Seeking Derangements - SD 116 - google "🔒CB 1200 Chinese Gay"

Episode Date: February 11, 2022

Suggested reading: HIV now infects more heterosexual people than gay or bisexual men – https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/feb/09/hiv-infects-heterosexual-gay-bisexual-men-uk-testing-virus The Qinling - Huaihe/Top - Bottom Divide in China - https://www.tiktok.com/@cloudcloutclaud/video/7050788702569663791 intro/// Doris - Did You Give The World Some Love Today Baby? (1970) outro/// Bobbie Gentry - Wedding Bell Blues https://www.patreon.com/seekingderangements

Did you give the world some love today, babe? Did you give the world some love today, babe? We all sound good? Beautiful. Okay, so I was telling you, welcome everyone to another episode of Seeking Derangements. Jock had yet another emergency gumbo accident and is in the hospital with third degree burns. There's actually... In Shalabi live. They had to evacuate half of Denver.

Yeah. It's a nuclear gumbo explosion. Because of a slow moving molten gumbo rolling through the streets. Because of a slow-moving, molten gumbo rolling through the streets. Jacques does that thing that maids do and actually end up blowing up houses where they mix borax and windex. Make a bomb on accident. Jacques did that while making gumbo. Jacques did that by mixing crawdads and catfish in one.

There we go. There we go. I was telling these two, Max and Hessa, about this thing I heard last night called kuking. I was at a gay guy dinner in Bed-Stuy. Wait, kuking? Can you spell it for the neophytes? Kuking as in cucumber. Okay. C-U-C-K-I-N-G.

C-U-C-K-I-N-G. C-U-C-K-I-N-G. Yeah, exactly. I do that all the time. Uh-huh, we know. One of the gay guys there knows someone who knows Sasha Emilia. And there's a story that is being told about rituals at the Sidwell Friends Academy, which is an incredibly elite K-12 institution where Sasha and Malia go there.

It's very like... It's real-life Hogwarts. It's real-life Hogwarts. It's like, is your dad a war criminal? We're whisking away to Sidwell Friends. My dad had drawn 5,000 muggles. My dad had drawn 5,000 muggles. So I heard about this thing called kuking,

and I was going to tell Hessa and Max, but Hessa says that she's going to guess. This is something that the girls do at Sidwell Friends Academy, heard through a friend of Sasha and Malia. Guess about kuking. girls the my guess your case you put a cucumber in your vagina up to like maybe the halfway point and then you try to do like a kegel flex so to juice it to get a cucumber juice that's how glenn if irow drinks all of her kids.

She juices some vegetables. And you try to launch it. You launch them at each other, actually. I'm changing my guess to that. Like a Nerf gun. Like a rocket. Like when boys shoot Roman candle fireworks at each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Exactly. Well, guys do the same thing with fireworks. They put them in their ass and shit. You've seen the video. Yeah, that's true. That's true. I mean, no, I haven't. You're saying you've seen the video as if anyone has seen any of the most fucked up videos in the world.

You've seen the video. You've seen the video, you know. Well, you've seen the video of the baby coming out of the asshole. I can't talk about it. But, no, kuking is actually way worse and way more fucked up it's a thing the girls did because they wanted to communally burst their hymens no yes and so they would pass the cute they put a condom on the cucumber and pat take turns in the bathroom passing it off but what it really is i feel like what it really that sounds like something one of the teachers came

up with what i feel like girls you guys should get together and yeah i went absolutely was teaching yeah yeah no i feel like it's actually a virginity test that these girls do to each other wow i was surprised i mean some rich people rich people ride horses though too for me exactly what i said this is exactly what i said when they were talking about i was like oh my god like i'm so i was for some reason i was under the impression that every like girl like burst their hymen when they were like 12 on a bike yeah and especially horses okay also first of all just to clarify an academy how old are these alleged girls young women of legit girls i have some questions about a few of them i've seen them i'm gonna make a youtube video about it but i've done some some examination

of bone structure oh my god some of them have snail trails haunted house guest that account how did you know that oh yeah i love this that woman is fucking insane that woman there's another woman my favorite we have to do a deep dive on haunted on haunted house guests yes we do i um i my favorite youtube channel in the world which got taken down but i found the lady has a backup channel that she put up but um the backup channel is not as good as because like we've lost like some of the most culturally important videos for reference what hess and i are talking about is there is a twitter account called haunted house guest that is under the impression that every single celebrity is a trans, the girls are all trans women. But that's like every trans person I know

is like that. Like everybody they see on television is secretly an egg. No, no, no, not an egg, Max. They are already transitioned. They're already like, okay. They're passing very well and they're beautiful. Yes.

They're not beautiful to her. She's disgusted by them really we should just save it for a full episode because there's so much that we can do anyways with the q king thing i was like wait can i can i talk about this other oh yeah go ahead go ahead okay so this youtube account that is my it it was my favorite YouTube account. It got taken down in like the big QAnon purges. And the, which I am so mad about. I hate Mark Zuckerberg. I know.

And we'll get into that later in the episode. But the. Mark is joining us. We're going to yell at him. Yay. Mark is coming out as gay. You're a faggot. Mark is joining us.

We're going to yell at him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mark is coming out of his day. You're a faggot. So, yeah, this woman, the celebrities she made videos about are like, and it was like her just pointing a camcorder at her computer screen. And she's like. It's so funny. Yeah.

