Seeking Derangements - SD 44 - Ben-less Wonder Feat. Clarke Sondermann

Episode Date: December 22, 2020

Ben's busy with a couple new projects with friend of the pod Glenn Greenwald so Jacques and I took the opportunity to record a very long episode with our friend Clarke Sondermann. Clarke has a new podcast called Group Project which you can find HERE: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/group-project-with-john-and-clarke/id1542818367 Ben, Jacques and I will also be reviewing a few of the movies featured in this ep on Patreon in the next couple of months, so stay tuned on there for that: https://patreon.com/seekingderangements intro/// Transs - Senja Dan Kahlua (1983?) pee break/// Masataka Matsutoya - Hong Kong Night Sight (1977) outro/// The Cabildos - Barrio Bueno (1974)

🎵 Hi, and welcome to a heartfelt... Christmas edition. I'm speaking to Rain. A Christmas funeral edition. Ben finally couldn't make another shirt. He jumped in front of the subway this morning, clutching his vinyl shirt press, screaming, Marianne Wilson's going to be the next president.

I've never seen him so... Ben is really leaning into the Jewish thing. Ever since he got into the Lox Club, he's gone on an anti-Christmas rant, and we've had to suspend him because of that. I think we've all... We all know that Seeking Derangements is a pro-Christmas podcast. We are

100% in favor of or 100% against the war on Christmas and the war on Yemen. And just pretty much any war we're not going to go except the war against I mean Democrats and the war against sub pop oh yeah we're taking sub pop down one where if you if you're a uh independent band

assigned to sub pop and you want to get out of that prison if you are just contacting me you're listening to this podcast your wife had a comic oh my god stop why are you what did the microphones ever do to you uh the news i'd like to drop is that if you're an independent band and you're signed to sub pop you're not an independent band yeah making corporate rock music with different lettering so true corporate rock music though that sounds like that pays i wish i did i think their advances are like seven thousand dollars or something it's like so low yeah that's that's that's chump change in this day and age today we're gratefully guests featuring our friend pleasure systems uh. Max. I just said Max instead.

Clark here. All the way from Philadelphia. I guess you're in New Jersey. Yeah, I'm on the Jersey Shore right now. I'm in Sea Isle City with my parents. That is so woke. It was very woke. I've never been.

I've always wanted to go to any place that disgusting. I'm sure it mimics Louisiana. I mean, honestly, it's about picking your poison. Like, which kind of Latino do you want to spend your time with? Would you rather be with a bunch of WAPs or a bunch of Cajuns? Like, you got to pick your poison here. Last night on Grindr, someone asked me, are you Latino? Question mark.

And they were like, and then they they i didn't answer i waited 10 minutes to look at my phone i looked again and they said dot dot dot but are you all my all my grinder uh like messages are from like people over 45 like do you think i'm like a stay-at-home like an in-home nurse or something like i'm not 45 is 45 is low no no that's like the young crowd in some places i mean i mean the city rilo santander is like one of the older cities in in spain like most of the younger people live in barcelona or madrid or you know one of the more college towns like Salamanca you know but uh but around here it's like mostly like 45s and up like if you if you put the filter down on grinder for like under I don't know like 30 like it's real slim pickings around here it

sucks gotcha yeah I gotta I gotta get something off my chest that my filter is kind of usually the inverse of that. I go like 30, 35 minimum a lot of the time. I'm a bad chaser. Hey, whatever. Someone's got to. Someone's got to. Someone's got to take care of these old Joes.

It's kind of like a mitzvah, you know? Hang it forward. Clark, I fully respect that you're sexually attracted to Joe Biden. You're putting words in my mouth. I mean, that's what I thought you had said that one time. I was at a party and Clark walked by and he was like, oh my God, I would totally have sex with that zaddy of a man, Dr. Joe Joe Biden. Yeah, just give him a bath and slip a finger in is joe a doctor too i know there was a blow-up over jill's credentials but does he have one i mean he's just a doctor in my heart i mean he's you know he's always got something going for him

and yeah he could have been i don't know if he needs it if he was uh you know if he didn't have like extremely early onset dementia from like the age of 35 he had applied himself I guess it was weird I met him randomly at the back of a restaurant I was dishwashing and he walked in with no shoes on

and he said I'm a doctor and you know I was just inclined to believe it I mean he's our president so hello why would he be barefoot in this restaurant if you didn't have a reason can can the president the president can pardon anybody right now totally and the president also like give himself like any doctorate or any like degree like i'm assuming that that donald trump should i mean he's about to pardon uh he pardoned flynn he should pardon like a bunch of other people like uh uh what's his name eric snowden

and uh reality winner and uh chelsea manning but uh can he give himself like an honorary doctorate can he like make himself like see this is why we need public universities yeah yeah there was like a white house university then he absolutely could i don't know if he can just like i mean maybe by executive order he could like demand one from yale that would be any ivy that turn any ivy league that refuses to provide these credentials for joe this is going to be locked up by lady prisons uh our our general ruler i mean she's just on standby ready to throw in like 30 people she's waiting little uh things that people direct airplanes with just dropping helicopters full of innocent people into the jail she's chomping at the bit. She's been practicing.

Yeah. Oh, she's always practicing, getting ready to arrest more and more people. Yeah. I can't wait. I've said this before, but I really can't wait for that showdown between, like, when Joe Biden eventually kicks the bucket, like, on, you know, in February or March, you know, just, like, completely eat shit and die. Yeah, just, like, trips in his bathtub and, and like spills his brain all over the fucking bathroom floor okay i know that's a hypothetical but that's literally how he broke his foot yeah yeah two weeks ago it's bound to fucking happen

again i mean it's it's not going to get any better for him so i have a dark when that happens i want to see that showdown between her and uh and pieg. Because those are two rabid dogs of politicians who want power more than anything else. They're willing to do... Pete Buttigieg is willing to get the vaccine or get a shot that makes you not gay anymore. In order to become president. I can't wait till there's an Uberber slash uber eats ad starring pete butetag where he apologizes for the company ever letting a queer like jvn be our representative he's like i'm so sorry y'all he would have my support if he did that oh yeah i mean we would all we could

all forgive him yeah sorry not again sorry i didn't mean to say that. Whoops. Wow. Wow, Max finally reveals his real political opinion over a glass of what appears to be vodka. It was vodka and a Brazilian soda called Guaraná, which is very good, but very, very sweet. Is that Guaraná? Is that like Guananaba flavored soda? It's just sugar flavored soda. It's like Sprite with a lot more sugar. It's awesome.

Sold. Sold. I have eaten more food in Louisiana over the last five days than I have all year round. I've had at least three meals a day. I've had at least three meals a day. Yesterday, my mom brought a box of pastries home for me, saying, I knew you were grumpy. Like, she's going to mend my sorrows with... That's so sweet.

I love that. It really is so sweet. I woke up, and I had, like, three pastries, and then went back to bed for, like, another six hours. I've been having the opposite problem. I don't know just been like struggling to remember to like make at least two meals a day i really need one of those guys to hit me up on grinder who's like looking to like fatten up twinks or whatever

that's like the dynamic i need to get through the rest of the lockdown i don't know how i'm gonna like i'm gonna get scurvy i've i've never had a problem of forgetting a meal um if if i was forgetting meals you know i might i might look like a normal person by now you look great i i look good but i'm i'm chunky i would like to uh fit into the i used to be a size zero in pants and now i'm a size even conceptualize what's like the shape of those pants size zero kind, kind of my mind blanks. It doesn't mean anything to me. Size zero is like size 28 or something? No, it's less than 28.

