Seeking Derangements - SD 410 - Cruising Control

Episode Date: May 30, 2025

Hello Seekers! Ben here, today Jacques, Hesse and I open the show with a discussion of the recent Sniffies ban and how we plan to leverage this epic fail into an appearance on their podcast. Then Jacques takes us back Outside the Actors Studio and asks us a bunch of questions which are designed to reveal who we really are... We'll be back Sunday with another Interior Motives featuring a very special guest!

In el barrio donde vivo hay una linda morena In the neighborhood where I live, there is a beautiful brunette. In the neighborhood where I live, there is a beautiful brunette. Who is willing to sell a tremendous parcel. Who is willing to sell a tremendous parcel. I'll buy it for you, I'll buy it for you. I'll buy it for you for the price you want. I'll buy it for you, I'll buy it for you. I was not crying. It sounds a lot worse when I cry.

Hello, everyone. Welcome to Seeking Derangements. This is Ben. Can you still hear him? Yeah. It's fine, though. We'll just tell everyone that's Jock. It's Jock. Jock is on his way. He's running up my stairs right now.

Welcome, everyone, to Seeking Derangements. Ben has us here. Jock is... Who the hell knows where he is? He might show up to work today. This is a free episode, so if you'd like to hear more Seeking Derangements, check us out on Patreon, patreon.com slash seekingderangements

for all we've got there. Hesse, how's it going today? It's going good. It's going good. I just ate... I just had a delicious snack. I put some olive oil in a pan, and then I just cut a tomato in half, and I put the tomato in there, and I just cooked it a in a pan and then I just cut a tomato in half and I put the tomato in there and I just cooked it a little bit.

And then I, yummy. I ate it up. It was so good. Sounds good. I added some salt, you know, it's a tomato season.

No, no, it's not. Tomato season is like August, September. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I love a fresh tomato. Now that I'm back into why my mom is growing tomatoes in the backyard. And I'm definitely going to be eating all of them. Yes. Every year, my grandparents have like a Volkswagen bug. They had a Volkswagen. Well, they're dead now. But they had a Volkswagen bug sized like sauce machine.

Oh, like real Italian style and every year we would like go we still do this but with like family friends instead of you know but we would go to a tomato orchard and pick tomatoes and then we would bring them home and make sauce

and like everyone had a little roll to do and then we would make like like a hundred jars of sauce iconic and just put them in because that's how much we need for yeah but i mean it lasts forever yeah yeah exactly it's it's like stored in a cellar yeah iconic love that um breaking news y'all happy news for me happy to announce this um the sniffies app has been banned from the app store period see what happens they do see what happens they well there's a couple things to me personally uh namely not let me on their podcast

despite my months-long harassment campaign here's their um it's like seven paragraphs for why they got the post they made why are we being censored sniffies reflects on app store removal and calls for equal standard in standards in digital spaces why are we being censored because there's cocks all over there's cocks and raw assholes. Right. But, I mean, for everyone out there, the Sniffy's app, I think, you know, we all know that it was only available on a desktop computer or, like, laptop. On, like, online, which is so funny that you guys had to, like... It's so funny to, like, you're, like, mediating. Log on. Yeah, you're mediating all of these, like, hookups not through your phone screen, which is, like, normal.

You're, like, doing... It's not through your phone screen, which is normal. It's like sending an email. Yeah, it's like your job. You have your glasses on being like, I can pencil in a cum dump for 7 p.m. tonight. But that's precisely why they weren't allowed on the App Store because of the thousands of cocks that were just all over the interface. I don't know what the workaround was. I think that they blurred out the icons, and you could unblur them by saying your age or clicking on the event.

Twelve. They unblur it instantly. Get up, kid. The recent removal of our iOS app from the App Store underscores a troubling and ongoing double standard. It highlights how platforms serving LGBTQ plus users have elevated or are evaluated and compared to mainstream, often heteronormative dating apps. Snippets offers the same basic function as all other dating apps sure yeah one second my fucking

nephew is like you love that one one second one second we might just restart with Jockers here I need to figure out what the hell is going on with my nephew one second alright guys we're back I threw my nephew outside sorry he was running up the stairs to try to see me and I was like uncle is talking about a gay sex app on his gay podcast.

I heard a scream. Yeah, I heard a scream. And then he's fine now. He's he got an owie today. He has a diaper rash. Anyways, back to sniffies. Our iOS app was designed to comply with apps for guidelines explicit content was blurred by default we respected user discretion and prioritize autonomy and privacy in spite of this our app was removed while other apps like tinder grinder pure

down and casual x i have no idea what those last three are um which promote casual meetups are still on the app store i mean i get there's like seven other paragraphs about sexual freedom and casual sex um yeah i get i mean it is fucked up and it's definitely like homophobic i don't i don't doubt it at all um but it is just funny it is funny it's also funny to compare yourself to like to tinder when i'm i'm here i'm on um i'm on sniffies right now there's a pump and dump going on right now hosting a cum dump session to take as many loads as i can raw only hoping for 100 loads this weekend no loads refused i'll be face down ass up when you get here you can use my mouth if you want but prefer all loads in my ass no other bottoms all loads go in me this is more of a pump and dump so i'm not looking for long

sessions or hanging around you can come as many times as you want filming slash photos okay not a group thing but you should be okay if there's a guy here fucking me when you arrive either wait or join it depends upon the vibe it's just it's just not right it's just it just ain't right y'all it just ain't right um i don't know people there right now oh my god so many guys in line pissed off he said what only one other guy might be here oh my god this is man it is like i mean my real beef with sniffies is that i do i do genuinely think that like the apps need to stop and i think that sniffies is on the forefront of like it's the most honest app honestly it's it's like my favorite of the app it is incredibly honest but i really think that they have like hacked the gay male brain in this way that is deeply anti-social and like

not okay um and look it's just my personal opinion i i can choose not to use it um which i do um if anyone wants to use it you know no judgment um i do just think on like a more like broad scale it is scary to see apps integrating themselves into people's lives even further than they already are um and of course there are non-gay apps that are doing this it's just sniffies is just like such a crazy example of the app integration in people's lives and it's i don't know i just i'm just like can we just go back to the bars can we just go back to the bars go back to cruising you know yeah can we put the fucking phones down like i don't know and i just i feel like you know grinder set a model for like dating like it was there's a reason why it was the first like sex app and now it's like there are so many sex apps for straight people it's like i don't know there are sex apps for straight people

oh yeah there's a new one called Field. Field's been around, yeah. Field is like for poly couples. Field is more like everyone. I got invited to Field this weekend. I get ads for like find a beautiful trans woman on TikTok. Yeah. I think they clocked me there. Yeah.

