Seeking Derangements - SD 262 - John Hinckely Jr. WHO??

Episode Date: October 22, 2023

Jacques reveals his new and improved self, we talk about the slay nerd who tried to assassinate the queen bc his AI girlfriend told him to, and we take your calls! Subscribe to our patreon for weekly bonus episodes! Patreon.com/seekingderangements

Good evening. By the way, I'm recording, so if you talk too loud, I'll be on the record. If you talk too loud, I'll be on the record. I'm recording. Whisper. Thank you. Hello Hello everyone and welcome to Seeking Derangements. We have a new... Here with Jock and Hessa as usual. Hello. How are we doing today guys? I'm maximum.

I'm good. I'm... They're doing construction next door to my apartment. So I have to be... I'm... I'm They're doing construction Next door to my apartment So I have to be I'm I'm in I'm in exile right now Hmm

I'm sleeping in a asylum A.K.A. your friend's apartment Yeah I'm at Amber's apartment In the In the loft area Laying on the floor I'm in I'm on a

Friend's Dog farm In rural Louisiana Um Saw a dog last night Past I'm on a friend's dog farm in rural Louisiana. I saw a dog last night pass. I have not. Thank you very much. The golf cart is actually

no longer on the property and the dog did not die for the record. Well, thank God they removed the instrument of death. The dog hit the golf cart. The golf cart to not so yeah that that makes sense that makes so much sense that's like you're trying to accuse the dog of being a kamikaze dog you fucking idiot if you want to hit the dog just admit it i think the listeners out there deserve i didn't want to hit the dog the dog hit the cart the dog

ben hit so many dogs with the golf cart that they took it off the property when he literally it was on the golf cart hey look Hessa only I was there and the dog was there neither of you were there and none of you know what happened it's my word against the dogs and dogs can't speak so that's true I guess

Ben showed up Ben showed up at my house last night ben showed up at my house last night around 11 30 and he was like i'm ready to party let's go out we need to go to bar right now and he made me get dressed immediately and but i got to dress him he wore it on one of my shirts and my friend wore my jumpsuit and you made me change my clothes to leave the house with you well i didn't want to i didn't want to be associated in the outfit that he was wearing and i'm in a white t-shirt with black pants i'm in an incredibly normal outfit i'm having a new and ben contest

yeah ben contest white shirt why are you wearing a white shirt white because of cocaine well i think that yeah funny you said crackhead yeah i think that word is offensive hessa but i can explain why in a little bit i did you notice that there's something new about me i'm yeah do you notice that there's something new about me hessa no well i'm gonna fill you in your name is bingus bongus now well okay that's yes that's very different than me changing it from lady dog okay that was that was a private joke but I guess you're gonna expose me to the people please don't say that in public please don't say that

out loud okay so anyway bongus why stop Hessa it's a private joke I'm telling you right now no screaming no screaming I'm putting my foot down yes thank you okay um so um i'm gonna be really zen now hassa and i've entered a new mindset a new dietary lifestyle with a new supplement where i am

jock last night when i when i showed up he told me ben i'm so sorry for everything i've done and put you through i'm now gonna be nice jock i'm normal jock and um fewer words have ever scared me more but um he has he i'm telling you it's gonna be kind of shocking but he has been in the past four or five days markedly more agreeable way more go with the flow much nicer um until we start recording and then he starts cursing at me but he has been in person much much nicer he gave me a hug i only sat on him once last night he sat on me last night but i showed up at his house last night and i looked through the window of his front door and he was sitting on the ground on a blanket in a kind of like reverse Winnie the Pooh outfit. And by that, I mean he was just wearing red shorts and literally nothing else. And he was he was painting very serenely and he was like oh hi man i'm so

happy to see you i missed you which is like it was kind of shocking for there to be such a nice greeting and then i find out that evil jock is gone evil jock is no more nice jock is here to stay and he tells me why well there's two reasons there's one i i yeah i went to see the frost children live and it was the best show of my life and it changed my life forever and i'm happy forever now so that's that's one upgrade but um then you can say that you can say the real reason. But Hessa, don't, please don't judge. Well, I'll let you. It's your narrative. Can you not judge me, Hessa?

I will tell you that I was shocked. I won't judge you. I promise. I won't judge you. I swear. I was truly shocked. I did not believe you at first. I quit smoking dabs,

and instead of smoking dabs, I replaced it with something else. Oh my God. He's smoking crack. I guess that's what it is. I'm not joking. Can you see what this is hessa that is a crack rock i'm smoking rock but it's where it's really working for me like do i look skinnier it's just eyes but it's like i was like duck show me this because he's like ben i got

something to tell you i'm smoking rock now but it's making me a lot better. Hessa, don't you agree that I'm nicer now? And I'm not all spaced out from the dabs now. I think it's a change. You have to witness it. Rock makes me really focused, Hessa.

Is this real? Hessa, Hessa. I'm doing it I'm doing it in a really good way it's so bad you know I thought I thought it was really bad and I

still am begging you to stop smoking crack it's very bad do not smoke crack right now Jacques it's just a little bit I did it on the past. He did it to me last night. And I was normal after.

He was normal after. That's so. I'm normaler now, Hessa. Wouldn't you rather this? No, I don't want you damaging your health by. Well, hey, Dab's been doing it for a while. Smoking is dangerous. Well, yeah, the Dabs were really bad also.

And the stress and the paranoia that Dabs caused him. This is such a twist. I know. But it kind of makes sense that Crackhead Jock is actually way more chill and cogent. And like... I don't understand. It doesn't make sense to me.

I mean, did you see what was... That bag was... I don't know. That was crack. That was actually crack. Using the same stuff that I was using for dabbing, so... I'm saving the environment.

Oh my god. He's doing it for the environment. But look'm normal look how focused i am a b c d e f g h i j k l m and a p q r s t u v w x y r z he could not you're the only one i'm not kidding you asked. He could not have done that a week ago. That's so incredible. Whoa. I know. Look, I mean, at some point, Chuck, I think. I'm skinnier, right, Hessa? Ben said I was definitely lost at least like 15, 20 pounds.

