Seeking Derangements - SD 331 - We Promise To Not Start A Riot

Episode Date: August 8, 2024

Hello Seekers! Jacques, Ben and Hesse here, today we finally uncover the foundational trauma behind Jacques very serious aversion to chewing gum, discuss RFK's baby bear dumping, and draft a letter to the DNC in which we beg for press passes and promise to be normal. Weekly bonus episodes at patreon.com/seekingderangements !

🎵 All right. Guardo el mundo de una lúgula Tutto nella magia patreon.com slash seeking derangements. Welcome, guys. How are we doing today? Howdy, y'all. I'm good. Good. I'm amazing. I'm fantastic. I'm well slept.

I think the whole last month I wasn't sleeping right because I kept waking up to the AC breaking and it being 91 degrees in a third story loft. So I left and i moved again are you housed currently yes i'm housed okay well yay let's celebrate that hello let's celebrate that jock is are you housed in the podcast studio that you're in right now? No, I'm not living. I'm currently in the Acadiana Open Channel podcasting room. This is the public access studio in Lafayette, Louisiana.

And it's an amazing resource. And also, there's not a single person here. That's amazing. Yeah, I see the door to the studio is wide open. Literally, I could just go in there and have a show. Have a ball. You should.

You should go to a public access. I'm not even joking that I would love to immediately after this cancel all of my plans for the day and record an episode of a TV show. Yeah. What are your plans for today? What plans? What would you be canceling? What would I be canceling? Nothing. um what would i be canceling um nothing oh i i was supposed to get um lunch or dinner with my sister and my cousin emile who's in from belgium he's like maybe just turned 18 his favorite things

are john deere donald trump and um he has already started a uh business where he takes women's maternity jeans and remakes gets people to donate them and then remakes them into tote bags and him and his like three other people from his high school did it and made insane amount a million dollars yes and cycling women's maternity pants or maternity jeans it's all jeans it's all jeans yeah it's tote bags made out of jeans and there could you could probably do a clever name with like pregnant woman and their bellies their tummies kind of being like a bag what's fun like a kangaroo pouch you can call them pouches there's a there's a term for joey pouch it's funny because like so like he was raised in belgium and he has a lisp and he grew up learning english and flemish and french and fleish? 1200? They still speak Flemish in parts of Belgium.

I believe it. Why not? Do you mean Dutch? No, Flemish. It's a different language. Okay. I'll get a Google on this one to confirm. But anyway, I'm supposed to go to dinner with them, but my cousin's parents have... Just reminding you, this is a free episode it's okay

they're it's all fine my cousin's parents one of them has tested positive for covid and the other one has gone to my mom's house saying the husband went to the my mom's house and said he didn't have covid and he was he was kept coughing really hard and And this was like maybe the day before yesterday. And then the next day, my mom woke up and she was starting to feel sick. Oh, no. I'm just like, man, fuck you. Like, he come all the way from Belgium to get my mom sick. That is rude.

And I will not stand for that. Classic Belgian behavior. This is the uncle that told me Belgians love to recycle everything. We even chew the used condoms instead of gum. I'm sure that was a joke. Well, it's a joke, but it doesn't

even make sense. It doesn't make sense to me at all. Yeah. I don't quite understand it either. I would never chew gum in the first place. As y'all know, I have a very... But I would chew a condom. That's what pissed you off.

I would be chewing condoms. I would never chew gum in the first place. When I saw Ben chewing gum at the beginning of the episode when he couldn't hear me on the microphone because I had clicked the mute button, I was revolted and trying to scream at him for it, but he didn't hear any of it, so it was all fine. Thank you for understanding.

That wasn't my fault. I appreciate that. Would you rather chew gum or a condom? Oh, a condom. Really? I would much rather chew a used condom. Are you kidding me? What if it was used by Donald Trump?

What if it was used by me? Yeah, what if it was used by Ben? What if it was a condom I used while having sex while chewing gum with another gay guy who was also chewing gum and we were passing the piece of gum back and forth while we had sex and then it fell into the condom but then we got it out of the condom

and would you rather choose that piece of gum or that condom? In this situation it sounds like y'all are taking the condom off each other and sharing the same condom that kind of defeats the purpose Ben because what about

that condom or just a regular piece of gum what would you rather chew shock I first of all I'm just hoping that you guys aren't having such weird or messy sex that a piece of gum is falling out between your mouths and then into a condom that you're putting up.

Yeah, you kind of hooked up the hypothetical, Ben. Yeah, but okay, like, again, if it was just the condom and it didn't touch the gum, and even if it went up someone's butt, and it was yours, your butt that had gone up, or you stuck it up someone else's butt and it and it was yours your butt that had gone up or you stuck it up

someone else's butt yeah i'd rather chew that than the gum wow that's crazy i look i like honestly i think if someone had a gun to my head and they said chew gum or shoot i'd just let them shoot that's crazy i i it's i've come a long way with it like i don't know usually i would leave the phone call or the video chat how far oh never mind i misunderstood i thought you said you've come a long way and i was i thought you were talking about distance i shut the hell up i think i got a good range for that but the the thing that I'm talking about is that when I would go visit New York and I would see someone chewing gum in the street when I walked past them, I would immediately, even if there was incoming traffic.

I would knock out game them. That's why they thought the knockout game was real. You would run up to people and punch them in the back of the head as hard as you could whenever you saw them chewing gum. I would just cross the street. I would literally the street fully if even if there's oncoming traffic like running like like as if the gum is gonna come after me one time i was having a hook up with someone and i was making out with them and i realized he had gum in his mouth and we were like having sex and I threw up down his open mouth. Jesus Christ.

