Seeking Derangements - SD 453 - 60 Questions

Episode Date: November 9, 2025

It's S-S-Seeking Sunday! Ben here, today Hesse and I sit our white asses dow while Jacques runs the show, mostly to ask us a handful of questions ala Vogue's 73 Questions. We discuss our hottest takes on food, how we embarrassed ourselves in middle school, and what we would do with all the power in the world...

Thank you. We're going to be able to be. I'm going to do. Please. You know, I'm going to . I'm going to be able to be.

Did the middle of the law. I said, did it me doleau. Okay. I got it. Okay. Create recording. Fakedest, weirdest laugh I've ever heard from you before. What is going on?

Something is going on today. Why is it? What is different about it? Jack is just in host mode. I've never heard you fake laugh like that before. Jack is in host mode. Right. I'm sorry.

It's okay. You have to welcome me so I can make the joke I made before. I as a bitchy host never fake laugh at anyone's truth. It's not something I'm used to doing. And B Avenue and welcome to the most fabulous wonderful show on the planet. This

is seeking derangements and I am Jacques Gonson. I'm here with Hessa and I'm here with Ben and we are seeking derangements and today I bring you a special episode written by me for the people to every... And it's a free episode

and it's a free episode so if you like what you're here go subscribe to the Patreon. Patreon.com slash seeking derangements. Every, everything we say is written out in this script that Jock gave us beforehand. And Jock, I got to say,

some of these slurs I don't feel comfortable saying. Shut up. I just want to say, it looks like this is a, it's like Xeroxed. Like, it was sent to us via fax and it's written in Cran. All of the R's are backwards,

which makes even, it makes some of the slurs even harder to understand. Let me tell you something. I was pretty confused by my own writing last night. I don't know why y'all's came on Google Doc. Mine's on the back of a UPS receipt. Period. So, okay.

I'm standing today. I'm doing this insane thing. I'm back at my, what I've come of affectionately call my Chinese orphanage on Canal Street. I just got back here this morning after spending three days in the Upper West Side acting Jewish as hell but now I'm back to acting Chinese in this flat house. If you could see Ben's

outfit everyone, it is bad Ben is wearing a yamika and then he's got one of those like red silk pajama sets on. I mean I actually do think the old people of Chinatown are some of the like coolest

dressed people. If I could dress like I'm not saying you know I'm not you know saying I'm like wearing a rice hat or like one of those like blazers with the weird like cloth buttons or whatever. But like the way the ladies in like the little laundry carts dress, they have a really amazing style. Like they kind of like cropped flannel or like plaid button up shirts they're wearing with their like wide leg like pleaded pants and their little shoes.

I really love their style and I want to know where they get all of those clothes because it's kind of also the perfect, it's all the perfect cuts for my body shape. I guess I'm saying I'm shaped like an old Chinese woman Well I think flat slippers Would look really good on you Right also the flat slippers Yeah

I think I think they get them at that That place There's like a bunch of places on East Broadway That have like The mall on East Broadway But that's like Cute clothes There's a lot of like clothing stores

I think that's a lot of them look at the street Yeah There's that kind of like pop up clothing market on canal and like broom I think that's right across to me that I want to go check out

but anyways I'm standing for this recording it's maybe not Chinese necessarily but the ingenuity of it feels very Chinese to me in that I've been sick of sitting at desks and I'm away from my standing desk

so I put a chair on top of a table and my laptop is on top of the chair and so I have like a lot of free I feel like I'm doing stand-up or something period can we hear your tight five um maybe later do a joke do a joke do at least one joke

can i can i don't really joke yeah say one joke come i don't i'm not i'm not a funny person i don't really joke guys make make a joke about a china man and a jew whoa anyways jock it's your show take it away yeah take it away well you know you know what i've been doing that's very chinese um lately is that i've been adding chinese five spice to every single dish i eat sweet or savory that stuff is spicy for real so i've been adding chinese five spice to oatmeal and i've been

putting it also in like eggs and i've been and i've been putting it on sandwiches and i've just i can't stop it's good with like brazed meats yeah There was this steak I had in Manhattan at that place that used to work, and it had that winter, clove, cinnamon. The place you used to work? The place I used to work at, the place I used to work at, which is not a Chinese restaurant, Baccaro and my city. No, no. But they used to have this kind of like clove. Yeah, it was a steak.

It was a steak, no, not the only thing Caribbean about it was a bit of nutmeg was, was orange rind yeah maybe some cloves some nutmeg it was a really good steak marinate oh that is such a good steak I'm going to get it after this anyways oh period yeah Jock is running this episode something terrible happened that we can't tell you about

but the deal was that Jock got to run this episode yay oh my god I love one terrible thing it won't be happening again it won't be happening again never will never again never again jock seized power like an african war lord and a power vacuum power grab let me present this to you out there listeners and ben and hessa yeah i'm inclusive because we're also listeners today okay so they got the vogue 73 questions right they're like

asking all these questions they want to give you you know They want you to give a kind of a hip, trendy answer, but thoughtful, but, you know, you've got to be sort of kind of... Yeah, I've seen these videos. It's like a cameraman kind of, you know, following Kylie Jenner throughout her house or whatever, and it's like really well-added it and produced and clearly, like, descriptive. Well, just like that, it's going to go off just no hitches, just like that. Now, I went through last night researching for two and a half, three hours of some of the most interesting questions. I could find on the internet, and I brought them straight here to you people. Sorry, how did you find them?

Did you Google, what are questions? What is a question? Google what's questions? Please. Please. You just Google the word, please, please. I ceased power of a small northeast African nation, and I need 60 questions for the citizens now. Can I be honest?

I googled interesting, weird questions to ask. people and looked about maybe 15 different sites. Full transparency did send us. I got three texts from you last night at 4 a.m. The tenor of which were kind of like, why aren't you talking to me? Are you mad at me? And I was like, well, I'm like, okay.

