Seeking Derangements - SD 243 - Lizzo Ben Mora Evil Than Yall *First Half*

Episode Date: August 6, 2023

Sup non patreon subscribing losers..here is the first half of our 2 hour episode in which we talk about Lizzo and take a personality test which plunges us into the depths of history, malice, and the corrupting force of power. Sub to the patreon for the full ep and one (oftentimes two) episodes per week

Hey! Hello! Welcome to Seeking Rangers, everyone. How are you guys? I'm fantastic. I'm angry, but I'm okay. I'm in wild card mode today. I tried washing a white shirt to get one very tiny stain out, and I brought it outside to hang it up to dry.

And when I came back outside, it looked like someone had peed on different spots of the white shirt. Are you sure that wasn't your pee from before washing it? Yeah, it was pee from previously existing moments. No, the shirt was... Seems like being covered in piss is pretty standard. Par for the course, if you will. First of all, I've never been covered

in piss unless I ask someone to piss on me. Thank you. You're welcome. Still seems like that could be pretty often. Yeah. Not that many people are into piss play. It's rarer. That's definitely one of the more

prevalent ones. I think it's pretty... Well well you live in New Kink City do you have a hard time trying to find someone to pee on you Chuck? yes or just people who are into it it's like way smaller number I don't know how it is

in New Kink City but definitely not down here it's not something I'm really into. I wouldn't know, but from what I hear from friends of mine who go to different schools who get peed on, it's definitely not me. Friends who go to different schools? Yeah, they go to different schools.

My friends in Canada. Yeah, my friends in Canada get peed on a lot. I realize I said that joke to make it sound like I'm into that. My friend Menbora who lives in Canada you guys don't know

he gets pissed on all the time she goes to a different school she's a beautiful lady let's cut the jokes there I do not do cosplay but Jock I'm sorry you your shirt is covered in pee. Yeah.

I just got it. It was a white, deft-toned, vintage shirt. Okay. I'm not... It was sad. Okay. What does the ace of spade with a lightning bolt inside of it mean? Because I'm trying to figure that out.

The Nazi symbol. Yeah, that's a Nazi symbol. You're positive? Because I tried Googling that. 1,000% positive. Well, not two lightning bolts, one single. Exactly what you just described. And actually, they're both Nazi symbols.

Sorry to tell you that one. I don't know. I'll double check my own research. You can never trust me. No, no, feel free to search on Google while we record the podcast. It's totally fine if you search that right now

and spill PDA light on your computer again. And they actually told Deftones, they were like, hey, you can't have this on a shirt. And they said, actually, we're Nazis and we support Israel. Okay, shut up. I hate this. She comes in with one Bjork shirt and thinks she actually we're nazis and we support and we support israel okay shut up i hate this she comes in with one bjork shirt and no no damn world see ben made a which means

jock have you considered that maybe you're cursed by a genie or a witch um yeah i've never considered I was cursed by a witch. I mean, I could in fact be cursed. That could be honest. It would explain the shirt. It would explain a lot of stuff. By the way, I just looked it up, and it's a third special forces group airborne

in the United States history. So I would have to be called special forces group. Airborne sounds like a great group of guys that probably only did good things. Do you know they did something bad? I don't know. You're not telling me. I think it's probably safe to say

that a United States special forces regiment does not have the cleanest record. Oh, I mean, duh. Yeah, that I agree with. That totally. I just thought you like, you knew something. Also, yeah, I've heard personally,

I know about a lot of stuff. I know about a lot of stuff personally from it. But anyways, should we get to the the elephant in the room no I didn't call her that

no no no no no no no no

no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no full transparency here guys I'll say it 10 times so Hessa it's impossible for Max to cut out no that's right Hessa was talking

about Lizzo and her abusive employment practices I'm love that one of these allegations is false imprisonment because in my head I imagine Lizzo literally like blocking

the door so you can't get out what she did is she would she had apparently there was Lizzo is being sued by a squad of her former her old her former dancers her uh former uh creative director who is not in on this lawsuit uh verified well not verified said this is was my experience as well so did a few other um dancers who um again are not in the lawsuit people who have nothing to gain from this lawsuit are saying that it checks out so seeming real but it is all which is incredible that lizzo was doing

showgirls the most wholesome like the musician that your aunt likes the most out of any musician was doing literally the plot of showgirls to lizzo being fat phobic is like mr rogers being a pedophile to a lot of people out there you know it's really bad for her core audience i would say i don't know how i don't know how they're gonna kind of square this away because the buy-in for Lizzo for a lot of people was just like black queen diva, body positive, loves the ladies, female empowerment,

X, Y, Z, you know the freaking vibes. And it turns out that Lizzo fucking hates all of that bullshit. Like for real. Hates when when dancers get a break she made one of one of the allegations a dancer of hers pissed herself during a 12-hour dance rehearsal and uh lizzo had her put on like a see-through dress after peeing but didn't allow her to clean herself.

