Seeking Derangements - SD 396 - Locked Outside the Actors Studio

Episode Date: April 3, 2025

Hello Seekers! Ben here, today Jacques, Hesse and I address the rumors about speaker Mike Johnson being on Grindr. Is this yet another closeted Republican politician taking a sashay down Gay Boulevard, or is it cope for LibAunties who desperately need a win. We get to the bottom of it with a full Gay Face Analysis. Plus we talk about Bryan Johnson's NDA woes, Russell Brand's deep U neck t-shirts, and Jacque's rounds out the episode with a Special Questionnaire for both Hesse and I.

🎵 Hello, hello, hello. Welcome to Seeking Derangements. It's Ben. I'm here with Jock and Hessa. This is a free episode, so if you want to hear more of Seeking Derangements, just a reminder at the top of the show to go to patreon.com slash seekingderangements. What's up, y'all? What's up, Jock? What's up y'all? What's up Jock? What's up Hessa? I'm recording live from Acadiana Open Channels podcast studio in Lafayette, Louisiana. The new hot place to record when your internet is down and you need a mic stand. Is your internet actually down?

It's not down because I watch TV all the time. And then I try to do stuff like files and get no business on my computer. You should just buy an internet extender and put it in your room and you'll have a

stronger signal in your room. This is the thing. The bedroom next door has a... To explain this simply, there are literally three different modems inside my house. Okay. One next to my bedroom. One next to...

One in my living room. And the one that's the strongest is the one closest to me. Modems or routers? Routers. Okay. Just get a Wi-Fi extender. I think it will actually help you. Do they all have different names?

What's your Wi-Fi's name, Jacques? Bernadette, Roxanne, Jemima. No, they're all Meat Lovers Pizza. Oh, I do remember that from being at your house. I didn't make that. It was actually that beforehand

and the password for them because I know that none of y'all will come to my house to steal my Wi-Fi. I would not read the password for that. People can hack into your entire Wi-Fi network that way to be completely honest with you. Well, I think it's weird. Actually, you know what, Jock?

You should do it. You should figure out... No, no, no. You should face some consequences for your completely open life. Let me explain why I think it's funky. My landlord lives in the mother-in-law suite who still uses

the same internet, who has a new girlfriend. What's the mother-in-law suite? That's like a garage apartment. Okay. Why is he a landlord? Why don't you live in the mother-in-law suite? I'm not owning a house and living in the mother-in-law suite. I'm putting all the gay guys living in the house in there.

They can live in there on top of each other while I'll take the whole house. He's there for like a I would say less like a week at a time and then gone for two weeks or three sometimes filming in Houston. You call him mommy? No, I would never call him mommy.

I would call him an infidel. Do you want to talk more about him on the free episode? And your Wi-Fi network? And maybe your address? Let me get to the point about the Wi-Fi password to make a real quick point. The password is his ex-girlfriend's name of a long time, I guess like 5 or 10 years.

What does she look like? I don't know what the ex-girlfriend looks like. The ex-girlfriend's name was Gretchen. So I can imagine she was a bitch. And she liked to eat lover's pizzas? I guess. I've never seen this dude eat a lover's pizza. Are there any other

details on this woman that could help identify who she may be? Yeah. Let me put it this way. gave you her landlord's name? Let me put it this way. Give us your landlord's full name, please. I'm not going to give his full name, but he is a video game store owner.

He owns a mechanic shop. Let me do some Googling here. Shut up. Ben, I'm asking you right now. Don't bring up his name. I thought we were doing this as a bit. No, it is a bit, but don't bring up his name. Don't say thought we were doing this as a bit. No, it is a bit, but don't bring up his name. I found his name.

Don't say his name, goddammit, Hesse. Todd Salons? Like the director? Whoa. Your landlord is Todd Salons, Jacques? Not the director of Safe, no. One of my favorite movies, though. Excellent performance from Julian. That's different, Todd.

Oh, wait a minute. The guy who did Wiener Dog, and the guy who did Happiness, and the guy who did... Okay. Okay, see, look how quickly I turned that around. You did it. I'm sharper than the average bear. Welcome to the dollhouse. Do you like that one, Chuck? I do love

Welcome to the Dollhouse, but I prefer the unofficial sequel, Wiener Dog, where Danny DeVito straps a dog to a Wiener Dog and a bomb to a Wiener Dog, and he's gonna blow up the school that shit was funny what's going on with you? how are you doing today?

I'm in Aspen, Colorado I'm in my hotel love Aspen that's where you went to? are you skiing? yeah you're like finally I can get on a plane I finally am ready to break the

frontier and do something new and you go to Aspen Aspen is beautiful what are you talking about it's like a gorgeous city it's all wealthy people I love Aspen because of the wealthy people that you can argue with it's all rich cash money

wealthy people who buy my dinner and take me shopping. I saw Meredith Marks. Oh my god, no way. Inside the cowboy hat store. Well, not me. My brother and my brother and his girlfriend saw Meredith Marks. They walked in. She's so

Zan. It seems like for her being in an environment that has a lot of ice, it's a very, very treacherous one, given how much Zand actually seems to be popping on a dinky basis. Can I quickly bring up... Like a sleigh on a loose track. Yeah, she was slipping around like the Three Stooges.

I want Hessa slipping for 10 minutes in the middle of Aspen. No one was helping her. The crowd was gathered. It was like the dancing plague. I want Hessa to keep breaking down Aspen for us, but I have two Lisa Barlow announcements to make. A, she has quit the show Real Housewives of Salt Lake City. B, Lisa Barlow is having an absolute conniptia.

Sundance Film Festival. What's a conniptia? That sounds like a Cajun pastry. What the hell is Canipsha? You've never heard of Canipsha? You mean Caniption? Caniption fit? Yeah, I think they call it Canipsha.

I'm going to look that up. If Canipsha is the real plural of Caniption, I'm going to freak out. I'm so sorry if that's actually what it is. Okay, well, let me just say, I put money on it not being. Lisa Barlow is freaking out because they have now officially announced.

She's having a full-blown Canipsha. Okay, so when I can talk. I put money on it not being. Lisa Barlow is freaking out because they have now officially announced. Okay, so when I can talk. So Lisa Barlow is fully freaking out because they have announced that Sundance Film Festival will now be moving to Boulder, Colorado. How is she going to have her lavish parties? What is she going to do?

I mean, she could just... Oh, yeah. Because she's... She's obsessed. She's a Hoover and Shaker in Boulder like she is in... So what else is going on in Aspen? In Aspen... Well, besides Meredith Marks slipping all over... Let me think.

