Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - Where Are The Tampoons?

Episode Date: September 11, 2023

It’s another wild week in the Secret Mum Club. Sophiena’s been busy plotting a surprise for the kids and Emma’s had her hands full with Joseff. And, as always, your letters and secrets are keeping the ladies on their toes! This week we hear about a love for pre-pregnancy belly buttons, a situation in a public toilet, and how going knicker-less can be more than you bargained for. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do, and as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself, you can be anonymous.

And the secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the secret mom club how's your week been we've had a lush week have you yeah we did do you know what we i wanted to do like a week of just no housework oh i feel like i've done activities indoors and then i've done like a week of like housework right but i've never actually just thought you know what fuck it let's not spend the week because i normally do monday housework tuesday let's go out wednesday i thought you know what fuck i'm taking the whole week off and how was that incredible was it because i get stressed

when no one's doing the house no i i used to get stressed now i'm just like fuck it yeah fuck the housework because it's still going to be there tomorrow. And if I'm honest with you, even if I tidy today, the shit will still appear tomorrow. That's true. So I've got to the point now where I'm just like, fuck it. It might as well just get a bit bigger. And also, you're coming to the end of the summer holidays. So you kind of want to make the most of it.

Yes. Spend time with the kids. Yes. So we went to go ape. Oh, did you? Yes. When I say we, I was delegated camera woman. Right.

So I decided to take Sitchu on the floor, on the ground. So I signed up my whole family to the trees. And when I'm talking about my whole family, well, actually, no, I couldn't put my mum in the trees because bless her heart, she's disabled and waiting for hip replacements. I can't, I can't put her in the tree. So I put put my sister up there all my nieces and my nephews and what about chris colby and darl chris and colby because last time you spoke about the roller coaster no they didn't want to go on it so how did they feel about go ape how do you feel about flying through trees on a rope well do you know what i did didn't tell them you didn't tell them

what it was no they we we basically got to the area the the goatee that's at normally at a country park isn't it so we got to the country park we got there a little bit early before everyone else so i didn't even tell them that my family was coming like they're cousins so we went in the park we were poodling around and then i was like oh we better we better come out now so we can go and have some lunch and stuff and obviously bounded down the road i was like oh auntie's here and they were like what our cousins are here i was like yes my plan is working took their mind off the whole situation so i was like come on then we're gonna go do go ape i have no idea what go ape is my other ones are bigger my nieces and my nephews they're huge they

were like yes this is so exciting and i bet did dotty love as well. Because she's a thrill seeker, isn't she? She is. She wasn't so thrilled. No? No. So she put the harness on, went up the stairs. And then I think it wasn't until she took the first step onto the first platform that she realised what the fuck was... But there's no way back. So once you're out and you're on you've got to do it you've got to you've got to go around so i'm on the ground literally shouting come on don't look at me look straight ahead like a fucking nutter on the ground i just spat them in excitement so just as i got her over

colby's on the other one so i technically should have just gone in the tree because it was more stressful being on the ground yeah colby had a bit of a wobble up there but to be fair they got through it got off the first one and then i was like right on to number two and colby was like fucking joking not another one like fucking joking not another one not another one so because of all of his so first of all he's like no i'm not doing it dots was like no i'm not doing it then all the other ones were like we're going up we're going up and then colby was like well i'm i'm going if they're going and then dots was like well if everyone's going then i'm going yeah and then she good she basically ran around the second one like fucking spider-man my sister couldn't give up with her she was fucking like a rocket around this thing and she got off and she was

like yeah it was so much fun i want to do it again yeah so no that was that was the highlight of the highlight of the week really we've had a busy week though because we're trying to cram as much in as to seeing our family getting the babies out in the weather when the weather being nice and so forth and to be honest had a little bit of an episode where i felt like shit so i was like oh i feel a little bit guilty cram everything in yeah because like the end i said to you didn't like the end of last week as well was poorly yeah yeah and it's just carried on it just got fucking worse and you've only got like two weeks left of we have two to school yeah well it's like we're yeah and verging into the last week now yeah i feel sad yeah don't talk about it i just i don't think i'm ready

i finished all the school uniform though what do you mean finished it what making it yeah hand stitched no i had to get lunch boxes and bottles because at the last minute they decided that they wanted new bottles and new lunch boxes and i thought you know what i've been proactive i've done all the uniforms at the start of the six weeks holiday which may i add for all the doubtful fuckers out there that thought i couldn't that i was stupid for doing it actually paid off what do you mean labeling no it's all fucking fits i got the right size oh we put it on yeah you brought it a bit bigger start of the six weeks how come put a size up why did you just to get it done because in the six weeks holiday you'll learn with joseph right is they basically become a shetland pony or a shire horse and they just

graze graze all day from the moment they wake up and then they basically wake up 18 foot three oh they grow fucking shit loads right holiday what would the sun in the paddling pool water feeding it's like like a plant honestly it's like a plant they grow so much over the six weeks holiday so you had to guess what size they were going to be in six weeks time well i tell you i did something a little bit you know a little bit don't want to tell anyone i always think grits but i went with a size eight for colby and a size nine because i thought he's eventually going to need the size nine so i might as well just get it smart and then dots seven and eight nice bob's your uncle fanny's your own even though she's five she's big for her age she's huge she's giant she's a big she's big. She's a big girl. Yeah, big lass.

