Seeking Derangements - SD 386 - Squidward....black?

Episode Date: February 21, 2025

Hello Seekers! Ben here, today Jacques, Hesse, and I discuss why planes keep falling out of the sky, write a eulogy for me (I have a $40 spirit flight to Nola next week) and then make some really crucial decisions about our favorite cartoon characters. We will be back with a special bonus for Seeking Sunday! Until then....

this will never ever ever happen again but yes because you're in a bad mood you can do it go ahead jock i never said i was in a bad mood you assume but hi everyone i'm jock gonsolin and i am so happy to be with everyone today in this glorious space. This is a free episode for the Patreon. Nope. So you need to... This is a free episode. I just said this is a free episode.

But not for the Patreon. Patreon is where we have premium... This is a free episode. You don't know how we make money. Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop! Stop screaming. Let Jacques go. Let him do it. Stop screaming. Go ahead. Let them draw him.

So, what I... Hi, my name is Jacques Gonsolin. And today we have a free episode found on any kind of platform that has our free episodes on it. Maybe it's Apple Podcasts. Maybe it's Spotify. Maybe it's SoundCloud. Maybe it's Patreon. I don't care. What I

do care is that you subscribe to our Patreon immediately. And if you haven't subscribed to our Patreon, then, Henny, you're about as posse as a brick through a window 60 years ago. Okay, period.

Okay, wow. Well, you're certainly not helping the gay rights movement. If you're not subscribed to the Patreon, you're setting it back. But I do understand what you're saying, Jock. Yeah, if you're against trans rights, then fine. Don't subscribe to us. Welcome, everyone. If you're a Nazi, then fine. Don't subscribe to us.

If you are against... If you don't believe in hiv your day don't find you're ugly don't subscribe to us if they don't believe in hiv they can't subscribe i think you can i'm gonna give if you don't believe that hiv is real you can subscribe but watch yourself counselor is what i'll say yeah'll say. Yeah, you're on thin ice. You're on thin ice. You're on thin ice, buddy. And you better not renegade. We're going to give you HIV to prove that it's real. Jock's going to come after you and give you HIV to prove that it's real.

That's not what I said. Same if you're ugly. I thought that's what you said. I'm sorry. If you're ugly, don't come at us if you're ugly. No comments. No comments. You can listen at us if you're ugly. No comments. You can listen, but you can't comment.

I think that y'all should leave Ben and Hessa comments. If you're thinking about leaving me a comment, I want you to reframe it. We all get comments, Jock. I think that if you're going to leave a comment, leave one for Ben and Hessa. I just simply can't take it this time. We all get comments. There's no need to be salty about it.

It's part of our jobs. But anyways, guys, let's get to today's show. Thank you for the beautiful intro, Jock. Thank you, Jock. So I don't know if you guys have seen this. It's really troubling me from the past week in news. This has been what's really scaring me. Mostly because i have

a 44 spirit airline flight to new orleans um in a little under a week so if you don't hear from me anymore um but i think we all know what happened um a plane flipped over in on between like minneapolis and canada it like do you guys see video? It was landing and then there's a giant plume of smoke and then it literally flipped. Whoa. No one died. That's like a crazy stunt. Do you remember Sully? Sully Sullenberger?

Of course. If you watch American Dad or Family Guy, you know who that guy is. That's what Jock is going to call his dinner later at the Sullenberger. If you watch Family Guy, there's one episode with Sully Sullenberger in it. So if you watch Family Guy, you know who we're talking about. Exactly. But like, this would have been a big deal if it happened like 10 years ago.

Well, yeah. Or 15 years ago. But instead, no one gives a fuck. Well, I want to point out... It's like anything else, people forget about it and then like other instances of it

keep happening. Like two planes... I believe it was an Air Toronto. ...literally crashed into... No, it was a Delta flight. Two small airplanes literally crashed into each other in Arizona just yesterday.

Yeah. Even a few days before that, a small private airplane with the lead singer of Motley Crue's wife and best friend. Dead. The pilot. No. They all died. No. Can you shut your dirty little Iowa trap?

I thought they all died. God, you could fit a corn in there. Holy shit. They had to put both heads on one body. No. Can you shut your dirty little Iowa trap? I thought they all died. God, you could fit a corn in there. Holy shit. They had to put both heads on one body. No. He has to fuck his best friend and his wife at the same time. Yeah. No. Because of the injuries.

No. Just like Aaliyah. No, you idiots. That's what happened to Aaliyah. God. That's what happened to Aaliyah. That's how she died. I don't care what happened to Aaliyah right now.

Am I talking about Aaliyah? Bodyguard's body. It was really fucked up. Yeah. Go ahead, Jock. Yeah. What's up? Okay. Now I can go. Okay. So anyway, the pilot drove like maybe like 10 feet forward and crashed into the front of another plane. And the two women and all of their dogs, because apparently there was like seven dogs in this private small jet, all survived, but they had to watch the pilot

die in front of them. How do you know this? It's a news article. How do I know this? I'm just asking you, Chuck. There's no reason to be so mad at me. I'm just asking you how you know that. Who gave that testimony? You're on a permission to treat the lawyer as a hostile man. I'm not your enemy. I'm your friend. I am your me. I'm just asking you how you know that. Who gave that testimony? You're on a permission to treat the lawyer

as a hostile man. I'm not your enemy. I'm your friend. I am your friend. I love Jock. Ben love Jock. Ben asked question to Jock. Now you do sound like arbitration. Ben loves Jock. Ben asked question to Jock.

Ben proceeds to go to client. Who gave you this information? How did you find it out. I'm literally just... Who gave you this information? How did you find it out? I'm just curious. Typically, I don't get my information from a slack jaw invalid behind an alleyway. That makes me feel like you do get your information from

a slack jaw invalid in an alleyway. It's like how people who don't have enough money to go to a dentist, go to a dental school, or worse, get it done in a Walgreens. Hey, hey, hey. Just because I talk to Pookie doesn't mean I believe in Pookie, okay?

I'll take whatever Pookie says to me with a grain of salt. His name is Pookie? Is he dating Hak Tua? Is that why? Hak Tua's dating a disabled man. No. That would be funny to you, Jacques. That would be funny.

It would not be funny to me, but I'll explain very quickly. She killed herself. She can't date anyone now. Yeah. It would be very... R.A.P. Haktua.

When you huck thousands of Tuas in heaven. I wish she would have pulled the it's my disabled boyfriend's fault that my the classic crypto tech company crash tricks they use that in the movie the sting robert redford's character in the 20s is like it's my disabled boyfriend's fault that's one of the oldest tricks in the book i mean it's basically like it's basically kuzco or whatever his name is from the usual suspects kaiser so say yeah kuzco from the emperor's new groove is in the usual suspects that would be pretty cool wow like a david spade animated character he's like boom baby he's like doing it that was david spade yeah of course that was david spade you goofball what how does that change your view of the world knowing that kusko's david spade and not uh a real mayan i think i think here i i think hearing that detail decreased my likelihood of suicide by like 5%.