Beautiful. What a beautiful story. What happened? What happened? What did gum do to you at a young age? Something, some, some uncovered trauma. Some crazy thing must have happened. You need to be, you need to be hypnotized to figure out.

Let's buckle down. let's get to the bottom what do you think maybe like actually I know what it was I know what you told me before it's related to a father yeah it's not look you make it sound like my dad molested

me while he just beat me no I think it was just physical while chewing though yeah um but well you know i mean no no pretty bad no one come for my dad no one gum for my dad okay sorry that actually really um but but but really y'all don't don't come for my dad he's he's he's he's a different person look look people grew up differently than us it was a different time and you were probably a horrible child so i was definitely a nightmare child so i don't know but you know i think he grew up probably like that.

I'm sure. I'm sure. The Cajun people have been through a lot. There's a lot of generational trauma there. Moving from Canada to France to Canada to the swamp. It's a lot.

Being weird. I'm just being honest though, people. It's fine lot. Being weird. I'm just being honest, though, people. It's fine. But seriously. No one's going to go after your dad. Yeah, no one come for my dad. It's okay. You don't want to mess with him.

If anything, take this as a caution. Because we know he will beat you up. He will beat you up. He loves punching people. And he'll be chewing gum. He came to kick ass and chew gum, and he's all out of gum. Just in case he dies suddenly,

maybe just say like really like two like three really quick good things about him okay he worked really hard for me and my siblings to provide us to have a good life whoa okay he was around the clock working

he went to med school for 13 years I barely ever saw him honestly growing up I did barely see him he went to med school for 13 years i barely ever saw him because he was working so hard honestly growing up i did barely see him i mean like any good father you only see him when he's beating you with a belt he would come home and i'd see him for one hour and he would beat me up um no no but like i i'm like i don't know if anyone else grew up with the like an on-call obstetrician gynecologist dad um my dad yeah is he is he really no shit the fuck your dad is like a like a volleyball coach or something ben and then he has i don't know what

the fuck your dad does it's not a a volleyball coach. What is he, then? He's a carpenter. Got you there. That's true. I do think he did something in the sun. Why did you think my dad was a volleyball coach? Because he did something in the sun. Okay.

That does kind of... I mean, a lot of times you're inside, but you spend some time outside. That makes sense to me, though. That makes total sense. Meanwhile, I thought Hessa was drinking a giant coca-cola at first glance like it was a handle vodka yeah it's vodka this giant i'd be impressed if you could like drink that much vodka and without gulping or even making like a weird face after. I think if I, I don't ever plan

to drink again, but if I did drink again, I would love to just grab the tequila bottle and just start chugging it until I nearly throw up. I mean, yeah, that's pretty, that's a nature move. I think you could do it. I've done it. I've done it before. Yeah, let's, okay, I want to switch gears here.

Let's get to someone who definitely has chugged an entire bottle of vodka. Just just one last thing please just one last thing uh okay my dad has always supported my art career and helped me get into galleries starting around 12 and he always he he's been bragging about me lately saying that I'm a comedy star because I did one comedy stand up set and he's like you are I'm picturing him getting you into galleries by like well he's looking at some gallery

like gallery owners pussy like examining it OBGYN style he's like you know my son has a beautiful painting that he could put in that is just so visceral so i feel like i can smell the room oh my god oh wait okay oh i can't say this now oh i just oh no okay okay okay okay um There was a doctor that our family,

obstetrician-gynecologist that our family used to work with, and he practiced until he went fully, like, senile. And in the last few months of him going senile, he would forget to wear gloves. And he had to step down. Okay, that's pretty crazy. That's disgusting. It's like almost Dead Ringers. You guys love the state of Louisiana.

Louisiana, what a beautiful state. And my dad's an amazing carpenter too. Yeah, way better than Ben's dad. You're coming from my father now, aren't you? And I'm not trying to be mean, and I've never seen your dad's carpentry work, but I

kind of would be willing to bet my dad's a better carpenter, but we can talk about that another time. So he treats that wood like a pussy. Ben, Hessa, you guys have the floor. I will stop talking about my trauma. Are you sure? I feel like it's going to come back up. And that's fine. I love to talk about your trauma

I just want to say I forgive my dad 100% too and I'm sorry if and if anything we support your father like honestly I'll promise to say I love my dad I love my daddy he's a nice guy I love him too thank you daddy

actually I want to comment one more thing though Ben actually called him creepy. Well, it was, you know, he was being a little bit of a creep, but, you know, I don't hold that against him. I don't think he was being creepy. You weren't in the room. You weren't in the room. When it happened.

When the event happened. I was in the room. Y'all both looked at you and the K word. Our friend looked at me and said, We don't have a friend named the K word. Just because they're Jewish, you're going to call them that? We don't have a friend named the K word.

That's just what John calls them. I did not say the word that rhymes with dyke. I said, I've only said that once on accident to Felix. And I was trying to call him a dyke. And it was about him kind of acting fiscally like a lesbian. Okay. I think we're just going to have to ignore that and just wallpaper over that.

Not sure if I want to ask a follow-up to that one. Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to work out what that exchange must have sounded like and it's not it's on an episode fiscally like a lesbian do you mean like suzy orman yes okay also like susan powers okay i don't know who that is she's a australian workout icon uh late 80s early 90s she had like bleach blonde shaved down short hair eccentric personality uh she was our neighbor in dallas growing up okay and she's a famous person that people will know or she's just the woman that you knew no no no she is an actual famous person i think ben's taking a google to look um she's she's just exists shut the fuck up i just looked her up she doesn't she doesn't exist

there were there were no results for that name. It was a 101 error. So I want to say her name. Let me look up. I'm going on the website that lets you see how many people are named things. P-O-W-T-E-R. Yeah, I looked that up. She doesn't exist.

