Seeking Derangements - SD 467

Episode Date: January 21, 2026

Hello Seekers! Ben here, today Jacques, Hesse and I hold a meeting to address what day and time it is. We (Jacques) still don't know. Plus, Hesse shows us a very strange video about milk and Jacques tells us a horrifying story about a popsicle.

Hello everyone, welcome to seeking derangements. This is a free episode. So if you like what you hear, go subscribe to our Patreon. Patreon. Patreon.com slash seeking arrangements for weekly bonus episodes. Jock and Hessa. The Divas are here with me as always. Hello, darling.

Hello, guys. Hello. It's going fantastic, darling. Jock, do you know what time it is? Yeah, let's begin this discussion immediately. Let's do a reading of our texts that happened this morning. Let me do a dramatic reading of the text that happened this morning, please. I just want to set the scene right now.

Today is Monday, January 19th, and it's 305 p.m. And recording has just begun. So, Jock, why don't you start at the text you sent at 739 this morning? I've never been so confused in my life. I wasn't on drugs. So let me just say. Okay. Um, 7.39 a.m.

I overslept on accident severely. My phone came unplugged. And then I said, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry. I've never missed like this. You just calling so much woke me up. What are you even talking about, dude? Figure out what time and day it is.

I'm going back to sleep. I'm so confused. Did we not agree to record one? Did we not agree to accord one day is what you said? I feel insane. I tried calling Hessa. What day do you think it? is. My line. What day do you think it is? I, he says this to me a lot. So don't, don't think that

this is something that I hear. Develop your own neural pathways to problem solving. I know. Okay, look. What day do you think it is? I woke up hours past when I was supposed to and I feel terrible and disoriented. Isn't it Monday? What time is it? And then I was like, please, let's do it back and forth. What time is it? 7.44 a.m. I'm so sorry. I thought it was PM and I slept password. I said, okay, now put that all together. I am so insane. I'm so sorry. Ignore. I was confused why neither of y'all called me. I'm going back to sleep.

I thought it was PM and that I slept through. And then at 126, sorry about this morning. It's okay. You don't need to apologize. I'm just glad that you've eventually figured out. Wait, so did you spend a full hour a week this morning thinking that? it was 7 p.m. No. No, no, no, no, no. I woke up right when I started calling and texting you as soon as my phone turned back on. So I woke up and my phone was dead.

Oh, so that's why you didn't know what time it was. So I, and my computer was on the other side of the room and I was like, and of course, outside is turned off right now. Wait, so your computer was across the room so you couldn't get up and open your computer to check the time? I didn't think about it. And so I ran outside and it looked. so bright outside and it looked like it was already like the day was already starting to end

and the way that the day was just starting to begin. You confused sunrise for sunset. Y'all was like crying, being like, oh my God, I'm just trying to do better at work. And I really just don't want them to be mad at me. And then I fully completely missed the meeting because I unplugged my phone while I was sleeping. And then slept. Why did you open your phone when you were sleeping? I, it came on dying.

He's thrashing around in his bed. Oh, period. Having nightmares about the hampercaler again. And that was the other thing, too. I had exclusively nightmares last night. Exclusively nightmares. This is a new... All the stars were there, y'all.

New Nutmare Exclusive. Well, I'm glad that we're all on the same plane of resistance now. Hey, thank you for forgiving me. And Hessa, I'm sorry. I haven't forgiven you. I never said I forgive you for the record. You're still mad? I was never really mad. I was, to be honest with you, I was more just disturbed.

It's a really jubbed. jarring way to wake up. What are you talking about? Take it seven calls. And then to have to realize your dear, dear friend isn't quite sundowning, but is sunrising.

I just want to say, too, I didn't do any drugs before bed of weed. Like, I didn't like... Me talking to the police. I didn't do any drugs before bed of weed. Are you getting pulled over

for sorbbing all around all around the road. So you didn't do any weed yesterday. Why? That's almost more disturbing. I did weed yesterday. Okay. So you did do drugs before going to bed. But not before bed. I had stopped long hours before. I was just tired

and normal. Long hours. You know how hours can be different lengths? Okay. So there's nights where I do a dab before I go to bed and there's nights where I'm just so tired and I feel just ready for bed. I don't dab before bed. So I didn't dab before bed. and I don't know how I ended up in that state.

Well, it's almost more disturbing it because it can't be the weed then. I mean, for the record, I do think it's the weed and it actually probably doesn't have anything to do with like what long hours you may or may not be consuming weed, but I don't know. So it's just you just wake up confused, which I think it's funny that you woke, you woke up at like a normal time for a normal person to wake up and you started freaking out immediately.

Because I went at the time anyone with a 9 to 5 does and you were ready to kill yourself. Okay, because I woke up and I first ran to the front. There's no clocks around. So I ran up to the front door and I opened out the front door and it was bright outside. Well, the numbers are up one side of all my clocks. It was bright outside and I just thought, oh my God. Well, my clocks are melted. Well, I thought, I know I went to bed at three, but I didn't think I would sleep till 7 p.m.

I was so fucking scared. You went to bed at, I just, I need to clarify for this, you went to about at 3 a.m. Yeah. So I, I would just like to say from my perspective, what I saw, I wake up at 9 o'clock a.m. It's very, very bright outside. The sun is shining.

And I look, I look at my phone. And I just see all these types. I'm scrolling back. And it got to the point where I was like, what the fuck? What day is it? And I, like, actually checked the date on my phone, because I was so confused.

