Seeking Derangements - SD 384 - A Peak Behind the Velvet Curtain

Episode Date: February 17, 2025

It's S-S-Seeking Sunday!!! Ben here, today Hesse, Jacques and I finally cancel Raven Symone, I give my recipe for the Perfect Salad, and then we have a very serious conversation about how to improve our podcast. And Jacques talks about Jigsaw killing us.

There's the glitter of a city that can make a body roll But my light is your love There's no light I place above your glow So I sing this little ditty as I make it to the show that my heart is your love. Hey, hey sis. Hello. And you're hitting us on the free feed. If you want bonus episodes, entire back catalog, blah, blah, blah, you know the drill. Go to our Patreon, patreon.com slash seeking derangements. $5 a month.

If you want free horse feed, come down to Larry's off of Jefferson Avenue. I do always, I always hate using the word feed. It sounds like rude. I guess I could say channel. You're hearing hate using the word feed. It sounds like rude. I guess I could say channel. You're hearing this on the free channel. That does sound better. That does sound way more professional.

Jacques, I'm surprised you didn't name drop the most famous horse feed place in history, which is Sneed's Feed and Seed, formerly Chuck's from that episode of The Simpsons. You remember that? There's a horse feed store called Sneed's Feed and Seed, formerly Chuck's, from that episode of The Simpsons. Remember that? There's a horse feed store called Sneed's Feed and Seed, and it used to be called Chuck's Suck and Fuck. Do you remember? Usually I know these little Simpsons.

No one fucking remembers. At the end of the episode, everyone. Thank you for listening, everyone. We'll be back later this week with one Simpsons reference. We're doing a new episode where we reference a Simpsons once and then we end it. We were cursed by a witch. We have to end the show every time we do a Simpsons

reference. No, I mean, it is funny. Every gas station in the Midwest is named Pump and Dump. Suck and Fuck. Mm-hmm. So, speaking of what we just talked about.

Glory Hole and Scar. There we go. Jock's back. And Lori Swole. You look so high today. Something is wrong with your eyes. What is going on? I don't know how many times I have to explain this.

I'm sure it's something very easy to understand. It's very easy to understand. Well, you said you spilled chemicals in your eye. Do you want me to read the exact text message you sent us? No. Because it's random as hell. No, because I'm going to explain what I meant. I was trying to say,

I spilled chemical in my eye. I need 15 minutes till I can talk again because I need to cleanse my eye. And this was like three hours ago. Jock at 153. To settle this argument right now, again because I need to cleanse my eye. And this was like three hours ago. We weren't even... Jock at 153. To settle this argument right now,

I will play judge. The evidence we have in court is right now it is 318, not 153. In the middle of an absolute barrage of texts from me asking me to help promo our Valentine's episode, Jock says, washing chemical out of my eye right now,

15 minute timer won't be able to text back for. Which, yes, does make sense when you kind of figure out what's happening. It's like Shakespearean. It's more like Yoda. If he was hit by a semi and then someone poured chemicals

in his eyes. You know who Yoda's character was based on, right? Who? William Shakespeare. Is that true? True is that? Yeah. True is that.

Spear is shake. Will.i.am? That's why he's named Will.i.am. Wow. That doesn't make sense, but wow. No, did you realize that? Love, where is the? There we go. That doesn't make sense, but wow. Do you realize that? Love, where is the?

There we go. This is the special medical shampoo that you have, right? That you love pouring directly into your eyes. The acid that you are obsessed with pouring into your eyes. It's an antiseptic body cleanser that is not supposed to be used above the face. above the nose.

So why did you use it above your nose? I didn't use it above my nose. What happens is that I'm trying to take a shower in a small enclosed place. This apartment happens to have a very small... Like an elf. No, not like an elf. If you've ever seen Elf, picture what happens in Elf when he's trying to take a shower.

That's what happened to Jean. I was about to say, I don't think I have the same size body. What if you saw, what if in Elf, when he's taking the shower, you saw like the tip of his penis peeking out from under the door of the shower?

