Seeking Derangements - SD 38 - Obama Gone Pitchfork

Episode Date: November 19, 2020

our fat titty ex-president put out a really pathetic playlist the other day full of shit he probably doesn't even listen to because he's a POSER intro/// Cara Stewart - What Time Does The Last Moon Leave? (1957?) outro/// Hirth Martinez - Altogether Alone (1975) Weekly premium episodes at https://patreon.com/seekingderangements

What time does the last moon leave? Am I kidding? No, sirree I have a boy Up till three Am I in love? Gosh, gee Hello Mr. Weatherman Today.

I don't even know what that is. I don't. Boop. Boop. Beep on. Beep on. Button posted it. Like Schumer.

I think like the original thing was. Yeah. Amy Schumer was going to cancel like $50,000 worth of debt. Like I think that was the plan. I think for the original thing was Amy Schumer Yeah, Amy Schumer was gonna cancel Like $50,000 worth of debt Like I think that was the plan I think for Senate next year It's about time after she's done Yeah, and then Biden just posted Like on Twitter today

Like out of nowhere Like, oh, we're gonna cancel $10,000 For students with high risk You know They're gonna fucking means test this shit out of this It's just gonna be like annoying indian girls who went to i don't know fucking nyu and like just got a you know and are now like writers on adult swim or something

hi welcome jesus this uh bless you happens god bless you and your little gold bags of gold underneath your eyes perfect we're all recording here okay hello everyone hello children how's everyone how are our children doing today i'm doing all right i'm doing doing actually okay. I'm hiding in the suburbs. I'm hiding in the suburbs while I simultaneously fight two separate airlines. What suburb are you in? Westminster. Westminster. Oh, you're back in Colorado.

Yeah, I've moved back. Oh, Jacques officially returned to Colorado. Well, I never left. Jacques is back in the loving arms of legal weed. I was just on vacation. Alert the police. Yeah, I was just on vacation. I was never actually moving.

I just want to really quickly clarify to everyone, it was a long ruse. No one knew this, but I was driving and flying back to Denver every weekend, secretly, to maintain a certain level of status. To be able to still claim Colorado unemployment yeah exactly

well Jock is back in Colorado Max is in I'm in Spain España Spain fucking sucks dude to Cheeseman Park this place fucking blows. I tried telling people that I was gay and they literally did not believe me.

They were like, no, there's no way you're gay. I kissed someone at a party. I kissed a guy and they still did not believe me because every straight guy here has kissed another man. I'm questioning it now. Tons of tongue and everything. You're definitely the straightest looking person in the group. I'm 100% straight.

You could pass as straight yeah you could pass as straight or you could pass as working on geek squad at best buy i mean either or yeah yeah well it's mostly because i was raised catholic but yeah basically you always try to go back to this catholic thing i mean i come from a catholic family and i don't seem as even a millimeter as abused and as you i think i think cajun overrides catholic because it's such a yeah distinctly psychotic culture it literally doesn't count the the value system is um just uh worships at the altar of chaos not not the lord my parents literally have a massive... Cajun culture is Catholic. Hang on. My parents literally have a massive gold leaf embossed image of the sacred heart of Jesus, like blood and all.

That's like Latin America, like right wing Catholicism, which is way different than Cajun Catholicism. The first thing you see when you come in the house is like a framed letter from Pope John Paul II. Signed. This goals of Salvador and Campesinos. Okay. Yeah, literally that.

The only one who has a framed picture of Pope John Paul's signed letter. Come on. My mama's family, we got that. They got 17 kids. I mean, that's like a Catholic, you know, accomplishment. That's like a Guinness Book of World Records leading up to 1982 or something. In Catholic games, you don't like throw a set. You just like show pictures of like all of your 18 children.

Yeah. Yeah. Because your parents don't. And then St. Francis opens the gates. Yeah, exactly. I went to Catholic school. Not Catholic school. I went to Catholic church and like Catholic religious education. I went to Catholic church and Catholic religious education.

But I never learned anything about God clearly because it was all in Spanish. And I didn't understand any of it. It's also, frankly, not worth learning. Go to a madrasa. Learn Sharia law. That's much more spiritually fulfilling than Catholicism. Literally. Muslims had it figured out, man.

It did make me love Latinas, though. Oh, yes. Love who? It was all latinas so i have since then i've had an endearing lifelong affection for them affection for um any latina of course besides like anna navar i mean they're like it takes a lot oh anna navarro is like a gusano more of a monster than she is anna navarra is that a gusana she's more of a monster than she is a latina navarra is that dave navarro's wife or something yeah she's this disgusting fat woman uh who claims to be latina then is she wait remember that tweet where she claimed to be like four percent black or something

and that's why she voted for for clinton pardon me i just don't know that's so funny that is so fucking that's also like an incredibly like white passing latina move like especially if you're like a rich person from nicaragua being like i've been oppressed too and like you know yeah well they love race science it comes out later that like their parents worked for simosa in the you know in the 70s and like killed a bunch of peasants outside managua actually hold on i brought with me i i this wasn't in the plan but i did bring with me along with 15 tabs of acid uh when you took acid on a plane yeah it's it's i guess there's no splatter paper yeah easy to i i put it yeah in

a book cover or something but i have like a picture book that is the only drugs in spain are like what like sangria and shrimp i don't know if you guys can tell what this is shrimp i feel like they do a lot of molly there this is like pretty heavy but this is uh max is showing us a picture it looks like a um open grave it is an open grave. That is correct, Ben. That is a person's body. And I am willing to bet, I'm willing to put real money that Anna Navarro's parents are somehow responsible

for a number of corpses. I've been blackpilled so hard that when Max showed us that image, I thought I saw a 100 Gex album cover. That actually would go pretty hard. PC noise music. Yeah. This is a book that I got in Nicaragua when I went there.

A photographer friend of my parents was there in the 70s. She was covering it. Mommy and daddy's photographer friend who takes several pictures of Europe. Yeah. So true. He did a lot of work across Central America in the 80s taking photos of burial crowds.

