Seeking Derangements - SD 333 - They/She Vance

Episode Date: August 14, 2024

Hello Seekers! Ben here, today Jacques, Hesse and I discuss the pictures of JD Vance's fat head in that crunchy old wig, why the gay man who broke the Vance Drag story has 2/3rds of this podcast blocked, and why transitioning could have saved her (jk). Plus Jacques spends 40 minutes texting a take out order to his mother and Hesse tells us about Mr. Beast getting canceled. We wrap things up with a very difficult quiz which tests our ethics and morals like never before. Oh also at this part Jacques tells us about gaslighting a vegan he fed butter...really funny. Mwah!

Welcome everyone to Seeking Derangements. Bela, bela, hola, fiesta Bela, bela Welcome everyone to Seeking Derangements Ben and Hessa and Jock, we're all here This is a free episode, so you'll hear the entirety of it But if you want to hear our bonus episodes, entire back catalog It's patreon.com slash seeking derangements How's it going guys? How's everything going, Jock?

It's going good. Just been organizing my stuff into my new place. I've never lived in a bigger room. I've never rented a big room like this before. There's just a ton of built-in shelves and storage. Oh, that's good. It's really easy. it used to be your floor was the main storage space

man fuck you bitch that was just because you saw me during Mardi Gras that's the new storage space Jacques is referring to what I'm trying to say is I'm happy for you okay yes but also you love to take any kind of incidents that you've seen

me do once or in my life or twice in my life and then expand it to say that. Or three or four or five. Or four times. Shut up, bitch. Or five times. Shut the fuck up. Ben loves to say my chronic behavior over ten years

is exemplified as some kind of personality I have. No. When it ain't. No, you love to exaggerate my personality. I'm sorry, Jock. You have a very clean room and you've always had a very clean room. Okay, I'm not asking you to lie.

I'm just saying, stop describing my room as where I exclusively store things on the floor. Jock, I'm sorry for lying. Your room is spotless. I would eat food off the floor in your room. There's no middle way. I would eat poop right off the floor.

I would eat poop right off your floor. It's just clean. There's no middle. I would eat poop. I would eat poop right off your floor. I would eat poop right off your floor. It's that clean. I would eat poop with a silver fork and a fancy Japanese knife. That's one of the, that's one of the highest compliments you can give a Cajun person. Yeah. Is I would eat poop off your floor. I would eat poop off your floor.

Okay. Just to clarify for listeners out there, that is not a custom Cajun compliment. Customary. Sorry for saying that to your mom when I walked into her house last year.

I thought it was a Cajun phrase. Miss Gosling, your floor is so clean I would eat poop right off of it. Kind of explains why she didn't,

yeah, okay. Well, I'm sorry about that, Jock. It's okay. I'm sorry. She was confused. She's confused when I said that. Anyways, talking about problems people are going through,

JD Vance, Mr. Vance himself. Ms. Vance. Ms. Vance, sorry. Ms. Vance. Ms. Vancey. MX Vance had some photos leaked in the past two days. Two photos, both showing a mama Vance

slaying and some drag. What do we think? This is, for context, this is, Jade, before we hop into it, do you say MX? Because I always say mix or mixer. When I see MX in front of someone's name.

Mick? Isn't that like an Italian? Mick is a slur for an Irish person. It's a non-binary... Yeah, suffix or pretext. I like saying mixture. Mixture. Mixture.

Yeah, mixture. Ew, I hate that. That's perfect. Well, it is perfect because it's like you're mixing up the two genders. Yeah, exactly. For context of where these photos originate, this is J.D. Vance in Yale Law School. Yep. He's wearing what seems to be a blonde wig and a ugly ass.

So I think it might be his real hair. Shut up. I think it might be his real hair. I think I read somewhere. Yeah. His hair now is a wig and that's his real hair. Shut up. I think that's his real hair. I think I read somewhere. Yeah. His hair now is a wig and that's his real hair. His hair now is a wig. Let's do some clocking here. One of our favorite things to do

on the show. Let's transvestigate this mixture. I got excited. I thought we were going to talk about different times of the day. Jacques, what is your name in the call here? Cajun Majin. Cajun Majin. I couldn't think of a word that rhymed with Cajun, so I just made one up. Let's call JD Vance Majin Vance.

Maybe that should be the non-binary version of Mr. I will say it looks like... So JD here is, he's got more guyliner on than usual. He has a full kind of Lebanese singer like.

I think he's going for an Avril Lavigne. Yeah, actually that's right. I think he's going for, I just decided to transition and I'm going to start dressing like a woman, but I'm not telling anyone about what's going on internally okay I don't think he looks like that at all

I hope this is what trans women do I kind of see it as a maybe it's a Halloween thing yeah it's definitely like some kind of Yale mixer called like gender swap night yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah um so the wig is incredibly low set he looks like he has uh theresa juda chice whatever her

last name is he has her hairline he has a mon chichi doll hair it's one inch above his eyebrows um it's i love zara's eyebrows zara's eyebrows are slaying um yeah a really shitty like necklace from the recently deceased part of goodwill like this bitch just died it's like a bunch of yeah big metal circles like an aunt an aunt that no one liked and she had the ugliest jewelry ever yeah Yeah. And they were just like, let's just give it to Goodwill. And I think he also picked up this lady's skirt because... That skirt? No, that's definitely like a Hot Topic skirt.

You think? I think, yeah. I think the whole fit is kind of Hot Topic. I think judging by also the date, like the time period this would have been around, it's like peak Avril Lavigne, like you know skater girl that aesthetic and i think um yeah i could see her getting her i could see her getting i could see her getting that whole outfit at like spencer's or um or not spencer's uh what's the other called? Is there like a confirmation too that this is really him?

Like, I just don't see the relation. The picture is confirmation. It's clearly him. It's a picture of him. It's clearly him. It's confirmed by the image itself. It was sent in by a former classmate of his

to that account. I've gone after this account many times in my life it's that um his name is matt maddie x i x oh yeah block something blocked me one of the most annoying people um a couple years ago now he's just doing whatever but he he pioneered the gradient infographic um and used to do um makeup infographics like on his face he'd have like a full beat and then he would use like eyeliner to write like um non-binary tea is also valid when it's goaded with the trans mass sauce just stuff like that um but way more condescending i guess he's like a news outlet now people are

leaking uh he's somehow making like i think the reason that he blocked me was because this account is obviously like i think i said you can tell this guy is not a gay guy it's like a room full of like six or seven straight men in business suits in a boardroom what should we sell to these faggots today no absolutely absolutely he um blocked me on twitter as well and i believe also on instagram he was bragging like literally made a post bragging about how hiv rates are um higher statistically now with straight people and that's why they should care about um gay rights and i was like this is a truly like psychotic thing to say yeah absolutely just nuts gay rights it's it's very funny to be like, no, HIV is ours. Like, you can't.

Or that this illness is a punishment for whatever political leanings you may have. It's like, I feel like we've heard this. We've heard this talking point before that HIV is a punishment for lifestyle choices or politics you might have. Yeah. It was really disgusting to me. is or politics you might have yeah like it was really disgusting to me and that's that's becoming like the the the line of a bunch of like long covid psychos now too is they're like uh if you do something that risks giving yourself covid yeah and you need to fucking kill yourself like the picture of the chapel roan concert and they were like i love that we need to fucking kill yourself. Like the picture of the Chapel Roan concert

and they were like, I love that. We need to nuclear bomb every single person here. We need to set up a tactical nuke at this concert. We're dropping a tall boy today. I agree with you. Not on Hiroshima. We're dropping it at the Chapel Roan show.

Well, the show was at Hiroshima. Shut up. It was at the Hiroshima Lesbian Music Summer. the show was at Hiroshima. Shut up. It was at the Hiroshima Memorial. So actually, I've had a change of heart on Miss Chappelle Roan. I think we're getting a call from

Chappelle Roan. You're so weak. Mr. Chappelle Roan, a black comedian. You're weak for supporting that industry plan. I don't know why I'm talking this up so much. You'll never have sex. Sorry, Sean. That's fine.

But I was in Providence. Y'all never eaten your girlfriend's pussy? And she makes that white girl noise. I love black comedian Chappelle Rohn. I love him so much um but i was at a gay club in providence rhode island on like a thursday and they were you know they were bumping that brat and i was like whatever i was talking to a straight guy who was um just just in town to be of a seuss and i wasn't trying to fuck him.

I was more like, okay, freak alert. Sounds like he was trying to fuck you. He was a whore who was trying to make me pay him for sex. This story is so fascinating that you're a traveling masseuse who just goes to gay clubs across the country.

That's a gay for pay. You're describing a gigolo. You're describing a guy who's gay for pay. I was like seeing a sex worker and he's like no I'm just a masseuse. And I was like do you think I'm a cop? I could never be a cop looking the way I do. And also I doubt that guy was

actually straight. I'm sure like gay guys probably he's discovered that gay guys love it when he jerks them off or fucks them. He jerks them off giving them a massage under the auspices of being a straight guy. Yes, yes. No, gay guys love the idea that they like. You said auspice, but I thought you were about to say under the hospice.

I was like, fuck. I was like, God, not again. The gay guys are sucking each other off under the hospice. He's a gay guy, gay guy, sucking each other off under the hospice. He's a gay guy. Gay guy. Straight guy masseuse slash hospice worker. No, they're bumping brat.

And people are like, you know, just like having fun, you know, screaming and like blah, blah, blah. And then they dropped. What's don't with the baby in it. Good luck, babe. By Miss Chapel Roan all the baby in it good luck way by Miss? Chappell-roan in the baby in place She says we're baby in it. It's good luck babe is what I think you Fucking hate this dumb bitch. I would I would shoot her with an elephant gun which is far out of the gauge Needed to kill her

period The club fucking exploded. And I was like, honestly, I kind of love this for Chapel Rock. I was like, these gay guys love this shit. They live in Providence. There's not much else. It's the one gay club here.