Really? Holy shit. Hey, you got them childbearing hips now, Jacques. You can't go back from that. I mean, literally, I'll never be the twink. I could have sold myself for millions and i wasted you sold yourself for food you idiot you should have done it for money instead yeah i'm doing sick to me cocks you know you can buy with money you can buy food yeah you can buy

a lot more food than what you got yeah actually i think it got ripped off a lot more than you actually thank you so much dr mouse dr mouse a and Dr. Che Guevara over here explaining capitalism to me. Thank you. Did you see my shirt? I've got Mao on right now, but he has Mickey Mouse ears. Hell yeah. He looks like the Taco Bell cartoon logo. What?

What? Like the style, the graphic design of this shirt that Clark is wearing has a very like 90s Taco Bell. I see. My favorite part about this shirt is it has Mao Zedong in Mickey Mouse ears and it says Mickey Mao. And then down at the bottom it says Berkeley, California for no reason. Oh, God. Berkeley. What a place.

My favorite shirt that I own is a Chris Dorner memorial shirt. I wear it all the time here because nobody knows who Chris Dorner is in Spain. They just think it's a Black Lives Matter thing, which I guess in a way it is. Kind of is, yeah.

I mean, it definitely is a Black Lives Matter thing. But they don't know. They don't know the illustrious history of our boy, our boy Chris. Shout out. I'm waiting for my favorite shirt to arrive. It's a delicious Go International at McDonald's Beanie Babies shirt from the 90s. That's incredible.

It's got, and it says Go go international and then these are the only four nationalities they have with the beanie babies canadians british irish and americans that's the only four countries yeah that's the only four i was like oh god the top four at least yeah these are our top this is hi we're beanie babies and these are our top four favorite ethnicities in order yeah we should drop the whole list i want to see who's last oh yeah it was so good it came out on uh what is it called huffington post huffington list last one is uh definitely israel i think if we're yeah oh yeah on it except then that brings up the conversation of whether or not that's a nationality.

By the way, I think my dream finally came true, Jacques. I mentioned earlier that I was hoping that the British vaccine would fuck up somehow, so that way we wouldn't get so many British tourists. They finally got this massive strain, this killer strain that spreads a lot quicker.

Now there's a forced Brexit. They're not allowing anyone to leave Britain for a couple months. That's good. They should lock all those horse-tooth fucks up. They should have started that since the very fucking beginning. I don't know why they haven't

nuked that place yet. I really like that the new strain isn't in Northern Ireland. That's the only part of the UK that it hasn't been found in. That made me so happy when I saw that. Yeah, maybe there's a reason why it hasn't happened. Yeah. Huh. I wonder.

Luckily, none of the Netflix original stars that are from Britain will be affected by this ongoing mass viral. What Netflix original stars from Britain are you talking about? Well, I'm talking about the cast of love on the spectrum. I'm thinking. I was thinking,

I thought you were going for the baking show. No, no, no. I hate the great British Break Off. Break Off. The Great British. It's called Brexit.

The Great British Break Off. The Great Yiddish Lock Off. The Great Yiddish what? The Great Yiddish Lock Off is a woke show. No, I'm just tired of that. They're always so slow. They love each other. There's no centrifterfuge.

They take all of the masculinity out of cooking. They're so supportive and loving. And put this tiny little pink feminine bow on top of it. I'm like, how could you do this to me? I mean, that's what liberals want. Right there. Just a bunch of pansies the baking show is uh what's the term force femme literally i mean yeah i was talking to some of my best

friends in philly earlier today because they're both of their parents live in england and they went back to visit like a week ago and now are probably going to be stuck there for like three or four months it's crazy hell yeah yeah miserable i can't even imagine being stuck in another country like like that i was just vacationing at yeah i mean at least like their families are there so it'll be okay i mean of all the places you could be stuck in i mean england of all places god damn i i saw the news and i texted my friend eve who's in london i like, hey, are you okay? Like, are you going to be able to come home?

And she just sent me a picture of her on an ATV, and I was like, all right, where did he seem fine? I was like, didn't know they had those there. Yeah, that's surprising. I thought they, you know, flew around on umbrellas or whatever. I wonder if the ATVs have to drive, like, on the other side of the field. That's so dumb. They better stay on the other side of the field they better stay on the other side of the field all right i'm gonna cross over into their field with a bazooka and blast these brits and their fugly teeth all the way back yeah i don't support

terrorism but i do understand why there's uh where there's a lot of islamic extremism over there like i completely support all that you know uh the more the merrier like i i think it's completely understandable and uh frankly i think i support it i get that i i went to i my band was on tour over there like a year ago now and i went to berghain and one of my days off in berlin and i was like so nervous that i wasn't gonna get in but then the only like screening that the bouncer gave me was he just like pointed he like opened his mouth and pointed at his teeth like for me to show me show him my teeth and i did and then he waved me in and i was like talking to some german guy

inside i was like yeah the bouncer just wanted to see my teeth and he was like oh lots of british people on weekends yeah that is so woke such a plague i mean speaking speaking as a member of a plague myself as a salvadoran you know plague recognize plague uh british people are are probably the most heinous you know like up there with uh probably the most heinous you know like up there with uh up there with jews and gays for for damn sure hello hello hello i um yeah i mean what what it could be more intolerable besides a british gay jewish person oh god I mean if they were oh wait I thought of someone Adam Eli yes is he Jewish

I know he's Jewish can you imagine if Adam Eli was British so yeah probably I mean he's honorary shitty body I deem thee having shitty body that's on my 2021 bingo board is uh adam elike comes out as british yeah he has a british diplomatic passport like elaine

yeah do you ever just cut out little pictures from magazines of good-looking people that you hope you look like and paste them all on your mirror so every morning you wake up and look at your mirror and try to look like the super models in the magazine no i'm normal is that just me no i definitely i thought that was definitely a normal girl thing whoops i mean yikes you know what's the thing i think not not necessarily a guy thing. The Joan Didion quote, we tell ourselves stories in order to survive. Oh, God. If you need that, I want you to have it. I never need Joan Didion and the fucking White Album.

Go throw your garbage book down the lane. I liked the one book, the magical thinking one. It was a lot sadder and less magical than I thought it was going to be. It was no Mr. Magorium's wonder emporium that's true but uh you know dustin hoffman he's so hot like the movie dustin hoffman is not hot yes he is like at any age no no no all right maybe okay if i'm alone in this that's if that's my cross he was hot in a marathon man he was hot in i heart huckabees i guess what about what about the graduate man that that was his breakout hole for me i popped a woody i think he was i think he was really hot in mr mccormick

i'm a wonder room for you that's like my ideal man it's like either you're an accountant or you run like a magical children's toy store you would love the movie grumpier old men grumpy or grumpier is that the sequel yes grumpier old men is the sequel and it is a hoot and a holler they open a fishing lines shop during the summer and an italian immigrant woman comes in and messes up the whole thing classic classic i really need yeah i haven't seen any of anything from the grumpy old men franchise but that does sound pretty much my alley yeah i'm not very familiar with the grumpy old man cinematic universe so pretty much when you're looking for vhs tapes at a thrift store there's about 10 to 20 tapes you just see so often that obviously no one wanted no one ever wanted these goddamn movies yeah yeah it's like what's the

album the oh whipped cream and other delights yes that's an actually good album though well it is it is but isn't that the thing that it's like He whips ass. Oh my god, no. Ladyfingers off of that album is one of my all-time favorite songs. But you do find that at every thrift store. Tree Dog Night, Greatest Hits is another classic. But I think Whipped Cream is

the most highly produced LP of all time. Really? There's more copies of that. Of course he was going to bump up his numbers. My album rocks. Let's do a 500 000 print run i mean the a&m in and or the a&m records is albert help herb albert so i didn't know that i never knew that that's insane sorry also he was hot as hell too so i i have no i have no i don't think I've ever seen photos of him. Okay, no offense. I'm imagining a guy that looks like Emeril. No, no, no.

The Cajun chef. I mean, if you're a trumpet player named Herb Alpert, I can't imagine you're hot, but I'm looking at photos. Hang on. I don't... Oh, okay. When he was young, yeah, he was hot. Oh, yeah.

