Seeking Derangements - SD 321 - Ya Man's Gay pt 14 w/ Hasan Piker

Episode Date: June 24, 2024

FULL VIDEO EPISODE ON PATREON The internet favorite’s homophobic, queer-baiting Turk joins Hesse and I to put his alleged ally-status to the test. Will he accrue enough points from the Gay List to gain entry into the gayborhood? Will he get the F pass? The more coveted T pass? Well… Has Hasan (or even worse your man) closed a drawer with his hip? Have they made male friends or used an elliptical? What if they’ve let a woman touch a door in public? If so, it might be time to wish them happy pride! 🏳️‍🌈👨‍❤️‍👨

This is the gaybrohood and you are not welcome. That's why I need to be here. Hello everyone, hello everyone, welcome to Seeking Derangement, special episode here. We're continuing our Pride celebration by doing a gay list and inviting the few straight men who will agree to continue to speak to us on. Today we've got Hasan with us to go through some gay list items and talk about Pride and whatever else. Hasan, how's it going? Thanks for joining. Thank you for coming on. Thank you for having me. I came here to defeat the LGBTQ faux allegations

that have been launched against me. Mostly because I keep saying I'm homophobic and queerphobic and specifically biphobic. I do say that a lot we all are yeah so that's that's why i came here so i it's june you know you got to do you got to do some gay shit and we will we will be determining by the end of the episode whether or not you have the gayborhood pass yeah okay like the pope like yeah exactly just like the pope yeah yeah the pope is we we have all established his camp as fuck to be the pope in general and therefore automatically gay

right yeah yeah absolutely absolutely okay the red shoes the robe i mean it's been said so many times but he's he's essentially a drag queen yeah You have to get your balls fondled by another man. You'd like sit on a bucket, right? Don't you have to sit on a throne? I have not heard of that. No, there's like, what is it called? Am I making this up? This might be like a Facebook meme type situation.

I think I'm pretty sure. I don't know. I'm pretty sure you have to the pope has to sit on like a chair that has like a circle underneath it like a hole underneath it and then they check if he has like a dick and balls oh that is true that is true to see if he has a dick and balls to make sure that it's not like a woman pope like secretly oh yeah the papal the papal toilet chair it's a chair. They're transvestigating each pope. Oh, it's only...

It was in the Middle Ages, apparently. I don't know if they still do it. They probably still do it, but they do it for, like, fun now. They do it because they're, like, actually gay. I feel like they had to have started that because there was one transmasc pope, and they realized it halfway through, and they're like, fuck, we can't hope pope wrench the seventh he's so cool

pope xavier what what do what does a transmasc pope do before hearts of iron like i guess you're literally doing hearts of iron as the pope in real life you know that's probably the most hearts of iron thing you can do exactly you're victoria victoria three yeah um no the pope is definitely gay i also we've said this but with the the faggotry drops he's been he's been throwing yeah there it's something you can only like faggotry as a concept is something that you can only understand by observing gay men and like clocking certain behaviors and and so forth so like either he is gay they're all gay but it is an evolved you know word to throw out there i feel like which proves that there's a lot of gay shit going on there for sure but yeah no it's very zesty to

say that i feel like it's incredibly zesty incredibly zesty yeah yeah yeah it's a little but it's on it's you it's fact you mentioned itself you mentioned multiple allegations i think we've got i think you've defeated the queer baiting allegations i think you've defeated the gay allegations i think you've defeated maybe not the homophobia allegations. I don't know. I've seen you get called homophobic quite a lot. Do you remember that time?

You one time retweeted something really bitchy I said about like a gay congressman. No, I didn't even retweet it. I liked it. And I didn't even know at the time. It was you said, dude, I have like insane cyberstalkers. I have insane cyber stalkers i have insane cyber stalkers so listen i've been unconditionally defend you train since uh day one since before you launched your you know media career yeah uh and a lot of people at the time were being like really aggro about the the bernie

sanders stuff uh you know and and a lot of people at the time online were like trying to get me to to you know be a bernie bro i guess like they were trying to portray me as a bernie bro who's like homophobic misogynistic like look at him and uh and i think that that fit really well like my defensive view fit really well into that mold so uh they were they were mad at me because i kept kept saying booty judge to pete buddha judge uh they said that that was homophobic and and also like something there's something to me that's like it's homophobic to assume that's homophobic because you have to like you have to take so many logical steps to be like okay booty ass sex it's like actually a booty judge is a what is an elite

position in the gay community that you have directed to and it's it's horrible that kind of gay cred like i feel like i as a straight man i'm more gay cred than he does absolutely yeah like i've never seen him i've never seen him at the fucking grinder bus at pride parade you know what i mean he is not he. He's not snacking Ukrainian twink ass. No, he's not. And I've said this about Pete many times. He's not really a gay man. He's a career sell.

You know, he is literally just, he doesn't care about sex. He just cares about the advancement of his career. It's very obvious. There's no sexual component to his life at all, I think. Unless it's like some really freaky, like degrading shit he's doing to Chastin. He strikes me as the type of man who only has sex through the machine that Zizek has described before. You know what I'm talking about? Zizek was talking about the sex machine.

If he had the opportunity to just take a pill and then have the partner take the pill as well, and then it stimulated an orgas the pill as well and then they like it stimulated an orgasm in each other's minds like he would do that like very patrick bateman yeah no absolutely absolutely but what i was talking about i got you in some trouble once because i think you liked a tweet in which i used uh cigarette emoji which of course yeah to many people who are like gay and online like eight hours a day that does mean faggot right yeah i didn't know that i don't know if you knew that or not and then you guys know because you just said something like he's so like you said something like he's like a piece of shit or something yeah yeah it was i think it was a dude that was like

running for colorado or something like rifle colorado against like lauren bobert or some shit and he was like i hate the left uh like he was literally like he was if pete had done like meth and was like a like did love fucking like that guy definitely does fuck and smash some like horrible no for sure he is he is out there like partying and playing but it's the same kind of like heat thing the amount of traveling salesmen with wives that he's had sex with at a at a fucking motel eight is is unimaginable because i feel like that's what you get that's the play you get when you're in like fucking colorado right like i don't think that there's for sure or maybe colorado is different like i don't think there's a robust gay scene in like rifle colorado i don't think in rifle. No, I'm running for Senate tour of Colorado. Literally. Yes. Yes. That was his vibe.

