Seeking Derangements - SD 162 - Undercover Billionaire 2: We're Drinking w/ Jake

Episode Date: October 8, 2022

It's review number two mamas! We hit you with some business tips of our own, reveal the fattest girl food ever, get drunk, roast Moniques lame ass, thirst for Grant, and worship miss Elaine. Follow Jake @hoe_slut_hoe on IG, go to Heaven in Bushwick, and keep your eyes peeled for Rash's reopening.

🎵 Thank you. and we're off. Welcome back to review two of Undercover Billionaire. As you can tell from that hiccup and burp combo, I'm drinking and I've also had my first meal of the day at 9 p.m. It's a little late night recording tonight. A little late night anorexia. It's late night. We're all drinking. Drink check.

I am drinking straight absolute vodka right now. Keto moment. Jake has to look at her drink. Jake has a giant glass of wine. Oh my god. I've got a 32 ounce wine glass with casamigos

and a little sugar-free mango juice. Oh, my God. Your nails are so iconic, Jake. Girl boss moment. I stole one of my straight roommates' raspberry white claw, which I hate seltzers. I love raspberry. That's the best white claw flavor. Seltzers are out.

Seltzers have been out. They are. But I am drinking one because I don't want to go buy my own alcohol. That's my business tip. Steal your roommate's alcohol and then you just apologize.

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. We did all agree we were going to get martini. We did agree it was martini night and now none of us are drinking martinis. That's another business tip. You try to make your friends... Never buy vermouth.

You try to make your friends spend more money than you. Because I was like, I'm not going to go buy everything it takes to get a martini. That's a bottle of vermouth, a bottle of ginger vodka, olives, a martini shaker, ice ice can you get it to go drink from the little italy places yeah but i don't want a martini from there i guess i could have

but you know it would have come in like one of those big like plastic cups would have come in like a solo cup i don't know one time i got a martini from this fancy bar at a downtown hotel in Boston. And the ice was like the Ice Age movies. Because the ice was crushed. But it was all floating right in the top. And I was like, this is terrible. I can't even drink this. Crushed ice is the superior ice form.

I think we all know that. Not in a martini. Not in a martini, but just overall best ice form. No, never. You're not a fan of crushed ice. Because it makes it colder. It stays colder longer. No, it literally doesn't.

It gets colder faster. It melts faster. If that's what you mean. That's not what I mean. That's actually not what I mean. Fight. I feel like it's widely agreed upon that crushed ice is the superiorized form. Not for all drinks, but just across the board in general. I've never heard anyone, anyone who's ever liked crushed ice better.

Why is smaller ice better? Like, when you're trying to just take a sip and, like, some ice gets in, that's, like, a nuisance. You're so drunk. You are so drunk.

I'll try to take a backseat to this episode. I'm kidding. I don't think you're that drunk. Are you that drunk? She is that drunk. No, I'm not. I made a joke and I was accidentally correct. Hessa is vibrating. Also, I'm sick. I'm sick

for everyone listening at home. Sick in the fucking head. Yeah, it's called alcoholism. It's a disease. This is an intervention pod. Okay, let's get... Should we get to the real business? Let's get to the real business. I need to actually...

I need to go get something really quick. Oh my god. Is it okay if I go get something? No, you guys can talk. It's going to be one minute. It's going to be a big reveal. Okay. Are you ready? I'm leaving my headphones on so I can hear you through Bluetooth.

So don't say anything mean. Okay. So here we are at episode two. I actually got a lot of feedback about episode one a lot of positive feedback a lot of people started watching the show so I think that we've got quite the audience for this show now I think episode one is one of our best episodes we've ever done truly I think you

me and Ben is a combination intro but GRIPPY GRIPPY Jake and I Grapes! Jake and I have been on a huge frozen grape tip now that I'm being anorexic.

It is... It is the most fattest food in existence. It's such a fat girl food. It's so much fatter than just eating candy. It tastes just like candy. Get these away from me. I can't.

It's so bad. It is the most morbidly obese food to eat. Yes. Because it's like, oh, I can't just have fruit. I need it to go through a chemical change that makes it yummier. Yeah, exactly.

I feel like I can already tell this is going to be a legendary episode. I can tell. It's like the nutritionist swaps out for you. It's fat-capped food. Instead of eating a bite-sized Three Musketeers every day. Or like a pint of ice cream. I'm eating four pounds. Four pounds of frozen grapes a day.

Get these away from me. Take them out. I feel like I debauched Roman King. They are amazing. Yeah, it is Roman King. Tip to the audience, frozen grapes. Also, Jake, you know, I've seen people roll these in citric acid. I don't need that.

That's too bad. Who has citric acid lying around? If you have citric acid lying around, do you have an eating disorder that you need to get help for? If you have a thing, like a jar marked citric acid, and you can roll shit in that? Or a gar or gelatin around it's like rolling frozen grapes in citric acid is like my thousand pound life

the most indulgent like candy replacement imaginable anyways sorry i didn't mean to cut up there if you really follow the keto blogs People make caramel with stevia And that is like really the top tier Just give it up bitch I know You're gonna give yourself the weirdest kind of cancer You're like doing like Scientist shit in your kitchen Anyways

Let's get into this episode The new episode of Undercover Billionaire Which I thought was 45 minutes long as always they're an hour and a half you misread the text no I read the text correctly you fucked up you fucked up sending me the text

the episode after this one you said every episode from now on is 45 minutes which isn't even true. So you've been drinking all day. Even if you're right right now. So you've been day drinking.

That's not even true. Oh my God. It is only four. I'm only drunk because you told me that we were drinking for this episode. And I started drinking at the beginning. And then I noticed like, oh, wait. This is like an hour and a half long. Yeah.

I'm sorry. Look, I am sorry. But this is the last. This is a break in the 90-minute episodes. The next four. So maybe we'll do two at a time after this. No. No, we will not.

Until we get back to the full-size episodes. No. Okay, we will not. We will not. We will not. Hessa is videoing that one. No. But this episode is very good.

I loved it, as always. It's amazing. This is a classic. Should we start with Monique? Yeah, let's start with Monique this time. I want to as always. It's amazing. This is a classic. Should we start with Monique? I want to say Grant because I love this. I feel like Elaine is the least

of any of them this episode. Do you want to take her out first then? Let's go Monique, Elaine, Grant. Yeah, I love it. Monique opens. yeah i love it munique opens sorry my grape i'm eating my grape she's like she's challenging systems she's in no she's into juana noble's house she's living in the state senator alex house yes who we not we find out later in the episode wins um also by the way i i feel like this is the episode that convinced me that like none of this

is real because like there are like moments where it's like oh monique just happened to meet the mayor of the city it's real and the mayor just happened to be like it's real she identified key players if you remember from the last episode if you ever start a business let me know and like shakes her hand and shit. And then it's like, we'll get there. We'll get there. Oh,

the mayor just happens to walk into my home. So she opened, she, she is into one of noble's home. She's making a bed and she's like, I just really want to keep the place clean. You know, so I'm staying here for free.

It's the least I could do. She's like, I love being back in a house just like mine. It's like, I found shelter. You bitch. I know. She ventures out to kind of find initial

funding for her juice shop company. First she stops by the farmer's market to look at some produce and potentially score a job because she needs some money in the short term. She walks around the farmer's market. She ends up meeting this woman who kind of, I guess, runs it. She's like a community health or like community.