And it's like, and you can always see the time on all the videos. It's like 4 a.m. That's the most schizophrenic thing you can do see the time on all the videos it's like it's the most schizophrenic thing you can do is to film your computer with like a camcorder no and i'm not kidding she had over like 11 000 videos and they're awesome and it's like a video a day but they're all posted like all through like she doesn't sleep and yeah the people that she claimed were trans were um like henry kissinger's trans mask okay um i can get behind that yeah kiera knightley obviously um i can see that that's a popular one um my favorite besides henry kissinger and his wife um bill clinton um she heard she heard that one of the victoria's Secret angels was trans,

so she went on the website to find the one that it was and to, like, clock her. But her conclusion is that all of them are trans. So what you can't tell. It doesn't matter. Every single Victoria's Secret angel that year was a trans woman. Absolutely flawless logic. Yeah.

Yeah. She's just like, these. Absolutely flawless logic. Yeah. Yeah. She's just like these bricks. Look at those hips. Well, Haunted House guest does that where she like, she'll like measure the length between women's legs. Like this is a male gate. Yeah. It's for gender.

Yeah. Yeah. Literally. My favorite thing about her is that she believes that, um, for gender yeah yeah literally my favorite thing about her is that she believes that um caitlyn jenner is a cisgender man you know is a double trans yeah as a cis woman who was a trans man pretending to be a cis man who then transitioned into being a woman yeah the algebra that this person is doing no it's complete mathematician vibes albert einstein yeah yeah yeah genius it's trans regret baklava basically

many forms yes i know i suspect it's the same person who's making those youtube videos because their their mo is very australian oh she's australian okay it's not the same person then never mind well haunted house gives us australian i'm like oh yeah of course because we know we know all british women are turfs and we know all australian women are insane but by virtue of being a british colony right you combine those two things you are just like schizophrenic turfs yeah it's subjects of the queen if you're in the queen's thrall you already well there's a word for it they're in the commonwealth they're in the commonwealth yeah i saw a video of the queen recently and i was just like whoa she's real i was like

this isn't a joke you've been doing forever? It seems so weird to me that she was actually like a real person. You're actually saluting this old bitch? I thought she was just a hobo you guys were nice to. I thought she was like a doll you all celebrated. She's that one homeless woman they let sleep in the museum. homeless woman she's that one homeless woman they let sleep in the museum like yeah it's like the cargo cults but like um uh in like the 1500s an alien ship dropped a crate with like this ugly ass little like a woman in it and then british people found it and they were like we're structuring

our society around this. Yeah. They all just started taking turns bowing at it. Well, she looked like Natalie Portman in episode one when she landed. Yeah. She was just like Padme. She had the

geisha makeup. Yeah. Now she's like shit. Look at her. No, she's the same age. She's been the same age the whole time. She's been 92 for hundreds of years. She just looks really terrible because that's, it's 500 years of English food has not been kind to her.

God. Jesus. You know, she looks like shit. She also, we never got to the end of that. Oh my God. So, Kyuking is, got to the end so kuking kuking is um they do they like virtually burst their hymens together oh shit yeah we did we did okay but i was also like you said i'm like okay the amount of horse riding that is undoubtedly happening in these families also i like given that all these families are like you know

satanic pedophilic elite like insane people i'm so surprised and like wasps right like i'm so surprised they don't have like a specific horse for breaking their daughter's hymens like yeah i'm like she's ready get the hymen like it's the father's job it's the father's job on like days on like their seventh birthday to like put on like this special glove. To get a horse that they've selectively bred to have a giant vertebrae. And that bucks a lot.

They've bred it. Summon the hymen horse. She's ready. But I guess they're doing it with a cucumber at Sidwell Friends. Well, I mean, historically, the king gets to break everyone's hymen in old times. Pre-mad Nocta? Yeah.

But now there's no king, so the queen has to put a strap on. Wait, when was the last time there was a king? She jacks it off like a dyke. It's really, really terrible. Are there kings in the UK? The last time there was a king is the guy from the King's Speech, right? Yeah, yeah. Colin Firth?

Colin Firth, yeah. So like war times. World War II times. I looked up a picture of him on Wikipedia when I was really high one time and he looks like a frog. He looks so fucked up. He looks so awful.

Oh my God. It's so fucked up how much they gas up royal families. It's insane. Have you ever heard the Winston Churchill quote that says there's nothing better for the inside of a man than the outside of a horse uh-huh isn't that insane isn't that the funniest just saying that in a press conference and there's a segment during wartime where like everyone's son has died and you're like in front of a crowd of thousands of people and you're like thank you for gathering with here with me today

our brave country is succeeding overseas for there is nothing better for the outside of the inside of a man than the outside of a horse. How discomforting that would be if your son just died of botulism or something. Here's a dildo made out of a horse hide. Yeah. That's on Mr. Hans' grave.

It's on his tombstone. Too much of a good thing, huh? Too much of a good thing. too much of a good thing too much of a good thing too much of a good thing oh my god yeah I know but kewking is happening it's very goop I would drink the cucumber juice

yeah it's mostly a different kind of juice that speaks to like a big absence in there's a big absence. There's a big hole in the market nowadays. There's literally a big hole in the market. R.I.P. Mr. Hand. But there's a big hole in the market for goop for pedophiles.

Because I think goop is just targeted for normal people. Listen, you need to put out like a solid article or two like every month that's you know some fucked up shit about like white white white kooking white kooking is giving us all the yas literally literally i'm gonna write that article white cute white kooking yases yes like obviously written by some 40 year old. Yeah. Yeah. It's okay. It's so nice outside of New York City, Max.

