Seeking Derangements - SD 405 - Aliens Vs. Bugs

Episode Date: May 11, 2025

Its Seeking Sunday! Happy Mothers day to all of you divas. Ben here, today Jacques, Hesse, and I guess what the new pope's vibe is (we recorded 10 minutes after the news was announced) spill some ups...tate tea about Martha Stewart and a 100 year old succulent, call Sniffies, and read some celebrity blind items.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Ladies and gentlemen, it is the dark privilege of I, the Lord Squire, to inform you that the die has been cast and a pope has been brought forth. That's right. I should have looked up to know his name before I started talking, but now that I did, I am proud to say Cardinal Robert Prevost has become the first American Pope, and he has chosen the name Leo XIV, the 14th. No doubt named after his favorite creature, a lion, which is a legendary creature
Starting point is 00:00:50 in folklore. We pray that he lives forever and ever, now and at the hour of our death. Amen. Was that a beautiful tribute to the Pope? Love it. Love it.
Starting point is 00:01:05 Love it. Clock it, diva. Hello, everyone. Welcome to The Derangements. It is Ben. I'm here with Jock and Hessa. And our pope has been... Eliminated. Not eliminated.
Starting point is 00:01:38 Summoned into office or whatever. Well, the old one. That was good, Hessa. You sounded so European. Thank you. If you're hearing this on the free feed, subscribe to our Patreon for bonus episodes. Jock Hessa, this is a free episode, by the way, so feel free to name some names, clock some addresses, spill the tea on your family, all of that.
Starting point is 00:01:59 That number is 337-296-1249. I don't want to hear anything about if there's a problem that happens because I'm just saying I don't want to hear about it if it happens. Well, honey, don't worry because you ain't gonna hear nothing with that come up your ear. Oh my god, wait.
Starting point is 00:02:18 The new pope is a white guy who pretends to be Latina. I am like losing so much today. What do you mean? A colleague of ours is going on the Sniffy show. I don't even know the person. Well, me and Hessa's then. Jock.
Starting point is 00:02:39 A colleague of Hessa and I is going on the Sniffy's podcast. Great for them. You seem very happy about it. Yeah, I know. Sniffies podcast. Great for them. You seem very happy about it. Yeah, I know. I'm really, really happy for them. I'm super, super happy for them. I've never heard this word. And all of the work they've done
Starting point is 00:02:55 asking the Sniffies podcast to go on the show. They really put in the legwork. They put in so much work calling them and texting them and threatening them and asking for almost a full year to go on their show. I love to see hard work pay off. Well, you can get them to bring it up live on the show. They're trapped.
Starting point is 00:03:15 I'll be reaching out to our colleague. I'll be reaching out to our colleague. Ben told me earlier he was very miffed about it, which I had never heard the word. I'm not miffed. I'm which I had never heard the word, but I guess that means he's very happy. I'm celebrating a fellow colleague who is so successful. Does miffed not mean happy and joyous? Celebratory? It does.
Starting point is 00:03:34 That's what it means. You're right. You're correct. Yeah, no, fuck the Sniffies podcast. I hate those stupid faggots, and I will be continuing my assault against them, and hopefully we'll get on the Stiffies airwaves soon enough, y'all.
Starting point is 00:03:47 But... I mean, they know that if you were on there with them, you would crush them. They wouldn't be able to do... It would be like... They're clearly afraid of me. Like, have you seen that clip of that guy who had a talk show?
Starting point is 00:03:58 I totally forgot the guy's name. But he had a talk show for three episodes. And then on the third episode, he had Art already laying on. And he ripped him apart so bad that they canceled the show. I'll start with you, Rudd. I got on TMZ, my favorite website, and saw one of those ambush camera crews following you through some airport at some point in this country, at point in your life asking you ridiculous questions poking the bear just trying to make you make a mistake right and you didn't take the bait I just yeah I just wanted to get out of there as fast as I could but they just they hang out there
Starting point is 00:04:39 yeah but they linger and they want you to say something that they can then spin and turn around and blow up and get after TMZ website. Right. You know, it's tricky. You just, you know, you can't. You just have to be on your guard, I guess. Here's a guy who's not on his guard. He's much more entertaining on those sites.
Starting point is 00:04:57 There's no guard there. Joe, TMZ is your favorite website? I thought, what's your second? Suckingcock.com? I thought what's your second sucking cock dot com we can't do any more episodes of this show well I've
Starting point is 00:05:11 I've also I know the executive producer I know who the executive producer of the Simmys podcast is and yes that sounds threatening and yes I've had a mutual friend try to
Starting point is 00:05:19 pitch me on being a guest on the show but whatever I don't want to talk about it anymore I'm too overwhelmed with happiness for our colleague I can't talk about it anymore no bitch have you no never
Starting point is 00:05:36 one I'm in Hudson y'all I have some tea on Hudson I just got some major tea on Hudson yeah give us the Hudson tea I'm texting you. Like I was saying, or trying to say, I'm in Hudson right now, and I just got some major tea spillage from the streets of Hudson. My friend Meg is telling me that Martha Stewart, who has a property here somewhere upstate, apparently Martha Stewart has been trying to buy a 100-year-old succulent from a plumber, and he's refusing to sell it to her.
Starting point is 00:06:46 Whoa. And Hudson is rocked by this rock to the core yeah 100 year old succulent yes yeah he's trying to buy a 100 year old succulent from so like a cactus she's trying to buy a cactus from a plumber yes and he's not selling it to her and she's pissed she is a pissed she's like apparently offering a bunch of money for it and the guy is just saying no martha probably like a hudson plumber that's like you know that's a dyed in the roots that's like an upstate new york yeah he's been to the city like once probably yeah yeah that's like that guy has never heard of martha stewart or thinks that she's like oh big fancy lady coming up trying to buy my plants trying to you can't have my cactus it's funny it's funny to imagine that this plumber has no other plants just this
Starting point is 00:07:37 one this one succulent it's proudly displayed in his um shop. Oh, really? Have you seen it? Yeah, it is a giant, big succulent. It does look like it could be 100 years old. If I look up Hudson Succulent right now, will it pop up? No, there's way too many succulents up here. Oh, wait, I see it. Really? Yeah, it looks like a...
