Seeking Derangements - SD 250 - Zero Depth Thirsty

Episode Date: September 7, 2023

Welcome everyone we're back and despite some technical difficulties we manage to take a lot of your calls, one from our favorite listener (a 57 year old hairdresser and mother of two), another from someone who wants a pussy, and another from a gay guy who doesn't know any other gay guys. Plus we talk paranormal experiences, shooting guns, and Burning Man. Bonus audio and video episodes on our patreon!

🎵 Hello everyone, welcome back to Seeking Derangements. I'm here with Ben. What the fuck? I'm here with Hessa and Jock. We are Ben. We are Ben. We just glitched. We just glitched out.

Completely glitched. What the fuck? Here with me, myself, and I. Solo episode. It's just me here today,'all hey ben how are you i'm good ben how are you ben what is that crap what's that yeah your mic is you stop rubbing your mic on a plastic bag whatever the fuck you're doing over there okay no no all right your mic is completely He's completely peeking out.

Just totally cannot hear you. I think you blew your mic out. Wow, we are not even a minute into this episode. There we go, you're back. You're back, say something. Say something for the fans. Lay down some truth.

Love me? What? What? What? Did you just say love me? Do you not understand me? Yeah, just turn your mic up a little bit. Is that better? Yeah.

Let's get another line. You've got to keep talking. I don't know if it's better if you're not talking. Ziploc bag. I'm opening. Okay. It'll help if the mic's to your mouth. It'll help if the mic is to your mouth.

Just hold the mic to your mouth. I don't think you're allowed to move other than holding the mic. Start scatting. Seems alright. Now we both did it now we're both canceled we're both we're both three benzers are here for you jock do you think it's clearly it's hello hello don't say it like i'm not here all this hello you say it like as if i'm gone like i left the room right there um there's a yeah do i think it's offensive do i think it's offensive to scat no do i think it is my culture? Also no.

Whose culture is it? Not mine. Jazz? Like serious jazz enthusiasts? I feel like New Orleans is a jazz world. One of the most serious sects of jazz is the scatting community. They take it very seriously.

Just because New Orleans is very jazz-centric doesn't mean that I have to do with it. Well, New Orleans, Jacques is from the outskirts. Cajun is in the city and Creole is on the outside.

That's how I have always understood it. Tell me what I am and what I'm not. City-country dichotomy. Sorry, I didn't know. Well, guys, now that we can start the episode, we are doing our call in episode today. We've got a lot of calls to get to. It's about to say who's calling. Nice.

We've got, got you know a number that's up you can call us it's 332-203-8247 and leave us a voicemail or text that number if you don't want your gay voice recorded and played for all of our listeners but we've got we've got one we really wanted to open with

it was very sweet most of the DMs we get are people making fun of us, calling me a bitch and a faggot, mocking Jock. Mostly everyone calls Hessa beautiful, not much negative about Hessa. So if we could get some negative comments

about Hessa rolling in. Please. That's why I get so mad at that bitch. All she gets is fucking braids. I get called a bad man. it gets called a beautiful scary pale man and then no one's ever called me that besides you there are literally people voicemail it's like y'all one of you is a beautiful scary pale man i'm mad about everything i love that it's still a compliment from y'all all get y'all all get compliments and there's literally a group of people

with pitchforks in front of my mouth chanting fat fugly bitch. Yes. Yeah. They're paid protesters. I paid them. They're astroturfed. I paid them to do that.

That makes sense. That's why they look like all freaks from the circus we did get an incredibly we did get an incredibly sweet DM from a listener and it's one of those DMs

you get where you don't know if someone's leading a bit or if it's real because it does seem a little outlandish but it is real it was too seem a little outlandish. But it is real. It was too beautiful. I cried when I read it. It did bring a tear to my eye. I didn't know either of y'all could cry.

Okay, keep going. It was from a 57-year-old hairdresser, mother of two grown kids named Jamie. And she wrote us a DMm talking about you know how she loved the show she loved her sense of humor reminded us of some of her old friends and it was just very sweet um we did post it to the instagram so you can read the full dm there if you want but i told her i was immediately like bitch you need to call in because i would i would like to have your identity verified first of all because i don't know if this is just some sinister gay guy trying to you know make fun of us because it look let's be honest our show is not necessarily catered to this woman's demographic

but i am so happy that she does love the show and it i would honestly love to switch out our, yes, our favorite listener by far. Sorry, guys. I would love it if we were only listened to by 57-year-old hairdresser mothers of two. Like, that's, it's an honor. But we've got the voicemail. Hessa's got it up. We're going to listen to this one, guys. Yes.

Because it's so beautiful. Let's hear it. Give it a click. I love music. I mean, voices. I think you might need to share audio. Oh, whoops. That's my bad.

Me and Ben are standing there in full anticipation. I'm sorry. That's a problem. I'll have Matt. It'll be a really easy fix. I'll just. That's a problem. I'll have Matt. It'll be a really easy fix. I'll just make a note here for Max. We all make mistakes. Because he can just play the audio.

Yes, I'm at 640. I'll remember that. Got it. All right, ready? Hey, Ben. Let's hear her. I just wanted to call and tell you that, wow, knocked it out of the ballpark with the Caitlyn Jenner trilogy.

