Seeking Derangements - SD 118 - the nuclear option

Episode Date: February 20, 2022

Apologies for the rough sound on Ben's part. Suggested Reading: The Metaverse Is Going to Suck for Queer People - https://www.them.us/story/metaverse-queer-lgbtq-users-harassment-discrimination-facebook The Worst Part of Che Diaz Was Seeing Myself in Them - https://www.them.us/story/che-diaz-retrospective-nonbinary-representation intro/// Eternity's Children - Mrs. Bluebird (1967) outro/// Rashid Beybutov - В Сад Пошел За Виноградом (1973)

This is Bluever on my shoulder How's your life since you've gotten older? How's Mr. Poover? Is he well? Keep him warm through the cold spell Guys, I got... Last night, I got mercy flighted off of the roof of Caesar's Palace. They had to send a helicopter. Yeah.

They took me out like the Coast Guard rescuing a shipwreck victim. They couldn't take you off the roof immediately because they were busy with another thing that was going on at the Mandalay Bay on the 57th floor. Yeah, exactly. You have a $3 million ambulance bill. Yeah, Steven Paddock was aiming

for me from his hotel room at Mandalay Bay, but he kept missing and shooting people in the street on accident. He was trying to kill just herself. She's so quick. The bullets were naturally attracted to Jason Aldean fans.

Anyway. Hello. Anyway. Hello, everyone. It's so nice to have you on today. It's so nice. I did. It was so nice. I wore my coat and I was like, I don't even need to be wearing a coat. I wore my coat.

I wore my mittens. I walked out with gloves and my coat and I felt like a total asshole. Is it 50 or 60 degrees out there? It's like 60 degrees. It's so nice. Wow. It snowed all night last night. Oh my gosh. It's 63 degrees.

Oh my god. Everyone's going to be insane. There was one time I came to New York before I lived here. I was in Bushwick and standing outside some club with a friend there's a couple friends of mine who are from here we heard some gunshots and they just went pow pow it's summertime i was like whoa i was like are you serious like yeah it's fine i was like that's sick

that's so cool that's awesome yeah but it is summertime are you ready for that who's ready for the crime rates to go up i'm ready i don't know they stopped ben's refreshing that excel sheet from the fbi the crime statistics yeah smiling wider and wider they stopped prosecuting misdemeanors in new york they did really yeah so you can kind of like do anything i don't know if i don't know if you want to commit some misdemeanors later today. I would love to. We won't go to jail for it. We probably won't. The cops probably won't even respond. What are misdemeanors? Let me look up a

list of misdemeanors. I think mugging is a misdemeanor. I have a misdemeanor. I think graffiti is a misdemeanor. Shoplifting misdemeanor. Originally it was five industrial vandalism um felonies he sucked off the judge no okay my friend's dad called the judge 10 minutes before the trial started and told the

judge that i was a weed dealer which i wasn't and i was planning on moving to california moving to calif planning on moving to california to pursue the medical marijuana industry you could have been a billionaire okay so you were a young hustler big surprise wait let's get a list of things we can get away here's some b misdemeanor crimes in new york all right let's hear umacy in the sixth degree. Oh, I love that one. Consensual sodomy. Fortune telling. Same.

Permitting prostitution. Wait, are you serious? Fortune telling? Fortune tell. Oh, do you not know? Fortune telling, Ben, that's why they have to use those little flyers for fortune tellers to market them. they have to use those little flyers for fortune tellers um to market them because um in new york state um i think maybe even specifically in the city you have to be able to prove if you claim

that you can tell the future you have to be able to prove in court that you can tell the future yeah or else a bunch of people like did something insane because they got a fortune that predicted something really drastic. Yeah. I bet. There's probably some amount of liability or tangential fraud. Oh, whatever.

People are going to do it anyway. This is like the guy who blamed the edibles for killing his family. Yeah. Wait, I have a better excuse. Petite larceny? Okay okay that's when anorexic that's when anorexic girl steals food placing a false bomb in the second degree okay we let's do that because if they can't prosecute literally if they cannot prosecute this is basically a fake this isn't this is one step past a fake bomb threat

this is actually planting a fake bomb yeah okay but i don't know what in in the second degree does that mean it's like a spur of the moment thing like you have to yeah because first degree murder yeah tent second degree murder is like this is all shit that you charge Mr. Bean for. These are all... Yeah, this is all... Okay, so second degree planting of a fake bomb, right? That's all that says? What makes it second degree? I have no idea. Yeah, that happens in the moment.

Conspiracy in the sixth degree? No, second degree is... What the fuck is sixth degree? First degree murder is premeditated second degree murder is in this third degree is like accident but there's no negligence

yeah yeah yeah I'm such an amazing lawyer I'd be such a good fucking lawyer yesterday I went to my studio and I don't think any of them listen to this so it's fine but I went to my i went to my studio and um i don't think any of them listen to this so it's fine but i went to their studio my the studio i have in bed style this like house of a bunch of gay guys with that i work in the garage and their house was on fire

whoa because they were gay in the basement um that's i mean only god can answer that question i mean if the fire started in the basement, they were probably having some kind of gay sex. Because hell is just expanding and expanding and expanding, and it came through the mantle and subsumed their basement as a portal. Yeah, because it was so gay. Well, if you're describing them as gay. They raised Babylon up.

If you're describing them as gay, they might be the kind of fire fire fetish gays that uh you see a lot these days yeah um i just immediately told them that they should claim that all of their items were burned and fired yeah they were like that's insurance fraud yeah that's that's not so ready to do like a felony yeah but you know i mean maybe there's maybe one of them is a misdemeanor hey maybe they'll start they'll stop uh prosecuting felonies too i'm picturing ben um like answering the door and after like there was a fire and he claims that like everything was destroyed i majored in scam law and And then, like, there's an insurance

investigator at Ben's door like, hey, I'm just here to, like, look around and double check that all your things really were destroyed. And Ben just, like, staring at him for a second and then just, like, shutting the door and locking it. You know, literally.