Shut the fuck up. Yeah, there's no one on Earth with that name. No one on Earth with that name. I actually hate you for saying that. There's no one on Earth with that name no one on earth with that name i actually hate you for saying that because there's no one on earth with that name pouter no say any name on the planet and it's probably exists she doesn't exist i'm sorry to tell you that job i think she's a figment of your imagination it may have been a trauma response to the you know giraffe washington i'm just saying you could say any name and it's probably a real person. I mean, okay.

Fair enough. Do you know what giraffe means? It is. No. What? Long neck. It comes from the Arabic for the tallest of all. Oh.

I don't know why I knew that. I think she is Arabic sometimes. I like, I know she says she's Italian. Hessa, I always think you're Arabic. You always say that. It's very strange. I don't know why. I think you would make a great villain on Aladdin.

Okay, thank you. Do you want to talk about this? I mean, anything else? No. Are you sure? It's okay. I'm just going. I mean, anything else? No. Are you sure? It's okay. I'm just going, you know, I'm just feeling the vibes today. I got a new microphone.

I'm coming in clearly. I didn't even take a dab today. I only had one bing. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm feeling very similarly. I just took a little Adderall. My mom gave me. I'm feeling nowhere near that.

Yeah. My mommy gave me her Adderall. I'm feeling nowhere near that. My mommy gave me her Adderall when I went home. So jealous. I spent the last five days on a bender with a bunch of senior citizens in Newport, Rhode Island. I'm kind of trashed today. So you're out. You're hungover?

Not really hungover, just over-socialized. A little hungover. Just had a really jam-packed five-day hang session with a bunch of 65, 70-year-old women and a transgender

and then two straight people. Your social battery is out. Yeah, I was seasick for like four days and then just was drinking and then partying. Did you take Dramamine? The worst medicine ever?

I didn't take any Dramamine. I don't think there was... I'd be afraid to ask sailors for Dramamine because they wouldn't think I was a pussy. They were making fun of me for wearing loafers, not boat shoes. They're pretty serious people. Can I just ask a question?

What is the difference between... What makes a boat shoe a boat shoe? Is it like a grip? A lot of them are designed to not scuff up the boat. So they're not like leather-soled, I believe. Whereas loafers do have leather soles. Like tennis shoes. Yeah.

So... Huge faux pas wearing my loafers do have leather soles. Like tennis shoes. Yeah. So, huge faux pas wearing my loafers, even though I thought it looked cute. Forgive me, I'm totally drained today. That's okay. There was two deckhands following Ben the entire cruise. No, they made me be the deckhand. They made me be the skipper as well. Which is why I'm also a little physically exhausted

because I was on my skipper shit for... They made you dress up like Barnacle Boy. I kind of was already... I was kind of already dressed like Barnacle Boy. Yeah. You kind of do give Barnacle Boy. I am kind of Barnacle Boy. And Jacques is Mermaid Man.

That's very true. know i'm man ray you would know this movie but you know that movie that's like takes place in la where like the the man in a like office job like freaks out that he can't get to his kid's birthday party and he like starts shooting and oh, Oh yeah. Michael Douglas. Oh my God. What is that movie called? I love that movie. Fuck.

Isn't it called like, it's something, isn't day in the word? Not walking tall. It's called, um, walking tall is like the, yeah,

I don't know why I thought of walking tall. What is it called? Well, that's what Ben reminds me of. Falling Down? Yes, Falling Down. Falling Down. Love that movie. I might re-watch that today.

Yeah, that's a really good movie. That's kind of how I'm feeling after this Newport trip, y'all. That's how you're feeling? I'm going to do that to every sailor in the country. Doing work, working with me in shock it's like it's just like going into the office and the two most annoying

freaks are at the water cooler having a conversation about like about pussies and OBGYNs and you're just like flexing under the table like denting your phone it kind of feel more like

that towards myself for allowing myself to drink as much as i did but let's get to some stuff that happened in the past week um rfk continues to get stranger and stranger um and i'm i'm kind of i'm kind of obsessed with him now i'm kind of going to vote for him I just I would ironically like him but I hate his voice so much his voice is so funny

I killed a bear and it's cause the bear was in the way I killed the bear it's so bad and uplifting you're about to hear it jock oh my god you're gonna freak out i'm gonna play the video candidate no no it's not you know he actually he is he's gonna be president yeah people are concerned that he's gonna win jock i'm gonna play this video for you it's like it's a little long we We're not going to watch all of it.

But let me know if you have anything you want to say. Because it is... It's hilarious that this is how he gets ahead of a story. Yeah. This is like the fourth time he's done this with a weird thing with an animal, too. His relationships to animals are incredibly strange. It's... Yeah. I can't wrap my head around it. I think it's the only way you, you only relate to animals in this way

if you are like a destitute person with like in a rural area or the scion of immense wealth and power. Yeah, you have to be a billionaire. He kind of reminds me of the old lady who swallowed a fly, because it's like, he swallowed a bear to catch the dog. He swallowed the dog to catch the worm. He swallowed the worm to eat his brain.

Yes. One of the craziest things about this video is that he is talking to Rose and Bar. Okay. And they're in his house, and they're in his house and they're surrounded by uh meat and sauces i don't know what the fuck was going on but let's let's dive into it here clearly they're eating korean barbecue i was taking a group of people up in koshen new york up nines valley and i was supposed to meet them there at like

maybe eight or nine i was driving up up maybe, you know, really early, like seven. I mean, so already he's taking people falconing. Yeah. Then that's, this is him opening the story. It always sounds like he's talking. It always sounds like he's talking into a fan. Yeah. Yeah.

