Seeking Derangements - SD 257 - Dr. Professor At Law M.D.

Episode Date: October 4, 2023

Welcome back everyone! Today we talk about being trapped in Jacques basement, his diet, why airplanes keep nearly crashing all the time and why we don't know about it, and finally Jacques steals my lab coat and administers a quiz which strips us bare, psychologically speaking. Subscribe to us on Patreon for weekly bonus content!

Thank you. Okay, hello everybody and welcome to the newest circus in town, the greatest show of all time. I'm not talking about Barnaby and Bailey's Circus, I'm talking about Seeking Derangements. I'm here with my co-host, Ben, and I've also got Hessa. One Ben, one Hessa. That's right. One Jock. Listeners, Jock is in full control this episode of... I am the ringmaster.

I am the puppeteer. I am Jigsaw. I am Jigsaw. Jock is Jigsaw. I'm going to make an announcement. And by that, we mean jock has both of us chained in a basement. Yes. We have weird traps.

Both of our penises are connected in like a Chinese finger trap. And guess what? Guess what? Guess like a Chinese finger trap. Guess what? Guess what, y'all? Guess what? This is me being Jigsaw. And it's not just me being Jigsaw. I've got them tied up in my basement. And they have to do anything I want.

And I know we're only one minute into this episode. But I want to announce the sucka emcees of seeking derangements of the week it is actually none other than Ben and Hessa they let me direct this episode that was their mistake initially

it's gonna suck y'all I'm gonna run y'all over with the car oh my god lower the volume of the screaming a little bit I'm going to run y'all over with the car. Lower the volume of the screaming a little bit. Stop crying. I'm not crying.

I'm not even going to kill you. Y'all are being so dramatic about this penis trap with the razor. I know, the penis trap is really uncomfortable though. Yeah, I do hate it. Well, it's not my fault. You guys should have treated me differently. And then we wouldn't have to record an episode like this.

Yes, that's true. Okay. All right. Thank you. You said you had an opening. I have important news. Last night, I went to Zia's and I was eating with a gentleman. And this is a free episode, by the way.

This is a free episode. I know that. I got that. I got it. So I was high off of some personal success. Police outside looking for us. You could hear them in the background. Don't you say a thing, you two!

If you make a fucking move, I will kill you okay so yes i was at cia's which is a beautiful cajun american restaurant chain in louisiana exclusively the place where i would eat alone for most birthdays when my parents and other family members would vacate the house on my birthday I would get orders to deliver why would they flee the home on your birthday? I'm honestly still trying

to break this down with my family and I'm not really getting a positive what do they tell you? when you're like mama why'd you leave the house every time I'm not going to get into it but each single one of them has a different alibi for multiple years

of why they weren't at my birthday party. Do you have any theory? Do you have any operating theory as to why they may have fled the home? Yeah, I'm a birthday bitch. Yeah, I think that might be the answer. I think the answer might be that you're a dictator about your birthday

and they're 10 years 10 years old and i was like well look i've been eating zia's probably earlier than 10 9 or 10 so i mean i'm 30 now so i mean that 20 years of zia's and i'm still ordering the same thing but i'm like i've got to mess it up. I was trying to celebrate last night, and I also felt like I was trying to impress not only this gentleman that I was having dinner with, but myself. And so I ordered too much food, which for me, if I'm saying it's too much, then it really is too much. I got six Thai ribs ribs two corn grit orders an order of sugar sorry when you say six thai ribs do you mean a full rack of ribs no six you mean just six individual ribs okay six individual

ribs six full racks of ribs i mean honestly half of a mango half of a rotisserie chicken with mango habanero sauce on top i had a order of broccoli i had an order of french fries oh healthy broccoli that's good there's one positive boiled um and then i had them bring out two pieces of cheesecake on the same plate pushed together to look like a bigger piece why would you what extra caramel and it wasn't even for the other guy it was only for me so there's something you might not be aware of between jock and i um that's been happening for quite a while whenever jock is um particularly distressed which is kind of often um i will send him a gif of cheesecake just like a swirling on a plate with like shitty like strawberry sauce drizzle on top

and jock's like thank you thank you man this is actually helping a lot it calms him down i'm not even kidding it's such an insane actually i'm not even it also really works to just show him show him a picture of dessert hell thank you this is an amazing trick for anyone out there who is has ever dealt with jock when he's in a bad mood you just send him pictures of dessert and it genuinely makes his mood improve i forgot that i also had a garfield i had the zia's

uh caesar salad which is called a zeezer salad z e a z slash zer z e z the name of the restaurant is z-E-A The waitress cancels you when she brings it out Yeah, cancel

Yeah, cancel Thank you, sir The Z-Zir salad I think the waitress was more and more surprised and every dish she brought out she kind of started laughing out loud more and more

And then she started crying slowly. Slowly started crying. By the end of the meal. Y'all, I don't know what mental thing was going through my head that I had me thinking that I was going to be impressing this guy.

Well, I was going to say that's the real thing. Was your date impressed by the massive amount of food? I wouldn't say. If you had to guess how many calories was the total. How many calories did you consume in your run at Zia's just now? If you had to guess. More than I have meal in years because I went home. I'm curious as to how you think.

I'm assuming that's a three to four thousand calorie meal. Kind of like a Michael Phelps McDonald's order. Calorie. Yeah. Similar count. I would say. Oh my god. Yeah.

I would say probably. Maybe more. And I had Chinese food before that. Yeah. Okay. You probably. Probably 10,000 calorie day. Yeah.

10,000 calorie day yeah 10,000 calorie day I'm not I could I was having trouble waking up and then after that I went to the park having trouble

that's really bad I feel like yeah you were in trouble waking up god and I felt achy in my toes and my fingertips

okay that's really not great I don't think I love that you were like guys I got something to open with and it's just an update about how your body is my stomach didn't hurt this morning and i just felt like i had eaten eight thousand meals i feel like i am now like so on the hook so on the hook for your health all of our listeners are now implicated in your health in a way that makes me very uncomfortable

i ate a lot last night and i still probably had 50 worth of leftovers to bring i feel like i feel like when you have to get a wheel uh after your foot gets cut off you're gonna do like a reverse class action lawsuit where instead of it's a group of people suing a company, it's going to be you suing us and all of our listeners for not staging an intervention earlier. The second Jock

touches down with those wheel feet, it's going to be like, oh my god, I'm roller skating at all times now. It's so beautiful. It's going to be something that he's proud of and loves and views as an upgrade. Look, my body is an ecosystem.

My body is a miniature ecosystem that is in danger of being eliminated by climate change. It's the only metaphor I can think to explain how it's such a delicate balance. It's such a delicate balance between the bangs, the amount of grease. It's like if you cut my veins open, it would just be like grease, weed, and then bang.

