Seeking Derangements - SD 280 - Quit Meth for Love

Episode Date: January 11, 2024

Whats up players we're back with another episode! Today Jacques and I help Hesse punch up her stand up routine, investigate the Hasidic tunnels, and take your calls which range from a tech company unwittingly coming out in support of gay chemsex, why everyone hates you at orgies, me stealing someone's "bitch," and your cousin hitting on you. Thank you guys for the calls we truly appreciate them. Find a weekly bonus ep on our Patreon!

I know you've been out of cheating on me Round and round and round and round. Round and round and round. Don't take much, get the word around. I hope to God I was just hanging out with the other guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah For a real good time This better make me laugh or I'm running out of here.

Welcome everyone. It's Seeking Arrangements. Just so you two know at the beginning, this is a free episode, so we can keep all the shit-talking our family members behind the paywall. It's Ben. I'm here with Hes and Jock as usual. It's Ben. We've got a lot

of calls from you guys. Don't forget, if you want advice or answers to life's biggest questions, whatever it may be, you call us at 332-203-8247. We're going to get to those because we've got quite a lot, but before then...

And if you need to speak to me privately, my phone number is 337-960... Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Stop, stop, stop. I like it. People message me. We don't. I'm lonely. We don't.'m lonely we don't please don't stop how does it affect y'all because it's gonna become some huge problem that tanks the podcast which is that we

have to deal with there's gonna be a stalker there's gonna be look we've dealt with issues like this before i'm just saying one exactly you can't say no okay you get you stupid fucking bit i'm all right we'll just let we'll just look at it i don't fucking care what happens in your life anymore um oh my god the flame still on wanted to um run by doing stand-up guys i'm doing my first stand-up set perfect time to get into tomorrow yeah and i yeah it's perfect time to get into it 27 age 27 wait wait that's your real age yeah oh how old do you think i am we could talk about that after at the end of the episode what 20 27 yeah oh he thought you were older. He doesn't want to insult you on the air.

That's so... I can't believe I look so youthful. But has that some jokes you want to run past us? I have some jokes I want to run. Okay, my first joke. Yeah. My first joke, which I can't do. Because the urn that I bought from Amazon didn't get here in time. But I was going to be like,

my mom is here tonight, everyone. And everyone would clap. And then I'd gesture to the back. I've seen someone do that joke before. What? No. I think I've told you about that joke. I've been talking about this joke for... Maybe it was you.

Maybe it was you. It was definitely me. Because this is my original... I've been saying this for like three... Maybe it was you. Maybe it was you. It was definitely me because this is my original... I've been saying this for like three years. It must have been you. It must have been you. Okay. Then my next joke is

I'm going to do an impression. Okay. Are you ready? I'm so ready. You're ready for this impression? Yes, yes, yes. This is an impression. This is Pierce Bosnian bosnian okay like you know

pierce brosnan yeah i grew up with a bunch of uh yeah okay i go deep with the bosnian i know pierce brosnan i don't know okay here's pierce bosnian okay hot summers and cold winters is the climate of Bosnia. High elevations. Short, cool summers and long, severe winters. Okay. I mean, I'll tell you from the- The highest point, the lowest point is the Adriatic Sea, zero meters above sea level. So the joke is you can read out the whole Wikipedia of Bosnia.

Agricultural land is about 42.2% of Bosnia. Agricultural land is about 42.2% Bosnia. You have a lot of time to fill. I heard that you have to do an 8 minute set. That's fucking crazy. You're gonna do that for 10 minutes and I don't know when to laugh. It's called alt comedy

jock. It's called trans alt comedy. Wait, you're just gonna say the same joke for ten minutes over and over? No, this is just one of my jokes. This is just one of them. Hesse, that's never going to work. You've got to do multiple jokes. I think a real Bosnian would

throw in something about Serbia. From my experience, they love talking about how much they hate the Serbs. So, maybe add some of that in there. Let me be clear. We have a total area of 51,197 square kilometers. Guess what that is.

I'm trying to think. And also, I'm also top of the mornin'. Irish Obama? Barack Obosnian. Barack Obosnian. Nice. Yeah, I don't know anything about... Barack HusseinBosnian Barack O'Bosnian yeah I don't know anything about Hussein O'Bosnian so wait as far as there's anything to know about Bosnia they just had like a civil war for the last like a million years yeah I don't really get into politics

it's not a political I'm just asking because I don't know anything about Bosnians Look I don't get it because I don't know Bosnians If I knew Bosnians I might get it You should make a joke about Bostonians Here's another joke that I'm going to make That was so funny That was the joke Okay here was the joke. Okay.

Here's, here's the joke. Um, okay. I'm going to be like, is it anyone here? I'm just, I cannot wait to see this Hessa.

I cannot wait to go and see you up there. Do you want me to come? I feel like it'd be, it'd be like having your home your is it tonight evil okay good i have enough time to arrive on plane i'm kidding i'll come yeah i'd love to um all right sorry i want to hear those jokes i was just so excited this joke is um i'm gonna be like anyone here ever uh you know and i'm making the weed toking motion right now yeah yeah yeah with my fingers i'm like anyone here ever index finger thumb class right try to kill yourself

okay say that instead of smoking weed okay nice i think that's nice funny right that's pretty good that's a good that's a good uh that's a good five seconds in here what do you call it's a good five seconds taking care of what what do you call it? That's a good five seconds taken care of. What do you call it when you call an involuntary psychiatric hold on someone? A 5150? I feel like you would be the one to know. That's what I'm doing at the end of this set.

Okay. Why? As a joke. It's just another joke. He's trying to help part of the joke. And then... This bitch must be crazy if she thinks this is funny my tolerance is fucked dude i need five dream catchers minimum just to sleep that's pretty

good that's not bad yeah that's i mean you could really i'm sorry i just i got that out a little more i think you know see oh no i'm definitely gonna tease these out i definitely but i'm glad jock is being insanely mean to me about this so that in case there's a heckler yeah then i'll be maybe maybe give give us some of the heckler give her some heckler uh training right now hey what's with this bitch's hair is it long or is it short i can't tell because she's got it kind of pulled up how's it come on get him back get him back. Get him back. You're talking about hair. You have a perfect hair. Kill yourself. Call him bald.

Well, bitch, I know your hair isn't long because you're fucking bald. You're bald. There we go. Damn, this bitch keeps her eyes closed so low you'd think she Well, I do have some stories. What? Sorry, what? What was about to happen there? I don't know. Oh, wait. I do have some stories. What? Sorry, what? What was about to happen there?

I don't know. Oh, wait. I do have a timely joke. Okay, let's hear it. Something in the news. Okay, this one's pretty good. You guys hear about those tunnels? The Hasid tunnels?

Yes! Oh, my God. Okay, wait. You're the audience. You're not supposed to say. She's not asking you a question. She's doing a joke. Yeah, I hear the police found those tunnels

because there was a... They walked into the synagogue and there was a big poster of Rita Hayworth on the wall. You know, like in Shawshank Redemption. I really don't think that's going to land with the audience. I really don't think it's gonna land very well Hessa like I I'm fine

Hessa I love you babes and I support you but I just don't know if comedy is for you well look we're here to support you you've got us in the room I've got some stories too and I have one. I have a fallback.

