Seeking Derangements - SD 380 - Free Trade?? Where!?

Episode Date: February 4, 2025

Hello Seekers! Ben here, today Jacques, Hesse and I discuss the American woman who is holding 100 press conferences in Pakistan about how she is refusing to leave, style each other for our inevitable Grammy appearances, and wildly speculate about how tariffs are going to effect the American economy. Also, we discuss how to elevate my years long "harassment" of JVN.

Hello everyone, welcome to Seeking Derangements, it's Ben, I'm here with Jock and Hessa. This is a free episode, so if you'd like to hear weekly bonus episodes or get access to our entire back catalog, subscribe to our Patreon. It's patreon.com slash seeking derangements. And on that note, for Valentine's Day, we're going to be doing a very special episode. last week our 58 year old super fan he's going to be joining us for valentine's day love line so if you have any questions you'd like to ask us or ask jamie about your boyfriends your girlfriends how to break up with someone who has bpd etc etc you can call and leave a voicemail at 332-203-8247 and that is it for the top of the episode Jock, Hessa, how are you both doing today? we're here, hello I'm good

I am Boots the Sleighhouse Down Mamas and Pappas and Genderless and Genderless I guess Genderless is a gender I wanted to make this new thing for when I'm DJing where it goes, there's only one gender. Transgender!

And then the air horns go off and then the music starts back up. I think that'll go off without a hitch. I think people will love that. That's what I'm hoping, but I feel like people could get really confused. I don't know if anyone will get confused by that no i think it's pretty clear to me yeah yeah i think maybe jock what if you said what if to be more inclusive what if you had it say there's only two genders and then didn't say transgender yeah yeah that's good because it implies transgender and the non because there's trans men there's trans men and there's trans women so if you yeah yeah yeah that's good because it implies transgender and non-transgender is the other one

there's trans men and there's trans women so if you say there's only one gender transgender is it men or trans women you know so I think you should say I think you should say like you're DJing like you know techno or whatever or you should just have it say there's only two genders

da da da da hey can we get these two ADHD kids some ADHD medicine y'all's explanations are I need a Ritalin smoothie to comprehend I would do you should just have a drop that says

there's only one gender and nothing else I think that's even more beautiful I think you have to say there's only two genders what if you say there's only one gender human no that's even more beautiful. I think you have to say there's only two genders. What if you say there's only one gender, human? No. That's pretty good. What do you think, Jacques?

What do you think, Baby? There's only one gender, African. Yeah. Black. There's only one gender. Black. It all began in Africa. That would be so that if you dropped that

i think people would love it wait did you guys see that there's a dj in india it's i don't i can't tell from the flyer she's certainly not a black woman but she's called dj black woman are you serious yes it's such a funny black madonna all over again literally i know i need a i need a black madonna black one b2b can't cannot stand the black madonna i'm just i love her she's so funny yeah this well she's just the blessed look at this look at this yeah oh she changed it oh my no this is the flyer we don't know the flyer for dj black woman we don't know this is a we're venturing into dangerous territory did black change her name or no well this is this is certainly not the black madonna that's black woman she i approve of

black this is black and she's why she looks like a white woman she's probably like an indian woman who has pale skin this is is in Goa, India. Goa? I don't know how to say that. Yeah, Goa trance is a genre of electronic music. Well, maybe if DJ Black Woman has some amazing Goa trance, we'll have that be the intro.

Once a year, I tweet out, breaking, the blessed Madonna has changed her name back to the Black Madonna. It's like a thousand likes dude i i am so sad i missed her reign she seemed to have some real pull in like the early 2010s she was going crazy she was i love that one clip of her where she's just like adjusting the volume like over and over and over she was able to use her 2010

swag popularity to get on Grand Theft Auto 5 as a unlockable character slash like unclockable she was able to get this radio station and also be like a slash like Unclockable. She are unclockable. She was able to get this radio station and also be like

a club DJ that you could hire when you buy it. And that alone was enough to make her enemies for life besides the way she looks. And also just being in Grand Theft Auto 5. I think it's unfair that she make her enemies for life with who? Black Madonna

wake up no, but what do you I understand what you're saying. I think enemies for life with Jock enemies for life with whom? Who me? Me, me, me, me, me, me. Oh, and black. The jealousy thing. I forgot. Sorry, but it's not just jealousy. It's like what

what has she done to warn it? And also like I just, you know, what haven't you done i think is the question then jock well i'm not she's done nothing and you've done something then why is she in gta what what what makes her a better fat white woman than me i'm not i think you're well i actually think she's probably a better fat white woman than you i'll be honest i don't know jock i think you i think you're... Well, I actually think she's probably a better fat white woman than you, I'll be honest. I don't know. Jacques, I think you give her a run for her money. I'm also... What's the fattest, whitest woman thing you've

done recently, Jacques? Compared pictures of Rosie O'Donnell to Roseanne and see who's doing better today. That seems like a you thing. I think I'm just thinking of fat white... You're thinking of fat white women. No, but you have to be the rosy.

You have to be the fat white woman. I just got to go pieces slices and scarf them down. Okay. You ate pizza? Okay. That gets you like one point on a really large, on like a 20 point scale, I think.

On a 100 pound scale. Okay, I had granola with mixed berries this morning. That's just white woman. That's not fat white woman. Yeah. That's like skinny white woman. And this is why Blessed Madonna, formerly black, having a DJ,

being named DJ Black Madonna is one of the most fat white woman things of all time. It's not DJ either. It's just the Black Madonna. one of the most fat white woman things of all time it's not DJ either it's just the Black Madonna okay it's even better it's being black it's like you know being Madonna it's being a DJ

she's also a lesbian too correct yes yeah of course right I think she's just in general her personality visually and her selections annoy me so okay I don't know

well maybe you should start a flame war with her but she was named after her it's very funny that if you go to her Wikipedia page her glasses frames are all so annoying and it you go to the Wikipedia page. Her frames. Her glasses frames are all so annoying and it just. She has a Wikipedia page? Yeah, if you go to her page.

It's pretty long. Also, there's a link on the Wikipedia page to gender nonconforming. Which is a separate page. And I think we should put Jock on the page. Absolutely. We need to get Jock up there. We should get Jock on the fat white woman wikipedia

page so but this um the black madonna the page it uh if you go to the page the first thing it says is for the venerated icon of black madonna see the black madonna of czech which is um a like a polish uh baroque era like sure icon of course of course i want to know i want to point out what does it look like does it look like a black woman yes kind of it looks like a sicilian woman period i i realize why else i'm very mad at her um why else are you very mad at her i forgot that i read this a long time ago and it just pissed me off her Wikipedia page on the personal life section only says one sentence

stamper identifies as bisexual and non-binary so she's really coming for isn't that literally how you identify yeah that's why you're mad yeah she's coming for you who the hell is stamper though you know what about a camper identify yeah yeah that's why you're mad yeah she's coming for you um well that's the case though you know what about a camper stamper hardly know her yeah stamper stamper maria stamper

spelled m-a-r-e-a maria stamper is uh that's the one well let's let's switch gears and talk about okay also i don't know if you guys i'm gonna say wait please oh my no why okay i feel like she wrote this she made this added to her own uh fucking wikipedia page it says musical career and then the first sentence says a high school dropout who was bullied for her gender non-conforming appearance shut the fuck up. No one bullied you for looking like a fat person. I'm sure they did. We literally are right now. I'm sure they did.

