Seeking Derangements - SD 160 - Refused Loads with GIRL GOD

Episode Date: September 28, 2022

We randomly ran into April Clark and Grace Freud of Girl God and decided to record. We talk about the No Loads Refused Pimped Out Cum Dump Event, Joe Biden implying Elton John has given thousands and thousands of men HIV, Mariah Carey randomly talking about 9/11 on stage, and all the pranks we've pulled over the years. GIRLD GOD IS IN NEW ORLEANS TN YALL! Tickets here: https://www.ticketweb.com/event/girl-god-the-porch-at-the-howlin-tickets/12298615 Reminder that we have weekly bonus episodes at patreon.com/seekingderangements

and stay out what the fuck what the fuck this is a no loads refused it said right on the website it said on sniffies no loads refused i'm the only one out here i'm the only one with my load refused i can't believe my load was just refused ben Ben, what are you doing here? It was no loads refused. I showed up with like seven loads. You showed up with seven loads? I haven't jacked off for four months. Oh my God. I RSVP'd and I got thrown out of a no loads refused, pimped out, cum dump event. It says no loads refused.

False advertising. We need to call David and get him to say that. I showed up in my tuxedo. April. Were your guys' loads refused? April? Yes. Your load got refused? Yeah. What the up in my tuxedo. April. Were your guys' loads refused? April? Yes. Your load got refused?

Yeah. Sorry, I got refused earlier. I just took a nap behind this dumpster. I just woke up. You guys woke me up. My load was refused. Oh, sorry. You still have your load?

Are you doing okay? My load's been refused. My God. Grace. Oh, no. Grace. Oh, my God. Are you okay?

Grace, oh, no. Your load got refused. Who is this bottom that's refusing all our load? I put the load in. And then he said it smelled weird. And then he took a little grapefruit spoon. And he got the load out of there. He refused it after it was in his mouth?

He refused it after. Wait, that's like psycho behavior. You can't. That's so rude. Security, security, that's them. That's the gaggle of the loads that I am refusing on a basis of principle. They're all Zionist. Get them off of my property.

You're the bottom? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. John? This is your event? Really? Is that the joke? You're surprised that I'm the bottom?

I bit my ass. You should have recognized the tattoos on the ass. You know? Oh, my God. I saw that hot dog tattoo in the picture. I should have known. Well, look. I already took enough loads,

and y'all have your microphones out. Should we just record something? Yeah, let tattoo in the picture. I should have known. Well, look, I already took enough loads, and y'all have your microphones out. Should we just record something? Yeah, let's record the pod. I guess we should just do the podcast now. Yeah, we can do the pod, I guess. I'm filled. I mean, I have seven months left. Do you think I should go to the hospital?

My cum smelled like cool orange Doritos. That's fine. Is that... Danny Brown has a song about that. That's fine. Is that... Danny Brown has a song about that. It's okay. Yeah, Danny Brown has a song about me. Yeah. As soon as the

cum came out, I got the whiff of the Cool Ranch Doritos. How many lows did you end up taking, dog? Hold on, wait. Can one of y'all look at the tally marks? Hold'all look at the tally marks? Wait, hold on. Hold on, look at the tally marks on my ass. Oh my god, they have every person.

There's one. There's one. There's not one. There's just one low. And honestly, that could be a birthmark. Yeah. Oh, sorry. Did you just do this event to refuse everyone's lows?

You're getting more like an all loads refused. All loads refused. It's an all loads refused event. Is jocks a top? Oh, my God. First of all, I took over 29 loads. So don't tell me I only took one load. Someone obviously must have taken the marker after tallying the first load.

This is why you use a knife, idiot. Yeah, you use a knife or a brand. A rusty spoon. Yeah. I have a brand that has the number two on it and the number three on it and the number four and I'm like crossing out each of them after another load.

I have one of those bank style pins that's tied to a chain, but it's a marker. Jock, did you get a, was it like a raw oyster bar or something? Because a vent, you know, I was assuming that would be something a little fancy, a little high class. I showed up in my tuxedo. Yeah, it was described as pimped out, and I don't exactly see what was pimped out. Grace, you have a pimp cane and a pimp outfit. Wait, where are we talking about?

This outfit was $65 at Party City. Jock's already confused. We're talking about your pimped out, no loads refused, come dump event. Outfit? Yeah, what's this venue? Are we at the Rockabilly Girl place in Nova? Look, look, look, look, look. Once the yoga class left at 5 p.m., they said it was only $140 for two hours. I could get a lot of loads in at that time.

That's so true. Well, you could refuse a lot of loads. You could move all everyone. I refuse whatever loads I feel like, even if I say it's a no-load refusal. Yeah. But do you guys think about the actual ethical question yeah do you think it's ethical to refuse a load at a no loads refused i think that there just needs to be some more legal infrastructure around these events i think that if if the no loads

refuse sign was notarized maybe then this would be a lot clearer i think really where there goes april solving everything with bureaucracy i think why the load community the load having community needs to have a little bit more uh like resources given to them if we could pass out the pamphlets to let them know what their rights are we don't need more laws we need more community honest to god though i think that it's a mistake to characterize the load-giving community as marginalized. I just don't think that's true. I think that the load-giving community has experienced extreme privilege over the years. I think the load-taking is kind of subsisting off surplus labor that the load-having community has.

