Seeking Derangements - SD 260 - What in the Pronoun?!

Episode Date: October 16, 2023

What's up yall...Hesse and I recorded (Jacques joins eventually) on the day of jihad, we talk about Lady Betty Grafstein and Jose, world famous transvestigator Bevvie112 being uninvited from thanksgiving, dating old guys, Troye Sivan, the newest Bladwin brother J Baldwin, Bobbi Althoff curbstomping Scar Jo, eating 48 oysters, and more. As mentioned, please consider a donation to Anera who is working to provide aid to the Palestinian people. Find them at www.anera.org

🎵 foreign um I'm going to start the show. No, no, that's the noise Ben's making in his mouth. It wasn't me. It's you. It's you because it stopped right when you were talking. I don't know about that. Max, I'm sliding Max a 20 to edit me talking.

Just shift it over. Max, I need a favor, please. I really need a win. I need a win this week, Max. Please. Please. Please make it seem like Hessa was farting. Hessa shits pants. Live episodeing. Hessa shits pants.

Live episode title. Hessa shits pants in the first two seconds. Welcome everyone to Seeking Your Entrance. It's me, Ben. I'm here with the Don Deepa of shitting herself, Hessa. Sitting in my own poop. Jock is just maybe going gonna show up um

yeah might show up midway through to be completely great we all love jock but at some point you gotta show up on time or you're just you're just not gonna be on the show because yeah it there's only so much planning we can put into this he'll probably show up at some point y'all don't worry um yeah he will barge into this call like and then we'll have to cut out 20 minutes of getting yelled at hurricane we'll cut out 20 minutes of us getting yelled at and then 220 pounds on the richter scale for starting 15 minutes late instead of starting an hour late. It's his fault. I don't care anymore. But welcome.

Welcome to the show, everyone. What a horrible time out there. It's like... Bad days out. It is. I mean, it's the day of Jihad. Yeah. We're recording. We're doing our Jihad on the day of jihad. Yeah. We're recording.

We're doing our jihad on the day of jihad. Is this a free episode? This is a free episode. Well, we can decide, honestly. We can decide. Okay, okay. We can decide after the episode. Okay.

It's just like, it is insane how, I mean, for Americans to talk about the fear of sleeper cells that they have, sleeper terrorist cells and everything. Like, oh my God, some event's going to happen and every Arab or Muslim person is going to be triggered to become a terrorist. It's like, no, that's you. It's like the vast majority of Americans. That's you and that's what just happened to you. And now you are now activated as a political agent of mass violence and destruction.

political agent of mass violence and destruction yeah look it's people i'm sure can find much better resources for the ongoing genocide and everything that's happening in palestine and what's happening to the palestinian people we won't you know kind of disgrace what's happening by trying to talk about it with our gay voices with our faggly little voices i mean it is just the reactions people are having is nauseating and all of this like this rush to make everyone condemn hamas is like so fucking insidious it reminds me of nine like just right after 9-11. Just this rush to condemn Al-Qaeda or whoever so they can get carte blanche, manufacture the soft consensus to just totally annihilate Gaza,

castigate every Arab and Muslim person as a terrorist. It's insane. It's sickening. It's insane. We can only talk about it so much guys um yeah but i'll put so i do like another thing that i've been seeing lately is this like the esoteric right-wing people online are like y'all are thinking y'all are thinking big picture because like y'all need to realize that you have to look at the history

and the Jews always build a better civilization than the Arabs. Shut the fuck up. This isn't Dungeons and Dragons. What are you talking about? They treat it like it's fucking They're just heinous freaks. Did you see?

I thought this was fake when I saw it. Like, genuinely was like, how the hell did he manage to do this? But Trump was in West Palm Beach. Oh my God, that was insane. He was in West Palm Beach yesterday. And he called Israel weak. And he called Hamas smart smart that's so cool like just

in west palm beach of all places israel too he's in israel too how the man cannot be stopped and of course he's, he's not saying this with any sympathy to the Palestinian people. But it is just like on a day where everyone was just being beat over the head. Yeah. By, you know, calming to condemn Hamas. You must condemn Hamas. Peppa Pig has not condemned Hamas. The eyes of the world are watching you, Peppa.

Just like, that was the energy. And Trump is just saying shit like Hamas is smart. Yeah. Crazy he got away with that. And you know he got an applause from that too. He probably did. He probably did.

From his little piggies. I think he's... I mean, it's easy to say that Joe Biden is clearly having a massive cognitive decline. That's been obvious for his entire presidency. But I do think Trump is also losing it a little bit. I think he's been regaining it. I think he's been... I think he's psychic vamp I think he's been regaining it. I think he's been psychic vampiring.

He's been ramping up. You remember that game Tiny Wings? How you went down the little hill? I do not remember that game. We had very different childhood, Tessa. On the phone? No, the phone game.

It was like five years ago, six years ago. years ago bitch no i don't play games on my phone my autism jumping out it's called tiny wings you play a little bird and there are hills and you have to get go as far as you can and to do it you have to dive down when the hills are going down and then come up when they're going up so this is what Trump is doing cognitively speaking

yes yes yes he was going down he was diving down and became more senile more stupid more crazy and now he's going up he's like he's cooking again you know it's so horrible i'll put some links to like some relief for uh palace for palestine whose medical aid fundraisers and

stuff we'll put that in the bio i mean yes it's i don't mean to be too dark but it's literally getting to the point where it's just like people may no longer be saying free palestine they may just be saying remember palestine It is truly disgusting and horrible. And I can't believe just like there's no response to it. The world is watching this happening and like applauding for it. It's horrible. But with that, I think we can not get into it any further. Especially if shock comes on.

Oh my God. Oh my God. There are a lot of good resources out there. Like Mohammed El-Kurd is a Palestinian journalist who's been doing a lot of really good reporting and he's leading a lot of good thought on this so I'll refer you to him instead of us. But

what were we going to... Oh, here we go. Besides the media psyops that evil, evil Israel has been forcing upon the world, hypnotizing the world with their evil Zionism, there's another psyop that's happening in the world right now. It is, of course, not as evil or drastic, but we're going to pivot to talking about two queens right now. Oh, my gosh.