Can I just say? I texted you back and I was like, for the record, jock, the hours between 11 p.m. and like 6 a.m., I will always be mad at you and will not respond to you because I'm asleep. I'm pissed off staring at a wall y'all I know it's borderline logic but if you don't text me back for longer than two or three hours or don't call me back I assume everyone has started a splinter group chat without you called the jock hate time and everyone is being like don't talk to him hold the line hold the line don't respond

no matter how bad the threats get I assume you spray painted a target on my roof for a missile to collide with me and kill me not. I was sleeping pleasantly and I was having a very Jewish slumber on the Upper West side. Hey, I'm actually going to add a 0.5 question. But I will say I did peek at the Google docs and I looked at some of the questions and I was like, there's no way in hell these came from the mind of Jock Gonsolin. I haven't liked the video. I tried. It's like, it's the elocution. I can't imagine Jock thing. saying a lot of these sentences in his... A lot of four-syllable words.

In his trademark cadence, but I'm excited to see it. Okay, well, people, look, we need to... Let's just get right into it. So, number one, do you have a secret talent? Can you do it right now? Don't get too excited. Well, talent is really difficult because I don't have any, so if I had one, it certainly wouldn't be a secret.

I would be, I would be shouting about it because I don't really have like a talent, so to speak, in some kind of classic way. You know, I'm not like, I can't like shred on a guitar or like skateboard. I guess my secret talent would be that I can lay tile. Oh, I'm pretty,

I'm pretty, um, I'm pretty public about that because game and love would you post a story of you laying tile, so. My God, Ben, you're like a, you're like a regular worker. You can lay tile. You can lay pipe you know like you you can lay a lot exactly my um put me in a room with a nail gun and i'm going on instagram live and you know and i'm looking for a baby well no i usually aim the nail gun at my father as a joke oh real real real quick thing my dad

used to shoot at me with the nail gun but he never got me i remember that well you know they actually you have to like you have to like break off it has to be pressed against something not the old Well, no, you can break off, you can break off the pressure sensor to them. And then you can shoot freely. But the thing is, they're not, like, bullets. It's actually kind of, like, slow. They, yeah. They don't actually keep slower.

From five, 10 feet away from you. Well, they, like, they dip really quickly, and, like, they kind of, like. Yeah, parabola. Let me just say, the aim ain't. I just want to say, all fathers shouldn't shoot their children with nail guns. That's my one. Did he ever hate you joc? Did he ever, did he ever land a nail on you?

It got close. He also threw a nail gun at me from three stories up, and he was aiming. I mean, you know, like an American psycho when he, it's your dad on the top of his staircases. You were running down a spiral staircase, and he's moving the nail gun around. My dad, my dad has been mistaken for a serial killer, too, but he's never been, he's not a serial killer. Period. It happened in Italy.

He's a serial killer of infants and fetuses because he's aborted thousands. Well, no, I mean, I think. he's given birth to more than he's aborted. It probably levels out. Yeah. I mean, I'm not, I'm, I'm a very compelling argument. But I am. Yeah, I get rid of babies. Ben, I do consider tiling, um, uh, a very sexy talent because my, um, my ex like four years ago, I had an ex who would, was like, would tile and like refinish walls. I don't think it was tiling. I think it was like doing like patterns on walls yeah yeah with drywall and um i would have them send me videos of them doing it because it was like so meditative and like amazing to watch the

right you know doing the little patterns and stuff i know i don't know your ex is real last or real name but can i'm going to guess it is it tulula champagne you would not guess it in a billion in a billion years we're going to be beeping that because it's my my ex's name. I told you not. It totally was a campaign. That is actually Ben's... To talk about him.

I haven't even answered yet. I guess some few small hidden talents I have. I know... Not really. I know the years that like every movie was made in. I don't know if that's a talent

or more just autism, but... I know. the alphabet backwards. I can do the alphabet backwards. Let's hear it. Z-Y-X-W-V-U-T, S-R-Q-P-O-N-M, L-K-J-I-H-G, F-E-D-C-A. Which that's just more like memorizing something. I mean, sounds right to the eye. Hess has got the formula down, so she'll never fail a DWI test.

And I can do... She's going to say that alphabet so backwards, so quickly. Wait, Hessa, can you drive? And I can do this with my... Can you drive? I used to be able to drive but I have it in a long time not since the action wait show me what you did with your finger

oh hey that's so disgusting she just bent her thumb oh you people oh god I can do this has to fix it that's more impressive I feel like Ben oh god

yours is more impressive than mine no yours is more impressive than mine I feel like people put the hands down I'm bending I'm bending my fingers that my top knuckle of my metal finger? That is double jointed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes, my mom.

And I was putting my thumb behind my knuckle on my hand. I can do that on both hands. He's got them flexible corn bones. No, but all the way. Okay. That's pretty cool, Husser. Now, what's my secret talent? What's my secret talent?

My secret talent is staying up all night making paintings and then going to. Okay, well, and that, I guess my secret talent is having 11 beers. Okay. I don't know what I... If we're just naming, if we're naming things that are bad for us, that we can do easily. I can have 11 beers and not fall down a staircase. I can have 11 beers and be totally fine. Okay.

Let's go for number two. We've only made it through one question. What item do you hope will be obsolete in the next 20 years? iPhone. The iPhone, all the internet, all phones, all computers. Yeah. Y'all really want that to happen? Yeah, I think it's amazing.

Absolutely. Absolutely. We can pivot to radio, y'all. We can, I say bring back. I mean, you know I am down to pivot to radio. I know you are. Me too. I listen to it all day.

I mean, I think we should get rid of phones and I think we should probably get rid of most social apps. Or they should be extremely, extremely restricted. So I guess my answer to that, what do I hope will be obsolete in 10 to 20 years? Is that the question? Yeah. Well, I mean, that's such a, I guess to put it in like realistic parameters because I'm like, poverty. Yeah, world hunger and war and period. And gun violence.

It has to be an object. Well, it could be, well, I'll allow a concept. Okay. Okay, poverty. I want Game of Thrones to become unpopular. Well, that's already happened. That's been the case for maybe six years. Yeah, it's already pretty obsolete, I'd say.

