Seeking Derangements - SD 171 - Finding Fathers

Episode Date: November 7, 2022

Today we fight about who would survive the longest in the wilderness, we talk about Elon's takeover of twitter, the sexy ass Brazilian guy we saw leaving Paul Pelosi's house, Hesse gives a review of T...ar and we end it all with very special quiz...mwah As Always you can find two weekly bonus episodes on our Patreon! Our intro music today is from our amazing friend Kimbucha Kardashian, we love her and her IG @Kimbuchakardashian intro/// Kimbucha Kardashian - Kin Euphorics

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Starting point is 00:00:00 🎵 Hello everyone, Hello, everyone. Welcome back to Seeking Derangements. I'm here recovering from all of the food that Jock made me eat. I'm very sorry if you hated that episode. I vow to not eat a single item of food for all of November. To make that back up to you all. I'm back in New York. Jock's in Houston. Hessa's here.
Starting point is 00:01:09 Hessa fucked up her recording, but we can run with this, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just started recording. You're just starting it late. Hessa's here. She's blackout drunk. I'm not. I am hungover.
Starting point is 00:01:20 She's hungover. On the plane back from New Orleansleans i was watching my favorite survival show alone on my laptop have you guys seen that show before no what is that it's like naked and afraid yeah but it's like way more realistic it's like you're alone they sent you they send these people into um grizzly territory in canada and they like almost get attacked by grizzly bears all the time they have to like build everything themselves it's really sick but there was this girl sitting next to me who was like afraid that i was watching that i'm not sure why she was afraid like how she was just like looking at me and like looking away like jittery like she was like oh my god what the fuck is this faggot watching yeah i know i was
Starting point is 00:02:05 i literally know i was like maybe she's a maybe she's afraid that if the plane crashes she knows that i will outbuild her and i'll have i will not hesitate to eat her like it's mine Minecraft. You agree with me. Ben is not surviving. In the woods? No. Absolutely not. I don't know. I think Ben's hubris and overconfidence is
Starting point is 00:02:35 slashed by a bear in 10 minutes. I think, you know, once I was in the element, I would know that that is my weakness. And then I would start, I would just start talking down to myself.
Starting point is 00:02:52 Like you could never do this. You're going to fail. You can never build a house to level out my hubris. I'd be like, you're a fucking bitch. You could never do this, you idiot. And then you would turn to the rest of the people and be like, okay, so I'm in charge. I was doing a mumbling calling my fucking
Starting point is 00:03:09 You're a fucking idiot, you're never able to build a fucking house, make a fire, you fucking idiot. Okay, everyone, listen up. Everyone, line up. Line up. This is the speaking stick. The only time I saw a grizzly bear in real life,
Starting point is 00:03:27 I was so scared. You saw a grizzly bear, Jacques? I refuse to give this to you. The last time I floated for the season in Missoula when I was living there, I floated towards the fall and I had to wear a full sweatsuit
Starting point is 00:03:44 and blankets. By floating, what do you mean? Floating on an air mattress. Floating on an air mattress down the river. He invented a sport a couple years ago where he would blow up an air mattress and float down the river on it. Five miles. Is that true? Five miles.
Starting point is 00:04:00 I'll show you videos. There are videos of it. Yeah. We've covered it extensively. We've covered it extensively. We've covered floating extensively. There was a baby grizzly that started following me on my floating device who jumped off the shore.
Starting point is 00:04:14 And I was so scared. I called me and Ben's mutual friend Kyla and I started sobbing. I was like, I don't know what to do. It's following me. Your life is like a King of the Hill episode. I bring a wet bag. He would carry all of his possessions on a...
Starting point is 00:04:31 I brought a dry bag. I brought a dry bag. I didn't bring all of my possessions. It's not like... It would... No computer. Okay. I was going to say, which possessions didn't you bring?
Starting point is 00:04:41 It was one thing. It was one thing. I brought everything up to the computer. I brought a fried chicken. Not my desktop, though. gonna say which possessions i brought mac and cheese i brought dabs i brought grain alcohol this is when i was still drinking and almost exclusively i mean grain alcohol why do you what what survival techniques do you think this gives you because i still think that i'm i took my bag of flaming hot cheeto puffs and i spun them around like this and i released all of the bag and the bear went backwards towards the cheeto puffs and i was like just just like trying to paddle as quickly as i could you're not being dropped you're not being dropped in the wilderness with a bunch of Cheeto puffs. You have nothing.
Starting point is 00:05:25 You couldn't last one mile on my mattress. You couldn't last one mile on my mattress. I do think Jacques has a natural kind of animal, kind of wilderness person mentality. You can just say he has autism. Okay. Fuck y'all. No, Jacques has the Cajun blood.
Starting point is 00:05:49 Cajuns, they live in the swamp right yes they they invented houses like a couple years ago i think ben's from costa rica so he can survive a a nice day on the beach i would literally kill myself second one like i would find the tallest tree i would climb it and i would just torpedo dive off finally i could kill myself you don't like being in the woods i would be so scared i would be so scared of bugs and of first of all the second it would be the second ben turns around and is like listen up everyone i'm in charge oh god I would say guys this is the speaking stick and then I would light it on fire we should go
Starting point is 00:06:32 on a camping trip so I am the only one allowed to speak we should go on a camping trip that sounds like a way to sure fire make us hate each other no I'm telling you if I could be in charge of a crew if no one could, if I could be in charge of a crew, if no one could speak,
Starting point is 00:06:49 if I could fully be a dictator, it would be perfect. I'm not even kidding. I could absolutely tear and slay a fortress in the woods if I had slaves. Oh my God. If I had 10 people with no opinion who couldn't speak, who did everything I told them to do, I would
Starting point is 00:07:08 win. My first move is going to be identifying key players in these woods. Okay. Also that. Well, I don't know. We'll see. Maybe we can all apply for a loan
Starting point is 00:07:26 And see who wins No That's just forfeiting the challenge It's just gonna be between me and John No Cause I already Why a loan? A loan
Starting point is 00:07:32 Who's gonna get That's a show Who's gonna give me a loan? You have to be a loan No that's a loan You have to be a loan You have to apply for a loan Oh I thought you meant like money from a bank
Starting point is 00:07:42 Yeah cause I'm like No I'm sorry I'm not getting a loan I should have been clearer no we're not all applying for a loan Ben's like okay I got a really fun game for y'all we all apply for a loan first one to get it wins
Starting point is 00:07:57 I was like this took a turn what happened Ben's financial advice the show is called alone are they really alone or do they have a camera crew It's all self It's their self tapes Okay so it's kind of an auto erotic What if one of them like goes crazy
Starting point is 00:08:14 How long are they out there Until they tap out They can tap out It's ten of them they don't know each other They don't see each other they are truly Completely alone there's no camera crew It's just them them. They don't know each other. They're there. They don't see each other. They are truly completely alone. There's no camera crew. It's just them with like a tripod. It's actually like kind of an incredibly boring show.
Starting point is 00:08:31 Um, but they're there until they, yeah, until they tap out. Um, last man standing. It's like a game of Fortnite kind of, but you don't see each other.