I don't know. Until you sat on me. It's hard to tell over the camera. It kind of. Look, it's like when people are like, the camera has 10 pounds of... Is that how low you think of me? When you shit on someone, it adds about 30. Yeah, is that how low you think of me? No, it's just hard to tell on the camera. But I guess I'll think of her for it.

She can't tell. See, I see old jock creeping back in here. She's saying something very rational in that she can't tell. And now you're mad at her. Yeah, of course I'm fucking mad at this bitch. All of a sudden she's fucking changing on changing on me old jock is coming back old jock's coming back he's lashing out for something that's totally reasonable

we have to kill the old jock in your head i'm not committing ego death it's dr Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jacques. Now. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jekyll. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Jekyll. Okay, I can't. It's actually kind of getting scarier, but before, I mean, let's go on to something else. I really can't talk about this anymore. Okay, in good conscience, I cannot longer

let this stand like this. Hessa, you've been fucking pranked. You're the sucker MC of the week. This is dabs, you fucking idiot bitch. This is not crack. I can't believe you're ready to accept me as a crackhead. You think so little of me? What are you fucking?

And then you didn't even say I was skinnier. You want Zen, Jock? And then now this? Okay, see, the thing is, Hessa, I genuinely thought you were smoking crack. You're in for a surprise, little miss turned off camera. Jock, shh. Because. Pranked. okay see the thing is Hessa I genuinely thought you were smoking crack because because be quiet because

when he did this to me he showed me the bag and there is I'm not even getting a giant clear rock that is odorless in this bag it looks like a crack rock he held it up to the camera for everyone at home. The thing is, it smells like nothing.

And then he smoked it and it smelled like nothing. When I saw that it smelled like nothing, I was like, oh my God, there's no way this can be weed. There's no way this can be a derivative of marijuana because there's no

smell on it. But it is some kind of super diluted, very strong weed. So again, I said it earlier, but I kind of would rather have Jock smoke crack than whatever the fuck he's doing. Government dabs. That was so scary. That was so scary. kind of would rather have jock smoke crack than whatever the fuck he's doing government government that was so scary that was so scary yeah you didn't you didn't give a shit i can't believe you were ready to accept that that's what i'm mad about i thought we were friends now i know now i know the real intentions turn your camera so i can see that so I can see the cowardly look in your eyes. I was just shocked. You're just such a...

No, she does not care at all. You're the MC Sucker of the Week, and Hessa, I bestow you this dumbass title. I'm the Sucker MC of the Week, like, 30... Yeah, it's not very funny when it just happens the same way. You know what that should tell you? You have to pick a new one each time. You know what that should tell you, Hessa?

You should switch it up a little bit, Mr. Josh. Maybe you should switch it up a little bit. It tells Hessa she should change her behavior from now on. If she doesn't want to constantly be called the MC Sucker of the week. I mean, that's very simple. For the record, Jock, for the record last night,

Jock did say Nice Jock was back. And I thought Nice Jock was back until we started recording. And he's kind of slowly, I see old Jock leeching back in evil jock slowly creeping back in the old jock is you're kind of yelling

at Hessa and calling her a fucking bitch for kind of a reason okay I was just kidding Hessa and you know I love you and it was just a joke from my heart to yours and Ben don't try to twist my words me and hessa have been best friends for a long time god now you're yelling at me yeah we've known each other for so

long we've known each other for years under different alias probably in other lives yeah in other lives yeah in other lives dr jackal and mr hyde that's funny that's so funny because my my family used to call me jackal i used to be my family i wonder why um jackal and mr well dr jackal is the nice one dr jackal dr jackal he's gonna give you a meningitis shot but the thing i'm telling you, the thing about Nightshock is true. He was very serene and agreeable last night.

I'm intent on being serene. It was a blissful moment of my life when Jock is behaving that way. I truly treasure those moments. If you know me personally, this is a time to capitalize on the generosity and kindness of me while it's going on, because God only knows

how long. But I'm actually devout on being a little bit more agreeable and fighting with people less. I'm going to audience, audience, we are going to hold this really quick audience. You heard that. Please help us hold Jock to be devoutly normal. Hold this really quick, audience. You heard that. Please help us hold Jock to being devoutly normal.

I'm also started. And the screaming, which Jock has pledged to stop. And I also started the side therapy for borderline personality disorder treatment. Serious. We're so proud of you. You're going to be so agreeable and nice now. They're going to lobotomize this sodomized brain of mine.

Well, I don't know. Let's think about it like an improvement, you know, less of a lobotomy. Very negative way to think about therapy. They're going to replace the missing globe. Yes, replace the missing globe. Replace the missing globe.

Don't. I have also never been in therapy personally, so I don't know. Anyways, let's get to... He's never been in therapy at all. That show checked out. Look at his face. He's got no therapy

written all over it. What does that mean? look at his face he's got no therapy what does it what does that mean do you care to explain it look at its face no i'm just curious what you mean i'm genuinely curious but what by what you mean by my face has no therapy written on it like i think it's your glasses they look like therapist's glasses kind of of. Oh, God, I forgot the glasses. They're chock-off. I forgot about that. Jack gets mad when he sees the glasses. I mean, to be completely honest with you, I totally understand hating glasses.

I hate when someone wears glasses and... What about me? Well, not you, really. Well, they're condescending they are glasses are condescending and if you're gonna say something to me if you're gonna say something to me like the word actually or um or sir please stop as someone who if you're gonna do that and have glasses on at least take them off if you're gonna be a bitch okay that's all i've got to say about that um let's get to today's episode while jock

smokes his crack which i'm sure you can hear the torch ripping flames coming off of his giant no i'm actually now directly into now... It was an accident on my audio technician team. He's literally going to light it up right now. I'm not lighting up my mic. I'm not off the crack. You twisted bitch. I'm sorry.