I'm happy to see them all having fun. And I'm happy that Chapel Rock is giving them this. It was very sweet. And I was like, you know what? The song is actually just totally fine. It was very sweet. And I was like, you know what? The song is actually just totally fine. It's like pretty good. I disagree in every aspect. It's okay to disagree.

No, it's not. No. It's okay then. It's not okay to disagree. Before I get absolutely attacked here by, get my life threatened by Jock. It's just a disagreement. No, no, no.

It's just that this is the last kind of music that gay people should be flocking to they don't need this industry plant boring she's not an industry plant what do you mean she's not an industry plant also Jacques I'm sorry to tell you this but you missed an opportunity to make a fat joke when you

said that an elephant gun is far above the caliber that would be needed to shoot her because you could have said but it'll take two shots because she's so bad i might not like just i don't agree with that sentiment i think she's very skinny and beautiful but i'm saying from your perspective you missed a chance at that well my thing is is that a i don't think she's beautiful dressing like a gay drag queen who doesn't do their makeup well doesn't make you like a queer icon um suddenly i mean ask jd ask jc vance period not they she vance i can't with you that's exactly name of the episode for sure i mean okay so back to jd we've all

shit all over chapel many times on this show but she is an industry plant 100% she should be run over by a cement flattener so she can be flattened why does she need to be killed I just think that's the best way to prevent her music from being produced she's gonna be around for the rest of our lives

honey then she's gonna be like sanctified if she's like Santa-fied? They're going to turn her into Santa, y'all. Y'all, I'm so sick of her becoming Santa. She's going to become Santa-fied if I hit her with my car. It's going to be like Kim Tetris when she wore that Santa outfit and got fat.

If she doesn't die in the next five years, well, if she does, she'll live. I have another plan. I have another plan. She could live She doesn't die in the next five years. Well, if she does, she'll live. Why is it unfair? I have another plan. I have another plan. She could live and not do music anymore.

We get RFK to kiss her. And then his voice disease transfers over to her. No, it's not a voice disease. He got shot in the throat. Yeah, I forgot. He got shot in the throat by Saran Saran. Then we don't have to kill Chaparone. We just have to shoot her in the throat.

Okay. I don't endorse any of this. I think this is very disturbing. I personally am not going to commit violence against her because I can't go back to jail, but if anyone else wants to, they can. Which is also illegal. Also illegal.

It's all a parody of a joke. It's all a joke. It's all a parody of uh of of a joke it's all a joke but yeah it's all a parody of a joke but yeah but i hate that bitch y'all know i was merely doing a parody of a joke when i said i wish one of my listeners would hunt chaperone like a dog i'll say it once and i'll say it again now this will be my final word but she is she is, love that. She is white women who love Taylor Swift's gateway drug to become a bisexual them-they. What's wrong with that? I think that's a good thing.

Maybe 10 people were actually doing that. No. White women... It's a nation. White women who wanted to become superficially they-them did that a long time ago, and they did not need Chapel Row. They've had that lane open for a very long time. They are still doing it, though.

And they don't need Chapel Row. One just did it. One did just do it. Speaking of, Jock, there's a them.com bombshell article that dropped today. Yes. Absolute classic banger article from the beautiful website them.com. One of the cast members of Broad City has come out as they slash she. Who do you think it is?

Me and Hass already know who it is. It's that annoying Alana Glazer. Glazer. That fucking. That's actually close. You would think it's Alana Glazer. It that's actually close you would think it's Alana Glazer it's actually Hannibal Buress Hannibal Buress has come out as I don't believe that one

why look it up you think only it's going to take him 20 minutes to type in Hannibal Buress shut the fuck up it's not going to take me that long why am I looking at an article about bros and bros I've seen him play live

in New Orleans y'all I just ordered a gay guy to come to my house and have sex with me y'all what the hell y'all my identity just got stolen literally it's a lot of type

I don't even see this but all I'm seeing is him and he just got stolen. Literally. It's a lot of type. How is this? I don't even see this, but all I'm seeing is him getting arrested by a Miami cop. For being they them. For they she, sorry. They she. Yeah.

It's illegal in Miami. It's because the plot of the movie Crash is happening all over the country, but to they she's. They she's. To a map they she's. One of the movie Crash is happening all over the country, but to they, to they she's. They she's. To a map they she's. One of the most underfired micro identities.

Yeah. It's very, it's hard for them. When you say underfired, I thought you said underfired, like they haven't been fired from their jobs enough. That's what I thought you meant too at first. I mean, it could be part of it. It could be part of it. Yeah. that's what I thought you meant too at first but they are under fire it could be part of it if one of you came out as they she I'd fire you

yeah I'm they she you're fired you would never do that to me yeah I would never do that to you you would never disappoint him you would never disappoint me like that I'm kidding

I'm just joking I'm kidding. I'm just joking. Jock, on the other hand, you... I disappoint you constantly. Gender-wise, never. You've never disappointed me in the gender department. I love your little freaky thing you've got going on. I think it's amazing.

My little freaky thing? That sounds like I accidentally cut off my dick and don't know how to identify. Whoa. I mean, if you did that i'd support you dear god i did know someone in denver who tried to in a in a mental delusional penis they tried to cut off their testicles first and they nearly died and it's they so who's this who's this friend you're talking about oh yeah this is this friend he does he go to a different school it's a cajun it's a cajun what do you wait

what do you mean i'm sorry i have a special friend that no one knows so don't ask because he was feeling real crazy someone i knew from kirsty but thank god he didn't uh i'm so happy that friend of mine didn't chop off his balls well honestly they're not my friend i wasn't i felt okay let's let's try to keep the identifying me and ben are making a joke that it's a free me and ben are making a joke that it's secretly you and you seem to think that we're we want more information identifying this person i don't there's there's no way you would ever find out who this person was well let's get back to jd that's actually wait real quick there is that does relate to something there was a reddit thread from a trans um a trans like medical student who did a self orchiectomy and removed their own

the removing your balls or they did it in their yeah they did it in their kitchen while they were awake and they posted photos and like detailed like the process and they were like giving updates and they were like yep it went fine it went perfectly fine no complications

this is my thing I think it's badass I think that's so fucking cool everyone should get whatever kind of trans affirming surgeries they want but like try to get it done by a doctor if you can or at least by another person

if you met someone who did that you would think I would be like this is the most hardcore person I've ever met in my life. That's like someone who pulls a bullet out of their arm instead of going to the hospital. Oh, if they shot themselves.

Well, no, if God shot them, because they didn't give themselves balls, you know. This is a crazy situation. If God is shooting people, I don't want to live in this world. God would have to use an elephant gun to shoot my balls, y'all. The notes are so bad. They't have to reload a couple times um let's get back to jd vance i feel like we've got some more so what do we think this means um politically right is is trump going

to lose now because jd v fans wore a skirt in college? I still think Trump's going to win. I still think he's probably going to win too. I think it's going to surprise everyone. It's going to be a rerun of 2016. I think there's so much comalamentum right now that people are blinded.

I mean, it was... I think it is online. It's kind of the other way around as well where like Trump people are kind of going full Hillary fan 2016 where they're like

you know posting edits of Trump like AI generated like um doing the who's the musician who like danced onto the stage in that cool way michael jackson uh i saw like an ai video of trump like photoshopped into that and like all the all sorts of shit like that like that is so hillary yeah yeah i don't know. The Kamala Brat stuff to me is much more Hillary 2016. It's very Pokemon go to the polls.

I feel like it's touching on that. Her telling the Palestinian protesters that I'm speaking. I am speaking like that. It's very similar to Hillary. Who said that? Charlie or? It was Kamala harris come on it's very similar to um hillary clinton's kind of condescending uh like overconfidence and i mean

just as alienating but like trump is trump is he's dumber than he's no juice he has no juice anymore okay did you see him did you see him at the at the black female journalist like dinner in chicago yes he was being so bad he's being so naughty and so bad he was complaining he told the ladies that she was rude and late and i was like if there's two things you can never say to a black woman especially especially as donald trump yeah she's very late and she's rude she's rude about being late everyone she's so rude she's uppity and bossy like dude you can't do that like she's being so aggressive it was insane no the um i, um, I mean, some, one of my favorite recent Trump lines about Kamala trying to diss her

is when he was like, Kamala Harris, no one knows what her last name is. No one knows what her last name is. Is it Harris? It's something like Harris. And it's like, what do you mean? Comparing someone's last name to their, to itself.

No, he's so, he he's he's so retarded i it's like a jorge luis borges like but his okay his mental faculties are better than biden's well biden's not running anymore biden no i i'm just saying of course because there was this whole like debate about like both of them having equal amounts of dementia, all time or type beats in their head. And they seem to both be afflicted, but definitely Biden worse. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, also at that debate or at that another debate at the the black woman's journalist dinner or whatever he also was like come on no one knows if she's a black or if she's indian she says she's black and if she wants to be black she can be black but i i only knew her as the indian it's like he's i think

he's kind of he's getting so he's being so so naughty and so bad yeah his and his last campaign rally he was having so many biden style vocal tics like it was so funny yeah but i think he will still probably win um because from from my research from what i've been told by like top political analysts from my top political analysts um kamala has to win pennsylvania and if she doesn't she kind of has no route to the election and kind of seems like trump's gonna win pennsylvania so yeah he has more routes to 270 than she does that's exactly that's why i think he's gonna win is because like the electoral college is so retarded it's so stupid you just have to win like the 20 most retarded people in the country yeah it's actually so fucked up we need to end it because pennsylvania i'm sorry should it matter

this much yeah we shouldn't and like fucking wisconsin wisconsin which is the drunkest state in the nation by the way well buffalo might give them a run buffalo elevates new york's whole level i think so because buffalo is stupid well it's the it's like the drunk driving capital of the of the u.s of the world probably like they um buffalo i i can't remember if i've said this on the pod before but buffalo was one of the first cities to get uber like 10 years ago and it was because um because there were so there was so much drunk driving but there was like a petition of all the drunk drivers in buffalo like signed like a 10 like a 100 000 person petition being like get out of our city we want a drunk drive and they actually

left because no one used it because everyone was just drunk driving i mean you know why why is you know don't fix a broken problem or whatever yeah i have two friends who from high school who got hit by drunk drivers on the same street where all the bars where are they now buffalo chippewa ave um i don't want to talk about it. It's a little dark. What are their addresses, by the way? Can you read the text to the group, Jock? Yeah.

