Seeking Derangements - Let's Gooo! with David Pourshalimi

Episode Date: May 6, 2022

Beloved TikTok laywer David Pourshalimi of P&P Law Firm in LA joins us to break down his wins in court, to answer some listener questions, and to get a brief rundown on Jacques criminal history. Find David here TikTok at Pandpfirm2.0 Instagram at pandpfirm Subscribe to us on Patreon for a weekly bonus episode at Patreon.com/Seekingderangements

yeah i'd just like to know like a little bit about who you guys are and what you guys do with this podcast i haven't had the pleasure of watching your podcast before but and i want to know who's who's running seeking derangements is that you ben or or who have i been talking to it's me it's me it's all of us it's a podcast we all have. That Instagram account actually just got deleted like two days ago. I don't know why. We need you on the case. We need you on the case. Oh my God.

We're going to sue Instagram. We're going for Instagram. That's the big bucks. The Moby Dick. White whale sitch. So. My God. You know what?

I don't like, look. i don't really necessarily agree with everything you posted i don't disagree with everything you posted but but either way i will fight to the death for your right to say and express whatever the hell you want thank you thank you instagram to do that amen it is when they didn't even tell us what post it was in particular that got us banned. They just... Gone. Well, I did want to hurt Ben's feelings, David, but it was a picture of Ben's

face. It was not a picture of me. It was so ugly that they took it down. My God. No, it wasn't. It was shocking to some people. Alright, do you guys want to dive right into the questions? Yeah, let's go. Let's go.

Yeah, let's go. Let's go for it. Thank you. so Okay, so today we are joined by the beloved TikTok lawyer, David Porcellini, a PNP law firm. David, how's your day going? It's going great. It's a beautiful day in Beverly Hills. I have my window cracked open a little bit, nice and sunny. Nice, nice. You're known to our listeners, I think, for, well, I know, for the videos you shoot, you know, usually taken outside of a courthouse in LA, clients fresh off kind of like intriguing to all of us who've seen these videos is like

the seemingly like uncharistic, like reductions in sentences you're able to win for defendants. Can you tell us a bit about like what kind of cases you take on and how you're able to secure these, what seem to be like really drastic reductions in sentences? Right. So I take on all sorts of criminal cases. The ones I don't take are ones that are either too small, like I'm not taking any like minors in possession of alcohol or like just you know like trespassing or things that are small it's got to be at least a DUI yeah um and I'm not taking cases that are also too heavy either I'm not taking any murders I am taking manslaughter um I'm not taking uh any more you know like rapes yeah uh it's just you know i have in the past and and honestly Thank you. I mean, it's mostly DUIs.

It's manslaughter. It's some domestic disputes I've seen. Domestic violence is a big one. My favorite are the ones where you sue insurance companies. There's one amazing case. A guy was hit going six miles an hour by a car that was going six miles an hour. Oh, I love this one. I've seen this video so many times. are like they're like soap cutting videos for me they're

like so calming and like it's just like purely like a baby washing like a mobile but like he was he was hit by a car that's going six miles an hour there was a biomedical expert and a spinal doctor. Yeah. Can you tell us about that? So that one was a jury trial we did immediately before COVID. I think that was like a December 2019 jury trial we had in the county of San Bernardino, which is a beautiful place. I have to say, like, the ratio of tattoos to teeth are different from what I'm used to. And I had to get a hotel there for two weeks to try the case.

So I lived there for two weeks while I was trying the case. Because otherwise it's like more than an hour and a half to drive there and more than an hour and a half to come back. Jury trial is really intense. Like I'm giving my all to it. I'm working at night, making my PowerPoint, making my outlines for my examinations of the witnesses the next day. So I can't waste time driving. And that one was beautiful. You know, that, so a little bit about that case, what happened was my client was just driving, minding his own business.

He comes to a stop, there's a red light car in front of him. And then the defendant just like fails to stop on time and like try to swerve to miss him but in the end with like the back of his car uh like the right side causing him to like lurch forward and hit the car in front of him not fast speeds or anything yeah the biomechanic uh expert came in and said that it must have been somewhere around like five miles per hour and the only damage to the front of his car when he crashed the car in front was there's like two little holes on his license plate caused by the screws of the other car's license plate and the expert testified that

yeah so and the expert testified look this is going around like five miles per hour. That's why the only damage you see are the little holes. Yeah. Okay. It's still damaged. There are a lot of issues. It's still damaged. Excuse me. It's still damaged. at his deposition and we we filed a motion to preclude him from being able to testify to the full extent of what he wanted to testify about he wanted to testify that this low impact was so low

that it couldn't have caused these injuries um and i think we were able to preclude him from saying that making that conclusion but he the injuries were? Yes. It was, oh, my God, this was just horrific. Like, I don't even know how. It's making me laugh already. So the injuries, so let me tell you, let me tell you, this is so bad. His spine, okay, he got MRIs taken of his spine, so you can see any shifting of the disc.

His spine was, like like almost pristine condition. Like seriously, they had their own expert witness come testify. Look at this spine. Look at it. It's perfect. There's nothing wrong. There's no impingement on the nerve roots or anything. It's perfect.

And our expert came and said, well, look, it's still possible for there has been inflammation and we won't see that in an MRI it's kind of like he's just complaining of the pain yeah right yeah and what he did was he got six epidural injections I don't know if you guys know what that is yeah my dad's ob-gy so I definitely am familiar with epidurals. The needle is like as long as this freaking scissor, like this entire scissor. It's like a big-ass needle, okay? Like a big, scary.

I was telling the jurors in closing argument, you think that this guy's finding perfect, like looking like that means he wasn't hurt and that he just made up all of these and that he went under anesthesia and under went going through this scary, big needle. And I showed it to the jurors, this scary,

big needle six times just to make up a case. This is ridiculous. What they want you to believe. Yeah. Yeah. And so what was the settlement all in all was? So they had offered us $17,000 to settle before trial. Yeah.

The jurors gave us $160,000. Oh, my dream. That's like a lifelong dream of mine. Where were you when I needed you? We can talk about this later, but I've been hit by a car on foot going 30 miles an hour. Let's just go for it now. So let me tell you. Yeah, let me know what happened.

Five and a half, actually probably closer to six years ago. It was actually the anniversary of it was a few days ago because it happened on. Do you remember the anniversary of it was a few days ago because it happened on the anniversary yes yes because it happened on it happened on the same friday as festival international which is going on right now in lafayette louisiana i was leaving a house uh show a house party and there were stragglers all outside tons of people and there was a band playing inside and i was simply trying to cross the street uh and i looked both ways and i saw no car and i started crossing and then i was hit violently 30 miles an hour going by a car the car went to a

stop i flipped over a bunch of times landed on my back landed on a bunch of broken bottles you can see the scars on the back of my arm from where the glass bottles hit me. Everyone at the party stops. The music stops. You could hear the band stop. Someone's like, oh, my God, someone just got hit. And everyone walks up to the car, and then the car just drives away. And I go to the hospital. I have both of my shoulders and collarbones broken.

