Seeking Derangements - SD 114 - Dollar Billeaudeaux

Episode Date: February 1, 2022

intro/// Brief Encounter - Human (1981) outro/// Dave Plaehn - For You (I'd Undo Anything) (1980) Bonus episodes every week at https://patreon.com/seekingderangements

um okay welcome everyone welcome everyone if everyone if you're listening right now there's just been this kind of weird smell coming from hessa's box when we record what the hell you're talking about my talking about her pussy? You're talking about her pussy, dude? You're talking about her box? No, no, no. I meant like the box on the screen. But he means the box in your pants. No.

There's been a weird smell coming from Hessa's box. There has indeed been a weird smell coming from Hessa's box. I'm sorry. I fucked up. I just woke up. I didn't realize what I was saying, man. Jock woke up because before you two joined us jock was like i was sleeping in bed but i was so steep i fell asleep with a window

opening it started snowing on me i was like you're you're literally so close to just literally being i woke up not even be to not even being homeless but to like to being like a cartoon style bum. I am relying on Mother Gaia to guide me. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Mother Gaia woke me up at 1246. You going back to your root, you're literally eating beans in bed. That is the most bum-like behavior you could be doing.

And I'm drinking Beetle Light, and I'm about to gulp this down. I'm going to record this episode with y'all Light and I'm about to gulp this down. I'm going to record this episode with y'all and I'm going to go right back to bed. Are you in a kind of a dream state right now? Could you say that again? I said, are you in like a

dream state right now? Do you feel lucid? Well, you're never lucid. It's hard to ask you. It's hard to gauge how tethered you are to reality because the basis by which you would be tethered is already so completely frayed. I gave myself a good hard slap on the face.

Is that how you wake yourself up? Well, I mean, the snow was literally... I was going to say, yeah, that's a real enough awakening. The snow was literally penetrating through the... It seems like it would be a relaxing way to wake up. It just hit my face. I could feel the moist hitting my face, and I'm like, this is not right.

I just slammed half the container of beans. I'm in the room next to you, and I was in your bed, and I was doing the thing that everyone's older brother did to them, where they would hold you down, and then they'd spit, and the spit would dangle and get an inch away from your head

and then they'd tug it back into the mouth. I was doing that to you, but I actually just spit on you. Wow. Ben loves to brag about how he waterboarded me once. There wasn't actually snow. It was Ben scratching his head and all of his

Danfro. Yeah. While you were sleeping, I was pranking you. What's her name? wasn't actually snow it was ben scratching his head and all this dan yeah yeah yeah i was pranking you what's your name that's not snow that's ben's pale skin down drifting about period that's on period that that's on period i love that i love it that's on head and shoulders when someone's telling me something, you know, like telling me a story or something, and I'm bored, I don't want to listen, I just scream period in the middle of their sentence.

They have to stop talking, but they think that I'm supporting them and that I'm just gay and retarded because I'm just like, period! I used to do that with my mom when we had fights. In the middle of someone's sentence. In Spanish, there's a term for period, like a stop the sentence and keep on going

with a paragraph or whatever. And there's a stop, a final period. Max is screaming upside down, exclamation point. I would like to say that Ben, before we recorded, said no one talk over anyone. No one has said a word in the past five years. Absolutely not. I'm going to isolate that.

I'm going to put it on the soundboard. Do it. Got her. I'm just giving some tips for gay people to get out of conversations. I don't think anyone should be taking tips from this fucking Rachel Maddow looking pale motherfucker trying to yell at me.

Jock loves to reference visual things on an audio-only product. Everyone knows what you look like. I am wearing glasses currently. That campaign that what you look like, Ben. I am wearing glasses currently. That campaign that you did. Ben is Rachel Maddow. My lesbian glasses brand campaign I did. Ben is Rachel Maddow.

I'm Racial Maddow. Ooh, Racial Maddow. Yeah. I tried to flip my Lisa Frank hoodie down. Max, what would Racial Maddow be saying right now? Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. But it's been within the first five minutes of the episode,

and I think the listeners don't deserve to listen to such racism within the first, you know. Give them a chance to get to the chemical, connect their AirPods or whatever. If you keep Rachel Maddow in-house, you know, just Latinos, I think it could be fine. If racial Maddow was... Racial Maddow

could be M to Ellen DeGeneres' James Bond. Think about that. Yeah, racial Maddow. And we could call... Well, we need another... We need a racial term for... It's Ellen DaGeneres. Ellen DeGeneres. You said it.

Rachel Maddow and Ellen D'Augenerous. What does Rachel Maddow's voice even sound like? Jewish? Annoying. Very dykey. Yeah. I don't know. Her voice sounds like this. Yeah. It's literally

It's literally just It's literally just dropped it's just a lesbian trying to do like walter cronkite voice you know oh that makes sense and slaying it and she sounds like she's doing her glasses before every sentence me i'm gonna do this a lot now i'm gonna push i'm pushing my glasses up right into my eyebrow i'm just gonna go ahead and tell everyone out there that i think ben is wearing glasses for clout why yeah would i i'm wearing he saw my star rising because of my my glasses and he thought i did want to get clear frames like yours but they cost too much money i went into this like chinese eyeglass store near me because i just want a pair of glasses to wear in my house because I'm not going out anymore at all I'm done going out I literally don't

leave and so I was like I just need pair glasses because putting contacts in and out you know it's tries out your eyes and so I went in and it was I they had no clue what I was saying not all different language it's Chinatown it's Chinatown there are like 90 glasses stores in Chinatown. There are so many. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I was just like, just can I have the cheapest ones?

So they gave me these. You picked the Chinese mom ones. Yeah, like Chinese mom. I've walked into a bunch of stores that are like clearly fronts. I walk in and I'm like, I went into a hardware store to look for like blinds.