Okay, that's good. That's good. Wow. I think it's cool that Trump has crashed one plane per day since he took off. No, it's insane how none of the Democrats are making these Trump's fault. Yeah. Do you know if one plane went down under Trump, he would have immediately been like, under Biden, he would have

immediately started calling it the Biden plane crash or something. They're doing nothing. I haven't seen any Democrat give a public statement on why planes keep falling out of the sky. I saw someone replying to a news story about the plane like a blue check trump guy being like is it me or is this a little too convenient for the left

someone's like yeah that's what i was thinking yeah the left's brilliant plan of letting trump get elected and then crashing every single plane in the world and no one gives a fucking nothing happens or changes or it becomes anyone's fault. Yeah. Now I get it. When they were saying vote for Conwell, what they were really saying was let's crash the plane. You get it.

I think I saw the video of a guy exiting the one that was upside down and it's like handheld video like he's running out. And one of the stewardesses is like yelling at him to not film. And that was just so funny to me that like, lady, like stop being a bitch right now.

Like the plane almost exploded. Stop telling me what I can't do. Like I'm going to film if I'm running out of an upside down plane. And she's literally like in steward voice being like, sorry, sir. So you cannot film. You cannot film. I'm like, girl, I i am absolutely filming because i don't know what to tell you like of course like she's like gonna yell at you for like leaving a bag of peanuts

at the seat it would be funny if he stopped and like was like let me start a live stream before i go down the slide absolutely go on instagram instagram live if I was on a plane crash. 1,000%. I am scared of the planes the most. I fly the most out of all three of us. And I just want you all to know that I will be sticking my computer in my pants and my Klonopin in a plastic bag in my underwear if we land into the water and i will hold with one hand my laptop up the whole way when i swim back to shore so that's your that's your plane

because if they're gonna tell me i can't take my bag you've just got to be fucking kidding me yeah you've just they fucking kidding me yeah you think you're gonna keep my telphar because you crashed the plane because you're an incompetent driver 117 dead today on a flight from Houston from Houston to Lafayette

because someone stopped in the aisle while the plane was on fire because their telphar bag was stuck in an overhead compartment they them got stuck in the aisle while the plane was on fire because their telphar bag was stuck in an overhead compartment. They then got stuck in the exit or the emergency exit window and refused to let anyone else out. I either fly in the very absolute

front left spot or the very back absolute left spot. The front is bad. You're supposed to be in the back. Well, I don't care. It's about if I'm going to get on the plane. If you want to survive, be in the back. Well, I don't care. It's about if I'm going to get off the plane. People in the back of the plane has a much higher survival rate in the back. What if the plane does a butt slam,

though? What if it stops in midair? That would be the first time it's ever happened in history. It's happened four times. It's never happened. It's happened four times. It's never happened, Tessa. A plane does a butt slam, yeah. No. No, I know it's happened four times it's never happened tessa plane does a butt slam yeah no no i know it's happened before no when i said no it's happened listeners aviators who listen please inform ben people with microsoft the tragic united airlines butt simulator

it happened it happened two years ago actually no one knew about it well sully took all the press this is a message sully he was on the ground he was shopping for groceries and a plane stopped above him and went oh it killed him oh my god well planes got one over on him yeah aviation enthusiast plane enthusiast people who have read the book the aviator people who have seen the movie the aviator and of course people who've seen con air have you read the book the aviator jock have you what do you what do you mean what what about con air was wrong and no i know i don't understand the bit you're doing what is it here's something that was wrong about con air that little girl they that's the first mistake

there's nothing wrong with con air there's a part where they land the plane in the desert to refuel it and in the desert there's a little girl in the middle of the desert oh i remember this motel and she's just having a tea party with a burned out yeah decrepit fucked up doll like that girl is the most insane person well that would that was like the scariest thing for movies of that time, which was just like taking a Nirvana music video set prop and putting it in a movie. Yeah. Just like a creepy little girl with a doll.

I will say this. Con Air did scare me when I saw it when I was a child. I was really afraid of the criminal Cyrus. Cyrus the virus? Yes. That was the scariest name I had heard at that time in my life. And I was really afraid of Cyrus. Cyrus is John Malkovich for anyone who has a gay ass.

One of the gayest men. Don't you dare defy me, Mr. Cage. Don't worry. This plane will be landing soon, and all of you motherfuckers will be out of here, and I will kill every single one of you pieces of shit motherfuckers. He's like, lane the planet Fire Island. I need the plane to go to Puerto Vallarta.

Now. We are going to Mallorca. I need the plane to go to Puerto Vallarta Now We are going to Mallorca He talks like Dorit He does He really does He's so funny He was like

He was still scary despite being like Kind of faggy He was just a sinister homosexual In that way, that was... That only John Malkovich can be. I need to re-watch that movie. I only saw it once when I was a child, but I still remember...

It was very impactful. Yeah. Because of how scary he was. Because of how scary Cyrus the Virus was. Till this day, if I meet a guy named Cyrus, I'm like, oh my god, you're... You're the virus. Conair's on my list, but I pushed

about 20 movies forward on my list of only movies about extreme mental illness and suicide. That's amazing. I would not call that movie being about suicide. Does anyone? I'm not. No, I said I pushed all

the other ones ahead. Because there wasn't enough suicide in Connelly. Because I watched Virgin Suicides last night, and then I watched House of Sand and Fog, Jennifer Connelly, Suicide, and all these other people doing suicide. It's like a four-part, three-part suicide movie. Wow.

It's a lot of suicide. Is that a cry for help that you're telling us to talk? Yeah. What's wrong, John? No. No. Let's get into it. Let's get into it. Is that a cry for help? No. Okay. So one thing I was thinking about is that people always make fun of me for

taking Adderall when I fly because I do love to take an Adderall on a plane and I'm like, okay, it's because it makes it feel like time, like teleportation or whatever. It makes the flight go by so, so fast. Yeah. Because you just like, I don't,

it kind of helps as an anti-anxiety medication for me because my focus is just entirely on writing an invoice or planning episodes or whatever it may be. It really helps. And I'm like, okay, now if a plane is going to go down, I would much rather be

on Adderall while that's happening than on Xanax. Imagine you are in that plane that... No, never. I can only do a gummy if I'm in bed. Never ambient. No. If you were on Xanax when that plane

flipped upside down in Canada, your response is like you wouldn't give a fuck. You would just dangle in your seat and you would die. I think you would care a little bit. It would become like Mission Impossible. I would get out on the wing. I would woo.