It's like ritual abuse and humiliation. It's insane. Literally just doing the idol to dancers. Yeah, to a bunch of dancers. You won't catch me defending Lizzo

rarely, but this is the one time. The defending Lizzo rarely but the second Lizzo does something wrong I think she's cool now y'all no no no I think she's pretty cool yeah so

my thing is I'm just shocked that people would stand up against her because she's scary like if he she's got bezos on her side she has basil wait what do you mean she has bezos on her side he has a amazon prime television show called uh where the big girl's at where she has fat women audition to be the next uh fat superstar and she's just talked about him enough and uh and then also i think people are just waiting to take down a fat person so i mean how skinny are the dancers making the accusation oh the dancers are all uh big

oh and this is the thing too well didn't she fire one for gaining weight for gaining like yeah she she uh called one of them like a fatso multiple times in front of and it's like they're look they're all big people are out to call people they're all they're all big girls exactly what i was about to say they're all big girls so what they're allowed to call each other fat just like we're allowed to call each other aids. Just like we're allowed to call each other AIDS-ridden faggots who should die in a ditch, alright? It's something that they're all allowed to do. Well, what about the

banana thing I think is the most standout allegation. Oh, so fat women can't make each other eat fruits? So, in February 2009... That's my defense. What, you're talking about eating too much candy fast food And now it's the second day

You only want to see them eat hamburgers And they start to I wish she would like Force point me at gunpoint To eat a burger I'd be fine with that Sorry you would love it if Lizzo put a gun If Lizzo forced you at gunpoint to eat a hamburger

That would really turn me on y'all well no i don't usually get my dreams is slow and if we're being really all i'd come immediately wait my my favorite thing actually was because obviously the most the most shocking one was yeah like making one of her dancers eat a banana out of a stripper's pussy or like that's just like actually insanely abusive let me yeah let me let me let me break down the details we can we condemn little let's go for those actions well i i think it's podcast i think like it's funny like forcing dancers to touch a like stripper like a stripper's boobs when they that's kind of fine i'm like that's just like fun boss well behavior i think i think it's so funny that like this insane laundry list because i saw like a tweet that was like this crazy laundry

list like the banana pussy the horse fondling the 12-hour like set and dance like rehearsals from hell the the see-through dress the everything and then it's like and also Lizzo's like dance director is also under fire and then it's like under all those like things Lizzo did for the dance director the two things there's only two things listed and it was like talking too much about her religion

and trying to convert people to her religion it's so funny I've never even heard her talk about religion imagining a dancer like eat like tears streaming down her face like eating a banana out of a like a woman of the night's pussy

and then being approached by Lizzo's like partner and being like have you thought about taking Jesus into your life I know I saw that you asked for halal food. Have you heard about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ? Oh, my God.

Okay, so let me break down this little banana show. This banana show happens at a place called Banana Bar in the Red Light District in Amsterdam. This happened in 2019. Were you there? You were in the room? You were there? Can you just shut your mouth? district in Amsterdam. This happened in 2019. And not only did it happen... You were in the room? You were there? Can you just shut your mouth? Wait, how do you know these details?

Yeah, it kind of seems like maybe someone was there. So I got all of my details from my reputable news sources, not Daily Mail. I used TMZ today. today okay so definitely daily mail no i used t i just said tmz what the fuck do you not listen you got some fucking banana in your ears god damn you two okay so listen up so this is the thing she gets on a radio show called loving amsterdam

in february 2019 and goes on and talks about some making her dancers do some of this shit and at one point she says that's what i want to do i need my potassium if you know what i see what i'm saying i need my pustacium whoa that is p-u-s-s yeah and then also she had made all of her they're not even talking about this she made all of her dancers also go to a live sex show besides the banana one before that and then by the way if you're if you're confused about how the how this banana pussy technology works we're only opening the banana halfway we're sticking the yellow part in the vagina i could use i could use my reasoning to look work that out i feel like if it's fully peel off that's you're asking for some trouble you can't peel the whole thing all the way down yeah yeah it's gonna be unless it's not just and let's just logical completely not ripe and like green

almost you know yeah I think then you can maybe finagle it but even then it would be tough never try fucking yourself with a banana without the peel it just doesn't work when did you try that when you're in Amsterdam with Lizzo and the crew y'all do me next

Jock was the prostitute she made that dancer eat the banana out of no no no this was like probably freshman year of college but wasn't the trick you have to freeze it first again a friend of mine in Canada

tells me that you've got to freeze it first Menbora called me and told me you have to freeze it first not Menbora one of the gayest names of all time oh my god I am literally naming that as my first time strip club name in Bora Bora

Menbora someone recently said online they were like someone said something about Ben Mora. Who is Ben Mora? Who is the only person to do something good after Bernie? And someone responded, they were like, who the fuck is

that? That can't be a real person. Ben Mora sounds like a Ligma Balls setup. It really does. They got your ass there. I laughed so hard at that because it's true. It is true, folks. It is true. I tried to work one out

but I couldn't get it. Eventually, I think Mora penis. Mora penis. Well, that works. You have to get Ben in there too. Ben more. Ben didn't mow these hoes. See, it doesn't work. I gotta find a way to make it work.