When you're doing the Darth Vader voice. It sounds like the audio has been manipulated like from just hearing his voice for 10 minutes i am oh wait i tried to do the fan thing i was like oh my god it sounded like that noise that it just made has just sounded like the noise when the titanic hit the. I'm going to start doing that whenever something serious happens on the pod. I'll just... Absolutely. Wait, wait, wait. Before we even

continue, what the fuck is Falcon? Yes. I don't even fucking know. What do you think it is, Jock? Shooting birds down from the skies with machine guns? Okay. But falcons exclusively? That seems illegal.

I think that'd be definitely illegal. Yeah, that would be illegal. Can you shoot eagles? No. You cannot shoot eagles. Because they're extinct or going extinct or because it's un-American? I think probably all of the above, to be honest. Yeah, I think both.

I think probably all of the above yeah I think both um falconing I think falconing is when you like you have those you have like giant uh glove you know that goes up your elbow and you need to train the eagle the falcons go out and kill

prey for you I believe they go kill like little things and they bring them back and it's like you're training the bird to like do tasks and stuff I don't really know. I don't know how you could go falconing. I feel like you just... What is that? It's like saying

I'm going to go horsing or something. It doesn't really make sense to me. Yeah. I just want to comment really quickly. Ben and me had a boss that did this actually. The one that was crushed by the tree yes yes to him he was amazing yeah rest in peace patrick he he was in peace patrick i loved um he was a competed in uh he competed in skateboarding

competitions in the early 70s and 80s he He ended up becoming a fly fishing instructor, owned a bunch of restaurants and was also really into birds of prey. He had falcons and he brought his pet falcons to the restaurant to show people on Valentine's Day.

So falconry is the practice of using trained birds of prey to hunt wild animals. Okay. What the fuck? So we can get back to the video, but he was doing this upstate with presumably a group of other weird people and pedophiles. Seems lazy. Yeah.

Let's keep watching. To make a bird do your work. Woman in bed in front of me hit a bear and killed it a young bear so i pulled over and i picked up the bear and put him in the back of my van because i was going to skin the bear and it was very good condition and i was gonna and put the meat my friend ready okay so he goes on to say this is legal to do in New York State but yeah bears you can't really eat bear though right

they're full of parasites it famously has like a very dangerous parasite in it that like you can't cook out and like will kill you well we might know now the official origin of yeah rfk's brain like half of his half of his stories are like oh is that how he got the worm and no i know like

wait and that's rosanne bar behind that is rosanne bar who looks like she's been um green screened in because she has this like weird, halo effect light behind her. It's an incredibly strange video that only RFK could produce, but she looks incredibly concerned throughout the entire story. He's saying this with the cadence of

he's saying, yeah, I saw a bear and I wanted to skin and eat it. He's saying it as if this is something as like his tire, his tire was flat when he got back to his car. It's like, let me explain. And then the explaining makes

it so much worse. It's honestly kind of like, no offense, it's kind of like a jock story where it's just like things keep getting weirder and weirder and less explainable okay and it really does

kind of it has the same kind of tenor as a jock story too because this if jock told me I saw a dead baby bear and I threw you know threw it in the truck so maybe eat it later skin it and sell the skin on instagram live

gumbo y'all i was i was roller skating on the outside highway in upstate new york and i come apart across this bear that the outside highway yeah the inside highway yeah i was i was roller skating outside the highway and i found this dead bear. Had to come back with a wagon on my roller skates. Pulled the bear back. But okay, I need to comment really quickly that I've never seen Roseanne with blonde hair. She's wearing an entirely

all white outfit. She's wearing white linen pants. That has to be a wig. The little head scarf around the hairline is a little giveaway that I think she'sine. It's a little giveaway that I think she's wearing. She's dressed like if she had ever

been tall or uncontroversial enough to be on the view. You're thinking of Rosie O'Donnell. I just don't get why she's there. She must be a campaign

surrogate, of course. Well, is he his chief of staff or something? I have no idea. RFK's house is kind of like Andy Warhol's factory in the 60s. You know, people, big wigs. If you walked

into Warhol's factory, you could see Candy Darling or Jane Forth hanging out with wigs like it's like it if you walked into warhol's factory you could see like candy darling or jane forth like hanging out with uh i don't know like sam shepherd and patty smith and then in in rfk's house you could see like aiden ross and roseanne bar yeah yeah all the london do y'all think that uh larry david hangs out at that house sometimes since um oh my god that's true he must have been there i'm sure he's been at a dinner with rfk um yeah this is this is kind of also the storytelling here is kind of like it is the little larry david as well um If he was, you know, a Kennedy. Let's keep going, because it gets weirder.

You can get a bear tag for a roadkill bear. So then, we went hawking, and I had the bear in my car. Okay, pause. We had a really good day. So, he went

falconing and then I guess later he switched birds. I think that must literally be it. What the fuck is going on? We went late when we were hawking because then we had to get the falconing.

We sent the hawks to kill the falcons. Wow. And then everyone laughed once the falcons stopped killing all the baby bears we had to send out a fleet of hawks yeah yeah every it's so old lady who swallowed a fly yeah yeah yeah i also don't buy that he just found a dead baby bear that was hit by a car. I feel like he probably hit the baby bear with his car. I think, didn't he say he... He said a lady had hit a baby bear with her car.

