Seeking Derangements - SD 131 - Whats a little girl doing at the gay sex arcade?!?

Episode Date: April 29, 2022

We talk Misha's queerbaiting, illiterate Lea showing her pussy to gay guys, and Jacques run in's with children. Intro/// Alfonso Lovo - Terremoto (Earthquke 1976) Outro/// Bettye Crutcher - So Glad to Have You (1974) Find us on Patreon for weekly episodes! Instagram: @seekingderanementsss Twitter: @SSDERANGEMENTSS

It's like an earthquake, baby Yeah, yeah, yeah It's like an earthquake, baby Don't come back Don't come back Hi, everybody. We'll be doxing several people in this episode. If you want to get a notebook and a pen out, just start writing down and, you know... Jocko and Stuart dox the name of

Autistic Child and Louisiana. Who admittedly did have a very funny name. You've heard of schindler's list this is morris okay i'm i'm at the very least gonna say i'm gonna be a movie that i make that just listing off autistic doxing autistic children i'm not gonna say this person's last name but this this this this kid's first name is yeah let's get a first name dank dank and and the the his last name has m-a-n-e in it like okay they said okay we're gonna stop it there please why are you trying to leave let this child have a life in on me i'm well i'm the one i'm the one saying i yes you literally just said

it i didn't name him that jock by, by the way, I'm loving your sunglasses today. Whenever Jock wears sunglasses in a recording, it means he's being particularly egomaniacal, which I think is great. You look amazing. Thank you so much. I wore them at the doctor's office. I'm sure they loved that.

Yes. They were like, are you okay? I was like, certainly certainly it's bright in here or is it because you're high no look at me certainly certainly if someone asks you are you okay and you answer with certainly means you are not okay nonetheless your doctor are you okay a doctor. Are you okay? Certainly, doctor. I'm spectacular. Whatever do you mean? What are you, a doctor or something?

My doctor wanted to catch up before even talking about our appointment. He's like, how was New York? What's going on? Yeah, I love that you have a deeply personal relationship with your doctor. That's pretty cute. I think he respects me because I'm going bald and he is bald. So he sees himself in you. Some bald solidarity.

Some bald-a-darity. Bald-a-darity. Yeah. That's gonna be the party. Bald and out. I'm sure everyone's been wondering, but yes, I have been having terrible dandruff lately. My psoriasis and eczema is just coming in full force do you know what

hezbollah is yes i know who hezbollah is tell me the person or hezbollah hezbollah hezbollah the micro person of lebanon no that's hezbollah that's hezbollah as adam curtis would say i don't know what you're yelling at me but there's i'm not yelling there's hasbulla oh and has this because you sent me a picture of the um has oh oh that's the no no no that's a joke that's the new orleans pelicans team but this is this is but jock this logo it's not even a logo this is the hesbala this will be the artwork for the episode this is the sign of the who slays we on on this show love hesbala but this is a um lebanese uh no no could you bring could you bring it could you like click your screen i'm aware that it says the New Orleans Pelicans.

It's a joke. So that means that it's... You understand that it's combining the logo of the New Orleans Pelicans with the flag of Hezbollah. I'm so sorry, Ben. But just because you're trying to villainize my heroes... I'm not trying to villainize you. There's nothing wrong with either of these things. I like both of these things.

It's also the New Orleans Pelicans, not the Saints. Well, I love both of them. This is like New Orleans sports teams. You're getting me rattled. I just think it's very funny that you have this saved on your phone. You would think it's funny because you don't watch sports. I have no idea what a house of love is. You wouldn't know that that's a sports logo.

I'm not fighting with you. This is not a sports logo. This is the logo of a Lebanese... Jock, this is the logo... I didn't even mean for this to be a fight. No, no, no, it's not a fight. Show it to Hessa. Show the picture to Hessa.

Hessa, this is not a sports logo. Let me see. This is not a sports logo. There's a New Orleans Saint logo here. I'm saying, Jock, overall. No, it says New Orleans Pelicans above it. Jock, I am aware of that. What I am telling you is that this is...

Look at this. One of us is right. Only one of us is right, and you can't say that about us. Okay, I'm right. Only one of us is right. It's me. It's me, and I say both of you are right

it's the it's the it's both it is both it's the what the jock is just being obtuse also i'm noticing that you were wearing your um beautiful sweatsuit my doctor which i want back which I want back now I want that back I do so many nice things for you and you are a pain in my ass all the fucking time

I gave you probably $300 of free clothes and you won't even admit that this is not. It's a Hezbollah flag. Dude, I'm sorry. I know that you didn't grow up in New Orleans, or you didn't grow up in Louisiana, so you might not be familiar with the sports clothes and stuff.

What did your doctor say about the tracksuit? My doctor was like, oh, wow, that's a very nice tracksuit. Wait, let's describe it to the viewers if they haven't seen it um so it's a tracksuit with the calvin klein logo carefully redesigned so it says completely crazy because i'm completely crazy you're welcome you also never thanked me for all the clothes. Oh, okay. Oh, my God. I did not only thank you, I tag every picture I wear in it. I wore it today. My doctor says, oh, my gosh, wow, that's a nice tracksuit.

And I said, my friend made it. He said, wow. He was probably jealous. He was like, oh. He said something about basically like, oh, it'll be cool until the copywriters get them. It would be funny it would be funny if your doctor was like don't please don't wear that my practice is in danger if you wear that because people will think you're crazy which i i can't have people thinking that i have

crazy people i'm sorry um i'm sure that because calvin klein doesn't really sue for copyright infringement there's so if you've ever like there's so much like fake calvin klein doesn't really sue for copyright infringement there's so if you ever like there's so much like fake calvin klein stuff they don't really care i think like the funniest like have you small scale you've seen calvin klein's 90s and 80s shit right where the one where it's like brooke shields when she was 15 and it starts zoomed in on her like crotch and then zooms out and she's like you know what comes between me and my calvins nothing and it's like penises so you're 15 years old and you're not wearing underwear cool awesome calvin klein and then they have that even worse somehow even worse that ad campaign that was like literally just like them doing like fake child porn but with like models that are like 19 and i don't remember

that what the hell oh my god it's like a paneled it's like a wood panel basement with a shag rug and they have like these models in the basement they're trying to make it look like some sort of like super discreet, like amateur child porn photo shoot. Some like terrible, like the opening. Your uncle's basement. Yeah, the prelude to like the worst porn, the worst amateur porn you've ever seen. This is like tonight on the pedophile report.

