Seeking Derangements - SD 428 - No Crying In My Hospital

Episode Date: August 13, 2025

Hello Seekers! Ben here, today Jacques, Hesse and I dive head first into the world of Sex & The City! We discuss the new season of And Just Like That, the disastrous effect of the entire show upon the Gay Male brain, and figure out what the hell is going on with Aiden's freak son. Plus we take a quiz to figure out which character we are!

POMAYOR. I'm going to be able to be. I'm going to be able to be. I'm going to be able to be. I'm going to be. I'm going to be. I'm going to be. You're going to be.

Hello, everyone. Welcome to Seeking Derangements. This is Ben. And this is a free episode. I know we're doing back-to-back free episodes. That is because we have a very special Patreon episode for you Thursday. And we still want our poor listeners to be fed. So don't worry, patrons. We'll be back with a Patreon exclusive episode on Thursday that I think you will really enjoy. Yes. If y'all want to get fed, go to the soup kitchen because we are not your mommy or your daddy. Right. Period. Exactly. I agree. Well, welcome to everyone, welcome everyone to today's episode. We are planning to cover some of the recent happenings in the universe of and just like that. Yes. A travesty. Which is a show that I stopped watching after Shea Diaz was very unfairly removed. But we did watch a couple episodes in season three. We're going to recap that. And then I also have a quiz that I want to give. Jocken has a personality quiz, but I'm going to let you guys take it away because I've never seen the original Sex in the City. I only watched it just like that, and I honestly hate these bitches so much. I have a spiel, so let me just begin. So we all grew up on Sex and the City. Everyone listening, I'm assuming that you also grew up watching Sex in the City.

I was a little young when it came out, but... I saw it when it was coming out. I watched it until it was done. I've rewatched the entire series. at least 12 or 13 times. I think it's one of the greatest series to ever come out of the golden air of HBO. Then we get to end just like that.

Now, as fans of the Canon Sex and the City series, I think we all became offended and displeased immediately with the movies. Sex and the City movie 1 and 2 were major disappointments, a lot of just, you know, why would Carrie wouldn't do that? I really wanted to

I really wanted to review the second Sex and the City movie instead I suggested that I was the one who suggested that by the way yes yeah we also said it was up to you whether or you wanted to review the movie or and just like that and you said it just like that so well and just like that has more like

right I'm happy to do either well I'm displeased to do either but it was your decision I'm pleased to do either you all suggested and I said yes Ben, I forgot that you've, I forgot that you've watched, that you watched the first two seasons. I've seen the first season and the half of the second season, and I did one time see the second movie where they go to Dubai while I was drunk and on mushrooms at my apartment with some friends. It's truly one of the funniest movies ever made.

It was crazy. I did go see Sex in the City, the movie, when it was released, the day it came out in theaters in Lafayette. which I feel like strangely overlapped with Black Friday or the day before Black Friday. So Thanksgiving? Yeah, Thanksgiving. The day before Black Friday. I mean, that's what I know is. But look, look, look, look.

I went to the theaters. I saw the first sex in the city movie after, and I went alone with a bottle of absolute. And I drank a sip of the bottle of absolute every time they said the word. sex or that anytime Samantha said something horny and obviously I finished the bottle and it was a very sickening experience not sickening like yes queen that was sickening no I was throwing up all day then I left my phone at the theater had to ride in black Friday traffic across town I thought you were going to say in black face I really thought that was coming to yeah yeah no no because I had a family event that was interrupted by me it's an old timey Louisiana event

that I had to go to. Well, look, so I had really high hopes for it and just like that. The rumors of a new Sex and the City spinoff were coming, and then we were hit with the tragic news that Kim Cotrol could not spend 30 minutes being uncomfortable. FK.A. I agree with her. I think she's totally in the right. I think those bitches are probably vicious on set.

I think Sarah Jessica Parker is probably a miserable person to work with. In Kim Cottrell, it seems very chill. She seems like content with not rebooting her old series to make another $10 million or something. Like, let's be honest, none of them need the money. Like, Kim Control is probably doing what any non-psychopathic person is doing when they make a bunch of money, which is just like, I'm going to go chill. Yeah. I'm going to do my own projects.

She was on queer as folk, the reboot of that. Right. Or she's like the passion projects. But she seems completely. completely normal. I would love to hang out with Kim control. I like Samantha a lot. I would hang out with any of them, honestly, if I'm being real. I couldn't. I love her, but she's, she's not completely normal. Evidence is the video that she posted of her and her ex-husband scatting, uh, playing the upright base. I think that's beautiful. I love that video. They divorced two weeks

after that video was filmed. It was so, um, they, they didn't divorce. Kim, or, who Sarah Jessica Parker Kim Cottrell and her husband Her famous scatting video with her Yeah yeah yeah The um no but Cynthia Nixon would be An awesome hang because she has great politics

She'd be like a cool aunt And I bet she gets turned to dude She'd make you tease she'd like Yeah you'd have some wine No I'd absolutely hang out with Cynthia Nixon Cynthia Nixon Cynthia Nixon reminds me a lot of the like Foundation hopping

Like mothers of friends I know You know, just like always working at a new NGO Like one of those quinoa Um, yeah Yes Yeah, big scarf, big shawl Yeah Holds a cup of tea with both hands

Undyed hair Even though Marin has dyed hair That is almost a song Big scarf Big Shawl Walking like Kim control Right

I mean you got something there You got something I want to come back to what I was The long winded point I was trying to make As a die hard original sex and the city fan. We had already taken the brunt of disappointment from the movies. The brut.

Taking the brut. Taking the brut. The brut is the stick they hit you with at a Louisiana birthday. So we are in a post-COVID world that's super woke where all media now needs to fit under that guideline. Yeah. It has to fit under this guideline. Hello, Ben Shapiro.

Ben Shapiro's critique. And you were aligned, you were deadlocked with Ben Shapiro. So they had to, they were mandated by the woke government to include a Mexican, Irish, queer person of color, who's also non-binary, even though I believe she has a big fat vagina. Yeah. I also would like to argue that, like, it seems like there was, okay. So do you hate, do you hate and just like that because it's woke? Because of Seema and Lisa. Love Seema.