Oh, I see. He's so hard to understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Roseanne's appearance as the video is beginning to zoom out and show her full bodies is just becoming more angelic by the minute she looks like like in a like a sitcom show when like a dead person comes back as an angel wearing all

yeah it's it's it's almost like there's a zoom it's like almost like a contra zoom that they're doing like she keeps getting she's like taking up more and more of the frame yes but there's they're not their distances you can pause this video at any moment and she has a very kind of concerned look on her face yeah i think i think she just has that kind of old lady like permanent like permanent

crazy face where your eyes are always kind of like way too wide open and also your eyebrows are kind of angry yes yes um all right let's hear what else he has to say at late we were catching a lot of game and the people really loved it so we just stayed late the people really loved it the people really loved it the people really loved it his voice is like almost unintelligible with the it's it's yeah i'm glad that we keep pausing it and talking about it because like i'm worried that i i can understand what he's saying just barely because there's text on this video but i just i just realized like the listeners will probably have no fucking clue. It's like that for

three minutes. Let's get it over with. We don't have to play the whole video. I want to get to the end of it. I'll say it after. I had to go right to the city because there was a dinner at Peter Luger's Steakhouse

and at the end of the dinner, it went late, and I realized I couldn't go home. I had to go to the airport. And the bear was in my car, and I didn't want to leave the bear in the car, because that would have been bad. So then I thought, you know, at that time, this was a little bit of the redneck they've been on a series of bicycle accidents in new york when he says the redneck in him he means the redneck he ate to get rid of the

bear yes he ate a redneck that's the that's where he got the brain worm he got a guy named jim bob to get rid of the disease yeah i also don't at all understand how he's talking about being a redneck and then immediately talking about bicycling. I don't see any correlation between the two. Also, the... Bit of a redneck, so I got on my bicycle. Yeah, classic Kennedy

redneck. The classic RFK. The iconic redneck RFK. I know. Yeah, go ahead. The classic RFK. The iconic redneck RFK. Yeah, go ahead. Let's get to the... Yeah, it's because it's about to... He's about to say why he dumped the bear in Central Park.

The bike lanes. And a couple of people got killed. It was every day. And people had been badly injured. Every day it was in the press and so i thought i was training of course but people were drinking with me who thought this was a good idea and i said well i had an old bike in my car that somebody asked me to get rid of i said let's go put the bear in central park and we'll make it look like Eddie's bike. We'll make it look like Eddie's bike.

That's basically it. They went and they dumped the dead baby bear in Central Park and then put a left one of a bike he, I guess, also had with him that he needed to get rid of. Do you know why do you know what he read in the news? Because I looked up

the date of this and do you know what he read in the news because i looked up the date of this and yeah do you know what was what bike accident where someone almost died in central park he's talking about no it wasn't he's talking about the time that bono was biking in central park and got into a really bad bike accident well dressed as a hasid because he was in a disguise fucking funny what's a Hasid? Hasids are the Jews the ones with the big hats

as Jen calls them Minecraft villagers Minecraft villagers it's an Angel Money quote we can't start another beef with Angel Money we have to attribute her quotes properly y'all think she still hates me no she loves you I'm kidding she loves him um so i mean it's so fucking maniac this is the funniest thing about this to me is this video is captioned with good

luck spinning this now at the new yorker because they're about to drop some story that includes this. But it's like, they... You look like a fucking maniac, dude. Because you are, like, just a legitimately insane person. Yeah, and you know that, like, obviously... Like... He definitely was trying to make it look like the bear was riding the bike, right? Like, that was the joke that he was trying to make? Yeah, yes bear was riding the bike right like that's that was the joke that he's yeah trying to make yes why lie about that part of it well he was like he was

like oh you know i want we wanted to give someone a good uh a good you know we wanted to surprise someone at central park and leave this bear out there she's like it's kind of it's it's a little funny if it wasn't so sadistic and weird it's also important to understand that when this he doesn't say what year this took place here he was 60 years old because he was 60 years old he was

60 years old this is like 10 years ago I assumed that when I heard that this that you know this story going around I was like oh he's like cloaked out like 25 year old like being a maniac and then i saw a picture of him this picture of him with his finger in the baby bear's mouth you know he's pretending to be bit and i'm like oh mike he's 60 i'm like wait how the fuck how old is he now it's like 70 something two questions well first thing first thing when you said he

when you said the sentence he had his finger in the baby bears and then you ended in a mouth that left a lot of room for me to guess and i was very disturbed yeah um second is he john f kennedy's brother or cousin? Well, you guess. What do you think? I all sound stupid, but I legitimately thought he was his brother. Would that make him too old? He's too old to be his brother? No, you're right.

Yeah. Oh, I am. That's him. You're right. Yeah. I really. That's kind of how he got famous because he used to be the um the attorney general yeah with john f kennedy yeah like during his then he was like trying to run and then didn't

make it but yeah he didn't make it i need to um that's why he talks like that because he got he got someone tried to assassinate him he got shot in the throat and that's why he talks like that it was like it was kind of like a trump thing where just like took out a couple vocal cords yeah is that why he sounds like that yeah it's drummed his vocal cords yeah um and now he's now he's you know doing one last one last back now one last shot at running for yeah one last hurrah he was really cool back in back in the day i like i would yeah back in the day he was kind of he was like kind of a g but yeah he's he's he was a progressive for the time, you know. Yeah, he was very progressive.

They called him Bobby Kennedy. He was pretty hot, honestly. Yeah, he was hot. You can't tell because of the... Yeah, way hotter than JFK. JFK looked kind of like... I don't know what weird would that be. But...

Okay, beautiful. But he used to have a really strong Boston accent, but the bullet kind of took that out. And when it fucked up his vocal cords. Yeah. You know, I mean,

RFK, senior, you might become president one day. Should we... Yeah, Jock? Any closing thoughts on RFK. Senior, you might become president one day. Should we? Yeah, Jock. Any closing thoughts on RFK? Oh, not even a closing thought on RFK, but my mom doesn't have COVID. It was just confirmed.

Oh, my God. Oh, thank God. But she has a bladder and sinus infection. I'm like, that is... I don't know if we need to... Sorry. Well, I'll't know if we need to. No, sorry. Well,

I'll text Max to bleep out. I mean, it's, it's your, it's, it's might make it seem worse than what she has. If it's bleeped, people might think she has something really weird.