I didn't see any other famous people. My plane ride was very stressful. Right. Because I went... Did you follow my advice of taking an Adderall? No. And I'm very glad I didn't the worst advice ever like i'm not making anyone do it it's just advice yeah i i was sitting there with like my hands on my lap listening to listening to podcasts and just like staring staring straight ahead and i was so you would never catch me but also um my flight was me um

the flight from uh chicago to aspen was um first of all there was a tornado warning for a brief period of time while we were on the runway and that was me i texted you that no it really there was a tornado warning well i checked the weather channel app and they had to delay it for a little bit but um and then second aspen airport is really scary to fly into because it's like in the mountains and it's yeah it is nuts yeah and then third um my flight was me and maybe 40 disabled veterans in wheelchairs. And no one else. Oh my God, the fucking boarding process.

Good Lord. It took like an hour and a half of pre-boarding. And then everyone has to stop and salute them and say, thank you for your service. Well, we didn't have to do that. We just, you know. You can put a gun to my head and say, thank that military man. And I'll say, fuck you.

Well, because of all the wheelchairs, the plane was too heavy and ran out of gas early. Do a landing in Grand Junction to refuel. Because the men were too fat? No, the wheelchair weight. There were too many wheelchairs in the hall. Well, that's part of their body. I'll say it. Hot take.

Your wheelchair weight counts in your BMI. I don't hate them because of the wheelchair. I hate them because they're veterans. Sure, sure. But I'm just saying it's part of your body. The wheelchair weight should count. Okay, honestly, can I say...

I don't hate them. Can I say something? I expect everyone in a wheelchair to be kind of skinny, no? Why? I just, you know, I don't know. I just feel like... Why? There's actually no...

I don't understand. No, no, seriously. Can you explain why? Can you please explain? I'm genuinely curious at this thinking. To be honest, I'm not trying to make a general observation. I just have never seen a really fat person in a wheelchair. Call me.

I think there could be... It depends on the type of wheelchair. Yeah, yeah. You're talking big wheels on either side, literally for a handicapped person, someone who's lost their legs, someone who lost mobility to their legs, etc. People on those

rascal scooters. Scooters obese. Wheelchair, I think, come in all size. There was one guy on the plane. He had like... It was like a dirt bike. It was like a... It looked like a BMX tricycle. It had like a giant

off-road wheel in the front that was like sticking out. I was like, damn, dude. That would be me if I had a wheelchair. Yeah. No, that's the move. You got to get like a cool, a sick off-roading one that you can do like wheelies in.

Can I say what I would do if I lost... I would get some tire wheels on them. I would definitely get a big exhaust pipe. Yeah. And a big regular pipe. I'd have some monster tire wheels on them. I would definitely get a big exhaust pipe. And a big regular pipe. I'd have a horn that played La Cucaracha. I'd have some hydraulics.

And maybe a couple guns attached to it for sure. If I had lost the use of my legs, I would use the things... You know those leg braces that Forrest Gump wears yeah right yes those with roller skates on with crutches would that be really cool like so you would be like one of the wheelie

things in the Dark Crystal no I don't I don't ever want to be anything from that freaking scary Jim Henson nightmare. It's too scary, y'all. I hate... It is kind of a scary movie. I love Jim Henson's The Muppets. All the Muppets movies, especially Muppets from Space. I do not like...

Top five Muppets. Top five Muppets. Rizzo, Fozzie, Miss Piggy, Kermit, and then the eagle. I can't think of his name. Count Chocula, the vampire one I love.

Oh, that's Sesame Street. You fucking... I'm not a baby. I don't watch shows for baby anymore. It's called culture. some of us are cultured some of us are from Iowa Janice is the trans Muppet oh yeah I love Janice

I was like I don't think Janice from Sopranos was trans oh god could you imagine one more feather in our cap we got Janice from the Sopranos I could definitely see her being not in looks, more in attitude.

Yeah, yeah. I would have sex with Janice from The Sopranos. For sure, I could see that. Well, that's a surprise to nobody or something. Yeah, Jock, Janice from The Sopranos

is like your type, I picture. Yeah, I'd have sex with Christopher. Of course I would have sex with Christopher. That's a given. Janice came up first, though. I'm going to choose

Adriana over Christopher, then Janice, maybe. I'm a huge fan of Jackie Jr. I'm a huge fan of Jackie Jr. Oh, Jackie Jr. is the worst. Yeah, literally the worst. No, he's so sexy. What does he do? What do you mean? What does

he do? He cheats on... Meadow's a huge bitch. I'd cheat on Meadow too. he's so sexy. What does he do? What do you mean? What does he do? He cheats on... Meadow's a huge bitch. I'd cheat on Meadow too. She's so fucking annoying. Jackie Jr. does like one... He fucks up one time and then gets shot in the fucking head. He does not fuck up one time. Stop, stop, stop.

Sexy, sexy, beautiful Jackie. They shot him in the head. They destroyed his beautiful nose. And he did nothing wrong. Are you kidding me? Let me bring up exactly everything he did wrong really quickly. First of all, he has the most beautiful woman in the world Meadow as his wife.

Not his wife, his new girlfriend. He cheats on her immediately. Whatever. He tries to fuck her when she's super sick. Which is just like, get a grip, man. None of us have tried to have sex with a sick person before. No, not all of us are horny demons, Ben. Just you.

And they're both like 17. Yeah, they're 17. They're not 17. She's like 19 at that point. Okay, either way. Would someone be shot in the head for cheating when they're 19? No, let me get further. You literally are dating the mob boss's daughter

and you go and cheat on the mob boss's daughter? He doesn't respect organized crime. He's a man of truth and honesty and valor. Yeah, but it doesn't give you the excuse to go dance. I think it does. He's literally getting a dance from a stripper and then tony walks up how would you feel if you were a father ben and hesa was your daughter and hesa was dating she already is and you caught jackie jr that's fucking daddy right there. He's like, what about you? You're just on the phone. Thank you, daddy.

If Hessa was my biological daughter and I saw Jackie Jr. walking up to Hessa, I'd say, daughter, get out of here. Get your hands off my man. Don't touch my man, you fucking whore. Get the hell out of here, you dumb bitch. You mid-length hair bitch.