But in 10 to 20 years, it will be prime for a nostalgic, horrible comeback. So, Jock, we might be ahead of the time in some way, cutting them off from that opportunity. Gum. If I could just get gum off of this planet, my time. on this earth was spent well yeah you know i chew gum like all the time especially when i'm not when i'm not on the show i'm i'm popping phallum gum you know gum is good gum is good for your teeth yeah in your your chinese mode you're in you're popping that phallon gong yeah my god shen yon flavor i am i am kind of doing old chinese lady aerobics now that i'm

standing. Period. I think all phones, I think we should replace smartphones replace the screens with like Kindle screens so that it's like paper and it can only show very simple text and it's very slow. I think that's what phones should be. Are you trying to

create my future misery? Kindles? The most unpopular piece of technology? I think the phone really is terrible for people with BPD. yeah absolutely i think it really accelerates and encourages bpd not among people who've had it their whole lives but it also gives some form of bpd to everyone yeah wait wait hold on hold on hold on just one really quick question unrelated to the questions we're asking i don't want i don't hate you

and i don't want you to die why do you hate me what no but who you're are you saying that i have bpd because i don't yeah period i don't know if that's true no every time I do something VPD, it's always on the phone usually. I feel like most of the time. It collapses, it collapses like social boundaries and responsibility for what you say. And it encourages like a very

individualistic understanding of like your responsibility in the world and to other people. And I think it kind of there's a BPD accelerationist thing with the phone. I think. Well, luckily. Which you could just call antisocial behavior. I've never been.

I mean, it encourages anti-social behavior, I think. But my final answer. is poverty. I hope poverty is obsolete. Period. I hope that they make streaming services obsolete so we can go back to the DVDs.

Mm-hmm. Period. Let's get a return. Okay. Yeah. Just the TV and the radio, y'all. That's all we're having anymore. Mm-hmm.

Oh, and also... Not even TV. Honestly. Every time I see a radio at a thrift store or on eBay or on that, period. peace show, I immediately think of Hessa in a room with

about 15 different radios I have my police radio over there I've got my big stereo all right Jock let's keep it pushing what's the next one I want to know what's the third question is here if you were famous what would your stage name be

Ben Mora Ben Mora I'm already famous Let's get a little more creative Chocolate love I wish I was I wish I was the great Cajun cowboy Period

I wish I could rebrand as a cowboy Gumbo Popeye You have a screen name It's sensitive jock Yeah but I want something new The question did say famous Hessa Mm-hmm okay When I was younger I wanted to change

my name to Lysander Alexandrov Or Lysander Valentine That's almost That's almost two Lysander Valentine is amazing Lysander is such a good name

Shaghy That's a cleaning product Lysander Number four What is your favorite line? Wait I haven't even answered yet You keep that like the answer Sorry sorry sorry excuse me

Please go ma'am Well my DJ name that I performed under once it was DJ Horses because I just love the idea of being named that because it's so fucking stupid Yeah

It's stupid but also kind of cool You know I would be DJ shh DJ shh DJ shh I would like I would also if I could change my name I might be sebashed

That's a really good I really have always loved that name I was just talking about name change in general or stage name this is my stage name I want to be like my stage name would be Maricio because that was my parent's second choice

and name for me but because they hate me they need me Ben yeah my parents second choice I would go back to Maricio do you want to know my parents' second choice for me name yeah but I want to say really quickly

my Cajun porn name would be Cherry Buda period my parents' second choice of name for me was Leonard which thank fucking God thank God dude could you imagine

how would you have even if I was Lenny Denny well Lenny Denny okay this is the also thing about Mauricio Morra the alliteration is really sexy but also the rhyming I think is pretty cool as well so it's extremely Italian but with Leonard

the problem is how do you transition your way out of that one I mean you just pick a new name That's like, my, do you, I think... But if you do the classic, like, the girl version of the boy name. Well, I... Or if you had the Mauricio name. Yeah.

Of course, that's why I want it. Yeah, duh. I, um, well, Ben, I simply wouldn't do the girlification, which I didn't do in, in the first place. Yeah, that's like I said is true. You didn't do it. Um, but some of the other options that I was choosing, I really wanted, like, a kind of androgynous name.

So, some of my other options, I had a whole list of names that I was choosing for, and one of them was one of them was senna because i really love oh my god not senna that is so funny what is that even like the lexative tea no like uh the race car driver like ayrton senna oh well girl do you know what senna is before have you heard what senna is senna is like it's a famous uh incredibly strong laxative oh no senna root well thank god dude well thank you well thank God, I didn't do that one. I believe I'm correct. Maybe I'm wrong about that.

I sound like a fucking idiot, but I'm almost positive. Suna is a laxative. Yeah. You get one sip of Hesse and it all comes forward. Out your asshole. I keep them pooping. I keep them pooping.

Here, let's, let's keep going, people. What is your favorite line from any movie? Oh, that's really hard. I'll go first. I am the devil, and I'm here to do the devil's work. From once upon a time in all. would? No, from Devil's Rejects. Oh, period. I mean, that's also the real thing that the, I mean, Charles Manson. Yeah, yeah, that Tex Watson. Tex Watson said that. Well, you did know that because

you brought it up. Well, no, I brought it up because I knew that devil's rejects, but I, I guess I didn't really know that it was actually from Charlie. I just guessed. So I'm going to take a bit of a cop out here. I don't really remember lines from movies, but my favorite line from a TV show is the hilarious delivery Larry David once gave with the phrase shut the fuck up something I yeah

when he was talking to his secretary who kept telling everyone how often he was pooping the bathroom yeah that was one of my favorite episodes he screams at her to shut the fuck up it's a lot it's just not to talk about too much about being Jewish

on the Upper West Side, but, like, I was just taking a lot of walks, and I was seeing so many, like, people pooping. Se-shaped old Jewish women who I, I was in a very Larry David mentality, and I kept thinking, shut the fuck up a lot. Yeah, if you've never been to the Upper West Side, there are these, like, phone booth-type things called poop booths. They're not like, they're not like port-a-potties, because they go straight to the sewer system, so they're a lot nicer. but you have to swipe

you have to read a Torah portion to get into them to prove that you're That is not, is that real? No, I'm kidding, Chuck, of course that's not real, come on. I was like, damn, you are Christianish. Israel. Israel, Israel, is that what you're saying? I think if

right now, the first line that popped into my head when you ask that question, Jock, is maybe because I re-watched it recently with a friend, but the immortal line from Gremlins 2, Dracula. That's my favorite. I love that. That is one of my favorite line deliveries of all time.