And I was like, hi, look for like blinds and i was like hi do you have blinds and the guy looked at me and just shook his head and he was just eating food there was nothing in the store yeah totally they love to do that they love to have stores that like ostensibly should sell something and you go in and ask and they just look at you like you're a germ and they're like no yeah did i ever do you guys know what happened across the street from my restaurant job oh yes oh my gosh not no no god no worse okay oh my god there's this restaurant across the street or it's not a restaurant sorry from from my restaurant the place where i wait tables there is a like no one knows really

knows what it is above it there's like some kind of pr office but below it it's one of these like nondescript chinese businesses that is inexplicably busy at like 12 o'clock every night and i would be waiting tables and we would just see they're gambling yeah of course we would see lines it gets worse though we would see like lines of like chinese guys like going downstairs to gamble coming up and like smoking cigarettes they're just getting really drunk and one night there were like a bunch of cops there and they murdered a there was a woman's body was found chopped up in the basement no yeah it was evil And the reason they found that body is because they put a woman in a cab and she had acid burns all over her body. And she died.

And the cops investigated. Oh, my God. I know. I know. Very scary. Wait, the cops investigated the cops? No, the cops cut up the woman and put acid on her. What are you talking about?

The cab driver did it. This woman had an acid overdose and she died. She had a trip, balls on the way to the hospital, didn't make it. Ben was in China. Yeah, I was in China talking about LSD. I'm not trying to one-up your violence.

It's okay, Jock. No, it's okay. I'm not trying to one-up your violence, but down the street at the 7-Eleven, someone got shot 15 times in a row. Okay. A few days ago. No, no, no. I'm being dead serious. If I could bring my roommate.

Someone walked up to this guy. Like 15 different times got shot. Like 15 different days. He was shot by 15 different people. No, no, no. One time by 15 different people. A guy was sitting in his car in the 7-Eleven. The most hated man in that 7-Eleven.

Well, when Jock's not there. I'm about to be the most shot cunt in the 7-Eleven. For some reason, y'all, I have to be the most murdered bitch in the 7-Eleven. Someone really hated this person. They had to shoot him 15 times

over and over. You have to reload, I between yeah and anyway but it's also Colorado there people love to do random ass mass shootings yeah I mean I'm surprised they got him 15 one person block has 16 bullets in the mag wait doctor they figure out why they killed him gang violence probably gay on gay crime. All I knew is that someone wasn't going to shoot me 15 times if I didn't linger

in the parking lot. You were at the 7-Eleven? Jacques did it. Jacques shot a man. I went to the dispensary right next to it directly after it happened. And so we saw all these cops and we were like, I don't know what the hell is going on.

And I went inside and the dispensary employees all had like bug eyes and were like clearly like literally visibly shaking. Do you live in a cartoon world? The dispensary people were like the windows were shaking from the bullets and the customers inside started screaming yeah no literally when i live in colorado like i'm not even like that i don't even get like that nervous or anxious about stuff but like i was truly like there's gonna be a mass shooting here any moment first of all you do get anxious about stuff. Last night, I was very anxious. Not about mass shootings. I get anxious that the IRS

will kill me or that I will die from a disease, but I'm not scared to go to public places because of mass shootings or anything. Are you scared of Griff Griff showing up to your restaurant? I would love for Griff. I would be begging for that to happen. I would love for Griff. I would be so scared.

I'm begging for that to happen. I would cry if that happened, if I saw him. I wouldn't know. I would cut a finger off. I'd go straight to the veggie section or whatever in the kitchen and just fucking cut my index finger off as an excuse to go home. Fuck that noise. I'm not saying hello or interacting with that little demon.

No. One time when I was living in Denver, there was a guy who was murdered because he was killed by a guy who was dressed up like a clown and drove a moped. And he was stabbed to death because this guy

who was dressed up like a clown, he was known in the area as El Diablo. He was a metal musician. And he had knives duct taped to gloves. And he had the knives at the end of his knuckles like Wolverine. He had the five blades at the end of each knuckle. The special gloves he made.

Let me finish, Jock. Please let me finish. And then you can tell your side of the story if you're going to disagree. I was there. You were not fucking there. Yes, I was. I was at Milk Bar that disagree. I was there. You were not fucking there. Yes, I was. I was at Milk Bar that night. I was at Milk Bar that night.

That was... Why can't I not be there? Why can't I not be there? I'm telling you I was there. I was there when it happened. Let me finish the story. This guy was murdered by El Diablo who was wearing Wolverine gloves.

You're telling me it's so bad and wrong. I'm not. This guy was murdered by El Diablo who was wearing Wolverine gloves. And when it happened. You're telling me it's so bad and wrong. I'm not. He was murdered. Just go. Just do it. Thank you, Jacques. Please. And he was murdered.

And the El Diablo dressed like a clown covered in blood and having knives on the end of his hands. Got back on his moped and fled the scene. And he was reported to police because the police kept receiving calls that were like, yeah, I just saw a clown on his moped and fled the scene and he was reported to police because the police kept receiving calls that were like yeah i just saw a clown on a moped he has covered in blood there's five knives on each okay okay i want to clarify two different aspects of this story let's do a rashamon now you tell you tell it jack first of all it was, it was not. Let's retell the story. No, no. Just listen.

First of all. People love to hear that. Well, no. First of all, it did not happen on a moped. He committed the crime in the line of a taco restaurant. Torchy's Tacos. Torchy's Tacos. And then.

Don't try to come at me like I don't remember this. No, no, no, no. And you don't remember because he did not escape on a moped. He escaped on a lime scooter and was arrested on a lime scooter. It was a lime moped. And as much as you would like, no, no, no. As much as you would like to describe it as a. I'm just trying to fuck with Jock.

Fuck you. As much as you'd like to describe it as a duct tape. He just had his. No, they were gloves. Du duct tape in this book they were gloves that he fashioned himself they were you guys how i made the gloves and that's why it was a lime scooter he had youtube videos of himself this is the final youtube video himself okay go ahead i i want to clarify that okay great i'll just say it fuck Fuck you, bitch, first of all. Second, fuck you, bitch. And then third, he had

replica Freddy Krueger hands that he killed the guy with. So it wasn't Wolverine, it was Freddy Krueger. It was Freddy Krueger. That is a probably better visual aid. Freddy Krueger. But he was gay.