And I have a cute bulging disc and a herniated disc. And the guy turns himself in later in the night he's a cop's son or a judge's son i can't remember exactly but he got off completely no charges and i got an 800 jaywalking fee every lawyer in in town that I tried to present this case to would not take it, including my family uncle lawyer, who is, like, very well tied into the – Family uncle lawyer. I mean, he's, like, very tied into the – Hold on.

This guy turned himself in. Yes. Because I was drunk. And he said, I am the one driving and hitting this guy. Yes. Yes. And you – so how did you get the jaywalking fee? Did this go to court?

It did not go to court, but it was just like a ticket that I received afterwards. So they ticketed you retroactively. So what happened? Imagine you're laying there on the floor bleeding out of your arm and everything. And some police officer walked up and said, hmm, I'm going to write you up. There's jaywalking in court in August. How did that happen? Did it come in the mail or like what?

It's a little blurry since obviously, of course, the impact was – the impact and the drugs afterwards were definitely blurring of my vision. But let me be frank. Clearly, I deserve some money. I don't understand why people wouldn't touch him. I think it was because he was a prominent cop or prominent judge in town. You think there was some corruption going on?

Of course. Louisiana is way more corrupt than any other. Totally. So the person who hit you was a cop or judge? A cop or judge's son. Okay. Would you take that case?

I don't know. I mean, like, okay, well, look, based on the fact that you're telling me, I would love to take that case. I would love to take that case. Slam dunk. Are you kidding me? I mean, like, even if it's not slam dunk, even if it's not slam dunk, even if you're drunk as fuck, and that even if, like, you think you saw cars, but there's really a car coming and you're just drunk and it kind of looks like a suicide attempt by you. It's not out of my wheelhouse, David. And first of all all and second of all

i would love it your honor the client was clearly trying to kill themselves i thought ben said your honor the client was queerly um okay jock has a few more cases for you, too. That's probably what happened, honestly. Like, they probably saw it as, like, the guy had no time to stop and that you really just, like, darted in and you genuinely didn't see the guy, but he was coming or something. I mean, I don't know. Maybe you didn't have witnesses.

And it just kind of looked like a dumpster fire case to whoever you told about it. Also, your uncle might not have wanted to uh represent you because it's always tough representing family because they're kind of on your ass extra i won't be honest he's like i recently he repped me before so it's not like and he's done it after then he just didn't want to do it that one thing yeah he's seen enough but please continue i'm sorry to interrupt i recently represented my parents they were in the car crash um i'll do a little post for this one soon i just got the check and it was a great settlement for like the damage that happened to

their car which is like like literally almost non-existent um I don't know. I think the insurance companies just like saw that. Yeah, I really like talk to these insurance adjusters, like a friend. I tell them, look, I regret taking this case. My damn parents are on my neck. Please, you got to bail me out of this one. Like my parents are really killing me here. I'm never representing family again after this.

Please, you have to bail me out of here. Look, I understand you're making this offer. Thank you so much. God bless you. The thing is, my dad is so pissed off. You know, it was kind of like that. And I got like 35 grand for my mom, 35 grand for my dad. And it was just chiropractic visits, one, like one or two MRI scans each, and just one follow upup with a pain management specialist each they did go to like urgent care before the chiropractic like the day of the accident but I mean 35 grand and 37 grand for that it's like god bless let's go yeah that's great yeah I mean that's a lot of money that's a lot of uh I mean I I didn't I I had to pay $800 to get here.

You know what? $800 for jaywalking? That almost killed you. And you know, I was drunk when they brought me to the hospital, so they couldn't give me any pain medicine for the first 24 hours. Okay, so Jock has plenty of more stories like this to bring up but i do want to get into some so sorry questions here no please jock has got this could be i'm excited today but i love crime um but i want to get into some of the listener questions um the first one here is from uh someone named nitya and she says, hi, David.

What brought you into criminal defense as opposed to prosecution? Also, if you couldn't be a lawyer, what would you do? Wow, these are very great questions. Thank you to the person who submitted them. It's honestly a very, very long and it's it's something that i you know with criminal law um i kind of didn't want to talk about this but uh when i was in high school i had a problem that i ended up going to an outpatient facility for um you know I was using substances like a while yeah and it kind of I didn't even know that I had the ability to like do well in school I always

thought I had like some sort of learning disability and that I was destined to just you know work somewhere you know nine to five if I'm lucky and just, you know, I wasn't going to amount to anything. Like, really, this is genuinely what I thought about myself my entire life going, like, into college. And I didn't even think I could do college. When I sobered up, I started college at a community college, ended up acing every class. And I was like like what the hell is going on like I didn't do school like what I didn't even know how to read I'm telling you guys like in in high school if a teacher asked me to like read out loud I was embarrassed like I

couldn't read out loud and now it's like I'm one of I'm I'm so great at writing and I don't know where the hell this came from but but the thing is, if you, every single, this is something that I realized. And I think about this with all my clients, no matter what you're dealing with in life, no matter how low you are, no matter if you're at your rock bottom, know that you have what it takes to be great. It just takes time. And just knowing that there's a light at the end of the tunnel and just like, keep going and you're going to get there. So with criminal defense, when I was, I ended up going to law school, I got in a car accident actually, when I was in college

and I didn't really know what I was going to do with my life. I had a cousin that's a personal injury lawyer and he took my case and got me a settlement pretty fast. And then I asked them like, Hey, you know, every time I come to your office, you guys are just laughing and hanging out and you just got like money, you know, can I just like come work for you a little bit and see what's going on over there. And in working there, you know, I kind of liked the work and I felt like, wow, this can kind of be like me. And, but I saw that they were sending all their big, big, big cases to other law firms because those law firms can do jury trials and they couldn't. And the jury, the jury trial firm would get a case and then settle it very soon after for all this money and keep most of the attorney's fees and not even try the case.

Or they would try the case and they get all this money. I'm thinking like, wait a minute. Huh? Because I grew up wanting to be a stand-up comedian, you know? And it's like, I feel like I can do jury trials. Yeah. You know, I think I can do jury trials. Why not? Yeah. I mean, you think I can do jury trials. Why not?

Yeah. I mean, you're basically playing to a crowd. It's very similar to stand-up comedy. Yeah, it's the big show. We're all in entertainment, baby. It's the same thing. It's literally the same thing. And the number one fear people have even more than heights is public speaking.

even more than heights is public speaking so if you have the gift of being able to speak in the public without freaking the fuck out god bless so i go to law school and my goal is you know what i'm going to be like my cousin we're going to do some injury cases uh and then i didn't want to work for him he's got the same last name as me and I just want to have like you know experience working for other people so I work at the DA's office in the gang homicide unit and they're taking me to crime scenes we're going to jail we're seeing like all sorts of cool stuff but the coolest thing I ever saw were the jury trials and the court hearings and I learned that in civil litigation, you're never going to do jury trial.

It's such a rare thing. But in criminal, you are going to try cases left and right. So I felt like, you know what? Wow, this is pretty cool. You know, I'm interested in criminal law. Like, you know, and I got in trouble when I was, before I was 18. You know, I'm not going to get into that,

but I had an experience with the criminal justice system where I had a public defender. And that's kind of the reason why I have everything I got going today. So I thought, you know what? I think I could do more good in the criminal justice system with my background and my experience that can really help people if I'm in the prosecutor's shoes. Because really the defense attorney is just doing their best. And on some cases, you know, they can't really help a client that much. But if I was the prosecutor, I could really help each defendant even more than their own attorney. Yeah. I became a prosecutor.