Pad Su, pan fried flat noodles with egg, Chinese broccoli and broccoli. You're ordering food while we're talking. He's ordering food while we're talking. And then he gets mad. He will yell at us because he didn't get to talk enough. Even though he electively chose to order a 4,000 calorie meal during the one hour

he has to work. Can you stop? I'm trying to speak. There's just nothing. My mom is texting me. My whole family is downstairs. Okay. Do you want to go join them? You can go hang out with them. No. Yeah, put them on the mic. Yeah, want to go join them you can go hang out with them no i'm just like put

them on the mic yeah you can go you should go we should go interview them they don't want to be interviewed my dad keeps telling me he wants to come on he did come on an episode with us yeah but i was so drunk when we recorded that we had to scrap it because you kept delaying we recorded at 135 another amazing on the day of my mom's surprise birthday party. It was definitely my fault Hessa was drunk. It was your fault. I was home for my mom's birthday. Can you order maybe when we're done recording?

I'll let you know what I think about eating on another time. I'm trying to record. What? I think he was trying to type that but ended up saying it out loud hey it's Jacques I'm recording I'm not typing anything look or trying to okay his brain is just confused I think he's yeah or he's good or he's being he's trying to confuse us so he can avoid accountability yes that's exactly here's accountability. I had nothing to say in the moment and I was

just, I just had to choose a meal. I want to get food too. I had to choose a meal. That's true. That's true. I guess, I'm sorry, Jacques. We shouldn't have said anything. Yeah, I'm sorry for asking. I forgot that you had to choose a meal. I forgot that you had to choose a meal. It's so hard when you have to work two hours

a week and you can't eat constantly. It's really difficult. I'm sorry. Well, actually, I worked four hours this week. Oh, no. No. Fuck. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Y'all, it's like being in a coal mine, Ben.

You know, and you don't even feed me down in the mine. I got to order all my old Pat CU to the fucking coal mine. Look, you two fads can keep talking keep talking i'm listening i can keep up the person that we're getting yelled at for ordering food so ridiculous anyways do you have any other thoughts on on they she vance i think people using this is trying to be like oh it's like some kind of hypocritical thing i mean i get the thinking behind it but it's it's so stupid to me to be like yeah can you believe a guy who wore a skirt in college is transphobic

and wants to ban drag and i'm like yes i can't believe that absolutely it's not at all i got because he probably got made fun of that night wearing that outfit and that's why he's so conservative today i think that well that could be. And that's why he's so conservative today. I think that, well, that could be true. Like that wasn't a costume party. That was him trying to slay. I told you I clocked it. He wasn't, he wasn't dressing.

He was dressing to authenticate himself. I don't know. Cause he also has like a full beard. It's the clockiest thing about him in that outfit is his full beard. He didn't shave. He didn't use orange pigment under foundation to color code to color. Correct it. Yeah.

He was like completely giving bearded lady. Honey, some eggs don't know how to fry. So I don't even, I mean, just cause it just, just cause he's putting on a dress, like people being like,

Oh, he's an egg. He was clearly closet. He's clearly transphobic. And this is why he is so transphobic today. It being like, oh, he's an egg. He's clearly closet. He's clearly transphobic. And this is why he is so transphobic today. It's like, no, there's transphobia, homophobia, anti-drag, being homophobic. It's not like always some kind of machination of someone's hidden true sexuality. It's more expedient than that. He's just a power hungry psychopath who is happy to scapegoat people.

It's happy to make peoplegoat people it's happened to make people's lives worse that because they have a different sexual orientation it's like it's as simple as that it's not yeah some you don't have to read into because there are those who are like like the famous like all those Republicans who are like you know getting sucked off by rent boys and their limos under the bridge dc yeah that literally sounded like lana del rey lyrics yeah i mean they are doing the homophobic law shit not because of a deep-seated like hatred of themselves and their identity and some kind of misdirected like um you know mis misappropriated like um like hateful impulse in that way of like of themselves it's they're

just doing it because that is like the politically expedient thing to do like yeah i don't think they're really like in conflict with being gay but also like even if jd vance was transphobic etc because he himself is deeply confused sexually like that still doesn't matter there's no political solution to jd vance's inner thoughts and feelings like and feelings. It truly just doesn't matter at the end of the day. If anything, it would humanize him. Okay, but just hypothetically, the queer nation of America cries out in outrage

and tries to reach out to J.D. Vance about his lingering trans identity that he can't express because of his trauma or whatever. And they convince him. They are banging pots outside of his house and he comes out in a dress and lipstick and makeup. And I'm Every Woman starts playing. Should we write a letter to JD Vance

and try to encourage him to come out of the closet? I think we could do that. think i think that would be great do you want to do you want to write a letter we should we should approach it we should approach it from like a um actually no i don't want to write a letter because i don't want him to come out of the closet why do you not want him to come out of the closet because he's a fucking freak i don't want him to be trans why do you not want him to come out you want him to suffer because he's a fucking freak i don't want him to be one of uh one of me you know why would i i that's why i don't understand all these trans people on twitter being like oh jd vance egg like come out sister like i mean i understand they're joking but i'm like i'm like don't jinx us dude like i don't know why you are playing with fire at this point it would be it would be one of the craziest things to ever happen if jd fans came out of

the closet as a woman yeah and then we would forget and then we would forget about it in like a month that's um speaking of bad trans women mr beast do you guys know about the Mr. Beast drama the Mr. Beast can I just say something about this guy he's so annoying he's always staying somewhere for like 45 days

to earn 500,000 it's like I'm gonna stay in a locked cell with two bologna sandwiches for 45 days for $500,000. It's the lamest shit in the world. Well, he does that to other people.

No, but he does challenges. He does it himself. I think he did do one himself. He does several challenges on his own. He's canceled right now. He's getting, he's over. It's hashtag MrBeastIsOverParty. Oh, my God.

I mean, there's a trans employee who is doing like i did i know that he had a one of his original like people yeah on him yeah she was like uh talking inappropriately to like 15 year old boys and they're mr beast discord or something but that's not the real the real interesting part is there's like a youtube video exposing like his channel and it's like yeah it's against the law to have um like to do the things mr beast does like technically he's guilty of mail fraud because there's an episode where wait really yeah there's an episode where they open like a thousand packages that mr beast fans have sent them and one of the packages has a hundred dollar bill in it and it's from like a seven-year-old and soliciting money from children online is actually illegal and is like, um, technically counts as mail fraud.

And also like all of the giveaways and shit are just like, it's him being like, all right, kids subscribe and buy a t-shirt and you have a chance to win. I'm putting like, uh, 10 PS fives in these t-shirts in these shipments. So you have a chance to win.

That's so funny. It's like six year olds commenting like I bought 12 t-shirts in these shipments so you have a chance to win that's so funny it's like six-year-olds commenting like i bought 12 t-shirts with my mommy's credit card and i didn't get a ps5 like a frowny face and it's just like it's all this funny shit of him doing like illegal child gambling do you know how much money he has oh it just has to be a shit ton because he's always offering people like what seems like a million dollars to do the fake squid games yeah he he has 380 million dollars good lord they give youtubers that much it's just unfair he's just stolen it all from children yeah yeah i mean i'm not really that so he's getting canceled for that or for for everything it's kind of all together um he did big downfall moment he also cia

psychologically tortured one of his employees by what um yeah the the video jacques is referring to of like i'm gonna spend uh like a month locked in a cell by myself in solitary confinement and there's an employee that came forward and was like yeah he did that he was able to stay sane during that because they worked out all the kinks from when they tried it on me and it

gave me a mental breakdown I almost like killed myself it's insane yeah and he was like yeah they wouldn't turn off the lights so that they could do time lapses and I couldn't sleep Japanese suicide forest too that's Logan Paul that's a different guy

he's also scamming kids it's like YouTube is so fucking funny it's just a child scamming no absolutely absolutely yeah it's so funny no it's very bad for chill i would never let my kid use youtube ever yeah see like peppa the pig get beheaded and then uh steal five hundred dollars from daddy every week no yeah when i was one time i when my younger sister was like

six or seven she was looking at her ipad and I looked over and she was watching a video of like a woman deep throating a popsicle for like 10 minutes. So bad. And I was like, what the fuck is this? What are you watching?

It's so bad. It's so, so bad. No way I would let my kid use that shit. Well, I mean, Mr. Beast, Rip, sorry.

We wish you luck. We wish you luck. Goodbye, bitch. See you later. We're getting a call. We're getting a call from Mr. Beast, Rip, sorry. We wish you luck. Goodbye, bitch. See you later. We're getting a call. We're getting a call from MrBeast, you guys. Oh my god. Hello! It's me, MrBeast.

