Seeking Derangements - SD - 157 Hesse is a *itch

Episode Date: September 16, 2022

Welcome back Mama's, today we open the episode up with some live gambling (which letter will be added to LGBTQIA+), get into Jacques cursing pregnant women's non-binary babies, and end with a very illuminating quiz... Follow us on Patreon for a weekly bonus ep Follow us on IG for memes @seekingderangementsssss Follow us on Twitter for Jaques Thoughts @SSDERANGEMENTSS We Love!

are we ready for a countdown I'm ready for a countdown okay Jock you ready let me just train my voice let me just prepare myself let me just prepare myself let me just prepare myself

Carrie it's just a man it's fine to suck it clean. Hello, and welcome back to seeking derangement um jock asked us uh such an urgent question that we had to have him hold so we could start recording to get it on on tape jock what was the question you asked us uh last last night after being i don't know what what you call being stood up when someone sees you approaching and then just ends the date right then and there but um i don't know if that's exactly as it being stood up it's more like being ran out yeah not much standing happening nonetheless running i stood in the mirror sweaty looking at myself without my hat on, looking at my hair going to two different sides, and I thought to myself, who do I look more like right now?

Albert Einstein's midlife crisis or one of the Rugrats' fathers? That's the quandary we're trying to address. That's the quandary I wake up every day with. I'm the little rugrat. Identity. I'm Jacques B. You look like Albert Einstein in the Rugrats universe. That's it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who I guess is Grandpa. The Grandpa from the Rugrats, right? Remember the Grandpa? Do you remember the grandpa? I don't want to sound brutal, but I literally, when you said that, I was like... Transphobia warning, transphobia warning. I was just imagining the barrel going in my mouth.

No! Oh my God! It's so horrible, I'm sorry. Jock, don't kill yourself, there's so horrible. I'm sorry. Oh, my God. Jock, don't kill yourself. There's so much to live for, please. We're at one minute and 45 seconds in. I think it's a little early for me to be threatening.

I just want to emphasize that I am not in danger and that I am not suicidal. I am not suicidal. You're probably doing better than ever. Yeah, I'm doing actually the greatest I could be doing. I'm just, when I feel a little ugly, it feels like a 10-pound brick. Jock, do you remember that one time you called me in New Orleans and I answered? And I said, or maybe me and you were doing this to like Shelby or someone, I don't remember. But I remember being with you in New Orleans and answering a phone call being like,

Hello, it's 1-800-SUICIDE-PREVENicide-prevention hotline. Do it. You should do it. Thank you for calling the suicide prevention hotline. You should do it. You're worthless. No one loves you. It's like, hello, helpline for the fat cows who are going to commit suicide. We've located your position and we've looked you up on social media and it seems like your life sucks and you should do it and everyone needs you. Yeah, it seems like you're bricked up. You'll never pass.

You're a hon. Is your location the fire department the way you're bricked up? This audio is hurtful. People are going to be listening to this on the treadmill and just get off. No, is hurtful. People are going to be listening to this on the treadmill and just get off. No, it's okay.

Don't work out. No, keep working out. Actually, don't work out. Exercise. Do you think a single one of our listeners is on a treadmill right now? Do you think any of our listeners are on a soccer team? We have so many strong, beautiful listeners.

Are you kidding? How many of y'all are athletes? I feel like it's gay guys, but it's not. You'd be surprised. Gen gay guys. I'd be surprised. You'd be surprised. Sometimes our fans are like straight bakers, asexuals.

Yeah, we do have a lot of straight people fans. All of our fans are pretty tall. All of them, yeah. I've seen the metrics. Most of them. I, I've seen the metrics. Most of them. I've looked at the metrics. I wish we could do the metrics on that. I wish we could organize them by height in this stadium.

Self-report, everyone. Please self-report in the comments. In the replies of this Patreon post. Describe. Or SoundCloud, whatever. Whichever one this is going on. We want to know how tall you are. We want to know what you're doing when you listen to the podcast.

We want to know how tall you are. We want to know what you're doing when you listen to the podcast. We want to know your ethnicity slash race. We want to know if you're hot. We want to know if you're single. We want to know if you're a Carrie, a Charlotte, a Miranda, or a Samantha. We're just trying to get the...

We're trying to get the metrics right before we throw Seeking Derangements Con. Literally. Coming to a gymnasium near you. Okay, and we won't sell those data points to market research. I promise. I've got a prompt for you guys.

I saw this on a betting website, Predict It predicted which i do like making little bets sometimes i'm predicted it's pretty fun um you can like bet on cultural events or elections whatever um i made some money when i made a bet that kamala harris would not win the nomination very early on in the primaries um not that much money but bragging rights anyways it's like i won two dollars once it's so funny to imagine that's like the only thing you've ever bet on in your life you're so confident that you just like instantly you put 10 grand on this okay but, but I've got this predicted. What will the next character added to LGBTQIA be?

Okay. And right now, we've got a handful of options. The leading option, based off these predicted bets, and by and large, I don't think it's gay people on here. It's like straight men, mostly. Is it a joke or is it serious well no it's i mean it's a joke it's for money it's for money it's literally for money how does it work okay keep going i'm not gonna explain predict it to you it's it's gambling gambling it's gambling it's how it works okay if you're right you get the money. There are options. I have a bookie.

You know, that's why I have the handbook. Oh, my God. Imagining the book. I have a bookie, and I just want to know, how does gambling work real quick? Because he and I, he's been calling me, yelling at me for weeks. Jack, I don't think you have a bookie.

I think you have someone who's actively robbing you. Who's telling you that he's a bookie. Anyways. No, no way. For LGBTQIA. Stop for a second. Slim has never taken money from me. Slim always brings me more money than I put down.

Why Robert has never stole any money from me? Silly Jerry would never take my cash. Shut the fuck up. Pinhead Larry has never taken a dime. We're getting to the questions. Okay, so the first option, the leading option on Predict It for the next

addendum to LGBTQIA is M. For what? Mask. Mask man. Mother. Madame. Man. Mother. Madam. Madonna.

Madonna. Okay. It's Madonna. It's definitely Madonna. Her Majesty. Moist. R.I.P. Because in that she's dead, she's now queering the body.

In the future, people will not identify as a gender but as a feeling and then they will be moist she's they're like sorry I transcend gender I'm strictly moist that is my identity someone who's just permanently wet they're so horny wait so people just guess on the letter they don't even

explain why is that number one I wonder that's what I'm saying I don't know I mean it gets a little more abstract as we go down, but it might just be that out of these options, M makes the most sense. But I- Let me hear the next one, please.