Maybe that's going to have to be our next movie mindset. Yeah, yeah. That would be a really good one. I mean, the microwave cooking TV show. I think about that all the fucking time from Griblins to. Anyway, let me move on to the next question. You forgot what number it is, didn't you? What'd you say?

Continue. Oh, that little sass. Oh, you little dastardly duo. You too. You sassy dastard. That's what you think Chinese people are like because that's what you're doing. Okay. What's the book?

Jacques, I'm going to stab you right there because I think I heard a little bit of this question. I'm pretty sure you've asked this one before in the past. You don't even know what I've ever seen. Ask it, ask it. What's the most embarrassing song you have been listening to recently? And I can definitely start it off, but if y'all aren't ready. I think, no, yeah, go ahead, Jack. I don't really feel embarrassed by songs I listen to. I bought five days ago, Beyonce's 2013 album, Beyonce, and I have been listening to Drunken Love, like, alone, a lot.

It's a good song, but like, it's funny for you to be listening to alone while you're crying in bed. Yeah, no one's texting you back at 4 a.m., and you convinced yourself everyone hates you. Oh, and I'm not, I don't drink. So I just think it's, it's funny to be like, wobbling my body around you're like, oh, I'm so drunk and love, you know. I've been listening to The Tide

is High. That's the Blondie's best Not the Blondie's one, the 90s version, the 90s like ska version by that one girl group. Not Blondie, not Blondie. Although I love Blondie, that's I don't like the Blondie. I love. I love Blondie as well. I think the like 90s ska version by that one, Who is that group?

I think they were like literally one hit wonder but their version of it is so fucking good. You can make it we should make it the intro or the outro song or something.

I can make it the outro yeah. I think mine I was going to say the logical song by Super Tramp which I've been listening to on a loop but I really

I don't think that's that embarrassing. There is one song that I heard on TikTok in the background of a video that I've been listening to that is kind of embarrassing. It's called the bug collector

by Haley Hendry. or hendricks i have no clue that that is yeah it's it's it's like a very sad like acoustic guitar kind of like uh wistful kind of like uh spooky sad uh ballad type yeah so i've been listening to that one it's actually really good i actually have the the most embarrassing song um i've been listening to lately which is julia um julia wolf's song i miss you um It's really like the, it's, it's, or no, Julia Wolf's song in my room. Also, Jennifer's Body by Julia Wolf. It's just like lesbian anthems.

Final embarrassing song. Stay, Kid Leroy, and Justin Bieber. That's, that one's embarrassing. That's, yeah, that's, I think that's worse than the other ones. I would recommend an amazing lesbian album to everyone right now. Mary Margaret O'Hara It's maybe a little close to interesting for me because it's so like Gilmore Girls

but I love feeling that way especially a song when your body's in trouble such a good lesbianic anthem for this weather right now I guess I'd be kind of embarrassing but again I don't make any sense about kind of being in certain lesbianic

usual moods especially when the weather when the weather starts to dip Next question Next question Would you rather be around A trans mask person or a lesbian Is that one of the questions? That was just when I just came up on the spot

Because I was looking at Ben It depends on which person Well if we're just operating on stereotypes Transmask Ben's nightmare Transmask I know it's like I love I love both of those communities

I love the transmask and lesbians I think they're funny and I have nothing against them I would rather hang out with trans mask than lesbians I would say I think you know with a lesbian

if I'm hanging with a lesbian well with both I feel like there's a chance there's a chance I would there's a chance of you know a sexual event kissing you know so I think kissing but I like both

I'm I can't pick between those two. That's like a crazy question I feel like. Let's let's let's let's speed it up a little bit people and let me let me bring you some. I want to see something really crazy I'm about to do yeah because there's no knives in this Chinese orphanage I'm in so I'd really like a lemon for my hot water but there are no knives what's in the cabinet a razor blade so that's a box cutter that's a box cutter blade actually girl this is a I guess that's what's in a box cutter as a razor blade. I never really thought about that before.

You used that to open a big bag of flour. It's all covered in white powder. Hmm? It's actually not. I would never use a razor blade to do coke that always has struck me as like extremely dangerous and like unnecessary. Yeah. When I was younger, I watched a kid break.

I watched a kid break a mirror. He was snorting Xanax off of a mirror and it broke and he kept snorting it. pieces of glass he's actually really successful today that's how you get already laying nose though okay look if you were a fruit which would you be and why kiwi because um they're a little hairy but once you get inside they're sweet as sweet as a bell baby and a little tangy oh that's an incredible answer i would be a carambola which is also known as the star fruit because I'm a star and a fruit. I would be a juicy

peach from Rustin, Louisiana that was, that when you bit into it, it dripped right out your mouth onto the floor and made a sticky mess. What was the, what's a purchase you made that you immediately regretted? I bought a typewriter recently. And I got it and I was like

I'm glad you regretted that immediately. The fuck am I going to do with this? Why do I have this? I'm like, what? It's so funny that you're like, cis girls be like, my drunk purchases are a pair of cowboy boots off Etsy. Trans girls be like,

why did this 300 pound typewriter from China arrive in one month after I bought it? Oh my God So did you receive I have it It's right here I can show it to you Can you give us some ASMR

Give us some ASMR Diva Um My I'll answer Well Hessa is getting her typewriter Please do Last embarrassing

Last regretful purchase Yeah you just bought it And you immediately were like I don't This is this was not worth it at all It could be an event. A beer two nights ago. My last beer, I did not need.

And I bought it and held three tips. And I was like, I don't do this. And then I went home. Okay. Has it has a typing on. It would be so funny if you were making a transcript on typewriter every episode. Wait, ready? When you get to the end of the line, it makes a ding.