Starting point is 00:08:01 Oh, my God. It's a burrow's tail. I think so. that sounds right yeah it looks like a big it looks like a bunch of dreadlocks i totally get not wanting to sell the succulent to martha because if i were the palmer i would be like no this bitch thinks she can have whatever she wants she's probably gonna put it in a stew or some bullshit and she's not getting it from me yeah does i mean martha probably has a house in the stew or some bullshit and she's not getting it from me yeah does i mean martha probably has a house in the hudson river valley right she's yeah she's absolutely has like an upstate property for sure what i just want to know what makes a hundred year old succulent so
Starting point is 00:08:35 much nicer than a regular one is it really big at least bigger it's big yeah it's big i'm looking at a picture of it you got a picture of it? Text me I want to see the porn I'll send it But It's a beautiful plant It's not even But I mean Martha's probably pissed Because it's in the shop window She's fuming
Starting point is 00:08:57 She's probably going to have this man assassinated Oh um Our succulents is where I found this picture And there's comments on it Love this burrow's tail Oh, our succulents is where I found this picture, and there's comments on it. Love this Burroughs tale, but I'm also a little tired of seeing it on here every week. Period.
Starting point is 00:09:13 Wait, so what's up with the new pope? The new pope is a white man from America. Is he a white Latino? I feel like you're just saying that to aggravate me. No, most of his cardinal work has been in Peru. Like he spent the majority of his career in Peru. When he thanked the fellow cardinals for selecting him, he spoke in Italian, Spanish, and Latin. Okay, player. No English?
Starting point is 00:09:42 Thank you so much. no english i think the no english is probably a gesture of good faith too um because for they weren't electing an american pope for so long because america has such outsized influence i would imagine and they're worried that an american pope wouldn't uh see the needs of the rest of the world which contains most catholics yeah for sure there probably is some kind of technology secret um like pope that like works for elon or something what do you mean i mean i'm imagining that there was a candidate that was denied that is a a tech bro pope that um is secretly influenced by elon that they wanted to vote for what um what would this pope's name be jock if you had to come up with a name
Starting point is 00:10:33 for an american tech tech bro pope what do you think his name would be electro thunder electro thunder no i really think i could come up with a better name than that i think you can as well a new pope has been chosen electro thunder um distro distro phallus all one word wait so what's his what's the new pope uh what's his like thing does he have a certain cause he's like involved in or is he racist or something what's his song on myspace it it looks like uh let me see the news just broke everyone we just yeah it broke literally like five minutes before we started recording.
Starting point is 00:11:26 Yeah. So, which is why we don't have a lot of info. He, um... Let me see. Do-do-do-do. You think they kept it secret about those details about him? Um, it seems like he's...
Starting point is 00:11:40 It seems like he's, uh... A reformist as well. Like, much like, uh, Francis, which sounds good, I think. Yeah, probably. What does reform mean? The Russians are eating right now, apparently. Period. Okay, well, speaking of people with various accents
Starting point is 00:12:01 and abilities to speak multiple languages. Hilaria Baldwin said that her accent was due to her ADHD in her new book, Manual Not Included. I was harassing her. Manual Not Included, you mean? I was harassing her on Instagram and I was saying, girl, you should have named it Manuel, not included. Yeah, literally we came up with the same joke.
Starting point is 00:12:28 And it's so annoying because she usually likes all of my other comments on her where I'm just like, you look amazing, Chica. Like, love you. She's always liking those comments. And then I make one crack about her being a Latina. Did she block you? Well, no, but she didn't like it. And I did post on the Seeking account,
Starting point is 00:12:47 and I was like, hey, everyone, please go like this comment. I want to make sure she sees it. So I got a couple hundred likes. I got a couple hundred likes. So insane. So demonic. She said, I have ADHD and dyslexia, and these diagnoses greatly impact my speech, my reading, and my listening,
Starting point is 00:13:07 my focus, my memory, and my self-confidence. I see J's as H's when I'm reading, which is why I talk like this. Literally. I'm sorry, but how do people who are dyslexic start speaking in a new language? Exactly, right? I mean, I could not have said that better you're right there with us you're right there with us i could not have said that better myself jock i just i'm sorry i have adhd but you don't see me talking like different mon it's just
Starting point is 00:13:39 we literally do we do see you talking yeah constantly your adhd is debilitating i would say debilitating really i think your paleness is debilitating okay clock it i think your i think your average length hair is debilitating hessa jock have you ever seen the movie Powder? Oh my God, I fucking love Powder so much. It's the story of an albino with psychic powers. Oh my God, it's so delicious. And made by a molester, convicted child rapist. Did you know that? Yeah, I didn't know that.
Starting point is 00:14:19 No, that's not why I like, hold on. That's why you're such a fan of the movie, aren't you? Hold on, hold on. I'm sorry. You've never seen a movie like this where okay you're telling me that do you name another movie where the focus is about an albino with magic powers to kill a mockingbird right i feel like that's not that random i feel like usually when albinos are in movies, it's because they have powers. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:14:46 Are you joking right now? There's not that many movies about normal albinos. Jacques, if there was a magic power fight between Powder and Michael Clark Duncan in The Green Mile, who do you think would win? Never seen The Green Mile. It always looks so boring. I've never seen it either. I hate prison movies. So it would be,
Starting point is 00:15:05 who would win, do you think? Powder was really powerful. I don't know what the perspective of the Green Mile Man's power is. Powder had a really high power level. That's what they called him because he was so pale white. Yes.
Starting point is 00:15:22 And because he'd be sniffing that powder. Do you guys have any thoughts on lady gaga almost getting blown up in front of 21 million people in brazil yeah well first of all let's break down that that's it wasn't that the biggest show ever worldwide it was the biggest live free show yeah so she made it free like we gotta get a a moniker on this it has to be the biggest something let's make it free but i mean it is like it was like 22 million people which is fucking insane not 22 million yes no that's i mean that's impossible i'm sorry i have to say this but my mom saw little wayne this weekend and that's a lot smaller why did you have to say that? Thank you for speaking your truth.
Starting point is 00:16:05 Why you had to say that? We were talking about concerts and just like them being crowded and my mom went to Little Wayne and she was saying she felt claustrophobic and I'm like well you were at Little Wayne in the front. It was 2.5 million Ben.
Starting point is 00:16:21 Yeah I'm kidding I know. I was seeing how long jock would go along with the 22 million people's lady cock alive people i was 2 million people whatever i don't have more people went to that gaga concert than uh died fighting for the soviet union i mean look look let's be honest that That fact is fake, but does it sound real? Because there are so many little monsters. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. Ice cream.
Starting point is 00:16:49 Yes, yes, yes. Someone said, someone posted a picture of it and was like, name another female artist who could do this. And someone replied like, girl, it's Brazil. Anyone could do this. I mean, yeah. Which is kind of, yeah. Is the population in Brazil more significant
Starting point is 00:17:05 than most world populations? I think it's one of the biggest. Yeah. More than the U.S.? I think so, yeah. U.S. has like 332 million people. Yeah, I think Brazil has 211 million people. We're beating them.
