Seeking Derangements - SD 443 - No Fats No Fems

Episode Date: October 5, 2025

It's Seeking Sunday! Hello divas! Ben here, today Jacques, Hesse, and I discuss Pete Hegseth's new standards for the military, come up with some of our own, trash the new AI actress, and end the episode with some readings from the NYT's The Ethicist.

J. The W. The Wannini, Makasa, Mahondra'i, Best Belichon. I'm going to Amo dae lae lava come and ramo

Waspanzoola Best believer. Do you want to get her drunk? I want to get it, but I have my vape. I need my vape. Okay, go quit your vape. Hello, everyone. Welcome to Seeking arrangements.

We had a very special occasion on our hands. Hesse is the one who is in here. In her defense, she did say that she needed to push back, which I usually, I'm fine with. I don't care. I ride Jock's ass about it because if I don't encourage him to be on time, it's like we just don't record. But I'm giving Jock the opportunity to hostily welcome Hesse to Work Depot.

Let's go before that ignorant slut gets the chance to come back here. We're recording. We're recording. Everyone, this is a free episode of seeking derangements. So if you like what you hear, please go subscribe to our Patreon. Patreon. Patreon. I just got my haircut.

I just got my haircut today. Your mic is muted, divo. I think it's very cute. I think it's very masculine of you. I think it shows you have class. You have style. welcome to listening divas this is jacques the on time suicide slut i am rebranding a making a new content uh thing it's just going to be like suicide girls except for the new generation of

mbys queers and anything else that falls in that between you don't have my zen joc i'm gonna let you i'm gonna let you talk for about five minutes while i'll go get my sin you can hold it down, right? Fine. I can hold it down, but don't do anything crazy. But you have to include this. Tell me you're going to include this. You better perform for your life. I'm going to perform for my life, but if you edit, if you edit this out. Well, it better be worth it. It better be worth it. I think you can do it. You better perform for your fucking life. I'll be right back. Hi, everyone. My name is Jacques Gonslin, and I'm here to tell you a story of turmoil, of love, and of tragedy. It starts in a small Louisiana town named Lafayette, Louisiana, where someone by the

name of Jacques Gonselin lives. That's me. And I once dreamed of being a vagrant loitering monstrosity, where I would go and I would find houses that were being built, and we would destroy them. and that wasn't right and so we stopped and one time I hit a pipe in the ground until it popped and busted

and that wasn't right but that's not the story I'm here to tell I guess it wasn't worth it after all okay I'm back what did you say honestly I didn't even think I felt under the pressure to say something and I didn't say that I didn't deliver that well.

Anyways, welcome, everyone. Hesel will be here momentarily. I just wanted to give Jock. I wanted to make a good faith gesture to Jock and let him welcome Hessa to work, Diva. So anyways, Jock. Welcome to work, my untoned hair, diva. Untoned? Oh, I'm talking about, I'm practicing what I'm going to say to Hessa.

Your hair is perfectly toned. Thank you, my hair. I really like my haircut. No, it looks super cute. Ben's got this big... I'm kind of pushing my hair. back now. Which makes me look, it's kind of the sinister gay male hairstyle is to comb your hair back, but whatever. This one thick corn row in the middle is kind of like taking, pulling back

your forehead in this way that like really kind of shows that you have. Do you remember when Megan McCain, when Megan McCain used to have her hair was like that all the time on the view? Honestly, no, because I don't really remember Megan McCain. Right. She used to have some of the craziest haircuts. My favorite haircut or my favorite hairstyle. I should She said that she did, which she basically had exactly what you described. But it was it wasn't a corner. It was one small French braid down the middle line of her hair, and then just like flat ironed on either side. It was maybe the one of the most psychotic hairstyles I've ever seen.

I think they call that a Dutchy freak out. Something like it. Honey, take that Dutch stuff back to Dutchland. We don't need it here in America. Wake it up. What are you up to you today, Jock? I have some stuff. There's stuff prepared.

I want to show you guys that. Ask me, what am I up to today and then immediately say, well, this is what I have prepared. No, I'm just to say, for the listeners out there, we do what we did. I did prepare stuff for today. We're going to read some ethicist submissions. We're going to talk about Pete Heggseth, going after all the fat troops. I think Hassan wants to talk about an AI actress. I hate this Tilly girl.

How dare they take the time away from my Tilly, my queen. Tilly, the Tilly that is the girl from Chucky. Period. We'll get into that. So we'll get into. How are you? Obviously, I'm mentally disabled. I'm feeling maximum depressed.

Oh, you seem like you're in a good mood. Oh, well, that's why- You seem energetic, you're on time. Well, guess what? That's called showing up to work, ready to work. Under any circumstances. I'm saying this. Watch this. Watch how untimely and ready for work I sound, even though I'm sad. It's just the tone of my voice that changes everything. I am so fucking sad. Do you have a customer service voice? Actually, no, I've heard you talk. You do this thing when you don't have a customer. A lot of people will get like more polite or there'll be more Karen like, but you, oftentimes I feel like you kind of work your way into flattery and then you'll switch to threats.

with customer service. Am I wrong? I don't know if, I don't know if that's like what you saw is what you get. I've just been on, I remember when you were having your storage wars with KubeSmart in Denver. Well,

the man's dog shit ended up in my box, in my, in my box of my clothing, and it was wrapped in my friend's funeral shirt. Wait, so your theory is, a guy let his dog relieve himself in your storage unit? No, no, no, no. I was moving things from my storage unit to the elevator.

