Seeking Derangements - SD 295 - Ya Man's Gay pt. 12 w/ Jack Wagner

Episode Date: March 3, 2024

Happy Sunday everyone! We're back for the 12th installment of the Gay List with Jack Wagner of Otherworld. We talk about the recent P Diddy scandal, Jacques having sex with 2 of his friends fathers, and what a woman should do if she catches her man dipping his toe into the pool to check the temperature. Find Weekly bonus episodes on our Patreon

The Ending of Somewhere to Start Smooth Operator Smooth Operator Smooth Operator Smooth Operator Coast to coast and lake to Chicago, Western Air Across the North, down south to Seeking Derangements. His eyes are like angels, his heart is color Welcome everyone to Seeking Arrangements.

We're here with Jock and Hessa as usual, but we're joined by Jack Wagner for, I believe this is installment 12 of The Gay List, right? Is it 12? That's insane. I can't even believe we've made it past two. Yeah, I know. It's incredible. I've been listening the entire time.

This is a huge honor for me. I want you all to know that you're the only podcast I listen to. Oh my god, that's an amazing honor. That's a nice compliment. I've pared down my consumption. Aside from my own, in the process of making it, this is the only thing I'm listening to,

which is a crazy media diet of like... It's so funny. It's only interviewing people about demons and then listening to this. Ghost and cum diet. Well, see, Jack, you're on the same tip. It's like you can't do a good podcast if you're listening to other people's podcasts

except ours, which is the best podcast. It is. Yeah. I don't listen to podcasts either i've never listened to an episode of this really i do a lot of yard work to it and like chores which is really funny because i'll have memories of like like i have i remember where i was when i heard certain things like i remember when i heard that jacques had sex with his friend's dad i was like cleaning

the wheels of my car it's funny that you remember when i had sex with my friend's dad when i don't remember it was a shocking reveal to me it was a shocking reveal well it's like it's one of it's got to be one of the worst ways to find out your dad is gay because not only has your dad been lying to you your whole life he also has a penchant for smelly little cubs who are your best friend also thank god she doesn't listen and thank god separately the other guy whose dad does not listen okay so there's two dads there's a double dad there's two dead and thank god the third dad is dead okay and thank god the police didn't investigate too hard on that one it's not like my cum killed him he died later on he was about to spill your secrets he was about to tell his daughter

hey do you mean your gay friend who would ride around in short shorts on those roller skates yeah i used to pay to smell him you can't this ain't gonna leak you ain't you ain't gonna tell her i pull up to take a selfie at the edge of that roof i pull up to their i pull up to i pull up I pull up to their family house on rollerblades with a boombox on my shoulder and socks up to my knees

and the dad was outside and it was just me and him and he looked at me up and down and said nice outfit Jacques is that real? dad serious American beauty Nice outfit, Jock. Is that real? Dead serious. This is Jock's American Beauty-esque scene. That man was Kevin Spacey.

That guy having the American Beauty bathtub full of rose petals scene, except instead of rose petals, it's potato chips falling down on Jock. It's an entire bathtub filled with... No, no, it's an entire bathtub filled with cool whip that's more gumbo gumbo and cool whip

if you're gonna have a secret gay lover with your son or daughter's friend either way no offense Jacques but of all people to choose that is very reckless. I feel like the risk of you blabbing is very, very high.

I didn't have a podcast back then. No one believed any of the shit I had to say in general. And I was a 17, 18, 19-year-old drug addict type, making money in bad ways, living life on the edge and doing things not the right way. On the mean streets of Lafayette. On the mean streets of Lafayette, nonetheless.

I was mixing two... There was times where I'd take 25 hits of 2CI at once. And, you know, look, now I i'm normal i have no frame of reference one hit is it's one is enough i've done 2ci it's a lot one is enough anyways i mean in this salacious world of jock gonsolin that you know a lot has come to light but there's been a lot coming to light with the recent um you know revelations from the rap world we're gonna talk about this you know maybe more than we we will end up

doing just because it's of course like my pee diddy but I was doing some research into this and I was like this is like actually like no for sure like just like fingered make me mill or something but he's like you know ritually

harassing and grooming lots of people for it seems like no justin bieber just just well for sure but by the way beyond that i was telling you this ben yesterday like the news is that like like the headlines right now are like is meek mill might be bisexual like everyone's all shocked like he was molested brutally but like yeah but also and some of the other accusations are like cannibalism which is like god damn yeah it's crazy for me to read all that and be like wait what this is how kind of sucks to me. Bye. No, I know. You mean he was eating dick?

Are you kidding me? He was sucking dick and on the Santa Carla dialect? What the hell? Jack, did you find what the actual allegations of cannibalism were? I was hoping you would. I didn't find any. There was one guy who was like, yeah, and he likes cannibalism were because i was searching i was hoping you would i didn't find any i just i just there was like one guy who was like yeah and he likes cannibalism but there was never you know i'm so fucking over like okay call someone a pedophile call them a murderer

call them a thief cannibal calling them a cannibal i'm like just get a grip like you can call anyone you want a pedophile a murderer a thief or you know rapist or whatever first of all this is something i've been thinking this is something i've thought for a long time calling someone a thief makes them sound cool as fuck yeah it makes them dress like a ninja and like sneak into palaces and steal jade eggs and shit. The Claremont twins, Winona Ryder, Patty Hott, Ashley Olsen. Anyone who's committed robberies. It implies professional thief, like you're hired to steal a document.

It's cool. Aladdin's a thief. He takes an apple and you're rooting for him to get away. He's the prince of thieves. Yeah. Yeah, thief is pretty sexy. I knew that would that would test spiral and I think I think sin bad prince of thieves you're seeing a job does somebody do any of you have the the Meek Mill tweet about liking pussy and you

thought yeah I've got the meat I want you to read that because it is this is about 2,000 times since the accusations have come forward he's going crazy this is an old tweet it's like brand new no no no it is brand new yeah this is from like a day ago or so but you'd have to scroll for 10 minutes to find it because he's posted so many times just to try to like

flood the timeline of like allegations that are would actually be pretty sad like make him a victim right yes no he is I think it's probably all true and this this does seem like someone who's probably been through a fair amount of trauma trying to like that's the scary thing about

this entire thing is that there's so many people that are either victims or accomplices and it's like where do you fall in into this evil lie of R&B SVU it's like where do you fall in into this evil lie of rnb spu it's like an svu episode it it's gonna be one we're gonna do it oh yeah and it's gonna suck they're gonna combine it with one other thing that's in the news and it's not gonna work it's gonna be like this and january 6th they're gonna make one episode of svu m mel make mel like it's january 6th like yeah like

how they congress to be on his side they they combined the michael jackson episode and the gypsy rose blanchard episodes into one episode it's like come on that's enough for two episodes it's deserving of two episodes well they're they're most likely going to combine it as a crossover episode of SVU and Law & Order Organized Crime. Organized Crime. Where it's like... Elliott Stabler. Stabler's got to take down the entire R&B Groomers Association. The R&B Industrial Complex.

Exactly. I would love to see Ice-T handle it, like be the lead in that episode. You know who he probably would be, you know? Oh, absolutely. He would take the lead. He would be you know oh absolutely he would take the lead he would take charge yeah he could take my lead this is the this is the meek me the meek mill uh tweet this is the first kind of batch of uh his tweets that i saw when i got a girl around me i'm fucking her twice a day lol ask some of your favorites pussy don't control me but it's like a high one one love to the gay people but that juicy pussy doing it for me i done ran red lights to

get that i've done ran red lights to get that feeling y'all weird on here like devil lol that's that's not kind of a cool way to react. I read this and I was like, I fucking believe him. I believe him. I believe him. I believe him too. No, I think that's the gayest thing you could have said. It sounds like he's never had sex with a woman.

I don't know. The LOLs throw it off. The LOLs throw it off. There's a fair amount of emojis in here, and he is using ellipses. So those are some pretty gay choices, I would say. Some pretty gay choices for Jack to accuse this straight guy of being gay. I think you might have a gay problem if you suddenly are like, oh, Meek Mill's totally fagging out.

I don't believe him when he talks about pussy. That big little list. To be clear, I'm not the source of these allegations. This is not something I've conjured. The leaker. We have the whistleblower. Here's my reporting. Here we go.

Jack, the big little lie. I went undercover to find out i i genuinely honestly i read that tweet and i was like oh this guy you know he just does he's sick of people calling him gay you know yeah i know it's it's sad i mean the it's of course what's going on with pd stuff which is crazy but it's also sad and funny that like the main takeaway is like the possibility that there might be two bisexual rappers which just seems like in 2024 like yeah are we still hung up on that like i know it's truly like the oldest news and it's you know there's got to be many gay rappers oh yeah i yeah. I mean, it's all of them now.