I mean, I don't know. Yeah. This is kind of a cool, that's kind of an interesting setup. Our pedophile correspondent, Hessa, here. I get it. i get it i'm gonna say hey don't call me a pedophile correspondent when people ask what you what you did at this job i always told them yeah she's our official she was describing she's a pedophile slash correspondent okay super big side note why did why haven't they killed sharon osborne yet for whatever she did okay can you say who who's they who's who why society the media miller the fec that's about you mean one particular nb person

ezra miller's gonna knock this out wait why do you want sharon sharon osborne killed okay honestly like i'm gonna be very honest with you too she came on the bottom of my screen she's flashing on the screen it just switched to madonna um you can't leave you're mad that you saw an ad featuring sharon osborne you want yeah i'm just mad i don't i'm just done mad. I'm done with her. I completely agree with you. I totally understand that feeling. The Osbournes have been long over.

I love the Osbournes. You're not allowed to be mad at them. You're not allowed to not like them. Actually. Oh my god. I'm watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians for the first time ever and I'm learning so much about life. Love. Liberty in the pursuit of ever. And I'm learning so much about life. Love.

Liberty in the pursuit of happiness. Live, love, laugh. That's my motto. Live, laugh, love. Who is Harry Styles? He's in One Direction. Well, he was in One Direction. Don't remind me that One Direction broke up

because I'm going to cry. Oh my God, were you at One Direction, Stan? Yeah. I'm a huge fan. I love their songs such as Crazy Car. I love this song. Shut up. That is not the title.

Big Time. Big Time Rush. Crazy Car. This is my favorite Tracy Chap javon song crazy car um girl you're only beautiful because you don't know you're beautiful so true oh girl you don't know you're beautiful you're beautiful because you don't know you're beautiful it's like such a funny it's such a it's such a mean way to tell a girl she she thinks she's ugly like you have no self-confidence you're a little bricky but you're still so hot i only think you're hot because you have like a crippling body dysmorphia

nothing is worse than that song that's like hey big girl you're beautiful hey big girl you're beautiful it's like um it's like if there was a song about a girl with anorexia called, you don't know you're thin enough. You know this song? I believe it's a Fergie song. Big girls don't... A Ferbies? Fergie.

Oh. I'm leaving. I'm done. We're not talking about Furbies I thought her song uh big girls don't cry was about fat women for so long oh my god are you kidding but it's about it's about like adult it's about being like an adult woman but I thought big girls don't cry was like a body positive song okay they need to keep fat women from crying I'm not even joking I thought it to this moment was

about you literally are you kidding are you that's why i didn't i'm not even i'm being 100 being honest with you i figured it out you know eventually this is as serious as when i was telling y'all that i thought lindsey lohan had a twin that had been uh hiding from the starlight this whole time i till because of the parent trap movie because of the parent trap movie till i was 25 years old i thought lindsey lohan had a so twin that was out of the scene that's so incredible i'm trying to think what other revelations i mean big girls don't cry are you telling like that song was released now i'm sorry you would it would be readily confused i'm looking at the song being about fat women it'd be like a lizzo song well yeah i'm looking at the

song uh writer's credits right now and it's lizzo um the carly wilson Willips Filson Willips the famous band that we all know and love about the fat woman it's like Aidy Bryant is also one of the songwriters yeah what's her name? Lindy West

it's really controversial Rebel Wilson let's get a list of fat women going yeah i'm gonna look up top 10 fattest women wait what about do we have lizzo ad bryant uh fucking lindy west um there's another one there's another one it's like she's like an ad bryant ripoff but she's actually like kind of funny she was in bridesmaids fuck oh melissa mccarthy god damn all right the 10 heaviest women that ever lived let me guess let me guess number one maryland no one number one maryland row 350 pounds people don't know body says she's changed a lot okay shut the fuck up maryland

monroe was never three yeah they used to no that's just that's just okay let me see how this is working that's what patriarchy has told you jock 50 years ago the most beautiful woman in america used to be 350 pounds this list is kind of i'm learning so much oh i'm on weight of stuff.com things away i want to have a lunch break called like women yeah list of 10 happiest women that and here are the tabs at the top categories it's like trucks and bills women literally that is exactly what it is it's like weight of buildings weight of animals weight of astronomy weight of nature you want to hear something really mean there's a unit converter that's another tab

oh my god so you can convert like 80 bryants to shipping containers you convert 80 bryants to rebel wilson's when i was in when i was in middle school, we had an English teacher named Mrs. Stockton. She was morbidly obese, like 10th dress, morbidly obese. And someone in my class started a rumor that the unitary measurement of planets is Stockton's. Is it that? It was not me. Before anyone said, oh, Ben, you probably... No, I didn't start it someone else

started that rumor is that not one of the meanest things you ever that's like not even like the weight of like a big thing but like the weight of the planet of planets itself the weight of um the mass of uh black holes or like dwarfs way you could even conceivably weigh the planet is insane to me. You're just putting the planet on a giant scale. You have to use incredibly complicated math. You have to have a PhD to know, to calculate. It's like the scales of justice. On one side is the Earth,

and on the other side is this english teacher and they're perfectly balanced speaking of uh overweight teachers in my freshman year of high school when i went to this catholic school we had all nuns for teachers and this one math teacher who she's she said she was a nun but she didn't want to wear the habit anymore because it didn't fit her and she every day would she would every day she was so fat she didn't want to wear the habit anymore because it didn't fit her. And she every day would put... She was so fat she didn't fit into her habit? Yes.