I remember you getting yelled at and people were calling me homophobic. But it was particularly funny at this moment because I remember I was making – I was literally making cucumber sandwiches to go to a barbecue in Ridgewood. And I was like, what am I doing? I'm doing one of the gayest things of all time right now besides butt sex. I'm making finger sandwiches for a gay guy barbecue in Brooklyn. It was so funny the cigarette emoji in and of itself is also like obviously very gay to like know what that is like it's so good even i didn't know it yeah and i'm i like to think that i'm like kind of tapped in but you also have the problem

where i mean i guess i don't know where i don't know if it's a problem or not but like you kind of also give off and my co-host austin is uh very similar to this but you are nowhere near as bad but you kind of give off like you could be straight vibes from so the onlooker it's so funny you say that because i sometimes people i've met people who are like legitimately surprised that i'm gay and i'm like what is what does a gay guy look like to you do I have to be like covered in semen with like like doing yeah like what no obviously no no I'm not saying that's how you feel but it it happened like I met this one old lady I was at a party once in like this restaurant sitting with you my friends it was her birthday and this old woman walked up to me and

she's like you're so handsome and one of my girlfriends was like he is gay i was like first of all why would you do that why would you do that to this old lady this is crazy step off lady yeah you're like yo i'm trying to get a nut right now chill yeah this lady is very masculine yeah then the old lady was like oh my god i would have i would have never guessed i was like i wonder what a gay guy does look like to her because it's probably the most offensive caricature of a gay guy yeah like but i think it's just like if you're if you're like even ramoli mass presenting or if you have like um i don't know interest like sports and shit like for like i said my co-host austin i think like poor guy he was i mean he's he's gay in like oregon his whole life you know what i mean and like he was just in the

closet and and you know he's when he came out like, started dressing like a metrosexual from, like, 2010. He was wearing Chelsea boots. And I just kept trying to explain to him, like, no, you don't have to wear, like, tight pants. Like, this is terrible. Stop doing all of this. You have V-necks in your closet still. Like, this is you to burn most of your closet. But, like, he just kind of didn't know.

And you're not like that. You're tapped in but i'm just saying like he's very mask he's very masculine presenting i think it's a it's a fly over country gay guy thing for sure like if you're raised in the midwest or other rural parts of the united states like i think it's just it's a defense mechanism and it's also just like who you're raised around and how you're socialized. Um, you either come out as being a little bit mass presenting or you come out as like the biggest queen of all time.

Cause you could have never, as your mom. Yeah. Yeah. You become your mom. Yeah. Yeah. And I did not become my mom.

I became my dad. Unfortunately I became my father, but it's not, I think, I think we should get to the list. I think we'll put your bona fides to the test here. I mean, we've got about 20 items from the gay list. Of course, for anyone listening for the first time, this is a list that's been getting compiled by a keen observer online

who documents every time Twitter says a certain behavior or, you know, taste. If you do that, it makes you gay. So this guy is at about 1,200 list items here. We're going through them one on one. Hassan, this is part 15, I believe. So we are very dedicated to this. I'm putting my glasses to get ready. That's how seriously I'm taking this.

Yeah, we take it seriously. But we also feel like here it's a good opportunity to see if, one, to see how gay you actually are, if you do any of these things yourself, and two, to see if you will get the coveted gayborhood pass if you're let into the gayborhood okay thank god because guys i'm not gonna lie i was i was in gay city the other day and like i tried i i had to twerk as hard as i could like they were beating ass out there they are beating asses out there there's people twerking everywhere as Ian Miles Chong,

who is at the throes of the fucking Malaysian investigative forces right now for his support for Israel, which is awesome. God, Malaysia is so sick. It's so insane. Wait, is he still, like, being – has he been captured? What is going on? Is he still being... Has he been captured? What is going on? I think that there's an NGO

in Malaysia that posted his tweets recently being like, he is pro-Israel. He loves Israel. And now there's an active court case. That's so cool.

Obviously, it was a joke that they executed him. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. But now it might become a reality. And that's fucking awesome. That's so fucking cool. That's so amazing. Is he still posting or no? Did he get that?

No, I think he's still posting because he recently posted the thing that I'm talking about. Oh, the gay city thing. That him no no no the gay city thing was like obviously uh the barbs that posted that but no he on on june 15th he posted it's his pin tweet chicago is completely broken no respect for cops people twerking everywhere oh Oh, yes. I saw that. That's incredible. These people hate fun so much. They hate any public displays of life or love or fun. Anything life-affirmative, they really, really have an issue with. And they see it's, like, some form of savagery.

It goes to show how just utterly miserable and scared of people they are. Like, truly just afraid of socializing. It's so it's it's really cool and disruptive and like new age conservative to be like, we should do the town from footloose. Yeah. Dancing is illegal. It's literally I think it's a function of going to like school dances as a kid and they just couldn't get anyone to dance with them. And they were like, this is so actually,

this is bad to dance around with your friends. It's actually bad. And we need to put a stop to it. Everyone should just stand here. Like, it's gay to dance. It's gay. It's gay to dance.

Yeah. That was one of them. He is a hideous man, but yeah, that dancing I'm sure has been on here in many iterations, but let's do a dance with moves. I think was dance with moves, I think, was one of them. I think that was one of them. Choreographed.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hasan, I'm going to be tallying up your yeses and nos to these, by the way, because like I said, we don't take it seriously. But let's start with entry 399. It is have less than seven jobs as a man why do you have less than seven jobs oh shit like right off the jump that's i guess i'm gay like i don't i have i have one job i'm a tuition man that's like not even a real job. So I guess I have zero jobs.

Like you, you, you do, you at least do something every day for your job. I do, yes. It has to be kind of like we do something like twice a week. Like a hey, do you want to report it today? Yeah. No. We're definitely. My stomach hurts. Yeah.