Shut the fuck up, bitch. No one's bullying you. Oh my god. I'm looking at these pictures and she's so skinny and she looks like a pageant queen. I think it's all been a lie. Okay, you don't even know what point you're trying to make anymore you completely confuse what always happens yeah he gets he confuses himself um anyways switching gears a different

queen in the news right now although black madonna is severely not in the news we'll bring her back yeah um is this woman onijah i forget her last name but if anyone out there has been on TikTok or Twitter, I'm sure you've seen at least one video of this woman. It's a lady who went to Pakistan to marry her 19-year-old online lover and has since caused quite the news storm in Pakistan. the news storm in Pakistan. She's doing like full news, full press conferences in front of like welfare offices and at hotels. She's being kicked out of, um, she's having one of the most iconic BPD crash outs of all time.

She's hanging out with the like, uh, civil rights, Pakistan, like super leader or whatever. That guy who's like who are you talking about am i wrong am i confused is that not it i mean you said it you let's let's i don't know i don't i have not i've not seen her hanging out with any civil rights leaders

of pakistan um she seems to be hanging out with a lot of like municipal workers and welfare um like bureaucrats but i don't know anything about civil rights leaders it could be possible i have no idea people there seem to be very very enamored with her or more kind of obsessed with her um she's on like so many news outlets there it's crazy here here's one from like a pakistani like news let's watch it okay so this guy on the right of her is the person that i was talking about because i saw this what makes you assume that he's a civil rights leader he has a hat he has a special hat no motherfucker i'm i'm cultured enough to know that's a fucking pakistani fucking garb you doink uh it's because um he no it's just he's a social worker that was it but

he's like one of the top social workers civil rights leaders social worker yes you're close he had to deal with humanitarian i wasn't i was the hat to me is very civil rights leader you don't think that's just like a Pakistani type hat? Well, he's the only one wearing it. These other Pakistani guys are wearing just baseball hats. It looks like they're about to go play basketball or a sport after or something. This is a press conference that takes place in front of her welfare office, Chippa. She oversees her tourist visa

because her 19 year old boyfriend um i think saw her and the photos she was using on facebook were heavily heavily heavily filtered um and then he and his entire family vacated the house and then she camped out in their driveway and then overstayed her visa and then broke into a hotel and since has been like demanding she's demanding two thousand dollars a week um and a few other things i think she lists her demands here let's let's get back into this report this city will be reconstructed they will be fixed up right away i'm asking the government for 100k in my pockets so i can do real estate okay she's so cool what is her this is a crazy plan this is it i know to have this plan and to execute it

to this and to get this far into it before you meet pushback yeah well i think it's a backup plan i feel like yeah yeah i don't think she had i mean her plan was to get married to a 19 year old and then that fell apart and so she's like well I guess I just have to fix Pakistan's infrastructure yeah I guess I have to because I'm going to be living here now yeah she's so she is really

crazy and I feel bad for her she needs to get some help she is getting some help currently because she's at the Jenna hospital. Yeah. The J I N N A H hospital. And there was a video of the female cop and her doing a tick tock.

Yeah. Got it. Honestly. Yeah. So she's being taken care of. She's going to have. Yeah. I mean,

she's, she's usually very exasperated and she's always like kind of pushing the media out of the way because she's like she's like i'm busy but then she doesn't really seem to do much but uh yeah let's keep watching i would like to for you guys to book my ticket back to new york um money is short right now and i will appreciate it thank you that seems like a reasonable answer a mentally ill well i mean it is i also i would like to clarify that in this press conference that she's giving in front of this welfare office she's

wearing a shirt with a bicycle icon on it i did think she's so cool yeah i think she's wearing a shirt with a bicycle icon i did think she's so cool yeah i think she's working with what she can get um while she's there and and and i want to say also like yeah what is her fucking end game with this like does she have some kind of like i don't think she's thinking logically yeah um i just i don't know i feel like there's gotta be enough media coverage for her right now to the point where Americans are gonna turn and be on her side and start to only

so this is the thing yeah well I mean she might if it goes really bad maybe but I do I don't know it is sad because she's clearly in like a state of duress but she's also being incredibly funny yeah and like iconic and i think she will be okay because she is amassing

a lot of like genuine uh fandom and hopefully she can parlay that into some kind of um career that's or at least hopefully not only fans or at least a ticket home i mean she she could launch a gofundme and make a killing for sure for sure she could do that right now i mean i hadn't even heard of this until you told me about it to be honest oh it's huge i'm so huge yeah is this we need to get to the part where she tells him to shut up because he talks she tells him to shut up and she's like you you talk too much. I love that part. I think it's this video. Bipolar disorder.

That's her son saying it's just bipolar disorder. Poor lady. She'll be okay. Poor lady, poor son. Imagine being this kid and telling your friends I gotta talk to the pakistani national media today tried to marry someone my age over there i hope he's getting a coin from being interviewed at

least yeah um we'll see it's not in this video but i'm sure everyone's seen it um hopefully she makes it back home okay it's so funny that she's there just like demanding money it kind of reminded me jock of when you were going to marry that canadian person and i was like i could see jock going on like a a kind of storm in canada

and demanding things from the government there being like we need to send toronto we're putting it 50 miles north first of all to clarify I would be helping out Vancouver okay

if anything it would be a Vancouver based push for Vancouver tourism Vancouver trade I would work on lifting the tariffs if we want to talk about if we want to lift the tariffs Vancouver trade?

If we want to lift the tariffs baby get me in Canada. What's a tariff? What isn't a tariff? It's a tax regulation based on an area Okay, I'm close, right? That's, I mean, you said I mean, it kind of got the first part

Okay, wait, wait, let me rephrase it Based on an area by area you mean country, I guess. Isn't it a tax based on importing trade cost or something? Yeah, basically. I don't have the articulation. I had no fucking clue what it was until Trump

started doing all this shit. Yeah. I'm not an expert in it. I remember because we used to have the trade embargo against Cuba and then we couldn't have tariffs with them that was like something from school

in effect but really we got to break that shit we need those damn cigars yeah it should be over for real I really want to go to Cuba I mean you can now but like yeah what would you do there just like drive like a really

old 50s car it's really fun I would go to beaches I would eat food I'd go to clubs when I was in Puerto Rico a lot of people thought I was Cuban which is actually doesn't really help you out because Cubans are kind of widely hated.

Especially if you look white and are white because then you seem like a just terrible percent of slave. Would you wear a fedora if you went to Cuba? I mean, we would also give you like a... I'd wear a fedora. I would wear loafers. I'd wear wide leg slacks. A wide suit, like a white suit. I would wear loafers. I'd wear wide-leg slacks. A wide suit, like a white suit? I'd wear smoked cigars.

