Seeking Derangements - SD 214 - xxBeauregardThaDivaxx

Episode Date: March 12, 2023

Today we cover Tennessee's Lt Governor's twink scandal, talk about our favorite PnP tiktoker, and Jacques finally makes a public apology to Emrata. Subscribe to our Patreon for one (oftentimes two) bonus episodes per week.

🎵 Hello everyone, we're back. It's all three of us as usual. Jock has made a successful flight back to his homeland of New Orleans. We're here. We're doing, I feel like we should start it off with something that's basically become our beat now, which is whenever a homophobic, transphobic politician inevitably gets caught trying to fuck a 90-pound twink. It's our duty to bring you that reportage. Many such cases. Swiftly, factually. cartage um many such cases swiftly factually um this most recent one is so it's just like accelerating i feel like the politician is getting older and uglier and the twinks are getting twinkier and skinnier yeah this politician looks like um if you chewed a thousand pieces of bubble gum and put them in a

big pile over the course of several years he looks like i said this to you guys he looks like if you turned porky the pig inside out he looks like he looks like one of those 35 pokemon if they were in real life. Terrifying pictures. He looks like a biopsy that is bad news, okay? He looks like a bad news biopsy over here, folks. He looks like if he was in the sun that was 90 degrees, it would melt into a liquid pile of flesh-colored latex. Yeah, that's what he looks like.

You're done. You're done looks like. You're done. You're done, sis. You're done. Seeking Duranian. MC! It's like MC of the week. So, I mean, let's get into it. This is the Lieutenant Governor of Tennessee, Governor Randy McNally.

And you know what he said? He said, this twink is the only ten I see. He said, this twink is the only ten I see. That you know what he said he said this twink is the only 10 i see you said this twink is the only 10 i see that is really that is really what he said no he didn't say that no i don't i think i think that pun whatever he's not as clever as me he actually is handling this in one of the weirdest ways i've seen a politician handle this usually like when someone gets caught like liking porn or dming because these aren't physical sexual allegations or anything these are just him loving to post loving to like post loving to fave posts um usually they'll be like oh an intern was like using the computer. Yeah, it wasn't me. Or we got hacked. But the governor, he's just being like,

I love Fave and Post, y'all. He's like, I just wanted to encourage the young man. I just really wanted to encourage him. Yeah, no, wait. When he's in the interview, the guy said, so why did you like this or whatever? And he immediately is like, well, when I see a page that i like when i see a biography of a person that i like and of their bio uh i like to i like to support them

yeah yeah you gotta you gotta support you gotta support your brothers he said i always love i always love to encourage people to post which same and to say that he he read he saw the bio and he was like okay time to support this guy let me just find his bio okay so this this the in the twink the instagram user before i read the bio i want to just give a rundown of his of his instagram his handle is franklin superstar and it's followed by his display name is frank, smiley emoji, flamingo emoji, tree emoji, sun emoji, wave emoji, rain emoji, watermelon emoji, carrot emoji, banana emoji, surfing emoji, headphone emoji, mountain emoji,

nighttime emoji, bear emoji. Bear. Then it's seven hearts. Ball emoji, seven hearts, a a finish line emoji and shopping bag emoji that's the most important one i love that his his instagram his instagram page is set up as a business page and his profession is a musician my favorite thing about it is franklin superstar because you can tell this is like a southern guy who has his slave owner great-great-grandfather's name. It's confusing.

Franklin superstar. It's like Beauregard the doll. Miss Pussycat Woodward the third. Above the hoe. It's so crazy that that's the the dj general lee general lee the diva the general lee

dj return of the great glorious south yeah yeah it's just franklin super star it's uh it's spelled with a y it's so funny um but he's a king um anyway so basically what happened is the lieutenant governor this guy in tennessee is of course you know um passing like horrible transphobic homophobic drag show bands and you know health care for trans people all the like really disgusting stuff and a progressive site found um called the tennessee hauler they found all of this dirt on him and the dirt is that the lieutenant governor is a huge fan of franklin superstar's posts most of these are franklin superstar snatched as hell yeah i don't

know so scary almost it looks like all his guts got scooped out and then they sewed his tummy back together no he looks he looks amazing one of one of my favorite posts on Franklin Superstars. The governor didn't like this one. I guess he will support a twink up to the point of anorexia, but it's a picture. It is just a picture of eight almonds, and Franklin Superstar says, first thing I've had to eat in two weeks. Oh, my God.

That's so bad. Oh, my God. It's funny because that's what Obama famously was like. My favorite snack is six almonds, a handful of almonds. He's Obama-filled. Tell me. Hashtag Obama. Hashtag Obama skinny.

Hashtag you feel Obama is skinny. The South will slay again. So Lieutenant Governor, he's 79 years old yeah he looks like a skin tag um he's just this absolutely horrendous looking person he looks like if um brendan fraser from the whale if um there was a slow motion video of him getting punched in the head like really like and it just paused right while everything's rippling and then if that was a person literally his body looks like a bunch of um it looks like a giant heavy duty trash bag full to the brim with coleslaw with like two broomsticks sticking out of it for his legs he is so scary i can't believe franklin

entertained this this man um they did never meet in person but i want to get into this interview that just happened because it's it's really funny um franklin mcclure what by the way oh i just found his last name franklin mclure yeah let's get that last name out there we're gonna shout out his venmo because he's been yeah um he wants to move to la i'm gonna buy this boy some food let's let's send franklin to la he literally posted i'm moving to la y'all amazing um so the lieutenant governor um was interviewed by a local news channel there and he said i'm really i'm really really sorry if i've embarrassed my family embarrass my friends embarrass any of the members of the legislature with the posts

like and well maybe we could insert the video but he talks like he's burping he looks like if um there was that if they made happy feet three and the villain was a walrus that's what he looks like that my god yes it was not and he talks like it too. It was not my intent to embarrass them. And not my intent to hurt them. He looks like he talks like King Ass Ripper, who has a kind of similar voice to that. So you must know who King Ass Ripper is, right? We don't need to. Let's not get into King Ass Ripper.