No, it's not just Sniffy's. I just feel like Sniffy's is on the frontier of the kind of apification of sex. And I would like to see it go away with the rest of them, honestly. It's sad that it's going away because I'm sure the app store is like, we're not allowing this gay shit anymore, which is

not okay. And I don't, I do not stand for it. I say let them fuck at the end of the day, but on a personal level, it feels like a little bit of a win because they won't have me on their show, and now they can't be on the App Store.

Period. I do. I am going to keep using Sniffies to find the bathroom codes for bathrooms. Yes. Oh, sure. That's what you're using Sniffies for. Just keep telling us that. But you think I'm using it

to have gay sex with men? Why would Hessa be using Snippies for? Let me just make something very clear. I don't think that you're using that app for gay sex. I know you're using that app for gay sex. Didn't a viewer find you on Snippies last time? Yes. Yes, they sent it to me.

I saw Jock's profile. It was incredibly harrowing and I wish I had never seen that. That's just my opinion. Then what was my profile picture of? It was like your face and then like nipple up. There was another one of you flexing. I didn't scroll any further.

That's literally not true. What is your profile it's my dick okay period yeah i think that might have also seen your penis on there but i've seen your penis whatever you're you're such a jack have you ever seen ben's penis no i don't i've seen your penis when you pee outside when you're really drunk, Ben. Yeah. Yeah. Well, if we're counting that, then of course. Ben is one of those guys that likes to try to establish dominance by leaving the bathroom door open. No, I don't want to wait in line.

I'm not peeing in the bathroom with the door open. You do that all the time. I feel like we just talked about this. You do that all the time. No, I'm sorry. Let me just bring this back. When? When we're in New Orleans, my old apartment,

and you would not close the bathroom door. Okay, that's because your bathroom door literally didn't shut. You had a broken door. No, it does shut. But you do this in any situation. And it's a guy thing where they piss. It's a guy thing. It would be funny if girls did that, too.

I think that would be cool Girls love being with a dorm Yeah but it's different when a girl does it It's chatty When a guy does it it's like don't look in that direction Or you're gay I'm picturing a girl putting her foot On the toilet

On the bowl I'm putting my foot on your toilet bowl Period Is that a threat or a promise I don't think he knows baby I don't know what day it is quick what day is it I was not joking

he's looking at his phone to try to figure it out Monday yep period Jock welcome to work, diva. We were talking about the Sniffies band. Band? Yeah, Sniffies got banned. Can you clock in?

I'm clocked in, bitch. Shut the clock. Clock the fuck off. I'll clock you. Happily. I'll clock you if you want. I know that we talked about Sniffies getting banned from the app thing, but then I imagine.

We haven't talked about it. We're talking about it now. I know, but I'm just saying, I know that's what we were going to talk about, but I was imagining a band of musicians that started from Sniffies. Oh, my God. That one cum dump that turned into like a jam session. And that's how fish formed.

Yeah, that's how fish formed. I feel like that's also how fish formed in history. You know, like all of these single-celled organisms were having a cum dump in a pool of primordial ooze. That's absolutely true. I believe that. Jockey, you said to have a band? What are your thoughts on that? I think the app is just not...

I think it always should have just been desktop. I don't think that... I think that what made it better... It probably made it feel more illicit if you're on the desktop. Yeah. I mean, I just feel like it's like... I don't know. I think like an app saying you're on a gay sex app versus being like, I'm on a website.

It's more official. Sounds weird. I'm online looking for sex, not I'm on Grindr looking for sex, which is much more embarrassing. Yeah. I agree. I completely agree. What if it only operated on the dark web? Confessions. Oh, God. Ready to confess. That's calling. Tell your story after the beep. I agree. What if it only operated on the dark web?

Oh, God. Friends calling. Hey, guys. It's Tim Cook, the gay CEO of Apple. I heard that we banned you from the App Store, and I just wanted to let you know that that's because you weren't highlighting enough podcasters on your your um snippies cruising confessions show and i really i've been seeing this guy who's been begging to be on it for months and his name is ben more i really think you should bring him on um and if you get him on i will consider unbanning you from the ios store

thanks so much for your time bye Do you guys think that'll work? I think every time we've called, we've made such headway to being on this show. We are closer and closer. I mean, you have to repeat yourself a lot to be heard. That's true. That's true.

We're wearing them down. Death by a thousand cuts. Death by a thousand fags. Period. A thousand days. A thousand dumps. That's the event I'd be hosting. They said Jesus did a hundred days in the desert,

but he really just did a hundred loads in the desert. He took a hundred loads from a bunch of guys. It was an ancient desert race back then but by the way i just wanted everyone to know that your god is gay and he is taking loads period you should get a big billboard that says that who's to say i haven't bought one next to the please book me as a DJ advertisement? Right. How is repeating yourself to no avail going?

Better than you, Ben. What fucking live shows have you been booked for in the last month? I turn them down, D-Bo. I don't do them. Shut the fuck up. Who's asked? Oh, Ben, could you please come and host my bar mitzvah i'm a big fan what's this character's name i'm curious about this character hello what's your name sir

hello i'm ben's greatest fan ben matchawaks ben matchawaks am Polish. Can you tell me some more about yourself, sir? I'm Polish. What do you look like, perhaps? I look like Ben. I've had surgery to look like him because I'm so infatuated with him. Okay, okay. I've had my skin bleached 15 times to be the same color as him. Okay.

I was white, and now I'm Ben Porcelain. Okay. That's your new name? No, my name is... Can you remember it? I can't remember. You literally have a deeply troubling memory issue, Josh. To be fair, though,

I don't remember either. It was Ben Makashuvitz or something. Magical Watts. Magical Watts or something. Magical Watts, yeah. That's Magical Watts. Jock, how often do you forget stuff? It's mostly when I'm under the pressure of recording with y'all because I remembered some stuff earlier and it seemed pretty on point.

What did you remember that night? What did you remember? What did you remember? What was some of the stuff you remembered earlier? Well, I remembered exactly verbatim what Mickey Rourke had said to Jojo Siwa. What was it? That he first asked if she was gay

and then said, can I get a fag from anyone? Good job. Honestly, great job. Honestly, great job. You did. You did well. I'm very proud of you for remembering that. Thank you. You tore, sweetie. Thank you, sweethearts. I'm just tearing it up.

I'm tear-ing it up. But no, we're never going to get on Sniffy's Cruising Control. Yeah. Cruising Control.'s cruising control. Yeah. Cruising control. Hilarious. Cruising confessions.

But, you know, I'm not going to give up on my dream of going. Apple's doing cruising control. Right. Right. Right. I'm not going to give up on my dream. You should never give up on your dreams. You'll be normal one day.