And it's the thing at Go Ape. It's the funny thing. I will never get over it. It's the fact that people question my child's age. I was fucking there for the labour. I do remember. I've got the hemorrhoids in my arse. I did push her out.

Not when she was this size, but... Felt like this size, but you know. Still big. Yeah. So does it mean she's allowed to do stuff that she's like too young she lies because she meets the height threshold she lies yeah so at paultons park it says you've got to be six or seven to go on a ride on your own she just said yeah i'm seven yeah and they go all right yeah cool because she's only a couple of inches off her brother

yeah so they're like oh she's a diddy little seven-year-old yeah bless her art she takes after her dad is she a diddy seven-year-old or a gigantic five-year-old she knows who's in four she's still got another week oh yeah but no she uh she lies about her age she'll happily lie about it yeah because i said to her embrace it because there's going to be a time when you're going to really fucking hate her yeah and you're not going to want to round up you're going to be one around down so if you're rounding up now for the fun shit do it yeah do what you gotta do like if you've got the heart and stamina to withstand a fucking roller coaster that's not designed for four-year-olds you go girl go girl she's a wild little creature. So yeah, school uniforms are all done. Good. But I haven't labelled them yet.

What is that sewing labels in? Yeah, no, I stamp. Stamping. Stamp. Nice. Yeah, so I got my little stamp for Colby that he's had from preschool. And then I've just, I've ordered one for Dot.

Oh. But I ordered it a bit too late. So hopefully it comes before she starts school. Do you know what? That's better than like in the old days we used to have sewn in labels. Do you remember them? No, my mum never sewed in.

She never did it? No, and then if we lost our jumpers she'd just go nick someone else. Go to lost property and find someone else's. If there's a name in it, rip the label out. All right, mum, yeah, cool. School uniform back then was worse. Even now it's expensive.

It's so expensive. So expensive but are the dot c school not so much colby's but dot c school does promote you to not buy the labeled school uniform yeah it does say to just go to your local supermarkets which i think is really nice yeah i basically bought her a nice cardigan because i wanted it for her first school photo with the little emblem on it yeah do you know what i mean yeah and then i thought if she loses it or anything happens i'll just buy some cheap i've got some cheaper ones that's some cheap shit yeah from the supermarket so i thought well as long as we've got

one nice one for our photo day yeah i am that mum yeah take it off when you're done all right well i feel like it's what everyone else has as well do you know what i mean you don't want them to have like something different do you no you kind of have to do it so yeah lunch boxes are done water bottles god you're in such a different phase of life now i'm just gonna sit back and relish in my absolute brilliance because i am fucking brilliant i'm pretty proud of myself but to be honest with you it's gonna be it might all go tits up next week. No. It'll be fine. I've actually got to get them to school.

Not crying yet. Yeah. Me, not them. Let us know how that goes the week after. But that's enough of my week. Tell me about yours. Listen, I had, it's always devastating when nurseries say they're going to be closed, isn't it? Oh.

I had to take a week off work to look after. Like work, work. Yes. Work, work, work, work, work. This is what happens, right? Because Stefan's work is so busy that basically if we don't have childcare cover... You're fucked.

It falls to me as a mother, which I feel like is probably normally the way. Yeah, of course. A lot of mums it falls to. So then I have to make things work with my work by taking time off to look after him and then you look like the arsehole at work i look annoying at work because i'm like i need more time off to actually look after my own child which is annoying and also using up annual leave to not actually go on holiday no like whenever i come back people

are like you're going to a nice i'm like no i've actually just been looking after my child shit it's like when men say oh she's made me babysit tonight yeah babysit your own child yeah you're looking after makes me mad yeah you're parenting yeah you're human yeah we were both there in the act yes yeah we both enjoyed it just as much as each other yeah yeah you're just doing your job yes so that was annoying so i thought god the prospect of entertaining him for a whole week on my own at home. No, thank you. So I moved in with my parents for a week, which was nice. I was going to say.