I would save the day somehow. I would save a couple children. Well, everyone lives in the upside down hole. Ben would slither out of that plane like a snake on methamphetamine quicker than you could imagine. That sounds amazing. Only to run straight towards the airport

and slip about 50 times in the snow. I never slipped. Oh, shut the hell up. You've never seen me slip in my life. Yeah, you slipped 50 times in the snow the other day. Yeah, right. And How have you slipped before? You slipped 50 times in the snow the other day. I saw that.

Chuck, you slip all the time. You fart and poop and slip. First of all, all humans fart and poop. Not me. If you're not farting and pooping, then what? Haven't you read the book Nobody Poops?

Nobody Poops. And if you do, there's something wrong. There's some title. Cute little cartoon animals being like, you poop? And they all have a judgmental look on their face.

Ew. What the fuck is wrong with you? That's disgusting. You should kill yourself. Nobody poops Ew. What the hell? What the fuck is runky poop? That's disgusting. You should kill yourself. Nobody poops, and if you do, you should kill yourself. A children's book by Ben Mora.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Illustrated by Hasadani. Okay, okay. Forward by Jock Gonsolin. It's like furry NSFW porn. New to write a joke if you had to write a forward to our our book nobody poops and if you do you should kill yourself what would that forward sound like read our other hit novel um okay uh wait wait wait wait hold on read our other hit novel uh what if it was called like rape of a nation or something it was like a 70 like a 350 page like political epic thriller

and that's in the front of nobody poops the book for children it's like exactly jock i'm sorry for interrupting jock it's fine oh my god he's taking a bunch of pills taking a clonopin jock do you want to record with us today if you don't it's okay we can do the rest of the episode jock sweetie i'm just getting medicine out hold on

okay that's okay what else was i saying jock your mic jock your mic. Jock, your mic is making a terrible noise. Can you please be gentle with it? Please be gentle with your mic. Thank you. Wow. Well, Ben, you're going on a flight.

You're going on a flight, right? Yeah, I am. I'm really not excited. I'm really not excited. But the thing is Spirit, I'm flying Spirit Airline. I'm really not excited. I'm really not excited. But the thing is Spirit, I'm flying Spirit Airline. I'm a Spiritista. I'm a spirited individual. And Spirit

has never had, believe it or not, people, Spirit has never had a plane crash. And it's because of all of the stress testing from their customers' loose Bluetooth speakers that are blasting hip-hop with a high bass level.

It's rattling. It's rattling the structure of the plane so much. That and the size of their stewardesses. And their fat stewardesses, yes, exactly. Nice. Also, though, Spirit Airlines is the only airline nine times a year a Spirit flight will show up and everyone inside will be burned alive.

No one will know how it happened. That's never happened. Yeah, it happens nine times a year. That's never happened. Look it up, yeah. That's never happened, Hessa. Your fear-mongering won't work on me Because I can barely comprehend

Reality as it is Especially this week Especially today So haha your little tricks to try to scare me I'm too stupid to perceive anything I'm too fucked up And retarded to know what the hell Is going on in this world

Did you see the news about the asteroid? Oh my god yeah the asteroid is going on in this world. Did you see the news about the asteroid? Oh my god, yeah, the asteroid is... Of course I saw the asteroid news because it goes from 2.6 to 3.2 in the course of one scientific discovery. I mean, fuck these scientists. Can you explain

exactly what's going on with the asteroid, please, John? I can explain exactly what's going on. Fuck these scientists. They don't give a fuck about us. They just want us to feel scared and miserable. Wait, why is it the scientist's fault for knowing?

What do you mean, why is it the scientist's fault? Why are you mad at, at least be mad at the asteroid? Yo, fuck the scientists. Why would I be mad at the asteroid, not the scientist? What is the asteroid ever done to Earth once? Because the scientists are just discovering the asteroid. Yeah, and the scientists. Why would I be mad at the asteroid? What is the asteroid ever done to Earth once? Because the scientists are just discovering the asteroid. Yeah, and the scientists are always just discovering... What are you talking about?

The scientists are always discovering shit that's fucking up Earth. So do you think an asteroid has ever hit Earth before? Yes, probably so. Look, can I ask you a question? Probably. Can I ask you a question? Probably. The odds are pretty high.

How many times did an asteroid discover AIDS? Again, why is discovering AIDS the bad thing? Why is discovering the bad thing? Yeah, I feel like that's a good thing, right? Okay. But it's not like there's a ghost that's killing every gay person in the world. Are you under the assumption asteroids invented PrEP? Well, no, they didn't.

Did asteroids invent COVID? Actually, that's a theory. I understand where you're going with this one, Jock. Wait, did asteroids make guns? Well, you can't really say scientists made guns. No, no. The nuclear weapon is a better argument for you there, Jock. Okay, then did the asteroid make nukes?

I guess they didn't. No, but asteroids are essentially a nuclear weapon. Yeah, they hit with the force of a nuclear blast. Yeah. with the force of a nuclear blast. In this specific example, you could make the argument that

scientists invented COVID, that scientists invented the nuclear bomb. That's a very easy argument to make. Scientists invented milk? If I can finish, please. I agree with you on that. Right. Scientists inventing

asteroids is where the argument falls apart for me. Are you under the assumption that they're inventing asteroids in labs and the asteroids are breaking out of the lab? I think the scientists know that they created this and that they're

making the percent of China. Did I say Chinese asteroids? Did I say Chinese? I have nothing against the China. I love mandarin oranges. I love Jackie Chan. These Chinese asteroids are always going off their route. If you know what I mean, they're swerving all over the global road.

Don't tell me I don't like China because I love China. We all love China here. We love China. And I don't have a driver's license for the record and I can't drive, so there's no validity behind my statement. I'm the least authoritative person when it comes to driving. Wait, since when do you not have a driver's license? I've been in a car with you.

I have not had a driver's license for five years. Oh, yeah, because you were avoiding the cops. I still do drive sometimes. And I am completely unaware of any arrest warrants that may be out for me in Nebraska, specifically. I do not know about that. Or any other states for that matter. I'm not aware of any of those,

legally speaking. But I was thinking, since I might be dying soon on this... We could write a eulogy for you. Yeah. Because if I had... Look. Usually no one ever writes a eulogy beforehand. It's usually

your will. But we've written some wills on the show before. So maybe just do a variation on a theme. And if I were to die, I would absolutely want Jock and Yuhasa to write my eulogy to the, I'm sure, complete befuddlement of my family. Yes.

Who they don't really understand what I do for work or know who either of you are. So it would be hilarious if you two took up a job. Okay. Okay. To my brother. Yeah. Who has fallen.

