Seeking Derangements - SD 239 - Ya Mans Gay pt. 4

Episode Date: July 15, 2023

Does your man put his phone on DND? HES GAY. Is your man excited to see his boys? SUS. Does your man suggest you split entree's? GAY ASS HELL. Nowadays it seems like men cant do anything without being called gay. Join us as we take a deep dive into the 184 pt. list of "Things Masculine Men Can't Do (According to Social Media)" The one and only latina queen Janelle Howerton joins us....howie hive paws up! Follow her in IG she is da best @mensturalbloodbath Sub to our patreon for a weekly bonus ep!

hello hello everyone welcome back to Seeking Derangements. Jock loves to give a little hi at the beginning of each recording and then say nothing. But so eager to jump out and say, hey, from a corner. We are back with I believe this is part four of the gay list. We will probably get to like a part 30 on this. Maybe some people should grin but um yeah we do have a guest with us today like we said last time we realized that we needed a straight cis woman to be in the room with us to help verify some of these claims and give some give some you know

texture to the list that you know we aren't necessarily capable of. So we did call in one of the biggest fag hags I know. Yeah, I said it. It's Janelle! I was scared. It gave me a fright. Hello, Janelle. How are you doing today? Hi! Hey! I'm so excited to talk about my favorite topic.

Gay men. Insane gay men. And honestly, from the looks of your letterbox, it seems like you're very invested in gay men as well as straight men. Oh, my God. You're on my letterbox. Did you look up Janelle's letterbox? I was doing a little research on Janelle before the episode

because Ben insisted that I be very... Nice to my friends. Yes. Very normal. So I brought up the letterbox. No, no. Very normal. Very, very, no, no, very research and, and antiquated.

Is that the right word? I don't know. I don't think antiquated is a, yeah, yes, no, that is a word, scientific term.

Yeah, yeah, you're a genius. Anyway, so I was looking through your letterbox for a moment. It's all gay porn. Happened, happened to notice the gayest movie to come out recently.

Not enough ass which is infinity pool which you didn't bother to even rate which it was actually pretty terrible but it's okay but then you go ahead and give senior year uh the new rebel wilson netflix original movie a one and a half stars i was just kind of upset and if i could just get that grievance past us we can like record totally like in a normal way because i think rebel wilson honestly did a star studded performance in that and i just was kind of shocked that you did she was how are you gonna respond to that one you don't even know what to say i don't even remember when i rated that or at what point I even watched that movie

it was so unforgettable it's probably a completely different woman that is supposed to this probably I assume like we said earlier that she's like a lesbian and I'm not like here for that I don't know hey you know what let's stay true

to yourself yeah I don't know don't look at the letterboxd last year i rated every single movie i watched and it was like yeah i don't know i've never used letterboxd before i have to forget to log stuff yeah yeah jock are you logging stuff on letterboxd i i think i should i i think i should but it's very dangerous I think it would be a very dangerous effect I mean I go back your opinions are too hot

I'm gonna kill everyone you ever seen this fucking movie because if you see anyone that was in this fucking movie I'm gonna kill them yeah exactly exactly I know where you live and I'm going to come and kill you. I would never harm Marty.

Now that we've got the preliminary fight that you need to have with all of our guests out of the way, I feel like maybe we can get to the list. We're friends now. Jock, how do you feel? Do you have any lingering beef with Janelle? No, not at all. Janelle, who edited like 500 hours of your ass. Jock literally doesn't know me, but I know everything about him. Janelle who edited like 500 hours of your ass walking around.

Janelle literally doesn't know me, but I know everything about him. All of his most insane psychotic stories, like how he lost every position whole of his virginity. Janelle edited our Mardi Gras video masterfully. And Jock, I don't think has maybe any idea of that until now. I don't know if you had any idea that it was Janelle who did it. You know what? You did actually

send me a very kind DM. I was about to say, we actually Yeah, I said thank you. I responded, I said, oh, I can't wait to eventually meet you and then you didn't say anything. I'm not going to read just in transparency to the viewers.

I'm actually going to read Janelle's response. To the viewers. Dot dot dot. Hey, it was really funny to edit you, but the way that you talk about women is wrong and you should be put down. That's exactly what I said. That doesn't sound like anything you would say, Jock.

It doesn't have any of the hallmarks of your very specific way of speaking. Sorry, that was a different... The way y'all be talking about women. That was a different Janelle. Different Janelle. Different Janelle. I googled wrong.

Let's get to the list. The guy still is compiling active um he's still how long is the list now i think the list is about like at 600 700 we are he's running laps around our white asses we are only at 122 um and he keeps going with it so we'll have to get we'll have to get a lot of people on here to run through this list but Janelle, you know how it works. I'm going to read through this list. We'll say whether or not we think it's gay

and then we can talk about whatever else. We're keeping a tally for ourselves like whether or not we've done this specific thing to figure out which one of us is the gayest. Oh, I've got it. I've got it up, bitch. Where are we at with the talent?

I'm winning. Oh. Ben has three. You're the gayest? I'm winning or losing, depending on whether or not you're homophobic. Ben has four large abacuses underneath him that he slices and moves throughout the performance. Exactly. Alright, let's get to it. We've got

122. Your man is gay if he has purple as his favorite color. Valid. That color. Yeah, gay. That's like a Halloween color. I think having any any favorite color it is a halloween color that's the trick that's the trick question if you have a favorite color you're

gay yeah yeah exactly it's a trick question i think maybe even seeing any not being colorblind i will say this if you're if you're straight straight guys can be interested in the colors red and blue. Yeah, like navy. Navy. Yeah, black. White. Khaki. Khaki. Not black.

Khaki. Straight men own khaki. Mm-hmm. Hessa, what do you think? I'm sorry, I wasn't. I knew you weren't. What the fuck? This is why she never turns her video on,

so she can jack off in the corner and not participate in the show. I have a reason this time. 123, comment king on your homeboy's post. That is gay. That is gay. King with like this emoji.