Go back home to mommy is what I'd say to her. But speaking of gay men, sexy men, and powerful men, I want to switch gears here and walk you guys through something that I saw recently. Okay. It is... Not a car wreck? What? Well, you said you were going to walk us through something you saw

recently and I was excited it might be a car wreck but just continue I'm sorry alright no it's okay I apologize I'm just I don't I'm just a little puzzled for the life of me why you wouldn't want to see a car wreck never mind just keep going

I don't know what you're thanks Jock so speaker of the house Mike Johnson is a Republican I don't know who this guy is I'm sure he's responsible for all kinds of evil things he's on TikTok and I was seeing all of these because in my algorithm I get a lot

of like just psychotic liberals yeah and I'm like why do I keep getting this I hate these people because in my algorithm, I get a lot of like just psychotic liberals. Yeah. And I'm like, why do I keep getting this? I hate these people. I don't want to hear what they have to say, but I realized this because I like watch,

watch all of them because I'm like, yeah, a little fascinated at how dumb and useless they are. And it's interesting to see how they're grappling with their complete and total utter lack of power. Yeah. And complete lack of ability to envision any way outside of the hole they're in. So a lot of this is like... I saw a lot of people talking about how Mike Johnson was caught on Grindr,

which I wish was true. I don't know if it's actually true. I figured you guys could help me figure out whether or not these Mike Johnson screenshots from Grindr are real. He has gay face. You can't deny that. I was literally about to say, if we're observing... I wanted to do a gay face analysis

here. If we're basing straight on the profile paused picture of this video of this Micah Johnson, he definitely has the face of paused picture of this video of this Micah Johnson he definitely has the face of an elderly man who seeks out the attention of twinks

and definitely says stuff like your haircut is amazing can you come to I wish I had your hair can I say exactly I bet you wear 29 inch pant he'd be like hey buddy Can I say exactly? I bet you wear a 29-inch pant. He's going to...

He'd be like, Hey, buddy. You're very pretty on here. You come to this place often? I'm just kidding. Yeah, that's pretty dead on. Absolutely. And then he would just...

Can I rail you? He would send you a photo of his butthole after he didn't respond to the 12th dad joke. And then he'd be like, I'm going to kill myself. Don't watch the news tomorrow. By the way, I guess we can talk about it after, actually.

Let's get into this video. So the video here, there is one of these psychotic gay liberal guys. I figured it'd be funny to hear it straight from the horse's mouth on this because I'll be honest with you guys, I don't believe any of this is real.

I think it's... My immediate take on it is that I do think that Mike Johnson is just a straight guy with a really fucked up relationship to sex. And that liberals just want him to seem gay. But I will

also say this, that the screenshots are kind of convincing because it is exactly that vibe. But let's get into it. Yeah. And hear both sides of this here. I'm not even looking for this stuff for real. This stuff is just falling in my lap. I'm not even trying to find it thanks

to our girls at I have news they are just like what the fuck is I hip why would you start a video first of all I don't even lack stuff like this this video I know I mean this this guy

I haven't looked through his TikTok before but I can tell from the very jump that he is setting this up as a thing where it's like, I'm not even looking for it. It's just so true. Everyone knows about it. And this is auntie bait. He's baiting lib aunties on Facebook to just soothe their troubled souls in this moment. And I will say... That's an unrealistic picture for Mike Johnson to send on Grindr. Because he's at a Senate event, it looks like, in that picture. Yes. It's like Joe Biden is behind him.

He's not sending that photo, probably. Let's get into the messages here. I just did a story on Speaker Mike Johnson, and guess what he was doing? He photo probably yeah let's get into the messages here okay just did a story on speaker mike johnson and guess what he was doing he was found on grinder setting up a date with his gay ass okay he came under fire about a year ago because his teenage son happens to be his accountability partner monitoring their consumption of porn right so. So I don't know if you guys remember this, but he and his son

both have apps installed on their phone called Holy Overwatcher or something. Yeah. Where they can see if the other has accessed porn on their phone. Hear me out. I was thinking it'd be a funny bit to do for the show

if we did it on each other's phones. No. Yeah. I'm not doing that. Let's do it. You want to do it with me for the show? Just for the show. I don't care. I'm not I'm not like you're just just to do a funny bit for work. Okay. Y'all can have a funny bit. I'm not. Yeah, I'm not like having my porn consumption monitored.

That sounds because you're like a freak shit. You're watching car. It's not because I'm not watching. That's why you want to be a federal offense. No, monitored that sounds because you're watching some freak shit you're watching car accidents no no fuck yeah first of all i y'all know i'd be looking up nasty ass come fart armpit like oh my you i don't i'm not even fucking embarrassed a little bit about armpit embarrassed a little bit about... I'm a fart armpit? Is that just a search? Yes, come fart armpit. Those are two separate things.

I'm just saying... I have nothing to hide. I have no reason to even... You can see my porn consumption. I don't... It's zero. I don't watch porn. I don't either, honestly.

Shut the fuck up. You two are so repressed and horny and never laid. I have a brilliant and vivid imagination. Vivid imagination. Yeah. Yes. I genuinely, I know it's like a right-wing talking point at this juncture. In some ways,

I think it's very much not. But personally, I do think porn is kind of demonic in a tech way, in the way it is able to... Insofar as it's just purely an antisocial thing that has been driven into everyone's mind by billionaires who run these platforms. And often, there's so much sexual exploitation that is happening in the porn industry.

Not to be anti-sex, but like, I think we all know what I'm talking about. I like the videos where people are tied up and they can't hold it anymore and they have to piss themselves okay i'm done saying gross things about porn okay that's is that i don't know if those are videos jock i think that's just called wake waking up in your bed that's just you that's called a date saturday night date i don't give a fuck it's like people are sorry can

it's like bondage where someone is like tied them up and is like making them drink water and then they end up pissing themselves yeah they were in clothes yeah of course they're wearing clothes like what kind of clothes I don't know about like course at this point it's like underwear or like there's a huge thing with the

the piss community with like jeans being pissed. Sorry, I can't hear you. Could you speak louder? I don't want to scream it. I can't hear you. I can't hear you. If you can't hear me, you must turn your microphone, your headphones. Can you just say what you said again, please?

Pull the cum out of your ears. So what I was saying is that now you got me all twisted. It's like videos of people pissing themselves. It's not my fault you can't remember things. It is your fault. You hit me too many times in the Heaven Dying Golf Club. I once saw these fetish videos of guys who fill up kiddie pools with water and then

put on jeans and fall into the pool. Okay, that's the kind of shit Mike Johnson is watching. The real deal with Mike Johnson is that he is probably addicted to some crazy porn that is so specific that it's not even gay or straight. It's just completely alien. Yeah, it's just weird fetish, like a balloon popping. It's weird fetish stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. An older, fully closed... They're probably all fully closed. ...clubbing a balloon, yeah. Yes, yes, yes, yes. The weird ASMR cooking videos he's even doing, I think that is really the extent of it. Let's get into his messages alleged messages how weird

is that what luxurious so we don't have to hear this incredible incredibly annoying guy read it I will so Mike Johnson said what these are this is a long grinder screenshot Mike Johnson says to the twink... Oh, let's do a reading of it. I'll be the twink. Okay.

Hessa, you want to be the twink? Okay. Perfect. What luxurious hair you have. Thank you. I would return the favor giving you a compliment, but I'd care what you look like. Are you visiting a town for a couple days? Yes, I am. Are you visiting D.C.?