They allowed me to become a prosecutor, even with the record I had and you know, everything. And I saw pretty quickly that I actually don't have the discretion to help people. I got to do what my boss wants me to do or else I get fired. So all of us, it's a really crappy, like, feeling to just be punishing people left and right. Like, there's some cases I want someone to go into

treatment, and your boss is saying, no, this is, no, they got to do jail time. And I'm like, okay, or like, a lot of jury trials where I see the evidence. I'm like, look, there's reasonable doubt all over this thing, especially with domestic violence cases. I'm going to tell you guys, domestic violence cases in all of California, they will, the prosecutors will go forward to trial on a case that even he said, she said, all right, they will go forward. They'll put a defendant who could be totally innocent. They'll put that person through the ringer just for political reasons so that God forbid something happens down the line.

Like if this guy really was an abuser and ends up killing someone or whatever that they won't be blamed by the media for letting someone go. So just out of being afraid of what the media might say, in case something happens, they're putting every single day, they're putting ordinary people through the ringer, wrongfully so, just to absolve them of any future shit. I didn't like that at all. Being the attorney that has to spend two weeks of my life really going hard on someone when they totally couldn't could have been innocent. It, it's tough, man. I give my all to my work. I give my all to the jury trial to give my all

to penalize someone that could be innocent. And that I know that I rightfully should lose this jury trial it just killed me man it really did my last jury trial as a prosecutor was he said she said and you know I I put in my two-week notice and I was told hey do you want to you want to do this one last jury trial if not it's okay you put in your two-week notice I told him you know what hell yeah fuck yeah I want to do a last jury trial. Like what? Instead I'm going to be interviewing victims of crime every day. No, I'm doing a trial. Let's go. Uh, I did this trial and let me tell you, man, like during the jury deliberation, I walked up to the defendant. Okay. His lawyer wasn't around. You can't be doing this. It's like against the rules or whatever.

I walked up to the defendant and I told him, listen, bro, I got your back. If anything happens and for some reason you lose this trial, I want you to know that I understand. I'm not going to let your punishment's not going to be that bad. I got your back, all right? My coworkers went crazy hearing that I went up to the defendant and talked to them and told them this. And I won the damn trial, and I couldn't believe it. I was like, what are you guys smoking, these jurors, right? Are you kidding me? And you did it because you care. The judge gave a worse sentence. did it because you gave a worse sentence

yeah the judge gave a worse sentence than i asked for yeah and uh it was what it was man the judge looked at me like you put me through this two-week jury trial to ask for seven days of community service disproportionately me i don't even remember what she gave him but but I know it was like worse than that. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's,

I mean, it's, that was incredible. Yeah. That backstory is just so fascinating to hear you take on what you think would be the right path and what you want to do with the prosecution. And then realizing that criminal defense is really where your heart lies. Well,

and even if someone did do something terrible they still deserve like a competent legal representation they still deserve a human life and i could tell from your tone that you would rather someone in a bad situation get help than just be locked up senselessly without any kind of like you know okay we've got another question. Here's the thing. Oh, go ahead, go ahead. The thing is, a lot of prosecutors, day in, day out, they're just punishing people.

And they become hardened and they lose perspective. At least now on the defense, when I have a client come in, I can get them into rehab. I can get them to go to AA. I can really counsel them, given my background with all that. And I see what i'm doing to these people's lives and a lot of the results i get are because these people are have now through my representation become people that don't deserve the punishment

that would have been given to them otherwise yeah and i get a lot of tiktok comments like f you you're making our streets unsafe f you how can you live with yourself how do you sleep at night getting these people slapped on the wrist they're not getting slapped on the wrist i give them homework i'm not an easy lawyer to have yeah well also like a single dui has the power to like completely destroy someone's life like through the legal fees through fines through jail time they might get like a single dui can really really really fuck you up so if you can get that pled down like yeah that's a good service to people a single dui in california can fuck you up i know someone in louisiana with seven dwis who still has a license driving is legal in louisiana basically it's encouraged

louisiana had to have a federal investigation starting in 2015 on how they prosecuted duis and uh di or whatever the other one is driving yeah they had to investigate because people were just paying their way out of it to the point where they were everyone was getting their license back yeah i mean i i personally know someone that i used to be in a band with a two-person band and he ran over two 13 year olds in the middle of the night who were running track while he was drunk and he has served zero jail time is ben laughing it is so horrible but it's like it's like that's how fucked up louisiana law is your life is like a true detective season it's the lost season it's funny i hated that show okay okay i want to i want to get to listener questions um so there's one here related to

duis and maybe where the line is um from ju He says, hi, David, I love your work. Is there such a thing as too many DUIs? Like, would you provide services to someone who had eight? And then he says, who wouldn't you defend? Which is a pretty broad question, I know, but it's his. All right. So here's the thing with, are there too many DUIs? Look, I have been to so many AA meetings, you cannot even count how many AA meetings I have been to.

I know many, many addicts and alcoholics, pretty much the same thing. And the reason why they're getting so many, you're talking to three right now. The reason they're getting so many duis is because they have this disease called alcoholism and it's like okay even if you're not even addicted to alcohol and it's like crystal meth or coke or whatever it is um you have it you have a problem so let's try to fix the problem okay is jail gonna fix the problem fuck no it's not gonna it'll fix the problem for everyone else for like maybe a year or two while the guy's in custody but as soon as they're

out of custody it's like let's go and you're never gonna get life in jail for dui unless you like kill someone okay so the max you're gonna get is like three years and they're just gonna keep maxing you out at three or three or three years of which like you'll serve like maybe half. It's even in California. And this, I'm talking like max high term. You're not even going to get a three-year sentence unless it was like what you're like six DUI within 10 years. I don't even know like how you can even get that far. But I have a buddy that actually got retained on a six time DUI within 10 years, like the other day, kind of crazy. Well, the thing is I would take-time DUI within 10 years the other day.

It's kind of crazy. Well, the thing is, I would take anyone's DUI, even if it's like 10th or whatever, just because I'd like to see why did they get to that many DUIs and how can we prevent this? I make clients sometimes when they're up there, if it's their third DUI, I get them to install an ignition interlock device in their car even after the case. And I tell them, like, look, if you commit another DUI, this one's going to be felony or it's going to be, like, gnarly jail time. until you get to however many years for for it for enough of your previous duis to get knocked down so that if you get one more dui it's still a misdemeanor so like i'm not going to disclose if this is a client that i have posted or not but i have a client that you know i may or may not be getting a lot of shit for on tikt, like how can you let this person drive or whatever. This person has an ignition interlock device installed because of me,

even though they don't need one right now. And they're going to continue having one until at least 2024. So, I mean, that's just the kind of person I am. I mean, you're basically telling the haters that you've said that you're proving them wrong by getting like putting this shit in their car and making sure like you're you're upholding the rights and like they're yeah because we have a question that i this has been on my mind oh one hold on oh yeah go ahead go ahead one uh the next part of that question, are there cases that I won't take? Yeah, you know what?