What's your fallback? If I can hit the complete and total ejection. You just hit someone. The nuclear option. Yeah, the nuclear option is that I do Transvestigator Columbo for the entire rest of the set. I was going to say. So whenever I finish, I just become Transvestigator Columbo, and I go around the audience, and I ask people their pronouns, and I try to transvestigate them. That's go around the audience and I ask people their pronouns and I try

to transvestigate them that's a really good one look that's a really good one live transvestigation there's nothing more than a Brooklyn nothing more a Brooklyn audience would love than to be clocked in public by someone with a microphone you're gonna do so

great you're gonna do so great sweetie look i did a stand-up once um in new orleans and a minute and a half into my set i physically ran off of stage sobbing as a joke because no because of embarrassment what was one of your jokes? I made it like... You blocked it out. You didn't even do any jokes. I stood on stage trying to... I was like...

Did you write jokes beforehand? Or did you have any planned? I had stuff planned in my head, but when I got on stage, I was just blank. Yeah. In your head, it's this the best way to plan something is to just have it all up there look it wasn't especially your head it didn't work out so much better than your book so as long as you don't run out sobbing crying

see now that would have been pretty funny i I would have laughed. Yeah, I mean, the audience probably loved that. Yeah, they probably loved that. Here's a good one. Let's do one more. We have so many calls. Let's do one more and then get to some calls. Okay, okay, okay, okay. My four-year-old called 911 the other day.

The fire department showed up at my house. It was so embarrassing. Another two or three minutes and I would have had the fire completely under control. Okay. That's pretty good. Get it? I was being irresponsible. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, totally. I think it's going to go really well. I mean that genuinely. Will you come? Yeah, I'll come. What time is it? Let me look at plane i'll look it up i'll give you info after it's oh sorry we can't talk i forget jock's gonna be mad if we talk about doing something in new york city without it yeah i get very very frustrated

actually there's no um so wait so jock actually before we get to the calls i have i did want to see what you thought about the tunnels in Crown Heights. Because that was really exciting to me. I actually, so unprovoked, we didn't talk about it before the episode or anything. But I saw that as one of the first things I woke up to. This morning. Yeah, and they were describing that there was no real reason behind them making the tunnel beside it being more convenient to get inside quicker.

Yeah. I love that there was zero criminal element to it. And their reaction... Did you see the video? Did you see the video, Hessa? I've seen... There's been tons's tons of videos yeah so the their immediate reaction is that they start flipping entire pews and tables and they are

like put it was so cool i mean like so cool i mean it does every time you see the hasids on the street they are always speed walkinging somewhere. They're really flustered people, no offense. And it does make sense that they would build tunnels between synagogues for just sheer ease of movement, because these goyim are always in their

way with their marathons and whatever else, fruit stands. But I don't know if that's the only reason. I think they just haven't said the reason. But I don't know if that's the only reason. I think they just haven't said the reason yet. I don't know. Not sure. But can you imagine seeing...

Do you see the video of that Hasidic guy literally crawling out of a sewer? Crawling out of a storm drain, yeah. Imagine seeing that. That's so cool. Imagine seeing that and just like no one's with you. You just have to tell someone, I saw a Jewish guy crawl out of a sewer.

But I saw the Hussite. People will be like, come on, man. Come on. That's so rude. That's not funny. Come on. There's enough anti-Semitism in this world. No, I know. It's so funny.

It's hilarious. Even when I was reading different news articles about it they were like your investigation yeah they were like they were like yeah it was just the the the young guys in the group the the the prayer extremist is what i read one describing as the young prayer extremist so it was not even like older guys that were like oh i gotta gotta get here quicker. It's like a bunch of young guys who are like... Any other reason? I mean, do you think that that is the only reason these tunnels existed? Just

asking you to speculate, you know? Immediately, my first thought was that it was they were sex trafficking and dealing drugs. But, but, but I'm basing this off of um the show weeds um in the show there's a bunch of hasids who have tunnels then they sex traffic and you'll know there was like

mexican cartel this is a book i read one time called my struggle no no no i read this book called the turner diaries and basically there's a lot about this stuff in it. In the show... No, no, no, no, no. In the show Weeds, they have a bit... The Mexican cartel own a pregnancy baby clothing store or something like that, and they... A pregnancy baby clothing store? No, that's what they're called.

That's what they're called. Shut up, Azar! Sorry, sorry, sorry. Underneath the store is a tunnel going to Mexico that they're using for drugs, guns, and women. Yeah. And girls. It was pretty bad.

And pregnancy babies. Okay. Well, I mean, now that we've dispelled 2024's earliest and most fraught mystery. I think we should get to some calls. We've got people who need our help. Let's help them, but Hester, you're going to do great.

You're going to slay the show. I know I was being mean. I have some good stories to tell. I have the story about my grandpa not knowing that it was illegal to kick a dog in public. That's a good one. That's a good one.

You should tell the story about your grandma being the last. You could really tease out the first woman to ride Vespa in Sicily being stoned. That's an amazing story. Yeah, that is a really good one. I love that story. She also wasn't even riding it. She was just a passenger. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She wasn't driving. It's really easy just a passenger. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She wasn't driving. It's really easy just to use the family as your comedy. That's what I'm... When I do one on Saturday or Sunday with my friend or whatever, I'm going full family. The whole family's getting dragged.

No, I'm being like, y'all... So you've done Santa once, you ran off stage crying and you're doing it Saturday or Sunday again? Yeah, because I told my friend, and she's like, you would do so good. I went to a variety party, a variety show at a house recently. It was acoustic rock as well as comedians and people reading poetry, but the poetry was comedic. It was really funny.

And the live, honestly, like for it being acoustic guitar rock, it usually would make me find the nearest gun and shoot myself until my head popped open with blood. I didn't because it was actually really good music, and clearly whoever's educating people at Yale on music, they taught them well. They're doing it like never before okay this first call is really funny it's three minutes but I listen to it it's really it's it's very much worth getting through just you know flag me down if you if you want to stop it you

have something to say it's a it's quite a doozy let's hear let's okay I'm excited so I'm excited. So I'm just going to get right into it. So I work at a very prominent tech company, and recently a new technical team formed, and they were really excited to announce their new name. They came up with this cool new abbreviation, abbreviation. And the abbreviation wound up being capital P, lowercase n, capital P. So thanks to this podcast, I was like, hold on a minute. I don't know if that's necessarily cool. So I thought to myself, okay, that's pretty funny. Like like maybe they don't know so i told one of my co-workers like hey

wait can you pause it yeah what does pp mean are you joking you're being dead set wait this this man party and play that means it's a party and play is a gang oh okay it's it's it's when you it's when you uh either smoke meth or shoot up meth and then have group sex chem sex chem okay i forgot about it calling kim sex yeah that's an old one that's like that's like what they call in law and order svu that's like a neuromancer it's like a slaber punk name gay gay culture today needs to catch up and learn their roots. I saw a gay guy who was not HIV positive with a radioactive symbol on his chest. I saw a gay guy who didn't even know his name. I saw a gay guy who didn't even know who his parents were.