People should be offended by bisexuals. They're all acting like they're all kind of, a lot of them are gay coded now, but like apparently aren't. I mean, it's all of them. It can be no other way. A lot of them are elite or EGI, elite gender inverters.

Little Uzi inverters. Just gay. Yeah. You think so Jacques why what's your case you fucked him what do you mean you know so Jacques making a face like

tell me the scoop so for everyone at home Jacques just put on a big hat that says press on it and pulled out an old timey camera and a notepad with a pencil so any adult with braces uh is can is up for grabs for being gay no yeah you're you're slandering all latinos lots of mexicans guatemalans get braces when they're adults also just brazil

have braces look i don't know how they do facts in other worlds, but here on Seeking Derangements, I say something and it's a fact. So I don't know why all this contest. I think it's almost the opposite of true on here. It's completely opposite. But sorry, does little Uzi Vert even have braces? He probably has a grill.

I think he probably has a grill. I've never, I don't know the gay also girls are gay too i mean jock would you call like would you call gene hollywood gay i have no idea who gene hollywood is but he is definitely gay hey hey my name's gene hollywood and i'm the gayest man on the sunset strip like who the hell is gina there's this other meek mill tweet that this is the one that got me and i was like okay guys maybe maybe we do have a gay guy on yeah yeah okay because he said oh okay i'm i'm gonna come back to philly first i need the rush rush. Ha! Exclamation point.

That was like years before the Troye Sivan song, right? This was tweeted 20 hours ago. That was 20 hours ago? Yes. This is in the midst of gay... Everyone's calling a gay guy bisexual at best. Okay, it's called... Bisexual at best is okay. Okay, to be unbothered enough to tweet something like that is kind of

okay with six wise which yeah i mean that's that's a sexuality i buy the first first word is gay i'm gonna say okay that's gay and then he needs to go back to philly to get the rush maybe you're reading it in your voice and not in his. Okay. Okay, I'm going to come back to get it. Yeah, exactly. He reads it like, okay, I'm going to come back. Yeah, exactly.

But then Ben reads it like, okay, hey, everybody, my name's Ben. I mean, I guess. It just seems pretty gay to me. The multiple Ys are indefensible i think i think that's the smoking gun this whole i don't know if this was real but i saw somebody like saying that he was at one point following some like gay porn twitter account yeah yeah no did you see that one that was real i mean it was tweeted by pop crave and i trust them so i do trust pop yeah are you sure it wasnve. Was it Pop Crave?

Are you sure it wasn't Poo Crave? I was not. I've been fooled by Poo Crave before and it never happened to me again. Poo Crave DMed me once. I didn't know that was a joker. No, it's another account out there. I mean, sorry Meek Mill. Honestly, for the

record, I don't think he's gay. It is just sad to know that. You've been saying that for a while do you want to elaborate proven you make me want to leave the one i'm with start a new relationship is gay coded as fuck how could you not hear that and think i'm i'm a i'm a man in a straight relationship and i just realized I'm gay. Is he married? I thought he was. Wasn't he? Marriage is always... He has herpes. Which... I mean, but everyone has herpes, right?

Besides me. It's one in four adults have herpes. There's four of us right here. He's been married three times. He just got married to somebody. Okay. Interesting. A man or a woman? He's been married to someone. Allegedly married allegedly women oh shit it's a man wait look i don't know why can you tell me what your case for usher being gay is besides cryptic lyrics i'm just curious i'm genuinely just curious because i can see it

for sure gay face i have a he does have a face i have a 2007 tour t-shirt that has him shirtless on the front and this pose and the amount of space that he takes up on his own t-shirt in this really gay pose. He had to approve. He's in like the Dwight Eisenhower I'll send a picture of it.

Face down ass up. What's the pose only a gay narcissist would have a picture of himself blown up that far on his own i'm bringing it up the 2007 i'm genuinely very curious about what makes this post so gay i don't want to go dig to find it I have a question I have a question for you guys I love questions so I'm going to flip the script like I've been fascinated with this series 12th episode

but I want to know like how do you tell if somebody's gay like shoot them like seriously like like what about it like okay he's gay. Shoot them? Literally face. Stand up? Seriously, if you're in a... What about it? Okay,

there's two. You know how when you have your central nervous system that goes to the brain, but there's also your reflexes?

There's two. There's your reflexes, and then there's the intellectual thing. But yeah, i think ben is completely right that like it's a it's physiognomy yeah you can tell by the way they stand the way they hold their body i guess i'm speaking particularly about gay men here um the way they stand the way they hold their body the way they hold their face the way they talk their mannerisms and then just style it's so kind of i feel like

growing up gay and being gay it becomes something that it almost feels instinctive you know yeah you can't really assign certain things to it besides just a general kind of feeling it's like when the doctor hits your knee with the hammer and then it kicks up you don't i can't explain why your limp wrist why you can't explain why that happened but your wrist did become a limp when you shock what about you i feel like you've had like experiences that would make this more of like a like a real important skill you know yeah well i mean he's been in the streets more like in the in the mud yeah simplest simplest way to tell is if a if a man is staring at you and uh

he pitches a tent looking in front of you in public okay so and he starts going comically large banger and you get your slide whistle when it goes so insightful and then also um if you put a cigarette out on someone, if you put it out on a straight man, he goes, ow. But if you put it out on a gay man, he goes, ow. Why did you do that? Okay, no. I'm forcing a real answer from you, Jacques. You grew up in the South.

Let's say you're somewhere even more conservative than Louisiana. Let's say you're in Alabama on a road trip. You're at a place where there's a bunch of men. You're maybe thinking somebody you're talking to might be, but it's also

not a situation where you want to be wrong. How would you know? You know what I'm saying? Let's see i okay i want to say that first off i've never had a situation where a straight guy well no that's not true i was about to say i never had a situation where i hit on a straight guy and he was like hey i'm by the way i'm straight um i love that you bailed on that lie because you knew it would be it wasn't a lie i just was trying

to be i was trying to be every straight guy i've talked to has ended up fucking me well okay no not exactly but also i don't think i've ever been like accidentally fag bashed it's always been like i did cause enough they're doing that on purpose yeah it's always i mean like you know you caused it i hope i mean like i was dressed or acting a certain way that would like you know like incite a bigot to react violently to hit me on to the back of the head with a glass bottle and call me a fag. That has happened four times. I'll give you a straight answer here.

Don't answer for me. It's okay. It's interesting. In the South, it's actually much easier to delineate who's gay and who's not because the only people who are gay there are really faggy really damn tight so you can't hide it so it's super easy to tell

who's gay in the south because they're wearing you know yellow booty shorts on rollerblades and getting a you know glass bottle thrown at them from the car I genuinely think it's something in the eyes that you can just see I've always thought that. I've always thought that too.

I've always thought that too. Really? Telling that to a guy you just met. Eyes? No, I've always... It was almost like a twinkle. Is it a fence? Is it a fence?

Glinty, gay eyes. It's the face. The eyes are the windows of the face it's basically like being like disney villain archetype yeah just and obviously like a little prettier like you can look into the pupil of a of someone's eye and if you've had the experience of sucking a cock or putting a dick in your ass or swallowing cum or anything like that you just there's a chemical reaction that naturally

occurs due to pheromones where their eyes get a little bit bigger when they're around someone else that stink people's eyes are watering from your pheromones first of all first of all, first of all,

first of all, Ben, I smell good. Second of all, no one has ever paid you to sniff you. Third of all, your hair looks like busted ass Kramer, bitch.

Fourth of all, did you even brush your teeth before this meeting because I could smell your stank ass rank fucking sucked a dirty cock breath Jack I'm so sorry you had to hear that it's just sometimes you said it I mean I listen to the show every week

so he hears you blow up on me for saying a joke twice a week I just don't want someone of your stature to have to you know tolerate something no i was just pale i was curious just because like and i'll i'll loop it back to uh the list eventually but uh yeah i was curious because like listening to the list it is funny and there's something kind of profound about it because it's it's so long yeah and. He's still making it.

Still making it. Obviously, all this stuff is nonsense. But it does almost like... It's almost like it's getting at something where it's like this idea of gayness that's something else. You know? Like the type of gayness that I was afraid of being in middle school. But it has nothing to do with dating men. I mean, like my theory which is

that like the type so many of these things are like you're acting like a child like it's like if your man eats candy he's gay or if your man it's like being immature or something or yeah yeah it's it's literally like if your man wears pajamas gay. If your man eats an ice cream sundae on the top of the Ferris wheel at sunset, he gay. I mean, that's valid. Something I think about all the time is in middle school, a girl liked me and asked me to dance at the school dance. I said no. It took me a long time to have a girlfriend.