So her head grew? No, no, no. Wait. Just listen to this. Did she carry all of her weight in her head? She was so overweight that she every day, almost every other day would put the wrong shoe on the wrong foot because she couldn't tell or see that they were the wrong shoe on the wrong foot because she couldn't tell or see that they were the wrong shoes on the wrong foot and so her left foot would be kind of

like a mistake on her that seems like she's just being stupid but also it's like it's a 50 50 chance how do you consistently get also like you can just lift your shoe up and look at it right yeah it's not like the shoes are so out of reach that okay i guess this is not like you can't see her arms which she's so fat you can see her arms or hands no but i'd really genuinely think because of the her short body they were on the ground okay so she doesn't pick them up but you'd pick them up look at it put it on the ground and be like okay that's she can't even lift it that far yeah how is she alive okay i'm looking at the list of the heaviest people but i'm assuming she's dead and dudes rock because the top four the top four heaviest people ever recorded

jared from subway and two of them are still alive, actually. Oh, my God. And it's only number five who's a woman, and she's dead. So women stay losing. Patriarchy at work. Why are there no women on this list? There should be more women. Get them up. Interesting there's no women on this list besides the one who's dead. Yeah.

Okay, wait. Give women their flowers while they're still alive y'all yeah absolutely okay do you guys want to talk about misha collins um first let's talk about things that happened um in middle school not only to us but to other gay men known as jonathan groman, who was shown of a giant star. Wait, he was not in middle school, though. He was in the television show Glee, which is in high school. Close enough. No, that is not.

No, Ben, were they not in Glee? He was like 25 or something. But they were in Glee, which was set in a... I was trying to do a segue. Oh, my God. I butchered it, but you know, at least a forever. Don't try to segue when you can barely

lime scooter, please. That was pretty good. I have a friend who I don't want to dox him, but he's like really hot and beautiful and gorgeous. And he's like six foot four. I'm literally already recording with you right now

basically like a model and like these two girls were like hey if you ever want to like have your first ever threesome with two girls like we'll do it with you and he was like bitch my dick doesn't even work because i'm on estrogen and wait i think i know yeah yeah let's not say i think i know here i don't know who we are talking about but this person sounds hot it's me oh he's really hot um also any 164 hit me up immediately yeah anyone six four and over honestly i know i need i need six foot and over i'm tired of these short yeah stubby losers okay so jonathan groffman was shown leah michelle's vagina um under leah michelle did a a class basically master class master class for master class yeah the master class the vagina master class her vagina whereas apparently the way this went down is that um well she she says jonathan i

became so close we were so intertwined at one point i literally showed him my whole vagina my whole and my whole my whole semi-colon vagina please no i don't want to see this she's like turning on the desk lamp the decorative desk lamp being like look right into my hole i love the specification that the lamp was decorative i know i know i know like my favorite part about it well just trying to make the story yeah but apparently at one point this is what michelle says um jonathan was like i've never seen a woman's vagina before would you show me and she was like sure and i took a desk lamp and i showed him that's how close we were she then screamed she then says that she explained the anatomy to him and of course I mean she was like

this is the labia this is the clit this is the labia minora can we list all parts of the vagina all of this is the labia majora all of this right here there's the piss hole

vending machine slot um she's like someone who works at a taffy factory grabbing a bunch of taffy that's coming off the line holding it all in her arms she's like this is all the labia minora look you're making a joke out of it pessa but until you've worked at a small town caramel factory you will not know how close to jock so let's get let's get your because you've seen a lot of vaginas in your life yeah i've seen more vaginas than hesser i no offense so um me and has probably tied but i would i would dispute that you just me and has are probably tied you're probably tied okay yeah okay both of you both of you

independently text me the amount of vaginas you think you've seen I want to see who has more okay I'll do that right now come on I already know Hessa's gonna say one billion I'm already pissed Hessa's gonna say one Stockton I feel like Jock is gonna win no i'm gonna win okay you're checking your what are you typing what yeah i don't did you that's literally like

she said one she said one she said one i said one trillion no you said one trillion she said that she's seen one pussy in her whole life I saw one pussy and I knew I love this shit and it was Ben's mom can I interject to say something really important how about this my mom has a penis

I need to interject it how about that but you feel real stupid right about now don't you idiot can I make two very important points owned owned

please do Jacques point number one how do we know that Lee Michelle's vagina wasn't a freak weird vagina because that's what I thought really both of you are weird. Oh, no, no, no. I'm sorry. No, I was like, I was like, there's so much variance between

vaginas. You cannot take one as a sort of descriptive of the whole of vaginas, the entire vagina. What do you think? Like, what if she has a ball if she has been has lappers put put a mute on big what if she's got mud flaps what if she's got big what if she's got a roast beef roast beef sandwich and then and then groffman has to go the rest of his life thinking that's what every vagina looks like. Are you kidding me? That's so unfair. He'll be even gayer.

He'll be even gayer. He'll be even gayer. That's perfect for him. Look, you could never tell. Someone can look perfectly normal in the face just like me and have a completely disfigured genitals. Have a fat ass pussy just like you. Yeah. Just the most disfigured mishmash.

I completely agree with you. I think she should have just Googled vagina and she could have just shown him the pictures. Can I do it? Yeah, but then you wouldn't get to smell it. Can I do an image? She can say, Jonathan, vaginas come in many different types and forms.