Wait, John, get ready. Get ready. Hess is here. Just let us know when you're here so we can... Hang on one second. Oh. Jock, you missed you. That was your perfect opportunity to give... No, don't you...

Okay, okay. You can still land a plane. Welcome to work, Diva. I don't think she's... Hello. Oh, hello. Oh, about time you showed up. We've just been just going on and on having the time of our lives.

I wanted to give Jock an opportunity to welcome to work diva someone. Okay, beautiful. Sorry, Hessa. So welcome to work diva. Oh, are you recording? Oh, we're recording, honey. Oh, period. Period.

Period. Why would it matter that I could say welcome to work diva alone? Do you think I would get the same gratification? would get the same gratification well hasa hasa just wanted to make sure that we were recording because she didn't want to be you know like she usually assures you has he usually doesn't talk to jock unless we're yeah i have a front of stage back of stage kind of relationship when we have dinner we don't talk to each other we just um just shake each other's hands about midway to the meal once um by the way if you're wondering

made way through the meal um if you're wondering why my name is suicide slut i'm pitching a new business model it's like suicide girls except it's more non-binary and uh it's for a new generation okay but it's it's it's people with tattoos alternative um you know people i feel like suicide girls are already i feel like they skew kind of non-biony a little bit you know not don't you dare try don't you don't first of all you would both come from my new business model without support and with full disdain and try to i'm not really understanding what the well you know it's quite simple it's quite simple you remember suicide girls are we there can we put ourselves right there no i got i'm just i don't understand this seems more like just an idea than a business yeah i i i actually

don't know how suicide girls even worked as a business was it just like a company that would hire Like, I really wish I had all day to explain to you how to work a successful business, but I'm already on the way to having that. I can't have y'all. I can't be explaining everything. Ben has something really important to show us about one of the top U.S. military authors gather for a rare in-person meeting in Virginia. Yeah. Amazing. Yeah, you guys may have seen that Pete Hexeth in the past. I would say this. Like a week ago, like 10 days ago, everyone was like, Pete Hexath is summoning all, basically the entire military to Quantico to make some announcement. And I saw people being like, we're going to declare World War III, we're declaring war with Iran, we're declaring war with Venezuela. And I was like, I don't really, I kind of feel like they wouldn't. Yeah. I don't know. My gut instinct was like, it's going to be something.

Some dumb bullshit. Really, really stupid. um yes they did announce this is part of the announcement it was it just a 30 minute um speech that he just gave to like i don't know i imagine like hundreds or thousands of people but probably gravely inconvenienced to come to this stupid meeting which good i mean you know whatever i think the military should be forced to listen to pete hexath called them stupid woke fatties for the rest of their careers i'm totally like that for sure but this is one of the high lights from it. So it all starts with physical fitness and appearance. If the Secretary of War can do

regular hard PT, so can every member of our joint force. Okay. Frankly, it's tiring to look out at combat formations or really any formation and see fat troops. Likewise, it's completely unacceptable. What do we think? I mean, we're just into it. Yeah, I think he roast them more, but it's tired? What do we think? Like he gets tired? I think he's I think he's exhausted at seeing such physical

I don't understand what's wrong with being a fat soldier. I think they have more body mass and they take more bullets, bigger surface area to put more of that body armor across. You know, a skinny person, they're kind of compact so the body armor can only defend so much.

But if they have a layer of fat on top of the body armor, they might A layer of fat on top of the body armor. That's interesting. I don't... Like a subdermal skeleton. Some of us are trying to be as perfect as they can be, and some of us are just a fat soldier, like me.

I'm sorry, I can't be both. Chuck, would you rather be harassed by a fat soldier or a skinny soldier? Oh, absolutely rather be... I would rather be harassed by a fat soldier because I think it would be even. I think a skinny soldier versus me, it's like... you know, David versus Goliath, it's just, is not fair. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Yeah. I would take a skinny, actually, I would take a fat soldier, just because there's more, there's more, uh, well, you can outrun them, you can be meaner to them, you can call them fat. I think it's a fair fight. Yeah, you can call them fat.

Yeah. I think y'all should have skinny soldiers. And the skinny one scare me. Like when a rail thin guy is like into guns or like wants to be. a cop or wants to, you know, really get any job. Right, and it's just like, I don't, it seems more like they're doing it out of, uh, insecurity, skinny guys in, in power seeking positions, it seems like it's more out of

insecurity. When fat guys do it, it's kind of like, you're just an idiot. Well, you can trust a fat guy with a knife. That's for sure. Mm-hmm. Unless he takes a chunk out of his own tummy and eats it. if you I mean would you do you find a problem no do you find any issue with Pete Heggseth who honestly looks pretty good

he looks pretty tram I mean honest yeah he like I love that he's like calls working out PT like a fucking moron he's like he's in the National Guard he wasn't even a fucking, like, combat soldier. He was fucking, like... What's the difference? Huh? What's the difference between being a combat soldier and the National Guard? What do you think the difference is,

Doc? I would not even actually be able to know what the difference would be. I would figure they're both meant to shoot. Well, the National Guard kind of just hangs out at home. Well, why do we even

have them? It's a great question. Just in case, yeah. How much money do they make? I actually know the answer to this somehow, but I forgot that. And also, so I just lied for no reason. What was the requirements? I don't know. Actually, let's see, because he talks about changing some of the requirements.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll see fat generals and admirals in the halls of the Pentagon. And leading commands around. Wait, stop right here. Patton was fat. I mean, generals, I feel like are, our, I feel like generals, like the, you know, the puppeteers of the war machine should kind of be fat hog-like cigar-smoking maniacs. Churchill.

