Seeking Derangements - SD 342 - The Gay List pt. 15 w/ Steven & Lily

Episode Date: September 13, 2024

Hello LGTBQ's and allies alike! Ben here, today I've got an episode of the Gay List with the hosts of Celebrity Book Club with Steven & Lily. Before we consider every conceivable way in which your man could be gay, we make some very confident debate predictions. I think we slayed. Then we crack open the list at entry 1,000 and discuss everything from our burning hatred of people who Amazon paper towels to the degenerative effects of viral Grindr screenshots. This episode has it all, gay face vs. lesbian face, the estrogenized womb, straight couples spying on each other, and k*lling your mother–psychologically. Listen to Lily & Stevens truly her-larious podcast here: https://open.spotify.com/show/3RIvHVayenokiZtiwybORD and find weekly bonus episodes on our Patreon!

The The The The The The The The

The The The The The The I do have to go get work done. I considered wearing my We All Have AIDS t-shirt to the Myth Magazine party. I was like, wait, would that be so funny?

Then I shook it out. Have you guys worn those anywhere? I wear it to the gym. Really? No one bats an eye. Are you too? Just a blink? Have you guys worn those anywhere? I wear it to the gym Really? No one bats an eye I mean everyone's wearing like The craziest Gym clothes also

Everyone uses their like embarrassing woke cause t-shirt Like only as gym clothes Or like you know 5k for cancer Yeah it's always cancer So we all have AIDS It's kind of like Whatever's part of the course. That's so funny. All right, we're on, everyone.

Welcome to Seeking Derangements. It's Ben doing a solo episode here with Lily and Steven of Celebrity Book Club. You cocked your eyes because I didn't say Steven and Lily. You said it's solo with Steven and Lily, which is funny. I'm not doing it with my co-host. No, but I like you called that because Steven's always like, no, it just sounds better, Steven and Lily. We is funny. I'm not doing it with my co-host. No, but I like you called that because Stephen's always like, no, it just sounds better. Stephen and Lily.

We can just say Lily and Stephen. I thought the parakeet head cock was about Yeah. I thought that was about Legally or legally? I don't know if you got what our assistant said over at Stephen and Lily. Stephen stands up and leaves.

Literally, girls. Angry, swirling, macha. Sorry, I'll send humans to the front this episode. No, it's fine. It's totally fine. But it is Stephen and Lily of Celebrity Book Club, the podcast. It's an amazing podcast. Go check it out.

Available everywhere. If you remember their previous episode with me, we did the lesbian list. Today, we're going to switch it up into the gay list. But before we get to that, we're going to... Mother! Mother! Because I'm trying to break stereotypes. Yes.

And I can talk about gay guys. And we figured we should talk maybe a little bit about the debate because it is happening tonight. And I think all of us in this room like to talk a big game about our penchant for foresight and prediction making. Psychic abilities. Psychic abilities, perhaps. We can really put it to the test and make some prediction about the Kamala Trump debate which you'll be hearing this

couple days after it happened yeah so keep us honest guys what do you call your fans deranged seekers

keep us honest seekers deranged faggots oh yeah BPD mamas yeah

BPD mamas well I think our audience is, we have a crossover in our audience, but our audience is so like- It's like non-BPD people. We are like kind of the BPD, you know, of the Venn diagram on our side.

And you guys are more like, I feel like- Manic. Manic or like guys- ADD. Gay guys who have like real jobs. Oh yeah, it's mostly girls. Girls who have jobs. Girls who have jobs. Yeah, walk that back. It's girls who have Like real jobs Oh yeah It's mostly girls Girls who have jobs Girls who have jobs

Yeah walk that back It's girls who have jobs You're like girls Who have jobs Where the gay barista Is like a cunt to them Yeah Gays I don't think

Have enough like focus To listen to our show Like regularly They listen to it at the gym Yeah They always say And then boyfriends Listen to it in the other room

Or in cars But it's almost Like 100% girls with jobs A girl recently said, you saved me from a lot of awkward car rides. And I'm like, who are you? What are all these awkward car rides? Probably her boyfriends.

Yeah. And she's like, it would actually reveal how little we have to say to each other. Yeah. I can't imagine putting on a podcast to not have to have an awkward car ride with your boyfriend.

Like, leave them at that point. Well, it depends on how long the car ride is I guess that's true I guess that is true anyways debate predictions so wait do you think we can cut this out but um would you and Haraz be able to do like a four hour drive together oh absolutely yeah 1000% because

talking the whole time it's just like he's yeah we could talk like because it's like it's so yeah, we could talk like. Music would be on. It's like it's so easy. Like I usually never date in like. In the hospitality industry? No, if a gay guy has Twitter

and is on Twitter, I'm like, I actually can't date. It feels like incestuous to me. It's in your community. It's at your workplace. Yeah, I don't. I try,

really try not to, you know, shit where I eat. Because it just becomes like like, too, like... Well, then you're both just being like, I act like that. And you're kind of, like, saying memes at each other. And you already know all the memes. I'm like, I already speak like that to my friends.

And, like, I'm in full brain rot mode with friends. And, like, there's no refuge to just kind of, like, turn off the monologue. Like, Twitter monologuing. So, like, dating, like, a Puerto R Puerto Rican guy who like doesn't use the internet. I'm like, how was the, how was the blackjack table today? Like, yeah. Real life. Okay.

I mean, I, I did a botanist who, yeah. And it's like, it's so nice to just be like, no, tell me more about like the roots. And then he's just like, I know you weren't listening to me when I was talking about the root systems. And I was kind of like, not really. But I just want to hear you talk, babe. I like the sound. Let me hear those green lips flap.

My girlfriend's on Tumblr. And I'm on Twitter, which is crazy to kind of get those links. Yeah. And it's a whole different world. She's in another world. She's always sending a hilarious low-res image. That's so lesbian. That's so lesbian. hilarious like low-res image like lesbians instead of setting beams they said each other like lithographs she's hand she's hand printing a beam okay Hey, babe. I made this for you at the office today. It's like a knitted rug. Okay, debate.

Debate. I am genuinely curious because I feel like, you know, the beltway is all like the Harris honeymoon is officially over, which I is kind of like.

The camo hats have been bought. The DNC, like, you know. The gays, they made their brat t-shirts. It's over. Charlie X-Tex doesn't care anymore. Now you have to live in it. It's like, you know. The gays, they made their brat t-shirts. It's over. Charlie X-Tex doesn't care anymore. Now you have to live in it. It's like, are you going to wear the hat?

Because it's like, many were sold. Yeah, but I feel like that was just the initial thing of like, okay, thank God it feels like there is just something besides this guy who has his brains leaking out of his ears. It was literally only joy over watching Joe Biden's casket get slowly lowered into the ground. Like, that's what the joy was. It wasn't joy over Kamala. No.

No, it was just like anyone. Yeah, literally. I guess I had personal joy over Kamala because I was like, we get to watch her more. But they're not giving us more of her.

No, I know. They're quieting her. She's not doing these like prophetic turns of phrases. Yeah, she needs to do all her veep, like obfuscating speech that means nothing. And that's why people like her.ep, like, obfuscating speech that means nothing.

And, like, that's why people like her. I do think, yeah. But where is that? But they don't want her to go out there and, like, say to, like, Lawrence O'Donnell

that, like, the sun also rises in the West and the coconut. Like, they don't want her to do that because they are afraid, I think. They're afraid of leaning into the humor

and, like, the risk and the true personality of Kamala because Democrats are so like, they're feckless and cowardly. I mean, humorless. The way they're on track to lose so hard. Because it's like, she is going to get her shit rocked. That's my first prediction. Did you see that they did this like influencer event in New York the other day?