Of course. He knew where all of them were somehow. Yeah, you know where the bodies are. I have this first cousin, Debbie Caffrey, who does black and white photographs and she got famous. Listen to this.

She got famous. My first cousin. You need to qualify. She's basically like an aunt, but listen, and white photographs and she got fame listen to this she got famous her two big first like she's basically like an aunt but just listen her name's debbie caffery fleming and uh she public her biggest two works to come out are photo black and white photographs of alligators having sex totally oh that's really sick but then the other one is that she would buy prostitutes in mexico just so she could photograph them so she was like going to white women love doing that yeah they think they're like staking it to the pamp or whatever but like those women are getting raped the next night for like yeah 40 pesos jesus exactly so i'm you know as a young child sorry that she's showing me around

her house in santa fe of course she lives like this and she's not even a lesbian child, she's showing me around her house in Santa Fe. Of course, she lives like this, and she's not even a lesbian. And she's showing me this giant framed photograph of the prostitute. So not only is she a disrespecting sex worker, she's also queerbaiting by having such a lifestyle and not being an annoying lesbian? Yes. not being an annoying lesbian yes so um so she just you know this woman i mean she's got enough turquoise in her house to claim some kind of relation to a tribe clearly she does not have that's that's how tribal citizenship is is done it's how much turquoise you can amass in your life i mean this woman's definitely got elizabeth warren pocahontas syndrome yeah complex maybe bleep this name yeah we can take her name we can bleep her name um anyways boys i have a i have a question for you yes i saw this i saw

everyone um mad about this online earlier today ladies and and lads, what are some music red flags? For example, Radiohead, Slow Dive, The Smiths, male manipulator music, if you will. I think we are uniquely positioned to answer this question fully because not only are we

all autistic about music, we have been manipulated by men and we also are men who manipulate. So we can really see this. We are uniquely able to answer this question. Degree for being. Yeah, we've been all over this. Well, first of all, I would say.

Yeah, go ahead. Sorry. Yeah. Like, first of all, before we even start, like, answering the question, like, if you've been manipulated by someone who listens to Radiohead, like, you have a 35 IQ and you should probably, like, check yourself at the institution. Well, also, what could he do? Yeah, like, what's the worst that could happen? He's a creep.

He's a liar. He's a creep. He's a weirdo. He sends you a text that's like, I'm going to kill your cat and then sees you in public and then goes to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah never talk to you ever again there's a corner to put himself in time out and starts crying yeah exactly like those people are that's that's you're being manipulated because you're dating a gay guy

yeah so true okay can i can i jump in and interject like the obvious two red flags little peep and extension yes yes it's your choice to date someone why why why are they i mean come on besides like having like a uh clear um i like both of those artists i like little peep i love little peep yeah r.i. Lil Peep. But if you listen to him, you are a terrible person. Look, I manipulate people. Yeah, exactly. It's part of being a human. What do you fucking think Jacques said?

It's part of being normal. Ariana Grande. Any males listen to Ariana Grande. Oh my God. Yeah, that's going to show you some real power play manipulation. I mean, I would say you know... Pretty much anyone who listens to any racial impersonators Ariana Grande

anyone who loves Iggy Azalea also probably have white dreads. Chill. I would say Iggy Azalea should be like Muzak for people in like psychiatric institutions. That's what they should play in the elevators one of the most problematic men i've ever encountered um he loved

the abc song and he would sing it constantly he would say things to me like i pooted my pants um are you are you my mommy and i was not falling for it i mean i'm not going i'm not going to take off your pants sir uh his parents were paying me to be there to do emotional labor not sex work he's a real he's a real sicko i'll be honest yeah so ladies and lads be be on the lookout be on the lookout of any men. Yeah, add to the list. Who you're babysitting. Keep your eyes open for men in general.

I mean, if that wasn't a given. Yeah, if you're trusting men, honestly, you kind of deserve it. Genuinely think about what music would be. Yeah, I don't know. Name 10 men that have duped you in the last three years. I think... Jacques Gonsolin, Ben Moore. Jacques Gonsolin. yeah i don't know name 10 men that have duped you in the last three years i think jacques gonzalon ben more

okay okay um i'm looking through my okay anyone who listens to led zeppelin in this day and age yeah classic rock unless it's like ironic yeah which is honestly even worse even if it is ironic it's like what are you doing that's psychotic oh okay i thought of the clear the most this should just be a given anyone that listens to joyce manor or say anything is up for debate for being a um yeah pop punk pop punk yes uh classic trait of uh for predators yeah ladies ladies if your man listens to pop punk that's not your that's not your man that's your abuser you're addicted to listening to the leftover crack and you've been hopping trains you're most likely a male manipulative guys if if uh he listens to national socialist black metal then uh like all men all men are manipulative it's it's a

man it's a matter of whether or not you know how to turn that around in your benefit okay also people that swear by fka twigs are yes question oh yeah those fags those fags get the wall anything that's ever gotten still standing fka twigs in the year men who listen to fiona apple oh and like make a big deal out of it like no no like if you listen if you like fiona apple that's fine but if you make a big deal out of it. No, no. If you like Fiona Apple, that's fine, but if you make a big deal out of it, fuck. Yeah, no.