What would your appearance even look like at this point just like this i'm just going to hang out you wouldn't be constantly yelling at them no i would i wouldn't i wouldn't address any of the uh previous things i said is it possible for you to even dress gayer i don't think you can dress really gay bendress is kind of normal which we've talked about many times, is kind of the new gay way of dress. I'm just saying, I think that if you dress... What do you mean, dress even gayer? I don't even think I dress that gay. If you could dress gay

at all, I think you'd have a bigger chance of the Sniffies people even looking at you. I mean, they do love... But I'm saying that's precisely why I'd be such a great guest, is because I'm much like you, the wild card. I'm not like the other two. You would be like the first guest that doesn't have abs

or like doesn't have like a solid workout regimen. I literally go to the gym every day, Jock. Period. Jock is literally whimpering. I guess he does. I also have to

see it to believe it. Can we get an ab flex right now, Ben? That's not happening. I'm not claiming to have abs. No. I'm just saying I do go to the gym. Let me read something from the group chat from earlier from Ben. I have gotten so many abs, like thousands of them.

Seriously. I'm a big muscle guy. I look like I work out every day on venice beach wow why does jock speaking of things that have been said in the chat did you say you were learning chinese from a chinese cajun person was that just you making stuff up it was him free associating i can also tell on his face he doesn't remember sending that. I do remember sending it now after you brought it up. That's called forgetting something, Diva. That's literally the definition of forgetting something.

It's not remembering it until someone else brings it up. I'm sorry, baby, but I think I remembered it. Okay. That's, again, whatever. It's fine. Science will prove that I remembered it. Yes, period. Period.

But don't question me, okay? Mm-hmm. Don't try to push it. How are you today, Jacques? I'm fine. You know, I went to go leave on the bus at 5 a.m. this morning, and the bus had already left without me, and I was at— That's called being late.

Because you forgot to be on time. They left early. It was scheduled to leave at 5 a.m. Wait, you were on the bus at 5 a.m.? I was supposed to be on the bus. I went to the bus station at 440 and ended up there at 458, and the bus was already gone. I believe that.

You took a bus from Houston to New Orleans? I take a bus from Lafayette to Houston because it's cheaper to fly out of that way. How long is that? It's like four to six hours,. Okay. It's not that bad. Not terrible. It's five hours tomorrow. You're going back? Well, I missed my bus

to go there today. I have to fly out to Denver tomorrow at 9.45 at night. I've got to book flights better. 9.45 at night is miserable. I think it could book flights better. 9.45 at night is miserable. I think it could be a major advancement in the show if you could...

Yeah, do it. Well, actually I changed my schedule so that I could make these two recordings because at the end... That's literally just called working, but thank you for doing that. I appreciate it. Period. Thank you so much

for that huge sacrifice you do made to show up to work i really appreciate it well i'm sure the listeners are happy i'm here i'm sure the listeners are also happy you're doing your job that's the whole part of it diva is that we show up and you're you're being sarcastic but i know i'm being i'm being completely honest with you that i think it. I think listeners like it when you're here. Chuck, you said you had questions for us? Yeah, what'd you prepare? Absolutely. Let's dive right on into it, darling.

Oh, look, Ben, there's a picture of you on Sniffies brought up on my phone that just comes up automatically when I try to look up the questions. Oh, it's literally me. That is me holding a phone with sniffies open. That is damning evidence. I shouldn't have let you take that photo of me. Absolutely not. Let me post that right now.

I'm tagging sniffies. You do not have permission to post that photo. Everybody, comment if you think I should post it. Well, you cannot post it. It's a photo of me, and I'm telling you not to post it. Okay, well, just viewers and listeners, comment if you want me to post it anyway beyond what Ben says. Okay, so let's get to these beautiful, beautiful questions.

Okay. Favorite year and why. Go. 2016. and why? Go. 2016. Hilarious year. Great time of my life. 2016. Could you expand, please?

Like, give me some... We just had a great time. Well, can you give me some music, some media? Lord was big. I'm giving it to you if you would shut the fuck up for a second. I loved Lord. The presidential election was very funny that year. I was just working as a waiter and making decent money

and not really doing much. It was a great time in my life. Hessa? I'm trying to think. My 2016 was pretty bad. I'm trying to think of other years. I'm thinking 1812 off the bat. Yeah, 1812.

Oh, you didn't mean like from a personal lens. You meant like in history? Because slavery was still legal, Jacques? Yeah, right. Because the Gonsolin sugar plantation was really making a lot of money. No, Henny. That's when we declared war on the British,

on Great Britain, United States. We famously did it another the British, on Great Britain. United States. We famously did it another time, too, earlier than that. Yeah. 1776. Also, this was a leap year, both the Gregorian and the Julian calendars. Hello. Hello.

I'm going to say 19... 1990... 1995. One year before I was born. Right. Everything went downhill since. I was like, fuck you, shut the hell up. No, my real answer is

the year one because of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Would have been lit. I mean, if I could, I mean, I guess favorite year, I don't know. I would love to be like in like right before like the height of Rome. I feel like would have been a fun time. I feel like it would have stank though. I would have like. Yeah, but you wouldn't know.

It would just kind of be normal. What do you mean you wouldn't know? I feel like it would have stank, though. Yeah, but you wouldn't know. It would just kind of be normal. What do you mean you wouldn't know? I mean, it would just stink, and that's just the normal... That's just what it smells like. I guess so. They had this fish paste, and instead of having a garbage, they had a big pile where they would throw the glass jars when they were done with the fish paste.

Sounds kind of fun. Yeah, it's very Italian of a thing to do. Yeah. I think if I could live in any year, I would go back to the 60s. Really? Random. Yeah, like the 70s.

I'd go to the 70s, and I'd be in a warrior-style gang. I would hang out with Andy Warholhol and like chill with right you know all those freaks you know why i wouldn't go to the 60s why none of the clothes would fit me they just had smaller people no one was as fat back okay on the clothes i do think the clothes back them are tailored a lot a lot better than they are now. Yeah, absolutely. I've gone off about male t-shirt sizes on the show before. Everyone knows my rant on it. But I do think that the sizing

is insane. And yeah, it's because a lot of people are bigger. And everything is made overseas. Yeah, yeah. But I would also love to be present at the... During the Aztec or the Mayan Empire, it seems really beautiful. Oh, that would have torn.

Yeah. That would have torn. The weather, too. You can get a nice tan. Right. And whenever I look at, like, I love all these AI videos that are like, what the Roman Empire looked like

or what the Aztec Empire looked like, and they're always so beautiful. And I'm like, wait, I would love to see that in real life. Yeah. I mean, I'm sure they were. They were not like that. No, I mean, they had paint they were very

like ornate um oh yeah i'm not designed and i mean yeah yeah i'm sure the ai is not 100 accurate shock if you could live in any time what would it be okay honestly if i could live in any time that i wasn't already around, I would be 25 in 1992. Okay. Yeah, the 90s seemed like a pretty chill time. It would have been so cool if I was able to go to the raves back then. I think that's kind of a generic experience. What would you have looked like at this time?