Yes. That was, to me, that was like, oh wow, you guys, it was so Hillary. I was like, you're spending all this money On the wrong things No one cares What you know Dylan Mulvaney So rarely

Is voting for And it was like A Jenga tower Of like abortion rights Like That you could like Pull out the blocks And it was like

Under attended And it was just like This is not Getting suburban moms In North Carolina To vote for Kamala Mama. Well, on Sunday, I was a speaker at the Paisans for Kamala. Me, de Blasio, Pelosi, Marisa Tomei.

No, okay. That is so insane. It's de Blasio tweeting being like, if this gets 10,000 signatures, I'm going to like, he's being so YouTube. He's like i'm gonna go to the olive garden times square and eat endless breadsticks and it's like bill no one wants you or just like drop a policy like i don't like they kind of the gender generating the momentum for the come elementum around like yeah like a ping pong table that says abortion on

it is crazy to me it's like you really have nothing else but i think okay i think trump pre uh kamala was clearly like coasting not doing his best like regardless of what you think of him it is undeniable he's one of the funniest people in, he never exists. And he was not giving us bangers. He wasn't giving us good lines with Biden. And I think with a chastising kind of looming like feminazi, he is going to snap back into perfect form. I hope he does, but I haven't seen him because his energy lately is not. And like now it's like he's back on Elon's Twitter and they're being so kind of cringed together.

But like, it's not the Trump from six years ago. No, he's not. They're just being kind of incel together and being like, huh. And he's going on like Theo Vaughn. He's doing the like bro podcast. Oh wait, that was a funny clip. He went on Theo Vaughn and Theo Vaughn talked to him

about how he used to be addicted to cocaine. And Trump's like, so is the high, how's the high? Is it worth it addicted to cocaine. And Trump's like, so, is the high? How's the high? Is it worth it? And Theobald's like, no, dude, it's like... Oh, dude. He's like, oh, interesting. So, are you addicted? And Theobald's like, yes, I was a cocaine addict for 10 years. Was that the interview where Trump was like,

the economy was incredible when I was president. It was amazing. It was the best ever. And he was like, yeah, my friend bought a boat. Period. Anecdotal evidence. Well, it's clear, like, Trump thinks he can... I don't know if boat period anecdotal evidence well it's clear like trump thinks he can i just i mean trump it's like don jr like whatever kind of fucking weird people are running that campaign they think they if they can just do the bro podcast if they can get like a bunch of like latino 21 year old men like black men out that they'll pardon me that they'll win i think it's like why doesn't Kamala done call her daddy

why again why is not Kamala activating the girlies yeah the girlies they're fighting over they're fighting over the couple yeah

like the intel their boat gym clothes in the SUV Stanleys yes yeah and like

go and call her daddy go and Bobby what's her name Bobby Althoff Bobby Althoff who's Bobby Althoff the weird the girl who talks like this and she's Bobby Alltop? The weird, like... The girl who talks like this, and she's like, I don't know, she's like the deadpan awkward

sauce, like, white girl, and everyone, like, hates her because she's, like, a girl, and she's, right. Yeah. And then she, like, doesn't know, like, who a rapper is. She's the one who's always being, like, when you're in the talking stage, like, you're in the talking stage. Or is that somebody else? She's kind of more...

She interviewed Mark Cuban she interviewed wow good for her she's like very big sweatpants and is always in like a beige room she was a mommy influencer she it's just it's just like deadpan kind of Aubrey Plaza awkward sauce like interviews with celebrities

that go viral because she is like essentially so bad at the job that it's like shocking. She's not like the chip shop girl. No. And people get mad at her for being so like, she's almost completely the opposite of chip shop. Yeah.

Okay, but predictions for the debate. I do think Kamala is going to say, we're not going back. Many times. We're not going back. And she's going to talk about abortion and that's going to be kind of the only thing she mentions. And then Trump will be like,

you saw that idea for tips not being taxed from me. 1000%. 1000%. And then he's going to be like, we, we're going to do IVF. We're going to do a lot of IVF. We're going to do a ton of IVF.

Yeah, tons of IVF. Wonderful women are going to get pregnant. Wonderful women. 41, 42 business women. You're going to be saying, stop this, too many pregnant women are going to get pregnant. Wonderful women. 41, 42. Business women. You're going to be saying stuff. There's too many

pregnant women. Nurseries, they love me right now. Daycare, they're all coming out for us. They love it. But he will also,

he'll be. Donald. Donald. Donald. She's going to be so, Donald. Yeah. Yes. But he will do the IVF thing, but he'll also say Donald! She's going to be so, Donald! Yeah, yes.

But he will do the IVF thing, but he'll also say something about how, like, a doctor in North Carolina, like, shot a baby in the head. You'll never believe what they're doing to these tiny little beautiful babies in North Carolina. One doctor, a baby came right off, and he hit it in the head with a shovel. We can't believe this this and he'll do that and Kamala will be like this is the misinformation

that you know is destroying our country she's gonna be like I talked to a girl in Raleigh yeah it's gonna be something yeah

she was going to college yeah pre-med yeah pre-med Yeah Pre-med Okay In Madison, Wisconsin Okay

And she didn't have The money To send in The letter We gotta stop that We gotta stop We gotta stop that Right now

Okay Because we're not Going back They need to let her Be Go back to being little bit of salt yeah

little bit of pepper get it in there get it in the sink tuna without the water she is so funny is the thing

she's so funny she's so funny it's like if they let her be as funny Then she'd be as funny as Trump But they won't let her She's gonna do a lot of Head shaking

It's gonna be a lot And not answer a lot of this Like I'm not even gonna answer that Donald Very reclaiming my time And I She is unfortunately Like when they take the low road

We take the high road You know like I'll be like I know some wonderful crack addicts you put in jail. I'll tell you, okay, they're voting for me. I'm sorry.

They like, I go to wonderful prisons, beautiful prisons. And every time I go, they tell me I'm one of the best looking presidents they've ever seen. So funny.

Well, we'll see. Okay, prediction. Final predictions. Who wins? Who loses? I know that's hard. Who wins? Who loses?

It's hard because they're both going to claim they won. They're both, of course. So true. Yeah. That's what's so fucked up about partisan politics. Jill's side! Can you imagine if Jill was there I want her moderating

It would be so amazing She's knitting a meme I do wonder if Kamala is going to be so Kamala And be so because I do feel like they're going to ask her Maybe like even the most softest ball questions Just being like so Miss Prosecutor

Vice President Harris, you did say that you were anti-fracking, and now you support it. You said you were pro-immigration, and now you are saying we need to build a wall. What's changed? I mean, listen, okay, I never said that I ever supported what I didn't support,

because that is what leadership's all about. And Donald Trump wants to take us back to 2017. And it's going to be like, huh, okay. And that is going to look awkward for her. I kind of feel like Kamala, I mean, this is a shot in the dark. I think it's probably 50-50, but I'm going to say Kamala gets her groove back. Because I think Trump is going to be like, I think Trump is going to be insane, but he is not as funny as he used to be because he is dumber.

He is older. He's not going to be able to be as entertaining. He is going to look more like madman, like angry, like crazy, crazy kooky freako yeah and solan's kamala can just not go way off into the like parables and that kind of thing i think if she can laugh she can show us that 50 megawatt i think if she's if she's eye rolling and laughing she's gonna-rolling and laughing, she's going to win. And like, seriously, Donald? And so then he's going to be like, a woman was raped by a migrant. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Left and right. Every four seconds, a woman is raped by a migrant. And it is. It's just not beautiful. Rape backstage. Beautiful women getting raped. So you think she'll win On that basis

That's my That's my prediction But who really knows Okay I'm with her Yeah I'm with her on Well yeah With her

I'm with her Yeah Yeah I don't know I would like to But I could also see her She's got too many people In her head now Yeah

Telling her to like Be presidential or whatever She's practicing her Me my role also see her, she's got too many people in her head now telling her to like be presidential or whatever. She's practicing her be my role too much. Yes, and she's gonna be like, it's just gonna be too tense and too Hillary and too forced

and we're not gonna get that like off the cuffness that we want from Kamala where she's just wandering all over the English language and like in this really fun way. Yeah, taking a speed run through the thesaurus.

