Seeking Derangements - SD 371 - Staff Infection

Episode Date: January 4, 2025

It's Seeking Sunday yall! Ben here, today Jacques, Hesse and I discuss Hilaria Baldwin, her personal beef with Hesse, our favorite dogs, which dogs look like which kinds of women (empowering way) and the movie Scent of A Woman. Plus Jacques tells us about his very extensive health problems.

I once had a vision of heaven, and you were there. I gazed at a sky full of starlight, and you were there. Go. This is my impression of a woman. Hey, y'all. I'm a woman. It's my time of the month because I'm having a womanly time. And this is the time of the month where I celebrate my femininity. And I have croissants with my girlfriends at the Parisian Cafe. Keep going.

Well, there's so many things I enjoy doing with my girlfriends. After we go to the Parisian Cafe for croissants, we go to the boulevard for dancing to the raucous jazz music of the yesteryear.

Okay, what's your name, ma'am? My name is Stidey Kong. Stidey Kong? No, no, Didey. Didey. Can you spell that for us? Yes, it's a D-I-D-E-Y space. K-O-N-G. Thank you for saying space.

Kong. What an interesting last name, Kong. What nationality is that? Are you Chinese? Well, that's for you to find out, and that's for me to be a woman, darling. That's for me to find out? What does that mean? Oh, darling, you'd have to get me a drink first before you undress me in the bedroom. One drink. I'm Chinese.

Literally, me after the bedroom. One drink. I'm Chinese. Me after one drink. I'm Chinese, y'all. I'm Chinese, y'all. Welcome to Seeking Derangements. I'm Jacques. That was my cousin Esmeralda. Okay, so she lied about her name. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no I don't know when this video was actually recorded, but it seems to be circulating as very late because I've never seen this Hilaria video before.

Wait, can you pull it up and we can hear the audio of it? I was a huge Hilaria head. I mean, they doxed me. The subreddit doxed me. Is this a private episode? This is a free episode. Welcome, everyone. Wait, Hilaria?

This is a free episode, so if you'd like to hear more, subscribe to our Patreon for our back catalog and weekly bonus episodes. Um, I don't know if you want to talk about the dog. No, I can talk about this. Who docks do you, can you confirm to me?

They were like, I don't think it wasn't malicious at all, but it was, uh, what is the doxing? Not malicious. Every time you do it, they didn't say exactly they it's just the first time my last name was online and i have to kind of like oh well yeah it's everywhere now yeah yeah it's everywhere now um but the um there is a subreddit called r slash hilaria um that is basically people who

it's like housewives and stuff and like normie like white girls who are who wanted to fuck alec they like also hate him it's like a hater subreddit, you know? Like, I don't really know how exactly to describe it. They kind of, like, love... They kind of love-hate Alec, but they really don't like Hilaria. Sure. They were posting, like, pictures of me and Hilaria in, like, basically the same clothes in the same pose,

which I don't know how they, like, clocked that, but they were like you two have a similar i can see you and yeah hilaria sharing a resemblance here there's so latino flair to us oh that's so true that is so true i am so so what happened on the subreddit what how did this climax in your doxing well yeah because i alec baldwin like drunk replied to me on twitter a few times and one time very hornily and so they were like who's this mysterious woman is alec having an affair with her and i don't know how but they discovered my like my name and my dead name and um like the neighborhood i lived in and like all this stuff

it was me i was the rat they were they were hilarious reddit was paying me to feed them all your secrets this is really crazy i didn't think that you were this like so what did they were they like calling you like i just no they were like the beautiful Claire Pina the mysterious Claire but they loved me I did I freaked out at them though cause they got oh shock is on the phone with Hilarious I've read it the

no they like they loved me and they were nice to me but they were digging a little too much into my personal life and they were bringing up stuff that I didn't really want to be talked about about recent events I'm interested I want to talk to these people

I want to see I want to hear what they're they're nice I think they're harmless but I did freak out at them a little bit I mean you have to you know like you have to bark or you're gonna get bitten exactly I found the new H hilaria video yeah there's so many videos i've heard not pretending to not know how to pronounce a vegetable while cooking

it's like it's like thousands of these which is like plantains what what is an agaric and i'm like okay like you're so insane like pointing at bananas and being like would you like a plantain there's a lot of i kind of i'm i know we talked about this like a really long time ago but like basically there's a bunch of videos before she dated alec baldwin where she's talking no well she's literally married to alec baldwin her kids are named like rafael so does she have like a latino obsession and it's just no it's not i think it's not even latino she's like she Latino obsession and it's just. No, it's not. I think it's not even Latino. She's like she's pretending to be Spanish, which is so funny because it's like Spanish.

It's not even like it would be one thing if she was pretending to be Mexican. People would have gotten really pissed off about that because that's just like a full dole is all thing. She's just pretending to be a like spicy white person, you know, although I do hate that term. She is pretending to just be like more Mediterranean and more, you know know literally spanish can you explain to me though does she have any latino background no she's from boston she's from boston um i forget what it's like in a in a group chat i'm in someone was like yeah my um my aunt went to school with her it was like she's just

like yes who was that was that in a group chat or was that you saying that there have been many people who have come out and said that they went to school with hilaria and she has never before been um you know yeah latinafied in any way she's just like irish or something lily marotta actually friend of friend of the pod the host of celebrity book club i believe either went to high school with her or had someone who went to high school with her. And first hand account that this she was a like I don't want to like say something is not true, but I'm almost positive

like she was captain of like the volleyball team and was just like the most white bread like mean girl. I'm reading it right now. I love her. I don't know. I'm so good right now. I love her play Bully Ball. I don't know. I'm so good at Bully Ball. I don't know what

mental illness this is called, but her parents live in Spain. This is part of her claim, is that she spent a lot of time growing up in Spain, and that through just being around Spanish people, she started to talk like this. Like Dorit's accent.

Ah, hello, I'm Nacho. Yeah, it's insane. So there's this video. Poor Alec Baldwin, he was just getting a break from killing that woman. You gotta share your screen. Yeah, I'm trying to. Yeah, poor Alec Baldwin,

he was just getting a break from killing that woman. That's so true. I mean, like he, I don't mean, I'm not pro-Alec anyway, but what I'm saying is, is he just kind of got publicly forgiven,

I feel like, sort of. I think people just forgot. I don't know if anyone publicly, well, he, they let him go to the, they let him go to the premiere of the movie.

The movie did not come out. The movie was not finished. What did I write? They never finished the movie. I mean, yeah. They let him go to the premiere of the movie. It's so funny.

They brought him in in a Hannibal Lecter, like a hand truck with the mask on. No, put any guns around him. You know, he has post-traumatic stress from the incident. I mean, it would be fucking crazy to accidentally be fucking crazy. It would accidentally kill some. I would kill myself if I accidentally killed someone. I certainly wouldn't be doing what these two are doing now, which is launching a family show on TLC, which I'm like,

that must fucking sting for Alec. Can you imagine being Alec Baldwin accidentally shooting an extra in the head with a prop gun or whatever? And then you lose all of your money your wife is you know drags the mainstream media for being a Ethnicity faker and you got I mean they're They're doing to a TLC show. I think they're like hard up for cash

Yeah, your wife is a dying store has the legal fees your wife is the time so has with their legal fees of like whatever trial they must have gone through probably cut into Raphael's private school tuition. He definitely has a trans woman secret that I just thought of. Well, it was me.

