share your secrets with us the email is hello at secretmumpod.com and we're on tiktok and instagram just search secret mum pod and we want to hear your secrets it can be anything from serious to silly and you can be totally anonymous because between us we've probably heard it all before and remember here we go are you ready yeah three two one we're all in this together we still don't know the words to the sun but we're turning so each episode we'll be sharing my secret and yours. And this week's secret in the Secret Mum Club,

I'm a shoplifter. When I say shoplifter, I mean an accidental shoplifter. And as we know, when crimes are accidental, it's okay. It's the tricky situation. It's like the poo. It's the awkward poo situation like do you go somewhere and have a poo when you've accidentally taken something from the shop are you a take it backer or are you a go home and sweat one out because you're nervous in the fact that the police

are gonna come for you or sometimes you don't realize until you're home and you think well i can't go back now it's ridiculous no we had a we had a we had a problem this week what have you nicked it wasn't me it was the kids it was the children it used to happen a lot more actually when i had the pram yeah did you do you find that with joseph it's hard when you've got a buggy because I use it as like a basket. That's it, when you go around the shop. So I'm putting stuff underneath it and obviously I'm getting it all out. Now that you've got self-service checkouts as well,

actually, it's harder. But you're trying to get it all out, but you're rushing through and there's other crap and stuff in the bottom of the buggy and sometimes, you know, maybe a banana slips by or something like that. But often you don't realise until you get home and you think, oh, I'm not going back.

Or you give them something in the pram to just distract them. Yeah. While you're walking around the shop to keep them entertained. The amount of times we've walked out of the shop and I'm like, oh, do we go back? Do we keep going? Yeah, what's the etiquette? I have no idea.

But if I'm honest, Dotsie picked up a magazine and we just carried on. We carried on going. I'm not, nothing's gonna happen to me is it no one's gonna come for me before you call the police before you call the police i i'm sorry okay i regret it i do my best for the community i'm so sorry but no we it to be fair i thought we had scanned the magazine and we we hadn't because she was around the wrong, self-scanned, she was around the wrong side of the till.

They were sat on the little bench by the window waiting to go and it wasn't until I went past her and thought, I never scanned that. It's a tricky one, isn't it? We've accidentally slipped out of a few bits and I don't know how much I can say here because I might lose my job. I need to be careful.

But that's it. When you're like, Joseph holding um like anything rustly like a bag of like salad leaves or something like that so he'll often sneak out or to keep him really quiet sometimes i let him eat the the thing like the banana or whatever in the pram and then before you know it he's eating the banana and you've left the shop what are you going to do or would you go back so sometimes i notice before like the magazine i hadn't noticed until we were we got home that you know when you play it back in your head you play back the moment you're like i definitely where did you get that because i didn't scan that i haven't paid for that yeah

no it's an awkward one and when it has happened to me i i feel guilty and i feel like the the feds are going to turn up on my doorstep at any second like i feel like i'm being watched i feel like i'm being tailed chris makes it worse though because he'll go they're coming they're coming can you hear the sirens well that's it or the doorbell ago and he goes that's it it's for you and you're like they've come for you your time's up i just to be fair magazines are expensive now they are probably the lesson the message should be to listeners you should go back and pay for things that you've accidentally stolen. Yeah. I don't know if I was giving a message, though.

I was just trying to make myself feel better at the fact that I don't want to feel alone in this. Don't do what we do. Do as we say. Do as we say, not as we do. And confess. And confess your sins. No, I'm joking.

I think it's just more that it happens, and I think people do struggle with that. The guilt. But if it's something that's been like big, like when I took a tea, if it's worth more than £100. If it's got a security tag on it and you need to run. You must pay for it.

You simply must. I would just say they'll catch up with you. So please, please do pay and remove the security tag. Don't say we didn't warn you. I'm slightly concerned the police are going to come for me. Yeah, but obviously this podcast is a secret. It's called The Secret Mum Club. So actually...

Nobody's going to know a thing. And if you do report me, you will be in trouble for outing the secrets in this club. OK. And we're going to cut to a break now. See you in this club. Okay. And we're going to cut to a break now. See you in a bit. Welcome back, bitches. This is the Secret Mum Club,

the safe place where you can share your secrets. We've got three secrets from you and what we're going to discuss in this week. So Emma, hit us off with number one. Okay, this says, Hi, Safina, I i have twins you're a twin and the endless questions are exhausting are they actually twins are they identical are they ivf and the comments drive me mad double trouble you've got your hands full rather you than me there's something about having twins that makes people want to comment they're not a freak show they're not and let me tell you my hun i put

my hand on my heart and say it doesn't ever stop do you know how many times i get asked oh you're a twin and i said yeah i got my twin brother and they go oh you're identical i know i actually asked that about a boy and girl twin before i didn't realize it was such a stupid question i'm so disappointed in you he's got a willay we can't be identical we can't be identical we're completely different body parts i know i don't know what I was thinking. It's the hardest thing and it is insanely, insanely exhausting. I try really hard because where, obviously, my mum had me and my brother and we've grown up as being twins, I've seen my mum struggle,