That voice you just used gave me all kinds of... I've been more a gay than ever before. I've been more a gay than the rest. I've been more a gay. I've been more a gay. Okay, that was really good. I've been more a gay than the rest of y'all hoes. I've been more a gay. I'll be Ben Moore of Moore again and the rest of y'all

Ben Moore again Ben Moore again and the rest of you faggots the Ben Moore again also the name of the plane that dropped the nuclear bomb what is it the Enola game Ben Moore again

don't bring don't bring an orchestra nevermind what sorry Ben Mora. Don't bring an orchestral maneuver. Never mind. Sorry. What were you saying? Y'all proceed. I'll just listen. What were you going to say? I think you were going to say don't bring orchestral maneuvers in the dark

into this. That's one thing I did say. Because you just said Enola Gay. The song Enola Gay. Oh, that's one thing i did say because you just said enola gay the song enola gay oh oh that's no no no no and i'm wrong because that's by a ratio okay great okay so there was there was there were no links on that one no no i've been more been more been more of an asshole than the normal person

there we go there we go Jack that's a joke you got it baby oh that was a joke yeah Lizzo has been I don't know how Lizzo is gonna you know get out of this one she seems yeah it looks like Lizzo is Dunzo

that's the thing that I made up turns out Lizzo is Dunzo. That's the thing that I made up. Turns out Lizzo is Dunzo, folks. That's a good one. The New York Times cover article just reads, Lizzo is Dunzo. The New York Post article on this is going to have

an amazing pun. But look, that's not our job. I don't know how she how she gets out of this one I really don't because it is one of those things where more than like a cancellation or anything it does like completely invalidate the artist

everything she stands for everything she stands for wrong wrong wrong again I did not think I was going to come to this podcast defending Lizzo but her making eating eating bananas out of someone's pussy does not make her any less fat. She's still like a fat person and that's still her brand. Sorry, I don't think the allegations are that Lizzo is skinny.

I think the allegations are that she is forcing her employees to perform sex acts on prostitutes while abusing them and calling them fat. I think I do see what Jacques is saying is that Lizzo's brand is kind of her size and body positivity. But I think Jacques, you're ignoring that. The people who are mad are being sex negative. Yeah. Yes, that. I see. Okay, yes, that. That part. Yes, that. Okay,'re ignoring that. The people who are mad are being sex negative. Yeah. Yes, that. I see.

Okay, yes, that. That part. Yes, that. Okay, yes, that. But also the thing I was saying that didn't make sense. Also, like, you're working for an international artist, and you can't just eat the fucking banana. If I had a body that they would allow me on stage to dance with Lizzo,

even though I don't even like Lizzo's music, I wouldn't be honored. So you're saying shut up and enjoy the ride, sweetheart. I'm saying close your eyes and think of England. Close your eyes and think of your country. This is for America. But also... If you're over here in Amsterdam representing representing america god damn it i'm sorry

shut up just shut the fuck up and eat that acting like dick cheney at the strip club you gotta support your country Lizzo brought them to two different sex clubs in one day and they didn't complain at the first one they were actually all seemingly very excited no no they Lizzo

Lizzo made her dancers grab people's tits at that one yeah and then they went to the banana one which I'm like look the making and not even making what happened was a dancer got her boobs out right and lizzo was trying to get one of her dancers to touch the stripper's boobs course i'm trying to get one of these whores trying to get one of these dancers to touch the boobs of a stripper and then lizzo made all the other dancers

start chanting grab the tit or something right which to me is like that's so frat fratty you know yeah this is real frat bro vibes it's real frat bro vibes it's real sorry i'm gonna say it white male so here i i am i'm gonna go I'm going to go up to bat for Lizzo again because, again, how much were these dancers making? It's definitely more than us. Support sex workers. Why are you afraid to touch sex workers? What, you think they're dirty? Yeah, that too.

But I mean, also just like they should have raised their hands up in the moment and said, excuse me, I feel uncomfortable. They did. That person did say that they were uncomfortable multiple times. Yeah, okay. It's not like Lizzo got off of the extra large tour bus with her

dancers. Go for it. Go for it. We're really going for it. We've got her ass out of that shipping container. Lizzo wrote her tandem bag. It's built for five people. You're Lizzo.

And you tell your dancers, hey, we're going to have a real interesting time. Very sexual time today in Amsterdam's red light district. What the fuck did you think that meant? Jacques, I love that you're talking about with the most complete and utmost authority

on what happened. The minutia and the details. I also feel like, Jacques, there was a thing that's mentioned and this is you know par for the course in a lot of workplaces like if you're invited to a work party it's not mandatory but it's kind of mandatory non-mandatory you know it's like you want to leg up in the industry you want to leg up you've got to go to the party and with this i wouldn't be surprised if it was fully mandatory you know yeah yeah and it's like look if you don't i guarantee you if one of those

dancers didn't go to that that night out in the red light district lizzo was like make them sign an nda lock them in a closet smash their phone and fire her fat ass okay take her passport take her passport and we're leaving. Put her in a tub full of ice, take a kidney, and fuck off. Okay, okay, okay. My final defense is that you should not, I repeat, should not be a professional

dancer if you're not going to use the restroom before the dance rehearsal. That's stupid. Well, 12 hours is a very long rehearsal. Don't drink. Don't drink and don't eat okay yes you should you should if you're a dancer you should act like you're getting 12 colonoscopies when you go to rehearsal no food beforehand no water beforehand okay you go up there you dance for 12 hours then there's no issue with p with pp or poo-poo and then mommy lizzo doesn't have to fire one of you exactly exactly that's why i don't eat or drink three hours before we record i don't eat

or drink two days before we record every time yeah and that's what keeps me sharp that's what keeps me on my feet let me take a guess all her dancers are white. The ones that are suing her. No, they're all black. Absolutely not. I don't even think she has a single white dancer. You literally wanted to take the defense that this is white people shit. Using every single thing in the book.