Don't know what it could be. I have a theory for the next one. It is just the letter U, but I think it kind of- Us. us implicates the reader and that it's you your day that's good i think i agree it's like a your mama joke it's like lgbtq you who's you and then you're like it's you bitch that's corny enough for the Grand Council to instate it, I would say. That's corny enough to be their reasoning. I would love it.

I'm not even making a joke, but I was like, Unitarian? Unitarians would love to be added to the LGBTQIA. I'm trying to say that as fast as I can. LGBTQIA. Oh my god, wait. I know what U stands for. I know what U stands for. I'm trying to say that as fast as I can. LGBT guy. Oh my God, wait.

I know what you stands for. I know what you stands for. I know. I know what you stands for. Okay. Hear me out. Okay. Unique.

Oh. Okay. Unidentified maybe? I'm trying to hear you out, but you're not really elaborating on that. Okay, wait. Another... Okay, never mind.

Where's N on the list for non-binary? Is that on there? Well, non-binary I feel like... I mean, that would make sense that it's the next one. Isn't technically non-binary, I feel like... I mean, that would make sense that it's the next one. Isn't technically non-binary encapsulated

in the umbrella term of transgender? I don't mean to be like that bitch, but... Let's get Hunter Schaefer on the line. We're calling Hunter Schaefer right now to have her answer this question. Hey, Hunty, it's me again. Yeah, I have a euphoric question for you. Hey, Hunter.

Hi, Hunter. We've got a question for you. We're wondering if, we're just talking about, you know, adding some stuff to the LGBTQIA. First of all, who are you? It's Zendaya. You're talking to me? You're talking to me right now?

Wow. Yeah, I love your work on that show we're on together. Yeah, me too. Me and the other cast were together. We're wondering what's going to be the next letter for LGBTQIA. And we were thinking maybe it'd be non-binary, but we all decided that non-binary and trans, it's basically all trans,

so why need to add the n when the t's already there what do you what do you think about that what do i think you know i think honey if you can't suck it then don't fuck it oh my god wait is this samantha oh my god samantha why are you calling him pretending to be hunter schaefer guilty as charged honey every time i talk to y'all y'all contribute to me spiraling out of control when i hear y'all talking like this i leave the room really i think and would make the most sense for non-binary just to um really non-existent non Non-existent for the dead. That's the new... I'm really going existentialist with these new queer identities. You might like the next one then.

This one is on the rise. This one is trending up in bets. Okay. It's the emojis doing this? No. It's X. Oh my God. X gender.

These have to be straight people making these bets, right? It's very straight people making these bets. Do you think that X-Men could really exist? Or it's like a non-binary person

who like never leaves their apartment and just is addicted to gambling. Hypothetically, y'all, do you think that if X-Men exist, are they queer?

It should be X-Men. X them, perhaps'all, do you think that if X-Men exist, are they queer? It should be X-Men. X-them, perhaps. Oh, okay. There we go, Henny. X is trending up. I think X makes sense just because it's like... Ex-patriot. Just because it's like Latin X.

You know, it's kind of sin gender. It's not non-binary. It could just be no gender. Maybe. Like someone who's like kendall perhaps new i took a neopronoun neopronouns yeah it's frog neopets neopets neopets neopets neopets neopets amazing i think it should be c i think it should be C for chaser. And I think that should be the next. I'm serious. I'm dead serious.

True. Well, they're just B. But I guess maybe trans women deserve it. We should add another T for trade. Another T for trade. Yeah. LGBTQIA. LGBTQIA.

It's as fast as I can try to say it. It sounds absolutely retarded. Okay. The next one. It sounds absolutely retarded. Okay, the next one. Also trending up. P. P as in poop. Okay.

P. So pansexual is the... Pansexual, you know they're making for that. Paranormal. Paranormal. Paranormal. Paranormal. Paranormal. Paranormal would be good. Polter Paranormal Oh my god Ghosts and stuff

Poltergeist Parasite We know there's a lot of Trans ghosts With trauma If Demi And Keshev Taught us anything

Um There Yeah Maybe it's um Hmm Ew I think Um

Pansexual is made up by the way First of all I think we should get that out on the table It's just bisexual Yeah Honey it's just bisexual Nevermind maybe I'll cut that part out I don't really know

No no If you have to cut that out We need to get new listeners I'm sorry If you're pan cut that out, we need to get new listeners. I'm sorry. If you're panning listening to this show, go fuck yourself. I call myself pansexual sometimes, but it's embarrassing.

It's embarrassing. I'd rather say bisexual. You know what I'm going to say about pan. But then I'm not, it's not inclusive enough to describe everyone that I'm involved with. Blah, blah, blah so blah blah blah blah blah okay get a grip you you're a ghost in the night three of three of my next adjectives were said in that sentence um p psyop maybe maybe all of the people doing like frog self pronouns on tiktok

oh p and p p and p p and p party and play i mean also i'm just gonna guess the other letters doing frog self-pronounce on TikTok. Oh, P and P. P and P. P and P. Party and play. Also, I'm just going to guess the other letters. Capital T. Capital G. No. We're done with letters. Okay, okay, okay. P.

Both of those are already in there. You named two letters that are... You named the second and fourth letter. You named two letters that are... You named the second and fourth letter. The last two Ps. Last two Ps. No. No. No, Jock. There are no more letters in this. We're done with letters. The next one... We're getting into queer and queer territory.

The next one is seven. Seven. What could that possibly be? The seven original genders Of course I know a trans guy I know a trans guy named Seven When Gaia created the earth There were the seven original genders

The seven elder genders And they lived in peace Until the pansexuals arrived And made everyone very annoyed. One day everything changed when the Fire Nation attacked. Yeah, that's what I was trying to kind of make out. Okay, Seven. I think we can say Seven is probably, yeah, just like one transmasc guy who wants representation,

which is very cool. Very slay to have your own singular acronym. And is so competent, he's putting money on it. he's putting money on it he's putting money on it and you know what seven seven is trending up okay the next one is the infinity sign okay i could see that happening honestly i could definitely see that happening because it's like all literally all encapsulating forever no it doesn't work for me. We get rid of the plus. We replace the plus with infinity.

It's literally LGBTQ to infinity and beyond. Everything is queer. Everything is literally every piece of matter, every cell, every molecule is queer configured and by that logic nothing is queer and then queerness just like self implodes and we'd never have to literally the villain that was like literally the villain from the incredibles is playing everyone gay and then no one's gay james bond villain bond i'm going to make everything clear uh the the next one this one is problematic or pedophile oh oh my god the eye emoji yeah i don't think that's gonna get out at any time i didn't get enough time to say it till now

but the reason the infinity symbol was even added to there was because people with infinity tattoos wanted to feel like they were queer there are definitely a lot of fake like um bi women who've got an infinity tattoo for sure yeah um okay underneath the eye one is the is the what's colloquially known as the uh the bottom emoji puppy eyes i just tried to make the face but known as the bottom emoji. Puppy eyes. I just tried to make the face, but it's... That's a bottom emoji? You've never heard anyone say that? Oh my god, they should add that. They should add that.