Starting point is 00:08:40 Um, it's actually, I'm sorry for making the comparison. It's not, it's not, it's not like a game of Fortnite. It's like a game of Fortnite. I'm sorry for making the comparison. It's not like a game of Fortnite. It's like a game of Fortnite in that one person wins. In that there's a winner. If I have to hear about a game in Fortnite ever again. You know what the first thing I did?
Starting point is 00:08:58 People tap out all the time. One guy does go crazy. And it's insane because he talks about how his youngest daughter died of a heart attack when she was like four and then he just goes silent and he like presses a button he's like i gotta go and he doesn't say anything else it's like really crazy whoa yeah my youngest daughter died in these woods They say her ghost still haunts them. And then he presses the button. I would be like, I can't, I'm gay.
Starting point is 00:09:29 And then press the button. I'm gay, get me out of here. He just hit the gay button. Turn that button into the slave button. I would have to figure out I thought you said slave button I was really scared how to make estrogen in the woods
Starting point is 00:09:49 with like you know I don't know a crashed plane boiling a bunch of like berries I'm just getting super thin because I have food poisoning and I yeah like yes
Starting point is 00:10:06 it's working it's working no the best i feel like the best way to make estrogen in the wild would be to find some like plastic uh wreckage yeah and get the microplastics get the micro yeah just start eating eating plastic well the way they used to make estrogen is that they got it they extracted it from the urine of like female horses whoa i mean there's some there's i mean there's maybe no horses but there's bears is that why trans girls love k would give you a lot of testosterone yeah that is why trans girls love k it's because it appeals to their horse nature yeah that's so interesting it's when you can link up things like that you really understand yeah oh my god yeah did you guys hear that horn i did can you hear the construction loud
Starting point is 00:11:01 no i've just but i love all the street noises in our podcast because it makes it sound like we're recording for the middle of the street we're recording from alleyways um live which we would live new we should live news update tiktok is down again worldwide world oh my god yeah oh slay who's doing what i forgot sniffies was open on my computer oh my god. Oh, Slay. Who's doing what? I forgot Sniffies was open on my computer. Oh my god. We're saving that for later. Yeah, you gotta save that for later. I didn't think you were afflicted with that. Well, that sucks TikTok is down because
Starting point is 00:11:31 Twitter is also like going to shit. Elon Musk took over Twitter as we all know. He's probably gonna run it into the ground. Hazel, would you pay to be verified? No. Yeah, no. I can't imagine anyone would. I'm not even verified even verified i know but like what is the like they'll never verify me what is the business plan there that's like insane because he's going
Starting point is 00:11:52 he's he's losing all of these um all this ad revenue he's using like millions and millions and millions of dollars in ad revenue a day and i think the plan to recoup those losses is to be like okay let's charge people eight dollars a month to get a check that i would pay that i'm close i think the real plan to recuperate those losses is what he announced today which is that there's gonna be massive layoffs that's kind of that's kind of cool yeah i mean the thing, the thing is, like, I hate... I have a personal vendetta against the Twitter staff because I've had so many accounts be banned for no reason. For no reason.
Starting point is 00:12:32 Saying faggot. Which should be allowed. I always said they need to hire me or another gay guy to work at Twitter and do content review, TOS reviews, where if someone says faggot, you get to decide whether or not that user is gay. Yeah, a lavender checkmark. Lavender checkmark, exactly.
Starting point is 00:12:55 Yeah, if you have a lavender check, you can say faggot. If you have a pink check, you can say tranny. A pink, pink white and blue has to having has having seven check marks after her name italian trans latina latina you've just earned your latina check mark i that would be so sick if it was like yeah everyone had their own little code after the name and they were allowed to say certain things. A British checkmark, you can say cunt. Kanye would pay for
Starting point is 00:13:29 his account to say he's verified Jewish. He keeps calling himself the darker Jew. Wow. We love Kanye. But yeah, I don't know. I feel like Elon Musk might run Twitter into the ground
Starting point is 00:13:48 if that happens I give it two months max do you think so yeah two months max the website like everyone locked out of their accounts completely unable to do you think that's 100% gonna happen like it's not even yeah it's not even profitable it hasn't been profitable it's never it's impossible
Starting point is 00:14:04 to make it profitable, I feel like. And it's definitely not going to be profitable under Elon. I mean, we know anything about business, but it doesn't seem like he's going to do well here. We have to make the most of it while we have it. We've got to stay faggot as much as we can.
Starting point is 00:14:20 But we also have to think of a pivot, y'all. So we need to keep this podcast going. Our biggest audience is on Twitter. Yeah. We have between us... Will we crumble without it? 100,000 followers. I believe so.
Starting point is 00:14:35 And if we don't have Twitter, we will... I have 70,000 almost. I'm at like 53,000. I love... You're at an unimportant number. 8,000 almost. I'm at like 53. I love, I don't, not an unimportant number. 8,000. I'm at an unimportant number.
Starting point is 00:14:50 I've helped build up from all the viral tweets on Seeking. Hessa is the most popular woman on the planet. The Seeking numbers defect to mine, but we do have to pivot.
Starting point is 00:15:01 So if you all can start thinking about alternate social media for you to become incredibly popular. Sniffies. MySpace. Going viral on Sniffies. Jock, you're going to go to MySpace. Amazing.
Starting point is 00:15:11 I loved it. Beautiful, beautiful plan. Return to the homeland is what we're going to call the program for going back to MySpace. Hesley, can you get on like OnlyFans or something for the show? Yeah, sure. It's a pussy pic. Requiem for a dream. Can you get on like OnlyFans or something for the show? Yeah, sure. Just, you know, it's a pussy pic. Requiem for a dream.
Starting point is 00:15:30 For the podcast. Jock, I feel like you need to really do more TikTok stuff. Yeah, I'm wasting my time not TikTok-ing. I don't know what social media I can defect to instagram i'll become an instagram baddie i'll get a bbl i'll become like an instagram freak i'll get a bbl i'll search in
Starting point is 00:15:55 bbl videos jock you can do food reviews on tiktok hassa you can do pussy pics on only fans between that i think we can we'll fans up. We'll make millions. We don't need... Who knows? We might even become even more powerful. Let's all transition to being accountants. I think that's the next plane that we need
Starting point is 00:16:18 to conquer. It would be so bad at being an accountant. Bad like in the cool way? Instead of... Because Twitter is down we stop the podcast we all become we open up an accounting firm yeah okay maybe a law firm i feel like we'd be better lawyers oh i we would slay as lawyers can you imagine i would be i if i wish i pray every day to god that he will give me the ability to read a book so i can go to law school i pray to god that he will give me a law degree i pray to god just so i can be in court and be like i'm wrong
Starting point is 00:17:00 wrong your honor my client is slaying i heard this there's this guy on tiktok who it's the first time i've ever heard an argument structured this way and it like completely and totally captivated me because it was just so genuinely like inspiring to hear this discourse but it was this straight guy on um tiktok like latino thotty but straight like has girlfriend like clearly actually straight like a bad bunny type yeah painted his nails okay and then he had gay guys he had gay guys in his comment section being like oh you're gay you're. You're bi. Are you bi? And then he made a response video to being called gay or bi or sus for wearing nail polish. And he was like, why do you care what I put on my body? Are you so insecure in your sexuality that you need to police what I am wearing as a straight man?