Yes, I am. Are you visiting DC? Yes, I am. Are you offering me a tour? I can give you one. What? Jen is calling me. Hello? Don't answer.

She just called me. Jen, we're fucking recording a show. I'm recording a podcast. Hey, Jen. Oh, my God. You're on mic. Hey, Jen. Say hi to everyone. Oh, my God.

All right. Hi, Jen. Yeah, don't even do that. So, Mike, I was just with Jen for like six days. Hey Jen Oh my god Hi Jen Yeah don't even do that So Mike John I was just with Jen for like six days I can give you one I have a few contacts We can go to the Dabney for dinner

And then back to my place And I can blow your brains out While pulling on that luxurious hair Oh straightforward I see. LOL. Especially from a man who won't show his face. Very discreet here. Masked with a few kids.

Not trying to mess up my situation. So what do we think about me? I'm assuming it's some horrible restaurant in DC where rapists eat. It's a rapist establishment in eat. I think it's a weird old person way of saying that I'm going to blow your

brains out instead of just saying I'm going to give you a blowjob. Blow your brains out is literally like I'm going to shoot you in the head. That makes it more convincing to me, honestly, that you would say blow your brains out. I'm like, okay, Henny. Yes, I'm down for the assisted suicide. Right.

Luxurious hair checks out to me. Like, absolutely checks out to me. Visiting D.C., blah, blah, blah. That's whatever. I feel like if he's literally the speaker, he knows he's a high-profile person. He's not, like, going to the Dabney with someone. Yeah, that's a Michelin star restaurant. I just looked it up.

Is it? Yeah. Okay. Maybe, but maybe it's like so exclusive that it's like that's where all of the yeah senators take their twinks yeah that's the mistress restaurant basically yeah and then it's like no one asks you know don't ask don't tell and then he sends mike johnson sends a photo and says what what's up? Should I pick you up from the hotel? And the guy just doesn't respond. The twink doesn't respond. Yeah. But, I don't know.

Could Mike Johnson be gay? I could see it. Yeah. I also, I thought it was someone else that was doing the porn monitoring with his son. No, it was Mike Johnson. Maybe there's a couple, there might be a couple of them i'm not sure i'm sure mike johnson and brian johnson both do it with their sons yeah oh that's a johnson and

johnson family brian johnson um was is like suing his former um like he's suing i think uh the new york times did an expose on him um he's suing his ex-fiance for a breach of contract because she tweeted that she was depressed um yes after they after their wedding um uh was called off and he he's saying that it broke it breached uh her nda because she's like it makes him look bad that she's depressed it It's like, come on. Yes. There was a huge expose in the New York Times about Brian Johnson and specifically about his use of NDAs. He would get everyone from interns to his wife

to sign very extreme NDAs that were like, you're going to have to be comfortable with me. He's walking naked around the house. You can't tweet anything about, you know, I guess apparently mental health. But yeah, I was thinking for a fun,

fun thing to do for the show. We could all sign NDAs like that as well. Yeah, I'll do an NDA. And with, with the porn app in there as well, the porn detection app. I think I learned my lesson about signing NDAs. with the porn app in there as well. The porn detection app. I think I learned my lesson

about signing NDAs. If we each wrote, like, I write an NDA for Ben, Ben writes an NDA for Jacques, Jacques writes an NDA for me, and we do a whole episode trying to figure out what the other person's not allowed to talk about. That would be the whole episode just trying to figure it out.

That would go really well, I think. I think we definitely come to an amicable and healthy understanding of what our workplace roles are after that session. I have a new piece of news that dropped six hours ago

that I find particularly interesting. Shut the fuck up, you turd. Okay. TMZ, exclusive. New Diddy Accuser. Beyonce, comma, LeBron saw me at Freak Off, dot, dot, dot. I was guy in penis mask.

Okay, period. I love like there's, okay, something kind of possible, something credible, dot, dot, dot dot i was guy in penis mask who was there's a new official court accuser that dropped six hours uh saying that it at the diddy freak offs there, there was LeBron and Beyonce. And the guy was claiming that he was able to keep his anonymity by wearing a penis mask. I don't know if you've ever seen

George Clinton and Parliament Funkadelic live. Of course, I've seen them live. You're about to say something rude. You're like, probably not, you dumb bitch. Yeah, I was going to say that. Exactly. If you do get the chance to see them live there's usually like a few guys dancing so if you do get to see them live there's a few guys on stage dancing with penis mask on

their face it's really funny i found that pretty lewd yeah i i prefer when people wear masks with smiling children's faces on them. Because that's what brings me joy. Yeah. Not evil penises. Oh my God. Now they've got Gloria Estefan wrapped up in this ditty thing too. It's just like, I love how they could could just like find any they're gonna name someone so random soon they're gonna be like it's really it's very funny to me because it's another thing that happened with epsom was like of course anyone on being on the plane is a suspect

individual but to immediately jump to all of them being yeah is so funny because like let's not let's also not pretend he didn't have a semi-well-known profession, which did just allow for him to take people on trips. I mean, Bethany Frankel and Ramona Singer were both on his boat. He's in the same position, and I'm sure every A-list person at Diddy's

house. It's like there's that clip of Russell Brand being like, Yeah, I've been to a ditty party. Everyone has. And you know what? I didn't catch even a whiff of baby oil. Wait, he said that?

I hate him so much. His deep U-neck t-shirt and his bratty little hair. I fucking hate him. I think his most deplorable... He looks like a fucking hacky sack that got put through a fucking

tree cutter. I think his most deplorable action is shifting from being a raunchy, drug-addicted, sexually perverse man to trying to rebrand as a spiritualist and seeking answers on the great meaning

of life like agenda you Felix said the only reason I respect Katy Perry was is it Felix said that if there was a video game where you had to like set up like you had to set up celebrities for

blackmail or frame them for... Expose them as child sex abusers, Russell Brand would be the tutorial level because he would be so easy to do it to. He'd be so easy to do it to him. Absolutely. Absolutely. He just seems to be having a very depressing

late stage in his career where he's just trying to get on Tucker again and just saying whatever he can to drive some traffic. Let's hope none of us ever have to do that. But Jock, I think you had something you wanted to talk about today.

April Fool's Day, we're letting Jock take over the show. Shut the fuck up. This is probably a part one, part two kind of series because i have a lot of questions and i'm sure we won't get through them um i do want to bring up one little very small news story will not take but two seconds right before um if you're familiar with the famous basketball player zion williams for the pelicans New Orleans basketball team. He's had baby mama drama slash women drama from the second

he rose into popularity. And he's also been benched for medical injuries more than he's played games through the total of his New Orleans Pelicans career. And he was fucking multiple OnlyFans models and pitting them against

each other. One of them got his name tattooed on the side of her face and then the next night he got a different girl pregnant in OnlyFans, another OnlyFans model. And a few days ago they had a Pelicans game and the bitter

ex of his who also got pregnant and has a tattoo of his name on the side of her face was seen walking circles around the stadium just looking irate let a brother live i think it's so i think it's so funny to be like like to let him live you're not even stalking him you're just like walking around like like because people notice her immediately. And she's wearing... I'm sorry. If you're successful, you're paying for shit. You're like...