I'm not taking murders. I'm not taking any more rape. Yeah, there's a lot that I won't take. Like third-strike cases, I won't take anymore. Honestly, man, the three-st strike law is just so crazy and yeah i understand it i do it's just too much and also the thing is like people don't understand how easy it is to get a strike yeah it doesn't there's a crime called criminal threats in california if you make a threat to either kill someone or cause serious bodily injury. And that person believed it was credible. Not that it was actually a credible threat,

but just that that person thought it was credible. I would be in jail. You're going out on a ride. I see in Guantanamo. I wouldn't be in the country. I left court one day. I left court one day on a criminal threats third strike. I got in my car, man.

And I was just like, God god why are you doing this to this person man like why what the fuck god like are you serious right now this is huge and um you know the guy ended up getting off like he did like he served a full year in jail and then they just made like a deal with him and let him off but i would argue it was like he got lucky if it was a third strike criminal threat if the other two were criminal threats i think that proves that they're not credible you know the first two didn't work like oh because it's just if the person was scared i guess if we're using the strike method, I probably have at least... You'd make a good lawyer. I think we would all make good lawyers.

Us three. Oh, definitely. I got the hat. I got the hat. I'm ready. I think you guys all have the it factor. We do. For sure.

Yeah, we've got what it takes. We've got what it takes. We've got a question from a listener named Anna. She says, She says, Hello, David. a question from a listener named anna she says she says hello david i've been looking for representation for an incident that happened almost 20 years ago when i was about six my mother opened up a sliding van door as i was standing behind it and it slid into my head while i didn't need to go to the hospital nor did i need stitches i felt like there's still a mark there. Also, I have some emotional trauma around vans and doors now. And I think the blow to the head

stunted my mental development. Basically, if I wanted to sue her for this, I think we could both cut a fat check. Would you take my case? Thank you, Anna, for that question. Thank you, Anna. I appreciate you. I hope your head is feeling okay today. would you take my case thank you honor for that that question thank you thank you honor i i appreciate you i hope your head is feeling okay today and i i hope your head is feeling okay it seems like you got some lingering problems though i hope those evolve but here's here's the issue

when assuming it's in california because i'm licensed in california and we're going to talk about i mean the laws are so similar everywhere i'm sure this might apply there too uh if you're a minor and something happens and you could sue for it except for government claims okay claims all claims except for government claims you usually have a statute of limitations you can bring this lawsuit within two years or else you're barred forever from bringing it. If you're a minor, there's no statute of limitations. Again, unless it's a government claim until you're 18. Once you're 18, the statute of limitations, the clock on that starts ticking.

So depending on what kind of claim it is, breach of contract or injury for injury, it's two years. So at 18 years old, now she has two years to do her mom. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry, Anna. Yeah. Once you're 20, it's a wrap.

So unfortunately, Anna, it's a wrap. But, you know. Rejected. Look at it. Your mom probably didn't have any bread to pay anyway. You know what I mean? Yeah. You know, like what insurance did she have?

Did she hit your child in the head with a car door? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, like, did she have homeowner's insurance? I wish you were 20 years or 18, 19, but we could have made serious bread together. I don't mean to sound mean, but I think Ana should just grow up. I got my head stuck in a revolving door at FOA Schwartz in New York as an 11- or 12-year-old, and, you know, I'm not suing them.

How does that happen? How did you? A revolving door? A revolving door. Were you laying on the ground? No. Were you crawling in? I was trying to go through too fast, and I got my head stuck in it.

Head first. So you entered a revolving door head first? There's a moment when my head is being squished in this revolving door. David, is there anything you can do for that? If a client entered a revolving door headfirst. Right before it was about to close. I mean, look, it's a toy store and I love FAO Schwartz. Rest in peace

to the one they had in Vegas. It was beautiful. Look, I mean, they know their customers are kids and kids are going to be doing stupid shit like going in headfirst. It probably would be a case. But again, you're old. Rest in peace to Apple Sports.

Definitely. I mean, this company is already completely defunct. It's already gone? I think there's still one. There's one in Midtown, I think. Really? I was almost sure that they had all gone. No, I think there's one in Midtown.

Yeah, next to me is at Wil was almost sure that they had all gone. No, I think there's one in Midtown. Yeah, next time you visit, we'll go, Jacques. I have a question here from Grain Newports. Oh, God. If you could defend anyone in trial, past or present, who would it be and why? Also OJ, innocent or guilty? Hold, that's... Can you start with the OJ, please, if you don't mind?

I'm really fascinated by your take. He's tenting his fingers, ladies and gentlemen. The man has tented his fingers. Look, look, look, look. OJ Simpson, I'm going to tell you guys something right now, okay? OJ Simpson is not guilty beyond a reasonable doubt, All right. It was a fair and square jury trial. You know, I respect the work of the prosecutors, the work of the defense. And, you know, that the the law was applied there and it is what it is now.

Did he do it? Yeah, for sure he did. Come on. They found his hair. They found his hair on both of the dead bodies. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? You're the first person to ever make me even once convinced. Of course you think OJ's in. Yeah, of course I do.

And I feel bad because I mean, look, I feel bad. And this is evidence that is readily public Available Let me just tell you something really quickly I feel incredibly terrible for Nicole's family and friends And I will always You'll always be searching for the real killer Always be searching for the real killer

Now look I'm going to express Something that's controversial I personally believe it to be his son. His son had a history of violence beforehand. His son was like 11. No, his son was 17, 18 or something. Look, I...

It's the F.A.O. sports. It's the juice. I mean, come on. His son murdered them brutally, right? Like a way that an athlete of his kind only could do, probably. And sprinkled dad's hair on the dead body. Pulled it out of the comb. Planted the evidence.

I don't know what to believe at this point. You're changing my mind every minute. Which is why Jock finds it to be so believable. Okay, so the second part of that question now. Oh, and one last thing though oh yeah um about oj what i said before about domestic violence cases at least in california the prosecutors go forward with it even if it's he said she said is all because of oj it's all because of oj before that because oj had cases that my former office the la city attorney's office uh just dismissed because it was such a big media scandal yeah i see and they got so much shit yeah thinking oh

if you got prosecuted before they wouldn't you wouldn't have done this so yeah yeah yeah there we go for sure and i tried like i'm telling you there were probably like 30 jury trials they made me do domestic violence not that didn't even end up to a verdict just like you know either we dismissed it midway through or whatever but like a ton of jury trials for domestic violence i'm telling you i've done more domestic violence jury trials as a prosecutor yeah then like like lawyers have done trials in their career, which honestly, I think like 99% of lawyers go their whole career without doing one jury

trial. Wow. They never make it to the big show. Yeah. The thing is, the thing is, uh, settlements are for dough. Trials are for show. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There we go. I'm learning so much lingo today okay so the other part of that question which if you could defend anyone in trial past

or present who would it be and why the big question my god i'm sure there would have been so many such better people but uh i am a big fan of tupac Shakur, and I always have been, and he was always an example for me of someone that, you know, didn't even have a good vocabulary, like, I used to, like, grow up, I didn't have a vocabulary like I did now, and I used to think really poorly about myself, and how smart I was, and stuff, but I always saw him as someone who, despite the vocabulary, and stuff but I always saw him as someone who despite the vocabulary despite like the education was just such a genius and all they did he did was just apply himself and and think just use his mind he had I think he had some crazy cases I know he like he had a rape case that he'd be you know I would have always loved to represent him he never

i mean i think he only went down in flames once for one case but i think he had several other ones that he beat yeah definitely uh tupac is someone i would have liked to defend and just like grow out with you know yeah yeah i mean to party with tupac more. Is there any current cases? Maybe write a song with him. Is there any current cases going on? Speaking about current cases and kind of related to OJ, people also asked about the, they want your take on the Amber Heard versus Johnny Depp trial that's happening.