Oh, you mean Freddy Krueger? Yeah, Freddy Krueger yeah he was a pedophile well i'm looking at el diablo denver um just el diablo clown slaying that will be i i tell you this right now if you look up el diablo clown slaying that will be three murders in denver and then also a drag night that they have. That will be three murderers and one more, but it will be Slatina Drag Queen in Denver.

Man, it's funny. I'm so mad at Ben right now because I'm trying to Google pictures, Google image searches of El Diablo clown. Well, you should Google. If you really want to do it, Google Torchy Tacos murder Denver and you will find it. I found it. I think it's so funny because what's coming up instead is Blinky the clown, a local clown in Denver celebrated as the iconic TV show.

Was I wrong? But this, no, this guy is way scarier. If I ever saw this fucking clown in the streets, I would kill myself. Blinky? Blinky the clown looks like a recovering alcoholic who never recovered. Oh, yeah. I mean, they're not supposed to like fully recover all the way.

Like, correct me if I'm wrong in the comments, but like, that's not how the 12 step system works. Alcoholics say even when they're sober and happens for like 10 years, they're like, I'm still an alcoholic. What's it called? Twinks taco sling? Tortoise tacos. I just found a picture of the El Diablo. Let's make this picture the episode art oh yeah um it's a no jock find the mugshot and send that but let's move on mugshot

side by side with him in the makeup oh perfect okay okay i got it i got it he he was he was a mua people don't respect him for his makeup whatry. What's a moolah? Makeup artist. Oh, okay. Ben is on full full turbo nos, pissing me off. I don't know why you could barely barely chew that sentence out. It's fine. I've got a

limited brain capacity. He was kind of handsome. Are you kidding me right now? He's making out of handsome. Are you kidding me right now? He's making out in jail. Are you having... You're such a fucking liar loser. What do you think your mugshot would look like, bitch? I'm going to Google search

for Jock's mugshot right now. Jock's Gonsolin. There is one, isn't there? Just listen to this. There is one I'll admit to y'all. Oh, my God. When you Google search Jock's name, it comes to the pictures that come up. Wait, send it.

Put it in the first one is his. It's him in a purple blazer, which is fine. But then the next shot is him wearing a purple anime wig, swinging it around. The other one. Oh, I love that picture of Jock. No, they're very cute. I love this one of him wearing a red latex skirt with elbow. Okay.

Latex red gloves. You look amazing, Sean. Oh, thank you. Honestly, that was me trying to dress like Charlie XCX. Honestly, if anyone could find it, I would be so impressed. The mugshot? Well, I have several mugshots, but there's one mugshot. There's one mugshot particular of a...

Jock, they mentioned Bozo. Bozo B.U. Your grandpa who was murdered by MS that's a different local businessman Bozo BU dies at age 88 no no no

Bozo was my mom's dad I love Bozo we've talked about Bozo we don't need a Bozo story shut up it's not a joke no bozo is real bozo bu is you're acting like a full-fledged bigot right now shut up and stop laughing you're being a bigot stop crying at my grandfather what are you against the Cajun community by laughing at someone named Bozo

BU I'm gonna spit all the way through the computer I just found out how you spelled BU and it's not how I expected it to be and I already had in mind that like it's a Cajun ass name it's gonna be spelled some fucked up manner no it's like way more fucked up than even I could

B-I-L-L-E-A-U-D-E-A-U-X spelled some fucked up manner no it's like way more fucked up than even i i l l e a u d e a u x holy fuck it's how it's these people need to fucking learn how to edit this is insane i think it's a beautiful name i love it you better be careful you better be careful what you're saying there because you know you know make you a sausage the reverence i have for the cajun community my my grandma i'm not one to talk my grandma's name is crocefessa which is just crucifix in italian that's so cool that's like backwater italy that's like rural ass fucking cousin fucking my grandma was like oh sorry go sorry, go on. Their village looks like, it looks like Tunisia or something. Yeah, literally.

It's like southern Sicily. That is essentially, like basically Africa. I've been learning a lot about Tunisia from 90 Day Fiance. Well, we're all African. We're all African, exactly. Afrikaan?

Yeah. Jock wants to be Afrikaan. Oh my God, I found J's uh prom photo wait wait okay anyway i wanted to say this there's one mug shot out there for an espunged deal espunged um i've never found it but i i remember i remember when i saw it and i told after i got out of jail, I told my lawyer at the time, Freddie King, I said, make this picture disappear. I was like, this cannot happen. Oh, my God. What did Freddie King do?

I've never been able to do this work. You haven't seen the picture again? I had a paper copy of it, and I burnt it, and it looked twisted because I was drugged. burnt it and it looked twisted because i was drugged and the second they took the picture was the moment that i came conscious out of a blackout and yeah we've heard this story we've heard this story have you seen the political ad of the um i believe he is a he's a representative from new orleans he's smoking a yeah gary chambers he's what's what's the local opinion on gary chambers because he seems cool for if anyone let me explain if anyone has not seen this uh video it's a political ad in which jock what is his gary chambers is he a city

councilman i think this is um he's a city councilman i think he in this video is running for election somewhere and it doesn't really matter his position whatever he's a city councilman i think he in this video is running for election somewhere and it doesn't really matter his position whatever he's a politician he is running and he's talking about he's sitting in a big armchair in the middle of the field and he's talking about like marijuana laws and stuff and about how he wants and he lights a blunt like it's like a black leather and the office chair yeah it's like a black leather officer chair. Yeah, it's like a black leather office chair. It's very epic. And the way that the news articles are phrasing it, the advocate says,

Senate candidate Gary Chambers gets blunt. Gets blunt. That's very smart. I think that's a hilarious thing to do, and he's not wrong. It would be funny if the ad was like him lighting a blunt and saying, let me be blunt. He's actually...

I feel like... He was like, let me be blunt. We need to kill all gay people in the United States of America. Let me be blunt. We need to change the age of consent to zero immediately. I accidentally googled

gay chambers instead of Gary chambers. You're in them right now, buddy. To not even abolish the age of consent, but to change it to zero is so funny. Shut up. He did not say that. We're joking, John. We're getting rid of it.