Yeah, yeah. Churchill. Churchill was a great example of a controller of warriors who was- Total bulldog. That's what they should look like. Fat fuck. Yeah, because they don't need to be, it's a sign of their power. They don't need to be trimmed.

They don't need to be muscular. They just sit in a room deciding who to bomb and kill. And they're older. they're like older it would be so unnerving for there to be a jacked old man who's i mean a jacked old man normally is is scary if we're if we're equating fatness to to capability of violence or orchestrating violence i would be remiss to not mention alfred chichcock very fat guy in charge of a bunch of movies and he also made them very violent and so in that same That's so fucking true.

He's a type of American General. I mean, fat people have He was British, though. Well of power and potential violence, for sure. Yeah. So, you should be a general the way you act.

Okay, let's get back to what else Pete Heck the set that to say. It is bad, and it's not who we are. So whether you're an airborne ranger or a chairborn ranger, a brand new private or a four-star general you need to meet the height and weight standards and pass your PT test

and as the chairman said yes there's no PT test height standard that's interesting to me what is the height standard anything above Napoleon we will not have another repeat of that they said

I feel like I mean it has to be I would imagine it's gendered I don't know yeah The height standard for the U.S. military is not a single universal rule, but rather a range set by each service branch. For example, Army and Air Force set a standard range for men from 60 to 80 inches. I can't do the math on that.

I don't know what that is. 60 is 5 feet tall. Yeah. Okay. What is he going on about? What kind of 4-11 person is joining them? Yeah, someone who needs to boost your seat in the home. Like, come on.

Okay. talk about propensity for evil no one is and I'll say this as a short man myself regardless of the weight short men they're either the sweetest people on earth or they are the most sinister

those are the fighters evil oh yeah those are the ones who oh yeah the chihuahua they get down and dirty you know D a look I would never want to get in a fight with Joe Pesci that's actually you and me

exactly right but today at my direction every member of the joint force at every rank is required to take a pt test twice a year as well as meet height and weight requirements twice a year pause one second so for for half of the year before the testing as long as they spend one month before the testing getting ready they could be fat year round i mean it just seems like a flawed system i would i would be i would pay you're saying you'd lock it you'd lock in a month before your pt test look guys who work who work offshore 60 pounds in a month or something guys who work offshore who aren't supposed to drink or do drugs you know what they do they drink and do drugs the second they get off of it and they give themselves one 24 hour period so they can test you know

and it's the same exact thing you could be fat year-round fat soldier serve your country exactly how you want to and then when this what's this small dick man's name again pete hex hath well pete hex you got it nice peat smelly as a hex breath why don't and he probably hex breath charlie kirk to get shot because he was friends with edcy witches if i if i do say so myself probably i think he wanted that to happen because he wanted to be able to talk in front of the officers so he's been waiting for someone to die to well he's not talking about charlie kirk i know but yeah don't you think it's a quentin the you think that's a coincidence that he's able to talk about this now oh now all the soldiers have to be skinny because

yeah got murdered that love soldiers yeah it's possible it's possible that he was like you know what we got to get rid of all the fats i think they should all be fat. I think it's better if they're, I mean, they should all be fat. I think they are, I don't know what, I don't know how widespread this problem is. I would imagine they're all

not in tip top shape and good. Let's make them fatter. Let's really slow down the American military muscle. I'm wondering if they're going to make like the generals take this test or whatever. He goes on to say yes, he's going to make them take that, which is hilarious. But they're old.

They're old as fuck. I know. I know. You know, all the billions of dollars they use for our military infrastructure? Let's get rid of the mess halls. Let's give them buffets. Okay. If you were to summon all of the nation's military and you could change policy guidelines, you know, whether or not certain people get in, what would your guidelines for admittance into the military be? Well, first of all, if I'm in charge of all of them, I want.

everyone to have coal but blue uniforms okay um i just think that would be a lot more of a fun because kind of the blue the blue m&m army yes and wait i have an idea maybe they wear those white contact lenses that make your eyes look totally white that would be scary i mean that is actually a really good fear tactic for sure okay we're requirements for joining shocks from u s military one have seen sopranos all the way through at least five times why because you could learn more about crime life combat and then you can in one lesson and let's be honest okay is is a soldier just not a criminal approved at a national level i mean i'm totally there with you yeah there's some of the biggest criminals on earth yeah that's big t um second my um one requirement and i don't want to sound

you know judgmental against my own kind no mercer soldiers cannot have mercer that's a big thing for right okay um let's go with number four um honestly like you've got to have a well-rounded music taste um i don't want my soldiers to come in and they only know you know like uh you know they've only heard fleetwood mac and they've only listened to led zeppelin that's not the kind of people we want defending this country. You know, they're getting held by an enemy base in prison, and they don't know a well-rounded music library. That could be the difference between them being alive or dead. That's so true. Wait, what would you use to torture prisoners? What music would you blast at them? The first song, even though I like it, that comes to mind, would be Mbop by Hansen at a little.

So if you liked it the first time around, imagine it 60 times. Okay, well, you know what? Let me just answer this question with a technique that I've done before. I had some roommates that were annoying me. So what I did is I listened to I'm walking on sunshine for three hours straight. And every time I listened to the song, I sped it up slightly. And I did that for three hours. And I played it louder.