Here are your trans script. When you get to the end of the line, ready? beautiful good show it is fun to use i will say but there's i mean there's no practical like today before the episode i mean are you like yeah like what are you using it for um just it's a stim toy because you just want to hear the ding i really do like the ding i really do like the ding i really do like the ding um i mean i'll figure something out to do with it eventually I'm sure. The last thing I regret

buying, the last thing I regret, I just had it on the top of my head. That hat? You just had it on the top of your head? What was it? A wig, finally? Finally got a wig?

You should show up wearing a wig. You should show up wearing a crazy, like a beautiful wig, like a $1,000 wig one day. I will. Did y'all see friendship? No, I haven't seen it yet. Did you all see that movie friendship?

I have seen friendship, yeah. Okay, well, there's an impressive wig in that movie. And if I could get access to a wig of that quality, I mean, I would be unstoppable. I think I could rule a country. But, you know, yeah, the last. So what was the last purchase? Yeah, what was the last purchase, John? Probably just like overeating.

I think it was just like the last time. I bought too much food in one sitting and just continued to binge. Could you perhaps list? Could you perhaps list everything that was in that order for no particular reason? A bowl of oatmeal with the Chinese five spice. I had an egg with the Chinese five spice. I had two links of budan. I had a smoothie yesterday.

I had, let's see. I had some kind of big peat. Oh, I had sausage. Last night, I made the most delicious meal I've made in years. I made a plate of nachos in the microwave, and then I put salsa, and I put avocado and cilantro and spices on top of it, and then I put, I got a spatula and scooped all of the melted nachos into one chunk and put them on top of a salad, on top of a big romaine lettuce leaf.

And then I added extra cheese and extra stuff, wrapped that up and I made a nacho salad and then this morning around 6.30 I went to the diner and I had four pancakes, six pieces of bacon, two pieces of sausage, dinner browns, grits.

What are dinner browns? What the hell? Dinner browns are just like square potato little bites. They're great. Okay. Hmm. Let's Okay. Next question. I'm going to get y'all let's try to i'm going to try to get a little more rapid fire so y'all get ready okay what's the weirdest item you keep by your bed um i keep a baseball bat and a knife near me at all

times i mean i did used to keep a machete next to my bed when i had squirrels in the attic i lived in because i would throw my machete at them but i don't have that problem anymore i think now in my life, the weirdest thing I have near my bed at all times is probably a cartridge of Zinn because there's always one near me. I'm just going to be honest, y'all. Yeah. Yeah, probably Zen. I also keep Zins near my bed. I also keep, yeah, I'm looking. I put hot sauce next in my bed so that I can, when I wake up and I'm really tired, I can swallow a bunch of it, and then I can't go back to bed. That's a crazy tactic,

but I bet that kind of works on it. It reminds me of our mutual friend, it reminds me of our mutual friend, Stephen, who used to sleep with a, like, like, you know those giant, like, bags of wine? It was like a franzia-type deal, the mechanism, but it was a bag full of highly caffeinated, basically five-hour energy,

that he would wake up, take a shot, of and then go back to sleep for another hour and then when the caffeine would like reach its peak you would wake up which is one of the gayest things I've ever that's what I've read before that that's what you're kind of supposed to do is to like do caffeine and then take a little nap and then wake up and that's maximizes it but I think the the weirdest thing by my bed is a fire blanket that I have that I just remembered just in case there's a fire what I used to try to experiment with taking naps is that funny Why are you worried?

I mean, like, Hessa, is if there's a fire, are you just, like, fully planning on sleeping through it? No, no, a fire blanket. Why not have a, why not have a fire extinguisher, if that's... That's what a fire blanket is. It's a blanket that you put over something that's on fire, and it instantly, like, puts it out. Oh, it's not something that you have, like a thunder,

like a thunder blanket. No, no, no, no. Hessa, wakes up the rums on fire. She's like, fuck, I'm going back. back to bed. No, no, no, no. To go back to sleep, y'all. Okay.

I'll blanket that's on fire. Let's keep it. Let's keep it going. What's your most unpopular food opinion? Mine is that, that canned tuna is, is inedible and disgusting. And also, probably that depends on the brand. Albuquer. You're talking about, because they call it tuna, but it's just albacore when it's that.

What, I just don't, I don't like any. But the real move is getting the jarred tuna, not the canned tuna. But my most unpopular food opinion is probably that, I'm sorry, none of us should probably ever feel full in our lives. And I'm not even saying that facetiously. I don't think being full. I think I agree with that, honestly. I do not think feeling full is something our bodies are meant to experience daily. I think the three meals a day is a complete, like.

well it depends on well it depends on my to y'all because everyone should eat more than you're full you should eat past being full if you want to live a full life I think look I'm not a scientist I'm not you know an evolutionary scientist I am course but I just I just genuinely think that look I mean

when have we ever lived with the ability to just like absolutely gorge yourself which is what most Americans do two or three times a day no offense i also eat till i'm full when you say no offense are you saying that because i eat four times a day

well i'm saying it to you into any of the listeners i'm really not trying to be like pro anna or like food shame people i'm just speaking on like principal and like broadly i'm just i'm not trying to be pro anna but the principled stance is that you shouldn't you should be hungry at all times you should be a little hot you should be a little hungry no i don't i disagree i think it's probably just to be

satiated. That's crazy to be like, you should be a little hungry at all times. Well, I think... You should be hungry. Make being a little hungry feel satiated. Okay? What? That is, Anna, you are literally being like...