Blue, green, yellow. No red. weed and then bing blue green yellow no red yeah no red blood no red not like that

not good ain't got no blood in me y'all ain't got no blood I'm gonna be honest I haven't been roller skating I bought a I got a new pair of roller skates

and I haven't even been using them that much because I'm lazy. Oh, lazy. I need to pump it up because I'm starting to feel tired in my eyelids. When Ben gets out there, he's going to force you. He's going to have a whip and he's going to be

on. You really should get a whip. That would be so perfect for the trip. I don't know about whip, per se. I don't know if that's really culturally insensitive. I feel like I'd rather keep you in check with a belt. That's more my style.

But I could never hurt you. I couldn't. I couldn't do quite the punishment to you. Ben said I could never hurt you and had to turn away from looking at the camera while he said it I was lying because he's lying he's a butcher

if you're one of Jacques' loved ones to look at him is to hurt him Saddam Hussein was the butcher of Baghdad Ben is the butcher of Iowa that's such a good comparison that horn honked butcher of Baghdad. Ben is the butcher of Iowa. That's such a good comparison. That horn honked as if it was listening. That horn honked?

The horn honked in one of y'all's backgrounds. It was like, yeah, it's mine. I'm back in New York City on the dumbest block in all of Manhattan. The dumbest and most stupid block that's ever existed in Manhattan. I think my block is a little rubbish. You wish. You don't know what it's like.

Didn't they just have the Italian festival? You live on the most annoying block. I live on the most annoying block in the world. I live on the dumbest block in the world. The most annoying block. Why is yours so annoying? I'm the dumbest block. Mine is annoying.

Let's not talk for house lives. she's had a little bit too much I don't care you could please come and shoot me in the face please come kill me alright well Hessa where do you live I live in North Times Square do you think one of our friends

not our friends I remember when I saw where you lived I was like how the fuck do you do this And you were like what I was like do you know where you live Outside in pajamas talking to you On the sidewalk I was like how does she

I'm like I would Oh god So many people I see at like 4am That if I see in the daytime, I'm like, oh, like. Well, I'm out there. You know, I first of all, I don't really I make it an effort to not remember the annoying people. So I like if I see them, I don't recognize them. People I love.

Yeah. But you have nighttime friends, you know. Yeah. Of course. You don't want to see people on the day. Some people aren't even meant for being seen in the daylight. I'm one of them. I'm one of them, honestly.

Yeah, I'm definitely both one of them. I don't really like socializing during the day. Daytimes are for errands. I don't like doing anything during the day. I like to just incubate, hang upside down in my apartment like a bat. Your porcelain

skin really glows at night like a full moon on a summer night. Thank you. I was talking to Ben. God! You're as tan as they come. Zach, you're smoking tan as they come. You're smoking a joint right now.

This is a little change of pace from the dab, the constant dab. You did have a dab when we first logged on, though. Dabs need to be, they need to start being regarded as a heavy drug. I've smoked seven of these yesterday. Schedule one. Schedule one narcotic. A man came to my house i had a garage sale yesterday that started at 9 a.m and ended at 7 p.m and i stood outside nearly heat stroke um begging people

to come if a car passed down with their windows down i would chase the car down. I'm begging you. Waving them. Stop. Please stop. And I did actually get about four or five cars to stop. And when I would say it's a yard sale, I was literally running down the street saying, stop, stop. And then they rolled their window down. I'm like, I have a yard sale going on if you want to come. What did they say? They did not. They thought I was in danger they missed they

misinterpreted the situation which is not my fault not my fault at all it's funny to do that five times and be surprised every time that also so i am also having i had my tripod set outside and anytime someone would walk by so you're also filming everyone i'm on live instagram live trying to sell it and then if someone would just goes by i tell them everyone wait there's someone here and uh i would get out get and start communicating with the people i only was able to get maybe like two cars to stop and then actually come to my sale. Did you sell anything? Yeah.

How much did you make? Enough. How much did you make? Tell the people how much. They're probably curious. I made enough money. I was selling live and I was selling on Instagram. 200?

200? No. 300? to buy live and I was selling on Instagram 200 200 300 800 no I didn't make that much it wasn't like a miracle I was out in the sun literally having a stroke begging

some of my friends came by and they were like Jacquesck you you gotta drink water you look bad and i was like i've gotta sell i've gotta sell i was waiting in the sun like this on the stairs i fully am facially burnt by the sun you do look really red i am i'll give it a little shine. I'm burnt. You're a little rosy. Well, Jock, you've got something else to bring us today for your episode.

Oh, yes. Jock, professor of psychology. My doctor's cap. I am now doctor, professor of cortisogen testing's in session. I am now Dr. Professor. Court is adjourned. Testing's in session.

I love that Dr. Professor is also now a British judge. Barrister. Oi, it's me, Dr. Bannister. Dr. Bannister. Okay, wow. I'm here to issue a 48 question blank test so

I will give you the option I have to turn my accent off so I can communicate please turn the accent off I think it's important I'm just going to really mess with your mind you may choose from a certain, many options in this question.

Yes, it's a scale. It's either far disagree, slightly disagree, neutral, slightly agree, or fully agree. Are we comprehending this? Okay.

Yeah. This is the first question, so get ready. Buckle up because I'm going to need your full attention. Okay. What is this going to expose about us? I don't know. I just – one of my colleagues – A little nervous.

That I gave this test. One of your colleagues? Yeah, in the psychiatric department. I am naturally flirtatious and good at getting attention from the opposite sex.

I'm going to go ahead and give a slight agree. For you? Yeah, personally. I very much agree. I you? Yeah. Personally. Okay. I very much agree. I love women and getting their attention. And I'm good at it.

I'm good at it. The opposite sex, for me, does that mean men or does it mean women? Jacques, what do you think? It means men. It means men. You're a woman. Are you suddenly not a woman? No, I'm very strong agree then. Strong agree.

I get those boys are on their hands and knees, honey. Okay, we've only got 47 more questions. Let's go. They're on their hands and knees crawling in my cock. I don't have aggression required to make it to the top. Oh, let me restate and say this again. Can you repeat that? I don't have the aggression required to make it to the top.

I strongly disagree because I have... I don't... You have a lot of aggression, Jock. Yeah, so... I don't have the aggression required to make it to the top. Yes. So are you a top or a bottom? Answer quickly the top. So are you a top or a bottom? Answer quickly. Come on. Are you a top or a bottom?

Answer quickly. I mean, I don't... I'm gonna say neutral. Wow, you're such a poor man. I'm gonna say neutral too because I don't know. I'm not very aggressive. Okay. You two are junkies

so I'll move on to the next question but just know that you're not going to fail this quiz so don't try to purposely fail it as I can already detect you two these little fucking neutral answers you're so combative that after two answers you decide that we're

intentionally trying to ruin your episode by failing the quiz. It's so disrespectful. We're throwing the episode to make a point to Jock. God damn it! Why would we do that? See, the fact that you're thinking we would do that proves that it's something you would do.