We need a warrant. There's a bomb in here. There's a bomb in here there's a bomb in here there's a bomb in here there's a bomb Ben actually taught Tom Girardi and Jim Shaw how to defraud

that's how you get rid of it no we need to honestly I want to commit a misdemeanor issue a bad check damn I didn't know that was a crime these are all in new york state if you stop stop going to the fucking bodega bang for a corned beef with a check that doesn't even cash they're getting tired of it promoting the exposure of a person that's ben every time i go out with you literally that's like get disgusted my friend has a fucking stick in the mud because she doesn't want to get naked right now just like you drag my blanket over here ben would be the worst hollywood agent

i think i'd be an amazing hollywood agent and or lawyer i feel like you should only join both of those if you want to run with the devil i mean i already am i'm like i already am go to law school theft of services oh my god okay ben does that to me every week getting laser hair removal and then just like running oh okay oh i would absolutely do that damn my laser hair tech is pregnant i would never run from her she might trip oh my god i just i said i would never run from her i know it's just so you're so considerate and the fact that it's funny it's funny because Jacques was expecting to hear you say something horrible

but the joke is you didn't pregnant women deserve a lot of respect they do deserve a lot of respect yeah you fucked her no I'm just saying it's true I have a pregnant friend and and i just uh bought her

a gun i know a maybe one day an allergen yeah for the baby definitely for the baby where it's like you feed the baby like a like crushed up little peanut and then it doesn't have peanut allergies which i think is such a good gift because then you don't have some peanut allergy annoying fucking baby false impersonation that's uh that's me doing like a really shitty um like a really shitty verner herzog impression okay yeah you know you know how i found out that chick-fil-a has peanut oil instead of regular oil your friend who was allergic died no because I I went on a random grinder hookup after eating no I started giving a guy a blowjob and he said it started burning and he was like wait did you eat peanuts

like wait did you eat peanuts oh my god coated in peanut oil that is iconic it's because i had had three large waffle fries from chick-fil-a before so your mouth is just three large waffle fries and then cock for dessert i felt terrible i felt terrible because I thought there was nothing wrong with that Jock said Jock after eating Now I need something sweet Now I need dessert I felt terrible Because A his boyfriend had to show up He was cheating on his boyfriend And his boyfriend was the only person who had his EpiPen

That's so iconic That is so amazing That is brilliant When did this happen Too recently to be okay oh no oh no wait okay so you had three large chick-fil-a fries why is that the crazy part no i'm just trying to walk through this step by step you had three large chick-fil-a's filet fries which is fine your mouth was coated in so much peanut oil that when you immediately after

sucked a guy off his dick trying to get that penis oh no no mid sucking him off okay mid sucking it it's his dick turned red and he was immediately like it burns did you well dick's often turn red when you're no no but this was like he knew he knew this was like oh my god did you eat something spicy and then i was like no i just had chick-fil-a he said oh my god the peanut oil he's like fuck he must be so allergic for that to happen yeah that's like so maybe i was warning him so you had so you had to call his boyfriend to bring an epi pen home and stab his dick this yeah but the worst part is that he was cheating on the boyfriend and he had to immediately explain he was like sorry i put peanut butter all over my cocks of the dog

but i felt so bad it was was like a really horrible situation. Even though I only had to interact with the wizard. I watched him stab the EpiPen and I said, I've done my best. You had to stab him in the dick? I mean, you stabbed him in the chest. You stab him in the chest. You don't stab someone in the dick with an EpiPen. It's not like a snake bite that you're putting anti-venom in

right into the dick yeah oh no i have to suck the peanut oil out of your it could have been a lot worse it could have been a lot worse if i what about how could it have been a lot worse i mean what if the guy had fucking died for me so you did so no so no kissing no kissing you went right to suck it well that was the whole point yeah i'm just curious no i that's not curious i understand that it's normal whatever you know what i'm a i'm a person that i like to give blowjobs and i sometimes i just give a blowjob and leave. And that's it.

Those fries are good. Now I need something sweet. I need me some dessert. I wanted to be full. I just didn't feel full. I get it. I wanted to see what conspiracy in the sixth degree would constitute. And thankfully, the law offices of steven bilkus and associates has an example for us okay

could say that name again please steven bilkus that is a funny last name yeah okay ready i hate this it's like a wiki it's like a wiki house style website like how to commit conspiracy yeah okay so this is this is what I'm gonna do the example but I'm gonna replace some names and items in it

so example Ben and Hessa wanted new crack cocaine but did not have enough money to pay for it they worked out a plan as to how they could shoplift the crack from a local crack

store Ben would distract the employee while Hessa would slip the crack into her pocket into her pussy, I'll change it to Ben and Hessa walk to the store but entered it at different times. Ben then started

to ask the lone employee several questions about different crack different cracks Ben and Hessa You don't have any cocaine? It's just crack when I look like poor Ben and Hessa could both be prosecuted for conspiracy in the sixth degree,

even if they never go through with the plan. Whoa. I truly have committed almost all of these. I'm not even doing that better. What is the name of the Gadolfi brothers that made uncut gems in good time?

Momar? Gadolfi? What is their actual name? Josh and Benny? The Safdie brothers. that made Uncut Gems in good time? Momar. Gaddafi. What is their actual name? Josh and Benny. The Safdie brothers. That sounds like the plot line of a Safdie brothers. There we go. They're good.