I remember honestly thinking that it would be gay of me to dance with the girl and i understand the contradiction but like it's like in the sopranos when the junior is no it was kind of like that yeah i'm like you know when you're a kid and you just like nobody's teaching you anything so you just form opinions based on like the kids around you but yeah i literally thought it'd be gay to have a girlfriend yeah it's definitely a very that is a very like real in high school i was like oh my god i need to get a girlfriend right yeah

yeah um interesting i would like to bring oh go ahead oh i just would like to bring the evidence of usher being gay to the council there we go um i've provided a uh visual link if you could just go ahead and click of the t-shirt in question of him being gay and following it is a second tour t-shirt to prove his sexuality. If not... Where did you send this? It's just a shirt. That's a cool picture. I own this shirt.

It's just like... He looks like this in every photo. What are you talking about? Do you have gay blinders up that don't let you see faggots or something? Because you've been looking at too many ghosts. What, you can't see the gay guy in that picture? I mean... He's piping hot.

I think it's just... It looks like a pretty standard R&B like... Okay, fine. I will add a second piece of evidence to the investigation. Your Honor, I would like you to look at the Etsy listing for the Vintage Usher

American Pop Singer Tour shirt, which is even gayer. It's $103. This is a great shirt. Oh, is this in the chat for the... Yeah, for the Riverside. I get this. If this was now, yes.

But back then, people did not have outlets for horniness. Usher was like a woman's artist. An artist for women. People couldn't just go online and look at hot people. They needed to get horny looking at Usher on a shirt. I'm worried about your ability to properly, you know. You don't think he has what it takes to get into the list? I think that as a straight guy guy you defending a gay guy is very

you know no and here i'll counter this jock i'll counter it the biggest evidence for usher is that he looks way too good at his age he looks incredible he's like 53 years old yeah 53 years old that is it really does he looks amazing a diet a diet a healthy diet of twinks and vegetables will do that for you I think we gotta get into the list I'm ready for the list but I wanna pose one question for Jack

to think of towards the end of the episode it is part of my gay studies I will need you to think of who you would have as a boyfriend in the world and who would you be your number one boyfriend and you can't say Brandon. Take your time.

Wardell? No. Brandon Pastrami. Yes, Wardell. Who else would the fuck I be talking about? Why would I choose Brandon Wardell of all people to be my boyfriend? I don't know. I'm going to make that last on my list. be talking about why would i choose brandon mordell of all people to be my boyfriend well i mean i

don't know y'all just i'm gonna make that last on my list i just saw jock's world is just a consolation of just threadbare association so you're you're just filed next to brandon and his i've seen y'all i've seen you as boyfriends i've seen a picture of y'all talking before and the way that y'all look at each other. Exactly what I'm saying. Let's get to the list. We're reopening at

Flowtorch. Flowtorch comes out. Flowtorch instantly comes out. After Burner. I really don't think the audience gets a sense of this. Until they see that it is literally a three-foot flame.

It's like an industrial blowtorch. And it's so scary. He's welding. Anyways, I don't want to talk about the torch. 320. Stop screaming. 323 is... 323? 323?

How do we even get that far? I've been bouncing around, to be honest. Okay. For consistency's sake, not question. For consistency's sake, let's skip 200 items. Some of them aren't good. Okay, commissar.

323 is post your son on social media. Okay. Oh, this is hard already. Yeah. On one hand, why are you posting another man? Obviously. Immediately, why are you posting a man?

The recall here is you've had a son. You've had to have at least had sex with him. But a lot of gay guys have had sons, you know? It's true. In reality, no. I would say no because, like, a true, like, the straightest guy, their Instagram is, like, only pictures of fish and their family.

And that's true. Yeah. You know, the average straight guy in America has an Instagram that hasn't been posted on in like five years. It's like their wife, a dog, baby pictures,

and a blurry picture of a bass. It depends on what the sun, what the context is of the sun picture. Because if it's a baby, or if it's like... If it's a milestone event. A picture of your son on the football team. It's a picture of the son at the gay pride parade.

I'm so happy to support my dad. On the float for gay dad and son alliance. It's a picture of your son at the ballroom dancing competition. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that could be... That could go either way. I mean, honestly, in Sopranos, the guy was

actually straight and not gay. And he was a ballroom dancer. But his dad wanted to get him. Yeah, and a lot of my friends got forced to go to ballroom dance classes as kids. Wow. By their parents. Which is very funny. My parents never made me do it but i they were like yeah we all went to ballroom dance classes because our parents were like

in case you guys are ever in a ballroom scenario we don't want you to be embarrassed richie april's son was a ballroom dancer and richie april was was very disgraced that he was a mezzofanuc type by dancing. Mezzofanuc is a beautiful See, that's a term we should get an American equivalent for. Faggot, no? I think mezzofanuc is like half of a faggot.

I would love that as an ass tat. As a tramp stamp. What? Or just Sopranos in the Sopranos font above my ass. You know how much ass I would get?

Well, you'd already be in the situation, I think, if they see your Sopranos. And that would be funny if someone took off your pants and saw the Sopranos tattoo across your entire ass and then said like no i think i'm gonna go home i think i'm done the other flaw of this

list is that like and maybe this has been pointed out but things have reversed so much that like the idea of masculinity that you know like those accounts like the culture critic and like all of the right wing like Roman guys like all of them like the masculinity they want exists it's just like gay guys doing it like what they're describing it's like yeah you're describing the life of a gay guy like they work out 8 hours

a day and then go directly to the club and party and have sex and make a lot of money and like yeah it's uh everything reversed they want to be circuit gays literally to the club and party and have sex and make a lot of money. Yeah. Everything is reversed. They want to be circuit gays, literally. Yeah.

Okay. So what's the ruling on this? I'm going to say not gay. I'm going to say not gay. I'm going to say it's contextual. I'm going to say it depends on how... You know... You can tell it came from something you know some guy plays it like his fruity son

like an 18 year old son everyone knows I got it from his daddy I can break this down very clearly I've actually got a very clear head on this one to be a good father is not

masculine to be a bad father is masculine to be a bad father is the normal male prerogative to be a good father would be really gay really homosexual okay so you're on to something like oh my god why is this fucking guy bragging that he was able to reproduce with a woman no to be presenting his son it is it's gay to be proud of your son i think it's gay to be proud of your son and i'm on board i'm on board on top of that this gay man is like having to prove that he was able to once put his dick in a vagina and produce a baby but he's protesting too much by reproducing.

Years later, he's like a cum dump taking loads every day. How can he cum? I mean, you have had some experience with a lot of gay dads. Yeah, exactly. Years later, Jacques is rolling up to his house. You've lived that argument. Let's get to another one here.

I'm not up for discussion. I could never this list. The next one here is sleep with pillows. Fuck. Okay. What? Sleep with no pillows?

Here's my question. What are you going to put your gun under if you don't sleep exactly i think my my argument is why are you sleeping at all shouldn't you be working um okay be out you should be laying you should be curled up in your bathtub naked in the fetal position with a knife between your teeth once again all night with all the lights on i wish we had the context of this because like I've gotten to know the just by listening I've gotten to know the person compiling this list you know

so amazing yeah so I need to see the pillow like you know the pillows were actually the pillows are fruity it was a grand amount of pillows he had some throw pillows on there with some text on them

yeah that said slumber yeah like sleep in heavenly peace oh so what a pillow's gay now yeah well i think it gets to the it gets to the idea you know the the quote-unquote ideal male living space um i do think there is something to be said for men single straight men and their kind of design sense because they don't really have much to begin with like whenever there's a straight guy like on instagram or on tiktok who's like doing like the aesthetic home videos it's like the worst art you've ever fucking seen it's literally like marilyn monroe like smoking a joint like the low end and like the high end it's like tony soprano and michael corleone both the same actor playing pool with like tony soprano and yes like or like the high end it's just like

all white marble with those shitty cafe stools. It just sucks, right? They don't have much design sense. It just sucks. So I think that the real true way for them to do this is to acknowledge the fact that they don't have any design sense. That is something for gay men and women. And just have a mattress on the ground

with no pillows. Oh yeah, they need to see pillows. No pillows, they need to. One pillow. No pillows. They have to have a traditional Japanese shikibutton mattress. One of those thin fucking mattresses on the floor.

To tell me mad that things be fun on that thin Japanese thingy. You cannot have a pillow. You cannot have a blanket. You can have a Japanese-style Shikibunton mattress. Can you say that again? Can you say it one more time?