We're talking about Lady Betty. Lady Betty. Lady Betty. And we actually have a full video episode slideshow that will be coming out in November. I just have to edit it. And yeah, I'm just busy editing the Chapo Movie Mindset. Bitches love to pretend that they're autistic until it comes to editing a

video. Until it's time to edit a video. Well, I fucked up recording it. So many different pieces and it's like so annoying, but I'll be able to do it. I'm kidding. Hey, I couldn't do it. I'm not going to harp on you for it,

but we have a great explainer on these two Queens. Yeah. We've explained them before. Yeah. Yeah. I post them to our instagram a lot to try to um educate the people to bring up the the uh awareness of betty and jose um but lady betty grafstein the diamond heiress who's married to jose casella bronco a uh a trans i i would call jose trans i yeah i feel like it's trans it's

one of those people who are still like i'm a flamboyant gay guy but i'm like i really feel like i've got a she or you what in the pronoun is going on over here? What the pronoun? What the pronoun? What the pronoun? Jose, the younger partner of Lady Betty, is kind of ventriloquizing Betty because Betty's been in the hospital for two weeks. Yes. It's not in picture. It's unclear what's going on with betty

and betty was looking i've never seen a more c-shaped woman in my life she was like a crescent moon just you said she is shaped like a croissant i think she is shaped like a croissant it's like she looks like a muppet they found in a in a warehouse that's like from the 70s that they forgot about yes she literally looks like someone who is dying so slowly they're kind of morphing back into a fetus becoming a black hole yeah slowly crouching into a black hole turning inside out in this insane way meanwhile my my italian like every day full shit my italian like great aunts all had the same exact things going on but lady betty is it's it's it's the juxtaposition of that and all the surgery she's had on her face getting

snatched getting she's like tearing and looks like snatched. She's tearing and looks like... Her skin is so tight. She kind of looks like the person who got those primitive facelifts who needs to have prescription eye drops because she can't blink. Oh my god.

You know, that happens. I don't think she can close her mouth. She looks like... If anyone's seen the close her mouth She looks like If anyone's seen the movie Brazil She looks like the grandma at the beginning Who they literally grab both sides of her face And stretch them back like a bow and arrow It's kind of a Joan Rivers thing

It's very hard to describe We should stop speaking ill of her We should stop speaking ill of her We should stop speaking ill of her. We should stop speaking ill of her. We should stop. Yeah. Oh, poor Betty. Poor lady Betty.

Eggs in your pocket, lady Betty. Lady Betty. Eggs in the bed. People are all yelling at Jose. Something very sketchy about all of this. Why before Miss Betty was hospitalized, she was trotted out, fully made up and propped up. Now nothing? Everyone is just being like, show us Betty.

Where is Betty? And Jose is making these videos like, Lady Betty is fine. She'll be in hospital for two weeks. And it's like, girl. Girl. Weekend at Betty's. They posted this picture for, in hospitals for two weeks but it's like girl girl weekend at Betty's they posted this picture for I'll make this the episode

good god this picture of Lady Betty look Hessa this was a picture they used for her you can barely it's just like she looks like a wax figure

literally weekend at Betty's but we do hope that lady betty will return um i am scared of what could possibly happen if she does pass because her and jose are giving very much like the couple who's like, if you die, I'll kill myself. I can't live without you. But I can also see Jose just totally lying about that and absconding with Betty's million dollars. No, no. Jose, they love each other.

Remember, you were already forgetting our lessons from our beautiful episode we recorded. I'm starting to think Jose is kind of a leech on Betty's life. I'm starting to think Jose is kind of a scammer. Absolutely, but Betty loves it.

Yeah, Betty doesn't seem to mind. People don't realize that they've been together for like 30 years. It really seems like he's just like robbing the grave or whatever. But they've been together for a very long time. Robbing the grave. It's robbing the cradle.

Yeah, exactly. The opposite of robbing the cradle. Casket robber the cradle. Yeah, exactly. The opposite of robbing the cradle. Casket robber. Casket robber. Would you do that if you met a really rich old guy? Oh, yeah. Totally.

I mean, it depends on... Chuck is calling me. Oh, no. Should I put him on speakerphone? Yeah. One second. Hello, Jock.

Hey. Hey, do you want to join the call? We've been recording for about 15 minutes. What? I thought you said we were recording at 2 my time 3 EST. It's always EST babe. We're always 2 EST. We're always in Eastern Standard Time.

We're always 2 EST. Just come join us. We'll see you soon. I'm on the way home now. I didn't know that. I thought we were starting at 2 o'clock. No one texted me. We're always in 2 EST. I confirmed it. Just join us into an EST. We text you.

Join us for the weekend. We'll see you soon. Bye. It's just like, dude. It's fine. It's fine. He'll join us when he gets back. Hey, I don't care. How many times can you tell someone this is when we do it. Conf, I don't care. How many times can you tell someone,

this is when we do it, this is when we do it. Confirm, confirm, confirm. I think just starting the show without him is the way to get him to learn how to do it. To be honest. Yeah. There's got to be some collateral. Like I was saying. Do we have podcasters for five years?

Four years? Well, I think to get back to what I was saying, I would date... I would rob the grave for sure if the guy was so old and senile that he would say things like, is that Grover Cleveland over there? Was it you?

I get it. Bring him to my friends and he sees one of my friends and he's like, a witch! is that Grover Cleveland over there? Was it you? I get, yeah. Bring him to my friends and he sees like one of my friends and he's like, a witch! It's so like old that everything he says is so stupid and funny. He starts tying a rock to your trans friend's leg to see if she'll float.