No, I love their movies. I love their movies. Uncut Gems, I watched it, and then I had to put it on immediately again, start from the beginning right after you have to get right back to that scene with that wait can we get another misdemeanor yeah another misdemeanor um i'm gonna look up public drunkenness let's find out what compounding a crime is okay so you make it worse you make it worse again that's something Mr. Bean

would get charged with Mr. Bean shows up in Dog Day Afternoon and the bank teller dies as a result that's what he would get charged with I'm obsessed with the bomb one the bomb one is insane because it implies that there are enough people

who have in the heat of the moment planted a fake bomb for this to be a law like that is something that has had to have happened like at least five or six times for them to have this on the books okay i'm still looking at bilkis okay um okay facilitating a sexual offense with a controlled substance okay that's not a fun one that's just that's like sad that's just like date rape um let's see um scary they wouldn't prosecute that mikey miles is free at last free at last not to get prosecuted all of these uh the boy beat the case all these misdemeanors are now making me question if my misdemeanor ever got reduced to esponged officially or not now i'm like i i just

i'm thinking about something that happened like seven years ago now i'm like i didn't ever get the letter it's the saying it was officially i just i'm retarded i just completely lost my mind for a second i just completely died um oh it's it's not from consent it's from consensus oh yeah you know i bet both it seems probably both of them are from consensus. Yeah, exactly. I'm discovering how words work. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me see, what's another funny one? Stalking in the fourth degree.

What's the fourth degree of stalking? It's the most annoying degree. I mean, I'm probably completely wrong about the degrees of being meditated in the heat of the moment. I'm sure I'm probably completely wrong about the degrees of being meditated in the heat of the moment. I'm sure I'm completely wrong about that. I think my public drunkenness is sponged. Ben does this to me every day.

I can sue Ben for stalking in the fourth degree. Compliments. can be found guilty of stalking in the fourth degree if they engage in a course of conduct which is likely to cause reasonable fear or material harm to physical or mental health or threatens a person's employment. And Ben does all those things to me every day. How? Really?

Yeah. All of us. If Ben could be persecuted for the things he solely does against us three, he'd be in, like, Supreme Court super lockdown double death. And I would defend myself and win, and you would all be sentenced to death. You would not stop acting like Hurricane. You're not going to come back from this. Hurricane.

Okay. Oh, my God. Stephen Bilkus has Stephen Bilkus has a section on the stalking in the fourth degree thing about how he would defend someone who's accused of stalking in the fourth degree to be convicted of stalking in the fourth degree the prosecutor must show that your behavior had no legitimate purpose

if the person that you are contacting is reason enough for me to text you yeah if the person that you are contacting owes you money for example your repeated contacting them may be annoying but it also may not be stalking period also if that person is trying to make you money like i do for you bitches oh my god i'm already defending myself in court harassment in the second degree. Ben definitely does that to me every day. Oh my god. Ben harasses me in the first,

second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, and tenth degree. Oh my god, did you hear that? Yeah. You're such a charnetary actionist. One second. It sounds like the fucking bomb alarms are going off.

Yeah, I'm hearing it. not in my apartment oh my god wait what is that me playing a nuclear nuclear alarm simulation jock's face he was so scared wait that was really you just looked up audio of that and just played it? Yeah. Nuclear bomb warning. Jock's face was so scared. Nuclear bomb warning. Souls. I hate you so much I hate you so much

that's like a husser thing to do I can't believe that I hate you so much I was so scared I was not scared for you it was like oh my god look I am really

I don't even want to use the word triggered but I am really triggered by alarms. I'll freak out. I will leave a house if I hear a fire alarm that I can't turn off. Oh, my God. Okay, there was a week in elementary school. Did it sound real? Yes, there was a week in elementary school where our alarm systems were broken but school kept going on and we had to

have school outside while the alarms went off every day for a week yeah that's so cool psycho it's very i'm very i'm very scared of alarm noises that really right you know what the scariest alarm noise is what have y'all ever heard the Chicago tornado siren noise? Because it sounds like something out of the video game Silent Hill. Oh, yeah, of course. I mean, they all do. I've heard it. There's this DJ.

I'm trying to remember her name. Damn, I can't remember. But I saw her at Jake's Bar. And part of her set when she ends it is she plays um different alarm sounds from all over the world to beat and it's really sick that's so cool wait who's who does that i'm trying to remember the dj yeah oh yeah that's like the best i remember that one that's a good one okay this is yeah This is an example.

This is an example of what Ben does to me. It's called menacing in the third degree. Okay. Yes. I'm already clapping. Two young gays are in a parking lot on the 4th of July drinking White Claw. As the evening progresses, the two start to bicker. You want to lock up gay guys for partying?

Really? The bickering escalates into argument. The man approaches the other with clenched fists. This is Ben approaching me. And spews several threats about beating her to death. However,

the man who uttered the threats does not actually touch the woman. The threatening man could be prosecuted for menacing in the third degree. The fact that he threatened the woman, this example keeps misgendering me, at the same time approached him

and hurt. You said two gays earlier. You misgendered yourself. I'm also gay. Yeah, but gays connotes gay male in the legal sense of gays. You're such a... Fuck. Hessa. Gays as a plural, your honor, denotes gay male in the legal sense of gays. Our culture is not your costume. Gays as a plural,

your honor, denotes gay, cisgendered male. I'm so gay that I transcend your gender standards. You fucking faggot. That does not hold up in a court of law. I'm so gay that, your honor, I am so gay that I turned my penis into a hole

so that I could more readily accept the cock of another man. That is... Another man. Another man. Another man. Oh my God. Your Honor, the defendant continues to misgender herself. Your Honor,

permission to approach the bench. Your Honor, clearly both defendants are the same. Your Honor, permission to suck you off. Your Honor, permission to approach the bench. Your Honor, clearly both definitions are the same. Your Honor, permission to suck you off. Your Honor, permission to strut up to that bench. Your Honor, I have to object to the line of this questioning. This is unfathomable. You cannot believe these two fools of a phantom have truth coming out of their lips.