That was a question from Chloe. From Chloe. She said it seems like Heard's attorneys are terrible at their jobs, but maybe that's just due to their client. And she says, whose side are you on? Yeah. Okay, so disclaimer.

I've been so damn busy recently. I haven't really read into that case that much. So I don't really know the details, but I have been watching all the clips that come up on TikTok or Instagram or YouTube of the actual Johnny Depp's testimony and the hearsay objections that everyone's talking about. And a lot of people are criticizing her lawyers for asking a question of Johnny, lot of people are criticizing her lawyers for asking a question of Johnny and then he starts answering it and then they make a hearsay objection even though they ask the question now the thing is I understand like it's it's funny or whatever but sometimes lawyers genuinely have

to do that because I might ask you a question and what I want from you, and we've had depositions before, so I know how you, you can answer this question. I want you to answer the question in a way where you're not going to tell the jury, Hey, this person said this, like, don't talk about hearsay. Just answer the question based on all the non hearsay things, you know, sometimes the witness just answers the question with hearsay. And if they do that, and I think that's more with hearsay and if they do that and i think it's more damaging my case than if they were going to answer it with non-hearsay i'm going to say hold on objection hearsay and the judge is correctly going to sustain that objection meaning hey don't answer you can't answer that um, and, you know, please answer it with non-hearsay if you can.

So I don't know. Honestly, I don't know if they're doing a bad job or not. But based on the few things I've read about the trial and the things I've seen, I'm kind of rooting for him. Yeah, me too. You know, I mean, I don't know. I heard he lost the case in England or something. I don't i mean i don't know i heard he lost the case in england or something i don't know i don't know i don't even i don't even know really what the charges are in court i'm actually really confused about it what it what it is is i think it's a defamation trial

where johnny is suing her for saying that he abused her, I think. I see. And some of the more hilarious points of the trial, which I'll be covering with my friend Jack McGregor in an episode coming soon, is that he keeps calling her Officer Brickhead, and he also

calls her Lesbian Camp Counselor. And the insults that he's chosen for her, and she's like, insults that he's chosen for and she's like this is this is what's ruined me and then you know the the huge thing in this case is that amber has been proven by her personal nurse testifying saying that she is mentally unstable on alcohol and drugs and like you know it's pretty much made her completely i mean in my opinion it's like really your expert opinion of being mentally ill yeah you know it's it's kind of sad and i really don't mean to be insensitive when i say this

but look disclaimer domestic violence is horrible it actually happens way more than anyone ever expects and when I became a prosecutor um it was like okay great day one as prosecutor all of a sudden I'm seeing whoa there's like every case is domestic violence and it's happening all over the place all like way more than you would expect it to happen um but it's also people have a lot of motivation to falsely accuse someone of domestic violence there's a lot of benefits people can get hey you're you're you know custody battles like some people like you just really hate your spouse or your baby mama baby daddy whatever, whatever. And you just hate them so much. You don't want to have anything to do with them, but you're just like locked in because you share kids.

All right. Oh, on this day, he hit me on this day or whatever. Oh, I got a bruise here. I'm going to take pictures. Or like that one lady who broke her baby daddy's phone. Really? Allegedly. Allegedly broke her baby daddy's phone. And said something in front of a cop while he was wearing his body

camera i guess allegedly again as well she was a queen i loved her so without going into specifics that i didn't already disclose in that video i'm going to talk in general terms uh a confession isn't always every confession is different some are better than others um you know like if she's like crying while the cop is like leading her into and you broke her phone and like she's just like like crying and her head is nodding like this do you really know yeah yeah you know and it's like this person you could believe yeah emotions are running beyond a reasonable doubt now all of a sudden uh like if it becomes he said she said and all of a sudden the jury starts hearing that he was a bad boy you know all i need is one juror yeah for sure and in that courtroom where i had that case uh i've i've done several jury trials

in that courtroom they know me in there uh and they know like are we going to really roll the dice after two weeks jury trial with david like no let's just give him a trespass we'll watch the next case yeah for sure um yeah so i think hessa's got a question yeah yeah i have so this is a hypothetical for you i've always been fascinated with the idea that it's illegal to be caught with burglar tools um it is so i think i think it would be fun if i list off some burglar tools that like a defendant of yours has been caught with and you explain why they have them there's a light lightning round okay yeah oh i love this that was really smart okay i uh i haven't defended anyone from possession of burglary tools but i've definitely

prosecuted a fuck ton of them really let's Let's go. Let's go. How are they defended usually? Are there excuses that the defense makes for... Yeah. Usually they get a public defender. If you're going to commit burglary... Let's list the burglary tools because those are

so random, some of them. Okay. Here are the burglary tools a screwdriver and a hammer a crowbar a ski mask ceramic spark plugs a lock pick and a plasma arc cutter like in the movie thief yeah so has all of those on her oh wait so that's what it's called? A plasma arc What? A plasma arc cutter That's what it's called Have you seen the movie Thief?

Wow When they're cutting open the vault I have seen that in so many movies I've been wondering what those are actually called Since I was a kid And like are they real or was Oh they're real yeah Did they just make those for movies?

That's a real thing? Oh my god So Haz is arrested with all of these things on her. I have all of those on me. Let's give a hypothetical client name. Max Morea has been arrested for these this is your client.

So how are we getting him off? I'm getting my client off. You want to know how I'm getting him off? Yeah, tell us about Max. So Max, poor Max, I'm telling you, poor, poor, poor Max. You know, he was hanging out with the wrong people, and then, you know, they, well, okay, well, there are a few angles, okay? My ideal angle is that Max came here from a different country. He did. real angle is that Max came here from a different country. He didn't really know anyone.

And so he's making friends and his friends are like, Hey, do you want to like make a little money going and work doing some innocent work at this place? Yeah, let's go. As soon as he gets there, they're like, okay, give me your phone and your ID and your wallet and everything while we're working and we're going to hold on to this stuff. So Max is like, oh, shit, what the hell? Okay, here's my stuff.