Thanks for having me on. Ben and Jacques. Of course, MrBeast. Thanks for joining us. Of course. I heard that you're under fire for multiple things. Child fraud, a trans friend who's messaging children i'm currently under fire let's see how long i can survive standing on this military shooting range we've given 50 caliber bullets and machine guns to these trained marines i've given 50 i've given 50 machine guns to 20 children let's see what happens on my new youtube video uploading tonight there's there are two mr beasts here oh my god can i can i eat

one pot of jock's gumbo for 500 000 honestly mr bees i don't know if you could I've had his gumbo before and it's really bad He uses pre-packaged Roo and often times Freezes the Roo Freezes the gumbo and then thaws it And it loses a lot of flavor Can I eat shit Out of my friend's asshole For $100,000

Whoa whoa whoa I thought you made content for children This seems a little risky. Kids love this stuff. Really? Yeah. Oh, my God. That doesn't violate any YouTube terms of service or anything?

You could just... Today, I violated 50 YouTube service terms to see if I could survive. Oh, no. I don't know if you will. I mean, have you fired your trans friend for... Because I know how hard it is to fire a trans friend. Well, I tried. Yeah.

But she came down on me like the devil in heat. Oh, no. Looks like the devil went down to Georgia. 50 lawyers did the walking gay thing into my office. And they sat down and handed a piece of paper to me that said that I was transphobic oh my god not again

you don't deserve this bro well gotta go bye Mr. Beast make sure to subscribe we will wow Mr.ast is crazy. That guy seems really, he's very disturbing. I hate the way he's always so enthusiastic.

Yeah. I don't know, he's kind of chipper. I was ready to hate on him, but he honestly had kind of like a brighter attitude. I think his smile looked so scary. It's like he practiced it in a mirror. Yeah. It was weird.

There's no real personality there just kind of a featureless animatronic kind of yeah happy person I kind of feel that way about Megan Fox well that's kind of that's just you being misogynistic that's just you being misogynistic what's new

oh shut up no she's just boring so did you get your. What's new? Oh, shut up. No, she's just boring. So did you get your food order, Jock? How long is your Uber Eats going to take? It's not Uber Eats food. My mom is getting dinner ready for all of us and is asking me actively what I want. And you told her.

I already told her that I was recording. I'm wondering if you're hungry. I'm really worried that you might be too hungry and you might not be able to eat your mom is making you pad seat you she's not making it she's like getting it okay so she's not making it

no does she have to always be in the kitchen who's the misogynist now I don't think you can talk to yeah you can't talk to me like that I'll talk to that trans women can be misogynist if they talk to you got me. Yeah, you can't talk to me like that. I'll talk to that trans women can be misogynist if they want to. You called me a man?

You called me men? You'll talk to that men? Dude. Apologize. You called me a manlet? It's not. I didn't even do that, but I won't apologize.

It's because he's hungry. I'm hungry and y'all are spicy little gorditas today That are annoying me We're like Looney Tunes style look like gorditas Sorry for attacking you It's okay I don't forgive you

Texting your friend that you were going to hang out with later I don't know if I can hang I'm being attacked by two gorditas right now Sorry I had to work for an hour I don't know if I can hang out Look I literally had to record two episodes back to back with Ben a few days ago. And that was a trying test that I wasn't invited to. Guess who was here on time and can pay attention for the recording, bitch?

Me too. The one who also recorded with you. And it wasn't hard. It was two hours. I think I'm being roasted for wasn't hard it was two hours are you a lesbian trans woman having sex it wasn't hard and it was two hours

that's how I'm coming out anyways speaking of ethical dilemmas things you don't want to do hard decisions like working or not working or eating or not eating give it a break I'm fucking working it, mama. I work so hard the boot's house down.

Okay. All right. I've got a quiz here for all of us to take today. Lay it on me, spicy. Uh-huh. Are you sending a nude? I'm not sending a nude. I am literally typing out yellow curry beef and noodle salad buns.

How much food are you getting? How much food are you getting? How much food are you getting? You've been saying this is a 40-minute ordeal. Jesus Christ. Because you're saying this is 20 minutes. Can we just, can we just, why don't you just do what you need to do for a minute? Can you read your entire order to us? You're making a bigger deal out of it than it needs to be.

I don't know if I am. I think it's kind of funny. Can I, no, I'm curious now. I'm invested. Can you read me the whole text exchange? I told you there's a new rule in the show that if you text, you have to read us a text.

Have I ever followed your fucking faggy ass pale rules? Give me a break, bitch. No, actually, you haven't. Actually, never. Rules such as simple as be on time and work are ones that can't even be followed.

God, I could... Y'all are allowed to be late, but I... Can we... No one is... None of us are late ever. Yeah, I could... Y'all are allowed to be late, but I... Can we... No one is... None of us are late ever. Yeah, Ben has never been late before. Can you read the text exchange?

Well, you wouldn't know. Can you read the text exchange, please? Please, come on. Come on. No, it's my family text exchange. No. It's scrolling down for like 30 seconds and it's still in order.

At some horrible Thai place. Come on, Jock. It's not even for like 30 seconds and it's still in order. At some horrible Thai place. Come on, Jock. It's not even a horrible Thai place. Why does it have to be a horrible Thai place? Can you just tell us your order? I just said it! Noodle, salad, bun, yellow curry, beef! Well, it was the text before that.

A reason why my sister couldn't come to the dinner. Whatever. I'm just not going to have fun with this. Let't come to the dinner I'm just not gonna have fun with this let's get to the quiz it's not okay I'm going to bow out I have to be at work early tomorrow and I had an early morning today sorry y'all have fun did that change your life

okay talk to you later wow a reasonable excuse reasonable excuse y'all are so cunty today did y'all wake up and drink some bitch juice maybe it's yeah maybe it's something maybe it's something you did you thought about maybe your behavior is why good lord have you ever thought about the way you look i would look in the mirror see well that's not very nice i can't control the way i look hessa's sitting in the shadows right now,

so it doesn't illuminate the problems in front of me. Wow. So rude. I think you do need to eat something. That was kind of poetic, though. Thank you for at least admiring my speech pattern. I thought it was incredible. You're welcome.

Anyways, I've got a little question here for you guys. Your friend gives you a lottery ticket for your birthday. A few days later, you find out you've won $10,000. When your friend finds out they asked for half the winnings because they bought the ticket, what would you do? You have three options here. You give them half the winnings. You wouldn't have had any of the money if they didn't buy the ticket.

Or you give them a little of the money but definitely not half or you don't give them anything it was a gift and you need the money yeah don't give them anything it was a gift i don't i don't give people gifts and then ask for them back that would be considered rude hmm and i I would give them a little bit. I'd give them a little bit. Yeah. Because they're my friend. It's courteous.

I mean, when you win a lottery ticket, it's even courteous to give some of the cashier some of the money. So if it's a friend, that is not even one bit true. Yeah, people do that all the time. People do that all the time.

It's a very common thing. You give the cashier some of the money. It's an incredibly common practice. I would give my friend a little of the money. I's a very common thing. You give the cashier some of the money. It's an incredibly common practice. I would give my friend a little of the money. I mean, it would be annoying if someone called me and was like, I want half. It would depend on their attitude.

It would depend on their attitude. It would be rude to do that. If they didn't ask me, I would consider giving them half. If they ask me and they're rude about it, I'm like, how does 2,000 sound? And I would do that and it'd be over but i would lose respect for them for for asking root for me exactly you hit the nail on the head you hit the nail on the head actually the honest thing that i would probably do is i i don't know you could also just not tell them that you won. See, the real thing, this is my take.

If I ever won the lottery, I would tell no one. I would fake my death. I would get plastic reconstructive surgery. For $10,000. No, like the actual lottery. Like if I got like over a million. For $10,000,

I probably still wouldn't tell anyone, but I have such a big mouth. I wouldn't tell anyone, but I would give some big mouth. I wouldn't tell anyone but I would give some to my friend, I think. Yeah, for sure. So, 60% of people agree with us which means that we've got

ethics in par with the majority of the population. Only 19% of people are giving them nothing. So, I think we could say not necessarily wrong, just that your ethics are maybe a little questionable when compared to societies at large. Can we change it from the lottery to Mr. Beast

and change it from $10,000 to a Lamborghini Gallardo? Whoa, is that like a new car? That's actually a really old car. I don't know why I chose that specific car. It's from like 2004. Okay, I've got another one here for you guys. You've been dating someone for a year and they have recently been texting someone a lot more often.

They say it's a new friend from work. When they leave to run a quick errand, their phone is forgotten behind and it's unlocked. What do you do? You take a quick peek at their latest text or you go through as much of their phone as you can before they get back. Kind of the greedy option here or nothing. Whatever is on their phone is none of your business. Second option sounds the most fun and I haven't done it before, but now that the opportunity has been presented to me, I'm going to take it.

What's your first move? Where do you go? Do you go to Safari? Do you go to Messages? What do you do? I think it's usually interesting to go to someone's screenshot folder to see what they've been screenshotting people like things from Instagram.

You haven't done this before. No, I haven't done this before this is hypothetical so you're your first move would be a screenshot folder to see what they're screenshotting on instagram not text i feel like text is where you would go first well then if i don't find anything juicy in there i go to text and i search fucked or i search like keyword like uh like heroin or like i searched like um so you're not concerned about them cheating you're concerned about if they oh if they're buying here first thing I do is I text working, and the restaurant never has any food.

If they don't have that, I would love a green curry, extra spicy. I'm ordering for two people. I'm not pregnant. There's someone else coming to dinner as my guest. On top of that, we have- Drunken noodle with shrimp. Shut up. Look, I told my mom...