I'll write it. But let's say this is in preparation for my inevitable death. Can we each give one? Because I feel like Hess is... I think we can do it together. I feel like we can combine. We can combine. Let's start.

I'm about to die. These are my wishes. You're going to defy my death wishes? I just think we might have had different feelings. We should start off by roasting a few of the other people that are there first roasting ben's grieving family yes exactly okay um we'll say dear ben's brother you didn't even know how much of a faggot your brother was so you're opening dead with a cock in his ass you're opening with dear Ben's brother. Dear Ben's brother.

Guess what? Guess you're now the man of the house. Ben's sister. Colon. Hey, Ben. I won't miss you because you are such a bitch. What about this?

Ben's dad, I don't understand. That's racist. That's racist. I'm sure you know that's racist. You're being racist. You can't make that up. We can't make that up.

Let's do, no, do, call Ben's dad Speedy Gonzalez during his eulogy. Call Ben's dad Speedy Gonzalez. And then hold for laughter

because there's going to be a lot of laughter, maybe a little applause there. So this is the... And then I say, Ben, thanks for inviting me tonight. Are these notes within the eulogy? These are, yeah, these are like

little cue cards. That's an aside. Call Ben's dad, Speedy Gonzalez, at his funeral. Pause for laughter. Isn't that just inaccurate? Your dad's Ben's dad, Speedy Gonzalez, at his funeral. Pause for laughter. Isn't that just inaccurate? Your dad's Costa Rican, not a Mexican, right? Thank you, Jock. That is true.

Add that to the speech as well. That's what Jock said. Jock can come in and say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're like tag teaming. That ain't accurate. Dear Tico, we are going to miss you so much. Costa Rican, not a Mexican. Okay, H okay hasa your line here i'll just write this

like a script i'll say they say ben's a tico but i think he's more like tito from rocket power because of how fat he is nice more like wait who from rocket power tito remember don't even try to get him to remember. Is that the Pokemon villain? No! It's Tito from Rocket Power. I can't believe you don't know who Rocket Power is. Sorry I read books and watch documentaries.

Sorry that you blare out people of color from our childhood. Ben pretended that he read books. But the only thing he ever read was the tip of his little penis when he jacked it off from not getting any pussy.

And by the way, you're not in a coffin. You are in a chair wearing sunglasses. No, it's like a Dean Martin roast. You're sitting up there with us. Me and Jock are there.

There are other roasters. Jeff Ross is there, too. Jeff Ross, I love that. Of course. Of course Jeff Ross will be there. The king of roasts is there. Right now we have dear Jock. This is Jock.

Jock will open. And Jock says, dear Ben's brother, guess what? You're the man of the house now, Ben's sister, Colin. I won't miss you because you're such a bitch. I didn't even say that. That's literally what you said, Jock. I think that was taken completely out of whatever. And then Jock gets into the grave with you at the end

and then it says call call ben's dad speeda gonzalez at his funeral pause for laughter jocks that ain't even accurate he's a costa rican not a mexican and then what i just had from you so how do you guys want to keep this going okay i'm gonna say um je say Jeff Ross is here tonight. Okay. Jeff Ross, you look like Tito from Rocket Power. I'm saying it to him too. Got it. Because it killed the first time, and I think it's got to do well for a second go.

I'm sure my family and loved ones will know exactly what you're talking about. Yes, I'll bring a picture of Tito from Rocket Power. Got it, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hold up the picture, andito from Rock and Roll. Got it. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hold up the picture. Mm-hmm. And then... And then everyone laughs. I'll go through...

I'll retrieve your phone, Ben, and I'll go through your Grindr messages. This is so nasty. And read them. I'll put... I'll get notes. Get... Pull up...

Ben's Grindr. Okay. Read. Oh. Get pull up Ben's grinder. Okay. Read. Looks like can't host. Ben sent them a message saying, do you mind if my penis is very, very small? And meanwhile, you're sitting there. You've got the sunglasses on.

Your mic, please. Your mic, please. Can you just hold your mic and stop setting it down? Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It was an accident. It's okay. Your mic, please. Can you just hold your mic and stop setting it down? It's weird. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It was an accident. Jesus Christ. It's okay. I'm just telling...

It's just for our job, babe. Ben sent me a message. My penis is small. And then I'll do... For what I heard from Jock's mic. Okay. How do we want to keep this going? Say, um... Ben probablyock's mic. Okay, how do we want to keep this going? Say, Ben probably caused that crash

Wow. Because of how gay he was being. And because he was complaining about the Wi-Fi not working because he was trying to get back on Grindr. I was complaining about the Wi-Fi not working because he wanted to get on

grinder nice i mean i remember doing a joke like two years ago on here that if a plane was crashing i would try to download grinders yeah um and then i say but seriously it's all love i love you ben and i'll miss you uh wait okay yeah okay i want to be like i want to add something okay jock is coming back in jock what are you saying sadly the fire was not the cause of his incredibly thin mustache but a genital defect that followed him in his entire life sadly the fire was not the cause of his incredibly thin mustache. It was a genetic... This is Jacques phasing in, like in 4D. Jacques just

appears behind me. It's a Jacques from a different universe, so he was just having a conversation where that would make sense. I'm trying to figure out what you're trying to say here. Sadly, the fire was not the cause of his... Because you have the... Okay, I'll rephrase it.

I think you need to try a little bit harder to reformat it. Because right now, this doesn't make any sense at all. I'll just be totally honest with you. You can't even... Do you want to try again? Okay. Okay. As we gather here to give our final respects to our tiniest

little brother, Ben, who did little for society, to give our final respects to our tiniest little brother, Ben. Thank you. Who did little for society, but enough to make us all angry. Yeah. Are you calling him part of society, though? His angry little face inspired thousands of death threats

across the globe. And then Jock burst into tears. And then Jacques burst into tears. And then he froze and killed himself. And dies. His enemies formed an elite community that went on to solve a lot of the world's problems. His enemies formed an elite

community known as the Patriots. Which went on to solve a lot of the world's problems. They did this with JVN and someone, I don't know, another

gay guy I've bullied, solved the world's problems in the span of me getting blown up and the funeral. What I'm trying to get at, sir, who keeps costing me in the middle of my obituuary ben is in the audience clearly in disguise get this fatty off sir who is that pale motherfucker in the audience he's yelling at me

get this fat fuck off the stage, boo! While some of us might feel a twinge of sadness now, I know the biggest feeling going around this room is relief. Relief that we finally can be done with. When Ben is yelling boo, Ben's family turns around and is like, Shh, he's trying to talk. How dare you be so disrespectful? They wouldn't do that At a funeral

The sense of relief that finally As a community we can all be in peace Knowing that he is finally dead So mean Yeah that's rude What do you want me to say Oh golly gee I love that guy I like her so much better