Yeah, with the prayer emojis you're praying to him you're on your knees praying to your homeboy you're worshipping his beauty I think yeah I would say it's definitely gay I don't know I've never commented king on homeboy's post

but I do comment on you've commented king on my post to make me feel Yeah, I do I do that to my trans friends in particular I feel like if you go into the Andrew Tate sphere, all the comments are like bros telling the King Yes, for sure

For sure You look so handsome, bro Oh my god You look so handsome. Oh, my God. Yeah. So Andrew Tate was lying about being fully bald. Andrew Tate. It's fine. You'll have to sit this one out.

Why would he say he was bald, though? He said, I'm fully bald. You know, he was. He said being bald is his choice. He was choose to be bald the guy that got in the well that's an obvious that's the most obvious

the guy that was in the prison in Turkey or whatever he was he's he has a lot of these like great things to add to the list because he's like it's gay to like

wash your hair or some shit like that yeah I've been trying I've been trying really it turns out he's just bald in Dallas

many such cases I've been trying really it turns out he's just bald and jealous many such cases i've been trying really really hard to get a bunch of stupid discourse started on threads because threads is so like it's just people making posts that are meant to go viral that are like not discourse inside why do you keep pushing doesn't actively doesn't actively make anyone dumb or participate. Water hits different when you get it in the middle of the night at 2am. And I've had this one kind of

let's call it a question for the culture that I've always wanted to ask but I've never really had the right format. But I did it on threads and no one bit on it but I feel like it's the right format. But I did it on threads. And no one bit on it, but I feel like it's kind of Andrew Tate. I thought it was lame.

Andrew Tate would, thanks Jock, I think Andrew Tate would kind of he would throw this out there. You know. This was your pitch for the first episode of the Steam Room. Yeah. It's an amazing question. Okay, it's a hypothetical say assisted suicide is safe and legal

should it come at cost for white people and free for people of color just asking questions y'all sorry i jock's not gonna understand this one I read it first of all before you even continue to read out your full sentence I do fully understand it I did read this I read it last night several times and I don't like the way you keep trying to push threads it's not gonna happen fetch isn't cool

just like drop it and like fletching is cool but like um yeah just go ben just read your damn no finish you can finish your thought yeah i'm just okay threads is just like why is it happening like what do you need with threads who needs threads janelle i'm not really taking it seriously i'm just you give a shit about the on that. Yeah. You do care? Did it start this far, or did you get no response?

Oh, zero response. No one's doing it on Threads. Yeah. No response. But that's why, you know, Threads is not going to take off. This is my, you know, my weather marker or whatever. Well, I hope it doesn't take off, because I can't get my username in. Oh, no.

Why? Did someone take it? Oh, because you have to have your Instagram username. Oh, that's right. Well, I have the Instagram username ZeroSoupCamis but I forgot my password. Oh, no wonder you have never followed me back.

Sad. Well, yeah. Dude, that's kind of bitchy. I never use Instagram. Hessa, do you want to own up to what you've done? Yeah, I'm so sorry. Alright, alright. 124. 124 here is bring ice

This one is so rat specific. 124. Bring ice cream to the firefighter's station when a buddy leaves. When a buddy leaves? I don't know. I don't know. Something that happened on an episode of Clifford.

Okay. Now I'm confused and having a stroke. Can you read it back out? I will, Jock. Bring ice cream to the firefighter station when a buddy leaves.

Okay, now can Janelle read that same sentence but in like a girly voice? Bring ice cream to the fire fire station when a buddy leaves. Okay, yeah, definitely gay. Sorry, I just... I had to do my research. I think bringing ice cream to like

a man in uniform is for sure gay. Yes, yeah, absolutely. Bringing ice cream to any second location. Getting like to your couch, yeah. a man in uniform is for sure gay yes yeah absolutely bringing ice cream to any second location to your couch Janelle the DJ a man in uniform if he's breaking anyone a man in uniform

or any gift to a firefighter any gift to a firefighter that has to be something that happened on like Paw Patrol or something Caillou what if there was a situation where the guy any gift to a firefighter. That has to be something that happened on like Paw Patrol or something. Yeah, Caillou. What if there was a situation where the guy If your man has three hairs on his head, he's gay. If your man bald his head

and only seven years old, he's gay. Is it gay to give the firefighter a gift if he saved your wife from dying? No, that's complicated. No, I think you should fight him for putting his he saved your wife from dying? No, that's complicated. No, I think you should fight him for putting his hands on your wife, to be honest. Why are you putting your hands on my wife?

Buddy, why are you putting your hands on my wife? That's what I would say. Alright, 125. I completely agree with this one. I think it's a huge problem. It's a crisis of masculinity it is look like an influencer if you can tell a guy like bought clothes from like an instagram ad

you know they're at least yeah or like yeah that's definitely that is gay it's gay it's gay as that's like jay-z level like non-binary like it's yeah yeah yourZ level non-binary. Yeah, your man's non-binary. I mean, it's just... Look like an influencer, yeah. Yeah, it's gay because it's like... Like Hypebeast type. Yeah. You know, Logan Paul type.

Is that adjacent to influencers? I guess it is sort of. Yeah. Who? Logan Paul? Maybe he is quite literally. Or just like clean, like your clothes are too clean. Yeah, why don't you have a real job?

Your clothes are too, okay. I don't think. Janelle's here with the scathing facts. If your man's got clothes that are too clean, he's fucking fagged. Fucking gay. Okay. Well, I do agree that most gay guys do. Well, no, it's completely changed changed now gay guys don't look clean anymore

gay guys love looking dirty gay guys love like I swear to god gay guys are going to start carrying around little vials of grease with them to dab on their forehead so they can wipe it away with a handkerchief I swear to god gay guys are looking dirtier than ever and it's because straight guys are

looking so clean yeah and looking so gay gay men have to negatively kind of change what they're doing because straight men are now looking gay as hell ben is as ben is saying this he's like a chimney sweep covered in dirt he looks like he just came out of the mines in 1800. Janelle, I'm sure all the listeners out there want to know just as bad as I want to know about how many gay people do you know if you could give us an estimate? That's a real question.