Bad dad, no peanuts. Bad dad, no peanuts, mom. I told my mom before this recording that I had to take care of this shit and she still continued to... Okay. I'm sorry. Throwing your mom under the bus,

you absolute piece of shit. I think what I would do... What would you do, H I think what I would do what I would do what would you do Hessa what I would do it really it depends I think it really depends I don't think we have enough information here

I think depends on the partner yes it depends on the partner like a huge whore and a liar yeah it depends on the work friend it depends on if the work friend. It depends on a lot. If the work friend is sexy. Yeah.

I just wanted to clarify, because I didn't understand the question. I would have looked through the phone just out of curiosity. I didn't need a peanut curry. I would have looked through the phone. I would have wished it was Penang or Masaman instead of just yellow. But anyway, that's a different story. I wish I could have just looked through the phone.

I didn't know the objective was to find out if they're cheating. I think it's very mature. Do you want me to read the question to you again? No, but I think it's very immature for people to intermingle themselves and who's cheating and who's not. And I think it's very mature to keep it silent and not address it. Well, it's your partner. It's your partner.

Like, I know someone who cheated on their partner, but it's nine times. It's your partner. And I know that people they cheated on with and I'm like, oh, I could say this, but I'm not going to. All right. Whatever. You're geared. Yeah.

So if someone cheated on you, you would be fine with it. I, yes. In theory. Yes. If someone cheated on you, you would be fine with it? Yes, in theory, yes. Because, I mean, I've been upset before about it, but the difference now is that I just know, like, if someone... I don't know, if you have sex... Like, people are just going to end up having sex.

Hustle, what's your answer here? I think my answer is... Take a quick peek, go through as much of it as you can, or nothing. You know what? I don't... I'm not happy about it. But I might take a quick peek, go through as much of it as you can, or nothing. You know what? I'm not happy about it, but I might take a quick peek. Take a quick peek. I think I might take a quick peek. I was between take a quick peek and nothing, but the thing is I wouldn't want someone to go through my phone.

Not that I'd cheat. I would never cheat. But I just wouldn't want someone to go through your phone. You're opening up a door to finding out stuff you don't want to find out about them that should just be kept private like what kind of porn they watch or or you know there's so many other things in people's phones that aren't you know uh cheating texts that you shouldn't know about your partner and i think i and then once you do it once you do it the next time and then you do it again and then it becomes a habit yeah i think the hard line for me is that if it's unlocked,

if it's there, I wouldn't, like, open up any apps. I wouldn't touch the screen at all. It would have to be, like, yeah, it would have to be open to that conversation. And if it's that,

I feel like that's fair game. You know what I mean? Also, just thought of a new, better thing to do. You find someone's unlocked phone, and then you get on Grindr or their Sniffies account, and you invite 15 separate people to their address at the same time, and then leave and just let the results.

Then you have an open relationship. You're getting your partner fucked by 15 gay guys. This is a jock relationship, yeah this is like this is like every day yeah every day 45 of people agreed with just take a quick peek 13 so they go through this and uh get as much as they can before the partner came back i just i love how uh how gluttonous they phrase this it's just like i'm gonna get as much as i can until they come back and then 42 said nothing whatever is on their phone is none of my business which i i do agree with i think it's i think it's fucked up to look through someone's phone um yeah on the next one i would instead what i would do is if you really want to

know if they're cheating on you with this work friend, just ask to meet them and see what the vibes are like. Or just flat out ask them if you're actually nervous about it. Just be like, hey, I might be crazy, but you're texting your friend a lot. Are you cheating on me? Just do that. I love doing that. It's so easy to just confront someone and

then you're not, you might be a little crazy, but you're staying true to yourself. That's what I would do. I've got to clarify also, I don't think all cheaters are right, but I feel like people will, like, accidentally, or, like, cheat once and then, like, never do it again. And then, like, it's better. You're really on your, on.

Casual cheaters. You're dying on the hill of cheating is fine and cheaters are better. The real crime is trying to find out. No, it's not the crime. It's just like there's more hurt. I kind of agree with Jock. I'll be honest. There's more hurt to happen. I think if someone cheats, it's just don't ask

don't tell for me. I would hate being cheated on. I haven't cheated on. It's not great. It's also just bad to know that people you know are cheating on people you know. I would rather be... You're not understanding the hypothetical. I would rather be cheated on than be in an open relationship.

Yeah. I'll say that. I'd rather be in an open relationship. Jack, your food is going to get here, and we have six other questions, though. So if you want to get that meal... The food is not going to be here yet. All right. Don't worry about it.

I don't want to interfere. I was texting a wrong number. I don't want to interfere. I don't want to interfere. I was texting a wrong number. I don't want to interfere with your meal time. I apologize to you, Ben and to Hessa for being on my phone and texting. I did not expect to receive a lot of text messages from my mother. It's not her fault.

I tried to explain to her that I'm upstairs recording because my internet wasn't working at my new place. We're just teasing you, Chuck. We're not actually mad at you or anything. I want this damn Penang curry. Now you got me saying different curries. You got me excited about a curry

that isn't even coming. I had chicken satay last night. Period. What is that? Chicken skewers? I had some at Lovely day the other day nice anyways you are on a budget and payday is another week away from you i'm never on a budget you're on a budget and payday is another week away from you you are never on a budget but you're

really craving food from your favorite restaurant so so you decide to treat yourself. When you get the check, what do you do? One, you don't leave a tip. You're broke, and they probably get enough tips from other customers. Two, you leave a dollar. It's not as much, but at least you tipped. Or three, leave a 20% tip. If you decide to go out and eat, you need to leave a fair tip. Let me.

20% tip, easy. What did you say? 20 a yeah and if i ever if i ever order like grubhub or anything i usually i give more than 20 i such a sin but yes i do yeah i i usually i'm like it has to be a $10 to $12 tip at least. What's the etiquette of expected tip for picking up orders from the restaurant? For takeout, I will do 10%. Okay, because I always do 20%. Even for takeout? Yeah.

Okay, she's the same. Nope, not me. I will do a mandatory 20% if it's a sit down restaurant with a waitress. I will say this as someone who's worked for 10 years in the service industry, the further, the more years I have under my belt to someone who doesn't as I would have. I mean, I've always maintained a strong 20% minimum tip for any sit-down restaurant in which you have a waitress. The service can be terrible, but if someone is coming to my table, taking my order, doing the whole classic thing, 20% at minimum.

The new restaurants now where you have to go talk to someone at a counter, they spin the iPad around at you, you have to go get your plates, you have to go get to someone at a counter. They spin the iPad around at you. You have to go get your plates. You have to go get your fucking silverware. You have to refill your water. There's so many places like this now where you have to be the waitress and it's just counter service.

I still tip 20%, but I am, I'm so close to just being like, what am I paying for? What are we doing here? There's, I, my defense of tipping at places like that is like it's not like those people's jobs like don't also just fucking blow though it's no the jobs suck yeah it's just that ordering there as a customer also sucks like yeah it sucks more like not more than the job but more than it would at like a sit-down restaurant no and i'm like the the restaurant itself like there's they're switching to this model because they save money on labor costs and it's like okay if you save money on labor costs you just have one girl

working a counter and one food runner pay them more and get rid of tips it's just like they're they're off they're offloading all of the responsibility onto the customer while absolutely minimizing the joy and the pleasure of having a waitress come up to your table and you can sit your fat ass down for two hours and have a meal. You can sit your white ass down and listen. Yes. It's incredibly annoying. And I hate these places. I do still tip 20%, but they're pushing me, y'all. They're really pushing me.

Yeah. Also, it's just like I'm going to tip 20% even if you do badly, but I'm like shame on people for giving up. Just try doing well. You mean towards the waitresses? Yeah, I just have had people who just... Lately, I

just go into a restaurant sometimes, and the people are just in such a bad mood. It's like, I'm always going to tip right, but do you have to be mean to me? I just wanted to eat a sandwich. I would love to hear their side of the story. Yeah, me too.

Of course, you two transvestigators want to know. I'm so sick of every time I go into a restaurant, employees duck behind the counter and quiver and say, please, no, please. Like, can you just try harder at your job, you fucking loser. Whenever Ben was... I'm so fucked. Whenever I went to the whenever i went to the restaurant

ben used to work at i would always um call me a faggot and complain yeah ask for it i would take the customer copy of the check and in the tip section write zero in all caps with like 10 exclamation points yeah i've had people i've had my managers at the time see it and she was like, is this okay? I was like, it's a prank. She was like, did give you a real tip. Yeah,

but I also was one of the worst waiters of all history of the restaurant. Yeah, but you were nice to me. Of all restaurants. You were terrible at chaos,

but they fucking loved him. Shut up, bitch. They loved me because I was good at my job. You were a lowly dishwasher. I was a star waiter. I don't want to hear the shit talk from the back of the kitchen. We served together.

I got him the job. Back of house bitch. I got him the job. Back of house dishwasher. Go cover yourself in food for a living. And then he stole from the tip share. I did not. This is just slander.

You don't even remember. What year was it? Y'all, I used to eat the food right off the plates. What year was it, Josh? That's true. Who was president? That's true.ander. You don't even remember. What year was it? Y'all, I used to eat the food right off the plates. What year was it, Josh? That's true. Who was president? That's true. Exactly.

Come on. No, he's literally Oscar the Grouch. I used to, you know the buckets they put under the draft beer to collect the drip? Yeah. I would wait till they filled up and I would put a funnel in my mouth that was meant for pouring the kitchen like vinaigrette into the tiny spray bottle. It's just a funnel. And I would put the and pour the beer into my mouth.