Yeah, I think the load-taking community is what's privileged here. It's literally in the name, load-taking. I know a lot of load... I've known a lot of load-givers in my life who were not privileged. And who were looking very hard for a place to take those loads. And it's a burden, you know? It's a real burden. Honestly, I think the whole situation

is fucked i think it's fascist to give or receive loads i think that if you're giving or receiving loads what if we just you know what if we just traded them back and forth right what if there's no giver or receiver but it's more of just like a close trade in no questions they have to be exchanged at the exact same moment or else it's the police station is holding a load buyback no questions asked oh my god look at this ancient load that got turned in don't fucking trust it if a cop says they'll buy back your load don't fucking trust them you know it's hot sometimes at those buybacks they'll give you like uh like a 20 shillies gift card or something like

that what if they gave you like a sasha gray flashlight give us like a little baggy gum well that's what they did that's what they did in australia you know like in the 90s australia had a really tragic no-loads-refused cum-dump-pimped-out event, and after that everyone turned their loads in. And it's never happened again. The load community is...

I knew I shouldn't have refused y'all. You people. Because now I can just feel like a court case going all the way to the Supreme Court. Yeah. Luckily for you, Jax, I think they're going to rule against the three trans like a court case going all the way to the Supreme Court. Yeah. Luckily for you, Jax, I think they're going to rule against the three trans women and one more faggier gay than you.

Evil gay gay. Oh, Ben is not faggier than Jax, though, I do have to say. Thank you. Sorry. Sorry, Ben. I don't have that much knowledge of Jax yet, but he is wearing a Sopranos jersey. Look, we're wearing matching hats so as far as i can see we're equals that's true that's true but wait wait really do you think it wasn't ethical because it was what the guy blocked

him on twitter wasn't that it it was like can you fuck someone at an orgy who's blocking? Well, I think that I think that the person who was blocked, it's their ethical responsibility not to put the other person in a situation where they have to accept a load that they would prefer to refuse. Yeah, I think it is their obligation to not show up. My thing is Twitter blocking is such a it can come from so many different ways yeah especially if it's a gay guy it's a bottom mass block or yada yada yada if i block you on twitter it means i'm blocking you for life if i see you in the street you're blocking the load done twitter blog do we know why the gay guy was blocked we don't know that's the crucial point i would assume everything i would assume

it's just because like the uh the blocky was like an only fans gay who's probably posting a lot of like disgusting content and was blocked but if you're hosting a no loads refused come dump event what i keep coming back to is no loads refused who are you to block someone if you are literally hosting a no loads refuse yeah i keep coming back you shouldn't be allowed to refuse why are you using that terminology yeah like just but it also carries into basically all loads mandatory yeah it's essentially what that means well i don't know if i would go that far I don't know if I would go that far. I don't know if I would take it that far. April is so hawkish on loads. It's really incredible.

I just think we need a little bit of nuance in our conversation about loads. I think that people don't, people are not capable of using nuance. Listen, listen. What's your thing? I've heard of these Republicans like April just talking over trans women.

And I just wanted to say that I think, you know, it's as simple as if you want to hold a party that you call no loads refuse. An event. An event. An event. It's not a party. It's not a party. All I'm saying is that the language we use matters if you want to call it that

but you do want to refuse some loads then you need some sort of screening system exactly just like literally have a mirror and when the guy comes in you can look at his reflection like parking garages

you walk in there's like a green light that flashes if your load is accepted you walk in a red light flashes if you have to leave there's a men in black guy with the flashing thing to make you an alligator pit you know we're assuming that this is directly in the load is being shot from Dick Raw into what if you showed up to a No Loads Refused party and there were just like little plastic cups

containers BYOL bring your own load it's just like a little guy a little gay guy with a monocle at a wine tasting taking little sips out of a Dixie.

If I read B-Y-O-L I'm going to think bring your own lasagna. I would never think bring your own. What if it's loaded lasagna? Loaded lasagna. Whoa. That lasagna is pause. I'm picturing the bottom

is sitting there and he's got a big funnel in his asshole, so a bunch of guys could jump from the front of his asshole. Yeah, and it's all, like, a whirlpool in there. I think that's how it goes sometimes. Yeah, it's like a whirlpool funneling into his asshole. And Elton John is at the top of the funnel, like, where the hole is. With a big ladle.

But he's sitting on it like on jacuzzi. Yes. Singing Tiny Dancer to himself. Wait, you know what I was thinking about today? the hole is with a big ladle sitting on it like on jacuzzi yes singing tiny dancer to himself wait you know what I was thinking about today is what if you put like a guy on like a pottery wheel so he was spinning around really fast and then you know like when you make a bowl with pottery

you like put your thumbs in the top of the clay you did that to a guy what if you did that to a guy's asshole what if you did that to a baby with a soft spot on its head what about that no one's asking those questions i i think that no one's asking those questions but we are we're not afraid to ask those questions i would draw the line there in terms of ethics oh by the way oh ben suddenly has an opinion about what's ethical and what's not ethical, get the fuck out of here. Okay, by the way, our

guests today are April Clark and Grace Freud of Girl Got Wrong. so We'll see you next time. We forgot to say that. Yeah. We were in Tribeca at the No Loads Refused event. Yeah, we're at the No Loads Refused event. We're outside of it. Yeah, it's in Times Square. In the alley?

Yeah, in the alley behind Joel Dolly B. Yeah, it's the quietest alley in Times Square, famously. The acoustics are incredible. We did see 60 men come out of that loft, like, just holding their knots, though. And you know what else we got to see today? The last Broadway production of

Fade to the Opera, and it was incredible. It was amazing. We recommend it to everyone, except now you can't see it because it was the last one. I recommend the last one to everyone except now you can't see it because it was the last one i recommend the last one to you can tell every you can tell like the ushers were like what's gonna happen to our lives our job and that drama really it's like a reverse the chorus line A chorus line Okay let's circle back to Elton John

We all saw Elton John Get honored with the Presidential medal of AIDS For giving his Biggest AIDS halfer The purple heart for having the most AIDS I love Wait does he even have AIDS?

no he has an AIDS foundation that does work it's like based in Atlanta it does a lot of work throughout the south it actually seems like it's maybe okay work honestly but it was just so funny the way Biden worded that because it made it sound like it's this guy's fault we're paying

6 billion taxpayer dollars this month. Literally giving HIV to so many men. It's cost six billion dollars to fix. And he's wearing like a medal the whole time. That's my favorite part of that video is the medal around Elton John's neck and just picturing like an AIDS virus like on the medal. The most paused person. I love the way he's looking. He looks like a Tia.

