Seeking Derangements - SD 100 - The Real Bottoms of Seeking Derangements

Episode Date: December 6, 2021

Ben was busy today so we brought in friend of the show and fellow white-presenting latino Nate Ruess from the ClayneCast podcast. intro/// Jorge Mautner - Rock da TV (1974) outro/// Lulu Santos - Melô do Amor (1981) https://patreon.com/seekingderangements

I I wish you saw my model No more Pudging in gay This is The famous 100th episode And we're doing it without Ben Because he's gotten stuck in one of those Grain mills He woke up in the middle of the night For a little midnight snack

And then he stuck his little Plump body in between the little square where all the grain starts to come out he got stuck he got stuck and he's got to eat his way out of there so i mean he's going to be there for at least another hour or two well he will be missed but in the meantime we have something uh someone very special uh with us today and something very special to talk about, which is it's our 100th episode today. Yay. Yeah.

Okay. It's our 100th episode and we have the one and only Nate Ruiz here to kind of give us an all-in-one kind of episode. We're doing the leftover kebab or the leftovers sandwich after Thanksgiving. You can't see this right now, but Hessa won't even turn on her video because she's so fucked up.

I'm not. Nate literally has a child and a wife. Two children. Two children. Two children. Two children. Talking about, we were talking about a third last night. Okay. Jesus Christ, man.

Oh my goodness. We got the fucking TLC network representative here. Yeah, but you know what? Instead of working on that other child, we ended up watching the Jen Shaw documentary. Honestly, no offense i don't even know you and your wife obviously y'all shouldn't be having a third kid but i mean i i would i i would have i would have recommended uh anything besides the documentary

i would i y'all should have had a live abortion on your channel last night in support of Roe and Wade. Roe and Wade? Roe and Wade. No, Roe and Wade. Vaudeville duo. Wait, wait. Roe and Wade. You're supposed to only support one of them.

You're doing both sides to that argument. You should have an abortion to be like, hey, maybe you shouldn't have one. Okay. Tell me this is weird, but i live next door to a shopping center and there's two abortion clinics and one is owned by roe and one is owned by wade and they're rivals yeah and the the row one is way cheaper so i'm gonna go to the row one i go to the row one every time the only time i've ever been to the wade one is when it's closed the row one so i mean it sounds like a really shitty like c subplot in a wes anderson movie look i'm also gonna say this you know like there would be no contest to which abortion clinic i would be going to if i was home if i was home i would just go to the one that's owned by my family right yeah because because your dad your

dad's an ob-gyn my dad my dad was really clever because he he's a businessman as well as a doctor he said i'm thinking about all the possibilities he bought the patent for a business named buy you some abortions but like b-A-Y-O-U. In many ways, your dad is like the Jen Shah of Louisiana. Oh, totally. He's always starting businesses. He's always got a hustle going. He has millions of businesses.

They're all illegal. And you know what? My parents are probably the people that he uh, that they, that he, um, ripped off for like $20,000. They're definitely the people that would click. I'm so shocked when I was watching it. And it's just like, these people just, why would you keep giving money after you've like put in like $12,000?

Yeah. Nothing has happened. Yeah. $12,000. Nothing has happened. Yeah, so these poor old people are like over 70 and they could barely muster a fucking

word out of their mouth, let alone a fart out of their ass. They felt so much shame the whole time. My dad, he claims to have invented the first sandal that will walk on the beach.

He calls it the sand topper. Your dad seems like someone that was like, no, I'm telling you, I time traveled last night and I walked on the beach beach with Jesus I could see his footsteps behind me two squash rackets duct taped no it was it was worse it was like it was like it was like two solo cups with flip-flops I need some sand toppers ASAP honestly I feel like one of my friends like he paid one of my friends to do a logo for him so there's no doubt that someone like a telemarketer probably like

could call him and be like we can get you your own website and he would be like 20 grand okay someone someone's called a my grandma pretending to be me and saying that i needed money to get bailed out of jail and she sent and i don't know how they manage this because my grandma pretending to be me and saying that I needed money to get bailed out of jail. And she said, and I don't know how they manage this because my grandma can barely speak English. So. Okay.

Funny because I did the same thing, but I was actually the one calling. I was actually, I was in jail, but the trick was, is that it already got now. So I just, I just got extra money that day nice yeah the same thing happened to my grandpa like my grandpa has salvadoran like children out

of wedlock like from before he was married i guess and i guess what a player yeah pimp and he he got called up like a couple months ago and got asked for like a couple hundred dollars from not even like his son but uh someone at the bank who helped his son out who needed help with like some other like i don't know like a hundred dollars for whatever they didn't even say what a fucking loser yeah yeah so that's kind of the level that we're talking about here i guess we should back up a little bit and talk a little bit about what this whole thing is about uh yeah not everyone not everybody who's listening to this since this is a free episode i i kind of has heard our real housewives um series where we do talk about this at length but jen shaw is one of the uh real housewives of salt lake city

uh and do check out our patreon for uh like a rundowns at every episode of real housewives of salt lake city because it's it deserves it and it's insane i loved this documentary about as much as i loved anyone that's sexually assaulted me so well yeah well, yeah, I'm getting to that. ABC, ABC News made this really kind of like a documentary. Yeah. Yeah. Honestly, that's just like a 11 p.m. Like local news story that's been like fleshed out to 45 minutes where, you know, Chris Connolly. Yeah.