I would have slayed. I would have been. I think you would have looked a lot better. What the fuck, you bitch? What the hell does that mean? I would have lookedayed. I would have been. I think you would have looked a lot better. What the fuck? You bitch. What the hell does that mean? I would have looked. The chemicals.

The chemicals. I would have looked better in the 90s too. Yeah. Well, who knows where my mental health would be because I'd be taking a lot of ecstasy. But. Maybe better. Maybe. I mean, it was cleaner back then.

I don't know. I don't. I mean. We've talked about what the marijuana industry is doing to their products. I would look like either hackers

or I would look like the prodigy. I would look, I would just, I would be cooler because I could be bald but have the prodigy hair. Yeah.

Right. You'd look like a villain in a Fallout game. Oh my my god why do you have to reduce me to such terrible imagery what's the next question jock okay this is going to be five questions rapid fire um i just need you to think okay so really quickly democrat or republican cut or uncut well maybe ask them. Can you ask them once at a time and then we can answer and then you keep going? I was going to ask five.

Democrat or Republican? Neither. Like, I really neither if I have to answer. Interesting. Hessa? I guess Democrat. I'd rather, like, put a gun in my mouth. I'm canvassing for Zoran next week. Oh, diva, period.

Well, I'm more of a Democrat, but I do like the color red, so I'm going to choose Republican today. Makes sense. Okay, nice. Cut or uncut? Uncut. Uncut. Okay, fabulous.

I can tell you all both like me. Okay, is Brad Pitt gay? No. No. False. He is gay, actually. Okay. How are the pyramids built? Normally.

Yeah, they were built in a normal way, I'm guessing. Or there was an untapped energy source that was harnessed that we don't have the technologies to find. If God is real and he pulls you in a one-on-one meeting for 10 or aliens built them actually yeah aliens or or jews or blacks what the hell or gays that's a trap for gays honestly why is there no conspiracy or italians i i feel like gay guys back then were probably because there wasn't any sniffies they were did not have sniffies. That is the untapped energy source that the Egyptians used to build the pyramids.

Just gay, sexual repression. Non-binary people. Gay, sexual repression. Yes. Well, actually. I think we see what it's capable, what gay energy is capable of doing. Well, a lot of people don't know this, but the Canadians actually built all of the pyramids. A little fun fact.

If God is real and he pulled you in a one-on-one meeting for 10 minutes to discuss something, what would it be about? My work. Please explain. I'd probably ask him, like, hey, what's the perfect movie? Can we brainstorm on this? And then I'd write a him, like, hey, what's the perfect movie? Can we brainstorm on this? And then I'd write a movie with him. And then I'd come back down and make it.

Yeah. That'd be good. So you meet God, and all you want to do is make a fucking movie? Wait, do I get to ask him a question, or is he doing, like, a performance review with me? You have ten minutes to discuss whatever you want. Oh. So that's pretty open-ended well i would ask how to if heaven is my job that was really funny well i thought he was going to be lecturing

me about choices in my life um if i could have a conversation with god i would well heaven's real and hell is real and the bible is real so i would probably immediately start repenting and apologizing and i would just fully convert so i can go to heaven i'd spend my time i'd spend 10 minutes begging to get into heaven i don't want to go to hell no one wants to go to hell that's a good point right no one wants to if heaven and hell are real and i'm talking to god it's like of course i'm gonna like do what he wants and prostrate myself and beg for forgiveness. Well, the question is if God is real. It's not if.

Right, if God is real, then what? I don't. What do you mean what? Yeah, it could be any God. It could be a Jewish God. It could be, you know. I would do whatever he wants. It could be Allah.

I would say, what do you want from me? How can I get it to happen? What the fuck do you want from me? How can I get it to happen? What the fuck do you want from me? So you're immediately on your knees. Let's role play. Yes, it's God. What are you talking about? Let's role play.

Ben, you be you, I'll be God. All right. Hey, God. Hello. I'm a reptile God. My name is Lorthatrax, and you have to have sex with Jacques to get into heaven. What is hell like

hell is beautiful but it's but it hurts really bad how bad how the pain how humiliating is how much is it gonna hurt it's pretty humiliating because you're you have to tuck your penis behind your legs and walk around like that all the time I feel like jock might make me do something like that during sex I would not is jock there jock is everywhere jock is every other person that's there in hell

then I'll jock it over here god ew but you didn't ask what heaven was and heaven is just you having sex with jock forever but you love it. Well, that's fine. If I love it, whatever. Fine, whatever.

I mean, you really shitty evil god that seems invented to entirely torment me. I'm a lizard god. I think the lizard god is a sparing god out of all of them lore attacks. I'm sure you do. It's not that bad, Ben. I think

you should just suck it up and get to work. Jacques, what would you do? I got ten minutes to discuss with God. Be God again. Be another God. Hello, Jacques. What do you want to discuss? My name is Poozoo. You call him

Black God? No, that's a no. No. my name is Poozoo um black god? no that's a no no I'm imagining this god in a zoot suit with a fedora no Poozoo's like a famous demon I do have a zoot suit I do have a fedora but I'm a big snake another reptile so another reptile

dear god I'm humbled by your time I'll keep this short but can you please tell me where season four of White Lotus is going to be set? It's getting canceled. What? All right, goodbye. Oh, that's not even 10 minutes. You asked the wrong question.

You think the black snake God wants to comment on the White Lotus? I didn't say he was black. I don't know why you got black from here. He's even kind of black. Ben's got black on the brain. Ben has got a craving. Okay. It's kind of nasty.

That's strange. Well, you're the one talking about black people a lot. Okay. Next question. Next question. okay i mean i next question um next question you are a skinwalker and you are able to successfully murder and replace one single celebrity where you are able to kill them and take their spot and everyone will be fooled that you are that person which celebrity do you take over their life and why? Okay, I have follow-up questions.

One, I'm still a skinwalker while I'm the celebrity. Well, you're yourself, but you have the abilities of a skinwalker. I'm just like a shapeshifter. Chapel Roan. Chapel Roan, period. So I could get into her body and then specifically make music to make

you even more jealous i would i would make i would make i would be lord and i would be lord yes i would i would i would i would assume chapel her own skin suit and i would start making zydeco music and i would move to louisiana yeah i would be I would also, I would move to Denver and I would start making DJ mashups and become non-binary. They both become incredibly fat and come from my bag. They start a podcast. No, but I would stay skinny.

I don't know. I would be very funny if Chapel Row got morbidly obese. Oh, wait, I would become JVN and I would say so many crazy things about jewish people and then go back to my body can we go back to talk yeah i mean your skinwalkers come on yeah yeah i would i would just say some really crazy shit in jvn's body i mean you can come back i would would be like, Barack Obama's Jewish.