Trying to push him into the East River. Yeah. Salem witch trial husband. to your trans friend's leg to see if she'll float. They're trying to push him into the East River. Salem witch trial husband. I'm just with him for his money, guys. He's so funny. His dad invented steel. Invented steel. This is Bertram

steel I mean I think when it comes to that I mean I don't have any experience dating for money unfortunately I'm not really at that caliber you've got to be incredibly

incredibly hot as a gay man to date for money as a gay man I was a gay man. I've done it before. To date for money. As a gay man. Oh, as a gay man. Okay. Oh yeah, you have to be like top caliber. Stop shutting me down. Yeah. You've got to be so...

You've got to be a real heavy hitter. Because these bitches all want a rich guy. Or a really light hitter. a 90 pound twing i'm not going to the gym that much and i'm not really built to be a twink i'm too stout i'm too stocky so it's never happened to me but if i think about it i would jock just texted for the record i feel so fucking stupid indicated you have told him for the rest we always it's okay it's we don't have to talk about it the listeners don't want to hear about it

anyway i just i don't want to be vilified as a bully for this that's the only thing i'm saying um there we go there we go we got him high five pes. High five, Hessa. High five. Come on. We are vindicated. But I think there's a golden age, for example, when it comes to dating old guys because you want them to be senile.

You want them to be super, super old. Yeah. Because it's like they're not going to really want to fuck. They're like, Dad. I don't know. I'm done. It's cynical territory. You want them to be like, I had an affair with Ivor Novello in 1921.

Yeah. Oh my gosh. That's so cool. I tried to kiss Winston Churchill and he punched me in the face. You're so funny. I need to text him. What did he say? And then I'm putting my phone down.

We both have to put our phones down and focus on the show. He's like, see y'all been recording for 20 minutes? Yes, bitch. What else is there? Oh my god. This is not something that really pertains to Jock, so we should talk about it.

Bevy. Our favorite world-famous transvestigator. We've covered her twice in two videos. The queen. We've talked about her plenty, so I don't think we need to bring anyone up to speed on this. If not, truly go watch her Bevy videos. Yeah, go watch the two Bevy videos about her plenty. So I don't think we need to bring anyone up to speed on this. If not, go truly go watch her Bevy videos.

Yeah. Go watch the two Bevy videos with Ada. But she is the, um, the inventor of the Q angle. She is, um, one of the biggest purveyors of the finger length theory for,

um, clocking, clocking bitches, world famous clocker. Arguably it's all she does it's the only thing she does unless you're trans and then she does not she will not clock you within an interview life well she'll clock you as sis yeah exactly this is why and this is why she's my favorite trans investigator is because she really has a lot of interesting wrinkles into her theory and that she most primarily that she

believes all trans people, all famous trans people are in fact cis. But she recently tweeted I had fallen out of really dipping into Bevy content because we were so immersed in it for a while.

We were saturated with it. I think we broke Theta's brain with it a little bit i mean eventually once you adopt the the theory of mind once you understand you know where she's going with everything it does become a little bit one note not gonna lie um but once you get a break from it and you get to get back into it, you realize how just totally shot her brain is and how funny she is. But she did tweet recently that she had been, the tweet was just like, Oh great. I've been disinvited from all family events going forward.

And it's like, girl, what did you say? What did you say? Someone at the family gathering. She must have. Someone at the family gathering is like, I'm a Senate aide.

I'm an aide to like, you know, fucking, I don't know, who's a senator? Mitch McConnell or whatever. George Santos. I'm an to aid to George Santos. And she's like, you work in government? Now that you mention it, your Q angle when you walked in

here was a little... My chin's looking a little heavy. I'm noticing your eye-to-mouth ratio now that you're saying that. Very interesting. She's incredibly transphobic to all of her cis family members she just yeah clocks the way they walk say their eyes are too far apart

that means oh my god female skull or something but then there's one trans nephew or something she's really nice to yeah she's like i know i know your secret I know your secret. I know your secret. I know you really were born a man. I know. I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud of you. I'm so proud that you're going back to your birth gender. Look at this prammy Jason Momoa. I'm so proud of you.

Look at those tiny lady feet on Jason Momoa. Look at those pretty little p lady feet on Jason Momoa. Look at those pretty little piggies on Jason Momoa. They look like peeps. She's so fucking funny. I wonder if she's so cool. I wonder who she's been clocking recently. Let's go.

Let's check in. Let's find this hoe. Let's check in on Babby. It's all of them. It's go. Let's check in. Let's find this hoe. Let's check in on Bevy. It's all of them. It could be no other way. Oh, Chris Pine. Chris Pine. More like Christina Pine.

First one is Chris Pine. More like Chris Poon. More like Chris Poon. Nice. Nice. We should write. Bevy should let us write for her

we could blow this bitch up we if we managed bevy could you imagine we could get her gigs

just explaining doing powerpoints in like at come on everybody or something

this would be this would be my pitch to bevy we make her into one of those sidewalk TikTok creators, but we just have her with a microphone, speaker,

you know, she just clocks everyone walking by. Yes. Big feet. Big feet. Q angle. Female head. Oh, how's your giant male head even balancing on that neck

look at that tiny little neck on that man huge muscle gay walks by I can smell you menstruating bitch come here it'd be funny to meet Bevy and she's like the clockiest woman the clockiest

woman in the world well people people did docs us uh docs her to us um and she totally normal kind of like kind of crunchy seattle woman yeah i like they're like you really can't tell what people are thinking you cannot tell what people are thinking i know at all like if i saw bevy i would think like oh she's a bernie yeah you know which she was until let's see american musician travis barker recently had some naked photos of his linked on leaked online apparently they're about five years old. Travis Barker sent them to a fan he met on tour, assuming she'd never share them.