He looks like my abuela. Your smug ass abuela. He looks like honestly like my mom's best friend who are all named Lori and all trying to get her to do pampered chef stuff. An MLM queen.

Yeah. He's running the MLM of AIDS. He's running like an MLM but for... There are multiple levels to it, right? HIV. There are multiple levels. Yeah.

Oh my god. Oh my god Oh my god Dick found my debit card at the bar Oh that's awesome Why'd you leave it there? You did that on purpose? You left it at the bar on purpose? Wait which bar?

I'm not gonna say it on here Don't say it You don't have to say it Don't say a bar The bar The goat in New Orleans I left my My card there recently After having two Coca-Colas,

and I went back before they closed. You got crazy. No, I was so mad because they were like, sorry, you have to come back the next day. I was like, what? Yeah. You're here, though. I lose my card all the time, and I have to call my bank in Iowa

because I still bank in Iowa for like four years and they fucking hate me so much. It's a credit unit. It's like two geriatric big gulp women and I just call them like, I lost my debit card. I needed to mail it to New York City. They fucking hate me

and they don't mail it to me. They literally stop mailing it to me. I've been kicked out of three banks. For what? For party rocking inside. Robbing them. For taking loads. Refusing loads.

Chase Bank had a sugar daddy, and then he put the caption as sugar daddy and sent me $500. Oh my God. And they were like, there's been a suspicious transaction. What we're going to do is we're going to give you the contents of, yeah, because they were like, what we're going to do is we're going to give you the contents of... Yeah, because they were like,

what we're going to do is we're going to clear the contents of your account and give them to you, and then we'll just wash our hands with you. I was like, can you give details? And they were like, no. Jacques, are you excited to show April and Grace around New Orleans? Oh, I'm going to freak y'all out. We're going straight into the lava pits. Oh, I'm gonna freak y'all out. We're going straight into the lava pits. Oh, good. I love lava pits.

That's great. I'm so excited. We're going to the casinos. Good. Oh my god. The riverboat casinos? No, Harris. We're going to Harris Casino, which is next to the aquarium.

Next to the aquarium? Okay. It's got a slot machine that I like. That's what's special about it. The Sex and the City slot machine? I lost $250 to the Sex and the City slot machine in Vegas. Really? That's awesome. Yeah, I wanted to kill myself. I was like, this is entrapment.

This is gay entrapment in Vegas. Honestly, that's fucked. It was fucked. That's kind of up when we were in vegas there was this ghostbusters uh slot machine that like used technology that i don't think is widely available i really don't think so i don't know how to explain it. It was like 3D.

But it was like without glasses. Yeah, it was just 3D on the screen. It was like a Nintendo 3DS. But without glasses. But not like 3DS. Like so good. Wait, you have to wear glasses to play the Nintendo 3DS? I don't understand.

No, it was a Nintendo 3DS with 3D without glasses, but like not like great. You know, this was like holy shit. I'm curious. This was like holy shit. This is so, like, how is this not everywhere?

Wait, so was it like ghosts coming at you or something? Yes, and it was like, it was so cool. You wanted to play more just to see more of that. I didn't see that.

No, I was there. It was just a normal machine. It was just normal. It It was just a normal machine. It was just normal. It was actually just a normal machine. Were you on drugs? Were you on drugs? I was literally, well,

I was on happiness for my sweet friend April. But I was on, I was pretty drunk. But it but it was still no it really was it was incredible it was really it was so incredible that i emailed um this person with ghostbusters stuff and i was like i was like you guys gotta do you know about this friend you like. Because you're like, why haven't, why wouldn't you put this technology in a movie?

Right. You're wasting it on a slot machine in the Bellagio or something. I'm Googling ghostbusters right now. I hated Vegas, honestly. Really? Yeah. Why? It sounded like you loved it when it was happening. I went, i did something

completely insane my family was like going to utah for a hiking trip and i was flying in vegas so i was like if i'm flying in and out of vegas i want to go spend a few nights there okay yeah you might as well how many nights did you stay three nights i spent so much i spent like way too much money though is the thing yeah like people are like oh vegas it's free drinks like that's fucking expensive but it's not true you only get free drinks for you like at like a poker table right or if you're like a or if you're a beautiful woman or if you're a beautiful woman no one cares yeah you should try being a beautiful sex in the city i had a great time because i drank for free because i'm a beautiful woman so i will say you want me to

genuinely shock me i don't think april got any free drinks for it being her birthday oh no i i did i did really i did i got if i did get a few grace it actually did happen it was april's 12th birthday or it being my 12th birthday. Were you telling everyone? Every time I... It's my 12th birthday. Really? I told everyone. Yeah, I did. It did happen.

I was telling everyone. I was like, it's my 12th birthday. What kind of free drinks did you get? And then they gave me some free drinks. Oh, you know, like... Root beer. Root beer. Cream soda.

Cream soda. I'm 12, so I'm allowed to have caffeine now because i'm 12. so so i had coca-cola for the first time and you cried because it was so strong you started seeing 3d yo the first time i ever had a coca-cola i like my mom wouldn't let me have any like sugar soda when i was a little kid and they were like those extreme Lunchables if anyone remembers those and they were basically just Lunchables but they had a Coke in them and I convinced

my mom to get me one of those for like summer camp or something and as soon as we got home I ripped open the box and I took the Coke out and I took like a big swig of it in our kitchen and I threw up a meat Wait, what? I was gonna ask if it made you throw up. I feel like every story Grace has is like,

I got really excited, and I threw up. Every time I mention a movie, Grace is like, oh yeah, that movie made me so sad, I threw up. Like, who puts every story as a throwing up? This is, no. Every emotion you experience. This is, there's only one, I can only remember one,

well, I don't really want to talk about the one thing that's made me so sad. No words refused to bet. Oh, no. You had your load refused and it made you throw up. Yes.

