Seeking Derangements - *Preview* SD 439 - Fallen Angels

Episode Date: September 25, 2025

Hello Seekers! Ben here, today after a brief detour to Heaven, Jacques, Hesse, and I discuss the Kirk memorial, Bridgette Macron providing "photographic evidence" of her womanhood to a judge, and of course–Donald Trump's autism announcement. Plus some birthday updates from Jacques.

Oh my God. What the fuck? Where is everyone? Hessa? Is that you? I remember I was fully nude and everyone around me was whistling and I was floating into the air and then I blacked out. No, same. But no one was whistling at you, I don't think. I mean, I heard some trumpets and then, yeah, all my clothes got ripped off and I got sucked up into the air. It sounded more like a saxophone to me. It sounded like careless whisper, but like really loud.

So you got kind of the final trumpets. You kind of got the final saxophone. Yeah. Groovy sister. Yeah. Wait, so you know what this is? The final trumpets? What do you mean?

I think we're in heaven. We made it, bitch. Oh my God. I saw a bunch of people talking about. They said the raptor's going to act. We made it. It was Jock's birthday. Oh my god

I'm not smelling him up here Diva Yeah I don't see him anywhere There's Don Lemon over there You know this is heaven He got up here We're surrounded by Gays are allowed

We're surrounded by women Who Look like they have TikTok pages Where and if one sponsorship Got canceled They put a cinder block On their Chevy Tahoe

That's full of their children And drive it into a lake Thankfully they didn't do that Thankfully, they were called back home before Kim Kardashian's vitamin brand pulled the sponsorship from them. They didn't have to kill her whole family, but wow. I mean, the people do look pretty lame, albeit I should maybe be quiet. Yeah, this place looks kind of like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, we should be careful, we should be careful. I mean, everyone is naked, a lot of bad bods up here.

Yeah. Not that many hard bodies. No, it's a, it's not looking great. It's not a great place to spend an eternity, but I will take it. Look at all those horse girls over there. There's millions. There's millions of horse girls. They're going to be so fucking annoying.

There's going to be so much spittle in heaven from all the weird Christian adolescent braces that are up here. Oh, God. Now I know what rain is. Fiancee spittle. Yeah, period. But, I mean, it is better than being in heaven. I'm not, being in hell, I'm not sure. I would have thought if anyone was going to make it,

it would have been jock on the technicality that he has a childlike innocence. Innocent by insanity, by reason of insanity, not guilty, if you love. He's so insane, he can't commit a sin. Yeah. He can't have the intention to commit a sin. He doesn't understand that he's doing something wrong. It seems like God doesn't give a fuck about that,

because we made a bitch. No one with ADHD up here, though, I'm noticing that everyone with ADHD is gone. Right. They did not make it. They did not make it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. We have our recording equipment here. Maybe this is hell.

Just kidding. Maybe we should just do an episode. Yeah, I guess we still have to record from heaven, which, you know, maybe we can interview God. Maybe we could interview Jesus. I'd be really, I'm really excited to see Jesus and find out what. he actually looks like because i mean i've always maintained that i think he was extremely sexy but in like an ancient man five foot two way not in the quarterback way in my mind he looks like uh billy blanks so kind of in the like a jacked muscle man black shaved head i'm seeing like you know

6% body fat V-taper, long, dark hair, bushy eyebrows, big aquiline nose and kind of rosy cheeks. Yeah, yeah. Doesn't that sound hot? That sounds really hot. No, absolutely. Oh, hey. Is it okay to be talking about this stuff up here? I don't know.

I'll find out. I guess so. I mean, bitch, we made it. What are they going to do? I feel like if we've made it after saying everything we've said in our lives. Yeah. publicly. Mm-hmm.

It's kind of like, what can't we get away with up here? Yeah. Should we try to... God? You're fat. Your fat is God. You're fat and stupid,

and I don't believe in you. Hey. The hell kind of shit was that. Oh, are you, where... Are you from Harlem? Nah, no, no. Don't be tripping. I'm just kidding.

I do that voice because I'm working on... I'm trying to become a... stand-up comic and I think it's funny to do that voice you know what I'm doing a character right right right I see you're kind of you kind of did a different iteration on the the Morgan Freeman style of God yeah but you do kind of describe what I look like go ahead yeah I mean I would be honest I always thought you would have a kind of also thanks for saying hello and nice to meet you hello thank you so much for letting me into heaven God I really appreciate I I do have a few questions.

I do have a few questions. Can I be, I need to know what the risks are before I, before I say what I might be thinking here. What the risks are? Can I, am I like in heaven forever or can I? You're in heaven, uh, you know,

it's pretty much forever as far as I know. Is there anything I can, is there anything I can? No one's fucked up bad enough. Right. To change that. I think Lucifer maybe is the only person. Oh, forgot about that. Sorry for saying his name.

That's sexy little twink. That sexy little fucking twin. Oh, where is he? Bring him back up. He didn't even do anything. He was just tempted me all the time, you know, with those hips. Oh, no. He was actually doing those hips at nips.

Oh, my God. Yeah. And those fingertips, baby. Whoa. I'm actually like some. No, just kidding. Just kidding. Just kidding. No.

I think it's, I think he might be a good stand-up, Harlem God. I'm not racist. I'm actually so not racist that other races can get away with so much more than white people, you know, to get up here. Right. I mean, that's why. Nothing to say about that. That's what. It's so much harder for white people down there.

Hey, I mean. I'm sure of it. Good. I'm completely on your team. I'm an anti-white racist. That's part of the activism I was doing on earth. You know that. Well, you're Latino, so you don't really...

Exactly. The chosen people. Yeah. The real chosen people. So there's nothing I can really do to be kicked out as of right now. No. You can tell me you. Hi, yes.

me or Hesse. You were drunk one time and killed Hesse's younger sister with a crossbow and did a big sporting goods. I mean, it's in my file. You think I'm lying? Sorry, sorry, God, I'm not trying to accuse you of lying. I'm saying, I'm saying.

Everything I say is definitionally 100% true. It can't be false. So you did that. And also, you lie about being gay for clout. That's amazing. I'll take that one. That's fine. I'll take that one.

I didn't kill Hesse. No, sorry, I can't. I really need to watch what I say because I don't want to... You don't wipe your butt off, it says right here in the file. All this is true. All right. That's on my permanent record?

That's on your permanent. It's more of a funny joke. It's in the margins, and there's an LOL next to it, so... Who's annotating my file? One of these... Angel Gabriel? I know him. I don't think Gabriel.

We put Gabriel on important people. I think Gabriel's on... Gloria Estefan. Gabriel's been on Gloria Astafon since she was born. I had some flunky angel. Yeah, yeah. You've got... Riffing in the margins.

You've got Bodine, is the name of your angel. Bodine, yeah. Let me guess. Rockabilly angel. Yeah, Bodine is Rockabilly. They have it out for me, God. They've had it out for me for a long time. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Who's that? Jacques? I hear someone being beamed up to heaven right now. Welcome to heaven, diva. Welcome to heaven. What happened to you when you got raptured?

Well, again, I was sleeping. And so if the rapture happened while I was sleeping, I just don't think it's very fair to ask me how I feel the second I wake up. I'd be careful. God is in the room. I wouldn't be. I'm right here. So if you're going to yell at me,

I'd watch I'd watch what you say to him I'd watch it you say to him him God I'm not watching my mouth for it God dang For it or for anyone That's not my god

Did you just It's pronouns? Yeah I did you That's it You're all out No no God please please I have better It's on my office

I have better I have better What the fuck Chalk.