I would do a guayabera, which is like the linen lined shirt that a lot of Cubans wear with pockets on the front. Oh, I know exactly. I know you said the pockets on the front. Yes, I'm sure you have them. I know exactly. I'm sure

you've been at a thrift store and been like, oh, this funky shirt. I need to buy I used to buy them when I was younger I used to love buying Latino clothes I gotta buy it yeah exactly exactly I love Latinos shout out to Latinos

yeah shout out to Latinos speaking of Latinos and tariffs Mexico and Canada are both being hit with tariffs from Trump I haven't seen which seems like crazy to me like i don't i'm not gonna pretend to understand what this is or why he's doing it but it seems like totally nuts because we get so much of our like produce and beer and tequila and car parts from mexico and ketchup chips from Mexico and ketchup chips from Canada ketchup chips from Canada it's kind of like what the fuck

are we getting from Canada just gives us like yeah steel candies yeah um I don't really give a fuck about Canadian products fuck oh hello what about uh Molson Canadian Labatt Blue

um the hell is that you've never heard of these What about Molson Canadian, Labatt Blue? The hell is that? You've never heard of these iconic beers? I mean, Buffalo. The thing about Buffalo is that everything... Because you live like a mile away from Canada. Yeah, everything is from Canada. Yeah. Here's a fact.

What do we do? According to more than 75 of the world's supply, Canada is a powerhouse in the delicious compliment to your pancakes or waffles. Maple syrup can be found in all sorts of... You can get syrup from Vermont or New Hampshire or Maine. According to 75 of the world's supply.

I love when you do live reportage on the show. Yeah, I mean, it's bad, but it seems like both of the tariffs have been paused for a month to like negotiate I have no idea it seems so stupid they don't seem like they know what they're

doing it's funny that Canada is like there's like right wing Canadian politicians that are like we should probably just join America I would hate that I don't want them joining right-wing Canadian politicians that are like, we should probably just join America. I would hate that. I don't want them joining. Also, how do people think that would work?

If Canada joined? If Canada would have to change all of its laws overnight, what is going to happen? They have to change every road sign? They also said it would join as the 51st state and I'm like it's just gonna be one big state. Yeah. Seems random as hell. It's ridiculous.

I mean and Jock couldn't be on 90 Day Fiance which we were trying to do. Plus it's a commonwealth because the queen is on their money so you would need her majesty's permission and last I checked she passed away.

Okay? What? Now that she's dead, who do they ask? A ghost? Or a magic eight ball? They would have to do a seance. Exactly. They would have to do a beautiful seance

in the Canadian Prime Minister's office. They would have to do a beautiful seance in the Canadian Prime Minister's office. They would have to turn off the lights and they would have to summon the Queen. But I would say fuck Canada. I don't really care about their products but it would be really messed up if we didn't get

any more Mexican produce or tequila or anything. What I'm going to say is oh Canada, our home and native land true patriot love and all thy sons command with glowing hearts we see thee rise the true north strong and free from far and wide oh canada we stand on guard for thee god keep our land glorious and free oh canada we stand on guard for thee what do they call money again? They call it something so stupid. That is so stupid. Yeah. That is so stupid.

I can't take them seriously. that was off the dome, the Canadian National Anthem. I mean, that's iconic. That is really iconic. Jock, do you know any national anthems

off the top of your head? Oh, say, can you see by the dawn's early light. Is that one? Yeah, keep going. Well, so proudly we ran.

Ben, please hand over your heart. And the skylights last gleaming through the rocket's red glare. Okay, missed a line. All right, all right, all right. No, it's okay. You did it, Jock. Thank you so much.

Listeners, don't worry. We will start opening every episode with Jock doing a live rendition of the Star Spirits. Yeah, also listeners. And singing the Our Father. Comment if you want me to cover a song on Seeking Derangements. I will start taking cover requests.

Yes, do that. I'm unclackable. You know that song? I don't know. Is that a real song? You could make that song, Jock. I think that'd be an amazing song. I'm going to make it alright. I'm trying to think of which one I must be thinking

of. Unstoppable by Sia, but instead, I'm unclockable. Okay, and it's Hessa singing it yes oh my god Hessa sing Hessa is unclockable you dumb dumb bitch

that's what I just said I have lost that you called me a dumb bitch for that I thought you said she was clockable and I was like um excuse me you're the dumb bitch because you're negatively polarized towards me for no reason.

I am not negatively polarized. I am positively polarized. No, you're not. Why did you think that I said the exact opposite of what I said? Because that's legitimately what I thought you heard and I won't stand for degradation of women in front of me. Say that again? You won't stand for what?

Degregation? What does that mean? Period. Repression? That's what degradation means. Repression. Misogyny. Jacques, why is your name Mamas and Papas today? I just was thinking...

You support that band to their children? No! What did they do to their fucking children? Mama Cass beat them ruthlessly. And the dad had sex with them. And the dad had sex with them. Don't approve of that.

Don't approve of the beating. However, I got beaten and I turned out fine. I don't know if you did. I think Mama Cass did the best she could I'm not gonna I'm not gonna have the hurt she literally was like winging the kids around by their hair like Matilda style it was like really messed up

look I don't fucking look you're not gonna put them in the chokie all of the punishments for Matilda are based on her actually okay shut the fuck up you're being so y'all are being so heinous trying to ruin one of my favorite bands and that's not even why I named it. It's so weird that it's one of your favorite

bands they're so random. It's always been one of my favorite bands okay look. I did not know that I was thinking in my head when I entered this name yes mamas yes papas there's this guy in LA who's really funny

who's gay and he always when I every time a group of people and gay people especially with him hanging out he's always just pointing at them going yes mamas yes papas it's very funny am I thinking of the right band

you're thinking California Dreaming the 60s band with mama cass big fat lady and papa whatever the hell his name is it's kind of cultish but like it's like folky pop california literally sing all the leaves are brown and the sky it's great they're california soundtrack to the summer of love okay maybe i'm thinking what bands am i thinking oh i don't know? I don't know about any allegations of abuse. I was just saying that to make Jock feel bad. Man, fuck you, bitch.

Speaking of allegations of abuse and musicians, did you guys watch the Grammys last night? I did not. Any big takeaways? I saw some of the outfits, though. What did you think of the outfits? I thought Jaden Smith's house on his head i wanted i want to wear that that looks really cool i like that i just laugh out loud when i

first saw it so i was like props to him i guess you know he's like he's yeah is do you think that's like a riff on like uh mind castle what's mind it looks like my mind's a castle like my mind castle he seems like a kind of guy who like smokes weed once and like i mean there is that clip of him where he's like why does no one want to talk about the economic political state of the world he seems like he's in a deep thoughts real conversation era oh yeah no he has some of the best tweets of all time like his younger tweets i feel like he's one of those people that's so desperate to be weird when he's wired as a normal person

that conventionally has really nothing. Okay, here are some tweets. I watch Twilight every night. Once you go in, you always come out alive. I only apply to the Sixth Amendment.

Dying is mainstream hashtag money okay i totally agree with that yeah that makes sense tell me to smile i tell them the lack of emotion in my face doesn't mean i'm unhappy i also agree with that most trees are blue how can mirrors be real try hard how can mirrors be real if our eyes aren't real? That is the kind of quote. That one makes sense to you? No, it doesn't make sense to me. Here's a really good one. If a bookstore never runs

out of a certain book, does that mean that nobody reads it or everybody reads it? That's deep. Whoa. Jock, what do you think? Restate the question for Jockck i want an answer from him jock if a bookstore never runs out of a certain book let's say

uh it's bobby brown's biography for this uh this isn't a relevant question to me because i don't read because i don't care about well it's just it's just try to answer the question. Here's a good one. Wait, wait, wait. Let me just say...

What about this? What about this? A marijuana shop never runs out of a specific type of dab. A specific strain. Yeah, a specific strain. Does that mean that

everyone's doing that strain or no one's doing that strain? Isn't that a deep question, Jock? I think whatever the point of the question is is not to make me think. I feel like he's purposely trying to confuse people, to perplex people, to make them think that he's smart.