Lucky us, she leaked them. Check out Travis Barker's thick meat stick after the jump. Do you want to know who she's quoting there? This is a better quote. Mainstream media. It just says MSM

after that. Mainstream media. As just says MSM. After that. Mainstream media. As if Rachel Maddow is saying Ellen DeGeneres is saying look at the way his fat meat stick moves. Her anatomical terminology is so

crass. It's so anti-human. That's not something that the mainstream media would say. No's so anti-human. That's not something that the mainstream media would say. No normal person is saying that. It's like even the horniest gay guys, the most perverse people

on earth, they don't talk like this. The fat, my favorite is the thick flaps. Thick ropey labia. Ropey, that's the word. Ropey labia. Ropey, that's the word. Ropey labia is just so just like, god, you hate people. You hate

the human form so much. She's referencing Rapunzel because she let down her ropey labia. I climbed up the tower. After the dead leaves on the forest floor after whams onto the ground the dead leaves on the forest floor

about how Travis Barker's thick meat stick is being just propagandized in the mainstream media she says if you want to see Travis's fake penis you know how to enlarge these photos and then she just,

there's just all of these nudes of Travis Barker that of, of what I will say is a giant cock. And I guess there's something in here that are, it's supposed to be fake, but it's just like, checks out, Bevy. It looks like, it looks like a real, it looks like a big cock. Yeah. But it's just like checks out bevy it looks like it looks like a real it looks like a big cock yeah but it's she's so lost in her own world you know and then

she started doing she started doing this new this new segment of hers where if she sees a male celebrity sitting or like honestly this is how i this is what my brain was like at 16 just like trying to see bulge wherever i could like if a guy like sat down i was like wearing shorts and like you know what i mean just like constantly scanning the room to find like a terminator looking for the outline to find a guy in a compromising position so I could see like the outline of a cock yeah

that's what I was doing it's like an incredibly horny gay teenager and she's doing this as a world famous transvestitator she's she calls this bulge uh heat seeking bulge mission she calls it where's waldo she has all these pictures of men celebrity men like manspreading or whatever you know in graypants, right? And whenever there's this suspicious absence of bulge, she just says, where's Waldo?

Yes! Where's Waldo? A crotch picture of Travis Barkley. And I will say, where is Waldo? Yeah, not a lot of bulge there. There's there it is he's probably wearing it like 10 inches down on his waist though

probably swung up yeah what a freak you gotta love this lady I'll invite her to season 7 episode 21 Jesus Christ

from the vault oh and this is part of the Where's Waldo series she's doing it for Kramer we need to see Kramer's cock where's Kramer's cock writing letters where's Waldo

where is it Where is it? Where is it? She's... Oh my god. There's a little cartoon Inspector Clouseau with a little magnifying glass. I love this

crazy bitch. We should invite her to Thanksgiving with us. Me and you. That would slay. Me, you, we should invite her to thanksgiving with us me and you imagine no we are me you 500 dolls i'm inviting every trans woman i know she comes she's like wow what a beautiful what a beautiful party i'm finally finally with a bunch of cis women yes finally oh my god god no she would clean up in bushwick if she hosted a night or something yes bevy night at like come on everybody well it's it's this kind of transphobia that I feel like at the end of the day is just like so insane that it's harmless, if not even like productive for trans people. Because it's like, it makes transphobes look so fucking crazy.

It makes them look insane. It's so invested in other people's lives to the point where they're demanding to see kramer's cock seinfeld season 7 episode 21 it's so funny yo did you hear bevy's bevy's at happy fun right now let's go oh my god let's go oh my god if we could get a live show with bevy that would be truly good the dream could you imagine i kind of feel like she would do it maybe i don't know if you would i don't know if she would i don't think she's actually she's incredibly anonymized however you'd say that online she does not want anyone knowing her identity we can have her call it call it with like

a bag over her head she's too famous for us we'd be more it'd be a hard get yeah yeah it'd be a really hard get yeah um i wonder what she'd have to say about choice to music video did you see that oh yeah i loved it she kind of looks she tore she cut mitra's alone she ate she kind of had a too skinny she left too many crumbs honey um i think i mean it's this thing where everyone like just they just want to shit on someone. And I get it. Like Troye Sivan is kind of

maybe a little annoying or maybe doesn't represent you as a gay man perfectly. But it's just like shut up. Yeah. Who cares? I don't particularly like his music. I really like the new song

the new song is pretty funny because it's about wanting to fuck a straight guy oh my god yes oh my god guess who joined the chat you'll never guess he's fuming he's incredibly mad at us

for being late but I think he looks like we can't hear him He's incredibly mad at us for being late. He's so mad. But I think he looks like... We can't hear him. You got it, Jock. You just got to get set up right, honey. Am I here? Can you hear me? Yes.

Yes. Okay. Just so y'all know before... Yeah. Just before we go on any further... We're recording. We're being recorded. I'm going to kill y'all both.

Oh, I'm okay. Yes! Start recording locally, please. I heard you the first time, junkie. You can't be mad at us because you don't know how to read text messages. I'm just going to say that right now. I'm just going to say that part before we go any further. Just jerked his head forward so hard that his headband flew off.

Thanks for making it. Thank you, sweetie. We're talking about Tristan Bunn's new music video. Did you see the new music video, Jacques? It's retarded. It's stupid. What do you care about this faggot? Why are we giving this big stan of Israel any any nice words did you see his lame ass acting

in the idol he barely looked like he actually wanted to piss himself when he was getting tortured like he can't even be tortured right did not don't have no clue he can't even be tortured right no because like give me five minutes with him i'll show him how to be tortured rat I'll show him how to piss In the idol Tedros is abusing him And Torturing him And like

I didn't believe it You didn't believe it? I said I didn't believe it I think you're misreading the situation Completely said I didn't want to see him actually be tortured. I think you're misreading the situation completely. So you don't want to see him? You don't want to see him be tortured? Ben and Nehesa, I am a good human being. I only want to see you two tortured.