Starting point is 00:17:25 If it had been 25 million people,'re beating them if it had been 25 million people it would have been basically the whole US no I mean look I'm just saying
Starting point is 00:17:33 you just said no I thought you just said no no listen hear me out hear me out
Starting point is 00:17:38 hear me out I know now that it's 2.5 million had it been 25 million that's like a significant amount of 35 million or 33 so i literally just said that the united states has 300 million people yeah the dyslexia and the adhd are in the air today yeah the dyslexia. My dyslexia is so bad today.
Starting point is 00:18:05 My dyslexia and my ADHD get so bad during allergy season. My dyslexia is so bad today. Just flipping words around. So what was with the group that tried to bomb Gaga? Were they like... I don't know.
Starting point is 00:18:21 But it seemed like a coordinated, like... Like they had multiple bombs that they were going to do. Lady Gaga bomb plot targeted LGBTQ. Oh, no. They're all performing. Third person planned Satanist ritual child killing in Brazil. What the T?
Starting point is 00:18:37 What the hell? What the T? Two people arrested on suspicion of planning an attack at a Lady Gaga concert in Rio de Janeiro. Jock, can you stop eating chips? I'm not even eating chips. I'm not even eating chips. LGBTQ plus people police it on Sunday. According to the civil police report
Starting point is 00:18:52 of Rio de Janeiro, the pair had attempted to recruit people, including teenagers, to carry out coordinated attacks at Saturday's concert, using improvised explosive and Molotov cocktails. The goal of the planned attack, according to police, was to gain notoriety on social media.
Starting point is 00:19:09 Wow. Gain notoriety for who? I don't know. I guess they wouldn't say, because that would help it work a little bit. Is there a religion that's backing up this extremist group? Yeah, the new pope, actually, is the one who organized this. Oh, so this new pope's a gangster.
Starting point is 00:19:25 Mm-hmm. He's a gangster. Bit of a violent guy. But, I mean, leave it to the least, you know, the Brazilian police department, when I picture them, they are like shirtless, oiled up, tan, jacked men. Yeah. Who are 5'11", tightest asses you've ever seen, wearing tight shorts, and
Starting point is 00:19:49 they're all on bicycles. And they're all... They're shutting this shit down, because they're like, we need to protect our transgender queens. Right. And our sexy, sexy gay button right and our sexy sexy game button
Starting point is 00:20:06 and our sexy sexy parishioners also i mean brazil is it it's operating like a hundred years ahead of the rest of the world i feel like in pretty much all respects including lady gaga attendance you know like that's how many people would show up to a lady gaga concert in 100 years in the u.s i believe i think even like for the con they had a rehearsal the day before and i think like a million something people showed up for just the rehearsal outside like like outside of the the lines period did you guys see that um diana vaughn i can't say her last name diana vaughn horstrom or whatever um her husband came out as gay at 84 wait who is that who's diana furstenberg that's what i mean she's a fashion designer furstenberg yeah yeah however you say
Starting point is 00:20:58 her name her husband came out as gay at 84 which is so fucking funny i mean i'm looking at a picture of him and it doesn't surprise me well his wife is like a fashion icon oh yeah i mean she must have known i mean i'm sorry but being coming out at 84 as a as a queer person is lazy queer person is lazy explain that um you just had all 84 years of your life to be uh normal authentic and you just you just had to be dl well imagine that's the perfect life for a gay man right i think she kind of had an amazing life first and for it yeah just like oh let me help you pick some models for this for your menswear collection no literally y'all don't think he had to do the hard work of having sex with a woman
Starting point is 00:21:47 he didn't love? I don't think she cares. I'm reading an article written by him about his life and it's, there are some
Starting point is 00:21:57 great little things. Any comment on the being gay? Oh yeah, that's what this article is about. Oh, period. I had found ways
Starting point is 00:22:05 to find men, starting with my teenage years street cruising in West Hollywood, darting in and out of side doors of bars along Melrose Avenue. The subterfuge
Starting point is 00:22:14 continued into my 20s, save one fourth of July weekend when a guy I had met invited me to join him on Fire Island. Since I had never been in any kind of ghetto,
Starting point is 00:22:23 other than a rich one, I wasn't prepared for a place that was all guys all the time. Period. He's kind of more coming out as her assistant. As a gay man. Was Fire Island ever ghetto? I don't know what you meant by that.
Starting point is 00:22:41 It used to be really bad before gay guys were there. It was like one of the highest murder rates in the world. They called it the combat zone, Jock. It was called Fire Island because it was literally on fire. It was all the rioting. Shut the fuck up. It was like Escape from New York is based on Fire Island, loosely, Jock. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:59 I'm dead right now. I'm trying to imagine the gay people on fire. Well, no. The gay people gentrified the island no, it was, no, no, no. The gay people like gentrified the island. There were like natives on the island first and they were like really like crazy. I'm like fire island before gay people. I think, I think it was, I think he pretty much admits that it was a lavender marriage and that he never like, of course, he never was like pretending to be straight you know yeah
Starting point is 00:23:27 yeah yeah definitely it's so funny to even come out at that point it's like you really need some attention yeah like you really need a couple headlines i'm sure like you know i'm if you're 80 i feel like you have the i feel like you have the right you know to just look back like you've had a life you can write a book about yourself and be like i'm the right, you know, to just look back. Like you've had a life. You can write a book about yourself and be like, I'm going to tell all, you know? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:50 80s crazy. 80 is so fucking old. Sometimes I remember that there's like 20 years between 60 and 80 and I'm like, what the hell? Right. 20 years of 20 years of being old. Sounds fucking miserable. He's got less than 16 years to find love.
Starting point is 00:24:06 Why? Because he's going to die. He's not going to live. He's probably not going to be 100. Do you think the oldest, do you think? Right. Okay, never mind. I think under 16 years.
Starting point is 00:24:18 Jack just knows when he's going to die. You're misunderstanding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He just simply knows when he's going to die. How do you think that, when do you think that man will you think that when do you think that man will die and how do you think he'll die jog well i'll tell you exactly how he's gonna die it's he's gonna die seven years from now and it's gonna be cock related he might be taking it he might be giving it but his heart or cock might give out at the same exact time and he might just dissolve when you say his cock is
Starting point is 00:24:45 gonna give out do you mean it like pops like a balloon like a blowout i think he's gonna have like you know they have aneurysms of the brain it's like an aneurysm of the cock it's gonna sound like a balloon popping do you know how many times he probably had to train his dick to have sex with his wife again i don't think they were having yeah i think it says it says here that she was like helping him like if someone asked he was her assistant yeah yeah if someone asked her if they had sex because someone was like this is obviously a gay guy did you guys really have sex last night after their wedding night and she was like yes we did even though they didn't arsenio hall
Starting point is 00:25:25 and richard prior had sex with their wives and they still were gay well that you understand you have such a nuance no i would say it's the opposite of nuanced yeah it's very funny to compare those two people yeah it's just i don't really know this. And also the idea that that's the standard that everyone else has to operate to. Yeah. Look, I'm just saying, maybe... You're just saying stuff, I know.