Aren't you the one hearing at the loudest because the speaker was in your room? They left for a whole two days after that. It would be quite threatening. They weren't even home at any point. No, they were there. They were there, and the guy was so mad. They're so scared me. They're being so quiet.

I haven't seen him in three days. Yeah. The guy was so maddie peed on the toilet seat on purpose. It was all only peed on the toilet seat. How can you tell it was on purpose? I feel like, is it a higher volume than an accident? You could tell. You can tell that it's not an accident.

Yeah. Yeah, or you're just really bad with your end. You can tell because you've done it before. What? Oh, you've done it before, are you saying? Yeah, one time I got, I was getting thrown out of a, out of a, like, they were being openly homophobic at a bar in Louisiana. And I, I was like, let me pee, and then I'll be on my way and I pissed on the toilet seat. Fair.

Not a bad one. Hessa, what would you change in the military? Okay. So I would make it so that... Welcome to work, Diva. Okay, continue. Okay. So what I would do is I would make it so that everyone has to be short.

No tall people. There can be tall people, but they have to, like, they're doing, like, the artillery stuff and the tanks so that their legs, like, are really... It's hard for them to fit into the tanks and stuff. Because I think that would be funny. but it'd slow them down as well yeah i think you can't be average height you have to be either how's this you can't be average height but you have to be either really short or really tall right um

and then i would make it so that they all had to change their hair they all had to get matching like uh wigs like blonde wigs with like bangs in the front like the twins from super jail do you know those hilarious yeah yeah i i was a mad i i i i i was a mad i i i i i I'm, Hess, I'll let you continue, but in my world, they all have to have spiked platinum, blonde, like, what do you call those kind of spikes? Frosted tips? They all have to have frosted tips. Okay, cool. Okay, but you can continue now, lady.

Yeah, I think maybe we do one, like, frosted tips and that hairstyle. Combined. Yeah, and... Dragon Ball Z. Yeah, Dragon Ball Z, exactly. it's like when they go super saying they get on their hair grows and it becomes like a big blonde

wig. I would also make it so that they have to be asexual. I don't want any funny business in my military. Yeah, yeah. And it needs to be you know, those sexual urges, it's a great way to sublimate

them into combat, you know? Hey, right. The difference in mine is it's like the Roman soldier or an H.L. H.L. Hockey locker room, you know, it's gay as hell. And it helps them be better soldiers and better athletes. My only notes for the military would be they need sexier uniforms. And again, like, hypothetically, if it's my military, we're only doing good things with the military. stuff like, you know, we'll nuke Israel, I don't know, what else would we do?

If I had the, oh my God, I would shut down a lot of restaurants. I would shut down a lot of bars. It would seize tech headquarters and stuff. Yeah. But on a more sartorial end, they would all be in extremely thoughty outfit. It's kind of like the Spanish military. They have so, they're. Unvers are so tight.

Oh, my God, they're all so hot. They all look so gay. I would have some kind of, like, gay, ubermensch kind of vibe happening. But lesbians with staff, this is how I would bring the chosen family into the wider military apparatus. Department of Defense, all tech, trans women. Okay, yeah, that's good. That's a good idea. Penance, generals, people running stuff, lesbians, bull, dikes.

Air Force, Navy, infantry, all the ponds, sexy, sexy gay guys. And then I need something for trans men to do. They can do administrative tasks. Okay, so like secretaries, period. Here's another one that I would do I would get rid of all guns and technology Go back to rocks and Nice sticks and like sharp spears and stuff

Um because I think Blowing cloth. Yeah yeah I think you start there And then you work your way up once you're an expert in All that stuff then the guns become easy you know what I mean For sure Base of a foundational tactical knowledge Absolutely I agree I'm sorry, I'm not even trying to do today.

Just move your mic if you're going to be burping into it, please. Let's switch gears. Hessa, I know you wanted to talk about the AI actress, which to me, it seems like, is this not just like a crazy PR stunt? They're not actually going to put this bitch in movies. Oh, they already have AI movies and projections. It's very funny because, like,

it's clearly, like, nothing is going to come over this. And let me just open up this article. I don't mean to be pessimistic, and she didn't really accomplish much, but a little Michaela was too much of an AI, a supermodel. I think a little Michaela is technically CGI, I believe. Either way, I just think it was, I don't, that scares me. I like, but I think Michaela was like a fully scripted, animated, you know, it was, she was scripted. Like, she was not AI. She wasn't, you know, doing, doing things for our core.

Not that, not that, um, Tilly is sent the end or whatever. And what's her last name? Has said Tilly Johansson? Tilly Norwood. Okay. I mean, they really did nail the kind of inexplicably stupid name that all, like, under 22-year-old celebs have. Yeah, yeah.

I, um, like, what the fuck is Tilly even short for? Who's born Tilly? Tillacom, like the whale that killed all those people in the world. Valentina Airwain. She's an actress that is... It's more drag queen than up-and-coming actress. They're all... Yeah.

It's not... They're not puns. They're just like... They're like half first names and then like weird Scandinavian last names. A girl named Brace or something. Lucinda Andreas. No. But again...

That's a very dated. No, that's drag queen. Ray, Ray Yardy. Like Tate McCray, Madison Beer, even Addison Ray. Like, it's all just like these weird clipped, neo-Christian Americana names that I really don't like. Wayne Telfar. Yeah. You're wrong again, Jock. I'm sorry to tell you. Is that just the founder of Telfar's name?