I think he was confused by that. I think you bringing weed into it made me more confused about the quote. I think he was confused by that and it's a very simple I think you bringing weed into it made me more confused about the quote. I just think everything that he says a local Rouse's a local Rouse's never runs out of a specific type of king cake. He's not going to understand it.

I think I can tell he's getting more and more frustrated. I'm frustrated because clearly this guy is just a fucking joker who's a normie. I think he's funny here's a good one if newborn babies could speak they would be the most intelligent beings on planet earth

get the fuck out I actually do agree with that because y'all are some suckers and y'all probably I think Jaden Smith's thing is that if you imagine being born the child of like true a-list celebrities like you don't really have an option to

not be famous in some way like you could you could try to just outrun the paparazzi your whole life or whatever but i think this is his like kind of um begrudging kind of acceptance of that where he's like okay i'll be famous but i'll just be like a complete idiot and i'll be like yeah being nonsensical bullshit which i feel like i would do that if i was in his position i would just he was also really young when he he was like 16 when he was tweeting these things yeah it's an incredibly unfair position to be in so i i do feel sympathy for him and i think this is him just kind of rebelling a little bit how does he i don't think he's changed very much though it seems he wore that castle on his

head i thought it was cool i like i genuinely like thought it was good what other outfits did you see that you liked um jock what did you think of kanye's girlfriend oh don lemon escorted them out yeah first of all he was so gay he said oh my god i can't see woman's tits and ass and pussy to leave him and his partner's scary ass gay haunting smiles that are instantly don lemon's husband don lemon's smile and don lemon's husband's smile are the reason gay people are getting attacked in america don lemon smile and don lemon's husband smile are the reason gay people are getting attacked in america don lemon's name husband's name is smile no yes smile smile lemon smile lemon i'm looking him up and also his name is his name is tim something and smile backwards is liz do you think it's a reference to liz lemon yes no do you think it's a reference jalen smith tweet um no no no look look look

first of all i think i think don lemon is kind of cute i do think the most evil gay from cnn is probably actually is probably don lemon anderson cooper seems anderson and i'm speaking evil in the personal lives like who's the one who's like you know like doing sexual degradation whatever etc etc i think don lemon is probably worse in real life than anderson cooper anderson cooper i think is like a homebody kind of incel like tim gunn type well he's like a vanderbilt too though so he's got that blue blood he's got to have that adrenochrome on tap you know his grandma was uh gloria vanderbilt no i know he's a vanderbilt don lemon seems like he gets into some real freaky shit i'm being honest although andy cohen

is the worst one but i guess i'm just thinking within cnn i think don lemon's kind of cute i always thought don andy andy cohen is looking very tired and missing lines on what happens live so there's something wrong going on with him he's a workhorse he needs to take a couple years off he's really overworked himself he's on so much coke can you imagine doing

that much coke every time I see him on watch what happens tonight or whatever he's up there revving like a fucking military Humvee and his eyes are so glassy it looks like they're gonna reflect the studio lights and just start shooting

blazers out you can tell like what side of his face he does the coke on too he goes right nostril always the most recent two episodes with Mary Cosby and I can't remember who the other one was but it's just he looks tired

and he's like he must be at the bottom of his bag just getting a little bit older too you know this is a scary picture of him let me circle back is it the close up one where he's grinning really big really hard

smiling really hard I love that photo that photo is so crazy let me circle back what do I think of Kanye's Bianca's dress the couture dress that Kanye designed I love it I think it fit beautifully I thought it was beautiful

I genuinely didn't think would you buy it for yourself for my fat fucking body i'm getting i would look really good in it yeah you would uh yeah that's a hilarious way for me to look like i tell you how i would style you wait no first of all let me tell you right now before you tell me how you would style me i'll tell you how it would look i would look like a boudin in a transparent casing okay that's so funny you say it because I was going to say it was going to put the little boudin strings on you.

And then maybe, you know the things that they put on this is how I would sell you for the Grammys. I would do Bianca Sensori's dress. Right? But then I'd put like a little mesh thing on top of it. Like how they put on like pork roast. Like the

kind of like wiry kind of looks like chicken wire. And then you know how sometimes they put on like pork roast like the kind of like wiry kind of like chicken wire and then you know how sometimes they put yeah like fishnet and then you know how sometimes they put they put those little the thing they put on a pork piss is a little bit well I'm trying to be descriptive I'm trying to be descriptive

and then you know how they put those little they kind of look like chef's hats sometimes they put them on the chicken drumsticks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd make shoes that look like those. Those would be your shoes. And then I'd put one on your

head and then I'd make two that are like gloves and those would be on your hands. Look, I think that would be a good shoe, actually. That's probably going to be the next... It would be a really amazing idea for a shoe what do you call that like the chicken drumstick caps whatever the hell

I don't want anything getting in the way between my meat I'm going to look up little chef hat if it's a thing on a meat that you can't eat I don't want it it's for a chicken wing i think not for their feet unless the chinese are putting some stuff on the chicken they're putting weird other hats on the chicken feet why isn't our friend who has a bunch of chickens started dressing her chickens up i feel like she's missing the opportunity um i don't know

i don't i'm going to louisiana i don't want to do when i don't know bird flu man i don't know I don't I'm going to Louisiana I don't want to go on a I don't know bird flu man I don't know I'm not man oh wait no that might not be what it's called well anyways those no one steal my idea I can see Balenciaga making that like a shoe what oh they are

they're called manchettes yeah manchettes okay I'll stop opening other tabs now okay but overall what do I think about the are they're called manchettes yeah manchettes okay i'll stop opening other tabs now okay um but overall what do i think about the dress like legitimately i think it was like very beautiful i thought the the reveal of her taking off her black uh fur coat with her shoulders first and like i thought it was beautiful i thought that it was honestly fucking insane the amount of people that were outraged

and it was just like it's just people who just hate why do you i mean i mean of course people are gonna be outraged heather mcdonald was like i told everyone i predicted this and i knew and it was heather mcdonald yeah who the hell's heather mcdonald is that like a friend of yours or something no yeah no no no no no she's a she's a social commentator she's an actress comedian she was the okay if you've watched i know it's so funny you care about it's like the most irrelevant woman of all time and you care about her well look look she was she was on the movie white chicks i knew people were, I knew the consensus media. She was in the movie White Chicks. I knew the elite media apparatchiks would be mad at Kanye. Heather McDonald.

She's such a nobody. If you are familiar with White Chicks very well, you will know that there's a scene where they're in the dressing room and they first meet up with a customer liaison, like some kind of employee at the store that is ushering them into the dressing room. And that is Heather McDonald.