I have a podcast as well on top of that but but still i mean i don't consider any of this stuff jobs to be fair i i feel like you could count streaming every day plus a podcast that's about one full drop i'd say that's 0.75 of one job 0.75 drop all right not even not even like one seventh of the way i'm so so cucked. This is over. Well, you can get the pass. The gayer you are, the closer you are to getting the pass. And then you can say faggot. You can say, you know, other stuff.

You can say tranny. You can say, yeah, exactly. Hell yeah. As you can tell, Hessa hasn't given me the T-slur pass yet. I've been trying to gain it from her for years, and she's withholding it. Yeah. I withhold it from Ben. I try to give it to him and then for years and she's withholding it. Yeah, I withhold it from Ben. I try to give it to him and then get him to say it

and take it back right before he says it. So I can cancel it. Like, I hate all these fucking... The first thing I do with the T pass is become incredibly transparent. I fucking hate trans. Does Jokat get the T-pass?

Jokat? I feel like he should. Now that you banished him. Yeah, I think if he said it, I would have a lot more respect for him, honestly. He's back now. He's back now. Oh, big surprise. He didn't

depart from the internet completely forever. Yeah, ridiculous surprise. He didn't depart from the internet completely forever. Ridiculous. My dumb joke. Oh my god, you guys should have him on. I've offered. Really? Oh my god.

That would be sick. I've offered to do a voice in one of his little animations. I was like, that's really what I want. One of his stupid little doodles is i'll be a character a character in one of his animations that says tranny i fucking love and he gets me to do it i would love that to get it we have to get him on that'd be amazing yeah but yeah okay back to have seven jobs i mean does suck. Hasan, as you'll notice here, this list gets increasingly claustrophobic and hypocritical. And it just...

Sometimes I'm like, it would actually suck so much to be a straight guy who thinks this way because every part of your life is limited by some kind of anxiety that you might come across as gay or effeminate. Yeah. And it's just... It's so depressing sometimes. But less than seven jobs.

This is like, this is shit that you would like be afraid of if you were, I don't know, like 12 or 14, I think. When you're like, you haven't really figured it out yet. And you're like, wait, like you have that residual homophobia from growing up. And you're like, fuck, am I gay? Like, what if i am gay oh that would be terrible wait you know that what what number of eggs is it gay to make for breakfast two or three i can't remember and it just sucks because like i feel like a lot of people

are mentally stunted and and basically operate like they never really escape the 14 year old mentality that's why like that's's why Andrew Tate is so, or was so popular for any certain period of time, because like, there are so many 35 year old men out there who are just like, who look at a guy like Andrew Tate, who's like, obviously, well,

one incredibly zesty, by the way, regardless of everything else. Yeah. It's far too European. It's like a Smedium Express suit with like no socks. With those slippers. It's like.

Flaming. Flaming. Strap it. yeah but like but like beyond that um he is like the the ideal man for a 14 year old like oh he has like sick cars and you know he's just he says yeah thanks so like a lot of these 35 year old dudes who've like never been with a woman that are desperate to like make a cryptocurrency scheme work um they are also mentally stunted in that same way they're like still stuck at 14 so that's why it that shit pops off just like there are uh probably a lot of men who still think this way which is very sad yeah no it's it's it's also hilarious for me at least um let's get to the next one um 400 is drive without a license which i'm immediately saying yes is gay it's absolutely gay to drive without a license i was doing it recently driving without a license is gay driving without a license

is gay yeah absolutely oh okay that's i'mdocumented in any kind of way is gay. It's held true for at least my life. I'm constantly losing IDs, debit cards. I don't have a driver's license. But I do still drive. Here's the question, though. Sorry, by the way, for cutting you off over and over again. You're fine. Because I can barely hear you.

Oh, my God. I'm sorry. So does that mean I don't have a license from the government and i'm driving because like my license is suspended or i just like don't have it on me i would say not having one period yeah like you're a sovereign citizen you don't believe in licenses which i think is yeah yeah that's a libertarian way yeah to be a gay guy and to borrow your hags car to go like to a concert or something i think is very gay yeah yeah no i i always i like i have a license i never have it on me when i'm driving but i always have a license yeah so that's for you

you make it you clear in that in that respect. Yeah. I clear I'm, I'm straight. I'm safe. Oh, thank God. Thank God. I recently, I don't know. I don't know how legal this is. I don't really care to say it because there's parody. I'm joking, but I did recently get, I have two valid New York state IDsids because i so frequently lose one i'd wanted to just apply for another so now i have two and i feel very very secure in making sure i'm not going to fall through any cracks i'm not going to forget my you have to give it to an undocumented migrant so they can take advantage of the america the robust welfare state that we have and also be able to vote for joseph robin and brandon yeah and also

be able to kill people and blame it on you yeah yeah yeah of course mutual aid i forgot i forgot about if he's if he's undocumented he probably is better off killing someone without an american license because like we let that happen in america but if you're in american season you will go to jail you know yeah exactly especially in new york city yeah all right so hassan you made it past that one uh next one 401 is swim next to your homie at the beach some of these are crazy specific by the way some of these are incredibly specific swimming next to your homie at the beach at the beach i don't think i've ever done that oh okay yeah i'm not like

a big beach goer though to be fair i just i hate have you ever swum next to your homie in the pool that's totally different that's straight that's straight you can do whatever you want with a homie in a pool the beach is what makes it good The beach is what makes it gay. The beach is what makes it gay. No, I've never swum next to my homie at the beach. Okay. It seems like you're getting further and further from being given the coveted pass. Yeah, this is terrifying. I do think there could be something here.

I mean, I think beach is a crucial player. Beach is gay. Pool is straight, as far as I see it. But it's still not gay. This is a stupid one. I'm not going to give this one any valid points for being gay itself. But, Hasan, you have not swam next to your homie at the beach. You might not get this pass, dude.

You might not get this pass. dude. You might not get this pass. This is terrifying. I know. I'm going to start lying, which is very gay. It's a gay trait. Oh, yeah. Lying is so gay. Absolutely.