No, the founder of Telfar's name is Telfar Clemens. it's his first name um but i was looking at a a cup of little wayne and combining the tag of a telfar and then i was looking at a lucinda williams uh poster and combining it with san andreas great thank you for that forensic analysis i there has to be a way that you can kind you can come up with some kind of um naming convention for new celebrities like the street you grew half of the the first of the street you grew up on and yeah yeah some kind of like last name is some kind of like company or scandinavian village or something i feel like yeah mine would be davy davy what's a type of wood from scandinavia not norwood uh teak birch

Birch yeah davy davy burge davy birch davy birch anyways hessa what's up of the AI thing what's your take on it um well this lady is just like the clearest example of like uh the lady who made it is named eline van dervelden and um i'm going to send you one of her comedy sketches this is really really funny sorry this is the this is the inventor of tilly norwood the AI actress. Yeah, yeah. I'm putting a link in the chat. I would share it myself, but I... How does she have... Where does her money come from? She's like... I think she just has like a rich family or something. Like, because she, this YouTube channel is the

most desperate, like, obvious attempt of like, you know, it has videos called like, um, will people be nice to me? Social experiment, you know, like the kind of videos that were popular. I'm looking at her right now, and I'll tell you I would not be nice to this woman. Yeah, yeah. I certainly would not be nice to Emily Hartridge. No, her name is, oh, that's, I think that might be a character in this. Okay, let's watch this. This is from her YouTube show called Sketch My Life, which seems...

Yeah. Here is this bitch's dumb sketch video. Okay, to let a little bit air out. Notice how SML looks like S&L, definitely intentional. Like, that's the level of grifter this woman is. This is her also. Right. I mean, S&L is now just like a complete career on-ramp for Napo babies

who make like the most boring, annoying, like office-inspired like sketches in their apartments. And Jack Bensinger. Right. Not everyone's stupid, but, you know, there's certainly. There's certainly a class, yes, of course there are exceptions, but by and large, it's a lot of really annoying. And that new girl, Victoria. Right. Or whatever her.

Coming up from downward facing dog up to one of the positions I like to call the one-legged pirate. We're going to pull our left foot onto our thigh to simulate the peg leg. And we find our center of gravity. Oh, my God, dude. watch this. Yeah, it's really bad. I can't get any joy out of that, even in making fun of it. Wait, so she just starts, sorry. She just launched, so she's incredibly wealthy, of course, family money, I imagine. And she's just like, how can I get my in in any public facing industry? Okay, I'll, yeah. And my SNL YouTube sketches are failing. I may as well pivot to doing extremely obvious.

stupid PR stunts, like Tilly Norwood. Yeah, that's like, like, and obviously, like, it's so, like, crystal clear that she's just lying when she's like, she's being eyed by a bunch of agencies, and we're going to announce who she signed with later this month. And it's like, no one's eyeing her. No one wants to sign an AI actress, because all of the real actresses they're representing are all going to quit. Right, and then, sorry, I mean, this is.

maybe like a stupid technical question, but if you have an AI actress and you're in a scene as a human alongside this AI actress, you wouldn't see or hear or be able to interact with them, so you're just like, the entire movie just becomes those, like,

disjointed, like telephone conversations that people have in movies where you can clearly tell they're not talking to the other person real time. Can I be, can I say something in defense? Of Tilly? Not a defense of Tilly.

Tilly, but just how, from a technical back, from a technical side. You know, it's like how they made Scoopidoo the movie. It's not like ScoopiDoo was actually there, but all the actors and actresses pretended they were. That's a really good point. They would just pretend that

I'm not pro AI, okay? Let me just say that. You're pro Scooby-Doo. No, believe you. I understand. I understand that. Well, Scooby-Doo in that movie was played by Granny-Doo who has in a funny kind of twist, plays herself in one scene when Scooby-Doo disguises himself as Granny-Doo on the plane.

Remember? Incredible. Yes, I remember. I have not seen that. Wait, you've never seen it? No. Ben, you've never... What are you talking about?

I've never seen Scooby-Doo. What the... How are you mad at me for not seeing Scooby-Doo? Because you have... I'm mad at you too for this, honestly. You have a disdain for childish things that are just pure of heart that are fun that most people are age and joy. Do you know the names of them? You refuse to have fun.

What do you think their names are? The Scooby-Doo kids. He's too busy thinking about Iraq or something. Ben, what do you think the Scooby-Doo kids' names are, if you had to guess? The Scooby-Doo kid? Like, the children? The gang, yeah, the mystery gang. Well, there's Scrappy-Doo.

Okay. That's the one fucking character. You just keep going. Don't make me angry. Sorry. Does he have multiple children? No, he has the kids that he solves mysteries with. The mystery gay.

Oh, Velma. Okay. Who's like, Jock, please don't chug that so fast. You burp and then gulp and I have to edit it all out. It's crazy. Velma, Louise? Louise, yeah.

Shaggy. Louise? Louise? There's not a Louise. There's not, sorry. Shaggy and Carl or something. There's like the preppy guy. Is this guy serious right now?