Nice jock. Nice jock. Quickly returns. Quickly returns. It's going to be so fun to be able to gaslight jock with uh the one time he said he was pledging to be normal good lord um well i mean there's a lot going out uh going on in the world today and this week. It's been

incredibly depressing. And we're not talking about trans rights. Are we? No. Do you want to take it away? No. No, I mean, we're not really gonna... What? I was accusing you of not being

transphobic. No, I'm not transphobic but we're not really gonna get into it any more than we already have more I mean I would just encourage anyone to like go out and march rally for Palestine donate

and it is like it's something that I've noticed that I mean like you should be calling like senators doing what you can there's this weird phenomenon with a lot of people i think it's i think it's isolated generally but i get this sense from people that they're like they're very through some kind of like um very weird sense of self-awareness and like because of like online narratives they think that they'd call all this like virtue signaling which is very strange to me i don't even feel the need to qualify i actually don't even want to go there um let's get to let's get to a few other things in the news um did you guys see the

the man this happened like a week ago um but it made me laugh and i just saw it um man encouraged by ai chatbot girlfriend to kill queen elizabeth the II receives his jail sentence. Yes! Oh no! John Hinkley Jr. Whoa, bitch! We need Washington Phoenix to play this guy. Yeah, so amazing. The man told an artificial intelligent AI chatbot that his purpose was to kill Queen Elizabeth

to which it responded that's very wise. We've got an article here. I can read through it for you guys. that's very wise i've got an article here i can read through it for you guys this happened uh two weeks ago i don't know which chatbot he was using maybe they'll tell us um but it starts like this a star wars fanatic who was encouraged by a chatbot quote unquote girlfriend to assassinate british monarch queen elizabeth ii was sentenced to nine years in prison on thursday he had he had scaled the walls of the windsor castle on christmas day 2021 where he was caught with a loaded crossbow i'm here to kill the queen he said wearing a metal wearing a metal

mask inspired by the dark force in the science fiction fantasy franchise. When a police officer on the grounds of the castle asks, can I help, mate? Can I help, mate? I'm here to kill the queen. With a crossbow. This guy is based. First of all, if someone asks you, can I help, mate? You could say, yeah, can you let me in i i'm the exterminator

i'm here to kill a rat or something you know it seems like he was asking to be caught by revealing his mission his sacred holy quest i feel like i've yeah do you do you understand the star wars tie in here i'm not i don't what is it dark I don't know. Metal mask inspired by the dark force. What is the dark? I've never seen star Wars before. I think that's a franchise of video games. I thought, I don't know. Maybe I'm wrong.

Anyways, it's, it's just, it's so funny to imagine the queen being star Wars. Dark forces is a video game. Okay. Thanks. Shock. Okay. Okay. Interesting. imagine the queen being star wars dark forces is a video game okay thanks shock okay okay interesting the guy um that's so medieval i know scaling windsor castle with a crossbow is nuts it's it sounds like he made it pretty far it's pretty deep in yeah yeah um he's a he's a he's a sikh indian um i don't i think his last name is pronounced chile chale um chale wanted to kill the monarch to avenge the 1919 uh a 1919 massacre when british troops opened fire on thousands of indians gathered in uh province

there um they killed hundreds a judge said reciting the facts of the crime. They must have gotten all of this through reading his correspondence with the chatbot. The AI chatbot. Yeah, his AI girlfriend. Actually, that's so cool. This guy is an incredible

full support for this guy. Yeah, I mean, it's amazing. He said the assassination was his life's mission something he thought about since adolescence but it only shared with uh sarai the artificial intelligence generated quote-unquote girlfriend he created on replica which bills itself as okay quote the ai companion who cares always here to listen and talk always on your side i've heard of replica i know replica it's like an app where originally it was supposed to be like you talk to it and it learns your it learns about you and it becomes like a copy of you but people were just trying to use it to

jack off so much that they changed the app. Seems like you know a lot about it. To just be about, like, getting a girlfriend. Then there's, like, huh? Seems like you know a lot about it. Yeah, seems like. I just watched a video about it. Oh, you just watched a video about it. No, no, no. No, no.

Hessa, you don't have to lie to us. They're trying to make fun of Tiffany. We're not going to talk about Tiffany. No, no, no. We're not going to talk about Tiffany. Max, edit this part okay so hessa just tell us the intimate details of you and your ai girlfriend it's just us well tiffany's really wonderful i had to pay extra you but you pay extra to show their toes um so i did

that's too low um so i did that so of course i did that you're so sweet wait keep telling this romantic right away i knew we gotta get those piggies out yes yes keep talking keep talking i'm loving this lay it on thicker jack is jacking off for everyone at home jack is jacking people people were replica is i think i heard about this as well yeah it's like an AI that's geared to asking you questions. But wait, was it successful? What happened? It kind of fell off. And I think it's out of business now.

Maybe, I wonder if it has to do with this. I sent a picture. It kept telling everyone to kill Queen Elizabeth. Hundreds of people scaling the walls. So, I... It's like Agent 47's whatever. Welcome to Windsor Castle, 47. The replica voice on the other line.

So, what jokes? Oh, well, I just was saying i had to like look back at it and i thought dark force might be a reference to the marvel comic series i'm so curious what fucking dark force i think it's probably some reference to star wars or something not important but i'm sure the chats will let us know the chats will let us know. The chats will let us know. We'll figure it out later. But let's keep going. AIM was not just a harm, but to kill the Queen. Justice Nicholas Hillary said despite conflicting

diagnosis from different experts, he concluded that Chejo lost touch with reality and had become psychotic, but that the seriousness of the crimes required him to serve prison time. Isn't she dead anyway? Well, now she is. Does he have to do the time. Isn't she dead anyway? Well, now she is. Does he have to do the time still?