Anyone listening to Melanie Martinez? Although I have not listened to her new album. See, exactly. People who would listen to her new album and on release and shit and stay it up until 3 a.m. for it to release in the States. That's psycho behavior yeah i would say anyone who's into like um afro disco um brazilian music extensive knowledge of brazilian

jazz yeah um beware beware do not dm them do not send them your your nudes or anything like that absolutely do not under any circumstances he is world music in general you gotta be careful telling i'm telling on myself here grateful dead too no you're not going to trust me for any reason it should be because i'm a huge world music i mean this should be very this should be very logical but i mean anyone that listens to any form of jam bands and i mean that even brings max into question i mean he's always oh yes edm hands down is probably the worst one uh grateful dad if you listen to grateful dad and like grateful dad like after

jerry had his stroke then like you are you are mentally retarded like you should get your shit anyone should be weary of anyone who uses the word wobble or has anything to do with wobble or dubstep yeah edm people are demonic they are literally they are literally suffering through a demonic possession yeah i would love to go to the raven just sprinkle holy water on everyone emotional distress materialized electronic demon music yeah people are like traumatized beyond belief yeah i feel bad for ragging on like rave people but because like you know they've all been like you know assaulted at some point and like they're all like yeah you know like victims uh yeah subaltern you know

not scum but like you know just they've been abused and hated on by literally everybody but like get a fucking grip you know yeah yeah also um okay i feel like anyone who is listening to the obama playlist yes yes that's a completely different kind of freak okay his he really because he has this new book that he he's charging 45 dollars for his book also by the way you were president man you get paid like so much fucking money to like show up drunk to golden sacks and like mutter about like oh like the respect and you know decency or whatever like talk about how trump isn't like gassing enough yemenis or whatever but yeah on his playlist he's got okay of all, his playlist is in alphabetical order. Psycho. Which is psychotic.

He made that shit on an Excel spreadsheet and sent it to someone. I love that he's fully pivoting to just publicly being a lifestyle brand. Yeah. Like in his post-presidency, he's not going to like... He's just going to be like, do Netflix shows, do like playlists, do like a self-care routine. He's going to work for Goop. Yeah, he's going to do Goop. Yeah.

Let me be clear. The yoni egg goes into your vagina. Let me be clear. Your chakras need to be aligned by the jazz. Is he on the next season of Strange? No, he has a netflix deal um but on his on his um playlist he's got bb bb king the thriller is gone the one that pissed me off the most was um cherish the day by shawday no queen shawday okay huge fan of. Eminem, Lose Yourself? Come on. Eminem, Lose Yourself?

That was just funny. Can you imagine him going like, Mom, Spaghetti? You know, like fucking rapping along to fucking Eminem, Lose Yourself? Yeah, I'm just Gloria Estefan. How dare he drag our queen, Sade?

He asks Alexa what music to listen to. I mean, Sade and Obama have a similar kind of light skin, chill, hot affect. You know? They really do. Yeah. They're both monotone. I hate you comparing them.

They're both monotone, beautiful people. But I think Sade has a real heart and soul of course obama is just very good at replicating that yeah obama has been completely hollowed out by obama's like uh alexa play music for me to drone bomb the civilians too yeah they better cherish their day it's their last his favorite track is like going in for 10 hours into a sensory deprivation chamber like that's his favorite type of music yeah he has and then he yeah sorry he tweeted or he didn't tweet this thing it was tweeted about him um about the ethereal bisexual did you read that oh he was he was woke he was yeah fishing he's the original woke fisher

that that shit was so funny just like him trying to read read all this dumb bullshit theory to get bitches and like let me find what he said it's really revealing that that's what he thinks about it instead of like being like an actual real critical like i mean it's what he did to the to the public yes yeah basically he he hope fished the public yeah um looking looking back it's embarrassing to recognize the degree to which my intellectual curiosity those first two years of college paralleled the interests of various women i was attempting to get to know marx and marcus so i had something to say to the long-legged socialist who lived in my dorm. Fanon and Brooks for the smooth-skinned

sociology major who never gave me a second look. Foucault and Wolf for the ethereal bisexual who wore mostly black. As a strategy for picking up girls, my pseudo-intellectualism proved mostly worthless. I found myself in a series of affectionate but chaste friendships. I want

to be clear here that the bisexual in mention is a man. I didn't know he wrote about me. Misgendered me and all. I'm trying to impress Jock by reading a fucking book. I read Looney just read any book you don't have to read I read Looney Tunes periodicals to impress the bisexual DJ

in a golden girl's outfit just read Everybody Poops to him about this but then people started it was really funny because it was made a bunch of liberal women who are towing the kind of like uh like sort of relationship model of everything is grooming uh who also love obama they were accusing

him of being a um uh being a predator for lying about his interests to to win women over what's really funny is that he didn't even succeed he didn't even get pussy out of it like that's the most pathetic thing like he didn't even get the cap that I mean look he's he got one there's no way he is not not from these people he read fucking Virginia Wolf and like didn't even get pussy out of it this has to be all this is also calculated he mentions them being chased friendship so like he got fucking friendzoned afterwards yeah I'm not excusing dr war criminal mr obama sir for anything but i mean he wasn't really sexually perverse as far as it goes right no that's incredibly normal that's

just what relating to people is it's it's you you know you lie a bit or god forbid you do you take up an interest because you know it will endear people to you. That's just being alive. But no, he was out there chasing poons. It's very funny to see. It's very funny to witness the kind of person who is only willing to like Obama after

he, um, after they can call him a predator for lying to women. Like, it's like... Also, honey, if you're, if you think anybody who lies to women is a predator for lying to women like it's like also honey if you're if you think anybody who lies to women is a predator everybody is a fucking predator yeah women are that that is that is a man's like pastime is lying to women air stewards air male air stewards are predators that's why they call them predator drones because because obama invented them yeah he is a he is a widely known that is so silly yeah they were gonna call him super

predator drones because he's black but then they decided to accent because it was racist uh yeah yeah but the weapons manufacturers you know they they had uh they had intel on obama marx fishing in college and they were that was their cell to him yeah yeah i don't know do you guys lie you guys lie to guys to get them to like you i don't really no i am because i respect i respect my fellow man. I'm pretty transparent about everything. There are only so many things I can also lie about. It's not like.

Yeah. I mean, also, like, fuck. I mean, if we're going to have sex, we're going to fucking find out that I'm lying about, like, my penis size or whatever. You know, like, it's not worth lying about. It's very funny because woke fishing was a thing for a while you know just like you know seeming to be more into social justice or whatever that but like woke fishing

was day by day prescribed language maybe in order to yeah endear people over to you but it's like woke fishing is is is weird and like different it's in a different way mostly because it was mostly used by like 35 year olds trying to dm 19 year olds into like sending them like i'm like breast milk yeah like i'm a male feminist and like my wife doesn't want me to can i get some of your uh breast milk i'm a male feminist that i only drink yeah from boobs to empower young women like yeah i voted for hillary now can i get a pussy pic and like one where you're spreading your lips and then another one of your boobs and another one with your boob kind of hanging out but like still in your shirt. I'm a real feminist.