We love him, though. He's an absolute king. Yeah, we love King Ass Ripper. I don't want those trans schools. I don't want those trans in our schools. I don't want those trans in our schools. So he, yeah, he found himself facing hypocrisy after a progressive site, the Tennessee Holler, unearthed his social media

interactions with a 20-year-old gay model. It's, Franklin, you're a model, honey. It's in press. You go to LA, you put that in a packet, you're mentioned as a model in News Channel 5 Nashville. Hello, Wilhelmina. It's like he's getting interviewed at the model agency.

It's like, so I see you have a reference as Lieutenant Governor Randy McNally's concubine. Literally. But what's actually so crazy about this is they actually never fucked fucked they never met up like they just it was just the governor lieutenant governor being thirsty admiring from a distance yeah um let's see news channel 5 investigates ask mcnally when people see these posts what should they take away from them? Well, I don't know that they should take away a whole lot.

Please don't take anything away from me. You shouldn't even look at anything. Don't look at them. Please don't look at it. Please don't look at my replies. Sir, please do not look at my Instagram replies. or please do not look at my Instagram replies. So some of the comments here.

McNally responded with three red hearts to a close-up of the young man's underwear covered backside. Finn, you can turn a rainy day into rainbows and sunshine. Is he getting the name wrong also? His name is not Finn. It's Franklin. He got him confused with with another twink yeah oh god it's like so like so boomer that missing twink it no it's so it's so boomer to

like not know that your replies are like visible like he's replying like donatella versace heart yeah same type of same vibe no literally it's like they asked him were you trying to help this young man in some sort of way and mcnally said just i was just basically trying to encourage him and then the interviewer brings out has said what you were alluding to earlier which is one of my favorite things that franklin has ever written um interviewer is like so what did you think about this guy's bio and he shows the bio to um the lieutenant governor and i don't know how so do you want to read the bio do you have it in front of you i don't have it in front i don't think it's the actual bio it's the i think it's like the text i've got it i've got it no it's his bio okay i i am not a whore i am a hoe there's a difference

one is a slut and the other is a prostitute i'm the one that gets free weed for giving a head and the interviewer repeats this i love you finn hello period it's like poor franklin like bragging about getting free weed for a head is so sad like i know it's probably a slave for franklin and i i would never want to shit on him but girl like that's not stopping you're sucking dick for if you're sucking dick for weed i think it's beautiful i think it's cool i'm gonna i'm gonna own up to something right now uh you suck dick for weeds surprise surprise surprise dick for weed i mean whatever it's not the worst thing i've said no it's fine franklin we support you um actually let's let's

get his venmo out there y'all if we can help franklin his venmo i don't know i don't know if we want to send Franklin to L.A. He might be. Well, he should get the fuck out of Tennessee. So, yeah, go to L.A. Follow your dreams, Franklin. It is Franklin, F-R-A-N-K-L-Y-N-McClure, M-C-C-L-U-R. If you all want to help out our boy Franklin, it will be appreciated.

Go ahead, give him a holler. The lieutenant governor said about that amazing bio, he said he liked that post and then... This is he digging his own grave. It's so funny. Liking that post where literally the words slut prostitute ho and ho are all capitalized all uppercase and he he was like the interviewer is like what did you think about that that part about giving head and he's like well i didn't really

read that part and he's like but i did you read the the part about the difference between uh a slut and a prostitute and he's like yes i did read that part actually and i did i don't understand how they're handling this he said they they talked to him about it and uh they asked him about the bio and he said i don't i don't know that a lot of times you just see people's posts and you see the name you see what they've written and you just press the button that says like you press the button that says like it makes it fully his own fault he does not make it sound at all like he's not sucking. I don't I don't recall. I don't recall reading the part about the weed. I know

that he's yeah, he's like talking to what about the part about what about the part about the man being a prostitute? I might have read that. Why telling the reporter,

please just let me have this. Please just let me have this. Please just let me have this in my life. My life is awful. Please. I need Franklin. I need Franklin in my life. I need Finn in my life right now. I need Finn, the superstar, the diva. I need him.

Come back to me, my twink. I can't live without your beautiful body and my vision. I need to ask you the question that people are suggesting on social media. Have you ever had any personal relationship with this young man? And McNally said no, and he continued to affirm that he'd never met this man. And I believe that that's totally true. I feel like if Franklin had hooked up and met with this guy, Franklin would be blasting

that off if he had proof right now. Franklin would go whistleblower extraordinaire if he had hooked up. What did he say last night on the Tennessee Holler? Did he get interviewed?

Yeah, he got interviewed last night on the Tennessee Holler. Did he get interviewed? Yeah, he got interviewed last night on the Tennessee Holler. And there's a lot to be understood. I couldn't understand his voice. There's a lot of words I got to read right now, y'all. I don't know if I can. There's a lot of words that were said. You press play on the video, and the first thing that this little Finn says is,

I don't use Twitter, but I got Snapchat. You know Franklin is just immediate. They're going to be like, so did you have a lewd relationship with Lieutenant Governor? So you can follow me on Snapchat and my Venmo. I love that. You know he's not going to answer any of these questions and just plug away. Queen. that you know he's not going to answer any of these questions and just plug away um queen they then ask him about um his support of the lgbt community because of course he has been um behind all of these incredibly transphobic and homophobic bills to some part and he's just like

the universe like so if you just you know love supporting twink so much you're willing to smash the like button on all of their posts to encourage them what's up with banning drag like ray like drag shows public drag performances yeah what's up with all of that and he's like well you know i just support them in different ways. By banning them. I know. I make the people scared to be alive. He's like, I just, I'm going to be honest with y'all. I don't want Franklin to transition.

I need him to stay a twig. Franklin, we need to keep the twigs. I'm going to be real with y'all. I've got to stop Happy Feet from having fun by dancing in my walrus cave. I need to stop Happy Feet. We need to stop all these penguins from having fun dancing around.

My name isn't the walrus cave. I mean, Lieutenant Governor. No. Taz is so good at impersonations. Someone said, have you thought about resigning? New Channel 5, have you thought about resigning? I think that's really up to the members of the Senate. I would serve at their pleasure, and they are my boss.