It's a guy. No, no, no. The woman that like walked her around the farmer's market. Then she meets the guy who runs the farm. So when she meets the woman who is running this. She's on her phone. She's on her phone. She talks to this woman.

The woman is telling Monique all about how this like big farmer's market and warehouse started in Tacoma. She's walking her through who the vendors are. Information, Monique should be present, listening, clearly engaged with. Monique is on her phone, clearly texting. Instead, she's literally like, because she's so addicted to Instagram and shit, she's like, wait, I just got one like. Yeah, she's trying to get nine followers. Yeah, literally. I just hit 10.

Not 10k. The guy who owns the farm that she's working for is named Alex Fartdale. I thought it was very funny. Fartdale, but I also heard it. My brain also coded it as Fartwell. She said something insane in this section.

She's asked this guy for a job. He's basically like, sure, you can be a farm hand a couple hours a week. They make a plan for that. Then she buys some apples and fruits and shit. I knew you would hate this. She says this sentence that is insane. It is complete insanity, which is, I don't believe in coming into someone's place of business

and not supporting them. I'm going to buy some fruit, even though I don't have a lot of money. Which is insane. Unless it's a church. Unless it's a church, Monique. Literally like a vampire, like a financial vampire. She says like every word that will get me to hate someone in a single sentence

she uses like privilege vulnerability community openness like she's like i've never been vulnerable like i've been this vulnerable for but like i've never been vulnerable like this before it's really like you know that george carlin uh special that's like the seven words you can't say on TV or whatever? It's like if he did that for words that would annoy me. Synergy. That's what Monique does. She's like the 12 words that will make Ben want to shoot me in the head. She combines them all in one sentence.

So she gets a day job. finds them all in one sentence. So she gets a day job. Also, Monique's is the fakest arc that is like, oh, they staged it. I think they staged all of their arcs, honestly. I don't like that.

She gets a job selling fruit at this farmer's market. Do you remember what rate she was getting? She was getting like 80 bucks a day or something. She got 80 bucks for one day. I think she made 80 bucks.

She worked probably six, seven hours. She made $80. Yeah. I love this clip to her when she talks about, she says her five. Well, Alex Fartwell was like, how do you feel about your first day? And she was like, you know, this is my bread and butter. You know, this is my wheelhouse. I'm right in here.

I'm in here. I'm selling. This is the language I speak. The language I speak is selling fruit to people. I love health and I love money and I love marrying them both in this, like, interaction. And, like, Alex Fartwell is like... I love it, man. This is my language.

Getting to tell people how to be healthier. And that's, to me, what life is about. Cool. Cool. Cool. No, he hates her. Monique's arc this entire episode is her making everyone uncomfortable,

being a buzzkill no one likes her no one trusts her but in this cutaway she talks about like my five c's of business oh my god you so i know you i know you are gonna hate this she says conscious concerned caring community and contagious and i just want to break these down because it's so funny because conscious i know there's like a consumer element of like conscious as a you know uh like part of a brand or something it like goes with like sustainable practices whatever whatever but it's always been so funny to me because it's like that is just like a vital function it's yeah you're just conscious you're just like functioning you're just aware you're awake you can't associate you're in the capitalist

like nightmare but you can't associate like and then you have to wake yourself up concerned is also so funny because it's like so completely vague like yeah concerned with what? A juice brand. Caring? And this is after she talks about her margins. The same as concerned, literally. For her. Sesame Street shit. Community, it's completely bullshit.

Contagious is very funny because this is the beginning of the peak of COVID. States are starting to shut down. Monique is Monique is like wearing a mask in every single shot. She's elbow. Can we talk about Monique's elbow bumping this entire, I hate her.

You know, she was, you know, she was so mask up, double mask. Like I kind of love her. I came to love her in this episode because she's so insane. And she's so like.

She's very Kamala. It's so openly fake. The like her shit compared to the other two people. Like she doesn't even make an effort to hide that it's fake. She's also she's into coma. Which is so funny. She is into coma which someone commented um last time we all had you know this like vague awareness that this is not a small city um it is a big city

with like it looks beautiful driving gentrification yeah but anyway she goes after working her day at this farm stand it's like oh wow it, it's the mayor of the town. Hi, mayor. That comes later. That comes later. She goes before then. That's her second shift at the farm stand. After her first shift, she goes out into the town to kind of just, you know, she wants to canvas the community about, you know,

like their interest in wellness and health. And before this, you pointed out that she bought a blender to juice front with so she's making smoothie samples she buys a blender she does not have a juicer but she has a blender she has a blender okay and i know because you i have that blender it's a neutral one of the funniest parts of the whole episode is when she goes to like bed bath and beyond and asks the woman like i need something that'll be able to make juice. And the woman is like, okay,

we have like a food processor right here. And she's like, no, no, no food processor. Food does not. Okay. She has no idea what she's doing.

Babe, like a food processor could make juice. Like, yeah, you just don't know. Way better than a blender could. You have to separate the fiber from could make juice. Like, yeah, you just don't know how it works. Way better than a blender could. You have to separate the fiber from the actual juice. That's what makes it juice.

She goes out, she goes into the community to canvas. This is before her second shift. She's handing out like creamy shots. Before, before she even hands out the samples. This is her first kind of initial canvas of the community. She goes out into the neighborhood and she literally just goes up to people and she's just like, what's going on here?

Where are the people who care about wellness and juice and stuff? And she's on the street corner with a woman who works on like some kind of council, like investment council or something. This happens. This woman is a very stage just happens to work on the Juice Investment Council. Yeah. She meets the biggest juice drinker in Tacoma. But she says to this woman, she says to this woman,

I just moved here, girl. I'm trying to get my life together and start a business, which is like the most sus thing you can say to someone on a rainy day. Also, no. When a camera crew. She says that because she says it after. She's like, no, we're making a documentary right now

about entrepreneurship in this town. No, Monika's fully introducing herself as a successful businesswoman. Yeah. Like fully. And then this woman, so this woman tells her that she buys her juice shots online

she's like there's nowhere in town which is just there's no way that is a lie they sell juice shots at target they sell juice shots at target i have bought at walmart yes juice shots are widely available yeah and not not to mention that they're, not to mention that basically any cafe, especially like a gentrified ass cafe. Yes, you can get like 16 ounce juices. Literally. She visited like 10 of them. She visited like soul kitchens. Yeah.

She did not visit one cafe. That person, I'm blanking on the username, but they commented that Tacoma is like a big city and that Monique's first place she went to, Soul Kitchen, was the most, like, widely known to be the most successful black business in Tacoma. But again, it is a soul food restaurant. And she walked through, the funniest thing is that she walked through the drive-thru of that restaurant. Like, literally, like, me and my friends like high school yeah me and my friends in high school like drunk walking through the drive-thru of like quaker steak and lube like with the ice cream cake i love monique's move where she does she like marries a like um tech bro with like aOC aesthetic where she wears a hoodie underneath a blazer.

It's so insane. It is insane. It looks like absolute shit also. Girl, what are you doing? For the second half of the episode, she is literally wearing fake glasses and a lab coat which is the lab coat was insane when she's walking around the community having these conversations she's wearing a like extra long like scalloped hemmed white button-up but it literally looks like she is wearing a lab it is a lab coat after a certain point it's handing out creamy cherry ginger juice shots

and she's handing these she's handing these shots out in plastic ramekins. Like when you're at a shitty diner and you ask them for a side of ketchup or something, they just bring you a pre-poured side of ketchup and a little plastic ramekin. It is so sus. She is literally operating.