Starting point is 00:18:04 All of you also if i was gay you're busted and i wouldn't fuck you and i love that argument so much i completely and totally agree with him i think gay men gay men trying to police like straight men you know like wearing nail polish on lines of like cultural appropriation is like so puritanical and weird and conservative and like so i mean if you continue down that line you just like start banning like people who were born male from wearing dresses like it's so it's so prohibitive and insane but by this like i forget his name his name is like i don't know his name but by like connecting this to the like you know old like um the idea that like homophobia
Starting point is 00:18:59 is nothing more than like uh valence for like gay desire where it's like oh if you're homophobic to me it's because you like you're uncomfortable in your sexuality you want to fuck me you know yeah to be a straight guy telling a gay guy you're telling me i can't wear nail polish because you're uncomfortable in your sexuality because you want to fuck me but i'm not gay is so true yeah it's so true because at the core of this at the core of like gay men being little cops about who can wear nail polish and who can wear like whatever, they're just mad because they can't fuck this guy who is hot.
Starting point is 00:19:32 Literally. I've had that happen to me many times. I see like a hot guy with like nail polish. I'm like, oh, he's definitely gay. I'm gonna try to fuck him. And he's like, I'm straight. Of course, I'm annoyed by that. I'm annoyed that I can't fuck him.
Starting point is 00:19:44 I'm not annoyed that he is expressing. I'm not annoyed that he is expressing. I'm not annoyed that he's expressing his, you know, like that he has good style or like is wearing nail polish or like even a dangly earring, you know. It would be funny if after he, after a guy, after that happens and a guy says, I'm straight. If you were like, yeah, me too. Like trying to touch him. That's so weird. Me too.
Starting point is 00:20:04 Then you just lunge at him and try to kiss i love you bro there's literally nothing more uncomfortable than a gay man trying to lunge at a straight man stay in your lane i've never seen it it sounds scary i was just i was so taken by hearing a straight guy tell a gay guy that he's uncomfortable in his sexuality yeah i thought that was so cool like that wr that he's uncomfortable in his sexuality. I thought that was so cool. Like that wrinkle. He's not going to fuck you, Ben. Yeah, no.
Starting point is 00:20:33 I'm saying he's a brilliant lawyer. Oh wait, so this, oh yeah, wait. We were talking about lawyers. Yes, we were talking about lawyers. I was like, I was literally like that is a brilliant defense like if that was in like a court of law was this guy a lawyer a new precedent no he's like he like goes to clubs your honor he had painted fingernails he appeared i don't i don't i don't like follow him or anything i just saw it it was just like popping up my for you page
Starting point is 00:21:03 i think it's because he was yelling at gay guys. That's my crucial part of my algorithm. It's like people yelling at gay guys. I go on TikTok to be yelled at. Yeah, literally. Okay, hear me out. This is a lawyer trying to defend a gay man. And then the...
Starting point is 00:21:25 The lawyer is like, Your Honor, I'd like to cross-examine the witness. Now, sir, did you not believe that while wearing fingernail polish, you might get hit on by a man? Objection, Your Honor. What does this have to do
Starting point is 00:21:42 with the case at hand? Which is a fourth degree murder case. It's not a child murder. Is that what that means? I fail to see how this, what this has to do with the slaughter of an entire school bus full of children. I'll allow the prosecution. And I would say because the driver of the school bus was gay, and
Starting point is 00:22:06 we all know gay men can't drive. They're too busy getting iced coffee. School bus drivers. Okay, what else we got here? Tar. So you want to talk about Tar? Tar. I haven't seen it yet. It's so good. It's a movie?
Starting point is 00:22:24 Yeah. It's so fucking good. Is it with Cate Bl so good. It's a movie? Yeah. It's so fucking good. Is it with Cate Blanchett? It's Cate Blanchett. It's directed by Todd Field. Todd Field who did Safe? Todd Field who is he plays the Nick Nightingale in Eyes Wide
Starting point is 00:22:40 Shut. But he is also the person who directed Safe, right? No, that's Todd Haynes. That's Todd Haynes. Different Todd. Gay or Todd. Way gay or Todd. But this Todd Field is definitely Is Todd Field gay?
Starting point is 00:22:55 I'm going to look it up. He seems gay. Judging by Tar. He seems gay. Tar seems like a movie. Tar is for the gays and the girls. For sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. For the gays, the girls for sure it's like the it's like the higher it's like the more elevated gay stan culture
Starting point is 00:23:12 it's like gays who are like I love Tilda Tilda's amazing for intellectual stans I'm an intellectual gay so I only watch Tilda Swinton movies that's literally how they act though it's like gays who are like it's like gays who like
Starting point is 00:23:29 take that clip of Isabelle Huppert stabbing herself in the chest at the end of Piano Teacher and they're like me this is me me when he's me when he's not uncut me when I'm farting has come out the next it's like it's so it's so annoying when they they take like actually amazing scenes
Starting point is 00:23:56 for movies like good actresses instead of like a rainy rodriguez clip or like Lady Gaga like on stage or something it's like you're taking like Isabelle Huppert to an Oscar winning scene. So everyone knows you're like still smart even though you're being an absolutely braindead retarded faggot on Twitter.
Starting point is 00:24:21 Cum brain? Yeah, cum brain freak. They got that brain all gummed up with cum don't want that tar i think is subject for this treatment on twitter i know that that's not anything about the movie's worth but i do want to see what's the plot line even it's so it's about um a famous um conductor named lydia tar i hate it And she's the finest conductor in the world. And she gets... Like a classical
Starting point is 00:24:50 musical, not a train conductor. Yeah. I'm not stupid. And she gets cancelled. And she gets... Wait, she gets cancelled? No, literally. For being a lesbian. Well, she gets cancelled for driving another conductor to suicide.
Starting point is 00:25:06 So sick. Yeah. How does she do it? Bullying? I don't want to spoil it, but it's... We'll have to see the movie. Let's just say Tar is a dirty dog. Oh, my.
Starting point is 00:25:19 Let's just say Tar. Tar, you dirty dog. Which one of us is the Tar? The Tar. Are we all Tar? I of us is the Tar? The Tar. Are we all Tar? I think everyone has a little Tar in them. I would drive an enemy to suicide. I was hoping the plot line had more to do with murder involving being pushed into a Tar pit.
Starting point is 00:25:40 That does sound like... It scares you when the title isn't immediately apparent in the movie i hate that y'all there ain't no tar in this movie this movie is not about making roadways y'all i'm like why'd they call it nope there's just a bunch of aliens it's a good thing about jock was mad when he saw holes because it wasn't a gay porn location. Y'all, I didn't see a single hole in that whole movie, y'all. Y'all. I was jacking up. Shut up. I was jacking off.