Sunny, like 50 degrees. I have my wife beater on. I have my husband beater on. Bottom beater on. My bottom beater. That was Felix's family's name before they came through ellis island being a like i feel like there should you know like the asymmetrical um wife peter that's very

popular among like brooklyn gays like a wife just like one strap or like for some reason like a giant chunk taken out of the side they should do those and they should call them husband beaters because it could be like we're we're woking white feeders and it's gay i'm almost positive we've discussed this exact thing really husband beaters yeah like a couple months ago definitely every summer every time every time the season changes, I'm like, guys have an amazing business idea. Wife beaters for gay guys. It'd be so funny. No one's ever thought of this before.

I'm picturing like an article in like them.us that's like, we meet the couple that's transforming the way gay people dress and it's like the couple that invented the husband beater and it's like one of them has like a black eye and like a fat one meet the white latina that's queering wife beater queering wife beaters queering wife beaters it's like me and my me and my 19 year old thai boyfriend named sugar meet this 17 year old they boyfriend named Sugar who's just... Meet this 17 year old I adopted last month. He's dressed like a maid. God.

Thankyouthem.com Thankyouthem.com After a lovely Sunday morning in mid-February, we just went out kuking with Ben Mora. We went out kuking. We just went out keeping the more a without shooting my hottest james bond red hook a day in the life of a day in my new york city life as a professional kooker point skirmish horn like that area is really fucked up because there's so many like you know how there's a spot in new york that uh and in chinatown that's like all uh boba tea uh like shops like in every single

corner yeah uh and it's hoi tskermahorn it's all kuking places it's really fucked up literally kuking is gonna take over okay something i i reverted i had a rule to like not be a bitch on Twitter anymore and not like bully gay guys for no reason because it's just like, just stop being fun, you know? But there's this guy who I literally have hated for so long. I don't know if you two have, are privy to this person, but they are one. I'm telling you. Do you remember like a Tumblr era when like twinks used to write like faggot on their face and mascara and like take videos of themselves like crying and then like wipe it off. I love that behavior.

It's so cool. like a rise of like post BLM like Instagram insane infographic stuff and started writing like entire paragraphs on his like zero percent body fat pack that is just like trans women are women period and just stuff like it's not Adam Eli but okay him and adam eli are friends they're just like two they're like two upper west side like uh activists um but he the posts on his instagram are so amazing i'm up i'm obsessed with them they make me want to like punch a hole in my wall but they're so so good wait let me find some of the ones I sent them to you earlier Anyways he said some shit about He said some shit about HIV

He's like an HIV activist But clearly does not care at all about You know What this virus actually means Okay this one on his peck Every second Someone in the US needs blood But gay and bisexual men still can't donate

ours psycho yeah i mean stop and then okay there's a picture of sean mendez this picture of sean mendez and it says above sean's head let's stop speculating on people's sexuality and in the corner it's him doing the splits and above it it says even if it's just a joke i just i they're all like this but anyways i mean it just goes to show how how forward-thinking real housewives of salt lake city is because like they invented yeah wasn't there an wasn't there an article about how like brooks is a gay icon yeah it's talked about that yes talked about that um last time we recorded the slc review jock was ready with that one oh yeah um this is a free episode if you guys aren't listening to the slc reviews on patreon

like those are better than what whatever this is yeah no it's not. It's not to be a bitch. Almighty lowly bitch. But his name is Matt. Well, they're better because they have Jacques on them. Well, Jacques on this too. Jacques on this too. Not this episode. Not this episode. Because of the gumbo incident.

Because of the gumbo incident. He's being detained. He's being detained. Murdering 43 people with gumbo. A weapon of bioterrorism yeah he put i am new in the thing and and uh now he's in the health department hasn't hasn't been in prison i am like is a literal cajun ingredient that's his that's his great-grandfather i have new i have new billiard um but he said he tweeted he tweeted this guy matt um hiv

now infecting more straight than gay people is exactly what you would expect to happen after y'all spent 40 years branding it a quote-unquote gay disease not educating people on how to prevent it and lulling straights into a false sense of security that it could never reach them and then of course the article that he's referencing like two paragraphs in says thankfully it isn't about a huge spike in hiv diagnosis among heterosexuals instead it's primarily the result of a sharp sustained drop in diagnoses among gay and bisexual men so like dunking dunking on who have hiv now for like i deserved it homophile when it's like how about you go suck a dick and earn your stripes you fucking dumbass just like to suck on his deathbed palliative care what's maddening to me about this is that like clearly this person i'm the last one to be like read the article but you clearly could not resist the like

urge to to be you know to kind of personalize the the hiv epidemic into like whatever your discreet like gay trauma is like you could not resist the urge to be like i'm gonna read this article and feel see what's going on you just needed to dunk on straight people having hiv yeah and then also citing misinformation as a like primary factor in hiv spreading while also completely doing this framing the reason why it's like so sick it's so funny to be like tongue pop baby hiv is gonna slay the straights like it's like literally about. It's so funny to be like, tongue pop, baby. HIV is going to slay the straights. It's like how Christian Walker talks about how he's not a faggot or whatever. And he posts like every day

like another video of him being very catty about like his Starbucks order. Yeah. Yeah. It's just why it's so funny to do that. It's so funny. Oh, also I'm going to, well, this is free,

but I'm going to get Well, this is free. Whatever. I'm going to get Christian Walker's phone number. A friend of mine went... A friend of a friend went to high school with Christian. I'm going to get his number. And I want to prank call him. Here's my idea for the call. Yeah.