Lisa Kim Wexler, whatever her name is? There is a grave sense of disappointment in season three of and just like that. And the whole series in general has been a complete letdown. You know what? I think, because we watched the first two episodes. We're reviewing the first two episodes today. Am I correct in that?

I mean, I thought we were reviewing the whole series. I watched all season three. There's only one episode left to be released. No. The plan was to review the first two episodes. I I think we can shake it up a little bit and maybe do a personality quiz at the end to see which character we are. Let's do it.

So look forward to that. I did watch the first episode last night. And I'll just be honest. I barely made it through the second because I really dislike almost every single character. And there's almost complete absence of plot. Nothing is really happening. Every conflict is extremely low, which I guess is accurate to what these women's lives would be like if they were real. But I don't find it.

If I wanted to care about the low stakes of rich women's lives in like a campy way, I would just watch Real Housewives. I don't need to see the fictionalized version of this. Yeah, I mean, that's like that is, oh my God, I have the first episode on on mute in the background. Carrie just walked in. It's Carrie's hat moment where she's away. the worst hat of all time her like 10 gallon yeah weird muffin top hats it's literally like a bag meant to carry like uh it's like a bindle of like a giant stick and bindle it's what they it's what they would have it's what they used to use in albania to like throw brides into and now carrie's just

like repurposed it and put it on their head you know what it looks like it looks like a tablecloth version or a picnic blanket version of um the the flying guillotine from the movie masters of the flying guillotine yeah that's exactly what it looks like and it's on her head but um i think like the outfits are insane a big a big difference between this show and um like the original sex in the city is that in the original sex in the city like carry had obviously like the most unrealistically beautiful apartment right but it was kind of like it was like wish fulfillment kind of you know like the problems that she faced in her life were like kind of normal problem like more or less like there are definitely some moments like they're there at least like some on some level relatable but

like in the first episode the the the big conflict is that her house is too big yeah it's like that's so like not relatable even a little bit that it's also just like it's not funny because they they don't take it so far that it gets like obvious not even obviously but like it doesn't get like campy or satirical or anything because they're still trying to like maintain the idea that like the viewer is the carry in some way yeah and it's just there's this there's this dissonance in it that I just I really dislike and I will say about Carrie in particular I think she spawned a generation of some of the most narcissistic and insufferable faggots to ever exist. The, like, self-narrativizing that gave Endo to make themselves the carry of their

own lives is crazy because we just live, we just live in a world of faggot cairies now. And I really don't like that. Well, they do not carry. Carrie Bradshaw had to run so Hannah Horvath could walk. Let's bring that. No, girls is a better show. Let's get that out of the way right now. Girls is untouchably better.

I don't even... That's not even up for debate. I mean, no, I don't like to compare my queens. I don't like to compare my queens, but... Oh, I love making two women fight. I love it. God, that would... Okay, that's the only way they could save the series.

I'll say it right now. A girls' sex in the city crossover movie. No. No. That would be maybe the worst thing of... I'd kill myself. Don't ever ask me for my opinion again. Well, we can disagree on fictitious.

No, we cannot. Never happen. No, no, no. Well, it's the BPD special episode again. Yeah, I'm going to be honest. I think I liked the second episode. I think there were some genuinely like good laughs in the, in the second episode. Like when they go, when Charlotte goes to tattle on the other moms outside to the headmaster of the school.

And he goes, she's like, something crazy is going on outside. And he's like, fuck me. I always knew this what happened. it's on a bulletproof vest. I know. Okay. That was good. That character is so sad.

I don't know what the name of that gay actor is, but he just brings a gay sadness wherever he goes. Yeah. I feel like, I mean, we can just go through the highlights of the first and second episode. Yeah. If that, I think that's easy. For me, the highlight of the first episode was clearly, well, before I get to Rosie,

before I get to Rosie, I do want to talk about this clip. I sent it to you guys last night. the Suclipra Seema is walking through the park talking to Carrie and she's carrying an ice cream cone like 11 gelato or something and she is waving this thing around like crazy she's like turning it upside down and like she's not licking it and there's well in movies they use mashed potatoes for ice cream right I don't know what this was made out of but it was like it was like super the ice cream was like super glued to that cone yeah it was probably just plastic or something but there's a lot of funny like moments in the is everything okay no i just literally was bringing up this video

oh it just it sounded like you let it sounded like you literally let off steam um oh sorry well look look i think you can't even you're not even paying attention to her fucking not falling yukon gold cup of mashed potatoes on a cone uh you're stuck on looking at carrie's strawberry shortcake nightmare hat this is at the pendulum swings The pendulum on the first... It's an orange hat, by the way. It's orange. I don't know.

It is very whimsical and strawberry shortcake, though. I totally see. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's what you mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It is something strawberry shortcake would wear. Okay, so the fashion... On her giant fucking head on that big ass head.

The fashion in the original series was so good. And then they just barely put any effort into the movies. And then they tried too hard to put too much effort into this movie and the the limb swung wrong they didn't put any effort there's i think there's like a costume change every three seconds in the second movie like it's actually very funny i think it's because i think it's because they're like they're angling to be memed by gay ben on twitter now mostly yeah and they know that they're writing is a is it just complete deficit so they're just like okay well let's just make these bitches wear strawberry shortcake costumes yeah well they're in the the second movie specifically they were

being paid. They were like getting, they were sponsored by all those luxury brands that they featured. So they were like, we have to feature as, we have to squeeze as many outfits as possible into this. I, okay, back to what I was saying, love Seema. Seema is maybe the only character I like in the show, like genuinely like. I'll put up with Carrie. I like, I mean, I'll put up with Charlotte and I kind of like Miranda, but I love Seema only because I don't really I don't give a shit about the character. The actress is fucking iconic. Oh my God, yeah.

What else has she been in? I don't know, but she's so beautiful. She's so gorgeous. I would love to hang out with her. Anyways. It does seem like a woman you would have sex with if you did have sex with women. Yeah, absolutely. If she was a man, if Sima was a man, that's kind of my type.