I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I just... I just... My genuine thoughts are that, yeah, I just don't... I personally don't like feeling full, and it's probably because I have like some kind of metabolic disorder, and I get extremely tired every time I like eat like a little bit too much um but I just don't think I think three meals a day three full meals a day is way too much um and we shouldn't be constantly experiencing the feeling of being full that's it I'll shut up my I think every time I get too full to the point

where I've binge eating it it's like I've gone to ego death and come back period I um my controversial food take is that the best pizza you can have doesn't is uh I do I love cheese on pizza but my favorite pizza has no cheese on it and it's um

just red sauce anchovies capers yeah olives basil and garlic and that is pizza there's not cheese yeah that sounds really honestly that sounds great and if there's because if there's cheese on it cheese and

anchovies I feel like that's not that's not it's only good if the anchovies are like minced or cooked down but like yeah just a full raw anchovy with cheese cheese is crazy yeah I don't think

like cheese and fish really go together in my humble opinion I mean there are rare exceptions but especially like anchovies on pizza I think I've never tried to anchovy before oh they've never tried

I've never tried anchovy or a sardi. Another thing about the... One of my favorite foods. Antorbies are actually, like, low-key in so much stuff because, like, if you just cook them down, like, Warcheshire sauce, Caesar, like, anchovies are in so many things. They're, like, bases of, like, a lot of sauces, and it's because it's just, like, a good, like, umami flavor.

You just cook them, you, like, dissolve them in olive oil. I use anchovine a lot of cooking and a lot of cooking with cheese, but I do agree with you, Hessa, just, like, one anchovy on, like, cheese pizza is a little weird to me. Although I have had it, and I don't think it's the worst. What you are describing does not the worse, but the, I mean, yeah, my, my go-to meal, if I'm, like, feeling lazy, I probably make this, like, maybe three times a week is just spaghetti with anchovies, with anchovies. olive oil um red pepper flakes and garlic and that's it beautiful me now let's let's power through people we got questions and they need answers okay truth or dare um i mean you've always i'm a pussy i don't trust you with either of these i'll be completely honest but i'll say truth because i don't

really i don't feel like jumping out of a window or ben i think we just have to say which one we prefer to pick when we are asked. Yeah. We'll see. I think, oh, so hypothetically, truth or dare? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm a dare double.

Okay, so Ben, I dare you to commit a, I dare you to commit a crime that is so sensationalable, you'll have to go on the run. Sensatiable. Okay, wait. Ben is basically in a place that people live in when they're on the run right now. Do you see where I am right now? literally you're in a in a safe house i think i'm currently doing i'm currently doing this yeah it's on the bins on the lamb again um i did actually it's funny i did commit a crime

just before this i got i actually don't know if it's a crime but it's definitely frowned upon i made a copy of a do not copy key um and then i came back to my chinatown safe house which is an illegal i'm actually am residing in an illegal residence right now so that's it i already did the dare difa i'm calling my anti-crime friend with red he's got this red hat and he's going to get your ass. Period. You forgot his name.

Curtis Blow. Okay. Here we go. If you were arrested, what would it be for? Probably what I just said. If I was arrested... Hey crime. If I was... Yeah. If I was arrested, I think it would be for

some kind of public breakdown. let's just be honest yeah no you're like having a breakdown and like taking your clothes off and like pushing an old lady down a fly of stairs i would be it would probably be for like threats public threats i've made or yeah um some kind of scam has been unraveled i don't really feel like admitting to anything on on the air but yeah there's something probably woman this video of a woman like throwing candles up as high as she came in the air in walmart and she's going this is for black rights. This is for women's rights. Very you. That would be you, but you would be saying this is for the real world. This is for Oreos.

This is for the bacon. This is for Kanye. For me, I think it would be that I tweet something and the FBI kind of comes into my apartment and notices that I have a police radio or like a gravity knife or something.

Yeah, which I don't have either of those things. It's a gravity night. It's something I don't need to know. It's something I don't have. She doesn't have it, everyone. Next question. What's the strangest rumor you've ever heard about yourself? That a certain lower Manhattan writer sucked my dick at an anti-woke film festival, which did not happen.

And that writer told me at Clandestino, this was like fully my Dimesquare era, like 2021. Wait, can I ask the name of the person and if you tell me if I'm right? I'll just beep it. It was, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I don't care. I'll just like leave that in. I don't really mind. But, yeah, of course, did not happen. Yeah, he was like, why is everyone saying that I sucked your dick? And I'm like, that is this weirdest, it's so funny for you to be sucking my dick and me not sucking yours that I was. kind of like, I'm a ball, I'm a damn baller, y'all? Because he's not gay

if I recall. He's not. No, he's very much not a gay man. Yeah, yeah. And you just would never suck someone that short. Mine obviously is that I was having an affair with Alec Baldwin. I forgot about that. Yeah, unbeatable.

I, I, I, the strangest rumor I ever heard about myself was that I was a satanic ritualist and I had girls tied up in my room. and then the police came to my house and they investigated me for a crime I'm sorry for spreading that rumor

I shut up it was this guy Jim who spread the rumor because he wanted to get my girlfriend at the time and he thought that if if he could it was very convoluted it's like a crazy like you live in a TV show

in my mind of like all these BPD maniacs what's your what's your Just Louisiana. The Acadianas is literally BPD Alley. There's all the sugar cane. We're doing a question a minute people here. Okay.

What's your funniest childhood memory? Mine's getting my head stuck at the FOA Schwartz revolving door and these young boys pushing the door so that I couldn't get out. What do you think FOA stands for real quick, Jack? Faggit Auschwitz otherwise. Okay, period. So you do know it's F. Rayo and not

effort right he kind of got you there so funniest childhood memory

that's a good question I mean am I one of my aunts in Costa Rica convinced my brother

that he was that he had eaten frog eggs and that he was going to give birth to frogs

and I remember thinking that was really funny oh when I was like I must have been

like six or seven and my younger brother, my brother was like a year younger than me whenever we had to clean the basement or clean our room or something. Like I, we would play a game that I made up called the professor and the robot where I would

I would be a professor and he would be a robot and I would like turn him on and then he would start cleaning up and I would just watch as he cleaned the entire. Yeah. Okay. Just one time my mom was cutting my hair in front of my sister and my cousin and I was probably like 11 or 10 years old and my mom accidentally cut my ear and it started bleeding and my sister and my cousin were like oh my god it fell off there's a piece that fell off it didn't really and I started sobbing hysterically and I was like no no no help me fix it put it back put it back I feel like it's more sad than funny almost that's crazy

What is your most embarrassing middle school memory? I could just remember at every single middle school dance where I would run up and awkwardly try dancing with the group and the entire group of dancers would dissipate and I would be the only one on the floor. And if we're going honestly, the most embarrassing story that I wouldn't even begin to normally share but I'm feeling open today is that I would,

went to a Louisiana youth leadership camp and I was very troubled by the fact that I could be bisexual and it made me cry and so I went to a counselor and I was like I don't know what to do because I might be bisexual and I was like that is hilarious it is I agree with you it is embarrassing to be bisexual yeah I um very embarrassing oh god mine um I mean there's the time I faked an Irish accent in in CCD. It's so funny to choose Irish. This is like who really gives a fuck. Yeah, yeah.