My idea is that... Starbucks CEO. I'm going to call him as a lawyer for Starbucks. We like to look up a law firm in Seattle. And we say like you'll be getting an email shortly, but we're just calling to let you know we want you to stop featuring our

products in your hateful right-wing videos. We are a left-wing company or something. We're blue-haired. We only employ blue-haired liberals at this company. No, do something believable. Yeah, something believable. And then get him

to make a video about it. Yeah, have a tantrum on camera. Howard Schultz just called me and said that I couldn't shop at his store anymore. I was thinking something along the lines of you are forbidden from ordering your specific

order. You have to order something else. Yeah. Yeah. We ran the numbers and you were the number one user of vanilla pumps in the state of california do you know how expensive that is like we're putting up losses here uh yeah no i mean when we get i think it would be yeah we have to call as a starbucks lawyer yeah and i also we also never

did the other print call i wanted to do against christian cinema's ex-husband because i have his phone number two and a google voice number with these or this FBI area code. What if we called Christian Walker and pretended to be the FBI? What the hell? Christian, we need you to do a psyop. We need you. Mr. Walker, we have good intelligence that there is poison in the vanilla pump. What if he was like, what if he was like,

what happened to my last contact? We believe you have acquired an immunity to poison. No, no, you've acquired an immunity to poison. We need you for a very important mission. We need a patriot like you to go to Russia and suck. Absolutely.

Suck off Vladimir Putin's dick. Sorry, suck poison into Vladimir Putin's penis. Suck it into his penis? Like a viper snake. We'll give you hollow teeth. Christian, you have drank so much vanilla number seven

that your spit is literally poison. We need you to go spit into a bite in his mouth. We're going to give you a fake tooth with a vial of poison inside. You have to suck his dick with a lot of teeth and hit his dick very hard and break your... I'll do it. I'll do it. That was a good impression. Hi.

Hi. Mr. Puddin. I love him. I'm obsessed with him. Hi. um no okay so either starbucks lawyer which i could you can google voice numbers are unlimited everyone you can do a lot with them you can fake text from your friends to blackmail them which i do pretty frequently it's so fun because it looks incredibly real yeah you can yeah ben does that to me every day. Every day of her life. Every time we text each other that it's time to record, Ben takes time to sign up for a new Gmail account. I text myself off my Google Voice number,

change the contact to Hessa in my phone, change the picture to a picture of Hessa, and then I just text every slur in the book to myself. While texting back to my Google Voice, I'm going to be like, Hessa, stop. Are you okay? She's like, shut up. Fuck it.

Well, that's how we're normal conversations. I take a screenshot of that. I'm going to be like, Hessa, stop. Are you okay? She's like, shut up, faggot. Well, that's how our normal conversation... And then I take a screenshot of that and I send it to Hessa and I was like, if you're fucking late for this recording, the world's going to see this. Draw the world to see how racist you are. It doesn't work on John

because he's not afraid of being racist. Now that I've reactivated my Twitter, I was going to tweet the picture of the chinese gibberish it's so funny did we talk i know we talked about that on our other show um but max whenever i need to like cut down on screen time i just change my phone's language to something like mandarin because it makes it incredibly hard to use but i changed my phone language to samoan oh like a week ago and the the samoan language no no knock on samoa um but it like inverts the keyboard and it fucked up my phone so much i couldn't load text messages like i could not use like regular apps at all i tried to google on my phone like how to change your your language back

to english after changing to samoa and my keyboard was locked in samoa and i was like i am fucked i just put my phone down and i was like, well, this is just can't you? I'm going to have to learn Samoan to use my phone again. I have to go to the library. Samoan. Unlock my iPhone. Move to Samoan. The worst part is you forgot your Duolingo password.

So you can't go on there to learn Samoan. So I finally, I changed it back. Because I had to factory reset my iPhone. Oh my God. And so it actually ended up taking hours out of my day. I was trying to make myself more productive. And then I had a massive problem on my hands. And a big issue with the country of my day. I was trying to make myself more productive. And then I had a massive problem on my hands and a big issue with the country of Samoa. Okay. I actually do hate you people now. I'm sorry.

You did to my iPhone. You're no longer big boned in Ben's world. You're fat. You're fat. you're fat um but because of this i now also have a i have a mandarin and samoan keyboard on my iphone and so i was talking to hassa and max and i was like okay we should we should prank jock because jock sleeps till like three in the afternoon and jock sleeps until literally the moment that he has to do something. Literally. And so we're all always texting before Jock is up.

And I was like, how funny would it be if Jock wakes up in a panic? Because you know Jock wakes up in a panic every day. Of course. He looks at his phone and he just sees 90 text notifications from us and we're all speaking Mandarin. Because he would definitely be like, Oh fuck. I broke, I woke up in China.

Mostly plausible thing to him. It's like, Oh damn. They turned Chinese. The Chinese made it. I don't like Chinese. Chinese. That's such a bitch. Chinese Hesse is such a bitch.

Y'all, I don't know what's up with Hesse. She just keeps speaking Chinese all the time now. I don't know. But it didn't work. He called us drug addicts. He's like, y'all are tweaking today. I saw you guys doing that, and I thought you were actually writing stuff. You could just write in English and translate it into chinese you could do that

but what mike because i have the keyboard it does auto it does autofill so i just button mash but it's using the autofill that has been calibrated for my english keyboard exactly this is why because it was autofill but speaking of speaking of china my new a new favorite speaking of china and gays this um chinese tiktoker slays i've been sending you all those videos it's his at is like amazing it's like this is how you're gonna like it's cloud clout cloud is his at claude claude okay and he makes all of these videos about what it's like to be gay in china i have the tech talks here it seems pretty normal to be gay in china it seems pretty normal yeah