Starting point is 00:26:13 I want to confirm that I have never jacked off to holes. Y'all, this sucking Kate Barlow lady. Shut the hate. I hate her. Y'all, there ain't even a rich baby in million dollar baby i was expecting to see a baby with a million y'all are the biggest dumb dumb y'all there wasn't even a single baby not not yet to mention a rich one okay what are you saying in this movie what are y'all possessed by avatar the way y'all are talking why are y'all possessed
Starting point is 00:26:47 by leslie jordan's ghost see a little i was expecting to see a little baby eating caviar with a monoclon and all i got to see is this lesbian getting her neck broken in the red zero stars i want my money back ain't no million dollar baby in this at the very end realizing what the hell was that waiting waiting for two and a half hours to see the rich baby mercy kills y'all should have heard y'all ain't even a single baby y'all should have heard me yelling at the movie theater manager after
Starting point is 00:27:30 20 minutes of seeing avatar thinking million dollar baby is boss baby it's a sequel to boss baby y'all are so stupid y'all are junkies wake up
Starting point is 00:27:51 oh pardon me i don't even know why y'all mentioned at the beginning of the episode that y'all are hungover it's just a given i'm hungover i'm never hungover but i am today has a has a jesus i'm not hungover i'm going sober after um lou November. Besides Thanksgiving. Besides cocaine. I will be blackout drunk on Thanksgiving. Are you going no nut either? I'm not going no nut. I'm just going no nut. He's going no nut, but not by choice.
Starting point is 00:28:19 Because ain't nobody fucking him. That's not true, Jock. That's kind of rude to say that i'm going i'm doing nine and not november which is where um i decide i have to spread it out no i will be nutting i will just do i've got yeah no not november is a real thing I will be nutting. I will just do... Yeah, no nut November is a real thing.
Starting point is 00:28:44 Mm-hmm. Isn't that... There's like no shave November too. Yeah. No nut November is funny. I don't really need to shave. Have you ever seen those semen retention guys who are like... Oh, I love them.
Starting point is 00:28:54 You have to retain your semen to maintain your primordial male energy. Yeah. Those guys rock. I don't... Yeah. Well, they do like suntanning their balls. No one's going to stop me from coming. Not no male help group.
Starting point is 00:29:12 No one. Ain't no mountain high enough, but you're singing it about how no one's going to stop me from coming. Yeah, literally. Okay, speaking of coming, I know we touched on this very briefly last episode but that was a kind of psychedelic hangover experience for me um which kind of resulted in my stomach being
Starting point is 00:29:35 fucked up that food fucked up my stomach i never have a fucked up stomach but that food destroyed my stomach and you were puking blood the next the browses oh okay um yeah i will admit to this so i did throw up all night and then the very last time i thought there was just like a good amount of blood in there like too much from the food that jock and i ate on the podcast live show i know not the hell which food do you think did it? I think it was this baked chicken from Rouse's. From the, like, a plate lunch of chicken. Did you have any of the red Pedialyte that day? Yeah, but I drink Pedialyte all the time.
Starting point is 00:30:17 Yeah, but maybe that's why you think you're puking up blood constantly. Because that red Pedialyte made my piss and poop blood red. No, no. And it's because jock has these packets of pedialyte that are dyed red so maybe i'm just saying get a different color and see if you continue to poop and puke blood because i didn't with the frequency you do it you should probably be i didn't poop blood i only threw up blood and it was black because it was dried in my stomach. Oh my god. You need to get help. I don't think blood can dry in your stomach.
Starting point is 00:30:49 I don't think blood dries in your stomach. I'm just telling you, I've had this happen before. I've thrown up red blood and I've thrown up blood that's been in your stomach for a day. Like black bile. So you've thrown up bile. No, no, no. Like in The exorcist no
Starting point is 00:31:05 i've been to the hospital twice for throwing her blood they did mri they did they did a colonoscopy they did an endoscopy you're about to say colonopin no i did not almost say colonopin you little junkie you're so thirsty to hear they did colonoplonopin, y'all. I went to the hospital. My doctors were on Klonopin. You're so annoying. I'm sorry, Jock. I don't mean to be annoying to you. Oh, it's okay. You do it every day.
Starting point is 00:31:33 I've learned to tolerate it. You're just kind of like the Costa Rican Eminem at this point. I just, you know, I wake up. What does that mean? You're Eminem, but Costa Rican. Do you need any further explanation? Do you need me to break it down for you? I guess I shouldn't expect an explanation
Starting point is 00:31:49 at this point. Just accept that I'll never hear it again. All I gotta say though is I've been to the doctor to the hospital twice for this and I've been to the doctor once for this and every test that they've done in relationship to why I'm bleeding out of my stomach and my
Starting point is 00:32:06 ass and my mouth is inconclusive if I die suddenly from blood disease Jock is getting help don't just please encourage Jock to get help for his stomach my stomach is helped I eat company burger every day
Starting point is 00:32:22 I'm helped I was trying to transition to Paul Pelosi but anyways Paul Pelosi gay or not y'all what do we think we're still asking if he's gay or not he's definitely we are looking for the suspect
Starting point is 00:32:37 in an assault the suspect is 29 5 foot 7 150 pounds 7.9 inches cut gay verse top otter, bro. I mean... Fleeing the scene of a San Francisco home. I don't know Paul
Starting point is 00:32:52 Pelosi enough to know if he's gay, but I saw a picture of the other... He's never hired you. He's never tried to sniff you or lick your armpits or anything. Give you some cake, maybe. Look, the cake was one person. It's not like I'm fucking guys for cake all the time.
Starting point is 00:33:10 We can say Paul Plozzi. Second. Suspect is versatile, hung with a hot ass, 35 to 50, great shape, clean cut, rugged, good attitude, gorgeous cock. I wish I could have sex. We've got a man fleeing the scene of a hammer attack in san francisco suspect is 36 5 10 155 pounds fit gay verse clean cut face down ass up
Starting point is 00:33:34 on foot on on hands and knees we've we've got a verse top on the foot he's uh he's into water sports. He's also into LTR. Suspect is doors open, lights off, face down, ass up. Seven were found dead after a pump and dump gone wrong yesterday. You all want to hear a little life hack how to get to the airport quicker
Starting point is 00:34:07 how well let's let's go okay go ahead um you get an nra brand bag and i got to cut the line today because they were like we need to see that bag immediately they oh shit and i got i got past security in like five minutes i could see that very much back oh of course but it worked out today i said i'm just a supporter of the nra i don't have any weapons whenever i go through the airport this awesome thing happens where they like scan me with the body scanner and then my dick sets it off and then they're like okay go back through we just had the wrong setting and then i go back through and then my boobs set it off because there's only two settings on those scanners
Starting point is 00:34:55 and it's male or female and then they have to like decide whether a male will or whether like a man or a woman has to do the like um like um search there's like on me two tsa agents playing rock paper scissors who has to search the the trans yeah that's literally like half of the reason why i don't like flying at all because i just hate that shit it's humiliating i mean i'm sure i didn't mean to laugh i don't know why i heard no no it's i shit it's humiliating i mean i'm sure i didn't mean to laugh i don't know why i heard no no it's i heard it's humiliating and from you and i immediately went because you love it when i'm humiliated no i love it when ben is i i feel bad if you're humiliated ben are you still there i'm here yeah i'm okay cool i'm okay cool sorry I was giving his walkthrough on getting through the TSA oh yeah
Starting point is 00:35:48 space for that you given enough space do you take enough up I'm done are you quitting the pot I'm dramatic I always slept an hour
Starting point is 00:36:04 and a half last night and then like 40 or 50 minutes on the plane until our plane crashed into a cloud and started shaking violently and then I accidentally hit the woman next to me. This is not okay.