I love when our courtroom has three lawyers arguing at the same time. There's another bench. The wild card. The wild card. Order in the court immediately. No, but the nukes are not following on New York City yet, Jock. We need to do a trial episode.

I didn't think that the nukes were hitting New Yorkork i just heard the nuclear siren you start freaking out i'm freaked out by the siren that you're you're trying to convince us your face was like i had just told you someone died your face was so scared but you have been you have been scared of World War III, World War III, as you texted us 3 a.m. one time. Y'all think World War III is going to happen? That's harassment. Everyone was talking about it at the bar, too, which was really scary.

Wait, what bar? Which one? Please tell me R&R. R&R? No, I exclusively go to Lakeview Lounge. I'm so sick of old money families I went to high school with World War III

and all the rumors about his family are true definitely skull and bones he got into Yale even though he was an idiot you know no I mean World War III World War III yes

yes World War III. Yes. Yes. World War III. What do you think is going to happen, Jock? I'm scared for Ukraine. Why? Well, first of all, they seem tiny. Their name begins with a U. It's a pretty big country.

Yeah, it's land-wise it's big. Compared to Russia? Land-wise it's big. Compared to Russia? Land-wise, it's big. Compared to Russia. Well, Chuck, you know only that a vast majority of Russia is not inhabited. It's not like there's people living in every nook and cranny of Russia. They do still own it. They do still own it.

You just got fucking fucking body to bang i have no idea how this world war third is gonna turn out but obviously it seems like ukraine's smaller and russia's about to crush it and i'm not i'm not in i'm not either team i'm just saying i'm like worried about you're playing you're playing you're playing both sides or you see it from both sides i don't know both sides i don't know shit about either either side i i know virtually nothing that would that would i mean what would i know that would tell me i think it's like support russia annexed crimea so they could have more like they could have a seaport or something and it was part of the Soviet Union so they see it as theirs

I think Crimea is the city that the Black Plague was invented in Crimea River is that true Max? Crimea River the original Black Plague that happened is the Pl plague of justinian

which was came in uh from baghdad but uh no no no you're wrong but the black plague from the 14th century yeah it came from like crimea or whatever from yeah because because um they were um they were laying siege to a city and um they put a dead body they put a dead body with the plague into a catapult and launched it over the wall and it like hit the ground and exploded and went all over everyone and then everyone escaped to um sicily with the plague that's your that's your history that's your ancestral history yeah that's what happened to me they're giving such loud every day of my fucking yeah every day of my life imagine like a little bit of that gets in your mouth you're just like every day i walk out of my apartment a little bit of

crime area or is a bat no a little bit of that body that exploded on the ground splat yeah damn that's rough that's some really heavy shit people also ask did does the plague still exist i know the answer is yes because of an episode of house that i saw one yeah it does still exist i know same thing with um lepers you can still get leprosy yeah yeah that's why ben has that leopard hue yeah yellow yall, I feel like the people there, I feel like the clumps are getting the house tour above us. It is so loud. The clumps are, oh, the big Eddie Murphy family? Yes.

I just feel like it's like when they're giving the tours upstairs, it's like, boom, boom, boom, boom. Why are they giving tours upstairs? I live at the basement unit. You live in like a tenement? Denver's own. They want to know what they have left. I'm sure they have more.

Well, no, it's a two-plex. There's an upstairs and a downstairs, and no one's been living in the upstairs. Because it smells like dead bodies up there. Stop. Jacques will be like, I ate cereal this morning. I ate some cereals this morning, and then Ben will be like i ate i ate cereal this morning i ate some cereals this morning and then ben will be like cereals cereals cereals plural cereals really her yeah i love it again fat

shaming yeah i'm okay wait i am not fat shaming i I'm just saying it's literally... No one's saying... Okay. Let's... Should we transition? Should we transmit? You're the expert. Should we? Okay. All right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sick of it. Okay, shut up.

Shut up, Max. Max has one peep after an hour of silence to be like, Hey, you guys, don't do that. I'm the referee. I'm the moderator. I found a great article. I'm the Joe Manchin of this podcast.

I found a great article. It's called The Ancient Greeks Also Lived Through a Plague. They Too Blamed Their Leaders for Their Suffering. Gay. Being gay. Pedophilia. pedophilia unfortunately they still have not gotten over it they have not gotten for that one yeah um but no no nuclear bombs are gonna be falling on us here in new york city um we do have a new uh nuclear what is this person's job waste management i think they're in charge of which people get

they're doing nuclear waste they're doing nuclear waste management i think the department of energy um that's how they make non-binary people is that they dunk them in nuclear waste and then they come out genderless i have the job title here it's deputy assistant secretary of spent fuel and waste disposition sorry tony soprano's job yeah tony soprano's job homer simpson's job essentially this guy does look like like non-binary hom Homer Simpson. So what we're talking about is there's a Daily Mail article. The poet who wrote this headline, Biden taps non-binary drag queen to look after nuclear waste. MIT graduate and kink activist says it will be an enormous challenge

to take on top level at the Department of Energy. Top level. Why do you need to be an activist for cakes isn't there a gay parade once a year yeah it seems kind of silly it seems kind of silly i mean i i'm not an advocate for i don't go around being like i piss on everyone because i i fucking love piss or something if you guys um yeah kink advocate sounds like a psyop like yeah let's annoy let's annoy people let's annoy everyone into becoming a fascist yeah this this person looks like um if you've ever picture a scary porcelain baby doll with like one eye half closed yeah and um this like this person looks like a grown-up version

of that okay but like the hair melted off they look like they look like if scary um toy story monster that's like the bald like doll head on top of the like scary spider body except yes they put that through facetune with like the basic like makeup like the makeup completely i just i feel bad if they're non-binary then i quit they are well honestly you know we have talked a lot of shit on like people who are quote-unquote like fake and non-binary but this person does present in a very uh authentic transphobic manner gender gender free they took this is all organic. 100% cruelty-free brick. When people are like non-binary people, oh me androgyny.