First of all, you should be happy. Second of all, you get paid a lot. You're really throwing you're throwing the book at lizzo and said with the utmost confidence let me guess they're all white where i think whatever thing is is having like an exclusively black or poc big lady touring group do you know her touring group is called big girls international and And girls is spelled G-R-R-R-L-S. That's incredible. And now she's being, I think she might be being sued.

Big Girls International is being sued. That's the entity that's being sued along with Lizzo as an individual for all of these things. They're probably just jealous that she gets to eat more than them. Okay. Okay, that's another one okay maybe they're all jealous because they view her music as terrible and untalented and they think that it's unfair that she i don't know i don't know I don't know if calling

people jealous in court has any legal standing. I don't know if it looks good to a jury to be like, they're jealous of the defendant, Your Honor. They're just jealous. They're jealous of my client.

Because they ain't as fat as her. She's the fattest woman in this room and will you be jealous too you're honest i i would be honored to eat a banana out of anyone's pussy or asshole for that matter lizzie listen that was like anyone if that lizzie's gonna need some new backup dancers what about benjamin netanyahu well i really thought you were about to say ben and i'm like i'm definitely not eating the banana wait yeah what about me what about my pussy would you eat a banana out of my pussy i don't want to ever do sexual things with y'all this is gonna be this is gonna be

lizzo's new uh screening process when she when she hires dancers she's gonna find the work put up a picture of the dancer's dad and be like, okay, would you eat a banana out of his pussy? If not, you're not getting the job. Also, how many dancers do you really need? I just saw Shania Twain live and she had exclusively only two dancers.

I think Lizzo puts on a big arena show. She needs some dancers. Shania Twain is maybe selling out smaller crowds than Lizzo at this moment in time. He's going to get mad. He's going to get so mad. He's winding up. That's not a judgment call. No, you hate Jock.

Just say you hate Jock. Just say you hate Jock. Oh, you want me to kill myself? Just tell me you want me to kill myself. No, this is the thing. What's the thing? Liz is clearly bigger, more international, but Shania is on this tour right now,

and she's bombing. She's bombing very bad. I've never seen a woman who's bombing. Lizzo or Shania? Shania. Shania is bombing this tour. I literally just saw her. She's not abusing her roadies.

Okay, so how many people... Well, you just said you don't need a lot of dancers. Shania Twain only had two, and now you're like, and it was the worst show I've ever seen. Well, no, no. It was bad. But there's no correlation between that. It has to shut up.

It was bad because Shania Twain was so fucking drunk. And she had to have been on pills, too. I'm sure she's on a bunch of shit dude she's partying they all are why do you hate Shania Twain I don't hate her why do you want Shania Twain to kill herself

I'll put it this way she sung her first song and I watched about maybe 20 or 30 people leave in each row of the stadium. Oh, no. That makes me sad, actually. Yeah.

Look, she had a tool cape attached to her very ill-fitting bodysuit. What do you mean a tool cape? Like the band tool? No, like the material. G-U-I-L-l-e 12 no okay anyway that she she tripped on it then she she's still singing while she's looking down and she's like trying to pull the cape part out of her ass yeah well the lady's lady's old and drunk let her be old yeah she's having a good time you know lizzo on the other hand she's not old lady's old and drunk let her be old and drunk yeah she's having a good time you know

Lizzo on the other hand she's not old she's drunk and Lizzo my god can you imagine how much she must have been sniffing before yelling at all of her staff I mean this is like maniacal cokehead behavior I think this is definitely cokehead

this is so mean cokehead behavior this is literally like if like one of my favorite movies, A Chorus Line, if the director in A Chorus Line was on 10 times as much coke as he is and canonically in A Chorus Line. Yeah. This is what would happen. She seems pretty maniacal and conniving and evil and i mean there's really not much more to say i'm very interested to see how she tries to maneuver her way out of this one because i just again it just seems like a complete and total um just lethal blow to her brand yeah a killing blow this is definitely it's like it's

like if it's like if everyone found out that jock was secretly a practicing physician was a wasp who was went to dental school and graduated summa cum laude from dental school yes okay i'm also just gonna say that i don't this is like par with the course with any popular world touring musician that they're mean like yeah yeah that is very much just after you're like that level of famous for long enough you become a freak yeah you start to make you start to make your your lackey your employees you know fight to the death well one of my one of my favorite stories from i don't know if i've told either of you this before but there's like an interview with ben stiller where he's talking about how in the 90s he was doing something with tom cruise and he was like so tom like

what's it like being the biggest star in the world it must be tough and tom cruz was like yeah i mean it's really tough it's really hard you know i can't even go to the ravioli store anymore i have to send people there and it's like he's like what tom cruz thinks there's a store where you just buy ravioli i mean you say you say that but there's literally one on my block i know but no no no that's not well that's different it is way different I just for the record want to say that those stories do exist

and the rap really is not bad but yeah it's insane it's like how much could bananas cost? $11? yeah how much could bananas cost? $10? in my research I ended up in a reddit Lizzo accused of sexual harassment $10. In my research, I ended up in a Reddit that Lizzo accused of sexual

harassment and weight shaming by former dancers and the first comment is just burred up because she was just on what do you call it? The Eric Andre show. I don't know. I really just don't see I see her getting out of this scotch free.