What I think people need to do is to start anti-woke fishing because there is a whole cadre of people who are afraid of advocating for their own desires lest it be cringe so if you're wanting to ghost abuse um just generally be mean to anyone um i would say the people who expressly describe their politics as anti-woke are probably some of the people who are most afraid of advocating for their own desires in a relationship yes because they all view that as the terrain of like cringe libs so start trolling the reddits um you know start uh tweeting the insane things out about like how bolivia is uh about how eva morales is a dnc op or something and you'll be rolling in people who are begging to be disrespected oh yes fellows i want to watch like a cringe lib tip talk compilation i mean not not hard just just look at the hashtag vote you know the page on tiktok like that's you're set for life there i felt so bad for those teens oh yeah you are just being offered up like like a ritualistic like pig like sacrifice for everyone to dunk on because i

mean it's fine i mean they're hysteric and annoying like it's not a big deal they don't have souls you know like they don't count yeah you can just put them in a fucking garbage disposal and like they don't feel a thing oh my god just so glad that i um i was not um roundly despised and um denigrated for things i put online until i was 24 yeah when i was 18 a lot more more embarrassing than it currently is. But yeah, what's up with you, Jacques? Well, you know, just taking a little R&R vacation to get some real rest. I haven't slept right in two weeks. Join the club. I've slept in two to four hours every night for two weeks until yesterday,

two to four hours for every night for two weeks and start until yesterday where i slept seven hours for the first time in what seemed like 10 years um the last two brain cells in my head are just furiously running around that little hamster wheel you definitely are like someone who either sleeps 10 hours or two hours yeah i mean i i had a really good sleep schedule for a while and then i just blew it with all this the mice the pandemic the election oh yeah i mean that's that's your roommate's problem now that's and and i'm also i'm i won't even get into two details but i'm at war with two separate airlines right now that That's right. United American Airlines for losing his luggage and putting them on flight 93 and the other one that hit the Twin Towers.

No, no. You have to bleep this out. Why? I got groped. Why do we have to bleep this out? I got groped. It's actually, yeah, I will bleep it out because there is a police case open in this in this situation isn't there you filed a police report yes because this guy gets an airline yeah no an

air steward look just listen he he is it because the tsa machine grinded up your sandwiches again no and you have to bleep out the word police and just bleep out. I'm not going to bleep out the word police, but I will bleep out the airline's name. Just don't say them anymore. Because then this will all just be one big bleep. Okay. And people will think that we're saying something way worse than we are. I blocked a guy on Grindr who kept incessantly messaging me and he had on his profile that

he worked here and he was an air steward don't say the fucking name i'm gonna bleep that out as well all right sorry go on so then i'm sitting on the airplane working on my computer with um on a djing program slash with my headphones on and he reaches from the seat behind me which he has sat behind mid-flight he's chosen a random time to sit behind me he grabs the back of my arm and like this and so i take my headphones off and i'm like and i look at him and i say what and he said i just wanted to see what you were doing so he's stroking your arm yeah he stroked my arm from behind and i was immediately a hundred

percent offended don't fucking touch me ever i don't know you and don't fucking touch me on an airplane okay you do also beg for strangers to come hug you i did not i do not beg for strangers to come hug me loser look i think either is fine but okay so what happened so that's it that was that's was the grope yes that's that he stroked your arm yes because i bought you're now suing an airline company i'm not suing the airline shock that's insane yeah we we have we have alan dershowitz we have uh uh let's see the guy we have ruda giuliani Dershowitz, and... They told me... They told me that I was... They accused me of phishing. They tried to tell me that I was...

What do you mean, phishing? For money. They were like... They tried to tell me it didn't happen. They said... One woman said, I don't care and hung up on me. They're just

disrespecting they, them. You called them and you were like, man, I have been I was assaulted. 18 hours. I spent 18 hours. 18 hours what? On the phone? Total on the phone over the last from October 16th to today.

And the final resolution they came up for this was to tell- You're just harassing our phone operators in Pakistan. This to me signals that we just need to record more often. We have way too much free time on Drops. I'll tell you this. I was talking with the corporate escalation

officer so i've gotten to the highest point and they finally tell me sorry they have a specific office for gay men levying faulty no no they have one for gay men and they have another one for gay thems it's not i don't think that's a real accusation, Jock. Look, if you're in it for the scam, go off. I'm not in it for the scam. If you literally think that him grazing your arm is sexual assault, you're not going to win this. The mic. Him fondling the back of my arm like this is not the same as. Was he doing it with his dick or ass?

No, but it's like. Okay, well, then I don't think you've got a leg to stand on. I have one better look look i i hope that you can um you know successfully sue them for probably millions we are all rooting for jacques here yeah we all want this for you look look i'm just this is not this is not a uh a scam this is not like a... This is justice. Yeah, don't touch me. As soon as I got on that plane, I said, I literally was like,

I don't want a single person to touch me or get near me. I have an autoimmune disorder. You announced this to the crowd. To everyone on the plane. Excuse me, y'all. I want everyone to know that if you touch me, I will be levying a false accusation of sex. Stop saying false accusation.