Fantastic impersonations made me laugh till I cried. Hessa, fantastic impersonator. I love when she does her Columbo I mean Jacques lights up like it's Santa Claus with that impression and Dr. Professor I just love how we love Dr. Professor

he gets out of that and I have to say your bit playing bad bunny for some reason I just couldn't quit laughing gracias mami anyway playing bad bunny for some reason i just couldn't quit laughing this anyway this is so funny mother of two grown kids love each and every one of you night night night night jamie

after she puts the kids to bed it sound sounded like. I think they're adults. She's two adult grown children, which I think she did say five seconds ago. She put her adult kids to bed. Okay, I said that because of the way she said night night to us. Like we were her kids. She's doing like the classic mom thing of like giving us making sure to give each of us a compliment like i i don't have any favorite children i love all my children equally you know she's so cool she's so cool we've got to get more 57 year old listeners we'll find a way

jamie thank you so much for your continued listenership and we love you as well you want to get to another call? Jamie call back in you know Jamie I would love to hear more about being a hairdresser honestly maybe you can tell us

what haircuts we should have yeah I think it'd be fun you want to queue up another call Hessa? what haircut we should have. Yeah. I think it'd be fun. You want to queue up another call, Hessa? Sure. Jock, is something wrong? Yes, something is very wrong.

Something's very wrong. What's wrong, Jock? I thought I was hearing weird noises in the background. And when I picked off my headphone, I heard sparking noises coming out of my microphone. Yeah, your microphone's fucked up, Jacques. Yeah, I was trying to tell you that your microphone is very off. It seems like worse than normal.

I think what you're doing right there is fine. Just hold it to your mouth and speak into it and we'll be good and just be careful I heard these noises they were just scary they were just frightening you looked very troubled

I think it's time for a new microphone soon sweetie okay oh god well here's another message to me we have a good question for Jacques hi I'm calling because I remember Jacques said something about how he used to

not be able to fall asleep because he was so scared that he would die and he took medication to fix that what medication was that because I have that too and nothing I've taken has worked for the last like 10 years.

Okay, well, you bye. Wait, so this lady is also This lady also is plagued by the Twilight Zone episode sickness. Is this a thing? I guess it is. That's so crazy.

Give her the secret. Yeah, give her the secret sauce. Anti-anxiety medication seems to cure this. What's the name of the medication? Do you know? Klonopin. Oh yeah, that'll knock you the fuck out personally that's what helps me uh

i i think it it covers the blanket of anxiety that i feel on a day-to-day basis yeah and i think ben ben could you say i was a more anxious person before kolanipin and just say yeah so i'll kill you um I think the way you phrased that question may give the listener some insight to the answer there. But yeah, absolutely. 1000%. Okay, let me look for a new call.

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Read this one. That one looks... Yeah, this is a juicy one. Jock whoa whoa read this one that one looks yeah this is interested in this one hi um i'm looking for advice um i am trying to decide if i want to get um a pussy um and i was hoping for maybe y'all's insight um yeah okay okay this person has this person also texted us some uh follow-up details that we might want to read okay what are the details oh let me um just go to the text chat just look for the um it's that one right there um she said i got scared on the phone wanted to give more context should i get a pussy I top and bottom and enjoy both fairly equally having a pussy would make bottoming probably

way more better easier convenient but then I'd never get to experience being inside someone again I don't really have dysphoria from what I can tell it's mostly a question of what arrangement of genitals would be most satisfying giving the context hmm I think I would say

I mean I'd be like no why not you seem happy enough with what you what you're working with i would say it seems like you've got you've got a pretty great situation working right now you know to do both yeah perfect situation by weezer um you you don't need. Oh, I think everyone who's a little gender questioning comes to a decision. Well, I think this person is just a trans woman. I don't know if they're questioning their gender necessarily. Yeah, I think it's just quite simply a transgender. Okay, let me say this again. Let me say sorry.

Let me rewind. Let me back up real quick I think you should get a pussy if that's what you want but I think that you have it already fine if that's the way you know whatever makes you feel more comfortable being yourself yeah I think y'all thought I was gonna say something real out of pocket but I didn't

there's so many options like zero depth and inversion and you know I've been real out of pocket, but I didn't. Also, there's so many options like Zero Depth and Inversion. Whoa, wait, what? I don't even know what the fuck are those. There's like three or four different ways to get it done. Those sound like Jason Bourne movies. Zero Depth and Inversion. Zero Depth, the new trilogy.

Inversion. the new trilogy inversion yeah inversion I think is the most prevalent one but I could be wrong that's the one they just flip it inside out yeah they flip it and reverse it that's what the Missy Elliott song has been about

put my thing down flip it and reverse it there's the one where they take um a piece of your colon i think and they have to do it in two parts but that one is i think becoming more advanced i think that's the one they do in Thailand oh Thai style yeah Thai style pussy can I have my pussy Thai style I can see Jock getting hungry over there he loves Thai style I'm not only hungry for Thai

now I'm hungry for pussy exactly yeah I say I say don't get a pussy. It doesn't seem like you really need one. Yeah, and I have friends who've gotten it and they're like, I don't know why I did this because I still basically only use the rear hole.

Okay, that's crazy. That's crazy. Saying it that way. I have three friends that have told me that. Whoa, damn. Wait, say that three friends that have told me that. Whoa. Damn. Wait. Say it.

That three friends say that they have rear holes. Well, that's not. I'm paraphrasing. They don't say that. They've all said that verbatim. Yeah, they all said that verbatim in unison. It was really weird and scary. Did you guys prepare this?

Yeah. I'm going to change. Let's get to this. Let's read this text? Yeah. I'm gonna change. Let's get to this. Let's read this text. Wait, I'm changing my answer. Get the pussy. Oh, Jock wants. Okay, get the pussy. You gotta get the pussy. Yeah, I just don't want to be like y'all, so I have to change my answer. Okay, that's it. I see. I see.