Chris Connolly. yeah yeah they've got um the funniest a really funny cast of like stock like extras gay people like like but yeah total buzzfeed like uh yeah there's one there's there's one gay person that their only qualification is being a housewife super fan they went like us they went to a czar arrangement we're like everyone all the gay employees please exit right now we have a important survey we need you to answer a few questions that's how they got rid of the upside down pink triangle of people in the in the holocaust you said there was a real housewife screening in the showers. Oh, my God. Yeah, I mean, it's harrowing, but it's true. The real housewives of Auschwitz?

This documentary is basically about how one of the housewives, Jen Shaw, has been scamming hundreds, I guess, or dozens of old people into basically paying thousands of dollars for like scams, like SEO scams, like getting a website made for your small business. I mean, especially during the pandemic, like you heard everybody and their mother starting like an LLC to get PPE loans, right? And if you're getting one of those anyway, you know, why not spend a lot of it on, you know, getting a website for that fake business?

I mean, question, isn't it fair for the old people to be scammed if they're stupid enough and their minds are that incompetent? I've thought about this at length. Yeah. I don't have an answer about it yet. I'm like,

don't you deserve this a little bit? No. I think they're sweeties and they're old people. When you get old, you just start going like, hey, I... Some of them did talk about putting it on their credit card. And credit cards do have fraud protection in that way, where if it's used in fraud, you can get that in credit back. You can get a cash back on that or a return on that.

But yeah, a lot of them spent spent cash on it and at that point it's like i mean if you're stupid enough to do that on you know with cash like uh let twelve thousand dollars go from your debit account i mean i was reading the bible last night and on page 264 it said that all in page 264 of the bible my favorite passage no ient people... Page 264 of the Bible, my favorite passage. No, I'm serious. On page 264, it says, thou shalt steal from the mentally incompetent. And I've lived by this rule for years. So, I mean, old, young, you know,

if they're stupid enough to get their money stolen, it's the American way. Exactly. Jacques, I feel like there's no way that you haven't fallen for a scam once or twice would that be fair to say no i've never been babies you've bought you've never fallen for a scam you're telling me you've never fallen for a scam in the beanie baby market okay notoriously the hottest and and most corrupt market in art first of all i i wouldn't expect uh a dumb fucking corn-fed body like you are ben to

understand this so first of all i need you to back up and just know that you're you're not involved in the art of con you couldn't con anyone with that body the art of con yeah that face it tells it all it tells all your lies and i'm so nice it's because i'm so nice and i do everything for everyone and i i'm the biggest girl in the podcast oh god okay i think so there were there were a few fun insights in this documentary not like a ton but a couple of nuggets yeah it's not all depressing it's the the jen shaw stuff is pretty crazy like she's like a psycho obviously did anyone know about that did you guys know about when she like went off on the her like designer assistant like yeah they touched on it briefly

on the on the show i think um season one, when it was going on, there was drama because while they were filming the reunion, the designer, someone leaked the video of the designer, Koa Johnson, getting yelled at. And then, on top of that, Koa Johnson was doing

the reunion dress for two of the other girls. No, that's so awesome. As a fuck you. as a fuck you as a fuck you because jen refused to bring up that her dress was made by him on the reunion while all the other girls went down there like koa johnson did this koa johnson did this but okay in all fairness if you're gonna be a gay person like koa johnson you probably deserve to be ripped off or like pushed down or like walked all over like clearly thing i thought when i saw him was go bang to anthropology sweetie we don't want you here you're not welcome

yeah he's very gay clearly he's a lot of g on this. Clearly related to a wild shark with those teeth. I really like the lawyer guy, the one straight guy they got. Besides Chris Connolly. Oh, you're talking about Red Sox? The only thing you could notice was that he had Red Sox on. Like, really bully. Why was he sitting cross-legged? They should have just shot him they should have just shot him from like the waist up but instead you just see like this giant red sock he was showing off his beautiful socks he has like a flare he had a prolapsed asshole

that's that's what you're talking about right a pink sock that's called yeah cool um so now you know what to look for nate for your favorite pictures i'm opening safari right now um but yeah i i first of all nate who's your favorite house life who's your queen whitney uh without a doubt didn't even think about it absolutely no i didn't know no I like I literally despise all of the other ones like yeah abhor is that the word like yeah or Whitney's like hot her dad is the fucking man

his hair like like like an early 2000s Ryan Adams haircut there there's something so fucked up about his haircut Like an early 2000s Ryan Adams haircut. There's something so fucked up about his haircut, especially because he's a literal hairstylist. Yeah, no, that's not real hair.

There's no way that's real hair. It's even worse if it's not real hair. I'm bald, and all the wig options I could choose would not be anything to look like that hair. I'm bald and all the wig options I could choose would not be anything to look like that hair. It looks like it fell into a puddle on the sidewalk and you put it back on his head and everyone's too embarrassed for him. He looks like an American Idol burn victim.