We should count up how many gay people we know. Can I give like a, I mean, a lot. I don't know. That's really not, I need kind of a number estimate if you could just try. I mean, I can think I don't know. I need kind of a number estimate if you could just try. The listeners are all asking this question. Do I know in person maybe like 200 throughout my whole life? I don't know.

I don't even know how I would think about something like that. It's like trying to conceive of a billion dollars. It's too much. Janelle, thank you for trying your honest hardest to answer that question was that the wrong answer? no

I think 200 sounds right I think 200 sounds right it's easier to give a percentage like the percentage of people I know would probably be like 50% of them gay? at least 50% gay for sure you might want to change your group up a little bit.

To what? Hangout strip guys? I would say I probably... Keep soldiers. No, I'm kidding. I'm definitely at a good 70% gay people, I would say. I'm at like 80. You're reaching a level of toxicity. Ben.

90%. Yeah, it's poisoning my blood. Yeah, you gotta lay off. Soon enough, I'll be like Rappaccini's daughter. You're gonna get jaundiced. Is 50-50 too much for me? Or do you think I'm more like 90%?

For you? Yeah. I don't know. I would say... I'm gonna text my mom once you start to count straight women who love gay men as gay guys cause they are then it's like

are you texting your mom I listened to a little bit of some of the other list episodes you were also texting your mom in that episode he texts his mom constantly I was gonna text her and ask her how many gay people she thinks we know maybe I think she's at the work leave me alone stop this oh she blocked me again y'all um all right 126 describe yourself in too many words what do you do you know imagine you're on like a first date with a guy and it's like

i think it's like so what do you do what do you really mean when i heard that gives you like a three paragraph instagram bio that's more sus than gay because gay guys if you're a gay guy like gay guys barely there's a type of gay guy that barely says anything and they just see another gay guy and it's like let's yeah it's fuck fuck eyes they just make they they make eyes at each other and then they are seconds later sucking the bathroom thing is to like not have to say i feel like it's and then but i think that there's another type of gay guy who's like loves a three paragraph grinder um yeah yeah i feel like it's more of a more of a symptom of schizophrenia to describe yourself with too many words than being gay but i mean there's a lot of incredibly personal junk what's

your what's your bio on dating apps i always go with uh i go i mean instagram bio uh any social media bio i almost always leave blank or i'll do something really stupid like put my phone number in it but i can't i can't i've never been able to do a bio i've never been able to describe myself because something about it is just so horrifying and embarrassing and i downloaded it kind of gay but you could write my oh my god bio for sure yeah absolutely can um my my grinder bio is i'm a world famous podcaster of the podcast fresh air by terry gross see i couldn't do that i couldn't do that because then you have people

trying to joke with you on grinder i'm like leaving the i don't want to joke well i never go on grinder except just to look at the penises i guess you're kind of trolling on there to begin with i'm on there to fuck. Jock, are you writing your Grindr bio right now? Or are you texting your mom? No, I was... If I'm not on Grindr, I'm texting my mom. Asking her how many gay people I know. No.

I got a little lost in thinking about it. But I just remembered I downloaded Hinge. And then I was like, we could write my name. You want Hinge? It's so scary. That's cute. Yeah. It's quite, it's literally like putting a bull in a china shop.

Or it's more like making a monkey CEO of Axon. Kind of. Because like, it's an app for, it's an app for people who want to fuck on LinkedIn. You know, Hinge. It's like putting Ted Bundy in Gen Pop. It's like putting

Richard Ramirez in Gen Pop. I'm going to be honest. I'm sensitive and I'm lonely and I would just like to spend some time with some new people. So do you have a Hinge bio? Should we workshop a Hinge bio for Jock? The Hinge bio is I'm sensitive and lonely.

I'm thinking for listening, Janelle. I'm so bad right can't. Should we workshop a hinge bio for Jock? The hinge bio is I'm sensitive and lonely. Thank you for listening, Janelle. I need someone so bad right now, y'all. That's exact. Janelle's the only I'm sensitive, lonely, and a little bit crazy. I'm so happy Janelle came today to be the only person to ever listen to me. That's kind of a cute one. I'm sensitive, lonely, and a little bit crazy. I wouldn't hate

that if I saw that in the wild. And if I saw Jock's body, you know what I'm doing? I'm fucking him, alright? crazy. I wouldn't hate that if I saw that in the wild. And if I saw Jock's body, if I saw Jock's body, you know what I'm doing? I'm fucking him. Alright. I see that. We fuck. Zoinks.

Jock, give us a turn. Jock, give us a turn. Can we see your ass? There we go. Oh my god. Yes. Stop. He actually pulled his butt out it wasn't that crazy are you a guy's body for sure yeah he does have a straight guy so much janelle you're so sweet yeah sometimes he's by janelle you gotta be careful yeah don't get too

i thought you were just straight like gay. Yeah. I mean, just based on all the footage from the Mardi Gras, I didn't hear a single. You think, but then you hang out with Jock and you get a real pussy pounder energy from him. I don't even remember

having a hint. Jock's been banned from Hinge. Jock just showed us his phone and said your account has been removed. Wait, can I show you all my new phone sticker? I put it on yesterday. I can barely tell what that phone sticker is.

Oh, it's boobs. It's anime boobs. It's anime cumshot boobs. I found it in my story. See, that's what I mean, it's boobs. And it's anime. It's anime. It's anime boobs. It's anime cumshot boobs. I found it in my story. See, that's what I mean. He's kind of, he's straight. Janelle, I once, I saw Jock pick up a girl last time I was hanging out with him. And he made her do poppers.