I don't know why Jock's in a bad mood he's making he's taking it out on me it's really nice see mine was a roast mine was hilarious okay and i went for being a bitch all the other roasters i went for everyone there you've used your joke on on me and jeff ross just jock jock is here tonight he looks kind of like tito from Rocket Power. Okay. Okay, so if I could make... Now that both Ben and Hessa have died and our collective families have gathered to mourn the loss of two people,

I can say without a doubt that there's a great sense of... Wait, Hessa is dead now? Yes. I'm dead and we're holding hands in the coffin and Jacques is jealous. Jacques would be so jealous if we died before him he would be so a fucking bitter i would be so pissed off if i would be so pissed off you know what the first thing i'd be really pissed off about was how am i supposed to manage the patreon i don't have certainly not happening

somebody's lost to forever yeah you can't do anything um anyway um okay back to anyway beautiful speech to all the beautiful families who who have a twinge of sadness yet a gigantic enormous sense of relief you can't it's bad i'm just giving you my notes of my feedback it's my funeral i'm just saying if you could please not rely on the same phrase while you're insulting me. Anyways, back to the beautiful speech. And then the guy in the audience says that and then says, I mean Ben, not me.

Stop screaming, please. Let me give the obituary or I'm going to kill your family. Well, you just... Yeah, well, okay. Now you want me to give you a bit I want you to just stop I want you to be manageable just calm down and stop screening

I'm perfectly manageable I could be a manager you're not being manageable what if we just bring the energy down the way you would talk to a dog during a thunderstorm if I could give you a little bit of cheese with a gabapentin in it right now, I would. I'd put you in a big coat that's super tight.

And you'd feel swaddled in gabapentin. Okay, let me just get my speech in. Can you pretend? Gabapentin makes me angry, so don't try to feed me. Like a chimp. won't give you a like like a chimp like okay i'm feeding you a cheesecake while you're swaddled in a thunder blanket and um the cheesecake is laced with codeine

the cherry syrup is actually codeine and there's crushed up Benadryl in the cheesecake. The cheesecake is pink. What do you think I eat every morning, you idiot? See, you're being so mean. You're full of so much anger towards me.

And I'm feeding you codeine cheesecake and you're lashing out at me. If you eat that every morning, it means you like it. Eat the codeine cheesecake and like it. Eat it. Eat the cookie cheesecake and calm down. Calm down. Okay. I'll calm down. Thank you.

But you're still dead, the both of you. And you're not feeding me anything because you are dead. And the dead will not feed me anything. Stand up in the audience as you're giving the speech and we're like, guess whose funeral it really is. And then you look, Jacques, and you realize it's your entire family and everyone you've wronged sitting in the audience why is everyone i wronged there because this is and then we push you back

it's gonna it's gonna be happening at this it's gonna be happening at the superdome that's how many people are in attendance we're gonna need FEMA tents there'll be lines out of the Superdome and it'll be a 10 day event for all the people you've wronged and want to come watch you die Jacques what if they called you and they were like Jacques

we're gonna give you 1 million dollars but you have to fight a lion in the Superdome that's easy you would do it what if it was suicide it's suicide by two lions what so what's the point that would hurt so bad though yeah but then i would die a hero all right do you want to read back my eulogy a hero from being killed by two lions in the super dome in front of a screaming crowd. I'll just read the last part of the eulogy

here back to you guys. I love reading. Please read me. Jeff Ross is here tonight. Oh, wait. Could you read it a little calmer? I'm perfectly calm. Jeff Ross is here tonight. You look like Tito from Rocket Power.

Hold up picture and pause for laughs. Pull up Ben's grinder. Oh, looks like he can't host. Ben sent the message. My penis is small. Ben probably caused that crash because of how gay he was. Because of how gay he was being. This is gold, dude.

Because of how gay he was being. He was complaining about the Wi-Fi not working because he wanted to get on Grindr. But seriously, it's all love. Now, that was Hesley. Great job, Hesley. Jock. Thank you. Jock will now chime in and say,

sadly, the fire was not caused of his incredibly thin mustache, but was genetic. Okay, as we gather here today. Okay, wait, can I rephrase this? Your volume needs to be down. Something is going on. Can you just hold your mic and not change any of the settings? I haven't changed anything this episode ever.

Once in my life. So, I'll continue. Genetic, okay, as we gather here to give our final respects to our tiniest little friend and did unknown to Ben's enemies formed an elite community, which went on to solve a lot of the world's problems. What I'm trying to get at, sir, while some of us might feel a twinge of sadness, is

now relief that finally as a community, we can be at peace. Anyways, back to the beautiful speech, all the beautiful families all calm down now, but you're still dead. The both of you, and I'm not feeding you anything. And then it zooms out, and it's

Jacques' face, but there's a noose around his neck, and there's a huge crowd gathered. Those are your last words, Jacques. And it was a setup. It was a setup all along. I didn't tie in the Spirit Airlines flight 292 to New Orleans. I faked it to set you up

to kill you at my funeral. You're going down. You know what? I'll say it right now I've got the neck with the strength of a fat neck?

of a thin pretzel stick there's not much to hold that thing back from snapping so it'll be an easy hanging oh it'll be an easy hanging nice well and because the the weight on top of my head is way less than what is the weight on the bottom of your head what would what if what if they came to you and they were like they put on my neck all that fat weight drags the neck right off the head jock what if what if scientists came to you i know you

hate scientists but hear me out what if scientists came to you and they said jock we have a new experimental thing we can do where we turn your body lego style so you can like take your arm out and pop it out and it doesn't hurt but you can take your head off and it comes off like a big peg on your neck um and you can like spin your head around all the way the other way um except the only catch is that you'll have like um a big you know how lego heads have the little thing on the top of their head you have to have one of those on top of your head he doesn't understand he i can tell in his eyes he completely i understand i just didn't understand what the alternative option was nothing nothing yeah The alternative option is that you get Giardia.

That's the alternative option. Which one do you pick? I don't want to... And for the record, Giardia is not a Cajun stripper that you hooked up with. Yeah, Giardia. Well, it's not that chocolate. No, it's also not chocolate that would have

been a better joke that would have been a better joke you stupid little bitch but um i would choose the giardia okay i probably would as well i don't know what would you do like a lego what would i do i would choose i think giardia is pretty treatable if i recall yeah exactly do you think that all legos are one race because they only come in color yellow they're all chinese we've been over this before but simpsons but simpsons are all yellow so okay i do have a theory on the race of the simpsons family i'm'm going to say it, Marge is absolutely, 1000% a black woman. Okay, interesting. I think Marge is absolutely

a black woman. I think it's crazy. She's like maybe half Jewish, but she's like a black woman from Long Island who was like raised around Jews in my mind. Homer is either Mexican or white. Bart is Mexican for sure.