Starting point is 00:25:54 Like, Richard Pryor was an out bisexual, I'm pretty sure, by the end of his life. Wasn't he? Right? No. He famously had sex with Marlon Brando. He was famously... You have reached Sniffy's cruising confession. Oh, God.
Starting point is 00:26:09 Ready to confess? Tell your story after the beep. And try to keep it to a minute or less. Hey, guys, it's Ben Moore. I just want to leave a message for a colleague of mine who's going to be joining you on the show soon. Don't do this. Don't do this. Don't do this. Don't do this.
Starting point is 00:26:27 Don't do this. What, no? I don't know. What's next? Because what if they uninvite? What if they uninvite them? I don't think that's gonna happen. Oh, shit, they're still the folks.
Starting point is 00:26:39 Fuck you guys. Oh, that'll really make it a good chance. You're so bitter. Sorry. So, it's the one time he's not invited to the party and he's so sad he didn't get an invitation that's right can't be popular forever baby wait i feel like what is it what do you guys think about what do you think about donald trump reopening alcatraz i think that's i'm so on board with it because i mean think about Donald Trump reopening Alcatraz? I think that's... I'm so on board with it. Really? I mean, think about it.
Starting point is 00:27:09 Like, we need a new... A great new escape. You know, the world is clamoring for a new escape. We had... The Car World guy did a fake escape recently. We need a real escape, you know? And I think that that's the way to do it you know oh wait the guy man of alcatraz that was the great guy founded fox news what gay guy diane von fustenberg's husband. Founded Fox News?
Starting point is 00:27:45 I thought that was Murdoch. It was Rupert Murdoch and... And the gay guy? I mean, this has to be a different guy with the same name. They're shook. No, no. It makes much more sense that he's like, why he had to keep it secret gay.
Starting point is 00:28:01 So he's... Whoa. Well, no. Secret gay. I don't know about that yeah i think he was pretty much like no this has got to be like it was an open secret this is a different guy right what's his name oh no it is the same guy that's insane what the fuck why is he being called dion von furberg's husband, not founder of Fox News? He's the chairman and senior executive of IAC and Expedia Group and founded the Fox Broadcasting Company with Rupert Murdoch.
Starting point is 00:28:35 Whoa, what the fuck? That's insane. I'll tell you exactly why they're leading with him being Diane's wife. Because they're embarrassed. Do you think Fox News needs that they're trying to they're trying to keep the conservatives thinking one way and if they if they take if they suddenly find out that fox news is started by a faggot they might have to shoot themselves in the head head he was the chief he was the ceo of paramount pictures and some of the things he made were saturday night fever greece raiders of the lost, all the Indiana Jones movies, Terms of Endearment, Beverly Hills Cop.
Starting point is 00:29:10 This is a funny list. I wonder how this shows which ones to pick. Grease is so gay. Grease has always been gay. He probably had sex with John Travolta. Yeah, I could see that for sure. John Travolta yeah I could see that for sure Travolta is so scary you don't want to give him a massage
Starting point is 00:29:29 because you're going to have to give him more than a massage I heard he unhinges his jaw when he's having sex he seems so so scary I was watching SVU last night and there was this one line where they said how why did you open your mouth to perform
Starting point is 00:29:46 oral sex and i was like oh my god they're being so mean to this victim what was the answer she cried and it was played by adam's girlfriend that's not hannah that he dates after he breaks up with hannah oh gillian jacobs not mimi rose that girl that he dates after he breaks up with Hannah. Oh, Gillian Jacobs? Not Mimi Rose, that girl that he, like, that is, like, his only normal girlfriend in the show. Oh, I don't remember her. He, like, eats her out from behind or something, and she's disgusted.
Starting point is 00:30:17 Okay. I have no idea. Period. Girls trivia. But back to this man, this 84 year old man again i just find it pathetic that you could spend your whole life in secrecy not living to be your true self what are you afraid of sir you have money wait ben what was the other thing you were saying before i brought it back to this guy that i'm so proud for our colleague who's going on the Sniffies podcast.
Starting point is 00:30:47 I mean, I heard that secondhand, so it might not even be true. I'm kidding. I'm just joking. I don't really care. You absolutely do care. And that's why. Not like that much. Also, I think if they actually invited me on, I would period. Give it to them.
Starting point is 00:31:04 Ready to confess? I'm ready. Tell your story after the beep. And try to keep it to a minute or less. Okay, Henny. Hey, Henny, it's me. Ben Mora. I've been dying to get It's not right. It just ain't right.
Starting point is 00:31:20 I've just been wondering. I wanted to tell y'all about this time I slept with this guy. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Stop counting. You're ruining my call. Why would you do that? Why would you do that?
Starting point is 00:31:35 Why would you do that? Why would you do that? You ruined my call. I'm just going to have to refuse. You understand that they can't hear Hussle, right? You're confusing me, so don't do it again. It's... Two plus two.
Starting point is 00:31:50 A, B, C, D, E, F... Z, Y, X... I love... A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K... He took his headphones off. D E F G H I J K He took his headphones off. It's not even what I sound like. I know. He's doing my impression of
Starting point is 00:32:15 him. Yeah. And also one time I had sex in the bathroom with seven men and they all came in my ear. I never heard again. Goodbye. And I learned to turn the volume off on your on you. So that's how I did that. He can't.
Starting point is 00:32:36 No, he can't turn the volume back on. He's just. No, I did turn it. I did turn it back on. I can hear now again. So don't say what I can't do. Is that what I sound like to you, Jock? Um, just depends on the day. If I think about it a little bit harder,
Starting point is 00:32:47 you honestly sound like this to me. Hey, it's me, Ben, and I just love having sex with men at my friend's house in the Hudson. You're so bad at doing an impression. Yeah. It's insane. You're so bad at doing an impression.
Starting point is 00:33:04 It's insane. I'm from Iowa. That's a little better. That's impression. Yeah. It's insane. You're so bad at doing an impression. It's insane. I'm from Iowa. That's a little better. That's a little better. That's closer. You're getting warmer. You're being a little too breathy. I'm not that breathy.