So you're mad at her for saying something about Bianca Sansari. I'm mad at her. I'm mad at Don Lemon. I'm mad at anyone who wanted to label... Let's get your hit list. Don Lemon, Heather McDonald. Who else? Who else are we mad at? Let's see. Oh, God. For Kanye. who wanted to label let's let's get your hit list don lemon heather mcdonald who else who else we met at um let's see oh god for kanye for kanye not in general because that'll be the all-time

longer thing they'll shut down uh for kanye i am for the for the for the grammy dress which of course was going to be controversial that's the way they did it of course i mean i i understand immediate why it should be controversial, but I also think in an age where they're trying to censor more things suddenly than they're trying to just let us express whatever. Who's they? Like mainstream media. It's like, what is

the, like, what's the worst thing? And it's like her pussy wasn't hairy. Her pussy wasn't hairy and it wasn't like she had fat lips. So I feel like it wasn't like you could really i i got it but she also was not kicked out was she actually kicked out yeah because she wasn't invited that was no it was just a rumor i don't think that was a rumor no that's not true because kanye was going off on the um okay bye jock i don't know what he's

going kanye was going off on twitter today um about how don lemon started the rumor that he and bianca had to be escorted out okay so i don't think that part is true but i'm like is there any rules because like yeah i don't think that's a beautiful dress either i don't think that really counts as a dress. It's just his wife has a beautiful body. He didn't do anything. Her body's crazy.

Let her be naked. What the hell? She's so beautiful looking. If you're going to be trying to police this really beautiful woman's body, then what about the... Look, shut up. She's very beautiful she has kind of a scary thorax

body but you're a gay guy and you don't like to see beautiful women succeeding so gay men love beautiful women I don't think you like women no there are curvy beautiful women who I will she just has name one

who wow There are curvy, beautiful women who I will... She just has... Name one. Who? Wow. I'm kidding. She's like a 14-year-old Latina. You don't know Rainy? Classic gay guy answer. I'm a pedophile. You don't know Rainy Rodriguez? Oh, yeah. No, I do.

I thought you said Brandy Rodriguez. Fiesta salsa quinceanera, you said brandy is that a real song that sounds literally like a real song bitch that doesn't sound like a real song to you it sounds like a South Park parody that Cartman would sing no it's not okay

we can keep it going let me give my like really serious final thoughts because like honestly I think um the the real like first of all if you look at a picture of the dress when it's not on her

like I think that is like have you seen that yes kanye uploaded pictures and it was it says like like first serious couture piece in like a million years and i was just like oh my god and he's like trying to branch off into making a lot more women's clothing so i think it's interesting i think it's cool and like i just think that like if you don't want to wear a dress that exposes yourself you don't want to wear a dress that exposes yourself, you don't have to wear it. But she wanted to. And she looks beautiful in it.

And honestly, like, you really can't like, I could not like make a map of her pussy, except no kind of where it is from. You could see her. You could not make a map of her pussy? What do you mean you couldn't make a map? What does that mean? I just meant that like. Sounds like an evil, evil John Mayer song.

While you can see her pussy it is not like an up close and personal like sure i understand you know i think she was wearing she was wearing a pasty of like because there was i don't think she was i don't think it was fully sheer through her i think it was straight through to her pussy i think she was wearing a pasty i think she's like a pasty or something. This just gets at, should nudity in public be illegal? If it's women, it should be fine.

If it's for women, it should be illegal. No, it's fine for women. No, only men. Only sexy men can be naked in public. No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah. What if a sexy man starts jacking off onto a woman on the subway?

Then she should um that's horrible okay yeah she should run away she should run away exactly she's naked too i'm reading she's going to jail and she's jacking off i'm reading that there was no no nothing underneath the dress

okay so another curvy woman that came to my mind is lola bunny okay so the two women you named for curvy women. Curvy women that you like. It's a 14-year-old girl. Queen Latifah. Queen Latifah. Missy Elliott.

Lola Bunny is not curvy either. Yes, she is. Lola Bunny is a slim, thick. Curvy doesn't mean fat. Curvy means curvy. Lola Bunny is a slim thick icon bunny is like an hourglass figure i don't know yeah that's curvy bunny that is curvy what is an hourglass straight to you i mean it's not what you what do you mean when you say curvy in my mind

you mean small waist big hips That's what curvy is. Curvy is hourglass. Fat is fat. Sometimes people are fat and they're not curvy. I've seen fat people who are not curvy. Like who? I don't want to name names. Name?

Okay, just think of your closest friend that's... Oh. I asked. I literally asked for that literally yeah so it's okay i forgive you you're you're actually you're looking beautiful um jock i'm just kidding with you i do think i was looking you don't understand what i'm saying there's a difference between curvy and fat of course there is yeah absolutely so lola bunny is curvy queen lachah missy elliott walmart curvy well lizzo of course lizzo is curvy um you love lizzo well i didn't say i love i said i have to love them yeah oh i don't think lizzo's i don't hate lizzo i actually think lizzo's kind of funny conceptually like when she was playing j playing James Madison's flute and everyone got mad.

I thought that was hilarious for her. Yeah. No, that was, that was cool. I thought that was so gross. And then abusing her backup dancers too. It's a really cool thing.

But she was like shoving James Madison's flute, like in her ass crack. And I was like, this is like really cool. Yeah. No, that was amazing. Yes.

Well, you know, she, she and JVN are both on ozempic now yeah positivity over period game over game over and jvn is actually looking really skinny if i say so myself he's looking i'm looking pretty skinny sir is looking amazing since i left the city well period wait period. Wait, actually, me too. I just went to the doctor and they weighed me and I weighed 10 pounds less than I did recently.

Wow. See, I knew you were looking different. So how much do you weigh now? 200. Okay. That's not bad. What's the most you've ever weighed? 289. I've seen you bigger than you are now.

289? When now. 289? 289? When were you 289? No way. Yes, yes. Right before I moved to Denver, I was really, really, really fat. I've gotten close to 300 at one point.

Oh, we didn't know each other then. No, no, no. Well, then about the six-month period that we first met each other slash then I was living in Denver they you weren't that fat I know because I started doing 5 then 10 then 20 miles everyday on my roller skates

because I was like I'm not in a shitty relationship anymore I don't have to I don't have to stay fat because my boyfriend wanted me to stay fat but then call me fat with the one that with Petey wanted me to stay fat with but then call me fat with the one that with with Petey

oh you were with a feeder boyfriend he wasn't even a feeder it was like he just wanted me to be unhappy and then yell at me for being unhappy

it's a free episode just saying it's a free episode okay I forgive him for everything he's ever done but he was not a good boyfriend it's so funny I tell you

it's a free episode and then you just double down on it which you're totally allowed to it will not be stricken from the record that we have gone and come past from and learned from and I only wish this feller the best

I have no ill will and I hope he's living a lovely happy life which it seems like he seems like he's moving up in the eyeglasses company and he's fine alright I think maybe we should censor the eyeglasses company and he's fine okay all right all right no it's fine it's fine if something happens it's jock's fault not mine um what are they gonna do anyways what else was i what else was i gonna ask you oh how would you style me for the grammy jock be honest oh this is i i got you already okay so micro what are you thinking about it yeah i'm

i'm my brain synapses are firing at a higher speed than normal so excited let's go i want you to be wearing a micro mesh baby blue see-through in the pattern of a crew neck t-shirt shirt and then in a matching micro mesh material cut like micro mesh material but in the cut of a tuxedo suit pant with the kind of higher waist and then wait then I want you to be wearing

a pink blazer with a micro machine is it Billy mesh imagine the material for Bianca but it is a mesh micro mesh version and are you doing this because you think it would

look good on me or because you you asked me how would I how would I style you for the Grammys that's how I would style you for the Grammys the reason behind are you trying to humiliate me or are you trying to make me slay? I first of all think you would slay. This is like the time

you ordered some latex tops and clothing from Etsy to dress up for the Charlie XCX concert, which I was first very doubted that it would hug your body right, but it actually fit very well. And you looked very beautiful.