The thing is that, no, when she's at Bed Bath & Beyond, she tells the people there like no you don't understand i'm doing juice shots and they like take away from like the food processor and they're like yeah oh you should just do the neutral bullet like the smallest thing we have well so this is the point where she break goes down into her business strategy and she like emphasizes that it is 17 cents to make a juice shot because she's bought the fruit. And she's like, I can sell them for $4.

And she's like, that's incredible. That's a 96% rate. That's a 96% markup. 96% markup. But she doesn't include packaging, labor, or overhead. Packaging, labor. Okay, also, later in the episode, she's like, yeah, no. Also, later in the episode, she's like, yeah, no, in these disenfranchised areas, it's going to be so important to get a cheap health option here.

It's like, bitch, you are saying you're going to make 96% markup, and you're also saying I'm going to help the community. Which one is it? Well, she's of course doing neither, but in that, this is why I hate her the most. She's always doing neither. It's because she's also lying. She's not going to make, but in that this is why I hate her the most. She's also lying. She's not going to make 96 cents off of this. Once you factor in little plastic bottles you've got to put the juice shots in, labels for those bottles.

She's an actual juicer. I feel like that's negligible. All that shit is negligible. No, it's not. That's a huge cost. That's what turns it into a dollar. Yeah. You two are the business people, I guess. That is a huge cost that's what turns into like a dollar yeah you two are the business people i guess that is that is a huge cost um i'm telling you she's probably gonna have to spend per per shot she'll probably have to spend more on the uh plastic bottles like skew and labor her like

biggest cost is gonna be labor yeah um okay so let's see where we are let's go through this chronologically. Monique, at one point, pulls up back to, after doing her canvas of the community, she goes back to Tawana Noble's house, where she is effectively squatting. And Tawana has just won. Tawana has one of the funniest lines I've seen in the entire show, which is, yeah, Monique has been helping us get healthier,

you know, with everything we drink. Um, you know, she added limes to our, our water. I've been, she said,

I've been putting lime in my water and aloe on my skin since the day I met her, which is like, that's not, that's literally, there's nothing. It's like, yeah, bullshit,

bullshit. But she pulls up, it's the fakest show in the entire world like this is like monique's arc is is is very staged um she pulls up to tawana noble's house and tawana noble's i don't think this was staged because you can tell the moments where you can tell it's so awkward but you can tell the moments where monique is so like charmless and like yeah uncharismatic and just weird that the people around her are like kind of really off by her she shows back up to tuan nobles house and tuan nobles is like

celebrating in her yard with her campaign manager who's a mentor of hers and it's family like several like high distance like zoomed in shots of and it's like they're genuinely like so happy they're all they're very happy they're clearly celebrating and monique pulls up in her car and her lap coat and she walks up hey y'all hey y'all and she's masked hey what's everyone no one else is masked she's masked she shows up and she's just like yeah i'm in the community she's what's everyone's name i want to know i'm in the community i love the community i just moved here from california and i really want to know everyone's name. I'm in the community. I love the community. I just moved here from California and I really want to start a business for the community and they're all

like, okay, great. We just won the Senate. Yeah. We literally are doing stuff for the community that you claim to love so much but no one knows who you are. It's very, very weird. It becomes

so awkward when she pulls up. It's dead silence, really, for a weird amount of time. So that's her intro to the mayor. Then the mayor ends up coming to the farmer's market while she's working the stand. She's putting her hours in. They talk further. She gets the mayor's number, and then they set up a time to actually talk business. To meet the Tawanda Nobles and the mayor. So fake. they set up a time to actually talk business to me now

to one of nobles and the mayor so fake they all meet on a waterfront so i'm sure i'm sure part of this is production but i also do think do think that like monique while she may be like charmless and incredibly annoying i think she is really talented at like getting follow-through and like getting stuff to work for her like You know she talked to that mayor and she's like, let's set up a time. It is probably partially fake, but it is also fake

in the way that Monique's entire business and life is fake and that she's basically- It's not even that it's fake. It's all talk. So this is the part she's actually good at. She's good at setting up the meeting.

No, I don't believe that she'd actually set up a meeting for the marriage. If she didn't have the cameras, if she didn't have the show, I think they're not things. What I'm saying is Monique is the kind of person who is effectively producing their own life in this way.

She's a VC, like girls who code person. These businesses are all built on a scaffold of networking and all talk, no product. She's so awkward. It's so funny

how awkward and bad at talking people she is. Yeah, but she's playing the game that these people are also trying to play. But local politics are the same thing. Because this mayor, the mayor needs someone. No, the mayor is also going to follow through on this because of the camera crew and all. I think those things like happen naturally.

I think it makes sense in the world that these people operate in. Absolutely. They have interlocking. Let me finish. Let me finish. They have interlocking interests. Like the mayor, the mayor wants to prove that she's doing something to like bring health food to a food desert. And Monique is a

person who's offering this and she gets a little public she's not she's not she is she's offering or she offers anything literally right but you could say that she did the same type of deal sort of with towana to even get there in the first place which one oh i would also like a platform so she's amazing at like scaling this like political like yeah like social system and in a couple episodes we'll see if she can like prove it or not i literally think all this is fake also i think like literally later on when grant is like when matt tells grant like we sold 12k in mattresses. That's not hard to do. It's like 12 mattresses. It's 12 mattresses. No, that's like 25 mattresses.

No, it's not. Mattresses are not $1,000. Yes, they are. Yes, they are. Look online. Google mattress. You're literally blackout. You are blackout drunk. Shut up. Google mattress. You're literally blackout. You are blackout drunk.

Shut up. Google mattress. Oh my god. Sorry. Okay. I'll concede. A mattress is $1,000. It is, Hessa. I just googled mattress cost.

That one's $5,000. They go from $600 to $1,200 And that mattress store is probably selling them for somewhere Mattresses are free Ben taught me that They are free My business tip here I think Casper has Casper has closed this loophole

But I have literally gotten I don't think they have I have literally gotten 8 free mattresses closed this loophole, but I have literally gotten... I don't think they have. They have. I have literally gotten eight free mattresses from this loophole. I sold a lot of them to renovate my dad's house. I paper clipped, Jake. You did paper clip. Did you get them delivered to your apartment in Chinatown?

No, this is when I was volunteering for Bernie and I had a bunch of... Or working for Bernie, I had a bunch of volunteers coming in. I had like 20 people from New York City coming to stay with me in my like tiny ass house in the ghetto in Des Moines. I was like we need some mattresses and my friend Chloe put me onto this Casper mattress tip

I know because you have passed that tip on to so many people. So many people. I still get DMs to this day where people are like Casper mattress, Casper mattress. So this doesn't for the listener currently work with where people are like, Casper mattress, Casper mattress. So this doesn't, for the listener, currently work with Casper, I believe. Casper did report. I think that you had said that it worked with Amazon for a little longer, but I don't think it works with Amazon anymore. It worked with Amazon for a little longer.