One of the key gay traits, one of the pillars of gay, like the pillars of hip-hop or, like, rhyming graffiti. Mischief, gay. Fucking. Yeah. Fucking. Fucking's a huge one um all right i totally agree with this one by the way 402 is use the elliptical yes that's i've used it before i'm not like an avid elliptical user but i have used it i think it's okay it's like it's like sucking a dick one time, I guess.

You know? This is an important assessment that you're making right now. It's like, does that make you gay? The elliptical one time? I tried the elliptical in college with my roommate. Yeah. I got on the elliptical, but I never rode on it. I never used it. I just stood there. I didn on the elliptical, but I never rode on it. I never used it.

I just stood there. I didn't even enjoy it. I said no homo right after. I just watched. I do think it's gay. I think it's gay coded because it's a machine for women and and old people but also it's like like low impact cardio i feel like is a form of exercise where you you care about your body in some way like the longevity of it which i think only gay men it's more gay to to care about that when you're in the gym instead of like you know

lifting giant massive amounts of you know equipment that could you know cause some strain or whatever i don't know west hollywood gays are a different breed though oh i guess that's true yeah yeah they're brawling as fuck like yeah i think it's because they have to they have to be like really athletic to not slip in the sauna when they're having gay sex in the sauna like they need the center of gravity yeah yeah like they plant they plant they have a firm athletic stance yes exactly well i've never yeah i i forget to consider that kind of gay men because none of them are in my life but i forget that that's like what i see for the most part is like mostly just brolic gay men all the time. Yeah.

The big circuit, like the circuit bears kind of. They're just they're like muscle hunks. I wouldn't even say that they're like they're not they're not their territory at all. They're like old one percent body fat, you know, like Patrick Bateman psychos. Which, yeah, I don't know what the new york gay scene looks like but like in la it's just like if you are if you are eight percent body fat in the gay community you're obese like they're just like oh what are you doing yeah yeah

like it's yeah yeah no they're they're crazy they're crazy i'm in new york you have everyone you've got you've got gays like that as well um and they're also in weho they're going back and forth all the time like chelsea west village weho just back and forth and back and forth um okay uc elliptical we're saying is gay and we're saying hasan you've done it once but i i think that still counts i think all working out is kind of gay oh i 100 agree with that yeah that's that's something that i have like confronted bradley martin actively with like i go on a lot of these like centrist podcasts like circuits where i have like a lot of friends bradley martin being one of them and i and i uh i brought this up recently on another podcast where I was like,

it's not like Target queering the youth. It's Bradley Martin. Like owning a gym is literally actively trying to make people gay because going to the gym makes you gay. Yeah. 100%. The more you work out, the more gay you are. the more you work out the more the more gay you are like yeah because at a certain point one you develop crippling body dysmorphia and possibly an eating disorder both are very gay

both are very gay and and then on top of that you start there's this concept called miring in the bodybuilding community miring it means like admiring and you're not admiring a woman you're admiring a man. Like miring is only used towards other men who are brolic. And like when you get to a certain point in the gym, when you have like amassed a decent amount of size, like you're doing that for other guys. Other guys are looking at you and going like,

that's fucking, that dude is brolic. I want to be like him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Very gay. Working out is gay for sure it was like looking at yourself in the mirror yeah yeah the posing the selfies caring about lighting other men's physique it's yeah it's gay it's incredibly gay um okay the next one if you're a gym owner we've established we've established if

you're a gym owner you are making the children gay you're a groomer you're straight you're a groomer you're a groomer yeah next one this has been a topic of debate i've been privy to since high school um it's a classic one 403 is kiss your girl after she gives you head what do we think oh i i i mean is there like a like a refractory period you know what i mean like is there like three days after you get you're never allowed to kiss her again yeah it's like wearing white after a labor day yeah no i i would never do that i would never kiss her again one time i never i never kissed my kiss my wife she gave me a head in freshman year i can't do it man i can't do it yeah no i just meant like is she like you know

rinsing it off uh let's say let's say for the sake of argument no it's it's you know right out and then let's say it's it's one hour later one hour later i'm sure oh yeah no i i've definitely done that uh but i i mean i probably even like i probably even had a at a heated moment where i've like didn't really care or it was was you know it was pat in a throes of passion yeah yeah it's a funny thing because like as a gay i've never even considered to think of it as a gay guy like of course but i'm like it's just like wow other people think about whether or not you can kiss someone after oral sex like that's crazy to me well for me it's just like kind of gross because of the semen but that's it yeah yeah yeah that's like the only reason that's

the only thing i'm thinking you are not getting this neighborhood this neighborhood pass dude you're so i know i know but i but but but to be fair i have i have self-sucked so that's yeah i would say that's gay or arguably i'd say that's yeah that's pretty gay but not to completion i could i didn't have the mobility yeah nor the stamina to go to completion okay okay not flexible enough to give yourself head is kind of reverse it kind of equals out because gay guys you know yeah flexible they can stretch but but i will say and i have talked about this extensively like uh it's just it feels more like you're sucking a dick than getting your dick sucked yeah like it doesn't feel like you're getting your it's not the same well it's like it's like the the stranger you know like numbing your hand to jack off your dick it's

like well you just have like a numb hand and then he feels like you're being like beat off by like a ghost or something. It's really, it's kind of creepy. It's not good. Yeah. It's not good. Why disrupt the process? This is like the best. I always wanted to numb my dick so I could feel like I was giving a hand job, you know. Ben, I loved earlier you saying I've never even considered that which is funny because I like

to imagine you meant I've never even considered kissing a guy who gave me a head never it would never even cross my mind it would be something I did just to be mean in the moment you know sometimes it's just gay as hell bro what the fuck yeah um all right let's get to the next one um 405 is make new male friends make new male friends which is hard for straight guys definitely definitely gay as hell i guess on that On that front. Yeah, okay, we got one. Thank God. Make new male friends is gay. That's awesome.