Anyways, what I kind of always saw you with an era. What I wanted to talk about was Rosie. Yeah. In the first episode. That's the big takeaway, I think, from the first episode. episode is Rosie hooking up with Miranda. Do you guys have any, any genius thoughts on that? I don't understand why they take a veteran actress like Rosie O'Donald in this show and make her into a nun, make her kind of quiet and not that exciting. And she just kind of, she sings

wicked. It was disturbing. Like, I feel like it wouldn't make sense to have her be, like, what should she have been? Should she have been like Che Diaz? What if she played Jay Diaz? That would be amazing. Oh, my God. That would have made more sense. I added woke moment to the soundboard guys, just so you know. Oh, beautiful. I didn't know you had that thing back. I thought it got... Oh, it'll make a return one day.

It'll make a return one day. Yeah. When I get it back from the federal government who seized it from my possession. That's what I thought. That's what you told me. They also took Oregon Trail away from you whenever I go on the website on my computer. It says this site has been seized by the FBI. Right.

So Rosie meets Miranda in some bar in Midtown, and Rosie had sex with Miranda. First, Miranda has one of the classics, something that happens maybe four or five times in every episode of the show, is that Miranda is humiliated, completely and utterly humiliated. It's something that happens so often in the show. and like she really takes the brunt of the um of the moments in this show i feel like like something because my favorite thing about sex in the city is that the character with like the best arc in sex in the city is actually charlotte because she gets married she has kids well her dream her dream is to have a wasp husband and uh a wasp family and have beautiful biological children. And none of those things happen. And she gets like an ugly Jewish husband who is

kind of turtle, turtle style old Jewish man. Yeah, yeah. And to be clear, the best, the best husband, the best like boyfriend or husband on the whole show. Yeah. And, um, wait, no, it's Steve. It's Steve. I'm sorry. I'm just going to have to really quickly put my two cents in. No, the best husband in the show is Steve, even though they don't end up together. That's done. Look how, well, he's not a husband then. well he was a husband he was a husband yeah oh he was a husband but yeah no

it's not Steve um but she also like can't have kids she has a miscarriage and they're like you probably can't have kids and then she adopts and she's like you know she's so happy she loves her adopted daughter and her life looks nothing like if you told her what her life would look like

by the end of the show at the beginning of the show she would fucking kill herself but she is extremely happy and she like and i i really love that about her character and um then in the movies they're like let's give her a biological daughter and you know of course in the in and just like that they're like we got to do something we got to like let's make it a non-binary well we're now living in the in woke era we need a Asian child and a non-binary kid named rock right jock literally on the last episode that they air either the last or the second to last episode of

and just like that that they aired. There's a scene where Charlotte is staring at a picture on her phone of Rock in the school play dressed as Roxy Hart from Chicago. And she's like dreaming of her having a daughter again because she doesn't want a non-binary child. I feel like it's like literally like teaches people to not love your non-binary child. She felt unloving. I don't know if I would go that far. I don't know if I mean,

is kind of like a bad like her character much like Carrie and just like that has like no real arc no real um no real like problems that are very like like the problem in episode one is that her a dog that looks like her dog is attacking other dogs in the park and then the her problem in episode two is that she gets um like Kristen shawl who is guest starring as the the um um Wait, what's her name again? Lois Fingerhood, which I loved that name, dude. That's... A.k.a. the finger.

One quick point about the dog thing. Imagine that Hannah Harvath had a Frenchie that was attacking other dogs in a dog park. That would be a riveting storyline. I would love to see that in girls. But the writing insects in the city, they... This is kind of what I'm talking about, because the characters are so one-dimensional and, like, just... completely irredeemable. They'll have these kind of

what you could call rich people problems, but there's nothing, there's no reason to care about it. And as a gay man, I'm supposed to care about it because Carrie, or because Charlotte is wearing like a crazy dress. But I will, I refuse to be pandered to that way.

I refuse. Yeah. And I love Seema's Marvel movie director boyfriend in episode one of this season is um he really reminds me of um your last boyfriend a lot of the guys uh huh i said your last boyfriend no but he's hot so i wouldn't mind that um but he's he's the exact type of guy that i think like michael patrick king has like a crush on he's like his dream guy because there's that exact same character almost exactly the same character in Sechna City 2 who is dating Samantha and then it might act you know what it might

honestly be the same literally the same character in the Sexna City 2 but um the we'll never like and there's like other characters like that Samantha hooks up with in like towards the end of the show's run that are similar but um I really like the the boyfriend game of that's why I kind of liked episode two is because Sima's uh montage of her like turn like shooting down the men i was like yes queen right right yeah no she looks she looks amazing in every scene i love sema so much and she she is a little bit redeemable to me because she actually has like her character feels like a real person to me more so than the other ones oh i mean they're like icons at this point so they can't really do much with the characters anymore except Miranda the only actress i feel like

that was willing to do anything was, you know, Cynthia Nixon who's like, sure, like, no, I can have some like strife in my life. And they're like, okay, you're gonna have all of it in the entire show. They were like, let's give all the really sad emotions to it'll be for, oh, you, Aiden, you could be really emotional about your ex-divorce

and yell at Carrie and ruin the relationship of 22 years. Why do we have to come all the way to a new generation of sex in the city with this and just like that. And then Aiden and her don't even work out. Big's dead? Miranda's a lesbian?

Okay, you just spoiled the season for me. Damn. But I mean... I love Aiden's school shooter son. Yes, okay. Can we talk about the school shooter son? What? There's this...

Aidan has some troubled son, and that's why he moved to Virginia. And correct me if I'm wrong, Do they ever say what's wrong with this fucking kid? Yeah, he has substance abuse issues and he's also autistic. So you mix those two up and you've got a problem, child, my baby. Seems like some people I know. You've got to jock.

You've got me, gentlemen. If Aden's troubled son was a 32-year-old Cajun podcaster. Yeah. Hey, Dad, I hate you. Dad, I'm never going to like Carrie. I was saying that I hope Aiden's son is in a parallel kind of taxi driver-like movie wherein he is, wherein he is hunting Carrie. I would watch that.