I would serve at their pleasure. He just wanted to plug that he's a sub at that last comment. He's like, by the way, I'll do anything for you. His mouth gets really watery. He says, I want to serve you. I'm sure that people have seen this. I'm sure that people have seen this video,

but he literally looks like he just went through a car wash. He is soaking wet. He looks like you put someone, you know how on FaceApp, if you put someone through the big face filter, like so many times that they turn red, and that their eyes start to turn red, and their face gets all crazy and scrunched up.

Distorted. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He looks like someone did that too. No, literally. It is so, so scary. I can't imagine getting any ounce of attention from this man. It would be terrifying for this man to like a post. You could turn any day into unicorns in sunshine, Franklin.

I love you. Finn. Finn. You're such a good boy Finn and the post that Finn's got he's I mean 20 pounds

soaking wet we gotta feed this kid he's so skinny it's yeah it's concerning at some points it's very you know I miss you so much you're the best mom oh this picture of him texting his mom I love Franklin

I hope that Franklin if you're listening pal we support you he's a bit of a social justice warrior too it seems like oh he's the sgw really okay he ripped down some kind of sign i think i'm trying to put put together him on mute it's kind of hard he looks like a shiny oil blight again exactly his face he has more high i don't know why gay people insist on using so much

highlighter that can be seen from Google Maps space. We've talked about this before. We've talked about this before. Highlighter? I don't remember. I think it's... Gay people abuse highlighter. I think they should stop with the drag shows

and focus on gay people and highlighter. You're sounding like the lieutenant governor. Y'all, there's too much highlighter out there. I just twigs. They're wearing too much highlighter. Could you imagine if Jacques had even an ounce of power in this world? Shut up. Instantly, it would be a nightmare.

Shut the fuck up. What do you mean? What would I do? It would be a nightmare. What would I do? I don't know. You tell me. What would you do?

Oh, my God. I'd kill myself. Free sweet potato fries for everyone on my block. Yeah, right. Competent Burke. Also, every twink has to shave their head like they're bald to make me feel better all the twinks are on my diet so they get fat and we're equal bodied got it yeah it's the the equal body legislation

not equal body everyone has to become as fat as fat and bald as you are everyone's gotta be fat everyone's gotta be bald everyone's paying everyone's poly and now if no one is chewing gum on the universe and no more alcohol cocaine amazing supreme but supreme lord jock i have cancer i can't gain. You've got to go in the box then. I'm sorry about that. You've got to go in the box right now. You've got to go out of sight from everyone else.

Ain't my fault I gutted health care to pay for all the McDonald's I'm feeding twinks. I mean, we will see what happens to Governor McNally, Lieutenant Governor McNally. I feel like he'll have to resign, but maybe not. The funniest thing about this is I was looking at the news results for it, and he did an amazing speed run where a month ago half of the articles were just like, Lieutenant Governorcnally makes a successful recovery from a pacemaker implant and then a month later twink scandal such a good run could you imagine what his heart looks like oh like you should donate his buddy to

science because they could cut that thing out it's probably the size of a fucking Mac computer from, like, 1996. God. What does a pacemaker even do? Is that like a fake heart? It's a fake heart. No, it's not a fake heart. It's like there's a part of the heart that, like, regulates how often it beats. And if that fails, then it stops beating.

how often it beats and if that fails then um it stops beating so a pacemaker is like an electronic implant that uses like an electric signal to tell the heart when it's supposed to beat whoa yep imagine damn like this guy's gonna be dead any moment well dick cheney's had one for like 30 years yeah but i feel like dick Cheney's probably getting a little bit better healthcare than this fucking guy. Yeah, definitely better healthcare than this. This guy's healthcare is like, he goes to his doctor and his doctor is like a guy named like

Dr. Sanch and he smokes a cigar in the waiting room and looks exactly the same as the lieutenant governor and he's like, gotta cut back on that bacon alright fat chance fucking loser

you ain't gonna have a fat chance of living you fat fuck if you don't stop putting on them twinkies yeah they both went to Texas A&M together and they're both like they experimented sexually and they don't talk about it anymore yeah no i mean absolutely there's the secret there's he's got to go after franklin franklin superstar i love when gay guys have handles like that

it's so it's like so amazing to me and it's so like cross-generational there's this guy that i follow and have been following on TikTok. I guess I'm going to blow up his spot. He might be dead. I'm not sure. He hasn't posted in a long time. And he has a very high, he has an incredibly high risk lifestyle. But his name is Robert Champagne.

Robert Champagne. Robert Champagne, Franklin's superstar. You know, Robert Champagne is Well I think that might just be his legal last name I think he's from that region of France He's been certified It can only be your last name If you pass a board

An inspection board Yeah You have to come from a certain region If you've never seen robert champagne it's a sight to behold his videos are truly amazing i'll be pardon me i'm still sick i'm gonna post them on our tiktok or on our twitter and stuff but he um it's all front-facing videos he's usually has like seven filters deep but he does one of the most p and p things i've ever seen where he's 50 60 giant tits huge belly always shirtless oftentimes wearing like a

little leather police cap which if you're a gay guy who's of a certain age and you've got one of those, all your friends die. You've been through hell. Yeah, yes. All your friends have died. Like, I'm not even saying that in like a bitchy way. I'm like, that's trauma. Like, you're traumatized. You're traumatized.

Yeah. And Robert Champagne is just like, hey, always. Robert Champagne. Welcome to the lion's land. I'm in East Harlem. And then he reads out his entire address. His address and phone number.

Address. Literally, he speaks in binary code for four minutes. I literally can't. You can't even understand what he's saying. It's impossible. It's truly... Black guys, Latino guys, BBC, come on over.

Come on over. He's like a gay auctioneer selling his own ass for free. Yeah. No, literally. I guess I have to know. I guess I have to know. Going three, going four, I guess I have to know. I guess I have to know. Going three, going four, I guess I have to know.

Why do you hate me? You want my cock. You want my cock. Do you want my ass? You want my ass. Take my loads. I'll take your loads. You take my loads.

You take my loads. He's horrible. Calm down. He's horrible. Calm down. He's horrible. I got my loads. But it's a lot of that.