He didn't even know that being gay and having a radioactive symbol meant that you're HIV positive. Well, it also means many things. It's fine to forget some stuff, I think. You know? I'm like, you're incorrect, sir. Well, I mean, it sucks to be that guy. Anyways, our caller here is, yeah, working for TechMe.

I don't know which one. I'm assuming it's a large one. But, yeah, they're forming a new part of the company, or task force or something, and it's called P&P. And because of our beautiful show, he's been informed that that means being a gay sex addled meth head. Yeah. Let's keep listening to him. Oh, my God.

There we go. Doing meth and getting fucked. Yeah. And so we just kind of laughed about it. We didn't really think anything of it. And then a week later, we have this massive off-site meeting. And we find out that the P&P team is going to grow and that they're going to be a big focus. So they're like, okay, 2024. It's all about P&P team is like going to grow and that they're going to be like a big focus so they're like okay 2024

it's all about P&P and what we're going to do is have you know merch bugs made and some stickers you can put on your laptop so that everyone has P&P top of mind we're going to make shirts and sweaters and all this

and this is the point where I'm like okay you, the guy who's leading this team is my friend. And I'm like, look, dude, you cannot call this team, like, the P&P. Like, if I put that sticker on my laptop, I'm going to get followed, like, to my car or, like, into a mall bathroom if I'm wearing the sweater. He was like, I don't think anyone here thinks that that's what it stands for and you're kind of alone in that. It must suck

so much to have to go to your superior and be like, Hey, I don't do this, by the way. It's mortifying that i know what this means i'm about to tell you something insane but i need i need you to know that i'm not doing math and fucking gay guys it's so funny. My question to you all is, how do I handle this? I'm a little concerned that now they're going to think I'm like a full-on, like, despicable, you know, raunchy, mess-head F-word behind the scenes

when really, like, I don't even drink soda. head f-word behind the scenes when really like i don't even drink soda so yeah how do i get ahead of this and come out of this without looking bad uh i already did yeah yeah yeah that's basically he wants to know how does how does he how does he you know make his company aware of the fact that they look like they are endorsing and partaking in chem sex with while maintaining his reputation as someone who is not doing chem sex first first step in this situation to really get your mind right before you talk to any more of your superiors or whoever the hell you're talking to. Drink a soda. Wake up. That's probably why you're going to be mistaken as a fucking meth head faggot because you don't even drink soda.

I don't see the correlation there. Yeah, because people who don't drink soda are like, well, I do do meth. Really? It's very interesting. I've never noticed that correlation. I have not noticed this correlation at all but i i really hope this listener agrees y'all i haven't here so i have an actual solution okay what is it put the sticker on your laptop upside down so it says dud. D-U-D? It says dud. Would it say D-U-D?

D-U-D, because the N would be upside down. It's a lowercase N. Oh, yeah. Okay, yeah. Dud. It'd be a kind of, yeah, dud. Yeah. Okay.

Okay. Yeah. Because then they're not losing any of the money on the merch they've already purchased. He's like, we just have to flip everything upside down. Did you smoke fentanyl hookah before this? How do you think that that spells dud?

I'm about to draw that to see if that works. If we jot these visually. It might be bub. It might be bub. Which sounds even gayer, honestly. Dud and pub are both,

are both things gay guys are doing in the, thank you for the visual aid, Jock. Flip it upside the visual aid jock flip it upside down yeah now flip it upside down it does in fact d u d d u d d u d it's just done i mean see how i can do that mentally we can't hear you jock that was using your mic that was i'm kind of scared at how smart you are how so that was insane. It took me... I had to write it out with my finger in the air

to make it make sense to me. No, okay, well, to actually seriously try to help this guy out a little bit, I think... You don't think my answer was serious?

No. Sorry. I think both of you are giving him horrible... The dud's not a bad one. No. Dud's not a bad one. Dud.

But the thing is that he still has to tell them that P&P is party and play you know he still has to give them the reason I don't think he has to tell them he can just say dud has a better better association with it than P&P

he'll just say like look I have this sticker on my laptop but it's upside down it'll at least keep him from being followed to bathrooms and stuff. But I do think. Yes exactly. I do think that what if he wants to save the reputation of his company and maintain you know

his reputation as a pristine not drug user. I think he should tell them nothing. It's not your fault. Yes. That you know what this is i don't even think you're gay you just by chance happen to have this knowledge there's no he's part there's no part of your life in which you should know what this sounds a little gay that might be a little gay regardless regardless i would just say nothing if i were you i would say nothing no one is going to see

like a tech company have pnp like a pnp logo and assume that it's a meth wing of this company where they let all their gay employees fuck on stimulants i think the average i also think the idea of like a higher up at the company wearing a sweater like that and then just getting followed into like a country club bathroom is really funny yeah yeah yeah yeah the the outcomes for this i think are much more likely to be incredibly funny than they are detrimental um i say do nothing let let this company run with pnc sir yeah literally you want to keep your job you do something for this company because if you don't save the company the company will fall and then you won't have a job do you think the company will literally fall because they name some part of it pnp so let me give you a situation okay the pnp division uh wants to celebrate their

financially successful year by having a all employees uh gala at the local hilton conference center okay and on big letters of the hilton sign that, you know, it says PNP convention. That could be bad. That is a bad signal. That is a bad signal for gay meth users. A Hilton Inn with a PNP emblazoned on it? That is a disaster. It will bring about the apocalypse there will be enough gay men on

methamphetamines with and i think they'd probably just change the name the next day then they'd realize and it'd be hilarious yeah you know i say i say so hilarious that everyone was administered methamphetamines i think it would I think it would be very funny if that happened to your company. I love how, in Jacques' mind, everything past the point where these gay deviants walk into the conference room is a complete black box out of which emerges hundreds of deaths, thousands of drug overdoses.

Well, it's a black and white world you know i think it's either 100 good or 100 bad there's no in between as we all know i was thinking of all the broken families that would come out of gay chem sex i don't think there's many they're not those people are certainly not reproducing okay okay let's get yeah the pnp conference is going on there's plenty of gay the pnp conference is such a fun i mean just hearing it it's a fucking hilarious yeah the employee okay you can't tell anyone let it run send us the promos send us employees i want to see where this goes because there must

one of my merch it's's tech. There are probably, you know, hundreds of gay guys working for this company who probably have the same dilemma you're having now. I say, let it go. Let one of those other faggots step up to the plate. You know,

there's just going to reason it has to be you. The, the employees are just going to think that they, these are the, the other employees in the same company that they just don't see because they're in tech. Meanwhile, there's going to be gay sexual methamphetamine addict gay perverts. What's so wrong with that? A lot.