B for bottom. Or just a B for bottom. I thought it would just be the down error. It's better just as a facial expression. You know which one I'm talking about. The little puppy dog one. Yeah, the one I use all the time, all day, every day. Which one?

This one. That means bottom. It's kind of almost an annoying way. It's like, oh, the bottom emoji because, you know, bottoms be. I cancel. Making puppy dog faces. I think that one should win. You have a dog face.

I like the idea of emojis being so tethered to human identity that they're in LGBTQIA. I think that'd be Slay. The next one is this sign. I don't know what this is. You guys know what it is? The next one is this sign. I don't know what this is.

You guys know what it is? It's not the pound sign. That's called a moon. It's a moon symbol. A Euro symbol? Oh, that's a Euro. Yeah, that's a Euro. That could be kind of cool. Why is that on there?

That could be kind of cool, but that's the last one. It's like European blood money is running everything. Literally no one is betting on that. What are the odds on that being the next one? That's why I have sex. There is, there literally, it's like 2% odds on that. That's trailing.

That's losing the game. That's just like one crazy, like British person, like Brexit person being like, I know, I bet they're going to add the Euro to the thing next next they added trans women yeah literally it's gonna be like a 10 minutes in his next comedy set yeah oh my god um okay well i think we hopefully we will win and we'll get the bottom emoji added to LGBTQIA.

Although I do really like the infinity symbol. I like the C. Fuck the infinity symbol. I love convincing people with the infinity symbol that their tattoo means something different in the gay community. I always try to tell them. It's whatever I get. I'm like, you didn't know that

you know that means you got two holes right no I was like you know that if you get that in that spot in the gay community that means that you're into fisting even if you're even for lesbians too you're giving off like a really weird vibe like you don't even know we've talked about my fisting

tattoo was that really what that means no it was a sibling tattoo sibling? have we talked about that before? tattoo. Is that really what that means? No, it was a sibling tattoo. Sibling? Have we talked about that before? It was supposed to be a sibling tattoo. I got this. So for the listener, I have a shitty tattoo. It's just a band.

A line around your arm. I like it, honestly. A line around my bicep. I don't really care. It's cute. I like your tattoos. Your tattoo is good. Thank you.

I want to get them removed. But I got both of them when I was your tattoos. Your tattoo is good. Thank you. I want to get them removed. But I got both of them when I was traveling Thailand. I was living in Bangkok. What? What? I know. It's kind of embarrassing to say because it's such a corny place to go. But I was 20 and from the two semesters I went to community college. i did um can you put a quack in here uh

yeah fraud i just i'm just gonna start doing the quack for you to make it easier to edit um where i claimed that i spent a lot of money on i'm not gonna put a quack in because it's gonna be funnier you hear you go quack I'm self-censoring, but I claimed that I spent more money on textbooks than I may or may not have and got a return for like $5,000. At the same time, one of my very close friends, you saw the textbooks,

Jock. I saw all the textbooks. There were tons of them. And you saw my ass reading them. I sat my white ass down. You were such a bookworm back then. $5,000 worth of textbooks. Painful nerd.

Always had his glasses on. Nose in a book. At the same time, my friend, her grandpa, was working on a Thai nature preserve or something. Anyways, I went, and then I was immediately like, I want to go to this city and i went to bangkok instead of staying on the nature preserve and my sister called me one night and she's like i'm turning 18 tomorrow um and me and my brother are gonna get sibling tattoos and

i was like oh like cool like what do you think we should get i'm down and she was like surprised that i was down she was like shocked she was like she literally didn't want you included well she called she's like we don't want the family to get this she i've met her before she said that about you have not met her bitch yeah she said she texts me all the time. What's her name? Clarissa. Her name is not Larissa. I said Clarissa. That's, no. I said Clutterissa. Her name is also not Clarissa. Glitterissa. Glitterissa.

That is her name. And don't keep that name out of your mouth. Keep my sister's name out of your fucking mouth. It's a beautiful family name. That was my abuela's name. Clitorisa. Clitorisa Mora.

I can't handle the way you say it. She was like, I'm surprised you're down for this. I thought you were going to be a huge bitch about it. Which made me feel really bad because I love my siblings. I thought you were going to be a huge bitch about it. Which made me feel really bad because I love my siblings. And I was like, Oh,

like, no, I'll go do it. Like, I'll show you that, you know, do they consider you the bitch of the family? Nah,

it's a different question. Um, and I was like, Oh, I'll go do it. And I went out and got really drunk and I got this tattoo that night. And then I sent her a text. Um text and she read it when she woke up and she was like,

oh, well, we're not really deciding to get that anymore. And I was like so excited. I was like, yeah, my sister's gonna, you know, like I'm gonna show them I love them, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And she didn't, she and my brother to this day

do not have that tattoo. And I'm stuck with this tattoo. And when I'm at gay clubs, people think that I fisted a guy up to this point because that's what these markers on gay men actually signify. If you're at a gay club and you see someone who has like a line on their forearm, that's like fisting aficionados. It is on my, it's like two inches below Ben's shoulder it's like two inches below the shoulder and for that to be the only mark you're never down to fist someone

no lower mark you would never fist someone no no it's like it's like first time all the way in yeah

that's the only time I've done it okay wait that's whole arm whole arm Ben is that even the right arm that you would do it with I don't know it. That's the only time I've done it. Whole arm. Whole arm. Ben, is that even the right arm that you would do it with? I don't know. I'm not fisting. I don't fist people. Are you left-handed or

right-handed? I'm left-handed. Then you would fist with your left hand. Oh my gosh. If I was left-handed, I'd fist with my left hand. Wait, that is so freaky that y'all are both left-handed. Is that a steady and fast rule of the fisting community that you have to fist with your dominant hand? What happened if I'd fist with my left hand? Wait, that is so freaky that y'all are both left-handed. Is that a rule of the fisting community that you have to fist with your dominant hand? What happened if I fisted with my right hand?

Well, maybe you need to eat food with your other hand at the same time. What the hell? What if you're ambidextrous? Do you have to do both? You have to do both hands at once? Or else. Y'all are weird today.