No one noticed it until this year. Like it's dangling that far low. It's below his knees. It's like shin level. Disgusting. It's like how they didn Disgusting. It's like how they didn't realize until recently that there's this That's So Raven

episode where they're fighting and they're all arguing, yelling at each other at the same time in this pink buggy and Raven Simone says she calls the other guys

Donald Trump will win the election in 2020 there's a pandemic coming in the year 2020 we'll wipe out a third of the world it zooms into her eye and 9-11 happens and it zooms back out or is that show after 9-11 I think it was after but still that works that works

so now that I can talk again. It's called riffing and making jokes on our podcast. You get so mad when we do that. But yeah, continue your story. Continue your story. So anyway, they only caught this recently in a previous episode of That's So Raven. Raven-Symoné's character is arguing

at the same time of all three characters yelling at each other. And Raven-Symoné's character is also named Raven. Okay, can you... Let's be clear. I just won't tell it. I have zero reason to tell it. Jock, the thing is,

on a podcast, you tell a story, but you stop so your co-host can make jokes, and then you keep telling the story. Yeah. That's how... That's called having a conversation. Here, just start from where you were. Ravensmoan's character,

what happens to this character? Jacques, I'm sorry, sweetie. I promise I won't interrupt. It's fine. We're allowed to do this. He's just worried about forgetting the story. No, I'm not worried about forgetting the story. I remember it very clearly. Okay, tell us. This is the third time. So, a previously

released episode of That's So Raven features a scene where they are driving a pink convertible, like kind of Volkswagen type car. And the car breaks down and they all three start yelling at each other. And when they're all three yelling at each other, Raven Simone's character says, calls the other guy a fruity n-word. It's so crazy in the background.

They're dropping a hard R on Raven? That's not true. I think you saw an edit. There's no chance in the world that that's true. You saw a Raven-Symoné edit that's like

it was on TikTok. It's like twice the speed and there's like Indian subtitles. Your microphone is off, Jock. I know because I muted it for a moment. I'm just letting you know you're talking in your mic stuff. You're so testy today.

So if you Google Fruity N-Word, that's so Raven. I'm not going to Google that, by the way. That's crazy that that's in your Google. Jock just had to type the letter F and it came up. No, look, just listen for a second. We are listening.

Jock, you have to let us talk about screaming. Hang on. I'm pulling up the video. I'll share my screen. Can I just read something very quickly? Yeah, Hessa found the video. Let's see the video, Hessa. Let's see if this is real.

I'm going to share the video, okay? You can find it at about 21.36. I have the video, Jock, sweetie. Can I please just talk for two fucking seconds? Jesus hell Christ. In the episode, Driving Miss Lazy you can find it at 21.36 in

Disney Plus version. This new version switches to an alternate camera angle during part of the fight and you can hear Raven say just like a Okay well it looks like Hess has the video. Let's see. You didn't need to say that. We had the video ready to go. Let's has has the video let's see let's see let's see what let's hear what see

what the video um let's see we don't even have to watch the video because jock just proved it why would by the way that's see the future. How come you couldn't see us running out of gas? By the way, that's a good question. That is an amazing question for Raven. He kind of got her. It's probably why she's so mad. Yeah.

I don't know why you want to get my space. Throw me in a big car. I am not the rich. Stop. Whoa. I mean, Jock, you're right. You're right. Play it one more time. Write it back. I'm not, Jock. You're right. You're right. Play it one more time. Write it back.

I'm not playing it again. I feel like it's one play of someone saying that on our show. It's not us saying it. Who are we to silence black women's voices? That's true. I've played it a thousand times. It's an amazing... I think, first of all,

it's just hilarious to call anyone fruity. The idea of it happening on a disney episode and then the fact that she added she made this phrase that would just like how did that ever get past it's like the opening scene of the super mario brothers super show with the live action show where raven simone calls someone a fruity ass bleep. Yeah, where Luigi calls someone the N-word. No, no, no. There's a scene where it's... Italian accent? No. No. Ruined the neighborhood.