This is what all of them can look like. Here's my disgusting pussy. I picture him like, what all of them can look like here's my disgusting I picture him like I picture her like basically like low-key sexually abusing him a little bit where she's like

you have to touch it now it's very much like when uh she put peanut butter all over it okay she put poppers can I do can i do an imitation

of she rubbed like a madonna cd all over her can i do an imitation can i do an imitation of how jonathan's reaction came out yeah okay i need one of y'all to just do make the noise hi jonathan i'll do it all you have to do it all you have to do to just make the noise. Hi, Jonathan. I'm Liam Michelle. I will do it. All you have to do is say the noise click so I can indicate when the light has been turned on. Ready? Illuminating the vagina. That was it.

Nice. It's not that bad. It's pretty hot, actually. It's dripping. There's something wrong with it. It's squirting. It's not that bad. It's pretty hot, actually. It's dripping. There's something wrong with it. It's squirting. Oh, she's pissing. It's squirting everywhere.

She's like, actually, it's not pee. That's my camp. It's not quite whether or not it's pee. You see that right there? That ain't pee. That's squirt. It's different liquid. I don't know what she sounds like weird I have no clue what she sounds like

there's a conspiracy theory that she doesn't know how to read I was reading into this today my roommate was telling me about this the sun the news publication posted an article about it seven hours ago about how she can't read

the rumor started seven hours ago the rumors you can't read about how she can't read the rumor started seven years ago whoa that is that's so cool that is like damn that's actually the coolest thing about her is that there's if there could be any if i could control if there could be like one gossip thing about me in the world i think i would choose that secretly i don't know how to read that or i'm secretly biologically female pretending to be trans i can start but i can i'll plan both of those rumors for you i i'll vouch for you spread both of those no i'll spread both of those and they kind of reinforce each other she's and you want to know why you want to know why she's so dumb and doesn't know how to

read it's because she's a biological woman yeah that's what i'm saying yeah can i can i please use this as a segue to talk about how someone missed mistook me as a female to male uh yeah trans person first really quickly i'm so sorry okay i'm back i don't know what it is that's in it but hey so welcome back get this so thank you you're about to tell a story about something okay so do you remember what it was yeah i remember exactly do we feel like we've gotten everything we can get out of leah michelle yeah i feel like wait did any of you watch glee even yeah yeah we should watch the first we should talk about glee because i've never yeah i've never really watched it and it's a show that our experiences

hate okay yeah so okay in, I would hate Glee. In theory, I would never watch Glee or even consider it as something that I would spend my time doing. But I did watch the first two seasons. But in the first two seasons. In practice. It was good enough. I don't even care.

It was good enough. Don't you praxis me. I don't want any of that bullshit. You sat your white ass down and did praxis by watching glee i did the damn thing i liked it enough whatever whatever you know what i'm gonna i'm gonna stand up and say ryan murphy knows what he's doing with tv no i don't think so i think ryan murphy's first show nip tuck was the best because like it was like pretty good basically nip tuck would be like oh there's a fat woman who's coming to me and she's like i like i want you to turn me black

yeah and then she also has aids but then like the doctor is like gay but is like i'll have sex with her to make her feel better about herself literally like i've never seen it i think that might be like nip tuck is good but i will say i never even i never liked any ryan murphy stuff until i watched the election series of um american horror story and that was pretty oh my god i i think it was funny it was pretty the gianni versace stuff is so bad. I really miss when he was an edgy. I feel like I've talked to Felix about this before, too, honestly. But I really miss when he was an edgy gay. And I need him to go back to that.

Impeachment was so good, though. You really didn't like Impeachment either or something? I don't know what that is. I don't know what that is. No, OJ was terrible. That's one of the worst things i've ever seen i'm not interested in it impeachment was incredible american crime story impeachment talking about the bill clinton monica lewinsky yeah yeah it was incredible bill clinton who clive barker bernie feinstein as Monica Lewinsky. Wait, what? Clive Barker plays Bill Clinton?

Bernie Feinstein as Monica Lewinsky and Edie Falco is Hillary Clinton. Wait, are you joking? You have to tell me right now. Are you dead serious? It's actually Clive Barker. I'll double check. No, I don't think that's true.

That cannot possibly be true. I just Googled it. Clive Barker. He plays Bill Clinton. Clive Barker played Bill Clinton in the Ryan Murphy original series. Clive Owen. Wait, no.

Yeah. Who's the other guy? Absolutely not Clive Barker. I don't know, but who's that one? Absolutely not Clive Barker but who's that that one absolutely not no who's that one who's that one lady the writer of hellraiser bill clinton out of nowhere who's that one lady that's in all of the rhyme i fucking sarah paulson oh my god i love her

she seems so insufferably annoying. Hess is just being a contrarian. I'm like, I love Ryan Murphy. I love Ryan Murphy. And then Ben's like, I hate that bitch. I will say Glee. I love that girl. I think Glee destroyed the country.

I think Glee totally destroyed the country. It is an evil, evil, evil product that I wish was never on TV. Uh-huh. You think American horror story should have never been on tv i think american horror story is fine i think glee is american horror story is glee in my mind absolutely how has glee directly affected the trajectory of your life ben besides you not being able to sing as as everyone knows ben failed american idol auditions and then consequently that's why i have trauma and i was triggered by

it ben watched glee and then was like i i want to pretend to be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life but then someone outed him by tickling him really hard and i stood up and i ran away yeah he stood up and he ran away and he got embarrassed and everyone called him an able-bodied person for the rest of high school i told you i told you i was i never i told you you should never bring that up in public and you just did let me tell y'all a really mean story about someone in high school um this kid in high school was like everyone i just want y'all to know i'm not gay he said this in front of the entire class and then he proceeded he said i'm not gay and then all of the desks flew across the room yeah everything started flying around like he's vegeta at this school every student is required to direct the chapel whether it be about just

something in their life or whatever and this one kid was like i'm just gonna sing and and his preface before he started singing this kid who clearly has the gayest face available god was like oh i'm gonna make this face really fucking gay yeah terminal you look at Yeah, terminal fucking gay face. He proceeds to start singing Total Eclipse of the Heart in front of the entire school. He came out. He was coming out.