Velma Louise, Shaggy and Carl. exactly you got it right sorry it the nail on the head and in fact wait a second this is a funny coincidence Shaggy's real first name is Norville which is close to Norwood interesting

maybe the later we're connecting the dots here we're connecting the dots Velma Daphne and Fred you fucking idiot you're disgusting beautiful I'm just an AI Cajun actress I'm not even the real shock they could never AI you I think you might you might end up being the one foil to AI I am actually AI shock I've been programmed by shock to annoy you in the same way I do every episode period that's amazing um yeah I know I hope I hope this Tilly Norwood pitch goes away it's kind of annoying it's stupid and I it's clearly

not going to work but I do feel like I don't know if like I mean of course people are talking about how AI is coming for like script writing and all you know parts of like movie making but it seems strange to me because like no matter how good it is I do feel like people aren't going to be on board with it because it's still obvious that it's it's missing something crucial even for like Marvel shit I kind of feel like you can't just make it all AI. And that's, and you say that with the huge caveat, even if it's good, it's not going to be good. It's

going to be terrible. And like, you know, that's, um, the movie industry is like, completely like dying. Uh, but I don't think AI is going to have as big a hand in it as like, no. Well, the movie, the movie industry is dying because people

are producing worse and worse movies. Do you agree? Um, I think they're putting money like monies going into like pretty terrible like it's all sequels and shit which is kind of a new way yeah yeah and reboots and the budgets for things were like

they've gone completely insane like the first they don't even have cocaine budgets anymore the first Beetlejuice movie was made for like 10 million dollars and then the second Beetlejuice movie was made for like a hundred and fifty million dollars it's like crazy you know that's awful the original obviously is so much better i wouldn't even bother to watch a sequel to that this the sequel's not bad honestly

it's kind of fun i just do it i don't need a sequel to that i i have my childhood settled wrapped up in one little nice beautiful bow well at least the the stuff that i watched not my childhood but you know the the stuff i watched i remember my eyes were closed most of the the time through my childhood. I didn't watch it. I kept them things closed. Yeah, I think this dumb bitch,

she's trying another grift and it just isn't going to work. I mean, she got a lot of, like, she got a lot of press off of it, but I think that's kind of it. I feel like even like with AI or like Uber, like there's something that's happening on like a, something about the way these companies are structured, is being

replicated on like individual wanton psychopaths like this bitch where it's like Uber doesn't make money AI is still not profitable and like Tilly whatever what is this woman's name? Tilly.

Tilly. Aileen is just like well if I get enough eyes on something then that'll turn into millions of dollars in fame for me and it's like no you'll you're still just like redundant. You can get all the attention and all the press in the world but you actually don't have a product and it doesn't. And also

Also, like, the, if the point of having an AI actress is to put her into AI movies, then you don't even need an agent because the people making the movies can just type in that actress and she'll appear in their movie, you know? Right. So you're not going to get paid if they make something like that. My summary on society is that people want to make a lot of money for not working hard at all. that's the whole thing about AI and guess what

you know what everyone has to work hard to make money you're not going to just use your little AI and make a lot of money stop stop I don't think you have to work hard to make money I mean I don't really have to make something beautiful and good anyways let's let's

you know what AI could have never made the card I want to get into some ethicist stuff here one thing here's an ethical is thing for me to say little wanes the carter three never could have been produced by AI and for that many things can't be produced by AI yeah there's some I will say I will say though I did see I have heard one spectacularly good um AI song um it's a Brazilian um AI version of a bi-lay

funk song um about pussy hounds and it's it's very I was a little sad to realize what I was a guy because I loved the song. Well, I personally think ballet funk can only be made by a 14-year-old Brazilian incels in their venture. No, right. I mean, this was a, it wasn't bi-le-funk, it was just like straight up like funk, like American-style funk. It was a funk cover of a bylay-fung song. The funk cover was very, very good. Maybe I'll make it the outro.

I'll make it the outro song. Okay, period. Anyways, let's get to some ethicist stuff here. this one this may be written by my sister my brother's an unpleasant drunk can I cut him off life feels too short to keep

walking on eggshells around him I'm kidding my sister would never I'm actually a pleasant drunk my brother is an unpleasant drunk and he drinks too much a couple of years ago I took him and his wife to dinner for his birthday he drove my electric car there

she needs to name drug yeah why is that relevant and also can I cut him off is funny because it's like you're not a bar yeah yeah like she's at a bar but he's like let me just get him out of my life instead of trying to do anything else yeah he drove my electric car there he wanted to try it but on the way back because he'd been drinking his wife drove while he sat in the back he quickly became abusive leaning forward shouting foul language and physically interfering with her if she hadn't been there i would have put him out to walk home

instead I told him to knock it off which he did which did little to help we are our 60s and 70s he has been argumentative even when sober since childhood I ask myself why keep putting up with this

since that night I've largely severed contact he has never acknowledged what I saw as outrageous behavior from someone being treated to a nice evening now and then he texts I miss you, which I ignore.

To respond would teach him that he can wait me out. The truth is, we've never had much in common. We can't discuss politics, religion, art, charity, the things I care about most. Oh my God. Discussing charity with this woman. Maybe. I can see why he's fucking

drinking. Look how poor they are. Yeah, charity, which she means what charity is, uh, tipping the waiter. Maybe it's post-pandemic clarity, but like post-bitch, it is 20-25. But life feels too short to keep walking on eggshells around him. His wife still invites me to family holidays.