It made me puke. What if your load is vomit? Would that be refused? Okay. Okay. I don't like this lawyer. I think if your load is vomit? Would that be refused? Okay. I don't like this lawyer. I think if your vomit is milky enough. Okay. Ew.

Get the boat. Y'all are not acting like girl gods right now. You're throwing up other people's loads. What if you're throwing up other people's loads? Come on. Oh, my God. What if you're throwing up other people's loads? Rod Stewart style.

I like actually y'all are making the no-load refusal event so not fun right now. I'm so sorry. You should have kicked us out. Let me talk about a moment in which I accepted a load. The first time I ever sucked

dick, I was very surprised at how the cum tasted and I threw up on the dick, but I didn't let any of it out, and I just swallowed it all down. Oh, God. So horrible. That's two loads.

That's your own puke. Wow. Okay, first of all, Vava does not count as loads. Second, like, you gave and received a load. Did y'all not go to the dick-sucking academy? Like, what is wrong with y'all? How are y'all throwing up on dick-sucking? I was 17. I didn't get in. I didn't get into the dick sucking academy? Like what is wrong with y'all? How are y'all throwing up? I was 17.

I didn't get in. I didn't get into the dick sucking academy. My grades weren't good enough. Yeah. You're a little Hermione Granger ass at the dick sucking academy. They take 10 fourth graders every year into the dick sucking academy. Did yours bet at the dick sucking academy? Can I say one thing?

I think I sucked that dick well. I got him off. I feel like if you're puking, you have to be putting some intense amount of energy into it. I was going at it. When I applied to the Dick Sucking Academy, they said, wow, you're in fourth grade, but you suck dick in a different level. So you're allowed. You got to skip several grades. Yeah, you suck dick at a much higher grade level

i think we should really talk about a serious issue that april has contended with that i think is really brave of her um she kind of had a flowers for Algernon thing happen with her dick sucking ability, which is why she's a dyke now. Because her dick sucking ability peaked when she was like 11. The reason I was so good at it is because I was engaging with it just as like an intellectual exercise. It was never about the love of the game. It was only about the grades. It was just about how love of the game. It was only about the grades. It was just about how good can I get at this game.

Yeah. Yeah. So that's just kind of my story. That's just what happened to me. What, Jock? Jock, you gotta put the mic close to your mouth. You have to hold your mic next to your mouth. I said it right. I called them a couple

of crazy load heads. Load heads. I love load heads. One of my favorite candies. It tastes just like loads. What candy do you guys think tastes most like a load? Lifesavers. Lifesavers. The weird like strawberry

Lifesavers It's not a candy But Wasabi peas Oh that's so true That's really true actually It's like a toxic ass load Spicy load

That's why I like Eating handfuls of wasabi peas. It takes me back to the good days. Yeah, the good old days. Do you think when someone's cum is super thick, they're just dehydrated? Or do you think something else?

No, doy. You obviously didn't graduate from cum academy. I essentially didn't graduate from cum academy i essentially didn't graduate from high school so she dropped out of cum academy to move to los angeles and pursue a career in entertainment her parents were so disappointed they wanted her to have grace get your ged and come grace at, get your GED and come. Grace, at least get your GED and come.

Yeah. I was going to say I only have my HPV, but I meant to say GED. I have my GED. I do remember a real text I got from April was, should I pursue comedy or should I finish getting my PhD? And I said... Did I actually ask you that yeah you did

and i immediately said you should drop the fuck out are you kidding yeah i do think so i asked a lot of people if i should drop out because i wanted to hear that i should drop out yeah so that's i would have told you i asked i asked tessa should i get my phd or should i do comedy and she said you should kill yourself. You should probably kill yourself. What were you getting your PhD in clownery or just like loadology? Loadology. In com actually.

I was getting my PhD in com. Did you guys remember those books that were like dragonology and Egyptology? Did you ever have the loadology one? I had that one. Yeah. that were like dragonology and egyptology did you ever have the loadology one yeah and it was cool because some of the uh pages were wet they were just always wet so you could feel the viscosity of different that's another technology why isn't that yeah why is that everywhere. Like, perma-wetness? Yeah, permanent wet. Yeah. Yeah. Permanent wetness? I'm asking my wife that every night. Hey. Hey.

Hey-o. That's true. As a gag gift, I'm going to buy Grace a blanket that's permanently wet. Sorry, I just watched it. It should be quite soon, but it's never been great.

That would actually be great if you had, like, a hookup and you you didn't want them to sleep over but like we're feeling like you didn't want to be rude hey so my only blanket is like a little wet like sorry sorry my only blanket is permanently set to a state of continual continual liquid wetness hang on i have to adjust. I'm so sorry. Hang on. I have to pee really quickly. Do it right now.

Do it right here. Just do it. Hang on. Hang on. I have to pee really quick. It's so disgusting. She literally usually does it on the recording, and it makes me upset. Yeah, you guys usually do it while I'm gone. I can make a note. it on the recording and it makes me upset yeah you guys are usually going while i'm gone we can

well i can make a time a note we can switch um anything what other topics i had oh the adam these wasabi peas are hitting oh my god you actually eating wasabi yeah i feel like jocks whatever he's currently eating he's like godock's is just like, whatever he's currently eating, he's like, God, cheese, it's really tastes like gum. Ceviche? Anyone else get a gum flavor from it?

Let's see. Yeah, we can do the Adam Levine sex. There's also. Oh, yeah. I have a lot to say about that. Because I ghost wrote those.