We're changing it to zero. We're changing the age of consent to one month. Look, he's 36 years old, and he's really one of the only people to take on the staunch conservative Republican Party in Louisiana. He's a staunch. I would vote for him in a second. I'm pretty sure he's been arrested for marijuana possession. Or no, for like... Big Freedia was in his ad.

I'm voting for him. If Big Freedia is in his ad, I will vote for that person. He said Big Freedia. Max sounds like a retard. Freedia? Big Freedia. Freedia.

It's not Freedia. It's Freeda. It's Freeda. Freeda. Okay, Freeda. Sorry. And also, it's really not a big achievement to have... No, Big Freedia.

I was just about to say, Big Freedia is in fucking everything. I don't care No Frida Good for her She's in New Orleans Juan LaFonta Juan LaFonta

I'll edit it in Let's pivot away from Before we pivot to something new Hold on I found the Denver Post article about The stabbing And I found the Denver Post article about the stabbing and I found the guy's name. Okay, what's his name?

It's Christian Guzlov, but in the third paragraph, it says Why are you dressing up like the devil? Trying to explain to your Latina mom why you have Freddy Krueger gloves. Guzlov,

who identified as Christoph with an umlaut on the O. Oh, so he's a Nazi? Yeah. Guzlov Prusenstein. Wait,

that's also like a weird, yeah, like you don't know if he's like a Nazi or like he's, yeah, exactly. What?

He's just confused. He's a schizophrenic person he's a psycho he got 42 years in prison for killing that guy I would like to talk about another psycho and this person is

Shea Diaz from the new Sex and the City franchise which I've never seen played by Sarah Ramirez I've never seen Sex and the City franchise, which I've never seen. Exactly. We need to send this. Played by Sarah Ramirez. I've never seen Sex and the City before. You're a loser. I never saw the original one,

and I tell people that, and they literally act like that. I should be dead. Yeah, you should be beaten to death violently, you fucking loosey-ass faggot. Loose hole. It's so misogynistic. Truly, this is the reaction I get

when I say I've never seen the movie before. I want to break your glasses and throw you down the subway. Great. I've heard it all. I don't know. I've tried watching it and I just thought all the women were annoying. I was like, these bitches, they need to get a fucking life. They need to shut the hell up.

I don't care about what's happening in their lives. They're very annoying. What the fuck did Charlotte, Miranda, Samantha, and Carrie ever do to you? What the fuck did they ever do to you? Nothing. They've done nothing to me. And that's exactly why I don't care about their lives.

I'm not saying I hate sex in the city. I'm saying that they're annoying and I don't like watching their show. Well, it's pretty comparable and I'm offended. So continue. It's pretty comparable to i'm offended so continue it's pretty comparable to what to hating them you're you're not watching your show means i hate them calling them annoying women okay they are annoying women no they're not they're beautiful precious women okay you need to change you just you just think you're carrie no i don't yeah you do no i don't who are you ben

describe carrie to me i don't i don't know i don't exactly but i'm just trying to i'm just trying to fuck with jock i don't know people i'm samantha clearly but i want to be miranda i'm i'm charlotte because no because i have black hair because i got to make out with kyle mclaughlin. And then he, what does he do? He does something really bad, right? I'm not sure. He's exposed as being on the logs, on the plate. Is that a joke or is that a real story? Yeah, all of their friends.

That's why. No, I mean his character on the show, not Kyle McLaughlin, the person. I don't know what he did. I thought you were talking about you making out with Kyle McLaughlin in real life and I was like, what's the situation here? But in the new season, it's like all of the women are like much older or whatever. But there is a character in it that everyone.

I don't think I haven't seen a positive word said about this person. We're talking about Shea Diaz, who is a non-binary stand-up comedian slash podcaster who does kind of like a redux on like Dan Savage style commentary where it's like we're queer and we're going to be open and we're going to share all the disgusting things about our lives and we're going to talk about sex and blah, blah, blah. And her stand-up comedy is really like it's jock how would you describe shade how would you describe that person's comedy

their comedy is just like soulless like haha so you i know you want to have sex with me because i'm i'm a hot them they but you're not going to because i'm i'm democrat i don't know yeah literally literally literally that's literally what it is like that's literally what it's like um and this person shea diaz is non-binary afab um and they're the kind of non-binary they're the kind of non-binary person that looks like the way non-binary people are depicted in infographics. Yeah. Where it's like they have a perfect ratio of one masculine thing, one feminine thing, one masculine thing, one feminine thing. She looks like a non-binary bitmoji that's made into two-tone infographic kind of single-dimensional.

Non-binary is like when you have a haircut literally it's exactly that wait do you know what this what this person looks like i'm still looking at a picture right now i was gonna say guess the haircut it's literally the it's the haircut it's the non-binary haircut it's shaved on the sides big pompadour top. She also really does this annoying thing where she just constantly pulls out a bowl, like a pipe, and starts smoking it. You.

Without saying anything. Literally. That is something you do every 10 minutes. No. I dab. I dab. But Jack, you wouldn't deny that do you see the parallels between you and Shay

don't you dare bring up is there any way in which you are similar to Shay um I feel like even the question is offensive I'm just asking I'm looking at her hair right now or their hair right now

I'm sorry I'm looking at their hair right now, or their hair right now. I'm sorry. I'm looking at their hair right now. I'm going to fucking puke. I'm so offended. I'm looking at their hair right now, and it looks like if Gerald from Hey Arnold's hair got cut off. I'm disgusted with you, Hessa. I thought you were a gender warrior.

I'm sorry. That's exactly what the hair looks like. If you had a haircut that would grow in a completely and totally impossible way. Marge Simpson. And then you cut it off at the root. That is what her hairstyle looks like. It would be really funny. I'm picturing

this bull-smoking comedian who makes jokes like the ones Jock said. And then they see like Carrie and they start going like why don't you get that fat wet pussy it's actually harassing she looks like

the goblin lady was Latina yeah totally totally everything is annoying about her but I like this character I hope a truck lands on her so so so powerfully annoying like literally no one likes this person at all

I've never seen a single nice thing said about this person even from like people who you would expect to see someone on twitter being like this is real queer representation this is what we need and calling Shade Diaz annoying is violence. But I haven't seen any of that.