Nice for me to know about them waking up at half five every day. I've moved Joseph into the room next to theirs so that he can have his own room at their house. Because I think if I share with him, which used to be what we did when we visited, I think you just disturb each other. I'd wake him up more he plus if you put him closer to your mum they're more likely to hear him and they can wake up and deal with it yeah yeah like you're planning that's the plan i like how you just scooted around the fact that i don't want to disturb him you know yeah it's just better for both of us just to stab my mum please so you wake up nanny and granddad yeah when you want something and i'll just be i'll

just snooze yeah i'll be on the other side of the house. Can't hear you. Can't hear anything. I didn't hear a bloody thing. I slept great. So yeah, so that was nice. He's annoyingly now, he used to just cry in the night, but now annoyingly he is specifically shouting mummy.

Oh. Which is really annoying because I used to nudge Stefan and go, oh, you, can you go and Isn't it that funny thing? Like that moment you want them to talk so badly. And then when they talk, you're like, please shut up. You honestly, the amount you encourage them to say mommy and daddy for the first time. It's fucking, I annoy myself. I annoyed myself with how much I asked, like, say mommy.

Come on. You're so desperate for it. So desperate. And then the moment it's done. And when it comes, you're like, fuck. Who's mommy? What have I done? Who is she?

He says it a lot at the moment as well. Like I can't leave the room without, mummy, mummy, mummy, mummy let's go, is his new favorite thing. Let's go mummy, let's go. Even if I'm like sitting on the sofa, let's go mummy, you're not close enough to me, come and sit on the floor and play.

In the park, he's like, let's go mummy, come and stand over here. Like I have to be right next to him, up his arsehole the whole time if you could just put the broom up there and just i'm like why are you so obsessed with me why are you so obsessed with me it's kind of kind of flattering can i just say right all you would do is sit here and moan if he couldn't give a shit about you i know you'd be like why does my baby hate me so much i know i. We can't win for losing.

What can I say? I'm a legend. He wants to hang around me all the time. You're pretty cool. I'm not going to lie. What can I say? I wouldn't want you next to me all the time. No.

A bit too suffocating. Yeah. We have a good friendship because we see each other. Once a fortnight. Yeah. Perfect. Perfect. That'd be great for the baby.

Yeah. See once a fortnight. Yeah. Come back to me when you're 18. Perfect. Perfect. That'd be great for the baby. Yeah. See, once a fortnight. Come back to me when you're 18. Yeah. No, I do love it, but it is exhausting. Test him. Yeah.

And if anyone has any advice about early wake-ups, please, God, let me know. Embrace them. No, because I'm not like you. I don't want to wake up at half five out of choice. But it's your job, though. No, I want to wake up at seven. Other babies wake up at seven. Why doesn't my baby wake up at seven? Mine do now, though up at seven mine do now though yeah i'm not waiting seven years okay i would say that's a little bit selfish well i'm honest listen i would say just suck

put a tv in his room and just turn the tv on and go leave no that's really bad advice you know what's really bad now is he's got an ipad and he knows when he gets up in the morning he knows mummy and daddy's weak spot we're like do you know what we want to close our eyes for another half an hour you just put them in between you and just use the ipad you sit there and watch paddling bear that's all right for a bit yeah give him a snack i mean it's lazy do you want to know what i used to do as well what so because the children got to an age where they would just like to get up and play i used to put snacks out for them as to encourage them so they used to get up in the morning get their snack plates and they used to go and sit in each other's bedroom one or the other yeah and they used to open their little breakfast snacks and they used to eat colby used

to know how to turn the telly on so they used to put a little film on have their little plate of snacks and we used to get like an extra hour in bed that's lovely yeah anything he's not really that self-sufficient yet but what i'm working on snack next to your bed with the ipad before you go to sleep so you can just go to his bedroom get him give him a snack turn on the ipad leave me alone for an hour what we're working on is getting him to hold his own bottle so that in the mornings i can just say just sit in a cot and have that for 10 minutes yeah but he doesn't hold his own bottle which i think he's really behind on he's 19 months he doesn't hold his own milk bottle is he got is he really behind on. He's 19 months. He doesn't hold his own milk bottle.

Is he got the, hold it, hold it, or you got a little handle on it for him? No, hold like the bottle without the handle. What bottles does he have? Just the man bottle, like a normal one. So you know the man ones, you get the water and it comes with the little handle. Yeah, or you can put that on a milk bottle. Yeah, that's what I used to do with the babies, because Dottie was exactly the same with Joseph. She was just lazy.

She didn't want to hold her. Yeah, because we've always done it for him. And it was too heavy for her. So we used to give her the little handle what she's the man bottle handles on the water you know what i'm gonna try that to put it on the meal because now i say to him when he's having it i'll go can joseph fold it and he goes no i think that's a boy thing though i wouldn't say he's behind he's just like yeah you fucking why would i do it when you're doing it for me i'm not mug so now just put the milk on the side yeah that's what i'm gonna do sort it out yourself see you in half an hour but it sounds like you had a nice week yeah it was it was quality time

and you got to see your mum and dad yeah yeah they loved it lovely we love it when you get in touch yeah we want you to join us in the secret mum club you're all welcome you can share your secrets with us respond to what we've been talking about or just say hello you can find us on tiktok and instagram just search secret mum pod or you can email us hello at secret mum pod.com we've got one here have we it says hi ladies i know how much you love a good poo story so i had to share this little gem yes i love that that's what we've come big up the poo yeah Poes and farts. Can't blame us. It's incredible.