He had... He could catch this pussysy for damn sure. I just posted it in the chat. I mean, fuck. Meow, catch this bussy. Yeah, exactly. I'm going to put the photo I saw first in the chat so you can see why I recoiled so intensely.

So I was getting sexted earlier today, speaking of a bussy and someone today was like oh i just can't wait to tear your bussy and up right all the way i was like oh that's not sexting that sounds like a threat honestly it felt very okay this guy is so hot and i was like finger me with untrimmed finger and like come on look i was i was excited this guy seemed hot whatever but i'm i'm like sitting across the table from my mom and i'm just getting messages that are like i'm gonna tear your pussy limb from limb i'm like oh fuck my pussy has limbs yeah i'm like oh no i think he's confused about anatomy yeah it's it's really

distressing when you get those those dms on on grinder that are like uh yeah i want to i want to do original night stalker shit to your ass i'm like please that's not setting a good precedent that's not good game that you're spitting right now. I love it when that's the leading line too. You don't even get a hey. That's your best line. Not even like, oh, are you today's date? Because you're a 10th. You know, that October 10th classic.

Are you today's date? Because you're 21. It's like when I got messaged also recently when someone sent me a message saying i have fantasized about us fucking will you fuck me that's kind of sweet um at 5 57 in the morning that is demented that's not sweet that is not sweet that is no and i haven't messaged talked to this person in years and i'm just like where are you getting this from like a former flag no not a former thing fling no like a nothing i see someone that i worked with oh god that's even worse that's really weird i'm calling the labor police on this guy. Kamala's about to fucking swoop in and smush him like a bug.

You need to unionize your pussy. That's right. It's so cool that I'm working for Kamala now. Congratulations. I know. It's going to be the job of the year. The job of the year. So true.

Only one year. I'm her LGBT ambassador, and I'm here to connect her to the LGBT world so that we can arrest every gay person. Yeah, what are you going to tell her? Well, I mean, we've got a lot to talk about. the words you know like the yas honey or henny or you know once she gets the who boots the house down mama i mean she's gonna get into every gay club and teach her about uh eating ass and things like that totally i mean we're gonna like completely like white bread uh jewish uh husband who's like oh absolutely like you know they probably have missionary sex like once every like three weeks and then like call it a day so like you're probably gonna have to teach her about like

you know you're gonna have to start slow with like doggy style and then be like okay so people like to suck toes sometimes uh and she's actually coming with me to every grinder uh hookup i have to take notes yeah she's just standing in the closet taking little notes like furiously writing down notes about okay this is here here's what i'm gonna make illegal uh in the bedroom in the next couple of years chastin and pete are there too but they're there just to watch they're there to learn perverts they're like no we're here on official transport area work you know we're we're here to learn perverts like no we're here on official transport area work you know we're we're here to learn how how many people can suck in 20 minutes before taking the bus

didn't the um didn't the guy who played mclovin didn't his mom like legally need to be on set when they filmed the sex scene because he was like 16 in the movie or something really i thought it was like 20 something i or maybe it wasn't mclovin maybe it was one of the other people in the movie that sounds such a uncomfortable like your mom's gonna have to be here when we film the sex scene it's acting sorry it's the rules i actually think it's really kind of like sweet and humanizing how completely boring kamala's husband is yeah that kind of appeals to me husband is yeah that kind of appeals to me i think his uh her son follows like intellectuals or followed r.i.p r.i.p yeah that's cool pour one out when are we gonna kill jonathan firstman

uh was it jordan firstman yeah whatever i'm gonna run i'm gonna run that faggot over with a tank twice just for good measure yeah i don't know man those old tweets are fucking insane yeah he's like ha ha has anyone got an uncle to rape me and he's tagging that one was a reply to rob delaney is like the most offensive part to me oh i don't even know who that is he probably needs like just like the most boring comedian on the internet but jordan firstman replied to him and said i'm looking for an uncle to rape me okay and like he's first of all jordan firstman is the most boring comedian on the internet he saw joel baker castorters uh instagram and was like i could do this even funnier with my brain we got it and there's just a deep level of offense from him because he's so stupid the best me being a savant

and seeing the stupids out there the best thing about all of his like outlandishly racist tweets is that he deleted every single tweet he's posted except for his Spotify ad that he did a couple weeks ago. But I had DM'd them to friends of mine to keep track of them so you can still click on them and then they all say it's been deleted. It's a great game. I have every single screenshot.

My favorite one was when he just said in all caps, I love skinny people. That was kind of funny victims just uh holocaust survivors getting liberated i love skinny legends oh my god skinny legends yes we survived bergen-belsen can we get a high five here wasn't it like only this year that people were trying to say Anne Frank was bisexual? Yes. Wait. Yes. I thought she was a lesbian.

It doesn't matter. She's dead. I mean, like, she barely went through puberty. Like, I don't think it matters. She was also like 14. Yeah, she was 14. This is what's more important. Yeah.

Am I? Okay. The only cool revisionist history thing with her was when Justin Bieber, Justin Bieber signed the guest book at the Anne Frank house and said, I'm sure Anne would have been a Belieber. Oh, and you know what? He would have been completely right. I'm sure she would have been. Because she was 14. Yeah, she was that age.

I'm going to say, I'm not going to say it. I can't even say it. I feel like I'm just going to be stepping on two toes. You can't even say it i feel like i'm just gonna be come on no no you can't you can't you can't walk that spit it out spit it out i'm jewish i can give you a pass okay so am i am i like really high or was there some kind of like lesbian popular like holocaust book or am i just confused uh it's called the diary of van frank god damn it no i feel like i feel like maybe the book thief had a lesbian storyline i think so i can't remember i'm not i'm not a big yeah i'm a pretty big holocaust uh scholar here

no i'm not i'm not a big holoca here. No, I'm not. I'm not a big Holocaust scholar. But that makes sense. I mean, it seems like something that someone would have shoehorned into, like, you know, some sort of Holocaust book or whatever. And like, hey, they also, you know, got the pink triangle motherfuckers in there, you know, or something. triangle motherfuckers in there you know uh or something uh did you see did you see nate silver yesterday tweeted something that was like i've spent a huge portion of my life researching covid 19 yeah how big motherfucker like how yeah you're 40 something years old man you can't have spent a huge amount of your life researching that if that's like okay like covid's been around like a year or so now right yeah if you've spent

a huge part of your life like compared to like whatever else you've been researching that means like i mean how long have you been researching like elections or whatever like what yeah or or you're three years old or you're three years old third of your life yeah i've spent a whole lot of my life researching uh israel and uh and conspiracy theories around it i've spent the whole lot of my life researching uh israel and uh and conspiracy theories around it i've spent a lot of my life researching nintendo i've owned a nintendo 64 since i was 14 oh my god i started crying the other day when i was watching the like walkthrough of super mario world in japan i want to go so bad when the when they like i forget his name the guy who invented mario when he, like, pulled out, he was, like, eating caramel peach popcorn out of a Power Star container.

It, like, made me cry because I wanted it so badly. There's a demented, like, Charlie XCX Nintendo commercial for Nintendo World. It's so cool. It's so crazy. It's really, like like when gay worlds collide when video games are working with gay people like charlie xcx i guess she's not gay but like she might feel like she's signed enough douche shit from her fans like literal douches she is uh not officially but i think she counts

as bisexual just like from her art and from her music. Yeah, via proximity. Yeah. She's kind of like our generation's Bette Midler. Yes, yes, yes. Oh my god. Shut up. There's privileges associated with that position.

One of them is, yeah, you count as gay, you have a pass. She has a laminated pass signed by Ben Mora. Bette Midler, she's not Liza Minnelli, for God's sake. I mean, Bette Midler, where is that? She's close. I mean, give her time. She's still working on her career.