He looks like Michael Jackson after the Pepsi commercial. He looks like mid vertigo Michael Jackson Pepsi burn pepsi burn vertigo brilliant you heard it here first get out of here you xenophile that's totally the man like she and she's just she's a babe and she's got like a cool voice um yeah when she got you bring one straight person on the podcast and he's like so horny for women

well only no but only only whitney like i was i i even said that to my wife last night i was like she's like she's so hot jesus everybody pause we need like minutes so this guy can go masturbate so he can calm down his boner. Whitney is she also this documentary is kind of redundant because in the episode after Jen gets arrested, Whitney just figures all this stuff out on the bus just from

reading the updates on online and is just explaining to all the other housewives and that's where it really like you realize oh whitney's secretly the smartest one out of all of them like by far i i 100 agree with this because whitney is actually the only one that barely has any kind kind of resemblance of intelligence yeah meredith and lisa both act like stroke victims hang on mary but i learned this the other day somebody in our comments said this that meredith is a jd meredith was like a practicing lawyer and stopped in like the mid aughts that's just impossible

that's literally impossible. I can't tell the difference between Meredith and the other one. Lisa? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. One just has Sylvester Stallone's mouth. Yeah, she does look...

The rumor is online is that Meredith used her previous connections to law enforcement, not only to get the whatever, the private detective. brooks a sissy faggot on twitter was the moment that she reached out to law enforcement and was like i need you to investigate into this company which and they were like oh we're already doing it totally queen um does does does the uh i i thought about this and i wanted to talk about it with someone so when when they're sitting on that bus doesn't it seem like who went in to use the restroom was it heather um i think it was heather went in to use the restroom and it felt like she i i feel like she's the one that uh that snitched oh no heather set up well because heather

is so bless her heart i I think she definitely stands up. Heather has a good heart, but she's the stupidest person on the show by far. I think she is. She has the brain of a cow. My wife loves her. I think I can't stand her. I love her too. I would give my life for Heather.

I love her. She's probably besides Whitney. She's my favorite because like as they're pulling away, Heather is like, should I text Jen and tell her that Homeland Security is looking for her? They want to make sure that she's okay. And Whitney's like, baby, no, they want to arrest her, sweetie. And she starts crying. I guess that's right i also love how absolutely stupid they all are that their first reaction to um like a billion

law enforcements showing up to arrest their friend is that they're gonna call her and that everything's gonna be fine yeah that's like mostly that's like just he call her and that everything's going to be fine. Yeah. That's like mostly, that's like just Heather, I think. Cause she's like really not like, cause even when the police get there, Heather is like talking to them and it's like, sweetie, just telling them all this stuff. Like, yeah, like Jen paid for this whole trip for us. It's like,

Imagine, imagine being a real housewives producer going up to the young cousins the first cousin that got mixed up and arrested at jen shaw's house when she wasn't there when homeland and security invaded and you have to like be like look we're just visiting we don't we don't know about this bitch's fraud yeah oh speaking of speaking of cousins though um during the documentary that was the best person they could roll out to defend jen shaw was that her aunt her aunt yeah i felt so bad for her poor aunt when she was talking about this shit. Clearly the aunt is going to be completely kicked out of all things Jin Shaw because she did this interview. But she kept defending her the whole time. I know, but I could just already hear Jin Shaw doing that.

No, she betrayed me. Bullshit. Yeah, no, she's definitely gonna be upset but the like the thing is also like all like jinshaw's entire extended family i feel like was depending on her like financial support and now they're all just like yeah totally in the wind like floating yeah that mega sucks yeah no i mean um it that's that's part of it i guess i mean real housewives selects for housewives with or they want one with like the really impressive you know uh coming up come up story uh and that was one of the biggest bags secure uh or yeah um one of the biggest bag securements uh that they could find was jen shaw bagging up thousands of dollars from uh old people bag securement plan what are we talking about securing the bag we're talking about tsa shit you know sacking papers and

writing checks and all that you know and that's part of it I mean it's it's easy to find like a million Meredith's whose husband owned like a Yamaha dealership you know yeah but to find P&O's to find

one of them that has like someone like a Jen Shaw who gets in all these fights and does all this insane drama. Yeah, someone who acts like they have syphilis or whatever. Yeah, or BPD.

As tertiary syphilis in that stage. It's just so hard to feel sorry for her in any way with yeah because she's such an asshole but you have to keep in mind that she was selected for it like the producers sought an asshole out they they wanted to find a firecracker i just can't wait can i say something my uh uh they contacted my wife about uh about real housewiveswives of New York like two years ago. No way. Oh, my God.

You should have done it. In what context? They wanted to know if she was interested in being a cast member. Oh, my God. Who the fuck is your wife? Can you private DM me an appropriate picture of your wife? She's not. She's like, no.

I guess she comes from New York. Nate's wife is a dying piece. appropriate picture she's not she's like no she's like i guess she comes from like new york nate's wife is is a dying piece yeah she's a babe but but uh she come for money or something what the yeah yeah yeah yeah okay yeah what are you dating a hilton or something i mean yeah no pretty much that's like pretty much but uh but and she she's fucking she what's she she loves the real housewives but she's also the most like look nate caught the rebound from his band let me let me ask you a question let me ask you like a realistic question so i can actually get to know who you and your wife are what's okay this is gonna be yeah what what's your social security numbersbers Don't feel like you can't share that with us Because we're new friends

I respect your privacy Max turn off the recording for a second I'll DM it to you I just want to Once I have her social security I can enter that into the Bravo Application database Shut the fuck up, you little geek.