Starting point is 00:36:19 You're always hitting women. It seems like it's not at all what happened. She forgave me. Seems like you punched a woman in the face. She laughed and she said, well, I guess I don't have to wake you up now. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:36:32 How hard did you hit her? I mean, I shook my whole body and my head hit hers. Oh my God. So you headbutted a woman on the plane. She laughed though due to quote unquote due to turbulence
Starting point is 00:36:48 why would I lie about this I don't why would you hit a woman why would you headbutt a woman on a plane I've never once experienced I've never once experienced turbulence so hard that my head is shaking around like a car
Starting point is 00:37:05 crash test dummy. Like a baby being flung around. Yeah, like what? Did you not have control of your neck? How did your head... I'm really tired. I don't understand the logistics of... I was like this, and then I went...
Starting point is 00:37:23 I just like flung. No control of your neck. I have some control. I hope that woman is in heaven. Rip to her. You meant so much. You meant so much to all of us.
Starting point is 00:37:37 You're three young children. You're a queen. I give great. We will be launching a GoFundMe for your funeral costs and to cover young Eliza's college tuition. Shut up.
Starting point is 00:37:49 I have great head control. People are always talking about how good my head is. I'm good at necking. You literally killed a woman by headbutting her. It doesn't matter. That means your neck game is unreal. Honestly, if anything. That's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:38:05 I don't even give head anymore. I give brain. Intellectual style. I throw neck. Okay. I'll throw my neck out for you. All right. Okay, guys.
Starting point is 00:38:20 We've got a quiz today. That's gals to you. Guys, we've got a quiz today. That's gals to you. Guys, we've got a quiz today. Yeah, you heard me. Yeah, I said it. And what? Oh, wow. Bernadette's going to hear about this.
Starting point is 00:38:36 What's new? I'm sorry, Bernadette. I'm sorry. It was my last strike. Max, if you could please just edit that out I'll give you a clean cut women and girls if you could just
Starting point is 00:38:50 put that in where I said guys and Bernadette won't hear of that and she won't believe you two because guess who pays her who the hell is a Bernadette it's a running bit we've been doing on this show so I'm not surprised you're not wait
Starting point is 00:39:04 we do bits It's a running bit we've been doing on this show, so I'm not surprised you weren't aware of it. Wait, we do bits? Well, some of us do. Y'all were joking? Y'all been joking this whole time? I thought this was all real. We've got a quiz here. I've got a quiz here for you two.
Starting point is 00:39:22 It better be good. Young women and girls. Thank you doctor professor 10 questions i'll do nine you're offered the chance you're offered the chance to become the most popular person anywhere you go you will automatically have the eyes of the room on you what's your reaction okay this is kind of a wordy quiz so please stick with me here okay it's good do we understand the question no not at all you're asking me if i'm popular i will ask you this i will ask you this question once more i'm asking you what the reaction to this hypothetical is you're offered the chance to become the most popular person anywhere you go you will automatically have the eyes of the room on you what is your reaction to this center stage
Starting point is 00:40:12 sounds like the place i've been trying to get all my life bring it on next one thanks for the offer but if i'm going to have that much attention i'd rather earn it for myself than have it handed to me third no fourth hmm well do I get to pick where I go just how much popularity would I have and what does that look like five that's a huge responsibility having attention is great and all but it comes at a price I need some time to think about this one. What are we doing here? One, one, one, one, one. I'm surprised Jock didn't scream one before I could get to the next one.
Starting point is 00:40:52 I was waiting to say, I want to be famous. I don't want to have to be famous to earn it. I just want to be famous. Have you seen the movie Pearl, the type of prequel to X? No, not yet. It's so good. You need to yet. Oh, it's so good.
Starting point is 00:41:06 You need to watch that movie. It's pretty good. It's pretty much my biography. But if anyone has seen Pearl, Jock identifies with Pearl. Jock is now over-identified with Pearl in a way that is just completely... It's very, very funny. But just watch it. Okay, number one.
Starting point is 00:41:23 All right, number two. completely it's very very funny but just watch it okay number one all right number two you and your friends get a flat tire on the way to a time sensitive event your reaction is this one if worse comes to worse we can call for an uber a taxi and if we split the cost everyone can continue on to the event and i'll fix the tire i I'll show up late, but I'll take this one for the team. Option two, we're going to need a wrench. I hope we have a jack. Shouldn't take too long. Option three, I'm good with the steering wheel. Sorry to be a backstreet driver, but I would have totally seen that pothole. Option four, I'll call ahead and let the organizers know we will be slightly behind schedule maybe I can convince them to push
Starting point is 00:42:06 to push back the starting time number five let's take a look at this tire maybe it isn't all that bad and we can still drive on it's at least worth a look so this is a pretty what do we do what do we do when we're late
Starting point is 00:42:22 I would say option four because I am the most popular person in the world. Or do these not stack? They don't stack, but if that's how you feel, if it's not the same universe, I would say option two. Where I'm like, okay,
Starting point is 00:42:38 let's fix this thing. I want the option where I talk to the organizers. Because I do know how to change a tire. Organizers. Do you change a tire?'ve i have changed the tire one time you driven well i watched my dad do it i knew i knew i was like i'm gonna i'm gonna let her explain this it's gonna went from i know how to change a tire to I've seen a tire change in front of me too. Stuttering like crazy. I've never stuttered that bad.
Starting point is 00:43:09 It's such an obvious lie. It was such a lie. It was so stupid. So in this scenario, we're going to be even later than planned because Hessa's going to try to change the tire. And I'm calling the organizers. I think you can do it. It's not that hard.
Starting point is 00:43:26 We're going to need a wrench. I hope we have a jack. Shouldn't take too long. So I'll be two and Jock is four. Jock, because you're so important, we're asking everyone to push back. Yes, of course. Yes.
Starting point is 00:43:37 I love speaking to organizers. I'll say it again. You suddenly receive a large amount of money out of the blue what do you do time to buy that book i've been meaning to buy oh my god well well well it's about time to update my investment portfolio okay that's three i need to incorporate this into my budget for what is the best thing i can do with all of this money five i should try to figure out how this stuff got here to make sure i'm not taking someone else's stuff unfortunately buying a lambo and uh five star meals for the rest of your life is not on here wait is that wait? What is four?
Starting point is 00:44:25 Yeah, I'm choosing four as well. What's the best thing I can do with this, right? Yeah. Well, I need to incorporate this into my budget is still like, you know, you incorporate it and then you can ball out. Okay, I guess incorporating it into my budget. I guess that like is the ball out option, I guess. I just, yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:42 I'll say that one. The best thing I can do with this could imply charity yeah i'm going to fall out mode incorporate into your budget okay jock what are you doing um which is the option do i just keep the money like i feel like you would i feel like you would say i tried to figure out how this stuff got here to make sure i'm not taking someone else's stuff absolutely so you absolutely not me the last time someone accidentally sent me money i kept that shit and if they thought they were getting it back they shouldn't how much money did they accidentally send you and why um a lot and it was by how much is a lot? Come on. Give us a figure. Close to a thousand. Whoa.