And it pisses me off so much that I still have this sibling tattoo or else y'all are weird today and it's so it pisses me off so much that I still have this sibling tattoo because if I have it's like the most disgusting gay guy's walker to me I'm like oh my god are you serious I'm like do you want me to do you want me to like

touch your heart? You want me to stick my hand? I'm going to use you like a sock puppet? You're a fucking freak. Literally, your arm would be in someone's neck. I feel like your hand would literally be like... Unless I'm fisting LeBron James or something. It is my entire... I really cannot or something it is my entire i really cannot stress it is my entire arm

and then i have to be like no it's a sibling tattoo it's a sibling tattoo that my sister doesn't have it's a sibling tattoo my sister and i fisted each other i know and then the fisting guys are like what what is a sibling tattoo? And I'm like, just leave me the fuck alone. Get the fuck. Please leave me alone right now, sir. Tell me more what a sibling tattoo is.

They're like unbuttoning their pants. Yeah, they're more intrigued that it's a sibling tattoo. You tell them it's a sibling tattoo and they slap you across the face and you say, you sick pervert. Get away from me.

No, they love that god but that's my sibling tattoo story that one i don't really care about getting removed because it's like it's mostly hidden um but the heart i have tattooed on my ear i want to get removed because it's on his earlobe it's so meth head it's really not that bad it's so it's so meth head do you think it's really that fun i think it's honestly like normal it's you've had it for so long all your friends like it for way too long i was like that's a weird little quirky thing about that guy i'm done with it i don't want it it's the only soft feature you have what What do you mean? I don't know. Is that...

You just... I don't know. You just don't have anything that's like that. I'm going to cut it off. I'm cutting my ear off. That'd be so cool. Like St. Peter. Like St. Peter.

I think it's the gay ear. Which one is the gay ear? I'm going to cut off the gay ear. Wait, I think right is the gay ear. No, left is the gay ear because left is queer. I think it's the gay ear which one is the gay ear i'm gonna cut off right here wait i think right is the gay ear no left is the gay ear because left is queer i think it's so funny i think we've talked about this before but it's so funny that um the like straight guys think there's an ear that if you get just that ear pierced you magically won't look like a huge faggot well that's the biggest faggy light of thinking ever.

It's like red bandana in the back pocket means you're at the bottom. It's like, what symbols are you... I guess maybe gay guys did that, you know... Back in the day for discretion. Back in the day for discretion. Even back in the day,

they're probably like, look at these poofters with bandanas in the back of their pockets. Look like a bunch of flaming fruitosexuals. But it's like getting any ear pierced is gay. I feel. Unless it's like a diamond stud. But like a ring? A ring?

My friend Shelby pierced my ear in a bar with her she took her earring out of her ear and stabbed it through my ear and I've never had to get it re-pierced wow that's crazy it's pretty intense especially for you I feel like with your luck it might it would probably get infected and you would have to like get your ear

replaced y'all my ear turned black yesterday I don't know what's going on I'm just really scared right now. I'm at a Klonopin. I lost all my stuff at the bar. Shut up. I don't drink anymore anyway, but look. It's true. You don't drink.

I haven't drank anything in three months. Two months. I was going to say three months sounds like a lie. No, I think two and a half three months sounds like a lie No I think two and a half three months Let me read your horoscopes Okay horoscope time Jacques you're a Libra right Jacques is a Libra

Yes Laura Croft I wish y'all could see Hessa's dressed like Laura Croft today I'm so cute today she's got a gun yeah you look amazing cause she's holding a gun yeah I'm holding a gun so Laura Croft she looks like a PS1

rendering it is pretty hot it's a good look this week a long stretch of Mercury's thick cock with a grooved condom. Oh, stop. It's the clear one. It's going backwards across the sky until it lines up opposite your Jupiter.

Wink. What the hell? There's a little emoji there. It will perform a sassy pirouette and land with both middle fingers up the planet of luck's butthole. This isn't great. What? It is not great. and land with both middle fingers up the planet of luck's butthole. This isn't great.

What? You're fucked, bitch. I would not board a plane if I were you. It sounds like it might crash. Stop. Don't even say that as a joke. The big retrograde Mercury versus retrograde Jupiter showdown gangbang takes place late on Sunday, just in time to lead into next

week. LOL slash sob. Before that, your sign ruler Venus might add some extra spice to the weekend by sucking off Mars on Friday. Oh my god. You're such a sports commentator succubus.

You're going to land in some water, but you're still going to be in grave danger. You're going to have to swim for your life after the plane crashes. It's going to be so dangerous. Yeah. These are some really crazy out there horoscopes. I don't really, that's why I don't really mess with astrology. It's too hard for you?

This is what, yeah, it's way too, I'm. Ben, what's your sign again? Yes. Sagittarius. Yes. I wasarius. Yes. I was going to say Democrat. It's quiet in your zone of the zodiac. Period.

Wind whistling through the asshole of your star signs. You lost me. Over the empty cocks of your planet. There's no pussy in my... planet. I'm not being late. There's no pussy in my... Over yonder in the big city, Mercury's fixing for a gangbang with your patron

Jupiter, but neither making trouble directly on your doorstep. Nothing's happening at all. Why does it feel ominous? Probably at least partly because you are known to be a lover of silence. I virtually did not understand a word you just said.

When the conversation lulls, you pipe up. That's so true. Winky face. You know that. You know how much cross talk you have to edit out. I love piping up. When the party gets boring, you cock into the pool from the room. That's what I call it when I have sex with a guy who's way hotter than me.

I call it piping up. Oh, my God. You cock and balls into the pool from the roof. Okay, no. That's where you do a body slam, but you go penis and balls first into the water. It breaks straight through the water, streamlined right in. It's aerodynamic.

Hess is being possessed by Samantha again. Well, I've got a little something for you too. I've got a little something for you, too. I've got a little quiz to round us out. What do you think? Okay, I'm ready. You ready? I love quizzes.

I've been taking quizzes all my life. I've had a little suspicion about one of you, and I want to know if I'm right or wrong. Here we go. Let me get singled out again. Can you play some doctor music or something? There must be something. This one's more spiritual.

Maybe some Hare Krishna music. Although Hare Krishna's not exactly right for this one. You'll figure it out. True or false? Okay. You'll figure it out. Okay. Another Harry Cush in a book. True or false? Okay. You understand that.

False. Sticking a knife in the ground keeps it from raining. Of course, works like a charm. Smiley face. What? False. I don't know that trick. Sounds interesting, though.

What do we think here, y'all? I'm going to go with I don't know that trick. Sounds interesting, though. What do we think here, y'all? I'm going to go with I don't know that trick. It definitely sounds interesting, though. That's what I would pick. Jock? I'll go with the first one. Remember, it's okay if you pick the same answer. For some reason, you're always afraid of picking the same answer as Hessa,

which is a little superstitious. Interesting. Okay. First of all, I think, think professor you're looking into this doctor way too much doctor professor um it's a professor uh okay i'm sorry professor doctor i uh i'm gonna go with a um works like a charm works like a charm i do it every day interesting i can okay why do you think I have no knives in my cabinet? Have you ever had a dream that has come true?