Jacques wants to do a Jen Shaw style scam on you. I'm not going to go to prison and do Jen Shaw shit. We could just try and get her back on the show and then you guys would have an in. Yeah. Is it weird that i

worked for her company in the lap for the last five years do you think i'm liable don't don't i would edit that out edit it out never mind never mind i don't want that on the show okay so just going by nate what do you think of mary how do you feel about mary uh the most terrifying character in all of real housewives like the evilest one okay nate nate i want you i want you no question i want you to consider your words before you speak them because wait what are you wait how many people here is anybody a mary fan are people actually fans of mary i'm the biggest mary fan insane unironically unironically unironically i think she's the best member of the show because it's like oh i would have quit

watching a long time ago if uh if she was on her look and it's strange that they started the documentary with like the breakaway star it's like no she's not yeah mary is the breakaway star yeah mary's the breakaway star for sure look she's got murder under her belt she's a fucking star and also like seriously can you really compete with her Jen Shaw is a blip

I don't even care about her fucking arrest record Mary runs Christian organized crime Jen scammed old people it's very easy to scam old people there's nothing impressive about that's also what mary's doing honestly yeah but she's using god she's using god which is way cooler of a way to scam people yeah that's right that's true that is true it's way cooler than like let us make a website for your blanket business.

It's the original gangsta shit. Like, Jin is like very easily manipulating early all-timers victims. Meanwhile... All-timers victims. Look, all the timers, old-timers victims,

there's nothing impressive about Jin Shaw manipulating the the invalids meanwhile candy from a baby it's mary is taking the the most mentally headstrong wackos on and making them into her subjects i mean come on that's way more impressive it was really funny when whitney whitney who like supports mary Mary's church and Mary like turned on her so quickly. On a dime. On a dime. Yeah.

Also, why? What was the point of Whitney standing up for Mary? If like the, I mean, even a pilled out, you know, dumbass, like fucking Meredith can pick up that, you know, like not everything going on at Mary's church is cool. Then why is Whitney still keeping for her? Do you think it was something that the producer said? Like, hey, you have to, you know, have this person's back because of nobody.

Nobody does that. It's going to explode before, you know, the Jen Shaw thing. It might have just been fear, you know, like, because I would be so afraid of Mary if i was in the same social circles as her i would be absolutely petrified two rumors about mary that have yet to be sustained brought up on the internet she's currently under investigation by the federal government for her involvings in the church okay and she's currently being sued by ex-members of the church. Okay. And she's currently being sued by ex-members of the church.

I'm waiting to do the second one. Yeah. I mean, how could she not? The first one is bad. She reeks of evil. It's insane. Yeah. Her eyes are so dead.

Like a shark. Yeah. It's incredible. I will say that the fact that she only wears vintage couture is that of a villainess. Wait, she does only wear vintage? I thought that they were all like duty free. No, no, no.

That's what they dress like, isn't it? No, she does not wear vintage couture only. Are you kidding? She literally says that every episode. Are you kidding me? Yeah, but she she is lying that's not a lie they are they are they're the worst dressed bunch of housewives and oh yeah absolutely and they're i don't like talking to y'all are you they also have the worst plastic surgeon like collectively of all time oh yeah yes you're lying because you clearly have not

seen new york so some of them came out you know like already bricked up but some of them became bricked up eventually have you seen there are a couple of pictures of jen uh like from 2006 in the documentary and she looked fine when she was working for presents or whatever now she looks like a fucking easter island and she looks crazy she looks like squidward's house she looks batshit like when when my wife first like put the first episode on last last season or whenever the whenever it happened i was just like they've really crossed the line okay how could y'all look at their faces and feel that way and not feel that way about new york. New York literally looks like when they stretch their faces on Beetlejuice.

Yeah, but who from New York? I'm trying to think. Sonya! Like any of them. God. No, no, no. No, no, no. I'm sorry.

No, no, no. Not as bad as the one that talks out of the side of her mouth and then the one that looks exactly like her on Salt Lake City. Oh, yeah, Meredith and Lisa. Meredith is – I love Meredith. I love how many pills she's on. She probably – Her boobs are – those things are crazy in that one dress.

Yes, yes. She looks like an action figure. we only needed one year we only needed one straight we only needed one straight person to come on our cast and be like damn did you guys see the fucking knockers on that bitch i mean the tits alone am i the first straight person to come on no we had will on no yeah you're the person yeah we've had will i don't even yeah so you're the first straight person oh well uh will's very straight it's not like you know you on the other hand you're a little straighter jacques is that true rude i'm not being rude what do you mean every time a straight guy comes on you're super rude. That is not true.

Oh, yes. I'm fine. Very true. Nate, I respect you and adore you. So don't let these fat cows make you think otherwise. Oh, yeah. Break the up inches of the Salt Lake City straight. Heather dresses like Cameron in 2012.

Well, see, that's why I like her a lot, too. Even though she's so stupid, she dresses like a five-year-old. And you know what? We love it. We love it. She dresses like a rapper. Like a black man. What's the fuck-marry-kill ratio on these these people then like is that a good leeway into it yeah yeah i guess that would be that would be okay let's go one by one yeah fuck mary mary m okay so let's start with meredith would you fuck marry or kill

uh uh straight kill suicide yeah i would marry i would marry her you would marry uh put her out to pasture, man. She's 60-something years old already. By the way, any answers... Oh, marry. I would kill marry for sure. Yeah. Are you talking about marry or Meredith?