That's part of the deal, honey. Look, I think everyone should dress slutty if they want to. But this girl... It just didn't seem like she was doing it the right way. It was like she was wearing an extra... I love that you're slut-shaming while saying... I'm not slut-shaming her.

I'm not slut-sh her I'm slut I'm I'm I think fashionable wise you're slut shading her I just didn't think it was I think her ass I think she's hot and sexy I don't and I think her ass is great and she's got a giant like triple double BBL and she

was wearing like an criticism well I just this is this was my thing she was wearing like a she was wearing like a extra... This was my thing. She was wearing like a tiny mini skirt that was probably extra small and could barely fit around the waist of her...

around her wrist. I couldn't believe it could fit around her waist. Anyway. So this new series... I'd be jealous. She sounds a lot. Me too. I mean, Zion just fucks with people. And he's not even...

He's under 30. Playing all these fucking games. Well, I mean, whatever. Oh, never mind. If he's... He's under 30. That changes everything. It's making it...

It's like only acceptable if you're under 30? Yeah. Okay, so... If I was a famous basketball player, I would absolutely be doing I would be so impressed if you could do sports well. I'm a very good soccer player.

Can you juggle? Yeah, I can juggle. Are you athletic at all, Hessa? Why are you so rude about everything I say, Jock? I can't be a soccer player without some... I can't comment on sports without you telling me I should kill myself. I don't think the soccer blood runs deep in you.

I was on the varsity rowing team. Oh my god, that's so cool. Really? That's why you've got those thick arms. I'm a nasty girl I like to bring it down to a deplorable level but I mean I just throw it back up at y'all well thank you

you're very welcome I love you both though and I think you're both very beautiful and I appreciate everything y'all do and my life would be meaningless without y'all great thank you I love to be the one I like when Hessa says it back seriously And my life would be meaningless without y'all. Great. Thank you. Thank you. I love you too,

sweetie. I love to be the one. I like what Hessa says it back. Seriously. Meaning makes me feel very comfortable. Yeah. So you can't ever leave me. Right.

No, I know how that works. So I have started a new, uh, segment that I want to start doing on Seeking Disarrangements called Jacques Questions. Wow, what's it about? There are a variety

of topics. I used Inside the Actors Studio's inspiration. I did see someone on YouTube asking questions to random people. Took some inspiration from that. Let me just start off with it. Now, each of you can take a second to respond.

I think... How did you take inspiration? You just decided to also start asking questions. I've been watching a lot of... I've shifted from watching exclusively TV to adding a lot of YouTube media into my diet. And there's a lot more questions on that platform.

I mean, to be honest, last night I watched three hours of a YouTube channel called Ants Canada where a man builds giant vivariums and fills them with different wildlife and bugs. It sounds like peaceful background kind of TV. That sounds really cool, actually. He breaks down

their every movements and their interactions between the other bugs like it's a reality show. It's so good. I'm calling it right now. In about six months, Jock is going to come out of the closet as transgender. No! That's a trans-ass video to watch. It's a trans video. That's an autistic-ass video.

Oh, yeah. And we know what kind of tranny he's going to be. You're going down a very dangerous path, mother. I'm going to tell you right now. So let me just begin. It starts with watching low-grade, low-entertainment informational videos on YouTube and then all of a sudden... Alright, alright. Just mark it. Mark it here. I just want y'all to know that if y'all get a chance to see

Ants Canada YouTube's channel, you will be blown away. I couldn't have imagined that it was something that I would be interested in because I don't particularly watch nature videos, but I was captivated for four hours last night. What's your favorite animal? My favorite animal honestly is probably just like a dog.

I truly do love dogs. Right. What's wrong with that? What's so funny about a dog? It's not even a specific breed of dog but just dogs is that a golden retriever golden okay also the most of the most mainstream kind of dog as well i mean they're just like nice dogs and like yeah that's right i don't like when they shed though i hate them yeah they shed a lot i absolutely hate golden

retrievers so i love them they make me mad r.i.p olive i guess i like. I used to have one, so I love them. They make me mad. I used to work at a doggy daycare and golden retrievers were the ones who would get so excited and they're so eager to please. They would have run around. They'd jump on you. They just are too stupid. They have no capacity for critical thought or consideration.

I deeply hate them. I can relate. You're disturbed. Golden Retrievers aren't disturbed. I need a security dog, which is basically... You're a wild mutt that people

have tried to put down. The question was what kind of animal I like, not what kind of dog I would anamorph into. You're supposed to be the one asking us questions. Yeah, sorry. Because I'm being steamy. Also, I just noticed one thing real quick before we move on.

I'm looking at this pillow at this hotel. It has a map of Aspen Mountain on it. And there are shrines. There's a Jimi Hendrix shrine, but they spelled Hendrix wrong. It's Jimi Hendrix. There's a Jerry Garcia shrine, an Elvis Presley shrine, a Marilyn Monroe shrine,

a John Denver shrine, and a 9-11 shrine on Aspen Mountain. There's a 9-11 shrine. Oh my god, that is so fucking funny. Wait, one thing. Sorry, Jack, one thing. When I was in Aspen, I went to this woman's hotel, like

Airbnb hotel, like boutique hotel downtown Aspen. And she had all of these, what? The Hotel Jerome? No, it was like, it was by this really exclusive club called Caribou Club. Oh, I'm going there for dinner tonight. Really? You're going to Caribou Club? Oh my god, it's so fucking fun. I love Caribou Club. Really? Oh yeah, I won't ruin it dinner tonight. Really? You're going to Caribou Club? Oh my god, it's so fucking fun.

I love Caribou Club. I won't ruin it for you. It's very fun. It's very eyes wide shut. Is that the one that you got in the fight with the owner? No, that was at a... 1915. That was at the club that Alex worked at. They wore nice black jeans there.

Caribou Club has a very strict dress code. It's like Polo Club in New York City. It's like you should dress like someone who's descendant of slave owners. Your parents will tell you what to wear. Anyways, I was at this one hotel

and this woman had an entire wall of celebrities that had essentially visited the hotel. They were all photoshopped and she had egreg all photoshopped. And she had egregiously photoshopped. And one of the celebrities in the most prominent position was the guy

who shot us all in Vindolata. Whoa. Really crazy. I know. I know. Sorry, Jacques. Okay, so let me begin with our question series. This is Jacques' questions designated to elicit special responses for us to get to know Ben and Hessa a little bit better than we already do. Let's start with my first question that I typed up on April.