Well, I know. It's not a secret anywhere you're talking to her. Well, I know, but I'm doing the math in my head right now and I'm looking at a picture of him and I'm like, he's definitely the kind of guy that would be like a chaser. What makes you say that?

Why? You don't think he likes me for me? You think he was just a fetishist? Okay. What about him reads chaser to you? Don't get so sensitive about your pussy.

Don't get your panties in a bunch. You can still fuck him if you want to or continue with illicit affairs i blocked him on twitter he was following me but alec i unblocked you if you want to re-follow me go ahead she's a huge alexander ray baldwin the third yeah it wasn't it was supposed to be like really shitty too right movie it wasn't it was supposed to be like really shitty too right i don't it was like it was like a a tax write-off type movie yeah yeah it was like a yellowstone or like uh you know for sure um all right here's the whole ilaria video um let's see it and then i my husband hates um onions

My husband hates cebolla. I forgot it. Cebolla. So he hates cebolla. And so I grind cebolla in apple. What is she saying?

My husband hates my husband hates cebolla. Which is onion. Cebolla. So she's cooking. But the funny thing is she's cooking

with a Spanish man. I don't know if you heard the way he said onion. Oh my god. So she's cooking probably with her like you know um her kind of buffer her public buffer to like help her you know have some authenticity

to the claims that she's a spanish woman it's like it's like uh carmela soprano being like uh you know saying one spanish word to her housekeeper in like the Sopranos is like a skipping. If Carmela also wanted to be the housekeeper. Yes, exactly. It's just, I mean, that's basically it. I just like, it shows that she's keeping this

like charade up. Which is so funny to me, but my kind of, let's finish it. Let's see what else she says. Yeah. And then, my husband hates Cebolla. I forgot it.

She pretended that she didn't know what an onion is. No, she literally had to ask him the Spanish word for onion because she forgot. He said it. And he's like oh they call it onions it's like rachel dolezal happening live all over raquel raquel dolezal is kind of a spanish type her name would be raquel hernandez i am my i am hilaria and I Hilaria is so funny to me

just the name saying it that way is so so she was Hillary in high school it's totally fucking insane it's totally fucking insane but I am personally like kind of happy that there's just like someone taking heat for white Latinos besides white Latinos

like everyone just yelling at her although it does make all of our claims worse I'll say that much taking heat for white Latinos besides white Latinos. Yeah. Everyone's just yelling at her. Although it does make all of our claims worse. I'll say that much. Spanish isn't even really Latino, is it? It's like... Well, it's Hispanic.

Hispanic. Technically, yeah. Just reading an article that's talking about how the Hilaria Baldwin Spanish controversy resurfaced. This came out a day ago. And the funny thing is

that there's this one line. It says a 40 year old yoga instructor was cooking in her kitchen with a friend sharing a recipe for traditional Spanish tortilla. Like a period. She's a yoga instructor too. She's a huge

yoga instructor. I'm sorry for anyone out there that enjoys yoga or is a yoga enthusiast that listens to this podcast. But yoga instructor is by far one of the most annoying professions. Yeah, I think it depends. Some of them are actually very chill and other ones are women who go on to marry a celebrity and then live up in Spanish. Like that is kind of the most successful yoga teacher I think out there. It depends. It depends. most successful yoga teacher like yeah I think out there it depends it depends like I um when

I was doing yoga classes at equinox I accidentally went to it uh like level two yoga class and the instructor there was very um quite Hilaria type yeah Yeah. She is very scary. And I feel like Hilaria runs that yoga studio like it's, you know, like it's the Navy. Yeah, there's no doubt in my mind she's got it set to 105 degrees and it smells like the tortillas from her childhood.

Yeah, she probably is. It's mariachi music. It looks like a Mexican restaurant for sure. Yeah. She's mariachi music. It looks like a Mexican restaurant for sure. She's about as Latino. Time to put on some music to relax to at the end of a session.

She's like, you know how they put on time to put on some music. You stretch and like da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da It's like Cucaracha Honestly H-E-B brand Buttered tortillas Have more authentic Latino vibes than her

I love Your I love when you randomly plug a brand Plug your products I mean I do love HEB buttered tortillas, but I also like the HEB buttered tortilla candles.

Disgusting. Is that even a tortilla brand, or is it just like a candle? I don't know what he's talking about. It is HEB brand tortilla, the HEB, the grocery chain. Have you ever heard of it? Wake up. No. Wait, you all both have actually y'all don't buy your produce it's heaven it's

spanish fake spanish name heb oh no i do know i do know the heb they're um they're known as hyvees throughout the midwest and hyVees? Yes, Hy-Vee. Period. They're fine. I didn't really shop at them here. They're only in really, really nice neighborhoods or in the fucking ghetto. They're in Texas.

They're Texas, Texas. Yeah, but it's just like, it's one of these things where like, oh, every seemingly like regional or local grocery store chain is just owned by one massive nationwide conglomerate and they just keep the name so they can appear as if they're more localized than they are speaking of which in um because alec baldwin's mom is from uh outside buffalo um it there are local like growing up when Wegmans was only in Buffalo

it's like a I think are there any Wegmans like Jacques do you know Wegmans? no I've never even heard of that Wegmans is I think only in the northeast yeah it's like the best grocery store in the world I do love Wegmans

it's so good but when it was only in Buffalo Ale Alec Baldwin was in their local commercials because his mom loved Wegmans so much. And they were like, he was like, you should do it. She was like, you should do a commercial for Wegmans. You should do a commercial. I feel like I saw some. I love Wegmans.

I feel like there's a new American. His mom is fake Latino too. I love the tortilla at Wegmans. I feel like there's a new American that's fake Latino too. I love the tortilla Wegmans. You know what they say, you always marry your mom. You always marry your mom. She was probably the most ruddy-faced garbage bag full of Irish women.

What does ruddy-faced mean? woman. What does ruddy face mean? She looks like she has boxer's ears. No, literally. She's like, oh, buenos dias, Alec. Te quiero mucho. Remember, you always married your mother. Carl Malden knows. Big gin knows.

You can see every pore. Jock, ruddy face means that someone's face is blotchy like pockmarked like bad complexion first capillaries do you think can i can i can i point out a hilaria um you say you say her name correctly hilarious well i i get confused because new iberia it's a place near me and my dad's family's from there uh they they say instead of saying instead of saying new ibadia shut up i mean ibadian label okay stop stop stop instead of saying hilarious they all kind of with their thick cajun accents say oh that's hilarious well that'd be hilarious that'd be if that'd be if Hilaria was pretending to be black yeah hilarious

having her name be hilarious she became a black man hilarious hilarious well okay I'm gonna speculate that hilarious beadwin I'm gonna be honest I bet that she literally got a house I feel like she got a Latino housekeeper and she was like I I could do that.