Meredith. Oh, yeah, kill as well. Just keep in mind that all these answers are being submitted to your wife live through me. I would marry Meredith just so that i could be brooks's stepmom i think that would be beautiful which one's brooks is that the like what the fuck who is this guy i watch i watch while i'm like while i'm like falling asleep like i'm so happy brooks is meredith's gay son who's in the closet fucking trip's a fucking trip. He hasn't come out. I saw that part where they were like, he was mad that

Mary or whoever was talking about his story. Yeah. We got Bill Nye, the science guy over here making some big discoveries. Oh, the gay one. It's so crazy that he's not out. Are we talking about me again?

No, no. I's talking about the other guy don't worry don't worry you're doing great brooks is my favorite character because he's insane brooks has a lot of potential like there should be like a real real zoomers of of blank he wants it he wants it too bad that's the problem is he wants it so bad he wants it so bad. That's the problem is he wants it so bad. He wants it so bad, but he's also so aloof that he can't even, like, it's like he can barely muster the energy to do anything on the show. Let's get real. could barely muster the energy to do anything is because when he's not bottoming like 800 loads a day he's only eating yeah he's he's purging and eating like one calorie meals a day he's like he's like i just had a single egg white and i swear to god i can't even fit into my pants for the rest of the week so bloated i'm so emaciated god could someone just make me skinnier surgically?

He's like a crazy. No, I just like my microphone. That was so gross. Brooks is cool. I like Lisa's son, who she has probably... No, I can't fuck with Lisa's kid. I'm sorry. Lisa's such a dork.

No, he's a dork, but i do feel bad for him because he's clearly like an awkward 15 year old and lisa has clearly looped him in like probably he's probably on like an indictment list for like jen shaw's like business both of lisa's children and husband look like um terminal like illness victims like they all look like they're suffering from the same terminal illness they look like i have a like they have a collar that will explode if they make lisa mad the husband especially looks like he's like mid chemo no he looks like he just got pepper sprayed every time he's on screen. I once pepper sprayed myself in the face on purpose just to see how it felt. Just to see what it was like?

How was it? Well, I did it right before my girlfriend's birthday party. So needless to say, it was inappropriate. Okay, so who's the straight guy now, huh? My girlfriend. My girlfriend this this my girlfriend that Yeah I'm not married with children okay

You might as well wife her I don't have a Peggy Bundy waiting If you like her so much Why don't you marry her Okay so Meredith clear kill Lisa Fuck Mary kill Instant kill Oh instant oh instant yeah yeah lisa's dead uh

yeah mary mary i think we're all afraid of enough to to kill yeah yeah you should be afraid enough to have sex with her anyone anyone who is willing to kill someone else is good in bed. Look at fatal attraction, basic instinct. These women were crazy as a broads could get, down to kill, great in bed. See, there's a good case to be made to marry Mary, no pun intended, because it means that you're the husband of God in the eyes of her minions, and you're going to have a great life. It means you're her grandfather. Also, like, I've had sex with my grandfather and with Jesus,

and neither of them stack up. Well, see, here's the thing. The sex is what's making me shy about the marriage thing with Mary, because I don't want to have sex. Because you're gay. Yeah, because I'm gay. I don't want to have sex with a woman. Max is uncomfortable

with having sex in general. You're going to kill all of them then. Except Heather because she's bricked up. Heather's bricked up, yeah. The viewers out there or listeners out there can't see this but Max has to be laid out in his bed this episode to record because he took such big real housewife cock last night.

Yeah, I swallowed Heather's cock and it broke me. I can't walk. Heather, I would marry Heather. Heather, yeah I mean if Heather was my best friend for the rest of my life and I had that legally locked down I would yeah

you'd kill her oh poor sweetie she's like a good mom though she's proud of her misery yeah send her to the glue factory with arrow exactly I would put her down it's always the yeah send her to the glue factory with with yeah exactly arrow exactly exactly on the same card put her down it's always the no this is gonna sound this is gonna just sound so horrible but it's

only the good moms that die it's never it's never a bad mom that dies yeah is she a good mom i think she's a pretty good mom she probably never seen the movie stepmother i think she's a pretty good mom You've probably never seen the movie Stepmother I think she's A bit too much of a slut to be a good mom Heather Well Heather gives her kids Like a very nice A very nice like Sex talk before they go to college

And she's very A very nice one where she can barely look at her child She's like It's better than Mary's sex talk where she's like uh it's better than sex it's better than mary's sex talk where she's like if it smells like fish stay away insane i think meredith and and heather should swap kids because i think meredith would only or should only have daughters because that's the only

she only relates to women i don't think she relates at all with her son. We're also forgetting that classic first episode where Jen Shaw tells her children that if they make out with girls, they're going to get AIDS. Oh, yeah. That was so cool. I was like, wow, damn, this woman's an educator. Is Jen Shaw, is she a Mormon?

I can't remember. Did you watch the show? I told you. Is this guy on the show i i watch it every uh like i watch it as i'm falling asleep so i know enough okay jensha is well they don't really discuss their religions very much jensha is muslim yeah the beginning on what do you mean they don't discuss their religion? We're watching a different show. Heather discusses her religion like every second.