Who is the most fruity ass of the Mario world? Yoshi, for sure. Of the Mario world? No, Toad. Oh, Toad, yeah. Yeah, Birdo's trans I feel like Toad and Yoshi definitely have a gay relationship going on

Well Toad is kind of like a butt plug kind of Well I guess Toad lays Yoshi lays eggs Yeah so he has a cloaca Agender Post gender Yoshi

I guess Toad is so like gay and twinkie and like cute Toad is the ultimate twink that's what the fan of twinks everywhere yeah twinks everywhere you know who's the ultimate twink you know

that my little pony I feel like my little pony are so female they're so like dolly they're horses oh no like i just i saw my little pony in the uh like uh like in a store passed by one reason i was like that is a gay man i oh they're so they're so and you know what else they're so like brats my little pony is a gay man god is a woman click end of episode

do we have the same god as the ponies Jacques do you think um I mean I don't I think the god of the ponies is Poseidon famously I'm gonna look up my little pony god I mean, I think the god of the ponies is Poseidon. I'm going to look up My Little Pony God.

Yeah, well, is there a god? They do have gods in My Little Pony universe. Yeah, there are gods. There are multiple. How do I know this? I'm looking on Google. Poseidon is the god of also water, ocean, and horses. Were you both playing with My Little Ponies when you were kids?

I'm looking on the page right now. This is all news. I think this is just all of them. I think this is just every My Little Pony is a god. Sounds like Mormon. It's like Mormonism. There's something in My Little Pony called Orcus, the corpse god.

His domains are chaos, evil, death, and destruction. Wait, guys, you want to know something funny tomorrow? Today's Valentine's Day for the listeners out there. Jock is, I think, currently texting his hoe to say get your ass ready for dinner. No, I'm not currently texting

my hoe. Who are you currently texting? I'm currently texting my side ho, Grace Frode. Okay. Why did you say her name like that? That makes her sound so bad. That's her dead name, actually. Yeah, that's her dead name, Jock. She changed her last

name from Frode to Freud. That is so fucked up. Shut up. You're dead naming Grace on our show. Okay, I was just kidding. One more thing about the My Little Pony God page. It says their favorite weapons on there. It says that this

it says this one's favorite. They're fighting like that. Yeah, it says Rainbow Dash's favorite weapon is a javelin. I don't know how a

horse could use a javelin. I don't know if that makes sense. Pinkie Pie's favorite weapon is a dagger. Oh, hell no. Oh, hell no. Her domain is madness

and darkness. What the fuck is My Little Pony? Is this real? I don't know. They have crazy fan offshoots of that where all these autistic anime guys are jacking off all over them. This is probably fan fiction for some guy who hasn't left a basement in

months. Anyways, a peek behind the curtain. I know all of our listeners out there may have just watched our special Valentine's Day episode with Jamie. Oh my god. I thought you meant viewers out there.

Let me talk! Let me tell my story! How does that feel? How does that feel, Jock, when someone does that? If you need to talk, I can wait. No, I love for you to interject with something you have to say. Oh, I appreciate that. Please continue. You're welcome. When you were mentioning for the viewers to look behind the curtain, I thought you were encouraging everyone to stop listening

and go check behind your curtain to make sure no one's not standing behind your curtain trying to kill you. Everyone, go look behind your curtains. Yes, everyone, please go physically look behind the curtain in your house. There might be someone there, but that was done on Valentine's Day. What, Jock? Do you walk through your

apartment with a knife or a weapon when you're alone? No. And open every room and every closet just to make sure? No, but I have done that before many times when I've lived in bigger houses or I'm coming home late at night or I don't like, you know, whatever. But I'm on the sixth floor of a building.