Oh, my God. That would be amazing. He's like, it's like Clive Owen in the Born Identity. He's like in the woods outside her house setting up a big rifle. His like ramshackle cabin is full of photos of her wearing her. various giant hats and drinking martinis with the eyes scratched out her head cut out and her head cut out and put on like a supermodel's body like all over the walls yeah yeah yeah I would love to see that movie someone out there write that please but can I also bring another

public grievance sure let's talk about Giuseppe Anthony's post uh his husband becoming the monk relationship with the Italian like bread boy I don't know what you call him the poet you're talking about stuff that's not in the first two episodes that I haven't seen I thought we were doing the whole series I thought we were doing the whole thing

we texted maybe back and forth about I stayed up all night last night watching the whole show well that's not our fault that's absolutely the one time it is your fault I think no we text we can pull up the text if you'd like but there were multiple texts. I have been lied to. I have been tricked by two serpents.

I'll make the text the episode art. I will make the text wherein Hesse and I say we will, I'll make that the episode art. And I will remember. And I will remember. Anyways, I have a 32 question quiz here. I was thinking we started. I unfortunately have a hard out today in about 35 minutes. He hasse can carry the episode.

You can carry it on. I mean, but I was just saying, Dr. Professor has to do the quiz, so you guys can keep talking after. I haven't talked to Dr. Professor in a long time. But we did a girl quiz like last week. I know, but not as you as Dr. Professor. Yeah, you never said you were Dr. Professor. Right.

I'm so sorry. Fuck. You got me. I think I have to leave. It's like humiliating. Okay. It's extremely humiliating for me. Bye, Ben.

Oh, Dr. Professor's joining. Dr. Professor just joined. Right when Ben left. Hello subjects. Hello, Dr. Professor. No crying in my hospital, please. Jacques's mouth starts watering like a Pavlov.

Please make that the name of the episode. No crying in my hospital. No crying in my hospital. No crying in my hospital. Go, Dr. Professor. The rules of the hospital are that you have to listen to Dr. Professor. We will call the police on you again and have you escort it out. We will call Mr. Policeman.

Yes. I concur. We'll call Mr. Police SWAT. question one these are all on a scale of very disagree to disagree to neutral to agree to very much agree

okay I should write that down I'll remind you don't write it down that will be okay never mind ceasing you're not allowed to have any sharp objects in my hospital because of what you did last time that nurse still can't see out of her right eye

here I naturally demonstrate positive feelings towards others in order to lighten the mood and get them to open up around me I would say very agree on that one for me okay very agree it's just being a sociable person I'm not gonna I'm not gonna say what I think on this for you

why can you just tell me I simply don't have the time to go back and forth you think that that's my answer What do you think your answer is, Drock? I guess it's neutral then. Okay. I'll take it. I'll make me question myself more than any place on the planet just on this show.

You cheer me up very often. I'll say that. Thank you. And all of our listeners, you know, you cheer up our listeners. So that counts. I'll take it. I'll let it slide. Yes, Dr. Professor.

I need to do this one for me one second. I have to open a new window. I don't know. I feel like I'm. this is, I feel like this is a Charlotte question for sure, for sure. Okay, next one. I wouldn't be tempted to use counterfeit money, not even if I was sure I would get away with it. Very disagree. I would very agree with that just because I've seen the movie Largent by Robert Brisson, and I know how bad it can go. If you did. My name is Hessa, and I'm a cinephile, and I know exactly what movie to recommend, because that's the answer I could give. This is Sex and the City Quiz. Drop your, legerne la jean la jean

lezart don't you dare bring up this art house movie um so sorry hessa you are very much agree agree i'm not using

and i'm very much would you use counterfeit money yes i i would use it so i very disagree i'll just answer that yeah you know what i was trying to say it's hard to understand i would i would not because i'm afraid

of getting in trouble for something like that yeah even if you're sure you wouldn't get caught Someone else could get in big trouble for it. I would be the one who got caught. Big pharma. Yeah. I often experience strong and irresistible desires that tempt me to overindulge. Oh, well, this is obviously very agree.

Very much agree for you, Jock. Hessa, what about you? Yeah, same. Yeah, of course. Look at us, too. I don't. Period. I'm going to slightly disagree with that.

I don't really get strong desires. Hey, this guy's a fucking No, it's kind of sad I wish I did This mesophonook I have been known to jump off cliffs And find my wings on the way down And that is not a literal question, Chuck

Because I was about to say Very agree If that's a literal question I obviously would develop wings If I jumped off the cliff The wings you're finding on the way down Chicken wings Yeah, period

I usually got a few wings Yeah, I jump off cliffs and landed to a wing stop every now and then. Hey, it's not that bad jumping off a cliff if you got some wings. This is the Eric Andre show thing where he drops into a focus group wearing a parachute. I'm here for wings. I'm not even a big fan of wings, to be honest, though. What are you saying for yourself?

Agree or disagree? I disagree. Very. Yeah. I think you jump off the cliffs, but you might not find your wings. Yeah. I'm going to go neutral on this one, honestly, because I don't really like the question very much. I'm going to go with strongly agree.

I always find my wings. I strive to be someone who spreads enthusiasm among my friends, colleagues, and loved ones. Nope, that's a very agree for me. I'm obviously incredibly palatable all the time, very cheerful. You love describing yourself as an edible object. That's something delicious. is there something delicious

Is there something not edible about me? Are you saying that I'm unconscionable? Yeah, the fact that you're a person. The fact that you're a human... Saying there's too much fat on this meat? Saying that it wouldn't cook right because there's too much fat on this meat? Because I feel like that's what you're trying to tell me.

I think you would actually be a not terrible slice of meat if it weren't for the various... You know, Mersa. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, weed powders. So, Jock, you're saying very much agree for yourself, Jock? Yes, very much. very much agree. Also, I think I would make a kind of a wago, Cajun beef.