Yeah. I love that she does that. Should we get to the list? All right. fun way. Yeah, taking a speed run through the thesaurus. I love when she does that. Should we get to the list? Let's do it. Great warm up. So I mean, of course, like we discussed, you are both lesbian experts, but it's fair to say you may be even more skilled in gay. Period.

Maybe. Yeah. I guess we'll find out. I didn't even really start hanging out with lesbians until recently so i mean i like don't really have i mean i have trans lesbians in my life and of course that counts of course that counts of course but a cis lesbian yeah right is like you have enemies so yeah they don't really like me very much yeah and i like well they're pretty angry in general we we got in trouble with the last episode where we had two straight guys on who really did not like lesbians because steven's steven's freaking out because his seltzer is in

here yeah i'm a little nervous is there more there's more in the fridge yeah um but i like Is there more? There's more in the fridge. Yeah. But I like, I like cis lesbians and I love lesbian culture. Like the cafes, the boots,

the yarn, the music. I mean, the music is untouchable. And I know a lot of these people aren't lesbians, but I'm like, especially because it's fall,

Natalie Merchant, you know. Natalie Merchant is a lesbian, even though she's not. Yeah, but that sound, that like trip-hop, coffee house, you know. Yeah, trippy coffee house rock, but... Love.

Love. Natalie Merchant trip-hop? She is kind of trip-hop. I would never describe her as trip-hop, but no, but she uses sounds and carnival, you know. I guess the percussion. The percussion is like is like yeah I love that song

I had a teacher come up to me in sixth grade and she said do you want to get out of here and go to a 10,000 Maniacs concert wish

yeah we didn't leave that's grooming that's grooming that was grooming that was grooming Steven's back in Steven's back in

because a woman made a mistake they're ready to call her out. Lock her up. But, so I say I do love the lesbian culture of like the 90s.

I see you as someone who loves lesbians, even though maybe if you're not like close with many, but you know the culture. I know the culture, but I'm kind of like,

I don't really know. I don't see them. They're inside. They're inside a lot. They're actually really, if you go to Vegas, you go to Atlantic City. There's not a lot in New York City. They're outside. They're everywhere.

They're so outside. Yeah. In New York? They're everywhere now. They used to not be. I feel like when I was 23 and I moved here, there was no lesbians. But no, especially when I go to other cities, when I go to tier two and tier three cities. Well, that's it.

There's tons of lesbians and they're all nurses. Yes. And they have big Samsungs and... And flat brims and eyeliner. And they're all fudge. And like, yeah. Yes, yes. Well, I know I see a lot of lesbians when I, like, I go home to Dwyane, Iowa, which,

you know, it's a city of 200,000 or so. Yeah. So many lesbians. Like, so many lesbians that I was like shocked, but they're all like, they're all like younger. And then I feel like

if I tried to become friends with them, it would be like, who is this 30 year old gay guy being like, hey, you know, like, yeah,

they just, I don't know. We have, we don't have natural chemistry, unfortunately, but lucky for any of our lesbian listeners who did not like what we just said or liked last episode i do apologize because we do love you we are talking about gay guys so

don't worry we are turning the hot seat back on the faggots who everyone loves to rip period we're actually talking about this is the same setup if your man does this he might be gay okay does your man order dessert faggot right your man order dessert? Faggot. Do not disturb. He's a faggot. Does your man suck his best friend's dick after work? Yes. Yes. Straight. Straight. Literally. Literally.

I mean, this list is so funny because it leaves no room for any man to do anything without, you know, the possibility of being called gay by the internet. It is more fluid, the lesbians.ians no it's why are you as a man dining at baccarat exactly exactly so number 1000 i've skipped to the end of the list here guys the last gay episode ended up at like 500 lost my place so we're just starting at a neat 1000 is, use the assisted pull-up machine.

The assisted pull-up. That's the thing with the little shelf that you put your knees on. And then... The knee shelf is obviously extremely blowjob coated.

Yes. I would say that's probably why. Something, though, is straight in this getting... You're getting back to the gym in this way.

I feel like... I don't know. I mean, the gym in this way. I don't know. The gym is so gay. The gym is so gay. The machines that basically you only use if you are fat, which I include, I put the Stairmaster on that. Never seen a thin person on a Stairmaster. Elliptical machine.

To paraphrase Donald Trump. Elliptical machine is elderly. That ab thing where you sit in the seat and you push it or that one where you would

turn back and forth it's always like this chunky guy like getting nothing done on that it's like CJ breaking a sweat I realize I

am a thick straight man Lily is that guy yeah I'm the guy I'm like yeah I'll hop on here yeah why not yeah I'll hop on it and like they look not? Yeah, I'll hop on it.

And like, they look kind of confused. So there's something about the assistant pull machine that is kind of straight in this way. It's a little like, I'm 49. I busted my knee. I should go back to the gym and do this. Because the gay guy is doing the most like high value ab routines. Well, gay guys in the gym are wasting no time.

Exactly. And like, they don't need the assistant pull machine. They're hopping on that thing like a jackal and just, you ripping out okay i'll say that but gay guys at the gym i ran into this gay guy at a gym and he was bent over duncan donuts phone ass in the air for about a full hour before he started the abs a lot on the other side of being at the gym which you're kind of like you're picking your song on your phone for a really long time he's like he got he got caught in a time loop on Snape. He couldn't pull himself away.

But he's really buff. So obviously, then he's spending four hours there. But it's like... Yes. So I'm going to go with straight. We're going with straight. I think you're totally right. I think it is straight.

A gay man would have no use for this. The only gay aspect is kneeling. Yes. Next one is 1021 and it is used mobile.

That's so straight. That's trade. It is trade, especially because that's non-white. It's like, I mean, we all know the meme of a Dominican guy wearing a skin tight polo and skinny jeans. But I guess it's also DL in that way. And it's those sniffies. It's like, I mean, we all know the meme of like a Dominican guy wearing a skin tight, you know, like below. But I guess it's also DL in that way. And it's those movies.

It's DL. It's kind of DL. I think, yeah, T-Mobile is straight or DL. Like, why do you even have a phone if you're straight? You know what I mean? You're trying to communicate. And T-Mobile is very like, my wife set up a, I'm the seventh line on my like, girlfriend's brother's plan.

Yeah. Yeah. It's tight. It's skinny cargos. It's skin, it's the skinniest cargos, like pencil legs. Yeah. I, I mean, a basic question, what's the straight telecommunications company or what's the gay one?

I guess I think If you're really straight Then you don't have a phone Or you don't really care You just like Use whatever's convenient Yeah like it happened to you That's what I'm saying

Something had happened to you The phone happened to you Yeah yeah yeah But straight guys Are also so Apple watch Are they Straight guys

I know a lot of faggots With Apple watch Cause they get it for Christmas From their wives Yeah And they're just like Yeah Cucked guys Are they? I know a lot of faggots with apples. Because they get it for Christmas from their wives. Yeah. And they're just like, yeah. Cooked guys. And they're like, okay, I'll put it on. Yeah.