Take it back and say, I'm sorry. It's not a false accusation. Sorry. If a specific airline company is listening, first of all, thank you for subscribing to our podcast on Patreon. Please join the $30 sub at least i know you're at the like $5 one that's not fair please join the highest yeah thank you for listening i appreciate it i think that this particular airline sucks i've flown

this airline you see this quite a few times but i do want to say that anything we do say here in terms of uh saying that this is a false accusation is not true. We all believe that our co-host and dearly beloved friend, all victims deserve to be believed, was the victim of a sexual assault on

your airline, and we are coming for you. Justice will be served. Thank you. Our lawyer, Alan alan will be in touch our lawyer mr alan dershowitz yeah our lawyer rudy giuliani is going to be in touch in a couple of months once he's done with the trump shit yeah we believe non-binaries on this so we got a lawyer named king his last name's king in new or Orleans. So our legal cases will be some. Okay, so you really should not talk about an ongoing legal matter,

but we've done this much. Well, actually, hang on, hang on, hang on. Let's change the subject here a little bit. I can do you a little bit better. I don't know if I've told this story on the podcast. I know I've said it to you guys before. Oh, I love it already. Lawsuit talk? not lawsuit but like similar so like when i was 17 i was very well i wasn't very catholic but you know my parents were like oh we'll pay for you to go on a mission trip

to tiapas or whatever like to translate for doctors and shit that go down there um and so i went down you know i had a nice time and you, I come back up cause it's like almost time for me to go, you know, uh, yeah. Spring break's almost over. I did that instead of spring break, which is fucked up. But anyway, um, I come back, uh, to, to Sacramento and I am on my last leg of the flight, you know? And, uh, you know, I, my parents were like, oh, we have some extra miles. We'll bump you up to first class. Cause it's like the regional flight and it's super cheap to do that.

And that way, like I can take more baggage through the whole thing anyway. Um, and you smuggling children back in. Yes. I'm smuggling, I'm smuggling organs back in. So I,

um, yeah. So I'm, I'm like halfway through the flight and like, I gotta go take a leak or whatever. And like the, like the stewards, like looking at me kind

of weird uh this is before like i even used grinder and like light about my age like i just didn't touch that shit then um but like yeah he like comes up to me and he's like yeah like so uh you know you look you look pretty young like what are you doing up here like oh yeah i'm like looking pretty young and hot yeah exactly and like i was like, I was like, yeah, I'm, you know, I went to do this thing, you know, in Chiapas and like had a lot of fun like doing this. It was great. Anyway, he gives me his number and he's like, yeah. So like whenever you want to talk about like becoming

an air steward or whatever, wink. And like, you know, like sends me back to my seat, you know. And the next day he like texts me like well i'm at fucking school like it was a monday you gave him your number then i i gave i i he had it from the fucking passenger manifest which means of course that seems illegal yeah which also means that he had my age and he knew that i was 17 at the time two three hundred strikes so he's like a professional so yeah he's like he at the time to 300 strikes so he's like a professional so yeah he's like he's a pro at this right so he's like how that's like how gay guys um become

priests so they can diddle children yeah guys do that so they can become airline stewardesses and then yeah people got wise to the fact that like gay guys particularly well-traveled 17 year olds so true so yeah he he texted me when i'm at school like he sent me a wyd text at like 11 guys particularly well-traveled 17 year olds so true so yeah he he texted me when i'm at school like he sent me a wyd text at like 11 a.m on a school day and i'm like what the fuck yeah yeah sending a you up you said i personally i love sending a you up text at five o'clock in the afternoon yeah yeah because i know you're up you can't lie to me i know you're awake exactly you can't say you were. I know you're awake. Exactly. You can't say you were taking a nap, motherfucker.

I've seen the amount of Adderall XRs you take all night. Yo, you up? I know you are because it's five. Yeah. Like, hey, hey, hey, what's up? W-I-D. Hey, you up? You up?

And it's like 5.30 p.m. No, like this was 11 a.m on a school day i remember because it was at lunch too and uh yeah like i was so fucking spooked by it it blocked his number uh and i didn't fly united for a couple years after that so uh now i did not take any legal i was recently groped jock i was literally groped why is is mine not a literal grope? Because my dick was grabbed fully, copped without my consent. And you know what?

Look, I punched him in the face. Where was this? At a thing. In Iowa or New York? I won't specify. Happened recently, so you can put two and two together. But yeah, no, this guy just in a bathroom. it was when you went to little i loved it i love i love being i love being um and like this is personal oh my god it is assault i don't condone it i don't think it

should happen unless it's happening to me because i take it as a compliment i'm like that desperate someone is just unless you're like hideous right if you're like a five or up and you want to dan elagretto if you're listening to this do not grow ben dan would never look if you if you want you want to flirt with me really aggressively and then maybe end up groping me, thank you. Thank you for caring.

Oh my. Thank you for caring and being so helplessly horny for me that you're willing to commit a crime. I think that that is... Willing to go to jail for someone. That's very romantic, honestly. horny for me that you're willing to commit a crime yeah i think that that is like you know willing to go to jail for someone that's that's very romantic honestly how is there a higher compliment yeah jock you should learn how to take a compliment here yeah yeah i think you're just

not willing to take someone he's literally obsessed with you babe he literally is like so obsessed I wanna pour candle wax on your computer screens wow yeah that would be assault

struck by the parameters in which that would be yeah not good good luck bitch look you see my t-shirt what it says at the bottom vengeance is mine

it says vengeance yeah Romans XI 19. You read that and you'll know. I'm talking business. I mean business, baby. Yeah. Oh, my God.

The other day I was, I saw a different kind of assault. An animal, an animal on animal assault. Oh, my God. At the dog park. It was so fucking funny. Okay, so like two dogs like we're like fucking going at it hell yeah one of them ends up bleeding wow and one of yes exactly period um one of them ends up bleeding and a guy was bit in the process this dog like jumps on another and there's this gay guy

it was an all gay guy ordeal it was literally only gay men at the park and gay's only dog park yes we love this guy like it was just by by a happenstance but this guy runs up and grabs his dog because he's being attacked and then sure it's gonna help me and so i go over because it's like this older gay guy with his little dog that is being attacked and um the dogs are taken apart the aggressor leaves the park but this dog is like bleeding from its head and this guy's hand is bleeding because the dog bit him and then we're like trying to decide like what what to do like how bad it is and then this other gay guy comes over and he's like oh my god like that's like so crazy like is everything okay and we're like yeah it's fine and he's like just you're like does your dog like want some of my croissant