well there's also parts of it that seem really weird where he's like grinder there. It's more like what they call cow and farmer and not top and bottom. Did you see that one? Oh yeah. Cow and farmer. Oh yeah. He's like, if you are on Tik TOK in China,

this is what these emojis mean. And if someone has a farmer emoji in their, um, like username, they want to milk a cow okay and that means you strap a guy down to a chair and you jack him off oh my god and then the cow is the guy getting jacked off that's pretty hot honestly yeah well yeah milking milking is is is a fairly common term my favorite yeah yeah my favorite one that you sent ben is the one that ends in like

the one where it's like there's one emoji that just doesn't get explained and it's like or there's one like oh there's one thing and it's like cb 1200 yeah it's an emoji of a lock emoji and it's a cb 1200 it's like if you don't know what this is, look it up. Did you look it up? I googled CB100 padlock Chinese gay. Absolutely going to get me hacked with something.

Google shuts down your account after Google. Again, I get locked out of my phone for changing the language to Samoan. I get locked into my MacBook for Googling CBG. Lock Chinese gay. But it is... It's like maid fetish porn. Where you lock up a maid.

Oh, okay. That's what this emoji means. do the letters mean what are the numbers i don't that wasn't explained it's really funny because i don't know if you guys know about this we pretend to be like a robot maid when you do it it's like r2d2 you're like my maid name is cb496-2 you lock up a uh and uh what do you call it, Android or whatever? Uh-huh. Cyborg? You're such a nerd, Ben. You're such a geek.

What's the term? Android's a phone. What do you call a robot? Android. What do you call a robot? Right? Android. You lock up an Android dress as a maid and then you milk it like a cow.

That's what they're doing. That's what they're doing in China, folks. They have to do this weird shit because like all the normal all the normal fetish stuff like is really fucked up in china for some reason like that like the the chastity cage stuff like i don't know if you guys heard about this but like they're getting hacked in china because yes yes yes they're getting locked in the chastity cages i know awesome fucking i would hell yes i would like never put something that could get hacked on my genitals no way no i know on or in or around of a chastity cage it's like if you get a boner it hurts right yeah it's it's just you're supposed to stay on soft mode. You can't get a boner. Well, what if you do?

If you do, it just stops. It grates like cheese. Yeah. It's a cheese grater. It's like a Play-Doh pushing thingy. You push the Play-Doh through. It just slowly gets here and it splits.

It goes into the shape of a star it comes out like spaghetti it's like a pasta maker so that's how this italian bitch makes her pasta yeah grinding your parmesan with the chastity cage yeah that's how the old italian way to make pasta actually is to roll it in like a little cylinder and then just tickle the balls underneath and wait until it gets hard and gets pushed through the spaghetti. That's what they do in Little Italy here. That's what they do in all the restaurants.

That's what I like to call al dente. I used a dating guy named Al Dente. We did that exact thing. Al dente. Okay. Nice. Alfredo Dente. We did that exact thing. Al Dente. Okay. Nice. Alfredo Dente. Okay. My favorite TikTok from Claude is this one where he talks about where tops and bottoms live.

Oh, yes. He does a... He's like a weatherman. Oh, my God. Literally, it was exactly like a weatherman where there's a map behind him. And there's this giant border that goes throughout China, separating north from south. That is a recognized part of their national geography. And he is like this border here.

It's behind him on a green screen. He's explaining it like a weatherman talking about an incoming storm. And he's like, yeah, all of the tops live above this border all of the bottoms live in the south when you go to the west you're going to get more tops when you go to the east you'll get more bottoms especially along this coastal area is where all of the bottoms are but the coast is more bottoms i love that there's like a border there's a border in china all of the tops live he goes into bigger detail though because he goes like from city to city right yeah that's a different tiktok where he goes city to city that's very good yes okay never mind like they're right after each other i think yes there is one yeah one where

he goes city to city is amazing that one is legendary beautiful i love the idea of being like a bottom in southern china and every gay guy you know is also a bottom and to get top you have to make like a pilgrimage to the northern snow-covered mountains of china it's just like a top sitting in a hut it's like that's why people wanted to get across the berlin wall all the tops were in the east when they were in east berlin all the bottoms were in west berlin and all the the tops were in the east when they were in east berlin all the bottoms were in west berlin and all the the tops were just needed someone to fuck mr g tear down that wall set the tops free mr g hit these back walls exactly wait where does he live joe but he lives in beijing he's a he's a he's a top Okay yeah That makes sense But it does make sense that all of the gays are like

Or all the bottoms are like Yeah southern China party beach Kind of summer vibes It tracks And one million percent tracks Yeah because they also say it's colder The further north And then the further south

It's warmer Or is it the No it's not the south south is um the southern china it's like warm it's tropical yeah it's their cancun i want to go to china so bad i want to go to chinese cancun yeah oh my god was probably chinese can macau is chinese las vegas yeah macau is chinese vegas where they have like a exact replica of the uh eiffel tower uh that's a different city they have a city there that is like literally like a replica of paris yes yes oh my god they filmed a great music video there i love china i want to go so bad i like the guy who directed

the music video dm'd me on twitter and was like trying to fuck you i love your book want to go so bad i like the guy who directed the music video dm'd me on twitter and was like trying to fuck you i love your book come to paris i was like damn dude come to paris i got stuck i got stuck at the um hong kong airport once i saw hong kong from a plane it looks like blade runner yeah just like giant it's not like fucking cool black buildings i want to go sick my dad used to go like twice a year in the airport had giant flying water bugs like as pests like giant cockroaches in the airport in hong kong no whoa yes that's that's so scary and i got i got stuck there because coming back from bangkok for non-pedophile reasons. Sure. You were the one being trafficked at the time, actually.