He first announces I'm not gay and then immediately is like. That's literally him coming out. By the way, lives in Berlin now. Super muscly. Like Tom of Finland muscly. Love him. All of his friends look like that. And they just like...

Jack? Yeah? Hello? Hello? Did something happen? Oh, no. Has to cut out. I'm here.

I can still... It's on her end. Oh, I'm back. I'm back. Sorry. She's back. It wasn't me. No, it's fine. No, it's fine.

No, it's Michael. Let's keep rolling with it. Yeah. I will say, I think... I think the closest thing to that that happened at my high school that I can think of off the top of my head is this really funny thing that happened where this one kid who's like on the football team... Died?

No, he... There was another kid who died, but he died from the huffing glue. Why would this really funny thing that happened this guy in the football team what he died what he died yeah that's that's classic way of one of hessa's funny story starts is like someone yeah eyes what happened to him but um he was like he had this like girlfriend that he was in like a committed like Christian relationship with. And he got pink eye and everyone was like, he got it from eating ass. And he was like, made like a super, super long Facebook post about it and was like, yes, I got pink eye from my girlfriend.

It's because I love her. It's because what we do in the bedroom is no one's business. Whoa. Whoa. Wrong way to take and now and now he lives in berlin with the guy who jock went to high school with and their boyfriends i don't know what he's doing i know he's he died i mean that doesn't that doesn't even seem like closeted stuff that just seems like you know no it's just funny it's just funny he's just he's one of those funny stories about a dead person he was legit he didn't die he didn't die still alive are you sure he died from the pink eye i'm like i am not dying from pink eye i'm reading his obituary right now he got pink brain look i'm reading his obituary right now. May our brother Finkel

Dinkelstein rest in peace. Why is he Jewish in your mind, Jacques? What's wrong with him being Jewish, Hessa? That's just interesting. Jacques turned it around on you. Did you associate degeneracy? Wow, now I know why there's no yarmulkes

allowed in Hessa's house. Well, that's made up. That's not true. I require everyone to no yarmulkes allowed in hessa's house well that's made up that's because i require everyone to wear no because hessa doesn't let anyone in her house yeah i don't let anyone in my house at all i love when you two have bad faith arguments and i just get to i love i love that meme have you ever seen retards fighting. Shut up. I love that meme. Have you ever seen the actual YouTube video? No, I haven't. Me either. I wanted you to say yes so I could be like,

oh my God, that's disgusting. You'd actually watch that? Hessa is a pervert. She has often seen things that are perverted that we haven't seen. I saw this great video. Of someone dying? dying well you've seen the jar video right of the guy who puts a jar in his ass i can't really i really can't of

course that's classic that's beginner that's basic like come on you don't like i can't watch i can't watch any of that stuff i really i truly cannot it makes it just looks like beet juice is falling out of his ass it doesn't have to be blood it's really bad i mean jock it being like y'all it wasn't that bad it's like very concerning to me because it's one of the worst things i have i have no stomach for um any of that stuff i need to break down makes me queasy it makes me faint i fainted before because um i've seen because you're getting more because gore and stuff really like it makes me upset physically. It's kind of gay to admit.

Poor baby. I fainted in high school one time because we were watching a horror movie in which two people are making out and the girl bites off the guy's tongue and I was out cold. That's why you're gay. you thought that's what girls did

and i came out and i came out and i came out the day later the next day i came out and i said guys i'm gay um i'm incredible i'm really afraid of women last time i was walking into the basement of the cock with ben um ben did not happen no this happened wait just what is the cock is real it's just like a gay bar it's a part of a man's body no shut the hell up it's a rooster it's another name for a rooster look look look so i walk downstairs and i'm cock is a disgusting horrible gay club in new york city that i have so ben Ben walked down the stairs and Ben literally watched this guy get fisted for two seconds, fainted, hit his head right on the giant bottle of poppers. That thing cracked open.

The whole room was getting jiggy with it. It poured straight into his mouth. It was so crazy. He swallowed it all. He had two skull and crossbones where his pupils used to be. And he kept hiccuping little bubbles out. My asshole was the size of the Milky Way.

I swallowed everyone up. Get the hell up! My asshole started weighing 12,000 suckings. The visual of your asshole being the size of a galaxy is so...

How would you even visualize that? How are you visualizing that? I'm visualizing literally the apple background of a galaxy and then a giant asshole and then a tiny face. I'm going to Google right now, asshole. I hate when Ben always looks at me

and says, you're disgusting. I didn't say that. Ben just literally texted me, look, you're disgusting. I don't think you're disgusting. Look right there. ben just literally texted me look you're disgusting y'all look at the text message i don't think you're disgusting look look right there you can tell look at my phone your phone is your phone is broken into pieces yeah and you can tell that ben texted me look see bitch okay i looked up asshole the size of the galaxy and um i don't know if safe search is on i'm not getting a lot of good results i don't think someone has rendered that image before oh safe search here um why do you have safe search on oh i don't actually largest gape asshole don't please don't please don't the fourth picture is

john c reilly the sixth picture is a guy in the blue man group um isabella clark has the largest gaping asshole in the world we're going through a lot of guinness world records today did she go she's again she wait what's her name i need to look up this isabelle clark i remember oh i just had a memory i just i just remembered something for my life one time when i was super super young i was super young my parents like a family friend of my parents like their son was babysitting me and um i was like seven or eight or something and i was like looking over his shoulder at his computer while he was like doing homework he was in like high school or something oh my god

wait did you send him a picture yes I just typed in I'm gonna fucking puke I'm gonna fucking puke that is disgusting my favorite quality about this asshole is that it looks like there's a literal void of darkness inside.