That's so funny. It's like totally exposing your inner workings. No, you're exposed do not say the words expose I know you'd choke to my ass and shoot me in the leg if it meant that you could control every episode Mr. Duber shut down

you're forgetting Ben we're operating at a disadvantage because we're the suck MC's of the week yes you already have lost so you two need to fucking wake up if you want to be named something else that I might pardon y'all. Okay, oh my god, we might get a presidential pardon.

Okay, so I am verbally I am a verbally aggressive person who excels at biting remarks. Well, I'm going to say I agree because I always lay it into you bitches easily. I don't know if you excel.

Oh, I excel, honey. You're more confound than confused. I've got the examples. Insult Ben right now, but don't use the word pale and don't talk about his skin color or his... He only insults me the same three ways. He just lists what I look like because he doesn't have processing abilities.

No, no, no. I can't believe even I've never been fired from a job before and then this bitch gets fired for his Twitter. Best thing that ever happened to me, first of all. Also, best thing that ever happened to your ass because without that, you wouldn't have a job.

don't know. Again, I do not understand. One more one more chance one more chance the biting remark that Ben okay honey you think that honey you think you're all that but you're literally a bitch

nice so I'm gonna go ahead and say that I strongly agree after that you proved it you proved it what do y'all feel like? I feel like Ben you're pretty snappy

with your remarks yeah you're pretty snappy Ben I guess I really have no option but to strongly agree and then Hessa where do you think you fall? I think I disagree I think I'm not you know I think I am I have a

bit of a wit on me but I don't I don't you don't use it for evil yeah I don't use it for evil to aggressive verbally aggress people you know I don't well yeah your true your true you guys don't hear what Hessa says after the recording

after the recording I say every slur You guys don't hear what Hessa says after the recordings. I'll just say that. After the recordings, I flip out. I say every slur. I'm really getting some comprehensive information about your personalities. I sometimes feel paralyzed in social situations. I agree. That happens to me all the time.

Strongly agree. I sort of agree. No. I don't even think when it's a bad situation, I'm pretty good to flop back. Yeah, I just don't care. Whatever. Also, quick check. Are you keeping the tabs

sorted straight for each of us? Yes. Yes, yes. Give me your answer really quickly. I would say agree. Maybe give me your answer really quickly. One more time. I would say agree. Maybe not strongly agree, but agree. You strongly disagree?

I simply disagree. I just simply disagree. There's that shock whip. I just simply disagree. Because my name is Spinchman. It was kind of good. I just simply disagree. My name is Spin. To kind of gay. I just simply disagree. My name is Ben. To say you simply anything is.

But especially disagree. Is pretty gay. I am not someone. Who stands on the sideline. When I'm at a party. I often end up catching people's attention. Somehow. I strongly agree.

Because people usually gravitate me. Towards that at the party. Because I'm the popular popular girl but i mean how do you feel on this one um i'll be neutral yeah neutral for me too because it's either one way or the other wow it depends on the crowd and it depends i feel like performing which absolutely depends on the crowd well i feel like performing a lot yeah depends on my mood yeah y'all aren't as good at performing i want to be a gay little dancing monkey as a court jester or not yeah and what it really depends on is how many straight people are there how many people there and if there's anyone hot or sexy yeah exactly exactly y'all only bust it down for Tatiana

when the hot person's around. Yes. Marking that down in my psychological journal about you two. That's good. When others act as real know-it-alls around me, I want to put them in their place by showing them

how their arguments are subpar. So i'm going to answer for ben that's definitely a full agree i don't think it's really not um it's a distinct feature of our relationship but not really my relationship with anyone else okay well i'm gonna go ahead as a doctor and make my own choice for you because that's how tests work. And then, Hessa, how do you feel? I disagree. I don't usually like to confront people like that.

I don't think. Strongly or slightly disagree? Just slightly. Y'all are not emoting enough for me. That's like my main complaint about you two psychologically but we'll keep on going i'm sorry it's okay i can strongly disagree if you want no i wouldn't want that at all please don't do that it will ruin the test okay got it got it got it being dependent on others is shameful to me. And I will personally ask and say I strongly agree

that being dependent on others is shameful to me. Really? For you? What? Sorry. Oh my god. It's kind of insane. It's kind of like totally not. Sorry, that's how I was raised. I'm sorry, you too.

No, if that's true. I don't think it's true, Jacques. It is true. What am I lying about my upbringing? You two are a piece of work. I say I'm going to give you a test, and then you two just twist it in your little psychopath mind and spit

it out with blood and cum all over you disgusting pig whores. Okay, fine. So, I'll read the next question we didn't even answer we haven't even answered that one

it's cause you went to the next question all the windows are ready so uh no no no so uh Ben what is your answer for being dependent on others is being dependent on others shameful to me um I think it drastically depends on the situation. I think it's shameful to be dependent on people

who can't support you. The way you dance around the answers. Give me a reason, bitch. I'm literally, I think I'm just neutral. I'm saying strongly disagree. I think if your friends can support you, there's nothing wrong with

leaning on them for support to a degree. You know? You're strongly disagreeing. But you just have to be careful, because if you're leaning on them too much, that's when it can be... I don't think it's necessarily shameful, but it's damaging, you know?

Yeah. To yourself and them, and to your friendship and everything. To your friendship. This is a crazy quiz. Okay. We're only on that. Look,

y'all, we only have 40 more questions after this question. Yeah. So following trusted rules is a good way to approach a task. I'm going to strongly disagree because the rules are meant to be broken, but that's just me what do you got what do you two think um um can you can you repeat the question sure thing following trusted rules is a good way to approach a task um i somewhat i think i somewhat agree I would say slight agree

because it could be a good framework for getting started on doing something and then once you have a basic framework down then you can really start going wild with experimenting and doing crazy stuff this is very interesting my colleagues in the background who are compiling and analyzing

each one of your answers as they come up are shaking their heads, looking at me, and one of them just shot themselves in the head. Jacques is in a room with a 1980s-style computer that's like 50 huge drawers and surrounded by people with glasses and lab coats

who are getting papers from the computer and typing it on calculators and yeah, Chuck is moving his hand like a conductor, conducting them all. Thank you! That's me saying thank you to them for their hard work.

I appreciate it. They're giving you the dirtiest look. They're giving you the dirtiest look. Okay. You only live once, aka YOLO. It doesn't say that. It doesn't say

aka YOLO. You only live once, so you might as well experience life to the fullest. You know I live every day. I agree, but I disagree with the fact that you only live once. I think as well experience life to the fullest you know i live every day i agree but i disagree with the fact that you only live once i think you should experience life every day to the fullest and that you know you probably have many lives so strongly disagree no i don't strongly disagree sort of disagree i'll say i'll say i strongly agree but i i'll say strongly agree as well yeah strongly agree wow okay you two very interesting the scientists in

the background started clapping with this most recent answer so maybe i might be able to give you to that pardon i was talking about okay cool i have a hard time delivering bad news that i know will disappoint people how do you two feel about this? I agree. I agree with that. Yeah, for sure. I agree. I'll say somewhat agree. Because I think I'm probably good at it, but I don't like doing it.