And people were very mean about them about what? let me see what else she sent where is it? oh the cum dump event oh and Mariah Carey talking about 9-11 at her concert oh I don't think I saw about that it's not like that

it's more of a funny thing it's a long history of mariah carey blaming 9-11 for she her movie glitter got released like within the week of 9-11 so it got it really just didn't get any press at all and it was also just kind of a bad i mean it makes sense that that's why that movie flopped and then a month later going to see a mariah carey movie i would yeah i would go see glitter the night of 9-11 it's one of my favorite movies there's an opening scene that takes place in the 80s where it's an everyone is wearing leopard clothing but um she checked herself into a mental hospital at the end of the month after the premiere. Oh, wow. Wow.

Well, I do kind of get, I know that Mariah Carey is like, you know, she historically thinks she's like a god, which is like, she's iron pretty much. But like to be at the height of her powers, right? When this movie was coming out and then to have it crash so hard, I can see that causing some mental distress of some sort. Oh, absolutely.

My friend went to a concert, or this girl I'm seeing went to a concert that she had two days. You have a girlfriend? Oh, my God. Hessa has a girlfriend? I'm getting yelled at. I'm getting yelled and screamed at. Hessa! Oh my god. What's her name?

Hessa, you can tell me. I hope whoever that girl is heard that Hessa doesn't consider you a friend. It's a girl, but she's a girl. Oh my god. Wow, she's just an object to you? That's horrible. She saw Mariah at this concert and she was

telling me about this concert and it sounded so fake because she was like yeah oh my god mariah was amazing she was so coked up and she was talking so fast and she was like i'm not going to talk about 9-11 we're not going to talk about 9-11 and then she said into the mic i'm not going to talk about yeah we're not going to talk about 9-11. Yeah, we're not going to talk about 9-11. And then two minutes, less than two minutes later, she was talking about 9-11. Yeah, she was literally talking about 9-11 less than two minutes later. And she's also like, yeah, and like Eric Adams was there. Chuck Schumer was there. The president of the UN was there.

What was this event? Jesus Christ. And I was like, what is this? Like, who are these people? What was going on? what was this event jesus christ and i was like what is this like who are these people what was going on and she was like yeah there were all these like plugs to like vote for democrats and then like ads for delta airlines between sets and oh my god she was at a psyop yeah literally and i think she said um the thing about 9-11 like we're not going to talk about 9-11 we're not because like someone

who organized it was like Mariah do not bring up 9-11 like please don't bring up 9-11 on stage and she was like I'm just going to touch on it really briefly and they were like no no no do not talk about it repeat after me do not talk about 9-11 and so she

was like all right fine I won't but then she changed her mind because she's a queen and she was like actually i'm about to talk i don't know what she actually said though i just saw the clip of her like doing her like vocal stylings like with her hand like matching her register and then she just goes 9-11 let's talk about it yeah the video did not follow through what she said she was probably like i loved it it was amazing it was the best moment of my life it was iconic no but i guess she as jock was saying has a storied history of blaming 9-11 flopping which it doesn't even

seem like blaming it just makes sense because well i'm 9-'m accountable for all of my flops too yeah anytime something happens this is because of 9-11 it does make sense that like no one would go see glitter like right after a national tragedy or whatever but i would i would yeah because what if someone does 9-11 on your local movie theater it doesn't seem very safe yeah what if what if a plane crashes into my local movie theater next that's really pessimistic thinking april but continue oh my god i well do we do we know for sure that there was yeah go ahead grace i remember like being terrified of that shit as like a seven year old or whatever yeah because constantly now like these idiot adults had the news on all the time for kids and we were processing all of this fucking all these talking heads talking out of

their ass saying shit like that like no well you know chicago's probably next or yeah yada yada nuclear this could easily go nuclear and it's like and it wasn't like the 20 it wasn't like the news was on 24 hours a day i think in most households before that so all of a sudden you're a kid and and being confronted with like everything at once you know literally yeah i think i was too young for that panic because i more had the panic where my mom was watching Oprah and it was like an episode about OCD. And I was like, oh, my God, I have this. And then I would like write. I wrote my will literally because I was like, oh, my God, I have OCD because they were like interviewing terminal OCD.

Yeah, they were like interviewing kids. Stage four OCD as a seven year old. I hear like an illness and I'm like, I don't know how like bad an illness is I'm like six and they're like oh that's very funny you'd like if you touch like a doorknob with one hand you have to touch it with the other and I'm like I do that and they're like if you don't like uh if you don't like eating wings because your hands get dirty and I'm like wait kid kid who gets confused and it's like ocd is a disease where if you don't count to three every 10 seconds you die yeah cancer d oh cancer dick i used to love watching oprah when i got home it was so iconic i love oprah it was so good it made it made me

really like i feel like judgmental of the amish because there were like so many i remember so much amish slander there really was like a lot of like i don't know why but i remember when i was a kid like half of every oprah episode that I was privy to is like, and they go on Rumspringa and they kill. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or Jerry Springer would have like, he'd be like an Amish man and a light switch on stage. Like push it.

There is a lot of Amish conspiracy. I don't trust them. They always seem like they're up to more than they're just let their horses. That was one of my worst fears as a kid was finding out that I was Amish. Realizing that I was Amish and then having to, you know, come out as Amish to my mom. I was ostracized in school because the kids thought I was Amish. You go shut off all the light switches. Oh, fuck. I think I'm Amish.

Oh, fuck. Some kids come up to you, they think you're playing Pokemon on your Game Boy, and it turns out you're just looking at a block of wood. He's staring at a block of wood. A block of wood he whittled to look like a Game Boy. I'm just trying to fit in so hard.