Now, only years later did I find out that they were sometimes cleaning these same buckets with lye. Mm hmm. So God knows if that was before or after I I left but if if I was drinking soap in your stomach and you yeah I mean a mental clarity to accuse me of theft which I know yeah I like can remember the night it was like a Thursday night and there's a big table and like I was pooping out bars and so it's your not one thing i remember was ben was stealing i

was shut up you're such a slander no no because you got like a 200 a dollar 300 tip for a table of maybe like 15 or 16 you're like i'm not sharing this with anyone so you kept a hundred dollar bill and then why would i do that and tell you you're one of the biggest loudmouths well i can't i can't account for every mistake you've ever made stealing from tip share and then lying about memory and no no no this was clear as day making me look bad no no no because that like i actually don't go out of my way that's a bad tip for 15 people i can't imagine that. Luckily, the opinion of someone who is drinking lye and 15 discarded beers

is not going to carry a lot of weight. Real people who listen, who believe me, are believing me right now and know the truth. And out there I am connecting with you mentally. And as you listen to this recording, we are linked together. And I feel your respect and admiration. Let's get a moment of silence so Jacques can mind meld

and send a message to this this listener I've mind melted with them and they love it mind melted I mean me and Ben didn't hear anything during that period so if you heard something it means that chuck is connected with your brain it was dead silence for us yeah it was dead

silence for us so if you did hear something you've been chosen you've been singled out and chuck knows where you live and is reading your thoughts. And he wants you to kill Chapel Row. Don't forget that he did make that request earlier in the episode. I just want everyone to reject her and make her feel bad and bully her. And you also did say murder her. That's crazy. That's so mean.

It's so mean. It's so mean. I just hate her so much and her lyrics are so incessant and just like what does incessant mean to you? can I get a definition of incessant? tedious, like unneeded unnecessary just like

everything and she is an industry plant it's close she is an industry plant the whole back story with the Olivia Rodrigo producer. I don't care. I don't care. I don't give a shit.

I don't give a shit at all. I'm sorry. I'll try not to talk anymore. So, 9% don't leave a tip. You're probably broke, and they get enough tips from other customers. 27% said they'd leave a dollar. And 64% said they'd leave a 20 tip jock what are you doing you're leaving 20 no i'm texting my mom because i've texted her to know in the question

she said i texted her she said this is all you sent to group text is that for both or did i not get the order other order, other order, noodle salad then parentheses noodle salad, bun, yellow curry. I said that is our order and then my mom says one or two. Can you just, can you maybe just wrap this up and then

we can get back to the show. Can you just send a final text and then we can get back to the show. Mom, I really cannot talk. Mom, I really cannot talk. Mom, I really cannot talk anymore. I am recording. I have interrupted the recording to address this too many times. For the listeners, Jacques just turned

and is talking to a mannequin behind him that's wearing a bad wig. What did you say? Noodle glass, you bitch. Alright. I said for the listeners, Jacques just turned around and is talking to a mannequin with a bad wig do you have an answer for this

how would you tip um 40% 50% because lately I've honestly been tipping 50% alright next why am I shitty at this you're not paying attention because I'm getting being 50%. You're so shitty at this. All right, next one. Why am I shitty at this? You're not paying attention.

Because I'm getting these goddamn obsessed texts. Jock, you just got to pay attention for an hour. That's it. For 10 to 20 more minutes. Can we do that for the next 20 minutes? Oh, my God. That's not an hour. It's a simple question.

Yeah, but that's not an hour. That's an hour and 30 minutes. So can you pay attention for 20 more minutes? Yes. For the listeners. It's not for me in-house. It's for the listeners. For the listeners.

For all those people out there that you've mind-melted with. Yeah. Remember? Yes. Don't you remember how you mind-melted with them? Do you think they want you yelling at your mom? Mm-hmm. Oh, my God.

Not yelling at her. Sending a text. God, you're so rude and you love to spin every story I say into a dribble. I'm going to shoot you. I love to spin.

I love to spin, period. Okay. So can you just ask me the question? Your answer has already been submitted. Oh my God. Your answer has already been submitted. Okay. Jock is two for four with understanding these questions.

We're at an hour and seven minutes. We need to just end it so you can... No, let's keep going. No, let's keep going. Are you sure? I want to finish this so I can do it. We can do it? Yes, we're fine.

I think you can do it. I think you can do it. I'm confident. If you ask me if I can do it again, I'm going to pull the gun. And... Kill myself. What else? No. Y'all are not close enough.

That would kill all the listeners that you might be able to kill. Y'all are not close enough to shoot. Okay, next question. Speaking of, your best friend confided in you that he committed a crime that could result in a few months in jail. Later, you find out someone else was arrested for that crime. What do you do?

One, confront your friend and encourage them to turn themselves in, but you leave it at that. Two, notify the police about what your friend told you if they won't. Three, nothing. It's none of your business. It depends on... Again, we don't have enough info so they said that someone

could result in a few months in jail so we know it's not murder you know it's a crime that's worth it's a crime that's worth a few months in jail let's make up a crime let's say it's cutting the heads off parking meters yeah

you've got to turn yourself in and not let someone else Let's make up a crime. Let's say it's cutting the heads off parking meters. Yeah. You've got to turn yourself in and not let someone else sit in jail for your time. That's so unfair. So that's what you would say to your friend? Yeah. Would you turn them in if they didn't? So you'd turn your friend in? If someone who didn't commit the crime was in jail for it,

yeah, kind of. I don't know. I've never turned anyone in. But like. So your options between this are you confront them and you encourage them to turn themselves in? Yeah. Or you notify the police and you tell the cops. Confront them and encourage them.

I would do this. I would do the same. I don't like to talk to the cops. They don't need to talk to me. We don't need to chat and shit. I would do the same. I don't like to talk to the cops. They don't need to talk to me. We don't need to chat and shit. I would do the same. And then if the person, if the friend didn't own up to it,

after that other person got out of jail, I would tell that person and say, hey, if you want to beat this person up, go for it. And I would tell my friend that I'm going to tell that person. It's really fucked up to make someone else spend months in jail for something you did.

Yeah, totally. I would stop being friends with them at the very least if they did it. I would also, like, that's a pretty good solution, but I think the person that you tell would also be equally mad at you as they are with your friend for not coming forward. That's true. Okay, I would get a letter. And they would have every right to be.

I'd send them a mysterious letter, and I would say this person actually did the crime say jock jock gonsolin did the crime yeah he let you rot in jail yeah um i would yeah i would confront the friend and if they didn't come forward i would do like a deep throat thing where i um deep throat the cops exactly suck them off in a parking garage exactly um and give them little tips and i'm like follow the money so jock your answer was confront your friend and encourage them to turn themselves in yeah because i'm not gonna i'm not gonna call the cops i just see you're doing the same yeah i would probably i might you know what i might turn them in if they i would i would feel so fucking guilty would you call 9-1-1 i think i'm persuasive enough to convince my friend

that they should go it's it's a couple of months do you really like it's i think it'd be something that you could persuade uh yeah you could probably get a suspended sentence. A world war could erupt in a couple of months. So 60% of people said that they would confront their friends. That's what Jock would say if you confronted Jock and said, can you turn yourself in? Someone's in jail. Literally. A world war could break out in a couple of months. 16% said they'd notify the police, the snitch answer,

and 24% said they'd do nothing. Doing nothing is a little crazy to me, but I guess I got it. Doing nothing is like you just don't give a shit about the world, Joker style. You treat yourself to a new wardrobe and buy 10 items. I might not turn them into the police if they didn't. Nope. You're already snitched. Snitch for

life. I've labeled you and you can never remove that. The next one here. You treat yourself to a new wardrobe and buy 10 items from a large retail chain. When you get home, you notice you are only charged for nine items. What do you do?

Fucking nothing. Are you kidding me? Exactly. It's like, what the fuck? It's like, one, go back to the store and insist on, I'm like, I'll keep shopping there because like,

go back to the store and insist on paying for the item. Like, who the fuck? If I worked at a store and someone did that i would be like you are fucking insane you're retarded like what are you doing yeah no i would charge them for five more items i'd be like actually if you do this there's a five item fee yeah i would call the cops on them um one go back to the store and insist on paying for the item to call them and ask what you should do they'll probably say not to worry about it or three nothing not your fault not your problem it's this is one of the easiest answers nothing not your fault not your problem nothing

i'm not my problem even if it was my fault you know what is it what what is it your problem i'm not going to like... I lost how to say this, but I'm not going to take responsibility. For what? For the action. What was the action? The action... What action?

I think it's like I think it's actually a little serious I was just kind of joking but if you wouldn't take any responsibility you wouldn't take you wouldn't take

responsibility for that action because that's a serious thing it's kind of serious I feel like any normal person would take action

for this scenario that was listed guess I'm not the normal one okay really are you sure you want to lock in on action for this scenario that was listed. Guess I'm not the normal one. Okay. Really? Are you sure you want to log in on... You're not going to do anything about this? Look, I'm too scared to admit that I

wasn't... I didn't understand what happened, so you know that I'm... I know you're trying to psych me out right now. Well, guess what? You can't. So the scenario was you see a young girl in the back of a car with the windows rolled up. And there's a note posted on the window that says, I hate my child. And I know it's hot.

And I'm trying to kill them. Yeah. And she's banging on the window saying, help me. And you said that's not your fault. I think my word. Well, it isn't my fault that some guy is trying to kill his daughter. I didn't try to break the window. What?

While it's driving by with a brick that I don't have in my hand? It's a parked car. And there's a pile of bricks next to you. What if I hit the girl in the face? You probably would. That's probably what you would do. You probably would if you tried to do this. And then the dad.

And then the daughter. Going to jail for murdering a child. I don't think I'm built to. Jesus Christ. Can you pay attention, please? I'm trying to so hard. You're really not. You're really not.

If you're trying to, that's incredibly disturbing. If this is you trying to pay attention, that's very disturbing. I legitimately am trying to. I am at not. I had a podcast studio rented for today. No one showed. No, shut the fuck up. Just shut your little gay little.