And after faking the accent for like the whole year, I had to get a ride home with my brother and his friend. Oh. His friend was like in my group and was like, so you guys are brothers? And I was like, yes, but I was born. You're like, actually I'm deaf. I was born on the, yeah. Blind and mute.

I'm retarded. No. You had that disease or you woke up with a new accent. Oh, I had another really funny one, but I can't remember what it was. I think mine, Jock, similar to yours, is that I remember telling my brother in the summer. Okay, one, I remember not being able to, I was in, again, in Costa Rica, and I was really scared to run the mile and do the push-up test, or the pull-up test, which were both physical exams that. you had to do when he became a freshman in high school and I was realizing I was gay and weak and like chubby and I was like okay no girlfriend can't run a good mile can't do a pull-up

and I remember trying to do pull-ups off of a spiral staircase in an alley in Costa Rica and I couldn't do one and my brother was like you got to try harder and then I remember telling him later when he was like do you are you going to get a girlfriend I remember telling him that this Bosnian girl named Cynthia Kovacevich was really hot and that she had a crush on me and that she reminded me of a Victoria's Secret model. Period.

Gay guy. Gay behavior. There's a really gay answer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's probably the most embarrassing way I did middle school. I thought of another one. When in like sixth grade, my friends and I,

my friends invited me to go to see the movie Shutter with them, the remake of the Japanese horror movie in theaters and my or I might have been younger or yeah I might have been younger than that but my mom was like concerned about me seeing a horror movie so she came to the theater and sat in the row like three rows behind us oh my god and that I remember what that was the first time I was ever called a faggot was one of the kids that was there that wasn't one of my friends but was Is he peeing in the background?

I think he's just running the sink. That boy's pissing in his hole again. Another one, just a random, a random... Sorry, I was, in fact, peeing in the shower and the toilet in this orphanage. Sorry, everyone. Another random one that always just randomly pops into my head is that in like fourth grade, we were playing dodgeball in a gym class. And the, like, other team ran at the line, like, all at the same time and, like, took all the dodge balls.

And I remember saying nice, nice swarm technique or something. And just, like, right after saying that being, like, what the fuck am I talking? I should kill myself. I should really go home and kill myself right now. It's stuck with me to this day. Let's get through these questions quicker. Do you think you could fly a plane yes or no? land a plane

You think you could land a plane? Like right now? Like it's an emergency You're on the plane right now Well bitch I might need to Fucking learn how to Because I have a flight on Sunday And they're turning

They're fucking They're turning off the FAA Literally They're getting rid of 10% of flights right now And I'm flying out of LaGuardia Direct LaGuardia to DeVorn And I'm like If they're gonna chop any flights

It's gonna be this The most unimportant flight In the country right now So But no I don't think I could land a plane I don't think I could land a plane, but I do think I could perform an emergency ballpoint pen tracheotomy. Whoa.

Okay, I love, I like that movie, Red Eye. But I guess that's not a trachanotopy. She just stabs it. I've never seen that movie. Oh, what? It's a really funny movie. It's a really funny movie, classic. I remember trailers for it when I was a kid.

What's your immediate ick? Like, what is the ick of anyone that would just turn you off immediately? um i i would have to say it's when when people um try a guy looking too gay sorry i'll say it gay i'll say it gay i'm going to think about it while i go to the bathroom i'll be right back why you try to give me an obscure reference or you think you're you're really impressing me i'll give an example and i've talked about this before but i went on a date with a girl and it was recently after the time period when sophy died and And we got in the Uber on the way to go to this date.

And she was like talking about how when Sophie died, she just laid there in the water in the bathtub. And she said to herself, is it cold in the water? And she was really trying to be so profound by just. Yeah, it's kind of annoying for sure. It was that to me was just a top 10 and level. I would kind of be like shot to shut up. I told her.

Well, you know what I did is as I said, hey look can you keep the Uber running and I said hey look I hope you have fun at this event I just don't think this is going to work out so I just ended up dropping her off at the event pretty baller if you were ruler of the world Ben who would be your top advisor if I was ruler of the world who would be my top advisor yeah I guessed gin but I don't know no no events to Jen no she would not be my top advisor well probably my friend probably my friend chloe oh yeah she's level headed the the waysian one not the mom although i love both of them equally i love all of the women in my life named chloe equally

i probably have chloe i'm not going to say her last name but wajian chloe as i know her would be my top advisor i would think yeah uh what's the worst scent what's in the world to you the worst scent? Yes, what smell? Just, you can't stand. Well, of course, like, poop is pretty bad. I mean, come on. That would be up there.