like like dude this dog is like laying down and like bleeding from its head and you're coming over like would your dog like some of my treat i brought a little treat i don't know they don't like right now for all you know this dog is literally bleeding out and you're like they want some of my croissant but the funniest thing was that the owner was like oh my god yes he loves croissants and so they just fed this injured dog like the butt of a croissant it was so fucking funny they were like my dog loves french pastries thank you for saving it's life literally as if it's like a like it's like a video game and you're low on health so you need to like like eat some gold coins or something it was so oh my god it was hilarious yeah just just feeding your dog a bunch of gelt romantic new york city life story

did you and the guy yeah maybe not no he was like old yeah no i just i thought this was the beginning of a romance i thought this was like the beginning of love actually too or yeah it sounds like a really good meet cute when when your dogs uh rape each other uh at the beginning of a rom-com unfortunately no that's it was not a a meet cute yeah i'm so sorry uh before i forget uh do you guys see the other uh music obama collab this week no he had this interview in the atlantic where he just like went off on like uh mid aughts like you know that like southern rap with like the really fucked up uh photoshopped album covers like i'm pretty sure that's what he's talking about here um i don't even know what that what like like like big bear or something i'm so lost though you know

oh doing why does he know about that uh that's what i'm assuming that he's talking about because he's talking about like rap music like it's like it's a fucking museum piece um so he's getting asked about like oh yeah like are you some sort of like never trump conservative and nobama's like yeah yeah you know i'm kind of like that you know just being like yeah sure why not uh and then nobama just like takes a fucking hard left and says uh yeah it's this indication of parts of popular culture that i've missed it's interesting uh people are writing about the fact that trump increased his support among black men and the occasional rapper who supported trump i have to remind myself that if you listen to rap music yeah it's all about the bling the women the money a lot of rap videos are using the same measures of what it means to be successful

so racist i mean he hasn't he obviously has not listened to rap since 2008. Framing black people as having no material interests or thoughts on policy or politics aside from the point that they want earned income tax credits. So they can put spinner hubcaps on their 2004 Hummer. 2004 Hummer. He just thinks that black people use FAFSA money that they should have used to learn how to code or whatever. Yeah, like put an anime wrapper around their car or something.

Actually, no. You wouldn't think about an anime wrapper, but that is what black people would put on there. When Trump wore Jordans, he had the fucking black vote on the wall scotty pippins you know like sneakers uh wait what did he actually say though uh yeah it's just that but it's like the bling bling the bling bling the women the money like have you not listened like

all the old music old rap music is now is like uh it's all music made in the same key by like the same eight producers about like how it's great to abuse uh you know i mean this isn't this isn't a this isn't an uncommon um argument that people make i've even heard people who would describe themselves as being like on the left say things to the effect of well you know black black culture is uh in some way specifically um uh welded to the idea of a specific capitalist kind of success and entrepreneurship because of the kind of uh you know whether it be the money-making aesthetics of rap music yeah like which is very funny to me because that's like all culture is all culture is are you fucking kidding me like i mean yeah like one of the most popular tv shows on on television is fucking shark

tank and and like i know i know like are you fucking no that's what you don't understand is that is a that is a black show only black people watch yeah only only black people watch shark tank yeah i mean jesus christ also like the only rappers that endorsed trump were like uh like satirical lyrical like white guys and like uh but also kanye it was literally running for president if that was true yeah kanye West would have gotten 100% of the black vote. Absolutely. Kanye is a personification of that. There was literally a rapper running for president.

The most famous rapper running for president. The most famous rapper alive that could be president is running for president. I'm sure most of the people who voted for Kanye were like wiggers. No, not even that. They waited to vote for kanye like like it was like a supreme store drop yeah it's just kanye to the users or like

people who couldn't vote anyway because they have like a prior on the record and like they live in florida you know how many votes did he get like 15 20 he got like 5 000 like around the country which is insane like it's it's a nothing right it's like less than a lot of right ends i'm pretty sure bernie got more votes than that joe jorgensen got more i hope um yeah she's a fucking woman joe your big joe jorgensen i love that girl she's got good bangs i'm not libertarian by any means and i don't really know that much about her but she's just got this kind of like what do you what do you know about libertarian what does libertarianism mean to you people who shop at the buckle means men interested in my little pony it usually means probably a pedophile yeah and someone that wants to hold on to their

guns because they think the government can't hold a gun um let's see what else um they think that they should have all the money in the world and that they should own all the bitcoins uh-huh well you're like surprisingly on yeah you're like you really got it i haven't ate a piece of dark chocolate so i think it kind of went straight to your brain it goes it pairs well with a gumbo. I mean, some gumbo I made, too. Oh, my God. And I'm having a blackberry bubbly. What else about... Okay, so you got libertarianism.

Yes. What about anarchy? Okay, well, you got folk punk, train hopping. Okay. You know, this is typically any kind of rapist, you know. Yep. They're usually going to be an anarchist. Any kind of rapist you know yep you're usually gonna be any kind of racist okay my experience i feel like you're basing this off of one specific person you know sounds like fucking facts to me i don't know about you actually no no i'm actually basing it

on two i don't even think is an anarchist i'm basing it on two people that you actually know, and one of them we used to live with. Okay, well, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was trying to be a little more subtle. I'm not subtle. So that's anarchy. What else have we got? Jacques, what about accelerationism or an accelerationist? Okay, accelerationist.

Think about it before you say something like Sonic the Hedgehog. Okay, consider what that could actually mean okay that's that's a really ignorant response ben it would obviously be either the tasmanian devil or um the what's that bird that's always running up look i don't really know i would just say it's someone who really loves the movie need for speed what's the little the thing that goes beep beep running up and down the highway? A roadrunner? Yes. That's your typical...