You can do it with like purple or new mattress companies. The crucial point here is you need to find a mattress company who is going to offer a, if you don't like it we'll give you your money back thing and it has to be a mattress that is shipped to you um because when they package and ship these mattresses they use industrial sized vacuum sealers to like like scrunch them up into a tiny little ball so they can ship it for low cost and then it gets you, you like rip it open and they expand into full size, like semi firm mattresses. So if you think about the process in which a UPS guy or a U S or FedEx guy is going to come back to your house,

roll up the mattress, bring it back to a Casper district distribution center. It's impossible. Okay. I just completely zoned out. The most they will. It's okay. The listener is listening to me.

The most they will it's okay the listener is listening to me the most they will do is um tell you you need to donate it and um uh prove a certificate of donation but once again this doesn't work anymore so none of this is useful i think you can do it at purple you can do it at any mattress company i think so because what they can't come pick up the mattress jake yes but they've gotten the mattress but they've gotten better at calling your bluff now where then i think that they will now say okay so when should the mattress guy come or all that like and then most people end up saying you know what and no and then you know what i've had people do this you schedule a date with them and they don't come okay but that's such a risk because of like having your mattress taken away on a random day

have them take the mattress you still get your money back that's so broke but then you just had then you just had a free mattress for three months yeah and then you don't have a mattress then you're standing in your room with no mattress and like work tomorrow you sleep on a pile of clothes people don't have the flexibility in their schedule that we do. You still basically made money because you had a free mattress for three months. No. Yes. Anyways.

Let's get Hessa's coming back. There's one sort of in the final conversation that they have. We can wrap up Monique. Yeah, we can wrap up. To wrap up Monique, what annoyed me so much is the mayor the mayor questions her where she's like monique's like everyone in this town orders their juice shots from california and the mayor says nobody makes them here and she looks her dead in the eyes and she says no immediate no immediately says no no one in your city makes no one no one one in all of Tacoma, which is like

the Pacific Northwest. That is juice shot central, mama. They're like an hour from Seattle. Literally. Less. You can get a juice shot anywhere in this country. You could send me into

a town of 12 people, and I will find a fucking juice shot. Okay? And not a smoothie. Not a smoothie. Nary a smoothie. Nary a smoothie. Okay, one last thing about Monique.

I'm done with her. One last thing about Monique. I'm done. I'm done. She is talking about how much she loves turmeric to Tawana Nobles when she's making, quote- making quote unquote juice in a blender and Monique let's slide that she lost 30 pounds of inflammation

from drinking turmeric. Inflammation. She's like I had such an inflammation problem. And she's like this saved my life. I'm like bitch what were you eating? Also turmeric and ginger smoothies is so gross.

I don't think it's that gross i don't i love that skin i do no well you you peel the skin she was not she was not peeling skin i also noticed that no i also have a peel i wrote down i wrote down i think almost every pro tip that you know where they do the pro tips where it's like bold like monique's pro tips are um one every interaction is important and she said that after she met with the mayor for the first time um what she wanted to say is identify key players yeah but she couldn't. She couldn't. Solving problems creates demand. I thought about that one for a second and I think she's right there. It makes sense.

Yeah. I mean, yeah. They make largely these... That is the most... I just want the audience to know what the show is telling. Business for dummies. You know?

Yeah. Supply and demand. Supp supply and demand supply and demand no she's literally like my business tip is to make a product that people want to buy um she monique wraps up basically with getting using the mayor and using to wanna nobles to get her

on a zoom investor call to find funding for her juice company which is literally she's doing she's lemonade stand this is a lemonade stand this is literally, she's doing, she's lemonade stand. This is a lemonade stand. This is a glorified lemonade stand. But she's also just passing the ball. Like the mayor very clearly doesn't want to be the one on the hook for this.

She's like, yeah, I can get something together. Exactly. And it's like, it's all under the valence of like, we need to have an access. We need to have access to grocery stores and food deserts. And like a juice shot is not a grocery store. A juice shot is not access to produce. It's the top of the pyramid.

She's literally like, oh, yeah, no, we need to get more food access here. And then, meanwhile, like, a half hour ago, she was literally like it costs us less than 20 cents to make each juice shot. So we can charge like $5 for each one. Well, we'll see if she does. Oh, she will.

Oh, she will. That is very incongruent with her being like Oh, of course. She's a liar and also like the last scene let me look through my notes in the last scene she's dressed like she's

about to kill Scarface yep she Tawana being like yeah she makes us drink lime in our drink every day, in our water every day. Her lab coat.

Have we talked about her lab coat? We've talked about all of that. I'm done with her. I'm moving on. Let's go on. Let's move on. Should we do Elaine? Let's do Elaine. ¶¶

let's do elaine elaine is very small very like but if very short. But if you open up the hood of this episode, I think she gets a lot done. She does get a lot done. She gets so much done, but she gets it done in such a small amount of time. And that's my girl. That's why she's my girl. Okay.

Elaine. Also, I realize we didn't, in the last episode, we didn't talk about the penalty. If they lose. The premise of the show is that if any of these three do not create a million dollar valued business by the end of the 90 days,

they have to take a million dollars of their own money and put it into the business. So put it into more staff and put it into the business. So put it into more staff and put it into the, like the building or whatever it is. That's a lot on the line. So Elaine,

there is a lot in the line. So Elaine's story here, she opens with saying that she wishes she could just be in a Chanel because she's sick of living above Shep's. It's I think like eight days in at this point. She has a complete schizophrenic meltdown in front of her. She's iconic.

I love Elaine. Complete meltdown in front of her mirror. She's looking into her mirror and she's like, it's okay, business. It's just, it's smoking mirrors. It's smoking mirrors,

just like this mirror. It's all smoking mirrors. And it's like, okay, what are you talking about? Then she goes out. She's such a queen. I want to go to Chanel so bad. Sit there, smell everything.

Game face, baby, game face. You got it down. You can do it. It's all game face. It's all mirrors and smoking mirrors anyway. It's like, is she really able to pull this off kind of thing? People are like, can she do it? She's such a queen.

She goes out in front of chefs and she power washes it with Russell. And she's like, I just want to see the potential of this business after I power wash it. Well, so she, what really happened, so she sits down with Russell and she's kind of, the subtext is she's looked around town and she's kind of, the subtext is, she's looked around town and she doesn't really have any leads. Not enough vintage buildings. There's nothing for her anywhere else. If you listen to the last episode,

you'll remember the building montage of how much she was talking about buildings. She couldn't find one. She could not find one. Nary a building. So it turns out the building she wanted was under her nose the whole time. Exactly.

She's realized she has an in with someone who actually owns the business, or the building she wanted was under her nose the whole time. Exactly. She's realized she has an in with someone who actually owns the business or the building. So she kind of doubled down on Russell. She sits down with Russell and she's just like, I want to pick his brain. You know she told Russell like, let's have a date. Yes, absolutely. She's so flirty with

Russell who is this like... She is using her feminine wiles and I love her for it. Russell looks like this like she is using her feminine wiles and I love her for it. Russell looks like a like oil prospector who like is just eating like hamburgers. He's like fat. He has like mutton chops.