They blindfold Max and take him to somewhere, unblindfold him, and they say, okay, here are these tools, and we're going to go burglarize this place. Now Max is in a position where he's like, I got to do this shit. These people are going gonna kill me or or like okay i'm just gonna do this and uh i'm just scared and i don't know what's going on whatever wow all right he would be scared to situation yeah in these situations if max is a is from another country he can we can get an expert witness on human work trafficking oh right because human trafficking can be sex trafficking it can be work trafficking and if you do it sometimes it involves a plasma art cutter yeah yeah i mean he didn't go by the plasma art cutter exactly his friends his friends

bought it and he was blindfolded and he was brought to this place, and there's no witness that can say otherwise except for Max. And he's a victim of human trafficking at least, or his friends are just gangbangers that kind of made it in a situation where he felt coerced, and he had to do this. coerced or you know and and he had to do this um but max is a good boy you know he's he you know probably has a clean record my beautiful great client would never do such a thing and i here's a here's a letter here's a letter from his pastor here's a letter from you know wherever so i'm not concerned that max has every single burglary tool known to man on him. Because at the end of the day, Max is my client and I don't represent guilty people. I'd buy it. Well, guess what, David? Max is also from El Salvador.

So you can also MS-13 right there. MS-13 right there. MS-13 right there. Bing bong. Bing bong. Let me tell you something. My beautiful client, Max, is getting an award after this case. He's getting the key to the city. I love this attitude.

For the shit they put him through. David, you should have been my lawyer years ago. If only you practiced law in New Orleans. Let's do some more jock stories then. Do you want to get into another? David, do you have time? We're not taking too much of your time, are we? No, no, we're good.

We're good. Okay, perfect. Just checking. So let me lay you out. I'm having fun with you guys. I am too. This is great. You are so fun.

You're incredible. So, let me tell you a little story i happen to go to a marty girl party in new orleans i'm from lafayette louisiana this party was on the thursday before marty girl marty girl's on a wednesday so you know marty girl starts two weeks ahead of time basically but this is the thursdays muses it's a tame night for the parade i decided to go to a party afterwards where i begin to drink as i would at a party with a private you know open bar and i see one of the bartenders and i kind of he's fratty and i i just started making fun of him just because i don't know i i just did and this guy clearly heard me but i didn't pick up on that do you remember what you were saying i just was making fun of the way he looked uh he was just like a fratty white guy in a polo that

had like a dark tan with like the brightest white teeth he looked like okay i was comparing him to tim allen from christmas with the cranks okay okay so you david knew the reference so okay um so evidently he put xanax and uh rohyfnol on my drink that's what i tested the next morning positive for um it was a frat guy who roofied you so just to get back at you for saying he thought it was a frat guy who roofied you just to get back at you for saying he looked like Tim Allen from a Christmas movie. He just kept those things on him. A whole group of people were laughing at this thing about it,

and I think he overheard that and thought we were all laughing at him, which we were, but whatever. It wasn't that bad. I assume it was this guy who drugged me. Anyway, I went outside to be- We went outside to bring him in for an episode how did you get him on so that must be interesting so i i went outside to to pee apparently and then no one saw me no one know what this is what happened because you had already blacked out i've never driven a car i i uber didn't exist at this time and i was just like okay whatever you know flash forward to the light bulb of the

arrest picture being taken at opp orleans parish prison i know where i am because i can immediately turn backwards and i say oh my god this is where nicholas cage got his picture taken i'm like fuck i'm like this is not okay so i am still clearly on still you recognize the jail from a celebrity mugshot yeah and i'm in the i'm in the jail you know i'm like this is not i mean you know this is not good if you get arrested during mardi gras in new orleans you have to stay in orleans parish prison until the thursday after mardi gras yeah so if you got arrested two weeks the the first day of the two weeks of mardi gras you're staying there till thursday yeah luckily i rest in peace to my beautiful i i miss him so much i just found out he died. My lawyer in New Orleans, Freddie King.

Yeah, he got me out of here. But no, so the story continues to get worse because I'm coming to I'm like, God, how could this have happened? So I killed my lawyer. So I the guy starts talking to me. I'm feeling really uncomfortable. I'm trying to just not even look at him in the eyes. Oh, God, I remember this story. And he's talking about how he took 10 hits of acid that the cops didn't find in his pocket, and him and his friend.

And I look up at him finally, and he has a giant swastika on his head. It's terrifying. It's like I'm talking to Charles Manson's fucking son or something. On acid. Like over here? Yeah, right here. So I i'm just like this is not

good so i'm like this is not good i'm like don't i'm just like i gotta get out of here finally i i'm like something is really wrong with me and david i really i was like something besides just being drugged and being jailed like there's something physically wrong with me i don't know what happened to me finally i see a mirror a mirror, and I look into this mirror, and my front tooth is missing down to the bone. Oh my god. Like this one. At this exact moment, I also

realized that I have four or five grams of hash in my pocket. Oh my god. I'm like, the cops are clearly not going to be quite the case freddie king gets me it was a public drunkenness charge he gets me out of the jail he gets me out of the charges he gets it off of the record i'm he even i was like freddie get this fucking mugshot deleted from the system.

To this day, I cannot find this mugshot. There is not a record for public drunkenness. I've looked because I've wanted to see it to make fun of John. I had a friend who has security clearances, and she looked it up, and nothing came up for public drunkenness. So you can do that? You can delete mugshots? I thought they were like public record.

Well, apparently, Freddy King doesn't believe in such a thing as public record. I bet Eleanor could find it. I'm going to ask her. Oh, my God. So I don't know if this is really a question. I mean, what would have you done in this situation? Well, wait. What were the –

If not David was the lawyer, what would he do if he got roofied and then had to go to prison? Well, maybe so. Wait, wait, wait, wait. What were the criminal charges for you, Jock? Were there charges? Why were you brought to jail? Well, there are public drunkenness.

Public drunkenness. Okay. And resisting arrest. Okay. I feel like that's too small potatoes for David, right? Yeah, it's too small. Okay. So here's the thing.

Well, here's too small. Okay. So here's the thing. Well, here's the thing. I mean, these cops are going and arresting people left and right for like two weeks straight. To make that money. Yeah, and I'm sure they're not remembering every single arrest. remembering every single arrest so when it comes time for jury trial and they have to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that you're saying we gaslight the police we gaslight them you could be like no man you remember better of what happened to you than the cops did because the cops are going willy-nilly arresting this person this person this person and like it's the type of case you set for trial and you tell them look my client like he's been going to aa and he wants to show you how good of a boy he is and they'll be

like you know what fine we're not going to try this case we're going to lose anyway when your client's being a good boy and they'll probably dismiss at that point that's the way i'd probably do it now about deleting your your photo i have no idea you can even do that. People have asked me, and I've looked into it, and I kind of didn't see anything. I've never heard of that. Louisiana, baby. Yeah, I don't know, man. This is the Louisiana corruption at its finest.

It's kind of weird. I don't know if it really has been deleted because at least here in california if you get a criminal case like maybe you need you know what for you to really find out you need to commit another crime go to court and as part as part of the discovery of your new case they will give you your your rap sheet that will have all the arrests you've ever had. So you as Jock's lawyer, you're encouraging him to commit another crime?

No, this is fine. This is fine. Jock hasn't retained him. Remember in Breaking Bad, he gives him a dollar? I'll raise you. I'll raise you. I will commit the crime, but I'll do it in California and you have to wrap it. No, you have to go to Louisiana. It has to be in a Louisiana court. Okay, never mind.