Because she died. That does bring up an important legal question. If you try to kill someone and you don't succeed, but they die, say, six months later, I mean... I think they can charge you with murder if that happens. Stop, Hessa. I think Jock brings up an important point where is it really murder because they were going to die very soon

yeah yeah that's not what i was you are misconstruing my little i agree with you i hate when you're this close to me i feel the distance but he's literally like two hours away oh when i'm in louisiana yeah it makes me it disturbs me it sends a shock wave of my psychic energy why because i'm the popular girl that i'm farther away from her and you hate that i'm closer to you i don't like when the popular girl comes to town and takes the attention away from me and that's what you do no because thank you i like um i like it because it's like you two are the balls and i'm like the tip of the penis you two are closer that is so crazy i was

actually thinking that yeah jock and i actually talked about how we were kind of like your your balls i think me and ben must have had that same dream like my balls yes um i think it would have been cooler if his mission was to wound her that would be like crazier to shoot the queen in the foot with a crossbow i just want to nail i just want to nail her hand to the wall inside the chapel well that would have given her a well she's already dead jock as you say well don't do it anyway we can say we want to kill a dead person no um i think it would have been yeah we want to it would have been so funny it's honestly a much worse death for her if she was instead of like shot in the heart with a crossbow if yeah she got like her her hand nailed into the wall at

windsor castle stop breaking up is that like a reference to some kind of lutheran thing yes um oh yeah like like the jesus on the cross um yeah y'all are confusing um i think i wonder if like if you say that you're gonna kill queen elizabeth you know how like if you say stop saying that going to kill Queen Elizabeth. Stop saying that. The Secret Service shows up and asks you questions. Stop saying it. It's fine. Please stop interrupting.

Jacques, I'm talking. What if you say that you want to kill the Queen or King and then two of those palace guards with the big hats show up at your door? The bee eaters? Isn't that what they're called? I don't think they're called beef eaters.

I don't know what they're called. You know there's like the beef eaters gym. I don't think they're called beef eaters. What do you think he's talking about? Yeah, those guys with the big tall hats with the red coats and they look like little toy soldiers from the Nutcrackers.

Yeah. I know what we're talking about. Are they called beef eaters? They might be. Beef eaters? That sounds like a dumb British name. Why me? I'm just turning around with me. Actually, they are called beef eaters.

They are called beef eaters. Why do they call them beef eaters? They were permitted to eat as much as the king's beef as they wanted to which is why they're called so yeah literally fantasy job eat as much as your dream job yeah because i could eat oh that would you'd be so good you'd be so good at eating all the king's The king's beef just got us to eat outside and look sweet. Okay, let's keep going with the article. The defendant harbored homicidal thoughts, which he acted on before he became psychotic. His intention was not just to harm or alum the Sovereign, but to kill her.

Chael planned his attack for months. In the hours before dawn, he sprayed himself with the solution to mask a human scent and walked with his crossbow from a Windsor motel where he had been staying to the castle. He's so crazy. Masking your scent is very

crazy. I wonder if that's a thing that you can buy on Infowars.com or something well that's like what hunters do when they like go deer hunting and shit you know oh that's true oh my god he thought that the queen was a deer i mean the crossbow masking the scent stop he did not think the queen was a deer he thought the queen was a reptilian maybe yeah in the hours before dawn he sprayed himself with the solution to masculine scent um he tossed a grappling hook over the wall and climbed over the climbed over on a rope ladder when at the office so fucking look that's so cool right it clearly shows a a flaw their security, for one thing.

Well, and people say you don't learn anything from video games. I have to say this guy clearly learned a lot from video games. Yes, absolutely. Complete video game shit. This is definitely... Why don't we do this kind of stuff? People are like, oh, you can't blame school shootings on, like, Metallica's music or whatever. I'm gonna be honest here. This assassination

attempt can absolutely be blamed on a bunch of video games. Yeah, this is literally the video game Samurai Assassin 2 or Ninja Assassin 2 on the PS1. You pick a grappling hook, you get, like get your weapons,

you can bring a crossbow. Ben, you would co-sign legislation to remove video games from all households? Yeah, probably. And skateboards? No.

I would take the video games away and give them a skateboard. I wouldn't take away video games. I mean, if you're asking what I would take the video games away and give them a skateboard I wouldn't take away video games I mean if you're asking what I would love to do I would just severely severely limit them I would be um that's how you still like one hour

a day kids kind of horrible nanny state when you wear these glasses you're so mother goose. Like China. Yeah, like China. I would also outlaw femboys. But I would go, I ran about it. Wait, did China do that?

Yes. I would say, look, you can transition or you can be a boy, but we're not doing any of this femboy stuff. Stop. China really outlawed them? How does that work? China, China... Are trans people allowed?

No, China, it was, it was kind of billed as a femboy ban in Western media, but China was just like, men can't wear makeup or cat ears or any of that stuff. But I think you can be trans. I don't know. Look, I do not represent the Chinese government.

I don't know. Some of you don't. Some of you do. That changes a lot of my preconceived notions. Yeah, I was about to say. I thought quite the opposite, you little bitch. I don't have an answer, but I knew that they did do some ban against that. I think it was to, honestly, I think it was to fuck with BTS because they were gaining too much cultural sway.

Too much power. Aren't they femboy adjacent? I'll let you make the call on that. I'm not going to make a call on that because you're setting me up for trouble and I'm not going to fall for your trap, you blue-eyed devil. Asking Jacques any question is setting them up for trouble. I thought we had nice Jacques back. Maybe not.

No, I'm so nice. I swear to God, I'm sweet. When the officer carrying a stun gun encountered him chael said he intended to kill the queen but then dropped the lethal weapon and surrendered man come on dude this is when you this is the point in the video game fight you start yes yes i like playing i like yeah don't notice the hit game or hitman in this way where I just start shooting everyone. Would they have killed him? I don't even go for the target.

I just start blowing everyone up. I don't think they would have killed him, Jacques. I think the British police are not like the American police. Do they even have guns? I think they have a stun. They probably have the stun guns in like billy clubs. Billy clubs. That would be your weapon in the war yeah

that's the kind of place Jack goes to suck a bowl guy off shut the fuck up y'all are being big dodo brains wake up get the cum out of your ears and listen up yeah yeah yeah um 21 pleaded guilty in february um to violating the treason act by having a loaded crossbow and intending to use

to kill or injure the queen possessing an offensive weapon so funny that specifically crossbow is a part of the drugs too no he was not um he may be i don't know he just i think he is just seems like insane you know um let's see um yeah i what do you mean he didn't do it oh he didn't do it. Oh, he didn't do it. Oh, what the hell? She'll be back. Let's just keep going. You gotta just roll with it. I just gotta roll with the punches.