Starting point is 00:45:29 There was a period where to play a joke on April, I would request like a thousand dollars from her on Venmo every single day. Or I would be like, all right, I'm going to send you money for this. And then I would request a thousand dollars. This is not the same, but I tried to get... Oh, that's genius. Did it ever work?
Starting point is 00:45:43 This is not the same, but which is get oh that's genius did it ever work this is not no this is not the same but which is the option first of all where i just keep the money and give it to no one and spend it solely on myself i explained it it's i need to incorporate yeah none of this is i need to incorporate it then i'll take that option but i'll i'll say this but you're suspect of it because it's like it doesn't say spats i don't want to even say i're suspect of it because it doesn't say Spence. I don't want to even say I'm suspect on it. I'm not. If someone gives me money, I'm not questioning where it came from,
Starting point is 00:46:11 who it's from. I'm taking it. If an IDF soldier hands me $2,000 American dollars, I'm keeping it without any questions asked. Well, it's probably your tax money anyways. I once found like $300 on the street in like um in like flatbush whoa and i was like yo i've never just i've never come into i've never randomly come into money really bad luck really no that's not true no i'm thinking of an instance what do you mean I'm thinking of an instance right now where you came
Starting point is 00:46:46 into money. When? Randomly? I've never randomly found money or randomly been given money. Actually, this morning I found a $100 bill on my floor, but I do know where it came from. It came from my... Oh, it's yours. Yeah, it came from my TV
Starting point is 00:47:02 stand. It fell off. I guess if you count finding your own money like in a drying machine, then I've made thousands of dollars. Or in like an old coat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's my savings account. That's how I make the vast majority of my money.
Starting point is 00:47:17 Strangers give you money, Ben. I don't know what you're acting like. Like you've never been given money. What do you mean strangers give me money? Why are you being so questionable right now i'm not being questioned what do you mean strangers give me money what stranger gives me money i mean do you mean the listeners of this show no before the listeners oh you oh you're you're jealous of when i was when i made money from being fired from bernie, yeah. That's exactly what I'm talking about.
Starting point is 00:47:46 I thought that was so unfair. That's not randomly making money. That is exactly what that is. You got fired from a job. Oh, my God. You're so jealous. I can see it on your face. You're jealous right now.
Starting point is 00:47:56 Yeah, I am jealous. You're jealous of the fact that I made money from being publicly fired. I never once put my Venmo out there. Other people put it out there well see you're only selling it more than you got on the ground that's not me randomly walking into money Jock you literally woke up
Starting point is 00:48:16 and there was money in there and you walked into it Ben check your phone that's absolutely not true Jock you're being such a bitch right now I'm not even being a bitch it's truthful I'm being you are it's not true Jock that it absolutely not true jock you're being such a bitch right now i'm not even being a bitch it's truthful i'm being you are it's not true jock that it's not randomly making money yes it is and let me check your phone that's making money because something happened to me in my life no that's not randomly making money you got fired people getting money it's random yeah exactly something happened no no no that's totally your phone it's not random you're gonna make me you're that you're
Starting point is 00:48:46 completely wrong i'm not wrong every listener if you have any questions about this don't ask ben ask me message me and i'll explain how ben made a lot of money for nothing that's just like okay jock whatever um did you check venmo i'm checking venmo i don't see anything you don't see my request? Oh, has to send it to me instead. Now who's randomly getting money? It was a request, not random money. Well, okay.
Starting point is 00:49:15 You have no GPS and no map, and you're in an unfamiliar city trying to get to the central plaza with a group of friends. What do you do? One, let's stop and ask someone two follow the cars traffic is likely flowing from the busiest part of the city three it's a good thing i memorized the directions here i've got this four does anyone have an idea about where to
Starting point is 00:49:37 go jim you've been here before right five let's pull over and figure out a plan before we get lost. Okay, I would never be hanging out with a guy named Jim. First of all, Jim can kill himself. First of all, Jim is out. I'm not pulling over and asking for directions. Is there an option that's like, just kind of wing it? Follow the cars? Following the cars option is the strangest thing I've ever heard
Starting point is 00:50:08 it's so random traffic is likely flowing from the busiest part of the city yeah unfortunately Jock there isn't an option to call all of your friends while you're in a Kwanapin stoop asking where you are I'm never in a Kwanapin stoop asking where I am. You literally
Starting point is 00:50:25 talked about how you got lost in Chinatown last time because you did Klonopin. No, I said that because I... I called everyone. No, no, no. You're mist telling the story as you usually do because you have the brain of an ignorant bitch. I...
Starting point is 00:50:41 The brain of a... Of a stupid doo-doo head. I was peer pressured into drinking alcohol the night before before and when the next day when I woke up and took my talk like a Mormon and the next night when I woke up and I took my medication that I prescribed by a legal doctor I became mentally inebriated i had mental legal doctor what do you mean illegal what do you mean why because your doctor's what are you doing what are you doing what are you doing what's your option here um you're following the cars i'm following the cars did i not say that how so what are you doing you're following the cars i'm asking jim because i feel like in this in this situation i'm with you and if me turning to you and being like, Jim, you've been here before.
Starting point is 00:51:25 I'm Jim? Yeah. All right. I'll take it. I would love to start calling Ben Jim. Let's start calling Ben Jim all the time. Okay. You need someone to support you and help you reach your goals.
Starting point is 00:51:36 But at the moment, they're your rival. I'll befriend them. I've done it before and I can do it again. Don't worry. They'll come around. Don't believe me? Just watch. Befriend them. Rivals done it before and I can do it again. Don't worry. They'll come around. Don't believe me? Just watch. Befriend them.
Starting point is 00:51:47 Rivals are meant to be beaten. I'll outwork them, outsmart them, and then we'll see who's asking for help. Three, let's cut a deal. I don't need them to like me. I just need them to cooperate. Surely I can find some sort of middle ground that helps us both. Four, I'll just ask them being up front avoids conflict and if i can't get their help then i'm no worse off than where i started
Starting point is 00:52:11 but i won't try to manipulate them into something five i'll give them a set of reasons why they should help me we're rivals now but it might not always be the case i might have the chance to return a favor down the road okay i'm gonna go with two what are we doing because um when it comes to rivals are meant to be beat yeah because when it comes to me defeating you it's like a slow easy it's a battle that i'm winning i will i would say number four i don't know why I'm your rival. Why can't you be my rival? What's number four again? Queens don't compete with pawns. Oh, wait. I want that.
Starting point is 00:52:53 I want that. Can that be my new answer? Queens don't compete with pawns? Yes. I want that as my answer. That's not an option. That's just something I said to you. Damn.