It's called a car shock. The honk and drive on freeways. An accelerationist. I don't even have a really funny definition for it. It's just someone who's pushing towards... Let's do a brainstorm. Trying to accelerate political... rash political agendas i don't know yep extreme political agenda okay yeah you should eat more or of that you should be a political theorist yeah you should go on

a job for i would i mean so okay okay so let's let's let's think of another one for him yeah we got libertarianism down we've got anarchy down we've got

accelerationism down neoconservative neoconservative classical liberal what's a classical liberal Jacques yeah let's do classical liberal

we're gonna take a piss while you answer that because I classic liberal that's when Beethoven tells a homeless person they should learn how to code no Yeah, let's do classical liberalism. We're going to take a piss while you answer that. Classic liberalism. That's when Beethoven tells a homeless person they should learn how to code. Classic liberalism is like when Ruth Gator Binsberg tells Native American people that she's taking their land. No, not really. It's more like colonialism.

Okay, okay. But look, they're all the same thing. Really shock. Let me try again. Classic liberal. Max is gone. We should shit on his lifestyle. So Max is literally, his room is literally so tiny. It's brick walls everywhere.

He said he had to go pee, but that was the shortest piss. That was the shortest piss I've the shortest i was blasting my toilet coke bottle there's some ugly naked roommate behind him i guess that's either his sexual partner sorry that was my twin um oh yeah that was an insanely fast pee i i said i was gonna pee real quick and i I meant real, real quick. How much did you pee? He just peed on the wall. His apartment's bad, but I didn't know this bad. Just a little bit, yeah. Because he has a tiny bladder.

I do have a tiny bladder. And also a penis. Yes. It's really cold in here. You can only pee a tiny bit. It really is cold here. My dick is like a fucking press stud right now. Yeah.

What else have we got? Lawsuits? have i been in oh i i want up i want up jock on the sexual assault front he was grazed i was groped uh-uh this is intentional this is groped too well it's not like it's not what did he grow up you can't grope someone's grab the underarm in a disgusting way if this i forgot i forgot the airline could be listening to this jock you were the victim of a horrific sexual assault and i think that you are also valid money for um well also you are valid you're also old owed money for emotional distress due to the fact that you have not been able to have sex or um i mean that's not that's not true oh that's not true no oh that's for other reasons no i've had

plenty i've had i've had more sex i've had more sex in the last month now since then never before you know you need the airline needs to know how bad and traumatic this experience was. Yeah, but the airline also needs to know that Jock is a fucking baller. I got in a fight with my boyfriend because I was spending too much time on customer support every day. There we go. And look, and I'll say this too. I'm also in a battle with Alaska. So it destroyed your relationship.

Remember not to say the airline. The other one's less important. You could just say airline two. You could call it Michelle Obama and you'd probably still be right. The other one's actually, the other case is fine. It's more open. It's more open? What does that mean?

There's no charges being pressed on this one, right? Oh, so you did not file a police report against someone who, against an essential worker? You have to bleep out the word police. You have to bleep out the word police. So you did not file a police report against someone who is against an essential worker. You have to bleep out the word police. I'm not going to bleep out the word police. It's way too much work. But I am going to bleep out the other airline's name.

Okay, so what's going on with Alaska? So I told them, I was like, this woman at the gate, she's not wearing her mask. Can you make sure she wears her mask inside the airplane? The gate woman is like, I'll communicate that to the airplane we promise you're so evil she'll keep their mask on and this woman takes her mask down and she's like like talking like louder than anyone on the plane i watched her spit you saw you saw a person who was working their horrible job no no no she, no, no. Smile. She wasn't working. This is a customer.

You decided to sue the company for not making this woman's life terrible. Oh, it was a customer. It was a customer, and they wouldn't tell her to put her mask on, and I was pissed. And I was like, Gary? I talked to Gary in Alaska, the supervisor in Seattle, and I'm like, Gary, you got to make sure this doesn't happen on the next plane or I swear to God, I'm going to lose my autoimmune asthmatic asshole and go fucking

crazy, okay? And so he's like, you know what, Jacques, I'm going to make sure that doesn't happen. I watched, that woman got added to no fly list that day because she kept her mask off. She's legally classified as a bioterror yeah i get on the next the next one they say oh we put you in a special seat that's far away from people

they were being yeah why why because they put me not because they're privileging you it's because no they need to keep this is the crazy person they punish we must keep away from other people no you're the crazy person in the situation they punish that's why they're isolating you no no no listen they didn't isolate me they punished me and moved me into the center where near everyone oh my god that sucks the two women in front of me were these pork skin blue lives matter toting uh grease balls eating they kept their mask off the whole time. Pork skin blue lives matter. Grease balls. They're literally eating Cheeto puffs.

You can't call them that if they're not Italian. Cheeto puffs are the lowest class of the Cheeto family. Absolutely. They're licking their fingers and then touching the air conditioner knob. Okay. On the right of me, I still don't know if that warrants a lawsuit, but that is gross.

On the right of me, there's an entire family who won't wear their mask on. That is disgusting. A family is lawsuit territory. Yeah, and I happen to get pictures and videos, even though I told the staff, I said,

I cannot believe y'all made a queer person Sit next to a family on Alaska Airlines You know how bad it is For me to see a family unit in public A functioning normal family A normal loving family I'll tell you this Going on a delightful trip

Despite coronavirus Y'all I'm sending this to my freaking lawyer the way that these low lives get off is that they abuse the one rule of the airplanes which is that you can keep your mask off if you're eating or drinking and they eat things like so they just hold yes look i've been on a plane i and i know that i know the game you pretend to be eating or drinking constantly. Jokes on them. I don't mind the mask that much. I don't personally think it's that bad. But it's just...

I like it because it's like I feel more anonymous. Me too, but... It gives you an excuse to be really rude to the air steward and not tell them anything. I don't have to worry about if I look hot or not. It's just... Once it's done, I'm going to continue wearing a mat.

I may honestly... Yeah, Japanese style. Just convert to Islam. Look, shut up. I will maybe hurt Nikib. The entire burqa. Or Nikib. Okay.

Anyway. Anyway. These fucking fools. Okay. Anyway. Anyway. These fucking fools. These pork-skinned, low-lives who thought they were just going to fuck with me.