Yes, many times. Maybe once or twice. Yes, but it was a crazy coincidence. Or never. I've never had a dream come true. I would say yes, many times. What was the dream? Yes, many times as well.

What was the dream? No. One of your dreams that has come true. You beat Elden Ring. You had a dream about it. Okay, what was the dream you had? I think this means more of like a a sleepy time dream

we might say, but you know what? Oh, a sleepy time dream. One of those. Okay. Yeah, one time before I took the SATs I had a dream where Oh, a sleepy time dream. Okay. One of those. Okay. Jock? Yeah, one time before I took the SATs, I had a dream where Anubis, the Egyptian god, read me all the answers,

and they were all the correct answers. So that came true? Uh-huh. Okay, well, Jock, what about you? Jock, I'm sorry for misstating you. I think I just dreamt that I... I just dream that I go to the grocery store a lot for the things that I need.

That's literally true, though. I go to the grocery store. That's very true. Those dreams do come true. One two three four have you ever correctly guessed the gender of a pregnant woman's baby i understand this might be a little tricky because jock you definitely don't want to misgender a fetus, but here are the answers. Yep, I'm right every single time. Yeah, but it's a 50% chance you'll be right. Or no, that's silly.

What happens to me is I feel this weird energy going through me and my eyes roll in the back of my head. And then in this almost demonic voice, I put my hand on the pregnant woman's tummy and I scream they them in an almost otherworldly voice. And then the baby comes out non-binary. Okay, so you're right every single time. The baby comes out with blue hair. Yeah, the baby comes out with

blue hair, either APAB or AMAB, but it's gonna be Christian Walker's in the delivery room puking into the trash can. Yeah, if they're going to change their name to Leo or Tyler. The X. Yeah. All right, that's a little spooky.

Jock, what about you? Well, certainly this reminds me of my friends having a baby or before having the baby saying that they were going to raise it non-binary. Wait. Oh, I know which one you're talking about. Yeah. No. Babadook.

It was really. So anyway, my answer for this is yes, I'm right every time because I do guess every time and I am genuinely. Really? I'm always around pregnant women wait so you she told you that she wanted i love being non-binary and you guessed a cis gender and it was a cisgender yeah i was like there's no way i was like this baby's not coming out you're like that one thing about that baby ain't gonna come out non-binary bitch also here's a little prediction every one of my friends who are half babies who are from lafayette louisiana they're all gonna come out gay and it's a it's something in the water it's something in the water but it's also

because of the way they're raising them and they all um dress like clowns and dress their children like little clowns too. Yeah. Look what my mom dressed me in furs and put me in front of a little toy piano with a beret. She wanted her own little Liberace. Yeah, well, look what the hell nonsense came out of that. Your significant other has a headache. What do you do? I give him or her aromatherapy treatment with essential oils. You do it with essential oils?

I tell them to lay... I was going to say, that's exactly what I do. I tell them to lay down for a pressure points massage. I make them drink water or I give them an aspirin. Asa, you're going with the essential oils? I do an aromatherapy treatment. Usually, I'll slaughter a cow or a calf or something. I'll give some kind of blood offering.

Weird. Yeah. Okay. I'm just a little quirky. First of all, I didn't hear an option for blowjob. That's usually what I do. I feel like give them an

aspirin is the closest to blowjob. Or tell them to lay down and do a pressure point massage. Blowjob could be in there. That's a pressure point. Let me give you a pressure point massage. I'm a sensitive point of your body. That's gonna be the pressure point. I'm just picturing, let me give you a pressure point massage and then you just grab their balls

as hard as you can. Just grab and squeeze. Who says it has to be pleasure point? You forgot about your headache. balls as hard as you can. Like just grab and squeeze. Yeah. Who says it has to be a pleasure ball? Yeah. You forgot about your headache. I learned this from a sex guru. How many times have you ever won a giveaway or a raffle?

Never. I don't like to participate in those. Never. Never. Maybe once or twice. Or I always win those things. Jock? What do you think?

What was the last time? I've never. You love participating in raffles. I have never once won a raffle. Finney Sword, I've never won any kind of contest. Period. I hate a raffle. And you've never won any kind of contest period i hate a raffle and you've never had any kind of contest i have i i'm

really truly trying to think hard i mean you've only contested my heart only only poetry country only poetry contest first to fourth grade but that's because i submitted hard work i never won like a raffle or like a giveaway or like a lottery. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry for you. Yeah. But I mean, every time I had, every time I had a sugar daddy or like a generous lover,

I mean, that was pretty much kind of like the same raffle. A generous lover is kind of like a raffle. Yeah. If you, if you've played Mario party, you know, it's kind of like guessing the jelly beans in a jar.

If you have a generous lover, if you've played Mario party before, it's like landing on chance time. It's just like that. Especially if your partner's name is Chance. And he says chance time before he goes down on you every single time.

So Jock, you are unfortunately, you're a never. Hessa, what about you? I hate raffles. You don't like to participate. They make me so nervous and I hate losing and I'm don't like to participate. Mm-hmm. They make me so nervous, and I hate losing, and I'm so sad and nervous about losing. I'm good at guessing the beans in the jar. I have very acute spatial awareness.

Did you just say bees in the trap? Beans in the jar. Oh, okay. Are you good at staring contests? I have no idea. No, I always blink or start laughing. Or yes, nobody can beat me in a staring contest. I am very good at staring contests? I have no idea. No, I always blink or start laughing. Or yes, nobody can beat me in a staring contest. I am very good at staring contests.

Wait, we should do a staring contest right now. Ready? It doesn't work unless you're in the same room. Three, two, one, go. Has he just blinked no no yes you did you literally said it again you just blinked three times it's me and jock i'm looking into those those sea lion those cajun sea lion eyes oh my god jock is crying jock's eyes are tearing up for the people at home. Oh my god. I blinked. I blinked. Coco Jumbo, I won.

You got Coco Jumbo. Can you please select the correct answer since I won? Hessa, you are weak. Ben, you are weak. I came in second place. Hessa fucking sucked at that one. You guys used an Instagram filter to make it look like I blinked second place. Hessa fucking sucked at that one. You guys used an Instagram filter

to make it look like I blinked. No. Yes, you did. Have you ever had the urge to pick up a pretty or interesting rock off the ground and take it home with you? Yeah, of course.

All the time. Maybe once or twice. Yes, I have a collection. You see any good rock? Maybe once or twice. Yes, I have a collection. No, we're never. Yes. Maybe once or twice. Once or twice. Once or twice.

Jock, what was the last rock you picked up? Where do you have it? I literally found that. Do you put it in your butt? No, just listen for one second. I was hiking in Denver, and I found a piece of amethyst quartz. Oh.