Oh yeah, every 100 times an episode. She's got the most Mormon trauma because everyone around her has been shunned. Whitney, her cousin, has been kicked out of her family for over 11 years. Her sister has not been recognized as a member of her family for nine years that's fucked up the next big drama and i really can't wait that's that's completely unaddressed uh previously to this well the biggest

drama of this entire series is going to be that someone who's been on the show who warned about mary has been since uh died under mysterious circumstances wait really cameron the man that walks up cryptically yes no he's dead yeah the ex-pastor died no way this is a hundred percent no i don't think it was mysterious circumstances but there there was no calls listed in the obituary that I found. And there hasn't been a cause released to the public. So I don't know enough to say whether or not it's foul play. But the last thing this guy said on record was that something's up at Mary's church. And then not even before the, I mean not even uh waiting until the episode airs like

he dies in october of last uh or this past october they are airing episodes of him currently and the checks for him are being sent to his family's bereavement fund that is so fucked up fucking insane that that should be a a clear indication that jinshaw is only a blip on the map and mary is like or is oh this is so i mean like the real meat is yeah no i agree yeah that's that's where all the no i know that's that's why it's yeah that's one of the reasons why it's so shocking is like yeah i want to see like jensha i want to see her go down but like not as badly as i want to see mary just get like also yeah she's not gonna go down because now she's already arguing that there's jury tampering related to the documentary coming out and the special agents that are included on the documentary being quoted are she's requesting

that they be removed from the trial out of bias based on the documentary so the documentary well i don't think they're gonna no i don't think that's gonna happen if if gizlaine maxwell can go on trial then i'm pretty sure jen shaw is going to get her shit cancelled because of a Hulu documentary what if they kill Coach Shaw in jail and make it look like he's in suicide he's got internal bleeding his hyoid point

is broken and people are saying it's suicide wake, wake, open up your eyes man, wake up I would love to know more about what the fuck Mary is up to. And so what are these all like people who got kicked out of the Mormon church? Is that who she she prays upon? I think it's mostly like it seems like. Yeah, it seems like her church members are Pentecostal.

They're like mostly black people who live in their skirts aren't that long not as long as i would expect but have you guys ever have any of you guys been to salt lake city i have not only passing through i i passed through like maybe three or four times the the first time when i was on the way moving to uh missoula montana um i've been to park city once before um and it is yeah so big city's a trip i know i've been i've been uh i've been like at least like 30 times, but I'm also from Arizona, which is like highly Mormon. And so, so it's just, it's a very familiar place for me. And just these people are like the, the women on this show,

they just seem like they're stuck in this like shitty town and they really are just clamoring to just have any clout whatsoever. Yeah, I mean, for me, it felt like watching Real Housewives of Sacramento. I mean, it felt like basically the same thing. They get into, you know... It's not like... There was a Real Housewives of Sacramento?

No, there isn't, but there should be. I mean, it's basically this. It's functionally the same thing as Real Housewives of Salt Lake City, where it's, you know, town that is that has zero culture you know so it can't be like a real housewives of beverly hills or or new york um where there's things to do that's more than just yeah let's go tubing or let's go they keep what they it seems like they just rent a like they rent the same like winter house for every party. Yeah, exactly.

Yeah, yeah. The only nice house, the nicest house in Vail that you can rent, they plug like 500 times. Yeah. The woman who's renting it to them shows up every morning, and it's like, today we have- Oh, yeah. This is your, what did that lady do? This is your omelet maker, Drew. Yeah, she, this is your, like, what is that? What did that lady do? Like, this is your omelet maker, Drew.

Yeah, she's like. What was her gig? Set up and everything. That was crazy. That was really funny. Let's also forget about some really important news that got pushed under the Jen Shaw. uh jen shaw's court case took over the real news because it was only october 14th that it was revealed that mary cosby has in a court uh multiple court appearances on october 15th pleading not guilty against six or seven different misdemeanors how do we all not hear about this

october 15th 2021 mary cosby was in court for multiple misdemeanors well when when was the show recorded when do they this was in the middle of recording this was in the middle of recording no that this is no this is a lot further back recording happened during uh during winter of last year no recording is still going on. Well, yeah, but not for this season. That's why we haven't heard about it, Chuck. It's recording for next season. I mean, I hope we get into something nice with the next season where this all finally blooms

in regards to Mary Cosby and we finally get across to something more interesting. It's going to be tackled this season. It's going to be... Like Jenny maybe getting a sister wife. It'd be very funny if each housewife every new season another a new one gets arrested they saw how well the erica jane thing did so that so now they're every uh housewife has to get like arrested yeah every every city

has a housewife who's having legal trouble well yeah because it's it's basically baking your own tiger king right you have your own never watched it never watched one minute of that never watched it with uh brace from trunon and ben it was the third episode for this podcast is that like a website or something never mind yeah anyway um yeah go ahead and check that out if you haven't that was that was a tough day um but yeah you have your own like tiger king uh every season uh you know one in every uh city hopefully i don't understand new orleans brilliant have one or even should absolutely have one. New Orleans or some others. I know Atlanta has one,

but we need another southern city. Lafayette would be great because it has the worst oil wives of all time. The most evil. Alberta. Oh, shut up. Alberta, for sure. And Drew would show up.

Drew and Aaron yeah there's a strong Twitter presence in Alberta Drew can be a child when the guy when the fashion designer was on screen and his name was Koa I was doing

the DiCaprio pointing meme I was like they should do one for Buffalo doing the DiCaprio pointing meme. It's like... They should do one for Buffalo. Oh my god. For Buffalo, New York? Yeah, I'm for Buffalo. So you'll be on there. That checks out. Nate, you said you're from Arizona. Where in Arizona?