I edited on April 1st, but I started these questions on… That's today. I know. I thought I was going to say when I wrote these originally but okay if you were voted okay shut up so if you were voted for having the best

on screen movie kiss which famous person would it be with and what would the content of the movie like what genre of movie would it be it would probably be a horror movie starring me and jock gonsolin we would make out for four hours the ending of the movie would be us dying your face would be so red from my facial hair oh okay oh no let me give a real answer that's like a friction thing

that's like kissing if you make out with facial hair a lot you can get rugged no I understand Ben what's your answer while you're really putting me on the spot I'm trying to think of the last sexy actor

I saw okay here I'm gonna while you're thinking about that, I'm going to move on to the next question. Keep that in mind. I love this interviewing style. If you can't think of something, just try to dig through that little empty walnut brain of yours and find something.

That's so rude. Do you see yourself getting married? If so, when and with who? Hessa? I think the kiss one. It would probably be Carrie Ann Moss, maybe. Okay.

I could see y'all would look cute together. Ben? Yes, I plan to get married and it would be to my husband because I'm gay. Oh, period. Okay, love wins for hearts. For me, I would get married but it's going to be to my husband because I'm gay. Oh, pure. For me, I would get married, but it's going to be to my wife because I'm lesbian.

Oh, okay. Can I say that she's copying me and that you can't give her a point for that? Okay, actually, add an extra point for me. There's no points involved, guys, but nice try. No, you're not.

I'm being attacked. Follow-up question. Do you see a divorce in your future? Do I see a divorce in my future? I could see Hessa Dene getting divorced from her wife. I could see Ben Mora maybe getting a nasty divorce. She's copying me again.

Take a point. Judge, please take a point away from her, please. Take one point from me, but you have to take one from Ben for the last one if you take one from me. There's no points. This is not a points game. This is a questionnaire. Can we do points? No. I'll start keeping track of the points.

If you write points down, so help me God, I will crack every one of your damn fingers on the bunny slope with my skis. Okay. Okay. Ben, do you have an answer for what celebrity you would like to kiss on the

movie screen and what movie it would be? What kind of movie? Brendan Fraser and the whale. You're welcome. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Sorry, you didn't answer quick enough. But tooie. That's the rule.

I didn't know there was a time limit. You said I could have as much time as I wanted. Well, that was a long time ago. I'm taking a point off for Ben. Oh, fuck both of you. Okay, here, to the next question. What movie has influenced the vast amount of your life choices? Okay.

What movie affected you the most? Is this literally all about movies? No. I like Jaws. Really? Any follow-up of why? It made me like movies so much. If I'd never

seen Jaws, I would probably be way less autistic. I would have way more friends. Isn't it so random? I've never seen Jaws, but I've seen Jaws I would probably would be way less autistic and I would have way more friends isn't it so random I've never seen Jaws but I've seen Jaws 2 I've only seen Jaws 2 because there's a murder a real life murder mystery associated with one of the

extras of the movie and your plate has seen Jaws 17 18 19 I would say that the movie that has influenced me I'd say the movie that has influenced me the most significantly would be Nowhere in 1997 by Greg Araki. Not just because it's my favorite movie, but there is this one line where the character, I can't really remember exactly verbatim. I don't want to fuck up the quote, but he's like, all I want in this world is someone

to hold me and tell me that in this fucked up world, that everything's just going to be okay. I don't know. It's a really sweet, super endearing line in a very dystopian movie. That is very you. Okay, so let's move on to the next question. I didn't get to answer.

What drug do you think makes you the best person and why? What drug makes you the best person and why what drug makes you the best person yeah what drug what drug do you think makes you the best person and why high on life probably none okay interesting answer from the resident junkies um weed

weed makes me feel great again so junkies bitch you're high 24% I'm adding two points to mine I'm bitch you're high 24-7 not on cocaine I'm not high on cocaine I'm not high on cocaine what are you talking about none of us are doing cocaine 24-7 you roll over in bed in Providence Island New York City you pick up

a blowtorch every day when you wake up honey I vape more than I even dab now so well y'all I don't know where those nine years went then. I'm going to mark a point off for y'all. I wasn't taking points eventually. We're taking points now.

I'm taking points because you're not giving answers well enough. I just need to encourage. A point system will encourage you both to answer better. Hessa, you have a total of 15 points. Ben, you have six. What is that? I'm the questionnaire. you have a total of 15 points. Ben, you have six. Okay, so on to the next. So this is all just a game of how pleased we can make you with our answers?

Well, why yes. Like you're a little feudal king? I see how this is going to go. Okay. If you had to relocate your life to somewhere that you had no friends and no family connection, where do you go? Does it have to be no family connection? Because I don't have any friends there, Jock.

Fuck you, bitch. I'm your friend. If Ben broke up with me, if Ben stopped being my friend, I'm going to cry. I don't know. Ghent? Ghent? Whoa, crazy. It's a city in Belgium. Okay, that's interesting.

Okay, what's interesting. Okay, what is... I've been to Brussels and Bruges, but I don't really know about Ghent. It's pretty. Okay. I would go to... No, of course, not Lafayette, Louisiana. And I have many friends there, including you, Jock.

I love you. Thank you, I love you too. I have a friend in Ghent, but I'm lying about it. I can answer it. Right. including you Jock I love you I have a friend in Ghent but I'm lying about it I'd probably move to Brazil, Sao Paulo oh beautiful nice that guy GG doesn't live there Glenn Greenwald?

he lives in Rio, Sao Paulo. Okay, then that counts. I guess I have one friend, but... But, I mean, Rio, Rio, Rio, Rio and Sao Paulo are just connected enough

that I accept the answer. He lives in, like, the mountains. It's fine. Yeah, I accept that answer. I don't think that you're cheating by... That's... They're probably at least

four or five hours away from each other, right? The cities? Yeah. Rio and Sao Paulo? Yeah, they're close at least four or five hours away from each other right the cities yeah we went to apollo yeah they're close oh they are close okay yeah it's fine though okay if you were on okay excuse me if you were on the run from the law what crime would you have committed and why murder murder and why no actually triple triple homicide it's a little bit better than triple murder suicide yeah triple murder suicide at a workplace that doesn't seem very fair to me to kill me

well you don't know what's this workplace I'm just saying Ben is currently at 8 and Hessa is at 27 okay I don't care about this arbitrary point system. Well, you're the one who brought it up so you do care. I have a real point system going too. Yeah, I have a real point system in my head.

It's 7-2. That's what schizophrenia people say to themselves. They have a real point system going on in their head. Okay. So, out of all three of us, who do you think has betrayed each other the most? Whoa. Out of all three of us who do you think has betrayed each of each other the most whoa that's out of all three of us who do we

I'm struggling to say me I'm trying struggling to understand this can you can you rephrase the question I don't really think of either of you ever betrayed me okay I don't really think of those terms it's a very like toxic victimhood mindset to be in well I'm glad.