Oh. No, no, no. Yeah. And then they did poppers and they fucked. That's like you lulled them into a false thing. Exactly. Shut up. She wanted, she wanted, up she wanted she wanted okay she had never done poppers before shut i did poppers in front of ben once and he was shocked that like to see women doing poppers for fun yeah yeah yeah it was shocking to me it was because straight people are straight people are just doing poppers now like at

yeah the club yeah it's crazy we weren't even in a club we were in a basement and someone's like the most crackhead gay literally what is happening to culture gay straight guys are dressing like total faggots and women are doing poppers in basements at like 3 a.m it's so crazy it's so crazy all right the next one here let's see where was i um all right 127 is clarify that you're not a father okay wait um i think this is all like if you're on a date depends on how like the how hard how how insistent you are yeah that you're not a father yeah i feel like there's a point there's a point of insisting it where it does become a little not not gay but um fatherly almost like something a father would do yeah that he's not a father yeah

I'm gonna be honest I don't understand this one Jock you've insisted many times you're not a father I was scared many times I have paid for abortions how many abortions have you paid for like

four oh my god! Jesus! That was in one week, y'all. No, but like... A lot of abortions. A lot of abortions. Just like one in high school, one in college,

and then like two when I was older. That's not that bad. No, no. I've never had an abortion so i'm just gonna i've never had a paper one do you count do you count it i pull out if you're if you're if do you count it if they're pregnant and it's yes like wait hold on just listen i think that's what an abortion is well no but like like does it count if you paid for like they're like three two months pregnant and they can't they don't have to

do the surgery you just do the pill so I say that again does it count if it's the abortion pill and not the surgery then yeah it's still an abortion yeah I guess I should is the number about to go up yes but I would clarify that I guess

then I've only paid for like... Okay, never mind. I want to know more. Keep going. Chuck's like, can you Klarna an abortion? Can you pay for an abortion? Y'all,

I bought this Costco. Can I pay 68 cents? The bill counts, I've done dozens, but I didn't pay for a lot of them. Can I pay 68 cents and The pill counts, I've done dozens, but I didn't pay for a lot. Can I pay 68 cents and 1,200 installments for my girlfriend's abortion? Are you talking about the abortion pill or the morning after pill? Plan B, Jock. No, like the abortion pill.

Not the morning. That's an abortion. Yeah, and you paid for it. Congratulations. Congratulations. See, that baby, Jock.. Would you pay Jock? That baby could have been Einstein.

That baby could have been the next Jesus. But no one would count plan B as abortions. Then I'm like we really got some numbers. We got some real numbers. We put some real numbers up. We got some some real numbers you know when i go to costco when i go to costco it's like it's like

like jocks back get that that 77 pack of uh playing that b pills mark yeah you can't pull out yeah i'm like it's where the fuck of course janelle i could pull out he he latches on like a dog but like but no like a barb a corkscrew of course I can pull out and people

if someone asks me to pull out I'm pulling out but and I think everyone agrees with me everyone's preference is to not pull out. And stay in. I mean, it depends. You don't have to finance abortions.

I think after four abortions, I would, I would still start trying to pull out. I don't know. I'm just saying. Look, Janelle, I agree.

I think it's well worth the money. Ew. Money. Ew. Ew. Money. Ew. It's worth $400. That's a $400 nut. Your nut per money ratio

is crazy. Let me also say this. I'm not paying for sex ever, nor have I ever. It seems like you are paying for sex because you have i ever but i don't you know you it seems like you are paying for sex because you insist on busting inside these poor women who then have to get a fortune no no no no i don't pay for it but i'll answer for it someday no no no no look like y'all are getting so

confused this is god we've really derailed a lot but let me just say that my the bottom line is is that my preference is to come inside a woman we got that i think that's understood this everyone knows that is jock's bottom line i'm not paying inside of you all right let's get to the next one except with t tender love and affection. 128. This is not right. 128 is not want to be catfished. This is the weird. I don't understand it.

Not want to be catfished. Well, this is clearly. It's gay to not. So someone catfished. Yes. So a woman catfished a guy. A woman catfished someone. And then when he got mad yes that's clearly what happened here this guy stumbled across a woman calling a bunch of

straight men gay because it turned out that she was ugly ben don't call her ugly we don't even know her but not want to be catfished. I don't think that's gay. That's a really funny one. This is a case of just a woman coping.

On 29, if you're ugly, you're gay. Yeah. If you're fat, you're gay. Dude, bro. Not want to be catfished. I would hate to be catfished. I don't know if I've ever really be catfished i would hate to be catfished i don't know if i've ever really been like catfish catfish like everyone's always a little bit hotter online i would say but that doesn't there's there's a certain amount of cat fishing that is just um

mandatory and expected almost across online dating but I've never had a thing where it's fully like you don't look like your picture at all yeah I had that once what happened I just really you just like walked in and walked out

well I walked in and we smoked weed in the night oh my god. I would never smoke weed with an ugly person. The California goodbye. I caught it. Yeah, that's the Cali goodbye.

That's honestly, I'm sorry, but I'm someone that if I look completely different. No, well no, I'm just saying if I'm in a hookup or a date and you don't look like this what your pictures look like I'm like well

let's go I'm just like I'm already here you still fuck him I mean like let's just come on let's yeah if you won't still fuck your catfisher then you're gay because I feel like if it's a straight guy it's like well I'm already here exactly exactly

that's what they mean you've already got the woman in the room you've already you know we all know you have time to fuck you showed up you know what I'm coming around I think it might be gay basically what this is if you're not willing to have sex with

an ugly woman you're gay And honestly I think that That's true I've also Yeah no I'm not gonna go there No go there No I've definitely had sex With some ugly people