I mean, this is what it looks like. Are people going to be like, at my eulogy, be like, was Jacques really non-binary? Can we get some hands raised? Jacques was really non-binary? Can we get some hands raised? Jacques was really non-binary.

This person was hypnotized. The kink activism with this specific person, their name is Sam Brinton. The kink activism seems to stem from a talk they gave at a university of Nebraska. Let's say Brandeis. Let's say Brandeis University. Yeah, let's go for it. Let's say Brandeis. Let's say Brandeis University. Yeah, let's go for it. Let's say Brandeis. Gave a talk about the virtues of puppy play.

And the picture from this talk is pretty troubling. It's three gays in the public play masks and harnesses and sam the new um tony soprano job with the department of energy holder is standing above them notes in hand lecturing please don't ever compare this this polished turd to tony soprano the job title is very tony to be fair here like it looks like the daily mail got their scoop from libs of tiktok that twitter account literally or it's like no no it's not libs anymore it's just like it's just homeless people or homeless people yeah no that account that account is so annoying that account is the first Facebook-style posting to be brought to Twitter. Like, boomer Facebook.

That is the beginning of the end. Yeah, that's the beginning of the end. Where it's just like, oh, my gender is unvaccinated or something. Or unvaccinated. My gender is cake pop. Also, the city where the plague started, I found the name of it.

It's called Kaffa. It's now called Fidoja it's in Crimea and it was the Mongols Who during their siege I love those Mongols Shout out to my boys Shout out Mongolian BBQ That shit's the best

Okay I want to read a quote From this non-binary Fuck but let me just hope I get the voice right. Their name is Sam. I said non-binary fuck. I still wasn't respecting their gender. Okay. I'll do all I can to bring innovative thought into this government role.

I'll even be, to my knowledge, the first gender-flu fluid person in federal government leadership but most importantly i am going to be responsible for finding solutions to a problem i have dedicated my life to that has been stymied for decades stymied i don't well don't ever use a word i can't understand the job itself the job itself is not that bad I think people saw that nuclear is in the title and kind of jumped the gun to do a whole like, oh, drone bombs are queer this time. But they're doing nuclear waste management. It's not like that.

The position seems fine and mostly functionary. They don't seem evil. They present very Bond villain. Yes. It's very Bond villain. Give him 20, 30 years when this person is in charge of all the stores of still decaying nuclear waste under a fucking mountain in Nevada. He's still bald and evil looking with his fucking fucked up no wonder this person's life goal is to eradicate nuclear waste because they

themselves look very irradiated they look like they were born in a super fun site they were born in the love canal what is that place outside of New York that has all the radiation yeah love canal yeah they were born in the love canal what is that place outside of new york that has all the radiation yeah love canal yeah they were born in fucking love that's close to where i'm from the university or the places they gave the uh talk on kink exploration is

was brandeis ren sailor polytechnic institute wrestler ren slur yeah i think it's called ren slur yeah it'd be so funny if they gave that talk at like a trade school. That is a trade school. ITT Tech. It is. It is. At ITT. I want to read just the title.

At the University of Phoenix. Yeah. I want to read the title of a extremist right-wing article about the same person we've been talking about Jock immediately always sends articles from like the most right wing like crank ass websites or just like pure anti-China psyops no it's very funny like Falun Gong web

like web news I am not an anti-Chinesist we don't need to get into Jock sent an email from a website called SamBrintonHoax.com. Okay, but also this is not from SamHoax.com. This is from TFIGlobalNews.com. And the headline of the article is

Biden appoints... Wait, listen. T-G-F-I Global dot com. Just give it a listen for a second. Hold on. Biden appoints a drag queen dog role-playing fetishist to lead America's top nuclear agency.

Per mama. Okay, but but honestly this person this person is kind of I think there's a long history of like J. Edgar Hoover for example was a non-binary would be today

he was a crossdresser famously there are lots of people who work in the state department who are like trans or you know non-binary everybody suffering from Havana syndrome is neurodivergent and therefore queer

but there is like there are a lot of trans people who work in the state department or who do this kind of like very intensive reality winner so i don't know this person seems like they're stepping on some forerunners toes but i guess they're not yeah well you know you got it you got to distinguish yourself somehow none of them were uh they may have been queer but none of them were uh the binding industry yeah none of them were. The Biden administration.

Yeah, none of them were not they them, you know. They were not they them. Yeah, that's true. But the Biden administration has still not even confirmed that this is happening. No, no. This is totally like, no, I mean, it's not something that gets confirmed. Like this is a below middle management position.