That could be part of my personality. I think what happened is that she literally went to Spain when she was like a teenager and she just had formative experiences in Spain. Oh, she lost her virginity there. She probably had a lot of

huge slut on spring break when she was like 16 in Spain. And she probably just, her identity just collapsed, you know, or something really fucked up happened to her in Spain. Something fucked up. Something really fucking crazy happened to her. One or the other, it was either the best summer of her life or the worst summer of her life. But her brain was broken one summer in Spain as a young woman and since then I think she's

just like how do you say she woke up in Spain she was in a fugue state she doesn't remember what happened but she was in a hospital gown she had to go to a cooking class covered in blood and she like came to

in the Alhambra and it was two choices become spanish or become muslim and she chose i'm laughing i wish i would be so funny if there's another allegation that breaks and she's she's at she's moonlighting lighting us a black man named hilarious they call me baldy it's a bald black gate hilarious baldy y'all sound like y'all are just making up a new sitcom character she's doing like steve harvey stand-up yeah she's like yeah she's like she takes a special drink, like Nutty Professor style. It's a fat guy. It's a fat bald guy. Absolutely.

Big suit. Cedric the Entertainer shape. One thousand percent. And then Alec, you know, Alec would still stand by his woman after that. Oh, she might be a black man. The most toxic relationship imaginable. She's my prison bitch. I personally find it hilarious to be very funny. She's my Latina.

She's my wife. She's my wife. Period. Exactly. No, they seem, I mean, even after Alec unintentionally murdered that woman, she was, because it was not that long after it was like maybe a year or a year and a half after the

Spanish fakery broke and she came out she was like I love my husband and he would never do anything to hurt anyone on purpose it was just like crazy much in the vein of our

of the club random i kind of consider it uh club random canon or part of it is um alec baldwin's old podcast oh um it was called it was one of those podcasts with like a really annoying title yeah it's like a turn of phrase here's the thing yeah it was something like that it was like i think it was literally called here's the thing which is which i remember hearing that he had a podcast called that and it sent me into a blind rage because the oh the like the only like episode beside when he had lydia tar on in the movie tar he features as himself yes yes but um the i think one of the funniest like club random ask episodes of a podcast ever ever that everyone should go and listen to because it's unreal is um the episode

of alec baldwin's podcast where wo Woody Allen comes on. We're off. Which, uh, I love... Wait, whose podcast was it? Bill Maher and Woody Allen were caught. No, it's Alec Baldwin and Woody Allen. But the first... Like, oh yeah.

The first, um, ten minutes of the podcast is him being like, can you see me now? Hello? Can you hear me? They just left that in? It is like and then at one point he turns

it's the famous video of him turning away from the camera and yelling something in Spanish up the stairs like Silencio Oh my god Silencio oh my god oh my god silencio would be so funny to scream at Hilaria

silence but Hilaria does seem like a bitch you also you can't just tell her to shut up you do have to scream silence at her because I feel like she would yap you know well you know those latinos literally they don't shut up um

well I had something else what okay no sorry I didn't know I know but to me I just I know I didn't like that well I was just like what does that what does that say about about how certain people

perceive this i'm just kidding has to go ahead okay the um okay so what are you laughing about so much what i just looked at it again i okay so uh two nights ago I was sleeping and I had a dream. Okay. Likely story. Keep going. The dream was it was us three. We were in my grandparents

living room for some reason, which is not important to the story. Maybe the last place you might want all of us to have a conversation though. Yeah. Well, they're both dead now but um all right let's go pot let's pot did they die from us wait um never mind yeah they died from us i was confused i thought you i thought the way that okay keep going but the um you're blaming us we like we're planning out topics for a new episode and this is a hundred percent like real i had a dream where it was like us like talking about what we were going to talk about on a new episode

and i was like looking at the news on my phone in my dream okay and in my dream i didn't have a piece of paper i had like a weird pad of silly putty, and I kept trying to write down the topics. And I couldn't figure out how to write them down on it. But one of the topics, I mentioned it, and I was like, I got to remember this topic. I got to remember it. And Ben, you kept saying, I don't know.

I don't know if our listeners will be okay with this I don't know if like this is relevant if our listeners will be okay with it yeah I can't remember what it was but you famously had a very difficult editorial process that I forced both of you to do

you both had a real problem with this topic. But I woke up and I thought it was real. I woke up in the middle of the night. I wrote this note in my notes app at...

Let me see. What is it? I wrote this in... I want to know if I would actually hate the idea or not you would love this this is so fucking funny like it's so stupid

wait where the fuck did it go oh my god sorry sorry sorry but at 4 4 46 I wrote this in my notes app like i gotta remember to talk about this um and it says shack's dog is his babysitter what does that even like i had a dream that on um like on that show with like shack and char Charles Barkley where they talk about basketball Shaq was like my dog is my babysitter

Charles Barkley was like what do you mean you're supposed to take care of your dog not the other way around he's like he's reliable or something I understood this as Shaq having his dog watch his children no Shaq's dog is babysitting him babysitting him yeah

that's really disturbing I honestly I would say that's probably a little too scary No, Shaq's dog is babysitting him. Babysitting him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's really disturbing. I would say that's... Honestly, I would say that's probably a little too scary for our listeners. Honestly, I'm a little too... I'm a little scared of Hessa today. See, I knew it. My dream was correct. Yeah.

We both hate it. Yeah, you both hate it. Well, no, we don't both... I woke up and thought that was a real news item, was that Shaq is being babysat by his dog we both don't hate it we just try harder

I love it thank you I hate when Ben does the whatever bitch I stand by what I said I don't know about the Shaq babysitter thing everyone if you enjoy that news item you guys should we talk about that news item what do you guys think about shack

there really isn't much to talk about i mean the thing is it's such an incendiary claim it's just kind of like leaves you speechless and you're like okay yes i mean i would love to see the evidence of it um what do you think i would check has a. What kind of dog do you think? If Shaq has a dog, what kind of dog do you think it is? You would think it has to be a huge dog, right? Chihuahua. Shaq is such a big, exactly. Shaq is such a big man. But I think it would actually be better if the dog ended up being really tiny.

So yes, Shaq, if it was a Chihuahua or a Cheepom or a Pom Pom. I don't like any of the Asian asian small dogs nothing against their heritage but shih tzus okay interesting yeah other ones i do not like i think they're really uppity they have an attitude yes they're uppity dogs japanese spits yeah i do love shibas though i love shiba inus oh you would love a japanese spits that's like how do love Shibas, though. I love Shiba Inus. Oh, you would love a Japanese spit. That's like... How do you spell it? I'll show you how I spit Japanese.

I think it's like S-P-I-T-Z. They're beautiful. I think it's the most expensive dog. Oh, it makes me want an Aperol Spritz. Oh, see, I don't like these dogs. Yeah? I do not like little fluffy white dogs, I don't like these dogs. I do not like little fluffy white dogs.

I don't know what it is. My high school girlfriend had one. You've got a real complex, you. You know, I just have distinctive taste, but I do think... You've got a racial preference for your dogs, eh? They are cute. They're so cute. I would say, if I were to

racialize this dog i would would not even be an asian person this would be like a really uppity white woman to me or like laura bush this is like a laura bush ass dog for real i i kind of like i'm like it looks like cowroo from evangelion kind of yeah and dog she was to me are Asian for sure. Yeah. Like if they were humans and in temperament as well, because they are very much like the Japanese. They're very kind of. Very much like the Japanese. They are very,

no, but they're very like kind of Zen and rule oriented and a little kind of reserved. You know, a lot of Japanese people? Name four people that are Japanese. I do know Japanese people. I'm not going to do that to my Japanese friends.