I've seen one person. One person protect or speak in favor of this character. And that's Talia Lavin. I'm looking at a Rolling Stone article right now called In Defense of Shade Diaz. I'm going to kill myself and it's your fault.

I saw it online where it was the headline of that article and then it was a woman with a gun in her mouth like desperately crying. If you Google image search Shea Diaz, the first suggested result is most hated character. character but it is kind of like i wonder if this because i think in real life this person is she's a woman it's it's a woman yeah the bitch is named sarah ramirez in real life she ain't even a real them they are you sure because she seems incredibly queer envy that i'm like i'm like if she's if this is a cis straight woman she deserves a fucking emmy she deserves to e-gawk for this one performance if she's not actually i don't know she actually is i it says it said nothing about it she went to juilliard so that's, well, she's some kind of queer then. Let me read this.

She would just be someone who's like, I'm queer because I went to acting school. Yeah, exactly. Ramirez, too, came out as queer and bisexual in 2016 while still married to their then-husband. There we go. I just want to read this one line of their Wikipedia page to y'all. I sent an article.

Shady, it just going to have, it's going to be like early life, career, being annoying. She was annoying from the beginning. Ramirez began acting

in Broadway productions, making their debut in Paul Simon's The Cape Man. Now this is what, this is what I need to just stop and pause on. Big oof, fam.

I've never, never in my fucking life have I ever heard of. There's nothing wrong with liking Paul Simon. I mean to stop and pause on. Big oof, fam. I've never in my fucking life There's nothing wrong with liking Paul Simon. I love Paul Simon. I was just strangely so like, what? What the fuck is the Cape Man? That was the shitty album he did

before he went to South Africa and stole Black Mambazo's licks. Yeah. And stole Los Lobos' licks as well. I'm going to be honest. I do love his music. That's a great album under the...

What is that album called? Graceland? Yeah, Graceland. Graceland. With Chevy Chase and him in the music video. That's great. Yep. You can call me out in the music video.

I like Rhythm of the Saints better cause it's like Graceland but like even more obscure the sex scenes in the new

Sex and the City between Che and Diaz I just saw an image because I was scrolling through it are so hard to watch oh my god they're disgusting

it's like a horror movie it is a horror movie because her best friend is recovering no I don't I don't mean about I don't mean about the plot at all. I mean just purely watching Cynthia Nixon and this actress make out and simulate fingering each other.

It is tough. Wait, she's dating Miranda? Cynthia Nixon. Miranda divorces her husband because she starts flirting with and having sex with the stand-up comedian who does a podcast with carrie oh and it's carrie's boss and so then they start hooking up because shea diaz is like portrayed as this kind of like renegade bad boy like i'm you know i love having fucking sex kind of like not envy you and miranda cannot help herself from being soaking wet when she sees shay just just to set just to

set up the first time that they have sex after shay shotguns weed into miranda's mouth they have sex in carrie's kitchen while carrie is recovering from some kind of intense surgery and sleeping in her bed she broke her hip and so she can't piss on her own and she was awoken by the sex noises between this dyke in this fucking uh dyke and like yeah i was gonna say both bikes yeah and uh and she's disgusted and then she pisses the bed oh because she can't get helped um here okay the i found an article where apparently andy cohen asked kristin davis on watch what happens live if she thought that Che Diaz's set was funny and Kristen Davis said oh Andy don't put me on the spot you're gonna get me in trouble

oh no I want a good example of a Che Diaz joke because they are so like they're so hard it's like so difficult who is Kristenisten davis um she plays uh charlotte oh okay yeah i oh yeah she has a lot to say you know she when they were recording the original series i don't remember her always answering all these questions for the

press now she can't stop being in articles for the press she's like i love her she has too many thoughts there's an insane there's an insane she has too many thoughts okay psycho there's an insane scene where carrie goes to get she goes to a um plastic surgery consultation with her gay friend because her gay friend's husband who's the surgery was originally meant for fled to england or something but in actuality he died anyways carrie bradshaw actor died or what yeah the actor died carrie is in a plastic surgery room with a gay friend of hers and there's a plastic surgeon and the gay guy's like ah whatever i don't want anything done and so the plastic surgeon turns to carrie and the scene is written under the assumption that sarah jessica parker has never had plastic surgery when she looks like one of the like she's so clearly on her like third

face she looks good but like yeah she is had a lot of work done and the doctor's just like so i'm thinking about for your facelift and she's like what facelift it's like this is so so unreal like no one's buying this shit you're you look like you look like if you got like a baby's sock and try to put it over a boulder like your skin looks like it's not no one does not believe that you haven't gotten a fucking facelift um speaking of facelifts um the bogdanov twins i feel like we didn't properly mourn their passing yes yes rip to rich gritchka and what do you even know their names let's go try pretending to be real. Gritchka and Igor. Yeah.

Gritchka and Igor. Yeah. You were not about to say it. I was about to fucking say it. You don't even know. You don't even know how to spell Gritchka. These bitches don't even know how to spell Gritchka. G-R-I-N-C-H.

Ben, the only thing I need to know how to spell is your name. And you spell that B-I-T-C-H. Nice. Got you. But no, rip to them. They were, I mean, some of the... They pioneered a way... Dying from COVID. They pioneered dying from COVID.

They pioneered plastic surgery. They were... They were theoretical physicists. They were theoretical physicists. They both got their PhDs. Literally, they were. They almost flunked, but that is neither here nor there. They probably fucked their way through college.