I strongly agree. I'm going to go a little stronger. I disagree. Has to care about people more. Because I'm not... My life is a lot of bad news, so I'm pretty sure... What was the last bad piece of news you delivered Jock I told my

the guy I was on a date with when I got all that food I can't pay for the check you gotta figure it out I don't have any money I don't know I can't think of the last thing I disappointed someone with okay okay it's probably never happened right no no no shut up just like never happened before no no no no no very distinct

moment uh i was walking into uh what do you call that place i was walking into the club to go see james kennedy and someone I knew saw me walking in and the look of disappointment. I was the bad news. You were the bad news. That's such a powerful position though. And the look of disappointment. You delivered the bad news by walking into a room.

Yeah, so the look of disappointment in her face that I was there was so... Wait, her? I thought there was a... Wasn't it a guy? No. No, it was a girl. Did a guy there see you? No, this was a girl.

What are you talking about? I was... Oh! Okay, never mind. It just clicked. Yeah, I get it. So it just clicked yeah I get it so it just clicked I forgot that you had sex with women shut up bitch get the fuck out of here

I'm sorry I just forgot that how could you forget that I don't know I totally glitch man you're straight up retarded yep yep doctor well god damn it free episode we just need like a blinking light whenever it's a free episode or something i don't know because the information retention is so low.

I need to wear like a free across my forehead or something. How was the James Kennedy show? You were freaking out beforehand. I got texts from, I got a text from this show, Jack Wagner. And he's like, why does Jck think that

i know the people who make vanderpump rules i was you texted him and you're like jack please i need to meet james kennedy right now do you know anyone at vanderpump and jack's like no i but also it's very funny like even if he, you're putting him in the position of being like, okay, I'm going to ask a producer on this show, like, hey, so there's this guy named Jock coming to the show. He's really normal and cool and wants to be the person you represent. He hates you so much.

You cannot open up with him. But it's like, what do you want? He's really normal. What do you want Jack to do in that situation it's so funny Jack knows people so I just was you know

I um one of the funniest things you've ever said was after that show and you said I lost a lot of respect for James Kennedy tonight I did why would you have of respect for James Kennedy tonight. I did. Why would you have any respect for the worst character on

Vanderbilt? First of all, I have respect for Kristen Doughty. But what did he do? What didn't he do, Ben? What do you mean what he didn't? What did he do to lose your respect?

Well, I mean, obviously, I was trying to get an interview with him, and he just kept ignoring me, which was the first of the two. How were you trying to get his attention? By DMing him. And then I went to the event early. Can you please pull up the DMs? Can you please, please, please, please? I'm the bald one.

Look to your left. Please look up your Instagram chat and read the DMs. No, I'm not reading it now. Please. Just do it. Do it for the show. They're going to be... What about the personality quiz? They're going to be so bad.

We have 30 minutes. Didn't you say there's only four questions left no there's over 48 oh good god yeah well can you just give us a few choice selections

oh my god after the show had he seen any of these messages well none of the cast has ever texted me back um so cool you forgot

how much love how much jock loves sending messages to celebrities and then getting mad when they howdy James I'm interested in doing an interview with you in Houston for my podcast, Seeking Derangements. Yes, I said my podcast. That's fine.

You can say that. That's fine. That's totally fine. Why do you think we're going to be mad at that? For me, Ben, it has this podcast. Again, that's another thing that Jock would be mad about if we did. He assumes that we're gonna be mad if he does it i'm saying my podcast is totally moral is that it is that all you said yes no no

no he's clearly looking down in shame i'm not even doing that you're lying don't describe please no no no no no they don't exist there's nothing else there's nothing else

stop I'm not even sure that's the only explanation the funniest thing is There's nothing else. Jock literally threatening his life. I'm not even kidding. That's the only explanation. The funniest thing is, is there anything else? And Jock, head in his hand, shaking his head, looking at his phone, saying, no.

I can't talk about it. No, no, no. I can't talk about it anymore because I actually... Can we just get one message? I need to wait until I hear back from my lawyer. I can't read about it anymore because I actually... Can we just get one message? I need to wait until I hear back from my lawyer. I can't read it out loud. All right, all right.

What a bummer. Listeners, if you want to hear it, put it in the comments. You're just never going to hear it. I kind of explained reasons why I was so upset about the James Timmons. Yeah, I kind of know why. I talked about it on the podcast with Bill, I thought. Yeah, well, I just wanted to get some of the DMs but I'm sure you know we can fill in the blanks here

and it's just why do you hate me honestly we should bring up the older I should find the older DMs yeah I mean literally I think I did message that you messaged James Kennedy why are you doing this to me why are you doing this to me oh my god

alright let's get this quiz back. Alright, let's get this quiz back on the road. Let's get the quiz back on the road. I want things to be bigger, faster, and wilder. And more exciting. Strongly agree. Yeah, I agree with that one. Just not strongly, but I agree.

Oh, not strongly, but I agree. What, do you want things to suck? And be tiny? What are you? Fucking stupid? Oh, not strongly, but I agree. What, do you want things to suck? Yeah, what the fuck? And be tiny? What are you, fucking stupid? Wake up. I believe Hessa has an engagement tune.

So we might not get through this. You're okay? Alright. Yeah, I have an engagement at 6 o'clock. Don't you dare try to back up out of this now, you pale-faced. I'm not, I'm just trying to you know thank you ben for for being conscientious thank you patient um i am always engaged in all kinds of things and i know about the most of the new developments that are taking place around me that was a really what the hell was that i am always engaged in all kinds of things and i know about the most

of the new developments that are taking place around me that is the largest run on i would say i would say i um i would say i disagree i think i say agree i'm pretty online i strongly disagree like takes you away from the things that are happening around you I think around you is like in an actual physical sense but see it's two different questions the first one is I'm engaged in a lot of

things which is like yeah yeah you'd have to be stupid to not be engaged um being married is one of the most important things my multiple marriage failed marriages yes whatever

congrats on being married by the way thank you me and jelly were married technically it was uh why didn't you ask me to officiate you know I'm an officiated minister um because uh and I'm coming to New Orleans you didn't even think you ask me to officiate? You know I'm an officiated minister. And I'm coming to New Orleans.

You didn't even think to ask me? Well, because the wedding wasn't planned around you. It was actually planned around me and Julie's undying love for each other. So I don't know if you can calculate that. Did you have someone officiate it? The scientists in the background nodding their heads. They can calculate that. Check this out.