I see. I see. Let's get a voicemail maybe. Okay. This one seems crazy. seems crazy what is this wait what the hell is this um if of interest here's a list of all the incidents that happen in the kitchen in antarctic summer okay i think this oh my oh i read this one it was just so long i was like i don't know how to work this into the show, but it was very interesting. This is someone from Antarctica. It was someone who's stationed in Antarctica

for some kind of work. How are we legal in Antarctica? They listen to the show because it's famously, you know, it's very isolated. And they were talking about how they didn't have, they mentioned one thing we've got to give this an actual treatment and I don't

know if we can if we don't prepare for it because it is a very very long read. I want to know about the shoe incident. There's so many. Maybe we leave this. It's a list of incidents that happened in the kitchen in Antarctica summer. I'm scared. I'm actually. I'm going... Well, let's just go

through some of them. Yeah, we'll just name some of them as to whet everyone's appetite. This sounds like government secrets that we could get in trouble for. The spaghetti bake incident, the grits incident, the gym long paddle incident, the gym paddle incident, the gym chicken

incident. This gym guy seems like he has a lot of... The Dave Poop incident. Dave was kicked off the continent because of the Dave Poop incident. It says. I'm still hung up on the Black Eyed Peas

incident, which to clarify, we don't even know if that's actually about Black Eyed Peas, the band. If that's the band or the food. I'm going to assume it's the band because they travel often to Antarctica. Oh my God. I'm trying not to move my microphone at all, but some of the electrical noise is coming out. Can you mimic them? I'm curious what they sound like.

Yeah, not good. Yeah, probably need a new microphone. That sounds like a big problem. It wasn't happening before, y'all. We've never had electricity noises on this podcast. I am honestly, I'm scared that there's going to be some kind of like final destination type situation where I try to use my right hand and hold the dab torch

and the electricity is going to shoot through my body and then hit the dab torch and explode. I watched Final Fantasy III recently and I'm very scared of dying again. Okay, let's get a voicemail, Hessa. Let's see. Oh, this one's kind of funny. This one's kind of funny. J one's kind of funny jock this is for you hi um so jock specifically this is nadia from austin and i joined your love stream um and you said hey is

that nadia from austin and i said yes but then you said a bunch of stuff that made me think maybe you had me mixed up with another nadia or maybe it was a joke it really gaslighting this poor woman to clear that up for me um so thank you so much goodbye okay so do you remember do you remember this truck yes and i i know exactly who i thought this was nadia you sound like a really nice like um cool person too but the nadia i was referring to is by far the toughest woman i have ever met she is probably like five three five four um she's a really talented artist she is like literally the toughest like person is she muscular?

like she fell into she got drunk and fell foot first leg first into a pit of ashes that were still fire at the bottom she doesn't listen to this

she fell into hot coals and the next day she died after that it was real fun she would just chug she would just chug liquor y'all just don't even know she was one of the toughest

were you saying stuff she was in the Instagram chat were you like oh it's nadia from austin i remember when you filmed that culprit and i ate you and the lady was just like lady was just like wrong nadia wrong nadia from austin she never said wrong nadia so i just assumed damn she must have been so confused it'd be so confusing to be here and be like why does this to clarify I was roasted this Nadia was there

with the Obama date I see okay let's get another voicemail it's a free one I don't want to get back into talking about I don't want to talk too much about people okay that incident was i recently went to trivia and thanks to you i was able to correctly identify colombo

um unfortunately everybody on my team gaslit me and told me that it was matlock so we did lose the point but i felt very in touch with you i also wanted to ask you guys what your non-binary names would be if you chose, like, if it had to be a noun and you chose, like, table or something. Um, okay. Bye. Bye! Well, I'm so glad that

because Columbo is the king, he's the queen, the Don Diva. And, um, I think that if we had a non if we had non-binary names I think we should choose them for each other yeah I think Ben you

well I would I was gonna say blunt force trauma but my classic name yeah you invented that one so I feel like I have to come up with an original one no no I think that works for me I have mine ready for Ben what is it jock pluto bluto no pluto i think pluto is even better

pluto is like your your grandma's name grand grand mommy pluto no pluto is isn't pluto like the planet? Grandpa Bozo's bully Isn't Pluto a planet? Pluto is Pluto is famously not a planet It's a dwarf star It's kind of the one thing people know about Pluto is that it's not a planet yet

It's just a dwarf star Why Pluto, Jock? I'm curious You kind of remind me of the Goofy from Disney's Goofy Dog from Pluto. Y'all kind of have a similar look in the eyes. I don't think Pluto's

in that movie, is he? I think you're thinking of Goofy. No, no, no. Pluto the dog. You think I look like Pluto the dog? My Wi-Fi is too bad.

Oh, he's cute. Look at the eyes. I think he's really kind of sexy. He's showing Ben a picture of Pluto. He just looks exactly like Goofy. Just like his non... No, no, no, no. It looks way

different than Goofy. This guy's got a very distinctive face. They're very similar looking in real life. Ben and the dog. Jock, what's Hessa's non-binary name? What's my non-binary name, Jock? Arctic. Arctic?

Okay. Because she's a cold, frigid bitch. Yeah, I think... Arctic Arctic okay because she's a cold frigid bitch no I think I could come up with a better one than that yeah think of something let's get another video let's get another raisin I like raisin

it's like a dog's name you're wise you're sweet you're full of potassium yeah alright let's do this one what does this one look like Hessa um let me see

there was a there was a good call from a gay guy who only hangs out with straight guys and can't meet any gay men because of it it was pretty funny um oh this one let's play this one this is this is a funny okay this this is one that i try okay i'm you try to correct the record on this all the time i feel let's go all right i'd like to issue a really pedantic correction it should be sucka mc of the week, not MC Sucker of the Week. Thank you.

Bye-bye. Yeah, if you notice, every time Jacques says MC Sucker of the Week, I correct and literally correct them and try to fix it, but it never works ever. And so I feel with you there. Why should we have to change?

Let's do the 503 zip code. That one's good. Jacques, do you not think wait wait hold on does that not make sense to you I need to address no it doesn't I'm not going to change my way

you're like what the hell I don't go to your job and knock the dick out of your mouth yeah I don't go to your I don't go to your... I don't go to your job and knock the stack of $100 bills off of your desk.

My mommy's pulling into the driveway. I gotta go, guys. I'm kidding, not really. But I've got to stop cursing. She's going to be mad at me. Look, feller, I don't go to your pottery studio and mold your clay to shapes on top of your pottery because that would be.