Nope, I just saw you switch windows on your computer. I'm trying to spell it, bitch. I just saw the light change on your face. I looked at an apartment last night. I looked at an apartment last night to move into and the deal was it would be one of those fucking thin

Japanese mattresses you could just get a new mattress just get a new mattress what the fuck is wrong with you they're gonna make you sleep on a Japanese these are the conditions I have to you know I have to live in a dojo

yeah coming a monk no but what is going on it's a tiny okay it's it there is a small spiral staircase in this guy's apartment that leads up to a top room the only upstairs room and it's um it's like he's putting you in a rapunzel tower in his apartment and that's you can't have any furniture because you can't get it up the spiral with like a zen style japanese inspired apartment is not gonna allow you to live with them jock i'm just gonna that is somebody who has their shit together i'm sorry well he does he does have his shit together he works for the public defender's office and the fact that he's even a free episode by the way that's okay he'll he'll i won't he won't die he won't die the this faggot um he's

not even gay i'll just call him a faggot though what what why are you being so mean to this guy okay i think i woke up on the wrong side of the tracks let's just go yeah you really did did you actually get to the track i'm sorry did you forget to take your klonopin today no i know i'm just asking honestly check your videotape i did that videotape no i your videotape no let me just take this the slightest departure from the gay list and say that i did not sleep well because around 1 a.m 2 a.m last night a literal truck filled with a truck bed full of men and ski mask were outside of my house trying to cut something on the telephone wire i went outside with my baseball bat in a pair of shorts no shoes no shirt and i chased those motherfuckers and they climbed down the telephone pole

and they sped off in the truck they all had the power company it was a power company why would the power company all be wearing ski masks? Yeah. It was a gang. How many men was it? I'm picturing like 35 guys wearing ski masks. Nine or ten guys in the back of the truck, and then like a bunch of them crammed in the front. This is a very perplexing situation. That's funny to me, by the way.

a very perplexing perplexing situation by the way over here for mr jack wagner's his dick around west hollywood fag so maybe i mean i'm gonna move on from this but just think again about reading out address phone number etc on the podcast just remind you jack have you ever played uh fallout new vegas uh yeah I didn't beat it, but I played enough. There's like a perk you can take at the beginning called Wacky Wasteland and a bunch of dumb shit happens to you throughout the game if you take it. And I feel like Jacques

activated that somehow at the beginning of his life. 100% yes. So now like when Jacques goes on Zillow instead of seeing like a normal apartment it's like you can live in my rapunzel tower but you can't have a bed he's living in his own universe 100 truly all right reality next up we've got um i'm gonna read these these two entries back to back because as we know the list kind of references.

It's taken chronologically, so it references the fact that there's ongoing discourse about certain things being gay. And sometimes that merits multiple entries. So the entry here is, stand up for the wave at a sporting event. And the one right after the one right after that says have hands at all so so clearly this discourse went insane

okay yeah the first one is he talking about flossing okay sorry I just don't understand the note it's okay jock and so stand up for the wave at a sporting event jack go ahead it sounded like yeah i'm sorry i didn't like i really strongly feel that in my bones i can't explain why but i always feel like i shouldn't do it i always feel like i shouldn't same with singing singing along by the way is something singing along

has that not been on the list yet i don't think so never singing um dancing has been on the list i can't remember singing along i love that you're dedicated to preserving your masculinity you you might actually be straight this time me no the other jack yes you i mean i'm just being honest over here you know i think i mean the wave the way i i won't be thrilled to do it just because it's not i don't i don't really like participating in you know kind of group physical you know shows of pride or whatever it's gotta be an individual i will i know i'll do it just because i don't want the attention of sticking out you know as yeah that's who hates the wave you know i don't want to be that guy but i'm curious jack have you have you abstained from doing the wave before that yeah have you i will i'll do like uh you know

oh you'll you'll half-ass it yeah well honestly there's like crossed wires dating back to middle school with all this stuff where it's like i think's like crossed wires dating back to middle school with all this stuff where it's like i think just sticking you don't want to stick out yeah in the the peak bullying period you don't want to stick out for anything a lot of that is gayness like that's like what you don't want to be accused of when you're yeah in middle school but like having a girlfriend by the way i think that's completely dancing with girls yeah yeah yeah it has changed i feel like there's change you have to be some kind of queer trans freako now in school

was that directed somewhere? the cool kids are woke no but I do think I do think there are also degrees there's the half wave where you like don't stand up there's the full wave where you stand up and like throw your arms up

but then there's the one where you stand up and throw your arms up, but then there's the one where you stand up, throw your arms up, and go whoa! And that is the gayest possible thing you can do. It's so gay. Yeah, the other one, this came up, I think, on another episode, but

I remember really agreeing with it, is having an umbrella. Oh yeah. 1000%. I'm with you there. I just like, like that gay government agent that killed JFK. I just never know what to do. I always feel wrong within my hands.

Well, showing up. The thing is showing up somewhere with an umbrella. It's not so much the walking around. It's the showing up to a place with an umbrella and just like, you know, shaking it off outside of someone's apartment. like hey do you have it do you have an umbrella stand it's just like that part to me is like it's just a little it's just put it outside

their door it's like who are you willie wonka who are you who are you willie wonka are you twirling that around to walk around with an umbrella if it stops raining it's like a thing you're a female and you don't know what it's like who's that fairy tale what's the name of that fairy tale babysitter British bitch Mary Poppins British bitch what's the name of that slut

that fucking cum slut any guy that tries to use an umbrella like her is definitely gay. To fly? To fly into a nannyhood and some kind of aristocrat's house?

And I've talked about this multiple times on the podcast before. You have? No, no, about this one thing. But there's this very gay coded cowboy bebop villain that is a clown type jester and he floats around with the umbrella villain is gay oh yeah being a villain the penguin if you're semen you're gay yeah which by the way i was i was joking yesterday that

cannibalism is gay because like why are you eating another man? Exactly. But also, I think it's kind of... I mean, the most famous cannibal, Hannibal. I think you could say Army Hammer. I mean, is he... Is it established? Is he gay?

Hannibal! I think he... In the TV show, he was bisexual, I think. I think he was so crazy that he just... He's, like, too intellectual. He's too intellectual he's sapiosexual he's one of those

like old gay guys who would have a like a Tuscan style apartment with like a spiral staircase and a 30 pound book that's just pictures of guys pecs like that that kind of maple like neither gay nor straight nor any label truly just like some something else

that hasn't been defined yet yeah yeah he would he would he was a gay guy who could never call himself gay so he was just artsy you know like capote sure yeah yeah yeah yeah um yeah so i don't know i'm some guy who's like truman capote was gay no no quit trying to rewrite history this woke shit yeah i'm so sick of it this next one here is actually pretty crazy i didn't i didn't clock this one but it's kind of sad because i do eventually sick of it this next one here is actually pretty crazy i didn't i didn't clock this one but it's kind of sad because i do eventually want to have this guy on he says here attempting to copy me and steal the list and then in parentheses the fact that i even have to put this

is crazy within and of itself so i guess he doesn't like that's addressing us that's addressing us specifically for sure wait wait what does he say he said attempting to't like people stealing the list that's addressing us specifically for sure wait wait what does he say he said attempting to copy me and steal the list and then in parenthesis the fact that I even obviously yes this is gay that's what we're doing

stealing the list is is gay stealing is gay why do you need a 1000 point list about things not to do? You're really worried about being gay, you know? True. Have you said the name of the person?

I've never been gatekeeping the list. I want to know. Can you put it in the chat so I can just look it up? Yes. I just want to know who it is. I don't want people to start DMing him because I kind of don't want him to get onto our tail because I eventually

want to just get him yeah we are going to do a serious interview with them I want to do a serious interview like a Barbara Walters style sit down I've been I've been of the camp that we should have him on like ASAP because I should bring it to his house can we have you on for the

for the 15th installment of your list I feel like he's gonna be like you I'm not gonna tell him it's the 15th installment he could be our first kidnapped guest is this person famous? no he has like 8000 followers we should kidnap him

he could be our first kidnapped guest I mean as far as we know he's but i think the list was made to like point out the insanity of the list honestly yeah which no i think as a straight man he owes it to you be like we're a queer podcast yeah and we were obsessed with your work yeah we needed we would love to interview you about it yeah as an ally i'm not gonna have to do it with we've been going to this point by point i mean he's literally the michael he's the modern-day michelangelo of queer theory yeah yeah i mean he is doing queer theory it's hilarious he could um let me find this more like the body okay honestly yeah he got a botticelli oh this one this next one is this next one is amazing

dipping your toe in any body of water to check the temperature okay no no wait i want to put a hard line in this i want to put a i want to put a hard line in this there's a gay way to do it and there's a straight way to do it. What's the straight way to do it? The straight way to do it is put your big toe in. You have to be wearing steel-toed boots. Pinky toe. Pinky toe or pinky finger.