Bart is Latino. Definitely Mexican, of course. One of the most Latino people since Goku. He is, I mean, people always say, I mean, the term Latinos is kind of crazy as it exists on its own because you're describing a third of the world, right? It's everyone from Chileans to Filipinos to me

to Puerto Ricans to whatever, right? To me and Doc, yeah. The one thing that every, no matter any of those places I just listed, they all love Bart Simpson. They all love Betty Boop. There is a ever expansiveexpansive love for copyright infringement and riding little bicycles and little dogs, Goku as well. That's the glue on the global Latina belt.

So, of course, Bart Simpson, I would say, is Mexican. Yeah, for sure. And he says Icarumbo. He says Icarumbo a lot. He says Icarumbo a lot. I thought that was just because he went to Mexico. She's French. Lisa's white for sure. She's such a cracker.

Lisa's white. Maggie is... French, not white? Maggie is from the Caucasus Mountains. Maggie is... She's a Coss Mountains. Maggie is Chechen. She's a Cossack. She's Chechen, yeah.

Maggie's a Chechen Muslim. I could see that. Yeah, she's a Uyghur. Carl Carson. I could definitely see that. Carl Carson from The Simpsons. Black. Yeah.

He's black. Good call. Good call. Great call. Cleveland. Black. Cleveland is black. Dr. dr dr hib that's a different show george what do you think about spongebob i have some theories on spongebob spongebob is a nerdy black guy absolutely blurred mixed race mixed race blurred his dad was in the military

and his mom is white yeah um and And he's like an anime nerd. Gay anime nerd. Yeah. With a military dad. Absolutely. That is a fun job. Nailed him. Done.

Wait. I need a discussion really quickly. Squidward is... Squidward's Japanese. Squidward is... To me, Squidward seems like a rich, gay, black man. Squidward's waspy. Like, Squidward, that's like a wasp-ass name, you know?

Yeah, but to me, he seems like a rich, black guy trying to approximate waspiness. No, you know what Squidward is? He's an Irish traveler. He's Jewish. He's a... Okay, wait, I'm interested in Squitter being Jewish Shock way back He's not the nose

He's just Come on This whole episode so far has been a plan To get shocked I saw a trap And I needed to follow it No it's not a nose thing It's just like, why?

Do you think Mr. Krabs is Jewish? Yeah, I was going to say. What about Mr. Krabs? No. Mr. Krabs is Chinese. No. He's absolutely Chinese. He runs a shitty restaurant. That's really good.

That's really good. He's Albanian. He's notbanian he's not albanian what are you talking you know who's albanian patrick is albanian he lives under a rock i also want to point out a very interesting detail and like 30 of the country of albanians literally live under rocks like and patrick is 1000 albanian and you know the caveman patrick the episode where there's like stupid patrick oh yeah that's the one that's when that's when patrick's albanian family comes to visit that's his old country albanian why why are all the bullies and the simpsons, all Eastern European.

Nelson Muntz, Kearney Zawizikics. This is interesting. I like this theory. I like this thought. I love hearing you try to read Polish last names. Yeah. Why are they all Polish? Be careful. You might have a stroke.

You need a life alert for something like this. I tried to read a Polish last name, and I i had a stroke and i can't get up i need a i need a death alert he's dead okay oh dolph starbeam are we joking here okay that sounds like no his parents were in a cult his parents were in like a weird cult or something if his last name is Starbeam. Yeah. Slytropop's last name is Terwilliger. Which is crazy.

Yeah. Okay, I want to wrap up my Mr. Krabs' Chinese thing because I really think I'm onto something. Do you agree? Yeah, that makes sense to me. I can see it. Oh, Jimbo Jones. That's got to be Polish, right?

So, Mr. Grab is Chinese. Sandy is black lesbian. I think that is indisputable. She's Canadian. There's no black lesbians in Canada? Yeah. No, did I say that? So then why are those two things Leslie Jones

Why do they neutralize each other And she's black and looks like a lesbian Did I ever say anything about the black So she's a black lesbian from Canada Also she's from Texas Please don't call her the black No about the black About the word black

Did I say black at all this episode I said Sandy was a black lesbian And you said no, she's Canadian. But she's literally Texan. But I was saying just the hypothetical. Why couldn't she be a black lesbian from Canada? Larry the Lobster's full-blown Romanian.

Yeah. Yeah, for sure. So, Spongebob, Gay Blurred, Squidward, Jew? I'm still going with an old gay black man who hasn't had sex, who loves opera and is really bitter and acts like a wasp.

I think Squidward is a traveler. I think think he is his parents he has a brother's name like money um like money mcdonald's william yeah well squilliam is like yeah squilliam is um like oh you know what squidward's greek squidward and squilliam are both greek okay if anything i would think that uh squid first of all is a big food what's the muscle absolutely yeah absolutely i just saw jock googling i'm just making myself laugh at matching that jock is just googling is squidward black trying to figure out no no no no i was on starbeam simpsons i was on dolph starbeam Simpsons. I was on Dolph Starbeam Simpsons Wikipedia fandom. And before that, I had searched

Lenny Leonard, Lenny Simpsons, ethnic slur Costa Ricans say, slurs Costa Ricans. Is that why you said Tico? Because you thought it was a slur. Tico is just what you call people from Costa Rica. It's also so funny. Jock thinks that Catracho is a slur for Hondurans.

It's just what you call Hondurans. In Jock's defense, it sounds pretty bad. It sounds kind of like Estrado. No, it doesn't sound really bad. Exactly. Okay, I want to keep going with SpongeBob. I love this. You know what?

Yeah, Squidward is Turkish and and Squilliam is Greek, and that's why they're enemies. Okay. Why not? Why not? Plankton. How's Plankton? No, Plankton's Turkish.

Plankton's Jewish. Plankton's Jewish. Yeah? Yeah. The food? Are you joking me? Dude, are you joking me, dude? Are you kidding me? Why can't Plankton be Jewish, Jock?

Because he's Czech. What about him is Czech to you? That eyebrow, that, look at that face. Also, a lot of Jews are from, are Czechs. Well, okay, now we're getting to like, like every answer I say is wrong because there's a black Jew or there's like a Czechoslovakian, like Canadian. It's just like... Well, I mean, are you mad that black people are Jewish?

No, I'm not mad about it. I just... So who is allowed to be Jewish then? If Czech people can't be Jewish, black people can't be Jewish. Oh my God, it's naive what I'm saying. Who can be Jewish? can't be Jewish. Black people can't be Jewish. Oh my God, it's naive what I'm saying. Who can be Jewish?

I'm giving one person one race answers and now we're combining races and it's getting confusing. Why do you hate combining races? It seems... I don't hate... You're putting me in a...