What do you think she'll do? What do you think she'll say? She will get out of this scotch-free. Who's scotch? You know, they say scotch-free because you end up drinking from the pain. I don't think that... I don't know if that's true. That checks out to me. What do you think she's going to do, Jock? Maybe you're right.

How do you think she's going to do, Jock? How do you think she's going to get through this? Like she's gotten through everything previously by being fat. They're not going to try her. I think they're literally suing her is the thing.

And it's public. I don't know. You just feel like she will emerge from this completely unscathed again i'm not like a down with this kind of behavior i'm not down with people well it seems a lot like you are you've given the impression that you not only are down with it but you condone it you think you think look for bad for lack of a better phrase you think lizzo is too big to fail yeah is that what you're saying i mean maybe guys maybe that's it this is a paywall episode right um actually i'm sending

this to all of our family members it's a free one and it's actually being promoted to yeah my family knows personal friends and family yeah we're sending this to everyone you know shock it's gonna go yeah my cousin was like i'm never listening to your podcast shit again all right here you talk no my no it was i don't talk to uddy i actually uh hate him more than i did before which i didn't think was possible but uh he is i think it's always possible you can have more hatred in your heart for another person. I'm not surprised by that one. He's actually he was getting sued by a group of people.

He's actually dead. He's actually getting sued and he's more evil than Lizzo. That's, I mean. Yeah, I think two things can be true at once. Udi and Lizzo can be both evil. I buy the Udi and Lizzo. That's the collab we need in our world we need an absolutely they can open they can open the world's biggest skate park next to jock's friends and

family oh no uddy uddy's a bmxer it's a bmx oh sorry which you wouldn't you wouldn't think until you've been outside of a BMX hangar park that it sounds like bodies are being thrown against aluminum walls. It does not sound peaceful. I would hate to live next to this fucking BMX park. But the neighbors have no discourse. My cousin Udi has decided to sue every surrounding neighbor. Let's keep all legal stuff about Udi off the to sue every surrounding let's let's let's keep let's keep all legal stuff about Udi off the show

if you don't mind I don't I don't I'm a little worried about being sued by your cousins if you know what I'm talking about let's not let's not bring that on the show it seems like Udi is very lawsuit happy we shouldn't be talking about yeah let's let's let's put a let's put a wrap on that one let's get

let's get to let's get to something else. Lizzo, you have our condolences. If you need someone to help run interference with the press, you've got a genius over in this corner here who has supplied multiple arguments to help in your defense. So give this one a call and he'll probably do it for free. But I do want to get back to something we've taken a little bit of a break from

and that is, of course, stepping into the laboratory and subjecting both of you to a quiz. Dr. Professor returns. Hang on, can I run to the bathroom real quick first? Yeah, go to the bathroom. Jock and I will keep it rolling. Jock, you happen to be back in the in the laboratory oh yes so excited to be experimented on by a mad scientist well i

ran i ran i took this quiz before um we've recorded today and hopefully test it out on yourself before you you administered on me like some guinea pig? No, I always, look, I always test it first, all right? I always test it on myself first. I will say, look, some of these questions are a little intense. So if you, I would just say don't overthink them. I'd say go with your gut. More intense than the banana pussy? What's that? more intense than the banana pussy what's up more intense than the

banana pussy not as bad as that i would say not as bad as that but there would there could be a question on here that's like would you subject your employees to ritual humiliation at a sex club in amsterdam let's start with that would you you do that? Just yes or no? No. On a scale to yes, yes, 10, no, zero. Would you say it's me? Would you make me...

No? You don't understand the question? No, not at all. What do you mean? You're saying these numbers and then you're asking me how you would do. Oh, sorry. I thought I was being clear. So say you're at a club in Amsterdam. Got it.

And would you make me the banana? Oh, I mean, yeah. But that's because you would. Hello. Okay. Great hypothetical understanding. Let? Okay. Great hypothetical. Let's get the quiz started. Both of these have, we've got two outputs or two answers, two inputs, I should say, for each of these questions.

I'll read you your two options and we'll go from there. Does that make sense? Yeah. Sure. All right. Question one. When solving a problem, I prefer to, one, steer directly towards accomplishing the goal and bring the task to completion, or two, keep my options open. Maybe something unexpected will come along.