That is what's horrifying about it to me. It's her organs. And it's just her. Oh, my God. That is so disgusting. That is vile. Anyone who does stuff like that to their body should be sent to hell. No. No.

I'm jealous. What a disgrace to treat your body that way. Can I please send another one? No, you cannot send another one, Jock. Because Ben is going to throw up, for real. And I am not ready to deal with that. It's going to make me a conservative. It is literally going to turn me right wing.

If I see another picture like this this i am going to become right wing oh my god it's a really bad photoshop of celebrities face when someone should show jonathan groff in this picture oh ben do not look at that one do not look at that one i'm not looking i'm not looking i'm literally not going to look i've max stop i'm not jock please stop max has put I'm literally not going to look. Max, stop. I'm not... Jacques, please stop. Max has put me through enough of this. Max has put me through.

I'm a little desensitized. Max is gone and people miss it. What if Lea Michele showed Jonathan Groffman her assholes instead of her pussy and he just thinks that pussies look like a slut? The second one looks like a Star Wars character's face I know the scariest photoshop version of Katie Holmes face

I was talking about Misha Collins the actor of such acclaimed titles yeah of such acclaimed titles such a supernatural such acclaimed titles yeah of such acclaimed titles as supernatural um charmed and girl interrupted who came out as bisexual but apparently like was lying he was well he misspoke i don't know who this i didn't know who this guy

this guy was before this, but he was giving some talk at a premiere. Ben Hess is trying to speak. Okay. He has two children. I'm going to read you three names of his children. One of them is made up. The other two are real.

Okay? You have to guess which is which. Ready? Let's go's go okay name number one mazon marie collins okay name number two roland alejandro collins i believe that one yeah yeah name number three west anaximander collins alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre

alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre alexandre hmm Maison Marie Collins is real yeah really Maison Marie Collins Maison literally means house in French

West Anaximander Anaximander Exanamander get down the stairs right now we're having mashed potatoes for dinner Exanamander get down the stairs

your dad's coming on he's gonna be the living shit out of you Xanamander if you don't come down these damn stairs and do your map it has to take four hours editing this well I think Max is the guest editor for this episode have fun with that peak

Max and thank Jock for that oh my gosh well anyways yeah did you see his apology on twitter max came out it was so funny no no max is the gayest fucking faggot in the world yeah i'm just kidding that dude that dude sucks cock in the bathroom he got he had a bunch of people yelling at him for um encouraging the stereotypes that by people lie oh my for encouraging the stereotypes that bi people lie. Oh my God. Encouraging the stereotypes that what people lie?

That bi people lie. He was like, which also is true. They all. I mean, all bisexuals are lying. It's so funny. They're all liars. They're all evil. Including me. Yes. And Jock. Evil, evil, evil. Ben is good. Good boy. they're all liars they're all evil including me

and jock evil evil evil ben is good good boy ben is the only one who's getting into heaven but he's getting into gay heaven so he's gonna get up there it's gonna be adam eli it's gonna be him it's gonna be no one good

me and all of my friends it's gonna be the worst gays and the only thing to do is going to be to go to like, you know, radical body acceptance therapy, which is a new thing that's invented in heaven. The stuff invented in heaven. Yeah. I'm not angry, but I understand why people would be upset you have actually joked about being bi which makes it seem like the one which makes it seem like the one sexual identity that isn't without a lot of difficult and struggle there's a stigma around bisexual men

coming out and it made a lot of people it made a lot of us think that you're you're depicting us as liars it's so funny i just thought of a cool tweet so wait was she was he embarrassed that he was bisexual and then just took it back or no he he just had he had like a slight verbal flub and you know in a roundabout way kind of you know identified himself as being bi and um had to kind of embarrassingly come out after the fact and say i misspoke i'm not bi and um he is getting fucking roasted by a bunch of like anime obbies i'm gonna tweet there should be an what does pansexual mean i just heard about it it's basically bisexual it's bisexual deluxe

okay but also people are calling him queer but people are being like you're queer baiting it's like how sweetie but it's like queer baiting what you thought you were gonna fuck this guy i tweeted him and i was like misha i'm so queerbred. I was on my way over with a bunch of fucking dildos. It's not like you. I have a bunch of dildos. I spent $700 on poppers. I'm flying to LA to fuck you. And now you come out as straight.

It's not like he's dangling his cock in front of a straight woman and a gay man being like, who wants it first? That would be cool, actually. That would be so inclusive. That would be an amazing way to be bi. No, he didn't even do anything. He literally did nothing. I just think that the only fair thing at this point is for him to have sex with a man and a woman on television.

His pinned tweet is so funny what's his pin tweet given the context it's sometimes you just have to eat the rainbow it is him a swallowing profile shot placed in uh placed far away enough from a rainbow to make it look like the rainbow is going directly into his mouth his head is leaned back oh my god but incredibly gay it's so funny to have this be your pin tweet when you're embroiled in a scandal in which you actually said you were by it honestly it reminds me of like it might be just like a misguided effort to save face first of all but love being like actually i love gay people also but like then the whole this whole thing kind of reminds me of the jesse j thing do you remember that yes i remember jesse j said she was bi yeah and then

yeah and then it was like actually it was just a phase and at at the time when that article was um was going around she was wearing a lot of like pale blue lipstick and i'm like i could have told you just from like the lipstick choice color that this woman is this this is a woman who is clearly going through a bi phase yeah absolutely like pale blue Sarah Lawrence like you're one Sarah Lawrence bisexuality is absolutely a phase for this woman yeah at Sarah Lawrence they assign you a woman to be lesbian with when you first get there for like a couple months people get assigned a roommate you get assigned a roommate and a girlfriend a lesbian and a non-traditional lipstick yeah you know how they have those flyers

they put out in the neighborhoods when it on everyone's door when a predator moves in they should do that with bisexual people and then we might have some peace and some stability in this world this way someone aced the fascism quiz I'm getting

a lot of responses. I have 23 replies already to my fans. What did you say? Wait, I'm going to block you for it. The third time in a month that we've blocked each other. I'm so sick of her shit. I'm so sick of her shit i'm so sick of you both of your shits i bought i regularly block the group chat just so i could have some peace it's like it's always been in hessa and then i'm gonna

respond to your tweet with just a screenshot of you being blocked and then you won't be able to see that okay wonderful wonderful i love i love having fake fights with people. It's so funny. Also, you didn't even follow me back after we had our most recent blocking. I did, by the way. I actually did. That's a lie.