But if you had to choose which one of us has betrayed you the most? Probably myself. Maybe I've betrayed myself. Yeah, I would say I've betrayed myself the most because there's no one you can betray more than yourself. That is so untrue. Your own worst enemy.

I think it's actually entirely true. Y'all have never cheated on someone? I'll be complete... Well, you're talking about us three. Okay. I think the entire question remains the same. Have you never cheated on someone? No.

Well, what do you... I've never cheated on anyone. I'm not... First of all, no. Second of all, I thought that this was about the trouble between us three. Oh, it's about us three. You're right.

You're right. Yeah. So, I mean, I've cheated on you, I guess. I am friends with another non-binary Cajun person who bullies me and I bully back. But...

If I find them, they're dead. Oh, I'm sorry. No, I think betrayal is... I think betrayal is a very toxic concept to bring into your life because it presupposes that people owe you an infinite amount of X, Y, or Z without any maintained trust or confidence in the relationship. confidence in the relationship. Betrayal is just a way to kind of, I think,

oftentimes offset any responsibility one may have for pushing people towards betrayal quote-unquote with their actions. Interesting. I thought your answer was going to be your ex-boyfriend Scott Bixby, but I guess that's incorrect. No, Scott's helped me. Like I

always say, he gave you a job, bitch. Okay. What is your favorite character from the show Friends? I hate that show, and I hate all the characters. I hate Friends, and I would personally curb stomp every single person in that show. Okay, so I'm going to answer my

first time I've answered. It's Phoebe. She really influenced me a lot growing up. If I had to pick one, it'd be Phoebe just because I really like the actress and I do think that that character is the closest to being tolerable. Thank you. And Hessa, any other follow-up

or is that it? If I had to pick one, I would say, I don't know, Bruce Willis. Not one episode that he's in. That's a very good answer. I do love that he plays the romantically ross's romantic corrupt ross is a is dating a student and then the student's father is the dean of admissions so stupid what an idiot okay let's move on to the next question do you believe in the death penalty no no interesting only in the state of? No. No. Hmm. Interesting.

Very interesting. Only in the state of Louisiana. Yeah. I'm sure they've never gotten it wrong. I mean, they've never gotten it wrong. Yeah. I don't think,

personally, you get up there. Personally, I do not. Meaty, mighty, mo. Personally,

I don't believe. Get the hell up there, kid. Quit crying. I don't believe that the death penalty is the best solution at all. I don't think I don't believe that the death penalty is the best solution at all I don't think it's the right solution I don't believe in the death penalty however

I do believe it exists in reality whether or not I believe in it congratulations that's really huge for you that's major you believe that the death penalty exists. Let me move on to another question, please.

That is such a terrifying statement because it implies that there are things that are real that you just completely deny the existence of because they scare you or something. Even though they are literally factual. People I'm jealous of, I don't even believe they exist after a certain point

what a difficult way to live okay a truly difficult way to live here let me ask the next question please I would like us to get through these questions we have about 10 minutes left so please we have about 4 seconds left no we're doing 10 minutes left

I'm doing my damn question I just had a little brain fart it's about three seconds left no shut up just listen and stop what's the next question if you had to go on dancing with the stars which one celebrity would you choose to be your dance

wait say it like let me just read the damn question please I was really excited to answer if you had to go on dancing with the stars which one celebrity Just read the damn question, please. Okay. Please have some respect. Sorry, I was so excited. I was really excited to answer because I love Paula Poundstone. If you had to go on Dancing with the Stars, which one celebrity would you choose? Who do you think that you'd actually have a chance with?

Don't just choose. Paula who? Paula Poundstone. Paula Poundstone. I love the Poundstone. Weird autistic lesbian in the suit who was convicted of lewd acts in front of children. But not sexual.

She was just drunk driving her children around in her car. Oh. Wow, I didn't know that we'd be in charge of that. Hessa? Period. Maybe Yves Saint Laurent. She's copying me? Is that a real person?

I don't know these people, so these answers are... I'm giving zero points for these responses. How is that copying you? That's not the same answer at all. She's copying me. It's a completely different answer. Can you please take a point away from her? I think me and that twink would clean up on Dancing with the Stars.

She's copying me. Me and Paula Pound would be so fucking funny. We've only got a few moments. We're all wearing a skinny suit. The finale of Dancing with the Stars is like four of the freakiest lesbian people of all time.

You're not even good at dancing. I would love for us to get to these questions. I would love to get to these questions. Paula Poundstone's spitting me around in the air on her finger. Let's try to get through these questions. I'm about to start spinning me around in the air on her finger. Let's try to get through these questions, people, please. Oh, sorry. We were having too much fun.

Sorry. The teacher's mad that we were laughing and making jokes. Sorry. Do you think cheating is forgivable? And when was the last time you cheated? I've never cheated. That's the second question about cheating. Yeah, these are all so personal.

I feel like you're trying to test our emotional... Okay. Do I think cheating is evil? Is that what you said? It's forgivable? Again, evil is these terms... No, I said, do you think cheating is forgivable?

It's forgivable, sorry. Yes, I think cheating is totally forgivable given certain circumstances. Yeah. I think cheating is totally forgivable given certain circumstances I don't I think it's a very unhealthy line to draw and certain things are completely unforgivable and it's

I have to run to the bathroom bye Hessa she's cheating on us she's cheating on us right now is she gone already she's being completely unforgivable she is

she's betraying us yeah she does every time she takes a damn piss while we're recording it is a betrayal a stab into my heart

yeah she should just get a bag or like a big jug you should tell her that I'd probably fill up and spill by the end of the episode the amount this bitch pisses. Yours would be spilling around.

I'm going to ask the question. I'll ask it again when she comes back, but I'll let this next question for you. Imagine you are already drunk or really stoned and just incredibly hungry. You've been dancing all night. What is your McDonald's order? I don't eat at the end of the night. I go straight to bed.

Can you just live with me for the hypothetical? You're so hungry. It has been a long day. Your only option is McDonald's. What is your... I really hate eating when I'm drunk. I get so nauseous. You're just really hungry. This is something I would never do, but

my standard McDonald's order? Sure. We can go with that. I would do a spicy chicken sandwich and fries. I'm a chicken sandwich and fries. I don't like the burgers. Burgers at any fast food place is strange to me for some reason. I don't trust them. But I will always go with a chicken sandwich.