And based on that, how that fit you, I thought this sheer micro mess suit. I still fit into those pants. Yes. My pink latex pants. Anyone who can fit

in their pants from five years ago. I wouldn't dare wear them now because i'm reformed this this was this was maybe this is your gayer 10 years ago unfortunately um speaking of that you know i didn't get a single invite to any from a gay man to watch the grammys no no gay guy invited me to go to their gay guys anymore gay guys are watching the grammys with their friends at their apartment and then i realized i was like oh i one don't really have any like i don't have like a group of gay friends and then two i'm constantly tweeting about how i'd rather put a gun in my mouth and watch a music video with a gay guy or god forbid multiple of them so kind of my fault

but i am getting to the point where i'm like, maybe I should try to have a group of gay guy friends. Oh, it's really excited that you're going to say, I try to have a girl. No, I have, I mean, I'm only friends with women.

No, I meant like a regular girlfriend and straight guys. Yeah. And then I am friends with the, with the errant kind of, you know, my, my style of gay,

but I wish you had a wife wife i think you'd be good straight i would i would but unfortunately i love men so yeah won't be happening and i hate i don't know i think you i think you you're too gay for women yeah yeah no literally i am that's the problem and i'm too sexy and i was like this is this is a humiliation ritual hinge literally i don't know have you either of you used hinge before i have not it is so terrible it is like i said this on twitter but it literally feels like completing like a employee an employee intake form for a fourth-gen cafe run by

gay toddlers. It is so, so humiliating. I was banned from it before I could use it. I logged. I signed up. I signed up. But your account

is not allowed here. Do not try to- Sorry, you're too ugly and you suck. You fucking- I think someone put my email in. And then my phone exploded, y'all. Jean, why did they ban you? We got to get you back.

Wait, next episode, we should sign each other up for Hinge. I'm banned from all the major ones. Yes, later bios. Tinder, Grindr. I mean, I have a- I can use other, I guess other i guess you just use a different email address i've never been able to get did you try to use him for work he was yeah

absolutely is that why oh oh yes yeah yes yes yes you meant like did i try to use them to make money for the sale of my body for sexual stuff yeah that's why they what else did you think she met uh the podcast yeah i was like yeah yeah i got on on that's right when i asked jock to promote the podcast he's like okay man i'll download grinder and spam every game please listen my boss is going crazy on me y'all please time that anytime that y'all don't know who the guests are i just got on Grindr and Hinge and I was like invited okay it's funny you say that do you remember when

I wanted to do an episode when we were in New Orleans we set up a sniffies location we interviewed all the men who came that would have been amazing and Jack was like Ben we cannot do this and I was like why I want to set up a sniffies location it would have been too many people I know people that were podcasting and I knew I knew because the guys would have showed up and sniffies location it would have been too many people I know it would have been people that were podcasting

I knew because the guys would have shown up and be like oh it's that one guy who's always like screaming at me on sniffies no it just would have been people that like I straight up know on a normal level New Orleans gay sex scene is a lot more debaucherous

than any place that I've ever seen and I think sometimes I'm like that lawless city might need a fucking cock cage put on the whole gay community whoa

but also then at the same time I'm like slut it up live it up fill your hole what about instead of a cock cage

what about a kokage and it's like the bad guy it's the guy it's Naruto but he has a kind of i don't know i don't know what that is okay i see i see you know what i mean

can we do that i can we can we do that when i'm in louisiana what this sniffy's the sniffy's interview no what if i just get slapped in the face too much by Can we do that when I'm in Louisiana? What? The Sniffies interview? No. What if I just do it? You're not going to get slapped in the face too much by people whose hearts he broke? I'll say it's just me and I'll just do a full episode then. And you hide in the closet, Jock. Have fun with that.

I don't want anything to do with that. What do you think will happen to me? Why? It'd be funny. I think it's dangerous. What's going want anything to do with that. What do you think will happen to me? Why? It'd be funny. I think it's dangerous. What's going to happen to me if I do it? Let me set this up and then I have to immediately go. Amazing.

This is what's going to happen if you do that. Gay men who have been looking for hours, maybe days on meth, ready to have sex, desperate to have sex, have finally found someone that's accepted their offer, regardless of how ugly, disgusting, or whatever.

No, I didn't say sex. I didn't say to have sex with them. It's implied, you stupid idiot. No, it's not. I'll say I will not have sex with you. I will only conduct an interview with you. You know that... You're going to get kicked off. Yeah, you're going to get kicked off so fast. But it's worth a try. Why do you guys not want me to do something crazy on the show?

We have to step our pussy up. Because if you're going to stand in front of a gay man's hole or cum, you might as well just get attacked. He's coming to me. I'm not coming to him. I know. And when he comes to you, he'll attack you. Or a horde of them.

Would that not make great radio? I think the listeners would love to hear me get attacked by a gay man. I think it would make great radio if they don't break your jaw and you can talk after. I think it would make great radio. I think it would make an even better radio if I was horrifically injured. I think if you are horrifically injured and be very

upset, Hessa, wouldn't you be upset? I would be so sad. I would take it. Didn't you have to go somewhere before seven o'clock yeah I need to go now well it's seven o'clock we can talk a little bit more

is it uploaded me it's fine it'll be fine just leave your computer up okay okay okay okay okay bye leave your computer up and on and can you point it to the apartment so we can see what's going on in there please oh my god drop oh my god what the hell who's under he was under a bridge this whole no

no i'm muting it you stupid i fucking hate you fuck you little bitches go get your medicine okay do you want to talk about before we sign off do you want to talk about Biden signing you should go get some medicine you look like you need some

you go get your medicine what is wrong with you the pharmacy is closing bitch what is wrong with him I know he's still on there yeah he's still on there. Yeah, he's waiting. And for the record, he did weigh 350 pounds at his highest. 350?

No, I think we're clear now. That was bait. That was bait. Oh man, I swear to God I'm gonna miss my fucking MRSA medicine to say I was not 350 pounds. Talk about what, hessa biden signing he got an agent oh he got he's a caa now represented that is so random but i guess like a starlet the newest big starlet of course they need of course

like presidents and like-presidencies need representation. I would have always thought that the representation was held within some kind of elite DC politicians only agencies.

An agency called like Walker and Texas Rangerc or something no like slave slaveholder agency like crazy something insane like that but yeah he's in he's on cia now which i think like i mean they represent so many people they represent like trisha paytas yeah they represent adam adam friedland that is so funny yeah i mean i feel like the cia a lot of that is just like now it feels like it's a lot of just like um podcast um kind of scheduling for people yeah um i mean it's i in my mind biden was like i want to play i want to be doing three i want to be no literally he was doing he was doing the pearl i want to be a star

yes literally yeah i'm ready for my close-up man i mean they he could have an amazing um hey cease i'm ready for my close-up man come on he could he could have an amazing I'm ready for my close up man he could have an amazing post presidency as playing a zombie with very little makeup needed he could be a really good zombie he could be the grandpa from Texas Chainsaw Massacre

who's in the wheelchair and can't swing the hammer he would have been really good at Nosferatu as the Count. Yes, that's a huge missed opportunity. What if that was like right after he lost the election he was like a special announcement.

Look out for me in Nosferatu. I got a movie coming out. Listen Jack. Yeah. What other kind of roles would he be good at? Like none. Kind of like he could do like a ship captain who goes mad at sea.