They claimed to be the owners of Bitcoin, the originators, the people who invented it. Clearly, if these guys invented Bitcoin, it would be called the Bogdanoff coin. It, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which, like, clearly, if these guys invented Bitcoin, it would be called, like, the Bogdanoff coin and it would have their faces on it. Instead of buying Bitcoin or any crypto or anything like that,

I'm going to start buying, like, I found these Walt Disney security challenge coins that say protecting the magic on them. Wait, sorry, that say what on them? They say protecting the magic on them. And there's a picture of Mickey Mouse with binoculars and you can see the United States of America in the binoculars.

Oh my god. Beautiful. And they're like $90 for a coin. And it's an actual physical coin. It's not crypto. Yeah. We should have a Seeking Derangements. It's like a collector's item.

Yeah. We should issue a challenge coin for Seeking Derangements fans. If you're here for more than 12 months, you get a coin that says, I'm just here for the bad audio or I'm just here for Jacques' screaming. No, don't remind them of that.

It sounds beautiful now because we're all recording on our normal audio equipment. And I finally learned how to use equalization and compression. Igor and Grichka. If you don't know who these twins are, I guess maybe people don't know. Because to me, they're super celebrities. I didn't know before y'all ever talked about them. So you may have seen them before.

How would you describe their faces? They are some of the most shocking people I've ever seen. Statuesque, I think is that truly because it's not even it's not even what you could call like proper body mod because they don't have piercings they don't have tattoos they're not like they're not doing they're not like boring holes in their nostrils or something it looks like they got punched it looks like they got punched in the face 1000 times each yeah they have giant giant cheekbone implants giant chin implants um i think brow implants multiple facelifts fillers um they kind of look like jock and hessa might murder me for saying this, but it's okay to cry

when Sophie had those really exaggerated... Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Fuck you. Get the fuck out of here. Kill yourself. She looked a fucking geek. This is not a knock on Sophie.

She looked amazing. I think Grichka and Igor looked amazing. How old do you think they were? 67. They were 72. You were reading the... Yeah. No.

Yeah. Jock. I'm not even reading. That's a hands. Reading the obituary. Yeah. They were 72. But you know what they looked like before?

They were pretty handsome before. They were sexy before. That's the thing about a lot of plastic surgery. If you get it when you're like 50, or if you get bad plastic surgery, it doesn't make you look younger. In some way, it kind of makes you look older because your age is obscured.

But anyone seeing you would assume that by virtue of you needing to get plastic surgery that just totally obscures your age, you're like ballpark 70. You know? Yeah. but anyone seeing you would assume that by virtue of you like needing to get plastic surgery that just like totally obscures your age you're like ballpark 70 you know like yeah unless you're getting like really really like incremental good work done for a long time you're just always going to end up looking like an old person who wants to look really young there's one picture where they look like um like black jeremy clarkson it. No, they also... Yeah, no, literally.

Because they've been tanning for so long. They do look vaguely ethnic. They're originally Russian. To me, it looks like they're not even siblings. It looks like how Genesis O'Porge's girlfriend got plastic surgery to look like Genesis O'Porge. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I kind of like that. God. Who's Genesis O'Porge? It's the queen of the bricks. Genesis P. O'Bridge. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Who's Genesis O'Bridge? It's the Queen of the Bricks. Genesis P. Oridge. She was in Throbbing Gristle. Very famous. Oh, I know who that is.

You couldn't even pronounce her name. Oh, I know that. Anyway. Okay. I'm looking her up. Oh my god She is very divisive She did a lot of bad things As I recall

She's crazy but she's sick I mean I love Robin Gristle Yeah Robin Gristle is fucking sick She's a bricked up shawty She is She's not bricked up This bitch is stoned up She's bouldered up She's cemented up She's not bricked up. This bitch is stoned up. She's bouldered up.

She's cemented up. She's brownstoned. She's brownstoned. She's brownstoned. But she's dead now too. R.A.P. Lots of people have been dying. I don't know who like

Mugler? How do you say it? Terry Mugler? Terry Mugler? I think it's Terry Mugler. Anyways, that person's dead. I didn't mean anything to me. Lots of people are sad about that.

It doesn't mean anything to me. Have you seen the picture of how jacked he is? Yeah, he has a lot of plastic surgery too, though. He has a total... If you look at pictures of him from 1995 and look at pictures of him the two years before he died, he is utterly unrecognizable.

His plastic surgery has completely changed the outlook of his human DNA. Wow. Oh, I found a picture. Also, his influence on fashion. There would be no drag clothing. You're making me like him less. I wish there was.

He should have died earlier. Fuck it. He should have died earlier. Should have gotten aborted then. there's just so many cool moments i i'm gonna butcher trying to explain how cool his clothing looks yeah no it did seem cool the stuff i saw i was like damn that's sick but yeah lots of people lots of uh people who are into fashion taking some big l's dying. I'm next. No. You're next. No, I'm never going to die. So drama this morning,

Hazzy. You're like, I'm going to die. I don't know who Genesis is. I'm just hungover. That's how you feel when you've had five pussies. Exactly. Hazzy just got bottom surgery seven times. They accidentally gave it to me three times. How many shots of Fireball did you do last night?

Oh, God. Don't be nasty. Fireball is a demonic drink. Yeah. Didn't they find out that Fireball is made with Windex? Or is that just something they tell you in high school i think that's something that you made up to start a rumor that was meth i sold you that you're confusing it with that was made with bleach what i didn't say bleach or meth i said windex i don't even know

what you're you fucking didn't yeah i'm gonna look up what is Fireball made of? It's Windex. Fireball whiskey recalled in Europe because it has... Let's see. It has an ingredient found in the... Traces of cum. Trans girl piss. TGP. Yeah, it has...

Trans girl piss. Oh my god. TGP? Yeah, it has. Wait, what does that say? Trans Girl Fest? Oh my god. Have you guys heard of that thing in Austria in the 80s when they were putting antifreeze in the wine? Yes. To make it stronger because they basically didn't have anything? To make it sweeter because it made it taste better. Literally.

Antifreeze is sweet. Jock, did you hear that? Antifreeze is a delicious dessert. They had to change the taste of it because kids kept drinking it. I'm not kidding. In Austria or Australia? In the world, they had to change

antifreeze. Because it tasted like maple syrup. Why do y'all think I always burp after I drink a Bing? It's because I add a little bit of extra extra to it. Like anti-fruze. Damn, that's crazy.