I don't know why. For some reason, the burgers feel more processed and more poisonous to me than the chicken, although it's probably all the same. Okay, what was the question? Oh, because the question was, you're really drunk, you're really high, you're super hungry, you've been dancing all night,

you get to go to McDonald's at the end of it. What is your McDonald's order? Two Filet-O-Fish, no cheese. Whoa, Filet-O-Fish is crazy. A Sprite and large fries. Never had that before. Yeah, the Filet-O-Fish is... I had a very brief phase and I

honestly can't imagine that I would ever go back to that. I was definitely doing drugs when I ate Filet-O-Fish. Life is behind you, Jock. Don't turn back now. You have too much to live for. If you had to form a five-person musical. Please never go back to smoking crack and eating fish fillets.

But sorry, continue. I think I'd be fun on crack on one episode. You would not be fun on crack. You haven't given it the chance. Smoking crack and eating salmon. Maybe stop eating crack and smoking salmon. There we go. I'm going to say something really quickly i would straight up crack i mean but i would straight up rather smoke crack than eat salmon because i think salmon is disgusting and

all the worms that all the little would you rather smoke crack than eat salmon the little worms what does that mean have y'all ever seen like when people are defrosting the Costco salmon? There are all of these bait videos that people post on TikTok, Twitter, and the like of worms being in salmon. Oh, like

those videos of like bugs and strawberries that people post. Yes, it's auntie bait. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As well well um okay let's move on but jock do you believe that every piece of salmon filet has parasites in it now yes i can never go back to i can never go back to eating let's say there is which i do agree is gross what do you think happens to the parasites when the salmon is cooked? I would think that the parasites would die. However, I've seen a video

where people cooked the fish, broke it open, and they still saw it moving more. Who do you think made that video? A dissatisfied customer? Right. I think it's a very

weird thing to be like i need attention i feel lonely i'm sad no one cares about what's happening to me i'm gonna add fake verbs to my salmon to get attention i think that would be very weird okay so if you had something you would never do if you had to form a five-person musical super group in the vein of a boy band or a girl band who would be in your group? Where did you get these questions? I made them up. I made them up. I sat down and typed all these questions up. Hearing you say that's

hearing you read that out loud made me feel like I was talking to a different person. Five-person boy band group? Well, I got it. Paul and Linda McCartney. Right off the jump. Which, by the way,

terrible casting of him in the movie. Oh, wait. Who is in? Paul Mezcal is playing... What the fuck is up with Paul Mezcal? That's the Saltburn guy? Why do people like him? I've never seen him in a movie, but he doesn't seem particularly attractive or charming or anything. Is it just because people

meme him because he's kind of gay? Jacques, you're thinking of Barry Keegan, who's also in the Beatles movie playing Rick. Fuck Barry Keegan. His little squinched up face. I also do not like his weird little bull terrier face. So finally, me and Ben agree on something. I wouldn't watch Salt Burn

based on the fact that it's unbelievable. Although I did like him in Killing of a Sacred Deer a lot. I did like him on Killing of a Sacred Deer. His. I did like him on Killing of a Sacred Deer. His weird, scary face is perfect for that role. Well, he works when he's being a weird little freako baby kid, but... Killing of a Sacred Deer is an actually very frightening, disturbing movie.

It's a solid movie. Who's that guy who does all those movies? Yorgos Lanthimos. Yorgos Lanthimos. Okay, okay, okay. Describe your... Well, did y'all... Do y'all want to answer the... We know either of us answered that, but that's totally okay. Describe your Do y'all want to answer Neither of us answered that but that's totally okay

Paul and Linda McCartney Twice and then a third and then a Paul McCartney Another Paul McCartney I would do I would do Five people I have to pick for a boy band Yeah I'm thinking the guy that sings Bongo Bongo

What? For yours? Who sings Bongo Bongo. Zayn Malik. What? For yours? Who sings Bongo Bongo? Liam Pleasure. I gotta add Liam Pleasure to mine. Oh, fuck. Zayn Malik, J Balvin, Lucinda Williams, Katie Lang,

and Megan Thee Stallion. I need a black woman. I can't wait to hear their song coming out in 2026. It's going to be amazing. Did you guys see Morgan Boland

storm off SNL? People are really mad about that. What's your take on... I kind of feel like he was just like, didn't want to hug Bowen Yang. Yeah. It makes two of us... Maybe he was just tired.

Who stormed off what? You talked too far. Morgan Wallen, the... Sorry. Country music artist. Morgan Wallen, the country music artist. I followed this. Not allegedly, but people are saying he stormed off.

And I'm like, the definition of stormed off has really expanded somehow because he kind of just walked in the wrong direction. Stormed off to me means you are walking away at a high speed. You've maybe flipped a table. You've done something to clearly indicate

that you're angry. Probably just had diarrhea. He kind of just walked away. He wasn't even walking like he had diarrhea. He walked away just like kind of normally. He had more stuff to do. It has to be in the middle of a show if you're storming out. Right. Not the end of the show.

Yeah. I imagine he was supposed to leave off a stage exit. It seemed like he's allowed to leave. I imagine he was supposed to leave off a stage exit. It seemed like he just left through the crowd or something, which was weird. But again, it doesn't seem like that big of a deal.

And I would really struggle to be on stage during the SNL wrap-up where everyone has to fake talk to each other and hug for the credits. That would be something that I was really... during the SNL wrap-up where everyone has to fake talk to each other and hug for the credits, that would be something that I was really... I don't think I could

fake that. It would be too strange. If you could successfully sue and claim ownership of a company and become the new CEO, which company would it be? Amazon, probably. Biggest company in the world. Yeah. I would successfully

sorry successfully sue and then become CEO you sue a random company for whatever reason it's just a made up reason and you by suing them kick out the current CEO and retain his position I love that there's this strange caveat

to a completely absurd hypothetical that doesn't need to be there. Yeah, yeah. It's very interesting. Yeah, I mean, Hesse makes a good point, Amazon. But I don't know. Is there a Chinese like a really big, maybe Alibaba?

Right. I think I kind of go a little bit smaller, a little more boutique because I feel like even the sheer managing the assets of Amazon, taking it over. Oh, LVMH maybe. And then you're never going to be a normal person again. Everyone's going to know you

run Amazon. It's worse than winning the lottery because people then also hate you for being the CEO of Amazon. And then if you try to destroy the company, all your shareholders are going to hire someone to kill you. Hessa might be the one.

Hessa might change that. I would go more low. Low stakes. Low stakes. Something that I can literally just hire another CEO out of my salary to do and I just cash those checks. Here, I'm going to give you two questions.

I would do... Wait, Jacques, I can't answer any more questions. I really have to go and get ready. You have to go. Bravo TV. I want Andy Korn's job. That's an excellent one. Since we have so many questions left, we're going to have to do this on another episode

we can switch it up we can come back to this everyone thank you for listening more of Seeking Derangements is at patreon.com and until next time bye bye Thank you. Thank you.