All right, Hasan. Yeah. You're getting closer. You're almost... I feel like some of this stuff is like... I mean, a lot of this stuff is just memes for the most part, but sometimes you can kind of tell the mindset of the person who wrote that rule like who came up with that and that's just like an anti-social person yeah who was just like or it's actually gay yeah or a girlfriend who's jealous that her

boyfriend has too many friends and she's like i think it's i think it's really sus that you keep making new friends yeah yeah what i'm not enough what do you want to fuck this guy that you met at the gym yeah the answer is yes always that part she's not wrong if she's suspecting adultery of that sort at the gym it's always happening so girl girl if your man is making new friends dump his gay ass right now yeah i mean if you're going to the West Hollywood Equinox, like, yeah, for sure. No, that's a sex club. That's, like, it's not a gym.

Yeah, that's a cruising spot. That's on Sniffy's. Good God. Can you imagine that Sniffy's location? Yeah, I can. All right. So, Making New Male Friends is gay, and yes it's on you've done it so you've got a point for gay um 406 close a drawer with your hips okay that is that's gay as hell. I've done that.

I've definitely done that. It's like cartoonishly gay. Yeah, I've done that. Yeah, getting a fork from a drawer, and you can see that it's just a bunch of dildos in there. That's like, yeah, that's definitely gay. And yes, I've definitely done that. It's fun to do it. It's fun to do it it's fun to do it

i'm sorry sue me yeah lock me up i'm not gonna stop closing shit with my hips it's fun yeah it feels it's that's a girl the girl who wrote that about her boyfriend broke up with him right after seeing him do that that's like yeah that's like what girls consider like a ick i guess yeah yeah right exactly i lost all respect for him after i see him saw him wearing a bonnet carrying a broom and shutting drawers with his hip he jumped on a chair and yelled eek when a mouse ran by literally so hassan you've closed the drawer with your hip is that what we're hearing yes I have and it's and it's gay your honor um

next one okay next one is similar as well um we're in a little cartoonish streak here I think 407 is chasing after a coin that has fallen out of your pocket okay that's just... Yeah, no, we're in like Looney Tunes territory.

What the fuck? Putting a stick of dynamite in your mouth. Immediately after you're going through a storm drain, and you're just running after like... Falling out of a tree and hanging in midair for three seconds is incredibly... Yeah, no. I do not... I don't think I've ever done that. I've done it, unfortunately. and hanging in midair for three seconds is incredibly. Yeah.

I do not. I don't think I've ever done that. I've done it. Unfortunately, I have. I have done that. So are we saying it's gay or not gay? First of all, is this is this a gay thing to do or is it not gay? I do think I do think it's kind of gay.

I mean, it depends on what the coin is. It's like a lady die specialty. If it's a Susan B b anthony special edition silver dollar that's double gay yeah that's extra gay yeah for sure is it gay to have specific dollars special dollars i think so i mean it's kind of straight to have a two dollar bill because it's kind of like a dumb straight guy thing to do. That's me. I have that. Something only idiots do. Something only disgusting

idiots straight men do. I'm sorry. Why do you have a $2 bill? This is it. This is like I'm getting my ass beat in game city 100%. This is already beating my ass. Walking into the game hood with your $2 bill Refusing to chase after coins

And conversely Having a $3 bill is famously One of the gayest things On earth I mean queer is a $3 bill A famed statement Alright so You have not chased after a coin but it is gay to

do that if you out there listener have ever done that you're gay um next one okay it's not really cartoonish anymore the next one is getting a little philosophical 408 is it's just one word and the word is exist it's gay to exist that's beautiful beautiful yeah this yeah do you exist to someone i do exist damn thank god i'm gay as hell for it for existing so what does that mean like in this person's mind like it's just it is not a heteronormative society that we exist in it's a homonormative society yeah the worst of one yeah

being alive I'm picturing like a keemstar drama alert like breaking Hassan exists yeah he's gay for it. I think this is probably someone who got fed up by all the things you can't do and he's like so what is it gay to exist?

And then someone was like yes. Yes. Now it's on the list baby. It made it to the list. So Hassan you do exist and yes it's gay to exist all right next one here uh 409 is enjoy anime never me never watched it never will okay wait enjoying

anime is gay enjoying anime is gay or enjoying anime straight it's gay gay if you enjoy it you are gay as hell then that's actually kind of shocking i i feel like i feel like those nerds are very i mean i mean there's jojo's there's one piece is pretty true true true both both animes I do like a lot. Yes. Who's your favorite straw hat pirate? I'm racist. I like Zoro. Period. This is like insider memes for one of the most popular anime slash mangas of all time. Zoro's my favorite straw hat, for sure.

He clears. But anyway, that's neither here nor there. Honorable mention for Trafalgar Law, if you consider him to be a Straw Hat. He's the coolest. Don't get me started on anime. I'm so gay for anime. You don't understand. I've been rewatching My Hero Academia, and it's actually pretty good. I was so disrespectful to it early on. It unironically makes me tear up.

That's the level I'm talking about. There are moments where I tear up for young Midoriya sometimes. Did you tear up when Ace died in One Piece? Not when Ace died, honestly. But I did tear up when fucking uh going mary yes that was so crazy that was the first ever death like canonically first ever death in the series too i feel like yeah okay okay we're we're getting into the weeds shut up ladies. Shut up, faggots. Yeah. I just, I don't know.

I've never been able to get it. Maybe I would like it. I have no idea. I have no idea. Maybe I should try one. You would hate it. What should I? I would hate it.

What should I? What should I? If you're going to start out with anime, I suggest Cowboy Bebop for sure. Yeah. You lost me at the name. I'm sorry. The name lost me. No, no. it's actually very good it is very good very cinematic i'll watch it so you're gay should i give you two points there for the gay brohood

because it seems like you really love anime it's if it's made you cry yeah no for sure yeah if it's made you cry that's two points because with anime i always think like it's either, yes, it's either like very, very gay weebs or like the worst Nazis you've ever seen. Like it's just. Yeah. But there's also gamers. G-A-Y-M-E-R-S. You know, there's a huge community out there. They love, they love that shit.

Yeah. All right. Next one. 410. Get more than a thousand likes on an Instagram post. I agree with this. I totally agree with this. Alright, Hasan.

And it's doubly gay for me because I feel like I was doing that already even before I got, I guess, quote-unquote famous. I was hitting those numbers as gay as hell. I was hitting that already even before I got like I guess quote unquote famous. So like I was hitting those. That's gay as hell. I was hitting those numbers as like a normal, you know, like a normie person.