He's not? No, he's not. You're probably thinking of Drake. Drake is Jewish? Drake is famously Jewish, yes, Stephen. Didn't see that one coming. Why? I don't know.

I never heard him talk about Israel. Or about... Of course. Like all Jewish people. like all jewish celebrities i mean he got somewhat of a point there but it's yeah really convoluted but i get i get where you are coming from yes i understand i i don't you know jamie uh in all honesty i don't know i'm trying to think of who has the best celebrity life. They have enough exposure that they're, you know, regarded as famous, but not so much that they can't still lead a normal life, you know, and still enough money to have like a mansion, a couple mansions.

And I'd want to maximize these. I'd want some longevity here. Right. Maybe Jenna Ortega. Ooh. Oh, I want to be Selenaena gomez oh my god you are both similarly bpd yeah i can see that oh my god you both have really weird biblical diseases i get i get it i get i i as soon as i become her i get a producer it It comes with the package.

Benny Blanco. I feel like Matthew McConaughey has a pretty solid career. He seems to have a really chill life. He seems to really enjoy being a celebrity. He sits on a trailer with bongos. Do you think that's really chill? Yeah, that seems extremely chill. That's the definition of chill.

He has a hacky sack. He seems to really love his life, and he seems to really enjoy being a celebrity. God, I thought hacky sack was going to be the last iteration of despicable hippie bullshit to infiltrate the mainstream. It kind of was. No. Hula hoops and the people catching those balls on a string.

Yeah, but Hula Hoop is more like rave finger light gloves. Haki Sack is more like I'm in the quad. I have white dreadlocks. Yeah, yeah. I have one of those beanies that's knitted. Yeah. I got a drug on. Those guys seem to really love their lives as well. I don't know. Oh, yeah. I have one of those beanies that's knitted. Yeah. I got a drug run on. Those guys seem to really love their lives as well.

I don't know. Oh, yeah. I'm really struggling to think of who has a perfect celebrity life. I think Matthew McConaughey. He might be a little bit too famous because you can't really, like, go anywhere. See, that's why I like Jenna Ortega because, like, I can get in right there at the ground level. And then I can. Oh, and then you can reel it back.

No, I can do whatever I want. Like, there's so much, like's so many avenues open to me. My first two thoughts were either Brittany or Kanye. Brittany. Both two terrible people to choose to be right now. Two of the most insane celebrities. Jock, what do you think about Kanye West on Kyle Hitler? Do you endorse that message?

No. Do you like that? No, I don't. Is there somebody who wants to be Kanye right now where he's at his most insane? Yeah, where he's like, I'm a Nazi. I've had sex with my cousin. Well, look, look, look. I don't support that.

Have you seen his cousin and he's beautiful? Is that why you want to be Kanye? No, no, no, no, no. It's just a hypothetical. It's like, okay, he's at the point where there's nothing that he can't do. I think there's a lot of stuff he can he he's he there's nothing that he can't do i think there's a lot of stuff there's a lot he can't do like i'd see his children or yeah go into a building have an emotionally have an emotionally stable life y'all think if y'all think if i'm secretly replacing kanye as a lizard clone

i think that that's for him that my priority is going to be seeing my children yeah that's right i guess one of guess one of Kanye's biggest problems right now is that he does still love his children. So I think if you took that out of the equation, you would see a lot less Hitler stuff. I mean, but Jacques, imagine calling, you go into Kanye's body and you call, I don't know what you would do,

probably call Telfar and be like, I want to be your next spokesperson. Can I have a chance? No, no. They would say, fuck off, you're a Nazi. And then what would you do? You'd be like, they would say, fuck off. You're a Nazi. And then you, what would you do? You'd be like,

sorry, I'm not anymore. You don't understand. I'm a guy named John Gonsolin. Right. I mean, I just. Right.

And then be like, Kanye is not pretending. Kanye has came away from being a Nazi. He's pretending to be a Cajun non-binary podcast. Kanye. He's obsessed with his banking telphar to be a model. Look, I'm just saying, I know I could do some crazy shit. He's got the money to back it up. So what would you do? Kanye who's obsessed with his baking tail fart to be a model look I'm just saying

I know I could do some crazy shit he's got the money to back it up so what would you do I would have sex with Bianca let's

I mean that's her given but you have a crush on her because she looks like a she's a naked woman that's walked in front of me

so also they broke up yeah they're not together anymore that's not even true. That is 100% true. It is 1,000% true. They're no longer together. This happened like months ago.

It's not even true. They literally checked into a wellness center together in Mallorca, Spain three or four days ago. Okay. Come on. I'm going to be more up on the Kanye news. But no. He's right, actually.

Jacques is right. Yeah, fuck you, bitch. Jesus Christ. So vitriolic. I just think that if I was given the position... Hessa said, I agree with you, and you said, fuck you, bitch. It's just my natural response.

It's exhausting sometimes, I'll be honest. I'm sorry, Hessa and Ben. You should take some caffeine if you feel exhausted. Period. I'm trying to... That is a really good question of whose celebrity life would you have. But imagine me as Britney or as Kanye.

Oh, Timothee Chalamet. Oh, that's a good one. I'd be Timmy. I'd be Timmy. You'd be Timmy. I'd be Jenna. You'd have to have sex with Kylie. Absolutely.

I think that... Well, I'd break up with Kylie. I'll that... Well, I'd break up with Kylie. I'll say that much. Yeah, let's break up with Kylie. Timmy's finally coming out as gay, y'all. Who would you pursue? If you could... You're Timmy, you're newly out, you're you.

What would your first target be? I feel like Nathan Fielder. Nathan Fielder would be a good one, for sure. I've always thought Nathan was cute Yeah he's really cute Ben used to say he had a thing for Kevin Spacey That's not true but Nice try I just remember Nathan Fielder's straight

And you're really into Chris Tucker you've told me multiple times That you've had sex dreams about him I feel like you're accidentally saying something that's true about yourself. I haven't had any sex dreams about Chris Tucker, but it's not even so scandalous I would deny it.

Well, then why are you denying it right now? I mean, sure, if people want to think that, they can think that. I really don't care. What lyrics of songs, excuse me, let me read this again. There we go. What lyrics in a song stand out to you

and you really identify with more than any form of music? I don't really think about lyrics that way. Yeah, me neither. I was just driving across the country, and I was listening to a lot of female singer-songwriters. Mandatory road trip album for me is Haijira by Joni Mitchell. I love that album.