Check this out. Check this out. I had my ex-boyfriend come and officiate it oh whoa oh oh didn't think that one was wait that's ben no it's literally it's literally something i just did the couple i i married was one of them yesterday ben ben um elf on a shelf, Oliver Twist ass bitch. Dust Bowl motherfucker. That's who I'm talking about. Me? Who?

You called him this person. You I don't. How do you not remember? It is not. I don't think I've ever called someone elf on the shelf. That doesn't sound like me. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Sounds like.

No, no, no. This sounds very much like a shock thing to say. Let me refresh your memory. I don't even understand what's offensive about that when you are a uh host at or no when you are a waiter all right let's keep in mind that this is a free episode too before yeah yeah yeah it's fine it doesn't work there anymore well i don't i don't i don't want to do putting words in my mouth no i'm probably working service history i just don't want you putting words in my mouth no I'm probably working in the service industry I just don't want you putting words

in my mouth about someone who I don't know who we're talking about that's a very perilous situation no no no you know this person after okay is the person a listener? no no no no absolutely not when this person

came into the restaurant you said he looked like he was straight from the Dust Bowl. That's pretty good. That sounds more like something I'd say. No, and then you were like, this Oliver Twist-ass motherfucker. I do

remember who this is. I do remember. You stupid idiot! I don't know why it took you so long to remember this! I was trying to think and yes, I do remember who this person with a very signature style is.

But yeah, let's keep it moving. Let's keep it moving. He seems a very nice guy who has a nice sense of style. His birthday was recently too. It is kind of Victoria Child. his birthday was recently too so we were all excited happy birthday to the artful dodger jilly got us the artful dodger shut the fuck up

okay jilly got each of us a mini doobosh cake which you knew I ate till I got sick oh my god so anyway exposing other people's double standards is a hobby of mine this pursuit has

not always been the wisest course of action but I cannot help it agree well I disagree that it's been unwise I do love so you're neutral Ben? yeah neutral

I'll agree I think it's fun So you're neutral, Ben? Yeah, neutral. I'll agree. I think it's fun. It's fun. Sometimes I'm wrong. I also think it's a tool for it poorly. You can point out hypocrisies amongst a lot of people who will hold power. I think that's a good thing to do.

So I disagree it's unwise. I disagree that it is unwise as well. I always take care of my work before spending time on hobbies and other interests. That's a strong agree. I have a very... Oh my God.

I strongly disagree with that one. I have a problem with that one. I disagree. Yeah. I have a problem doing that. I will put off work, absolutely. Yeah, same. But I'll still get it done

yeah i find i find i work best when i um am actively procrastinating and i embrace that fact i think a lot of people are that way that they only procrastinate i think um a lot of people do their best work or just borderline acceptable work when they can put it off for a long time and have fun and then are forced to do it and have that pressure forcing them to. I think that's a work style

that should be respected. That should be respected. I often laugh out loud and my laugh is more hardy than most see hardy um i do laugh loud but i wouldn't call it hardy i'd kind of call it more which capital and pitchy yeah cackly but you can great you can what about mine do you think my laugh is hardy? Your laugh is oftentimes kind of silent, Hessa. Yeah, it's weird. It's like that of a mouse. That of a mouse.

Well, but I do laugh a lot out loud. You do laugh a lot out loud. More than most people that I know. I wouldn't say it's a laugh that blows everyone else out of the water, though. You kind of have a hardy laugh, Ben. That of a man who makes stew. Yes, that's what I laugh at. I i mean you hear it more than i do so what about me so jock you answer for me also oh i did don't worry i didn't even feel like he's been he's he's been answering for us this whole time i feel like this

quiz has got a specific outcome that john no no no for each us. I actually have taken each of your answers and I will be disputing the results. I went through and answered exactly like you said but I didn't. What did I say for number six? Bitch, I'm not the fucking teleprompter. Okay, don't ask that because we're going to have to start back over

for number six. Oh god, no, no, no. Wait, did you, now that you mentioned teleprompter, did you guys see that news clip of that woman who was making an announcement for the suicide hotline? I was like,

for anyone who hasn't seen this, it's this woman on some, I believe, local news channel, and she's reading what is clearly just a very standard copy for the suicide hotline. And then someone messes with the teleprompter. If you need help, rely on your friends

and family and there are resources available. Can I say the exact quote that she says? Don't kill yourself, but yeah, go ahead. She says don't kill yourself. She says if you're thinking about killing yourself, don't. Do something one step below. Like quitting your job, moving to China and becoming a rice. Don't quit your job, moving to China, and becoming a rice...

Don't quit your job, actually. There are resources you can call. It's so clearly... Because you can see as she's reading it, she's like, what the fuck? It's getting really weird as she's reading it. She stops right before she says farmer when she was about to say rice farmer.

So she's like, move to China and become a rice... Don't quit your job I think that I'm going to tell you I was totally with her on the first half I think it is so I think it's legitimately great advice to tell someone who's depressed

that they should totally completely abandon their life and move to China I think that's really, really good advice. I've thought about that so many times. Yeah. It's something that actually helps me when I'm depressed, where I'm just like, oh, I could just...

I could, yeah. Worst comes to worst. I could just move somewhere and start my life over. Yeah. It's not always like this, but the suicide hotline people always hang up on me. Yeah. We've talked about that quite a few times on the show.

Yeah. And have gotten to the bottom of it. I don't think we have. I don't know what you're looking at. We have on quite a few episodes. I don't know why you're looking at me with those judging Iowa potato eyes, corn eyes, as they say. Nice correction there. Idaho is the potato state.

Oh, yeah. They're both just so bland and cultureless. Potato eyes. Interchangeable. They are not interchangeable. They're very different states. I am mean, and I am Dr. Professor. I insist that others do things my way,

which I strongly agree. Yeah, so the question is I insist other people do things my way? Yeah. I disagree. Okay. Strongly disagree or just slightly disagree? I think if you're asking someone to do something, you give them the freedom to do it on their own terms.

Y'all both just want to slightly disagree? Yes. I think I'll strongly disagree even. Okay, thank you, Hessa. Because sometimes with this wishy-washy attitude, it's probably why we have to have 48 questions to determine what kind of... How many are left? We are on 17.

Okay, so we might not be finishing this quiz today. No, wait, what the hell? What's happening? No, I tried what the hell? What's wrong with you? No. I tried to say that. Let's just go a little faster than we would normally. Come on. This is the speed run.

Okay, we can do it. We can do it. I am more noticeable and entertaining than most. I'll answer for myself. Strongly agree. I would say I agree. I slightly agree with that for sure. Yeah, I slightly agree.

I think we all agree with that. Yeah. I slightly agree. That's why we're so successful. agree. I think we all agree with that. Yeah, I slightly agree. That's why we're so successful. That's why we're millionaire podcasters. Exactly. Oh yeah, that's why we're so successful. So beautiful.

I am superior to others and more worthy than most. I don't know. I'm going to disagree. I totally disagree. I completely disagree with that. Yeah, strongly disagree. Yeah. Clearly, they don't know what mental state I'm in.