You literally just said I hate combining races. No, I said that you're... Oh, I gotta get in bed. I think bubble baths is Saudi. I gotta get in bed. I gotta get in bed. I gotta get in bed. I can't even handle one second more

of this outside of the bed. I gotta get in bed. I just can't. I can't even. Oh my god. I gotta go to bed. I'm going under covers. Me when I find out black Jews exist.

Y'all, I gotta go to bed It's not even that It's not even that Y'all it's not even that I'm trying I'm trying to be happy and pleasant And beautiful And so entertaining

And it's hard I'm trying to be happy for them I just really want to go to bed What about the pirate captain? Pearl Pearl is a white A big fat white bitch Again, why are you

Pearl's a big fat cracker I feel like you're wrong Because it's like the show was cast Mostly in eastern and central Europe She's Estonian Why do you think Spongebob was cast Mostly in eastern and Central Europe. She's Estonian. Why do you think Spongebob was cast mostly in Eastern and Central Europe? They're voiced by Americans.

Are you sure? Yeah. I thought I... Do you think there's a full Estonian who does a perfect... Anyway, sorry, go ahead. Do you guys remember the show The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy?

Yeah, The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. Remember when the Jamaican skeleton, when Grim gets turned into a human and he's white? Wasn't that crazy? Yeah. It is insane when you see a white person who's from Jamaica and they talk

like that. It's nuts. Cameron Diaz is from Barbados. Isn't that insane? Really? Ben's from Costa Rica I'm not from Costa Rica Oh my god When they made Grim into a white guy

They made him look so scary I do remember this And I do remember being like wait what the fuck Yeah I know it's very confusing He's pregnant too I'm really not okay with this Yeah he's a big guy in this This is exactly what I'm scared to look like

That I'll keep getting fatter in my stomach And skinnier at the top Just to make me completely more bowling ball Disproportionate Bowling ball or bowling pin? Bowling pin Probably is what I meant Bowling pin yeah

Can y'all look at this guy's body and say it looks familiar alright let's see it just hold it up to your camera yeah I can't you can't you don't see the pictures I don't have my I don't have my phone in front of me you don't have text messages

on your computer you're so amazing at this let me see I'm trying to send it do y'all see a relationship between the way You don't have text messages on your computer? You're so amazing at this. Let me see. I'm trying to send it. Do y'all see a relationship between the way I look currently? He definitely has a more defined jaw and chin. Is this not a video episode, right? Sharper cheekbones. Would you hit?

He definitely has... Me? No. Yeah. Absolutely not. What if there was a baby in there? Would that be any more enticing? That'd make it worse?

This is some character from Billy and Mandy It's a girl with skin Oh yeah yeah of course Jock you only look like him in the belly area Do without what you will Okay I know what to cut off What's Johnny Bravo?

Johnny Bravo is Turkish for sure Italian Northern Italian He could be a Turkish guy who dyes his hair blonde Bro y'all are so Honestly Johnny Bravo He's Cuban White Dominican though

Yeah yeah Oh okay yes White Dominican for sure yeah oh okay yes yes yes white Dominican for sure doesn't he say poppy I think he says daddy I'm pretty sure he says thank you thank you very much absolutely Dominican for sure white Dominican or yeah maybe

white Cuban but I'm getting more Dominican vibes from it but wasn't he gay besides that's also incredibly Dominican to be a little. To be a little gay. To be a little gay. Johnny Bravo gay. What are their cartoon characters? I love doing this. This is fun. What characters are gay in Wanda?

Cosmo and Wanda. Black couple. Absolutely 1000% black couple. I love how now we're just in the territory of actual white people from the show. Aren't they? Well, they're from the shows. Aren't they? Well, they're green and pink. Aren't they?

I think, again, they're travelers. You're telling me you've never seen an older black couple where it's just like, it's so Cosmo and Wanda. But can't you see a couple on my big fat ass gypsy wedding named Cosmo and Wanda, and they have pink and green hair? Sorry. No, black women they have pink and green hair sorry no black women would do have like pink or green hair and more likely but they don't but they act like very you know flighty and like i can see it i can see it yeah they dress yeah this is very fuck fuck dude what about doug dimidome doug dimidome is pretty tan what about the albanian yeah yeah what about i'm trying to

think of the i can't believe this is a free episode i'm trying oh my god sorry um sorry everyone this is the first time we've done this. Sorry, everyone. Yeah. What about... I'm sorry. I was going to kill myself in the end anyway, so it's like... Okay, great, Jock.

I love when you make everyone worried about yourself. I'm trying to think of characters I thought were... Who's Cajun? Adam Sandler and... Jacques from the Scooby-Doo and Zombie Island. I think Disney probably shelved a lot of their Cajun characters after the Civil Rights Movement. Oh, the alligator from The Princess and the Frog, maybe?

Never seen it. But I'll go with Black. I think pretty much every cartoon alligator is is cajun black man really what about the ticking alligator from uh peter pan i haven't seen it okay bill what about scar scar from um the lion king i had a huge crush on him when i was a kid he to me seems lebanese bosnian i, I would say. No, he's brown. He's Saudi. Bosnians can be brown, right? He's Saudi.

They're like Swarovski, but they're not brown. I grew up with a bunch of Bosnians and never saw a brown in my life. Also, Cajun. He could be Saudi, yeah, for sure. Cajun cartoon. He has those big arch eyebrows that kind of looks like he's done. Because Saudi guys will sometimes get... He's Middle Eastern. Well, sometimes he's Middle Eastern, North Africa.

Yeah, for sure. Sometimes get those big eyebrows and Minecraft haircuts. That's very Scar to me. Iranian. He's Iranian. He could be Iranian for sure. Yeah.

So back to the Cajun cartoon characters, Bill Dautreve, because I feel like that was just ignored. Okay, what about this? I'm going to flip it. Name a Brazilian cartoon character. Oh, what's that little guy that's always running?

Ursula! Such a Brazilian drag queen. Absolutely. She's the drag queen that outed George Santos. Brazilian character dancing outside of float that was really good Hessa

okay I'm going to do another one Italian Italian I think who's Italian I think Hmm who's Italian I think I think

Isma could be Italian Wait who's Isma The villain from the Emperor's New Groove Cronk is Italian for sure Cronk? From the Emperor's New Groove I've never seen that movie I need to do an analysis of this character

What's the name can you spell it for me K-R-o-n-k if you just type that in you'll find it voiced by the guy who does putty on side filled oh oh yes he's like sicilian for sure yeah um okay i'm trying okay okay yeah the fictional character faux fa i don't that is a brazilian but i don't just say you're jock we're talking about spiritually not like literally in the canon of these cartoons you you know? Yeah. Like vibes. Yeah. Oh! Oh my god! Danny DeVito's little goat leg thing in Hercules. That's the most Sicilian character I've ever seen.