And look, they took their mask down and started coughing when they noticed I was freaking out. And then laughing at me and pointing. Because you were filming them. No, because they noticed I was freaking out. Jacques was in that flight with Burger King guy who freaked out and called everyone the N-word. You guys remember that from a couple months ago? Oh my god, yeah. That guy's such a king.

Honestly, go off to that guy. That guy, he was wearing a Burger King. Yeah, Burger King crown. The paper crown. That guy was legitimately scary. These anti-maskers should be put to death and the air staff that isn't brave enough to face them

I cannot wait until this is played in court oh my god until this audio segment is played in court I'll tell you this I'm an immunocompromised person your honor my client is retarded. Your Honor, my client is a they-them.

I'm going to fight you. Your Honor, my client is neurodivergent and sexually divergent. You can't put Jock in jail. There is no they-them prison. It's a perfect client. I'm sure Kamal is working on what kind of prison she's got to fill. When people ask me to throw Jock in, a non-binary prison, Kamal is absolutely working on that concept.

Oh, yes. When people ask me what kind of business I'm in, I tell them I'm in the business of being bullied by my cohorts. Your co-hosts, not cohorts. I guess either works, but cohorts is a little weird. Okay. Do you know that that... What's the difference? I don't know.

You win that one, Chuck. You win that one. I once was a part of a class action lawsuit suing Carnival Cruises. Oh. And I made like $700. If I feel wronged

I'm gonna come after you for what you've wronged me for and I've been wronged by these people what what are you gonna sue me for not you I'm talking about the airlines don't I could sue you for shading gears off my life look we're the amount of stress you've put me through I would

never sue either of y'all to confirm I would I would sue you. Okay. Well, don't. If you, if you strike a big, if you,

if this, if this lawsuit you make money from, I'm suing you. I don't know. Suing people seems like too much of a hassle. I'd honestly just like make your life miserable online forever. Just like post, like docs you on,

on 410 or whatever. And like make racist me no like if anybody anybody anybody just like be like yeah uh so and so lives at uh you know such and such yeah no not even that just like put it in the hands of regular people you know everyone has a fucking gun like god yeah we really talked about a lot this time. I mean, you know what, Jacques? I wish you luck with the lawsuit. I hope it is a fruitful endeavor for you.

I really do. It's not a lawsuit yet, but... I called my three lawyers and I got... Do we have any Jacques notes to round out the episode? Yes. Well, you know, I've got my comeback. I've started my comeback. Wait, is that a... Your comeback. What do you mean? is that another uh can you show us the other you got you got literally your comeback that's that's a different one what the hell is that notebook oh this is like

a furry notebook oh my god it's like a furry pink notebook oh my god so many notes now but look let me just get down to this. Wait, wait, wait. Can I see them again? Okay, you're also going to need to do something with the mic in this one. No, no, no, it's fine. I'll fix it. Don't worry about it. Okay. So, I got veterans revenge on my list of things to do.

Is he even still alive? Like, that guy probably died. That guy got COVID and died yeah so yeah he's dead dude don't don't worry yeah the first day i covid finished with the vietcong couldn't the first day i was in town i took a skate around the neighborhood just to relax and i i happened to see him and i really oh my god ignited the vengeance will be did he did he see you no and he probably would have been so pissed. He would have started shooting. Of course.

Okay, so what's after the veteran revenge? I broke my skates. I went too hard. I fell in the night twice on the way to get my boyfriend and Shur and gumbo ingredients. I'm on a new meal plan.

I've made gumbo. Shur and gumbo ingredients i'm on a new meal plan i've made gumbo it's literally like like hospice food what are you doing eating sure i'm not drinking insurance for my boyfriend he's trying to gain weight he's underweight okay okay okay so um i've also um you know i've started to gumbo meal plan for the rest of the month. I've made enough gumbo to survive till December. And that's all I'm going to be eating. You know, I have a thirst for adventure. I wrote that down with a lot of exclamation points.

I'm ready to start hitting the woods. How high were we when you wrote this down, Josh? I want to be in place. I want to be standing in the middle of a lightning storm or running in it. Something like that. Honestly, Josh, I completely, that's absolutely, yeah.

Be careful what you wish for because it just might be like a tornado just whips you up and flings you had a wall at 140 miles an hour psychotically psychotically depressed so i would love to be in the middle of it of a thunderstorm so i feel alive yeah you want to be in the notebook myself and in the next 30 minutes when i go to the uh the skate park like the skateboard park on my roller skates all right what else have we got in the book um i miss alcohol i just wrote down i really i really miss alcohol and then i put dot dot dot i miss alcohol why didn't i have any

recently um you were blackout drunk while you were writing i wrote i wrote um i wrote paradise I wrote Paradise Boyfriend Life. A vibe. Also, in quotations, I must have been some form of something. I wrote talks about politics and news in parentheses. Oh, my God. But I could not understand what that even meant. Yeah. That's what happens when you eat those dark chocolates.

You become incredibly smart but unable to write anything down. Really, really smart. Yeah. Oh. All right, let's do one more before we say goodbye to our beautiful, beautiful subscribers. I wrote a note that I saw that my friend who lives with other gay people have a straight and queer ally or a straight

queer allies flag hanging outside of their house. A straight queer people who are allies to straight people? No, straight people who are allies to queers. I like Ben's idea a lot better than yours, honestly. Yeah, me. I'm an ally to straight people. Straight people Ben's idea a lot better than yours, honestly. Yeah, me.

I'm an ally to straight people. Straight people need allies. Something's fucked up with them. Oh, you're finally sponsoring Straight Pride this year? You're going to be a host? Yeah. I've been. Seeking Derangements is officially sponsoring

Straight Pride this year. We're all going to Boston. We're having a live show there. Before we go, December 1st is the pre-order for the official Seeking Derangement shirt. Get yours today. Details online. We are never

going to follow up on that, by the way. Not happening. We've been trying to make this shit happen for months and months and months. Love you all. Bye.