And that's why they're asking. I am probably more passive and submissive than most. Well, that's a definite disagree. I'm like a rock in the middle of water. I would agree. I think I'm pretty passive and submissive. I would... I have problems sticking up for. I would strongly disagree.

Yeah, Hesse, you should be better at advocating for yourself. Whoa. Should be. I am a bit passive and often wait for others to do things for me. I'm only going to slightly

disagree on this because that's how I feel. I think I'm passive, but I don't think I necessarily wait for others to do things for me. So maybe I'll just normal agree with that. I strongly disagree.

People don't do enough for me. I squander my money on all kinds of things that exist strongly agree that's like my lifestyle completely sympathical across the board we squander the money

I don't beat around the bush I tell it like it is and I meet my adversaries head on without shying away from confrontation that's definitely I would say disagree although I've never confronted you two

ever this is definitely a strong agree yes it's never happened I've never done that and then what was your answer I would say definitely a strong agree. Yes, it's never happened. I've never done that. It's never happened. And then what was your answer, Hess? I would say just disagree.

Just disagree. Because I'm bad at advocating. I'm seeing some saw. I know, they just need to stop dying. I don't really get other people. Well, me and Ben are in the saw trap for penis assault. I forgot about that. I was trying to they just need to stop dying I don't really get other people well me and Ben are in the saw trap where our penis is I was trying to

distract Jock from the fact that we had called the cops to this basement like don't ever find you two like don't ever find you two cucks there's a sign outside that says no one is getting tortured in here so go away please Jock left some sticks of butter on the ground

that are just within my reach I feel like if I get them we could move ourselves out of this Chinese cock trap that's all I feed y'all in the torture basement butter sticks they fell out of your back pocket earlier like when Sonic gets hit

and all his rings fly out. Bunch of sticks of butter flew out. I don't really get... Like 56 sticks of butter flew out of Jack's body. Patience! Order! Okay, I don't really get other people or the social rules they play by. Okay, what are you answering for this one, Jack? I don't get other people or the social rules they play by. Okay, what are you answering for this one, Jack?

I don't get other people or the social rules they play by. Yeah, I don't really get that. Are you giving us another autism quiz? No! I know what this quiz is. It is funny. I don't really get other people or the social rules they play by.

I disagree. I somewhat disagree. I disagree. I strongly disagree. I think I understand people and their rules. I strive to keep order and control in my life. Strongly disagree. I would just regularly disagree.

Well, I strive to it. I'm not good at it. I don't do it at all. I fail many times miserably. I would say agree. I strive to it. And in some aspects, I'm very, very good at it. In other aspects, I am just absolutely helpless. I go with the flow. I'm very easy.

Okay, question 25. I lead a more active life than most. That's a really agree with me because I'm jet-set setting across okay wait jock about our traveling uh you know habit did you see that the new york times released a uh report from uh the air traffic controllers that there are many many planes in the past few years that have only almost collided on uh run across the country. Like two planes have literally almost hit each other. And it happens way more often than the American public has ever

been aware of. And it's only a problem that's going to get worse because air traffic control is now shut down in the midst of a government closure. And even before the government was shut down, air traffic control had taken they've cut a lot of jobs they've lost funding and it has resulted in eric white killed one of their daughters almost crashing many many more times than the average american why is that the only episode of breaking bad that i've seen and i've never what about breaking past the first season oh it happens in breaking bad walter. Walter White kills an air traffic controller's daughter. And then the air traffic controller makes two planes crash

because he's so depressed. Yeah, so that's happening every day. Almost. Yeah. Well, that's why I take the train. It is so scary. I hate that that's happening. My response to that is your scare tactics won't work on me, you duck.

It is 1000% true. You're not going to spook me, spooky. I will say that when I took the train to Buffalo two days ago, it was supposed to be an eight-hour ride, but we stopped in Albany for two hours for some mysterious reason, and then we went an hour backwards. Dead body on mysterious reason, and then we went an hour backwards. Dead body on the tracks. And then we went an hour backwards, and then an hour

forward again, so we got in four hours later, so I was on the train for 12 hours. That is absolutely bonkers. This country has such a huge problem with its transportation infrastructure. It is fucking insane. We have to blame for that right now. That little gay midget, Pete Buttigieg. It's his fault. It is literally Butt. But when I went to Boston last time, that little gay midget,

he put a judge. Oh, it's his fault. Put a judge. That is literally a judge's fault. I like a faggot. It's just, it's so,

it pisses me off so much that like, of course, like American, you know, society, our infrastructure, our government, X,

Y, Z is all generally declining. I would have literally thought that one thing that would not have been hollowed out and defunded and made shitty was air traffic control because it literally results in planes falling out of the sky i was like no way will america get that decade but i feel like it's gonna start happening and i it's gonna ruin it is going to ruin my jet-setting lifestyle i'm gonna be so fucking pissed when that happens so if you if you two want to continue to live in fear of little airplanes crashing in the sky um i i'm gonna go ahead and take your spots in first class and i'll be doing the traveling and let's get back to the quiz. Sarcasm comes easily.

Wait, we never answered that question. Which one? Let's just go to the next one. No, you did answer it. You did answer it. Don't even fucking dare. Don't confuse him. You stupid bitch.

Why don't you fucking go like... Jesus Christ. I'm sorry. Sometimes I'm trying to get my words out and you two are just jibber jabbering all up down the block. It's okay. We're more than halfway done. Sarcasm comes easily to me.

I strongly agree. Listen to this one. Listen to this one, Jock. Strongly disagree. Oh, he's being sarcastic. He's being sarcastic. Too late. Too late, I answered that. Too late.

Too late. I think that says more about you than Ben. I'm dumb as fuck. Fine, I'll go back. Sarcasm comes easily to me, Ben. Where do you fall on that? Strongly agree. Thank you. fine I'll go back sarcasm comes easily to me Ben where do you fall on that

I strongly agree thank you also your video just shut off for some reason it's just my video left I still see Jack's video it's okay I'll just look at myself I am easily bored and not good at sitting still for long periods

of time that is a strong agree I am definitely that way. Oh, I freak the fuck out if I'm in an environment for more than two hours. I cannot be in the same place. Wait, can you repeat the question really quickly?

I am easily bored and not good at sitting still for long periods of time. Um, no, I disagree. I'll see a four-hour movie in a theater. Strongly or slightly? Give this chick a Game Boy. A Game Boy.

I was on a plane for 12 hours. I was chilling. I was playing Grand Theft Auto. I was on a train like you were for 12 hours. I would freak the fuck out. I would literally jump off the train and start walking home. Let's take the train together, Ben. Well, I was not happy.