I think it wasn't her intention, but it's a very good kind of diagnostic tool as to why gay men refuse to stay put. And I really like that album the title track or coyote is really good um refuge of the roads is really good i love the song blue motel room um which one which one do you identify with and can you give me lyrics that that really identify with all of them i like all of them a lot um lyrics that stand out um there's a lot on coyote the entire i mean i don't i'm not really like latching to singular like phrases in it but like no regrets coyote is it really it's kind of a

song is kind of a um a exploration of love and loss and hitting the road and turning over a new life and wondering if everything will be back there when you return to where we left um like that album a lot i think my answer would probably be just a steel town girl on a saturday night looking for the fight of her life um me showing up to this podcast yes The opening lyrics of Maniac by Michael Sandel. Oh, I was about to say that. Just a steel town girl on a Saturday night. I like when they sing that in Hamlet 2.

I've never seen Hamlet 2. I love Hamlet. Hamlet 2 is a hilarious movie. It's so fucking hysterical. I've never even heard of it. It's Steve Coogan. Oh, wow. You should watch it, Husser. It's a very funny movie. You would love it, Husser. Maybe I'll watch it tonightusserl it's a very funny movie you would love it Husserl it's about a very sad theater

high school theater teacher who tries to stage a comeback of Hamlet the opening of the movie starts out with a live adaptation of Aaron Brockovich that the high schoolers are putting on yeah it's a very funny movie

it's so very funny movie. It's so hysterical. Next question, Jock? Well, I'll answer the question as well. Vacation by the Go-Go's. Vacation, all I ever wanted. Vacation, gotta get away. I absolutely agree with that.

Vacation, move into the summertime. Completely agree. I think the lyrics stand out to me. They put me in a place where I feel comfortable. I feel like I've been seen. I feel like I've been noticed. I feel appreciated. I agree.

One thousand percent. Okay, here we go. Buffalo's kind of a steel town too. So I'm kind of like the main character in Maniac in a lot of ways. What did you originally think you were going to become job wise in high school? I wasn't thinking about that at all.

A filmmaker. Funeral. Which I'm flopping at. I thought I was going to be a funeral director. You got it, diva. You got it, diva. I mean, in high school I wasn't really... I just wanted to have fun i guess it's kind of my job now i kind of wanted to not work to be completely honest with you yeah then you could succeed basically to be honest i attempted suicide when i was nine year old

because i remember i realized that i would have to work someone told you you had to work someone told me no i swear to god one of my family members had explained this to me. I think it was my aunt or uncle, and they were like, you know, when you get older, you're going to have to work for the rest of your life to be able to live. And the next day, I punched a window, and I pushed the glass in.

It explains a lot. That's crazy. It explains a lot. Look at this. Hessa, look how big this scar is on my arm. Look, you see that? I can't see it. Oh, I see it. Wow.

It goes all the way up. Jock, there's actually a huge cover for the fact that Jock is transmasc and that tiny piece of skin that was taken out. Yeah, that's his penis. That's the graft. They are. They got me. they are,

they got me. I did try to lie that I was a trans mask person in college once because the teacher was trying to say this transphobic things. And then I stood up and I said, well, I was born with a pussy. So does that not make me a man? Classic thing. Trans.

Yeah. Trans. People love saying that. Love saying that. Well, I was born with a pussy. The class got, I was born with a pussy. The class got silent. I was born with a hot, wet pussy.

The sociology class got silent. I'm sure. I'm sure. I was born with a pussy. That's very brave of you. Very commendable, Jock. Another time I said, I told my teacher that I had a retarded brother, and I was offended when she said retard, and she left crying.

Oh, my God. You got her. got her and then on her ass period and then another excuse me man my brother's a fucking dullard watch what you say my brother's born my brother's dumb as a bag of bricks my brother my brother lives in the cage outside how dare you say that about that was so mad that this this fucking film teacher made us watch amelie super baby geniuses the end of evangelion and then like what was it was just one of the worst movies ever you could watch in a film class oh and then we watched wait it wasn't even bad i mean amelie is like a classic film class To watch Super Baby Geniuses End of Evangelion

End of Evangelion is a great film Next question One of my top three Which Sopranos character are you And why and which Sex and the City Character are you and why Go This is a good double parter.

I think, I think I'm Janice. I'm probably. Jack, you're, you're Vito's goth son who poops on the floor. Yes. And Janice,

and Janice. He's both. He's, if Janice was Vito's goth son. I want to be Adriana, but I turned out to be Janice. You're not Adriana, bitch.

You are not Adriana. You are not Adriana. You are not Adriana. I'm kind of Chrissy a little bit, I think. I mean, I want to say I'm Chris just because I think he's hot. I don't really, I'm kind of maybe Meadow, unfortunately. Yeah, you are Meadow. I'm a little Meadow. But Meadow's a great one to be.

Meadow has like the best life perspective. Yeah, but she's such a judgmental bitch. Yeah, but she's such a judgmental bitch. Everyone will agree when I say that Hessa is giving Carmella, and Ben is giving- Hessa is not Carmella. Period. Yes. I wish I was Carmella.

What about Hessa is Carmella to you? When she holds her finger out and she goes- Okay, so nothing to do with her character, just gestures. She's blonde. So wait, a moment where Carmela's being a bitch to her friend is a moment you knew exactly what i was like okay i want to i want to say that i'm a rising also i think i could be i'm kind of like tony sometimes i think my rising sign is janice and my uh my moon sign is arty bucco ico. I thought Artie Bucco was so hot.

I loved him. Oh, Artie Bucco's amazing. Oh, and Jackie Jr. I have a huge crush on Jackie Jr. I follow him on Instagram. Jackie Jr. fucking blows, dude. He's so sexy. Yeah, he's such an asshole. How could you cheat on the situation he puts... They kill him so fast.

It's so sad. It's so funny man you are totally poly walnuts doesn't have a wife no you're poly why would i be poly why am i because i don't do any of us have a wife we're all poly walnuts you never have a wife you stick you stay away from that that the romantic, emotional stuff. Jock, I want to let you know that I have plenty of romance in my life. I don't tell you because you would start talking about it on the podcast. I have enough sources feeding me information about the dwindling.

Why are you checking up on my sexual life? Well, I just want to know what's going on in your dwindling heart. I have a big heart, Jock. I love a lot of people in my life. Let the record show that the ex- This is such a Janice thing to say. Right. Oh, Jock, you're Livia.

You're Livia and Janice. Oh, my God. You're so Livia. Jock is Livia. You have very irregular emotions. You victimize yourself constantly. You're old. I'm trying to think of her name.

The Mercedes car dealer. The one that Tony serves. Oh, the Guma? Yeah. She is beautiful. That's me, bitch. That's Hessa, right? No, Hessa, you're the woman that got burnt before she got burned.