Well, now it says that you're blocked. Ben, please do not put lies in Hessa's mouth. She's a woman. It looks like you're currently blocked. What was the last controversy? Oh, it was because you told me my tummy hurt because I ate too much McDonald's. So I blocked you.

And then you made a fake text from me that made it look like I called you the T-slur. It's just like, Tranny. And then you posted it and I was like, you have to delete this because people will literally start screaming at me. The only person, the only mutual I had that The screaming at me the only person it was

not even edited the only mutual i had that liked it was leia ben's just mad that he got caught i was i was so close i was literally so close to being yelled up at the same people are yelling at misha misha now. Can I please bring us, swing us back around about how I got mistaken earlier this week at the arcade? Not the sex arcade, but the video game Japanese arcade. What is a sex arcade, by the way? It's like booths where you go to have sex and it's just like different small little booth style rooms.

Any arcade is a sex arcade to me. Oh my God. Old hungry cocksucker over here air cocky what i mean you're playing air cocky air cocky air air i'm playing i'm playing whack whack the hole big cock hunter big cock hunter listen so i'm i'm in line for the ATM next to the ATM is the coin machine and so there is a girl using the coin machine and the girl standing in front of the ATM and she was done

using the ATM and I said excuse me can I use the ATM? She turns to me and she goes typical a man acting super impatient Okay first of all i was like isn't i feel like we need to be we need to get a more clear definition of what a sex arcade is this is not where you go it's an arcade you go into and you get okay so that's a bunch of go ahead a sex arcade is basically just

like a bunch of booths in a dark room where they have different doors, little small tiny rooms that people have sex in. It's just like a bathhouse, if not smaller. It's a bathhouse with TVs. It's a bathhouse with no bath services. It's a worse bathhouse. It's a bathhouse that never gets closed. It's not even that bad. Zero services.

It sounds horrible. It's a bathhouse with no services. It's a warehouse. If you like to sunbathe, it's a fine place to do it. That sounds absolutely miserable. If you were going to take the clothes somewhere. You can't even play games?

Okay, stop. You can only play mind games. What's the Abel Ferrara movie that's like... Never mind. Okay, go ahead, Jock. Sorry, sorry, sorry. okay stop you don't play mind games what's the Abel Ferrara movie that's like nevermind okay go ahead Jock sorry sorry sorry so this girl turns to me and is like wow another impatient man and I was like um actually I'm

wait why was she at the gay sex arcade we're not at the fucking sex arcade we're at the regular arcade with video games wait so you go to the regular arcade and then you go to the sex arcade where children go why are children at the gay sex arcade

Chuck E Cheese is at the gay sex arcade you are both disgusting pedophiles really why don't you look pedophiles what did I do? You're calling a trans woman a pedophile?

Interesting. In today's climate. 76% fascist. Even jokingly, 76% I forgot. Why don't we bump that up? Why don't we round that up to 100? Take your fuck... Go out of here. You would take your knockers and take the

pale-faced one too. i don't want to hear it from you so what happened the girl said okay so the girl girl turns to me and says wow another impatient man she's not even using the atm and i'm just said excuse me can i use it the atm and i and so i immediately responded to her i'm not a man i'm non-binary i'm not i'm and she's like oh my god wow she goes i love i She goes, I love how you conveniently whipped that out on her. Congrats. She goes, wow, you're trans? She's like, I could never tell that you were born a woman.

She was like, that is amazing. I'm so happy for you. You're literally a man, though. So she would be right. No. Ben, please. First of all, I'll run you over in a cement truck, Ben, and squish you into a flat space.

She's a 12-year-old. No, she was like a 30-year-old. Listen, little missy, I'll have you know i'm not then she got drunk then she got drunk and she thought why don't you get out of the gay sex arcade you don't want to see it non-binary thought i was female to male she tried to buy me a drink she she was like walked up to me as she was leaving and she was like what's a little girl doing in the gay sex arcade anyway? So this is the one you know, okay? I hate y'all. Y'all fucking suck.

It's a joke. It's a joke. The point of this show is to make a joke. I don't care about jokes. I love you, Chuck. I hope y'all get so funny to be in a regular arcade. Shout out to Child for being in the gay sex arcade. I hope y'all get turkey basted with cum until you explode losers. Hey, here's open.

Inchelar. To be at a Chuck E. Cheese and yell at all of the children. What are y'all doing at the gay sex arcade? Wait, you're telling me this is a sex arcade sex arcade you told me this is Chuck E. Cheese the band of gay sex Chuck E. Cheese is like a bear an otter no Chuck E. Cheese

converts to gay to save money the company has been converting Chuck E. Cheese to a bath house at night and then having a cleaning crew come up early in the morning we should start that joke we should start that rumor we should start that rumor

hey my name's Ben I'm from Iowa and I'm so fucking faggy that was spot on hey everyone it's me Ben I'm just here sucking cocks eating ass cause I'm so fucking gay that's honestly dead on Ben is

oh my god do you guys want to listen to Dua Lipa Dua Lipa that's how it's pronounced that's how it's actually pronounced Dua Lipa Michelle was like you want to see the real Dua Lipa yeah you want to see the real Dua Lipa