At the end of the day... Maybe it's the funnest gala that the company's ever had. At the end of the day, what is the huge problem with gay guys toking a little meth and having sex all night? They're doing it in the privacy of their own rooms. The privacy of their own Hilton. Of their own Hilton. In their own conference room.

Well, look, I'm telling you right now, it's not a problem until one of the employees decides to take a little puff of the magic dragon, and then he decides to leave his family for a gay orgy that never stops. Well, if that is something that happens, it was going to... Why do you care? Yeah, who cares? Because I care about families, Hessa, and I

want to keep them together, okay? That's why I care. Well, I think... Tradition. What if there's a guy who would become whose soulmate is at that party and is one of the employees. Do you care about their family? And they adopt three. They would have adopted three beautiful children. Exactly.

That they all give meth to? No. I don't think that's appropriate. No, they quit meth because they find love with each other. And they have children now. No one quits meth for love. No one quits meth for love. Yeah. That might be true. If anyone listens to the podcast and does has quit meth for love, let me know so I can correct myself.

I'm sure at least one person has to have quit meth for love. There's got to be, just by balance of probability. There's got to be at least one. There's a lot of people who are on meth, so there's got to be at least one. Okay, on to our next voice caller. Let's get to another call here. Thank you. Hey, y'all.

Gay. You are gay. You could be trans, too. I'm sorry. Okay, trans. Gay Eeyore. Trans. Gay Eeyore called it.

Trans. Trans Eeyore. It Eeyore. Trans. Gay Eeyore called it. Trans. It could be anything. Trans Eeyore. It could be anything. No. If we ever have a live show together, all three of us, there should be a segment where we just point at audience members and say gay or trans. That would be great.

I don't see that going wrong in any way. Yeah, I don't think that could go wrong in any way. Much like club clocking, I think there's nothing more than our listeners would love to come and see us in a theater and we call them a man who's gay when they

are not. But let's hear this. Let's hear Transy. I'm not coming for any of the things. I have a voice about gay things that I need. And basically it stems from, like went to like my very first orgy recently and you know at the end of these you need a party um a lot of these guys ask me for like my instagram but the problem is i don't they're all circuit gays and so i don't have an instagram that's just like a bunch of shirtless photos of me at like some meekness bar um some shitty bar i like to have random shit on there that kind of like reflects my retarded sense of humor um so I guess my advice would be, how does one walk the line of, you know,

being able to attract a circuit gay without having to compromise my own dignity and identity? compromise my own dignity and identity um also how does one go to an orgy and not feel like everyone hates you afterwards um don't subscribe to the patreon so if i it's a free app babe all right sorry i was just kidding about your voice you have a nice voice can I say something about the about the orgy immediately I don't think anyone hated him there I think it was just you're nervous

and it was your first time it is incredibly funny to like run out of an orgy screaming I hate you I hate all of you I've never loved you I don't think I don't think they hated you i don't know why you think everyone hated you i don't know the crux of the question here does seem to be how do you attract a circuit gay without compromising your identity you can't i have

i have an observation yeah it seems like they asked you for your Instagram. So just give them your goofball Instagram. Well, they want to fuck you. Yeah, they want to fuck you. Yeah. You already did it. Mission accomplished. If a circuit gay guy asks you for an Instagram and you're, like, at an exception to just artsy to just fucking you know lobster bodied kind of tense you know what i mean larry larry the doctor zoidberg

they've done they they do want to kind of punctuate that routine with fucking i'm you sound tall you sound oh my god i was gonna say the same thing yeah tall i've kind of artsy gay guy they probably think that you're hot and you seems like you maybe have some self-esteem issues that you need to deal with to be completely honest yeah because you got into the orgy the circuit gays are asking you for the instagram you have a deep voice you sound tall you sound like you're probably hot just fuck the circuit gay and stop thinking about it is what i would say or if circuit gays aren't even it sounds like you didn't have fun at the orgy which i don't understand how you didn't have fun because i i feel like if you were there you either gave a load or take one and based on your

assumed height which is 6'4 and your shoe size being 11 and a half, 12. We can be honest. It's not even about him just being hung. It's about like this guy is obviously big. The deepness of his voice may be questioned as sexuality

from the get go. We don't really get You paused it and said you paused it and yelled gay. After one word. I'm curious what you had to say about it. About this. What do you think? Well I'm you know maybe

a circuit gay. Maybe there's a gay who's just buff who's not of the circuit. That you would be more interested in. Because it seems like I don't know. Maybe the orgy isn't the place to meet these types of guys.

It's not a scene that you enjoy. Well, he definitely wants to have sex with them. Yeah, if it's casual, then I guess that makes sense. Can I be honest? I don't hear anything in this about him wanting to have sex. Like, honestly. He literally asked, how do I have sex with a surrogate without compromising my identity?

It just doesn't even seem like he was willing to have sex. So you're saying maybe he doesn't even want to. So you're criticizing him? I am criticizing him, and I'm texting him to get some clarification right now. Uh-oh. Please don't. Yeah, no.

You're not allowed to do that. It's too late. I've already... I actually don't think Jacques knows how to do that, so I think we're fine. You can't. I do know. Seriously, don't do it.

It's not... You can't. Don't do that. Please's you can't don't do that please yeah i won't i won't do it anymore okay next call jacques get dispensing horrible advice under all of our voices our listeners directly please like i'm like hey y'all this is the full seeking derangements not I think I I think this guy I think you just need to maybe address the fact

that you do just want to fuck your not confidence he's let's just get to the next call it's not helpful to say that yeah it's very next call yeah yeah I love you though have a good one tall sir great

hey guys um this is a question for hessa we uh just want to know if your shoes ever got fixed um did you send them in to like the valentino factory and got them repaired um can you wear them is that you know money down the drain um we just want to know so thank you bye so curious i say can you can you walk us for anyone who may not remember for anyone who can you walk a flock of us i had these really expensive shoes and i broke they broke and i saw them i saw them break it was it was pretty funny yeah i was literally partying and i was like i don't care yeah you were like oh no so do you need do you need me to call you a lift home no i helped you i helped you i helped. I did just take a lift home after that. That was your choice.

I want to tell- For the record, I did not make Hesiget in the lift. No, you did. I helped her. I helped her very much. I was really giving Prince Charming when she broke her shoe at that event. Dear, dear, a good friend. Do not break your shoes around Ben or have your shoes damaged because he will not care.

Because in my experience, care. Well, no. I guess it depends on who you are. We can maybe not. We can maybe. Let's talk about our personal experiences because you're making a generalization about how I treat my friends when they have shoe drama. Hessa has one experience and you have the other. Push me in the cold winter.

I did not. He pushed me into a puddle. We are not relitigating this. You stepped in a puddle. You pushed me into the puddle. The long and short of it, we are not doing this again, is that I

keep forgetting to take my shoes to a club it's been so long they're still i know i know they're valentino yeah that's true you gotta fix that my shoes could not be very forgetful yeah and you know you should be grateful that your shoes are repairable if you if you step in water with crocs and they break you need to stop buying them well no it's because they were he got the only kind of crocs that um have a fabric lining or so he should somehow sure for plastic shoes that should be able to get wet you get the ones that literally break if they get wet you could just take that lining out and replace it right it listeners if you could imagine take that lining out and replace it, right?