Oh, okay. Okay. Oh my God. Wait, y'all. Everyone listening, listen to this. I just came up with the best Halloween costume. Okay, what is it abu gray and then i'm the soldier and then ben and hesser are the terrorists it's such a great costume wow i will not be doing that costume with you i'm sorry yeah why not right now why not i'm not really it's a little offensive a little bit you know

not something i want to problematic it. Not something I want to... A little problematic. It's not something I want to do. I think that's easy enough. Okay, well, that's stupid. What Halloween costumes can we agree on as a group? That would be fair for us. I can be an outlet, Ben can be a plug,

and Jacques, you can be a toaster in a bathtub. Okay, I can be a toaster in a bathtub yeah okay I could be a special education teacher and you two could be my special education students as your special ed teacher

that's not gonna happen okay I'm just trying to think of a fair costume where I'm on top and you are two are at the bottom or something you could be a top and we could be bottoms? No. First of all, you don't have to act to be yourself. So you two are born again bottoms.

So that's not even a Halloween costume option. We're not dressing as bottoms the movie either. You don't like the movie? I haven't seen it. Why would I know anything about it? What are you expect? It's really good. Rachel, I want to see it.

Seriously, what are we going to dress as us three for Halloween? We can't be Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen. There's three of us. Jock, I think you could just hear me out here oh oh wait wait wait wait wait before you say your idea we can all dress as major religions i think if we got no i'm no no you cannot dress as muhammad for halloween jock no i did did i say no y'all i know where

you're taking that one you're putting religious duties in my mouth especially today of all days especially the worst day um but i think if we could get some blue body paint i would love us the blue man group. The blue man group? I'm thinking more Willy Wonka little girl kind of. I'm not going to be Veruca Saltz.

I'm not going to be Veruca from what kind of rich fat bitch do you take me for? I think her name is Violet, right? I don't know who Farouk Assault is. Yeah, who the hell is Farouk?

Is that a punk band? I have no clue. You probably just dox a friend of yours. Dox a friend of Fat Friend who's blue. Oh, y'all, I'm so sorry. That's my fat friend. Oh, Farouk is going to be so mad. Oh, Farouk is so pissed off, y'all.

Farouk, I'm sorry. Y'all, this is a free episode. You confused with a blueberry girl. I'm so sorry, Farouk. I'm looking up Farouk's fault. Are you thinking of Feruza Balk Jacques oh yeah that's the actress

completely wrong Baruch Assault is a rock band oh what is going on in your head what's going on in my head is I'm like what I'm like trying to figure out what we would be best as

Halloween costumes to watch I'm not going to drop it so don't try to distract me with your little secret subliminal words and it has to stop blinking at me in rhythm we've still got wait a second no it is from Charlie it is from Willy Wonka

really? wait what's the little fat german boy's name ben oh it's the rich girl from willy wonka yeah whoa oh um gustav's been humorous augustus gloop jock i think you could make an amazing augustus gloop you could be a glute, so I just found out. If you go as... Augustus Poop and you eat poop instead of chocolate. Listen, hear me out. Please don't interrupt me. If you go as Augustus Gloop,

I would be willing to go as Oompa Loompa. And I'll be Willy Wonka, Timothy Chalamet, Willy Wonka. No! That's the costume. I'm matching you with chocolate smeared on your mouth. Little German boy overalls.

You have a big lollipop. I wish one of y'all was black so that we could go as clueless. I wish one of us was black too. It would make our jobs a lot easier. No, so that one of us could go as Dion from Clueless and then one of us could a black two. It would make our jobs a lot easier. No, because so that one of us could go as Dion from

Clueless, and then one of us could go from Cher as Clueless, and then one of us could go as Ty from Clueless. We should go as people from Clue instead. You think I want to be Madame Mustard in the butterfly room with the

candlestick? No, bitch. That is the lamest shit. You're being darn evitating me seriously. Speaking of... No. Speaking of if one of us was black, we should talk about... We should talk about that.

We should talk about that. We should talk about that for a really long time. We should talk about Bobby Altaf who's made a career out of being awkward around black people. I hate that bitch's videos. I don't have any issue with like, you know, people are like, oh, her only joke is that she's awkward around black people. I'm like, yeah, personally, I think it's incredibly funny when white people are awkward around black people. I think that's very,

very funny when it happens in the wild, you know, but when it's this kind of like very, it's like a persona, it just doesn't really. I don't get it. It's, it's like,

I like when people do bad interviews that are like funny and, but like those interviews are are just hard to watch. Whoever's getting interviewed, like Drake, or the Drake one is the last one I watched. Why don't we ever interview Drake also? Side note. Yeah, that's a good question.

Why does she get to interview Drake and we can't? That's a really reasonable ask. Maybe you can get in contact with his people, Chuck. We would be doing him a favor right now. Anything to distract from that god-awful album.

He's like, I must be bisexual. No, it's so bad. He's like, I must be bisexual because you're one of the guys, girl. He's pretty corny. Yes. But she's just like, her

shtick, yeah, it's not very funny to me. She interviewed Maluma recently. And it's just, again, it's very like Maluma. He's a Colombian singer, rapper. He's really corny.

He's one of those people who are like super, super hot, but like no sexiness because they're too like pristine, you know? Yeah. Speaking of my opinion. Speaking of Latino superstars, did y'all see that J Bal baldwin um and britney spears got dinner last night together jay baldwin baldwin fun when baldwin balvin jog baldwin i did not say ball is it ball yes you did stop stop screaming stop screaming stop screaming don't tell me what to do to the mic

it makes the entire show so hard to edit you've got to stop people in the comments are begging you to stop so i read the comments all the time no one has begged me to stop anything yes they literally are i'm not going to get into that right now but it makes it very hard to show when you lean into your yeti mic and scream. Okay? You cannot do that. Please don't. But no, she interviewed Scarlett Johansson recently

and like, Jock, stop. It's not funny. You're making more work for the entire show. You're making more work for the entire show. You're making more work for everyone but yourself. Focus on the podcast, Ben. Shut up. I will kick you off of the call.