Starting point is 00:53:01 I want that to be my Instagram headline. You should. It's a good one, huh? How's it you're doing for? I'll just ask them. I'll be a friend. I think that's honestly the one I would choose. Jock, you're doing the befriend them rivals are meant to be beaten. Yeah, exactly. This is such a
Starting point is 00:53:17 Nicki Minaj. I've been slowly building my rapport with you just so I can defeat you. This is typical rival behavior. Okay. Well, we're running a business together, so it seems like you're doing pretty well. You hear a knock at the door at 1 a.m.
Starting point is 00:53:38 Now, who could that be? Could it be the neighbors? The police? Two. No way. If it's an emergency from someone I know, they would have called me. It's not answering a door in the middle of the night that's just a bad idea number three might be someone who needs help i'll at least go down there and look through the people four this is why i have a camera on my door let's see who this is five hang on a moment let's see if
Starting point is 00:53:58 they knock again if they do i'll turn on the porch light how are we answering the door in the middle of the night three I go down and I look in the peephole okay might be someone who needs help at least I'll go down there and look in the peephole but I feel like for you it's like maybe it's someone who wants to kill me I'll go see
Starting point is 00:54:19 yeah I'll go see who wants to kill me not someone who needs time I had time to see this freak okay yeah i'll go see who wants to kill me not someone who needs time to see this freak okay that makes sense uh jock what are you doing um i'm gonna be turning on the porch light five let's hang on a moment let's see if they knock again if they do i'll try on the porch light that's what i would do or i would i would answer the door with a gun in my hand okay one of your friends has gotten himself into an argument oh god he's losing and you don't and you don't completely agree with his position what do you do one hey that's my friend and i
Starting point is 00:54:56 won't leave him out to dry i'll argue his point two let's just find a way to shut down the argument no need to get heated about this three become the arbiter my friend is partially right and so are you so everyone comes away feeling like the one part of the arbiter is this is this what you actually believe absolutely not
Starting point is 00:55:17 an arbiter is someone it's like a mediator and that's something you'll understand I thought it was like a tree person no no radiator and that's that's something you'll understand i thought it was like a tree person um no it's not a tree person i'll be the tree person i'll be the tree person the mystical old tree let me summon the woods yeah um i think you're thinking of an arborist ah yes yes yes, yes. Thank you. I can't.
Starting point is 00:55:47 Three, I can't argue for my friend here. He's just wrong, but I won't really argue against him either. If you ask why I didn't stick up for him, I'll just tell him that I disagree. Four, I can't agree with either of these positions. I'll deflect my pressure from my friend by asserting my own position and making the argument my own. Oh, that's my answer. Hasse, you find yourself in this position quite a lot on this podcast i feel i'm the i yes and what i do is i always agree with my friend because it's funny okay no matter what what i do is i love
Starting point is 00:56:19 uh throwing in a tertiary argument to make it accelerate it and make it completely and totally incomprehensible. Did you say an argument with Turks? What did you say? A turquerary? It's just a tree. It's a tree thing. I'm tired of all this tree talk. I'm trying to think the other day at the bar.
Starting point is 00:56:44 The last time we were at the bar, Ben, what was the thing you were arguing that was making everyone really mad? Oh, me and Jake? Yeah. When we were at, I don't remember. I was just trolling. I don't remember what it was.
Starting point is 00:57:00 Jake and I have gotten into a lot of fake arguments that are usually very, very funny. I don't remember. Do you have any idea? You just remember I was making everyone mad? No, this wasn't at Singers. This was at Clando. This was...
Starting point is 00:57:18 Oh, I was saying that the... Shorting Clandestino for Clando is the idiot gay language well i guess he knows what the bar is um i was making the argument that the soup girls the girls who were throwing soup at the paintings were actually the vanguards of climate activism i was comparing it i was comparing it to the first brick vanguard i was like yeah i was like yeah in 30 years people are gonna look at this as a I was comparing it to the first brick. Vanguard. I was like, yeah, in 30 years, people are going to look at this as a revolutionary first step into direct climate change.
Starting point is 00:57:53 Why were they guarding vans for climate change? Yeah, I'm taking your side if I'm in. Yeah, that's like a troll argument. Yeah. No, I'm always taking. Clearly, I don't believe that. I don't know why I'm saying that. I was so drunk.
Starting point is 00:58:09 I'm number five. I'm kind of bored with the conversation. So it's like, yeah, they're kind of the MLK of climate actors. We're going to know their names. We're going to know their names. We're going to be in Facebook. These statues of them. No, they're going to be fountains.
Starting point is 00:58:27 Like bird and bug. Okay, what are we doing here? So with this, you would... Number one. Hey, that's my friend. I will leave him out to dry. I'll argue his point. I'm the last one. I can't agree with either of these positions.
Starting point is 00:58:42 I deflect my pressure. I deflect pressure from my friend by asserting my own position and making the argument my own. Oui, oui these positions. I deflect my pressure. I deflect pressure from my friend by asserting my own position and making the argument my own. Oui, oui, sir. That's my answer. Oui, oui, madame. Okay.
Starting point is 00:58:53 You arrive at a social event. The party is dead. No one is having fun. Oh, no. One, well, this is unfortunate, but also might not be a huge deal. It's not really my problem. Two, I'll try to meet some new people.
Starting point is 00:59:05 This is my chance to show off my charm and make some people feel at home. That's me. Three, great opportunities come from great challenges. Someone might get the karaoke. Someone, what are you doing, Chuck? You okay? Yeah, I'm fine. Oh, sorry.
Starting point is 00:59:18 Great opportunities come from great challenges. Someone get me the karaoke machine. Four, I know maybe three people here. I'm sticking with them. And if we have a good time, that energy will spread. The best way to help a situation is just to have fun. Five. I'm here for the host.
Starting point is 00:59:36 If they're having a good time, that's all I care about. Four. What are we doing here, folks? Yeah, I'm also going to say four here. This is a really weird question. I know you're sticking with him now, isn't it? Okay. Many such cases. I would just have
Starting point is 00:59:51 so much fun that everyone makes me jealous. Also, if your internal monologue sounds like this, what is wrong with you? Well, look, once you guys figure out what... It's time to let my social butterfly shine. Once you guys figure out what I'm quizzing you for it will it will really make sense oh my god you're in a job interview if they only remember one thing you want them to know this one you're
Starting point is 01:00:16 dependable and will stick to your word two you're the hardest worker in the room three when it counts the most you can get the job done, even if you have to sacrifice personally to do it. Four, you're all about finding innovative solutions to push the company forward. Five, you're smart and you're going to think about every detail
Starting point is 01:00:37 you are presented with. What do you want your job interviewer to think about you here, guys? I want them to think I want them to think, I'm going to want them i want them to think i want them to think i'm gonna tell them look i'm so innovative you have no idea how i'm gonna push the company forward because that's such bullshit that's such like i don't want to promise anything it's what you said to me when i when i hired you and it's been true yeah i'm innovating you're
Starting point is 01:01:03 innovating and you're pushing the company forward i agree i'm innovating i'm bringing a whole new world to burger sales like they've never seen before and i told them i would do that true lay very true okay um Dr. Professor, are you sick? Dr. Moment. Okay, let's see here. You want to reach your goals, but if it's going to be on your terms, you would like to,
Starting point is 01:01:34 one, bring success to the people around me while I reach my goals. Two, prove my worth, exceed expectations, and become the most valuable player on the field. 3. Live well, learn richly. 4. Discover the knowable and build a better tomorrow with that knowledge. 5. Be a solutions finder. Be a negotiator. someone who others can rely on what i'm gonna say these are the terms by which you will reach your goal two okay two i'm what's number one again bring success
Starting point is 01:02:16 to the people around me while i reach my goals i'll do that one i'm gonna be the second one can you read it out really you i mean this is you want to consider all of your options what's number five number one bring success to the people around me while i reach my goals number two prove my worth exceed expectations and become the most valuable player on the field number five be a solutions finder be a negotiator be someone who others can rely on do you see how i read that in two times speed i can talk really fast if i want to just start like this it's definitely two because i i i i can't i go to work every job is a competition and you have to win so true be the most valuable player on the field i what was number five again this applies this is the last question y'all so you know what was the last solutions finder be a negotiator be someone who others can rely on.