I make excuses not to go. She and I get along, but she reminds me that for him, family comes first and that I'm hurting him. Maybe I mean to. The bigger truth is that life is easier this way, and I don't miss the relationship at all. Am I reasonable to have cut him off? Okay. Another stone cold psycho asking for permission to remove someone. from their life

it sounds like this why did this woman even write this letter like to the ethicist because like it sounds like she's pretty of a single mind on this like right I doubt you're going to be able to convince her to let him back into your life like no definitely not definitely yeah jock what do you think

I think it's insane to be like 60 and 70 and start to be like well maybe I should be friends with eustace anymore and we haven't gotten along for the last 30 years he's she's my least favorite of the group i mean get a grip get a get a get a pair of cahones even if you're a woman i mean like come on step it up your pussy i mean like if you can't cut out of annoying person from your life then you don't you don't deserve to discern which friends you get to keep or not keep you should be a sentient bean accepting which friends you get

Submissions. Submissive friendships. Interesting. Submissive to all your friends. But look, honestly, yeah, I'd been, again, has anyone cut you off for your substance abuse? Or substance use, I should say. Has anyone ever said, I'm not hanging out with you because there's too much weed smoke around? No one has once ever said anything like that.

How many people put you off in your life? Oh, I mean, hundreds. hundreds I kind of feel like this woman is I mean I do understand what she's coming from I hate

being around aggressive drunks this guy does seem like he is a little you know maybe does scream and have pouts and you know it's unpleasant to be around when he's drunk yeah or just like

you know someone who's like you know it's just sloppy and you know can't keep it together like yeah yeah understand being fed up with that especially if it's someone who you know it's your brother he's been thank you jock um especially if this is a lifelong issue the thing is it's like like you said has it why write this i think she's writing it because she wants to eventually be like when when the big argument happened she'll be like i had to write the ethicist to figure out if i could cut you off because

she loves name dropping electric car charity and so i think this is part of her her names to be dropped cachet yeah yeah also what kind of people are getting in arguments about charities that i don't arguing she's saying she just wants to have a pleasant conversation about art politics he donates to march of dimes i donate to the the leprosy foundation it's sheer madness we should need to april of quarters you know what i mean let's do another one here yeah let's do another one here so on here is it okay to talk to my daughter about her weight

she may be headed for a serious problem how can we raise this with her without pushing her away i have a 26 year old daughter from a very early age i have a 26 year old daughter who from a very early age studied dance. Okay. I already know where this is going. You made your daughter become a little like ballerina and then she stopped and she put on some weight. And you're like, she used to love dance so much.

Yeah. Guarantee she didn't. Yeah. She hated it the whole time. She was doing it. For a while, we thought she might pursue it professionally, right? But by the time she was applying for colleges, it was clear that she had decided not to. once she made that decision she stopped taking dance classes we were disappointed she was a beautiful dancer

but we were supportive of her choice she found a major she loved and is doing very well we couldn't be happier about that i've noticed however that since she stopped dancing she has steadily gained weight how much do you think this girl weighs like maybe 130 pounds or something she's she's in college the freshman 15 like kids gain weight when they leave the house like especially if they've been raised in this, what's the phrase? Psycho. Concentrated cultivation or whatever, I think it was an Aaron Reich book where she talked about middle class, upper class,

upper class, and poor methods of child rearing, where you have this upper middle class method of child rearing where the kids are professionalized from a young age, you know, they're shuttled from soccer practice to saxophone lessons to whatever, X, Y, Z. They don't have free time. They don't have time to roam, time to find things out for themselves. They're constantly in activities, which is supposed to be good for them.

Dance classes, but then they come into a world where they all of a sudden have independence of these young adults and guess where they go the fucking snack drawer? Because they've never had anything like that before in their life. They've just been too busy. So I think that this is the problem here. I know these types of parents and I know they're saying things like well your frame is just you have a small frame

and it's not meant to have this much weight on it yeah yeah absolutely anyways how many times have I heard that before oh you weren't meant to have this big of a body you weren't meant to have a big back that's why you're having all these big back problems I'm not trying to be a bitch you were meant to have yeah your frame your frame was meant to carry some weight

and you look good I'm saying that honestly but you skinny you think i you think i was meant to be a a fucking uh delivery train freight train you think i was meant to be you think i was meant to be the size of a cargo train i don't know if anyone's meant to be one side of the other they call me thomas the tank engine because they say i'm as big as a train i'll just say i think you have a cohesive and um it it's part of your personality Coherent. First of all,

first of all, respectfully, I love the both of you. No one in my life has called me either consistent or coherent. Well, I was talking about your,

I was talking about your body. Yeah, not your body. Again, again, has anyone ever described my body as anything either

consistent or coherent? I guess you've got a point there. Because look, the only thing my body be hearing is Mercer, Mercer,

Mercer, Mercer, Mercer, mercy, Mercer. Right. Okay, let's continue here. lately every time

her dad and I see her, of course, this is the mom, or gay dad, two gay dads, which can you imagine being a fat girl with two gay dad, too evil gay dad? That's a one way to be a ballerina. Oh, God.

That's a one way trip towards slit wrist. I mean, that's maybe the most effective argument against gay child wearing among gay men is that they're simply too mean to race. We want to have a conversation with her about it, but we're concerned that she will think that we're body shaming her.

She can get defensive about things. I am particularly concerned. She would be angry because you would be doing that. That's wrong. I am particularly concerned about other things she loves to eat. She gravitates towards sugar and fatty foods and isn't very active. We have lots of diabetes on both sides. of our family. And I've suddenly tried to mention this family risk. Oh, my God. Jesus. This might

be a gay guy. It truly might be a gay guy. I don't think, I don't think she, I don't think she has taken this in, however. She may be headed for a serious weight problem. How can we, how can we raise this with her without making her feel self-conscious or judged and without pushing her away from us? It's Wilson Philipsop's daughter. What? Wilson Philipsip? Wilson Phillips daughter, the Phillips sisters. Sure.