eh is she Canadian or not that's how she got the guy to suck dual lip A? Yeah, you want to see the real dual lip A? Is she Canadian or not? That's how she got the guy to suck her lips off. Hey, I got dual lips over here. That's what she said. I got dual lips over here. Come on. What's a little girl

doing in the sex market? Y'all deserve to be tied to the railroad tracks and run over old villain style by a train yeah yeah yeah has to stop looking so whatever you're doing right now has a red face she's smiling and she's laughing she's looking at me and i'm having a nice time she looks happy and i'm pissed and then you're sitting up there with your pale face eating your little papitas laughing so hard imagining like you at like there's like a child's like seventh birthday at a scholastic book book fair what's a little girl doing at this at the gay sex bookstore anyway no not even just like a 30 year old woman at the atm and you're like actually i'm non-binary

behind you ben's telling me to shush you shush you pale nose licker. I'm just saying, shush. Let the jokes happen. Oh, the jokes happen. Pull the cock out of your brain and think for a minute, Ben. Don't have a cock in my brain. Pull the cock out of your brain, Ben. Okay, well, you know, it's been a beautiful 59 minutes and 48 seconds,

but I really need to go down some cum or something. I'm going to go have a little cum also. What is this little girl doing at the gay sex candy store anyway? Shut up! Get the fuck up! You're so fucking stupid! I hate you! What's the little girl doing at the Build-A-Fab workshop? Shut up! You're not even my real dad!

Yo, what's the little girl even doing at the gay sex soccer match anyway? He's not even my real dad, he's my stepdad. Why is he even at my birthday party? Yo, this is my night school class to teach you how to have gay sex. Why are you here? The woodworking shop class is two doors down. What's a little girl doing at the JoJo Siwa gay sex meetup anyways? I hate y'all so much.

You're so stupid. Anyways, since everyone was asking me, the end of my story was that the girl came back a third time to try to hit on me and then she tried to give ask me for my instagram and i told her no oh my god she said can i please have your instagram and i said no and then i and then i immediately i without even skipping a heartbeat didn't even look at her reaction ran back inside with my jingling handful of quarters and jumped back on that ddr machine and played for another hour and a half i had already played for an hour was this in new york no this is in denver i just got back. Oh my God. I'm DDR addicted.

I left, look, I was at dinner with Ben and I left without saying anything and I went to play DDR. The dinner you ran away from. That sounds like the chapter of a sex in the city.

You ran away from that dinner to go to an arcade. Yeah, I went to go play DDR. That's so funny. Jacques texted me and asked me if I wanted to meet him at the arcade after that.

Yeah. But I was so hungover, I couldn't. I wish I did. Because I miss you, Jacques. I miss you so much. It's like we barely even get to see each other. Ben, I miss you medium. I miss you so much too. Oh. Hmm.

Hmm. Ben can't show emotion. Interesting thought. Interesting. Interesting. Interesting thought. Interesting. Interesting. Interesting facts from another. I'll consider that statement you made. I'll consider missing you.

Wait, guys. That lawyer is coming on. David. Yes. The lawyer. The incredible lawyer. David. I don't trust him.

David Porcellini from a PNP law firm on TikTok is coming on next week. If anyone has any questions for him, you can email us at seekingdragrance.com. Yes. If you wanted to ask a lawyer a question. He's the lawyer who you know from the TikToks where he's just like, hey guys, I'm in front of the Van Nuys Courthouse with my client who was in a drug-induced coma and hit seven cars and what did we get you off with no jail

time let's go yeah he is an absolute icon I love what he does personally the guy who's like oh we're in a personal injury case and we had the spinal expert testify that there's no way my client's spine is injured now that my he's still got

$160,000 he had a biomedical expert testify to the No way my client's spine is injured. Now that my... And he still got $160,000. For that case, he had a biomedical expert testify to the court and a spinal doctor testify to the court for the prosecution or for the defense who stated that the... No, that was for the prosecution. For the prosecution. They were not testifying for the defense. Sorry, for the prosecution.

Yeah, get it straight, sucker. But he just still won. And he won $160,000 despite the expert testimony, which there could be no damage done to his spine. Because it was so low impact. And he was hit by a car that was going six miles an hour.

Yeah. I am absolutely... He is a king. He is so iconic. I'm sure he's a king, but I feel like I've made bigger strides and have the same kind of success in my. In getting hit by cars industry. No, no, no, no. And just, you know, he's a lawyer.

He does it to people as his job. I do it as a hobby when I... But you do what as a hobby? When I call customer service to get my refunds. I'm sorry. I'm just picturing Jacques just now going up to one of the animatronic band members

at Chuck E. Cheese and going like, can I use the ATM please? What's a robot doing at the gay sex arcade? Actually, I'm non-binary what's a little girl like you doing at the gay sex Claire's location shut up

shut your holes it's hilarious close those holes new people can I end on one thing one sentence so new people moved above me and it's I'm sure they love when you scream at the top of your lungs

for no reason it's the exact same setup as us two queer people on a straight woman the devil's triad It's the exact same setup as us. Two queer people and a straight woman. Oh, God. The devil's triad. To be clear, Ben, it's not like we give him no reason. Okay, wait.

I want to whisper something. I want to whisper something. Okay. Two of them are gay and they're both named Kyle. That makes so much sense. Kyle Rittenhouse and Kyle Clintonhouse. And on that note... While his headphones are off.

While his headphones are off, Hessa. What's a little girl like you doing at the gay sex toys office? You're so stupid. I'm gonna fucking beat you up. Let's end it there. I love you so much, Ben and Hessa. I love you.

Mwah. Waking up in the morning is such a joy to me Kissing your sweet lips is all I need Rolling over, touching you now and then Can make a girl go crazy as a horny I'm so glad to have you, baby I'm so glad to have you by my side So glad to have you, baby Every time you see me, my arms will be open wide

I feel like telling the whole world about you Every time you cross my mind it makes me smile I'd give up sleeping and eating if I had to