Were you doing the hashtags and everything? Hashtag gay boy. Hashtag miho. Hashtag drinking. Oh, yeah. Hashtag body tea. Hashtag my body is too sick. Saying that in 2012

Yeah Schizophrenic Yeah I think it's gay I think it is gay I mean it is gay for a man to have To be on social media Kind of period I think Twitter is for women gay men with personality

disorders straight men sometimes but overall i'd say it's pretty gay so getting for sure it's like what are you what are you trying to impress are you trying to impress men on there like what's going on we're trying to reach out to men straight guys have for the most part the self-confidence and you and live in a world that already kind of accepts them. They have nothing to perform. They have nothing to show. They can just be themselves. But gay guys have to be little court jesters or dancers or whatever.

And women have to do their whole thing. So it makes sense. They have to do whatever the fuck they do. Whatever the fuck they do. I don't like to think about it. All right. Next one. 4.11 is train your glutes. Kind of a classic one, Tanner.

Kind of a classic one. Why do you as a man have an ass i i definitely am gay as hell again okay i i definitely i mean i i squat like i i deadlift i train my glutes quite a bit yeah yeah but isn't it like super important to have like a big fat ass if you're a bodybuilder isn't that like where a lot of your like muscle your like core strength is i have no clue i don't yeah but no it's it's it is important it's like a lot like there's three big compound muscle exercises it's the bench press the balls in the ass yeah mean, it's the bench press, it's the deadlift, and it's the squat.

And squat and deadlift both target your ass. So two out of three of the most important muscle exercises target your ass. Yeah. And the bench press, someone has to spot you and they put their dick like right in your face too. Yeah, absolutely. Exactly. Yeah. There you go.

So you can't escape. Yeah. Well, even the squat, have you guys ever seen like uh how people spot you on a squat like they come up from behind you and like put their put their hands and like just like you know get all sensual and need to start lifting weights sweat it sounds yeah yeah we're we're doing so much gay shit out there at the gym. No, literally. But I feel like once a gay guy, okay, if a gay guy came to the gym and you're all there with your bros, like, squatting each other, and, like, a gay, gay guy walked in, like, a real gay guy walked in, would you guys treat him the same way? Would you also spot him?

Or would you kind of be like, I don't want to spot Dalton. I don't know what he's going to pull. You know, like. Yeah. I don't want to spot Dalton. I don't know what he's going to pull. You know, like... Are you... First of all, you have to remember, I live in West Hollywood for the past 10 years. Okay. I don't think there's been a straight guy

that I've been around at the gym. That's number one. And number two, that's so funny to think. Like, yeah, no, I... Guys at the gym are, like, really homophobic or they're like, oh, that's a gay guy. We can't spot him. You never know what they're going to try. Yeah.

OK, OK. Is he brolic or not? If he's brolic, we're fucking putting our faces on that crotch region. We don't give a shit. OK. Yeah, I see. It's so we'll do whatever kind of I think I'm more homophobic than you are. I genuinely. Yeah. Oh, kind of spots necessary. I think I'm more homophobic than you are.

Genuinely. That's something we've all known. You're more homophobic than most people, I feel. It's horrible. To be fair, that is pretty gay, though. Yeah. Being homophobic is incredibly gay. It's one of the gayest things.

It's one of the gayest things. Okay, so you're training your glutes. You are gay. You get another point there. Hasan, how are you on your glutes. You are gay. You can have the point there. Hasan, how are you on time? Are we good? Yeah, we can keep going. You can do the full hour.

Don't worry. Okay, perfect. This is your once out of the week podcast session. I'm not trying to cook that. I'm trying to get you to do the full hour. We did also record another. Just for the listeners out there, we do work twice a week at least. It's two hours. Don't worry, guys.

We work so hard. 4.12. Like a woman who has short hair. Okay. This one's interesting to me. Yeah. okay this one's interesting to me uh yeah i mean that's if that's gay then yeah i'm gay as hell another one for you okay you're you're getting into the gay world if you continue this way but in general do we think it's gay to like a woman with short hair i think that's something that in the 20s they really realized there's a lot of books and a lot

of authors in the 20s like f scott fitzgerald and ernest hemingway were like made entire books being like is it gay to like a girl named bobby who has short hair but a rockin bod yeah and they're like entire but like that's the plot of the sun also rises basically what conclusion did they because i feel like back then like dudes were doing stuff that like now people consider to be like unimaginably gay like we're talking we're in the era now of like yes you know men cross-dressing with regular frequency like back then it was like normal haha like it's you know just a thing that you do yeah and there were like beloved franchises off of that you know what i mean like all the eddie murphy stuff and now i feel like the role reversal is that like i feel like you can have you can be into

like a short-haired girl and that's not gay but like if you ever crush us you're gay you're the gayest you're trying to groom children yeah yeah i also feel like the same is true for like gay sex in some way like i know this is a very romanticized thing i'm cooking up here i understand standard living standards are probably a lot worse for gay men but on a sexual frontier i would have loved to have had to have joined the navy to suck dick i think that sounds like a lot more fun. I think the way gay sex was happening in the 50s was a lot more just like because it's prohibited, it feels more risky and feels more, you know, life affirming and and sexy. But now it's just like you can essentially uber eats a blowjob whenever you want you're just like it's so gluttonous and indulgent that it of course there's a happy

medium there but i can't personally i would have had i think a lot more fun being on the prohibitive side just sexually of course but let's see you out there in the trenches i don't see you it's fleet week isn't it dude i've seen get you i've seen so many little sailor guys walking around and yes i am i'm turning to see what they look like from behind i i'm yeah some of them have been hot some of them have been really hot uh maybe i just have maybe it's still the navy's still gay even like what has happened i think they're all like we used to be a nation yeah yeah we used to we used to yeah now everybody's gay now the entire army's gay the conservatives are right we have to date the military yeah well that's the state

the state department is trans for sure it's so 100 computer cia yeah trans yeah 100% The CIA Yeah Trans Yeah NSA Yeah Absolutely Okay so Woman with short hair Hassan you got a gay point Overall It's not gay

It's not gay to like A woman with short hair That's ridiculous Yeah It depends on what she looks like I think Yeah If she looks like a little twink

Then yeah Or if she looks like If she has like Glenn Close's face And she's bald If it's Glenn Close Then that's gay as fuck No because you are like

Definitely like oh my god Glenn Close She's a diva Okay yeah true I had to google Glenn Close Which I feel like I should not have admitted That's like Taking away my gay cred right now I had to Google Glenn Close, which I feel like I should not have admitted. That's like taking away my gay cred right now. Yeah, that's minus one point for Googling Glenn Close.