I leave, well, I'm not going to say this. Well, whatever, I'll say it. My front door is usually unlocked. I have this two locked doors you have to get through to get to my apartment. And then you have to go up six flights of stairs. My landlord lives in the building. I'm not worried about anyone robbing me

why would you want to bother to rob Ben first you climb all the way up six stairs to get a TV from 2015 got me what else would they find in my apartment Jock monk fruit sweetener

maybe some long maybe some long grain. Maybe some long grain enriched jasmine rice. Kratom. Kratom. Oh, raw chicken. On the counter. I kind of am disgusted

by chicken now. I was eating steak for a week. Not on a carnivore diet or anything. I just came up with a perfect salad. I came up with the perfect way to live. Tell me or anything. I just came up with a perfect salad. I came up with the perfect one. Tell me about the salad. I came up with the perfect salad. It's a rare steak.

What makes it rare? What makes it so hard to get? It only drops from one out of every 300 enemies. So it takes a long time to farm the steak. So you cook it rare and then you deglaze the pan with a bit of lemon juice

and you dissolve some anchovies in the steak, oil, lemon juice and then you throw some pepitas in there. You let those pepitas roast. You add some rosemary. Get those browned a little bit. Maybe a couple

browned. That's racist. A couple drops of Worcestershire sauce. Yeah, I was about to say. And then you set that aside. Let them cool down. And then you make the dressing. Just red wine vinegar, honey, lemon, salt, pepper.

And if you used any garlic when you're basting the steak, you can take that garlic out, mince it, add that to the dressing. It adds a really good depthness to the dressing. And then it's just arugula, really thinly sliced red onions, like a mandolin if you have it, and shaved Parmesan. And you add the pepitas back in. You dress it with the steak. It is so good, y'all.

I'm not even kidding. I'm eating it like every day. It's really yummy. Gordon Ramsay, you're making me randy. Also, you put a little bit of honey on the pepitas when you turn the heat off. It's one of the perfect recipes.

It's one of the most perfect steaks. You should try adding some capers. Just a little bit. You get a lot of that really fishy taste. Like the umami fish from the anchovies. And the worcestershire. But you could also dice up some capers and put it

in the dressing for sure if you want it to be more fishy. Or you could just not dissolve the anchovies and just dice those up and make like a paste and add that to the dressing. But before I got, we had this conversation. It is, to peek behind the curtain for all of our listeners out there,

we are recording this on the actual day of saint valentine's um and our episode with jamie just dropped but this should be out sunday seeking sunday but i still wanted to take the opportunity to maybe say um what's how much you love us yes of course i love you three words but let me give you something better three ingredient dinner much healthier than ben i love you that's the three words every woman wants to hear the three words everyone wants to hear during sex three ingredient dinner okay amazing what is your three ingredient dinner that's better than my style that my perfect salad recipe well i mean that sounds really good and stuff i just you know i'm trying to be eat healthier and that doesn't really seem in the vein of healthy so what i would recommend is a three a very simple recipe all you all you're gonna need is a bing um a kalana pen and um just a a big there's only two ingredients you

can't think of a big pepper he was struggling i was getting to it another kalana pen it's it's not a jalapeno it's uh it's it's it's a mutant serrano jalapeno. It's spicy. It's poblano. Actually, it's a habanero. It's not really spicy. Oh, habanero. Nice. Well, a poblano is just a roasted jalapeno, I believe.

Or am I wrong? No, you're so wrong. Really? What's the difference? A poblano is a type of pepper. A jalapeno is a different type of pepper. Bing, bang, boom. Period. um a poblano is a type of pepper jalapeno is a different type of pepper bing bang boom i like that they're they're like making new peppers now that are called like x99

no i know like basically biological weapons they kind of have these these seed clubs for that that are similar to the like the the late 90s early 2000ss CD clubs that you would sign up from, where you'd look through a list of CDs and make a check. Except it's all these people looking through the different scopamine levels. Isn't that what they consider the spicy? And by CD clubs, we're not talking about the Red Room. We're not talking Studio 54.