She's not Judy Garland. I mean, I love her. I'm the biggest fan of her. I waited in line from 2 p.m. till 7.m to have a good spot for charlie xcx only to be turned only to be turned around because i had skates in my backpack oh they said that's horrible y'all i went i went home put the skates up went back elbowed my way into the front of the crowd i pushed a middle i pushed a middle schooler on the ground and i said oh my god oh god when i went this kid looked at me and he was like what is my birthday and i just please can i said i don't

care if you are gonna die tonight i'm standing here just the only making a make-a-wish kid eat shit just like clotheslining some some like 13year-old bald-ass kid with like, you know, leukemia. And like, yeah, and AIDS or whatever. And just be like, I want to see Charlie XCX. The only time I ever saw Charlie was at Pitchfork Festival in Paris. Because my band played at a different festival the night before. Anyway, I went because my other friend was playing um but i was like i was talking to my friend who had played like before the charlie set and we were like wait do you think she's gonna like be accidentally really insensitive and like come out on stage and say jay sweet charlie

um and then i was like no that's fucked up we shouldn't joke about that but then she did it that was the first thing she said when she like came on stage oh my god she's sweet charlie yeah oh my the first time i i uh i took molly was at a charlie xcx concert in barcelona last year and uh i assaulted several straight straight guys who i thought were were gay but they were just spanish so like i mean i guess my gaydar wasn't that well developed here in spain so like i just couldn't tell they weren't gay they just had like skinny jeans on and like had you know like glitter on them and like had painted nails or whatever right yeah it's really hard to tell uh carpenters painters and gay people uh in europe yeah they all do look the same yeah the first time i took molly was seeing the knife in denver which was like a very formative

experience of my adolescence for the silent shout shout tour or whatever no shaking the habitual oh still so good anything by the knife their perfect molly music it was incredible it would like changed my life honestly the brother is the most radical person olaf or whatever it's a brother sister band and the brother in it is like has the most talented house music career yeah his solo music is so good yeah i don't love fever ray as much as i thought it would no fever ray is lesbian music again i'm not trying to shut lesbians down i'm just saying like you gotta be cautious hear me out you have to be cautious they're one softball away from turning you into Rosie O'Donnell. I mean, come on.

Yeah. Oh, Christ. I mean, I agree that lesbians are animals and they don't deserve rights. They don't deserve rights. But still, I mean, it's kind of harsh to say it like that, you know. I can't speak for Clark's perfect body, but me and max come from a lineage of destroyed bodies um our bodies have already been broken i mean we tread a thin line of becoming rosie o'donnell every single day of our lives you know one slip up one too many po boys and i'm back you know max

slips into a big vat of paella in spain he has to eat his way back to the top and he's gonna look like he used to i'm on the opposite side of the spectrum where i'm just like atrophying no man i was i legitimately gained like 15 pounds from like straight straight up eating jamon serrano like every day like that was my only meal i was so constipated i ate zero fiber zero uh zero carbs it was just fats and proteins i felt like absolute shit i was like oh my god i'm so depressed i feel awful and then i realized oh of course like i've only been eating like ham all day every day like breakfast lunch and dinner ham and eggs like of course i'm gonna feel like this yeah and then uh you know last week i went overboard with uh you know i made like a two huge pots of um uh instant oatmeal and uh i was

dribbling water for my ass like for another week straight i think i fixed my body that way but it wasn't it was painful the oatmeal cleanse i did an oatmeal cleanse and it was not it was painful. Did the oatmeal cleanse? I did an oatmeal cleanse and it was not great. I've never heard of that. Is it effective? We'll see. I feel better now for sure. Max has been bottoming successfully for years now with this oatmeal cleanse.

He doesn't even have to douche anymore. It's so cool. I'm so jealous of someone so in charge of their own body. It's like a hospital hallway down there it is very wide and very clean it's so independent max it's not so beautiful not to get like too bathroom humor but my roommates and i ordered a bidet at the like start of covid when we were scared there wasn't gonna be any toilet paper anywhere genius this is kind of my first time like staying for an extended

amount of time away from my bidet since covid started and it's a horrible adjustment of period like i already forgot what it was like to actually have to use toilet paper it's been kind of difficult for me i i i don't even know that i'm i'm uh i'm gonna dive deep into this bathroom humor i'm on the opposite end of this spectrum as far as my ass is just full fissure. I gotta set up an appointment. I have to set up an appointment while I'm

in town to see what can be done about my asshole and my hemorrhoids. My mom came home with a bag full of suppositories and hemorrhoid cream, and I've never felt more dead inside. When I looked at that bag, I just felt all of the existential dread of the last 10 years at once. There's something very existential about having your mom pick up your suppositories.

Yeah. Especially when she gets the wrong size and they all fall out immediately they don't make sizes yeah anything i put up there just yeah right back out exactly it's about as wide as the london trunnel the underground channel thing yeah speaking of r.i.p they can't get out they closed that wait what do you mean it's done well because of the virus yeah they finally closed that disgusting island off thank the new covid that just dropped yeah covid 2 just dropped uh featuring future and uh ready yeah it's like a cyberpunk thing pop unreleased pop smoke songs it's like a cyberpunk

thing where like covid 1 wasn't working that well, so they released a patch. I don't want to nerd out, but can we talk about Cyberpunk 77 or whatever? Yeah. So PS2 has fully taken it off of the store because there's so many complaints. PS5 and PS4 have... The PlayStation Store does not feature Cyberpunk anymore. Yeah, and you can get a refund, right? Yeah.

It's a major fuck-up. People have been talking about this game for months and months, and now they probably had to rush releasing it because of COVID, and no one is satisfied. It's so fucked i like i tried not to i really try to avoid like gamer stuff online because i'm so far the opposite i mean i only started playing video games like a year and a half ago my parents never let me have it growing up um but so i like just to be incendiary even though i knew better i like tweeted like hey

when does cyberpunk come out on nintendo switch and had like seven people dming me like you fucking idiot yeah satisfying i'm not like a massive reader but i do try to keep abreast because it's just so funny to see all the meltdowns about it it's just people who um like just completely spurg out about like how about the reviews especially you know like that that's been a big a big deal yeah uh like the moment that you that you say anything about like the game review industry or whatever it's just like oh why are you being so mean to these reviewers don't you know that they're getting paid like forty thousand dollars a year for that shit it's like yeah i do know they're getting paid forty thousand dollars a year for it that's why i'm making fun of them you know like

these people choose to live this fucking life where they're you know they they have to like sign an nda to like not say anything about uh like all the game breaking bugs about the fucking game right and they still they're still like yeah sure i'll put out this this glowing review like this 10 out of 10 about how it's so fucking great it's like gaming conter away from just like from the review just being one giant soy face selfie. Like, ah, I got Cyberpunk with Keanu Reeves. Ah! You know?

Just coming in your pants about it. My favorite meltdown about Cyberpunk was all of the people being so adamant about the fact that they needed to add trigger warnings at the beginning of the game. Yeah. Which, like, not the epilepsy warning, I kind of understood, but they were like, there are references to suicide in this game like why doesn't

have a trigger warning it's like well it has a mature rating it's like yeah that's your game on playstation like yeah they invented trigger ratings a long time ago if that if that's the motherfucking case that they have to issue a suicide warning then then disney should have to put a suicide warning on the front of every copy of aladdin for robin williams aladdin robin williams robin williams killed himself and people should be weary about buying any products by him because it could result in their own suicide you could have convinced me just now that there was like an on-screen suicide in aladdin i have no fucking idea. No.