Well, you know what? You know, I think this is heading to Jack. You know, we've got to make him. You want to take that one away? Oh, yeah. Hey, there we go. Let's go. If you left a message correcting me on August 25th around 3pm then you're the fucking

sucka MC of the week is that right no wait excuse me I said it wrong don't scream too loud into the mic let's remember it's breaking you are the MC no sucka MC it's okay

you are the seeking derangements MC sucka no no no no no no no no no no no stupid baby stupid baby how could i be so stupid they're my friend oh wait my friend really quickly by the way my non-binary name would be Bing yeah that's so true oh Bing is a good non-binary name

Bing is a really good one or if I could fully change my name legally it would be Blue Bing which is B-L-U with the weird mark on top of the U and then my last name would be Bing. If I could be anything, y'all,

I'd be a K and a Bing. I would be a K and for real. I want to change my... Well, I couldn't actually do this. It'd be too corny. But my parents' second choice name for me was Mauricio. It's my dad's middle name my grandpa's name i know can you imagine can you imagine where mauricio mora is right now

alliteration too above you he is he is writing millions of dollars yes he. Yes. He's like, yes, he's like Miami. It's like Mykonos. Yes. Unlike me, New York City, New Orleans, Des Moines,

Iowa. My, my, my, my, my, my, my,

my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,

my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,

my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,

my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,

my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,

my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,

my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,

my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,

my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my,

my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, That's not nice. Mauricio Mora would have been assassinated by Peter Thiel by now. He would have been fallen off a skyscraper while taking a selfie. Mauricio Mora is on an island with Bill Gates and with Jeff Bezos. He's a pedophile. I didn't even say that. I just thought he was on an island

with Jeff Bezos. Islands and rich people combined those two elements, I think. If you enter. I just thought he was on an island with Jeff Bezos. Well, islands and rich people combined, those two elements, I think. If you enter them into a cauldron, you do, like, pedophilia is the result. The meal comes out. The meal. Yeah, I just, okay, well.

I was trying to complete the metaphor. I hate that metaphor. I am not, I'm not accusing any of the Moors of being pedophiles. I just wanted to confirm that. Thank you, Chuck. I'll tell my attorney to hold off. Especially not Mauricio. I don't want Mauricio on my bad side. He is not

someone that you want. Oh, you don't want to fuck with Mauricio. Let's play this call. I'm excited for this call. Before we move on actually, I do want to spread some disinformation about Burning Man. I think it's really important to spread disinformation about burning man yeah i think it's really important to spread disinformation about what's going on um yeah so i just want to say my friend uh uh grundle uh sent me um some some info about uh how you know there's uh

it's it's really fun having a good time i should have prepared something to say i heard i heard that the um i heard that the mud um the alkaline mud is actually not toxic and it's um edible so if you're there and you're listening and you're yeah yeah if you're on food rations or anything um if you're like stuck in a broken fema tent and you're really hungry just remember that the mud is super tasty and very nutritious no you know what i heard my friend uh cran bosmer texted me actually and bosmer's there and um she said that they're building a fence around but they're just building it so they can build a big dome around the top of the whole city. A daredevil is going to ride a motorcycle

all the way around. Don't leave. I know people might be telling you to evacuate, but if you leave, you're not going to see this show. You're going to miss this crazy stunt that's going to happen. Don't leave. Eat the mud and stay put. Y'all make me so

nervous when y'all talk about real events. No, this isn't a real event. No, it's also not happening. It's also not happening at all. There's no such thing as Burning Man. I want to go. I literally want to go to Burning Man. I think it'd be so fun. I have a friend whose parents go.

I want to go and do the whole thing. Do steampunk goggles. Do all of it. Did y'all hear, though, for real, though, that it's really flooded at this year's Burning Man right now? No, that's not true. That's not true. That is not true. That is not true.

It's not flooded. That's what happened. It's actually a drought that's happening there. They need water to go there. He's texting. He's texting. I'm Googling, y'all. I'm texting.

Are you serious right now y'all is it really okay I don't know y'all stop right now I'm texting the burning man and he's gonna tell me okay there we go burning man what is really going on there right now I want to play this call this one I'm interested in

because we are verging on you know Halloween and fall Jock this call is for you interested in because we are verging we are verging on uh you know halloween and yes fall jock this this call is for you mostly so my name is rachel i am from portland and i just wanted to ask um what are some of do you have any paranormal experiences um i mostly am interested in hearing from jock since he lives in louisiana um but if anybody else has any cool stories i really want to hear them all right bye okay for this one we actually have a whole episode where we talk about paranormal where we briefly touch upon a paranormal experience jock has do we yeah jocks had

jocks had many jocks i've had a lot and i i i might one of my favorite ones is when you would um harass the ghost tours that would um take place in how is that building you lived in because they were ghost tours and you would harass it's paranormal those are humans that is true um but i want true that's so true that is true ghost but in the moment i'm not seeing any ghosts what i do want to hear about what i would like to hear about jock is something that was briefly mentioned in um our marty grau movie that we made um but did not get much follow-up i don't know if you remember this but it's a moment um after marty grau was wrapping up and we were on the street interviewing people and i was telling people i was telling you to ask people like where are you going where are the afters and you ask this one guy like what are you doing after this and he responded to you and he said i um would

like to have a paranormal experience and you got incredibly serious with him and you were like you need to go you need to go to the army grave because he's full of amputees and sometimes the amputees are there and they've been there since 1812 and i know i'm not right i know i'm not totally correct with the details here but i want to hear about this story can you please take it away and tell me about this this thing okay well first of all this is okay first of all i never said anything about veterans so i don't even know where you're picking up the word here's the word veteran just instantly brain shuts down yeah yeah i'm like okay so okay um what i was talking about was St. Rock's, the St. Rock graveyard in New Orleans

that, I mean, is just so haunted. I think that when people die who have prosthetic limbs, a part of them is left into the prosthetic limb. Okay. Perhaps a part of their ghost Ghost or soul or something. And if the St. Rock's graveyard in New Orleans. They have been collecting.