Yeah. An old man who's in a drifting away lifeboat. Yeah. A guy who dies of old age. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. lifeboat yeah a guy who dies of old age yeah yeah yeah a guy who dies on the guy in the Titanic who's dying with his wife on the bed yes

yes dead guy number one dead guy number two dead guy number three dying guy number one dying guy number two and so forth all of those roles would be perfect for him yeah an old um an old ex-cop who tells his like grand torino yeah yeah grand torino type guy yeah um could you mention him

in like the mule dude have you seen that oh my god i have no idea what you're talking about oh my god oh you the mule is a movie about um yes you have to watch it it's a movie about like an 85 year old drug mule played by clint east the mule clint directs himself as a 90 year old drug runner i undershot the age it's so 90 year old oh my god he is so funny wait I should watch this tonight it seems so kooky is this just like is he just doing

like directed DVD stuff now no this was a real movie this was like really yeah yeah his um his last one cry macho was or no that wasn't even his last one his last one was juror number two doesn't he he does a movie a year now doesn't he No. 2. He does a movie a year now, doesn't he? Oh yeah, he's always done a movie a year.

For the past 35 years. And most of them, the funniest part is, most of them are really, really good. They're either really good or really crazy and stupid. This is the synopsis for the mule.

Broke alone and facing foreclosure on his business, 90-year-old horticulturalist Earl Stone takes a job as a drug courier for a Mexican cartel. His immediate success leads to easy money and larger shipment that soon draws the attention of hard-charging DEA agent Colin Bates. When Earl's past mistakes start to weigh heavily on his conscience, he decides

he must decide whether to right those wrongs before law enforcement and cartel thugs catch up to him. And do you know who plays Colin Bates? Bradley Cooper. Yes. This is so funny. And like,

do you know his newest movie is called juror number two and it's about a juror at a murder trial who's like this guy fucking did it and everyone's like we don't know and she's like or he i don't know if it's a girl or guy but it's like i don't know and like convinces the entire jury that this guy did it. And then realizes that they did the murder. Actually. They're like fuck no. I gotta convince everyone. What about this for Joe Biden? Clint Eastwood dies.

But. R.I.P. That would be so sad. I would be genuinely sad. But there's a sequel for Gran Torino. In the works. Gran Torino 2. And it's Joe Biden. It's called biden dan torino yes it's called brandon torino um yes but instead of having a among the neighbor or whatever the hell that

guy he was smart right the chinese ethnic group the neighbor i pretty sure he was among anyways yeah he was either that or instead... Instead of having some kind of ethnic Chinese neighbor, he has a transgender neighbor. Yes. And it's Biden trying to figure out... How many genders are there?

It's Biden trying to figure... No, it's a non-binary neighbor. And it's Biden trying to figure out if he wants to have sex with a neighbor. Yes. Oh my God. Going to a party to like a party like a mixer at like a ridgewood apartment he moves it to ridgewood it's his place yes he moves

it yes he moves to ridgewood it's called tranterino tranterino yes it's called tranterino and he moves to ridgewood and it's all these like theory trannies who are sitting around talking about deluse and like bdsm yeah man or woman why do i want to have why do i want to have sex with you like back in my day it was cut and dry you know back in my

women didn't women didn't read and now all these women are reading who taught you to read my god Now all these women are reading. Who taught you to read? My God. I would love, I would absolutely pay to see Tran Torino. I know,

Tran Torino would be incredible. We need to give his like management a call. We'll write a synopsis. Tran Torino is definitely what the people are clamoring for. I i know i want to watch gran torino i know it's such a good movie it's one of those movies i only saw once and i was

like i'll never see it again but now now that i'm old as hell i'm like re-watching a lot of those movies that i you know like never thought i'd have to re-watch yeah um sully is really good too oh he has a humong neighbor he has latino and black neighbors okay of course yeah the latino and Never thought I'd have to rewatch. Yeah. Sully is really good, too. Oh, he has a Hmong neighbor. He has Latino and black neighbors. Okay, of course. Yeah, the Latino and black neighbors are bad guys, though. So fucked up.

Features a large Hmong cast. Yeah. Hmong are like, they're like ethnic Chinese. When I was in Thailand, I had Hmong food and it was like um deep fried wasps it was really good yeah there's a lot of them like minnesota and wisconsin i think it's like southeast asian right because they say something about that among our americans uh blah um many among americans immigrated to the united states as refugees in the 1970s oh they're like lao okay they're like southeast asian yeah sorry not not chinese but

yes they it's their refugee camps neighboring thailand so that makes sense why i had among food in thailand i don't know why i thought they were Chinese. Yeah, because you're racist. Honestly, yeah. It's really embarrassing. They're like, oh, you're brown and Asian. You must be some kind of weird Chinese. What kind of Chinese are you? Whoops. Sorry, y'all. Well, I love Southeast Asia.

I would love to go back to Southeast Asia. It's amazing. Yeah. I would love to go someday. Yeah. I wish I had love to go back to Southeast Asia. It's amazing. Yeah. I would love to go someday. Yeah. I wish I had gone to like Cambodia or Vietnam. I was just in Thailand and then in Malaysia, which Malaysia was pretty sick. Yeah.

But it's like, I don't know. Once you're there, it's so cheap. I don't know what the currency is. The exchanges anymore. What is, is there a lot to do in Malaysia? What would you do in in malaysia kuala lumpur major city oh yeah yeah it's um i was in

i was like in thailand for so long that i had to leave and then re-enter and so i was like on the border of malaysia and so i got a flight flight there and stayed a couple days and then came back. Yeah. After you beat up that boy. After you beat up that little boy. No. Oh, my God. No, that did not happen.

I didn't beat up anyone in Thailand. Certainly not a little boy. I had to leave the country and come back in with a new facial hair style. I had to get a smaller. I had to get a thinner mustache. Yeah. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. Me too. i had to get a smaller i had to get a thinner mustache yeah me too me too me trying to like

it's so funny what i would have to do with my facial hair to like evade capture after the sketch got out your choices are hitler or uh or like john waters or just like completely shaving it i guess john waters or hitler choosing to not shave it off and just like making it somehow thinner yeah yeah shaving your eyebrows instead i wish i could grow a beard it's so fucked up i can't you there's gotta be a way how i mean technology 2025 girl have you seen a beard transplant? I wouldn't do that, but they are so weird. You can tell it's hair from your head.

It grows out straight and it looks like Minecraft beard. It's bad. Oh, wow. The stark line. This one doesn't look so bad, actually. That might just be a face-app picture, actually, though.

Hmm. Oh, God. That looks crazy. It looks terrible. This guy got, like, the worst beard. It's just, like, a chin strap that he got, which is so funny. No, I know. I could put...