They haven't even confirmed it to press they've been reached out to by press because Brinton announced on their personal Facebook yeah and so all of these articles are like sourcing this post because the headline is too good for them to pass up

you know yeah yeah they found a freak it's like when you find a freak you like retweet them on the timeline. And it's like, hey, guys, check out this guy that can un-prolapse his asshole on command. Let's not forget about Sam's unfortunate background and beginnings in being a victim of conversion therapy. And this is the extreme result of deconversion therapy is would they go too far with it i'm serious they went too far they made him they they they they they've cleared him up too much they fruited him up too much he's poofed out way too far i completely agree with you they

made him into a permanent bottom. I mean, he's like, he's just basically disabled. No, he seems tall. Well, there's nothing wrong with being a permanent bottom. He seems very tall. Also, the top military nuclear analyst, more like, you know, per... Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. yeah yeah i think like it's really cool that like i'm happy for them the article the chinese angry people articles title is really funny um the one that jock read oh can i just read a little bit of the the the article because it's just so – Yeah, please. Okay. I'll tell you all when I'm skipping around, but I'm going to skip around just a tiny bit. It is the first paragraph. In a blatant attempt to promote the controversial idea of advanced diversity in the U.S., the Biden administration recently hired Sam Brighton as the head of the Nuclear Energy Department and fuel and waste disposal. Now Sam is getting a lot of attention on social media, not because of his extraordinary expertise in the field. No, because of his extra weird habits and sexual fetishes.

Sam Brighton. Oh, my God. Sam Brighton. Wait, it gets even crazier. This is the second paragraph. Sam Brinton, him, her, them, self, a, gay, is a staunch supporter of the LGBTQ plus community. Sam never hesitates to use pronouns such as they and in parentheses they are spelled T-H-E-I-R, which just doesn't make sense. sam has been practicing pseudo-scientific therapy before he was imported for the new role where he attempts to change a person's sexual orientation from heterosexual to homosexual and bisexual if

they do not feel the their existing identity this is that's so cool advanced diversity it's like advanced diversity diversity in the fourth degree also also legal to commit also my this is so fucked up immediately underneath it is a targeted ad and it is for four sides of a broken prostate that is not true what is the promoted ad for a broken prostate look like it's probably because because the intended audience of that website is like 75 years old or something. It's the same image as like doctors hate this

trick. I'm telling you right now this is something that I've Can you screenshot it? I'm screenshotting. I'm sitting here right now. This is what they were concerned that i had oh my god i don't know if we've all gotten to the bottom of this but um apparently this is all because people are like these people that are calling him like an abuser or whatever

it all goes back to this op-ed that this guy wrote in 2018 about how he went to gay conversion therapy. Yeah, in the New York Times, and that's why people are mad at him. What is the op-ed? It says, I was tortured in gay conversion therapy, and it's still legal in 41 states.

Yeah. It sucks. He's just like a Trevorvor project gay and it's fine to process it that way i have no i have no beef with this person besides the fact that they just look really weird and not even because of the makeup it's mostly because of the like just the proportions of their face and the ginger and the ginger mustache. We're just laughing at it as a classic freak. We are not being racist. We're not being binary. It's because they're ugly.

Yeah, he's just ugly. I say cry me a river. This person, come on, we've all been bullied for being... That doesn't mean that people... Just because you're a nuclear specialist doesn't mean he's worse. This person has gone through conversion

therapy. It's okay to process that and become a gender freak. That's not what I'm judging him for. I'm judging them for being a broken person. Yeah.

Maybe I... I don't know. This person who just got appointed to like a probably a plum position yeah it's like yeah at least set for like five at least five figures whatever no no at least six figures because like that's a government position deputy assistant to the whatever whatever i just just got promoted to a high position in my non-government job that deals with U3. I'm going to stop pocket watching this

guy. I'd say go off Sam. We support you. I think it's hilarious. Did y'all see the picture of the broken prostate? No. I think it's very funny to see people freak out about this because it's just like...

This person's job will make absolutely zero difference in anyone's life. Why did you say my god in regards to the prostate, Max? Yeah. If that's what's going on with mine, I'm going to be pissed. They said that it's unlikely

that this is the cause but it's still an option i think that like it looks like a estrogen just does this probably it looks like it looks like this looks like the uh the broken prostate diagram looks like there's just a second brain in your colon yeah extra smart ass i also um i um i forgot to put this in the chat but speaking of crazy articles and shit and China there's a controversy because China

is censoring the LGBTQ content in Friends yes they're also banning Chong Wick from appearing in cinemas so you guys there's gonna be a chance.org petition. For being racist, not queer. Not queer, not trans, for being a racist caricature of Chong.

Chong Wick is not racist. They think it is. They think Chong Wick is Asian. Chong Wick is a mixed race, and that is as far as we'll go. He's a Latino Asian. Yo yo man they're gonna censor me man they better not censor my dog though man because then i'm gonna get high i'm gonna go over there man china's been doing that china band it's been getting high and stealing people's talks no they've been um banning like femboys they have it's also i think like a

weird thing to they're trying to keep the influence like k-pop out as well i so it's easy to be like no men with makeup are can be on tv because all those no twinks no twinks yeah but i um well all twinks are villains i am obsessed with the idea of like, I don't know, Adam Eli being like, we need to put probably the most transphobic plot line in TV history back into Friends in China so that people can see Ross's dad or whoever it was. Literally. Yeah.

I love Adam. We haven't fucked with Adam in a minute. I fucking hate how much y'all talk about this motherfucker. Y'all like Adam. I have not fucked with Adam in a minute. I fucking hate how much y'all talk about this motherfucker. I have not talked about Adam in so long. It's been a minute since we last checked in. It has been a very long time since we checked in. He's living his best life. The amount of pictures and time y'all spend talking about him makes me think that y'all masturbate to him.

And I'm sorry. That's the image y'all give off. I do. No, I think he's an amazing person. I love him. He is so funny. He is. y'all masturbate to him and i'm sorry that's just that's the image y'all give off i do no i think he's amazing i think he's an amazing person i love him he is so funny he is no i i want him to be on tv every day i can't i can't i want to make a documentary about his life i want to he's not really good is he i need the truth because these two aren't telling me the truth. What do you mean? He's hilarious. I'm going to pee real quick.

He is a very, very, very funny person. I have to pee. I'm sorry. I think Adam Eli is cool. Yeah, go ahead and pee. Pee, pee, pee. I love to pee. Go piss, girl. We have like 10 minutes left. What do you want to do?