I will literally kick off the call right now. Quiet mode. Come on. We're trying to hear a story. So she interviewed Scarlett Johansson. And she dropped the shtick, apparently. You know? And people were like, well, of course she isn't being something awkward anymore.

She's not being racist anymore and it's like in the interview the clip that I saw with Scarlett Johansson she's a little bit more she's got a little more personality to her but she's talking with Scarlett Johansson about how she's got like flyaways and then she grabs some

she's like can I fix your hair yes and she's like can I fix your hair and then she starts she like cleans up Scarlett Johansson's hair and Scarlett yes and she's like can I fix your hair and then she starts she like cleans up Scarlett Jo's hair and Scarlett Jo's like well thank you so much I really appreciate that and Bobby's like yeah you had a lot of flyaways Scarlett Jo's like yeah thank you so much do I still have any more

she's like yeah you still got some and I'm like guys like this is like white women curb stomping each other this is like gladiator this is the end of gladiator like white women curb stomping each other. This is like Gladiator. This is the end of Gladiator for white women. This is like they were literally hitting each other

over the head with folding chairs with that exchange. It was crazy. It was pitched combat. I wish I could have been there. Yeah, for sure. That's a war I wouldn't be mind... That's a war I wouldn't be mind being drafted in.

The Great Chair War. The White Woman War. Yeah, the Great White Woman War. I would love to fight in that war. I'd be a commanding officer for the White Woman Wars. We're serving for Bernadette's ghost. We're throwing this one up for Bernadette's ghost. Yeah, Bernadette. Team Bernadette's ghost we're throwing this one up for Bernadette's ghost

yeah Bernadette team Bernadette she's so dead she's alive I invented her and I took her out of this world she's alive I can't wait till we we have to figure out who

we're having when we join the white women's chair good god who we're having when we join the white women chair god god maybe this show only works with two people shut up bitch fuck you get your fucking head out your ass you

I didn't say without jock shut the fuck up bitch you know exactly what you're saying for no reason did you see the video of the oyster lady? No, you're not. Yes, I am. I did not see a video of an oyster lady. What are you talking about?

I sent you the show. Watch it. Oh my God. Can't watch a TikTok. I'm sorry. You too. But I do have some other things going on in my life I was at a dubstep

show last night only like monk like devotion to this show nothing else happening in our own lives we sit and stare at the wall something else going on in my life I was at a dubstep show good lord how much money

i couldn't watch a one minute a one minute shut up look y'all to be fair i was confused because i thought that they said that we were doing 3 p.m est not 2 p.m est and then i swear to god ben was like it's 2 p.m your time by the way just because it's you swear to god, Ben was like, it's 2 p.m. your time, by the way. Just because it's you swear to God doesn't make it fact. Just because it's a memory you have doesn't mean that it's real or what happened. Or it does. It does!

No, it doesn't. It's not how it works. You don't have to judge me. It's a strange reality. No, I love you. I love you. But it's like, do you get it together yeah of course i do love you um what else were you going to talk about today oh jock well since you couldn't watch the one minute tiktok i gave you to have for a topic today i can just explain it to you so there's this woman who in atlanta goes on a date um and it's all shot from her point of view and she's standing at the table and proceeds to

eat 48 oysters potato gratin um like macaroni and cheese and guess her drink of choice it's very much atlanta tiktok tomato juice nope what no she has a glass of milk lemon no no sorry i should have understood i should have never mind um she has a bunch of it was a milkshake lemon lemon drops which is like the sweet drink terrible yeah like for those it's like that was the horrible thing i'll be completely honest anyways at the end of it she gets the guy skips out on the bill yeah he's there with the bill she's like my date left went to the bathroom like 20 minutes ago she's like fuck you he's like you ordered 48 oysters and two entrees i'm not i for this. I offered to buy you drinks. You got 48 oysters in two entrees.

Oh, I love that move. So what do you think? What do you think, Jacques, as someone who... The man's in the wrong. Okay. Yes. And what do I think

in every situation? What do you think about the etiquette of this situation? Women don't pay. Men don't... Men pay. It's very simple.

I've read the bible several times no limit no limit what do you what do you think this is fucking the great depression we're not arguing i'm just trying to get a take out you don't want to treat your woman good i just don't understand yeah why don't you want to treat your woman good you don't think yeah well i guess it's a fag in your case so if you meet like a nice hot fag in your case and it's treating you well and whatnot, you don't want to buy him. I'm asking a hypothetical question.

Sometimes you do talk like a straight, very much like a straight person, the bisexual jumps out. So what, you don't meet a nice hot fag? You want to have gay sex with? You would pay for her meal. Yeah, of course. She gets 48 oysters.

Do you know a sense of tradition? Do you have any traditions? It was Jacques. I am just asking a hypothetical question. Okay. Jacques was the person who went with her. Honestly, I think the biggest mistake you make in life,

one of the biggest mistakes you can make in life in general is paying for people's meals who don't deserve it. So you just don't put yourself in a situation where you would end up having to purchase 48 oysters. So you're saying you filter out the women and you can tell what kind of bitch is going to order too much. Oh, now women have to filter themselves to be around you, a man. That's offensive.

I don't think you understand the conversation. I think 40, thank you, it's really amazing when there's a wall, there's a very low ceiling to every conversation on the podcast. It's so amazing.

It's like, again and again and again no actual conversation men should pay for women i just don't know if you have that kind of respect for people to do people were shitting on her not even for like ordering they were like yeah it's too much but like every every single thing i saw someone say, it was just like, bitch, how can you eat 48 oysters? That's not a lot. It's not that. I mean, oysters, they're a delicacy, meaning you should only have them. Again, hypothetically, I'm speaking theoretically here. This is not an opinion I personally have.

But it's supposed to be like you have them in small amounts right you're not just go fucking crazy on oysters i would i would eat 48 of them i've had 24 i've done 24 or 36 in multiple sittings never 48 that's a little bit pushing 40 it's crazy but i could hit 20 or so what if all 48 were in one big ball and you had to eat it in one bite? Oh, that's disgusting. I feel like this woman would have diarrhea during sex.