And then they're like, it's actually really cool. I can check the temperature. Okay, can I actually kind of want to talk about the Furbo incident that happened? Let's talk about it. Because my name has been, my name has been cleared. No one was mad about this and I will not, I will not name names,

but suffice to say, I showed up in a small town upstate after getting caught in a monsoon in New York city, was drenched on the Amtrak for the two hours it took to get there. It was incredibly embarrassing. And when I got there, I was like, okay, of course I was seeing embarrassing and when I got there I was like okay of course

I was seeing my trans friend who was there trans woman who was there dog sitting I was up to just have one crazy night

so you were doing activism basically yeah helping out a trans woman dog sit this tranny's not taking care of

that fucking dog someone's gotta show up someone has to walk in yeah literally she's painting

her nails or whatever and I showed or whatever and I showed up wet and I was like okay the straight couple whose house this is is

you know they're it's hot said but they're like you know they have a nice wardrobe I'm like okay I'm showing up like a

fucking fugitive soaking wet off the train like serial killer released from jail and I'm like i need an outfit and i go into their giant master um bedroom and yes i raid the closet and yes the tranny is also raiding the closet and we're picking out items and we're talking about the items nothing bad and um we get dinner and like it's like an hour later and we get a text

from the girl boss Chica who runs that house that house in a shirt yes

yes and she's like oh just so you know the furbo was on and I was like we are so fucked because you guys know her

and for the record she she knows both of you very well yeah we also know her we also know her very well. We also know her very well. And also...

Wait, and a Furbo, is it literally like a nanny cam that's inside of a Furby? That's what I'm imagining. And the Furby's eyes are watching you. That's what I'm picturing. Like honeypot. Here's a... Does the Furbo have... Does the Furbo have sound

so the furbo I don't know if it has audio well cause some people do that thing yeah where they're always like

oh it's so cute I like say to my dog like hey like a munchkin yeah yeah yeah and then like a treat comes out

like space yeah it's like so and they're like thank you mother yeah yeah so it does have our face it's like so and they're like thank you mother yeah so it does have sound and it's

furbo is straight I don't really know what it looks like but no furbo is straight and also so you didn't clock the furbo no I didn't

clock the furbo I'm not you don't walk into a house where are the cameras yeah you're not a gadgetista

I'm not a gadgetista no I'm so I'm so like oh shucks y'all can do that like what the fuck y'all can do that. What the fuck? Y'all film your dog?

Yeah. White people are crazy, y'all. No, it is like fully like a gun loaded with treats that you shoot at your dog. And I was like, oh my fucking God, we are busted raiding their closet, blah, blah, blah. But

Furbo is straight. Were you rocking a full outfit of theirs? Oh yeah, I was in some Brad Best. Yeah, what'd you choose? Some cargos? I got a skinny cargos. Under armor shirt? Like, what was it? He has some nice, like, you know, acne.

I can't like discuss his entire wardrobe that I was not looking at. Oh, okay, like an acne top? He has some acne studio stuff. Oh, yeah. He's a swaggy uh swaggy white boy swaggy but i was thinking about furball and i'm like okay and this is not true for that couple but i think the vast majority of people who do own the furbo it is the wife

getting the furbo to be like are you cheating on me yes and it is it is a surveillance device on each other on the home and for that yes this conniving faggots and trannies who you will see in your house. You're like, are they having sex? It'd be funny if she shot the treats at you while you were talking on the clothes. She's shooting poppers at you. Taken out. It has a red dot sign. They're like, oh, they're getting riled up.

We need to sedate them now Well they know The ketamine would not Take her down Not the training I was with We need another dose Yeah But

Yeah just to say Furbo Is straight And it is A Right surveillance on your More dog Of a man Most surveillance is straight my

wait can i actually bring up something please one of my neighbors has a ring camera which i do think should be illegal they should drink should be banned yeah and but it is she has it in the hallway of the apartment building that that to me should not be legal that is insane so like you're filming not it is not a public like that is a not sorry the that is insane because you're filming not your space that is a not sorry the hallway is not public that's not like out in the world and so she is now clocking my comings and goings every day

you can move the ring camera around too I believe oh you can like see oh wow that's freaky so she has literal recordings of me entering and exiting my building every day. It is so fucked up. Doing all your nasty things.

And it's obviously the girl. She has like a whiteboard that's like seventh guy today. And she's obviously the girl who gets like a thousand things Amazon'd every day and is Amazon-ing toothpaste because she's so fucking lazy and disgusting. I know someone is stealing

my like 13th Amazon package of the day. If you're someone who's getting an Amazon package that you could just as easily buy at the corner. She's getting like toilet paper. If you're getting a 12 pack of like brawny, like paper towels, you should be shot in the head. Yes. The amount.

Publicly executed if you're ordering paper towel. The amount of energy. And I'm not even, of course, I'm not even being like green about this. I am more just like, it is a signifier of personal moral rot for you to think that your matcha spills are worthy of the mass amount of energy that has to be produced how many bring you how many people need to bring this to your doorstep yes because you're so adhd that you can't leave your house

or that or that you're like so anxious that you're like, that you're like, you don't want to be perceived like holding the giant toilet paper roll down the sidewalk. And then you need the ring to see. Oh, I can't see. I go to the bathroom.

No, I know. Though, Janine Garofalo, take it back 27 years, does have this funny bit about walking through Tom's Square Park with a bunch of toilet paper and all these skaters laughing at her. Yeah.

And it's like, well, that's funny. They're afraid that that's hilarious. Send me that clip if you can track that down, please. That sounds really hysterical. These people who are afraid that that's going to be perceived and judged because they're walking with these totally average daily products. But they're also

completely infantilized and they like can't even consider that where they might go to buy toilet paper or she's like, I don't it's heavy i'm a girl i've never picked up anything in my life yeah i'm completely retarded and they're also totally afraid that all of these items will be um stolen and so they have to ring they have to fucking put cameras everywhere and it's just like you people are so you hate you all also hate the idea of living in a city right well it's like you're contributing to a low-trust society you belong in a mcmansion in dallas you do not belong in new york city in ridgewood or anywhere where it's like

yeah it's like this is actually a high trust community okay where we care for our neighbors also to be afraid that like Polish woman is going to... If she's doing it, let her have it, bitch. If she needs it, let her have it. I hate the Appianas of Brooklyn. Go Puff?

Go kill yourself. No. Go Puff is horrifying. No, it's so... I also even hate even suburban, the curbless grocery store pickup if you're not 97 years old.

It is the most antisocial behavior that is being encouraged by these massive tech platforms. And it is insane that everyone just accepts it as, like, amazing development in society. It's so convenient that some Haitian man has to crawl on his hands and knees here to give me my fucking dongle for my MacBook. It's horrible.

Also, and we'll get back, but when people order from delivery from delis, that's sick. You live in New York City. You pay the rent to live in New York City. You could go to a Total bodega with cats But I do think that Like What's insane though

Is when I think about Some of these girlies And their finance hubbies Yeah And who are paying 6k a month Yeah For a rental or whatever

And they're Because they're They're both making six figures Like they're making Plenty of money Yeah But all their money Is going to their

Fucking condo and then go puffing cookie dough to sit in the condo. And they're spending $170 to get cookie dough and a 12-pack of seltzer. No, I know. It's heinous and it is a

huge sign of the moral rot of this country. It's disturbing to me. It's really disturbing. And even like just getting food delivered like from Uber Eats or whatever is, I'm just like,

why? Again, why do you live in New York City? You are, to me, pizza delivery, fine.

That's iconic. Pizza, Chinese, Mexican. Takeout. Takeout delivery from the establishment and then yeah,

maybe an Uber Eats. But if you're getting like door... I never do Uber Eats or DoorDash. You're not getting DoorDash from like whatever, like Bar Pity. Yeah. You know what I mean? People are doing like... Like Cacio e Pepe delivery.