Starting point is 00:33:12 Yeah. You're being a little too breathy. I'm not that breathy because I... There you go. Hey, my name is Ben and I used to work for the Bernie campaign until something really bad happened and now I just suck cock on the side. You're losing it again. Would you have sex with... I'm not really talking about
Starting point is 00:33:27 sucking cock. That's kind of something I never talk about. That's kind of you, bitch. If Bernie Sanders would rehire you and there was a chance he could actually win, would you
Starting point is 00:33:41 but he required you to suck his cock first, would you uh would you and he but he required you to suck his cock first would you do it um if you say no you're not down for the cause so i just want to establish well i luckily i don't respect your opinion um yeah but i would probably not do that yeah i would say Wow, worked so hard on the campaign the first time. Doesn't want to suck a cock for the second time. Bernie missed his chance. Right. I mean, Bernie's kind of been a huge bitch recently,
Starting point is 00:34:14 so I don't really care. Yeah, exactly. Isn't he pro-Israel? Yeah, he's incredibly... He's very pro-Israel jock, yes, of course. He's a rabid Zionist jock. But no, I mean, wasn't he originally, actually? Don't try to confuse me.
Starting point is 00:34:29 Maybe don't ask stupid questions. I don't know. Bitch. Bitch. Fucking faggots. I was about to try to Google if Bernie was pro Israel or not. And then I just Googled been gay. Okay.
Starting point is 00:34:52 That's beautiful. I said, do you have the blind item thing? Yes. So we all know the Met Gala happened recently. Of course. And I've collected from, um,
Starting point is 00:35:02 I forgot the name of the website. Um, but yeah, I forgot the name of the website, but this is some celebrity blind items. I'll look up the name of the website after. But I have blind items from the Met Gala. And I think it would be fun for us to try and guess, for you guys to try and guess who they're about
Starting point is 00:35:24 and whether or not they're true let's give it okay um so here's the first one this foreign-born permanent a-list supermodel yachter epstein enabler made it seem like she couldn't make it to the met gala last night rather than the reality which is that she's banned Heidi Klum no Naomi Watts Naomi Campbell Naomi Campbell
Starting point is 00:35:54 that one was a gimme I also believe that's true yeah totally is she cancelled I don't really know what that means um yes people have have are angry with her for many various reasons but she she is gainfully employed yeah yeah she's but she's she's like uh i think she was friends with uh yeah she was like on the plane all the fucking time yeah yeah million pictures of
Starting point is 00:36:25 her and gillane yeah no she definitely knew what was going on of course it was probably helping to funnel girls there i bet oh yeah for sure and it's funny that they describe her as a yachter though i didn't know that aspect of her personality right i mean you kind of just assume it though yeah i don't think she would look that good in one of those little captain hats i think she's beautiful. I think she's gorgeous. Are you kidding? She's an extremely beautiful woman.
Starting point is 00:36:49 I think she'd look amazing in a sailor hat. Okay, this one is giving someone trying to be bossy with some clever words. Perfect. And kind of failing a little bit. Speaking of the gala, the reason Plantation Khaleesi didn't show up is because she hated the theme. It had nothing to do with the legal stuff. Paula Deen?
Starting point is 00:37:13 Oh, Blake Lively. Oh. Yes. Because she got married on a plantation. Mm-hmm. Oh, is that why? Yeah, she got married on a plantation. People yelled at her about that,
Starting point is 00:37:22 and that's why that little twist of the word was put in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not only did she pretend to be – not only did she get married on a plantation, she did go around pretending to be black, and her friend would dress emo. I don't know about that. Whoa. What the hell? Wait, it's really crazy so when she was filming gossip girl so they could go shopping they would she would dress in blackface or something i
Starting point is 00:37:52 really wish i could find there's like an there's an interview where she's talking about her and her friend like dress she she i think she even says dressing up ghetto well dressing up ghetto and doing blackface in public she talks about using self-tanner i'm also like i don't okay well that's not really blackface let me look i also i don't know if this one i necessarily believe this one just because when you're going through such a high profile nasty hollywood divorce like i don't really divorce oh yeah isn't uh johnny depp right what okay here we go am i getting her confused you've never heard oh lake lively is is going i believe this then she's she's going to her and ryan reynolds are like united they're like hollywood
Starting point is 00:38:38 psychopath couple oh my god yeah i believe this then. Blake Lively is beefing with Jason Baldoni because Blake Lively kind of took over his movie and made it her own. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And she's like demanding to be credited as like a EP and like all this crazy stuff, which I don't really think she does that much.
Starting point is 00:39:01 I don't know. She seems evil and completely insane. Didn't she? It's a movie about like... and yeah completely insane and horrible it's a movie about like uh domestic violence i watched on a plane to puerto rico yeah it sucked major dick and didn't she she tried to um she was saying like uh it's actually real what happened in the movie and it happened in real life between me and she's saying that they were like uh that she was just like there was sexual impropriety. I don't really know what the claim is on her. What does that even mean? Sexual impropriety?
Starting point is 00:39:30 Can you guess? Use the context clues at your disposal. Well, sexual, that means sex, and then impropriety... Oh... She didn't get... You can do it. She didn't have property?
Starting point is 00:39:46 She couldn't do sex on properties You're right So what's the next one This Okay this word's really gonna confuse Jacques This Illiterate actress And that's A-L-L I-T-E-R-A-T-E
Starting point is 00:40:04 Got it Had a wig She was going to wear last night And that's A-L-L-I-T-E-R-A-T-E. Got it. Had a wig she was going to wear last night, but it got ripped during a little sex session prior to getting ready. So a little change to the plan. I mean, it's not Kim K. No. She doesn't have sex anymore.
Starting point is 00:40:22 I'm trying to think of an actress. Kim had the wig? She has a husband. She's blonde. Well, there are two people that this could be. Give me a hint. Marilyn Manson. S is the letter for both of the people. Susan Sarandon? No. Susan Sarandon is getting hot and heavy.
Starting point is 00:40:40 Sweeney Todd. No, wait. Sidney Sweeney. Sweeney Todd. Sweeney Todd. Sweeney Sweeney Todd Sweeney Todd Sweeney Todd ripped his wig before the Met Gala Sweeney Todd Sweeney Todd shows up to
Starting point is 00:40:55 oh my god tailoring black fashion Met Gala wearing head to toes Aberdeen dressed to the nines I kept saying to work what would you have worn if you dressed to the nines I kept saying what would you have worn if you went to the Met Gala
Starting point is 00:41:07 um I mean Telfar obviously yeah I just I would have worn exactly what let's say Telfar is not an option
Starting point is 00:41:16 what would you have worn yeah it has to be tailored yeah why couldn't Telfar tailor because it's a
Starting point is 00:41:22 hypothetical we're doing for the show honey let's say it's not an option okay Telfshirts and shorts i'm gonna be honest it probably would have been easy okay can you tell me what the outfit would look like no swastikas uh and it would have been like it would have been like yeezy season five or six or something it would have been like Yeezy season five or six or something. It would have been like... Well, I guess that's impossible.