She got HIV and AIDS at the same time. I mean, those are two very, those are two very common infections to have. All I got to say is, thank God my family doesn't listen to this fucking podcast. Well, let's hope they never do, because it is a weird one.

My uncle listens once and he's like... This does stay up forever. They don't self-destruct after... My mom was like, I tried listening to your Russian fast goop episode or whatever it was and I had to stop listening. I was like, oh my fucking god. It's a Patreon one.

Yeah. She subscribes. Oh my god. Do you want me to block her? Yeah, we should block her. I have someone to block her. I have an addition to the block list. Well, we don't talk about it because it's a free episode.

Yeah. Okay, guys. Switching gears again. that out after. I have an addition to the Well, we don't talk about it because it's a free episode. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, guys. Switching gears again. Democratic Party. And all the icons involved in it. I think it was time for us to get our asses in the DNC. We know what this is,

right? The DNC is coming up. It's in Chicago. I want to... What do you mean? the dnc that guy is like the worst politician out there he's worse than rfk jfk uh uh don dt j donald trump jr um okay dtj the famous dtj uh dean nathaniel carter he's one of the most evil men in the business dean nathaniel carter dean nathaniel carter i've actually been i have a little speech ready for you dean nathaniel carter i saw you hit me and i saw you drive away and i read your license plate and i knew it was you because i could see you coming and you screamed, hey, it's me,

DNC, and you hit me in your car. I will come and get you and I will never forgive you for that and I'll never forgive you for taking my woman away from me. I'm so... Is that what we're talking about? No.

It's the Democratic National Convention. Yeah, the Democratic National Convention. Is the guy who hit you with his car the sheriff's son? Is he also named this is a different person who ran me down. Okay. This is on a bike.

Whoa. Period. Okay. I don't know if I was going to suggest writing a letter to the DNC to try to get us trespasses yeah but we could also

maybe next episode take a swing at Daniel Nathaniel Carter I don't need actually I forgive him I just thought about it and I don't want to like carry the but I would love to write a letter to the guy who hit me on the car on foot. Yeah. Okay. He deserves a letter. We can do that next

episode for sure. One time we were at the same walking, crosswalking thing and he looked to his right and he started getting scared and he just ran. Oh my God. And I was like, yeah, keep running.

What do you think the crosswalking thing is called? The pedestrian walker space? Yeah. Yeah? Yeah. Official title, bitches. But I figured we should all take a, it'd be fun to take a group trip to Chicago,

cover the DNC, do some live coverage, maybe harass some politicians, see what Grindr's like, see what Sniffy's like, is like of a DNC, that kind of thing. Repeat the 68 riot. Exactly. That whole thing.

I don't know if you could pay me to go to Chicago. That wasn't 68. Okay. I don't know if you could pay me to go to Chicago. That wasn't 68. Okay. I think it was 68. Well, okay. Well, I guess Hessa and I will go and do the work for the Chicago. I don't want to not be included. If y'all are going somewhere without me, I'm going to be really pissed.

Looks like you'll have to... Well, first we'll have to see if we get granted press passes. Second of all, if you'd like to come, you will have to see if we get granted press passes and then second of all if you'd like to come you will have to go to Chicago we write an email to them is that how you get a press pass yeah I mean I have their press application in front of me

but yeah I write an email to try to get you know try to win them over you know maybe we can lead with the fact that we're normal podcasters I feel like they would actually let you in. Okay, that's right there. That's our subject line. We are

normal. Alright. We have it. So we are normal podcasters. The most common. No, just we are normal. Okay, got it. That's the most normal

or that's the most common adjective used to describe me. That's the most. That's the opening sentence. I'm often called the normal guy. The normal one. The normal them. The normal podcaster. Okay. We are normal. Put all this in there. That's the most common adjective used

to describe me. The regular pod regular podcaster well make it plural because so it's all of us the regular podcasters we the podcasters people have a duty to the fellow americans spelling duty d-o-O-D-I-E for the record. Continue. We have a duty to provide coverage of this delectable feast of democracy. Ooh. Wow.

I guess William Shakespeare showed up today. Hey, it's me. Yeah, whoa. Walt Whitman. I think we should, but we should start, we should start it off with our

traditional greeting of high queer. Instead of we are normal? I don't know if they're gay. I think right before we are normal, just high queer, comma. Got it. You know, like dear NC. Or dear NC.

Got it. got it you know like dear NC or dear NC got it um democracy we should tell them a little bit about ourselves so they know about us uh I'm gonna use I'm gonna use my other name because I don't want

them to know they don't think they'd let me back and no jock you cannot use my other name because I don't want them to know where I am because I don't think they'd let me back. And no, Jock, you cannot say my other name on a free show at all. This is a name I'm saving for when I want to have a normal life. So I'm going to use that. I actually

forgot it. There's a massive gunshot outside of my window. I kept telling people recently that your real name was Ben Schubert. It's not it, but I would really appreciate it if you stopped guessing because you might get it right. I was saying that you're related to Amy. Amy Schubert?

Yes. This is a new lie I've been perpetuating to older people. They definitely don't know who you're talking about. Tell them we're related to Amy Schubert. Put it in the email. We are related. Well, her uncle is. Her cousin, Chuck. We are related.

We're related to Amy Schubert. Ever heard of her? Schubert. Ask Chuck. Ever heard of her? Ask Chuck. I love the idea of us all three. Ask Uncle Chuck. Having a friend that's not related to us called Uncle Chuck. Yeah, we do.

Okay, we need to tell them something about ourselves. I'm going to say write that too. We do. Okay, okay. We do. Uncle Chuck, we do. We are three upstanding American. We are three proud, upstanding Americans who want the best kind of change and the right choices for the good people of America.