Tucson. I'm from Phoenix. I was born in Iowa, but I'm from Phoenix. Okay. Do you think they would have a good housewife? Yeah, but it's like they already did like real housewives of Dallas, which I thought was like... Not worth it. It's not great.

Totally unreadable. Luann is like my favorite character. Excuse me? Luann? Are you confusing New York or is there a Luann in Dallas favorite character excuse me Luann are you confusing New York or is there a Luann in there oh not Luann like uh fuck she's got one of those names oh my god did you guys find this guy like

homeless on the street or something he's never even seen this shirt this shirt um I know Phoenix would just have the same like I feel like I i i mean i guess salt lake city was was like brave and kind of like rad for them to do because everything else i think every other city in america is kind of the same yeah it's it's salt lake city definitely has a much different

flavor than new new orleans would be great yeah like just anywhere anywhere in the south new orleans would be incredible i just again i'm gonna go back lafayette would be drop down hysterical these oil wives do not know how to dress they own car dealerships they think it is a right of of a divine right to be the wife of a car dealership i'm just going to give you who i think would be the number one uh real housewife of lafayette louisiana google sharon moss she owns moss motors she is evil she is lafayette's answer to jen shaw um she is lafayette's answer to dorinda medley you're looking at pictures of her she was some she's rich enough to have that face and ended up on the cover of something called face magazine her face looks like it's been put through a paper shredder

and then reassembled by plastic surgeons who were drunk whoa she looks like the the dwarf on twin peaks also she she excludes but what she considers to be high fashion is exclusively wearing leopard and zebra print uh virtually all the time she looks like a slutty cheaper version of the nanny yeah i think your face they need to get more old people more old women on well look at karen huger on the real housewives of Potomac. She is old as a bag of bricks and she makes these disgusting kind of noises talking about sucking her old husband off. It's awful.

I never watched that. I watched the first episode of Potomac or whatever it's called. I really haven't seen any of them except for Salt Lake City. I watched a few episodes of new york i watched all of vanderpump and those are kind of my that's my bravo kind of experience i'm just like questioning your your level of intelligences and your identities right now

yeah well i'm a straight cishet man so oh my god i gotta go and uh usa network i'm i i'm googling right now the scariest site that i've ever seen in my life which is karen huger making out um it's so disgusting there's the oldest woman. Who would be the realist housewives of Sacramento? And I think it's the Leatherby family. I don't think anybody's ever heard of them outside the city, but they're an ice cream magnet family. Their family business is an ice cream business. It's like a bunch of ice cream

parlors around sacramento and they have like millions and millions in the bank or whatever from like the 70s or 80s and oh the first picture that comes up is really really funny because all the all the kids are wearing the exact same shirt it's like a flannel oh Oh, God. I mean, there's a couple of great pictures on their website where they're all dressed up. Like in top hats and frill coats and doilies and shit. The way he said that was so European. They're dressed up in the top hats. In a top hat. And they're both.

Yeah, they all look like they're in the Wild West. And they have the one black guy. What a one black guy I wish we had been reviewing that that would have been a way Wild Wild West yes it's a classic I downloaded that last night Will Smith's song? the movie

I never saw the movie what do you want me to Venmo you like $3 so you can rent it from Amazon? Yes, please. No, I wouldn't watch it. I just wouldn't watch it. There's no chance. I thought you have a wife. Kenneth Branagh says the N-word in it.

Why wouldn't you watch it? It just looks really bad. It looks really bad. It's terrible. It's one of the greatest action adventure movies of the entire 90s. Look, let me just give you a little preface. This movie was so good that Burger King put out a line of sunglasses that were sold. Yes, all the Burger Kings at the time of the release of this movie were selling identical sunglasses matching the main characters of the movie.

I bet you're eating your words now, honey. I mean, I regret selling those. Well, not yet. He's busy eating his Burger King. I had every single pair saved, wrapped in plastic, and I it on ebay when i was young no no had had i sold them long before they got to proper value i sold them early stop stop it i had every single pair i collected them all i was a burger king and mcdonald's toy collector aficionado i had all the fucking gold pokemon fuck you god well you know what you look like you look like the my my 600 pound sister on tlc that's what you look like bitch which one the thin one or the skinny one or the dead one

the dead one you look like a dead fat bitch yes did one of them die no no yes yes no tim uh pizza hut had um pizza hut had like a back to the future a bunch of sunglasses back in like i remember that when i was a kid i thought you're gonna say pizza hut had a fat woman um but i did i i could i could lie and say that i had them all and sold them on ebay that's how easy it is not enough i was i sold it way young i had let me just look let me put y'all paint y'all just a perspective i used to collect a lot of things and i sold them way cheap i had a original first pressing of frank zappa's thing fish the complete record set and i sold it for 60 it was in perfect condition i sold this fucking frank zappa thing for 60

probably worth 600 sell that you you find and buy so much cool shit and then you immediately turn around and sell it. Like it's copper. I don't wait. Like it's aluminum. Do you unbox stuff? Can you say it again? Do you unbox stuff? No, I've saved...