What if they were fed into a baseball machine and your mouth was open? Like a pitching machine. You had to hold your mouth open like a seal at SeaWorld. Yeah. And they shoot out at 100 miles an hour.

Jock is so trained to act like a seal he started clapping. I clap with my feet when I'm excited already. I would slay at that. Really alarming. But I really did think the movie Tusk was frightening so I really wouldn't want to become a zoo animal yeah that's a good point you had to you never saw you never saw that

i've seen tusk if you had to yeah i saw tusk if you had to become a zoo animal which one would you pick jock why are you trying to turn me into a zoo animal you fucking piece of shit again put it yeah come, what do you think? What kind of animal? I said a lion or a tiger, but maybe a monk. Imagine a jock lion. That's so scary. The king of the jungle.

Your self-perception is so funny. Why can't I be the king of the jungle? You'd be a monkey for sure. I think lions are in the savannah, first of all. You'd be a hyena, maybe. As the phrase goes. Picture Jacques Raff.

A giraffe, but it's Jacques. Oh, God. Y'all are disgusting. God. No wonder you wouldn't buy a woman for eight oysters. You don't even respect animals. Why would you respect women? I feel like that's

an offensive comparison to draw. Anything. No, it's not offensive. All humans are animals. That's true. We're part of the animal kingdom. Okay, well, first of all, I'm not part of any kingdom. I'm shocked. Okay, so don't tell me what I'm a part of.

I'm part of the queen dome. Oh, yeah. me what i'm a part of it okay the second oh yeah hanny i slay i'm part of the queendom boots the house down mamas the queen it's a little much okay um you're a little much but um what i'm trying to say right now is women should not be compared to animals but they should be compared to zoo animals. Oh, okay. That makes perfect sense. Compared to animals in cages. This is a man who will let you rack up a bill

on a date, but you've got to put up with this. Would be compared to a zoo animal. Look, look, look, look. You don't have to put up. You have to put out. You also have to have sex with him. Oh, it's also contract look. You don't have to put up. You have to put out. You also have to have sex with him. Oh, it's also contractual.

Of course. You buy the meal. It's not contractual that you owe sex. But if, I mean, I expect... Do animals have to sign themselves? Do they have to sign a contract to be in the zoo? Like getting a psych hold? Like a showbiz?

Yeah. Sign themselves in. i can't do it anymore 72 hour hold a giraffe going into the zoo oh that's all the all the giraffes are dead in new orleans all the giraffes have died at the ottomanon Zoo in New Orleans why? I don't know I didn't kill them a mysterious assailant keeps going cutting their heads off I'm not mysterious and I'm not an assailant

Jock walk here on New Orleans in a full giraffe outfit someone's trying to make a giraffe coat what the hell going on in the zoo what the fuck? Disgusting, disgusting, smelly giraffe coat. Yeah, you know

there's still bits of flesh on it if Jock made it. Y'all, what is going... Who is hurting these giraffes at the zoo? I would be... God's beautiful creatures being slaughtered from... I would

never harm an animal except eating a rack of ribs so that's the first thing what about a rotisserie chicken chickens aren't animals are they yeah chickens I'll say are the least important

closer to bugs sorry no it's true be nice are the least important. Are closer to bugs. Sorry. That is true. Be nice. I think chickens are beautiful creatures. Yeah, I still think they're beautiful. I'm not protecting chickens from slaughterhouses. Or kind of the most maligned animal,

I'd say. They are really... They are treated like bugs. No culture really reveres. There's cultures that revere cows cultures that kind of won't eat well the cultures that won't eat pigs do it because they're not clean not because they're

like look chickens have never got a fair rap yeah chickens people will eat chickens always oh yeah in fact I would definitely choose pork over chicken, though. It's because they're kind of dumb. And the chickens, they're annoying.

They're like really annoying animals to have. Yeah. They're like the women of animals. Chicken is the women of animals. I'm kidding. John Wooden. That's a Yoko Ono quote. A woman is the chicken of the world.

Yeah, that's a Yoko Ono quote. A woman is the chicken of the world. Sorry, Jock. It's okay. I forgive you. I forgive you. Shut up. I forgive both

of y'all for everything that y'all have done to me for everything. You should be the one apologizing to us for not being prepared, not knowing how to read text messages and showing up 40 minutes late and screaming. No, that's all besides the point because it comes with a really heavy heart that I would like to announce to everyone

that Ben and Hessa are the sucker MCs of the week we did one before you came on you're actually the one you're shocked did you invent the bit you didn't invent the bit

I said invent the bit you're trying to steal the bit trying to co- bit. No, no, no. Trying to steal it. Trying to co-opt it. No, no, no. Stealing from women. Stealing from women. Stealing from women.

We already declared you MC Suck of the Week. So. No. Suck MC of the Week, I should say. Sorry. No, no, sorry.

Can't be undone. Hey, it can't be undone. Law about the MC Sucker of the Week states. Back into the tube. I can't. You just don't try. just don't try I've done it plenty of times shut the fuck up I'm disgusted by mint

if you really knew me you'd know it I would not eat toothpaste and gum especially I would not kill myself I would not kill myself the ginseng gum a guy that I'm not friends with anymore

had an autistic younger brother who would eat toothpaste. And we made up a really 10 seconds long song about eating toothpaste. Anyways, I confronted the brother about this and that's why we're not friends anymore.

Are you ready? Please don't scream into the mic. I can see you're gearing up to scream. Can you stay where you are? If I catch my brother eating toothpaste, I tell him, hey, don't eat the toothpaste. It's a lesson we learn. As a family, we churn and we grow to love

each other. Okay, churn is kind of forced in there, but other than that... Well, they make butter. They make butter. They're a family. They do not make butter. It's Cajun specialty

butter. I want to say the last name so bad. Don't. Why? Why do you want to say the last name? It's so crazy. So they can be famous and their butter sales can go up.