I know. I do talk about it a lot. It says, a few years ago, we went to a family fun day at a pub. There was a massive beer garden, bouncy castles, and picnic tables full of people. My niece was potty training at the time and had an accident earlier in the day. My sister had run out of spare pants, so my niece was knickerless. Knickerless under her dress. A few hours later, we noticed my beautiful, innocent little. Nicholas under her dress. A few hours later we noticed my beautiful innocent little niece lift up her dress in the middle of the beer garden.

She then looked at my sister shouting mummy poo mummy poo as we looked in horror a big Mr Whippy shit plopped out in the middle of the beer garden as everyone watched while eating their lunch. She didn't... The detail on this is fantastic. She didn't even squat down, just opened her legs, lifted her dress and shit. Used to be me on a Friday night. As my sister walked over with a carrier bag to pick up her daughter.

Like a dog. We were all in hysterics laughing at the incident, but my sister was so embarrassed. Anonymous. Oh, bloody hell, anonymous. That's incredible. Oh my God, that's amazing. You can't be embarrassed.

You just got to embrace this shit, quite literally. What happens when your body training, she's already used a spare pair of knickers. Knickers. Earlier in the day. Oh. When you've got to go, you've got to go. You have.

To be fair, she said, mummy poo, mummy poo. She did tell you. She gave her the signals. Yes, she gave you the signals. What would you want? You were slow. Slow off the mark. I love that there was just a nappy sack on hand.

I would have probably just held the sack under the bum. Like, just shit into the back. I love it when you're a parent right me and my sister how many times i've caught a shit in my no in your bare hands in my bare what else am i meant to do the amount of times that you're out and about and they're just like i need a poo and they take their shorts down or take take their pants down and you're like oh just catch the poo and you're like you can never now not go out without like tissues uh wet wipes and spare underwear even now seven and a five year old i have wet wipes in the car permanently oh yeah i take them everywhere me and my sister used to wet each other until a like notoriously old age i don't know what was wrong with us i'm still like it now yeah i have a really weak bladder so my mum had to carry around spare

knickers with her like everywhere but she said she'd always like often be out without us. Put her hands in her pocket for something and just whip out like a pair of princess pants. A pair of girls knickers and be like, sorry, my children keep wetting themselves. I have to take these with me everywhere. Can you imagine how dodgy that is? Can you just pull out a boy's pair of boxers on the train and people will be like, what the fuck? Sorry, it's my son's pants. It's my son's pants, all right.

He pisses himself all the time. I'm just such a hoot to be with. Be prepared. Oh, that was brilliant. That was amazing. Amazing. We've got another email here from Ila. She says, hi, Emma and Safina.

Just listened to the letter from the lady struggling to get pregnant. My hubby and I tried for four years and nothing. We went on the list for IVF after trying other medication but still had no luck. After celebrating my husband's 30th birthday and a bunch of other milestones, all hope of having a baby was gone. So we just decided to have fun and not worry about it. Then all of a sudden I was pregnant. We had a beautiful baby who is now 12 and had two other children after. Oh stop. Stopping to try was the best thing we ever did best of luck

to this lady oh that is beautiful isn't it three kids in the end she's going to have another two oh i love that that is lovely you've got to not try yeah to try you've got to not think about it not think about it let it all go and just make it as i love that four years i tried for and then fell pregnant and went on to have two more amazing that's phenomenal isn't it i love that what a beautiful story oh yeah thank you i love that so much oh we've had so many messages from you saying you want more of us each week kerry said it would be amazing if the podcast could be slightly longer it ends way too fast well last week's was 45 minutes yeah did you bloody see that what a treat i know rebecca's got in touch to ask uh could you bring out longer podcast episodes or

even two or three a week i know you both have kids and busy schedules but if this could work me and i'm sure many more would love this and we got a message from sophie who said i love your podcast ladies one episode a week doesn't seem enough. I always listen again to each episode. Well, we just wanted to say that we've read your lovely messages. Yes. And thank you for all the love. I wish we could do something for you all. Well, why don't we? Shall we? Why not? Shall we just release an extra episode a week? Let's do it! Woo!

Why not? Shall we just release an extra episode a week? Let's do it! Woo! Woo! I think we should just say that we have actually been talking about releasing more episodes each week. And starting this week, we are going to release a bonus episode every single Friday. Yeah, they'll be shorter than the main episodes.