It's got to be in Louisiana. California is not going to have your mugshot. And by the way, for the record, I am not encouraging you. I'm just telling you. No, I know you're not. I'm sorry, David. I'm sorry. One surefire way to find out if you do have a mugshot would be if you had another case

and part of the discovery is here's your rap sheet with the photo we already took from you yeah and then you would see um well the thing is otherwise we have committed other crimes since then yeah you've been to jail since you know david i don't i don't let's get another let's get another okay i just want to end on one detail I want to end on one detail about that story is that I was found five miles away from where from civilization

from where the party they found him in the untouched regions of the Amazon rainforest they found me five miles across town I don't know I was in a ditch in front of a taco bell that and i had no transportation i had no way i could have got hungry some i look but i couldn't have walked

five miles to a taco bell in this condition the cops found me in the ditch and i was so fucked up i said no don't touch me and then they were like okay now we got to get him jack what about the one where you got by the guy in the bathroom of the courtroom in the bathroom how am i remembering your story your some of your most traumatic oh wait wait no no no no no no you're okay because i you'll have to edit around that. It has stuff, but like, I don't want, I, yeah. We've told it before. I know. I know.

But the way that came out is a little tricky. Okay. Let's get this story. No, no, no, no, no. So. We'll mark it on the time. Okay. So I was in a legal program, David, you will actually love this story.

So this is actually, I have it in my notes. It's a whole thing. I am 17 years old, and my mom pulls up to Charter High School to pick me up, and she's sobbing. And she's like, Jacques, I got a call from the cops, and they know it's you, and you have to turn yourself in. And I'm like, oh. This is right after JonBenet was found dead.

I'm like, for what? For what? She's like, they're arresting you on five counts of industrial vandalism. Or that's what the supposed charge was originally. I was graffitiing. I got into graffitiing. I spray painted on the wall of a brand new dorm on one side, Osama bin laden for president

2014 and on the other side on the other side i wrote um jesus is uh my boyfriend and he sucks my dick well and they just painted the building the day before and then i went to three other spots and you were 17 yeah i was 17 i was with another girl too i was with a girl i was a june freshman or sophomore in high school and i was hanging out with a senior girl and she was the popular blonde head cheerleader and she like she was like yeah let's just go do this go have fun so it's her fault. Well, no. I mean, I was young.

We're sending her to jail. We all did a lot of drugs when we were younger. I, this night, took a bottle of Absolute, put four or five Adderall, the blue ones underneath it, hit the bottle like this until it was a powder. like this until it was a powder. Me and the girl literally did shots out of the bottle and licked lines of Adderall like salt and tequila. Jesus Christ. Why wouldn't you just swallow a pill?

Why do you have to use a vodka bottle like a mortar or a pestle? Why would you not just swallow a pill? You can just swallow it. I'm just trying to explain how I ended up in such a... Why did you lick the lines? You made perfect lines.

You made lines? As your lawyer, why did you not just snort it? That's disgusting, dude. It's disgusting. Come on, bro. In court, they're like, exhibit A. These are the lines that we're looking at. The insanity defense. Our client licked the lines that we're looking at. It's the insanity defense.

Our client licked the lines instead of snorting it. He is clearly mentally insane. I think pills in general taste great. He didn't understand what you were doing. Anyway, I didn't understand what I was doing, basically. Skip to the part where you go. The cops are investigating this and they try to arrest one of my friends because they found a similar photo of a graffiti in the

background of a picture on a tumblr that i had they okay just skip to them arresting you no okay so they arrest... Okay, fine. They investigated the hell out of that. They tried to arrest another guy for it, and they went to his house... Because he reshared a Tumblr post of yours or something? No, because the only identifiable person on the entire Tumblr page

was my friend that I posted a picture of him. They zoomed into his high school lanyard and zoomed in on his name and then went and showed up to his address and the mom was like, stay in the basement. It's jock. I know it's jock.

You're the scourge of this town. I had to go to you know i got in trouble i got i ended up in a legal program and i mean i i did also three and a half weeks at 17 in jail for this and 17 i i was a a totally brainad twink that was coming off of so much drugs. I used to be addicted to hallucinogens. Okay, shut the fuck up. Then, so I get arrested for this shit.

I have to go to the legal program, and they are drug testing me constantly. I'm having to jump through all these hoops going through classes the legal campus is built on a old children's school that has been shut down and then reopened as a legal program for adults and uh finally i'm just in this legal program for probably two months i'm constantly drinking dextromorphine uh based cough syrups to the point of tripping. I drank 13 bottles of Delsa at a time. What were the charges and how did you get out of that? My God. I had five counts of industrial vandalism

and they said with this legal program, if I've completed it correctly and did the rehab, I did seven months of rehab. What's the legal program? Three in-state, four in-program. Don't ask that. The legal program a 45 minute answer yeah no no no shut up the legal programs on this campus you have to go every day from x to y also it was like a rehab yeah and i also had an ankle bracelet

well no it was not like a rehab I had done seven months of rehab beforehand. Okay. Three and a half weeks of jail. Okay. And they were just like, you still have to do this legal program. In the legal program for about two months. Charges, charges, charges. Five industrial.

Yeah, we've done this. Get to the end of the story, Jacques, please. Oh, God, I'm sorry. Y'all put a lot of pressure on me. Finally, I'm waiting outside because I'd constantly smoked cigarettes in between this, and I was for sure... Thought I was going to get in trouble

because I had already had one false positive for PCP from taking so much dextromorphine. Jesus Christ. I had a false positive for heroin, dude. Oh my God. From what? From Poppy Seed Bagels? Or is that a myth? From nothing. Nothing.

You know, I go to court for the case I had and, you know, by, you know, the rehab I was in, you know, I was doing piss tests or whatever, and they're like, okay, here's your letter about your piss test and stuff to take the court in a few days i'm like okay i never read the letter i just assumed that like it was gonna be good because i'm a good boy at this point and i show up to court it's all good and the judge goes okay so you uh you had

one relapse with heroin and i'm like wait, wait, what are you talking about? Wait, what? That's a nightmare. And all of a sudden, everyone's like, why did you do heroin? Why did you do heroin? I'm like, bro, what the fuck are you talking about? Heroin, dude? Like, what the fuck? What are you talking about?

The heroin was good, though. I really never did it. You know, it was a false positive. You can get a false positive from poppy seed bagels, Hessa? I think that might be a myth. That might be a rumor. Oh, my God. I think you have to eat eight of them.

I don't even think I had poppy seed bagels. I think it was just like an actual false positive or something. Or maybe they used someone else's piss by accident. I don't know. Cross-contamination. So I went back. When I saw my therapist, like from the rehab and stuff, I was like, hey, you know, by the way, were you ever going to tell me about this, like, false positive you guys got me on heroin? Like, yeah, what do you mean?

We had a discussion about it already. I'm like, no, we actually, like, the first time I fucking found out was in front of the judge. Of course. Like, what are you talking about? You know, it was crazy man like I could not believe it I mean they let me go like I guess everyone

gets like one relapse or whatever in juvie court but like who knows luckily thank god you didn't get fucked up for something you

didn't even do so I will concisely finish this story because I was really dragging this so far along I was waiting outside smoking a cigarette in progress of going through the legal program.