Say these fags salute the flags. OK, Got it. We love listening to fun music and going to the beach and hanging out with our friends. Got it. We just want to sound relatable. Say,

we won't start a riot. We won't start. Actually, that's so important, I'm going to make that the header of a new paragraph. Yeah, that should be the subject line. We won't start a riot. We promise. Unless you don't give us press passes. Okay. That might be a threat.

No, no, no. We'll just say let's be more subtle. No, I think They're only going to respond to a show of strength If we get press passes We won't start a riot Unless I personally don't feel comfortable

Making a threat to the Democrats again I already got It's okay I already almost got It's okay. They don't really do anything about it. I already almost got literally ripped limb to limb in the town center square. Limb to limb. Because of my words about Kamala Bratt. And I had to change that shit around.

No, no, no, no. A lot of people were mad. I was almost. Let's put that in there. I was almost ripped limb to limb for supporting... For critiquing Kamala and the

relationship to Brat, CharlieXCX. I believe you said I was almost ripped limb to limb in the town square. Yeah. For praising. for praising. For praising. Yeah, we have to say that we were critiquing Kamala.

I'll put praising in quotes here. I don't feel comfortable lying, but I'll do anything else. Well, it's not a lie. If something's in quotes, it's not a lie. Yeah. For praising Kamala Brat, one word. Is that really true?

Yeah, it's true. Yeah. we won't start a riot we promise I was almost limb to limb in the town square for praising Kamala Brat and I'll do it again it's funny because I do

often say and I'll do it again okay I feel like say lock us lock us in that dnc lock us in the arms of the convention and throw away the key and defeat us the key parentheses should we tell them a little bit about what kind of coverage you want to do like maybe who you want to interview what what angle we have um maybe i mean like jock who is the number one person you'd want to interview at the dnc maybe nancy pelosi we would love i would love to see those titties we'd love to see nancy pelosi's big titties no no put girls gone wild

wait wait wait girls gone wild I want to sound more appropriate. Women Gone Wild. Women Gone Wild style. Can we rephrase that sentence? Because I want to sound more appropriate and respectful. We would love to meet Nancy Pelosi and see those big old jugs that have really saved America. I will add, we would love to see Nancy Pelosi's big titties because they've saved America. I will add, we would love to see Nancy Pelosi's big titties because they've saved America.

I think jugs is the most, the more appropriate for a woman of her age, but we can say titties if y'all want. Because they've saved America, woman gone wild style. Let's say, we don't mind. What do we, I mean, we should tell the better audience. we don't mind we don't want to

intimidate any delegates we don't want to do any coercion or do any coercion we promise not to scare any of the hoes. We won't do a Watergate and bug the convention. Now, Pizzagate won't do a Watergate and bug the convention. And then say, but Pizzagate, no promises.

Ha ha, JK. And then parentheses. Haha, JK. RFK. Is he a Democrat? We could say we are a huge fan of Robert Downey Jr.

JFK's brother RFK Jr. But we still won't vote for him. FK Jr. And but we still won't vote for him because of how much we love Kamala Brant. Okay, wait. Also,

just one sentence to add. We are who we are. Yeah, we are who we are. In quotes. And then dash Kesha. Like, we're saying a quote in the middle of our email. We are who we are, dash Kesha.

Say, we're going to open, say, our coverage. With our coverage, we will open thousands of gifts and then put a colon and say our listeners eyes it would be really funny if and then in parentheses to the truth yeah we I mean we should tell

them we've got we're in a unique position where we can you know get them some votes from people they would not be getting votes from otherwise. So with our coverage we are open thousands of gifts. Our listeners eyes.

Our listeners We should pretend to be Aiden Ross. I don't know who that is. I don't want to pretend someone. I don't know who they are. Let's pretend we're Aiden Ross. Listeners eyes. I am Aiden Ross. I'm't know who they are. Let's pretend we're Aiden Ross. Listeners, let's pretend we're funny rabbits. I am Aiden Ross.

Yeah. I'm Aiden Ross now. I'm Aiden Ross now. Okay, and then write okay with a question mark. Okay. Okay. Got it. Amy Schubert is dead. I am Aiden Ross now.

Yes. Who is Aiden Ross? Aiden Ross now. Yes. Who is Aiden Ross? Guess. He's a spy. He's a spy. He's a spy. He's a spy. And I am

not a spy. Wink. Winky face. We are about to get jumped by Democrats. Okay. Wink. Winky face. We are about to get jumped by Democrats. Bumperclats, the Democrats. We would love to talk to Pete

Buttigieg aka Big Bussy Bumperclat Democrat. Big Bussy Bumaclat democrat Big bussy Bumbaclat democrat Yeah put racist accent In parenthesis Right before that line

Racist accent Joke's on you I'm actually half Cajun Half Jamaican Big bussy Bumbaclat What else? Jimmy Cajun Oh be like What do we say? Ear me now Jamaican. Big, busy bombla-bot. What else? Jama-cajun. Oh, oh, be

like, okay. What do we say? Ear me now, ear me now. Ear me now. It would be so good to have some Cajun representation. Ear me now, bat-tiboy. Ear me out, you Democrat bat-tiboy. Ear me now. Ear me now, bat-tiboy.

Okay. I feel like the boy. Okay. I feel like we are doing perfect. I think we're going to get a really good sense of who we are. Oh, I don't read. Anything we want to just end on, and then, yeah, I'll read it. You have five days. We wouldn't mind. Got it.

We wouldn't mind being it we wouldn't mind being you have five days can I oh also can we please have press passes I was gonna say can we please have 300 press pass no just three just three let's be

reasonable well we have I want to I want to get a list. I want to be able to list our friends. Just say, can we have three press passes and 200 list spots. And 200 plus ones. Got it.