See, that's like winning the raffle. What is your preferred pet? Fish, bird, dog, cat, none of the above. I love a good cat. Or a dog. Or even a fish. One or the other. Okay, do cat. Dog, dog,

dog. I hate birds. I say you're a cat. Jock, you're a dog. If I'm going to have to ascribe personalities. Oh my God. I'm a bird. You are a bird. I want to fly away.

You do have bird-like features. People have said that often. I don't have bird-like features. I actually don't. People have always. I actually don't. No one's ever said that to me. You have very frail bones that can break easily like a bird. I have more dog-like features of it. I have a dog face.

It's okay. You don't have to lie for the listeners out there so they feel comfortable hearing. No, okay. Dogs have never been that pale. Yes, they're literally white dogs. No. There's a movie called White Dog by Samuel Fuller.

That's a great movie. When you look like the albino from Powder. No, I was talking to Jock. Jock, you're wrong. When a storm is coming, what do you think? Yes, I love storms. No, my garden, my plants are going to get ruined. Ugh, I hate the rain.

Or, perfect time to Netflix and chill. A, A, A, A, A. I love storms. I love storms, too. I truly love storms. I love a storm. I go to bed to thunder. As he puts a lightning collapse in. I'll send you the best ones, Hessa.

I really have the best thunders. Jock always posts these melodramatic pictures to his Instagram stories whenever he's having a bad night. Instagram stories whenever he's having a bad night. And it'll just be like the music function on Instagram where it's playing like 10 hours of the most insane thunderstorms. And it's Jock

asleep taking a picture of himself pretending to be asleep and be like, y'all, I just can't stop crying tonight. Oh, boy. It's really cute. Oh, my God. It's really cute. Oh, my God. It's really cute. I always message you like a heart emoji or something whenever I see it.

Do you know what? There's a lot of up and downs in this little dungus's life. I love y'all. Do you use lots of spices and herbs in your cooking? You both. Yeah, of course. That's a big yes. I just follow the recipe.

No, I don't like my food bland. Yes, I love using random spices and herbs in all my dishes. I don't cook or I'm white. I'm white is an option? Well, I'm Italian, so I can't... I'm white is not an option. What do you think? Well, I'm going is not an option what do you think well I'm gonna do I love using spices I love using all sorts

of spices I love spicing things up I don't like how it says random though I will be honest I'm not random I'm very methodical and precise in my spice selection you're not given that option you're gonna have to pick random.

I'll be random with it. I like to be random with it. Best seasoning on your shelf. Wait, what? The best seasoning on my shelf? What's your favorite seasoning? Slappy Mama? Usually, yes.

Slappy Mama was my go-to. Until lately, I've just been using, my roommate got it. It's a gray French. Gray Poupon. Finishing salt. My name is Gray French. I'm here to sell you a vacuum that you'll never seen before. I do like just that and pepper.

Is your husband home? Can I come in? Can I step in? Ma'am, please stop closing the door on my foot. My foot is in the threshold. I have a vacuum to sell you. My name is Gray French. As a kid, if you did something bad,

you would most likely A, run and hide, B, apologize immediately, C, blame someone else, D, I don't remember. There should be one here for Jock. That is, I got locked in the shed, but unfortunately we do not have that option.

What'd you do? Run and hide Jock? Wait, you were talking to me? I would say run and hide for me. You would run and hide. I personally also too on... You would run and hide? Yeah, I would run and hide.

I would blame someone else. Of course you would. Sorry, Annie. Of course. Classic Ben here. We don't need a quiz to know what he's going to do. Hello. Dr. Professor here to ruin our day with a quiz.

What do you use to make your house smell nice? Leech and other cleaners, incense and essential oil diffusers, air freshener sprays like Febreze or aromatic candles. Can I just really quickly say this? Personally, I stand completely naked after I've

skated about nine miles with my armpits, my hands reached to the ceiling and my legs my ass kind of bent over too and i'm just letting all of my body pheromones go to the house and that's how i get ready for a date does that work yeah of course every time why um science uh pheromones uh pheromones i know you just you just keep saying pheromones i wonder's the science behind that? Pheromones. I know you just keep saying pheromones,

but I wonder what the science is behind it. Hessa, back me up here. I think you can handle this one. Hessa, you... What's the science that... What is the pheromone science behind you holding your sweaty ass open in your house and spinning around like a fan? Why is that attractive to me, scientifically speaking?

I'm releasing the most powerful pheromones. You can't say pheromones again. You can't say pheromones again. Okay. I'm releasing a chemical odor that is... Okay, I don't want to talk about this. Like a sarin gas, maybe? I don't know.

I'm done with this. I think the closest thing... I think the closest thing... I made an egregious claim that I can't back up anymore. Here would be maybe like air freshener sprays like Febreze. I think that might be the closest. Or aromatic candles. It's definitely not bleach in other cleaners.

I'll tell you that. I would say bleach for jocks. For jocks' ass? Bleach? What? Hessa, that's bleaching. Why does my ass need bleach? Because it's toxic.

Because you can't drink it. Hessa, what about you? Y'all are a couple of turd burglars. Y'all get the fuck out of here. What about you, Hessa? Me? I think candles. I like candles.

I like candles. When it comes to difficult decisions, how do you tend to react? With my heart, with my brain, with equal parts of both? Heart. I would say heart. Or equal parts of both, maybe. Heart. I act on my heart before I...

You could be brain if brain meant head. Before going to job interview, you... The hell? Pray that I'll do well. Practice interviewing research. Practice interviewing and research the company. Practice the law of attraction and do a confidence mantras.

Or all of the above. I don't do any of that shit. So what do I pick? Bad. What would you hypothetically? Um

I guess I would do research if I was smart. Right? choose the worst. What would you do, hypothetically? Um, I guess I would do research if I was smart, right? You are smart. I would, um... You're not stupid. That's what I do. I have a job interview tomorrow. I mean, usually I'm smart enough not to worry. I'll just go in there and I'll be like, hey, you know, I got this.

Okay, we got Tessa's new... Jock, I feel like you would just pray you do well. in there and i'll be like hey you know i got this okay we got we got and then i get the job every time jock i feel like you would um just pray you do well yeah i just pray i do i i literally got a job that i had for over three years sorry excuse me i literally got a job that i had for over three years by writing it down a resume down on crayon on a napkin. After crashing into three-part cars. No, no, no, no. That was afterwards.

I had 13 beers beforehand, though, and I was in the roller skates still. Remember this day. Do you think that the moon can give you energy? Yes, of course. Of course not. Or maybe I'm not sure. Yes, of course.

I would say maybe I'm not sure. The jury is still out. Jock, what do you think? How does the moon give you energy? It makes me feel alive, electric. I feel electrocuted. I'm going to change my answer. Jock's convinced me.