I was being trafficked at the time. I was like, I'm rolling my eyes to be clear. But not for the pedophile reasons you think. Yeah. And I got stuck at an airport in Hong Kong because Cathay Pacific fucked up my... It was not my fault. They fucked up my boarding pass or something. Naturally.

I was talking to this chinese woman at the like kiosk being like i need to get back to america this isn't working this isn't working she was like she's like i don't understand what you're saying and she gave me a number to call and i called the number and i was talking to some like old black lady in like virginia or something who worked for a affiliate to one of these airlines and she was like yeah i don't know what's going on let me talk to them and i was like you don't know what they're what do you know what it fucking looks like here like there's giant cockroaches they don't understand what i'm saying i love i love the idea of you going up to a kiosk and being like

yeah i don't think this is gonna work this isn't gonna work for me like you've tried for like you tried for like 10 to 15 minutes to live there or something you like set up a sleeping bag and you were like the ground is too hard they literally would have i was so close to just being like i guess i'll just live in hong kong now see how this see what happens that's never happened to me but like one of my friends from here lives is from el salvador right but there's no direct flights from spain to el salvador so he has to go through another country and that's always only for like the cia yeah yeah only for the cia or or uh yeah yeah

yeah so so like yeah so he has to go through through colombia every time and he says going through colombian customs is like the the most like from el salvador or or even to el salvador like because you know they still like ship coke or whatever yeah especially between those two countries like el salvador is notoriously a drug shipping you know node um which is why bukele is so into bitcoin anyway um laundering yeah he's Anyway. Bondering. Yeah. He's like. I love Bukele. He's hot. He's awesome. He's awesome.

But yeah. Bukele. Bukele is the president of El Salvador. El Salvador. He's like Palestinian. He's Palestinian. Palestinian diaspora. He's like so tight.

He spends all this time. He tweets in Turkish nowadays. He looks like a guy you would meet at a club in Miami who would just start telling you about dropshipping. Yes. He's somebody who would have in another life posted a receipt from the time he went to Salt Bae's restaurant. Literally.

Yeah, I love him. Did you know what he used to do before politics? Oh, he is hot. He used to be, he used to own his... And he has hair plugs. He has plugs for sure. He has plugs. Oh, my God. His hairline is very fucked up.

Very fucked up. Yeah. He looks like doll hair. He looks like Latino Drake. He used to own a Yamaha dealership. Drake is sometimes Latino. Yeah. Occasionally.

When Drake does his island thing, it's kind of Afro-Latino vibe. Yeah, but this is like... He's more South American. He's like South American Drake. But funny enough he's actually palestinian i love his backwards hat style he's wearing is a white backwards hat and a lot of these pictures when i cut my hair and i started wearing like a backwards cap sometimes just because it was so cold outside and like i just didn't want to have like the brim over my eyes you know like it's like a beanie thing but i don't have a beanie anyway i looked so much like him like every time i looked

in the mirror because i have the beard and if i like pull my hair all the way back yeah that's the thing you'd have to grease your hair back yeah but when i had short hair i absolutely pulled it off it was very scary salvadoran excellence i'm looking at a picture of him he's like holding he's standing and he's holding up like a peace sign or like a love sign and um but the shadow the way the camera is angled it makes a the shadow makes perfect bunny ears behind his head and i'm just picturing like an article it's like salvador and just president disgraces his nation by giving himself bunny ears international incident no see that's the thing he has so much swag he's like immune to any of that also latino like salvadorans would love that oh yeah no they're fucking cool

with it he looked like bugs bonnie bonnie we need a speedy gonzalez president we we desperately need a speed in the u.s like that that would fix absolutely everything literally if you have a yeah if you have like a latino president we fix your toilets we fix your your car also biden is appointing a uh supreme court nomination he said it's going to absolutely be a black woman which is you know cool whatever but i'm like where what about latinas i want all latina court because what if it's rachel dolezal it's like yeah the whitest a white woman who pretends to be black It's Iggy Azalea It's Iggy She will be a trans black woman

What was her name? Jennifer Bombaclot or whatever That woman Like professor It was literally like Jennifer Bombaclot It was Jenny from the block or something right no because she has like a south african it was la bomba la bomba come on come on i literally think it was jessica la bomba that's so funny my name is jessica feliz navidad

jessica la bomba eraombera Yo what's up guys It's me I'm back She is such a queen She is It's me Chung Wick I'm back bro Oh my god

Jessica Krug explains how Yeah her name is Jessica Krug It was Chung Wick's fault That Ben's flight was delayed In Hong Kong Sorry man There was a bong That I was trying to

smoke out of, man. I literally wish I had walked out of that airport and never looked back. I feel like I'd be thriving. Strutting out of the airport. Strutting out of the fucking Hong Kong airport. Making a life for myself.

And serving cunt. Immediately getting domed by like a Hong Kong Secret Service guy on a motorcycle. I would see a big cockroach and scream and die. I would see a cockroach and run into traffic and get

murdered. You'd have a cartoon heart attack where your heart just jumps out of your chest like in The Simpsons. I would start playing Frogger with my body in traffic getting getting hit by a bugatti with the license plate number one and no that's more dubai that's more like you go to dubai and like you see another big cockroach and then you play frogger across like a 14 lane freeway. Yeah.