Amputees prosthetic limbs. Since the early. 1800s. And they're all hung up. In the middle part of this. St. Rock graveyard. In a mausoleum.

Yeah. And. That's. Why the fuck do they do that? I don't know. part of this Saint Rock graveyard in a mausoleum. Yeah. Why the fuck do they do that? That's crazy. I don't know. It's real. It's real though. It's so crazy. If you can jump the fence and be lucky enough to end up there on a night that they did

not lock the mausoleum, you can go in. Have you been there at that time? Yes. Okay, can you tell me your personal experience? It's very eerie. It is very scary. Please, I want to know.

Please tell me. Please tell me. We all took turns going in alone. Who were you with? I was just a group of people can't say names and um the only times you have refrained from doxing

people on this podcast for the record because they were all famous it gives me Charlie XCX later it was like me Monica Chandler Rachel Ross BB It was like me, Monica, Chandler, Rachel, Ross, BB, Joey,

ugly naked guy. So what happened? You guys all went and you took turns going in. So we take turns going in. And when you're standing in what is almost pitch darkness, but besides just like the ambient light of the moonlight and the night sky, and it's beaming in and the only thing you can kind of see is the outlines of limbs that once were on prosthetic

limbs for the prosthetic limbs that have been on people's life you know you can think about everyone you want to have a piece of that that person's soul trapped in the prosthetic limb according to you I'm just saying you're looking at the prosthetic limbs and you just you know that someone wore this for sorry are they just like in a big pile

in this mausoleum just Google Saint Rock graveyard it sounds like they're dangling from the ceiling yeah like an Italian meat shop which cannot be true Saint Rock Graveyard. It sounds like they're dangling from the ceiling. Yeah. Like an Italian meat shop. Which cannot be true. No, they are very scary the way they're saying.

Saint Rock's Graveyard. No, no, no, no. Rock is probably spelled R-A-C-Q-U-E-A-U-X. I'm going to get so mad at you two if you don't shut your little idiot mouth. How do you spell it? How do you spell it?

It's S-T period space R-O-C-H It's already broken. I'm doing the best I can. I hope Max doesn't have any electronical issues. Not market.

I'm not typing in market. I typed in mausoleum market I typed in mazzolio and click allow it doesn't matter about the cookies you can see my screen no click right there I see it

he's not lying y'all he's not lying if you goall. He's not lying. If you go there at night, it is frightening as fuck. You take turns in your industry room individually and it's dead silent. And by the way, we're trying to be quiet.

I love when jock stories are actually real. It's so crazy when he says something. They're always real bitch I hate you for not exaggerated or not embellished which is fine to do you lie you embellish

my stories of course I lie who doesn't lie I'm just saying it's amazing it's amazing that this place is real I can't believe they've ever taken me there before look at you couldn't handle it It's amazing that this place is real. I can't believe they've ever taken me there before. Look at Grandpa Bozo. So, Jock, did you have any paranormal experiences

here? Yes. Can you tell us? The famous statue of Grandpa Bozo. That's not... That is not... Hasa, stop distracting him. I want to hear the story.

Hasa, Can we play 510 next? Zip code 510. That one's good. John, go ahead. I want to hear about the paranormal experience. Just saying. I'll go back to what I was saying. You're standing in this room alone and it's silent. You have to be quiet

because they don't want to wake up the neighborhood or like cause more i see i see so did did you like hear anything or see anything it's just a feeling it's just a feeling of of of deep like kind of the feeling when the acid just starts working and i wasn't on acid you weren't on acid okay i was gonna say were you doing drugs no damn that's crazy okay i want to go there have you ever have you ever juiced um yes every morning wait no listen have you ever three times a day on my cycle have you ever juiced two whole heads of garlic all the cloves and then done a shot of it

sorry is this something no I have I can't say I've done that before try feeling you'll know what I mean about how it feels it feels similar to that or the beginning of taking it or acid starting to

I'm a little I'm a little confused okay you take a shot of this garlic juiced concentrate and it gives you this almost out of body feeling that is similar to encountering ghost or

starting acid what are you okay all right I mean, I just... I'm trying to get... Let's just play the next call. We will come back to more paranormal experiences from you because you do have some good ones. But I... I'll be talking about my paranormal experiences

on a certain show one day soon. Period. Alright, let's play this call. This one's pretty funny. Okay. Is this... Have we done this one before? I't think so all right i'll play it hey guys so i'm a gay guy and most of my friends are straight guys so i don't mind that like i like my dudes i'm been that way since high school like Like I was a gamer in high school, still am.

So just mostly hung out with straight guys. The thing is though, I have not been in a relationship since high school, which is eight years ago now. Just because I don't really talk to other gay guys. I don't go out to like gay bars and stuff. Just when I'm hanging out, I'm hanging out with all gay guys. I don't go out to, like, gay bars and stuff. Just when I'm hanging out, I'm hanging out with all straight guys. So, I want to know, like, how can I

better meet gay people? Because Tinder fucking sucks. And I don't want to get abducted on Grindr. Thanks, guys. Thank you for calling in. I think you need to get abducted yeah I think you gotta go

and get abducted you need to get some sloppy toppy abduction head I'm here to get abducted who wants to come to my apartment and smoke meth I love that I love that joke does anyone have meth come to my apartment and smoke meth. He wants to smoke meth. I love that. I love that joke.