That'd be weird. Hessa, do you think Ben legitimately has four Japanese friends? Girl, I live in New York City. You think I don't know Japanese people? Absolutely. I've never seen him with the Japanese. I will say the Japanese people are probably the least represented

in my friend group, at least. Interesting. I know, I know. I got to do better. What kind of race are you most friends with? White people, let me guess. Yeah. It's probably...

There's no way he can answer it correctly. This is such a beautiful question exactly what race are you most friends with? the fly has fallen into the spider's web yet again jigsaw has returned jigsaw has returned waking up and jigsaw's dead

he's just like how many white friends do you have? a lot of people probably didn't know this that i am actually not colorblind but fully blind and okay and and so yeah oh my god he beat it he beat it so i've never really seen a race up close with my own eyes because i've always been blind but but he pulled out he pulled out that tricky the retard card yeah i'm too stupid to know ben can i just say something valid valid you know i made a mistake trying to trick ben into becoming a racist on the air and i'm sorry for that and hessa i'm sorry that i

didn't support your shack theories you know I do think Chihuahuas look Mexican as hell though there's no way around that isn't that what they call Walmart I mean and English Bulldogs look very I mean but there's that's the thing is I'm like I don't know if English Bulldogs look and seem English because they're English Bulldogs that's my favorite dog they're very kind of soccer hooligans you know like big fat soccer hooligans

ramming into things and being loud Italian greyhounds also very Italian kind of coded you know what my favorite dog is? it's a Borzoi I said the wrong dog my favorite kind of dog is a bull terrier

yeah that's kind of like a Tony Soprano ass dog yeah yeah yeah I do love bull terriers though they're really cool I always used to want one because they were the target dog oh they're so cute they have the coolest eyes and they just look like

I guess Tony is more of an English bulldog than a bull terrier yeah Tony has is more of an English bulldog than a bull terrier. Yeah, Tony is like an English bulldog. No, Tony is a horse guy. I'm speaking in the dog world. If we go to horses, we're going to have to get into races again.

The English bulldog is kind of like the dog of horses. Or the horse of dogs, I mean. I wouldn't get a miniature of any kind of pet but the miniature bull terrier is kind of cute have you guys seen my woman of dogs jock the one the women of dogs i know exactly what it is it's a poodle hmm oh yes great answer i was gonna say an afghan hound love those i don't know what i don't know what that looks like it looks like Cher Borzois are like that's like

like a model that's like kind of scary looking because they're so beautiful the Afghan hound looks like someone I know in New York I'm sending a picture of my could we make this the episode art Ben? Absolutely I was just sending y' sending a picture of my could we make this the episode art then absolutely

I was just sending y'all a picture of an afghan hound who do y'all think that looks like well I'm not gonna say it if it's rude no don't do you really want to start beefing with this person again I don't want to beef with them it's not don't you instantly know

I know who's on his mind all the time. No, it's not that person. It's someone else. This is my mom's French bulldog or one of the two. The Frenchies with the long hair are so freaky looking to me. Look at this dog with the

chicest hair in the world. That is giving woman. That's an Afghan hound. I do love Frenchies though. I used to kind of hate hate frenchies but in the past year and a half i've really turned around on them and i love them so much they have amazing personalities oh my god so cute you would love my um my mom's dog they just got a battle they got a bad rap post covid because everyone who it was already kind of becoming the like work from home girl boss dog. Um, and then COVID kind of switched it up because a lot of those work from home people who hadn't already purchased a dog realize that Frenchies were becoming the work from home dog. Yeah. Like, okay, we can't be Frenchie work from home. We have

to get something else. And they all got australian shepherds who i hate many wait let me look so sad i hate australian shepherds and i hate many australian shepherds they look like they are they look like they're gonna explode from the inside they are balls of anxiety one because they're shepherds like they're really smart dogs they shouldn't be kept inside, they've been pressurized to these tiny little bodies. So they're made, you know, they are made to be okay in a shoebox of an apartment. Of course, they're not. They are freaky looking dogs. I don't like them at all.

And it is because they're bigger than like a chihuahua, right? But they're like, they're smaller than like a chihuahua right but they're like they're they're smaller than what you would call like a beetle medium-sized dog yeah but like beagles are like sturdy like shepherds are like they're kind of like they're not very long yeah yeah anyways what else is happening i've been watching queer eyes new episode the new season of career is out yeah is jvn still on it? JVN is still on it. Chuck, are you okay? Yes, I'm fine.

I'm just, my head hurts. Oh, okay. Good night. I'm not going to bed. I'm not sleeping. I'm literally just sitting. Sorry, for the viewers out there, I closed my eyes and bent on it.

For the viewers out there, I am not going to bed. For the viewers out there, I did put on a long triangle. It is not my bedtime yet. Put on a long triangle hat and slippers. I was changing my bandages on my head before this. I blew out the candle in a

dish that I'm holding. But I am not going to bed. I'm not going to bed. I'm working. This is what working looks like. Taking off a nightcap like a sleeping cap and putting on a hard hat. Holding a mug of

tea with both hands. Actually, I have been for the last four nights wearing a literal nightcap to keep my bandages on my head. Because you're trying to get waves? No, because I'm trying to get waves.

I hate you. Take your drag off and you're going gonna have a wavy scalp y'all wouldn't care if my head was blown off if I came to work with no head you would still be alive and you would make it my fault that you got shot in the head

so no I don't care cause you would be the one who blew his head off no I would never hurt y'all you would blow my head off like Elmer Fudd. I would never do that. Daffy Duck. I would never do that. One, because I would already be the prime suspect.

Two, I don't want to cause you any harm. And three, I know it wouldn't actually kill you because you have a cockroach-like ability to stay alive. If Ben could shoot me like the Elmer Fudd he is, Iowa, he would literally... When is Elmer Fudd he is Iowa he would Elmer Fudd from Iowa you are the closest thing to Elmer Fudd on this podcast sweetie

I'm sorry to tell you don't you dare I'm Pepe Le Pew first of all I'm Pepe Le Pew or I'm Speedy Gonzales I'm Speedy Gonzales Spe's just that little Mexican rat. I'm Speedy Gonzalez.

Speedy Gonzalez, the best, one of the best Looney Tunes. I'm Speedy Gonzalez or I'm Pepe Le Pew. I can't even remember what I was going to do. Or I am Wile E. Coyote and you're,

no, I'm Roadrunner and you're Wile E. Coyote. I don't know. I feel like it oscillates between Speedy's Roadrunner and who it is. You are Taz.

You are Tasmanian devil I want to be Daffy I want to be I feel like I'm Bugs Bunny dressed as a woman I'm gonna kill myself if I ever look like Elmer Fudd well bye bye John

funerals on Monday y'all wait you don't look like Elmer Fuddall You don't look like Elmer Fudd No you don't look like Elmer Fudd But it could happen Any of us could end up looking like Elmer Fudd I know It's dangerous

It's a dangerous world we live in I'm trying to think of older actors And actresses that y'all are going to look like when you're older Ben you're going to look like That you're older ben you're gonna look like that woman that was married to jack nicholson and then i'm going to look like roger from mad men no wait yes so hot i've been watching mad men for the first time i always thought i always i was like if my life goes well i will end up looking like roger from mad men i think you will ben's gonna look like i remembered her name ben's gonna look like Angelica Houston from

period she's beautiful yeah there's um a movie where she trying to bring women down yeah I'm not trying to bring women down I'm just saying you never mind the looking like me wow way to bring

this woman down exactly the um uh who am I gonna look like Wow. Way to bring this woman down. Exactly. Who am I going to look like, Jacques? You are going to look like Jamie Lee Curtis. Okay, period. She's kind of like the female Roger from Mad Men. She's kind of like the female Roger from Mad Men. She's kind of like the female Roger from American Dad. Period.