Let's all say our social security numbers really slowly. Okay. Okay. Okay. One. Two. Three. Okay. Should we get to this?

Should we get to this? Yeah. We've got like 10 minutes left. Okay. Let's do this article. All right. Let's go. We've had this article tabled for an episode or two for years so this is a beautiful beautiful article and it's it's it's a lot of truth and i'm gonna use it to attack ben i love i'm listening big ears my My ear holes are wide. Put on your outdoor ears for this one.

Okay. I'm turning up my. Your outdoor ears. Your outdoor ears for this one. You heard me, Ben. Yeah. You heard what I said. Don't question the woman.

I've never been in the metaverse. I've never done anything to anyone in the metaverse before ever this article is called the metaverse is going to suck for queer people yeah how why i already am why is going to it already does the metaverse is gonna suck for everyone it's fucking no it looks so cool okay i want to go let me let's dive in. Okay. This is how, this is the first sentence of this article. I will be the first to confess that frankly, I have still, I still have no clue what the metaverse is. Boom. Beautiful.

First sentence. Love. Um, beyond second life. Oh, fuck. I'm sorry. I thought it would end the thing. I'll edit around it. Sorry, go on.

What the metaverse actually is, beyond Second Life all over again. I know that when Facebook rebranded as meta back in October, there were plenty of good bottom surgery jokes to be made, and that's hyperlinked. I'm not going to click on it. Beautiful. And that the metaverse is basically Clubbed by well rip with slightly better graphics

but what i know above all else is that any platform connected to mark zuckerberg's technological empire is bound to be an absolute nightmare for queer and trans people case in point horizon world and horizon venues two metaowned virtual reality social platforms, announced the implementation of a personal boundary feature for users last Friday, which doesn't sound dystopian at all. That doesn't sound dystopian at all. It's so dystopian to have a personal boundary.

Personal boundary is essentially a four-foot buffer zone around your avatar in either of the VR platforms. If someone tries to encroach upon said Personal Boundary, the system will halt their forward movement. Previously, if users got too close and tried to touch your avatar, their hands would disappear. What could be more immersive

than homophobic and transphobic trolls standing a respectful four feet away while they harass you? So, okay. This person really has a lot to complain. Yeah, stop complaining about you either want to be bullied or you don't. Well, they added the personal boundary

space because someone got, quote unquote, groped in the letters. Yeah, this is... It goes on to explain that. How does that... Do you have like... Is there a sensor that you feel your breast being touched if you would honestly if like that's just you're being overdramatic if you're an adult and you're on there and you're like yeah someone's oh i'm being digitally

digitally harassed but it's not like yeah but it's not like that's just not the same has no comparison it's free pussy come on just also it seems like i like they're saying like case in point there's a person there's personal boundaries is not a great thing to put in like the metaverse will suck for queer people because it's like part of being queer is violating other people's personal boundaries and having and having public sex. Also, in the metaverse, I thought that there weren't renderings of your legs.

They're just waist up. There's no legs in the metaverse. No, no, no. I think there are. I don't think so. I saw a thing where it was waist up. Can you get a big car in the metaverse? I saw a metaverse rave and it was um

like a bunch of like 3d like y'all have oculus no i i saw no i found out metaverse avatars don't have legs microsoft metaverse doesn't have legs that's microsoft this is facebook pay attention wake up you fucking loser wait so there's two different wait there's two metaphors i'm about spit my gum out and have a dumb confunction now ding ding dong boom boom bang bang okay um i didn't know so this goes on to explain the next paragraph is in all seriousness though the feature was implemented in response to multiple reports of sexual harassment in her okay so it is good for queer people yeah well no case in point the personal boundary feature um okay um because even the platform's pre-existing hand harassment measures and even before the platform was widely available users

were being subjected to harrowing experiences in december horizon Horizon Venues user Nina Jank Patel shared a... Like being through war. Yeah, she shared a harrowing account of logging in and immediately being virtually gang raped, quote unquote. No, man. They did not say virtually. How? How?

Yeah, the same month, an anonymous Horizon Worlds beta tester shared a story of being groped in the official horizon facebook group sexual harassment is no joke on the regular internet it it kind of is um it is john john and big dave in in date my group all the group dms that they're in with me yeah with messages talking about how they're gonna like put each other's dicks in their mouth while like they're sleeping i guess so everyone's dicks in their mouth while they're sleeping. Also, everyone should just harass Mark Zuckerberg.

You should just find Mark's avatar and gang-rape Mark Zuckerberg. He's autistic. He does not associate emotions with sex. It's a free pass. Yeah. He doesn't care. The DMs I get on a daily

basis are like I just tune them out it's not a big deal I can't even I don't even know but whatever you're getting whatever you're getting sent is probably fucked up I send all of them

I created I admin 300 avatar chaser accounts it's ben and marcus williams yeah um let me see where was i damn i wish people cared enough to bully me that hard but being in vr adds another layer that makes the event more intense the post-red not only was i groped last night but there were other people there who supported this behavior and made me feel isolated in the plaza the virtual environment central gathering space again this all happened before horizons was even open to a wider audience

which of course bodes well for the future of the platform and then it goes on to discuss russia conspiracies these people are literally just schizophrenic this these people sound like they're trying to make it sound like the online like the the virtual virtual reality rape is worse than the normal one okay here's to understand the actual mechanics of it it's not you're just getting your avatar humped. Do they ever get a script? But it's something you see. Another avatar walks up to you and just humps you. Yeah, standing right behind you or something.

And then hands. There's no rape button in the metaverse. Just take off the headset if it's like that. I don't understand. Move. Move your character. Move it away from the other one that's trying to help you. It's like you're literally not there. You can tell this...