And so indulgent. And so antisocial. But it's... And it's also so uncreative where it's like they can't imagine not they're like well if it's dinner I need to have cacio e pepe I don't know how that

would ever happen I can't make it I just want to have a cozy night in in my condo and I can't go out while the while the Alison Roman cookbook

is on the table as well right yeah it's I so just miserable to me and there they hate the city they hate the city they hate the idea

there's so that's I think my business there's so many people that should not live here yeah so many people and it's like why like there's like

if you are not going to a Broadway show once a week you should not live in if you're not going to a Broadway show

a random store opening a fashion show an activation an activation a Japanese pop-up going to a Broadway show, a random store opening, a fashion show, a magazine launch, an activation, a Japanese pop-up. Get out. It's like,

because it's like, your life will be so much better. This is just for us that crave going to a meaningless opening. No, gay guys who need

a seventh location. Yeah. Yes. That's why this city exists. Anyways. Sorry about that. um it's it aggravates me so much and i we've never really discussed that on the podcast before but well i'm happy to launch a totally separate podcast and have 1000 and then these people when they go on vacation they're like you know how fun it is to like honestly roll up to a huge parking lot and it's like, yeah, that's what you're meant for.

Yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes. No, they drive it. The parking lot of it all

is what these people really want. That's what they want. They want to drive into the parking lot. What? Fucking suburbs. Fucking SUVs. Sheep.

Yes. Sheep. Sheepo. Sheep. Really high off caffeine. One thousand, one thousand off caffeine. One thousand and two. One thousand

and two. Forty minutes later. Is expect a woman to text you first. What? Expecting someone. Expecting a woman to text you first.

How is she going to text you first? I mean, I think it's more like Actually, do you think that's gay? Because it's a gay guy

being like, of course my hag is going to text me. What are you doing tonight? Yeah, that's true. It is gay to like... They're not like, oh, I'm not reaching out and I'm forgetting

and I'm not waking up and like... Yeah, 100%. To expect to be contacted because you're such a high value member of society. It is very gay. It is very like gay delusional thinking to me. Because straight guys are being so like, good morning, beautiful.

Yes. That's what straight guys do. Good night, my princess. How's your day going, beautiful? And it's going like, hey, Aaron, I picked up his tickets and I made this reservation.

So they're like, okay. Yeah. Yeah, I think that was pretty, that's clean. Cut and dry. Yeah, gay. Call it. Done.

George is ruling his land. Furbo both treat shoot me the street for me good god my hole is open no literally um i love this one 1003 is compete with the woman oh like in a sports event? I'm imagining more like office politics. Like have a beef with Susan and HL. There's actually nothing gayer. I see compete with a woman outside

of not competition. I think it's more like social competition. Okay, but there's also this way in which gay guys don't see women. Unless they want to compete with them. But in my days of working in an office, because I do have experience working at relative- Having a job?

Having a job and working at brand agencies. I viewed all the women as non-threats. Until one stepped up, I really believe that that's how you would have felt. Did you view the men as threats? I viewed them as like people to impress were the women were the women kind of deferential

to you Steven? cause I can see the women kind of being like you saw the women as your audience right? everyone in the office was a little deferential to me cause they were like crazy gay guy who talks to himself is here again that's part of the thing it's like everyone knew not to fuck with the alpha. The crazy alpha male in the room.

But I think had a woman, had an alpha female been there and been like, shut up, you stupid little faggot. You would have been like, this bitch is going down. That's how I would have. I think some gays,

I think you see more women As your audience Yeah But I think some gay guys Are like Probably see them As competition Well this is it All gay guys

Gay guys are gay Because they Either want to Fuck their dad Or they want to Like kill their mom You know Like there are gay guys

Who hate women And there are gay guys Who love women And then there are gay guys Who like hate other gay guys Or love other gay guys Well and there are The gay guys who love women and then there are the gay guys who like hate other gay guys or love other gay guys. Well, and there are the gay guys who think they love women but hate women.

Simply, the girl's gay and the guy's gay. The gay is gay. The gay is gay and the girl's gay are two different types of gays and it does go back to a Freudian like wanting to kill your mom or fuck your dad. I think you can weave in between both though. Sure, but you know, as a as a just basis for why things... I want to fuck my dad though. You you can weave in between both, though. Sure, but, you know, as a, as a just basis

for why things, I want to fuck my dad. You're a gay's gay. I'm a girl's gay. You're a girl's gay. See, I feel like I want to fuck my dad and kill my mom.

Here we go. Kind of saying. Mommy and Greek tragedy boots. Well, I guess the gay guys are like the Freudian like family annihilators. Like, they do just want to kill and fuck everyone.

Well, we literally end the bloodline. It ends here, bitch. Which is why you're competitive, because you're competitive with your mom, and you're like, Daddy likes me better. He does. There you go. Well, I think being competitive with women is like, you know, you don't like your mom. You hate your mom.

And I don't. Yes yes and you're like mom like stop telling me to go to my room yes you fucking nazi bitch i'm gonna do whatever the fuck i want in this meeting my ideas are right put the fucking expo marker down you cunt susan i will not send you the file by the end of the day like you fat bitch like that's how i see it and that in that, to compete with women is to just be a gay guy who wants to kill his mom. Okay.

Yeah. For a straight man to compete with a woman is... That's so flirty in Battle of the Sexes. Yes. And it's so like 90s Rob Comer,

they work in an ad agency and they both are like coming up with like a campaign. And it's how to lose a guy in 10 are also so like complete men are also ignoring women like my boyfriend was just in saudi arabia for a month and he said all the saudi guys were always just like literally like acting like the women were completely invisible yeah interesting was there like two but i don't know if that's like them being so positive i think no i think that's

then they're like if i look at you i'm gonna be too like horny and know if that's like them being so positive I think no I think that's them they're like if I look at you I'm gonna be too like horny and wanna rape I mean that's ostensibly the reason is that like you can't show because then you're like

you know you're opening yourself up to your desires of sex but also like you're being a faggot by like acknowledging that they are

like have but you are but also like you are a competitive woman and just being like wait a girl is wearing a boho necklace i need to wear a boho necklace i maybe this is a rare case of both but it definitely strikes me as way more gay than straight to actively actively and openly compete with women like straight man versus straight

woman competition is on like a deeper level of sexual tension. Okay, you're right. It's more like office softball game. You're competing with the hopeful outcome is that you'll actually fuck and be close together. Gay men will compete with women and just compete because they want to annihilate

and kill the world. It's about annihilation. There's not a sexy ending. No, but I will go back just to what you did say, which is like, I do feel like it's very, a straight couple on TikTok

to be like, we're really competitive. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but that's... Which is to get them wanting to fuck

and they're being like... And they're like playing cornhole. Wait, and it's so... Yeah, it's being so Chad hates when I win game on Buster yeah yes

we love going at Dave and Buster's it's very game on Buster yeah it's 7pm scramble cheers catch up on me yeah

it's cards against humanity in my name yes yes yes right six couples getting together for card games it's all a pretext. And they're like, Chet gets so competitive.

Yes. Sorry about him. It's all a pretext for them to get horny and go home and have sex at like 11. Yeah. Post-coronation. Period. 11 p.m. Oh, try 4 a.m., honey.

Okay? That's when we fuck. Get out of here. Get out of New York City. You should be in New York City. Get out of New York to 11 p.m. I don't know. Fuck. You want to order delivery

and have sex at 11? You want to order a pizza at 11 and go to Philadelphia? It's like such a reasonable time. Wait, no. I literally made this joke where it was like, you,

we had to do something and it was like, you, we had to set the game. It was like, you sent me your dinner at 11 p.m. after I had like, just come home from a full night and you were like,

hey girl, talk our night, look what I made. And I was like, I'm literally going to bed right now. I mean, Steven,

my average dinner time is so like, 10, 30, 11. Yeah, for sure. Especially if i'm cooking i'm cooking i'm in that little kitchen for like two and a half hours oh for sure making a meal for myself yeah you guys are in there somehow that's listed as like 20 minutes prep time five minutes cooking time on like no or like silly greek mama.net it's greekiana yeah no it is like a half bottle of wine gay guys are full

like gay guys embody a divorced single mom in the like cooking dinner where it's like

lobsters are flying and just like there's chickens like walking around like no and then by the time I'm done cooking I'm kind of like

I don't want this shit this fucking puddle of mud that I just made. No, I do just want to put a rag around my neck and drink wine and listen to Natalie Marchand and have a cigarette break. That's half the cooking, is the cigarette break. Absolutely. So expecting, what was that? That was compete with women.