They're bite-sized. Yeah, and each one will highlight a different topic, which will be chosen by you. If there are any topics you'd like us to talk about, then just drop us a message. And remember, we're all in this together. And we know that we are. We're all stars.

And we see that. Each week, we'll be sharing our secrets and yours in this secret mum club. So here's my secret of the week. We got told not to tap the table. I know, I was trying to do a drum roll. I know, my boobs are slipping, sorry. It's hot in here today. Me and Emma are about sweating our boobalooms off. Wow. Where's the aircon? Sat.

Right, my secret of the week. Are you ready? Yeah. Colbus this week. Colbus. Yes, hit me. Are you ready? Yeah. Colbus this week. Colbus. Colbus Danus. Is that what you call him? Yes, Colby Dane is his name. Colbus Danus Maximus.

That's what? Fuck off. No, is that what you say? We call him Colby Daney Maximaney. No! Or Colby Daney Maximanus. Well, it's like a character from... What the fuck?

Gladiator, I was just making it Roman. Wow. Anyways. Anywhoos, my secret of the week, this week, is that I had a situation. Go on. Well, it's not really a situation. It was quite funny. So me and Colby just have an unnormal evening chats.

There was this blood-curdling scream from his bedroom at like quarter to 11 the other night, to which I said to Chris, as I've told you before, there's a blood-curdling scream. You go, Chris. You go. Yeah. I'm not fucking going've told you before there's a blood curdling screen you go Chris you go yeah I'm not fucking going no if there's a boogeyman out there I don't want to know no you go sort it yeah so out Chris goes run upstairs and Colby was like Colby like obviously I could hear them like muffling upstairs above me Chris and Colby came downstairs and Chris was like Colby just wanted to ask you something he just had something on his mind I was like bloody hell cobs what's happened he was like oh sorry mum just in the middle of watching the telly at quarter to 11 i was like all right he was just like something i need to

ask you for is one of your um tampons and i was like and being that i was half asleep i was like my tampons and he was like yeah you know you know them things that you use use them like once a month and I was like tampons honestly didn't twig in my head I was staring at him for ages and he was like I was like what do you want to use it for and he's like I want to color it in and I want to put it into water to watch it get bigger and for the water to spread and make like a rainbow he wanted to do that at half 11 at night yeah quarter to 11 at night right or the next day he just wanted a tampoon right and i was thinking you know when you just can't get it in your head that's like a tampoon it's like a tampon and a harpoon so i mixed together at this point didn't

know what he was talking about so i said what is it for and he was just like um well i know you've got two holes and i know it goes in one of them but you can still wee if you've got it in i was like a tampon and he was like yes a tampon i was like colby i don't use tampons haven't used them in like 15 years and he was just like well what do you use then i was like well i use always sanitary towels you know when you're like fuck it's quarter to 11 why am i branding i didn't expect to be grilled about my menstrual cycle. I was half asleep. But what?

Half asleep? And I was like, dude, we'll sort this out tomorrow. Yeah, we're going to do this all tomorrow. So when they obviously wake up in the morning, I was like, did last night actually happen? And then I was just like, what the fuck? And Lord Jesus has just gone on. And then Colby was like, literally come downstairs after having this conversation with Chris. Colby, wake up and come downstairs. And he he was like should we go to the shop then for some

tampons and i was like no and he was like no yeah sorry sanitary towels always shut up has this really happened so yeah we then had a little experiment wow so we decided to get some sanitaries and tampons yeah and we colored them in, tipped a glass of water on them. We bought some branded supermarket towels. Right. Sani-trowels. Sani-trowels. And some Always.

And some Always. Yeah, because I wear the night pads. Which one? Because of my big, heavy flow. Again, help it, I've got a heavy flow and a wide-set vagina. Which were the most absorbent? This is actually a really good experiment. Were they?

And it made a really nice pattern. And then we used... What did you pour on it? Just water? Just water. So we coloured it in with pens, felt tip pens. And then we put a little bit of water on them. But then we also made them into a stamp.

Oh! You know like a potato stamp when you were a kid and you used to cut shapes? We did it with a sanitary towel. So Dottie was just straight on her face. She was straight in with the face, right? Does it make a good stamp? Yeah, it was brilliant. So I highly recommend that.

And then the babies really liked that the tampoon went into the water. Forever a tampoon now. Yeah, don't correct them. Don't. Don't correct them. So now the tampoon in the water, what they're confused with is how big my hole is.

Oh, because they saw it expand. Because it went so big, yeah. Do they know that their heads came out of your vagina when they were babies? Yeah, yeah. We talk quite openly about it. They're quite happy to talk about it. So the size of the tampon compared to that is quite small.