so I'm very empathetic towards people that are carrying twins or have twins to not instinctively say that thing in your head that oh my god are they identical because you want to i feel like sometimes people do it to want to hold the conversation like sometimes i think people scrap it like it's like that whole thing with oh you're married you've been married five years you're not having a baby yeah and then when you do have a baby who people go do you want to have another one oh my god it's never it's relentless it's relentless and i feel like unfortunately as much as i would love to say it would go away it never does it doesn't and you do a problem is is people do think you're a freak show people find it very weird when you've had more than two babies in your belly in one time yeah but i also think it's just that like intrigue

and interest like reading that i think i am the kind of person that in small talk would ask loads of questions about twins because i'm genuinely interested but i wouldn't want to make someone feel like awkward they're a freak show i'm on the other end aren't i because i'm the one who's been asked the questions and also watched my mum be asked yeah and it is it is hard but again is so i'm a chatty person and i love meeting new people so things like this don't bother me but i know there is people that do find them so it's just handling the situation maybe pick up on a vibe like if people don't want to talk about it yeah just don't ask and sometimes if it is asked to you just be it's hard isn't it you just got to be there i find twins are a miracle like i think

why not what if you can have one why not have two it's mad i find it phenomenal i cannot imagine people that have twins like i think god just respect because doing it with one baby is hard enough but sometimes i think imagine there were two of these and i think especially when you're outnumbered so when you're the one parent at home maybe and you've got two babies that just must be so difficult it's hard enough one-on-one so i think people that do it with twins god so my mum had three under three and my dad worked away oh so my dad was never around where did where did you come in the order of things then so there's an older sibling so my older sister she is two years older than me and then it's me and my brother but

my brother is one minute older than me oh by law so i'm the baby does he like to remind you of that that he's the oldest no see we're because we're completely opposite we were talking about star signs weren't we the other day so where i'm a leo and full leo i would say richie is more of a cancer right he's very very chilled he's very calm he takes everything in stride he's really level-headed he's very um like i find him really fascinating he's very clever and he's wonderful at his job he's got a beautiful wife but I'm in the situation of my brother and his wife don't want children oh really yeah so I'm trying I'm learning every day to be respectful towards them as well that I bet they get a lot of questions they do get a lot of questions because

they've been married a long time now but I um they have a beautiful beautiful relationship and i just adore them both but yeah it's a um it's funny how the it's always funny isn't it because i wonder if people think you and your sister the same but how different children twins can be because i find it really funny when you're from the same mom and dad yeah so different well i was just going to say like it's weird that you're twins and you're so different but actually is that weird because it's just like being different to a sibling just because you're from the same gene pool it doesn't mean that you're going to be similar and people just automatically assume that you're exactly the same yeah like I get asked are you the same does he have the same personality is he as funny as you does he do this the same as you

are you identical like I get the same questions but I quite enjoy them I love that people ask yeah that would definitely be me and I I feel like sometimes I would like be nosy and overstep the mark and put my foot in it but I'm sorry if I have ever done that honestly I love knowing the insides of a duck's ass I'll ask and I say to people sometimes I'm like don't tell me if you don't want me to know like I'm asking too much do you know what I mean yeah I'm that one in the I'm the mum in the playground that's the oversharer yeah come on tell me about your boob sizes they're like she won't stop asking us about our bloody twins she's obsessed right so we roll

in they see me rolling they hate it controlling they're trying to get me we're gonna roll into number two okay says hello safina, hello, Safina and Emma. My secret is, I think you really, this is so true, I think you really find out who your friends are once the new baby smell is gone and the initial visitors and well-wishers subside. We barely hear from any of our old group of friends anymore and our daughter is almost six.

It's an absolute outrage. It's a classic, though, isn't it? It's a classic. I think this happens to everyone. I mean, I i think i've said on the podcast before luckily for me like weirdly loads of my friends had babies at the same time so we're kind of all in the same situation at the same time but i think when you have a baby and your friends don't god you just realize like how different your lives become you just drift apart

also i was talking about this the other day i don't know if anybody else has gone through it if you've gone through it the weird scenario of when i because when i fell pregnant i we talked about this earlier didn't we where i had a baby later so i had colby at 28 all my friends around me had had children and they've kind of got their life back yeah because they're all older yeah and they're all out there and they're still going out partying so obviously i couldn't do that anymore. So they would only invite me out when they were going out drinking. Or if I was going out to town shopping, they'd be like, you're not bringing the kid, are you?