Next time you have a complete meltdown, I'm going to tell you, do you remember the time you said you strive to be someone who spreads enthusiasm among your friends, colleagues, and loved ones? Yeah, I think that's honestly a fair. If Jacques tries to spread enthusiasm to us, it's because he is one inch away from having a total mental breakdown. I would say if Jock tries to spread enthusiasm to us, it's because they named a new communicable disease, enthusiasm. No, if I'm trying to spread joy and good and optimism. Gonsolin's enthusiasm. If I'm trying to expose you to my enthusiasm,

it is only because you two seem like you are so down in the dumps that you need to be woken up by someone. Hello. You're right. I agree. Um, so Hesse, what about you? I think yeah. I think I try to do that. You honestly slightly agree or very much agree? I'm going to say very much agree. I slightly agree with Hessa. I slightly agree. I don't know if I fully

agree with that description of her. I like to spread enthusiasm among my friends and loved ones. Colleges are colleagues. I'm not, I don't need to spread enthusiasm to my colleagues. So I'm going to say neutral. I mean, what colleagues do you have? I guess Jacques. You too?

Yeah. wanted to say if you think that you are spreading joy all the time hessa i want to read the last text message you sent me dear you fat fugly bitch i know you are just sitting there in the swamp crying over your spilt milk well go ahead cry bitch by the way you are so fugly and your hair is receding i think that's so well that's not true because hessa and i spent half the day um wishing you well because you have a tummy ache and we didn't want you to show up today and being in a terrible movie. Okay. I'm just being insensitive.

Hessa really didn't text me that. Clock that T. Here's the T. I was being dishonest right there and I take it back because I'm trying to be optimistic. Question six. I don't want to have everything settled in my life. I want to have answers to find and avenues to explore and discover. I agree. I'm... I would disagree with that one. I'd love to have everything settled in my life. Right. It doesn't sound a fucking amazing.

Yeah. I mean, I feel like I'm already settled, so, like, I want, I want, I think it's, it's just, you want to have greater life. So you, sorry, agree or disagree, Jock? I think it's, I agree. I want to, I want to, because I'm like, I feel like I'm constantly looking for more things to make me happy because I'm so unhappy. I will just say neutral on that because I do love having a spontaneous gay guy crazy lifestyle, so. Yeah. I mean, you can do that from a settled. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I can charm people into giving me, into them giving me what I want. Operative word here is charm, so threats are off the table. Yeah.

No, not what just threats. Not with just threats. Coercion is off the table. That's all, I'm not even saying that, actually. I'm telling you, I could charm anyone. You two, we could have a charm off. A charm off. That should be a television show where we each have dinner with three people.

We'd have to try it on people who don't know us. We'd have to corner someone at a bar and go up to them one at a time and see who... Whatever we have to do, Dr. Professor. Yeah, it has the best interaction. And I think, I think the sample would be weird because I think by the third one of us to go up, they might be like, okay, what's going on here? Why are all these gay freaks trying to fuck me right now? Are these people trying to have a charm off with me is the subject?

I think these people are having a charm off. I think this is some kind of charm. off that's going on it's not just sex based it's uh it's it's it's it's about being charming it's about being cool right i can be very charming but only to very specific types of people yeah racist i think i'm pretty charming i think i'm pretty charming across the board usually people like me right i think you're always charming you've never you've you've you've never shit in my mailbox, as they say. Let's say very much agree for Hessa. I actually, if there's something I want, never mind, what's really important here is something I want. If there's something

I want, I'll charm, I'll charm anyone. Yeah, yeah. Jock, are you very much agree as well? I'm very much agree. I could charm anyone. I have the power of seduction. Three psychopaths. We are probably the craziest today. Question eight, sarcasm comes easily to me. Very much disagree with this one. Just kidding. You're talking about me. Um, yes. You're talking about me.

It's so funny. I'm retarded. Jock, does sarcasm come easily to you? No, it does not. No, yeah. You're... I'm obviously very... Incredibly confused most of the time.

Yeah, Charlotte Trey. I'm barely standing. People sometimes mistake my... People sometimes mistake my kindness for weakness. This is such a... It's a psychopath question. Actually, yes. Yes, very agreed

because people think that I'm telling someone, hey, I'll have to call you back. I'm recording right now. Sorry. Can you just not answer your phone on the podcast? I didn't mean to, sorry, answer, sorry. It's monkey tail yoga calling back.

They're like best friends now. Jaka's having sex with monkey tail yoga. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. Yeah, I guess this is, this is a second podcast in a row where Jaka is taking phone calls

that we are begging him to not. people sometimes mistake my kindness for weakness I mean this question makes me laugh because this is this is something I only see psychotic people say like on Facebook yeah yeah I mean I'm gonna I'm gonna disagree with this one yeah I don't I think I think if someone's mistaking your kindness or weakness you're probably not well one it's either weakness or two

you're probably not being kind yeah exactly no I think that someone could be just dies as a kind person and infiltrate as a criminal element. Okay. Well, that wasn't the question, really, but it's an even crazier thing. How do you tie your shoes? I really worried about you sometimes. Hey, no, I've just been watching a lot of Animal Kingdom.

It's a show. Also completely unrelated. No, because you were, you were taught, as I said, people could mistake my kindness for weakness, and that's very very, very much the case for these criminals on the show Animal Kingdom. Are there criminals on Animal Kingdom? That are mistaking

your kindness for watching the show. It's a show called Animal Kingdom with Ellen Barkin. Who's the... What? Okay, next question. I don't even care. I don't even care. Yeah, out there, comment

if you watch that show. I am naturally enthusiastic about life. If I am interested in something, I embrace it with both arms and become very passionate about it. Very agree. Look how I roller skate. Look how I DJ. Yeah. Well, this is just a diagnosis for autism. Yeah. I mean, that's me. I just bought a bunch of radios. So that's pretty much. That's a really weird thing. I mean, when I'm very naturally enthusiastic about stuff, I will care about it. I'll say, I'll say somewhat there. I'll somewhat agree. Because I don't really

take it to certain extremes. I sometimes think things would be better if people were more blunt and direct with one another. Absolutely 1,000% hard agree with that. Oh my God. Seema is the actress from Mississippi Massala.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I recognize her from. Movie directed by Zoron's mom. Yeah. Yeah. Crazy. Okay. Wow. We just connected the dots. Episode over. Thanks for listening.