I don't think they understand how big they were, though. I don't think they can ask how big they were when they came out. When they were babies, yeah. They're just shocked at how big the tampoon is. But they were taken out, but putting it back in the water and only really examining it in the water. How big does it get then? Massive. Does it?

Yeah, it was huge. I didn't go for a Lillette. I went for like a super fast. Yeah, super jumbo. Basically a fucking aircraft. You could use that thing as a lifeboat. Honestly, take that on the plane with you. You're fucking done.

You'll be fine. Yeah, you'll be fine. So that was my secret of the week. Wow. I kind of want to try that now. I'm having to talk about my wide set vagina and my 10 pains. Please do it. I love how much you made Colby describe what he meant.

You know, I just couldn't. You got into like holes and everything. And even the fact that he knows I've got two holes. Well, I was going to say really three. It's technically three. Well, yeah. We don't really talk about the bum hole when you're talking about your period. Because they know I don't bleed out my bum.

Have a period out of my bum. Yeah. But i wanted to know how open everybody else is with their babies like i'm not really i'm not really embarrassed to talk about it and i'd rather be honest than gloss up a turd i love that he was fine talking about it as well because i reckon some boys his age might find that embarrassing to have that conversation with them you know what we actually had a really good conversation about periods the other day and i don't know if i spoke about it on here or if i told you is that um i i bled the other day through my well a couple of months i say the other day a couple of months ago i bled through my shorts and i just had a a light colored gray pair of shorts on and colby was like oh mummy you've bled so first thing to do he offered me his jumper because were you

out we were out yeah we were out just in tesco so he just popped he's like mommy do you want my jumper because she bled and i was like don't worry mommy take hers off and i just wrapped it around my waist but i and the lady that was watching us and she was like how lovely he's offered you his jumper and i said yeah because i want him to go to school that he's going to junior school now where there's children like i started my period when i was nine did you i was really, yeah. So most children are starting periods in junior school and I don't want him to ever make anyone feel embarrassed. I want him, if there's a young lady that he's noticed or anything like that, I've always said to him to be polite.

Take it to one side, just offer her your jumper. Don't embarrass her. Don't embarrass her. It's not a big deal. You get your jumper back, her mummy will wash it and then Bob's your uncle, Fanny's your aunt. I think that's lovely that you've taught him that. Yeah yeah because I don't think a lot of boys would no maybe even a lot of young girls would we like to talk about it we're a very honest and open family we

talk that's great we talk a lot about it but I just wondered if anybody else is anyone else is quite because I don't ever feel like and I say to say to my mum a lot my mum and dad weren't that open with us no I don't feel like people used to be, though. It wasn't really... It's definitely more open now, I feel like. Generation thing. Yeah. Like, my family are quite open, but, like, Stefan's weren't really. So would you... Yeah, but you were a house of three girls.

We were a house of three girls and my mum, obviously. We were really open about stuff. I mean, our poor dad didn't stand a chance, really. No. He was always, like, the designated holder of, like, the tampons and the sanitary towels. And pooms. Whenever... And the tampons, yeah. Whenever we were out and about, because he used to wear a bum bag.

Oh, nice. Yeah, very 80s, 90s. Love that. So he didn't really stand a chance. But I want to be like that with my family as well. I don't know why you wouldn't. No. But I just don't feel like my mum.

No. And I reckon a lot of people don't. So I love that for Colby. I love that for him. That's really cute. He's a very sensitive lad is our Colbs. God bless his heart. God bless him.

God bless him. God bless his heart. Right, that's my secret done. So next, we'll be hearing some of yours on the Secret Mum Club.

So we're back from an ad break no one needed a poo or a wee today unusual emma's testing her bladder she's trying to bring in the training it are you yeah no i am don't go when you need to go no and then it'll get stronger yes yeah and this is basically the same thing i say to you about potty training when you go to potty train give him a cup give him a cup of juice or water in the morning so you know by lunchtime he needs to empty his bladder of a cup then come lunchtime give him a cup with their lunch yeah then by nighttime you'll know that they've got a cup to empty by dinner time and put them on the toilet not the potty yes and the toilet not the potty and then come the morning if they've had one with their dinner they've got a cup to empty in the morning love it so you're constantly only ever having i'm ready yeah i'm ready winter's the best time to potty dream but anywho um this is the secret mum club the same space for you to share your secrets

we've got three secrets this week we're going to be discussing so emma hit us with number one all right this says hi ladies my baby is five months old and completely ready to wean. She's been ready for probably a month now, but I've been putting it off because I feel like we'll be starting the journey of her not needing me so much. I feel guilty about putting it off, though. Has anyone else felt like this? From Christy.