Listeners, if you could imagine a really short, cackling, evil gay man behind you just pushing you into a puddle in the middle of the night. I'm going to get the video footage from Sony Mash. There's no video footage. I don't even know who the fuck that is either. It's Sony Mash. Is that a person? Sony the fuck that is either. It's Sony Mash. Is that a person?

Sony Mash is where it happened. It's a place we've been. Sony. I was talking to Sony the other day. I'm not getting into your friend named Sony right now. I also don't care what evidence Sony is going to produce. Keith's immediately disregarded anything Sony's got to say. I's going to get immediately disregarded anything Zoni's got to say. I'm sorry to tell you that.

Zoni has the camera that when you film anything, the people turn into Muppets in the camera. The Zoni tapes. Keith is going to get I'm going to send a message right now and Keith is going to have that footage for me

like that. Let's see. Keith, I'm going to send a message right now. Keith is going to have that footage for me like that. Literally don't give a shit about your fucking Crocs. Let's see. Oh, perfect. Keith, you remembered about 12 and a half months ago when... Keith would immediately block you. Keith is my New Orleans. When I created a scene that was so bad that you had to kick me out of it. I almost flipped a car like a single mother,

like a single new mother who had a baby trapped underneath it because my crotch got wet because i stepped in a puddle we're listening to that call i'm not going to be my new private amazing i'm sure he exists in israel oh um i'm a big fan of you guys show it really scratches the itch for um i don't know gay tattiness that i have in my heart um so something that i would love to hear you guys just takes on is i'm trans mask and why why are we all so annoying like i I don't know what it is about, like, being a trans-masc person, but, like, something about it makes you kind of annoying, at least, like, I mean, in person, but also in the public eye.

I just, I don't know why, what it is. And if you guys have any takes on that, I don't know why, what it is. And if you guys have any takes on that, I don't know. Anyway, have a lovely today's Tuesday. Oh my God, it's also Tuesday, twinning. I've got some thoughts on this one. I dated a lot of trans masc guys, and the last trans masc guy who I dated for almost a year. It's a free episode.

I'm just telling you this right now. It is a free episode. Just reminding you. Okay, whatever. Very cute, very sweet, and very casual dating. But, yeah, every trans masc person has an annoying quality. Theirs happened to be knowing acoustic guitar Taylor Swift. Yeah.

Play, like, imagine, imagine having amazing sex and you're like, wow, this couldn't get any better and then you're like actually this could get worse because the person that you've just had sex with is now playing acoustic uh guitar that's not great taylor i'll be honest that's not a great one that's not that's not ideal i love i love trans mask i love trans mask people i i don't think they're i don't think they're... They're not all annoying. That's a little heavy-handed. Yeah, they're not all annoying. Some of them are kind of annoying, but I feel it's the same percentage as trans femme people. But because they're guys,

it's easier to make fun of them, I guess. I don't know. I think my... Who's a really annoying trans mask? My theory on it would be... Oh, sorry, go ahead. Is it going to be someone that we... fun of that my god oh i don't know i think you know i think my annoying trans mask my theory on it would be i'm sorry is it gonna be someone that we oh elliot page it's like okay we get it why can you name a reason yeah because it's just like god is that the only thing we're ever gonna talk about now is your identity or can you have an identity outside of your identity

whoa okay can you have an identity outside of your identity? Whoa. Can you have an identity outside of your identity? That is a whopper of a question. That's fair. I think my read on it would be Maybe I'm being a little mean. My read on it would be

that I think trans masc guys can be kind of annoying in the way cis men often are, and that there's a kind of overperformance of masculinity. But it makes sense for trans guys to do that, whereas it doesn't make as much sense for cis guys to do that. I think we all know. I think we all know.

Because you're living in it. Why do transmasc men owe it to cis men? I'm being i'm being honest um and i think that it's it's not something you can really fault them for and i think they'll probably see them their way through it much faster than cis men would um yeah there's this it's it's the the trans thing of not of the first several years of being trans not you know it's like puberty i imagine it'd be like puberty or something you're going through like crazy changes what you want to exactly and when men do that i mean teenage boys are like renownedly like the most heinous people on earth

you know so i'd say cut them some slack let them be be annoying. It's fine. And check in with them in like five years and they will probably be incredibly normal. Yeah, and a lot of them are normal. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I feel like a trans masc person like fresh in their transition has a lot,

thinks that they have a lot to prove to the world and they only have things to prove to themselves. So I'm sure there's a lot of pressure to be more masculine in the first year of being a trans mass person that would push someone to be more annoying yes that makes sense absolutely was that it mean i can't tell by your silence hey y'all i need your help with something I am a grown woman, 30-ish years old, and I have an addiction to watching Among Us YouTube videos. I need you to shame me into not doing this anymore.

Please roast me. Make me feel terrible. I'm assuming that at least one of you knows what this video game for children is. If not, you know, just make something up. All right, thank you. Bye. Well, I cannot criticize her because I do play Fortnite, which is a game for babies, so... Well, playing it and watching videos...

I guess watching the videos is so... You can't even play the game! And also... And I'm picturing the videos, You can't even play the game? What? And I'm picturing the videos the videos being like You're definitely your dear pastor. No, I'm not. I'm not your pastor.

I was playing Fortnite the other day and like there were like all these kids. I was like this most embarrassing fucking thing that ever has ever happened to me. It's so embarrassing when the kids start talking on Fortnite because I'm like, oh, I'm under the impression that some of these people must be adults. I don't even think about them as big people. But then it's like, oh, it's like elementary school in here right now. Yeah.

I was like, I shut off my Xbox. It's like the most embarrassing fucking thing that's ever happened. You need to just lean into it and be like, alright, let's flank. We're dropping a purple. I'm the adult. It would be pretty cool. Maybe I should do that. This 30-year-old woman encouraged us to shame her

and that I will do. You are calling, leaving this message at 10.37am. You have just woken up and you're like, God. I don't know if most people wake up at 10 37 a.m you have just woken up and you're like god well i don't know if most people wake up at 10 30 jock that might be that might again might be a very personal experience i think you know a lot of people get up very early in the morning for her reflecting on her addiction it might be worse because she might have been just watching an among us video and been like i gotta do something and then i was like i gotta call i'm good i'll just be honest 10 37 a.m is not an unacceptable

time to one be awake or to make a phone call it's how most of the world works yeah i fear that this woman has been up all night watching among Us videos and that it is 1030. And she said, I'm kind of concerned. Yeah. And she took seven minutes and she thought about calling. You're excited to shame her? All right. Let's hear it.