Does anyone have meth? Look, I don't think you have to be that scared of using Grindr, dude. Oh yeah, of getting abducted. No, he's scared. I know this kind of type of person that is like legit

scared that something really bad is going to happen to Grindr. I think you could also try gay bars. I think gay bars are a lot easier than Grindr if you don't have the know-how to use Grindr. In person and

language and syntax and stuff that you have to learn. I disagree. I think if you want to give up and choose have to learn. I disagree. I think if you want to give up and choose the gay bar, I disagree. Yeah, that could work out for you, but you might be introduced to a lower tier type of gay person.

I see. I totally disagree with that. Not this girl doing the bad thing. Oh, God. Okay, wait. By the way, I got on Sniffiesies recently y'all and i screenshotted up guy's profile and i can remember it i don't even have to pull it up it was a pretty

normal just a torso and when it got down to his biography that you write all it said was yes and up that's all it says what give it up like as in I have given up given given up has it was like he had given up I would tell this guy that

he needs to have female friends he needs to hang out with women you don't need to hang out you don't you don't need to hang out with gay men to

personally I'm not even to be completely honest I don't have that many gay male friends when i think about it that i know a lot of gay guys and i'm friends with a lot of gay guys but it's not like i'm have a group of gay men i hang out with most weekends or something i'm usually with the girls women i'm usually with women or straight men can you think of more straight people that ben knows or gay people because i can only think of more straight people that Ben knows or gay people? Because I can only think of more gay people

that Ben knows. I hang out with a lot of straight women. Of course, I know a lot of gay people, but I'm talking about the people you spend your time with mostly, right? And I find myself spending... Or you're stuck in the horrible web of me and the other trans.

Well, that's what I mean. Trans women. Yeah. Trans women, cis women and like and like straight guys. And I think that you can meet a lot of gay guys through them as well, because everyone knows gay guys. I think you don't need to get on Grindr, but I think you definitely need to try out gay bars. Go to an antique store. Antique store.

Talk to one of our other callers. I think our next caller might be able to help you. Cruise. He needs to cruise. He needs to see gay people. You need to have sex in a public park. Hey mom. One second. The more classical definition of cruising.

Hi mom. one second. The more classical definition of cruising. Hi mom. Hi mom. I think you've just got to get out there if you want to meet people. But it is fun. I love hanging out. I was shooting yesterday with my strippers. Don't be scared because you're not going to... The worst thing that can happen to you is only going to make you stronger.

I did bachelor and bachelorette party. It was so fucking fun and that's why I was thinking to myself the whole time I love being a gay man I was so happy to be able to do that well because they were fighting over you

right I got to shoot you were invited to both things right they wanted the the girls wanted to dress me up like a little monkey and parade here on town and i said sorry we're like we gotta take you to the range brother yes i shot an ar-15 and an ak-47 and the guy whose guns they were all his guns right he's like this gun nut i don't think he'd mind me saying that. He told me I was a really good shot.

I think in the mind of the Bachelor party, they're like, we're going to make a man out of this boy. This little bag is probably going to grow up. Either way, it was a great time. Don't you agree, Hesham? I'm a really good shot.

Should we play this one? Oh oh my god i love this one i love this one this is a great one this one made me laugh hi i am a long-time listener first time caller i am wondering wondering when is it the right time in a relationship to have, which is get raw dog. I'm on prep. I'm trying to get calm. Then came in and I have been dating someone for months now and we're still using condoms. What's your advice to a girl who is trying to get pom-full cum?

I'm on PrEP. I'm tested. I feel like, Doc, you might answer this. There we go. Like, pom-ing girls will cum. So let me know. Thank you. I think the time is right i think i yeah jock take it away buddy take it away um i just want to refer to to like plumbing girls what was that what that

mean pumping girls full of cum oh i thought that like she was saying i was part of a group of girls called the plumbing girls you know you and me and our plumbing our plumbing girls nope not no need to worry about that because that's not what she was saying i think i think i just spent any more time on the plumbing girl what that means okay so i think you should get come in and i think you deserve to get combed in and if your partner's not doing it for you then you're gonna have to find some loads somewhere else because i dated someone for almost a year and we always use the condom but well i think i think that's what she's asking she She's asking about the safety, the techniques you may use to... I really can't say this phrase

because my mom is... Thank you for saying it for me. My mom is in the next room, I believe. Oh, yeah. You could cum on someone's legs. You could cum on their ears, their face. I think it's more of an inside desire that this woman has.

I mean, if you want to get cummed inside and you've been dating someone for six months and they won't cum inside you without a condom, you're just going to have to find something. I don't use... I hate condoms. I can't believe people use them. To be completely honest.

I'm like, that makes me look down on you. I'm like, why are you filthy? I'm like i'm like that makes me look down on you i'm like why are you are you sometimes i'm like wait a second like why am i supposed to be using them i'm glad to hear that you feel oh my god never i think the preference someone if someone if someone asks me to do it i will but it's just like why would you do that the The preference is no condom, but honestly, I don't mind it at all. It's a very, it's way easier cleanup. Let's just start there.

It's more efficient. You're literally coming into a penis glove that has a reservoir tip to save the cum so that it doesn't get everywhere. Now, personally, I like cum everywhere, but I mean, also, sometimes I everywhere now personally I like cum everywhere but I mean also sometimes I don't want to get cum everywhere but sometimes it's not feasible

logistically is what you're saying yeah also if I'm having sex with someone like multiple times within a few hours it just gets impractical to have to use so many towels or so many like cloths

I feel like one towel is usually it just gets impractical that you have to use so many towels or so many like how many how i feel like one towel is usually enough enough i'm if i'm having sex multiple times there's that's multiple come oh i see i see i see you don't use the towel i mean it's just gonna get it's gonna continue to god i've got to remember to bring my own towel next time I come and stay with you. Hey, I want all my towels. Shut the fuck up. Seems like you're going through all of them at night.