Okay Can you describe the ugliest person you've had sex with yeah please okay this is so this is so awful um just like this is how i'm going to tell you all this describe that person okay when this person was leaving my room and my one of my Denver roommates saw this person. I'm just going to remind you here. And I walked out of the door of my apartment. I walked this person to the door and they were a day them. OK, my roommate, this girl I used to live with uh started busting out laughing

she just looked at me and she's like you did that with that basically something like that well it's okay jock stay then jock stay then they can say it's hard they can say it and the only other thing i can use to describe this person is that they just had a lot of piercings in the wrong spots and really ugly green dyed hair

and this happened years and years ago and it was spiked up green and it wasn't a mohawk it was likeiked up green and it wasn't a mohawk it was like it was just like a sim gone wrong like a IMVU randomized

you turned a bunch of sliders all the way to the top that is kind of they them it was like an IMVU character that came to life but as a human they had to be ugly yeah I shouldn't describe them as a sim or as a um as a video game character because video game characters are often

perfect looking and this person was not i'm feeling very mean i really want to apologize oh it's okay i doubt they listen and i'm gonna be going to be honest. I don't know if they would have anything too kind to say about you as well. Let's get to the next one. What? And you blocked them? Jack's doing a dab now. Alright, 129

post gym pics. I mean... Gym guys are sus. I think it is kind of gay because men post gym pics for other men absolutely I mean I know so many straight men who are into bodybuilding who post more

shirtless pictures than like guys who live in Fire Island I'm not even kidding it's kind of insane no for real straight guys are some of the biggest male thoughts of all time especially once they start going to the gym and good for them i mean i get it you know but there's a lot of gay stuff going on it's a little gay and that's fine because you know once you start you're fine but once you start posting pictures of yourself like that to show off, which I get,

you do have to deal with some residual amount of gay attention that I think is kind of a... I think they like it. If you hate it, it's also kind of a karmic retribution for being so

kind of showy. You know, you've now... But they don't hate it. They love it. Yeah, they probably love it. You're right. Being told by a gay guy that they want to have sex with you. It happens constantly. They literally love it.

Love, love, love it. Yeah, it doesn't... And if they don't, it's because they're afraid that they're going to actually do it. If they don't, they're afraid that they gonna fucking fags it depends on the guy afraid that they're gonna get drunk and reply to a dm one day and be like you're so beautiful also yeah well i mean it's kind of your fault as a straight guy if you're going to be thotting around and not be willing to put up with one gay guy yeah put out it's annoying for sure't know if you have to fuck him. I don't think you have to fuck him.

I'm going to make that clear. I do not think you are... It's gay if you don't have sex with him. I don't think if you're a sexy guy you have to have sex with men. I don't know if that's true. Number 179. It's gay if you

don't have sex with other guys at the gym. Yeah. If you're a sexy guy and you don't have sex with other guys at the gym. Yeah. If you're a sexy guy and you don't have sex with me. If you go to the bathhouse and you don't have sex, you're gay. 131 is blur out other people's faces in dating profile pictures. That's, yeah. That's just kind of. Yeah.

If you do blur them out,'re gay yeah yeah i never i never so many straight guys that are so like literally mentally retarded that they post pictures with their exes because they're just like yeah yeah yeah about it like that yeah yeah i yeah if you have that few pictures that you look good in, it has to be one with your ass. Exactly. That's the thing. It's more like you're catfishing, you know? Because if you don't have at least three or four solid pictures of just you,

or a friend that you can just post on your Tinder or whatever, it's weird and sus to me to blur people's faces out it just makes you look like you have no pictures that you look good in blurring is also so much scarier than just like putting like a big emoji or just crop them out because if you blur it it makes it look like a date

it's on date absolutely absolutely they send you a voice message and it's pitched all the way down yeah you goof I think it's it's more sus than gay I would say Jock do you get voice messages

on Grindr ever do you send voice messages when that when that happened when Grindr introduced voice messages can I do an imitation of the last voice message I received on Grindr? Please. Or just play it for us. Maybe play it for us. I don't have it.

I don't have it. This is years. Or not years ago, but it was like months and months ago or something. Yeah. Probably actually a year ago. All right. Let's hear it. Let's hear it.

Okay, Ryan. Hey, buddy. You look very hot tonight. Would you like to come over and masturbate with me and a couple of my friends? It was the president. When Grindr released voice messages,

when they released voice messages, I always thought of just doing a voice message where I'm describing my penis to someone instead of sending a picture. Tall, one inch tall, round, mushroom tip, a little too wide for the body. As if I...

Huge rightward curve. Huge right and down curve. This guy thought that I would vibe with him from that message alone, but then he was like, okay, I I gotta send one more just to make sure you know really get his attention and it was just him going ugh right

and that was the full the second voice message that's kind of fun to do math and then send a bark on Grindr to spell math and then send a bark that's gonna be so me when i'm like 60 barking at guys on grinder smoking just doing a bunch of crank your compound hut with your dad

it's only it's only the most cranked out old T-heads who are on these apps using the voice memo app no one wants to hear your voice 132

tweet too much oh my god it's disgusting It's going to ruin it. 1.32. Tweet too much. Oh my god. It's disgusting too. Yeah, it's disgusting. Wait one second. I'm going to make a note here. Janelle, your mic isn't working. We can't hear you. Oh no, we can hear you now.

Never mind. One second. 38. I probably... Oh my god. Father. He's the master of pranks. We got it i literally thought him i wasn't working i i didn't know okay um we can go we can go back in here whatever yeah straight men straight men tweeting it gets back to the same thing it's just like it's very perilous to be a straight man using social media i feel like straight man don't tweet straight man don't quarry don't what they don't

quarry cry cry i said why did you say it like that that was so weird. I'm sorry. Don't chisel. Straight men don't chisel. They don't let their tizzles tizzle. I've only had one bing this morning. Blame it on the bing. Blame it on the bing. The next one is really good.

I agree with this one as well. It's very simple. It's very succinct. It is just fall. It is simply just fall. Oh my god. If your man falls Tell me that if you saw

your boyfriend fall down, it wouldn't be like... Unless he took it like a champ. Or he could be trans. What do you mean? The logic? I fall all the time. If you're going to fall as a straight guy, you at least need to break your leg or something.