So good. Pink hand. Pinky toe in? Hand would be like the straight way. Hand is the straight way. You go hand, and you just go back and forth. Not only is putting your pinky toe in a body of water the gayest thing you could do it's also the first way to get bitten up by a shark or some

kind of no one has that's how you get a crocodile or alligator bitten no one's ever done that no one has ever specifically yeah it's like cartoon no it's always the thumb it's always the big toe there's no straight way to do it i'm not gonna lie i do think i've literally done this before yeah i have done i've done this with you has someone you did this with me and jen with me jen and uh meg at the marble quarry in vermont i'd probably do it too i'd probably do it too at a quarry in vermont the water is freezing i'm like i'm not just gonna jump it was freezing but you get to even check is gay i think well with the women were like i love cold plunge yeah me and jen me jen and meg went in and you were like no ew

this is not my finger and it was too cold it was just mad at us for going in this is not this is not a moment of transphobia but but I'm going to say that a real man just jumps in the water. He didn't care about temperature. With a shirt on, too. Yeah. And also, on the same note, a real woman just jumps in the water and takes that cold

plunge, and they don't care. But a faggot dips his little pansy-ass, idiot dandy toe. It's just, it's too cold for me. I don't like it. What is the shirt on in the water thing? Like, what is...

That's if you're fat. I don't... That's like a kid, though, but like an adult. It's not always fat people, too. I mean, I've seen adult, like, adult men with a shirt on. They've all been fat. I think having your shirt on in the water is childish though it is indicating that you are it has nothing to do with fatness it has to do with

nipple insecurity yeah your nips might be weird that might be a big thing i don't know they're gonna be going they're gonna be pointing out no matter what not always it takes a second for your nipples to get hard after you take your shirt off. Another thing. Sometimes I'll see it where it's like one of those little wetsuit shirts at like a pool. Yeah. It's like, wow, you're really bad at it. If you're really good at doing that, that's crazy.

Like the sleeveless, like, yeah, that's a wild move. Well, the crazy thing about it is that you literally attract more attention to the fact that you are fat. 100%. Yeah. Dressing like Angelina Jolie in Hackers. Well, the crazy thing about it is that you literally attract more attention to the fact that you are 100% Yeah, dressing like Angelina Jolie As like a big man, you know, there's like a in-between phase of like being out of shape That's not ideal. But once you go into like fat man, it's territory. Yeah, usually you can embrace the belly like yeah it actually is like starts to look cool again you know where it's like yeah yeah yeah you have like a big uncle tito vibe i never i never said that oh sorry i was just trying to remember if you were fat or not i don't think

for the people at home jock just started doing started writing a bunch of equations on a mirror in front of him. Oh, my God. That was really, really funny. Let's get another one. Sorry. I'm not... It's not like a judgment, and I don't think you were...

You're not that fat. No, you're not... I don't... Well, I don't think you've ever been... I just thought you were trying to steal fat valor and I was like okay he was about to attack you I'm not skinny though

I'm not skinny but you're so LA you're tall right Jack I'm 5'10 damn I can't believe we're equals yeah but yeah anyway what's the next one after I've been insulted? Jack, I don't think you're fat.

I'm completely kidding, Jacques. I think Ben has... If anything, Ben's the only one who's really put on weight in this chat. Why don't I come down there and you and your family can weigh me? Come back for me. Why are you being such a bitch? Your body looks perfect and you don't look like you need to lose any game. I've gained a bunch of weight in the past few months.

You're so rude. All I see is it in the titties. You're swinging at everyone right now for no reason. The next one here is drink twisted tea. Oh, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay. That's high school boy. A gay guy would never say,

oh, no, thank you. I need a spicy margarita. I know how much sugar is in a twisted tea? Shout out to my friend Patrick goes on a yearly fly fishing trip with a bunch of dads and they all drink twisted tea, get wasted and catch trout. That's like

you think it's gay but it's actually a straight drink. It's not gay at all. Making a cocktail like doing a mixology style cocktail with like a green tea tonic or something, that's gay. But if you're getting a fucking 30 ounce thing of

twisted tea at like Come and Go. If you're getting it at Come and Go you're getting it at a place called Come and Go. A gas station. That's also one of those things where you can tell if somebody's rich if they don't know what twisted tea. Have you ever seen like where somebody's like twisted tea?

What's that? Like, that's how you know a person's rich. They've never heard of twisted tea or like coastal elite, coastal elite, rich. For sure. Never even seen twisted tea. Look, let me break it down. Why exactly it's a fag activity to drink that kind of drink a fag can't drink a normal alcoholic drink because they're so fucking gay their fucking fag ass body can't process it they can't process the manly

whiskey straight whiskey drink that a normal straight guy would drink instead they have to drink these like muttered down mixed up already pre no way yes yes yes and gay people gay people are often fatter than you would think they want sugar i just i think you're really distorted view of reality jack comes from you being in hollywood area where the gay people all look a certain type of way they kind of look like this van diesel fella on the poster behind me i don't even know i don't think anything you're saying is true i don't know anything that you've been saying he's just being this is a lot more contrarian he just becomes totally incomprehensible i know you live in the vin diesel town like

well jock in jock's mind west hollywood is like the the town from the spongebob with all the squid words. In Jacques' mind, West Hollywood is like the town from Spongebob with all the squid words, but it's all Vin Diesel's. And that's what makes it gay. Look, the gay people walking around my town are not beautiful as there's a pretty boy ratio. You're just jealous you don't live in LA.

Let's just be honest. I am not jealous. He's banned. I'm not banned. I've even been to your house, Jack. Jack, you have a beautiful home. Lovely home. Your wife is kind.

I don't want to move. Jack, don't engage. Yeah, I don't. Don't respond to that. Jack roller skated through East LA. Jack roller skated through east la like that is jock roller skated through neighborhoods where like you don't go like he skated through it and i offered to give him a ride home or i offered to pick you up or something i know i want to skate like a 10 mile ride through industrial

east la where like there's bottles and rocks and tires in the road. I cannot believe you made it for so many reasons. Not a scratch on me and I was not fatigued. Incredible. Just hundreds of near misses occurring every minute. Cars almost hitting him.

There's footage from the helicopter like a car chase. I have the highest anvils dropping from i have the highest score on frogger and it's frogger real life wow frog her i forgot the i like for briefly thought this was like some kind of sniffy style app that i hadn't heard of not like a famous arcade game i was like what is that oh no that's how that's that's what sinful app is demented gay a guy yeah that's that's the test of how much of this podcast you've watched no this is some really insane gossip, but Sniffies is about to get banned in Louisiana because of the lack of...

They told you first, huh? No. Hey, as our number one power user, we just wanted to know. You might need to find another way to make money. A friend of mine high up who works in the legal system, who's been literally having cases to do with sniffies oh yeah reported

that sniffies is trying to be shut down by the louisiana government and they would they did a thing where they're trying to be shut down yeah well porn hub you have to ignore it we gotta you gotta you gotta scan your id to use porn hub in louisiana and they want to do that for sniffies that's crazy yeah yeah they're banning it because there's too many of the government officials on it yeah for sure they're going to like senate offices in new orleans or wherever the capital baton rouge i mean the crazy thing about sniffies is is that it's so niche and so insane that you know a lot of these like crazy right-wing electives like

it's not on their radar at all but the moment they find out about it the moment they find out about it I do think it's Sniffies is kind of beautiful because it's like similar to the male living space thing it's like if men are truly left to their own

devices that's like what comes from it. What hath wrought. No, Sniffy's, the way it works, just looking at it, it feels like it was invented by the military because it's just so precise. It's so precise and it's so exacting

that it does feel like a piece of like military technology or something yeah now that now that i know a military insider i'm gonna have to ask him if he if they had something to do with this did you guys have something to do with this i wouldn't be surprised let's do let's do uh let's do one more let's do a couple more yeah let's do ketamine so this one is a huge problem and i do agree with it um using women's lingo and then in parentheses it's not giving period serving cunt and who's gonna check me boo you're in women's business bitch don't look a mess stand up etc so just kind of general straight men using gay speak never heard bitch who's gonna check i feel like everybody's doing that now everybody's doing I have literally

heard like straight friends of mine like normal straight men are literally saying it's gifting when are we when are we queening out this is very dime square I don't think I've actually heard this

it's still in valor I don't think I've actually heard this you're stolen valor I don't even talk like that it's invalid when are we queening out yes you have a million times and you've ruined me because now I talk like that and now I will catch myself

texting a straight friend meeting up with a straight friend and being like hey does that sound good and i'm like maybe maybe i do talk to i do talk to women like that never mind there's i only talk i talk to that because of you now there is a there's a faggot doing it now too there is a faggot phrase craze that is sweeping the nation, feminizing all of the masculine individuals left into becoming the gay

homosexuals that are ruining our society. Dr. Ubar. Gay Dr. Ubar. If you want to save society, we need to do something about the radical feminization of all the remaining masculine straight men in the,

the, in the United States, or they will be left, uh, to become Biden's queer army. Can I read this? Um, document.