Okay, so Robin Williams. Jafar asks the genie to become trans, and he has trans with Brad, and then he kills himself. And jumps off the rug. Yeah. Long story short. Jafar jumps off the rug. Sorry. Look, long story short, I know a family whose kid killed herself because robin williams killed himself respect 11 year 11 year old killed themselves because robin williams talking about committing to the

bit yeah i mean literally so as far as i could tell you that's so mean i feel bad about that one no no i mean i'm just saying you every you should put a suicide warning on on the copy of the bird cage because you might kill yourself i mean that movie did kind of make me want to kill myself but well that too but also like obviously any movie you could kill yourself if robin williams is in it just by the inspiration there could be a lawsuit out there like a class action lawsuit for teenagers who attempted suicide based on Robin Williams. Yeah, lawyer up.

Lawyer up, Disney. I'm sure they want battered away or something or have it thrown out on a technicality like they have with all the labor lawsuits that they get from uh uh like from disneyland employees uh like right suing disney so they so they have to like to wear a mask or like mandate masks at disney world which they never did i don't think do you remember when banksy got arrested at disney wait what when was that like in his, I think it was in Exit at the Gift Shop because he put a Guantanamo Bay prisoner

on one of the rides. And then he was detained by the private security at Disney World. That rocks. That rocks. Banksy's so fucking cool. You know he gets pussy off his fucking art too. That's the number one.

Do you think he makes girls sign ndas uh yes 100 also don't know just to put it in perspective i mean banksy whatever his art whatever but he's literally one of the core members of massive attack i know don't forget massive attack is such a good band i can't imagine i mean yeah banksy did the house md theme song you know that's that's his most crucial work that that's also fucking elizabeth frazier which is crazy is she did you know that i didn't know that no no no she's featured on the song teardrop whoa that's crazy i had no idea the woman vocals on that are elizabeth frazier that's what's on your mind you really blew my mind wow who's furiously typing like a fool sorry that's me i love you i'm looking i'm looking up uh banksy i hate this uh fucking max every time i record with max all you can hear is the pitter patter of his little delicate feminine fingers all over the keyboard sending aims to fucking

19 year olds asking if they could send him that Grateful Dead track he's been wanting to hear. I love how you dropped that smug fact about Massive Attack and then immediately crossed your arms and like sat back in your chair. Okay, that's right. Speaking of Grateful Dead, you know who's been

copying me about listening to the Grateful Dead? Talia Lavin. Actually, actually no not talia lavin uh lena dunham lena dunham posted a video of her like dancing along to like a really shitty version of althea from like the 80s does she follow you she does not follow me but she is copying me i can tell you that for sure because i'm the only one who's been starting listening to the grateful dead in 2020 yeah that's nobody else it was so weird i was hanging out with max 10 years ago in san francisco in in the hate ashbury and he was writing the screenplay for this the project he called untitled and i swear to god it was only a month later after he lost

the screenplay that lena dunham put out girls so it's like a long time pattern lena dunham and i we have a content stealing yeah uh that tracks i gotta confess i'm one of those like annoying people that kind of really doesn't like listening to the grateful dead but really likes wearing grateful dead shirts i know that's like the worst thing but that's that's the worst thing about me and it's on the table really good aesthetic you know it's great shirts great shirts. They have a really good aesthetic. Great shirts. Beautiful shirts. I love those little dancing bears.

I used to take acid in a massive scumbag. Yeah, exactly. I'd rather have three more strokes from eating po'boys than take another tab of acid again in my life. I don't think i would come out today

i mean i really i i want to say 40 okay it was just huge look look how much space there is on that oh my god oh my god yeah that's a big po boy jesus christ it's it's it's a foot long i mean i love how you ask or like how you wonder why you have so many hemorrhoids and then you show that massive amount of... I had a po-boy with 40 shrimp in it. I've been on an ass destruction tour for like 10 years. It definitely had nothing to do with me eating shit. My hemorrhoids are solely from uh the years and years of bottom abuse yeah no solidarity we all make mistakes like being gay yeah which i never chose choice we

all make and sometimes it really is a mistake yeah it's definitely a mistake in general. Can we pause for one second so I can grab a drink? Yeah, of course. I'm going to make a drink myself as well. I'm going to pee really quick too. Yeah, of course. All right, we're back. all right okay i feel like such a like parody of myself like recording a podcast episode upstairs while my parents are cooking dinner downstairs okay it's so funny with that bunk bed in the background i'm like what kind of cult house are you in yeah it's actually a trundle it's like a three bunk there's another one that pops out at the bottom oh my god what what kind of gulag are

they running here look at this beautiful large size corona that's the size of my head oh my god thick queen just thank you thank you for recognizing me for who I finally am. I just posted a picture of me talking alone with y'all not on the Zoom and I posted what recording be like. It's perfect. It's really good. Did you see how many

likes my tweet got off of the Seeking Derangements page last night i did not know oh the bernie one thousand oh my god yes and and and and people have random people who have started following us because of it that's called gorilla marketing oh yeah okay um but i posted a picture of bernie and ariana grande and i said congrats on the engagement and it got literally 4402 retweets what's your most viral tweet this is it this is it oh my god congratulations it's a great feeling right i i was like oh finally i feel like i'm getting more likes than ben right now and that's all that matters yeah yeah i forgot to introduce myself as ben fuck i want to i want

to put a dam up that absorbs all of the likes that would normally go straight into ben's river ben's river of course. Ben's River. Wait, what were you going to say, Clark? I was going to... I was trying to think of the agricultural term for when you divert water, but I couldn't come up with it, and it would have been stupid to say it anyway.

First of all, it's pronounced fag-ri-culture-al. So try to use your degree. I don't even have a high school diploma, and you don't know fag-ri-culture-al or cultural i mean you might want to go back at this rate there was a there was a math teacher has a degree from the fucking streets yeah that's right i have a degree yeah that's what they call community college around here the school of hard knocks yeah i had a school where they still have corporal punishment uh of hard knocks. I had a math teacher. It's the one school where they still have corporal punishment. Hard knocks has a different meaning.

Look, I'll tell you one thing. Every time you say anything that's against the American military complex in class, if you mention that you don't like veterans or something, some guy is going to rip his dog tags off of his chest, slam them on the table, and say, excuse me, but I did not serve this country for me not to be recognized as a hero. Where is my free po' boy? That's right.

I love the stolen valor videos on YouTube. That's one of my guilty pleasures. What the hell is stolen valor? When people dress up as a veteran, even though they're not, to get discounts. And then there's all these videos of actual veterans calling them out. It's so good. Hey, what was the name of your commanding officer? Where were you stationed?

Which squadron were you in? Yeah, exactly. So I tried to fake being a veteran in missoula montana to get a uh antibody covid test because it was rumored that the only place you could get an antibody covid test for a while in missoula was from the veterans association so i called and they were like like after i answer all these questions they were like okay so just so you know if you are faking being a veteran you will be killed they're like we don't like they should really have they should have killed me when they had the chance yeah that was a big misstep honestly i think anyone who has a gripe against me and and hasn't actively tried to kill me

is not trying hard enough i mean like come for the queen you better not miss you know literally like if you're gonna play chess you better know have some very precise moves yeah you better not forget that queen on right um well well i guess to close it out jock you had, you had a bit of a game for us, right? Okay, so tonight we're going to be playing a game. Typically when I'm perusing the VHS tapes at a thrift store, I see a lot of titles that just look like they have no meaning in life. I see movies like Face Off, and I'm like,

what in the hell could this plot line be? Oh, Face Off's a classic. If you haven't seen that, then it's like... I did see Face Off twice in jail in english and in spanish wait wait wait as he's taking a dab you can't you can't take a dab after you say i saw face off twice and like and offer no explanation okay so i was in this like general population cell on the third floor uh for the first two weeks of jail and they it was like mostly latinas and you know they would have a lot of like spanish television on or like just movies that were in spanish and at one point they played the movie face off on all of the tvs and then immediately after they switched

to another channel and played it in spanish wow that's very inclusive it was so i was like wow that was like the most it was the most spanish i had ever heard in my life that's very woke more that was more spanish than me living in corpus christi texas that's that's biden's uh criminal justice reform platform yeah any movies that are played in the rec room of jails get played in english and spanish yeah but face off isn't really a mystery it's you know they take someone's face off and put it on someone else but like anyway there's movies that you posted here you've sent us here that are like legitimately. I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about.