He hasn't posted in a while, and I hope he's okay. Jock, he kind of looks like well nevermind okay whatever you are about you are about to say is cruel and unusual I said never mind I think in a different universe that's where Jock could have ended up I think in a different universe that you two

belong in a ditch and I'm the king of the fucking world you sucka MC's of the week I'm taking it back and you two are the sucka MCs of the week. I'm taking it back, and you two are the sucka MCs of the week now. Nope, actually we all have to decide. We all have to agree, that's how it works. Bow before me, peasants. I don't want this backtalk.

You're MC suckas. You're really not making the case that you are, you share nothing in common with a schizophrenic drug addict right now. Really? Really? You're the one with glasses on and she's the one with the button up shirt like she's a damn server. That's really not helping your case.

Man, fuck the both of y'all. You ain't nothing but a couple two-tittied idiots. Exactly. Exactly, period. How are you doing, Jack? Are you okay? You seem a little wound up as of late. did you get fired

from your job for your viral tiktok no thank god i had to hide it again because i said did you see it no what is it i had okay so my jock went viral on tiktok i made a tiktok facing me at work and i said hi uh so my job has a new initiative where we hired mentally insane people from the mental institution and we rescued them and we gave them their own job. I'm so sick of these woke terms. I just got to be honest. I'm so sick of these woke terms. Mentally insane people from the mentally insane institution. Come on. We all know what you mean. And I said rescued and it was just video footage of my my co-workers and it got 47 000 likes in two days and i wanna i wanna i wanna know that you're at the front of this restaurant behind the counter screaming and all of your and all of your co-workers are

staring directly at you as you make this video you can. You can't really see the logo of the restaurant, and I deleted all the comments that had the name of the restaurant in it. Jug, it's okay. You're just going to have to... You've done your due diligence. You're going to have to deal with the fact that you have publicly...

I mean, you've said it many times when you work. You're really not trying to hide it anymore, which is okay. I work for a burger company. That's all you need to know. Yeah. Yeah. Um,

are you, did you face any, were you reprimanded or anything for the, for calling your coworkers? mentally insane people from the mental institution. Yeah. Thank you. That's a,

they didn't notice. Actually last night I had a bad moment and I was paranoid and I thought that they were mad at me. And then the manager and the kitchen manager called me into the office and I was like, oh, shit, I'm surely done for. And they were like, here you go. We got you something since you did a good job today. And they gave me a George W. Bush shuckle or something like that. What's a shuckle? What is a shuckle? A schmuckle or something they called it. Let me bring it up. It's like a George W. Bush shuckle or something like that. What's a shuckle?

A schmuckle or something they called it? Let me bring it up. What are you talking about? I'm not joking. It's a legal U.S. coin that is a George W. Bush. A shekel? A shekel? I think a shekel is like an anti-submit.

Usually that's used in like a, that's like a Shakespeare money. Yeah. That's like a money from a Shakespeare play. Let me shekel. Could you, sorry. Is it,

is it a physical object? I'm, I'm looking at a website. Were you having a nightmare? No, no, no, this is going on.

It is a George, a gold George W. Bush coin collectible that is worth a dollar. And I thought it was called a shekel. Am I wrong? George W. Bush coin. I have to show it. I don't think there's any tender that's actually called a shekel. I think shekel is a... I found it.

I found it. Oh, it's an Israeli dollar. Is it called a shekel? No, no, no. Oh. No, no, it. Oh, it's an Israeli dollar. Is it called a shekel? No, no, no. Oh. No, no, no. Oh, okay. Well, that makes sense.

Y'all, I am at, y'all, just listen. I'm at the usmint.gov slash coins slash coin dash metal dash program. Listener, listener, are you hearing this URL? Type this in. Dash dollar dash coin slash George. Okay, okay. Jesus Christ. Okay. Dash christ okay hw okay i just typed it in that's not a real that's not a real thank you can you start it over from the beginning say it again stop yes okay it's us.ment. or wait no i said it wrong us.ment.gov slash coin slash coin dash metal dash program slash presidential dash dollar dash coin slash

george dash hw dash bush oh yep i found it got it did you did you really i'm here yeah it says shekels are not a real type of currency okay yeah don't know why they called that at work. It's owned by Jewish people too, so it can't be them being anti-Semitic because they are Jews. Okay. Okay, look. I sent y'all the link. Check out this coin.

I don't give a shit about this fucking coin. Look at George W. Bush's smile. I don't care. Please, I want a smile to be the cover art. It's a beautiful smile. Why did they give you this? For being good yesterday at work.

For being good. This is so dumb. What is this? They do not... Well, I mean, I'm happy for you. I'm happy for you. No, say whatever you were about to fucking say. No, I wasn't going to say anything.

I'm happy that they're rewarding you with a dollar at your job. What was he about to damn say? Nothing. He had that look on his face. I wasn't going to say anything. Let's move on. Let's move on. We have a few things here.

Did you guys... I don't know. It's been out for a minute, but I don't want to read the article. I just want to talk to you guys about it. See if you've had any of these problems in your own life. The New York Times is coming for us. They're coming for our pussy supply. They're coming for a dick supply.

They're publishing articles about how toxic it is to date podcasters. I'm going to be honest. I didn't read this article. Wait. Okay, wait. but i'm curious i mean i saw some i saw some like quotes from it it's just being excerpts podcasters are toxic new york times is canceled keep going we're not toxic though yeah so good yeah it's it's really hinging it's hinging on the idea well i think we're just we're like too gay um or too t but they were like it was like

from a female perspective dating a toxic podcast bro and i wonder if you guys have ever had if you've ever had anyone be like oh i can't date a podcaster oh oh yeah i mean i lie when people ask me what i do say you just lie Yeah I also do I do initially lie No you don't You tell everyone No I tell them but I play it down I say I co-own a media company

And we produce a program And that's how I I feel like that's playing it up Well To say you co-own a media company. Look, I want to sound fancy, and it's not like I get strange all the time. No, that's totally fine. I think saying you co-own a media company is totally fine, but it's definitely playing it up.