I'm just kidding. What was the question again? I'm sorry. Keep going. I sometimes think things would be easier if people will more blunt and direct with one another. That being said, Jock, you've got, please pay attention and stop playing Candid Crush on your damn phone and taking calls. I'm not even, I'm not, I'm not, I'm just saying in general, I'm just saying. You answered a phone call a second and go.

I can't, to be honest with you, Jock, I can't even see you because I have three tabs open. So I'm not even looking at you guys. but I'm just asking you to pay attention. So what do you think, agree or disagree? Very disagree. I can't handle the truth. Right. Okay, that's honest.

That's an honest answer. Thank you for being honest. Hessa? I think there's a time and a place to be blunt. I'm going to say neutral. Okay. Oh, but I do love blunts. That's true.

Right. No, that's fair. Hessa, I agree with you. I mean, I am just, I think it's mostly because I'm like living back in the Midwest. and the degrees to which people go out of their way to show that they are conflict-averse, just drive me up a fucking wall. Like, everyone here, I have to do a little bullshit smile

like 12 times a day here. And I hate it. Whereas in New York, you were like, fuck you basically. No, I just wouldn't say anything. You just don't have to say anything to anyone. No one expects you to give a little small. smile, but if you don't smile at people here, they freak out. It's this very arcane, almost Byzantine kind of set of manners and rules in the Midwest, where it's all ostensibly kind and

neighborly, but it's actually a strict moral code. And if you disobey it. Yeah, yeah. And it's all, it's all fear-based because they just want to show each other that they're not, you know, someone to be afraid of. But it's like, why do I have, what do I have to be afraid of? You guys are just afraid of the world. And that's why you've erected this kind of, this, like, 400 daily fake smiles at each other. Yeah. I hate it.

I don't know. And someday it's going to collapse. When I lived in St. Paul, that kind of, like, Midwest's nice was, like, honestly, really refreshing. I felt like I never got chased around called a faggot. Well, yeah. Yeah. I just, I find it to be completely shallow and baked and not about kindness at all. Anyways, question 12.

Rules are mostly made to be broken. Very agree. I think we should all be breaking the rules. Rule breaker. This is Charlie X, X, X, X, have a song? You know what? I'm going to go neutral on this one because I think some rules are made to be broken. I'm going to go slightly disagree. I'm just going to go right. Well, I mean, you're not supposed to be a pedophile. But it seems like Jock thinks all rules are supposed to be.

Jacques thinks that all who is meant to be broken. Yeah. Even the most sacred of rules. I'm going to go slightly agree with, I'm going to go slightly agree on that because, yes, I don't think you should be a pedophile. I didn't say. Y'all are so evil mean. Not cool, guys. Question 13. I'm the kind of person who either finds a way or makes one. Yeah, very agree.

I'm always making ways. Get out of my way right now. I think I'll agree with that one. Yeah. Yeah, of course. Yeah, you've made your own way. Yeah. I can think of a couple ways.

What does that mean? Oh, being trans. Yes. inside Subway she pushed some other poor girl out of the way because she wanted a sandwich first and I said, Hessa, she was in line before her. It takes a lot of

bravery, you know, and it takes a lot of self-will and I think that's making your own way. Hesse, you think you were right for pushing that girl inside subway? Yes, I do. I want to live a life that has a sense of

unlimited possibility, the sense that life could bring me anything. that around every corner there could be something new and amazing. I would agree. I mean, who would disagree with that? I agree with this in spirit, but I absolutely detest the way it's being talked about. If someone asked you that, you would be pissed off. You would not make a polite smile in the mid-west. I would walk away if someone said this to me.

Yeah, yeah. But I think we are all hard to agree on that. I see myself as in danger of falling short of who I want to be. Yes, of course. No person is perfect, and I want more. I want to be a better person. I fail short. I can't be. I would say, yeah, I would say agree on that one.

That's a creeping thought, creeping terror. Yeah. Very agree. I'm panicked. I'll be neutral. I don't really care what happens to me. I'll be fine. I hate your answers.

Sorry, I'm just being honest. I fall, I jump off cliffs and I find my wings on the way down. Next one here. What this wing? I see my life as an adventure, a quest unfolding to find my personal sense of meaning. This,

Carrie is such a fucking narcissist. I hate the way she thinks about life. It is, yeah, I'm going to disagree. it's what you call main character syndrome i mean yeah yeah it's like everyone else is an everyone else in the world is here to help me achieve my it's like absolutely demented and everyone thinks this way now it's so unhealthy yeah yeah i know it's not just carry it's just the internet at large but it is i absolutely hate this way of thinking so much i don't think it's her fault i

think like it just predicted that this type of person like she was just ahead of the curve a little but absolutely absolutely um i'm going to strongly disagree with that um hessa you're disagreeing yeah strongly disagree on that one okay jock what about you strongly agree right we're realizing some things today everyone yeah shut up i'm just trying to answer next one if i am better than someone else i tell it like it is there's no reason to hide it strongly disagree that's crazy yeah i i i've

i've gone out with you before hessa just answer honestly what do you mean like you think i go up to people and i go i'm better than you that's exactly what she does every time no hessa doesn't know she says i better than you your two places that we've gone out

together that you say are subway and i know you like that kind of food i i just want to cater to your taste You normally got a Kid in the Midwest You normally get By a drama kid After the school play

If I am better than someone else I tell it like it is No I mean look I'll be honest I certainly think I'm better Than other people But well I think I'm Let me say it this way

I certainly dislike other people I don't think I'm better than them There's no moral judgment on it Necessarily I don't think My life matters more than them Although, yes, of course, I'm full of hate for a lot of people in the world. But I just, I disagree with the premise, so I'm going to say I disagree here. I made to cut that up, chop that up for a DJ set.

You very much agree. Yeah. Yeah, you can get a clean edit of me saying, I think I'm better than other people if you want to do that. Make a good DJ cut. I mean, it's objectively true for everyone. Everyone's better than some other people. Right. Hitler exists.