Next one is, this is strange. i guess i kind of get it it's it's uh have squeaky shoes i guess it's like straight because basketball shoes that you were you're thinking that's squeaking on a court yeah you're thinking the shoe it's the court that's squeaking they're like i i think the actual suit shoe squeaking is very gay because i think it's like yes it's the it's movement with no purpose yeah because that's what the most essential part of a gay man is walking quickly for no reason and like so clothes that make a sound as you move is also like it's this purposeless movement yes it really it goes as gay to me as well because i'm like okay someone's loafers got a little wet

and they can't you know in the dark room? Somewhere. Someone's gumboots got wet. You were caught in a monsoon on your way to a furbo activation. No, it's like, why am I? Of course I am getting on an Amtrak. That's why I live in New York. Soaking wet? Yes.

If you've never been... If your shoes don't squeak, fucking move. If you've never been soaking wet on an Amtrak to go raid your hag's closet upstate and get the fuck out of my city. It's so embarrassing. Buy a one-way ticket to St. Louis. What?

Buy a one-way ticket to St. Louis now. Literally, don't come back, bitch. I... Your man might be a clown if his shoes are constantly squeaking. I don't get this one. This seems like something that would happen to a little boy as well. Not really a man. And maybe that's why.

I do have a pair of sneakers that kind of squeaks, I will say. Yeah. Oh, but they were given... Okay, I have a pair of sneakers That squeak And are they the Nikes Oh not those Oh but those also squeak Yeah

And those were given to us By a straight man By a straight guy But the way we wear them Who just bought me a pair He just got me a pair of Stussy sweatpants on sale Wait he bought them for you

Well I'm gonna I'm gonna Venmo him But he was like Yo these are on clearance Are you gonna like Send them to you It's from his'm going to Venmo him. But he was like, yo, these are on clearance. And he's going to send them to you? It's from his secret. Nate, cut this out.

His like, his like, employee Nike warehouse site. The way this like, this is not privilege information at all.

Wait, wait. I'm saying it's boring. Not that it's privilege. Oh no, you can keep it in. I'm saying it's boring. I'm not like, you guys, seriously,

I'm getting sweatpants and that's private. I was like, it's boring. I'm not like you guys. Seriously, I'm getting sweatpants, and that's private. I was like, a straight guy gave us really squeaky shoes. Oh. Well, I think it might be. Again, but he's not wearing them. I had this issue when I got a new pair of sneakers like two months ago. But I was like, oh, it's because they're new. And then I was like speed walking around the city.

And I was like, they're immediately so worn in that like the squeak was just completely gone. See, this is what I'm saying. Straight guys buy more sneakers because they're sneaker heads. So more squeak. New sneakers. Which is why I'm saying court. But gay guys are also so new sneakers because they love shopping. I'm not.

But I'm not like the other gays. You're not like other gays. I'm not like other gays. No, I'm not. I honestly, I think. You guys are new loafers But they're I think straight guys

Are throwing out I think calling Attention to your movement The no Like making noise When you're moving That is fucking Gay ass ballerina shit

I was walking down The street earlier With my keys dangling From my hand Because I didn't have Pockets on my shorts And that's your version Of a ring camera

Jingle, jingle. Now I'm coming, sis. No, literally. Literally. High pipe over here. Okay, gay. Gay. I think we can make the call there.

The next one is ask a woman what she likes to do for fun. That's so straight. What do you like to do for fun? That is so straight. Gay guys know what women love to do for fun. That's so straight. What do you like to do for fun? What do you like to do for fun? It's so straight.

Gay guys know what women love to do for fun instinctually. Shopping, phone, housewives. Shopping, phone, housewives, shoes. Drinks, dinner. Talking. What do you like to do for fun? Hair.

What do you like to do for fun? Yeah. What do you do for fun hair what do you like to do for fun yeah what do you do for fun I was hearing a guy talk to his fiance's friend on the beach this summer and it was so

like I thought I was hearing aliens having a conversation it was so awkward and he was just being like yeah I actually

think women are can be really athletic what do you think about that? He's actually being so this list. I know, I know. Because this list comes across sometimes as so absurd. And then I'm like, this is because I actually don't know straight couples. Right.

And then once you like. When you hear them, it's crazy. Or the straight couples I do know, for example, are Hudson friends. It's like the straight couples I do know are like in creative worlds and are beset by faggots and trannies and lesbians yeah and so they have a kind of cultural language nuance even within their own like relationship that is squeak over the bathroom we'll insert some sound effects no i mean speaking of i would even though straight was like no like the what i would like to know what they are talking about on the four-hour car ride I guess it's podcasts I guess it's podcasts or it's like or it's like I think they talk about

their families because gay people don't talk about their families unless you're really close because it's like oh you won't believe what my mom did or. Yeah. But aren't like gay guys will just like, sometimes it, it's so crazy when like a gay guy like has a straight brother. I do. And then, but you only know the straight brother and they were, they're like,

yeah, I have a brother. He lives with his partner. And you're like, that blows my mind. It's something I never even considered. Is that someone just knowing the straight one and asking them? And like, then you just have this vision. You're like, huh? What's that relationship? Cause I'm such a narcissist. I never even considered is that someone just knowing the straight one and asking them and like

then you just have this vision and you're like huh what's that relationship like because I'm such a narcissist everyone who knows my siblings knows them through me you're like

they know them through me but I think my brother would be like yeah he like he like lives in New York I don't really know what he does

but he comes back a lot and he's cool I like him because my brother has always loved me right he's cool no I say this because a straight guy was staying with me this weekend and he's cool I like him so my brother has always loved me right he's cool no I say this

because a straight guy was staying with me this weekend and he has a gay ballerina brother and he was like yeah he's doing good he just got his

real estate he's doing good he's doing good he's doing good he just got his real estate license yes it's very he's doing good

because it's like I don't really know what's going on in his life but he's doing good is like kind of code for like he is not a drag queen

or like a full meth yes his life but he's doing good as like kind of code for like he is not a drag queen or like a gay bar like full meth he's doing good is he's got a job he's got a job he's maybe has a boyfriend maybe has a boyfriend he has an apartment he's like living his life i need to go spy meet your brother and be like tell me about your brother i love to see what he says oh my god please he would he would kind of know that you were sent by me like no he would see it he could tell that you were like you're an agent sent by para gliding into des moines iowa to get info on me i land and i'm like oh yeah i just moved um my partner and I just moved here. We just wanted a place where we could go to a parking lot at a big grocery store.

This gay guy told me I needed to leave because I got toilet paper, toilet paper go-puffed to my house. I do get cat food delivered. That's the only thing I really get delivered. Litter. I think of litter. It's litter and cat food.

Nasty Philadelphia lesbian. Jealous. Literally. litter I think of litter it's litter and cat food Philadelphia lesbian jealous literally I do wish I had a cat yeah Stephen do you have a straight brother I do but a lot of people

technically a lot of people think Stephen's brother's gay he has like a high voice you don't really have a high voice he's a higher voice

than you would you say he you have gay face I have gay face. Yeah, correct. No debate on that. Does he have gay face? No. But he has gay voice.

He has gay voice and we both have... Gay movements. Yeah, we both have very kind of like Gumby-esque movements. You're kind of tall. Kind of flagpole. You could see it as Indian gangly, but you could also see it as a wrist kind of flopping. Yeah.