No? I think it's redirecting. I think it's i think it's it's redirecting you know i think it's smart it's definitely it sounds it sounds better than saying i'm a podcaster yeah definitely it sounds more official more real i i usually don't have that problem because most people just assume i'm unemployed or have like a stupid creative job that i don't want to talk about i feel like most people understand that about me or they know me and know that i'm a podcaster but i try to avoid that ever happening in my life because it is embarrassing it is incredibly embarrassing to say if i do tell them if i do tell them that i have do a podcast i tell them i can't tell them the name and they

can never listen to it you are you talk when i am with you in New Orleans, you introduce me. You're lying. You literally – I want to say something. Ben told me before we went out one night, hey, Jacques, you're not allowed to bring up podcasting in front of one of my friends. He didn't say you're not allowed to talk about it. It's so embarrassing. Don't talk about it in front of – you're going to embarrass me. You are literally being so dramatic.

I'm not. This is looking at me in a very affirming way right now. Thank you, Tesla, for knowing what I'm saying is true. I think you are having a delusional moment of insecurity, but that's okay. I was just saying I don't want to talk about the podcast because it's like no one wants to talk about it. I'll rephrase it because Ben told me I was not allowed to introduce it. No one wants to talk about their work. No, we no one wants to talk about it because Ben told me I was not allowed to introduce it. No one wants to talk about their work. No, we don't need to talk about it, but I'm just like

no one really wants to talk about their work or talk about themselves. You'd rather just talk about like the moment you're in and have fun and I don't want to talk about work. But I understand that you took it personally and I'm sorry, but that's not what I was saying. I took it personally. I don't think I'm taking it personally right now. I think you took it personally, and I'm sorry, but that's not what I was saying. I don't think I took it personally.

I don't think I'm taking it personally right now. I think you took it a little personally, but it's okay. I'm just opening my third bing for no reason. Don't worry about it. Nothing's wrong. No, I don't mind talking about it. It's just like, you know, it's a little... It's like talking about yourself, and now we're doing it on the podcast, which makes

me want to shoot myself in the head, jock. So if we could not ever do that again um what else is going it's okay it's okay baby um what else is going on what else is going on last night my co-worker held me in her arms as i sobbed deeply and we and she said you're not alone that was my night last night why was that after before you were like your old sackos i work with yeah no that was like two days ago i was fine with them then i had a good honestly it wasn't even a bad day at work i just was sad and my my roommates are out of town and so i just felt even more lonely than i normally do and i'm having dance are you dancing around the house in the nude and stuff? I'm doing everything nude around the house.

And I have to take care of the ducks. Yeah. Are you taking care of the ducks or are you killing them on purpose? I have not murdered any of them. I've actually overfed them because I want them to be plump. I don't think that's good. I don't think that's good either. You know, Jock has a fresh supply of duck eggs and

refuses to eat them because they're gross i do think they're gross i stand by that i think the taste is weird i think that if you make bread with it is normal but nothing else i don't want to eat anything if i had a fresh supply of duck eggs i would be my roommate who controls them? Wait, there are eggs in bread? I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. There's not eggs in bread. I mean, maybe like a special pastry or like a cake or something. Like an egg wash? Yeah. Cake?

Focaccia? I don't know. I don't know how to make focaccia. Focaccia might have eggs in it. I don't know. Get the focaccia here. Get the focaccia here. Look, all I gotta say is that my roommates don't wash the eggs that well, so you can

still see that the eggs look dirty, first of all. Well, then just wash it. They don't refrigerate them, which I understand... You don't have to refrigerate eggs. I don't... I think you should. You don't? I just...

I don't get it. No. I don't support it. You don't have to refrigerate. Once eggs are refrigerated, you have to continue to refrigerate them, but if you never refrigerate them, you don't need to refrigerate them. Look, my roommate was so offended that I bought a six pack of eggs to make myself French toast the normal way. I don't want duck egg French toast. That sounds disgusting.

They're not that different. It's gamey. Anyway, my roommate was. Oh, my God. You're such a little princess. Get the fuck out of here. Listen to my roommate's reaction. He came to my door and he knocks on the door.

He goes, Jacques, are these your duck? Are these your regular eggs in here? And I said, yeah. And he's like, why did you get them?

We have duck eggs. And I was like, I just prefer regular eggs. I hear him stomp off silently and then slam the door. Leave the house. Do you think this is maybe another instance of you taking something incredibly personally when that's maybe not what happened? I didn't take it personally. I took it so well that I took care of their ducks and their cat and their snake.

I'm in charge of a snake, a cat, and two ducks. And now I'm overfeeding the ducks. I am petting a cat and I wash my hands after I touch it so well that now I'm overfeeding the ducks. I am petting a cat and I wash my hands after I touch it. Did you say, get the focaccia here? I said, get the focaccia out of here, you mesophanuck. Did you see the video of Christopher Moltisanti? Not Christopher Moltisanti, I should say. What's his name?

Michael Imperioli. Mishearing someone say, they're like in director's chairs and there's a guy it's like an asian guy who's doing like sound production and he's talking about oh for this b movie we're gonna have a bunch of fanboys come out and michael imperioli is like a seat down he's like he like looks over at him and goes he's like what did you just say and the guy's like oh there's a bunch of fanboys coming out and michael imperially goes what the hell i thought you said fem boys i thought you said a bunch of fem boys were coming out here and i like i didn't hear that word until, like, two years ago at most, you know? And this was, like, 2007.

No, Michael Imperioli's a queen. He wrote a book about Lou Reed and Lou Reed's trans girlfriend, like, raising him. He loves the dolls. He loves the dolls. He truly does. Wait, so wait, he's not gay, though? Is he gay? No, he's not gay. That would be so hot. He's the most. He truly does. Wait, so wait. He's not gay, though? Is he gay? No, he's not gay.

That would be so hot. He's the most beautiful man on earth. He's gorgeous. I'm obsessed with him. He's really sexy. Did y'all see his house tour? Yeah, his house is so geeky. I love it.