Starting point is 00:41:48 Okay, actually, I changed my mind. It's impossible because there's swastikas on all of them. On every single outfit. I would get Shane Oliver to design my outfit. Who's Shane Oliver? The ex-creative director head of hood by air describe what that outfit would look like okay um leather white and black leather tuxedo suit very thick very hot and it would match his hot it very hot and it would match his It would match his His Armalite
Starting point is 00:42:25 Leather Uggs that he designed Earlier I'm all about the Uggs I can see that slaying except you would be really sweaty If it's really hot I can see you looking amazing Well maybe I have Botox done on my armpits the night before
Starting point is 00:42:42 So I don't sweat as much You should get that done Excuse me sir? I. You should get that done. Excuse me, sir? I said you should get that done. But just for that or just in general? Whatever. Are you commenting on my scent, sir?
Starting point is 00:42:58 The other possible actress that this could be is Sadie Sink. What the hell is that? Could you smell me last time, Hessa? We had dinner. No. Hessa to be honest has to be honest no i could not stop lying just tell me the truth i don't you got me has i'm sick of the lies hessa i'm tired of this you smelled lovely worst day of my life oh this is a this is a crazy one okay okay let's hear it for the big event last night the actor offspring traveled with his boyfriend rather than the girlfriend his parents wish was real bowen yang no i'm kidding. Can you read that again, please? For the big event last night,
Starting point is 00:43:47 the actor Offspring traveled with his boyfriend rather than the girlfriend his parents wish was real. Patrick Schwarzenegger? Yes. Ding, ding, ding, ding. Is he actually gay?
Starting point is 00:43:57 People keep saying he's gay. I mean, this blind item says that he is. I don't believe that at all. I don't believe it. He doesn't have a gay face to me. He don't believe that at all. I don't believe it. He doesn't have gay face to me. He doesn't have DL.
Starting point is 00:44:11 He went with Amy Lou Wood. He attended the Met Gala with Amy Lou Wood. Yeah. So that's a lie. Apparently he secretly attended, or he traveled with his boyfriend. Oh, he does kind of have gay face. I'm looking at a picture of him right now. I know what he looks like.
Starting point is 00:44:27 I mean, I've seen the White Lotus. I don't see the gay face on him at all. Here, look, I'm going to share my screen with you real quick. Share that screen, Hemi. This is, like, look at this face, dude. Come on. Oh. I think it's the posture.
Starting point is 00:44:42 It's when you hold your hand up to your temple like that. I don't know. It's the you hold your hand up to your temple like that. I don't know. It's the blinding white giant teeth of a horse. It's the giant gay horse teeth. He's so handsome. He's a good looking guy, dude. I don't get it at all.
Starting point is 00:44:55 He's so good. He has weird dog eyes. I think he was perfectly cast in The White Lotus Season 3. He did a great... He has weird rectangle dog eyes he does kind of have a rectangle i mean those are the same as his dad he has those those schwarzenegger eyes i also don't find arnold very sexy okay i know this isn't a blind item but i'd like to say this uh lisa the famous korean pop star who was also in white Lotus had to get her. She made her manager pretend to be a paparazzi for the whole night because the,
Starting point is 00:45:30 there was an error with the tickets and they got her a press pass. And so she just followed around taking pictures, pretending to be paparazzi. Well, you can't invite, you can't invite people really to the Met Gala. I don't think, right.
Starting point is 00:45:44 I have no clue it's 40 000 a ticket right is it really that's how i thought i would think it would be more expensive cost of a ticket to met gala i mean one of the blind items is just like the met gala sucks and everyone hates it right right so individual ticket costs are $75,000 and tables for multiple guests start at $350,000. This one's an easy one. Are they raising money for something? Yes.
Starting point is 00:46:16 For the Met. For the Met. Oh. Do you know what that is? It's a art museum in New York. Period. Ben was so mad that I didn't get that wrong. I could see that.
Starting point is 00:46:27 I'm not mad. I'm not mad. I'm not mad. I'm not mad. I'm happy. I'm actually, I love when everything's correct. Aw. It's beautiful.
Starting point is 00:46:35 Because it means that you are. Lucid. Lucid. Yeah, I was going to say something worse, but yes. I will be honest. I will be honest. I was a little bit confused about what time recording today was and you're usually confused about most things you know i was more confused today i thought we had three hours before uh recording and so i did ingest a
Starting point is 00:46:57 little bit of my adderall the last of my adderall the adderall i've said that usually makes you smarter so that's yeah concerning anyways what's the next one Hessa? oh you're not saying I'm smart today mister? I'm a fucking Jimmy Neutron Sir Isaac Newton Einstein Albert Sir Isaac Neutron Sir Jimmy Neutron
Starting point is 00:47:16 yes yes yes I'm having a brain blast you're being a bitch an apple fell on Sir Jimmy Neutron's head and he said brain blast that's being a bitch an apple fell on sir jimmy neutron's head and he said brain blast that's how he came up with gravity um so the foreign born one named permanent a-list singer has no problems with the father of her children fucking only fans models every night but she had a problem not adele but she had a problem with him talking up the marijuana feline what the marijuana feline doja cat it's
Starting point is 00:47:47 yes you got it jock this one's kind of easy oh i thought it was one name no yeah that doesn't make sense you need to re-ask that question again and come up with a better answer hessa i love you but i'm disappointed that that's what you just told us well no no one name is the uh wife who got mad at her husband for talking to Doja Cat. And again, I would need that one name. You haven't provided her. Do you want to know it or do you want to guess it? One name under
Starting point is 00:48:14 God. One name, a singer with one name. And she's foreign. Sharrer. Foreign born. I mean, yeah. She was born in the same place Cameron Diels was born. Brianna. Yes. Barbados.
Starting point is 00:48:27 Oh. Cameron Diaz was born in Barbados? Yeah, Cameron Diaz is from Barbados. We need to go back. No, she's not. She is, I swear to God. What the T? That's crazy. Isn't that beautiful?
Starting point is 00:48:40 Have you seen that video of her where she's talking about lumpia? I haven't been to the Philippines, but I grew up with a lot of Filipinos. Really? Yes. My best friend that I grew up next door to, her mother was from the Philippines. The Philippines. And lumpia, adobo, I ate it every single day. And you kept your figure eating adobo and lumpia and rice?
Starting point is 00:49:04 Rice all the time. her mom made the best rice about this it's so me about this filipino queen fucking queen i love her dude she's so amazing and honestly that was like you can tell she literally loves filipinos like and was raised with some. Oh, yeah. Best Cameron Diaz movie, Vanilla Sky. Is she White Tina? Yes. Is she a sister in the game? Like, is she my... Cameron Diaz.