Two. Probably two. Two for both of you. Yeah. I was telling Jacques my results results personally to me were very shocking they may not be shocking to any of the people in my life but we'll have to see about that you would definitely pick one for that one yeah i'll throw mine in here i'm absolutely a one there yeah for sure in general what's up oh you've never shocked me yet so i'm waiting period um in general i think that more of society's wealth should be taxed from the rich and redistribute to the poor just agree or disagree

agree agree i think well they were so fucking brave guys can't slay so what do you say for that one ben it's a money money money what did you get a job no where's my money i of course of course agree with that um if you could magically learn a language which would you choose i would choose to make it a major world language or i might take a dead language like latin or ancient greek okay definitely a world language why would you learn that's what i chose aramaic you're gonna be learning aramaic nerd do any hot guys speak that language on earth do any hot guys speak aramaic just jesus bitch yeah just jesus and he's exactly jock what are you thinking i i just think about a banana pussy could you ask it again i'm sure um

if you could magically learn a language which would you choose i would choose to learn a way major world language or i might take a dead language like latin or ancient greek oh definitely the one i can use i can barely speak english which language if either of you could learn a language instantly what would you pick spanish yeah yeah the world the world is a latino world and the less mandarin well there's more mandarin i might say mandarin i might oh i'm saying i'm saying for me 1000 i'm choosing to learn Mandarin. Are you kidding me? I feel like that's one of the harder languages to learn.

So if I could just download that. Get that one, yeah. That's true. There's more Latinos than Chinas, right? Sorry, sorry, sorry. Say that one again. The Chinese. No, no, no. Say the original one again, please.

Is there more Latinos in the world or Chinas? And I meant to say either Chinese or Chinaman. So are there more Spanish-speaking people in the world or are there more Chinese-speaking people in the world? Because Chinese is the most spoken language. There are way more people in the world who speak Chinese than there are people who speak Spanish. So there's more Chinas in the world than Latinos in the world.

I'm just confused because there's just so many Spanish countries. And there's only one China. But it's really bad. So true. He's not wrong. There's only one China. I guess there are more Latinos than there are

Chinas. There are more Hispanic countries. Well, there's two Chinese. There's not Taiwan. China. There are countries that speak Chinese. Yeah. Yes.

So in that way, Jock, you've been correct the whole time. Yeah. Yes. Number four. Philosophy is kind of pointless and has largely been rendered obsolete by modern science. Agree or disagree? I'll agree with that. Why not?

Really? You agree with that? Yeah, why not? Period. Jock? I disagree. Do you remember? I can tell you don't remember the question. Okay, I'm sorry.

Can you pay attention, bitch? No, I just, I really cannot stop thinking about Lizzo. Don't make me make you eat a banana out of a woman's pussy. Pay attention, bitch. No, I just, I really cannot stop thinking about Lizzo. Don't make me make you eat a banana out of a woman's pussy. Pay attention. You have to work one hour a week. All right, disagree. Yeah, I think you would disagree with that to begin with anyways. I work more than one hour a week.

That's true. Your neighbor is playing music that's way too loud and you need quiet to prepare for tomorrow. You either, one, knock on his door and ask him to turn it down. Simple as that. Or two, you would like him to stop. You're not comfortable with contacting him, so you just

lay there and try to endure it. Oh, I'm definitely going to contact him. I've done this at my previous apartment. Oh, I will be contacting him. Yeah, what would you do? I would probably just lay there and take it. I'd lay there and take it. It depends on the music. Yeah, it depends on what the music is.

Yeah. It's Taylor Swift. I'm getting up. Exactly. Oh, my God. If I know it's like an annoying white woman playing it, I am blowing down her door with a bazooka. Okay.

This girl literally lived in the apartment above me, opened her window and said, I hope y'all like taylor swift and then started playing her so loudly and this is when i had a megaphone okay i could approach them on mine change my answer i've been radicalized by this story i put my i put my head looking up towards her apartment above me with her window open with the megaphone. And I said, come down here. If you're going to keep playing that Taylor Swift, then you're going to have to fight me. And she said, fuck you. But she turned it off.

She turned it off. And no one else. There you go. See, you won. That's how you win. You know? it off she turned it off and no one else there you go see you won that's how you win you know for the beginning of that it could sound like you're agreeing with her come down here right now like because i we're gonna be good friends you come down here right now sweetie because i because I'm about to kick your... You're going to knock your fucking teeth out, bitch.

I'm taking you Swifties. Number six. And then my roommate threw away the microphone. If I was living with you, your microphones are absolutely banned from the home. Question six. Which is more true of you? When I sit down to think about the ideas of others,

I often find myself improving on them in novel and in unexpected ways. Or when I sit down to think about the ideas of others, I find that they do not make as much sense as my own ideas. So basically the only two options, these are the only two options look it's it's it's a very binaristic test neither are true for me well it depends on the ideas of course right i guess do the first one that one sounds better yeah i would say which one is most narcissistic yeah which one is more likely for you um i was honest with myself and i said i sit down and i think about how some of these bitches think and they're dumb as fuck if it's a good idea i'm like what an amazing idea you know but it's it's

not often that those exist jock what do you think i i'm definitely going with the first one i'm not gonna confront someone interesting well it's not confronting someone it's not confronting you think of someone's idea and you're like i have a better idea than that does that happen to you a lot how often do you find yourself sitting down and thinking wow this is a great idea i could improve it or do you oftentimes find yourself sitting down being like damn they're dumb as hell well let's break that sentence down how do you often sit down and think no okay yeah we're in uncharted territory here we're in uncharted territory here I'm gonna I'm just gonna answer a few how I

what your tendencies go to you're very you let's say you love your own ideas let's say that question seven yeah you're shopping for carrots and your grocer offers you some new purple ones let's try purple or orange will be fine. Thank you.