His house tour. God, the most beautiful. What is it about Italians? They love having, not all Italiansians but a certain type of italian they love having like a birth tone this is my buddha this is my buddha room yeah and i under and i understand michael imperially is like a committed and practicing like i don't know if he's buddhist but um you know he does a lot of like i think he does transcendental meditation he's very serious about it i'm not trying to discount that but i remember when i was a maid in denver colorado we there's

it's a sizable um italian community there and jewish community and they're all like you know rich suburbanites the and i'm not even kidding you, the amount of like Buddha rooms that were happening was insane. Why? I don't know. I don't know what it is. Okay, I would like to weigh in on this. There is a disease throughout Denver

where white people are like... Well, no, that's different. That's different. That's different. It's not like I went to Thailand. It's not like I went to Thailand. It's not like I went to Thailand and listened to EDM and have a giant hula hoop.

These are like older people. It's not like younger... I think I have a theory. There's a... It doesn't matter what age. All white people in Denver are addicted to appropriating Asian culture. Thank you, Dr.

Thank you, Dr. Umar. From yoga to Buddha's decision. I want to hear H theory because you're you're being a little bit too broad has it what what's your theory my theory is that probably like it's like a reaction to a very extreme like roman catholic or extreme like orthodox jewish upbringing maybe yeah you know or not orthodox jewish but like practicing like you know kind of like a rebellion of like a rejection of like that thing like once you have a bunch of money then suddenly like you know you start to question things and like yeah it's it's very gen x it seems like it's a gen x thing yeah yeah i think it's like think it's that, and it's also like...

It's like what you do when the party ends, you know? Yeah. It's like, oh, I used to be like, yeah, I used to do a little bit of smack. You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to shoot up. I used to do some dope. I used to do a little dope.

Now my heroin is ego death. That kind of thing. I respect. It makes sense as a trajectory. I feel like I'm going to have to do something like that at some point.

I can't wait for your Buddhist era. No. I'm going Islam have to... I can't wait for your Buddhist era. No. Mm-mm, girl. I'm going Islam. Okay. When I hit 35, done. Saying the Shahada is going to be... I'm going to just get way more annoying and embarrassing, honestly. It's going to be amazing.

Me and my... You guys need something. I don't think it could be Buddhism for you. when you hit 35 so in a month or two me and my denver friend were talking about this guy recently how making fun of him because he posted this big long like three paragraph thing about being a born-again buddhist it cut out no it's skipped just like just keep going keep going that's okay so anyway me and my friend were making fun of this guy for coming out as a born-again buddhist on instagram and we were like t honey i remember when he came came out as jewish like two years ago like coming out again yeah people are searching for their you know for their meanings

in life in this this life in this world of ours has to you cut out um i'm not mad about that joke you made no you were like you like you said um i was like oh when i turned 35 and you're like oh in a month or two but you froze for like a full minute and then jock started talking and then you came back and you're like oh mother too i was like what the fuck is she talking about and then i put it together and i was like oh she probably she probably thinks that I'm mad because I didn't laugh at that I did I was like oh my god and you're like oh fuck no no no no no

we'll just have to talk a little bit we'll have a talk later we'll have a talk later go to the principal's office oh my god stop stop ever since Bernadette came on board

I fired that bitch no she's not yes she is if I see Bernadette around the office okay yes Bernadette I'm threatening your life. Okay?

If I see you, I'm going to kill you. Damn. No wonder you'll never let me meet her. Bernadette, I think you meeting a rockabilly woman, the sexual energy would just be off the charts. Yeah, you would start immediately like right now Ari had a tryst with a rockabilly woman from LA who I had never met a tryst it's like something like Oscar Wilde would say I had a menage with a rockabilly woman with a ska quality to her no no no she she

was she was a rockabilly ish chick but she was more into pop punk and ska music with ska music was her all-time worst genre and but she was she was so hot and uh she met Instagram. You love a rockabilly woman. Look, she was beautiful, perfect body, everything gorgeous. And when I met her at her hotel, she flew from LA to Denver. She was waiting in her doorway in lingerie. Full garter. Is there a picture of her that I could see? Yeah. Her Instagram is Miss Poopy Queen.

No, it's not. That literally is I feel like one of our friends' Instagram. Her Instagram name is I'm not a normal XYXX. I'm so curious.

Chuck, would you describe No one's going to put it together. What happens to the woman you're going to marry I'm so curious I don't think Chuck would you describe would you describe no one's gonna put it together but what happens to the woman you're gonna marry Roxanne of course

god I still talk to that girl the Canadian girl she's amazing you're not getting married anymore I've taken marriage off of my plate currently

because I don't think I can afford the proper time you got too much pussy on that plate I've taken marriage off of my plate currently because I don't think I can afford the proper time to give. You got too much pussy on that plate. I've taken marriage off of my plate currently. Plate with like a million calories and then marriage right next to it.

Taking marriage off the plate and adding some more caged chicken. Sorry, Jacques. Jacques, I thought of you. I had a burger last night for dinner. I was thinking of you. Damn, I can't find her Instagram, but she's somewhere in here. Jock, would you do me a favor?

Yeah, sure. What do you like? Could you... I love that you... Never mind. You're talking to me like a hooker. I'm like, could you do me a favor? You're like, yeah, what do you like, babe?

Yeah, baby, what would you want me to do? For the rat prize. Could you describe to me the perfect woman's body? Oh, fuck. This is always a trap. I've done this before. What's that a trap? No, no, no.

We just want to hear. To you, to you, to you. Personal preference. a trap no no no we just want to hear to you to you to you i want personal preference i want you to describe the perfect woman's body like the sexiest body and face you know a body i can touch that's close to me i don't know i don't know what you mean by that. The perfect woman. Is she here? Long hair, big tits, or little tits are fun too, or big ass. Just describe your ideal woman. Okay, big tits, big ass. Big tits, big ass.

How big are we talking with the tits? I want someone that weighs between 150 and 250. 150 isn't that bad. Huge range. Okay. Yeah. Massive. 150, 250, how tall?

Between five feet and 12 feet. I like shorter than me or really taller than me. So either like five, six. So she's either five six or six two yes okay um and let's see i want uh let's say let's make her six two yes i like a girly voice um i want uh okay a very feminine woman. Okay, so kind of like Amazonian. Barbie. Arby? Did I stutter?

Who's Arby? Arby's? Barbie! Barbie! Oh, I heard Arby. I heard Arby. Where's Pink and what's Pink and makeup? I thought you said Arby as the owner of Arby's. Arby was Irvin's running mate.