Starting point is 00:49:34 Well, I know that, but she could just be like a Spaniard. No, I think she's White Tina. Well, she was born in Barbados. White Tina, that sounds like some good meth. She says famously... She's Cuban, of course. Cuban, English, Tina, that sounds like some good meth. She's Cuban, of course. Cuban, English, German, Scots-Irish. Of course she's Cuban.
Starting point is 00:49:52 I have to go back one more time. Marijuana Feline is so insane. That's like the parody name on a cartoon about Doja Cat. Yeah. Right. No, but Cameron Diaz in The Counselor Has to do Does a Barbados accent
Starting point is 00:50:06 And she's like I just Oh I've seen that I feel like I've seen that clip Look The last time I spoke to them They were in Midland, Texas That was about two days ago
Starting point is 00:50:15 So I called up the sheriff there And I asked him Had they found any dead bodies Along the side of the highway And he said that they did And I said thank you And I hung up I know you think I'm kidding, but I'm not.
Starting point is 00:50:31 And I'm not out. That's right. And I'm not kidding about that either. I changed my mind. The best Cameron Diaz movie is Bad Teacher. Bad Teacher is pretty good what about there's something about Mary that's one of the funniest movies ever oh the cum and the hair that's pretty good too
Starting point is 00:50:52 has that ever happened to you Jock oh I can think of something that happened in Here Comes Mary or whatever the fuck that movie's called that's happened to you oh the zipping up the penis yes yes was it your penis or was it your penis or was it your balls? Or was it your balls and penis?
Starting point is 00:51:08 It was everything. It went straight through. I'm uncircumcised, so to confirm, it was my foreskin. It was my foreskin. Oh! Jesus Christ. That's so bad. That's the worst possible answer.
Starting point is 00:51:20 Jock, how do you think you're going to die? It's going to be painful. Right. It's not gonna be quick. This one is really funny. I feel like it could be so quick for you. It could be in a flash. I'm telling you if it's quick, it's gonna be
Starting point is 00:51:36 in a cement truck rolling me over, squishing me out like the end of a toothpaste tube. That'd be pretty epic. How do you think I'll die? Heart problems. I'm sorry. Heart problems. I could see you
Starting point is 00:51:52 dying of old age, Ben. With your wife at your side. Thank you, Hessa. Beautiful children. I don't mean to be rude, Ben. In Columbia. Thank you so much. I don't mean to be rude. I just think that the stress will get to you one day well then thank you for admitting that you will kill me i really appreciate that slowly killing him okay wait can i actually guess how you both
Starting point is 00:52:15 would die for a moment please yes that's what we're doing okay so hessa you are gonna die on a yacht surrounded by famous people. And it's going to be a mysterious drowning. And people are not going to be able to tell that if it was your current husband or your ex-husband who, who will both be on the boat, such a fabulous way to go. I'm going to get Natalie Wooden.
Starting point is 00:52:36 Yeah, exactly. Such a fabulous way to go out. Yeah. This is going to actually surprise you. You're going to die serving in the war. Okay. Period. Which war war tell us about the war jock is the great alien bug war okay okay you know uh why are aliens and bugs fighting. It's aliens versus bugs. No, no, no, no, no. It's not bugs from space.
Starting point is 00:53:05 No, yeah. No, no, no. I meant... No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Clap, clap, clap. Clap, clap, clap. Clap. Listen.
Starting point is 00:53:13 Am I wrong? Did he not say the alien and bug war? I knew what he meant. I knew what he meant. Like the things from Starship Troopers. Exactly. I thought he was saying that like ladybugs were like squaring up with like... No, but I love that idea so much more.
Starting point is 00:53:24 I love that idea so much more. I love that idea so much more. Like gray aliens fighting stick insects. Aliens land and the biggest beef they have is with a spider. Oh my god, gray... Humans are completely incidental in their war on the bugs. A platoon of gray aliens going through the jungle and looking around and all the trees, stick insects on the trees start moving and it's like,'re all around us and for some reason i'm dying in
Starting point is 00:53:52 that war okay actually actually you're fighting for the bugs it's gonna have it's a here's here's a final interpretation of i would side with the bugs in that I know me too I have a final word on how Ben might die one word alcohol Jack for the people at home Jack just held up a book called alcohol thank you Jack
Starting point is 00:54:17 that could very well be true I wouldn't drink myself to death that's for certain health complications from drinking binge drinking maybe once a week for 70 years i think that counts as drinking yourself to death kind i mean for 70 like depending on when it happens if you're like 80 70 an ailing dying wheelchair bound jvn shoots ben out of his new outside of his new y apartment, John Lennon style. Oh, you dirty bitch. I would never let JVN take me out.
Starting point is 00:54:48 That would be so cool. That's like, honestly, that would be my dream way of dying. I mean, it would be iconic to be assassinated by a fat gay guy. By anyone. To be assassinated by anyone? If you don't even see it coming.
Starting point is 00:55:05 Jack, who do you think would assassinate Hessa i was about to get into it hessa is at the premiere of her seventh award-winning screenplay movie and she is and all of her husbands are trying to kill her no no no it's a smoke and aces situation, no. And I'm washed up and enraged and filled with jealousy because this is the actual one. You're going to kill me. Because this is the one screenplay. It's supposed to be a hypothetical joke. Hessa wrote a screenplay based on my life,
Starting point is 00:55:35 and I found it completely offensive, and she made millions on it. What was it called? Fat Man Don't Sing No More. Okay. Period. The Fat Man Don't Sing No More. fat man don't sing no more okay the fat man don't sing no more the jock onslaught story by oscar oscar winning movie oscar winner there's a scene where jock founds a restaurant called baba gumbo shrimp all right with with soundtrack by michael buble and jelly roll it would actually be called the challenger bistro space shuttle disaster
Starting point is 00:56:10 wait so what how does has it die at the thing yeah how do you kill me because remember my other six ex-husbands are chasing me you're my ex-husband oh my god, not that. My worst nightmare of all time. I do not like being married. Could you imagine? I'd kill myself in a second if you guys got married. Ben, what if you had to marry me? To jump off a roof.
Starting point is 00:56:34 Because they deported you to Costa Rica. Bitch, you think I'd have a problem with that? I'm staying. I would love to be deported right now. Not to El Salvador, of course. I would ask you to marry me so I can move to Costa Rica. Right. Exactly. Exactly.
Starting point is 00:56:49 I mean, it is like, now that I'm moving home, like, talking to my dad more, like, he's like, I need to leave, man. It is so bad here. And I'm like, I'm like, yeah, it's really racist. You need to leave. It's getting really scary. I'm like, trying to scare him into self. You need to leave. It's getting really scary.