Maybe I'll try putting brogaine on my face. I'm sure that won't give me like a massive heart attack or anything yeah your voice starts to crack and get deeper again like yeah no you grow hair on your back it's fine i mean now that i'm 30 i just i've met a crossroads my life like most gay men are when they turn 30 you either like crossroads of my life like most gay men are when they turn 30 you either like start to turn into like you either become like more

lesbianic looking I'm talking about gay men who are in my kind of category class um I have like lesbian ahead of me or I have getting like incredibly muscular and like going to raves which don't want to do either of those things

but there's really not much else you can do. You could become a farmer and chop wood, and then I show up in 10 years at your farm, at your ranch, in a helicopter, a Blackhawk helicopter, and I get out, and you're

like, I told you I'm retired. And I say, we need you in for one last job there's women to make fun of yeah i show you a picture of jvn and he looks so he looks gayer than ever he looks gayer than ever um and your wife and son come outside and they're like ben what's wrong yeah i'm like you don't you don't know the life i used to lead the people people leave me jvn me. JVN's fat again and no one's there to call him a piece

of shit. No one's there to tell him he has AIDS. No one's there to tell him to kill himself. Oh my god. Daddy's gotta go. Daddy's gotta go now. Daddy's gotta go now. Bye. Bye. Bye, period. Bye, period. daddy's gotta go now bye bye period

a bye period of like a ladder from the helicopter falls down and I climb up and you take me away yeah I would love it if that happened speaking of JVN before we wrap up he is doing

is doing a live show tour skipping NYC oh my god but we're listeners will know I went to JVN's stand up slash gymnastic spectacular live show

but Zer has to be doing somewhere near like Philly or Providence we should go we're going mama i'm going i don't care if you come with me or not i'm going i'm going reviewing it on the damn show when is it mart late march oh fuck i might be out of town i think it's late march i don't know i have to check on the dates yeah um maybe april um but i jen is jen is down because she's she went to college in providence she was Providence but you should come

I know a bunch of people in Providence because of Boston period okay let's go yes because if JVM thinks that she can get away from me attending her live show she's got another thing coming we go and there are just pictures of you everywhere

like do not let it we have to give you a Hitler mustache, me and Jen, to get you in. Same scenario happening again. We have to change your facial hair, Ben. We also recognize you. We put up the posters. You see Jen putting up one of the posters later. And we have to change your facial hair.

Otherwise, JVN's going to recognize. I'm like, okay, I guess. Fine. And then you shave a hitler yeah no absolutely yeah no that would be iconic i would love that i would love i would love it would honestly make so much sense to my public narrative to four years five years later after jv and nice public spat for me to be uh making headlines again for getting kicked out of his live show in Providence for showing up in a Hitler outfit. We go to... The lights go down in the arena and a

spotlight just beams onto you in the audience. I mean, honestly, the one in New York, I wasn't worried about it because there's so many people, but Providence, I feel like it's going to be a smaller theater and... It'll be pretty big, I bet. I mean, his star is w be a smaller theater and it'll be pretty big I bet I mean his star

is waning a little bit but yeah he's skipping New York City he was at Radio City Music Hall last time he deserted the live show oh my god I know

and now she's like not even coming and I'm like what the hell is going on with their career okay I'm looking at let's look at the venue it's at a place called

The Vets March 29th I might be able to come it's okay if you can't i'm going no matter i think i'm going to colorado with my parents period where in colorado aspen oh la i love aspen hassa i know i've had so much fun in Aspen with my rich friends' families. It's like insane. It was the first time I was around like mega wealthy people. I met Tiffany Derringer.

Oh yes, Tiffany Derringer. I forgot. Air to the Derringer company and I um... Dare to the Erringer company more like. Exactly. She was blackout drunk. Lost a purse in the club.

And it had a little tiny gun in it. There was nothing in it. The purse was completely empty. We brought it out to her. She's like, thank you so much. She's like, do you think I should send my kids to public or private school? And I was like, well, you live in Aspen. Are the public schools like, is Aspen public school bad? And I was like, well, you live in Aspen. Are the public schools... Is Aspen public school bad?

And she was like, it's terrible. And I was like, we'll send them to private school. I don't know. And then she asked if I would take a photo of her and then I took a selfie of myself and I gave her her phone back and she didn't notice. Period. I love doing that. So she woke up the next day and there was just a photo of some gay guy who made fun of her.

I doubt she remembered it. This venue is 2,000 people. Fuck. All right. Well, in five years when he is playing tiny theaters, Zura and I are going to get some face-to-face time. Yes, absolutely. And she will remember me. Also, I doubt he's going to be selling this place out.

I doubt it's very much what is the new show even about what do you mean because it's like the same thing well the last one how the last one was it's called hot and healed ew gross that is a disgusting title. Isn't that bad? That's what you say about a dog. A dog gets hot and healed. It literally grows. Okay, tour. Let's see. There's no description of what.

A peek into the show. Queer joy and side-spinning comedy. Jonathan Ness is coming to a theater near you that is the only and there's just a bunch of photos of him in a dress i love i love how little he has to offer besides his like gender gimmick it's just like demands that people find him funny and entertaining because it actually is true he is very entertaining yeah you can get front row seats for 130 bucks stop

oh my god in providence okay wait uh let me see it would be i mean i wonder if he would recognize me i wonder if he would jay so it's probably a few rows back. Little Rhodey Laugh Riot presents Jonathan Venn. Little Rhodey Laugh Riot. What the fuck is that? Jonathan Venn is an Emmy-nominated television personality, two-time New York

best-selling author, podcaster, comedian, and hairstylist to the stars. Again, it does not tell you what this show is about at all. Let's see what the best seat I can get is. Ro-J. Ro-I, Ro-J.

No, it has to. There's $80 for front row. Are you serious? Yeah. Oh, I'm on event tickets. They probably take a markup. Oh oh I'm on the vet site okay period orchestra orchestra left row a

seat 305 $80 $80 oh my god that's ridiculous I kind of want to go but I'm like I'm just gonna should I buy tickets no yeah buy tickets oh the only thing that fuck there's only one seat left in the front row but there's

well we can me and jen can go in the back and we can do we can stagger ourselves you sit alone in the front no well there's seats directly behind it if i he would it would literally be like I'm gonna shoot him and I would not literally be so scared be so scared you're alone I'm doing the thing where I point at my eyes

and then point at him and then run my thumb across my neck you're wearing a red polka dot dress like the girl who shot RFK literally yes he would love if i wore red polka dot dress well maybe i'll just get the so like the second row there's also see it's i mean it's like yeah she'll she'll also see us there we can get three in a row yeah um but it doesn't look like they're selling fast so yeah it does not i don't imagine they are damn this is wow okay anyways um let's wrap up guys if you enjoyed listening to this free episode of seeking derangements you can find more on our patreon patreon.com seeking derangements and um another reminder if you have questions about love life relationships

or just want to like give jamie a shout out um we love jamie our queen our mother of the podcast call and leave a voicemail please keep it to under like a minute and a half yeah and if it's not good if it's not good yeah i would say under a minute if it's not good i'll tell you right If it's not good, yeah, I would say under a minute. If it's not good, I'll tell you right now, it's not getting answered. So, if you don't have total confidence in what you have to give us, then sit this one out. It's 332-203-8247.

That's 332-203-8247. Call and leave a voicemail there. And Jamie, Jock, Hessa, and I will be getting back to you about whatever wish you may be having pressing issues literally and with that bye everyone thank you for listening we'll be back here this week Counting up their times. Counting up the girls they've known and counting up the times. I've got heartache.

But I've got news. California shoe shop boys, you can shine my shoes. California shoe shop boys never really care. Only for that California shoe shine in their hair. I've got heartache, but I've got news California shoe shine boys, you can shine my shoes California shoe shine boys, wrapped in ten feet tall John can make sweet Cindy cry, but Joe can make her crawl I've got heartache, I've got heartache, I've got the smiles of heartache, and I've got heartache, got holes of heartache. Let me go, let me go, let me go

Let me go, let me go, let me go Let me go, let me go, let me go