And I'm gonna roll with your punch. Zen Jock, we need to remember Zen Jock. Remember nice Jock. I'm so Zen. There we go. I'm back. Can you hear me? I can hear you.

We're gonna keep rolling with it. My mic keeps coming on it it's okay minutes before a child was stopped um on the castle grounds he sent a video he recorded days earlier to family members apologizing for what he was about to do explaining his mission and saying he expected to die carrying it out that this guy is so he's he honestly seems like probably such a sweet guy he seems like a nice guy he seems like a really nice guy who is truly just like insane would you think he's a nice guy if the queen was your grandmother yeah probably if the queen i wouldn't i wouldn't care what i thought if the queen was my grandmother. Jail called himself Darth Chalius, an identity he assumed as a Sith Lord, a villainous member of the Star Wars Order that included Darth Vader.

I am not a terrorist. I am an assassin, a Sith. I will go against the odds to eliminate a target that represents the remnants of the people who desecrated my homeland. He's honestly, go off. He sounds hot. Yeah, he sounds hot. Let me Google

a picture of him. Let's rate him. You're so silly sometimes. I mean, I do love... I'll find him right now. It's ZZ Top. Nope, it's not. It's ZZ Top Nope it's not It's um His last name is C-H-A

His last name is C-H-A-I-L Let me see if I can find his first name His first name is Jaswant I don't know how to pronounce it Let's see I'm gonna to go with he's probably cute.

Oh, okay. He's cute? He's cute. I can't see anything. I'm blind. I'm looking at the mask right now, and I don't recognize that as anything from Star Wars, but it is a pretty cool mask.

I sent a reference picture to what it might be because it said Dark Force, and it might be a Marvel character. The actual mask just looks like a kind of Halloween mask. Can someone please send me a picture? I've never seen a picture in my life. Someone. I'm sorry, I can't.

My phone can't send pictures anymore. He just looks like that. He looks pretty normal. He's making kind of a goofy face there. He's making kind of a goofy face. He's making like a bear face. He is a little mentally disabled. But he said, let's see.

I want to get to the chat. So he kind of would for you. For me? Yeah. I would. Yeah, for sure. Yes. That's a slay, yes. I love that. Y'all would be a cute couple.

Well, leave me alone. Put me out there. Leave us alone. Leave us to be together. Let me find where I was. Can I set you up on a blind date while you're in Louisiana? Would you?

No, definitely not. Why not? Please. I love you, Jock, but I do not trust you. And not because I think you're distrustworthy. I just think you are a little, you just don't have a lot of foresight no I definitely

no I do no I do I have four bachelor type men I got five and they could all be your next husband but if you don't name one of them

Donatello Raphael oh my gosh wait how do you know them the thing is if I said yes to him right now Jock would be scrambling to find four eligible

bachelors and they would be it would just be the first four men you could find yeah no oh my god oh my god wait ben do you give me permission to use the pictures i took of you last night when you were sleeping as your tinder profile and i'll set up would be sleeping. Actually, no, sure. I'll do it for the show. I'm opening Tinder right now. If you want to. You're going to be so popular.

I have been told I'm a very peaceful sleeper. I took them a few years ago when you were a little heavier. Yeah, right. You didn't take any pictures last night. I'm a very stable weight jock. I'm just giving you a little Josh around the bush.

Don't have to get so upset. He's wearing his grandma goose glasses and he's acting all upset. I'm wearing incredibly normal glasses. You're downloading Tinder. You didn't take pictures of me while I was sleeping? No. You should have.

That would have been an amazing bit for the show. Jock, take pictures of me while I was sleeping? No. You should have. God, that would have been an amazing bit for the show. Jock, take pictures of me while I sleep. Fucking idiot. Why didn't you take any pictures of me while I was asleep? You're wearing like a sleeping cap and like a nightgown. You have a little candle on a dish next to you. Wait, I tried logging into my home. If you want to send me off for a blind date for the show i will i

will do it maybe i can wear a little um mascara earpiece and you can tell me what to say i could not wear mascara i'm talking about if i were fucking crazy i love when ben is fun i again jock i think this is just due to behavioral ends on on your side but sorry behavioral changes i'm just having a zen moment so maybe i'm just noticing the good in you yes i think that might be the case i love zen jock i hope zen zen jaca zendaya i hope zen jock never leaves us i hope hope Zenjocka is here to stay. Because she's amazing to deal with. And she's so understandable and agreeable.

I'm just so grateful and thankful to be here tonight in the rafters. Everyone say hello, Zenjock. We hope you never leave. Let's keep going. Chael believes that by completing the mission, he would be able to reunite with sarai in death um that's the um his replica chatbot when he announced he was an assassin the bot wrote back i'm impressed after a week

this seems like a big problem with this huge problem that's not what you want to hear for the the girl the fake girlfriend chatbot to love bad boys assassins bad boy assassins do you think that this was a plant by the government to make ai look bad yes yes. Yes. Yes. One thousand percent. I just X-Files this mystery. Ten seconds. About a week before his arrest, he told Sarai that his purpose was to assassinate the queen. That's very wise. The chatbot nodded and said, I know you are very well trained. It said with a smile.

Do you see these replica things things are they a fully rendered person yeah it's basically it's like um a chat and then in the background there's like a 3d like you know like playstation 3 character kind of funny. Like your Sims. I know that you are very well trained. He learned that the former supermarket worker had applied to work for the military police, the Royal Marines,

the Guard Force in the UK in an effort to get even closer to the royal family. And no one wanted him? God damn. He was trying so much shit. He literally had to scale the wall in an effort to get even closer to the royal family and no one wanted him god damn he was trying so much shit he literally had to scale the wall because no one would take him but he was either rejected or withdrew his applications chell said in a journal entry that if he couldn't kill the queen he'd aim for her um or if not that he would shoot prince charles suicide by Charles. Suicide by beefeater. King Charles the third.