I'm kind of like Roger, honestly. From American Dad? I'm Don, bitch. Yeah, you're Don. I'm always on my Don shit. No, I meant Roger from American Dad, but who am I in Mad Men? I'm Sal, obviously. Italian. Yay!

I love Sal. I know. I'm watching, obviously, Italian. Gay. I love Sal. I know. I'm watching it right now. I'm on, like, season three. He's such a pussy for not following through and fucking with that CEO or whoever wanted to have sex with him. Is that a rich guy?

I know, that guy was, like, he wasn't my type. Just do it. And then when, I was so mad at the show when, like, he finally gets a twink. Like that twink bellhop when they go to London, I think. Or wherever they were.

And the fire alarm goes off like right when they're about to fuck. But then there's another actually. Jock, what's up? There's another actually gay guy who comes into the show. Oh, yeah. The German guy. The German guy. But then there's a guy after that who tries to date Joan.

After Joan's doctor husband who's really hot. Joan's doctor husband in season 5 is the only blonde man I've ever found attractive. No, I hate her doctor husband. He's not blonde. He's so hot. He's dirty blonde. No, he has dark hair. He's Jewish.

No. Yes. Yes. I was about to say, you don't ever like a blonde. Ben has famously said that all blonde men are sissy. Looking up right now, he's Jewish.

I promise you. No. Yes. Joan's husband. Yeah. The one who was a former veteran and is actually become a doctor. Jessica Chastain I'm talking about.

Jessica Chastain. I'm talking about Joan. Which one's Joan? The one with the big, the redhead. Christina Hendricks. Yeah, no, her husband is a Jewish doctor. No way. And he's like boring as fuck.

He's white bread. He looks like a piece of toast. He sucks. No, he's sexy. Ew, you're so... Christina Hendricks, Joan, the secretary with the red hair and the giant heads. Yeah, I don't know.

I got her mixed up with Jessica Chastain. I mean, they're both kind of CIA coded. Absolutely. You know, this guy here, this guy, his name is Greg Harris, and he has a brown hair. Yes, I told you. But he's not Jewish. He's absolutely not Jewish. He's like his character is in the show. No. Yeah. But he's not Jewish. He's absolutely not Jewish. He's like really waspy.

His character is in the show. No. Yeah, look it up. I refuse to believe that. This guy. Let me make sure we're talking about the same guy. Do you see this? This guy.

Yeah, what's his character's name? I believe it's Greg Harris. Oh, his character's name is Greg Harris? I thought that was the actor. That's like an actor name. But is Greg Harris in the show Jewish? No way. I think he is.

What, are you so surprised you could be attracted to a Jew? I feel like you fuck Jews. I've had sex with many Jews. Yeah, I love Jews. This guy's really hot, though. By the way, can I... He's a little blonde. I think he looks a little bit more blonde.

Can I break this Mad Men fan fiction writing meeting? I was never texting. But there is some breaking news. There is a breaking news in the Liam Payne death case, where

a waiter has been arrested for supplying cocaine to Liam Payne. Weeks ago. That happened like almost two months ago, I'll be honest with you. Yeah. It came out. This is, I mean, I'll just be honest.

It's because you're not on Twitter like Hazza and I, but when you're on Twitter a lot, you kind of, it is like the best place for like break stupid breaking news like this well not even a normal person should know this immediately yeah and it has changed a lot um but yes that was that was known um what do you think about that is that what do you think do you think do you think your mic is off Jock your mic is off maybe it would help if you maybe shut up

stop screaming I was kind of worried for the amount of people that are speculating that all current news is cover ups and all this FBI

things you know everyone's talking about the FBI releasing different accounts of the current New Orleans tragedy and there's just like everyone is questioning every

piece of media as being real. People were saying, was this waiter being arrested a cover-up for whatever Liam Payne was murdered for? I don't know. Yeah, I feel like that's more a function of your TikTok algorithm. I did not understand what you just said at all. Yeah, I feel like it's good that you recognize that you're getting a lot of conspiracy news.

Okay, well, this is the thing. They announced originally that there were multiple suspects and questioning for the, whatever, the tragedy in New Orleans. And then they were like, we have only one person involved in this. And all the comments under all the different Louisiana things are saying.

People are like, the FBI said this, the FBI said that. And it's all conflicting. So I do feel a little weird. Yeah. I think the most simple explanation for something like that is that it's in a foreign country. explanation for something like that is that uh it's in a foreign country and the press probably like misinterpreted or misheard something and it was quickly corrected but you know and then that gets kind of spiraled out of control i didn't like see anything i didn't know about the new orleans thing until like you know like yesterday like yesterday though. It was so weird.

Cause I don't see news on Twitter anymore of like things like that, that have, you have to be really intentional about like, you know, what you like and what you repost. Because if you, I watched like one video of like the New Orleans thing and that was just like trying to show me like so many gore videos. And I was like, I cannot do this like the algorithm is like so it picks up so quickly and like hits you really strongly with certain things you engage with which is why it's scary

sorry yeah it doesn't really scare me that way anyway Chuck you can say your piece on that basically I just you know I think anyone who lives in Louisiana is very disturbed by these events. And then just like to hear conflicting news reports come out from city officials or like official people and stuff is scary. And who was the guy? What was his deal? He was a former military officer who was born and raised in Texas.

In Lubbock, Texas yeah I don't know it seems weird to me but I'm not population of 400,000 Lubbock I don't know why I knew that it's like Fort Worth, Dallas area I believe

but I guess it's just the most surprising turn of events in my current reality. Thank God no one I knew was hurt in this really tragic accident. I spend almost every New Year's

for the last few years in New Orleans. This is one of the rare times I wasn't there. I wouldn't go I don't think on we've been on Bourbon Street many times together. I mean, I wouldn't go, I don't think, on New Year's to Bourbon Street necessarily. No, it'd be crazy. I mean, the French Quarter kind of at any time is nuts. But the thing is...

Oh, no, is that where he did it? Yeah, he did it in the French Quarter. Oh, there's so many people there. No, it's crazy. So, it's just really shocking. And a lot of my friends are strippers and all work in the strip clubs near that area and we're like having to stay in the club

and like to visually see any of the aftermath is like disturbing the videos are truly disturbing I don't know I just it's so it's scary it's a very dark cloud on New Orleans,

which already kind of has already a tough time for reputation and like, I don't know. Sorry, I didn't mean to get so serious. It's just very different. No, it's fine. I've never in my life been truly shocked by something like this in a long time. Yeah, I think that's understandable.

But I think like I don't know what was I going to say? I have something else to talk about if we want to change the subject. Yeah, I'm done. I feel like our listeners will appreciate

your candid thoughts on it, since you live in Louisiana, it's just, I don't, I can't think of a single event in Louisiana. That's been like truly this shocking. Um, there was one hurricane.

Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well,

well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well,

well, that's a natural disaster. Sure. You mean terrorist attack in New Orleans? Yeah. We can move on what were you going to talk about I saw the craziest movie

recently the lighthouse no not the lighthouse it's not the craziest movie the craziest movie is actually called scent of a woman and have either of you heard of this movie Jacques don't look it up

yeah I vaguely and have either of you heard of this movie jacques don't look it up let me just let me yeah i i vaguely there's something it triggered something but i can't remember yeah it it does have um a bit of a buzz around it because it won a few oscars it was like a big movie at the time 1992 Al Pacino it's what he finally won the Oscar for and he plays I'm not kidding this is the real plot of the movie he plays a blind veteran who's addicted

to pussy he's like a sex addict no yeah I mean he's like a crazy sorry is the scent of a woman does that referencing her vagina no it's it's referencing i i mean kind of it's like a kind of an innuendo but he doesn't reference that per se except at thanksgiving dinner with the entire family which um i'll get to but um it's more about like he can tell like uh it's insane

because he like there's a part where he's on a plane and he's like sniffs and the stewardess and he's like thank you daphne and chris o'donnell who plays his like 17 year old caretaker like it's like how do you know her name was Daphne and he's like literally like Sherlock from the TV show Sherlock like well she's wearing a French scent but she's got a green voice like

California voice French perfume that's a Daphne but like he has like superpowers where he can smell a woman and then like know exactly what she looks like and who she is oh what the hell this is I want to watch this I love movies

but the like there's a scene that I'm obsessed with where he shows up at. He's like, the plot of this movie is that Chris O'Donnell is taking a job where he like has to take care of him for Thanksgiving weekend. And like Al Pacino's like,

we'll go to New York and they go to New York city. And he's like, here's what we're going to do. I'm going to visit my brother. Then I'm going what we're gonna do I'm gonna visit my brother then I'm gonna get pussy then I'm gonna kill myself and um the like so Chris O'Donnell

is like okay and they go to visit his brother and when Al Pacino walks in the door he's blind like a blind veteran yeah they walk in the door the family like the entire family's there. And they look like they just called the police and are waiting for them to show up and are scared.

Like they're so terrified. And then it cuts to him at the dinner table. There's an empty bottle of Jack Daniels in front of him. This is a really crazy movie. I'm like having like a hard time to visualize. Wait, what couldn't you visualize? I mean, I'm just like, it's just like, it just sounds like a crazy movie. I'm having a hard time to visualize. What couldn't you visualize? It's just like a crazy movie.

I'm staring off at the distance trying to think of what that would even look like. How old is he at this point? He's hot as fuck in this movie. I have to Google it now so I can see what he is. Yeah, go ahead. Google it. I mean, 94 Pacino, he's old.

He's probably in his late 60s? I think mid-50s probably. Early, mid-50s. Oh, no, yeah, he is hot. Oh, my God, the picture of him with a gun to his head. Yeah, he puts a gun to his head

at one point. He puts a gun to Chris O'Donnell, but he is at dinner. It cuts to him like 20 minutes like at the end of thanksgiving dinner and it's like he's telling a story about like and japanese pussy the way that it tastes is a lot there it's like what the fuck is he telling his family about and his nephew is like please stop and he's like you know your wife i can tell from a voice that you don't go down on her so this is like this is like if when when people go blind and they develop stronger

senses his senses have all developed towards reading a woman from smelling them i guess yeah kind of what her sex life is like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. From the sound of her voice. He's kind of like, he's kind of like Monk for pussy. Exactly, exactly. And like,

but like, the thing about this, the other thing about this movie is that it is three hours long. Any movie that's three hours long is just pushy. Like, it has to be a perfect movie or it's just not okay.

I think every movie has to be a perfect movie. I think we can all agree on that. That's something we can all agree on. I don't know. I don't know. Some of the bad movies are some of my favorites. Well, doesn't that make them perfect? I guess so.

I... some of my favorites. Well, doesn't that make them perfect? I guess so. I I have seen like stills of this because I just sent y'all a picture of him. There's this picture of Al Pacino in the movie in a decorated veterans like blazer with a bunch of awards and he's got like a big

I think, I mean Ben have you seen this picture before with the cane it's so familiar yeah it's very familiar I think also do you know what he looks so hot in that I also watched recently Scarface Dog Day Afternoon well Scarface obviously yeah

Dog Day Afternoon Twink Mode he's so hot in Dog Day Afternoon I've never seen that movie. It's really good. He's hot in everything except Cruising. Cruising is his least hot movie. We've talked about this. He's not that hot in it.

I just watched the Unsolved Mysteries about what the movie Dog Day Afternoon is based off of. It was on Drunk History. Just kidding. Okay, yeah, because I was going to say, I think it was solved.

I think they know who did it. No, but it's based on a real-life guy who robbed a bank for his trans wife, which is so cool. Who plays the trans wife in Drunk History? Patty Harrison? No, it's... Who's from

Transparent, the trans woman that was on Transparent? Oh, Trace Lissette? Yes. Oh my god, thank you for knowing exactly who I was talking about. She dated the brother I feel like was her plot point. The black guy? The brother? No, wait, no, no, wait.

She dated hilarious. No, no, no, no, no no no no no listen Tracy no Tracy Lissette dated the brother character in the show Transparent he's not black

hilarious hilarious hilarious hilarious I love him Hilarious. Describing a white guy. Hilarious. Okay. Yeah. Hilarious. I love him. I'm picturing like Tupac and Juice. Yeah.

Exactly. No, literally. Yeah, I'm picturing a fatter guy, but. Okay, interesting. He's fatter. He's fat. It's Hilaria in a fat suit with blackface. Jock, are you okay?

Something's going on with Jock. Jock, can you okay? Something's going on with Jock. Is everything okay? Everything's fine. There's been this whole time I'm hearing a lot of weird It sounds like there's a hundred cops outside. Uh oh. So are there a hundred cops

outside? Are you being raided currently? Probably not. I just, okay. There's someone, I feel like there's a car wreck or something nearby or like there's a, the, uh,

Cajun dome is near here. So I think they could be, you have, you have the scent of a accident. You can tell by the vibes that something terrible has happened. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just getting,

I'm, I'm vibed out today. It's because you hit your head and then you have a head injury and you're like, oh no. Did you hit your head? He keeps wanting us to ask about his head injury. He keeps dropping hints that he has a head injury.

Do you want to... No, tell us about it. Let's hear about your head injury. No, all I'm going to say is that it's part of the ongoing thing I've been dealing with mixed with just my clumsiness. The chlamydia?