It was very, very contentious for a while. They had a fall, yeah. Also, for some celebrity women references, I mean, Brandy was one of my biggest crushes growing up. Okay, so if Brandy was 6'2 and 250. But also, Mila Jovovich, Parker Posey. Mila Jovovich parker posey um yeah mila jonevich has like twink body i like jlo from the cell was like my first jlo from the cell fantasy no she does look fantastic in the cell i'll be i'll be real

in that skin suit also like john goodman from roseanne okay that's the most beautiful woman i can think of that's a man yeah that's a man he's a man okay famously john goodwell as far as we know back to women back to women back to women you know someone who looks like john good i don't think john goodman's that hot i don't think john goodman's that hot but you know who is similar to him who i would absolutely hands down any moment hook up with barney rubble no um jeff from carpe enthusiasm oh yeah jeff garland yes jeff garland sexy he's so sexy he's so handsome he's the kind of fat guy that just i mean well I won't.

Rewind a little bit. Wait, wait, wait. I thought of it also. Freckles and red hair. That is my kryptonite for women and men. So Wendy from the Wendy's. Yeah, there's a reason why. I think there's a little brand recognition happening.

I like him skinny too. Yo, my ideal woman is a child with red hair and freckles and really good making hamburgers. I like tight hips. I could grab my hands around very tightly and pick you up. Why is that girl? Ew. I don't know. The way you said it is a little predatory.

You know who's really hot is Oliver Platt. Shut the fuck up, you bitch. Oliver Platt? Who's that? Sounds like an orphan. Oliver Platt? He was in a bunch of movies in the 90s. He's like a...

Oliver Platt. Let me look. Oh, God. No, he's beautiful. He looks like a toad. No, he's beautiful. Oliver Platt? Yeah.

Oliver Platt. I love him in everything he's ever been in.att? Yeah, Oliver Platt. I love him in everything. I'm not seeing this. Dude, you would love him. He's lovely. He has a charisma. He has a charisma about him. I love Flatliners.

I guess we're talking about guys who are ugly, who we think are hot. Pieces of April was so funny young steve buscemi slurp no oh yeah absolutely are you kidding me no are you kidding me one of the characters in one piece is based on young steve buscemi dude he was so sexy look i get it he's a good actor but like people need to stop obsessing over him and Danny DeVito. What are you talking about? People just are too obsessed.

I don't see any of this on my radar. Yeah, because you are probably looking at Bernie Sanders or something. Yeah, I'm going to have to pee really bad. Go pee. Dude, let's say everything. Go pee, girl. Okay, so Tesla literally looks like a secretary today. The secretary starring Maggie Gyllenhaal.

No, shut up, bitch. I'm your secretary. I have to do everything for you. Man, shut the hell up. I have to remind you to do everything. Don't ever remind me to do anything because I'm always on the ball and I'm so beautiful. Where's that episode with Jilly that you were supposed to send me this morning? It is coming right on out.

That's what I thought. Bitch, it's okay. I didn't get out till midnight. I didn't get out till midnight. Look, it's okay. It's okay. It's okay. You don't need to make a bunch of excuses.

Just, you know, when you can get it out, get it out. What other ugly people are hot? Young Steve Buscemi, absolutely. Jeff Garlin. I wonder, what if I googled jeff garland not fat was he ever not fat i'm googling hot ugly people i don't think i think maybe that's something you just have your brain it's a personal preference no hot ugly maybe you have your brain do that work he's never been here we go here he's never been he's never been not fat i mean while

we're on it larry david absolutely hands down my friend you don't think larry david is sexy you remember how beautiful my friend ash is i've met well i'm just i'm talking about larry david you don't i know she said she would fuck him i'm like ew are you kidding me really i would i think and you know what has only gotten better as he's aged. I'm on a website called Elite Daily, and I'm reading an article called 24 Ugly Hot Celebs We Can't Explain Our Attraction To. The first one listed is Adam Driver,

who is arguably one of the most handsome men on the planet. Oh, come on. Adam Driver is... Yeah, he's not... I guess he kind of did start the, like, meme of Ugly Hot, but um i feel like he's just i don't think i guess i get it i guess i get it he is ugly hot i the next person is the weekend which i don't also that's that just seems kind of i don't he's just conventional normal looking he's cute but the weekend's just cute the next one is like a mentally ill looking picture of

pete davison that makes him look totally disabled. Did you hear that Pete Davidson was dating Amrata, but now she's dating... Eric Andre? Eric Andre. And then also... Does that make you mad, Jock? Not really at all. I don't care about Amrata, but I really...

You know, she listens to the podcast. She does not. She does. That is not true. She follows me on Twitter. She likes my tweets and she listens to the podcast. There is no way that beautiful, beautiful woman listens to us. She does.

She literally follows me on Twitter and we interact. I have a mutual friend with her who says that she listens. I think she listens to the podcast. There's no way. She's like a celebrity. Okay. I mean, we don't need to talk about it if you're not going to believe us but it's just

how do you spell my name I don't know I think you could figure it out why don't you try to spell that what are you typing in what are you typing in E-M-R-A-D-A

Emrata you got it that You got it. That's her full legal name. You got it. You got it. Wait, wait. Emily Rechachukowski listens to us? No.

Absolutely. I mean, it seems like it. Who did you think Emrata was? Did you think that those were different people? Emily Radiation. I don't want to sound bad. I thought it was a rockabilly girl I knew named Emily Radi sound i don't want to sound bad i thought it was a rockabilly girl i knew named emily radiation i'm gonna sound bad saying this i i thought emrata was like a do you think it was like an organization or something i i thought we were

talking about like an ambassador for israel or like a you you and this weird obsession I can't. You don't even know what any Who am I confusing? I don't know. Mossad maybe? I don't know what you are talking about. Emiratis? Are you talking about United Arab Emirates? Like the United Arab Emirates?

No, no, no, no, no That's what he's talking about I think that's what he's talking about. I think that's what he was talking about. You heard the word Emradi, and you thought that we were talking about a group of people when we said Emrata. But she's a listener, and she's probably going to love this part. And now she's probably never going to listen again.