I'll tell you that much. We can take the train. You want to take the train to Laffey? Yeah. I barely take center stage at a social gathering. Strongly disagree. I am the ringmaster. I disagree also. Okay. You two are making this fast let's just keep them rolling question questions answer answers i like foods that are bitter and sour strong love oh this

is i agree it's like about this oh what this is no it's not it's not it's not it's not um i agree well let's say they're only there are always these articles that are like if you like bitter food you're a fucking sociopath yeah growing up my parents did less for me than most I strongly disagree I disagree

I strongly disagree yeah no I strongly actually yeah I strongly disagree also my parents did a lot for me. Yeah. I love my mommy and daddy. I love my mommy and daddy. I could have done more.

I am more of an observer than a participant in the world around me. That's a definite no-no. I'm more of an observer than... I'll be neutral on that. Yeah, I'll be neutral too. I'll be neutral on that because my, I'll be neutral too. I'll be neutral on that because my personality is that of a gray color. No, I think I'm more

of a participant. I would disagree, actually. I think I do both. I've re-answered your question, Hessa, so that you can correctly be tabulated in the quiz machine. I can often achieve impressive

results without making much of an effort. Agree. Okay. Yeah, I'll agree with that. Y'all are doing so good at answering these questions. You guys are going to pass your SATs perfectly this year.

I did really good on my SATs. I didn't ever take them. I feel that I am an underachiever in the sense that I have never really gone for the gold by applying my full potential. I will actually agree on this slightly because I

do think I have a lot of unused potential. And we're getting close y'all. Only a few questions left. I think I have a lot of unused potential and we're getting close y'all only I think I'll neutral this one okay nooch because there are certain things that I've really put given my all to and I feel like I've done really good barometers

and gauges of my ability guys and this yeah oh my god isn't that looking good yeah is there an S at the end of my name we're working on a new we'll change that we're working on a new episode art and we're doing this

with our beautiful listener of ours and this is looking so amazing that's so amazing so Ben do you want to answer the question I disagree okay thank you okay so this next question is I am probably a bit Disagree. Okay, thank you. Okay, so this next question is, I am probably a bit too trusting of other people.

Neutral. Agree. I agree strongly. I always end up in bad situations. And it's my fault for trusting people too much. My problem is that I'm just too good of a person. I trust people too much. I love too hard. I trust too strong.

I care too much. That's probably my biggest flaw. I care too much. I am only as good as my arguments. Disagree. Strongly disagree. I don't even know what that means. As good as my arguments. I don't even know as good as my arguments i don't even know what this means i i agree i love arguing and i think i'm good at it i'm more than just argument arguments you know i'm more than just arguments you are good at arguing though, Ben. I'm one of the best arguers of all time.

I should have been. I'm one of the best arguers of all time. No, you're not. You're absolutely not. I'm sorry to tell you that. I think you thoroughly enjoy it, but I think enjoying something is different than being good at it. No, I'm good at it. And if you say otherwise, I'm going to kill you, bitch.

I guess your strategy, Jacques, I feel the second you start losing an argument to be like I'm gonna kill myself no I said I'm gonna kill you I guess in some way that makes you amazing at arguing yeah that's true it literally becomes

a hostage situation but then you're not really winning the argument you're forcing the other person to cede so which counts as winning I guess it counts as winning I do steady stay winning

you just lose a lot of respect there's a crucial blow to your respect I've never lost respect for anyone don't you dare try to paint me in a bad light Dr. Professor is back on the questions. I am often told that I am a very serious and correct person.

Let me say that again. I agree. No, disagree. No one's ever called me serious in my life. I'm very serious in my personal life. I strongly disagree. I'm a very serious life. I strongly disagree. I'm a very serious person. Could you say yours again?

Disagree. Okay. I think of I've never been told that I'm serious. No one ever has even believed that I'm being genuine or serious. Yeah. I am a person who has

many unique insights. Oh, come on. We all have to agree with that. We're professional podcasters. Yeah, we're podcasting. I agree. I'm just, I'm clicking the famous button for this one. Yeah, there's a fifth button. That says,

I am famous. Yes! Just click that for everyone I'm a fucking celebrity I am less interested in romance and dating than most people I know I strongly disagree I'm a hopeless romantic I would agree

I would agree I'm in a not really I'm in a period of my life where that's not really the focus and I think that's fine I agree wow you two are cold heartless killers

I don't understand the cultural more surrounding gender roles oh this is strong disagree bitch strong disagree, bitch. Strong disagree. I am gonna say agree. Oh,

contra-cancer! Oh, god. I'm kidding. I'll remain in neutral. You're always fucking stuck in neutral. I'll keep my real thoughts to myself because the woke mouth will crucify me. Period. You can't say things anymore.

I know all the ins and outs. I know what a gal is supposed to be and what a guy is supposed to be because I don't listen. Because I don't listen to them. I take care to meticulously argue my points and I've been told that I can be

a bit lawyerly in an exchange. I strongly agree. Strongly disagree. Strongly disagree for Hessa while Ben strongly agrees. What are you saying for yourself, Jock? Has anyone ever called you

lawyerly? You're litigious. You're very litigious. You're very litigious. I don't know if you're necessarily lawyerly. What's your private eye's name again? Robert Poo? Vince Poo? Vince Poo. I forgot. Vincent Poo.

He saved it in my phone as Vincent Poo because I was trying to put P-I. That part's obvious. Vincent P-U. He smells like shit. I edited it out of the episode. Oh, God. Okay.

I found my fake brick today. I love this one. One of the foam bricks I wanted to throw out of a pride float, but New York City told me it was too much of a danger. No one wants to see that brick. Yeah, too dangerous. Okay, so the next question is,

I am careful to spend my money wisely. Did we already say this one? No. Strongly disagree. I am careful to spend my money wisely. Strongly disagree, my ball. Strongly disagree. I'm careful to spend my money wisely strongly disagree yeah that's it we also all agree across the board

wait Ben take that fake brick and try to smash this trap that we're both stuck in okay it's not gonna work it's too fake you gotta finish the quiz to get out of my chair don't talk about yourself that way

it's too fake of a brick You gotta finish the quiz to get out of my hair. Don't talk about yourself that way. It's too fake of a break. I often talk to strangers. This is a compliment, isn't it? Yeah. This is a good one. This is a good one. I often talk to strangers as if they are old friends. Strongly agree.

I love talking to people. It is fun. Yes. Yeah, I would agree with that. I love, yeah, totally. I strongly agree. I love when to people. It is fun. Yes. Yeah, I would agree with that. I love. Yeah, totally. I strongly. I love when we agree.

It's like like the breakthrough between the storm of hatred. It's not a storm of hatred. I mean, you think there may be there may be on one person's side. We're in a hurricane and it's together. People who think they are entitled to special treatment, raise my er. I are. Strongly agree.

Strongly, strongly agree. Strongly agree, yeah. Can y'all answer that for me as truthfully as possible? I strongly agree for you, Jack. I think for yourself. Well, if you met a celebrity you hated

and they were expecting you to like them, you would be so mad. Yeah. Yeah. But also you have a double standard because I feel like you demand a lot. Yeah. What?