It's so funny. For it to be something that poisonous and they just make it taste delicious. Children used to just be drunk all the and they just make it taste delicious. Children used to just be drunk all the time. No, it's more fucked up. Sorry. All the fucking time. Stop talking about my childhood.

I did a little reading on this thing. The first thing in the Wikipedia article is that none of the Austrian wines were sold in Austria. These were all for export to Germany or whatever. Genius. Just like fucking poisoning a bunch of children in another country. And the last Austrian import to Germany,

you know what that was? Hitler, my friend. That's right. That's right. They love hearing about that. Whenever you're traveling and you find an Austrian guy, bring that up. They fucking love it when you bring it up. When you bring up Hitler to Austrians? Yes. They really

appreciate it. They're like, wow, you know a lot about our history. I'm gonna assume that Max is being sarcastic and that is not the move with Austrians. You can go ahead and try it, Jacques. The worst thing that'll happen is they'll say,

oh, yeah, yikes, big yikes. That guy was problematic much. Sorry, there's no worldly people in sight in Denver. There's only people, slack-jawed losers, who shop at Target. And, like, Latin leche, like, twinks that have been brainwashed with meth. Yeah, no, that's truly what it's like. It's so nasty. like twinks that have been brainwashed with meth. Yeah. That's truly what it's like.

It's so nasty. Country road, take me home. I get the feeling that everything between the Mississippi River and the Sierra Nevada mountains is just like pure fantasy land. That might as well be

Middle Earth. For all intents and all purposes I love calling it middle America because it makes it seem like everyone who lives there is an orc and it's true it is very true I love telling people that like I'm going back home to middle America I'm going to

the eye of Sauron more like the eye of sorrow nice I'm going to the great Salt Lake Salt Lake City is so funny like there's The Eye of Sauron. More like The Eye of Sorrow. Nice. I'm going to the Great Salt Lake. Salt Lake City is so funny. Like there's just a big empty hole filled with salt. A lake whose water you can't drink.

It's so fucked up. It's horrifying. Have y'all ever seen Salt Lake City Punk? Have we seen what? The movie with... SLC Punk? Yeah, SLC Punk with Matthew Illard from Scream. No, but I love...

It's such a good movie. I'm a huge Lillard... You're about to have a Lillard explosion. Oh, my God. I'm excited. She Lillard on my... Do you sell your notebook, Jock? Do I sell my what?

You kept notes? Can we open up the Jock notebook? You used to do that, but then maybe you forgot how to write. Let me just open it up. He's again doing that. That only makes sense if you can see what he's doing. I just started doing visual bits on our podcast. I'm sorry.

The real fans are hacking our zoom and watching it as we record the real fans know know where i uh where i live send me letters they poop in my mailbox the real fans are getting me deported from spain it only takes a week of me living it only takes a week of me living in a neighborhood for the neighbors to poop in my mailbox. Wait, Max, are you going to get deported? No, no. I figured it out. That was so sad.

With the immigration authority. Max sucked off a 74-year-old senor discoteca. Come on, finish it. Senor discoteca. There we go. Senor discoteca. Exactly. Disco Teca Señor Disco Teca Señor Disco Teca Exactly My name is Señor Disco Teca Señor Disco Teca was Franco's right hand man

And he escaped The Disco Teca The Disco Teca regime War criminal War criminal He wasn't a war criminal He was just a driver But he just gets

a bad rap. I'm just so happy that you were able to blow your way back into school. Mr. Disco Tech was actually the apprentice of the driver from The Conformist. I'm just imagining a buckshot and it's like,

Senor Disco Tech, responsible for over 500 million executions, comma. Or criminal. Or criminal, literally. Just like Ella. To be honored by CIA. He has his name in the Victims of Communism Memorial,

even though he's still alive. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The annual discotheca dinner. I remember it's the victims of communism. I'm trying to find my notebook. I want to get on the victims of communism. It's like that scene in... You should be after your accounts got suspended.

If your account was suspended by a liberal... In so many ways, I am a you should be in the victim of communism. I am a victim of communism because liberals have... I'm going to submit your name. Thank you. Sorry, Hester. It's a raffle system.

I was saying it's like the scene in the Marathon Man where all the people from the concentration camps recognize the guard, but it's like a bunch of people in a discotheque. Okay. I like a big wig yeah I tried to explain to y'all this note this note I was trying to read

yeah let's round it out let's round it out with some therapy so this is a note actually from the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City the last episode where Heather tries to pronounce ciabatta bread. Oh, yeah. She said ciabatta. No, I wrote it down as kabacha.

This is what she said. I put kabacha. And I spelled it like, look how scary that looks. The way it's. Yeah. Your handwriting is overall very scary to begin with. Again, something

only you could see. But Heather did, she called it the bread. She was ciabatta, but she called it ciabatta. Or cabacha. But it's funny because like that's something people do like i've i've witnessed this from like working in like italian restaurants or you know restaurants

that are like you know quote unquote like authentic um that when people when americans like encounter an italian word on the menu they understand that like a c sometimes is cha so they just like completely go overboard with it where they would be like chabachba bread or something like they they try to over pronounce it because they assume that uh because they don't understand it it must be like a completely insane word even though it's no i've actually i've been to Firenze and, you know, the Bolognese there is actually really delicious. Like someone who over-pronounces every single one.

I had a guy, I had a customer ask me if I could like, if we could, he was like, oh, like, do you think like the chef could just sound like a Bolognese?

And I was like, what? And he's like, yeah, he's like, do you think like, I know it's not on your menu, but do you think you could make, I'm like, you know, that takes like four hours to make. Go and make it yourself do you think the chef could just like make up all i'm like no they have they have a part of it no matter what and even if

it's not on the menu they have to in order to be authentic italian restaurant cook yeah going to authentic it's like what do you do what are you doing showing up asking for no well that's what i'm saying like if a restaurant wants to be authentic, they need to have a massive tamale pot of bolognese, at least several dozen gallons of meat sauce ready to go. Going into an Italian restaurant and being like, what's in the cauldron today?