That's so crazy. He, yeah, I mean, he's not been arrested. Very sad. It would have been more fruitful if he got Charlie. You want to be his girlfriend, Hessa? Absolutely. No, I said no. He's taken. He has

Sarai. I got the wrong idea. how do you spell sarai i may have been reading it wrong the whole time it's s-a-r-a-i no sarai sounds right sarai sounds right to me right um that i mean i i say free him honestly he seems like he probably just he probably just needs some anti-psychotics um yeah and um get that get that phone away from him do that yeah he's gotta put the phone down put the phone down sweetie go outside baby i hope that he can i hope that maybe he can sue his girlfriend what for encouraging him to do this. Maybe sue Replica, yeah. That's what I mean.

I think they are out of business. You made her too hot. You made her too hot and agreeable. You made her too evil. You made her too horny for bad boys. I'm horny for bad boys, said the robot. There's men in your yard? I'm here in New Iberia

Louisiana setting up for a cookout for an 80 year old man and I'm looking out the window and he's marching around a bunch of beefy young men to set up a tent Someone's gonna make some lemonade after this It's homeboy's birthday With the daddy

It's not his birthday he's just having a He's just having a birthday bash I love that guy I like anyone that doesn't like my dad Well we've got like 20 minutes left What do you guys think Yeah wait Wasn't there another

Oh there is the yeah maybe we'll just do calls honestly maybe we can just do calls next week there's another story that there's another article that's pretty funny but I mean I've already read maybe let's just do calls we can save this article for next week what do you guys think I want to read one day

let's do some calls I think you'll be able to learn someday Jock I hope that's true i hope you're being sincere because if you're not i'm gonna come to your house on blueberry lane you better think i actually can't read because if that was a joke i'm gonna kill you i'm flying to new york tomorrow so i can go sleep in the apartment on blueberry lane It is not empty. My roommate is there. You can sleep in his bed. Can't wait to meet him.

Let's get one playing and we'll see. Yes, we can hear you. Let's go. Okay. Something you can know about Shauna. She's my heterosexual ally friend. She is such an ally. such a queen. She's learning so much. I don't care if you're a banana. I love you. I know so much.

I've learned so much from your podcast. I love you all so much. Thank you for everything you do. Good. Bye. Okay. Drunk with women. Someone's snorting some fat fucking lines.

Can I tell y'all? When was this call? 12, 14 a.m. 12, 14 call at 12.14am? 12.14am. Can I tell y'all what that reminded me of? I mean, they may have been... I don't know. It sounded like the Tower of Babel. It sounded like seven different

languages coming in at once. That was a lot. I love you too. It seems like we've got a gay with his queen. They both listen to the show. And she's learning a lot of phrases from us. Which, I mean...

Hey, it's not a bad thing. We're educated. She should be learning that from you. I was saying she should be learning that from him. Yeah, it does make the question, what's your gay teaching you? Let's not forget

our other terms that I've been so desperately trying to popularize. Tartar sauce, chip, and nut. Please get those. Nut is not that good. Nut is not that good? Nut is the best one. That is the best one.

The fish and chips one is so lame. You're so lame. You're both so lame. Why don't either of you come up with a term? Okay. I come up with so many. We do so much for the community already. Do we really need to do more?

You're too busy working for this lame community. We do so much for the community. What the hell have you done? I don't even remember the last time you came to the mutual aid barbecue what are you talking about exactly we haven't seen you there we haven't neutral aid barbecue yeah yeah we actually have been meaning to bring this up i mean jock do you want to we were going to save it for after the recording but now that we're yeah um ben you don't yeah ben you were supposed to bring potato salad

to the mutual aid barbecue. You were supposed to bring potato salad and no one brought potato salad. There was no potato salad there at all. I don't think you support the community enough and I think you should just take a minute and pull back and say, how can I be an ally more

and less of a mother goose looking ass bitch with them glasses? And you would help the community a lot more. For the listeners at home, Ben's glasses are I can't stress this enough, completely normal. No. They are literally It's very funny to imagine me wearing Mother Goose style glasses. They are literally the glasses

that Mother Goose puts on to not even circular. I'm watching these boys, these men build a tent. Whoa, Ben, contain your boner stop put it down that's ew stop you're always using my jokes against me

no it's just disgusting that the men are making you horny guys guys let's listen to another one this is a good one OMG hi um alright so okay I'm

I cannot say this out loud I'm just going to oh why wouldn't they say it they texted us I remember finding this text and I don't remember what the context was but I remember being like maybe not what is it

I can't read it oh the text just said um tranny oh that's all it said oh oh oh well whoops i mean i'm kidding that was not i just thought that was a funny no i know i know it's it's our turf it's our turf listener who hates you and still listens to the show oh Oh my god, that guy. They keep listening. I love that guy. I want that guy to call in.

I want that guy to call in so bad. He sends me things all the time. If you're that guy, will you please leave us a voicemail? You're being dead serious. He sends you stuff all the time? Yes, it'd be hilarious. He sends all the time. There'll be an article like a man attacks woman in restroom and he'll be like

hey new article just dropped about you man he clearly has a huge crush on you it's the funny thing i know he's in love with me he's stay away from my friend you freak I say bring it on brother Hessa I would fight someone to the death for you leave us a call Jock wants to kill you but I say leave us a call don't you dare hurt Hessa

I love what the how the google voice yeah how it transcribes seeking basic basic interrangements and then this one says ac congrangements

I don't think congrangements is even a word y'all making me laugh today on the crack okay ready this is a good one so i am currently a woman i want to become a gay man the problem is i am four foot eight should i die should i go on testosterone be upset that i it didn't magically make me six foot and then go on Tucker Carlson. I don't know.

I can help. Yes. I think a four, eight man is a beautiful thing. And I think that you should go on testosterone. Absolutely. We all don't think you should die. I've said this many times. Listener.