Benjamin Netanyahu exists. So there's Which one is better than which Jock? I think they're equally evil Maybe not to Sajad Matasahue is worse Not to Hayu

Benjamin The Hebrew rapper The rapper I don't yeah I don't I don't I don't I don't fuck with Israel Right Okay

You can tell how scared Jock gets Because he's afraid he's going to say the wrong thing It's so funny Could you love Kanye I'm not even on here saying that right now You're putting words in my mouth You get very sheepish I love conge

I don't like Israel What do you want for me Nothing I don't want anything from you Question 18 can I ask a question really quickly I bought a random shirt from a goodwill recently And it said Palestine 1948 And what does that mean That was the year that Israel was founded

and there was a huge annexation of Palestinian land. So that's, that's, there's nothing. See, this is what I mean, you're so scared. You're, like, scared that there's some coded message there that makes you like. I just got a shirt that said Palestine, and then it said 1948, and I didn't understand. Question 18. I often can't help but sympathize with coworkers, friends, and family. Even if I know deep down that some of them do not always deserve it.

Strongly agree No, Jacques You do not strongly agree with that Are you kidding me? Why can't I? Hasn't I had to speak to you like a baby Because you have a tubby ache today Yeah

Last night we were texting Speaking of Building enthusiasm and bringing joy Me and Ben and I were texting about the show last night And you texted Shut the fuck up both of you and then you got mad at us for not responding and then you got mad at us for not responding to your text

where you were complaining about us talking about the show yeah no i was complaining we didn't respond to his text that said did you get to the episode where charlotte dies and we just ignore it oh sorry jesus okay well y'all tech okay they they use this group chat like i'm not there and then i do text and it's like a go trying to talk to two alive humans and the ghost is like you can't i understand do you feel that way

but i'm telling you jock that's not how it works at all not how it works anyways so jock what are you saying here agree or disagree agree or disagree i agree okay question 19 i'm i am bad in those kinds of situations that require spin over substance what is that even mean what it what's spin versus substance i'm going to say disagree on that one because i feel like i i can put some spin i can put some stank on it when i need to you know right what the fuck does that even mean um i'm bad in those kinds of situations where require spin over can you like i'll i'm trying to put it in terms that will make sense to you um you're you want to be really good at spin but i don't think you're necessarily very good at it

Spin is like when you want a certain circumstance or something you're selling to appear better than it is, basically. Spin is like lying, kind of. It's like, yeah, it's like selling something. It's polishing something up, you know, making a bad situation seem not as bad, I think is a lot of where spin comes into play. I think I'm pretty good at it. I'm going to say agree, absolutely. yeah you are i think i am good at giving that live a spin i think i could pull anything over youtube do a live spin on mercer right now it is finally cured it is actually very easy to care

now that they found this very new care for it i'm doing just perfectly physically it's you know it's just something they can google that they'll google and it'll say that actually and also you know it's just like I'm I'm just so much better now I've actually undergone overnight a complete transformation where I am completely clearheaded and finally I'm finally ready to be the person that you've always dreamed for me to be everyone out there listening it's I'm finally better I can I can live another day in peace and there's no problem just keep looking at that sunset I keep I keep looking The light. I see the line. It's getting bigger. Um, okay. I'll say, I'll say agree for you, Jock.

That was a masterful spin on Mercer. Yeah, yeah. That was good. Um, I take, next question. Right. We know, Diva. Um, next question. I take care to spend my money wisely so that I can handle an unforeseen situation.

Well, very agree. I'm incredibly very. prudent, very, you know, I don't know what the word is. I'm basically like a banker. I mean, I just keep it so tight. I'm never, I really don't spend that much money. I'm going to disagree on this one. I disagree with this one entirely. Yeah. Okay, I disagree. I don't save money if we're going to be honest. We should be being honest. No. You're in my hospital. You can't tell lies in my hospital. That's so you don't believe me. There's a no spin zone. The hospital is a no spin zone. No spin zone. Don't do it.

No crying in this hospital. I want that pill. Next one. Next one here is I'm afraid of bacteria and or worry a lot about catching disease. Well, true. Very true. I'm very disease written. And I'm monitoring the diseases as they take over.

Yeah. I mean, I would say anyone. I would say anyone who washes their face with hybo cleanse is absolutely afraid of disease, takes a bath in bleach. Yeah, yeah. I'll do anything to just stay mercifery. I am not. I'm not afraid of bacteria and I'm not worried about catching diseases. Because when I punched you, I disagree with that answer because when I punched Ben in the face in Chinatown, he had to run back to his house to wash his face.

Right. Well, I guess when there's an active Mercer case that you was a slap, it wasn't a punch. But yeah, I mean, it's also, I did just want to not hang out with you anymore. But we find our excuses where we want. Yeah. Hesse, you disagree. Bitch, forgive me. I'm not asking for your fucking forgiveness.

Really? Okay. Yeah, I am kind of a hypercon. Not necessarily for diseases, but like injuries and like, you know, I'll be. like um you know uh i don't know i'll i'll be i'll feel bad about like you know if i do drugs one day i'll the next day i'm like oh my god that's gonna destroy my organs or something you know yeah right okay i'm very enough my body is a temple i treat it that way right next one i'm attracted to journeys into the unknown discovering things that are completely unexpected magical and

I think I very agree That question That one pissed me off It's very fantastical I'm going to say neutral I don't want to answer I agree I'm going to remain neutral on that one as well It's another I very agree

Right I love the fantasy world Next one I tend to find rules and regulations Overly confining I do Very agree I'm the rules are tightening around my neck

I completely agree with this, yeah. Yeah, I'm going to agree as well. I absolutely hate rules and regulations. If someone puts a taboo in front of me, part of me is tempted to break it. I'm going to disagree on this one. It depends on the taboo for me. Yeah, I mean, if it's like molesting a kid,

I'm not even, but Jacques, maybe. Maybe. Maybe what? I'm going to say agree. I'm going to say agree and not. very much agree, just to make room again for the pedophilia of it all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to very disagree. Really? You don't break taboos? You painted the prophet Muhammad at one point. I just like, I guess, okay, I guess when you say it in that example, I'm starting

to think of other ways. Okay, I very agree because I am kind of that. Yeah, period. I'm sorry I tried to answer untruthfully. I've made a lot of mistakes this episode. We have you hooked up to a lie detection machine in the hospital, and you will be getting a zap for each lie. So that won't be recorded, but it will be happening. You're hooked up to an anti-feeding tube to raise the stuff from you.