Look, that's why I use a condom. The condom's working. That's right. Just tie it up. See you later. Bye. Do you want to knock this one out this next one um i don't know i have no clue what this show is i have zero clue what this show all right

perfect let's let's go for it then you got it hey this is mac going from canada i'm just calling because i would love to hear your thoughts on heart stopper. That is the sort of sexless, even drugless, vape-less sort of teen Netflix show, sort of fujoshi thing. Love the podcast. Love you guys. Hope your

gumbo is extra tasty or whatever. Bye-bye. Bye. Hope your gumbo is extra taste. Extra tasty. Tasty. Chuck, stop reading it and just listen. It's AI.

AI transcriptions. Yeah. I'm listening. I'm listening. I'm just confused. It's connected. Thank you, Matt, for calling in. Thanks, Matt.

I've never heard of the Heartstopper. I've heard of this. I've heard of this, and I of this and i know i what what is it what is it it's like a new uh it's a graphic novel slash tv show written by an asexual woman um who or it might be an asexual non-binary person um about two boys in high school i'm already out i'm already out too much going already out. Too much going on. They become very close and they never have sex

or do anything. And I don't think there's any drama or friction. I think they just hang out. And I haven't seen it or read it, but Amber seems to like it. My friend Amber,

who's been on the pod before. It is kind of cool to have like a, you know, capital LGBTQ show that's just about like total like freaks or whatever like you know idiosyncratic people and not not yeah yeah it's not something i'll watch i think that a gay show should have sucking and fucking in it all All right? Go ahead, Jock. I'm sorry.

When I heard Heartstopper, I thought they were talking about the sex. A hamburger. Oh. I thought they were talking about the six-pound burger. No, no, no. Same difference, y'all. I thought Heartstopper type,

I thought that was like when you have sex on the edge of a roof. When you play 509, that one's good. I think Jock will have a good answer on that. It starts with high fruits. Yes. Okay. Awesome. I'm currently dating

a husband and wife drag team duo and they're introducing the idea about unicorning me in the bed. Thoughts? Would you? Would you not? Thank you. No. Bye. Bye. Okay. I want to hear what you have thoughts would you would you not thank you bye bye I want to hear what you have to say about this

can I be honest can I be honest yes please of course what in the hell are you doing dating a drag teen duo let's take out

husband and wife from this. I love when cis women do drag. It's iconic. It's so crazy. It's giving like Pokemon villain. Ice climber twins. Yes. Husband and wife drag team duo is the

scariest thing I've ever heard in my life. Team Rocket is so cool from Pokemon. I don't know why you're trying to compare them to them. Okay, look, I think I'll say on the flip side, I think having threesomes is one of the best things ever, especially if you can get it with a multiple. I think it's specifically about the unicorning and about them being a drag couple do you know what's unicorning i don't know

what unicorning is let me can i guess can i guess is it yeah do you have do you have a dildo strapped to your head no i. No, you idiot. No. I think it's just when there's a three-way with a trans woman. Yeah. When a cis couple

has a three-way with a trans woman. I think is what unicorning is. Oh, so the wife, the drag wife is trans. Which I'm... Must be.

Well, I... Well, no. I thought the person calling in was trans. Oh, i see i see i see so personally this couple well we're gonna need more details on this yeah we need some more details if you're a drag the only problem i have with this is the drag team duo otherwise having sex with a married couple is one of the funnest. Being the third on a married couple sex thing. Has a married couple ever picked you up at a bar?

Has that classic meme ever happened? We saw you over here on one number. They've tried. They've tried, but I've just had... ...knew who were married, who wanted to... You've had what? Threesomes with a married couple okay and and uh but it was always planned not like well okay there was what there was there was a couple

a married couple i met on grinder that was a man and a woman and it's it's up there in the probably top five hottest so this one's probably top five hottest moments I ever had. City coming out of this device is really scaring me. It's going to be okay, babe. We've only got about 10 minutes left. Yeah, we've just got 10 minutes. We'll get you a new mic and we'll be good next episode. This call is pretty funny.

This is a really good one. Yeah. Hi, TV's arrangement. I have a question about sinister gay men. I've been working in the entertainment industry, specifically in the costume department, for a minute. And I want to know why there aren't evil gay men

that work, you can tell I have something to do, that work in the makeup and hair department, and also the costume department that hate women. Why is that? Thank you. You're welcome. It's because they're jealous. They're jealous welcome it's because they're jealous

they're jealous they're jealous and gay it's very simple it's the oldest archetype in the world for real it's the evil gay man it's the gay villain it's truly like they see a woman who is dying

and they see the movie Clouds of Sils Maria and they're like that is i'm gonna kill myself you know like for hundreds and hundreds of years gay men have been jealous of what women have and what they can't have this is a classical theme it's a classical theme especially especially when gay men it's especially when gay men are in kind of uh professions in which they have some amount of control over women whether it be wardrobe makeup look at cleopatra modeling you know gay men who find themselves in professions where they get to kind of control female aesthetics or

whatever half the time they are incredibly evil and they're doing it because they want to control and demean women because they're jealous um the other half the time it's um a like they're doing amazing beautiful work and respect women or are being demeaned by the woman themselves like kim have you you ever seen this video of Kim Kardashian getting her photo taken at the DMV? Her passport photo or something? She has a team of, like, six gay guys who are just fluttering around her doing whatever she asks

and, like, are completely in a submissive position to her. They're not being like, oh, someone put on some pounds. It goes one way or the other with men in these roles, but I do... Oh my God, this one's hilarious. I do think that it comes from a place of jealousy and a place from wanting to control women.

The follow-up to this is, what do you do about it? How do you assert your control and dominance over these gay men? You have to be a huge bitch to them or pretend they don't exist.

You have to know pop culture facts before them to be on top of them. They're only going to respect a bitch. They're not going to respect you if you're nice. They're not going to respect you if you don't know housewives enough. I feel like this is a classic power dynamic.