And you're like, what else am I going to do with it? Oh, hold on. I'll just leave them at home with a tin of beans. Like I'm a full package now. But this isn't all inclusive. You're taking us all. If you're taking inclusive yeah you're taking us all if you're taking one you're taking us all and it's such a hard thing to go through and people just assume that you're just not going to turn up with your baby yeah weird do you know I never understood

I was kind of that person before I had a baby as well like I never understood like why people so I my I had nieces and nephews on my husband's side and like they would want to like have dinner at like five o'clock and like not stay out late and I used to be like oh these logistics are so annoying now I've got a baby I'm like oh yes I totally understand it now we all have our dinner at 5 30 and we go to bed at half seven yeah and I get it now but I think you don't truly understand that until you have a baby no you don't and it's hard because again I wish there was something that people told you before you have children like these are the steps that you're going to go through and it's completely normal it's completely normal because i think sometimes it's good to have a good sort out feel like it's good to have a good clear out through life like some of the shitty friends

yeah get them out that's the thing you find out who your real friends are and i think the ones that fall by the wayside like maybe they were never really a good friend they do not deserve your time and your energy get them out yeah chuck them in the trash and make friends with other people that have got kids yes i think that really helps just clearing out the old out with the old out with the old in with the new goodbye skies of grey what's that high school musical oh oh my so disappointed in you. I've missed a High School Musical reference. I can't believe it. You missed it. But, no, stick with it.

It is completely normal. We've all been through it. If you haven't been through it, you most probably will. But it's honestly, I think it's the best, the best progression in friendships is to keep it rotated. Yeah. Clear them out. Take out the shit.

I'm still so fuming that you didn't know the rest of that song. Shit, yeah, I only know the main one, sorry. I can't even look at you right now. Right, we're moving on to number three, please. The Last Secret says, Dear Secret Mum Club, I can't stand that my baby slept through the night from two days old, bores.

My eldest didn't sleep through the night until he was about seven, and by then I had three children. There's hope for me yet. Praise the Lord. we've been talking about this haven't we we have been talking about co-sleeping and it is something that it doesn't bother me but i just wanted to have a good night's sleep it's so true people i think i'm more probably in it than you are because i've got 15 months old so like god when he was born people like when you're gonna start sleep training when you're gonna get them in their own room what are you doing are you gonna do oh cry it out are you

gonna do cry it out are you gonna you know feed them just oh don't feed them to sleep or don't hold them to sleep or if you cuddle them too much they'll never fall asleep independently it's just like oh don't dream feed god when they wake up you've got to take them back to their bed keep taking them back every time they cry yeah pick them up put them down pick them up put them down like this i'm not in a marathon i just want a bloody sleep there's so much to it i think you really i think we're through the other side now and i find your way yeah you've got to do what suits you like i i never did cry it out and i really broke my heart i don't i just really don't believe in it but some parents that I knew at the time were doing it and their children ended up sleeping through the night I'm like great whatever works

for you but as soon as Joseph cries me and my husband like I just cannot leave him to cry because it's like you said last week if they're crying they probably need something or they need you and they're so little as well people say you should be doing this at like six months they're so small at six months still I just feel like they they want picking up like i feel like it's just not worth the they get so worked up and they do when they're crying it's just i feel like it does change when you go to baby number two do you think you became a bit more relaxed with it you just don't have the time to think about that so i do feel like it's a it's a first mum thing and i would tell promote anybody to just soak that up soak it up and enjoy it as much as

you possibly can but moving on to when i had a dotty i just didn't have the time no but she was she was quite a content baby because she just watched colby yeah colby was so obsessed with her and loved her so much that if her dummy come out while she was having a nappy go and put her dummy back in so you basically just get this little buddy who's just there to help you second parent or third parent yeah love changing the nappies and stuff like that but i think you just have to roll with it don't you sometimes i do think like god if we have a second baby what's going to happen because with joseph we really have like obviously he's a first child he's an only child at the moment. We've put like everything into it.

Like sometimes I find myself getting him to sleep and I'm like tickling the back of his head for 40 minutes. And I'm like, God, a second child would never get this level of attention because I just wouldn't have time. We have to tickle. We get one each. So Chris either tickle back tickies

or both children now don't ask for me. So I get like a good hour. That's funny as well. When they start being like, like my husband really took pride in the fact that he'd be like, oh, I'm the one that's good to put into bed. Like Joseph's asking for daddy.

And I'm like, great. You have that one. I'm going to chill with my glass of wine downstairs. Oh, okay, fine. Yeah, no, he wants you. He wants you. So I'm just going to sit this one out. Yeah.

So that's quite handy when that happens. But yeah, you've just got to do what works for you. You have. There's so many opinions and thoughts and competitiveness and... They say opinions are like arseholes, aren't they? Everyone's got one. But we don't all need to see it. We don't all need to see each other's arseholes.

But it's hard, isn't it? Sometimes it's just a bit of biting your lip as well, isn't it? Yeah. Sucking it up and just knowing that you can just message us. Yeah. And just rent... Rent? Vent. Vent. Wrong words. Mucking words up and just knowing that you can just message us. Yeah. And just rent, rent? Vent. Vent.

Wrong words. Mucking words fuddled then. So thanks for all the secrets this week and keep sending them in to the Secret Mum Club. Yeah, please do. You can get in touch with us and share your secrets. It's hello at secretmumpod.com on the email or with secretmumpod on tiktok and

instagram so bring on the secrets we hope you're enjoying this podcast we really do and if you are why not share it in your mum group chats and spread the joy and we'll see you next week on the secret mum club nailed it