I do feel electrocuted every time that I see the moon. It literally shocks me. I think the moon can give you energy. I agree. I mean, it controls the tides. It controls PMS or whatever. So, yeah, I feel like it has energy. It controls my PMS. If you stare at the moon too long, you might turn non-binary.

That's a warning out there. Yeah. Try it. Is that what happened to you? You turned non-binary at every full moon. I got lost in the woods, and the only way I could find my way out is by the moonlight, and I kept looking towards the moon too long. You run into the forest out of pure instinct every full moon,

and you come back wearing striped overalls. Come back wearing a women's maternity dress. Yeah. Do you have success rituals? Yes, more than one, maybe one, no, not yet. I don't have rituals of any kind. Yes, I have success rituals. What are your success rituals?

Eating a slab of ribs every Friday I can. That's a... No, no. There's several different success rituals. Are you like a feeder? Or a gainer, I guess. Having a cheeseburger before a business opportunity is a strategy, I would say.

I would say that, I guess, that is a strategy. Top 10 business tips. I could really get you to be the CEO of a company if I give you just my 10 top business tips, but that's neither here nor there. Let's do that next episode. Okay, so success search

rules, it seems like you have, yes, more than two. They're all food related, but nevertheless. No, they're not all food related. What's one that's not food related? You lay out all the paper money you have in front of you and you dance in front of it what kind of dance do you do can we get a video of those dirty dancing the gyrating hips you know the movie dirty dancing how how dirty their dancing gets sometimes imagine dirtier like have you ever seen it save the last dance okay imagine you're referencing two dance movies

okay i'll reference it also met flash have you Enter the Void? It's kind of like that kind of dancing. Yes, meets bring it on. No, no, no, not bring it on. Meets dance, the movie. Meets dance, the movie. Meets fame. Meets focus. No.

Okay, y'all are adding way too many different add-ons. Meets the forest line. This is not Chipotle. You can feel yourself starting to get sick. What do you do? Wait, I didn't even answer that one. Jacques is taking up all the time to answer everything. Hessa, what was yours? I am sorry, Hessa. starting to get sick what do you do rest wait i didn't even answer that one oh sorry he's taking up all the time to answer i am sorry i have millions of rituals i do oh yeah every single

minute i do beautiful rituals you're always doing rituals well i did all joking aside when i first transitioned i took two and a half taps of acid, and I was alone in my apartment, and I took out, like, a chart of the stars, and I took out, like, tracing paper, and I took, like, over the course of, like, six hours, I created, like, a crazy sigil, and I was like, this sigil is going to make me beautiful. And I was like, I'm going to transition and I'm going to put power into this sigil

and it's going to make me a beautiful woman. I think it worked. Look how good you turned out. I don't know. I think it might have worked. Can you do that for me? But not trans. Absolutely.

Don't do that for him. Don't do that for him. Are you ready for a new doll? Your ass want to prepare for a new ass doll? I will kill myself. I'll kill myself if you transition. I know you will. We've been through this.

What do you think? I wonder what name I could pick. Stephanie. Stephanie. Stephanie. Stephanie. Anya. Anya.

Anya Peter. I can't even. I'm so. Anya Penis. Anya Penis here. How can I help you? Yeah. Amanda.

Amanda. Amanda. Amanda would be my transphobic doll name. I kind of see you as a Jennifer. Jennifer? I think I would, honestly, I would just stay as Ben. I feel like that'd be a slur. Oh, wait, wait, Hessa.

Tell me you're feeling this. Tiffany. I love it. Tiff? Tiffy. It reflects how much of a whore you are. I would want. Tiff? Tiffy. It reflects how much of a whore you are. I would want like a startup ass name though. With like no vowels.

You know. Like... Ziggy or something. Like X, Y, Z, Y, G, Y. Or like Zoombie. Zoombie. I'm trying to come up with a clever saying about Ben being a whore. Ben takes more loads than there are sweet greens in all of New York.

Okay, that was it. How about Yaz? Yaz? Like the birth control. Do you remember those commercials? Yes. I remember seeing those commercials when I was a kid and just being like, being a woman looks so fun right it was just super clips of just women like cheersing and

like clubbing and like there was in those commercials not for a second was one of those women not smiling but that birth control pill ended up getting recalled because it was like destroying women's bodies oh my god yeah that's why you don't see yas anymore oh my god so you can feel yourself starting to get sick what do you do rest drink orange juice and get some sleep go to the doctor find some over-the-counter medicine make an herbal tea and chicken soup and do some positive thinking i would make an herbal tea and chicken soup, probably, because I hate going to the doctor, because they always charge me a million dollars. While you've recovered from your keto flu?

Yeah. Yay, finally. I was kind of worried for you for a second, the way you were describing it. I meant some people die. Jock, what about you? No one dies. No, people die. Yeah, people die. Jock, what about you? No one dies. No, people die.

People die. I would say the chicken soup one as well. Okay. I don't want to know what you think chicken soup is. Okay. How would you describe yourself socially? Shut up. You would put butter in chicken soup.

No, I could replace chicken soup for gumbo. There you go. Because it's just like the equivalent. When I did gumbo with your family... Chicken thick. When I did gumbo with your family, I felt like I was at an ayahuasca retreat. And then we weighed you.

If I come back to Louisiana, we have to go to Lafayette. I want some valentine. I would love to take the train have to go to Lafayette. I want some val time. I would love to take the train with you, Ben. Let's go. The Amtrak. Sometimes it's four hours long. Go over Lake Pontchartrain or whatever.

Hello, I'm in the middle of a recording right now. Could you please not call me? Who is it? Who is it? Who is it? Who is it? It was a spam risk. I just had to yell.

Why were you answering a spam call while we're recording? Because it just makes me so angry sometimes. Oh, it's my friend Scam Likely. Oh, god damn it.

My friend Scam Likely. Your bookie Your bookie name is Scam Likely. What about my mama? What about my mama did you say? What the fuck

did you say about my mama? How would you describe yourself socially? I am very popular with lots of friends. I'm more of a loner or I'm somewhere in the middle. I'm the top one. I'm social as F. I'm going to attribute... Do you consider yourself a loner, Hessa?