As Jake said last episode Russell is this is the skinniest person Russell has ever seen. Yes absolutely. She's the prettiest woman Russell has ever seen. We learned that Russell's daughter is named Reagan she's the also so funny we learned that russell's daughter is named reagan which i think yes i love that i wrote that down too i wrote that down too i wrote that down too so she sits down with russell she's like i just want to you know

they have two meetings in this um in elaine's story the first one she's like i just want to pick his brain um and see you know what potential um uh sheps has and she sits russell down and she basically just talks to him as if she's like in the witness protection program because he's trying to figure out like who she is what she does why she's interested and she's just like well how about you where are you from what are you your background? Um, you know, so I came from South California. You know, I've been all over. Like, I do a lot of stuff. Like, complete vagary.

And then Russell answers her with, like, crushing absolute truth, where he's like, I work double doubles every day. I work 72 hours a week. 72 hours a week. Six 12-hour shifts a week. And this is his day off. And he's using it all the time. This is his day off.

And he's like, I've got three daughters. You know, it's really hard right now because of the pandemic. We're struggling to make ends meet. I'm working as a cement truck operator. Yeah, he drives cement trucks. Depression era. Like wearing a barrel like yes like burlap sack dress um and he he's like yeah if your kids one of them is named reagan um

and elaine is like okay great fine amazing and she basically just um and he's so she he asked she literally steals his business. That's later. That's in the second meeting. The first meeting you realize what she's doing. She basically says, I want to make some improvements and I want to talk to some people you know. So he sets her up with a meeting with his close friend who helps him with business stuff. Chris. Chris.

Who runs a meat market across town. Yeah. And because Elaine feels... He owns or does he manage? I think he either owns or manages it. I'm not sure. He's like a partner. He's like a small partner slash manager.

It's something. It's something like that. So she, because she wants to thank Russell so much for this meeting and so much for, you know, she feels bad because he divulged that he's working 72 hours a week and struggling to feed three kids. She buys him an iced tea. And she says it's very important to her. She's like, it's very important to me,

I buy him an iced tea. No, I love this moment because they're both looking at, like, the blueprints or something and, like, this guy... That's the second meeting. He comes back with the blueprints. Oh, okay. But same, basically same thing. Okay. and like the that's the second meeting guy he comes back with the blueprints okay but same basically same thing okay um well so in between she goes out she goes out to the fountain and she does a little planning she writes some stuff she schemes and she's scheming it's just basically

a montage scene but i have to say her bootcut jeans in this are so iconic she looks so good she is the best dress of any of them. Like, by far, literally. She looks so good. Besides the one part where Monique looked like she's about to kill Scarface. I think, like, that is. No, I love Elaine's style. Elaine's whole vibe is just. Elaine is just a walking rag and bone commercial.

Episode one. Literally, she's so rag and bone. She's so rag and bone. She's so, like like boho chic. She has the seam on the back. I couldn't screenshot because you can't screenshot Amazon Prime. But there's a flashback when she... Okay, wait, wait.

When she's in her apartment. When she's in her house. Oh my God, her gorgeous home with her on the floor mattress. It is insane. I've got the notes on that one i was this is a cutaway this is like a this is a before she left i was sewing so hard at this scene because she's in her like like mod like it looks like a model apartment by like rag and bone it's so like boho chic or like excavated mansion yes she is sitting there and it's like a random flashback.

She's talking about her business. It's put into the show very, very randomly. You're not expecting this. It hasn't happened before. But it's just an interview with her. And she's talking about her first business, which I couldn't make out if it was called Portobello or Portabella. Portabella.

Portabella. if it was called portobello or portabella portabella portabella it was a um uh design like a front like vintage furniture uh refurbishing and like original works from elaine and she says that um it made her the go-to designer for all of california um she i believe i absolutely believe it she eventually divulges that she was selling candlesticks for twenty five hundred dollars and pillows for five thousand dollars she's so iconic and she was like judy judy dench came in one day and she was gooping before gwyneth she's so she's like she's original yes okay so she went if there's a guest on this absolutely i would love to get i would love to get elaine um so she schemes in the park she basically comes up with an idea to um turn

chefs into something she doesn't have an idea yet but she's just like i know that there's a business with a space in downtown and if i think about it long enough i will come up with an idea which is true i've said the same thing about business her um it's true idea is um well she steals her idea from it's actually kind of genius yeah but it's literally it's literally she goes and sees the meat market that chris is running and she yeah well she takes two things and combines them which is when she's meeting it's so with russell russell tells her before covid our lunch crowd was crazy and now there's nothing then she goes and meets with this other guy chris and he tells her how well his like kind of out of town business does it's like a um it's almost like a subscription service butchery called the meat market yeah that is kind of like a deli. And then he is like, she goes and sees this business and it's like,

oh, I'm going to pitch like the meat market too at in downtown. And this type of business is very elevated deli. Like anyone who grew up in suburbia knows that there's this kind of like nice little place where you can get packaged cheese and like wax paper. But yeah, like pre-traded. Pecorino and shit like yeah you get guantanamo which i love i love oh it's amazing yeah that's a beautiful business that's like gorgeous but she does kind

of she does kind of synthesize like there is a gap here she doesn't come up with any new ideas what she does is she just like puts them together she formats things that in ways that these two guys couldn't think of yeah i mean the funniest thing is that the funniest thing is that chris is like i don't know i don't know if this will work so she goes back she goes back she goes back after seeing the meat market to have her second meeting with russell and chris together and this is a meeting that she's asked russell to bring the blueprints of uh sheps to and so yeah this is my favorite part in the whole episode they all sit down um and elaine is basically just being like look we have got to combine some business ideas here right here what this area what do you picture here and

then suddenly like this guy puts like a coca-c on the diet Coke, like on literally right on the plans. And then she's like, Oh, thank you. And then suddenly on the screen, her fingers touch the diet Coke. Yes. You see the little UI box with her network fingers.

Grab it. Oh, Hey, thank you very much. Thank you very much. Like, like literally net worth appears on screen, and you can see it getting drained of, like, a dollar and a half.

I feel like that all the time. I walk out of my apartment, and I feel like when Sonic gets hit by something and coins just fly out. So Russell's there with the blueprints. Elaine, yeah, kind of just gestures wildly at all the spaces like this could be a cooler this could be uh like deli counter you could pick up your order here and they're all like okay i guess i've literally done this like like when planning renovations which is you just walk around whatever is there you just gesture at how large the ice

machine here there's gonna be a counter the ketamine the ketamine room could be in the back yeah exactly no you literally do this you literally with your arms you gesture and then it becomes reality she knows she's on this too it's how you like you do the same thing like with houses too like growing up my dad was uh like home renovator like a contractor um and it's this is how all those people talk like when you're in like construction or renovations it's just you do literally just like you make a box with your hands you're like this is where this goes and i it does make sense elaine is clearly very talented at doing this and she knows what she's talking about she's taught she's using construction terms she's talking about finishes she's talking about edges like

she's clearly impressing them a little bit because they keep at like their question for her is have you done this before the only thing that she's able to tell them is yes yes you can't give them anything more no it's so funny. She can't say, bitch, I've sold a candlestick for $2,500 before. Exactly. She just has to say yes. So basically, she gets this all wrapped up, and she pitches Russell and Chris with this deal, which is, like, an amazing win for her because I can't imagine anyone agreeing.