Oh, that's a really lovely question. So they normally say six months, don't they? For weaning. But I feel like some babies are ready a bit early. Some are ready a bit early. I thought thought dotty was ready about six months and she wasn't really oh she wasn't bothered no not bothered and i thought she was because she was such a big baby she just wasn't she wasn't asked and she wasn't a baby led wiener whereas colby was colby loves finger food whereas dotty really like purees and stuff uh colby was yeah like to do his own yogurt like

carrot sticks um he liked blueberries yeah bananas loved all that baby led weeding whereas dotsy feed me bitch yeah yeah i still like that honestly i'm like we should probably start doing cutlery with him soon no honestly it's just easy for me cutlery is a nightmare if i'm honest with you cutlery is the bane of my fucking life. They're going to learn it one day. Don't put the fucking pressure on yourself to try and teach them while they're little.

It's pointless. Do you know what I would say as well, Christy, is weaning is a fucking nightmare. I know, like... And I want to say, do all the purees yourself. Don't fucking bother.

Just buy the pouches. Buy the pouches from the supermarket. They do some lovely pouches in the supermarket and I would just go for the ready-made meals. Just go for a pouch.

Just start by giving her like a little yoghurt pouch that she can squeeze in. A little something. Yeah. I wonder what makes you think that she's ready. Like, is she hungry?

Is she asking for more than milk? I don't know. Did you notice the signs with Joseph? I think I just did everything like by the book, basically. I was like, oh, he's six months now,

I should probably try this. Tried him on a few things, tried him on a bit of banana, he liked it and it kind of just went from there really. Sorry. Apologies about that,

Christy. Christy, I got your name wrong then, jeez. I would say when they go to go for your food as well. Yeah.

People say that's a telling sign as to when they, ha, ha, ha. Yeah, keep opening their mouth. Yeah yeah keep opening their mouth yeah keep going but also just because you um start feeding her yes little lady um doesn't mean that she's not gonna want milk still because she's still gonna want you milk's still a massive part of their diet like joseph's a year and a half and he still has also if she's anything like dotty

and doesn't want to do it herself but wants the food she's still very much gonna need you yeah yeah I think you can basically work it to suit you yeah like if you still want to like I still wanted to breastfeed at night I wonder if she's bottled I doesn't say no but it says journey of her not needing me so much so maybe she doesn't want to wean her maybe off of the boobie yet but you can have your morning and evening boobie can't you you can keep the morning and evening which Joseph still has a bottle in the morning and the evening. And then, yeah, the feed before bed I always thought was really nice, so I tried to keep that as long as possible. But, yeah, it doesn't mean that she's not going to need you.

She'll still very much need you. I would even say now with a seven- and five-year-old, they still very much need me. I sat and fed my daughter, who's five nearly, a bowl of cereals this morning because she didn't want to do it herself because the spoon was too cold oh wow what a princess welcome to my world colby doesn't want me to help him it's like

not cool don't help me yeah but his daughter does will take it yeah every night she's like oh when i give her dinner she goes too tired to feed myself well And I'm like, fucking hell. What if you don't? Yeah, Joseph's the same. He's such a little prince. He won't hold his own bottle. He won't do his own cutlery.

I would say, don't stress. Go with your, yeah, go with your instinct. Start on, maybe start on a couple of little things now. A couple of little things.

But God, Christy, I mean, I wouldn't rush into that, all that puree shit, because it is, yeah, don't do the fucking ice cream too.

It is a nightmare. Don't, don't waste your time. The ice cubes of sweet potato. Fucking, you will literally hate yourself. It's a fave. So fave. Be careful what you wish for.

And then for them to just spit it out, which is even more soul destroying. Heartbreaking. So heartbreaking. When you spend ages making a meal. And something they loved yesterday. Don't love it today. And will never love it ever again.

They'll throw it on the floor today. Just don't waste your time. So, yeah. It's a journey. It's a journey. Just don't waste your time. So, yeah. Yeah. It's a journey. It's a journey. But I feel like your feelings are truly valid. Yeah.

Because as a mum, when you are feeling guilty, sad, happy, every emotion is valid. Oh, God, yeah. So, just ride it. You're doing great. Yeah. And that rolls us nicely into number two. All right. This one says, hey, lovelies.

I love the pod so much. Thank you. And we'd like to share a silly, slightly weird and embarrassing secret with you. In the very early stages of my pregnancy, I heard that it's common for your belly button to transform into an outie by the end of it and that it may never be the same again. I've heard that. Carry on because I've got a really weird story. This freaked me out as I've always been very fond of my cute little innie belly button. So I made a decision to get my pre-baby belly button set in resin.

Yes, I have a cast of my old innie belly button. Wow, I do sometimes put my finger in both of my belly buttons to compare, as they are quite different. I never told my husband about any of this. Keep up the amazing work. Love from Anonymous. Oh, my God. You can get your belly buttons set in resin.