Or in between? That's so rude. I'm just kidding. Or in between. Completely so rude i'm just kidding or in between completely ruling out the fact that you could have friends my dad my dad popular girls would do confirmed popular girl every time my dad would um answer the door for one of my friends knocking on the door and they'd be like i'm jock's friend he would say he'd be like I need a warning no he would litter he would literally laugh in their face and go he doesn't have any friends um Hessa

that's a yeah popular friends yeah of course you're popular don't get so offended loner do you talk to yourself out loud do you talk to yourself out loud yes all the time i do you both do you're both crazy as fuck shut the fuck up you pasty eyebrow licking ass tiny mustache because i have eyebrows the things i say to myself are like i'm so normal today

it's such a normal day out. Oh my god. I did really wake up this morning and think, wow, today is actually extraordinarily or normal. Do you often get hunches about things? And Jock, this does not mean back pain. Yeah, I usually get a hunch. Wow, sounds like a read. All the time,

Hessa? All the time, yeah. All the time time i knew the queen was gonna die within an hour of it you knew that shut up i was eating i was eating food and then i zoned out and all the food fell out of my mouth because i was chewing it and chewing it and i just stared off into the distance and then you said to to yourself out loud, the queen is going to die today. And then blood trickled down my nose. And I said to myself, today's not so normal.

But I'm normal. Hessa literally had a That's So Raven vision and said, London Bridge has fallen down. The queen is dead. Literally. Okay. Alright. We're almost there.

Yeah. Can you hurry up with this, Dr. Professor? Do you know how to read a tarot card deck? Yes. Yes. I'm very good at it, actually. Really? Uh-huh.

Yeah. I used to do it back in my acid days when I was first transitioning, the time that I drew the sigil. I was very... Witchy. I got really into it it i read like five books about it i hate a tarot i got really good i once read it i once read a guy's tarot cards on a date and he started crying and had to go what did you say to him i was just like reading him too hard. Look. What was the read?

I was just like your brother, you fucking hate your brother because he's everything you wish you could be. Just like all this shit like that. You were just playing evil psychologist. I hate when a girl whips out a tarot card at a party

and is like, I don't take any tarot. I was like, shut up. No, I also weighed like 109 pounds and I was just like literally the littlest, like I was such a little bitch. I was just so fragile and just like destroying everyone. I was like, ew,

fuck you. The only, the only experience I have a tarot card decks is cause I got interested when I was younger because of the James Bond movie set in Louisiana in the Caribbean. Living Let Die? Yeah, exactly, which is an insta-classic for me. The villain in the movie uses a tarot card reader to predict what's going to happen. I was trying to trigger you, but you didn okay what do you think what do you think about the secret as in the book

and the law of attraction well i think i think it's ridiculous i've read the scientific works i've read the papers i think it's's real. I've read scientific research. You would say The Secret Works Amazingly You would say The Secret Works Amazingly only if you would apply it to the correct part of your life. That's the closest

to your answer. No, it works no matter what you do. I believe in some of the guests but I just say no i fucking hate that book and i hate what was the last thing you manifested me moving here i was really hungry and i thought really hard and i manifested a meatloaf a full cooked meatloaf with like a ketchup glaze stealing jock now i'm triggered now my hunger is triggered now i to leave. I have to leave right now because I'm hungry. What's your favorite time of the day?

Midnight, morning, afternoon, evening, all of them. Wait, say it again. Midnight, morning. Just all the parts of the day. All of them is so chaotic. Midnight, morning, afternoon. Afternoon. Afternoon because you still got midnight coming up.

Exactly. And it's like the night is young, you know? The night is young. Jock, what about you? I say midnight. Midnight. Yeah. The hour I begin to howl.

You're a prince of darkness. I am the princess of darkness. Are you a witch? Final question. Are you a witch? I question. Are you a witch? I have my suspicions about both of you here. And I don't deal in witchcraft, so this may be the end of the show.

Yes, I think so. I'm not sure. Or no, of course not. I'm not sure. If only there was a quiz that could tell me. Jock? Jock? Jock? You can say it.

I know you may have made a deal with a certain someone. A certain Louisiana gentleman wearing a strapped suit. Popped his knee up on a stump. Offered you. You're contractually obligated to answer this question accurately. Mm-hmm. I just remembered

I had a full slab of bacon in the oven. I, um... I gotta go get it out. Um, I, uh... No, no, it's not gonna work. You've pulled this trick before. Answer the question. You have to answer. Answer the question. I think that get it out. No, it's not gonna work. You've pulled this trick before. Answer the question. You have to answer.

Answer the question. I think that's a yes. I think this is a yes. Doc? I deny it. I'm not a witch. Okay. Interesting.

All right. I'll take you on your face value. Even though I suspect you're lying okay you're both 100 witch no really you're both 100 a witch you understood that being a true witch has nothing to do with evil on the contrary as a witch you are strong peaceful and you have a razor sharp intuition and acute mental prowess you value and appreciate the world and can channel your energy to achieve whatever goal you want funny enough when you come to new york do you want to do a summoning circle, summon a demon to attack Ben? Absolutely not. I think the demon has been summoned.

I can't get possessed. I can't get possessed again. I cannot get possessed again. Funny enough, the suggested quiz after this is, is your friendship toxic? Check it out now. Which I feel like is a little manifestation of its own. Okay, y'all, look. We have a lot of business to attend to,

and it's not your business. And we love you, but we have to go because we are business people and we are on the run. What are you doing? Do you actually have bacon in the oven? You're so antsy. I don't have bacon in the oven, but I got... But you have to go slaughter some chickens.

I got wood in the stove. I don't know what the expression is. I got wood in the furnace. Definitely not an expression. I got money in the stocks. No, that's not it. You've got to put another shrimp on the barbie. Okay, first of all,

don't ever come at me with that Australian bullshit. Thank you for listening today, everyone. Thank you. Oh, everyone. Also, listen to the podcast, A Closer Look, season two, which I've been doing a voice. Is it OK if I plug this? Of course. Yeah.

OK. OK. Listen to my friends. We'll send it. Nate Fisher's podcast, A Closer Look, season two, which I'm in. I'm doing an Israeli accent the whole time. Oh my god.

You're making Jock afraid of being cancelled. I'm triggered. Wait, wait, wait. I have a plug too. It's a self plug. Wait, I have a plug. I have a plug. I need plugs, so I have to plug first. Shut up. Can anyone tell me

Can I meet I really need a plug I need a place to DJ In New York to the 21st to the 26th Someone hit me up That's an ask Help me Come see me DJing somewhere

It's my birthday I somewhere. It's my birthday. I deserve this. It's her birthday. I'll see if I can pull some strings for you, Jock. Please. So I'm going to be DJing at Elsewhere with A.G. Cook. Shut up! A hologram of Sophie.

First time she's going to be making her appearance. I'm DJing with Danny Harrell and Doss. And me. We're all in the same lineup. There might be a list spot left.

Y'all are making me so depressed. There might be room. Yeah, we'll see. There might be room, Jack. We'll see.

We might need someone to do a quote check or something. All right. Thank you for listening today, everyone.

We love you, Jack. We love you, everyone. We love you, Jock. We love you, listener. We love you. We love you. Bye.