I had three and a half or three years left of probation, in-state probation. They wanted me to tell them every time I left the fucking state, I'm smoking a cigarette outside. This guy sits down next to me. I had pink hair at the time. And he says, wow, I love your pink hair. You remind me of Nicki Minaj. Oh God, no. He's like, you like Nicki Minaj?

He's like, you like Nicki Minaj? I'm like, yeah, whatever. This guy is just kind of making me uncomfortable the way he scoots closer to me. And I'm like, he's like, I really want to show you something. I'm like, no. No, immediate no'm like, no. I'm like, no. No, immediate no.

Immediate no. You know, I've never made sane decisions. Probably one of the only times where I was like, because I probably would have now today been like, yeah, sure. We'll see what you got. This guy, I said no. He grabbed me by the hair and he started dragging me to the bathroom. Oh, God. Oh, my God my god i thought the

worst was gonna happen of course wait wasn't the bathroom in a courthouse or something no no no no no no this is in the legal program literally on the campus of a legal program i got it i got it i'm there were those cops patrolling so and like the fact that this even happened is just like, oh, my God. I escape, and another counselor sees, runs in and intervenes as soon as I'm running out of the bathroom and grabs me because he thinks he's trying to grab the other guy, and they stop them. They pull us both into the counselor's office, and they're like, I feel like his name was a valentine like literally his name is like valentine or like pedophile name yeah they they're like they're like do you know what you've done valentine do you know what you've just what you've just done or like well you know what it's shock's lucky day now. He just completed his legal program.

Oh, so you got out. Wait, wait, listen to this. They kept me in the room for this. They're like, we're going to call your wife now. I forgot about that part. So insane. Calling this man's wife and explaining

this. I am just aw shocked. Do you know valentine dragged a drugged out tweet with pink hair to the bathroom so i get to finish a 90 pound teen so i get to finish the legal program early months later i see this guy i go to piccadilly all the time which is a cafeteria style restaurant let's hear all about it let's hear all about it to get into piccadilly no because valentine was one of the people and then it's a line you go down the line and so i'm like he asked me do you like what do you want and then oh it was It was. It was. Hold on.

What happened? Did he have pink hair still? Yeah, what happened? Okay, so I see the guy. I was so freaked out. I dropped my tray. He was working at the restaurant? He was working at Piccadilly.

He's one of the servers, the people at piccadilly is one of the the servers the people at piccadilly we're gonna get a cafeteria we have a sponsorship with piccadilly we have to mention them 12 times in an episode so i ran out and i was really upset i was crying and one of the managers thought i was shoplit or stealing or something and she's like grab stop me at the door and they're like what hat why and then i just of course i can't keep my mouth shut i explained exactly what happened good that's really funny and uh and then i i started going back to piccadilly regularly with the absence of valentine yeah because obviously they fired yeah and and and to sum up david i got off of they accidentally

called for a revocation hearing and my probation officer said, you know what? You're good to go. I didn't mean to call this. And they ended my probation two years early. Yeah, they didn't mean to call it. Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Let's go.

Let's go. Beautiful. I also never got drug tested and the seven or six months that i was uh in the lead or out of the legal program and on probation and i was just a hell of drugs i think we can i think we can wrap up um yeah any closing statements david yeah any closing closing arguments for the court closing argument um you know i'm just uh so you know this has been so much fun you guys thank you so much oh my gosh it's been a blast it's you know i've been doing this for years and i've been posting my videos on instagram where just like people i know have been seeing um

and and really uh i only started posting things on tiktok where everything people actually started seeing them yeah uh because my partner was like hey you know what let's wind down the criminal business we're getting really busy with our elder abuse cases because most of what i'm doing is i'm suing nursing homes for abusing elderly yeah um and i'm like okay i mean that's kind of a bummer because i have fun doing it and like you know people like the videos okay whatever you know I'll just post them on like TikTok whatever I don't even know how to use I still barely know how to use TikTok same uh but it just like kind

of exploded and um you know I'm trying to think like you know what to do for you know into the future with my videos because like I've been reposting older videos and I've gotten some new ones also in the last few weeks. This is my second account. The first one got banned for violent extremism, I guess. Oh my God. Like I told you, it happens to us all the time. Like I know a lot about getting banned online. It's crazy.

Yeah. So, I mean, I'll just keep it going. I'll make PMP from 3.0, 4.0, whatever. But, you know i was thinking maybe doing a part two for all my videos talking about how this was the result and why you know how it ended up that way um but i mean i'd like to do videos about my injury cases and the elder abuse cases but i just don't think people are going to find that very sexy or yeah there's not there's the viral potential there isn't it's too sad i'm gonna disagree i am jock would love to see i'm ready to watch them i i love uh criminal i mean i think i think dui is all of these things are so easy to identify with because a lot so many of us have driven a little drunk you know also i think like part of

the viral but like reason a lot of them go viral is for people getting mad at them some people get mad at them yeah yeah let the haters stay mad if we got popularity that's built into the algorithm is is you know inciting a certain portion of people who are going to yell at you. Which is why I love your entire channel. Your entire channel is amazing. Brilliant. It's so good. And we really only got to like, we have so many listener questions.

So, you know, maybe we can get you back on again at some point, ask you some more. I would love that. Yeah, for sure. That would be amazing. We can do a part two. Jock, of course,

will not run out of criminal history. Criminal stories from his past. But people can find you at TikTok. Was it at PNP 2.0? Or PNP Law Firm? PNP Firm 2.0. Got it. But look, if it ever gets banned or anything,

there'll be PNP Firm 3.0,.0 4.0 120.0 i can't wait to you know i'm gonna be back and it's look they can't shut this down people need to see this it's like you know otherwise all people see are what's on tv which are like the celebrities getting court cases and all that no i, it's important for people to see what it's like for an ordinary person to get through the criminal justice system. Absolutely. We will continue to boost it. We'll have you back on

any time. Oh yeah, absolutely. Could I end on the shortest question to you, David? Yeah, for sure. What's your favorite fictional legal show? Oh, that's a good question. Or movie, but preferably TV show. There's so many of them.

Do you like The Sopranos? Well, I don't think that's a legal show. That's not a show about lawyers. You know, a lot of people say, hey, IRL, Saul Goodman, I like better call Saul. And I'll tell you something. I watched the first season of it. I've watched like a few seasons, but I was watching the first season of it when I had recently opened up my own law firm. And I really felt how he like, he was down in the dumps, man. This guy was broke. He's trying to get some work. And I really I felt that intimately. He committed some ethics violations that I would

never commit. But I could I definitely related with his feeling of you know what, I just want to survive. This world is so cruel that just fuck it, man, I need to survive. And I really felt that. I need to survive. And I really felt that. But I would say probably my favorite show is Goliath season one. That is like the Billy Bob Thornton. Man, that guy is so good. I'm watching that show because he's such a badass. He's an alcoholic, getting fucked up, you know, getting with girls and all this stuff.

Just like, you know know down in the dumps but when you wash them off best trial lawyers yeah yeah and win big cases yeah okay couldn't ask for a better response thank you so much david yeah thank you thanks for tolerating my uh long story no thank you guys for tolerating me and my long stories. I really appreciate you guys. Oh my gosh. Literally all of your links and stuff in this show description. I'll stop recording. Okay.

I'll stop recording. No. Thank you.