Starting point is 00:57:08 I'm like trying to scare him into self-deporting. Yeah. One of my little projects that I'm working on. Period. Period. Look, I want everyone listening right now to know. Well, she will be 1,000% safer in Costa Rica. It is for his health. He's an older man.
Starting point is 00:57:20 You have free health care in Costa Rica. Yeah. I mean, my dad lives in the country in Iowa he has had beef with like crazy racist white like meth head cracky bitches out there and I'm like girl it is time to leave
Starting point is 00:57:35 but I am also what runs in the family having battles with cracked out meth heads I'm not battling cracked out meth heads. I'm not battling cracked out meth heads. I'm the cracked out meth head.
Starting point is 00:57:50 I'm the cracked out meth head. Someone get a sound out of that. Me and Jock are two crack heads fighting in an alley. Yeah, exactly. Actually, okay, this is how me and Ben die at the same time. We shoot each other. We're both homeless and we're both in an alleyway. Oh, good God. And we're in New York outside of Hessa's premiere.
Starting point is 00:58:11 And I walk up with a gun and shoot both of you. No, no, no. Raucous applause. It's the end of the premiere and Hessa and everyone is saying thank you. What's this movie called, Jock? This one. Short Man Dies Today by Hessa and everyone is saying thank you. What's this movie called, Jock? This one. Short Man Dies Today by Hessa Denning.
Starting point is 00:58:30 I'm seeing a very similar naming convention to all of these. It's about Rudy Rudiger. And me and Ben are fighting and we each stab each other at the same time and security discovers our dead bodies and Hessa's about to announce a congratulatory thank you at the end of the premiere. And they go, excuse me, we have an announcement.
Starting point is 00:58:53 Former disgraced superstars Ben Mora and Jacques Gonson were found dead outside the venue. And Hessa breaks out into tears and goes, they were the biggest inspiration for all my best movies. But we can't hear it because we're dead. No, you can, you linger around a little bit, because hands are dragging you to hell, but your ghost is like clawing up, so you're above ground for a few more seconds
Starting point is 00:59:18 as I make the announcement. And that's the last thing you hear is me being like... Are we being too optimistic to imagine us going to heaven? No, I think you're going to heaven. I don't know. I don't know. I'm going to heaven.
Starting point is 00:59:33 When was the last time you went to church? When was the last time you went to church? When was the last time you went to church, bitch? Yeah. When I was in... Fourth grade, were you about to say? You were literally about to say fourth grade. You were about to say fourth grade. And you were about to say it were literally about to say fourth grade you were about to say fourth grade
Starting point is 00:59:45 and you were about to say it proudly as if I couldn't pop that no no no no no no no no no no I was going to say like four months ago in Lafayette I go to church in my neighborhood
Starting point is 01:00:01 St. John's Catholic Church bitches you can't even say a prayer let's not forget that I'll go to church in my neighborhood. St. John's Catholic Church, bitches. You can't even say a prayer. Let's not forget that. Let's not forget that part. We can't go into that again. We can't go into that again. Let me just say a really quick prayer.
Starting point is 01:00:19 Dear God, please, please, please help the poor, poor souls of Ben and Hessa. They are very, very run out, run down, run a train through. They need some helpy help help. You couldn't even make the sign of the cross. Remember that? You couldn't even make the sign of the cross, bitch. You made the sign of the cross wrong. Father, son, the Holy Spirit. You do it like that.
Starting point is 01:00:37 Absolutely wrong. You do your son. You do north, south, east, west. North, south, east, west. What is that wrong? Yes, that's not what you did. You did father and your head that was right then you did son and you pointed to your left shoulder which was very
Starting point is 01:00:52 strange maybe i don't know i'm gonna talk to this new leo pope guy see if we can get a new hand jester in in the works to get the kids involved get the dockers let's really do let's do one more and wrap okay yeah that sounds good. Let me find the funniest one here. While Hess is finding the funniest one... This one is actually... Can we do two more? Yeah, yeah, for sure.
Starting point is 01:01:14 Okay. One of... Okay, wait, I'll save that one for last, actually. This one's really funny. Speaking of bad behavior, yes, the married late-night talk show host did try and hook up with the one named Singer, who is not the same one as number five
Starting point is 01:01:28 It's not Adele Was that even a question? It's too confusing It's not Adele It's the funniest Not Rihanna, not Adele The talk show host is a gimme No, not Cher
Starting point is 01:01:43 You're getting warmer though though, kind of. Actually, you're not. Give me a hint. It's a Latina. Oh, Shakira. Yeah, Shakira. Shakira, Shakira. And who tried to hook up with Shakira?
Starting point is 01:01:57 James Corden. Jimmy Fallon. Ugh. Disgusting. Hate him. I feel like that could have... That one probably... What's the other Jimmy? That's a late night host. Ugh. Disgusting. Hate him. I feel like that could have, that one, that probably happened. What's the other Jimmy?
Starting point is 01:02:07 That's a late night host. Jimmy Kimmel. Yeah, fuck the both of them. Why didn't he just end it at the man show? Yeah, that paragon of entertainment. Okay, last one. Sorry. Okay, last one. One of the designers at the big event last night is someone all of you know.
Starting point is 01:02:24 He wants to transition to being a woman and the rumors were loud that he was going to dress the big event last night is someone all of you know he wants to transition to being a woman and the rumors were loud that he was going to dress like a woman last night it didn't happen though i heard chaka khan when you said my name is it mark jacobs yes yeah he's been looking a little uh he really is transitioning i buy i buy it i mean he had like a drawn on beard did you see what he ended up wearing really really really random i have to look at this he's been getting you know i i would say the one thing i i understand i the one thing that he has been doing lately that made me question what was going on is that he's been getting his nails done like constantly um before this i'm starting to think
Starting point is 01:03:15 he might be gay right before this episode ends i'd just like to say that on may 14th, I will be performing at Versus, a VJ versus DJ event, along with two other DJs and three VJs, each paired with a DJ. This is on May 14th in Portland at the Lloyd Center from 7 till 10 p.m. And also, I'll be playing in Ashland, Portland on May 16th at The Warehouse for Dance Dance Dance featuring DJ Fresha. And I'll be playing at the Boondocks in Houston on May 29th with Hustle Cry and myself and a wedding that y'all are not invited to.
Starting point is 01:04:00 I will be playing on May 31st in Denver. It's going to be a beautiful wedding you wish you could attend if you want to book me for your wedding or you want to book me for your djing events or comedy events email me my manager at yay very fun at gmail.com that's y-a-y very fun at gmail.com ben don't have a stroke because I'm trying to talk. You got to make these plugs. Like it's so much easier. I like literally. © BF-WATCH TV 2021.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.