This is the biggest moment for her. I can't imagine anyone agreeing to this because the, the circumstances of this deal are like truly insane. So there's an, there's, I think that the important part to note about the deal is that Russell agreed to it on the terms that this would be a business that was leasing from him. And that the second that they were open,

they would be paying generous rent. So that's a totally different business from like, let me just like renovate everything to like, she's taking on the responsibility of paying rent for the space. So like for him, he's going to have to foot the bill for renovations. Yeah, no,

it's still huge for him, but that's a big difference. A long-term lease for him is a plus. Like he has a long-term tenant. Yeah. But it's like, it's, it's not made in any kind

of like really um codified way at first because she doesn't even have an id exactly she's just like look i've done this i can do it for you i don't have any money but if you get me on a long term i don't have any money or an id or or which i will not be paying i will not be signing my name i will be paying rent and she literally wins him over just because she's the prettiest woman he's ever seen well she also sold it during that pitch she really like she proved it a little bit she proved a little bit i loved seeing that deal happen because it was like that was one of the few moments in the show or i think that peep someone actually like used what they know from their experience and just proved it outright as opposed to just saying,

trust me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so she's now, we basically leave a lane, um, where she's got enough.

She's got a deal in place. so also earlier in this, when she, when she talked with russell at first about this deal her like um her kind of like catchphrase of that segment was delay when you pay and i will say when you business that is delay when you pay when you pay is very real and everyone should be applying it because i also started a business in the middle of covid and use delay when you pay like to the extreme yeah we i mean we got so we got so many months off and then yeah we what else did we not delay we financed everything so like we basically didn't

have anything up front except for like security deposit so i will say delay when you pay is huge delay when you pay is huge and she slayed that delay she was just like i'll pay you when we open and when we start making money she slayed the delay um oh there's a really good scene with elaine where she's going when she's in the meat market and she's like out time for me to time for me to buy my groceries for the week and she buys two heads of lettuce two avocados sourdough no protein no protein

nary a protein but you know what I do believe that she can absolutely live on that Elaine is definitely the kind of woman who can live on two avocados two heads of lettuce she's like 102 pounds she's 102 pounds she is literally rag and bone yeah and live on two avocados, two heads of lettuce. She's like 102 pounds. She's 102 pounds. No, literally.

No. She is literally rag and bone. Yeah. That's what she consists of. And you know what? And you know what? She's a mother for that. She's a mother.

So she wraps up there. That's where her narrative wraps. She's got the deal in place, and now she's going to start renovating Shep's, and she's going to turn it into a little meat market Let's get to grant our King. Okay Thank you. so grant opens um we start with his wins you know he's in the rv he's got meals paid for at cat's poor house which is the funniest name um he's got his quote-unquote baller jeep he meets with matt smith to get his promotional mattress deal uh locked up he before he meets with matt actually he's kind of like sketching out his ideas on like paper it's like

his final kind of he's coming up with the last bit of ideas. He's preparing for the... And my favorite one, which I think, Ben, you said last episode, was that his idea was free Bitcoin with any mattress purchase. Free Bitcoin. He's going through all of them.

He's like, eight-foot feather flags. Free mattress assessment. Free trial. Free Bitcoin with any visit. Someone walks in and you just give them a Bitcoin? Also, in Pueblo, Colorado, in 2020, no one knows what a fucking Bitcoin is. Well, they vaguely do,

but it's like to the same extent that he does, which is so funny that he runs like a finance and like MLM like mega corporation. And he still has this like abstract idea of what things like Bitcoin are because he's just never been in the technical weeds. Like he's only ever been a seller. He's like, he's like, but we got to do, we got to bomb, we got to bomb the neighborhood with a thousand flyers.

We got to fucking destroy this neighborhood with flyers. I love that he, when he is like writing all these ideas onto a piece of paper. It's giving literally Declaration of Independence. His F's. It's giving U.S. Constitution. It's giving John Hancock. His handwriting is insane. His handwriting is literally founding fathers' core. I really have an Easter egg at this moment that I noticed.

I think everyone needs to scroll back to this moment when he's doing this. I wish I had the time code because while he's doing his declaration of independence F's he also on his steel water bottle which I'm like where did he get a $30 steel water bottle but he has a stainless

steel water bottle and thin sharpie on it really lightly. He's written the word success on the water bottle and inched like thin sharpie on it really lightly he's written the word success on the water bottle do you know why do you know why that is it's because he had his entire family signed his water bottle before oh my god no really his his bitmoji daughter wrote success on his water bottle. We are uncovering the matrix. That's so crazy. He's mother for that.

He's talking about his deal with Matt Smith, and he's like, I just got to get it, man. I need control. You can never have too much control. That's impossible. I need the most control I can have. He's constantly having schizophrenic rambling meltdowns in this RV. So finally he's meeting up with Matt. He goes to pick him up outside Snap Fitness because they're

going to go get a slopper. Exactly. Get some sloppers! The shot of him getting out of the car to go get Matt, he parks his car in the middle of the parking lot. That's such a stupid alpha male move to just be like I'm gonna fucking park my Jeep in the middle of the parking.

Yeah so no other cars can get through. Oh my god. The next, I think the next stupid alpha male move that he does is him being like the waitress being like do you need to see a menu? And him being like no I know what I want. I know what I want. Do you guys need menus? No ma'am you need to see a menu? And him being like, no, I know what I want. I know what I want. Do you guys need menus? No, ma'am, I don't need a menu. I need a double slopper. Yeah, and then Matt quickly orders a double slopper as well.

I'll take a double slopper as well with no bun. No bun. No bun. No bun. Keto King. Keto King. But I will say, but still fat. Yeah, so fat.

I mean, I don't know what goes on a slobber, but. Green chili. Bitch, you know. I mean, I don't know what goes under the chili. But he is a keto king. He's totally keto. He runs a fitness program. He runs like a gym.

He's such a keto king. They eat their slo sloppers and talk about the broad contours of the deal they're setting up here. It doesn't look like Grant is really enjoying the slopper very much. I can't say I would. But I would eat this

I would eat this slopper for a business meal. You have to entertain someone. Is a slopper like a hamburger patty? It's an open-faced hamburger. A double slopper just means a second patty.

A second patty. Does it also mean a second scoop of slopper? We've got to call Kat's Porehouse and figure out. When Grant is driving back from the meeting with Matt Smith, he says what I think is his second bone-chilling sentence, which is one of the most important things to learn from this whole show,

which is, Pueblo, who's got my money? I'm looking for opportunity. I'm looking for who's got my money. Who's got my money, baby? That's got my money. Who's got my money, baby? That's my battle cry. Who's got my money. And he drives around just being like, I know there's money out there. Who's got my money?

Who's got my money? I'm going to get it. He refers to the people in the town's money as his money. As his money. But he doesn't have it yet. Yes. And I think all the viewers need to, all the listeners need to think about that. That in your city

Everyone out there That's your money Other people's money is your money until you make it back They just haven't spent it on you yet I mean and that is a genius You gotta find it You gotta drive around in a jeep you stole From your business partner

He drives away with the for sale sign Yes The for sale sign. The for sale sign is still inside out. Literally right after that, he's like talking to the cameraman on his right, which every time

he talks to the camera, I like to imagine he's talking to the cameraman and he's like he says um you guys don't trust yourself that's why you hate on the money he does he really likes to play with the camera crew you guys that don't trust yourselves that's why you hate on the money i trust myself i know i'm gonna do good things with it he does he does sort of talk to the crew like instead of talking to oh he. Oh, he absolutely does. The deal that he gets set up with Matt is basically this.