That's the same woman. That's the same woman. No, I'm talking about... I'm Dr. Melfi. I'm Dr. Melfi and you're Tony. I'm Dr. Melfi and you are Tony. The woman that I was suggesting that you are like, Hessa, is the woman that does the prank on Tony

where she unscrews the salt. And then he lights her on fire. And then he lights her on... Well, she lights herself on fire trying to make eggs. He wants some eggs! That's also kind of you. Lighting yourself on fire. That's you, trying to do a prank.

And then lighting yourself on fire. And lighting yourself on fire. Well, she wasn't, it wasn't a prank to make eggs. As far as Sex and the City goes, I haven't really seen the show, so I don't know. What? I think I'm maybe a Charlotte. Jockish ideas, for sure. We're not talking about just like that. city goes i don't i haven't really seen the show so i don't know i think i'm maybe maybe a charlotte jockish ideas for sure what we're not talking about just like that i'm saying sex in the city

but why would i have to be che you've got to reverse because you're non-binary flip that thing and she's also a podcaster i obviously would be miranda you are not mir. Miranda is like ordered and kind of like. Miranda is a lawyer. With a son. You're Samantha if Samantha was homeless. What the fuck? You're homeless Samantha. Why am I homeless Samantha?

Do you want me to answer? Why? Who am I? Oh, you're the. Maybe Carrie? No, you're the maybe carrie i don't know you're no i'm carrie you don't want to you don't want to i'm not giving up care i'm carrie you're you're giving um i would i would i would be charlotte oh i'm i'm their gay friend anthony oh yeah you're anthony oh yeah you kind of you kind of have the same hair as him too i I do. Does that mean I have to be that other gay guy? You're Stanford, yeah.

The bald one. The bald queen, yes. The one who died and they wrote his character off and just like that by having him send them a letter that said, I moved to Japan and joined a dojo. That's absolutely. Honestly, Hessa. Absolutely.

It happened to Jock at some point. Jock is going to die and we're going to have to tell the listeners that he moved to Japan to join Dojo. Hessa, Hessa. But he'll be back, y'all. Keep listening. Hessa, you're giving Natasha Mr. Big's first wife. Well, I guess, not his first wife.

I can't even remember what Natasha. Oh, she's hot. She doesn't even have a character. She doesn't do anything. Natasha... She's hot. She doesn't even have a character. She doesn't do anything. Exactly. That's exactly why I was choosing her. She's just hot.

I guess that's a compliment, isn't it? Next question, Jock. Let's keep it moving. Let's keep it moving. Okay. Let me scroll to the bottom. Explain a moment where you lost control and made a decision that you wouldn't have normally. Getting fired from the Bernie campaign and starting a podcast.

That's a really good example. Lost control there for sure. Let me think. Jacques, you go. I'm thinking. Getting caught for graffitiing when I was 17 and my mom picking me up from charter high school say sobbing saying they know it's you you're gonna have to turn yourself in it's the only way you're gonna be able to stay out of prison right um that was okay that was sense that was a moment that um shocked and awed me.

I'm trying to think. Maybe transitioning. Oh, my God. This girl. I feel like that's more taking control. Yeah. No, I was just kidding. What?

I can't really think. You're going to be like, this is a phase. I do one of these. Yeah, yeah. Fuck, why did I do that shit? I mean, I definitely do this every day, like every single day, but I can't think of anything off the top of my head. Fair enough, fair enough. You're opening a restaurant,

and you get to choose one business partner slash person to help start the business up. What kind of food are you serving? What city is the restaurant located in and do you think it'll be successful okay so i would open up um an italian restaurant in or i actually would open up an upscale um bistro in new york city called the challenger space shuttle disaster man fuck this bitch i. No, I'm just kidding. I'm like, don't do tic for me.

I would open up an Italian restaurant in New York. Probably. I would hire... What would the name of it be? Oh, sorry. Name of the restaurant? Um...

I don't know. Maybe just like uh... Cicconis. Nice. It's a restaurant. I don't know. Maybe I thought you were saying Latino for balls

like Cicconis. No, that's what it would be. Yeah. Right. I would get I would ask I would tap my friend Emil, who is a Bon Appetit icon

and I believe has helped open restaurants before. I would open one, I think upstate in the Hudson Valley because you can open up a lot of like New York City style eateries there. There are a few Michelin star restaurants up there. Yeah, oh yeah. And you can get it for cheaper than you would in New York City style eateries there. There are a few Michelin star restaurants up there. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And you can get it for cheaper than you would in New York City and make, I think, probably a little bit more money.

As for the food we would serve, I don't know. I'd have to think about that. Small plates, tapas, you know. You know the freaking vibe. You don't have a good type of- I would open it with my friend Jules, who lives in Mexico City and used to be a chef. Oh, period. Yeah.

I'm calling my restaurant Brothers on the boulevard. It has to be on a boulevard in New York, and it's going to be me and Patrick Doran together. And we are serving meatballs. We are serving po'boys. We are serving gumbo, snowballs, soft serve ice cream. What are snowballs? Snowballs, like the... What in the...

Jock did... I heard gumbo snowballs. I was like, what the fuck is this? Snowballs are like a shaved ice cone. Oh, like a snow cone. Snow cone, yes. Yeah, what the hell? How did you not know what a snowball was?

They're called different things in different parts of the country. Yeah, I think it's regional. Hessa probably got confused with a cum glob or something. That is the first thing I pictured, honestly. He's actually right. Is that the name of you and Patrick's restaurant? Cum globs? Cum globs.

Come down to Brothers Cum Globs. Oh, God. Down at Brothers Cum Globs. It's you and Patrick arm in arm smiling We've got the best restaurant Family owned Not even family owned I think you should call it brother owned

For the brothers All of our wives and children Work here It's brothers night Brothers get in free You should make it so only brothers can eat there. So on Mondays and Tuesdays, we serve Mexican food. So it's like a cafeteria.

On Wednesdays and Thursdays, we serve French food. A lot of government cheese at this place. And then on Friday, Saturdays, and Sundays, we serve all culture cuisines. We get down with po'boys. We get down with such an expensive restaurant. Literally like a Chinese buffet. We sell plantains. China One Star has like pizza and egg rolls.

China Happy 69. I mean, we'll be major. We'll be major. All right major all right next question next question next question let me pull okay in a world where we did not do this podcast and we were desperate to make it where would we have ended up would we be friends i would have just started a different podcast to be honest with you. I didn't have that much leeway in my life in 2020. All roads were leading towards podcast.

So I would probably just still be a podcaster. I feel like Ben and I would be friends just because of proximity and mutual friends and stuff. We were roommates, so we could have been friends still. We could have met Jock. Oh, Hessa and me, yeah, of course. I guess, like, maybe once or twice. Oh, I would have introduced you to Jock, because I mean, I've known Jock basically half my

horrible life, or a third of my horrible life at this point. Would you do anything to get away from me? To escape me? What do you mean? Like, if you had a loaded gun, and you could get away from me to escape me what do you mean like if you had a loaded gun and you could get away with murder and you could kill me and then

I wouldn't kill you would you kill me if we didn't have a podcast together literally Olivia Soprano question yes Olivia Soprano would you kill me oh god you've always wanted to kill me I wish the lord would take me now the only reason you keep me? Oh, I know. You've always wanted to kill me. I wish the Lord would take me now.