I don't have chlamydia. I have MRSA staph infection. I have not had chlamydia this whole time at all. Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable with our audience. It's very painful and wait and the head injury

from you hitting your head is part of it I have already I got staph on my head and on the back of my head and on top of my scalp and there's a huge staph sticking out of the top of your head no

it's just like Gandalf right now and then there's a huge staff sticking out of the top of your head no it's just like gandalf right now no and then i and then i got a chemical burn on my head from trying to clean it with the the chem the cleanser the hypo cleanse that's meant for it but yeah i i used too much of the chemical burn me and then i got some of the hypo cleanse in my eye and when i got the hypo cleans in my eye I bumped my head y'all I tried to clean my head for the first time in my life

hypo cleans you can't get in your eye so you have to I had to stand when you die in the most mysterious way I'm so glad we'll have stuff like this recorded so people so no one will go to jail for killing you just will never die um look look the the head injury got bad it's getting

better now but i had to fully bandage the whole my whole head for like two days three days and it was bad you hit your head or oh because you burned he had he had a compounding series of accidents yeah yeah i'm just telling y'all i know that y'all hate hearing about it but i'm i'm struggling i'm just struggling with this i love hearing about it i'm struggling it's killing me in the in the inside well dude the inside no one should ever have to be on antibiotics do you need a caretaker? do you have someone to administer? I'm not being a bitch to you

maybe you should have someone to administer it sounds like you're having trouble with it did the doctor tell you how much to put on your head? why did you put more on your head? I I just shouldn't have put it on the top of my head and getting it in your eyes is super toxic so yeah why did you let it get in your eyes on the back

of my head the top of my head but the worst is on the back of my head let me see it i can't show it i don't want to see it why i physically cannot turn around and line up my head to the camera because this is how you kill him i can't turn around and line up my head to the camera because I can't. This is how you kill him. I can't turn around anymore. There's going to be some horrible accident. The doctor said I can never turn around again. I'm going to be phasing west for the rest of my

life. I'm sorry, Jacques. I'm sorry. He's texting his mom. No, I'm not even texting my mom. I haven't been texting anyone this whole time. Are you looking at porn? No. Look how much my head was covered up. Okay.

You look Turkish. I feel like that's just you doing that, though. No, I have gashes on my head. I had gashes on my head. Who did the bandage? I did it. Who else is going to do it? Oh, my God. If it was the bandage I did it who else is going to do it and it

looks really terrible on the back of my head I had to cut my hairs on the back of my head with not looking to cut the hair how do you usually look at the hairs on the back of your head can someone in your life help you get your medicine on the back of your head. Can someone in your life help you get your

medicine on and stuff? I'm going to show you a brief picture so y'all can shrink. Let me see it. That doesn't look that bad. It looks like a mosquito bite. That's where hair is all supposed to be. And that is all one big abscess.

So it was bad. And it's disgusting. And you need to get help. I've been getting help. There's just nothing. You need more help because it's getting worse.'s disgusting and you you need to get help i've been getting help there's just there's nothing more help because it's getting worse for i went to you could have stopped i'm not what do you mean things i could have stopped you could have not poured a bunch of the medicine over your head yeah well no i well no what do you mean well no i had to you that's part of the whatever dude I'm trying to help you.

I know. But if you feel the need to administer more of a highly acidic liquid to the top of your head, then that's on you. I was instructed incorrectly. I was distracted. The doctor said pour it in your eyes. No. The doctor gave me instructions. The doctor actually literally...

Instead of instructions. I will say... It's okay to ask for help when you need help. Okay, well, I might need help. But listen, listen, listen. The doctor really was. Thank you for admitting that. Please get up.

The doctor was like, please, please be careful when you are using the hypo cleanse and don't get it in your eyes. I got it in my eyes like that day. I got a hundred of it. I got a hundred percent of it in my eyes. that day and I got a hundred of it I got a hundred percent they said that they say it could use it five out five patients um how did it get in your eyes why

would you let it get in your eyes it was just I I was struggling to to to get can you have someone help you put this on now it's not it's I mean they can't I can't I don't have anyone to get in the shower how is your eye or your eyes fine? If it does if it gets if it goes bad any worse I'm gonna have to get surgery and get the eye out Can you wear goggles or something the goggles will actually make you miss cuz I know it's cool if you got like a pair of spades in your eyeball I don't I'm getting a lot of help with the doctors in your eyeball? Oh my god. Wouldn't that be cool?

I'm getting a lot of help with the doctors. Jacques, if you had to get a fake eye, what design would you have on it? Yeah, I mean, whatever. Just get a fake eye. Let it happen. Or like a Terminator eye that would light up red.

Okay, cool. That's cool. Or another red eye that would light up red. Okay, cool. That's cool. Or another red eye that would light up. It's so disturbing how this could happen tomorrow. It's the thing. Jacques could fully lose both of his eyes tomorrow.

Jacques comes on the call with a red eye. I would only lose one eye because I only really got it bad in one eye. I'm only putting it into one eye, y'all. You're minimizing the problem is insane. You're addicted

to doing that. So it's your fucking life. Go off. I don't care anymore. I'm not addicted to this pain that I'm going through. You might be. I think you might be. I don't think you're right for that. Well, get the red eye. Get the laser eye. I think it could be amazing for you. Yeah, I think

for Mortal Kombat, if you Google it it you'll know that's me yeah it does look like you if you google it you know that's me if you google it you know that's me that's a hilarious design you would know i am very kano or barack from beginning beginning to end. If you have played every Mortal Kombat that has been released since Mortal Kombat 1, Jacques, which Mortal Kombat am I? Which character? You are... I gotta look at her name.

You have these teeth and these fans. Mileena? Yeah, Mileena. Wait. Mileena Mortal Kombat. have these teeth and these fans Milena yeah Milena wait Milena Mortal Kombat I'm surprised you didn't say the Arabic one are you using Siri for that Chuck um yeah

I love that you used Siri that's so cute I'm surprised you didn't say Tanya no no no so look Hessa is this beautiful pink like woman no no no so look Hessa is this beautiful pink leg woman like and she has this mask and underneath her mask

she actually has these crazy scary mouth yeah very scary look this is Hessa mask off you ready for Hessa she's very doll coated though I feel like I'm like kind of Cassie Cage let's not you want to be Sonia but doll-coded, though. I feel like I'm like kind of Cassie Cage.

Let's not. You want to be Sonia, but you are Melaina, so don't get mad that you have the teeth, woman. Okay, period. Just let him have it, Hesse. He might not have an eye tomorrow. It doesn't really matter. Yeah. Well, give me a

fucking break. I'll be... I'm literally speaking out of care and love for you. Yeah I want you to keep both of your eyes. I just wish there is a way just have someone help you put on the Acid how can I make the the old gay man that gave me this staff that used to be my roommate pay for all? The previous I don't know and that might be a bigger issue than it is right now, so maybe you don't want to talk about it on a public platform, to be totally honest with you. I think what you should do

is ask some of the family members you have in the area you live in, and some of the friends you have in the area you live in, to maybe take shifts helping you administer this insanely corrosive material that you already got in your eye. Well, no, now I'm extra careful with it. Okay, now you are. Well, no, now I'm extra careful with it. Okay, now you are. Well, look, I've been careful with it

and I didn't understand how quickly, like, I was just washing my head and it got, it went so bad so quickly. Okay. Who's Ben from Mortal Kombat? I feel like Ben is Kano. No, Ben is Johnny Cage. Okay, period.

Who's Johnny Cage? He's like, he's a Hollywood celebrity that wants to be included into the fighting tournament Mortal Kombat that's the background of the story and you know I think he earns his keep he's metal

he's at first kind of weak but do you think that narrative fits with mine or do you think I just look like this guy I don't think you look like him I mean everyone else is like a crazy robot or a dragon

or Japanese or Chinese I'm taking one more look to see if there's like a I used to love playing Mortal Kombat Ben is like Raiden I used to love playing Mortal Kombat maybe Raiden Ben is like Raiden I used to love playing this little fucked up dinosaur with like really

crazy teeth that's Baraka I'm Baraka okay period Ben we have the same mouse what if we kiss with our crazy mouse and make each other watch if you two start kissing And we have the same mouth then. Period. What if we kiss with our crazy mouths and make each other watch? Jock, are you jealous?