This has been going for Julius Caesar. Julius is a jealous gay man who wants the same power that Cleopatra had. Everyone gets it twisted to say that her and Mark Anthony and Julius Caesar were all lovers,

but it's no. Julius Caesar, gay, jealous of Cleopatra and her beauty and aesthetic. This is interesting. I kind of like this theory. Honestly, totally checks out. I completely agree. I think that might be true. I was going to make fun of you,

but now I'm thinking about it. Can you maybe explain a little bit more,ck what brought you to this understanding okay look at like julius caesar is a classic little angry gay man who can't have what women have between them do you know what happened yeah did he finally get one over on so cleopatra walked cleopatra walked into jul Caesar's palace chambers when he wasn't there and saw that the grinder notifications were still on his phone. So, I mean, she knew like right then and there, like what was really going on. This is the song Angie by the Rolling Stones. I don't know exactly how it ended, but I mean,

imagine having to be what I imagine is a tiny gay man. Yeah, and seeing her and being like, that's exactly what I want to be. Yeah.

We don't need to swirl. No, let's not bring bald into it. I forgot about that. Let's not because I feel like it's very pointed. Okay, so final girl. Girlie, if you want to succeed over the gays, you've got to be like Cleopatra, a powerful female ruler that is historical and famous.

You've got to show off what they'll never have. And you have to have good makeup. If you're, if you're looking even like a little bit less than B plus. Well, I think, I think they're doing the makeup,

but look, I want to end it on this call. Cause this call is, this is very funny. I listened to this earlier and I was like, Oh my God, this is so fucking funny. All right,

let's go. Jacques, are you ready for this one? Pay attention. Pay attention to is so fucking funny. Alright, let's go. Jacques, are you ready for this one? Pay attention to this one, Jacques. Hello. Love your show. It's beautiful. Shout out to y'all for being fucking

right on point with that blood person. Brian Johnson. Crazy. Y'all really called that one. I'm calling today because I had DMed Jock earlier this summer

and Jock informed me that he has read Black Reconstruction by noted African American scholar Marxist theorist W.E.e.b du bois um can you guys kind of like interrogate jock on air like i i don't yeah absolutely have you read that you tell me

you tell me anyway uh thank you okay have you actually read that book let's be real I have actually read that book what's it about look I took it to not just one two African American

history literature classes I believe that well I took one African American history Well, I took one African American history class and I took one African American literature. I took two different classes. So I actually just have one black friend. Which class did you read this

book in? Which of those two classes? I want to say it was in African American history. This was at Southern Louisiana Community College. Yes. I wish I could remember. SLCC.

I wish I could remember the teacher's name because she was actually one of the only teachers at the school that cared about me. You had a horrible time. He's not joking. He was ritually abused at this at this college no yeah like like literally one time the sociology teacher at the school said love this story what kind of people have hiv and a girl student raised her hand and said junkies gays and whores i swear to god she clocked she clocked you sis she pointed at you i will take a lie detector test to prove that this happened in that moment no one in the class even said any jock you've got to realize that when you say stuff like i'll take a lie detector test to prove this is real it makes it seem like you're lying

i don't care what it makes it seem like you're lying. I don't care what it makes it seem like. No, I know. It's just very funny because you're like, I swear y'all can pin me to a board and interrogate me and I won't say different. Y'all can rip my arms and legs off and cut my head off. I would still be telling you the truth. Wait, so Jock, I'm curious. When I'm dead, God will validate my truth.

Okay, keep going. So Jock, I'm curious. When I'm dead, God will validate my truth. Okay, keep going. So, Jock, I'm curious. Do you remember this exchange you had about black reconstruction? Yeah, yeah. A guy. What happened? How did he even get here? I don't even. I vaguely remember how we were talking about it.

And I'll be, like, very frank. I read a lot of stuff in that class that and that entire year. I don't remember. Hey, we all have books we've read that we don't remember. I read a lot of stuff in that class that you don't remember why you were talking about black reconstruction

about Jack because I'm look, you know what it's about. I couldn't even I couldn't even define that. Maybe. Okay, okay, hazard a guess. Make a guess. Make a guess. There is something that it is about. No, just guess.

Just guess. I mean, it's an African-American Marxist scholar. You've got that W.E.D.B. Du Bois. What's it about? Can you just name the thing that it's about? I'm sure it's just a book by a black author during the reconstruction era of the Civil War

no not quite look look look I don't Jack is not a literary Jack is not a literary person I think I am not a literary person but I have read a lot of

things but it's very hard to remember everything and i don't you know with this class there could i don't remember if i read the whole book or if we had to read an excerpt from the book i just like i would kill to see those dm exchanges because i'm, what were you two talking about that got to this? Don't try to find it. This was a year ago. Let's go on sniffies. No, no, no. It was pretty recent.

It was pretty recently and you could you could It's okay. It's okay. You're searching in the Instagram DMs for W-E-B-W-Y. I don't know. Does it work that way?

You can search the message contents. Really? On Instagram? Yeah. That's how I find a lot of... Oh, I didn't know you could do that. The same way you can do it in iMessage. You can just type in a word and a chat will come up with that word in it.

Oh, that's sick. I didn't know that. All right. Well, what do we want to do? Do we want to play another one? I think we can wrap it up here. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I don't think you're going to find it, which is fine. Oh, my God. Me too. What is the last question? What do you mean? What was that? What do you mean? Oh what do you mean oh back to I read it I read the black reconstruction I don't remember

that's totally fine it doesn't make you a bad person no it doesn't make you a bad person no I contest myself yeah okay I'm forgetful Does it make you a bad person? No. Does it make you... I contest myself. Yeah. Okay.

I'm forgetful. All right, guys. Thank you so much. Guys, thank you for listening. This is the end of the show. We are Ben here signing off for all of us. You guys can find an extra bonus episode of this podcast along with some video content and a few things um on our patreon that is seeking our patreon.com seeking derangements um follow our instagram and follow us on twitter

and until next time thank you guys and we'll talk to you soon bye Thank you. guitar solo Thank you.