So the first movie that I posted the picture of is The Tall Guy, which I kept seeing in VHS stores and being like, what? What is this it's got on the front of it jeff goldblum looking like disturbingly tall like easily six seven six eight oh at the minimum yeah emma thompson is the main female lead in this and rowan atkinson aka mr bean is featured on the front and he's dressed up as the pope he's dressed up as the pope so i only know what this movie is about because i got so curious i finally bought it from a vhs store and what lied ahead was nothing i ever could have imagined so in the live adaptation in the movie universe of this plot line um jeff goldblum is a theater actor playing the role of the elephant man damn where is it like synecdoche new york or something yeah i mean he and he meets emma

thompson and is competing rowan atkinson is his villain uh rival actor in the movie who plays a pope or something i mean it's just like nonsense i'm knocking over my dab torch and i'm gonna accidentally burn my mom's house which my mom was furious that i was dabbing in the house anyway she's like you cannot dab in the garage you are gonna light it on fire there are too many flammable chemicals in there she has a point she's right yeah yeah whatever whatever whatever i didn't get i didn't come on here to get yelled at so the next movie i posted in this little group chat between us all was grumpy old men i'm sure you've seen it before um the cover classic starring wal Matthew and Jack Lemon. Is that actually how Jack Lemon's name is spelled?

Two M's? Yes. That really doesn't seem right to me. Well, Jack Lemon obviously isn't right to begin with. They should have stopped making movies after The Odd Couple. Uh, I just, you know,

again, I saw this for years in the thrift store and I was like, what kind of movie could this add up to be? It's a Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross cash-in, I guess. Right? I mean, that's what it looks like to me, because I think Walter Matthau was in that, right? I mean, I know Jack and Walter was in that for sure.

Is it about a love triangle? Exactly. They fall for the younger neighbor, margaret and jack and walter fuck no no no at least like at least like a what's it called devil's three-way no i mean they didn't even eiffel tower which is where you put your hands together yeah oh i'm not gonna watch it now oh i mean it's a great movie i don't have any nudes online oh my god fuck off oh my you you i now i get it now now i understand why you like frazier so much you little horny little fag just beating off to to frazier seems like a crime honestly well i mean it is

i really do think it is canonically like the i think fraser is canonically the gayest show on tv but we don't have to get into that i mean you're right about it being the gayest show on tv but like in the pejorative way uh no i think it's also like the gayest as in as in gay yeah yeah uh but i think you're right either way the gayest tv show is american idol are you kidding me clay aiken yeah but that's a little too on the nose that's surface level you don't have to dig for it that's reality tv like anything could happen there uh like you gotta watch more fraser yeah i actually like a couple months ago spent some time like ranking out the gayest episodes of fraser i made like the top 10 i can send that

list to you if you want oh my god i guess i you know i love cheers the thing is i love cheers and then i'm like oh a 90s spinoff of cheers this is gonna be great and i watched fraser and i brought i bought the dvds from a garage sale and i watched a disc full and i took them out of the case and i just snapped every single one i was two kinds of people there's cheers people and there's fraser people and full and I took them out of the case and I just snapped every single one. I was pissed. There are two kinds of people. There's Cheers people and there's Frasier people. We'll learn to coexist one day.

Yeah, it's chill. It's fine. It's probably just because I fuck women too that I like Cheers. I'm a bisexual so this is probably my curse. Right. Yeah. I didn't know that about you. I think it's more because you're you're poly i think that might be more of the more the reason why i have two diseases it's called being bi and

being poly and uh they're gonna kill me one day my doctor says i'm not gonna survive really fucking hope so sorry you have it coming no you're not going anywhere it's no it's no surprise that if i die max inherits uh a world of uh louisiana shrimp stocks and multiple you know there's lots of cajun subsidiaries that were hidden and vhs copies of grumpy old men and grumpy year old men i will i will leave um max my most precious vhs my 1997 nowhere copy oh god yeah what do i get all those beanie babies are gonna need a home now i'm i'm not ready to be a father to all those beanie babies it sounds like a lot of responsibility yeah oh yeah how did you how did you throw all the Princess Diana ones under a fucking caterpillar?

You know, like, I'm not... Just tie a stone to them and throw it in the ocean. I can't deal with that. I'm going to meet a woman after this recording in the parking lot of an Albertsons so she can open the back of her car and sell me um beanie babies out at the back oh god i've been messaging her for three days on facebook marketplace did anyone buy the painting you posted there no i wish but um no

people are probably just looking at it snickeringering, going, look how ugly this shit is. I don't ever sell. I love the concept of like a collector who tries to like get like new talent off of Facebook marketplace. Kyla, our mutual friend of me and Clark's told me that more people are buying original art off of eBay and Etsy than ever before since before since of covid yeah because they can't go to galleries yeah yeah i bought i bought some original art off of etsy not that long ago i found this guy in pennsylvania who has like a huge collection of pet frogs and has them act out different scenes and takes photos of them oh my god that sounds so really cool um so on the next up on our little movie uh i just kept seeing made in america yeah i've never seen that any movie with whoopi goldberg and it catches my eye

and ted danson feels crazy to me i know and do you know they dated? What? Like in real life? Yes, yes, yes. Ted Danson wore – Did she make him wear a black face or something? Yeah, yeah. Wait, let me explain this story. Yes, yes. Please do. Please do. What?

So there was an accolade that Whoopi Goldberg was achieving. An accolade? Sorry, an accolade? An accolade. Some kind of achievement with an award, you know? Yes, okay. Whatever. Look, so she's receiving an award and ted is going to

introduce her beforehand and whoopi goldberg has hired a makeup artist to paint him to look like a menstrual performer um but whoopi did it not ted yeah no ted got the makeup done ted is in menstrual makeup and black face and whoopi goldberg has written a comedy routine based on his makeup for him to perform so there's i've never seen the recording of it but he performs this you You know, the Academy or whoever that was giving Whoopi the award was just disgusted. That's crazy. That rules. Honestly, big respect. So wild.

I've never heard of that. Yeah, there's a great picture of Ted Danson. And quite literally, the most racist, like more racist than what's his name? the most racist make like more racist than um uh what's his name uh like the virginia governor's makeup uh like that big curve love hole from a couple years ago i don't know holy shit this is horrible wait are you looking at the pictures of it yeah oh my god he's just standing in there and like i mean it could be worse it could have been a full body thing this is just like his face the look on his face he looks like horrified as to what he has to do I mean it's

so bad it's so like there's one where he's smiling and I think he looks really good in that but still I mean Jesus fucking Christ well anyway so the artwork for this movie Made in America is whoopi goldberg wearing a dashiki and like yoga pants looking at ted danson who is in jeans cowboy boots and a

cowboy hat and and a denim shirt too don't forget well i'm only saying dashiki because in the movie whoopi goldberg owns an african heritage Oh, wow. I feel like her name, the name of the store, and it exclusively sells, like, African books and, like, African cultural garb. Meanwhile, Ted Danson's character runs a used car sales lot, and Whoopi Goldberg's daughter is trying to determine who her father is because Whoopi Goldberg had sperm, like went to a sperm bank. Oh, wow. Is Ted Danson the father?

Is that too much of a spoiler? No, it's not too much. the research she finds out that even though whoopi goldberg requested a tall handsome black man that lo and behold it was ted danson sperm wow yeah and and they give him a name that's kind of reads black they his name is zora matthews what the oh sorry the daughter's name is zora matthews the mom's name uh whoopi goldberg's name is sarah and she only has she always has these like really weird like uh i don't want to say racially ambiguous but like really weird names in her movies from that era. I mean, in Fatal Beauty, her name is Rita Rizzoli. It's so fucked up.