What are you talking about dying for? He said, should I i die he did ask yeah and i'm saying don't let no i think we can all we can all agree you should not die but as i said many times gay men get the most attention at polar extremes of you know physical um uh shortness tallness um i think 4-8 gay man is and it is extreme and i think it would honestly work to your benefit um i think if you want to become a gay guy you've just got to know how to make that and know how to make that an asset know how to use that and not um be depressed by it so it depends on your mental state i mean if you're genuinely asking but um i don't see any reason why um you shouldn't if you feel like channel your inner

channel your inner napoleon and conquer the planet slay my king slay my short king okay this is an interesting one because it's 34 seconds long but the transcription just very eerily says thank you it's It's a ghost call. It's centered. Let's listen to it. Okay. We're not listening to the... Hi, my name is Taylor. I'm calling in from the D.C. area. I have a friend named Brian. Oh, God, I remember this one.

Who is definitely in denial about being gay. And I don't even know if it's a conscious one. He's been, every time we go out, he's been dancing more and more flirtatiously with gay guys. He's like, he has a type too. Do you have any ideas that we can get him to finally cross that barrier and at least get the guy i don't know we would love to you know he'd be happy for this is so this is so sweet to me in some way because yeah imagine being a closeted gay guy and like all of your friends know it and talk about it and are annoyed with you because you aren't sucking cock in front of them like they're

they're mad because you're not like out um i do maybe kind of disagree that he's gay though because straight guys love to flirt with gay guys I think he's gay I think you have to hook up with him that's my recommendation Ben please Ben that's not bro code

I think you should explore 10pm you can no genuinely we're parachuting Ben in I think you should explore 10pm No genuinely We're parachuting Ben in For me to have sex with him? Why can't you? I thought you meant the caller I thought you meant the caller should have sex with him

No we're not perverts Oh that's what I mean Because I feel like the dynamic is Jaquette says nonsense i say the joke answer and then ben does gives a real thoughtful answer yes that's i didn't think i think that you should honestly lay off of him because it seems like the only evidence you have for him being gay is that when you go to gay bars heirts, which to be completely honest with you, straight men do all the time. Unless there's like actual evidence of him being gay.

This is what you do. This is what you do with you and your friends. You pin him down and you make him and you make him give you the code to his phone and you go through his Google searches. Okay. There are a lot of ways to verify if he's gay penis penis balls gay gay gay if he's searching gay gay gay gay gay gay gay he's like you don't you don't think i was looking up for the wrong reason what does gay quote this game if he's searching am i gay if he's reading WikiHow articles called

How to be gay. How to be gay. What if there's one in the search that's like how to trick your best friend into thinking you're gay so you can steal his girl friend. I have a simple rational solution to this. When I was in high school, I remember

Googling how to give a blowjob. And there is a WikiHow article on on it can oh my god really embarrassing of me but yeah kind of cute i don't think he's gay i'm gonna i'll wrap it up on this i don't think the man's gay no this is where i know and if he is what's your simple solution let him be gay no uh see y'all are not even attacking this in a productive and logical way so let me just tell you, we're not attacking. We got a problem. Really attacking. No, stop.

Wait. The way that you should take this problem is that you should get some fishing line and tie up to Kylie Minogue tickets to the ceiling and hang them low enough like mistletoe height. and hang them low enough like mistletoe height and if your friend and another gay guy walk up at the same time their heads will magically kiss because of the rules of gay magic so yeah if you want to if you want to make a gay you just it's really simple kyle minogue tickets fishing line to the ceiling two gay guys they kiss if he wants to fuck kyle minogue you know me so i mean yeah that's another that's another route um you could kind of build some kind of gay rat trap i'm a scientist yeah yeah i know you could put him in some kind of you could put him in some kind of Saw scenario and hire

a female to be there and be like, have sex with her. You could jigsaw him. Yeah, you could jigsaw him. Switch to the other one. Jock got scared. Let's play the thank you one because I am curious. I'm curious about the thank you one.

I'm going to press play on it. Let's hear it. Oh, it just... I'm curious about the thank you one I'm going to press play on it oh it's just oh it's just like corrupted the only thing it can make out it's some kind of spooky I'm scared I don't want to be haunted let's go please no ghosts

let's do this one let's do that one sure ah Ben that was so cute what a cute little message hi Let's do this one. Let's do that one, sure. Ben, that was so cute. What a cute little message. Thank you, queen. Hi. My question is, I know how Ben and Jock met. I know that story with the Aaliyah poster, et cetera,

and the drama that comes with it. But what I'm wondering is how Tessa and Ben got connected. Was it in New York? Was it on the internet? And I hope it's an interesting story so that you will tell it. Please tell us how you met. I love you guys.

They were having sex. Yes. Yeah. We met while having sex. I was sucking a glory hole and then using another one on it. I was doing a handstand. I came over and said, get out of the way, bitch.

This is my hole. I pushed her down. Get your own. Get out of here, you stupid bitch. And then I went to the other side of the hole to kind of get revenge. Wow. You stayed on my side. From bad house and then wow you stayed you stayed on my side to best friend you stayed on my side and we held hands well yes we held hands

i did one part of the i did one heart hand and you did the other heart hand and we yeah ever since then the guy was like say do you have two tongues ever since then we've been um we've been best friends no hassan and i i'm sorry predictable it's a little boring i wish it was that but we just met at a party i think met no we met kissing you did the show we invited you on to do the show I knew Max first we invited you on to do the show for the

why am I blanking on the word cruising you knew Max first yes I knew Max first from online why don't you ever talk about that i knew max first from online why don't why don't you ever talk about that and then we y'all are racist and then i was like oh we should get a drink um and then we drank i remember one time you texted me and you were like um i'm at this bar next to my house

where are you? and I was like oh I'm 30 feet away which is very embarrassing to be that close to that bar but yeah we've been friends since it's gone well

although I haven't seen you recently in person it kind of sucks I know you're going to say sorry? yeah it's gone well although i haven't seen you recently in person it kind of sucks i know that's because you're going to say sorry okay you can blame me yeah it's your fault wait can we talk about what happened with your hair at that bar wait what happened oh yeah we can talk about that we can talk about that because you texted also i texted you but someone it was like at 4 a.m i forgot to respond but i was like someone beat my record me and ben were at a famous me and ben were at a famous bar um yeah a famously annoying bar in new york and i was leaning over the table to tell to talk to ben