I don't know what to tell you. No, there's nothing to say. No one showed No shut the fuck up Just shut your little Gay little I don't know what to tell you No I can There's nothing to say I'm just telling you A I was supposed to record In a fucking studio Where I wouldn't have been

Talked or Like messaged Then I Ended up having to Come to my mom's house To record fucking here Because my internet In my house is not working

Okay Which broke 30 minutes before recording Okay So I can't like And I got hit by five cars. Now I was... I had to eat spit.

I got shot in the head by a random assailant. Now I am here among my entire family as they have a big dinner meetup and they are all texting me to come downstairs to do this, to do that. I did not expect this. I told them I'm recording multiple times. I don't know what else to tell you.

I'm sorry. Can you maybe throw your phone across the room? Next question. No, because it's coming through my fucking computer too. Next question. Do not disturb or something. God. Your friend is obviously intoxicated

and insists on driving themselves home. You can't talk them out of it. What do you do? One, try to forcibly take their keys away from them. If you can't, at least you tried. Two, call the police as soon as they leave and give them their license plate number. Three, nothing.

It's their choice and they'll have to deal with any consequences. Or four, you take away their keys even though they're furious with you and you'll figure it out later. Four. Obviously intoxicated and insist on driving themselves home.

Okay, four. Four. I am morally opposed to drunk driving. I'm getting those keys. I'm getting those keys. It... If they're that fucked up, yeah. It's... And I, you know...

Drunk driving is serious. Drunk driving is serious. It's just like it's seriously fun it's 2024 it's just too easy to get like a uber or a lyft or a lime scooter to kill yourself on exactly yeah no i mean or just i would just offer them a ride home or just walk 87 87 percent of people agreed with us three 3% said that they would do nothing. Do nothing. It's not your job. It's such a funny answer.

Yeah. But the most alcoholic, like, I don't know. We all have, at least I can think of a couple friends of mine who are just like, would be also super drunk at the bar and literally be like,

it's not my problem if, you know, Max drives home. 2% say they'd call the police on them i would do this that's the craziest answer honestly who i hated yeah call the pull call the fucking police on them yeah um try to force me to take their keys away yeah and to call the police on them but not not try to talk to them or take their keys. That's a prank I would do on a friend while I was drunk.

I would buy them a lift, honestly. Yeah, there's so many ways around that. Next one. Your friend's spouse was seriously injured in an accident and can never have any kind of sex again. Your friend confides in you that they've been secretly seeing someone else for sex occasionally. What do you do? One, tell your friend you disapprove and they should tell their spouse, but you leave it at that. Two, tell your friend's spouse what your friend told you, even if your friend refuses to do so.

Or three, nothing. At least they're still caring for their spouse and didn't abandon them three three definitely if you were thrown into the situation of being in a very active sexual relationship that was normal and healthy and then all of a sudden you couldn't have sex with them because some random car impaled their vagina off or something i don't know what the situation let's let's think of let's think of an injury my injury is um they okay hmm the vibrator trying they had a bunch of whippets they had like a whippet canister and they were trying to do whippets through their dickhole blew their cock off the the plugged in hitachi magic wand short-circuited

while it was inside of them and fused their vagina together yeah also like i feel like they there are ways to have sex like they would have to be like in a coma or something i think maybe like you know they're paraplegic or something i don't know but you could still you could still do like you could get sloppy toppy. Okay, I thought of it. Yeah, let's say like Terry Shivo. A thin

metal rod pierced a part of their brain where nothing except their sex drive was affected. Okay. So they're just asexual because of an injury? Yeah, like they have a unique brain injury that riddles them just asexual because of an injury yeah like they have a unique brain injury that riddles them permanently asexual and they demand to be loved still and they also have like a a lead pipe a seven inch long lead pipe sticking out of their head now yeah um i yeah i don't think

i would tell i don't think i wouldn't i wouldn't say shit. I would not say shit. Could you imagine being that wife and your husband's friend comes to you and tells you that? Yeah, you're like drinking through a straw and like painting gourds with your mouth. That's the only thing that's

keeping you alive. By the way, he's cheating on you. What a bitch. It's like, of course he's cheating on me i mean i can't fucking i'm speaking by blinking right now yeah i'm speaking through morse code yeah i wouldn't yeah i would hate to learn at least there's still at least there's you oh my god you communicating with morse code would be insane. I don't know if you could.

I love the challenge. I wish we could have an episode in Morse code. You should try to learn it. Do you think we could all learn it and talk that way? I don't think it's that hard to learn. I think all of our issues would be solved if we just... Okay, I'm going to do it right now by blinking. I know Morse code from my time as being an Eagle Scout.

Oh my god, Ben, you can't say that. Ben just said a slur. Ben is making the most extremely gay version of his face, the way he's fluttering his eyelashes, like he's got a speck of beautiful cum stuck in him. Ben just said a slur. Ben just said a horrible slur. Yeah, I did.

He just spelled out retard twice. I'm pissed. Mm-hmm. At slur. Yeah, I did. He just spelled out retard twice. I'm pissed. Mm-hmm. At you, bitch. One for each. So, would we all um, we're all doing nothing here. Yeah. Whatever, dude. No, fuck that. Why, again, like, why would

we have to be that one? People are such narcs. 67% of people said that they tell their friend that they disapprove and that they should uh, tell their spouse. I mean, I guess they're not ratting on anyone but it's still just like i would be like whatever do you yeah who are you to tell me when my wife is in a coma that i can't you know have sex with a hooker yeah my husband's dick got blown off by by a whippet canister. How dare you tell me I can't. Let me get some cock. Let me get some cock on the slide.

I have a fucked up cheating scenario in my head that happened to my friend and I'm like Can you say it with their names and addresses and last names? No, but the mom The mom was dying in the hospital of a terminal illness and the husband was having sex with the nurse in the adjacent room.

That's a little crazy. That's like a telenovela. That's crazy. All right, next one here. You're on an airplane watching a movie on your laptop that has a lot of sex and violence. Another passenger asks if you can watch something else because their child can see.

What do you do? Tell them you're going to finish watching the movie i'm gonna make a huge scene first of all i'm gonna make a huge scene two suggest they switch seats so their child can't see or three watch something more family friendly yeah i would definitely first of all i would be so fucking embarrassed if someone told me that. Like, hi, my child is watching you watch Solo on the plane. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like I would definitely not be watching something like that in the first place.

Let's say you were. Let's say you were. Okay. Yeah, I would definitely turn it off. Jock? I'm not going to watch that. So, yeah, turn it off. Just say you were. Let's say you were watching that so yeah turn it off just say you were let's see we're watching it you turn it off what if it was the best movie i was watching it jock what if it was the best movie you'd ever seen no hypothetically you know just say you were watching it not i'm not telling you to say you were watching it i was speaking in hypothetical terms no jock just say it

hypothetically, it appeared on my screen. I would close the screen. Is that what you want to say? You're so bad at hypotheticals. I just don't understand what this question is. Also, hypothetically,

let's say you wanted to watch the movie. Hypothetically, my computer's at 2% and I need to plug it in and the charger's in the other room. That would be what would happen to you is that you would be on the plane and the charger would be in the other room. That would be what would happen to you, is that you would be on the plane and the charger would be in the other room.

Go get your charger. Oh, that was a real thing? No, it's a real thing. He's so insane today. Yeah. The curry. Yeah. He really only has room in his brain for like

0.75% of a thing at a time it's actually insane it's actually insane but whatever i mean it's funny his poor mom like you sent me two orders i forgot about the first one he's being like it's her fault she won't start hiking with the cats because you probably sent her 70 menu items i mean yeah he said he said two different orders throughout the call and someone who's picked up picked up food orders for jock before i have been yelled at at people like calendar yeah like we don't have that we've never had that why are you ordering this so it's this is a restaurant this is a laundromat yeah yeah it's a trying it's a trying position to be in so i do sympathize with her um so it kind of seems like both you and jock both agree on

watching something more family friendly which yeah i would say move seats bitch i don't care yeah you would say move seats it depends how long the flight is and it depends how she spoke to me what movie is it Let's pick a movie Showgirls You're watching Showgirls I would never turn it off if it was Showgirls I would just set the record

I'd say get a life bitch Maybe your kid is born Did you plug your computer in Jack? Yes I just got it plugged in I'm really actually legit sorry about that that's just wow thank you for apologizing thank you for um 59 said they'd watch something friendly family family friendly pardon me um 30 said 31 say they would suggest moving seats and 10 said sorry not sorry bitch it would be really funny to passive aggressively watchgressively watch something for infants. Go watch Peppa Pig.

Yeah, watch Baby Einstein. Or Baby... What's it called? Baby Mozart? Those videos that are just like... Do you get thrown off of a plane if you watch a movie that has sex scenes in it? No, oftentimes, actually... You can.

You definitely can. If's like in-flight entertainment they will take out sex scenes. I watched what is that fucking movie about with Cillian Murphy or whatever his name is? Oppenheimer? I watched Oppenheimer. Great movie.

I watched Oppenheimer on a plane and they took out all the sex scenes you could watch Saltburn on a plane which is the great movie Oppenheimer or Saltburn Oppenheimer is a million times better it sucks it's like dog shit

it's like oh look how edgy look how daring we're being I also don't like Barry Krogan's face. Is that the main actress? Actor? Yes. Yes, it's the main actress. I don't like

What's Her Name either. The woman in that. Not Rosamund Pike. I love Rosamund Pike. Love her. Rosie O'Donnell? Yeah, Rosie O'Donnell. It's, what's her name? Carrie Mulligan? Carrie Mulligan Carrie Mulligan I'm so she's been in like

two or three good movies and just the rest is just dog shit well we've got one question left guys and guess what Jock it's about food and it's about eating so okay I'm i'm piked up i'm here all right hiked up you've recently started dating someone who is vegan you invite

them over for a home-cooked vegan meal right before you're ready to serve you realize there's an animal-based ingredient but they'd never know what do you do one you tell them uh you tell them and offer to cook them something else two you spent an hour cooking the meal what they don't know is not going to hurt them or three let them eat but tell them after if this is like butter if this is like butter or something i'm not saying shit i don't fucking care yeah no animal-based ingredient to me is like a cup of chicken like honey so i've tried this before where i didn't tell them what were you making it like it was where you wait for them to eat it and then tell them no i didn't i did not was it what was the dish it was uh like a type of curry um It's all curry with you. No, but I'm not making this up.