We're not talking about Basement. We're not talking about the laundry room at're not talking we're not talking about basement we're not talking we're not talking about the laundry room at at hessa's apartment nice got her got her got her hey wait we're not misunderstanding club the club aspect 50 there no well you're having so much sex in your laundry room it's basically a a club. I think it works. Okay. Okay. It works. CD club. Are we talking about the staff at Rash?

Oh, cross-dresser club. Exactly. Nice. Oh, period. Nice. Period. Got him. But no, yeah, it's Valentine's Day.

Are you guys doing anything special? I'm not. No. As I said, I'm married to the freaking game. I don't need any of these hoes in my life keeping me off of doing four hours of work today.

I'm going to have a special moment. I'm going to have a special moment. I'm married to the game, y'all. It's so funny to be married to the game when you have a podcast because it's like... I'm going to have a sweet moment. You two lonely heads. Hess and I are going to hang out. We didn't want to tell you. We're going to have video sweet moment. You two lonely heads. Hessa and I are going to hang out. We didn't want to tell you.

We're going to have video sex. What the fuck? I have plans with my little friend. You're not invited. Are you all serious right now? We don't want any non-binary people that we're uncomfortable with. Also, are your glasses ever going to dry, Hessa? What is going

on? I just got out of the shower when I put them on. It just confuses me because I think you have tiny little white eyebrows above your regular eyebrows. I can see how that'd be scary for you. I don't know how to register

emotions. Eyebrows are how you register emotions. What do you mean? Yeah. No, yeah, that's true. I'm agreeing with you. It's harder for me to read your emotions when you have your big frames

that cover your eyebrows. What is this emotion? What is this emotion? Rachel Maddow. Nice. Rachel Maddow. I am Rachel Maddow, bitch. I am Rachel Maddow. Nice. Rachel Maddow. I am Rachel Maddow, bitch. I am Rachel Maddow.

I feel like Rachel Maddow, y'all. Rachel Maddow. Ow! Let me try deciphering that emotion again. Do the face again. Oh, shit. Oh, shit. He's trying to take a screenshot of me.

I'm about to act up. I'm about to act up. I got zero hands. Today, I'm not taking... Did you just say you have zero hands? Yeah. Yeah, I said... You accused me of dread.

For the listeners at home, Jacques has two hooks. Oh, my God. He would absolutely die. He would die within 10 minutes of getting anybody part replaced. Y'all, I have... I stabbed myself in the face. Y'all, I'm just, I'm looking at the floor right now because I ripped my eye out of my head.

It's on the end of my hook and it's pointing down. Y'all, please. I hate looking at my foot. While y'all are describing y'all's disabled fantasy of me, I want to take a moment to apologize to say that I was just blown away when I saw that that's a rave to say that I was just blown away

when I saw that that's a Raven TikTok clip. I was just blown and I said that. Well, I've been getting blown this whole time on the pod while recording. Sorry, Josh. I was just blown. I just want to apologize because I just nutted. I got post-nut clarity and I realized it was rude

to get sucked up. I realized it was real racist to break up that Ravenson clip. Are you apologizing for the clip, Jacques? I'm not apologizing for the clip. I hope that people didn't think I was being insensitive.

I don't think I did. You're fine. Well, you know what? I actually think we should maybe delete that. I think we should delete this episode. Shut up! great job jock we're just goofing you seem very relaxed today another episode going in the can because jock said something racist well actually i think i think i can help us with with stuff for the food for me i don't have food for you well, then why did you just tell me you could help me?

Jacques, have you ever heard of Reddit? Have I ever heard of Reddit? No, but have you ever heard of a... He's going to do one of the worst puns of all time. No, no, no, no, no. Have you ever heard of Readidate? I've never heard of Reddit, but have you ever heard of

St. Louis Slab of Ribs? That might be pretty nice right now. Okay, so it's not even a pun. It's just completely two disjointed things. Have you ever heard the album Spice World?