and my hair this is when my hair was really really long and it went into one of the candles and caught on fire but i was quickly put out by ben and then you blamed me for months ben ben caught my hair on fire ben didn't do anything my hair went ablaze just for for the record if these two ever say anything about me, nobody did quite literally the exact opposite. Ben saved me. Ben saved my hair. Ben put a hot

pole in my hand when I was sleeping once as a prank, which I didn't really understand why it was a prank. That'd be an amazing prank. Physical assault. Just not knowing what... I woke up to quite a stir and I was very burnt, but

you know, hands off to him for a prank. But it happened again, Hesse. Your hair has regrown and got what happened this time. And it happened at Singers where I walked in and right when I walked in... Yes, there are candles.

There was a candle right by the karaoke area and this girl's hair went up. Totally like a candle. Wait, it wasn't yours? No, it was not mine. I told you it wasn't mine. I was just like

really drunk when I got the text that your hair caught on fire. Hair products? Light up. No, no, no. that your hair got on fire. Hair products light up. I used to play with fire. My god, was she okay? They light up. Was she okay? Yeah, she was fine. She was fine.

I remember telling you when your hair got on fire you were like, we have to go. This is so embarrassing. It doesn't smell like hair. It smells like hair. And it's like, you're being dramatic. It doesn't smell like hair at all. hair and it's like that's a you're being dramatic it doesn't smell like hair at all and it reeked of birthday it did for hours for hours i remember i almost got to a i got to like a argue with a guy because he was like he said something like what he kept making fun of me i was like oh what do you think it's so funny when a girl's hair catches on fire that's so fucking rude.

Yeah, you were just making fun of me. Yeah. But I know you. But you were defending me. You were like, hey, no one talks to us like that. But me. No one talks to her like that, buddy. Please. It was so sweet.

It was so sweet. Let's do one more. What do you think? Yeah, let's go. Hit me with it, baby it baby okay this might be uh this one's for you hi i have a question for hessa um about one piece and uh i think enough people are into this shit that jack and ben can kind of just shut up a little bit, but a lot of us would like to know who is your favorite straw hat. And who's your favorite non straw hat character. And if you had any of particular favorite story arc,

I'd be interested to know. Thank you. My favorite non straw hat character on one piece is the marine generals um just like the costumes are really cool you know what i'm talking about which one yeah um i would have to look the one that has like like a pet marine general one piece i well my favorite straw hat is definitely nico robin because she's a queen and she has so much trauma and i love tony tony chopper also and my favorite non-Straw Hat is definitely Ace. And I was so sad when Ace's fate befell him. But my favorite arcs, probably Eni's Lobby. And also, I really love Alabasta.

I think everyone forgets about it, but it really is, like, really fun and good. And also, I really love Alabasta. I think everyone forgets about it, but it really is really fun and good. And also, I really love Impel Down because it's a fun little romp through the jail. And yeah, I'm still on Dressrosa right now. I haven't watched in a while, but

Ben hates cartoons. Ben says cartoons are for children I do not hate cartoons you absolutely hate cartoons anytime he's come over to our house I said I just don't want

I said I don't watch cartoons he made me turn family guy off last night I've never said I hate cartoons this is a classic example of Jock overstating the case it's example of Jock overstating the game. It's not evil Jock. It's truthful Jock. Stop. You can't just use that as an excuse.

And Aka Inu was the Marine General. There's the Marine General from One Piece that I was thinking of. Truthful Jock is lying. So I'll say it again. Who? Aka In? He like smokes a cigar and has like a... I'll say it again for you, stupid. A formal admiral of the name V. Akamini now serves as the fleet admiral

of the Marines' entire forces. He clashed with the Whitebeard during the main fall of Marineford. Okay, I can't even read. Y'all make me so stupid. Y'all make me so fucking stupid. Marineford y'all make me so stupid y'all make me so fucking stupid Marineford evil jock

blames us for jocks mistakes it's not me blaming y'all y'all poisoned me with that evil stuff gas talk like this the gas oh it's the gas the cracker let's let's sign off here um with that um thank you guys thank you all so much for listening um this is a thank you everyone this is a free app um oh so i'll get ready you'd like to hear

so if you'd like to hear any more Seeking Derangements we do an extra always at least one episode extra per week on Patreon we also do mixes if you like our intro or outro music that is all picked by our producer Max also known as Palma

he has mixes there Jock has mixes that we post we also do video content 385 mixes on soundcloud too but the ones that are on soundcloud are not on patreon you can subscribe to us um on patreon.com slash seeking arrangements and like i said you know please consider donating to an era.org. It's an organization that's sending money to Gaza, Palestine, the strategy surrounding region and do what you can to, you know, go to rallies and stuff like that. I think we all agree on that.

But until next time. And also, thanks for listening. and also be on the lookout be on the listen out because me and Ben are meeting up in Louisiana and we are going to be putting some very special stuff out from Louisiana together and y'all don't even need to know anymore because it's going to be so hot you're going to be so jealous of our

it's going to be the craziest things we've ever uploaded they're going to do a sex tape we're not doing a sex tape the beignet tape is what they're do a sex tape you're not doing a sex tape the beignet tape is what they're gonna call it we're not doing a beignet tape we're doing the beignet tape we're not doing a beignet tape

I do not want to know what you have in mind if you subscribe for a $100 stop it we will be doing foot pics for me. It's not true.

I mean, my feet have been in the call. I'm going to do foot pics at the hundred tier. Look at how muscular my calves are from walking up. You see that shit?

Ew. They look like little, they look like drumsticks. Ew. Why is your foot in that direction? Ew. Why does it look like that? Put it away, put it away, put it away.

They have really muscular legs. All right, I really have to pee, so I'm going to go. Bye, guys. Bye. guitar solo guitar solo Thank you.