I'm getting electric. Starving tube. You would love to electrocute me. We should have a day where we, We each have a remote control for each other's shock callers. Yeah, that'd be really fun. We can do it at a low voltage. And we're doing, and we have vibrating butt plugs in all of us.

And we get to choose either pleasure or pain for each of us. Oh, God. Ben can't hear about sex. I have a question for you, Jock. Jock, if Hesse and I bought a remote controlled butt plug, would you be willing to try it on the show? And we control it. I want like $200 extra dollars. Okay.

Fair with me. I think that's a fair ask if that is an episode we do. I think that's honestly a fair ask. One thousand percent, I think that's a fair ask. Yeah. But you have to return the butt plug to me because I will be returning it to where I got it. Well, question. That just seems like a lot more work to just.

Oh, to me, fashioning would be an overwhelmingly, overwhelmingly, aesthetic experience on par with art galleries or visits to a museum i completely disagree yes very agree the fashion queen has arrived i guess i would agree with that is that fashion is art i guess i would agree yeah i think it's more about your personal reaction to i yeah fashion is art but it's like do you feel is it an overwhelming experience to you is fashion overwhelming Yeah, yeah The way she dress, I don't know if it's overwhelming Looks underwhelming to me

I'm just kidding Got her Got her fucking ass Next one here I will always try to do what is proper Very disagree I tend to Do the improper

I'm gonna agree Yeah Yeah, because when I think of the word proper, I think about, like, holding a door open for a woman or, like, letting an old lady cross the street or helping your mom. Letting an old lady cross the street. That's the thing people do that's nice.

It's not hitting her with their car. Not hitting her. Next one. I seem to have so much energy that I can sometimes be exhausting to others. Well, clearly, I've never been exhausting to you, too, so very disagree. Answer, honestly, jog. I feel like I'm hearing some kind of weird silence.

Okay, very agree. I love to be it that way. This is the only way I know how to be. Hasse, I'll let you answer this one for me. What do you think? I think agree for you. I think, and I'll let you answer for me. Because, like, there have been times where you'll be going a mile a minute at if like we were hanging out and like you'd be going a mile a minute and then you know

sometimes uh it's hard to match the the energy but i feel like the same goes for like oh good god and what i think the same goes for that guy who used to be on this episode but disappeared vemoost yeah i talk to buda have been i've been i've been conducting an experiment this entire time. Oh yeah? Yeah. And my results are coming back very clear. They say

Yeah, I do. Okay, guys, I do have the results. And who do we want to start with? I think, I want to hear what you got, Ben. I am Samantha. Oh, wow. What? I just don't think you're sexually.

Forceful, confident, and outspoken. Samantha is a bold and brash alpha woman. An irresistible pleasure seeker by nature. Samantha craves variety, spontaneity, and excitement, and is not shy about exploring herself. sexuality. Jock, I have plenty of sex. I just don't tell you about it because you would spill all of my business on this show. Yeah, that's true. You just keep it so... You could talk all the time about one sexual thing Ben did. Were you like it? No, I... No, it's not just that. He just, he,

he, he lives in a vanilla world where, where, where I just don't, I think he, he would like us to think that he's out there fucking, but he's really just out there fucking, like boring. Okay. It does, I mean, it doesn't bother me. It's fine. I just, you know. I actually like free, I, I like that you don't know what I'm doing. Yeah. What did I get?

Please keep thinking about. You both got the same person. Whoa. Miranda? No. Not Carrie. Yes. No.

Oh, God. God damn it. This is not their work as a TV show. She approaches social matters with an appreciative and open-minded attitude and has a knack for understanding interpersonal situations from multiple points of view. It's not even true at all.

That is so not true for one of you. And also not true for Carrie. Yeah, that's what I was saying. Yeah. Yeah. But, I mean, I could see you maybe being more of a Miranda, more of a Samantha.

Jock, you're very much a Carrie to me. No offense. Why do I have to be her? I just want to be, I guess I just wanted to be a red-headed woman. moment. You want to do Miranda? I like what I want what I like.

You are so not Miranda. You're sorry to tell you. It's okay. Well, you are Miranda in that you're tortured a lot. I mean, we didn't even get to it, but like one of the moments, like one of my notes in episode two was when Miranda was like, I'm going to ask this girl out. I'm like, okay, time for another Miranda humiliation ritual. Yeah, literally.

I was like. It's going to be really rudely reject her. And lo and behold, it happened. The exact thing happened. And we also didn't get to Sherry O'Terry playing Sidney Chekhov. And I also predicted in that when she showed up, I was like, they're going to be like, this isn't this. They're going to make a pun about jacking off with her last name.

And they did. They did. Yeah. Well, everyone, thank you so much for listening. Thank you so much for listening today. This is a free episode. And if you'd like it, go subscribe to our Patreon. on patreon.com slash seeking derangements we have

if everything goes correctly we have a huge show dropping on Sunday certain pranksters coming on the show that's all I'll say hopefully but man fuck that guy what's his name

gay day you were calling him Dale you were calling him Dale last week I was hoping that would keep up whatever fuck him DAC do do ding dong ding dong he's popery to me I don't give a fuck he's popery to me is amazing

thank you everyone for listening today we'll talk to you some bye divas mwha bye M. M.

M. M. Nga. Nga. Naga. Naga. Naga! Naga!

Naga! Naga! Naga! I'm going to be a lot of it. I'm going to be. I'm going to be. I'm going to be. We're going to be a lot of it.

So, and I'm gonnae, and I'm gonna'n't a lot of I'm gonna'n't I'm gonna'n't I'm gonna'n't

I'm a'n't and a bit of a yeah, I'ma, and I'ma, I'ma, Laudeau. Thank you.