No, my dad said that like he knew the guy who had the license plate number nine in Hong Kong. Because like you can, if you pay enough, you can just have one number. That would be easy. Yeah. Make your life a lot easier. I, yeah, I don't know. I would also love to go to Dubai. Yeah, I would not. I want to go to the

me strutting off the plane I mean if you just this is me strutting off the plane in Turkmenistan oh my god if the walking gays went to like Central Asia holy shit I mean I should go to Brunei the sultan of brunei yeah they should they should walk right should walk up to the sultan of brunei and shoot him in the head they should walk uh like all the way across his garage yeah every time we talk about

it ends with Barry killing someone gay walk yeah I'm pulling out a gun just doming someone and it's the funniest image to me if you did it I love when he

I love when he said for Hitman where it's like every time you see Hitman like walking into the mission area he's

walking in like strutting yeah yeah there is an animation for that in hitman oh my god in one mission you pretend to be a gay man or something oh you gotta strut yes yes yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah it's beautiful i love that game um it's so good i was gonna say it's on xbox game pass and i've been playing a lot of it so far i want to go to that city in, I think it's still being developed.

That's like the line. Oh, yeah. Neom. I mean, that's never going to be real. They haven't even broken ground on that. Probably never will. That would be so sick. That would be so sick. You just have like four train lines that run north to south for like 600 miles.

It's the stupidest way to lay out i think it's genius i think it is genius i think because that's basically what manhattan is that's what manhattan is yeah but they're like if you just had like an extra large manhattan actually no but it's like but even narrower so it's like the places to live are like if you want to go to your friend's house there's a possibility you might have to travel like 600 miles to get to your friend's house with high speed rail it would take like 30 minutes no yeah you just get on one train and you're there in like two minutes with high speed rail that's why it's called high speed rail they're not allowed to build actually you go 400 miles per minute They're not allowed to

400 miles per minute You break G-Force And it goes from 0 to 400 miles per minute In one second Exactly They have to put you in traction Before the train can move So that your back doesn't just shatter

They're literally It's literally never gonna happen because they uh the king of spain got in like huge trouble like the previous king of spain had to abdicate because he was trying to sell them the trains to do that like literally that so sick oh my god for like getting kickbacks for selling them like a train system or whatever people always do that shit with with america where they they always show that fake ass map where it's like if america had high speed rail and it's just like a giant line to the middle of the country it's like this is yeah so what if it looked like we should of course um my um my favorite things about um neom is that like it's like a five-year-old's idea it's the line it's

the city oh that's the line so but yeah yeah and um it's basically like the um the like boss i don't know what he's called of saudi arabia is like um muhammad bin salman is yeah the things that are gonna be there it's like yeah it's going to be like mostly green space And also we're going to make a second moon And also there are going to be dinosaurs Real dinosaurs there It's like what are you talking about I love him

Shoot for the moon I would absolutely live there Literally shoot for the moon Even if you miss you'll land Among the stars. Yeah, literally. They're China. We'll see.

We'll see where I can end up. They should do one of those like maps for tops or bottoms in Saudi Arabia. I wonder what the makeup. Okay, well, we should, let's do one for America. Let's do one for America.

Let's do one for America right now. Yes. Okay. where is the highest concentration of tops in america go um the oil fields in north dakota yeah literally alberta canada i feel like okay city-wise new york is too hard. Borough by borough, neighborhood by neighborhood. It becomes too granular too quickly. Yeah. I mean, top Manhattan, Brooklyn bottom, Queens, DL, Bronx, closeted. For trans women, it's different.

It's like all bottoms. It's all fake verses that are just really just bottom yeah yeah okay but regionally the midwest bottom i would say yeah south top west coast bottom east coast verse top yeah um yes but also you have to keep in mind that like new england is is uh traditionally very uh like there's a lot of navy shit there i'm sure that that brings the bottom numbers numbers up damn i wish you could still i wish you still had to join the navy to be gay i yeah i wish it would sound so hot it used to be gay i yeah i wish it was so hot it used to be that if you wanted to suck someone's dick you have to like join you'd have to like fight in battle join the navy to be gay you literally just have to join the navy to be gay and like that's why

gay that's why that's why this community sucks what was the last time that happened i know we've discussed it before but the last time i know exactly you could have sucked a dick before going i know exactly why i know exactly max it's when the movie top gun came out and there was like a 500 increase in oh yeah people signing up to be navy airmen and the reason for that is because they saw how gay it was and they were all gay and they wanted to meet other gay people that's what tom cruise right yeah clearly gay right tom cruise and patrick swayze love tom cruise gay who's the other one the john travolta did one john travolta also gay very gay john there there's like every three months there's an article about john travolta house he was like in a gym at 3 a.m. in the morning in LA begging to give guys handjobs.

Yeah. It's so funny. Just like bloated old John Travolta just in the corner of the gym. For a handjob. He's like, please let me give you a handjob. Please, I'll do anything. He's like, oh, it's like, fucker, you John Travolta. You look like shit.

You look so bad. hate John Travolta's face His face is so disconcerting Less people would accept the hand job Because like Being good at giving hand jobs is like hard I feel like that's a Jewish woman's business Exactly I'll let them talk

i'll let them decide it's not it's none of my business none of my business a handjob that's none of my business yeah telling that to john trafalto like look a handjob that's not my that's none of my business are you a jewish woman i don't think you should be soliciting handjobs from people yeah a jewish woman is soliciting handjobs from people a jewish trans woman they do that's what they do that's what they're known for did you see chastened brita judge asked a question on twitter um when did you realize you were straight well you haven't been on twitter you missed this it was so funny how's that what happened chastin just tweeted

when was the first time you realized you were straight as like a inversion gotcha of the i guess ostensibly homophobic when did you realize you were gay question why is it homophobic to ask someone when they realized they were gay? Yeah. It's not, but many gays would, you know. The Chastain gays are absolutely, it is homophobic. Because when did you realize you were straight? Because they all are like. Because they're faking it. Because they're all tethered to the belief.