We love and respect her and want to see her live a healthy life. Please advise. Please advise. Here's my advice. Throw that fat bitch away and trade a for a skinny one. You know, look, I'm just telling you, From advice from one fat child to another child, get out of there before you get hurt. Well, how would you, who's the advice towards, you're giving advice to the parents to abandon your child?

I'm giving advice towards the fat child that's about to get reamed for not being skinny enough. So you're saying she should get out, right, right. Get your own chosen family. I think it's like you did that. F-I-A. You know, they added F to the, to the LGBT-Q-F-A-T-Q-F-A-T. L-G-E-G-F-I-T-C-V-H-F-I-T-C-B-H-F-T-E-H. I don't even...

Anyways, let's just move past that one. H-S-A, what are your thoughts? What do you think? I think that this is a crazy woman. I bet this kid is, like, of healthy weight. I bet that they were, like, forced orthorexic as fuck in, like, growing up by these psycho parents who clearly you could hear the venom in the voice of in the message right when she applied for colleges it became clear that she wasn't going to pursue dance it's like okay yeah

you know they were pissed off yeah yeah i think i don't i think it just it i understand a parent's desire to have their child be physically beautiful i don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with that and especially, I think they're probably like, she's not hot. I really doubt that they have an issue with the health thing. I think when parents interfere in your life on terms of your physical appearance, it's usually

cloaked in some kind of like, we have a family risk for this, blah, blah, blah. But let's be honest, at the end of the day, parents want to have sexy children. They want sexy children. Yeah. Which I think is actually a much more humanistic and a much

more relatable way about going about, this? Not that I'm suggesting this person to tell their daughter that she's not going to get any dick looking like this. You're not going to get dick down. I think there's a way to say this kind of stuff without, I think all of the like the tacit and implied aside's about you're going to die from diabetes and you know blah blah blah blah blah. If you're not honest with yourself about it, how are you going to be right with her about it? You know? And I really think it serves. I mean for problems. Across the board, I think every time you off-escape what the actual issue is, you kind of end up alienating the subject of your advice because they can tell there's something missing and it's weird and you're being a bitch about it. Like, just tell her, like, honestly, I would say nothing because I do think the more you push back on them, the more they're going to seek the comfort in the food that they're clearly probably enjoying for the first time in their life because you had a padlock on the bread basket, probably. I'd log on the breadbasket. I think there's just let her figure it out. Kids when they're like in the early 20s go through all kinds of changes.

And if she wants to be fat, she can be fat. And by the way, a little side note, when they're talking about family risk, the family risk they mean is the fact that they're going to have one person in the Christmas picture that doesn't look congruent with the rest of the family members

who look skinny. And trust me, I've been in that place before. is every member of your family so yeah yeah in the last few years they i had to i had to individually question all of them to make sure they hadn't gotten on no zempic because they'd all out they had all they're like black bag your older sister wakes up in a cave you're like how much weight did you lose and what did you do to do that is it safe as i've explained before through ancient louisiana uh psychic voodoo they've been

psychically attaching all the weight that they lose onto my body and so as they get skinnier i get bigger and this is you got to stop it well see they they bullied me first with their actions then they bullied me with the picture of dorian fat first they bully me with their words then they believe me with their actions and now they're bullying me with their with their Dorian, you're so sveled, you're so skinny. I don't even know what you're laughing about. Stop you're laughing.

Stop it right now. I don't want to hear it. So funny. I love the idea of that being a story of Jock's life. All the fat is magically displaced onto him. Shut up.

Shut up. Anyways. I'm an AI Cajun actress and my parameters say kill bin and hessa period also it's probably like she's this is probably the first time in her life that she doesn't have to do jack stop that's our listeners are gonna need that please stop the um it's probably the first time in her entire life that she hasn't been going to like intensive exercise like

every single day exactly i mean this is this is a problem with childering techniques among the upper class. Like they truly shuttle them around like little business people because I think that's going to make them more adept to function in the free world as an adult. And it really doesn't because children learn not by being, you know, marched around to activities. They learn through their free time. They learn through socializing with other kids. And they learn through to the degree that they'll learn some kind of professionalism is by watching you do it, not by becoming the little boss baby themselves. It's a real, this sick American child rearing technique that often ends up with like kids binge drinking

like crazy when they get out of the house yeah eating like crazy when they get out of the house kids doing young people doing all kinds of you know yeah and also she's like she's so young like it's not going to be the hardest thing in the world for her to lose weight if she decides to so it's not like the end of the world if she gains some weight and I'm so happy I don't have these, like, finicky parents like this. Yeah, yeah. It'd be such a just terrible, torturous experience. Anyways, I have got to take my nephew to his mommy's house.

Period. So we all wrap there. Everyone, thank you for listening today. Thank you for this free episode of Seeking Arrangements. Go subscribe to our Patreon for weekly bonus episodes. That's patreon.com slash seeking derangements. Goodbye, everyone. And yay, very fun at Gmail.

com. That's Y-A-Y very fun at gmail.com to book me to DJ or to book me to comedy or do cameos or do anything you want for money. Thank you. Good night. Bye-bye, everyone. Bye. We're going to be able to be. Jump Jump Jump Jump Come

Jump Jump Jump Jump Jump Jump Jump, jump, come. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Uh. Yeah. Yeah.