And we both always like standing contrapposto. That's so funny. That is so funny. Which I don't know if we've picked up from each other. Yeah. Well, it's kind of more of a regional attitude that codes as gay. Well, yeah, it's also very class-based, you know?

The intellectual contrapposter. Fancy little boys. And, you know, the psychic allowance to be fae when you have that privilege and the insularity of wealth. Of class and money. In New England, upper middle class. Yes. Waspy.

Older? Brother? Five and a half years older. My brother's three years older. Which I also think makes us gay. Upper middle class. Yes. Waspy. Older brother? Five and a half years older. My brother's three years older. Which I also think makes us gay. That's right. Yes. But that's genetic. This is why this letter is going off of.

There is so. The estrogenized womb. I was going to say, there's more estrogen in the womb left over when she's already had a son. And so. That's for a son to be alpha alike. The more sons she'll have,

the more likely it is that each one will be gay. And that is like the, you know, chemical, like the physiological argument for it. The psychological argument of growing up with seven hot older brothers, like. Oh, for sure. It makes you get, because like I. Seven? You have seven. You're the youngest of eight.

I'm just saying, in the example, like if you have more and more and more older brothers, the more older brothers you have, the more, you know, teenage cock you're seeing as a young boy. Yeah. Plus the estrogen. And we covet what we see. Yeah. We covet what we know.

Well, yeah. Here's some stats for you. My mom, oldest of 11. Two gay guys. One lesbian. One bisexual woman. She has 11. Her parents had 11 children. Kids, yeah. Two gay guys, one lesbian, one bisexual woman. She has 11. Her parents had 11 kids.

Yeah. Two gay guys. Irish Catholic. One lesbian, one bi. Whoa. That poor bisexual. And are they gays on the younger end of the list? One is older.

One was younger. So Trailblazer. Huh. Because sometimes she was. One is like on the older side. Yeah, one's on the older side. one is older one was younger so trailblazer huh because sometimes she was one is like on the older side yeah one's on the

older side and then one's on the younger side interesting one was like the youngest but yeah it's like the stats are crazy

the stats are crazy and I have brought up the estrogenized womb or whatever you can call it to people for and they're like that's not true that can't

be true I'm like it's literally true and it makes so much sense because of course that is also what makes for gay faith. The title of my second book is The Estrogenized Womb.

But don't you think it's also, it's like, okay, the son has to like please the dad and be like, yeah,

I'm digging a hole and then the gay guy is born as like friend for the mom to calm her down. Well, you know, actually what they've,

about gay faces that they've found in studies, studies show, which is that a gay child will actually be looking at the mother's face for instruction more than the father's face. He's picking up like expressions and cues from the mom. So,

so it's, it's expressive. It's expressive. There's an expressive gayness that is being taught, but also from his obsession with like women as doll. Yeah. And like wanting to be mother to kill him to be. Wow.

Do you think that works the same with lesbians? Like I was looking at my dad's face of course. Yes. For facial expressions. That's why lesbians

are always scowling. They're always like so disappointed. Yeah. Because they're because they're fathers they're fathers they're fathers

they're fathers wow okay shaking the way we just cracked the code yeah called crack mama disappointed lesbian face

it now makes sense yeah disappointed lesbian face it's from the father really problematic wow that's genius yeah that is absolutely genius we need to write a book.

Paging FSG or whatever. The face of LGBT. Farag. Fags, straws, and gays. The dyke's face. The dyke's face. You can pour your amos out. Which I would listen to,

for the record. Because you love women. She's like the only girl I don't really Of that era Fucks with Tori Yeah Like my girlfriend loves her

And I just Oh I can't really Rock with that She's not really She's not really for me I'll be honest She's just She's kind of the first

Chapel round Yeah she's very chapel What do you I'm actually curious We've I with my co-host Have covered chapel Quite extensively on this show because I hated her at first, of course.

And then I listened to some of the music and I was like, I actually totally get it. I love it. I actually totally get it. And it's like... It's 80s. It's 2000s. It's also theater.

What it isn't, and thank God it's not, and thank God we finally have a break from this, What it isn't, and thank God it's not, and thank God we finally have a break from this, is the Phoebe Bridgers sad bi-fake lesbian who writes lyrics about how a pebble in your shoe reminds you of being ghosted and that's abuse. It's none of that. It is kind of Joan Jett, like a little like- Go-go's. Go-go's.

It makes more sense because she is just like a theater lesbian yes is like more accurate right than like straight girl phoebe ridgers i'm in my bedroom yeah and she's a little more just like yeah like vibrators and pink hair and the music's like totally she i finally a little song her big head is like that's a good song this is undeniably good song. And Hot To Go is also an amazing synth pop. Yeah. Very 2000s. Love it. With T-Gro.

No, I'm pro her personality. I don't care. But it's also nice because it's like, I actually don't want to have to care about who these people are behind the scenes. There's too many now what there's this explosion of these like girls that they're all pretending to have this personality and there's the sabrina carpenter and the other ones and you're kind of like oh there's so many of these random girls now yeah and can one just come back and like have a bit of mystique and not need to be a personality well that's what i feel like doing that but i'm really making herself have a little bit

of a personality by being like, fans, don't talk, which is very lesbian. She's being like, quote, boundaries. So lesbian. Which is kind of hilarious

that she's being like, I'm actually having boundaries with my fans and my name is not Chaparone. I'm like Kelsey or whatever when I'm not singing. Okay? So respect that.

Kaylee spelled K-A-Y-L-E-I-G-A-G. Chapo's performance I'm pro Chaplin it's mostly out of my hatred for like the Phoebe Bridgers of the world but

is she still dating that guy that comedian Bo Burnham yeah I think so so insane but one of them in Boy Genius is

there's like the big one the tiny one and then the medium one, the tiny one, and then the medium one. Lucy Douglas. Yes. She's the big one. She's a lesbian. Yeah. Well, supposedly her and the little one are fucking.

Whoa. Is it a big femme tiny book situation? Like a circus act. What kind of apparatus Are they using The ones on a unicycle Well this is This is something

We talked about Last episode Which I'm sure You guys also Agree with Lesbians only seem To come in Extra small

And extra large Absolutely We always say Tall femme Short butch Is usually how it is Except for Which we covered The Sedona The college basketball player Who's like a short butch. It's usually how it is. Except for, which we covered on the Sedona, the college basketball player who's like a toxic butch.

Oh yeah, that like eight foot tall butch. She was... She pushed her femme off an ATV. Really? Yeah. Allegedly. Allegedly on their birthday trip to Tulum. Is she dead?

No, she's live. And her name is Liv. Her name is Liv and she's living on TikTok. So defensive to have your name be Liv. So don't explanation part seven. God. She should change her name to Survivor. Survivor.

So the alligators, they were in T tulum they were in tulum on the birthday trip for the butch and they went on an atv trip and like i guess the butch just got so crazed and speeding and the family which is so slow down and she like broke fast and the other one then like fell off the atv and then the butch took off and she like She didn't even stop to collect her found This is This is a cancelable and the eight foot tall one here Sedona is a well-known WNBA player?

No, she's not even on the WNBA She's a college basketball player who has somehow been in college for six years She's like the Van Wilder of like Of the WNBA She's really a super senior

I was talking to a straight man about it and he was like to a straight man about it. And he was like, did you ever think about like that? Maybe she's just not that good. And that's why she's not on the WNBA yet. And I was like, I hadn't even thought about that.

Cause I'm too caught up in the ATV drama. So funny because that exact incident, like your top throwing off an ATV for gay men would be a pretext to sex. Like that would, you would immediately fuck after that but lesbians are like trying to destroy each other yeah and i guess later that night after they then like sedona was like just like fucking a chick in a hot tub oh and then cheated on her that's misogyny that's toxic that is so and so is she is Sedona Sedona kaput is she done she

I don't know she's doing a lot of apologies I mean people are talking about her it's like I still don't you know it's so funny because it seems incredibly siloed to the community

yes it's very in the community like when Gay Guys gets cancelled it's like Kevin Spacey is like you know well I think because she's literally not on the WNBA

she's kind of the only one though and she like plays for like Tacoma State it's kind of just like she's literally not on the WNBA. And she like plays for like Tacoma State. It's kind of just like, she's not big enough for like full cancel. For a full scale. Since it's still just like college.