I'm just trying to fit in so hard. I've always had a hunch. I've always had a suspicion that I was Amish. I've always had a hunch. I've always had a hunch. Hey guys, we gotta cut this early. April and I gotta go pitch something real quick. Alright. When I see the Amish

on the Am track, I try to sit far away from them because I don't trust them. It's contagious. I would churn my own butter as a child. I couldn't help myself. I just always felt compelled. Also, it's fine to shit talk them because what are they going to do? Listen to our podcast?

Got him. Sucka of the week. The Amish, you're the seeking derangement sucka MC of the week. Got him. bazinga that is so cool has someone actually murdered on rumspringa

I'm sure did someone like go serial killer mode on a rumspringa oh my god I think I thought they just like smoked meth

but I guess that I specifically remember people like dying on rumspringa because of like opine and stuff I don't know if I to be fair to the honest I don't know if I remember a rumspringa because of like opine and stuff i don't know if i i don't know if i remember

a rumspringa murder however kenneth browner when you run out of uh what's her name books to adapt think about think about the rumspringa murder yeah witness i'm gonna i'm gonna write a i'm gonna write a movie about a little amish boy who like is in a tragic accident and is rebuilt as a cyborg and now he's ostracized here he comes here's the robot boy robot, robot boy. It's really lucky though. It's any movie with simulated bullying. Ben likes the idea of all the Amish children bullying the android. And then the kid gets revenge by using missiles and shit. The kid gets revenge by just shooting them. This is such a sweet movie. We've had a lot of positive talk. We're such a sweet movie.

We've had a lot of positive talk. No, we're having a great episode. This is a winner for sure. This is a winner winner. We're going to bring home the dinner tonight. Did anyone see Adam Levine's sexts? Yes.

That was also on the doc. I just didn't even think they were that bad. Is that crazy? I thought they were good. I thought they were awesome. I've been listening and learning my thing i've been improving my game i feel like my whole perspective on sex in general is like it's really more about like is everyone having a good time are like the vibes good you know like the content of it like is almost always gonna look ridiculous right like out of out of that context but like

like when when you're like got a new crush or you got a new hookup and you're like going like i think if the vibes are there then it's fine i've never been able to sext i can't sext it's like it's humiliating i can't really like i really like next date i'm gonna ask if you want to make out with the devil that's the best what did she okay what did she mean by that it's so it's what did she mean make out with the devil was she talking about like her pussy oh that was so i did not understand that one at all oh i bet it was pussy she was like think about it I would bet good money that it was pussy yeah

that's kind of a fun way to talk about that like what do you refer to your pussy as Satan I don't know I was joking with Grace the other day I feel like the way that Grace talks about girls that she's seeing is she's like I've got a cutie coming over later I've got a sweetie I've got a cutie coming over later. I've got a sweetie.

I've got a sweetie coming over. Rockabilly daddy-o. Yeah, it's like, oh boy, I've got a cutie coming over to hang out with me. You've got a little firecracker coming over to the con.

A sweet little thing coming over. That's how great it is. A little lass. I've got a spicy entree coming in warm. The sweet as a lollipop. A sweet little thing coming over. That's how gross. Yeah. A little last. I've got a spicy entree coming in warm. I've seen Grace react to receiving a nude in real time. Like, I've been in the room when someone has sent her a nude, and she'll go like, wowee. Like, in real time.

Grace is the kind of person that sees it that sees a nude and goes hot dog i'm grasping i'm grasping for some sort of response here and i just don't have one because everything april just said is true and i'm not even judging i'm not judging I'm just describing I've seen April get a nude and she throws up I need you to send Grace a nude really quickly please yeah we need to see no I have to see Grace

in 24 hours before you meet Grace in person go ahead and send a nude just to make sure everything is at the par for the show we want to make sure everything is at the par for this show. We want to make sure your body is looking good for the Girl God show. We don't book anyone on the show unless we can see them

fully nude first. I do actually think that I received a nude earlier that I haven't gotten a chance to look at yet. Wait, really? Let's do a live react. Woohoo! That was me hamming it up. It was like a Mario party noise. I wanted to give the listeners what they want.

Send us their ad and their phone number. Just go ahead and put their ad and their phone number in the group chat so we can post it with the episode. Exactly. As an extra footage for this episode, we will record Grace having sex through the wall in New Orleans.

Stop! We're going to be busy eating raw oysters. Grace is going to eat 24 raw oysters and then go have sex and we'll continue with another 24 raw oysters well oysters are supposed to be an aphrodisiac because that has that's been true that's true because have you seen them they're so fucking sexy they're so hot so hot you have to slurp them down. Turns me on. Yeah. Exactly.

Okay. But Adam Levine also saying that he was going to name his baby summoner after his mistress. Great bit. Insane. Really great bit. Incredible. So funny.

So funny. It's really, really, really funny. So funny. So funny. Do you think he was trying to slide and like hit her like fuck her again i bet he was making a joke his response after which was just a shrugging emoji a shrugging guy emoji shrugging what if i didn't happen if i did a joke that didn't land i would just i feel like a shrugging guy that is what has it does yeah i feel like he was That is what Hessa does I feel like he was

He was joking and just trying to slide I don't think he was seriously Condemplating I could never name my baby the same name As my mistress because what if I got confused And tried to fuck the baby Oh jeez Oh jeez

You think your mistress Was having a no loads refused event But but you end up coming in your baby Y'all know that feeling Y'all know that feeling when We all know I hate when that happens Are y'all interested in getting into the Obstetrician field or something

Cause y'all talk about babies one more time You might want to consider Yeah Jacques' dad is a baby daddy A baby doctor i mean baby doctor yeah yeah not baby dad i mean he's my baby dad he's a he's a jock's dad is a baby and he's a baby doctor he's a baby he's a prodigy he's a really smart jock's dad is a baby doctor why did boss baby just go boss Baby, Boss Baby 2, Boss Baby yada yada. It should have been like Boss Baby

Doctor Baby, President Baby. There's a little thing called capitalism and unfortunately they only care about bosses. I guess so. I guess so, yes. That's the sad fact of Boss Baby.