Dead animal. But, I mean, I guess, like, maybe symbolically, what's the worst smell? I mean, I really am not a fan of, like, not champa. I don't really like most incense. The smell of weed is horrible. Oh, yeah. You're, like, repulsed by it when we had to stay. in New Orleans at Kristen Jackson's

and mine. I'm really not a fan of it. My favorite smell is probably jet fuel. So you catch you up, Pessa. What gives you the ick and then also what's your least favorite smell? And who would be your

advisor if you ruled the world? Let me answer the last question, the PDA one. Or no, not my answer is PDA. That's my ick if someone if I'm like on a date with someone and they try to like really yeah like put their hand they just trying to kiss you whoa no I mean just kissing is fine but like making out in public or like something like that like you know I mean it depends on the situation but especially if like we're in

a group with like friends or something or like other people that we know when it's done for attention I agree it's incredibly annoying and like weirdly insecure but if it's roping you into someone else's insecurity and please for attention yeah i mean especially if it's like i mean if it happens spontaneously and it's like a group of friends and it's like me and one of the friends that i'm like in the group with then i'm like oh that that's actually really hot and like you know uh exciting and fun but if it's like you know if we're on a date and it's like you know someone starts like feeling my thigh at the table like that's just inappropriate

yeah all right sorry I'll stop I'll stop doing that yeah yeah thank you yeah sending a hint these these are the final and they are very rapid fire so just get ready these are our final questions how many how many pennies do you think would fit into this room

what room we're all in three different rooms my room separate room my bedroom your bedroom with all the crap in it or with all the crap out of it. No, a trillion. With all the crap in it. A trillion. Two pennies? Oh, shut the fuck up. Okay. Do fish

have a thirst for water? A roundabout way to call Ben Fatt. By the way, by the way, the correct answer is 40,000 pennies. I don't know if that's true, Jacques. I don't know if that's true. I think that's actually not that much. Yeah. Continue. Okay. Do fish have a thirst for water? I don't understand this They don't have a thirst for water No they don't know I think they do

Okay They have a thirst for the oxygen in water Yeah They breathe through their gills They're literally Submerging water all the time They're literally the most thirsty thing You can think of

That might be the only jock question Wait no no no No no That's the one jock made up Y'all do you all think fish are thirsty No no no Here's another one What's the color of the mirror?

Well, a mirror is a total absence of, it's a total absence of color because that is the only way. The mirror has no color. Yeah, it doesn't. It reflects all light. Because I'm not two years old. I wouldn't call Amir silver, no. It reflects, a mirror reflects all light.

So it, like, it doesn't really have. It's kind of all colors and no colors. Yeah, yeah. So it doesn't absorb any colors. in and of itself unless it's like tinted or something so it's just whatever is it's the same color as whatever it's in front of it what have you forgotten today how do i unlock my phone keeps getting it locked i can't remember never forget what have you forgotten today yeah i've done everything i'm supposed to yeah these are the jock questions that where where does

your idea go when it has already been forgotten um nowhere what would you paint on your first day if you were an artist. On my first day? Your first day of being an artist? First day, clocking into the artist factory. Going to art. I'm here at the art.com headquarters. It's my first day.

It's time to do my first painting. I would paint a beautiful, I would paint a beautiful woman. I would paint Jacques. With a basket of, yeah. Oh, thank you. Yeah, same thing. Have you ever peed while sleeping?

Let's do three more questions and have I ever peed while sleeping? um yes i'm sure yeah of course yeah absolutely what was the worst song that was ever composed toto by um rosanna by toto is that is that he just a is that your answer yeah that's my answer but what's your firework by katy perry oh i love that song actually yeah i don't mind that song actually i think oh that's a tough i mean uh what's that rina soiyama uh elton john one that one's pretty bad. Queer love.

I think that's... I think that's... I think it's chosen family. The Peggy Goose song like that's like, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. That one is also just... Yeah, I like that song.

I think... I like that song. You've recently joined this... Don't stop believing. Last question. Last question. You've recently joined the Spice Girls. What spice name have you created for yourself? Obviously, it's Cajun Spice.

Yeah. Maybe not Chinese. five-spice, Chuck. Maybe that depends on the new one. I was trying to use five-spice. What, spice? I don't know. That's actually a really good one, Jack, and I can tell you made that one up.

Mm-hmm. That's one. Okay. Wait, let me, no, let me answer that. I think. You really hate one has to answer his question. No, I don't. I'm just trying to be, I'm just trying to move at a natural. It would definitely be tranny spice, right?

If it's the 90s and I'm in the Spice, and I'm in the Spice, I'll be facket spice. Faggot spice. Ben would be Jewish spice. Okay. Period. They don't have any, but. Next, last, final question, Jock.

I got to wrap up. What is your favorite time of the day? Um, right when the sun goes down, I think. Mine is about 5 a.m. till 6.30. Those are like, that's my favorite time to be up. And I was roaming through the fog this morning.

And town looked like silent. Hill and there was a distant cries in the distance and I saw no people and the horror surrounded me like a plague that never let go of my neck. That sounds great. Favorite time of the day is hard. My favorite

time of today is going to be seeing my old girlfriends uptown to get Schwarma and then go play pool. Period. That will probably, that will be in about two hours. So I'll say 7 p.m. Eastern Standard time. I think 7 p.m.

is a pretty good round time. I think the sunset for me or like the time right after sunset where the sky's still a little bright, but the sun's gone. Like right now. That's a beautiful. Yeah, dusk. Well, people, this has been a delicious

episode of Seeking Durangements. Please don't forget to subscribe to our Patreon. This is a free episode. But that doesn't mean that you don't have to subscribe because you do have to subscribe. That's what we require from you. Okay. You do have to. You have to subscribe.

And if y'all have any plugs, any events that y'all want to mention? No, I don't think so, actually. I'm going to read one event really quickly of a friend of mine because I would like to plug it on in. Our dearest friend, Grace Freud, is having a show on the 12th of November called My Father Has Been Murdered, Live in New York with Chris Getherd, Sabrina Wu, and Ivy Wolk. This is going to be at the New York Comedy Festival on 1112, 9 p.m. at UCB. If you want to look this up, go to dadsdye.com. That's dadsdye.com.

And also my booking email is Yay, very fun at gmail.com. And also, if you want to welcome to work, Diva shirt, the pre-order for the next batch to be done at October, or at the November 30th is coming soon. So hit me up about it. I'll give more details. Okay, ended the recording. And I'm...

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Dengenara, Dengenara, Dengenara, Dengnaura, Dengnaura, Dengnaura, Cicrochian Fetra, Opea, Bessi a minute, Denginawa, Dengnaara, Denginaura, Danyna Rhae,

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t'ethe, and I'ma'am, ma'amu'am, baby, a m'amon. M'amon.