I love heirloom carrots. They're delicious. Oh, I'm so let's try purple. Yeah. Give me the purple. Yeah. Purple carrots taste like candy. They taste amazing.

Any kind of purple fruit or vegetable tastes better purple. Purple tomatoes. Purple, purple potatoes. The Peruvian potatoes. Exactly. Purple tomatoes? Purple potatoes. The Peruvian potatoes. The purple potatoes go so hard. I would rather be familiar and conversant

with all manner of different ideas or pursue a select few ideas or interests until I feel that I have mastered them all the way from top to bottom. So basically, do you like to know a lot about a few things or a little bit about a lot of

things? Hmm. Well, I think it's unrealistic to like focus on just a few things and then like do that. I'll say the first one, I think. I picked know a little bit about a lot of things. You can fake it.

You can fake the rest, the difference. Exactly. The rest is just lying and confidence. Which is more true. People with hobbies are way boring and i don't want to like okay i don't want this is an awful tape people with hobbies kill yourself hobby horses you are the sea because i'm not making lizzo the mc. You should be podcasting and fighting with your family.

Anything beyond that, you're a fucking loser. Okay? You heard it here first. All right, next one. Question 10. Do you ignore it when someone cuts in front of you in line? Yes, I ignore it. Or no, I speak up.

If someone cuts in front of me, I am telling them to call a therapist and that they need to stop and that's self-harm. And especially if it's in a line for something where in public it's totally inappropriate. So yeah, I'm going to say something. You're calling a mental health line and saying

there's a crazy person in front of me who needs to be sedated and taken. Who's cutting. They're cutting. They're self-harming.'s what i'm saying i waited 15 minutes in a line at goodwill recently and this motherfucker who's seven dead at local this this this family annihilated at goodwill no it's one guy there's one guy and he had to have been like six three or six four so it's not like I'm not going to fucking notice you yeah and so

I'm in line and he starts to pretend that he's looking at the little shelf next to the line and then as soon as the person says next I'm starting to walk up and he runs ahead of me I'm a genius you knew you know immediately I said

I know you were not in love with that bullshit, I was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Walk straight to the two lane. And then they're going to try to tell me that. Are you fucking kidding me? I was I was I was like, they're trying to tell you what? Oh, then I guess in front of you. Yeah, I was trying to tell me he's got in front of me, trying to tell me you're tall and you're in front of me now. No way. I had a lady. I had a lady cut me in the line of Popeyes. She severely misunderstood how she diedestimated how much I was waiting

to say, hey lady! I love when I can get out a good, hey lady! I actually did that recently to a woman who cut in line in the Amtrak line. Bitch, there's a line! She just walked down the stairs with

her husband. She was wearing an ascot. I'm like, bitch, we're going to Hudson. You're not going to the fucking French countryside, you fucking weirdo with a lace umbrella. Get to the back of the line. There's a line? They're lining up to get onto the cart.

Yeah. Insane behavior. It's just so... Once you're on the platform it's free for all No it's not because you have to line up Because different carts go to different cities You know they offload Carts at certain stops So it's like you have to wait to get on your cart

So it's not a free for all Cutting a line is a sign Of a terrible human being And people who are in rushes in a car won't slow down for a pedestrian. That's the kind of person who doesn't care if they kill anyone. They just want to make it in time somewhere. Cutting a line is egregious, shocking behavior to see from almost anyone. And I can't believe we allow it to happen as a society sometimes.

It's a real shame. Question 11. When a friend or acquaintance ignores me at a party, it bothers me and I think about it the next day. Or it's their loss and I move on. Me? It bothers me. It bothers the hell out of me.

That bothers me. Yeah, that would bother me if I saw a friend of mine. Unfortunately, there's not a shoot them in the head with a bazooka option yeah that bothers all of us um question 12 i often think to myself that people over complicate things the world isn't that complex or people oversimplify things you have need to have a little bit more nuance. I think the second one. Have more nuance. Yeah, that's what I said as well. Yeah.

No, I think. Oh, wait. Actually, I think I said the first one. Never mind. I think. I said you bitches need to put down the book. I think people look at the world way too simply. Well, that's.

They don't. Yeah. The world's too complex. You choose the same one as me. Yeah. The world needs more nuance. The world needs too complex. You choose the same one as me. The world needs more new ones. The world needs more new ones. You say that, but you were surprised at my philosophy answer that I think that

philosophy is a waste of time. Sorry, aren't there new ones, people? Isn't the world really complex? Can it hold a contradiction? Also, I'm going to go ahead and say that philosophy is also not only a waste of time, but a waste of time but a waste of a degree philosopher you don't need a seeking arrangement

i love how happy that makes chuck every time it's a real joy it's a real joy when i can see chuck's face becoming a giant smile every time he hears that. Philosophers walk around all the time telling everyone. Do you know philosophers? I know multiple philosophers and philosopher majors. They won't stop studying me. I know. No, I know. Stop studying me.