I would never. Oh my god. I appear fiercely autonomous self sufficient and cynical to others well I appear cynical to others I've been I strongly agree well yeah no one really

I'm very independent but I don't think anyone views me as particularly successful. I think everyone views you as successful. I'll be neutral. You're neutral? I'll be neutral as well. God, the scientists are getting so mad. The scientists are pissed off.

They're flicking off in the background. And I'm not talking about jerking it. They are flicking off. They are jerking it. Some of them are jerking it. They are jerking it. Some of them are jerking it. They like the trap. Wow, this question was meant to piss me off. My home is tidy

and everything has its proper usual place. That's a strongly disagree for me. Regular disagree for me because I go through waves. Periods. And Ben, my home is tidy. Your house is clean. Your house is clean. My house is always clean.

I keep it clean because otherwise I freak out. It makes you feel insane when it's dirty. No matter what I do, I can never keep order around me. I completely agree on this one because I'm a mess. I would say

Slightly agree. Yeah, slightly agree yes i agree agree god i don't feel so alone on this given the scope of my abilities it is the it is natural for me to be a leader agree i have i was a born leader um this guy guy this family friend used to say he thought I was going to grow up to be the next Bill Clinton oh god in some ways he was very right but I will not say which ways

yes I would say I would neutral for that one I think I would be a good leader but I would be an unorthodox choice for a leader you know you don't like telling people what to do enough

Hessa I do but only when I have a clear vision of what I guess that's true I have to care really really really a lot and then the Mussolini jumps out last question oh wow this one's great i like foods that are fatty and sweet strongly agree yeah who doesn't i agree yeah i'll strongly agree with that oh yeah wow and now i can click the finish buttons on this oh no my computer just broke

y'all i'm sorry yo i got a virus yo i'm so sorry y'all i'm so sorry i'm pressing the explode button on my keyboard that's red just do not touch explode button i forgot about the explode button oh my god this shit is what was it what was it okay well ben um your your freudian personality style is is anal expulsive i've always said i was anal expulsive i've always always always said i'm anal expulsive and people have told me no and i'm being temperament temperamentally careless and messy your personal relationships are intense but unstable you are also have a habit of shifting back and forth between over idealizing and derogating the life and the people in your life resting and having a strong need for simulation you may sometimes act recklessly or just trying to keep things feeling fresh, thereby exposing yourself and others to danger

and hurt in the process. Your erratic emotional life leads you to experience intense ups and downs that may cause you to confuse sex with intimacy as it all blurs together in your mind-blowing, fast-paced life. Period. So romantic.

Metaphorically, your personality style may be described as the toddler who did not see the point of potty training and resisted it and instead of defecating whenever you felt like it yeah anal expulsive really sounds like you shit you be shitting everyone yeah because yeah because because you never learned to rein in your urges in toddlerhood, you are incapable of moderating your search for adventure and excitement in adulthood. Hence, you may leap from project to project and partner to partner, always pining for instant success instead of staying with a single prospect for the long haul and bringing it to success by holding it.

Good God, how long is this? This is way haul and bringing it to success. How long is this? This is way too much for you to read. That was the last one. I totally agree. I've always had a mainly explosive. I do disagree that my life is that unstable. Although shadings of that are correct. Yeah, well, with

the Freudian things, it's always so dramatic. It's always so the most dramatic version. It's really not that bad. It's always so dramatic. It's always the most dramatic version. It's really not that bad. It's not that serious. It's not that serious. You are 49% oral receptive.

66% oral aggressive. 82% anal explosive. You are 61% anal retentive you are 54 percent phallic aggressive you are 78 percent phallic compensate you are literally 74 percent classic hysteric and you are 40 percent retentive You understand this is a free online quiz, not an actual indictment of our personalities, right?

Oh, it is. Because while Ben got 82% anal expulsive, Hessa got 90% anal expulsive. Period. Wow. This bitch be shitting a lot. This bitch be shitting 80% more bitch 90% of your life is pooping

I'm pooping 90% of the time and Hessa I don't have to ask how your head's been because you are 70% oral receptive oh my god does that mean I suck do you know what that means? can you tell us what you think you see that's actually me 80% oral receptive. Oh my God. Does that mean I suck? Do you know what that means? Can you tell us what you think you see on your diaper?

It's actually me. Yeah. Wait, what? What does it say? What does what say? On there for oral receptive. Does it tell you? It just says a percentage

and it says oral receptive. Okay. Yeah. Okay, now let me read. That means you love sucking. That means I love sucking. That means I love sucking. Your first Freudian personality style is

get ready, classic hysteric. Having a strong need for attention and affection, you are not the one to sit idly by hoping that these things will come to you of their own accord. Instead, you actively crave center stage

and seek the notice of those around you through a series of attention-grabbing behaviors such as dramatized emotions, sexualized conduct, and clothing, witty and eccentric manners, and so on. Notice notoriously fickle and flighty. You often find yourself chasing the lightest colorful image that has presented itself by your imagination instead of working out the implications of a topic in detail. By the time someone engages you on the nitty gritty, you have already moved on to another

topic. Metaphorically, your personality style may be linked to a teenage girl whose uterus is twisting and turning from from to one side then to the other causing emotional turmoil as it craves a period it has a craze impregnation from outside while at the same time resisting any Freud was a freak for writing this Freud was a fucking freak for this he read you to fill

but was he wrong but was he wrong and spot the lie last last last little sentence in in the same way

your actual personality is both sexually flirtatious and expressively overdramatic as a as a mean of capturing people's attention while your spontaneous amability may sometimes lead people to think that you are either proposition we should do a seven hour episode where jock reads the dsm-5 cover to cover yeah the reality is that for you these enticing behaviors are not necessarily meant as anything but ways of getting them to notice you and care period amazing so y'all i'm not even i got 95 classic hysteric. I was 23% phallic aggressive. I'm 21%

anal retentive. I am 83% anal explosive. I am 41% oral receptive. I feel like Z as the restaurant's got a big disagreement with that statistic.

Yeah. Jock, I think I speak for me in Ben where I say, good job. You did a great job administering this question. Amazing job. Thank you. Wasn't that the most interesting episode to ever listen to? Yes. Listeners out there, everyone comment nice things only.

No mean stuff this time. Who let the dogs out? Thank you for coming and listening to another episode of Seeking Derangements I've been your doctor professor for the evening I'm here with my cohort Ben and my other cohort Hessler

do you want to tell everyone about the Patreon Patreon so you can find a bonus episode of seeking arrangements um one per week um sometimes two sometimes video content but always at least one bonus episode

per week um on our patreon that is patreon.com slash seeking arrangements and thank you for listening everyone goodbye thank you bye everyone goodbye thank you bye Thank you.