If your man has to Google Glenn Close, he's straight. Next one. That's funny. You guys should do that. You guys should do the straight code. You've been thinking of it. Basically this list, but in reverse. For gay guys who are worried their boyfriend might be straight, it's not a problem that exists.

Gay guy who's like, oh no. I think my boyfriend is straight. He had to Google Glenn Close. He never goes to the gym. He doesn't have a favorite Madonna album. Yeah. 413 is pretty simple, straightforward here. It's wear anything gold.

Any gold, you're gay. This is the Islamlam rule i think men are not supposed to be wearing gold um uh i used to wear gold i don't anymore i'm more of a i'm more of a silver gal as you guys can tell um period so i guess i guess like i was i was cruising a little bit back in the day but no longer that's where the queer baiting allegations came from was you're wearing too much gold yeah because i was wearing gold yeah i feel like that's not even a thing like the queer baiting allegations for me especially like i it no i'm i'm saying that like um like i don't know i don't i because my fan base was predominantly gay even even when I was at the Young Turks. Like, that was the first audience I cultivated were the gays, like, before women came along.

So the thing about the gays, then the girls, then the rest. Yeah, first they came for the gays. First the gays came for me, then the women came for me, then the rest came for me. But queerbaiting, I mean, look, it's very interesting here. I've long maintained that it doesn't really exist. And insofar that it does exist, it isn't a problem in any way at all. And gay men are being melodramatic, narcissistic freaks for attacking people on this basis. But something that's very interesting here, i think shows what's really going on

is that i have never once seen an ugly man get accused of queerbaiting does not happen to ugly guys which i wonder why oh is queerbaiting just seeing a hot guy who you want to fuck who won't fuck you and then you yell at them for it that's insane that's and then you have to make this schizophrenic little code of ethics in your head it's like well he had a he had his nails painted and that means that he was a on his way to fuck me right now and it's like what are you talking what are you talking about funny that's really funny because that's what my dad thinks like you paint your nails you're gay yeah like yeah my dad yeah my dad has had multiple conversations with me throughout the years at this point where like whenever i paint my nails

i'll get a phone call from my dad and he's like okay is it time to come out yeah i'm ready dad what like i live in west hollywood do you think i wouldn't tell you if i was gay like do you think i would hide that i'm like why would i be in the closet in this situation yeah yeah but also yeah my dad's like my dad is really mad about queerbaiting allegations he's like funny please stop queerbaiting it's unethical i do i'm a turkish dad um i do think there's another type of queerbaiting though and it's like the harry styles you know yeah where it's like it's just someone that you're annoyed by yes but and it's like fuck i hate looking at this guy and i'm annoyed by him holding up a gay flag i was gonna say that

i was gonna say like there is it's not queer baiting's not real except unless you're like harry styles so yes exactly the only kind of queer baiting this week i don't i'd like the thing about harry styles is like people like oh well he's dressing flamboyantly and like flamboyant doesn't really equal gay slave owners dress flamboyantly he's dressing looks more like a slave owner dressing he looks like he looks like a willy wonka character that's not gay that's just crazy no he's it's him like dressing badly and then holding up like a pride flag yeah at a concert yeah and i'm yeah and then having a cougar girlfriend having a slay diva girlfriend that's another part of it yeah it's just it's so exhausting to me and i'm also like gay guys like

gay guys are incredibly adaptable aesthetically and it's like oh straight guys are starting to paint their nails and will wear jewelry like, gay guys will just start dressing like construction workers, which they have been doing for a while. So, like, just switch it up. Is it going to turn into one of those situations where, like, gay guys will be like, like, you're doing cultural appropriation? Like, you're doing cultural appropriation by, like, dressing like a gay man? Yeah, no, I've literally heard people make that argument before and it's like shut up shut up that's crazy shut

the hell up it's so stupid you know like it's ridiculous i love that yeah it's incredibly stupid being like oh bad bunny bad funny i dressed like janelle monae i can't believe he's queer baiting me he looks like a lesbian wait but bat bunny i think bat bunny's like bisexual no he's like the meta people always say he's bi yeah no he's he's bi for sure true that's the other dude is that on the list being from latin america well that's on the buy list that's on the buy list the puerto rican list that's another like community meme of mine or i always say like if you are in any way, shape, or form Latino, you're gay. Oh, yeah.

And homophobic. Hello! Hello! Ben's living proof. Yeah, exactly. All right, next one here. 414 is have health insurance. Wait, having health insurance is gay?

Yeah, I can see the logic here. Then yes. So you have health insurance. Breaking news, Hassan is insured. Yes. Is it? Cancel me. We're both being gay and also being rich

how can i can't believe he's a socialist he has health insurance what let me guess you have the you have the gold plan yeah gold the gayest color yeah 100 yeah um okay so you do have health insurance you're really i think you're going to make it to the gayborhood in general is it gay to have health insurance i can see the logic here because as a man you shouldn't be that's something that like dying risk you get getting injured it shouldn't be happening to you that's a straight man but doesn't that also go against the the typical stereotype of like gay people don't have everything in order type you know what i mean yeah yeah like that's what i was that's why i was thinking like is it actually but then again all of my chaotic gay friends all of my category friends do have health insurance so i guess that's

true crap it's because they're they're disease ridden vagrants. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I'm kidding. Jesus Christ. No, it is. I mean, it is like health. Health care for gay men is something that, of course, we care about because, you know, the history of our people is, you know, you need the health insurance.

You want to do a couple more? How are you feeling? Sure. Four. Okay. 417 is. I feel like I've already accrued enough gay credit at this point. But, you know, at this point, it's just bonus points.