Would that not be Greek? Oh, okay. Wait, I'm looking at this guy. It could be Greek. He could be Greek. He could also be Mexican. This is a lot of Mexicans. He could be Armenian, He could be Greek. He could also be Mexican. A lot of Mexicans. He could be Armenian even. Yeah.

Honduran. 1,000%. Yeah. I mean, that's a big... But I mean a four foot five with a pot belly. Yeah. And a round face. A certain ring around the globe.

Yeah. That's like everyone in my family. Yeah. But it looks like all of my uncles in Costa Rica I forgot about this character He's so cute Okay The Hunchback of Notre Dame

He could be Cajun He could definitely be Cajun Y'all are Hunchback of Notre Dame Well he's French literally an exiled Frenchman like what is more Cajun than being hated

exiled he literally has been given the biggest church in the entire city because he's a freak on the streets I think that's just misconstrued story that's probably just false information call that an apartment It's so controversial. Call that an apartment.

Here's a controversial one. All right. Okay. Jafar. Stop texting. It's 15 texts, please. Jafar. Yeah, go ahead. I'm just sending it to y'all.

No, that's crazy. With an insane tan. Jafar is white. No, Jafar is not white. Actually, I could see him being like a white guy who wants to be Puerto Rican. Yes, exactly. Because of the mustache. He's literally me.

Yeah. He's a white guy who wants to be Puerto Rican. For sure. That's what he says in the movie, remember? He's like, I wish I was Puerto Rican. Hello, K-Poppy. Hello, K-Poppy. in the movie, remember? He's like, I wish I was Puerto Rican. Que lo que papi.

Que lo que papi. Que me lo papi. Yeah, for sure. Absolutely. What about Hades from Hercules? I thought you were talking about it. He's Haitian, of course. Jock, can you please... Stop sending 20 texts, Jock. You don't have to text us

We're here, you can just talk to us I tried to talk to him What's up? Oh, Samurai Jack He's Chinese He's Japanese, you idiot He's Chinese Okay, Jock, do you want to throw one out?

You can just tell us I said it a million times, fofo But no one wants well that's just that's just i don't know that's just a brazilian jock googled brazilian cartoons and that's what came up it came up with one no one's heard of named fofa jock what race is this interesting guy jock i don't know what's what's up that's just that's just that's not that's just like a brazilian like a Brazilian cultural figure. They chase buses and stuff.

It's not an art cartoon. It's like a deity. It's like a leprechaun or something. It's not like a cartoon. It's a thing. So he doesn't deserve our respect? Well, the bit where you just... It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter at all, actually. You're not going to comprehend it. This looks like it's probably like... This is like an album that Max would listen to. No, they're really cool. But it's part of street festivals there. People dress up in that and they chase buses and they're on party buses. Oh, I have seen that.

Yeah. It's like the Fofa or something. Maybe they have... I'm sure they have some other meaning or point of origin, but I would bet that they're not cartoon characters. Yeah.

I think they could have been. That's very true. They probably have been depicted in cartoons at least once. Yeah. Do you want to throw out a cartoon character? Do you want to throw out a cartoon character? Do you want to throw out a cartoon character to do the bit with us? Who's your favorite cartoon character? Cow and Chicken.

Okay, Cow and Chicken. That's a good one. Biracial couple. Yes, exactly. Chicken is the white one, obviously. Well, absolutely. What about the evil guy that looks like a hot dog? The devil? Sorry, say that again? Have you ever seen a cartoon in your life, Ben?

I'm just curious. The evil hot dog guy from Cow and Chicken, I think Jacques is referring to. I think he's Italian. Guy. This is so funny. This is a free episode. Sorry, everyone. This is such a stupid free episode.

I want to be thrown down the well. Oh my god. Now Kyle is texting in the group. Would you shut up? Because she loves the profile. Anyways, we can wrap up. Unless you guys want to hear four more hours of this good work. Yeah, we could do a special episode. We'll bring on

guests for this. We'll bring on special guests, bring Hasan back. Racial theory. Cartoon racial theory. Do we need him back? Well, you weren't on with Hasan because you'd be mean to all of our guests. I will never, if I, anytime

I ever get a big guest, I will never let you talk to them because you're rude to them. That's not even true. It's literally true and has happened before. Exactly. You're so mean to us. I'm not going to let you bully famous people. I've only bullied Nate Fisher

once when I was in a bad mood. What about Nate Ruiz? And Nate Ruiz. Who's that? You're bullying him now. You're bullying him right now. I don't even think that's a real person. I think that's just a name.

It's a real person. It's someone you've bullied on our show. That person has never been on our show. Name what they've done. They were on a Real Housewives episode. Yeah, they were on a Real Housewives episode with Max and Hessa. I didn't go to it because I knew you were going to bully him. And I said, I don't want to be

there while Jock is mean to this man for no reason. Period. Usually there's a raisin that I'm... Usually there's a raisin. I can't. Bye everyone. Thank you for listening.

If you think that I have personally been mean to you on this show, I would like to... Oh, shush you. Not you. To the guests that I've been mean to on this show and Hessa, I would just like to say, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. And Lenny from The Simpsons is Chinese. I'll let you meet my famous friends if you're nice to them but if you can't be nice to them you're never going to meet them. I'm very nice in person. We won't bring Charlie on.

It's podcasting. That's why Charlie hasn't been on. That's why A.G. Cook hasn't been on. Okay, don't throw me... I have a direct line to both of them. I have a direct line to both of them I have a direct line to both of you why don't you do that voice more often

this is exactly how Ben talks this is a new character what's this character's name Ben this new character's name is Ben hello you've got to come up with a name it's Ben

hey my name's Ben Moore and I control every podcast guest from here to Cincinnati and if you ever want to be on a dang show again you better skip it up, Rippy. The stamina bar empty. Just right back to the regular voice.

I don't think it's fair for you to judge me on the way that I talk. Just saying, you know, Charlie would have already been on the show if she could be nice. She's a proper slag. There we go. There we go.

You have to play the game, honey. You have to be nice to famous people if you want them to come on your show. Bye, everyone. Oh, go to our Patreon. Patreon.com slash Seeking Derangements for weekly bonus episodes. And our back catalog.

And until next time, goodbye, everyone. Bye. Thank you. I want to watch the sun rise, see the rivers and rivers flow, hear the birds sing. I want to be born, I want to live, let me go, I need to go. I will go there to look, and not to cry. I don't cry. If someone asks me, say that I'm just going to return after I find myself. I want to watch the sun rise,

see the river's waves run, hear the birds sing. I want to be, I want to live. I love you.