I just, that just came across my desk. Sure. Okay. Locked boy taking loads. Chastity. I'm looking for alphas to come through and breed me all night. I'll be wearing lingerie

and waiting ass up. Hosting one at a time only in my hotel room. No drugs. I'll be recording videos and will have hoods for use if needed. That is so fucked up. This is what I'm saying. Have you read that? That is a document that came across your desk.

It was just like an email. She's on sniffies. This is one block away saying. Have you read that? That is a document that came across your desk. It was just like an email. She's on Sniffies. This is one block away from you, Ben. That's the craziest part you could see. Yeah, you could... Oh my god, you could triangulate someone's look. You don't even need to triangulate it. It gives their address. Did you guys see this woman on...

I saw a bunch of TikToks and this woman kept updating her situation. But she had some guy I don't know if this was targeted harassment or if some gay guy was on too much meth and throwing out the wrong address but this

40 year old black woman kept having guys knock on her door at like 2am and she's always like oh good lord there's another one outside and she just opens the door and she's like terrified

this poor woman please leave me alone and it went on for like 4 days answering the door with a crucifix in her hand oh my god she had to contact Sniffies and be like can you please stop sending these gay decrepit words to my game imagine the tech support at sniffies yeah my god euro couple for group oh

wait hang on side you're a couple for a group couple hosting a small group of twinks jocks and twanks one verse one verse hop hit me up with pigs if you want to join chill vibes only no drugs okay this sounds fun verse top like i don't know i'm kind of jealous this this is this all sounds fun this wannabe fag is having fomo friday afternoon come down i am male this sounds fun female it's not fun couple here hosting at hotel you walk in okay the picture is it's all fun till you become the cum dump and then you're covered in cum and you're staggering home because your whole wait job shut up this is this something you've done no this is a prolific if he's user an anthropological marvel right here

i we have a female cum dump a couple here hosting at hotel you walk in male will suck you till you're nice and hard she loves hearing him make a guy will suck you till you're nice and hard. She loves hearing him make a guy moan. Then when you're nice and hard, you will fuck her and come and leave. No drugs, no drama. No over- No choking. Be respectful and clean. That includes being

showered. She does not like to get jackhammered. The goal is to break her. The goal is not to break her. The goal is for her to break her the goal is not to break her the goal is for her to enjoy the the goal break my wc plus plus plus does that mean big white cock yes girl that is the worst okay so they're racist too okay it's just a preference okay i i don't know jock i uh as a fan of the show i was recently was it you that said that you didn't get head from a guy until prom senior year was that you it was well i went to prom with a guy that was the first guy that ever sucked me off it was not on prom and

to emphasize and to to just so to under for you to understand properly the timeline i went to prom freshman soft or freshman sophomore junior and senior year and on freshman year i was living in corpus christi texas but a girl who went to Episcopal School of Acadiana flew me out from Corpus Christi to come and be her prom date. And then I left with another guy. This is exactly what I was hoping to hear about. And I can't say it out loud, but I'm going to. I want y'all's honest reaction on his, this is the real guy's

name. No, do not say the real guy's name. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not. I'm saying it in the chat. I'm being, I'm being, but okay. Is it like Dalton or something? No.

Is it a gay name? Read the name. Oh, that is a gay name. Oh, I've heard this name before. Oh, wow. That is one of the gayest names i've ever seen that's not a real name that is a real name and his mom was it was so rich they were famous so rich but her mom his mom had no taste and there was leopard print and zebra print furniture

okay i thought you said she had no taste it was furniture i mean it's such a dirty thing to get flown out by a woman and then ditch her to suck some cock that is so was it suck or was it suck or get sucked okay no no no no so that guy i got sucked off with not that night night. Did you have sex with him that night? No, it was my first. You left with him and ditched that girl. At the prom after party, I left with him and we went off. And we were sitting under the moonlight on the edge of the pier, looking out in the bayou. And that was where I had.

I'm picturing a disgusting body of water. Man, bitch, shut your trap. Looking out at the bayou at the end of the pier. Like a gator playing a banjo. I'm picturing a disgusting body of water. Man, bitch, shut your trap. Get your... There's like... Like a gator playing a banjo. Oh, yeah. There's a dead body floating down. Oh, there's a lot of...

There's a lot of spittoons. There's a lot of spittoons. Playing a bass. I want to make one distinguishing... I want to make one... With a frog in a little canoe. I want to make one distinguishing factor, though. It was not that night that I had my first blowjob from a gay person.

It was that I had my first kiss with a guy. Ever. You got your dick sucked by a guy before you kissed a guy? No, you are not listening, you junkie. Take the cum out of your ears. Did anyone else think that? I heard that, yeah. Jack, don't you dare try to put this on me.

So I wasn't really paying attention. Ah, this bitch! I'm curious put this on me. So I wasn't really paying attention. Ah, this bitch! I'm curious. I'm curious. Just to confirm, the order was kiss and then later on blowjob. So normal order. It was awful blowjob

because he had fucking braces. So this is where the braces thing that you said earlier is coming well yeah this is your i was in braces so was this freshman year you said or no i what year do you think this was soft it's okay so i was imagining as a senior and i was like no okay by senior year by senior year i was being used by older men as a trade-off i know i was gonna say i was like you've you've lived a lot of experiences so i would be i was shocked to hear that thinking it was senior prom and being like oh wow like that started late and i wonder what the circumstances were by sophomore year i had had sex with a guy and then the next night I had sex with his sister and that shit was like nice bro

that was just like that was just like shit was high school was fucked did you tell them both they were Eskimo brothers the guy knocked on the door the guy the brother knocked on the door

I'm calling you all the eyes glamour tweets now shut up this is a long time ago but his his The brother knocked on the door while I was... I'm calling you all the eyes glamour tweets now. Shut up. This is a long time ago, but his... Like what? The brother knocked on the door right before we were going to start having sex and was like, here's a condom for y'all

and threw it in and then closed the door and then we used the condom. Okay, that's... See, this is like detective shit that is some shit from true detective yeah that's why i don't watch that show that show sucks matthew mcconaughey can't act oh nice i mean i really don't watch that show this is boring i need to see all this weird or crazy this is why i can't have men outside my house and ski mask in the middle of the night it

just fucks my sleep schedule up way too much and i had a bunch of cool whip with instant coffee poured on top okay well by the way i remembered something while we're recording um speaking of like gaydar i um my friend's roommate steve was a Marine, like an active duty Marine in San Diego. And just like the most like regular guy, like super nice, like to drink beers and would like and always be the last guy at the bar. And he kept bringing men home as friends. Like not realizing that these were probably people thinking they were going to hook up and he was just like bring them back and just be like yo this is bill like like he's the sickest guy like we're gonna smoke some weed like like and it would just these guys would get blue balled but he would just like make friends with these men earnestly he was just like such a marine that

he was like i'm making male friendships but they're totally guys trying to pick him up those gay guys had to have been so crestfallen because that they'd be something they've been fantasy is crestfallen they were like 15 you know yeah like fucking a closeted marine is huge that that happens in entourage once yeah where um drama goes to vegas and he takes his masseuse out for a night on the town and he just wants to be friends with him. And the masseuse comes out into the room like fully naked one time when he's like, why don't we go back to your apartment?

I'll give you a massage. And Drama's just like, yeah, yeah, why not? That sounds good. Comes out of the bathroom naked and it's just like, Drama's like, no, I'm actually straight

he's just trying to hang with you it's so funny trying to chill that hard some strange guy you met at the bar closes you're like yo come back to my house let's go watch some Adam Sandler movies stay at a bar till close I know that it's late

you want to see Talladega Nights man he's like look I know it's late man. You want to see Talladega Nights, man? He's like, look, I know it's late, man, but you want to come over? My girlfriend's on hold. We can watch movies. We can watch Tommy Boy tonight. I've got weed. Oh, that's so funny.