Yeah, exactly. If you're not grievously injured by the fall... You need to fall off of something. You need to fall off a building. Otherwise, it's gay. I'm imagining a straight couple walking at night romantically and then the guy falls and the woman

is like pissed and she looks him up and down and goes, so like what, do you take it up the ass or something? Is that what you want to tell me? Exactly. I think like if you're, it's straight to fall off of something but it's gay to fall into something it's gay to fall off a scooter

absolutely absolutely if you fall into a hole or a drained pool if you're tripping, that's gay and then just the little noise you give off when it's a short little fall yeah

exactly I think we're creating the gayest scenarios possible um the next one ask a woman what she would like to do on a date dude what do we think that all men do that yeah men should yeah of course that's more lazy than no men should take control well drug you date women you date women

do you have a plan what was the last time last date you went on last date that you took a woman out on what'd you treat her to that you like wined and dined you're like

don't even worry about it I already got the reservations made baby I don't I don't even know if he's capable of that it does that that's me when we get dinner

I have reservations queen don't even know if he's capable of that. It does that. That's me when we get dinner. I'm a preservation queen. Don't even worry about it. Yeah, what'd you do, Chuck? Do you not remember? No, I do. I just like... We were at the abortion clinic. The abortion clinic.

Then I pushed her in a hole. No, no, no, no. I think I went on like a double date kind of, if anything. He doesn't want to say. He knows something happened, but he doesn't want to say it. I can tell when he's lying. I'm not even

lying. I just don't even want to say it. You're having memory issues. I remember perfectly fine in this moment. I'm not even lying i just like don't even want to say it yeah you're having memory issues okay that's fair i remember perfectly fine in this moment i'm not having a show okay let's let me reframe the question what was the best date was it best when did you treat when did you treat a woman the most right what was the best date you took a woman on? That's a great question. The dog leash one? Oh yeah, okay, Worm. Okay, okay, okay.

Jock used to date a woman named Worm. He'd walk around like a dog. Yeah, it's crazy. She was a mother too. I'm going to say something that will sound rude. The last time I took this person on a date, they were a woman and they are now a man.

I think it's fine. Does that count? That's like when a straight woman dates a guy and then he becomes gay. But you turned a woman into a man.

I took this person to an oyster restaurant and I got them drinks and also their whole own giant plates of oysters. It's very sweet. Actually, I remember

the last date too. I went on one in New Orleans and I feel like she took me to Superior Seafood last date too. I went on one in New Orleans and I feel like she took me to Superior Seafood actually. Love Superior Seafood. I think she took me out.

Oh my gosh, you wined and dined with her? Jock's kind of a baby boyfriend. Shut up. He's someone who they want to fix. I feel like I'm confiding too much. Can you imagine being a woman who's like, I'm going to fix him and him is jock?

I feel like I've said too much this episode. Janelle, thanks so much for coming on. Janelle, have you dated a gay guy before? I've definitely dated a few, one guy who's still not out to this day, but he's so like, just the most stereotypical gay as fuck like I don't know

and I've dated some bi guys before I feel like you would be you would attract a lot of gay guys you prefer to date straight guys what type of bi guys do you find that there are different types just like straight guys. Okay. What type of bi guys? Do you find that there are different types?

Just like straight guys who are just horny. Or just like they're straight presenting, but then they're just like, yeah, fuck guys too. That's the thing. Like Jock. My neighbor. Slow down with him. My next door neighbor said you can't trust bisexual people.

Right. Well, look, I mean, everyone. Is it the vampire? The Nazi vampire? No, no, no. This gay farmer. Gay farmer? Wait, can I please get my Bing? It's like an emergency. Sure, that's okay. We can hold it down for you.

138, have mommy issues or no mom at all okay no mom at all is gay you think so I'm totally kidding I just thought that would be so funny to say well I mean in one word I think having mommy issues

I think having mommy issues is gay look cause this is my theory there's two types of gay guys there's gay guys who wanna fuck their dad and then there's gay guys who hate their mom and this you see in real life because it's like

there's gay guys who hate women right and then there's gay guys who love women lots of gay men absolutely hate women the gay men who love women lots of gay men absolutely hate women the gay men who hate women hate their mom the gay men who love women want to fuck their dad oh my god that's my analysis so smart this is literally what do you think that's my analysis of it carl young okay let me ask you janelle let me ask a question. Do the guys that you date look like your dad? And how many times have you accidentally said your dad's name?

They don't really look like my dad. I don't really have a specific aesthetic type. Yeah, you date everyone. You tour. You tour. Yeah. But my dad's name is Robert, so I've dated a few roberts that's my middle name yeah those names we should date i've i've never i've never dated a whitney which is my dad's name

oh yeah i i um which is gay gay as hell to be named whit. But I kissed a girl named Whitney once. Especially if you're in the South because it's like, Whitney. Isn't that funny, y'all? Whitney. That's funny. That's a great story, Chuck. Having mommy issues or no mom at all,

I think we can say it's kind of gay. Kind of gay. It's really kind of gay. Because it's straight to like, it's straight to like want to kill your dad and want to fuck your mom. Us going through this list

has made me reconsider my homophobia because we just spend so much time like Talking about gay. Laser focused on trying to find out new details to prove that people are gay. And I feel like we're on this witch hunt out to find them. I think we're doing a lot for them.

We have to destroy them. We have to weed them out. Yeah. Oh, this one I would say is more trans. This one I would say is more trans because the only people I've seen do this are women it is 132

drive barefoot yes oh my god yeah that's I've only seen women do it I've never seen a guy drive barefoot or with like the one knee up that's what I do you know

yeah I totally I've never seen you drive, but I totally see you as that kind of girl. I wanted to do a barefoot. That's crazy. That's really crazy. To put one leg up on the back. Women love driving like that. I don't know what it is. Why? I don't know.