No, no, I'm not making this up. I'm not making this up at all. What was the animal-based ingredient in the curry? God, you making curry is insane. It was butter. It was butter. It was butter. You put butter in curry?

Because I was simmering the vegetables in it. No, you could put butter in curry. Interesting. Anyway, but the rest was coconut milk, and I really didn't think it was going to be bad. I thought it was something that was going to be totally ignorable. Sure, just to cook the vegetables first with a little bit of butter. Terrible diarrhea.

The first time they had had a milk dairy product in a hundred years. Yeah, that's the other thing. Boy or girl? Girl. It was so bad. It could fuck them up. It really could fuck them up i felt so bad i gave someone was she mad at you what did she say did you admit that you put butter in the curry i was like okay honestly i just honestly i was just some leftover butter in my

mouth that you gave make it out with me earlier that's where i was. That was butter where my wisdom tooth used to be. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you. I didn't say anything, and I contested with everyone else who ate at this dinner who was perfectly not lactose intolerant and not vegan. So you gaslit this woman. Yeah. I was like, yeah.

Hell yeah, Blair. Wait, you told everyone but her and said like don't no no no no no no jock jock was like well everyone else here's lactose they're not having diarrhea why are you it must be your problem basically so you waited for her to eat it and then sneaky little dog you waited for her to eat it and then told her after about it and then when i did and i was like oh he said let's do a poll who else has lactose who's who else is lactose tolerant here oh could it be the butter because you're the only one having diarrhea right now it must be something else you ate also

this must be that is so nasty this must be this must be some predestined karma because i am also currently having diarrhea um what did. Did she ever find out? For everyone at home, Jacques is, we're editing out a lot of wet, spraying shit out of my hole. We're editing a lot of wet,

disgusting diarrhea noises out. This is one of our heaviest edited episodes of all time. Did she ever find out that you fed her butter? Well, we're still friends to this day. What was her name?

Not going to say. What's her name? I'm not going to say. What's her name? I'm not going to say. It's okay. It's a Patreon episode. I don't care. I'm not going to say. He doesn't remember that it's not.

He doesn't remember anything. Ben, you know her. It happened in Denver, but you don't like her, so it's okay. I know her. It happened in Denver, but there's so many women in Denver

I don't like. See, that's... I think I know who it is. Hessa,'t like. I think I know who it is. Shut the fuck up. I know who it is. Tessa, text me who you think it is. Is she really petite? Yes. Does she have

blonde hair? No, I'm trying to think of something not very identifying here. Was she... Fuck. Yeah, it's like hard to use descriptors about her that wouldn't give away her... So she's a very...

But I think it is who you're thinking of. I know who it is. Yeah, someone I didn't like because they... Their social media annoyed me. Yeah, that's exactly who I am talking about. It's so funny. You gaslit that bitch. Good for you, talking about it's so funny you gaslit that bitch good for you dude that's so funny i just didn't i just didn't want to

imagine being at a dinner table and you're like having explosive diarrhea and then jock has to gaslight you she would claim to be that's one of those things where it's It's your fault honey You should have never started to date this man She couldn't do this to you from the very beginning Well she always would claim to be a strict vegan And then would like Eat salmon Like once or twice a month

And I'm like this is disqualifying You bitch What's a little bit of butter gonna do to her And then she's blowing up your toilet. Well, salmon's different from butter, I think. Yeah. No, exactly. That is so, so funny.

I can't imagine getting successfully gaslit by you. You've got to be one of the dumbest bitches of all time. She's not dumb. She's not dumb. She had to eat Jock's food to have diarrhea and then Jock convinces you it wasn't his food. It's so funny to be like

to be like wow I had such bad diarrhea after that dinner and Jock be like immediately like Well no one else had. No one else did. It wasn't me. It wasn't because there was butter in it or anything like that. I pulled everyone else to the dinner and a lot of them were lactose intolerant. like well no one else had no one else yeah it wasn't me it wasn't because there's butter in it or anything like that i pulled everyone else to the dinner and a lot of them have lactose

intolerance there was no butter if that's what you're asking none of them blew up my toilet from the butter i put the curry bitch and i did i did i did pull the um um the classic well i mean what did you eat for lunch and she's like well i you know and that's a classic that's a classic version because you've given so many people food poisoning well she said city oh city and and denver the most annoying vegan and it's disgusting disgusting fucking disgusting and i was like well that's a whole of a restaurant food poisoning takes six to four hours, but I mean, butter lactose poisoning after not eating dairy for 10 years is immediate. You are so...

Whatever. I'm just... This is normal. I am so normal, and I just would like to clarify... So it seems like Jock would say, you spend an hour cooking the meal, what they don't know won't hurt them, even though it does immediately hurt them. You gaslight the fuck out of them. I'm picturing, cooking the meal, what they don't know won't hurt them, even though it does immediately hurt them.

You gaslight the fuck out of them. I'm picturing, by the way, in my mind. I've been a great friend to them in every other way. In my mind, I'm, yeah, you've been a great friend. Just that one time I make a mistake and then I was too embarrassed. All right. I'm picturing. I believe you.

I definitely believe you. I'm picturing the Dalai lama in this scenario sitting at the dinner table with you and being like oh i excuse me i have to go to the bathroom and then like leaving i was ready for that voice to come out the dalai lama voice so what are you doing what are you doing here i'm telling him i'm like fuck it and offer to cook something else yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean depending on what it's probably a meal that keeps well you know i'd reheat it later i'd put it in the fridge um you know i used to be vegan and everything i used to make was always really really yeah for like a year when i lived in boston um except i would not fully because i would

eat greek yogurt and you went to school there love greek yogurt and honey. You went to school there? Love Greek yogurt and honey. I'm just like most vegans I know are like always equipped with like an Amy's bean burrito. Especially as you get older and your veganism is no longer like a late teens, early 20s thing where you're like actually living that life. Most vegans are actually very very prepared animable and very chill because they've been doing it for a long time it's no longer a

thing of uh great importance to them it's just more you know they have to have a burrito if uh there's no food for them for so they're they'd be fine one percent of people say that they would let them eat it and tell them after so Jacques you were in this is your no no no no no Jacques would let them eat it and not tell them no no no no no no no no no

you were in this scenario I just listened up for a second if I had the opportunity to do it again I would stop and tell them and offer to cook them a different food. I feel sorry for my friend. And that was one of the only times where I'm like, okay, I really fucked up for this girl. But I didn't want to tell him.

No, it was like too embarrassing. Do you think maybe you should tell her now? I mean, a lot of time has passed. No. That would be crazy. That would be crazy. That would be crazy. She's already having tragedy. I feel like I don't need

she doesn't need more. People keep feeding her butter. Yeah. She keeps getting fed. People keep feeding her butter. What if that what if you it turned out that

incident set off a chain of events that ruined her life? It probably did. I'll tell you. Yeah. It seems like she's having a lot of problems ever since you did this. I'm going to tell you, the chain of events that's unfolding inside of me is that I had lunch and then I drank this fucking cold brew concentrate.

The chain of events that is unfolding inside of me. Yeah, and it needs out. Okay. I need sweet release. Is that the end of the quiz? No, we have 20 more. I mean, are you... 20 more?

What the fuck? No, he's lying. You don't pay attention, Jacques. You don't pay attention. You have to go eat or something. No, I could do this all night. I didn't know we were doing some two-hour special episode. Well, I mean, if we take out all the time we would have,

all the time we lost talking about your order, you getting your laptop, you needing to go poop already once. Like, if we take all that out, we'd only be at like an hour right now. I think we should leave it alone. They're going to keep it. Clearly, it's going to give a giggle to the old listeners out there. I could do 20 more, but if you need to go. There are not 20 more.

Stop it. I'm being dead serious. I'm telling him the truth. I could do another 20 minutes as long as I was allotted two minutes. That's like 45 minutes. I can do whatever time y'all need as long as I can poop now. Yeah, go poop. No, okay can poop now yeah go poop no okay no just go poop it's okay

there's 20 more you can go poop is there more questions or not why would I lie you turned your mic off your mic is off just go poop and rejoin. Of course, there's not 20 more questions.

Yeah. Why would you send him to poop? Because I think we should end the episode now when he comes back and no one's on the call. Can we do that? He's going to get so mad. Guys,

thank you for listening today we're gonna leave this here it has you can hang up the call i'll stay on to talk to him but no i was joking um jock is pooping um this is a free episode uh so if you enjoyed what you heard remember to listen to us yeah we have a special episode coming out later this week where i me and my friend masha interview the first ever trans woman period yeah it's gonna be really interesting and enlightening enlightening she has some crazy stories um i can't wait to hear it um and until do you want there to be a free one or a paid one we can talk talk about it. We'll figure it out. Yeah, we'll figure it out.

All right, everyone. Talk to you later. Hasay, you want to stop the recording? Yeah. Or we can keep it going until Jock gets back. Bye. Bye. Bye. Pray to the man above for what I want Now, now, think of me while I think of you, my baby

And remember love is all I need I need love I need love I need love I need love I need love People think money can solve all your problems They say it can give you anything