Okay. Yeah. It's for children, you dumb bitch. Why don't you wake the fuck up? Let's go. Like, come on. I mean, like, you could literally search anything on youtube you do not have to like like seriously like you could be okay let me let me give you let me give you three

suggestions of youtube searches that you could do something that'll that'll you know enrich her her adult life what what's the smart sophisticated thing to search on youtube okay here's one how about she googles behind the scenes of bridget jones diary the movie so she could get a little bit more familiar with how they filmed that i mean that is at least content for adults at this point yes that is content for adults. Okay, I think that she should watch a video on the history of the Twilight Zone disaster.

The Twilight Zone movie disaster. Okay. And she should get educated. A little morbid, but still good. Well, it's watching stuff that's morbid is for adults. That's true. It is very scary.

It's probably very scary. Watching Among Us is for adults. That's true. It is very scary. It's probably very scary. Watching Among Us is for children. One thing that you think could really, you know, maybe give her something intellectual to look up on YouTube. Well, I wasn't going to give her, actually,

the third one isn't even on YouTube. You should just, you should immediately, when you start to put on an Among Us video, stop, pause it, and say, could I be having sex with someone right now? I see, okay. Develop a sex addiction.

Kind of a Pavlovian conditioning. Anytime you think about Among Us, you have to have sex with someone, and that'll rewire your association with the neural network. Let's be honest. You wouldn't be watching this many among us videos as a 30 year old woman. If you were getting dicked down, like you should be here.

We dig down, pussy up or, or whatever non-binary genitals you might be interacting with you. Whatever. You know, you're clearly not getting any of those genitals because you're too busy on the freaking computer now if if now if this is not if you're asexual then you need to become a fat person and if you're already a fat person why you need to become why why why why

this is really getting into some very arcane if If she's asexual, she needs to become fat? This is getting into some, like, a grimoire, like a ghost-hunting manual from the 1400s territory. No, I'm so curious as to why she needs to become fat. If she's asexual and probably hand-in-hand aromantic, she should just let her body free and eat like because I see

I totally understand this because if you're not fucking you may as well be fat as fuck because you might as well be eating if you ain't fucking then you better be eating but then you said but then you said if you're already fat

you should get skinny. Why is that? There is a counter to this. But if she's not asexual she has to get skinny so she can fuck. What if she's asexual not aromantic and fat as fuck?

I'm not a doctor. These are the questions you famously go to a doctor. I'm the head of his expertise. No, no, no. Crazy stuff you're throwing at me. Because the first advice is

you stupid bitch. What the hell kind of question is that? Let's get to another one we've got a lot to get to today I will say I recommend that you watch Video Game Donkey on YouTube because I really like that channel

and it scratches the cement how long is this one say the voicemail why I just need a time. One minute and nine seconds? Okay, I have one minute and nine seconds to drink this entire

Pedialyte. Just keep it away from your mic. I don't want any of the mouth noise. It's going to make me uncomfortable to hear you chug that Pedialyte. Yes, ma'am. Thank you. Yes, Lady Durag. Thank you. Alright, let's listen to this.

Hi, Seeking Derangement. This is Jude. So I have not been dating for a while. I have not had sex in months. I had kind of a strange, romantic, mostly sexual fling in the spring in the summer i had what the kids would call a situation ship um and that was right at the tail end of like this nasty nasty breakup um my first like genuine real breakup that i've ever had and I just don't really know how to approach dating and like the relationship world. I don't know how much success any of you have in dating, but how do you get back

into it after you've kind of fallen off? And how do you like, I don't know, how do you get out there? How do you meet people? How do you stop being so cynical and um like angry and um seemingly unlovable all the time i don't know um give me any insights you have thank you well you're not unlovable yeah you seem like a very sweet person um you have a very kind voice it is hard you're my favorite voice today get back into dating when you're not someone who is maybe super horny or getting through a rough breakup. I don't know. I mean, the easy answer here is like dating apps. But I feel like everyone really hates them.

And I don't think the output there is even date or sex very often. Go to bars. Go to bars. Yeah, I find a scene, you know, a scene that you don't even have to like this scene but you just have to like tolerate enough of the people that you can like make your way through it until you find someone who really who you do like a lot which you know because there's you know people tend to gravitate towards certain you know events and locations and stuff and i think just find just spend some time you know i think first you need to make peace with being you know on your own for a little while and then

once you stop worrying about it yeah and start just trying to like you know strike out on your own for a little while and then once you stop worrying about it yeah and start just trying to like you know strike out on your own then things will come more naturally and more um more easily to you i don't think it's a good idea to if you still feel hung up from your recent breakup i don't think you should date immediately because it's gonna hurt your feelings speaking from my personal experience and by the way none of us have successful relationships that i know of oh i don't like successful relationships i think we can all speak here personally jock instead of yeah declaring things for each other but i think it y'all got partners But I think it can... Y'all got partners? Not right now.

And Ben, you... Oh, so we're all single. So we're all in the same spot. That's the kind of mindset that's super unhealthy. I mean, you've never had a successful relationship. That's the kind of mindset you shouldn't have, Jude. Take the next... Where you have to be with someone at all times.

I had a successful relationship. He died. Or else... Jock, that's... This is a crazy card to pull right now. What the hell? We didn't even say that you hadn't had a successful relationship. You're saying things about us. You're speaking for us and we're saying we don't feel the same way and then you pull out the

dead boyfriend card. Okay. That is disrespectful to your dead boyfriend. Okay. Yeah. That is not disrespectful. boyfriend. Okay. Yeah, truly. That is not disrespectful to Hester. Well, okay. Well, look, it's not my case. It's not Hester's case.

So let's speak for ourselves here. Y'all, let me just stop this question real quick and make it about me real quick. Yeah, Jesus. Shut up. Shut up. Look, Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude. You don't even know what you're going to say. You're just, you're stalling because you realize you can vote.

No, I haven't said something crazy. Maybe if I say your name enough times, it'll become about them again instead of about me. Jude, you're going to find a romantic relationship when you least expect it. You have a pleasant enough voice, which usually indicates you're not ugly and you were able to operate a telephone yeah which means that you're probably the sharpest tool motor skills oh oh also also instead of looking on dating websites or bars look in your friends because maybe you're in love with one of your friends in your scene yeah i mean i guess i don't mean to say don't try the apps i would i think what you need to do seems like you're still fresh off of a breakup that is probably you know it takes a

long time to process those if it's especially like your first first big breakup that can be a major thing in someone's life i would say don't let that keep you back from dating or at least having sex i think sex can sometimes help you know just open your mind and body back up to the idea of being with other people um yeah meaningless sex is good for a breakup yeah to be honest um for some people if that's something you're drawn to sometimes yeah it can also be something that totally consumes your life and plunges you further into despair. So, you know. Yeah.

Are you still talking from experience? But I think that if you can get over the breakup and, yeah, find a scene and maybe just play all options, see what comes to you naturally. Bars, dating. Ooh. Was that a bisexual suggestion? Whatever they're, they'll know. I mean.

Yeah, it could be, I guess. All right, let's get another one here. Hi, angels. I just wanted to first say thank you so much. About a year ago, I was accused of homophobia. Boo. Boo. We hate when I was accused of homophobia. Boo! Boo! We hate when people get accused of homophobia.