That's so honest. Did he stop doing it after? I don't know. I haven't seen this person in years. No, no, because it wasn't always me, guys. One time it was like a cab driver came in like like the cabbie was like cool and he like four in the morning there's just like this cab driver sitting there it's so it's so funny to be such a chiller

gay guys think you're hitting on them that's so no for sure just like you want beer bro you want beer yeah yeah this cab driver coming in for a beer at 4 in the morning. Honestly, that would totally work on me. I'd be like, yeah, let's go to your house. It's the type of shit that only happens in San Diego. He's like, because his favorite movie is

Cry Baby or something. His favorite movie is Hairspray. And he's like, yo, you haven't seen Hairspray? Yo yo let's go back to my place and watch it an uber driver definitely came into my house after ending the ride and took a dab with me and uh my roommates were like what what who the fuck is this guy and i'm like that's so sick he gave somebody the worst ride after that yeah he was like he killed six people yeah he's gonna get into a crash killed an entire family because you just way overdosed and be like oh no you're supposed to

do this much you're supposed to do about a dime worth i mean this is about how much i do every time so i don't even like to extra just to i don't even like to give dabs to people anymore because people react so insanely got Got people laying out in bed, acting like they just died. Yeah, you got people saying, can you please call the hospital? Call me an ambulance. It's probably good you do 10 of those a day.

No, I went through a dab phase when I was living with my friend in Florida. He didn't have AC in the summer. Oh my God. And we would just do dabs. And then I remember it took us a week we tried to watch girl with the dragon tattoo and like i would just be so we were so high neither of us could understand it we kept having to re-watch it so every night i'd watch the first 20 minutes of

them like the original movie that was in like dutch or whatever yeah i love those both of those wait if I go to go right now if I go right now leave right now but I come back because I really need to pee we all still be here all gonna do that I have to pee also we're all gonna leave I'm like so close

I'll go after we can wrap it up we don't have to wrap it up, but I just wanted to say goodbye. Just pee right there, Chuck. Just pee right there where you are. I don't have an empty pedialyte box. What's wrong?

Are you gay? You're not going to pee right there? Yeah. Let's do one more. Can I hear one more of the list? Because Jack's never here. You can go pee, though. You can go pee, though.

No, I'm holding it. I'm holding it now. Thank you so much for holding it, Jacques. Thank you for holding it. Let me find one. Oh my god, it's taking too long. I'm not holding it. I'll be back. Please don't leave, because I have to say something really important.

Okay. Now we can talk about Jacques. Yeah. I feel like the thing he's gonna ask you is he's gonna um he's going to to berate you into getting on um your show he's been on it i know he's been on the main feed he's literally like why the fuck haven't i been back on the show oh my god yeah have you heard it it's insane hilarious interview i mean listen to the jock episode yet because it's oh you really should because it's like in this all the episodes are serious this was like early on when i was still kind of experimenting with like maybe sometimes it's

funny yeah still is kind of but like yeah he comes in as an expert on dxm dxm yes and it was kind of funny because the the person's sister who i was interviewing was also on the call and she was like roller skating so i was like in a zoom with like two roller skating people talking about dxm it was such a crazy risk jack because that wound is like describing like legitimate trauma in her life yeah and you're like okay I might try to do something crazy here and get an insane drug addict on to verify if you're having hallucinations or what. I had a good feeling about it. It worked out. It worked out really well.

It was hilarious. Because she was telling me her entire traumatic life story, and I could tell she needed a break, sort of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It worked out really well. And the episode's called Meredith's House, by the way, if anybody wants to listen. Jacques did great.

We waited for you here. How was your pee? It was so good. I think someone's vacuuming out there. Oh, no. All right. I'll just do the next one here. Have less tattoos than a woman.

That's me and my wife. I don't understand that equation. Wait, she has more than you? I have zero, so, yeah. I don't think that's gay. Have less tattoos than a woman. Well, I would say now it's, I would say it's probably super straight

to have zero tattoos. Yeah, I think so. You were raised really pure. Is that why you dress plain oh my god shots coming with a missiles it's hard to tell if these things are even insults

on their own because it's just like totally inscrutable by the way I'm not even dressed plain today I got a little cardigan okay you know jazz it got a little cardigan. Okay. You know. Jazz it up a little. You look nice.

Okay, I'm sorry. Jack, it's not animosity towards you. I've been watching Feud, the Bette Davis versus Joan Crawford series, where Jessica Lange plays Joan Crawford, and I feel like I'm adapting the mannerisms. I'm adapting the style. I want to be joan crawford i'm thinking about starting drinking again so i could be john crawford wow that that would be great i can't wait until you start drinking again he's he's negging me yes it's funny that you don't drink

it's been two years but like do you do everything else i don't do cocaine i don't do ketamine he's one he's i will not i will not i would not i would you couldn't you could not pay me he looks down he looks down on everyone he looks down on people who drink he looks down on people who do any other substances besides weed it's just like a health product yes yeah yeah i smoke weed and I take medicated anxiety medication that is dosed like I take the dose that the doctor recommends I've been taking weed pills

lately and the dabs don't really fuck me up that much but the weed pills are legit like I'm kind of like damn that's so bad but then the bings, though, too. I was going to say, there's a lot of them. Six bings a day, a bunch of ginseng pills.

That's why I had to piss so bad. I drank three of these right before. Yeah. And now I'm about to take the weed pill. And, Jack, let me tell you something. I was just in Los Angeles recently, and I fell down. I fell down a flight of stairs. And a luggage squished my head in between a brick wall like a s'more sandwich.

My head being the marshmallow began to melt from the friction of the impact. That's terrible. Yeah, it was awful, and I had to get on the flight. Where was this? Los Felos straight to LAX, and I'm walking around LAX with like big baby syndrome. Like I'm like, you know, like got to walk really carefully.

My eyes are. Oh, because the weed pills? Because of the weed pills and the head damage. And that would be the second head injury this week, Jack. Because Ben was like, go downstairs, grab the laundry. And I run downstairs. That was also two weeks ago, Charles. And I ran down.

You hit your own head. Why is that my fault? Because you were asking me to do a favor for you. Your own laundry. Your memory is totally shot. You really have got some severe cognitive issues there was a severe hit to the head there was a severe hit to the head

get his own laundry hit me in the head last week with a bat jack when what actually happened was i was like hey jock I think your laundry's done. Jack, my head from the downstairs garage hitting my head on a metal beam incident. The top of my head had scabs, cuts, and bruises on the top. I didn't find this. I felt like an alcohol. Jock, I think you need to recognize that at some point in your life, you're going to have to start wearing a helmet. It's going to get to that point. Well, I don't get injuries on the roller skates that are head related, so I'm fine.

Well, I mean, well, you do get a lot of injuries on the roller skates because I do excuse me at least one story where you roller skate into a restaurant covered with blood on your entire front no this is when he applied for a job to be a dishwasher and he showed up after running into a parked car and filled out a resume with a crayon no no no no no no. Actually, he wrote his resume down on a napkin. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. After I left the restaurant, after I got the job, by writing my resume in crayon on a napkin, I then proceeded to try to skate five or six blocks on the way home to dumbass Kirstie's house,

and I fucking went ass first down a hill into a parked car which bruised my ass that's what happened and there was no jock told me this story originally the restaurant covered in blood right no that was another time when jock told me this story when jock told me this story originally he told me that he was hit by a car and i was like oh my god did they drive away and he's like no the car was parked and I was like okay so you ran into a car and no one was behind the wheel

I got hit by this fucking car Ben I can't believe it the only other time that it was my fault like that kind of car hitting in New Orleans this mini Cooper sometimes those parked that it was my fault like that kind of car hitting uh in new orleans this mini this mini cooper sometimes those power car those parked cars will hit you this this mini cooper was honking behind me while i was on a bike and almost cut me off and and hit me and later on the day i found this

fucking dumb ass mini cooper with this stupid decal of a checkered board or something. And I got my bike and I went to the end of the block, opposite of where the car was, and I rammed my bike straight into the side of that car on purpose. And you damaged your bike more than the car? No, I didn't. My bike was like a tank, and I fucking dented the fuck out of that Mini Cooper.