I don't know if that's how it works. But yeah. Regardless, I'm very frightened for the boy and him eating a lot of toothpaste because it disgusts me so much. Do you just not brush your teeth then? No, I brush my fucking teeth, you Nazi.

Jesus Christ. You kiss your mother with that mouth? You sicko? Totally proportional response. Check this out. This is toothpaste right here. It is crest. Why do you have a box of toothpaste ready to go right next to you?

Why are you even recording right now? This is my toothbrush. What were you doing? Wait, Jock, Jock, I want the backstory. What were you doing that was more important than being on here on time? And who did you yell at to get you home? I didn't yell at i didn't yell at anyone what happened so that's the first thing what happened please i thought

that we were recording at 2 p.m which is it's 2 p 207 right now so i had plenty of time it was 106 when you called and i was at um which i got no second calls, no text messages. It's not my job to call you 17 times, so you're here on time. Close your little terrorist mouth for a second. So anyway, I was at the thrift store purchasing a new suit. For a special occasion? No, just like this store has really cheap suits and the woman who's working... Oh my gosh, that could be your name.

Special O'Cajun. Period. First name special, last name O'Cajun. He doesn't like that. Special O'Cajun. He's not liking that one at all. It's pretty good. He's mad.

Keep going. Episode title, Special O'Cajun. it's pretty good he's mad keep going keep going keep going episode title special so anyway i was at this thrift store called a hand up thrift in lafayette traditionally an incredible thrift store although it has fallen a little bit behind of its usualness anyway i'm able to there's this one woman who like kind of flirts with me who works there but um and I just talk to her and she always gives me a deal and throughout the process of talking to her I'll ask her what the price is for everything and she'll just go lower

and lower and lower every time I ask her what the price of an object is and then she'll end up not charging me for anything like a strange video game mechanic in an old video game I just got eight shirts, a full suit. No, no. Eight shirts

and a brand new suit and two mugs and six VHS tape and two button-down shirts. What VHS tapes did you get? Oh, this is a good one. Y'all are in for a treat so yo time for the haul video okay time for the haul video we got a really special okay first off my friends have never seen fried green tomatoes kathy bates

best movie mary louise's parker's best movie have you seen it before no oh my god y'all you've never seen it ben my god y'all are stupid you should kill her this is i'm really come on okay and then and then it's incredibly exhausting it's not exhausting y'all so just get used to me it's been years you've known me for a long time so anyway we got this other mary louise parker boys the Side. This is one of the greatest movies I've ever... You're getting a little girl movie. No, this is not little girl. No, no. This is not a little girl movie. Drew Barrymore

kills her abusive... Read the description. Drew Barrymore kills her abusive boyfriend. Mary Louise Parker has AIDS. And Queen... Queen Latifah. No, stop! I did not just say... No, that's Whoopi Goldberg you racist yeah Ben

why'd you say queen I just was thinking about it but Queen Latifah stop okay anyway so stop Stop

Whoopi Goldberg's a lesbian in the movie let's just start i got arthur arthur arthur arthur from the 70s with dudley moore and uh no shut the hell up you fucking faggot read the names of the people in it this is Dudley Moore and Lysa Minnelli and John Gielud Gielud Gielud oh my god okay and then

finally the most disturbing of my movie choices and this is a present for my godson it is a present for my godson um it is it is uh we see a siberian movie look at serbian film look how scary look how scary okay for the people at home this looks like um that ai generating guy this looks like something he would make um basically this girl wishes she had friends and then magical animals start coming out of her window creatures that are on the cover appear

yes but my siblings in the early 80s watched this growing up and then i ended up with their tapes and this is i just saw it today. I was like, this is insane. Okay. So is that the only ones you got? Yeah. You said you got six. Oh, I thought I had more. Okay. Okay, I got this.

What were you, who were you with? And what were you, because you were with someone. I was with Katie Logan's girlfriend what did you say to her be honest I said hey can we please go back to your house

it's I have to record now and she said yeah absolutely no problem and she drove me back why are you reasonable with other people but i know i know i'm so i'm literally so reasonable with dog i don't even know why yes i'm so fair and nice and kind thing you said when you got on the call was kill yourself you don't understand i think you i think you misunderstood i said for no reason especially

when you're the one who causes the problem. Okay, no, that's not even the truth. Let me tell y'all something. I didn't say kill yourselves. I said kill your egos so that we can live in a state of tranquility. Oh, that explains it. I think you just misunderstood something.

I'm really sorry. That's not what I said. Roll the tape back. I Oh, that explains it. I think you just misunderstood something. I'm really sorry. That's not what I said, but you can roll the tape back. I mean, it's recorded. Either way, it just doesn't really seem to... What would have been nice was I'm sorry. It was my fault.

Guys, I'm so sorry that I misunderstood the time this once clip clip clip you fool what does clip mean I don't know that's literally

that's a Dorinda Medley quote but clearly you two rushed it Dorinda Medley who is Dorinda Medley medley of dorinda's whatever you know who i'm talking about don't you dare medley y'all i'm sick of these dorinda's up in here i don't know i'm googling her last name right now jock you know i can tell when you are just staring at your phone right you're what does that? What does that say? What does that say? What does that say?

What does that fucking say? Read it out loud. Is this the lady with one leg from Housewives of New York? No. That is literally Evita. Everything is such a personal assault. Did you drink a bottle of grain alcohol

before getting on the meeting? Child. Okay. With that guys, thank you all for listening. Um, you can, we're done.

I have so much more to say. We're done. Sorry. Should have been on time. You can find a bonus episode of seeking derangements, uh, at patrion.com slash seeking derangements. Um,

and we'll be back next week yeah until then thank you for joining bye thank you bye everyone have a wonderful day it was so good to hear from you alright bye guys. The Thank you. Hello, my friend

How are you?