We hate that. You guys allowed me via your Patreon to be a part of the Slur Pass tier, and you really gave me so much confidence to get through that. For everyone who is listening on the free feed right now, you can find a free episode most weeks on the free feed where you are now. Or you can find one to two bonus episodes per week on the Patreon. One of those tiers, the $7 tier, is the Slur Pass in which if anyone comes for you for saying, and I do want to be specific here, homophobic slurs, transphobic slurs, maybe a Latino one. I can back you up there.

Jock can back up Cajun ones. Yeah. Heskin do Italian ones. Yeah. It's effectively a hood pass for any identities we may be able to have. A lot of mental illness ones too.

So if you're saying anything like that. There are a lot of identities we don't cover. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Obviously. So if you come to us and say you want this hood pass for saying something

insane you're not getting it from us okay um this would be so funny on our page if it was like these are the slurs we're not allowed to say yeah well i'm not typing those ones out it would be um but that's what this woman is talking about let's see if she uh let's see if it worked out for her also if you were accused of homophobia you sound like a good person yeah you sound wonderful so I would say they probably yeah they probably suck it's okay especially with the gay guy probably being

so okay to be mean to gay men I'm sorry it's so fine especially if you're a woman gay men are turning yeah they love yeah they love it as well if they pretend they don't love it, then they're liars. They're the biggest liars of all time. Also, gay men are incredibly misogynistic.

We're sisters. It's okay to call me a faggot, okay? Gay men are calling each other mother. They are so... They've literally taken the word mother from women. And ruined it. I think it is okay for women in retaliation to be given

F pass for all of them. They can all say faggots now. But let's see what happened with her. And now I never see those people anymore. So we did it. But anyways... I did it.

She literally got kicked out of a friend circle for being homophobic and registering her on. Yes! You literally sound like a queen. I don't hang out with those people anymore. No, she's a queen. I love her. I need to know what she did. Let's see what she says.

Also, it... Well, anyone who really knows gay people knows that they deserve to be punished continue yeah i drive about 400 miles a week and i listen to seeking arrangements constantly and as a result i've developed like a really intense parasocial relationship with you all like people ask me how my day was and I'll be like, oh my God, a jock started a restaurant called the Challenger Bistro or I'll just tell people about his health. So A, I'm going to mitigate that.

And then B, because I have this parasocial dilemma, I'm like constantly telling people that the blueprint guy has gender dysphoria and talking about the playlist. So I think I'm going to get accused of homophobia again so if you have some tips for how to deal with that it would mean the world thank you for everything keep doing you queen I say change

keep doing it fuck the losers fuck the haters if those people don't like you calling Brian Johnson trans if they don't like you saying brian johnson trans if they don't like you yeah saying that jock is they don't like you saying they're not your real friends to find out who is in charge find out who you're not allowed to be brian johnson egg the egg community exactly is that their puppet strings are extending across the globe right now and you are doing the lord's work by fighting against absolutely keep keep calling them out um also yeah do you

really want to be friends with people where you can't express your true ideas and your true self without being registered as an outcast or an offender of some sort like exactly i really am curious about what she said so i would i look i'm gonna back you up 100 i'm gonna tell you right now truly it could truly be anything i will tell you right now girl i do not care what you said i will back you up 1000 we're all here for you we're your shooters but i am very curious what we us three encourage you to say to a bunch of gay guys that cause them to stop look look there's a very simple way to prove that you're not homophobic. You say, excuse me. Come out as gay. You say, excuse me, I'm not homophobic. I'm about to list

10 different gay people. Watch out. You list 10 gay people right now. Okay, Troy Silvan, Ellen DeGeneres, gay male or gay in general? Microphone. Gay male or gay in general? Openphone. Gay male or gay in general?

It's an open question. Yeah, gay in general. Okay, so Troye Sivan, Ellen DeGeneres. So that's one person so far, because one of them, that's not a real name. He said it twice. He always says Troye Sivan. Usher is a real name.

Yeah, keep going. Keep going. Okay, Usher. So that's three then. Okay, okay. Let's see. Ben Mora. No, it's famously fine no no fine i'll change they cannot know people you're currently looking at okay that's a good rule that's a good rule okay roger moore gay is not gay i don't think

confirmed out are you are you you can't even name yes you can't just speculate on people Roger Moore. Gay as they're not gay. I don't think Roger Moore is gay. Confirmed out gay people. You can't even name. Yes, he came out. You can't just speculate on people. He did not come out, Jacques. I'm about to bring it up, you idiot. Okay, look it up because it's not true. You idiot.

You imbecile. So rude. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Also, this is a big like duh um fucking what's his name he's fat i thought it was a big i thought it was a big toy you can't even think of the name you can't even think of the name of the person you've thought of four people one of them is ben ross matthews from rupaul's i'll say look i'll say that counts for about three right there all right that's that's four gay guys

shut up shut up number Number five, Freddie Mercury. I knew you wouldn't be able to do this. I knew you would not be able to list 10 gay people. Number six, Elton John. Okay. Okay, there we go. Number seven. Okay.

Number seven, Sarah Paulson. Okay, nice. Sarah Paulson. She's a lesbian. She's Number seven. Okay. Number seven, Sarah Paulson. Okay, nice. Sarah Paulson. She's a lesbian. She's a lesbian. Incredibly annoying. Ryan Murphy. Okay, nice.

Okay. Number nine, Billy Porter. Okay. Number ten. Home run. Number ten. Liberace. There we go

that was amazing Jock that was I know it's cool that my brain still works after all these years number fine was

that one took me out number fine number fine that was crazy what was number fine Roger Moore number five number five

Roger Moore on the gate 10 gay people top 10 gay people alright let's get another one. Is he dead too? Yeah, he's dead and gay. Yeah, Roger Moore died like three years ago, I think. He's dead and gay.

Okay, wait. Okay. Papers found in an old laundry box after 70 years reveal the moment Roger Moore's jealous wife caught him red-handed with his lover. Does it say the lover's

a man? I'm getting to that, you little bookworm. This is great podcasting. This is great podcasting. I always have a moment of silence on this podcast sometimes. Yeah, some people need a break. Yeah, exactly. Okay, maybe I don't know if he was gay or not all right all right but i want to figure it out

apologize to hessa for calling her an idiot bitch stupid and bookworm for suggesting he i don't need an apology i will wait wait wait i will apologize i will apologize to everything that you just listed except calling her a bookworm no it's kind of a compliment because that bitch is a bookworm but I love you Hesla let's get another call here

one more frightening voice you're scared of the voice already I mean lock the doors. All right. This one got fucked up, so I'm going to really try and do it quick. Once upon a time, Ben Moore tried to steal my bitch, or at least I thought. I was living in Detroit.