Starting point is 01:03:05 That's one. That's yours. I want the MVP one. I'm the MVP. Yeah. Mine is more live well, learn richly because I just love that. It's like so like, yes, lifestyle. I'm going to do that one.
Starting point is 01:03:20 Okay. Yes, lifestyle. Yes, lifestyle. Yes, lifestyle. okay okay are you guys ready to figure out well first i'm gonna read you not which person you got but um wait can i guess what it is the ensuing uh kind of character can i guess what it is well the thing is i don't want you to be right because i want that to be revealed guess but i won't tell you if you're right or not okay i think it's like which bible character are you close but wrong um okay it has to be your character here you care about the people around
Starting point is 01:03:55 you and doing things the right way you're very aware of the choices you make and the things you say you're very aware that the choices you make and the things you say are being watched by others part of leading means leading by example your friends know you as the level-headed thinker that most everyone will get along with jock this one is insane you're fair you're fair you're even-handed And in situations where there's conflict, you can make a judgment and call without losing sight of the details that matter. Okay. Your friends know you as a good negotiator, a good decision-maker,
Starting point is 01:04:37 and an even better communicator. I communicate better than your pale mouth or your your disfigured face don't you two ever talk to me like that I didn't talk to you in any way I just read you the description of your character doctor professor you're acting completely
Starting point is 01:04:58 health wise inappropriate you're not performing doctor patient conduct that's appropriate for this office. Jock getting a diagnosis from his doctor and his doctor's laughing through it. This is just like when the doctor told me when I was 14 that I had to get an adult
Starting point is 01:05:16 circumcision as a joke. Yeah, that's really funny. Okay, do you guys want to know which person you are? You're George Washington. really funny okay do you guys want to know which which care which uh person you are yeah you're george washington you are john adams okay jesus christ and i got benjamin frank okay you did not get Benjamin Franklin. I got Benjamin Franklin because I'm an innovator. You are so Benjamin Franklin.
Starting point is 01:05:48 They look so similar. Hessa, don't you agree? I flew that kite, mama. Mama, I flew the kite. Wait, read Benjamin Franklin's description. I can't. I X'd out of it. You're stupid.
Starting point is 01:06:04 Oh my god. Sorry. But it was I took this you're stupid oh my god sorry but it was basically just like you're an innovator people look look to you for vision you're sexy a 10 out of 10 no one has ever called Benjamin Franklin sexy that's what it said he was getting he was rolling in pussy he was
Starting point is 01:06:19 a pussy because he was he got syphilis bitch my man i was fucking he got so much head he had uh cte or whatever it's called hell cte cock torture excitement yes he got he had cock he had cock tree excitement it's all about trees it all comes all about trees We're rushing him to the ER. He's got cock torture excitement. Quickly.
Starting point is 01:06:50 Okay. Would either of you like to apologize for your crimes against the Native American people? Never. Okay. Jock? Never. I'm glad.
Starting point is 01:07:00 Jockish. I'm kidding. I loved it. No regrets. My whole family about Christopher Columbus. Well, wasn't it? Aren't those questions so funny for like founding fathers? It makes sense. Literally, yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:15 Because they're trying to like apply. George Washington would so pull over and ask for a direction. Yeah, they're trying to apply some clearly circumstances that must have happened in these men's lives to like a modern context and it's like the social event is not happening yeah it's not lit at the function if this was if this was um an accurate thing it would be like you're driving with your friends and you get a flat tire you're gonna be late what do you
Starting point is 01:07:42 do a kill what the fuck is this thing that we're hey what the fuck is this thing that we're in what the fuck is this machine that we're i'm not i'm not into the founding fathers i'm into finding fathers i can fuck yeah oh nice founding fathers what about finding fathers that's an app that's an app idea finding fathers fathers. Daddy Hunter. Daddy Hunter. Find yourself a father today. Founding fathers. More like finding fathers.
Starting point is 01:08:11 Da fuck. Da fuck. That's a good one, Jock. You should tweet that. Thank you. I'm good for one phrase a day. Okay, everyone. Thank you so much for listening.
Starting point is 01:08:25 I believe this is a free episode it is this is let freedom ring this is a max one right in the yeah this is a max one unless you want to edit it but this is a max one we'll leave that one up to max guys if you like this you can find a weekly bonus episode on our patreon we honestly are doing two
Starting point is 01:08:43 bonus episodes now there's a billionaire one. That's Mihasa and Jake. And a weekly bonus with us. There wasn't one last week because of everyone was on vacation. Ben was visiting Jacques. But this coming week, there will be one.
Starting point is 01:08:59 Where's an upcoming Jillian Jacques episode reviewing the next three episodes of SLC? Jacques, can I come on? Yes. For that one? Because I'm watching it. Yes.
Starting point is 01:09:11 Okay, cute. Okay, everyone. Thanks so much. Sayonara, suckers. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.
Starting point is 01:09:19 Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.
Starting point is 01:09:20 Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.
Starting point is 01:09:22 Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.
Starting point is 01:09:22 Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. When I say I love you
Starting point is 01:09:29 Girl, you think I'm playing I can tell you don't believe a word I'm saying Cause you think I'm telling you lies Just to get next to you like the other guys. Like all the other guys. But honey. If I don't love you. May these words I say come back to haunt me.
Starting point is 01:09:57 If I don't love you. May your guilty conscience forever taunt me. Listen. I'm the one who needs you. I'm the one who needs you Honey, don't pass by me Oh, baby, I'm for real Don't classify me With the passing overs who plan To trick you into a one-night stand
Starting point is 01:10:24 Into a one-night stand Into a one-night stand Cause honey If I don't love you May this heart of mine turn into stone If I don't love you May I spend the rest of my life alone Oh baby Try my lovin' on the side What can I do to make you Money so have I. Let's give it one more try.
Starting point is 01:11:07 I cross my heart and I hope to die. Cross my heart and I hope to die. If I don't love you, may this heart of mine turn into stone. If I don't love you, may I spend the rest of my life alone If I don't love you May these words I say come back to haunt me If I don't love you May your guilty conscience forever taunt me If I don't love you

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