Well, and then what's, when who was it? Who is the female rapper who just got canceled for not feeding her opening act? Lizzo? Not Lizzo. Not feeding her opening. Oh Lizzo? Not Lizzo. Not feeding her opening. Oh, like not even Kraft?

It was like I-Spice, right? I-Spice, was she not, she wasn't feeding her opening act? Yeah. She was still feeding her opening act. And like, it was just like, they all like ordered burritos and didn't ask her what she wanted or whatever.

Wow. And then this girl like fully canceled her on TikTok. That's like when I did Jemima Kirk's music video and she almost didn't order us lunch. And then this girl like fully canceled her on TikTok. That's like when I did Jemima Kirk's music video and she almost didn't order us lunch. But then she did. She did.

Because someone told her that she had to. iSpice not feeding Cleo is the first and most obvious tell that a woman is far from, well, this is a deep cut Nigerian.

I didn't know where that was going. I had no idea where that was going. But I think, yeah, it seems like that is true um iSpice didn't feed

Cleo iSpice didn't feed Cleo it's like what do you guys want to do one more let's do one more let me get the list back up here we've only done four that's the beauty of this

you have to really discuss it. Let the tangent be the tangent. So it's not about numbers. It's about quality. Period. Let's see. Okay. This is a good one. Next one is

screenshot. Wait, what? What? It's a joke. It's fine. I'll take it off. Next one is screenshot conversations and post them to go viral. Gay. Gay. Gay. Gay. Gay. Gay. Screen grabbing every Grindr conversation.

We get it. It's kind of everything we talked about. Having a phone, gay. Needing attention, gay. Competitive. With the added cherry on top of wanting fame. And like, frankly, kind of competing, competitive, with the added cherry on top of wanting fame. And like, frankly, competing like with girls

for, who should be doing it. In the attention economy, who are also posting their Tinder screenshots. Because girls, I mean like how disgusting is this guy

I just had sex with who's like so sad that he's rich. But girls do that so much way less because they want men too bad, I think. They do it a lot.

It depends on the type of girl. On Twitter, I feel like I... There's so many Tinder screen grabs where it's just like, can you believe how creepy this guy is? Right, but I guess I see just so much maybe because I need to switch communities. I feel like my feed is just all screen grabs of Grindr. Yeah, which is, I hate. I didn't know if that's all I see anymore. I used to see.

You guys are so fucking awful. I honestly would like to see more Tinder. I used to see the Hinge stuff that you're talking about, which is like, can you believe this asshat asked me if I wanted to fuck on the first question? And it's like, you're clearly just trying to brag about how sexy you are. Which is what all the Grindr combos are too.

Yeah, and I'm like, if a woman does it, I'm kind of like, you know what? Go off, Chica. You know, get your legs, like, kind of be, need to cynically remind everyone how snatched your pussy is, whatever. When a gay guy does it, I'm like, you're one of the most bottom-feeding, hungry pieces of shit that could never be satiated by any amount of attention. Like, yeah. You are so heinous. It's so disgusting to me. You could have 60 lows in your ass.

And it wouldn't be enough. No. You'd still be fucking hungry. The Grindr screenshots are so out of control and it's taken on an almost... So they're rarely...

They're never funny. Rarely funny. They're just like... They're always like vicious and mean to like people who aren't even mentioned in the conversation. Yes. They're like so just like they're always like vicious and mean to like people who aren't even mentioned in the conversation yes they're like so just like bragging and pathetic and they have taken on the thing that i've noticed because this has been i don't know like i think like

we've i mean we've been on twitter for so long we've seen greater screenshots but it seemed like a year ago it started to become a clear uh runway to going, and gay guys knew that. Yeah. Because gay men... Posting the most random ones, you're like, nothing's happening. Because gay men need so much attention, and because they're so cunning at getting the attention,

the Grindr screenshots over this kind of time have almost taken on the quality of AI, where the gay men are clearly talking to each other with the audience in mind. Yes. Because they're like, oh. If I say this, I can post it. Yes. I do think that's the sad thing about online dating now. Well, and that's why I never

date in the community. You go outside. In anticipation of the screenshot, you know, it's like almost the third player in the room. Is that like legitimately not so like I want to blow my brains out? Yeah. of the screenshot, you know, it's like, it's almost the third player in the room, third member of the conversation. Is that like legitimately not so like, I want to blow my brains out? Yeah, 100%.

It's the end of civilization. Load the, load the Furbo bullets. Whereas podcasting is an old school traditional form of socialization. We're doing a radio play. It actually is.

It's a radio. It's from the 20s. While your audience is just like jacking off on the train. Whatever the hell They're doing I don't know

But yeah No it is It is incredibly It's also a lot Of times now I see this like Really Like it's like a pretext

To get you to go Look at their OnlyFans Because it's always Just like Like damn You're big And it's like That's just

That's the Screenshot conversation And you're like Wow How big and it's like that's just that's the screenshot conversation and you're like wow how big is it it's cool it is so stupid

and like I've never even seen a screen grab besides us of a Lex conversation being like I'll take your two chaplarone tickets

in Denver well yeah we're the only ones like brave enough to make some I'm trying to think I've never seen a Lex screenshot

I don't No one's ever posted one It would be so text heavy I've posted maybe once or twice But it's also like I don't want to completely ruin My like privileges of Yeah no you're a guest in the community And that's so respectful of you

Thank you I'm still in the street they haven't let me in Like sleeping in the alley Although Lex is it's not as good as it used to be it used to be way more queer exchange

of just people being like can you rehome my cat or whatever and now it's become a little Craigslist I'm looking for like a COVID safe massage trade like tomorrow morning

between 9 and 9.05 but now it's like unless I need some homemade candles it's more just like Chapel Roan tickets it's become more Craigslist, yeah. I thought Lex was just horny.

No, it started as dating. And like vague I'm horny messages. And now it's a little more just like, yeah, is anyone going to the Fox party? It's like an international Craigslist. Bulletin board. Yeah, it's a bulletin board.

College bulletin board. Oh, like this Scottish lesbian wants to go to a concert. That is so funny. That's so funny. And really does highlight the difference between the communities. You can give both of them a tool. Cause they were like too afraid to keep it just like a dating.

They were like, we have to make this a marketplace. I love that. Yeah. Well, that's like too objectifying to have like photos of women on a grid. No. Yeah.

It's for the patriarchy if it's that. Yeah. If it's just sex. If it's the gays. Yeah. It's the gays. Anyways, guys, thanks for listening. Thanks for coming.

Stephen and Lily. Thank you so much for having us. Thank you for having us on. You're beautiful. It's always an amazing time. We have so much fun. We come here. It's just such a breath of fresh air to just laugh and talk about our community.

Because our careers are super corporate and highly paid. And so to come to this kind of ramshackle shoestring operation and just slum it down here. And just have fun like we used to in the 80s. In Mora Studios. It's so fun to remember what it used to be like. I know. It really is, isn't it? Back when we were 35.

Listen to Celebrity Book Club with Stephen and Lily. Period. I know isn't it back when we were 35 listen to Celebrity Book Club with Steven and Lily period Lily and Steven Lily and Steven not competitive at all

not competitive at all not competitive they've never competed it's a great podcast it's very funny and I don't know if this is a free or a paid one

but listen to Secret Rangers on Patreon as well period period right bye everyone guitar solo guitar solo I need you now I need you now I need you now guitar solo you