Yeah, she's probably going to stop listening part. And now she's probably never going to listen again. Yeah, she's probably going to stop listening now. Please don't stop listening. Jock, I can't believe you just lost us. Should we have Max cut this part out? No. I don't want to lose her as a listener. I mean, Jock, can you apologize? Will you please apologize to her?

Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am. Ma'am. It's actually spelled with a T. Ma'am. Ma'am.

Mrs. Emily Ratajkowski. Lady. it's actually spelled with a T ma'am ma'am lady I'm so sorry miss lady miss lady meet their lady from the bottom of my Cajun heart ma'am I want to say to you that my heart goes out to you and I'm so sorry for whatever I might have misunderstood about you

thank you for listening she doesn't listen i was completely i don't yeah yeah we were lying this whole time got you got you a bitch emily radiation does listen though emily radiation the uh rockabilly bitch that jock yeah right regularly that's such a rockabilly bitch that Jock needs out regularly. That's such a rockabilly name. Emily Radiation. Literally. People always people love tweeting shit like a picture of like a rockabilly girl and being like where did these women go? I'm like

Bitch they're right there. They exist. Okay stop trying to erase them. They are some of the most powerful women throughout mid-sized cities in the midwest i'm not they all got hired to be in john wick movies as the ladies in the switchboard or they literally they all work in hr or own cafes i mean bernadette is one of them i'm not even kidding that's why i that's why i made like

they're powerful. They exist. They've gone nowhere. You've gone. Wizards? No. Before she does her... If she misses even one of her special injections of anti-Rockabilly fluid, that one bisexual senator will turn back into one.

Kristen Gillibrand. Yeah. No, Kristen Cinema. Oh, no. Kristenristin jillibrand yeah no kristin cinema oh no kristin cinema kristin jillibrand is just like uh no she's kristin jillibrand also honky kristin cinema you know i i met kristin jillibrand one time yeah what did she say um she tried to i'm trying to remember it's when i was a was waiting tables oh i told her no i just looked i was like no i met al gore she asked she asked if she could get um i was working at this like like upscale like exposed brick um single succulent cafe sucked so much dick. I hated it. I think I remember you tweeting about this when it happened.

But she was like, oh, I was tweeting all the time then. I think about Cory Booker too. Cory, 8-Bit Obama just came in here. Someone drop the salmon! 8-Bit Obama! It's so funny! It's still so fucking funny. It's okay, Jock.

It's one of my best roasts on Cory Booker. He's the president of New York or something? Yes. If we told Jock who Cory Booker was dating, he would be pretty mad. No, we're not going there. Oh, wait. Isn't he dating? He's dating Amrata.

He's dating Amrata. Kristen Gillibrand came in and she was asking if she could get egg whites. And I was just like, no. It's so fun to just say no to customers. I haven't had that opportunity in a long time. To not offer them an alternative, just be like, no. What about at your current restaurant?

I guess I do it there, yeah. But I'm trying to be nicer to customers I'm actually I'm pretty nice to customers yeah but I'm only I'm only there like once a month now yeah until I get fired again yeah so you looked it up look at that oh my god

I kind of remember that yes didn't Rosario Dawson get discovered by Harmony Corrine from the movie Kids by like Hermione Hermione Corrine Hermione Corrine oh my

God Harmony Harmony no he's thinking of Larry Clark he's thinking of Larry Clark sweetie Larry Clark is the director he was the adult on the set of kids Harmony Corrine

was like 18 when they made it I don't think he was discovering people you got it you got it you know Harmony Corrine

was involved in kids right he wrote it yeah yeah he wrote it when he was 17 which is late honestly

is that does that make you feel like it's all fine things are in place in your head now? I saw kids before. I had it on VHS. I sold the VHS for $150. Yo, ain't even any kids in this movie.

Yo, they ain't even kids. This isn't for kids. This ain't for kids. I'm getting scared. Show this my freaking baby. I thought it was a kids movie. Yo, we could have watched Finding Nemo last night. Yo, this ain't for kids.

I thought it was going to be like Planet Earth. Kids. They won't stop screaming, these kids, when I show them the movie. Now the kids think they got HIV. Yo, I'm telling y'all, that movie Kids is not for your children. It ain't for kids. I don't know if you know this, but do you want to know a fun fact about kids? Yeah, I would love

to. Please tell me. At the beginning when they're all watching the skateboard video, that skateboard video they're watching was made by Spike Jonze before he was famous. Whoa. Isn't that fun? I love it. Isn't that a fun fact? He doesn't care. He's texting. Look at him. He's texting. He just't care He's texting Look at him He's texting

He just left He just left the call He literally just left the call What just happened? What the fuck? He said I don't give a shit He said

I don't fucking care About that fun fact I don't care so much That I'm literally just I think he just closed his computer I don't fucking care about that fun fact. I don't care so much that I'm literally just, I think he just closed his computer. I don't even understand. Well, I mean,

we can wrap. It's an hour. Yeah. I think it's, it's been like an hour and a few minutes, you know? That's so crazy. I wonder if he's going to call me.

I'm sure his internet just went out. Well, my guess is his computer died. Usually he would call me right by now screaming, I'm so sorry, man. I don't know what happened. Yeah, no word yet from the text. He may have just like fallen into a sinkhole or something.

Whoa. I, okay, well. Do you think that they bombed? Do you think they bombed uh new orleans yeah hopefully glad katrina too happened glad that i don't have to deal with him anymore um i'm kidding i gave kim jung-un jocks coordinates i gave him the exact address of jocks house and he's like please do me a solid please kim um well this is a free one is that okay with you yeah totally that's fine all right we gotta do a free one this week

um i don't think jock will be back hopefully yes there it is my charger been bad so sorry my charger been bad yo my charger is real misbehaving. I love that he put the emoji in here. He put the scrunched face emoji. My charger been bad. So sorry. I thought it was charging. Yeah, just tell him we're wrapping. Guys, thank you for listening.

If you enjoyed this podcast, we've got many more on the Patreon. podcast we've got many more on the patreon um one if not two um episodes per week oh my god jock's raining let's end this but it's okay jock and thank you so much where i'm literally ending the show right now Thank you. Spinnin' Thousand little things And I want to conquer Thousand little things And I want to conquer is Thank you. Bye.