My front tire went in, and I had a helmet, actually, this time, and the helmet hit the car too oh my god i think you should start wearing a helmet kamikaze into a car i really think you should start wearing it's so just get shocked that was when i was drinking like back in the early days that was like like a roller skate helmet 22 23 yeah get a tell get a telphar helmet okay wow jack you speak my language i want telphar so bad to design a bag that could fit my dj controller a helmet for people you can probably bootleg it you have too many head injuries bootleg a telphar i'm sure yeah

they sell they sell fake Telfars on Canal Street do you think that I admit it that I've bought a fake Prada before I've bought a fake Gucci before but I don't buy fake Telfar that's where I draw the line and I was actually scammed

by McCary yes the website McCary online they scammed me because I bought a Telfar that was supposed to be for the postwoman who I promised

the postwoman I was buying her a Telfar and now I got us matching ones you should just get fake ones

Jacques just get fake ones no I mean my favorite experience of following Jacques I'm sorry

I have to tease you a little bit. You could kind of like set, you could like make a calendar around the moon phases of Jacques where it's like, on his stories be like, y'all, I'm going through hard times, if somebody could buy a painting

I really could use some money right now. And then like three days later it'll be him with like a neon outfit and a new tell far, a brand new tell far. You know. The tides of Jacques Three days later, it'll be him with a neon outfit and a brand new tail farm. Stop. Stop. That is not how it is agreed.

The tides of Jock's life are literally like, I am going to kill myself if someone doesn't buy a painting. I bought a tail farm for my post woman. And then one week later, him at a Pels game. Y'all could never look like me, you broke bitch. Stop. Stop. Stop. Hold up. Hold the phone.

How many people donated? I don't really need a painting. Stop! It's like a picture of Jacques wearing a pink and green outfit with a bunch of watermelon emojis on it. It costs a lot of money to eat Chinese food delivered to your house every day. And that is what I'm spending the money on. And it's not spent all on Telfar's, you jackass Jack. And I did not spend all my money on and it's not spent all on telphars you jackass jack and i did not spend all

my money on telphars i actually find deals and i am an incredible deal yes shut up you you shut your dirty little literally telphar dealer this telphar dealer that jock knows that i found a rare telphar i found a rare telphar rare telphar shut up there was only a limited pressing of the dark olive green with the white american flag on the front and medium it's only comes in that and they resell for five to eight hundred dollars i bought it for like 130 so hessa that's not bad that's a deal and if you don't think that's a deal then fuck you and i don't want to hear any tell far hate because i will fucking rip your mid length hair off and replace it with an ugly wig it's is the bag you have not seen what his room looks like girl it is don't you even dare start to reveal the secrets of my inner workings of my life

Ben my room is a perfect palace of ecstasy is he gonna grab one? I am gonna grab one right now it's literally dusting dirt off of it it's his autistic special interest at the moment is Telfar

I just googled Telfar helmet it was Crocs for a bit but Telfar has a clipped. Yeah. You both should get him some bootleg Telfar from Canal Street and make it

into a jumpsuit for him or something. That's a lot. That's a lot of paintings right there. That's 9,000 paintings worth of Telfar. Okay. First off, lot of paintings right there that's 9 000 paintings worth of telphar okay first off the american flag limited edition dark olive green limited print telphar you you midleth hair bitch has a midleth hair bit then we got the colbert blue. Still got stuff in it. Can you say that again? That one's cool. This one is a

Ugg Telfar Collab. The stained one. It's dirty. It's stained, but that's dirty. Don't you dare talk shit about my children. I like how he's throwing them off screen. He's throwing them in my bed. I threw them on a pillow. They're hitting a stack of Bing Energy.

No, y'all. I gotta go. So the terrible just happened in my room. This was a gift. But this one is brand new and it came in the mail just today. I haven't even opened it. Who gifted that to you? I can't say.

Telfar? No. Get a grip, bitch. Telfar told me he would never give Jock a purse. I hate the way that they do this to me they are rattling me on purpose and i'm not even kidding i literally showed telphar some of your videos yeah we were writing don't stop stop trying to bully me and tell me that telphar doesn't like me he just said i he just said i don't want dirty white boys representing my brand that's not even what he said he didn't even show me a picture and I don't like being bullied.

I will leave right now. I'm not bullying you. I'm just telling you what happened. That is not what happened. You're lying. You're making up. Stop! You fucking cunts!

You people are pushing me. Don't do this, okay? Telfer has never said shit about me. I'm sorry, Jack. You dumb bitches. Don't even bring AG Cook into this. I'm not sorry. Jack, you see what they do to me? They provoke me to no end. I'm just trying to. I'm sorry, Jack. You dumb bitches. Don't even bring AG Cook into this. I am not sorry. Jack, you see what they do to me?

They provoke me to no end. I'm just trying to show off my new bag. Look, it's black denim. It looks great. Thank you. Wow. Jack doesn't want any of the smoke. Pinching is like the bridge of his nose.

I can't get into it. I mean, you know, I've reached the extent of my powers and abilities with this.'t get into I mean you know I've reached the extent of my powers and abilities with this you know I'm like not in my element I can't get in a Telfar based fight with Jacques I will lose totally the point of the lesson is that I'm

grateful for everyone who buys paintings please continue to do it and wait wait wait and the point of the lesson is the school's out and the and the point of the lesson is is that i'm allowed to spend my painting money however i want and i'm not i'm not begging online no one no one's telling you you can't do anything you know i'm not saying online that i'm sick that i know i know i'm just teasing you don't you dare teasing you sweetie

okay time for me to take my daily dose of weed pills. You should see this. All right, and with that, I think we're going to wrap up. Jack, thanks for coming on. Thank you for having me. This was very fun. Weed pills. If anyone wants to hear the episode of Otherworld where Jacques makes a cameo, it's called Meredith's House.

I still get hit up about that where people who don't even like like just message me out of the blue and they're like jacques you're on other world yeah and listen to other world too which is a fantastic great podcast that's a employee number one it's critically the first number one first yeah the world staffer yes me and jack were I was taking emails I was responding to people doing interviews I'm still interested in sharing I'm still interested in sharing my actual supernatural and ghost

experiences with you on your other world podcast but I've understood that you have been we'll get you back eventually on a patreon or something something secret I don't care how we do it but yeah Jacques, also, we have an episode where Jacques shares the story of the Static TV Man.

If you want to listen to Skyscraper Merzbo Remix, the Demi Lovato review episode. I heard it. I literally have heard every episode of the show. Yeah. That's why you asked me to help you out on Otherworld, is because you heard that episode. Oh, yeah. Was it? Yeah. Oh, wow you asked me to help you out on Otherworld is because you heard that episode.

Oh, yeah. Was it? Yeah. Oh, wow. You're right. Demi Lovato series was an amazing time. Amazing time for the podcast. I got to get her on.

Someone. Yes, we got her on. Oh, my God. Her. Her now. Yeah. Yes. Back to her.

It's back to her. Oh, yeah. Someone said, why did Hessa block me for liking something about Demi Lovato? Someone messaged me last night asking why Hessa blocked me in a relationship to Demi Lovato. So, whoever has a beef. I don't know. I can't address that. This must have been a dream.

I don't know. I don't think I've blocked anyone for liking something about Demi Lovato. They said that y'all got an argument about Demi Lovato on the Twitter. X. And that you blocked them. I don't know about that. Well, that's what they said. I'm just going by what they said to me.

Well, until next time, guys. Thank you for listening. Thank you for having me. I have one short plug. Be on the lookout in Los Angeles around the date of April 4th. Cancel all your plans because I will be premiering an upcoming show that I am writing, producing, starring in, and all of this with my fabulous co-star, Jilly.

Yes, you heard it first, Jilly. My fabulous co-star, Jilly. Yes, you heard it first. Jilly. And it is called Show Pig. And it is where Babe, Pig in the Big City meets Showgirls. Thank you for listening. And thanks so much for coming this week, Jack.

Do you have a link for tickets or something? Is it going to be at a venue? It's going to be at a venue. Maybe give the listeners some more detail. I'm going to have the ticket. By the time you listen to this episode, there will be a ticket link. Is it written? This is one month away. This is one month away.

Does Jilly know? No. Jack, I was going to invite you and list you, but if you're going to... And also ask you for a place to stay for a couple of weeks. And I can pay you $50 to help me write my show. I'm just kidding. I want to go.

I will go. I'm excited. Sounds great, Jock. It's going to be really good. Thank y'all. Show pig, everybody. My foray into the world of Hollywood. You should do it.

People will go. Yeah. I would go. Sounds great. Basically, it's the story of a competitive show pig and the show pig's handler who has bigger dreams of winning these show pig competitions. That's a good idea.

Goes out to Hollywood and a certain two girls that are a girl group that are comedians. That little tidbit will be revealed. I don't know. Maybe so. But they're going.

Yes, them. Goodbye, everyone. Goodbye, everyone. Talk to you next time. Talk to you later. Bye. Thank you. I'm a man of my own Thank you. Thank you.