Like, what the fuck is going on with that? You know, you need to see this movie if you haven't. Oh, God. That's coming up soon, by the way, that movie review. We'll get to that. Yeah, we'll definitely get to that. Fatal Beauty is Whoopi Goldberg as a DEA agent tracking down a poisonous batch by the way that that movie review we'll get to that yeah we'll definitely get to that fatal beauty is whoopi goldberg as a dea agent tracking down a poisonous batch of blow that is laced with pcp and fentanyl and this is a movie from the 80s the fact that they're talking about fentanyl

like fentanyl has been around this long i didn't even know it had been around since the 80s that's it's just crazy. That's really fucking sad. Yeah. It's just like it took that long for people to get that. Yeah. And finally, the main way that fentanyl is coming into the U.S., if you didn't know this, is independent people from the U.S.

were posing as pharmaceutical companies buying fentanyl directly from the factory in China. That rocks. That's the kind of entrepreneurship that the Reagan administration fully supports. Now that's guerrilla marketing. That is guerrilla marketing. Yeah. Okay.

Reagan's legacy. Another Whoopi Goldberg movie you come across in these VHS bins is Theodore Rex. Yes. It is. Yes. It looks so sick. You're a classic run-of-the-mill cop movie, but with a twist. It's the future.

And her partner is a humanoid. Hello. T-Rex. Tyrannosaurus Rex. The size of a person yeah he wears three converse on each foot

oh cause they have the little toes yeah they have those that's kinda cute I like that detail oh so cute in a perverted way would you fuck someone who had three feet on each leg god no I think I might in a perverted way. Would you fuck someone who had three feet on each leg? God, no. I think I might.

I'll barely fuck someone with two feet on their legs. You know, I mean... But there's nothing that should make sense about this movie. Yeah. She was also in a 9-11 movie from a couple of years ago

with Charlie Sheen and Gina Gershon. Which one? It's literally called 9-11. It looks like it was like a really shitty direct-to-video release. But yeah, it has Jacqueline Bissett, Gina Gershon, Charlie Sheen, and Whoopi Goldberg in it. Which honestly seems like a really winning cast. I don't know how it didn't win more. It didn't get more money at the box office.

Wow. You can get it on Blu-ray. It can't be that bad. Yeah. How did Theodore Rex not turn out the box office? Yeah. I would have seen that play. I'm still trying to get my refund. Refund for what for what oh when i i saw theodore rex in theaters when i was a child and i've been pursuing a long action uh civil case to have my money refunded for the movie it was just a bad movie i just felt like you know i was being betrayed do you think

they're gonna adjust the ticket price for inflation um for what movie theaters everyone's already been shot in all of them they're all it's over i mean because when you when you were a kid a movie was probably like four bucks you know so i feel like the return you get should be like four dollars and 35 cents or whatever minus movies were still minus attorney fees 90s movies were still $10. Okay. Yeah. I feel like movie theaters, they're expensive. Yeah.

All the popcorn. You got to get the snacks. It costs a lot to run those things. Yeah. Let's see. In a 2015 interview with the Brazilian newspaper Folha de São Paulo, Goldberg stated that this is the only film she regrets ever having done. Don't ask me why I did it. I didn't want to, she said.

Damn. Theodore Rex? Yeah, Theodore Rex. That's so harsh. It looks like her best movie. She made a verbal agreement to star in the film in 1992, and then she attempted to back out, and then she got sued, and they settled,

and then she just agreed to star in the film, which is, yeah, for more money than that was agreed to at the beginning so like i guess she got paid for it but still like yeah fuck that sucks these poor celebrities suffer so much at the hands of society also we need with the filmography like whoopi goldberg so it's kind of impressive that she only has one she regrets yeah she's been in i mean if you consider all the shitty movies she's been in exactly but yeah i'd regret like at least five she played she played satan or like the ruler of the underworld in this movie called monkey bone that's really cool it's with brendan frazier

if you've never seen this movie it is psychotic um anything where brendan frazier is the main actor and should be noted as being watched by someone with mental illness how many movies has she been in with brendan frazier this seems like a recurring theme um enough you know enough to where she was like i just got to get a restraining order i'm gonna stay away from him it's not working out it's like i'm getting cast together so have any of y'all ever seen secretary i'm sure you've seen the film art with these legs yeah i'm familiar i the first thing i noticed looking at this poster is that it says a film by steven scheinberg but the font is kind of blurry and i wonder if they were trying to get people to think it was steven spielberg so i read that and i thought it was and i was so surprised um i think

my dad likes this movie okay so i love this movie but i never knew what it was about for years i looked at it i was like what oh is this like a sexy uh movie about a relationship between james spader and uh his secretary, Maggie Gyllenhaal. No. It looks like what it's going to be about. I was really wrong because the movie is Maggie Gyllenhaal straight out of mental health rehab for cutting herself. Oh, my God. And she's very addicted to it.

And the first scene, she's throwing out all of her cutting tools post-rehabilitation. And then the first job she gets is as a secretary with james spader and of course it turns into a psychosexual relationship where james spader is a dom and uh maggie gyllenhaal is a massive submissive, and she has to wear all kinds of BDSM outfits while doing secretary activities. And she, James Spader at some points, makes her eat one single carrot and one single pea as her entire dinner.

Holy shit. In front of her parents. It's so demented oh my god sounds horrific yeah but it's a sweet romance movie slash uh you know a girl adjusting to life i'm sorry no there's a section on the wikipedia about how uh she's forced to piss her dress that doesn't sound like a sweet romantic movie jock i'm sorry it depends on your definition of romance no no if you watch the movie they frame it as being very sweet that sounds like kink shanking the uh kink shanking kink shaving i'm gonna shank you

for your kink i'm gonna shank your kink kink shaming is valid honestly no i agree i agree we would have a twisted society if we weren't looking at these kinks with the magnifying glass we do there are some things that need more shame introduced i think yeah speaking of shame um it was britney murphy's uh death date yesterday oh no it was her anniversary and uh you know growing up i had never seen uptown girls and i always saw the cover and i was like oh my god it's dakota fanning yeah it's like what it's like a i always imagined that the plot line was like one sweet failed abortion later and i had my daughter jezebel oh my god what's bernie murphy's character's name um she looks like charlotte horny broad number one yeah i mean there's a lot of horny broads in this movie so you have to distinguish

There's a lot of horny broads in this movie, so you have to distinguish. I think the next one is, well, we have Left Behind, which is, it seems like your regular disaster movie. Yeah, I'm just amazed that I've never heard of any of these actors. So Left Behind is, I had to look it up. I'm pretty sure it's a Christian horror movie. That's cool oh like rapture yes yes and i want to watch that all right i mean i never knew it just looks disturbed well there's another version of this movie with uh with what's his name, Nick Cage. That's the 2014 version. That sounds cool. From the runaway bestselling novel.

I don't trust anything based on a bestselling novel. If you call it a runaway bestselling novel, then it's definitely a shitty book that you're really trying very hard to flog. Did your bestselling novel run away you better go catch it yeah have y'all ever seen working girl i haven't no it seems like a bad knockoff of nine to five with oh my god harrison ford and sigourney weaver struck my curiosity for years and when I satisfied to watch it, oh my god.