They can't give a real answer to the question. They're all tethered to the belief that being gay is genetic. You know? Yeah. So it's not a choice choice i didn't choose to be gay i didn't realize i was gay but no it's a choice for real it's absolutely a choice right yeah i'm you're you have a little smirk on your face me yeah i'm pro-choice. Yes, I am pro-choice in the... Yes. Because I believe being gay is a choice you make every day of your life.

Yeah. Every day you wake up and you choose to be gay. Mm-hmm. Because, look, you're watching Sex and the City. You're choosing to do that. You're choosing to watch Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. You're choosing to listen to this podcast. I mean, I chose to be trans, for sure.

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah, you know, it's like being a plumber, you know, like joining a union. Yeah, exactly. When Chasten asked that, I'm like, hmm. Hmm. Why are you asking people to tell you about being a horny child interesting interesting chastin why do you want to hear about people being horny as seven-year-olds

yeah chast i'm sure i'm sure you want to hear all about everybody's seven-year-old boners and i think that i used to like quote tweet that and be like oh when i when i jacked off when i was six because i got really horny when I saw my art teacher's giant boobs, and I like go into very, very graphic detail. Yeah, just... My go-to move with Chasten used to be during the election. Whenever he tweeted anything,

I would reply with his own profile picture and just nothing else yeah and people would just like instantly people would instantly like reply to me being like how dare you you're being so homophobic and i'm like i didn't say anything that's and then that's when you know you ugly yeah and then i he's not even that ugly no he's fine he's not like fine but he's like fine but then i would reply chastin's not even gay man he's not even that ugly. No, he's fine. He's not like fine, but he's like fine. But then I would reply, Chastin's not even gay, man. He's faking it for clout. Yeah, Chastin's faking it for clout.

That would get it real. He calmed his teeth down to look more gay. He's gay for clout. He gave himself tiny little gay teeth for clout. He got gayavineers. The queers. The queers. Gavineers is Fetus Grave's

cousin. Exactly. Per. Dr. Fetus Grave. Yeah. Dr. Fetugrave. Fetugrave. Fatu Grave. Jock got so mad at me for making that my Twitter username. My username, yeah.

It's because his dad is an OBGYN. I'm going to... An OBGYN? Yeah. I'm going to an OBGYN to get an abortion. No, I am going to Crab Du Jour later today Which is a KGN restaurant The one on um

No the one on Grand is permanently closed apparently Wait really? I was going to go there and I was like hmm maybe I'm at Corrosivation There's one on Bowery right? There's one on East Broadway I don't know but yeah there's a second one But the one on Grand is permanently closed And I was like damn but i was thinking about telling jocko is going to a cajun restaurant crab du jour is a name that name for a restaurant makes me laugh so hard

every time i hear it i know i know i told everyone that i'm an honorary cajun and they were like what i'm like i'm ca, yeah, I'm Cajun. And then I went, le temps tout temps. Well, I don't even know what it means. It seems to me like quite a coincidence that Jock had to go to prison. I wasn't listening, but I assume he had to go to prison for his gumbo crimes.

And the only gumbo restaurant in New York City Also permanently closed Mysteriously I think this is a good finding He was putting Fenton in gumbo He built a pipeline over A Native American reservation That transports gumbo And then it's

There was a giant gumbo leak There was a giant gumbo leak. Yeah. There was a Greek, a Greco terrorist attacked and it's a bunch of Greek people. Yeah. Like Cajun people. It was the, the FARC blew it up because I thought it was an oil line.

Okay. Well, should we call it? Yeah, let's call it. Yeah. Okay. We love you.

Thank you for listening. We're on Patreon. Secret arrangements. There's a live show that I won't be at because I'm scared of being on stage. But Max and Jock will be there. Hessa's up yet. Maybe Hessa will be there. I'm going to be there also. Hessa will be there.

We'll put the dates in the bio. So if you're a chaser or anything like that, if you want to come fuck Hessa. Yeah, I'm going to fuck one fan. I don't know. Maybe I'll go out to see how I feel. I'm going to fuck a fan contest, Hessa. Come on. I have to see how I feel.

I might be there. I don't know. We'll see. I'm big at teas. Ben, the second I announced there's a fuck a fan contest, Ben is like, actually, maybe. Actually, I'm lodging a call. I'm a two fuck a fan.

I'm going to fuck two fans i'm gonna fuck two fan tests is just gonna fuck one so the reason the reason why ben isn't coming is because we are going to have quite the packed stage we have pot about list coming on we have will from chapo trap house we have uh we may have a couple more special guests uh to be a announced uh i don't want to say anything but eric adams the mayor of new york. He's coming. He's going to be there. We will be putting him in a dunk tank, and I will have accidentally also put an extension cord in there as well. We're going to kill the governor. The governor of the city of New York.

We will be murdering the governor at the live show. Well, they kill retards in Texas. Bye, y'all. Bye. Bye. Mwah. in Texas. So like, bye y'all. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Oh, but am I ever gonna see my wedding day? Oh, I was on your side, Bill, when you were losing I'd never scheme or lie, Bill, there'd be no foolin'. But kisses and love won't carry me until you marry me, Bill. I love you so, I always will. And in your voice I hear a choir of carousels Oh, but am I ever gonna hear my wedding bells I was the one who came running when you were lonely.

I haven't lived one day not loving you.