It's so weird. I think it's something that shorter it's something that's something that shorter people like to do maybe and maybe women just do it more because they happen to be shorter i personally as a short person driving a convertible doing that i've never felt the urge to it leg up being like this is so comfy i would be like this guy's no way you jump out of the car you can't drive Hessa I can drive

I can drive you don't sound that confident this kind of sounds like you can't drive at all I think you should get into one of your friend's convertibles and drive like that and see if it works. People don't think I can drive. Jake was shocked when she found out that I could drive. Do I seem like someone who can't drive?

Yes, you do. No offense. Really? Yeah, absolutely. I'm from Iowa. I had to drive when I was like Really? Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I'm from Iowa. I know you can't because you're from Iowa. I had to drive when I was like 15. Yeah, but if someone was like, I don't know. You just like don't.

Yeah, you're a gay guy. Finn is a scary driver, but he's good at evading the authorities. You seem like a kind person. I was like, oh, I took the exam once and I didn't pass and I just never went back to take it again. Like, I don't like, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. No, I passed my first time and I just never went back to take it again. I don't know. Yeah. No, I passed my first time. And I know how to drive. Are you a good driver? I'm a pretty bad driver. I'm a pretty bad driver. I was a good driver. I was a good driver when I lived in Denver and didn't have a license for some time because I had to be so I wouldn't be arrested.

But when I do have a license, I'm a very poor driver because I'm like, whatever, I'm going to be on my phone. When I don't have a license, it forces me to pay attention to the road. So it depends. It depends on the legal condition I'm driving under, I would say. I drove yesterday and it was really with bad disastrous, disastrous results. I had to make a payment.

We were driving. My friend was trying to give me practice driving in this empty parking lot in Denver. It's all fine because I made a deal and I signed a contract and i have a payment system set up so i'm not you know it's only going to be the next like 15 years for me for all the

listeners 15 years i'll be done who are worried about the payment yeah yeah yeah it's all sorry don't worry guys this is this is what i did to this car this weekend you crashed the car yesterday wow you're lying he's completely of course he's completely lying he's so bad at lying incredibly obvious look at look watch watch watch the car crash oh see that's how you know it's real all right note Jock this is when you're gonna have some real insight on because I believe this is something that's happened to you over five times

but 133 is get hit by cars yeah that's pretty gay there's no straight way to recover after getting hit by a car I just dropped my mic if you didn't understand. That was offensive. How many times have you been hit by a car? Jock's been hit by a car many times, Janelle.

Well, for the worst time I ever got hit by a car, I was going 30 miles an hour on foot and hit me and broke my car. Sorry, you were going 30 miles an hour on foot? Road runner? I was running. I was running towards john malcolm i was in the middle of the road running towards the car i'm trying to play chicken with the car y'all when i was probably 11 or 12 i got hit by a car

coming out of a parking lot a brand new mustang and the guy sued me immediately for damages and for being gay and and the judge dismissed it mid-trial and i the guy i love that you were in court at 12 that's insane it was also it was also one of the most fucked up insane responses the guy hit me as i was i was going by and it obviously was not that hard it didn't hit me it didn't yeah damages but you know like it's not like it fucked you up mentally he's he's yeah well he i he immediately got out of the car and i was like kind of shooken up about it i was like what the hell man and he was like look i know how you feel uh i i was uh my my i and he said something so i can't even i was like he's he said he's i don't even want to say what he said but he said some things oh my god he said something so like i was like are you kidding me right now? I was like, how? What did he say?

I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I have no clue. I'm like, what? There's really not a lot you won't say. You just talked about busting inside. It must have been something racist. That's the only thing that Jock won't say.

And now he's gonna text it to us, so we have to translate what this man said fuck i hate when he does this um get hit by cars do we think it's gay i texted y'all what he said and i got it i got it jock i got it god okay that's really crazy this is really the most insane thing to say to a 12-year-old that you just hit with a car. He said he – I'm just going to say it. Okay, you say it. I guess it's – He said, I know how you – He said, I know how you –

Jock was complaining to this man about – He said, look, the guy – No, no, no, no, no. A guy hit Jock with his car. Hit me with his car. I'm like crying and I'm young. And he goes, I know how you feel, man. My daughter was raped.

And I was so confounded how you could – So that's how you – That's how you feel man my daughter was raped and I was so confounded how you could so that's how that's how and then he sued you and then he sued you yeah and the judge that's like that's so like that's so like you can't fire me I quit kind of

I'm gonna give you in under 15 seconds a quick rundown of the other times I got hit. Then I got hit twice more in Lafayette. It just barely like little fender benders on my bike. And then probably around 21, 22, I was hit by the car, fell to the pilot glass, and then you got a jaywalking ticket. That's a different. No, that's a different.

That's a different time. That's a different time.'s a different that's a different time that's a different time i got hit by it no no i got hit and i got hit and run by a taxi cab in new orleans off of st charles in front of mcdonald's and uh i went to the mcdonald's crying and i knocked on the window and i was like can i please just have a happy few minutes of band-aids and they gave them both to me and then I walked my bike home covered in blood. You intentionally kept getting hit in front of that McDonald's. And then I went

home. Can I get a Whopper, please? Shut the fuck up. Shut the fuck up. I went home and I packed all my stuff up and then moved back to Lafayette the next day. Love. Sorry that all my stuff up and I moved back to Lafayette the next day. Love. Sorry that all this stuff happened to you.

That's why you say he wants us to be sorry for him. No, that's not what I wanted. Number 134. I think we thoroughly exhausted how gay it is to be hit by a car. That is so stupid. 134 is B2 chipper in the the morning i feel like being chipper at all if your mood could ever be described as chipper kill yourself

yeah if someone called me chipper i would be being happy in the morning it's like what are you a cartoon what are you a psychopath that's like a type of white guy that's like gen x like 50s that's like this chipper in the morning walking to work kind of yeah yeah absolutely hate that vibe i'm honestly happy to just talk to you on the street i'm resentful of happy people like that it's like take your happiness somewhere else that is exactly what I think when I think chipper I think of like the kid from mad magazine

I think of one of the seven dwarves I think of like Archie like walking around being like gee golly it sure is swell if I see someone arch cartoon like walking around being like g go like peter old tool it's true as well bent yeah hit it on the head though if i see someone uh uh hit it on the head hit it on the head when he said if uh if i see anyone who's happy i'm like you gotta fuck you got a fucking problem with me or wait what did you think you're better than me what

do you think you're better than me you think you're fucking better with me? Wait, what did you just say? You think you're better than me? What do you think? You're better than me? You think you're fucking better than me? You think you're fucking better than me? Yeah, that's exactly how you think. That's also when I see a couple on Instagram or someone get engaged or they just had a kid, I'm like, you think you're fucking better than me?