He is going to ask for a $5,000 budget in exchange for $15,000 of sales in a day at the mattress company. He's going to spend... One day. In one day. That's not that hard, Hesso. Yeah, he can do that.

No. Really? For a mattress? Yes. Yes. He fails, though i mean he does he does fail um but we um find out what grant exactly spends the five thousand dollars on when he goes to um this place called like net something to get a net print a bunch of promotional materials and like those like flying blow-up men with the wavy arms and like feathers and all that shit he walks into this place and

it's like a big gulp woman behind the counter and like her like soy husband business partner or whatever and he's just like i'm gonna make you a bunch of money who wants to make some money and he like he comes in crazy like crazy every building he walks into he's just like who wants to make money and he basically he buys a bunch of promotional material he obligates these two uh print owners and he uses the word obligate yes he's like you you need to come you're obliged to come to the mattress but because i'm buying all these signs from you you have to come to the promotion you and your husband yes and so he walks out on his way out he's like i'm gonna make you all rich i'm gonna make you all rich it's like so insane every building just buy something he says that he can't just like something it You can't just buy something.

It's like everything has to be part of this whole narrative of everyone's getting rich. There's no just walking in a store. Yeah. So he goes back to his RV. Although I will say he's the first of the three to actually get real money. And even if he's just moving it around, he, at this point, between the Jeep

and the promotional materials, he's moving like 10K around the city where no one else is there yet. He is. So he goes back to his RV. They kind of do like a nightly debrief with Grant after all of his comings and goings throughout Pueblo. And these are my favorite Grant scenes because like you said has like he like just talks directly to the camera crew and you can tell it's like none of the other um uh billionaires are shot at this hour like it is pitch black outside he's it is like it's like it's like three it's like three a.m it's three a a.m. He's lit from a single shitty RV light above him. He looks crazy. And he's just like, the Grant Cardone brand is going to succeed.

It's a Paul Schrader deleted scene, literally. Yes. He's doing laps around the RV camp at 3 a.m. And you know the camera crew is like, Grant, we stopped shooting three hours ago. And he's like, well, you just don't care about making money. The Grant Cardone brand makes money. If I don't make money out here, I'm dead. I'm dead. I'm gonna die if I don't make

money. And he's literally sundowning, ranting. And you can tell just from the way they cut all of these sentences he's saying that it seems like it went on for hours. Yeah. And he's absolutely,

you know, he's waking up at like six 30. Like he's not sleeping. No, absolutely. He said something really crazy before he went to bed. He said, Oh my God. He's,

he said another day, another way. And then went to bed, which is like, what is it? It's so, it's all like a bling blong. It's all like a bling blong. It's all like a bling blong.

See, he wakes up. He gets a call from his family. He gets a call from his Bitmoji wife and they're in California. They're talking about California being shut down because California is one of the early states to shut down during COVID.

He is like, oh, I heard the whole state got shut down because California is one of the earliest states to shut down during COVID and he is like oh I heard the whole state got shut down how you doing and his wife is just like yeah it's fine but there's just like a really weird vibe and he's like I'll fly you out I'll get you out of there it's like bitch of course there's a weird vibe your city has been shut down because there's a global

pandemic and like I don't know I don't know honey I just have a really weird vibe here in LA The city has been shut down because there's a global pandemic. I'm like, I don't know. I don't know, honey. I just have a really weird vibe here in LA. In our mansion. I'm going to get you out of there. I'm going to fly you to the murder capital of the country right now,

Pueblo, Colorado. The vibes are even weirder out here. Don't worry. So then his next little segment is all about set finally selling this truck he has so he has this little moment where he he's been he left the truck out on the highway with for sale sign he's been getting he's been like so he gets a call he gets like a few calls throughout his um his narrative here he gets a few calls about the car the first call he gets is so funny because he's asking for 3,800 yes for a car that is probably on the market for like 15 2,000 at most right but i mean 3,800 is like okay if you're

going through like a used dealership and it's sitting there for months you know yeah you're trying to flip it you're not going to flip that like this is a car this is a car on the side of the road. Okay. It has 22,000 miles on it. No, no, 220,000. Yeah, yeah, 220,000. Sorry. And he gets a call, and this guy's just like, I'm interested in the Jeep. And Grant's like, blah, blah, blah. And they don't make a deal or set up a meeting at all.

But the guy tells him that his name is Steve. And Grant's just like, that's a name. That's a name right there. And it's like, you didn't even get a last name. His name is Steve and Grant's just like, that's a name. That's a name right there. You didn't even get a last name. His name is Steve. It's also just someone who's potentially buying a truck. It's not like someone who could in any way benefit you. That's a key player right there.

That's a key player. He doesn't wrap up a meeting until the third call he gets about the Suburban. No, he crosses out like eight. You don't see them all. The third one, he's dropped his price down to 2500 the guy's like yeah i'm out here he's like i'll meet you three minutes i'm there you know he was like 15 minutes away exactly and he tells he tells the camera crew he's like all right y'all i need you to hand i need y'all to hang back

yeah you can't be here for this meeting and i'm like it's literally like what an investigative reporter is like going to interview like the leader of the taliban or something they're shooting it from like the hotel room next door yes and the guy you never see the guy's face i think his voice might be pitched yeah they mod it yeah and it's like it's so funny because it's like it's grainy it literally like there's like these like pulsating scents it's like really really intense it's a crazy scene and basically negotiate and he's supposed to be his whole thing is supposed to be selling and negotiating that's like he's literally a billionaire based on his ability to negotiate the guy just comes in and says i'll give you 1500

and grant can't move him a dollar. Grant is like trying. Grant gives it full power, like $400 more. Come on, give me $300. I can go to $200 more for you. He doesn't get a dollar more for this. But he does say $1,500 cash today. Yeah. And I feel like this guy is recently released from prison or something.

Yeah, or something. Like, it's so sketchy. recently released it from prison or something yeah like it's so sketchy and so he gives grant seeds and gives uh the car to him um and i guess just continues to drive i mean he does continue to drive the jeep he's basically which is yeah he drives away and you can clearly see that the first sale sign is facing the inside it's on the other side it's just white which like this jeep is nice it shouldn't be hard to sell this jeep no but the point is if he sells the jeep he doesn't have a car no i know but i'm like the guy who he stole it from the slopper guy yeah the first pueblo poop town resident the original poop town resident like what's he gonna

think i mean this guy's been with his jeep for so long you know i mean it's really only been like a week yeah yeah i guess but we i mean as we see he he holds on to that sucker for yeah and so this is the point where he puts gas in for the first time which is actually really impressive yeah um but he puts ten dollars in. Yeah. And he, after making this deal, after making this deal, he does his customary celebration in a parking lot. Grant is always in a parking lot, freaking out. He drives really slowly and circles in his Jeep,

and he just goes, I'm back, baby. I'm taking my victory lap. Who's got my money? Yeah, baby. Got my my first money boys and girls fifteen hundred dollars never felt so good score score score yeah she'll bang she'll bang she'll bang she'll bang she'll bang and like that's the best salesman in the world like shit like that i love his when he's on like a bling blong it's on like a bling blong and so now grant goes goes to bed with uh fifteen uh hundred dollars in his pocket so he's winning he's winning oh and by the end of the episode

day of the sale the day of the sale at the mattress promotion day of the mattress promotion. Day of the mattress promotion. Day of the freaking mattress promotion. He acts like an absolute crackhead. But it works. He goes around, again, in parking lots, shoving flyers in people's hands. Like, you gotta come to the mattress sale tomorrow. I know you need a mattress sale. He stops cars.