I'm going to be honest with you. I don't know. I don't know how I feel about it. I fucking hate belly buttons. Do you? Oh, the most disgusting thing in the whole entire world. It makes it, you put your finger, even watching someone put their own finger in their belly button makes me rage really i just i don't know what it is i just find it absolutely what about your belly no don't touch it and my belly button has a mole inside it oh so when i so it looks like

you've always got belly button fluff. So both times I was pregnant, I went into a cone with this tiny... Mole on the end, like a witch's nose. I'm going to boil. No, I can't. Has it gone back inside? It went back in. Has it gone back inside?

It went back in. Oh, God. So how do you feel about... how do you feel about anonymous fingering by her belly buttons? Not for you. Oh, I'm so sorry. Something I've never shared with anybody in my whole life. It's a good job she did get it done

because it changed afterwards. I just don't know why you're fingering it. I don't know why you're comparing. She loved her old innie. I know, but I hate my belly button so much. More that I'd rather lick somebody else's toe than someone put their finger in my belly button. Oh, 100%.

Do not finger my belly button as I finger in my bum hole. No, no, no. Do not put your finger. That was connected to my mum. No, stop. I can't. I can't.

The dry heat. Wow. I can't. Wow, wow, wow. This is too much. I never knew that would trigger such a, be so triggering for you. But yeah, belly buttons after pregnancy.

Gross. Mine is never going to be the same again. Do you want a resin one? No, thank you. Maybe there's a brand that does that. There obviously is. She might just fill her own belly button with no i think you've gone to a company to have it done you know you can get like your um bump cast in like you can get like a mold did you have the resin belly button done right the early stages of pregnancy yeah yeah otherwise

how would she she got the pre-baby belly button set and now she's got an outie it's actually a good idea for her to get it done. Yeah, because if you missed it that much. Because it did change. And yeah, it will never be the same again. So a word of warning for you. If you want to remember your old belly button, get it set in resin before you get pregnant.

Okay, well, I'm going to swiftly, sorry about the belly button situation. It's just not something i've ever really shared but um we're gonna roll into number three oh dear sofa and emma my daughter was around five years old when we were on our way to spend the weekend with my sister my daughter said she needed a wee so we popped into tesco to use the facilities i waited by the door of the cubicle but she was taking ages so i asked have you finished yet? She said... You haven't seen this, have you? I don't know if I can say it.

I love this word so much. It was the fact that your nostrils were flaring and I had to take a sip of water because I couldn't look at you. Oh, my God, I'm crying. She said... nostrils were flaring and I had to take a sip of water because I couldn't look at you oh my god I'm crying she said she said no mum I'm wiping my minge that's when a lady... I don't know what it is about that word.

It's so funny. That's when a lady came out of the cubicle. Next to her is in absolute disgust. She tutted at me and shook her head, which made me feel like the worst mum in the world. Oh, my God. I'm not sure who taught her the word. It's not something I've ever said.

Where did you get that from? I told her she wasn't allowed to call her lady parts that. And then she said... It's better. And then she said, so what is it then? A beaver? Money box? I said, let's just call it a mini.

Absolutely mortified. Sam! Oh my god. I mortified. Sam. Oh my God. I think I'm dead. No, I think I'm dead. What do I call it then? A beaver? A money box?

Where is she? Where is she? Where did she learn these? The follow-ups to Minj are even better. It's a fact that the woman came out of the toilet absolutely mortified. I would have been like you want that minge girl

she's five five years old no mum I'm just wiping my minge I feel like I could I feel like I'm finding it funny because I feel like it's something

Dottie would do yeah same age it's something she would say oh my god oh crumbs out of the mouth of babes that is so funny. It's my mascara everywhere.

I've never laughed so much at something. My life. Sam. Oh, Sam. That was amazing. Thank you so much. Don't be mortified. That is absolutely iconic.

That's a highlight of my week. I might just start saying, Minj, so that Dottiety i can relive this so many people in the toilet cubicle we can piss off oh my god it's when dotsy says god your vagina's hairy and i'm like fucking hell oh your vagina looks like dad's willy no yeah because it's hairy like if we go into a cubicle she'll be like your vagina looks like Dad's willy. And you could just hear, like, the sniggering.

Vagina is so formal. Or they're obsessed with calling it a vagina. Apparently you are supposed to use, like, the biological terms. Yes, yes. Vagina and penis. We don't use penis. Mainly just dick. Not willy.

Willy or dick. Yeah. Yeah, fair. Willy or dick. Oh, my God god that was amazing well we've had some wonderful secrets this week so thank you all for sharing if you want to share your secrets with us you can the email is hello at secret mom pod.com or with secret mom pod on tiktok and instagram and you can get in touch with us about anything catch our first ever bonus

episode this friday and if there is any topics you'd like to hear us talk about then just drop us a message and we'll see you on friday in the secret mom club