There's a big cauldron in the back. I don't know. As a cuisine, I don't like Italian food. Sorry, Hessa. I'm going to be honest. It's not my favorite. Ben hates. I don't know. As a cuisine, I don't like Italian food. Sorry, Hessa. I'm going to be honest. It's not my favorite. Ben hates everything I love, truly. You don't like fettuccine alfredo? No. Not one of my favorites. Fettuccine alfredo is not

really Italian. Why is it not really Italian? Because it was just invented by some guy in 1960. Jock saw a video that it was like fettuccine Alfredo. It's not actually Italian. Jock's trying to do a got you on you. No, I'm not.

I'm not even trying to do a got you on you. No, I'm the one who said it. So Jock, you were under the impression that it's like authentic Italian food. Yeah, I don't see why not. I don't know. No, I'm not fucking joking. I don't understand why it's a fucking joke. My life's not a fucking joke to you, okay? I like fettuccine Alfredo. It's not bad. I'll't understand why it's a fucking joke my life's not a fucking joke to you okay

I like fettuccine alfredo it's not bad I'll be honest it's not bad the first thing that comes up when you look up fettuccine alfredo it says why is fettuccine alfredo so bad for you the only thing I can think of when I hear fettuccine alfredo now is you guys remember that

you definitely remember this guy this freak from the FYM stream Kissinger Vince Kissinger oh my god my favorite You guys remember that? You definitely remember this guy, this freak from the FYM stream, Kissinger, Vince Kissinger. Oh my God, my favorite. That's his favorite meal for him and his sex doll wife to share. All the time. You know how people are like, oh, I only eat

chicken tenders? If you only eat fettuccine Alfredo, you need to be investigated. He only eats fettuccine Alfredo and drinks pepsi not even diet pepsi but pepsi and he it's so funny because he makes a video where he makes a bowl

for him and a bowl for his girlfriend who's a sex doll and is inanimate and it's so funny picturing like him finishing his bowl and then turning off the camera and then just sliding her bowl over and eating that too. Well, he has shots in the video

where it's like two empty plates. It's like, you didn't waste that. Come on. I know better. No, it's a disgusting dish. It's like every kind of dairy you could have in one single. Okay, wait. I have one final note to end on. Let's get a note.

It reminded me, the fettuccine reminds me of the creamed, canned creamed sausage sauce. Wait, wait. Just listen. I don't even know what the fuck you are saying.

Let's go one word at a time. Yeah, I know. You said a canned cream can. You're eating cream cans? No, no, no, no, no. This discussion of Fettuccine Alfredo reminds me of a YouTuber who eats the most disgusting meals.

His name is King Ass Ripper. Oh my God, yes. I know this person. Let's go. He's so incredible. I love this guy. He talks like this. Like a Neanderthal. And he

farts it to the camera. He orders a whole pizza and opens two cans of cream sausage white gravy and pours it on the pizza and eats it. Are you sure that's just ranch what you're talking about? No, no, no, no. This dude opens a can of the most thick gelatinous cream gravy. Can we please watch?

No, no no no Max please no no I don't think but I love the one where he's eating the entire rotisserie chicken in his car

like just literally outside the Kroger or whatever and he's just farting into the camera not even giving a shit people are walking past the window

it's completely disgusting his farts his farts his farts are not like normal human farts they're like jock stop I can't

it's so upsetting i'm sure it sounds exactly like it's completely unlistable and then and then and also he wears these like broken frayed tighty whities that are so stained and ripped oh yeah they are stained it is unfortunate wife beater any oh i wish y' could see him. He has this big fat belly. He's a gainer. He's like a feeder gainer situation where people literally are sending him money every day to eat to beat him. More disgusting. See, I thought he stopped uploading.

I thought he was off. No, I mean, I don't know if he died, but I thought he was out of the game. Is he active again jock no i don't think so i think he i think family intervened oh no my god that's what's good that's what when jock disappears that's what's gonna happen yeah he's gonna be in uh like the most fame he's gonna be in the um uh like uh an insane asylum that looks like it should be in a fucking horror movie. If I go missing, there's an entire

list that I'll email to the group chat. He's going to live in a mirror in the insane asylum. I can provide a list of suspects of my upcoming murder. This man is horrifying. He's so cool. Oh my god.

Ben, Ben, Ben. Calm down. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Benahessa, please watch it. I've seen the farting videos, but not the eating ones. Oh god, they're all in archive.org. Oh. I'm trying to find you one single video.

Will you watch the video, Ben? I'd rather not. There's trying to find you one single video. Will you watch the video, Ben? I'd rather not. There's a great 20-minute one where he's just eating an entire eight-pound chicken. Eight-pound rotisserie chicken, yeah. Beautiful. He's eating a baby. Might as well eat a baby, honestly, at that point. Also, this is how he goes.

Jock, please don't do the voice again. Don't do the voice again. That voice causes immense mental distress. is how he said he goes please don't do the voice again don't do the voice again that voice caused immense mental distress yeah eight pound chicken disgusting that's like all gmo jock i can't hear that that's not gonna work i am jock jock is jock has completely devolved into just watching youtube videos so we can wrap it up here you gotta wrap it up thank you all so much for listening today. Which was the first episode with Hessa

where she did not take a pee break. Can we all get a round of applause for Hessa? Oh my god. Beautiful. That audio sounded like rainfall which now makes me have to pee you guys. Anyway.

Time for Ben's pee break. We love love you all thank you so much for listening you got something I haven't got So I search your eyes For you, I'd undo anything For you, I'd hide and do anything These years have made me a curious soul All tied in knots My house is open but the rooms are closed

And the keys are played, they're locked But for you, I don't need anything, anything For you, I'd undo Anything, anything I'll sing to the river I'll sing to the sea I'll sing to deliver myself from me. I sing in the darkness because you give me hope. I sing as though you'll never let me go.

I'm going to bed.