He's standing in the highway, and he's playing chicken with cars to see if we can can get them to go into the mattress stores he literally almost gets shot because he for he opens a guy's store he opens a guy's parked his guy is parked in his car in a parking lot he opens the man's driver door and they got to give him a flyer and the guy's like who are you why are you opening my door and grass like i just want to get in the end of the store and the guy's like don't open my door no he it's like insane it's insane that he wasn't like assaulted so he's definitely terrorizing poop town literally crackhead logic he says something here

about why when he's kind of like because everyone else is clearly like not understanding why he's doing so much promo. And he says something here that may be a little bit of a business tip.

So he says your business is when he says promo, promo, promo. That was one of his business tips. promo, promo. He's cracked out. He's speaking so fast.

But he says your business is competing with everything in the universe, not just the business across he says your business is competing with everything in the universe not just the business across the street it's competing with the stock market dropping to my kids who are sick everything is competition which is once again he is correct three for three on three of the best things i've heard in this show correct also your business is competing with the stock market dropping my kids who are sick everything is competition it's so crazy um so grant goes uh to the mattress sale um he acts like a crackhead

in parking lots he you know the the um workers at the mattress store wear um like silken pajamas which is kind of cute i like yeah i thought it was cute and they wear sleeping masks i love a business with a uniform when we opened rash i was trying to fight for all employees to wear these like red outfits which i thought was so cunt but then like nobody wants to do it no wonder it was it was cute um so the staff at the mattress store is like literally afraid of grant they ask uh matt they're like oh um grant's coming back in right and matt's like yeah yeah he's gonna bring a lot of good energy right and they're like oh yeah he has like really he has a lot of energy and then then they all kind of laugh at how cracked out he is.

But he keeps up his antics. He spins signs. At one point, he literally forces an active duty military member to come into the mattress store. He meets him again in a parking lot. And it's like, you got to come in. You got to come in. You got to come in. He goes, hey, dude, how much do you sleep sleep and the guy goes uh about four hours i'm in the

military oh thank you for your service uh come in just for a second free massage free massage free massage and then he sells him a mattress then he does hard sells him a mattress he's like nope nope nope it's it's just buy it on finance so you're gonna buy it you gotta buy it you're gonna buy it so let's walk you over here let's walk you over here to sign the papers. My favorite part of this day is when no one comes in for two hours. The first two hours no one comes in and the first people to show up are the like big gulp sign maker couple that he obligated to come. And he also makes them buy a mattress.

The people he did business with bought their own mattress. Yeah. Which honestly, it seemed kind of sweet. It seemed like they buy a mattress. Yeah, the people he did business with bought their own mattress. Yeah. Which, honestly, it seemed kind of sweet. It seemed like they wanted a mattress. They didn't seem to need it. They didn't seem that harassed by Grant. So then, basically, he goes back to Snap Fitness, to Matt's office.

They talk about how the promotion did. It did 11K. They were trying to hit 15. So it fell short but to matt that was a better you know how much how many mattresses do they sell in a day in pueblo like one so like to matt it's still good matt was still impressed no they definitely matt was happy with what when he walks in to the office matt says hey bro i like that shirt on you which i know the gay is so weird they clearly had hanging out and drinking no they had a no homosocial fucking they had a real homosocial

moment he was like i love that sweater on you bro he writes grant a check later and he does this little like gay little faggy giggle i'm just like they're fucking no he wants to fuck grant so they um basically grant goes back he is um really really excited he's beaming from ear to ear to get the final sales on this day um and matt divulges that they only sold 12k which again he's really happy about because i'm sure he's hitting above his average with 12k it seems like he was not disappointed even though they spent five on promotion yeah so you're not really cutting that much um so he basically um here's a pitch from grant where grant is like look let me do promotional sales operations, like some logistical stuff for all of your businesses.

I want 15% and a upfront payment of $10,000. So he said, I think the way that he framed it was he asked what the businesses were planning to do. And he basically said, I'll raise the the gross 15 and i'll take a cut of anything above that of 15 of raising their current gross yeah and but he asked for a 10k advance and matt literally like without negotiating back without a counter nothing it's just like okay and writes him a check for ten thousand dollars and which is so they just they met so many times in between this you just know yeah probably they're like buddy buddy at this point they are

hanging out they're getting sloppy they're getting sloppers they're sloppy all over pueblo all over each other um and grant then basically um is that it? Oh, shit. No, it ends on a huge cliffhanger. Grant has had his most successful day so far. He has made, what? So he goes back to, he's 10K. He's 10K. Plus the car, plus the car.

He's 11 and a half K. He's 11 and a half K. So then he's going back to his RV end of the night, and who walks into the frame? A producer. The mommy producer. Mommy producer. Comes into the frame a producer the mommy producer comes in to the frame and they're just like they're like well do we tell grant how do we tell grant because you know grant is one of the scariest people to tell something to and they basically tell grant that they are going to have to stop shooting um because uh the film crews all need to be sent home because of COVID restrictions.

And he has... He flips out and he's just like, well, what do you want me to do? I'm not going to start over. I'm not going to go back. I know this COVID... And they go, we might have to send you to another city. I'm not going to do that.

I know this COVID thing is serious, but I'm not restarting this. And he says something that is so funny. He's like, you want me to do this again? I just took 10K from some guy. It's so funny. He's like, yeah, that is how he sees it. Like, he is a billionaire.

And he truly, like, this guy, like, he understands that this guy is nobody. No. He's like, I took 10K from a guy. I stole $10,000 from a poop town resident. And you want to send me back to L.A.? I would be pissed if I were him. Yeah, me too. Yeah. I'd be like,000 from a poop town resident and you want to send me back to LA? I would be pissed if I ran. I'd be like, I'm winning. And you want to take it out of my hands?

I've got the ball in my hands. I'm going out for a layup. And you're taking it out of my hands and you're going to send me back to LA because of this COVID thing? And it literally it wraps up there. We don't know if shooting is going to continue. We don't know what's going to happen because of this COVID thing. You see a little promo at the end of the episode that shows him coming flying back in.

So you know he does come back to Pueblo. He's flown out. We don't know the rest. But he, so far, I mean, we can rap, but Grant is far and beyond Elaine and Monique. I would say Monique has made the strongest connections say Monique has made the strongest connections. Monique has made the strongest connections. We don't know if she's going to materialize anything. A little Black Girl Magic.

Black Girl Magic. That's part of the game, baby. It's part of the game. It's part of the game. No fair rules in love and war. Elaine is on the precipice of something big, but we're not sure exactly how she's going to play it. And Grant has definitely secured the most capital.

Elaine is kind of operating by the seat of her ragged bone pants, but she's got enough to pull it off. But it's worked so far. But will she? Who knows? You will have to listen next time to find out. Jake, thank you so much. Anything you want to promote?

Nothing to promote. Go to heaven to heaven go to heaven bushwick go to rash whatever go to rash it's closed go see it all right thank y'all for listening um we love Thank you. Outro Music