Yeah, bonus points. Maybe one more, and then we need to issue a judgment. It's to see if you can buy a property in the gayborhood now can you put a can you place a hotel in the neighborhood um and how big um four well it's perfect we only have two left let's do these last two 417 this is a really crazy one 417 is have a weird shaped head because your parents didn't put you on your belly enough as a baby what does that make you gay i don't feel like that's like a scientist that wrote this one like a race scientist yeah this seems like phrenology but like weird for like this is like only this could have only come together in like fortune you know what i mean yeah

yeah yeah it's like yeah it's it's gay if your parents don't put you on their lap enough as a baby is that what have a weird shape on your belly because your parents didn't put you on uh didn't put you on your belly enough as a baby so like when babies like if they're always on their back they have a flat back of the head which i do have i have a flat back of the head, which I do have. I have a flat back of my head because my parents didn't do enough tummy time. Do I have a flat back of my head? I think so. I mean, I don't know. I can't tell.

If it's curved, you got enough tummy time. But if it's flat, your parents, they just laid you on your back for way too long. And you just lay there. I think mine's curved. You're laid there. I think mine's curved. You're probably fine. I think mine is curved too. Holy shit. Have I been straight this whole time?

Have I been a straight guy this whole fucking time? And I didn't, whoa, I'm having a crisis. Okay. I don't understand how this would make someone gay unless there is some kind of like horrible Nazi argument that's like, like well the brain grows differently and activates the gay chip or something but so yeah conservatives are right

you can turn your kids gay no tummy time absolutely um so someone should have told my mom because like she failed she took me to broadway shows and shit and like i am a i am a living breathing example that you cannot make your child queer like she would take me to museums and broadway shows and i fucking hate both of those things oh my god same yeah i would never go to music i'd rather yeah i i like i can't i can't all. Like, I respect the art of it, but it's just not a thing that I'm into. I don't respect the art of it. I think it's annoying. 418.

And our last one here, Hasan, to see if you're going to make it to the Gabriel Hood, if you get the F pass and the T pass, if you want that, we'll give you an honorary F and T pass. 418. If you get the F pass and the T pass, if you want that, we'll give you an honorary F and T pass. 4.18, it's letting a woman touch a door in public. If you let a woman touch a door in public. I've definitely let women touch doors in public. You should be opening it for them, Hasan. You stupid faggot.

Why should you be opening it? Yeah, you can't even. I can't even be bothered. Open the door for them. Sometimes if it's like. Yeah. Sometimes I might even open a door for a man, which is like, I guess, extra gay. Yeah.

I like to picture that this also means. And you open it if it's a woman. I like to picture that this also means, like, blocking a woman from exiting somewhere. Being like, you're not allowed to leave. Yeah. No, not until you give me your phone number. Not until you give me a kiss.

Yeah, yeah. Not until you smile. Come on, smile more, honey. It also implies that Doors are somehow a specific Hazard to women Like if a woman touches a door, she'll explode Or something

Which I wouldn't know Because I open doors for women Alright, Hasan You made it, of course No big surprise You made it to the Gborhood with with flying colors with slaying colors you're sashaying into the gayborhood no one's gonna yell at you scream at you in a high-pitched tone and tell you to get out of the gayborhood that you're not welcome there

this is the gayborhood and you are welcome thank god we don't want that. Thank God. I am in the gay bread. Okay, so let me ask you guys this, okay? Do you think WeHo is gayer than San Francisco? Yes. Like, the what? Yeah. Okay, thank you. Absolutely. That's what I always say, and people always try to, like, be, people always try to test me on that, and I'm like, you don't understand.

Like, WeHo is the gay mecca. Maybe San Francisco in, like, the 80s or the 90s but san francisco is like tech now it's not there's still gay people there but yeah now it's like oh it's like the castro versus weho i don't really know but like weho is like pure distillation of just gay men i don't even know if they let trans in would you say would you say castro is gayer than we know or would you say even then i say what maybe probably the zip code for sure for sure yeah I think so too I that's like that's something that I've been saying and people just like will always like no you don't understand but I think we ho is definitely could be

totally wrong I could be totally wrong it's not really my scene either way at all I don't know so sorry to any gay men in California if I am NOT representing your community properly I don't know and to be quite. I don't know. So sorry to any gay men in California if I am not representing your community properly. I don't know and to be quite honest, I don't really care. But WeHo does seem like ground zero for that activity. Well, Hasan, thank you for joining.

I feel like WeHo is so gay, it scares conservatives from entering it. Have you seen anyone there because there's nothing there or protest there's really no they don't even do that that's what i'm saying like when when i went to the pride uh the first day of pride and the gays shut down the whole road okay that's how you know that's what's going on around these parts. Okay. They've shut down all boulevards. Okay.

The hell's going on. And even like the counter protests, like the Christian freaks that normally like appear everywhere by massive numbers. There was like three of them. Like they've just kind of given up. Yeah. There's no, they can't. They're like, yeah, we lost this.

We lost this battle. What do they have to save? We have to save the ivy. We need to make it a Christian space. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I think we can wrap there, Hasan. They were. They were posted up outside of a bar named

The Gym. Either way that's spelled, that's the gayest name for a bar I've ever heard. Well, you know either way that's spelled that's the gayest name for a bar i've ever heard yeah well exactly thank you so much for joining us we appreciate your time appreciate the opportunity to welcome you to the gayborhood officially um yes do you want to say the f the f-slur now say faggot as your inaugural say it you're in the gay program. Are you guys going to bleep it if I say it? No.

I can't. I mean, first of all. We'll end the episode right before you say it. We'll end the episode right before you say it. Look, I, like, you know. I'll drop it. You want to say it. I can tell you want to say it.

Just say it. We'll stop recording and then you can say it. We'll stop recording and then you can say it. It will be weaponized against me, so I'm not saying it. But for the record, he wants to, Fult to i'm kidding yeah he's texting it to both of us right now yeah over and over all right well thanks again we'll talk soon and goodbye everyone all right thanks for having me, guys. This was awesome. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Thank you.