Is that it's capitalist yeah I never saw Boss Baby I've seen it I would watch a movie called Personal Assistant Baby voiced by Meg Ryan so Baby tried to be a Hollywood personal assistant

is that a real movie or did you just make that up? I just made it up, but you're buying it. He's pitching some ideas. I'm spitballing here, but it's working. Oh my god. Why does my mic keep turning up without me doing anything?

Yeah, my mic just keeps turning up by itself. Do you have it set to T for T okay good um any what else we got today do you have any more topics um we did

Keith Olbermann this morning oh yeah he smashed Kristen Cinema wait what happened Keith Olbermann said that he smashed Kristen Cinema And she was like When we were banging she was a real progressive What?

I completely forgot about Keith Olbermann That's so insane Who's Keith Olbermann? I remember when Ben Affleck used to play him on SNL Does anyone remember that? No I don't Has Kristen Sinema ever had a public girlfriend?

That's the real question. That's the most bisexual thing about her. Am I right? If she ever had a girlfriend, I wouldn't believe she was bisexual. Then I'd think she was a lesbian. Exactly.

That's why bi people can never win. They can never win. I'll never let's why bi people can never win. Yeah. They can never win. I'll never let them win. We'll never let them win. I'll never let them win. A picture of her kissing a woman who's like, I always knew you were a real lesbian.

No, but she's so clearly bi, just from the fashion. How annoying she is. She's probably the most bisexual woman in the world absolutely i i've never once doubted her bisexuality just from me neither i really believe it yeah no literally believe she's bisexual absolutely i have her this guy dm'd me once her ex-husband's phone number because he was like you should prank him and i was like this is such a like threadbare connection to kristin cinema her like yeah long long ago like ex-husband but i was about to prank him i really want to i got a google voice number and the zip code is um

a quantico quantico zip code and i want to like prank call him from a quantico phone number and just be like you should prank call him live on the air we were going to we talked about it for so long it makes me so nervous well it's illegal to record him that is tricky that is is it from new york because it depends on the state you're calling from right is it for me calling from or are you calling to i think it's the state you're calling from, right? Is it from where you're calling from or where you're calling to? I think it's from where you're calling from. We're about to get his ass. And we're about to stake it all on that it's where you're calling from.

Yeah. No one look it up. No one look it up. If we don't know, they can't charge us. Exactly. If we didn't know it was a crime. Officer, I didn't know it was a crime. Officer, I didn't know it was a crime. Hello, hello courtroom.

Hello courtroom. Are they going to like sue you in a, are you going to get criminally in trouble in a different state that you don't live in? Probably not. Probably not. Also, I feel like it depends how far I take the prank. You know, I still have to devise exactly what I would do. It'd be so funny.

Because my plan is I'm going to ruin his life. You two have no idea. Ben is the most evil prankster in the world. Wait, really? What pranks have you done? Ben, what pranks have you done? I can't say them on air. No, I can't. Then everyone will know what my pranks are. There's the blood pills thing.

If you tell someone your prank, it won't come true. Exactly. Exactly. It's like a wish. Let me tell you all a prank Ben once pulled on me. I woke up to being swatted. Not true. It's not true.

I did not swat you. It was being broken. My tear me suitcase that was there for my birthday. That just happens every time you wake up. All over the floor. Swatting shock live on the floor. We should do that. We should swat Josh.

No, we should not. We should not. It's not funny. It was not funny the first time. I will say one of Ben's pranks, taking pictures of one of his friends who's a girl and sending them to her through a Google voice number that she didn't know. Sending her pictures of herself walking on the street.

It was a really good break. And she was walking past a fast food restaurant called Chicken Texas Burger and I was like, you want everyone to know you eat a Chicken Texas Burger, you bitch. I got her. That's so funny.

I sent her the pictures and we were in a separate group chat and she was like, guys, I just got some really insane text messages and I was like, oh my god, what happened? I was like, playing both sides and I was like, what did you get?? I was like playing both sides and I was like,

what did you get? And she's like, this random phone number just texted me pictures of myself walking under the BQE. That's so funny. And like the pictures I sent,

it's so clear that I'm like in a van under a bridge. I was in a U-Haul truck. I was moving. I was in a U-Haul truck. And I saw her for like 20 seconds i just like picture picture picture picture and sent them to her it's amazing it's amazing that's one of the best that is a really good prank if you ever see a friend of yours in public take a bunch

of pictures while moving that's a lot of coordination i was working so hard that day and i eventually was she was like do you think i should call the cops and i was like maybe and then i was like i was like no gotcha don't press charges against me reaction like what the fuck i know you let it keep going all the way she does call the cops they find out it was you i'm in i'm in court and I'm like, gotcha, bitch. Pranked. I pranked. The cameras come out. Literally.

And then I whisked away to jail. You just got bent over. That's your show. That's what your show is called. Bent over. It's called bend over. With an apostrophe after bend. Yeah. Literally? Bent over. It's called bend over. Bend, bend, but with an apostrophe after Ben.

Yeah. Literally. Bend over. I would love to do a prank style show or punked. You should do a prank show. It'd be so good.

I think punked came back. Didn't it? No. I think it came back like five times for like a minute. Yeah. Yeah.

That show was really good though. I think it was on Quibi or Peacock or something. Where they were doing two minute punks. Wait, have you guys seen the punked ripoff from the early 2000s? This was VHS only. I know Jacques has seen this.

But where it's OJ Simpson, it's called Juiced. And the prank is like it'll be a valet who's like we lost your car and the guy will be like what do you mean you lost my car and they're like we lost your car and then like OJ will walk out and be like I'm OJ

Simpson. He'll start stabbing you No he's like you just got pranked and then they're like what? What? What is going on? That's a good prank. That's actually a really good prank. I like that one. It's called Juiced.