This person doesn't have object permanence. They are a fucking baby. Okay. I suppose that if I were rich and hated touching grass, I could understand the appeal of the metaverse's hypothetically infinite possibilities. After all, it was two trans women who created the most popular depiction of a totally immersive virtual reality of all time.

No, shut up. They were men at the time. God. God. They had not gotten, listen, listen, they had not gotten their card yet this is this is like the most confused bullshit article in the world because like the defense of like the metaverse could be cool because the matrix a movie about how the metaverse is evil also also it was the coen brothers who did it yeah they're talking about the coen the metaverse could be cool it was the coen brothers who did it yeah they're talking about the coen

the metaverse could be cool because the metaverse could be cool unless it wasn't raped on there every day but i have i do see some potential in it because it was made by t-travel yeah i mean that okay so it does go on to say although to be fair they

depicted the matrix as more of a prison than a playground plus lgbtq people have long been expert perhaps too expert at cultivating virtual communities as anyone who had a tumblr account between 2010 and oh god yeah look what that did to culture look what that amazing look good with that did yeah. Yeah. To even recognize Tumblr as culture is disgusting. Yeah. It's the culture everyone online

lives in now. Okay, this is... Yeah, when they took away pornography, it broke containment. The ending is the real coup de grace of this article. So, it says, I find it unlikely that LGBTQ people will be able to gain

any sort of traction at all. And even if we did, I'm sure Metta would once again break boundaries by giving us our first ever virtual gay bar raid, considering that's what they do to LGBTQ plus people and sex workers on literally every other platform they own. I, for one,

will leave throwing the first brick at Stonewall 3D every other platform they own. How can we have this person take that? I, for one, will leave throwing the first brick at Stonewall 3D to someone else. That's the last sentence. That is so melodramatic. Stonewall 3D. It is so insane. As opposed to Stonewall 2D. You're just leaving it to someone else.

You're just... Our business is... Our business... Stonewall 2D. Stonewall 2D is wild, y'all. It's like Marioio paper but it was stonewall in just

we're such insensitive people already but this person is literally saying stonewall 3d yeah this is a virtual gay bar raid it's the most like I just want to be a victim. So yes,

virtual. I want to, a virtual gay bar raid. This article also just basically is saying that, that the virtual rape is way more important than regular rape or something. I don't know. Well, it's like insane.

I, it's so, it's so confusing that they're like the metaverse is gonna suck for queer people as an example there's personal boundaries now um which is all we need but we need those unless and if we don't i'm going to be assaulted every single minute yeah yeah yeah and it's like oh great so instead of feeling me up people can just yell at me from four feet away it's like yeah that's it's called the internet if you're like anita sarkeesian it's gonna happen wherever you go you're standing four feet away person who is naturally predisposed to getting yelled at for no reason it happens to me in the world because i'm transgender

some npc spawn with with lower diplomacy okay i want to go on the metaverse find this person's avatar stand outside of their personal boundary and just do the dick sucking motion i'm gonna assault them again it looks so cool though the metaverse every time i see a video when people are just trying to do virtual things it just looks like looks like knees it just looks like hanging out second life it's just trying to re-invite but it's it's it's funny seeing these videos of these people pretending to live real lives on there i know second life is really profitable they they're already speculative like real estate markets within the metaverse people are buying

property and stuff in the metaverse like yeah we know that one that late yeah i mean we shouldn't no it's not about doxing but i i know a woman who say spent all of her life savings all of her money because she got too involved in second life she put all of her life savings all of her money because she got too involved in second life she put all of her money in real estate then she sold all of her properties lost all of her money had to move into her mother's house damn and and she was in a a relationship a three-person a throuple she i should say she was in a throuple with what was described as the most notorious couple from second life and they have a she's like a second life celebrity and so they adopt this is like this is like when people like move to a foreign country and like suddenly

become like embroiled in the politics there this kind of reminds me of yeah yeah just just like someone in the 1920s like suddenly becoming a big deal in nicaragua like a white guy started as a thruple and then the woman morphed age in the game and the couple adopted her so they went from being into it was just real it was super fucked up and this person was probably near 45-50 we should do that on the metaverse y'all we should get on

we should adopt 17 year olds in the metaverse we should set our own compound on the metaverse Zorro Ranch the person who wrote this is also just set her own compound on the metaverse. Zorro Ranch. The person who wrote this also wrote an article called, The Worst Part of Che Diaz Was Seeing Myself in Them.

Stop. Yeah. You're clearly bitch. Of course. I love Che Diaz. I want to hang out with him. Did you watch the last episode, Ben? What a bad episode. There's a fun cameo in it

according to this article that now makes me want to watch the whole show. That last episode sucked. Yeah, Hari's in it. She slays. She slays in everything. Speaking of TV, I don't know if you guys noticed,

but there was no Real Housewives bonus episode this week. If you're on the Patreon, this is a free episode, but if you're on the Patreon, we do recap those every week as they come out. This week, we did not. Well, next week is the season finale.

I can't wait. Also, there's a new statistic where it's like 10 little stick figures, and one of them is pink, and the rest of them are black, and it's to represent Jen Shaw's court case. And there are 11 total defendants, including herself. Ten of them are pleading guilty. She's the only one not pleading guilty. That's so sick.

That's so iconic. I want her to get off. Okay, do you guys want to wrap it up here? Yeah, I should wrap it. All right, you guys. See you guys when we record Real Housewives. We have all the regular episodes on Patreon as well. It is not just Housewives.

You can find episodes just like this there as well. Our paid episodes, our free ones. You can listen to any episode you want. And Jock posts nudes there. Thank you all so much for listening. I also post nudes there. Mwah. I'm sorry. I I I Thank you.