The only reason you keep me alive is because we do a podcast together. Oh, I wish the Lord would take me now. That's what she says. I wish the Lord would take me now. That's literally what Jock is going to be saying. It's going to be so fucking horrible when he's a little bit older. I'm going to be a terrible dementia patient. Oh, you already are, diva.

Period. You're already there, honey. I mean, yeah, I'd probably have just a restaurant job again. Yeah, I'd just be a day waiter. What song are y'all walking down the aisle to? Hmm. Or perhaps your most romantic song you can think of. Maybe I'm Amazed.

Maybe I'm Amazed by who? Kendrick Lamar? I have to think about that i don't know i don't listen to a lot of like listen to a lot of love me arrow three would be a good first dance it's a good one yeah i don't know i don't listen to a lot of like i listen to a lot of like sad love songs not like sad sad love songs but like more about like begging and stuff not about like i love you so much and we're like getting married good night tonight is another good one pretty much any paul mccartney love song would be a perfect would be one for me i'm thinking about walking down the aisle to the last dance by um donna summers love okay period are you planning on you're gonna get married though

what does your wife look like i've been engaged twice what does you're going to get married though, Sean? What does your wife look like? I've been engaged twice. What does, well, you didn't get married. One of them you didn't even meet, though. Shut the fuck up, bitch. Wake that up. Wake that up. Fuck you, bitch.

Well, we were talking about it, but there was, I'm thinking of someone different. Right. Wait, what did you say though, Ben? Build your ideal fiance. But I already found one. Ideal fiance. Haunches. Real thick haunches. Great teeth.

One foot long legs. Six foot tall torso. All boobs and ass. And huge teeth. A butt that you can put food on. Like a table. I think my ideal fiance is between the, she's either five, seven or six,

two, nothing in between, um, below five, seven or above six, two also count though. Yes. Okay.

Um, but nothing in between. I need random. Why do you hate five, seven to, I just think there's a, I think there's a better, But nothing in between. I need... Random? Why do you hate 5'7 to 6'5? I think there's a better physical dynamic between people. You either want a tiny one or a tall one. I've been saying this forever.

That makes sense, yeah. And red hair. Of course I want someone with red hair. All right, let's get one more question. You got it. Describe the most... Sailor Jerry tattoos all over their body. No, I don't like... Polka dot skirt wearing an old Chevrolet.

I don't like American standard... Thick rimmed glasses. She's got one of those cat-eyed wing-eyed glasses on. I love them. Go ahead. Search through those memory banks of yourselves and ask yourselves, what was the most embarrassing moment in high school for you? And don't hold back.

I think just my life in general because I was just like a lazy stoner. There wasn't like an event. It was just, you know, like most things. Because I sung Digital Love over acoustic guitar in front of the entire church in sophomore year. And I think that that is far worse than most things people can do. And I am the same church that we all had to do chapels. I read Lithium by Nirvana as a poem as a spoken word poem that is by far

that's really bad I guess this was before high school but in my CCD in like 7th grade after I left Catholic school I had to go to CCD the Center for Disease Control? No, Catholic learning type thing. Which you would know if you were...

If you were Catholic. But I was really bored, so I pretended to be Irish. Oh, iconic. And I did an Irish accent, but my brother was also in the same group as me. Get the fuck away from me from you stupid wop we had to read something like to the whole thing to like the whole room and it really my charade fell apart because also another kid another kid had to drive us home me and my brother this is so funny what's your i'm sure irish accent was like not good either oh no it was like Lucky Charms guy

okay I have to say something it was probably a little better than that though it was definitely I think did you fool people like shocked when they found out that you weren't Irish kind of yeah

I was super weird obviously in elementary school and I didn't really understand why i was super weird obviously in elementary school and and i didn't really understand why i was so weird in elementary school and it occurred to me very recently and i'm sorry to bring this up no it has nothing to do with being irish my i couldn't swallow pills till eighth grade and so my mom would take the adder the two adderall that i was in your butt no she would she would mix it into a water until like a dog. It was a tiny blue glass shot of water and I would drink it all at once. And I don't think she understood that that was just going to hit me all at

once. Well, I think it does. It explains a lot. It explains a lot. If you, if you melt it down and you drink and like, and make it into a liquid,

it's going to all hit you at once instead of it it's metabolized differently i mean i guess i could see it but it kind of just dissolves in your stomach anyways but maybe it dissolves in your stomach but it hits you way quicker if it's all liquidized sure it could make sense yeah i don't doubt it um all right i have to go return my rental car so everyone out there thank you for listening to this free episode of seeking derangements if you'd like more this free episode of Seeking Derangements. If you'd like more, go to patreon.com slash seeking derangements

for our back catalog, bonus episodes, and weekly episodes as well. And if you live in New York City and you want an event space for yourself in Astoria, I recommend you go to Toodles in French.

Is this place paying you or something? What's going on? Toodles in French in Astoria is a private event space, a wine bar, a craft cocktail. Are you being paid to run ads on the show? No, it's just a random place. No, it's just like a random place that I chose out to spotlight. A small business to spotlight.

Because I saw it in Astoria when I stayed there and I said, That's an interesting name for it. Did hell you just mentioned this place on choppo too yeah look toodles in french can someone get a can someone get a screenshot of this and make it just i'm not i'm not please please i think i think that would be good, Alvamart. And the name of the episode being Toodles of Fancy. No. I like that. I like that idea. I need to find out if Jock is being paid by this business. I'm not sure he's being paid by this business.

I believe him that he's not being paid. I believe him. I achieved a business spotlight forever. He's been paid by businesses before. He's always been coming about it. Everyone, thank you. Yeah, I guess go to it. In a story. Now all the women Are looking for me wherever they want

Now all the women Are looking for me wherever they want So that I sell them my flesh So that I get rid of their anemia So that I sell them my flesh So that I get rid of their anemia That's right That's right

That's right That's right Yes, yes Así es, así es, así es, así es Sí, sí, sí, sí Comer mucho, comer mucho Chucho Chucho Chucho Chucho Chucho Chucho Chucho

Chucho Chucho Chucho Chucho Chucho Chucho Chucho Ignacio Meyes. She says my meat hurts her belly, and it blows her knee, and her nose opens, her ears cover her, and her hair is incline, and her eyes are up, and her mouth is crying. That's right, that's right, that's right, that's right, yes, yes, sí, sí Comer mucho Comer mucho

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay Thank you.