200 plus ones. They don't worry. They don't eat. Yeah, they don't eat. They're cool. They don't eat. Yeah, they don't eat. They're cool. They don't eat and are really cool. They're cool. Okay.

Thank you. Thank you, DNC. Thank you, DNC. We love DNC. We love Kamala Brat. Since Jock's post, I've been saying Kamala Bratt is one word. It feels proper. And then write love...

Love Aiden. Love Aiden Schubert. Yeah. Aiden Schubert Ross. Aiden Schubert Ross. Kingston, Jamaica. Okay, can we read it back? Let's read it from the top here.

Hi, Queer. We are normal. Wait, can you put it on the screen so I can read it? It's in a tiny little box. Okay, okay, okay. Go ahead. You never let her read. Women should be able to read.

It would just be... I mean, if you want to try, we can. It would just be... No, it's okay. I know that you want to bring women back to the suffragette days. I do not want to bring women back to the suffragette days. Add that to the end. P.S. We want to bring women back to the suffragette days. Throwback.

P.S.S. We don't mind being official TV commentators if we're granted the press pass at the convention and we could take on a sponsorship by a Democratic company such as Lockheed Martin? Yes. Could y'all imagine us at the convention being like,

hi, we're seeking derangements. We're covering the Democratic convention sponsored by MTV and Lockheed Martin. Hi, Queer, we're seeking derangements. We're covering the Democratic Convention sponsored by MTV and Lockheed Martin. Hi, Queer. We are normal. That's the most common adjective used to describe me, the regular podcasters. We, the podcasters people, have a

duty to provide coverage of this most delectable feast of democracy. We are related to Amy Schuber. Ever heard of her? Ask Uncle Chuck. We do. We three related to Amy Schuber. Ever heard of her? Ask Uncle Chuck. We do. We three proud, upstanding Americans who want the best kind of change. We fags support the fags.

We love it. We love it. I know I Say it again. I'm typing a little bit too fast. Say it again. Okay. Say what again? Say this sentence correctly. You got it. No, I'm reading it exactly how i typed it um okay we love listening to fun music going to the beach and hanging out with our friends

we won't start a riot we promise i was almost ripped limb from limb in the public town square for praising kamala brat and i'll do it again we love to see nancy pelosi big titty because they have saved america women gone wild style. We don't want to intimidate any delegates or do any coercion. We promise not to scare any of the hoes and we won't do Watergate and bug the convention, but no Pizzagate. No promises. Haha, JK.

We are huge fans of JFK's brother, RFK Jr., but we still won't vote for him because of how much we love Kamala Bratt. We are who we are. Kesha. With our coverage, we won't... When him because of how much we love Kamala Bratt. We are who we are. Kesha. With our coverage, we will open... When did we decide to vote Kesha?

I did. That was great. With our coverage, we will open thousands of gifts. Our listeners' eyes. I am Aiden Ross now, okay? And I'm not a spy. We would love to talk to Pete Buttigieg, aka racist accent. Hear me now, a.k.a. racist accent. Hear me now, hear me now.

Big pussy bomba clot. Wait, you have five days. You have five days. Can we please have three press passes and 200 plus ones? Don't worry, they don't eat and are really cool. Thank you, DNC. We love DNC. We love Kamala Bratt. Love

Aiden Schubert Ross, Kingston, Jamaica. P.S. We want to bring women back to suffragette days. P.P.S. We don't mind being TV sponsored by democratic companies such as Lockheed Martin. Well, that was kind of a... didn't get the full

thing. Two critiques. Big pussy. Look, just hear me out you did not say the full it's bigger me out just hear me out it's it's it's big pussy bomba clout democrat pete buda tag bottom okay well i'll add that I can't believe he's a soldier or was a veteran he's a pencil pusher he's not he just has soul period I saw a picture of him in a military outfit with a gun

I've seen you in military outfits with a gun okay perfectly well I was wearing an all black outfit it wasn't military. Still military. I want to post it on Instagram, but I'm scared it'll get taken down. Oh. The picture of me with the machine gun.

Oh. Okay, well, we'll get this sent. Yeah. We'll hear back. That was so productive. I think it was. I mean, we basically did a business meeting. Yeah, that was great. We'll see. I love you both. I think it was. I mean, we basically did a business meeting. Yeah, that was great.

We'll see. I love you both. I love you too. Love you guys as well, and love you to all listeners out there. Remember to follow us on Patreon for bonus episodes weekly and our entire catalog, of course.

I have a plug too. Patreon.com slash SeekingArrangements We'll be back later this week. I have a plug to patreon.com slash secret arrangements we'll be back later this week job i have a plug a very important plug so um in new orleans the august 10th of this month there will be a con oh just just keep going. Okay, I thought that was like a mean joke. So on August 10th at Sports Drink Comedy Club or venue, whatever, in New Orleans, Abby, Gav, and Dan will be doing her comedy tour. And I will be... There will be a set comedy tour and I will be, there will be a set at 7 PM and 9 PM and I will be opening up for both of

them doing standup. So if you want to see me do some standup in new Orleans and you want to see a fabulous. Whose last name you don't know. No, Abby Gavidan. I met her. She opened up for Brandon or deli. His last name you don't know. No, Abby Gavidan. Gavidan. I met her because she opened up for Brandon for Deli.

And, uh, yeah. Alright, well, if you want that in the episode description, Jock, you'll want to send me a link. I got it. I got it. Until then, guys, thanks for listening. And go see Jock on the road with Abby something

Abby gone to the Dan and a shout out to Matthew from Manchester alright we love you Thank you. Bye. Thank you.