It's called Juiced. Can I say my prank? I would love to see it. Yeah, Jock, what's your prank? Okay, I did this last time I was staying with someone in New York. He was really high. You ripped their toilet out of the wall? No, I went to go get a soda from the nearby gas station or whatever, or bodega.

And I texted him a picture where I stuck my hand in the sewer and took a picture with the flash looking up out of the crate. And I said, oh, my God, you have to come to my location right now. I fell in an open grate in the sewer and it closed behind me. Oh, I remember this one. That one was really good. That's a really really good prank. Because that would happen to you. And the person that I was pranking was

really prankable at this moment and he was like, oh my fucking God, I can't believe you did this. How the fuck? What made him especially prankable in that moment? Was he like... Because he was stoned out of his mind. He was high.

He was high. I see. And then also me... If you texted that to me, I would have switched on Do Not Disturb. I got lost the day before for like an hour and 45 minutes. So it was believable that I would fall down a sewer grate.

Yeah. But I got him to come outside and meet me, and I was like, you'll see this little pink piece of plastic sticking out. I stuck it out of the grate, and I put my location there, and then I turned off my location and then walked back and watched him trying to...

He was like, Jacques! Jacques! That's really funny. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. A good clown from It. It's just a simple little things in life to make people... It really is a

simple things like like making your friends think they're dying making your friends think they're being stalked making your friends think you're dying which is another one of your pranks it's really good getting a blood pill and then popping it no no no no people are gonna stop caring when they see me bleeding if you tell them. Grace and I did a really good prank this year, I think. Oh, yeah, no, that was a great prank. We did a really good one. I can't believe it worked. We angered a journalist.

We, like, disheartened one. It was like we made an entertainment we we we made an entertainment journalist lose the spirit of entertainment journalism i can't remember what magazine it was for it was like la it was like la times or something like that it's owned by a piece of shit now and they had fired all the good reporters but so they were doing some article about like asking comedians their favorite pranks they've pulled and they interviewed us i saw this we we we lied and told them about a prank that we had done that never actually happened and then what we told them is that grace and i met uh in in a few a few years ago. Grace went back to college and was working on her undergraduate degree in classics.

And April had pulled this crazy prank on me to convince me that Rome never existed. And so then I made my thesis about that. I convinced her that Rome had never existed. I fabricated a bunch of articles to convince her of this. She built her whole thesis around this. There were like fake speeches. It was failed. And dropped out of college again for the second time.

And that's when we started doing comedy together. And the whole idea was she had done all of this to force me to do girl god with her essentially we told this journalist that we had done this whole story and he was like that's so fucking funny like do you have any of the fake articles that you made like do you have any of the stuff and obviously we didn't so we just never sent him anything i was like i was like i'll look i'll look i'll see what i can find and i kept like looking and then you're like just just google it it's not my job to educate you So we just never sent him anything. I was like, I'll look, I'll look. I'll see what I can find. And I kept like looking. You're like, just Google it.

It's not my job to educate you. Yeah. And then eventually they, I really thought we were going to get caught. But then they ran the article. But they just published it. And said like that I did this to Grace. I convinced her. Without any of the references? No one fucking fact checked.

No references. That's insane. But you know what the most insane part is after it was already published he emailed our managers and was like hey is there any evidence like he i think realized he had gotten got for real our managers had to tell him like i'm really sorry dude i think they got your ass yeah our managers told us that he was like really sad oh my god well yeah he should be humiliated we were like we were like yeah grace was that we said grace was at boston university like two years it'd be so easy to verify that it'd be so fucking easy to fact check no one fact checked anything they ran they ran the story is it still up i think

so i think so yeah so now now the greatest prank we've pulled is the prank in the article about the greatest prank we've pulled um it's pretty just so fucking so fucking stupid grace and i spent like a week like trying to brainstorm like what's a good fake prank we could say we did like yeah oh my god and i think the killer too was like throughout the interview april was like oh this was a killer prank and i was like yeah i've got a lot of loans you know i did not get that degree but then laughing about it okay let's let's round it out on this um we can should we promo the nola show what do you think yes okay let's do this jock jock why don't you tell april and grace um the first couple places you'll take them in new orleans

what have you got planned let's get an itinerary um we're going to get oysters At either Superior Seafood or Casa Mentos Awesome And we're going to I can't I don't want to It's going to be a surprise

But I'm going to be hungry I can't Jocks you got to talk Mike you have to Thank you Thank you Thank you Thank you I'm sorry

Okay Jock let's get just the promo of the show When where On September 28th at the Howlin' Wolf This Wednesday This Wednesday It's Girl God For the first time ever in New Orleans Performing at 8pm with LP Black Nola.

I don't know. Who is that? What's their name? LP Black is the queer comedian we found. It's funny. In New Orleans. Also, listen to me. You can hear me, Grace, and April in the podcast,

A Closer Look, which is coming out now. That's true. Our good buddy Will said it. Girlgod is also going to be in Austin this week on Friday. We're headlining an Austin sketch fest. Later we're going to Chicago and we're doing a bunch of East Coast days.

Go to girlgodshow.com Let's go. Girlgodshow.com baby.'s go. That's the website. Girlgotshow.com, baby. But please come out to New Orleans. It's truly been insane to get people to come out to New Orleans. It's our first time there. Come out to New Orleans. Come to the show.

I'm advertising every day. Jock's is going to be our special guest. Not only am I guesting, I'm standing in front of the venue every day saying Girl God! Get your tickets to Girl God! Thank you so much, Jacques. We appreciate that so much. Okay. Thank you

for joining us today. We had a blast. This was very fun. Thank you for having us. Bye, everyone. thank you for having us bye everyone bye bye Thank you.