I was seeing this girl at the time, and we broke up, and we were kind of at that weird in-between point where it's like we broke up. She were kind of at that like weird in between point where it's like we broke up she moved out she got her own apartment I was just like oh like what's gonna happen but we're like he was talking about me because I just read the transcript for this one and my name is asterisked out

for some reason oh my god it's because your name is a slur also I did not try to steal someone some man who lives in detroit no keep playing it now are you now we have to like whatever one day i'm like oh hey like do you want to hang out like blah blah blah like i just got work early and she's like oh i can't i'm hanging out with this guy and i'm like oh like that's cool what are you guys doing she's like oh we're going to bronx bar i'm just like oh okay that's cool what are you guys doing she's like oh we're going to Bronx Bar I'm just like oh okay that's cool like whatever you know but in my head I'm like what the fuck

is going on like why are you telling me this long story short fast forward some years and they're like yeah but still and like I'm just like oh like blah blah blah like these people are really cool whatever and um i'm just like damn like why does this sound so familiar and then i realized like oh shit this is that fucking guy this is like the random twitter guy that was about to live with like my ex or whatever like why didn't i put these pieces together and it's honestly such a beautiful thing because it's like so insecure to think the gayest man of all time is gonna steal your bitch ben if you want to get my bitch i did not steal it whoa thank you ben only steals men i i I have wrecked a few homes, maybe, allegedly.

No women were in those homes. I have wrecked several homes. There were no women in the home when I wrecked them. I do remember this time, actually. Don't make any moves on your bitch, as you so affectionately call her. I did not try to step on your bitch. Don't yell at him for being traditional. He's a traditional male.

Yeah, I do remember this time. Wait one second. Oh my God. Just Google update. Never mind. I do remember this time in Detroit. Funny enough, I was looking for housing because i was working for bernie and um i remember not wanting to live with anyone because i didn't like any of

their apartments so i just lived in the office and made the commute easier um no offense to your bitch i'm sure her apartment was very cute um yeah bronx bar that's a fun bar i just looked up the picture of it that's what brought all these memories back to me. I feel so fucking old sometimes, y'all. Like, just remembering something. Has it been closed for 10 years? No, but just like remembering parts of my life from like even like three years ago. I'm like, what the fuck was going on?

You know? Yeah. Like, it's crazy to remember that we live together we live together I worked for a presidential campaign it's just fucking nuts I was on Grindr two days ago and this guy messaged me

fuck Scott Bixby who was the guy who wrote the article about you as I've said since thank you Scott you've made it so I really only have to work like six hours wrote the article about you. Which, honestly, as I've said since, thank you, Scott. You've made it so I really only have to work like six hours a week now at most. It kind of rocks.

Can we interview him? I would absolutely try to interview Scott. But I realized that sometimes I'm like, I've been so fucking crazy in my life like i've done some shit that's like really not normal like after this getting this fuck scott bixby message i was like thinking about it and i was like oh yeah i remember me and like five other

gay guys mounted a harassment campaign against his deformed musical theater boyfriend because he was Photoshopping pictures of them on vacation. And it went so like viral on Twitter that there were articles written about it. Like after I got fired, I'm like, and I,

all I, I was just like a maniac. And the photos are really funny. They're like incredibly Photoshopped. They're like pictures of them like, you know, standing on like. He's that ugly? Like Quasimodo? The boyfriend is.

Yeah, he's got a little kind of hunchback of Notre Dame. The limp wrist of DC kind of vibe to him. He's a little. I got a first cousin that looks like Quasimodo. And she tried to ask me out on okay cupid so that should say where she's at wow did you fuck her does she have a crazy name or a normal name she she has she has a very normal name i'll tell y'all okay then don't say it then don't say it i i i feel bad for her because she's not evil or something, but I was like, what do you know?

Like, like first, the first message was like, Oh, Hey, LOL. It's like so random to run into you. She's not trying to fuck you.

I don't care. She's just saying, wait, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, the second message the second message was her telling me her telling me about a long standing crush that she had had on me and how she thought that we would make pretty kids together she said we would make pretty

yeah she said we would make and I'm gonna say on my dad's side that's how you know it's a fucked up side of the family honestly I got one cool cousin on that side and the rest of them are kind of like you got a really cool aunt on that side

there's an aunt who I really love on that side Debbie is on the other side Debbie's on my mom that makes sense shout out I have a one person we don't have to say I do have a Oh, that makes sense. Shout out to Debbie. Wait. I have a one person we don't have to say. I do have a Debbie story.

I do have a Debbie story from this Christmas. Let's wrap it up with a Debbie story. Chuck, do you think we could interview her? I just think people would have would have to we would have to physically speed the episode up after because her voice comes out about at this

pace if she could communicate if she's in the state to communicate what happened so first thing that was If she's in this state to communicate. Okay, okay. What happened? What happened? So, first thing that was funny she did at the Christmas party this year, she sat down next to a cousin. This is big for her because usually she's standing around.

Cornered. Yeah, she's just standing around. Usually she's not invited to the Christmas party from what I understand. She always cries and makes herself invited. Yeah. Okay, okay. party no she's she always cries and makes herself invited yeah okay okay um anyway oh anyway so she sits down next to like a newer cousin like by marriage or by adoption and the she says who are you and the young girl goes elise oh you told me and and then oh turns and says I knew Annalise

once and then she turns slowly back and that was the end of the conversation later that same night my uncle Debbie's husband who also gets just as fucked up as she does up and drinking yeah yeah

yeah uh you know he told he told he told debbie wait in the front uh like wait like in the driveway i'll come back and pick you up and and so he walked to the car and about 25-30 minutes went by and he had forgot her well she is literally an inanimate object at many points she's standing outside like a banshee

a ghost woman turning to family members going no one brought her in no one brought in aunt debbie they were like he forgot me she didn't even call him we had someone else in the family lord lord why couldn't have been debbie sweet lord why couldn't you take debbie from us we have to interview it i'm being so serious the year that look she she's used to being left places and it being fine we could one year she she she fell face forward into a bowl of

soup from being on high on no no no but then then my uncle grabbed a napkin, wiped her face off, carried her into his car, put her in the backseat, locked the doors, rolled down the window just ever so slightly like a dog. And he continued to stay at that party for two hours with her in the backseat. And she didn't wake up once it's gonna be something we ask her about one-on-one yeah i don't think she has the mental bandwidth to answer questions really she okay to put it on emphasis she's probably had at at this point, six or seven. That's on emphasis. Six or seven different strokes. All right.

Well, that's enough on Debbie. Let's wrap it up. Let's wrap it up on her. K's close on Aunt Debbie. Wrap it up like a mummy. She is very mummy-like. She's more like a wraith in my mind. Like a wailing woman of a bog. Well, thank you.

She doesn't even scream. Thank you, everyone, for listening. Like I said earlier, you can find more episodes on our Patreon. It's patreon.com slash seeking derangements. And yeah, until next time, we'll see you then. I have one shout out, people. Before we leave, go see Poor Things in Theaters.

It was the best movie I ever saw in my life. And I can't wait to see it again. Yay! All right, bye everyone. Bye. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. guitar solo Thank you. Thank you. Thanks for watching!