You want to post about your kid? Well, guess what? I'm about to have a bing. Well, they do think they're better than us and quite honestly, they are. So I'll give them that. Let's do one more. yeah of course one 135 all right make her remember where y'all parked i mean really though we should make her remember where y'all parked that was okay so I feel like the last

sequence must have been in a thread where people were like if you get hit by a car you're gay and also if your man remembers if your man makes you remember where you parked make her remember where y'all parked hmm

I feel like this isn't gay at all honestly make her remember where y'all parked. Hmm. I feel like this isn't gay at all. Honestly. Make her remember where y'all parked. I feel like it's a very male, I think it's a very straight male thing to do to forget something so true. Yeah, but the thing is, the thing is if you're a real straight man,

you never admit it. You know, you never ask for directions and you never ask a woman to remember or to like guide you to a place. Yeah. So if you have to ask her, you're to like guide you to a place. Yeah. So if you have to ask her, you're gay. Like I know where we're at. I know where we're at.

Exactly. Me? Yeah. My gay ass? Women have to treat me like a baby. They have to remember where we are, where we're going. Where are your keys?

Where's your wallet? When you took your medicine. When I took my medicine. Where's my phone? Has anyone seen my phone? Exactly. Janelle knows. Janelle knows what it's like to take care of me.

When you lose your keys at a bar, it's insane. I'm like, literally not again. Oh my god. I did get a debit card. I now finally have a debit card I now finally have a debit card life changing

I lost my debit card in my wallet and I had to use this stupid fake Louie look how ugly this is it doesn't even look like fake Louie it looks like fake fake Louie I spent 25 minutes arguing with this woman It looks like fake fake Louis.

I spent 25 minutes arguing with this woman. She was selling this for 15. She said that she's selling this for 15 and I said five. And I spent 25 minutes getting it down. Yeah, I remember when Jog. This top is yours. This top is yours. I remember when jog this top is your when this top is your i remember when jog i think one of his first times in new york as an adult he was asking me um because you know i live i'm on canal street so there's all these fake um designer handbags just

sitting on the ground and Jock was like ask me about how bargaining works and I was like yeah you know you just bargain with them it's pretty simple you just name a price you name another one and Jock walked up to this old Chinese lady selling fake Prada

on the ground and he's like I want to buy one of these bags and he's like one dollar opened up the Prada on the ground and he's like I want to buy one of these bags he's like $1 opened up the bidding at $1 with this poor old Chinese lady well she said $80 she was just like no and so I said $10

I'm selling this to you for $1 and then I said okay $10 and she said $80 and then i said no and then i said okay ten dollars and she said 80 and then i went yeah 20 dollars and she was like 80 and then i was like okay okay okay kind of like i i looked at ben and i looked at ben i looked i looked at ben and then I went back and I said 20. And this woman snapped. I got her down to 60. Long story short. Yeah, I feel like I don't know if you got her down to 60.

She kind of got you up to 60. Yeah, if you started at 1. You started at 1. I got her down to 60. I think she kind got her down I think she kind of won there thinking that he hacked bartering you know

like no one else has done this before I'm gonna make a fucking steal he's like no you're not one dollar for the poopy Laurent alright what a, what a successful hour of calling any

possible behaviors gay. Janelle, thank you for joining us. Janelle, do you have anything you want to plug? Just my Instagram, at menstrualbloodbath. Please follow me. Follow her IG. It's very funny. Janelle's a queen. Love. I follow her. Her Instagram is hilarious.

We'll put it in the bio I was reading the reviews for this podcast and they said that everyone bullies Jacques and to leave him alone That's what a lot of the reviews say Really? Well that's never happening

A friend of mine DM'd me and he said are you okay? Ben was going kind of hard on you yesterday. As if the podcast is... I'm happy to be here for you, Jacques. Janelle, you can tell how difficult it is to not bully Jacques. I mean, if we were closer,

like, yeah, it wouldn't... It'd be easy. Imagine knowing him for like 10 years and he never changes in the last few minutes it's scary call them back call them back

sorry sir we don't accept monopoly money here this is monopoly money that you paid for this abortion your honor he accepted my payment of 400 pecans in exchange for the abortion

pecans are valid money sir you can't pay for abortions with lasagna coin oh Janelle before we go I just You can't pay for abortions with lasagna coin. Oh, Janelle, before we go, I just wanted to give you one more opportunity to really just in one really quick sentence explain yourself with your letterbox. What you have going on there.

I think she did it pretty succinctly. It just, you know, I've watched every movie and then I read it. Okay, well, you're in here first. She's so adversarial to ask someone to explain themselves. Explain your behavior. You know, I guess

we're not on the same page about Rebel Wilson. She's like, that's mean, Wilson I don't know what else to say she enthralls me I love her if she's in the movie I'm watching it I just watched Pitch Perfect for the first time just because she was in it and it still was worth it

yeah I don't know I'm sorry I'm kidding but I really I love you I just wanted to give you a hard time about your letterbox thank you for coming on Janelle thank you for coming on Janelle you're a star alright y'all thank you all for listening

we'll be back next week and until then buh-bye bye perfect amazing Bye. Perfect. Amazing. All that ever I did When she was mine She begged me To take her with me Wherever I would go

But I didn't think I had the time I had the time I had the time Time to go back on my way Heart's calling me Back to the place where I was born Back to the friends and people I don't know