If you two start kissing, I'm going to leave. We have. We kiss all the time. We make out every single day. If we could just move the... Well, you can't even see Hess's webcam. I couldn't even see them doing the perverted sex acts.

She just has the camera off for you. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I'm actually in Ben's apartment kissing the back of his head right now. Jealous? You can't see it. Are you jealous? Don't you too, dear.

Because if I kiss the back of your head, I would get an antibiotic-resistant staph infection. Because it's also insanely contagious. You know how much it sucked to have to cancel my gal coming in for the holidays?

Bro, you have much bigger issues than your gal coming in for the holidays. You have an antibiotic-resistant staph infection and you poured acid into your eyes. I'm telling you this out of love. I know I sound like a bitch, but I'm telling you this. You gotta get it together because I'm genuinely

very worried for your health I'm trying to get it together you need to ask for help I think you should just put the shampoo on the staff I think you need to do exactly what your doctors tell you instead of pouring it into your eyes the day the doctor told you not to it's on the back of your neck

I understand it was a mistake but you just need to be extremely careful I am If you were being extremely careful It would not have gotten in your eyes I'm telling y'all Can I explain Can I explain to y'all something

Okay your eye is glowing red right now Oh my god You already have the red eye I'm gonna jump y'all I'm gonna fly to New York and jump y'all outside of your little Chinatown shitholes

it makes a lot of sense now things are really adding up I'm gonna burn your fucking little are you gonna pour acid all over us I'm gonna pour hypochlorite

see how blind you are hypochlorite can I read this you're such a fucking maniac according to information on reddit and medical sources

getting hypochloric chlorhexidine in your eye is strongly discouraged and can cause significant irritation and potential cornal damage. You're saying this is surprising news. No, I didn't.

Cornal damage? My cornal is damaged. My cornal. I'm going to go to an eye doctor. I'm going, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, 20 minutes looking into the shower head as it poured out. Jesus Christ. And? That's what they recommended to do if you get it in your eyes. They called poison control. Well, good. You followed one rule. You know how awful it feels to miss a call from... If your doctor had been like, do not drink this,

you somehow would have ended up drinking it. Yeah. You missed a call from poison control. It did say not to get someone in call from poison control in the moment when i got it in my eyes i did panic and get a little in my mouth too which was also scary so amazing did it taste good no it tasted horrible it stung well that means you probably you could lose all of your taste buds then you could never taste food again. It was horrible, too. Then a few days ago, I was not hungry for a whole day.

And I was like, what is going on? I feel like that's unrelated, Chuck. I feel like... It's just so funny. You're more concerned about not being hungry for a single day and not getting pussy than you are troubled by the fact that you poured

hyperglycemia in your eyes. You haven't been getting pussy, though? And to have an anti-resistant staph infection. You are like becoming a leper, Jock. I don't want to see you become a leper. I can't touch anyone in an intimate way until this is settled. How do you get rid of

it if it's antibiotic resistant? Do you just have to live with flare-ups the rest of your life? I mean... You can get rid of it if it's antibiotic resistant? Do you just have to live with flare-ups the rest of your life? You can get rid of it. If it's antibiotic resistant, how do you treat it? Is it treated only with antibiotics? Can I describe something that I'm actually going to have to do today? It's a free episode, so that's your question and answer.

I'm going to have to rub cream. I have plans on my thing. No. I'm going to have to put everyone please pray for me I'm gonna have to put a new type of antibiotic ointment up

my nose on covering all the insides of my nose cause we live there I'm gonna have to do my armpits in between my legs cause we live there cause staff be living in there. You have staff in your nose? No, it lives in your body

in those spots, and so we just need to eliminate all spots it could be living. We need to eliminate my entire body. We need to laminate my body. The doctor said I gotta laminate my body. The doctor said I gotta get laminated like a fucking lanyard, y'all.

I'm gonna be so shiny, y'all. Itaminate my body. He said I gotta get laminated like a fucking lanyard, y'all. If y'all... I'm gonna be so shiny, y'all. It's ruining my sleep. Bubble boy. It's fucked up, y'all, though. Yeah, it is. You need to do something. I have to sleep more often.

My head hurts. I have all these fucking problems. That's so tragic that you have to sleep more often. I can't eat normally because it just is all diarrhea I've had diarrhea I don't want to know what eating normally means no I've had diarrhea more often than I have in my entire

life combined and on that note get help please get help not get out but also we are getting out I would love the idea of it just looking at me going, get out.

I said get help. Which again, you never want to hear that you're so resistant to just accepting help. I get help all the time. That's why he's antibiotic resistant. Jock is the staph infection. He's infecting the staph infection. Yeah.

He's infecting the staph. I'm a human wound. Period. Okay, I have an announcement that I want to say before we get off. What episode title? On January 8th, I will be making a formal announcement of a live show I will be doing

in Los Angeles with my dearest friend, freud okay does she know not to touch you i do people have you told people that you do everyone look look it's not look i won't shut up about it all right it's not like okay you have to call me after this and realize that he told her like that he can't be touched he'd be like Ben can you please shave off the last 30 minutes of that episode don't say don't say it's not that simple it's not like I can't not be touched it's like I can't

it's incredibly contagious I know I know more about it than you so shut up you idiot it is incredibly contagious I know it's contagious I got it from someone else, you idiot! You're such a dumb fucking idiot.

You couldn't even look at your stupid idiot brain. You're a fucking idiot. Okay, Jacques, what were you going to say? God, you fucking... Of course I know it's highly contagious. And everyone around me has known and heard about this. I have taken extra precautions every second. Carry around hand sanitizer.

So yes, Ben, I know that it's fucking really contagious, you stupid little idiot. You insignificant dweeb. A little tiny person. You are a soulless... Plug your show. There will be no ghost for you. There will just be a fucking

specter that is evil. There will be no ghost. There will be a specter. There will be a specter. I feel like specter is is evil. There will be no ghost. There will be a specter. There will be a specter. I feel like specter is better than ghost. Back to what I was trying to say. I was really interrupted and told that I am a stupid idiot.

I was just saying it was contagious. I was just saying. I was just saying I want another Twinkie for breakfast because I'm lonely. Jacques, plug your live show. Anyway, Game Show Pig is a new show coming to Los Angeles on

February 12th. I will be making a formal announcement of where it will be held, and I'll be doing it with Grace Freud, and I'll be doing it with a couple of my beautiful friends. A clock will be there. We'll send it. We've got Brandon Wardell. We've got them all. You want to come? You've got to come. You live send it. We've got so Brandon Waddell.

We've got them all. You want to come. You've got to come. You live in L.A. You've got to be there. Mark your calendars February 12th. And if you can afford plane tickets, you're asking for five. Love you. Thank you for listening.

Bye, everyone. Bye. Long as you live, would you have the time to watch it shine, watch it shine? Or ask for the moon and heaven to give it to you? you maybe I've got no star to spare or anything fine or even rare only love you let me be your world Could I ever give this world to you? Could I ever give this world to you? Thank you.