They love me everywhere. They're like, leave me alone. They call me Sissy Fizz. I know philosophers. I know doctors. doctors i know scientists shut the fuck up i know actually someone in ireland who teaches philosophy and then i know someone who's getting their doctorate right now in philosophy in houston and i feel bad for them i feel like you've you you they should have taken a more uh staple and dignifying job like podcasting and dj yes but also question 13 it annoys me when people are overly specific and exact or overly vague and speculative both annoy me kind of yeah the details key detail of people annoy me

you hate when people speak with detail so when they're overly specific and exact that's what you hate yeah of course i'm gonna say that one too i kind of i'm gonna be honest i hate i hate the vagary yeah and i hate when people cannot be specific and exact because society doesn't function unless people can be, you know, committed to the things and be precise in their language. Oh, you're saying to be, yeah. People nowadays are so vague and so non-speculative about almost everything in their lives that as someone who is constantly like planning and trying to make things work, it drives me crazy, to be honest. 14, which is more true of you? Sometimes things aren't, sorry, which is more true of you?

One, sometimes things aren't really true for me until i've read them in a book or sometimes things aren't really true for me until i've experienced them myself well one probably yeah second one definitely since i don't read books yeah that's kind of another one where it's i read books do you read books i've never seen you with a book. I read books. I'm embarrassing to say I have a Kindle. Oh, Slay. I kind of love them. What are you reading right now? I read for like two hours every morning.

At least one or two hours. I wake up in bed. I started doing this recently instead of being on my phone. Instead of being on my phone, I leave my phone in another room and then I'll scroll on a Kindle. That's both pathetic and disgusting. i'm sorry that offends you jock i am reading uh the rachel cusk trilogy oh um love her um question 15 i would rather discover a new species of flower or animal or discover a new scientific concept we are thinking with our abilities here perhaps yeah i i think i would

love to discover a new concept that sounds like fucking that sounds sick to me to be like actually there's a thing called um magnetism too and it's when the crazy like the superconducting thing that i discovered recently the room temperature ambient pressure superconductor to discover a new scientific concept that's pretty chill I went with flower animal because you're like discovering a new

you could find a new crazy freaking animal and then you get to be like this is the mauripotamus this is the bedmargay you get to name it after yourself yeah they only mauripotamists. This is the Ben Morrigan. You get to name it after yourself. Yeah, they only named like a ringworm condition after me.

Oh, that's true. Well, hey, you kind of were the only one of us to actually discover a new species of ringworm. Woo! Yeah! I also think they name it after the doctor usually not the

not the patient they should name it after the patient I know really like what else do the patients have yeah they're dying from some crazy disease so you're saying discover new scientific concept or a flower or animal

scientific concept who gives a fuck about discover a new scientific concept? Or a flower or animal? Scientific concept. Got it. Scientific concept? Who gives a fuck about discovering a new animal? There's always going to be a new animal. It's a good Pokemon. They come out with new Pokemon every year. Scientific concepts.

Question 16. Dealing with people can be unpleasant, but people themselves can never be awful or horrible. Agree or disagree? Disagree. Disagree fully. be unpleasant but people themselves can never be awful or horrible agree or disagree that disagree i disagree fully the most awful people i know and they are definitely not very nice all right disagree i agree they can never be awful or horrible i think it kind of means like i guess when i was thinking about this i kind of it kind of i was thinking like people in a person in a vacuum is never going to be awful or horrible but it does say dealing with people can be

unpleasant but people themselves can never be awful or horrible this sentence is set up in a very strange way it's like an axiom that i would like to live by but i also do acknowledge that there's like you know there is like a small amount of people that are total psychos that are just like yeah you know yeah totally evil but i will say people that are total psychos that are just like yeah you know yeah totally evil but i will say i guess i'll say agree i don't know i kind of said i was like i like the concept but yeah i was also like yeah yeah yeah the exception proves the rule or whatever exactly whatever they say yeah whatever people say whatever the fuck that means Ben Morigay

Ben Morigay that's my new accent to live by questions of humor Ben Morigay okay Jock any other plugs before we wrap yes I want hair plugs and then also if anyone

wants to modify my body so I could fit into medium, small, and even some large-sized shirts easier. All right. You're in here first, folks. If you are an amateur plastic surgeon, please contact Jock Gonsolin. Until then, thanks so much for listening. Oh, actually. Thank you. One last thing, too.

one last thing too I have met some lovely gentlemen in New Orleans and they are going to be shooting with me a gun safety course a gun safety class I will be shooting machine guns I will be shooting

various weapons and I actually have taken two gun safety classes in my life so I'm very excited to actually give a I actually have taken two gun safety classes in my life. So I'm very excited to actually give a gun safety lesson in the form of all. We'll look forward to it. Thank you so much. All right. Bye, guys.

Bye. Thank you. © transcript Emily Beynon Thank you.