I unbox stuff if I know I'm keeping it. You know? Ben, what's your ratio of keeping versus not keeping? I get rid of more things than i should and i always regret it because it's immediately i could have made more money from it you know i sold i had i had probably 2 000 physical lps and i reduced it to 20 something records and i sold them all for under anything that they should have been valued at I had Bob Dylan's first three albums first pressing perfect trumpet guy like the rude how did you get that how did you get that how did you come how did those come into your

possession I used to DJ before I DJ'd on electronic equipment solely on vinyl and when i was in for freshman year of high school i moved to corpus christi texas and all i had zero friends the only activities i ever did was either get homeless people to buy me alcohol and drink on the street with homeless people or go to antique stores and buy records and antiques and that was solely all i did from the entire high school freshman experience i would beautiful life i was it was so funny and sad i would go lay on the beach after getting really drunk with homeless people alone and just let the sand kick up and I'd just close my eyes and I'd stay there till sunset and then I'd come home and my

parents would be like, what have you been up to all day? I'd just be like, bike riding. Jacques' life is a Harmony Corrine movie. Without all the funny parts. And that happens when you don't abort the kid from Gummo. parts and it happens when you don't abort the kid from gummo fuck i'd love to i'd love to defend you right now but it's okay it's okay he's been rude to you i know i've only attacked i'm so sorry i said no no it's too late it's too late

I feel more sorry for your wife and it's because I feel like it's because she's going to hear this and she's going to be like how dare this mother this mother they be so rude to uh you should feel sorry for his dog

Whitney? is your wife named Whitney? no no well no but i'm talking about like yeah exactly i'm gonna wife up whitney call on your wife if you're leaving her i want mormonism you can make her your yeah it is legal but is but whitney's not she got kicked out too didn't she she is they are all like tepidly kicked out kind of they're all very. That's probably why they're doing the show.

It's just so straight. Like Salt Lake City is so predominantly Mormon that it's just so weird that they would choose. Like, I mean, I guess it's fun. It's cool that they're all outcasts. The one that like drinks now. What's her name? Lisa. They all drink.

There's not a single one of them that doesn't drink except mary chooses not to drink on lisa it's really interesting that lisa is the only like overtly mormon one and she's like a jewish woman from long island who moved there and converted it's very funny it's so sad to give up judaism for such a lesser religion well and jenny's husband is also a mormon no he's not even there no he's catholic they're catholic like they're you know he's catholic and he wants to that okay honestly jenny's plot line is the saddest on the show that is yeah jenny about her and mary cosby i i have actual sympathy for jenny completely yeah except that she lied that uh her family came over on the boat

when her family was a really wealthy vietnamese family i mean they probably did come over on a boat but like a luxury liner or something yeah i've come across a lot of immigrants who have done like kind of the same thing or and they do the exact same thing like my uh max making a generalization about immigrants this no no everyone no no i'm just saying that i know a lot of people like for example my mom's church is a fucking fine example of people from like nicaragua who are like we came here on a bathtub and i landed in san francisco and with a dollar in my pocket you know or some variation of that tale but no they a follow-up question to what you just said to investigate the truth of this how many immigrants have you had sex with now don't lie because we all know the true

number so i'm just gonna put in the group chat the number that's a lie that's you're not even counting everyone at like ellis island this is bullshit ellis island max is like it wasn't even like at ellis at ellis island like while they were processing people in. It was just like I went to the national park they have there, started sucking people off the glory hole. No, no, no. Max is the welcome prostitute. When they're all walking off of the boat,

they all have sex with Max once, and that's how they become American. That's how they get their citizenship. I'm ruining everyone, and only the Greek immigrants want to have sex with me, but I have to be equal opportunity because that's the law. But yeah, only the Greek guys are into what I got.

Max, how long have we been going? We've been going for about an hour, so I think this is pretty much a good place to call it especially since it's a free episode you know you guys don't deserve that much slop um so our conclusion of the documentary is that it's a waste of your time don't watch it watch the show instead unless you want to see how much chris connelly has aged there's really no point yeah yeah exactly i i pitched this as hey it could be like a nice synthesis of everything right we're doing the red real

housewives of salt lake city like bonus uh you know deal it's our 100th episode we have a nice guest on and then it turns out um uh the guest was straight Ben's not here and it was a really shitty documentary about Real Housewives that really should have been like a segment on the 11 o'clock local news the only reason Ben couldn't be on this episode is nothing important

it's strictly because he was lazy and hungover so if you missed Ben on the 100th episode go ahead and leave him a hate mail if you missed Ben on the 100th episode, go ahead and leave him a hate mail. If you missed Ben on the 100th episode, you can catch him on the 101st on our Patreon. I'm the new Ben. I'll be handy. Oh, I love this. Okay, now I love him.

Yeah. Since you're from Arizona, you count as Latino. Yeah, that's right. I've had so much Mexican food my whole life, so that should be enough. It's basically changed your DNA. My first girlfriend was Hispanic. So that's fine.

Wonderful. I've heard so much about your other women versus your wife. Thank you very much for coming on. This is Whitney. Thank you for coming on and discussing your marriage with us and yeah yeah yeah and we'll see you guys on the patreon bye Você pode pensar que já, já ouviu

Mas é tudo que sempre se renova Renovar A cada vez que o amor Lhe sorriu Deu um jeito de telefonar Apareça I need to call you, show up, I want to hear your voice, I'm wrapping myself in your arms to be happy. I need to love you so much again And feel your warmth Singing to you

Always the same verses of love guitar solo Thank you.