Alec Baldwin, hot, young. Joan Cusack, hot, young. Everyone's got hair to their asshole. I mean, there's so much hair. Big volume. Kevin Spacey, hot, young. hair big kevin spacey hot young sagoni weaver is oh my god actually kevin spacey isn't it and he's so creepy he plays a creepy guy he's just traditional he always plays creepy guys it's like yeah you know i wonder why yeah

well sagoni weaver is the villain in this movie and she well yeah she's wearing red on the cover melanie griffith is her assistant who is doing taking care of her stuff while sigourney weaver is on a ski trip in the 80s in switzerland she breaks her foot and melanie griffith starts posing as her and doing business deals and then working with harrison ford who is not only an arrival company but is also sagoni weaver's boyfriend wow and so sagoni weaver comes back from switzerland and is like what the fuck are you doing that's my man this is my company god speaking of ski trips in switzerland i when i first moved to philly i started working at this pizza shop that was like the worst shop

i've ever had i worked there for like two years um yikes where i've worked a pizza place i i hated my boss so much he was like the definition of a nightmare boss like wouldn't fix anything there was like an open hole in the middle of the floor like where the customers go not even just where the staff goes there's like no heat or hot waters it was horrible but the like point of antipathy between his workers and him was that he like wouldn't fix anything in the shop but then would go on these lavish ski vacations and he fucking the last the last one he went on he hit a tree and died um damn your your boss was sonny bono yeah it was i mean it was just great because that was the thing that everyone who worked there latched on to it was like frank and his fucking ski trips and

then he died on one um and people like kept running the shop until they were out of money in the drawer oh yeah yeah just run the till dry exactly damn david deconi is in this one too that's awesome wow working girl is one of the coolest movies ever 10 out of 10 if you ever saw it and you're like maybe i should watch this worth the watch okay this next one i had seen at movie theaters uh blockbuster growing up and i was always so curious what it was like showgirls i mean anyone who's horny would look at this movie cover and say oh my god i want a piece of that i love the cover so cool okay the craziest movie i've ever seen in my life hands down crazier than 120 Days of Sodom. Crazier than every Gaspar Noel movie. The Showgirls is the wildest movie I've ever seen in my life.

I really need to watch it. I know it's a classic. Neither of you have ever seen it? I know it's a classic. Okay. So, Jessie, the girl that plays Jessie on Saved by the Bell, is a hitchhiker. Hitchhikes to Las Vegas and then gets a taste of the show life,

starting off as a stripper and rising to the rights of a rockette dancer. Wow. Oh, my God, this movie. Kyle MacLachlan has bangs that cover his eyes, and there's a scene where she's dancing naked on him as a stripper and she makes him come and kyle mclaughlin coming with these bangs is something that will haunt you for a lifetime oh my god

are you guys clicking the internet looking at it bad he looks oh my god this is a pulver hoven movie holy shit wait what did he do what else this guy did starship troopers he did basic instinct total recall robocop oh my fucking like this guy is is like legitimately uh probably one of the best hill directors of all time i know this movie is a massive dog gag that's why i haven't been like interested in seeing it i guess um this movie crashed yeah yeah it was a notorious uh lemon i guess it has a really good uh there's a really good how did this get made episode about it i think it's like one of the first ones that they

ever did but yeah i might watch this tonight yeah warning warning if you're gonna watch this movie it has one of the most horrific rape scenes known to man uh otherwise it's a journey into the crazy shit there's a lot of dancing in it that is so dated um i mean there's just so many different actors. Damn. That red-haired gay guy who's in every single movie as a gay person and as a choreographer, he's in Curb Your Enthusiasm as Larry David's choreographer for the producers. Right, right. When he's in the theatrical version of that. I love your review of a movie saying there's so many actors. You are going to love this movie movie saying there's so many actors you are gonna love this movie there's just actors on actors um and you know the final movie that i'm gonna drop here that i was just like what could this

movie be about is earth girls are easy i love how jeff goldblum has been in like at least a quarter of the movies you sent he's like all over the place okay listen listen to this cast gina davis jim carrey damon wyans jeff goldblum and julie brown or screenplay by julie brown or whatever no it said it says and introducing julie brown so that was Julie Brown's first role. Ah, yeah, okay. Well, get back up. This movie is so wild. Underneath it is a picture of Jim Carrey,

Jeff Goldblum, and Dwayne... Or Damon Wayans. Yeah. Oh, that's from that movie? You're just too high to say black people's names, Jock. I think that's very problematic of you. Okay, get out of town. Should apologize next episode. Yeah, yeah.

I have to apologize every next episode. If Jock knew how to write, he would put out a medium apology, but since he doesn't... If I knew how to write, i'd be out of this jail cell by now yeah exactly um yeah i didn't realize this picture you sent was from that movie it looks really cool kind of like so demented there's a reason for numbers so these three are aliens you know jeff goldblum jim carrey and damon wyans are all aliens from outer space they have crash landed on earth and gina davis is the first to find them and decides

to give them a makeover shave off all of their fur which is bright primary colors and dress them as normal people and try to integrate them into human society wow i really like the the subheader is an out of this world down to earth romantic comedy that's sweet it's so romantic again 10 out of 10 in the romance department take some notes all you simps out there trying to win the hearts over yeah dress dress up like a furry and get some furry pussy yeah and pretend you're an alien pretend you're an alien literally i mean look is there an alien culture in in the furry fandom that's something that i think needs to be studied a little bit more it has to be i feel like there is there's like furry culture and then there's like alien sex culture i don't know how much

they overlap all i know is that there's an alien uh fetish culture that revolves about being impregnated by a tentacle or an alien appendage i'm familiar and they fill people up with tapioca eggs yeah like like i need that yeah that's my christmas wish it's like one of the only safer things to put up your ass I need that. That's my Christmas wish. It's like one of the only safer things to put up your ass. If you're going to put like a... It's a tapioca? Yeah, it's not like reusable silicone eggs. It's like tapioca made eggs for the consistency.

Like bubble tea? Do you think you get like a contact sugar high? Like the same as like boofing? I'm so hyper. I just got a bunch of tapioca shoved in my asshole. I would love a coffee enema for that one reason. Have you ever done one? No, I want the energy.

It's heaven. It's so nice. That's hot. You got a sharp one? I want to. I want to get like real energetic with it oh my god i'm about to go out to youngsville louisiana to go skate at a 1.5 billion dollar uh this is so funny uh baseball field like a children's baseball field that Louisiana invested over $1.6 billion.

That's awesome. That's really cool. Was it for like the World Series, like the League World Series or something? Yes, yes, yes. Oh my God. Hell yeah. That's really cool. Shout out.

And it gets so underused. I go and skate there at night. They keep all the lights on at night it's perfect they have tennis courts you can skate on i mean that sounds like a dream it's a no-brainer yeah clark do you have any do you have any final words to say before we send you back into the new jersey sewer space no thanks for having me on this was fun i i want to watch these movies now that we've talked about them oh my god i'll send you a list of everything you've ever needed to watch yeah i

would appreciate that max do you have any final words too uh yes i i do have some things to plug uh you guys uh we're gonna have i think this is gonna be a free episode uh over christmas on our patreon we're gonna have a review of one of these films, TBD. I know you guys liked the last one we did. So we're going to have Ben and Jacques and I watch, I think, Fatal Beauty. And then we're going to review it and post it on there for you guys.

So check that out. We're going to put a link in the description for that. Jacques, do you have anything to plug on here? you know everyone should be taking trips to louisiana and uh no you should not absolutely not that's a fucking that that's an awful covet hot spot do not take a trip to louis don't go here don't come here if you travel to louisiana without a mask the jock will give you a kiss yes oh that's so sweet though if anyone's willing to uh break covid protocol to kiss me uh just send me a dm that's my only shout out um i i started a podcast like two weeks ago if i can plug that yes yes of course it's called group project with john and clark it's free because we haven't figured out how to make a patreon yet so get in while you can all right all right everybody it's been great uh thank you very much for coming on clark uh thank you for thank you for having me

good old good old friend of mine uh jock uh thank you very much everyone for listening uh goodbye this dog that just got here my brother's dog just got here oh my god well Thank you very much everyone for listening Goodbye Look at this dog that just got here My brother's dog just got here Merry Christmas dog Three legged dog Runs into the room Bye y'all

Bye Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.