Because I had just woken up, and I was like in a daze. And I was like, what is going on? Did Jack really just try calling us? Yeah. You woke up in a D-A-Z-E. Jock woke up in a D-A-Y-S because it could have been any day, if you know what I'm saying. Look, and then I, before I even woke up, I got another text from you, an hour after all of that happened, where you just said,

Are you mad at me? He doesn't when he's worded. people are mad at him. He'll find excuses to text people. And you called me at 8.42 a.m. after I didn't reply to the message. Hang on, I didn't wake Hesah of you too. Completely insane. I need to wake Hesau to make sure she's not mad at you because I don't know what day it is. We all make mistakes. And I don't think I've just, I don't think I've, I've, I've,

I've straight up in a long time, just missed a meeting completely. You didn't. Yeah. We are here in time and space in real life right now on time of recording. This ain't a joke? This ain't a drink. It's really, like, I cannot imagine how scary it must be for you to be existing your body. I've never felt more closer to Bo is afraid than this morning.

Every day. Jack is confused. The new Ariaster movie. And I could tell that the more I said I was confused, it just, and I wasn't trying to at all been. But I could tell that the more times I just kept saying, wait, I'm confused. Well, you're expecting me to solve it for you. Meanwhile, you're looking at your phone that has both a clock and a calendar on it. And you woke me up because I needed to confirm what time and day is for you.

Do you understand why that's a little question? You have absolutely freaked the hell out before because I've called you at 3 p.m. to wake you up to record the show. That's true. well, you call me at 7.m. You have responded pretty well. And tell me you're confused. That's, it's so funny that, uh, like, usually, like, Jacques, the call that when one of us calls you to wake you up at like an hour before the show, you're either like, I've been up all night,

right? I've been up. I've been up for 36 hours, bitch. Like, okay, great. Fuck you. Great. Or. Or.

Yeah. sleeping out dare you call me when I'm sleeping. Are you to charge people $50 if they woke me up and I would make them bin mo me $50 for waking me. Not y'all. Well, I never complied with that. Yeah. Do people comply with that? Because you literally threaten that.

It's like they're paying for your silence. Honestly, if someone complies with that, they deserve to pay you $50. I'm surprised they'd manage to scrape together $50. How stupid they are. Well, I say Monopoly money in his penel. Who's paid you for the fans that call me from the hours of 5 a.m.

Oh, God. 10 a.m. May listeners pay you $50. Extorting money for listeners. Because they called me at 1 p.m. Why are calling at 9 a.m.? I'm sleeping there like, I just wanted to talk. And I'm like, well, no one else calls me at 9 a.m. to talk.

Get either Vimmo me $50. I'm going to block. You're going to get so many calls at 9 a.m. now. And you know what? Do it. You all have my endorsement. Yeah. To torture talk.

Wake Juck up at 9 a.m. Tell them it's 9 p.m. Tell them it's three days later. Impersonate me and tell it and just be like, you're late. You're late for a week we recorded without you. How much money have you made from the wake-up fees? I mean. know it's like five people maybe four people yeah so that's what 200 200 i can do it i hate when you

when you look at me no smile you keep you and he you can think you've got a brain in there diva you can think i hate when you try to lead me to water just throw me in the water i'm a i'm a just make me drink i hate when you try to lead me to water just make me drink i'm so thirsty You just push me in the water. Oh, that's true. Who's the president? Clinton. What year is it?

1999, baby. Right. Yeah, I'm back in the glory days of the late 90s. And I'm back in the New York groove. Jack, what, if you had, if you were having a dream and we were recording this in a dream, like, who would the guests be? Who would be your dream guest and your nightmare guest? Tori Spelling as my dream guest. And my nightmare guest would.

be I don't know the first person was that Tori math it's like Tori's spelling but math which is harder Who's the Who's the guy

The Judaism guy with the glasses Guy guess guess guess guess his name Andrew Flanagan No No Fuck A Jewish man named Andrew Flanagan Do you think a Jew has ever been named

Andrew Flanagan Keep going keep going. Describe him some more. Describe him some more to me. Yeah. What is he done? He's annoying, like kind of shrill voice. It's about, that's approximately

3 million people on earth, Jewish glasses and annoying. Surprising that he's, that he's straight. I don't, I think Jock is superimposing glasses on this person. How's that? No, they have glasses. They have glasses, I'm pretty sure. I mean,

Ben, I think, I thought it was this other person, too, but I think it's a different person. I think I hate him so much that I forgot his name. The Daily Caller or whatever, where Candasoneu Stork, right? No. That's not who he's thinking of?

No, he's thinking of either Salman Rushdie or Woody Allen right now. I think those are the two. No, Ben Shapiro. It was Ben Shapiro. Oh, really? Who the hell is it? Wait, who the fuck are you thinking of? That guy...

I mean, Jewish glosses and annoying really is not narrowing. He's a talk show. It's a Jewish guy that he saw. on TV. He's not on TV. He's not even a real guy. He's thinking of me wearing glasses. I don't give me, I,

now I'm curious. You don't know anything about him except that he's not on TV. I know that I don't like him. Glasses. It's not Woody Allen. No, he interviews people. Oh, I know who it is.

Adam Friedland. Yes. Oh, God. Andrew Flanagan. That's so close. I guess. The initials are correct. Yeah, I think it, I just,

A nice great guy. I don't know why you have such an animosity towards him. Out of the sweetie. Jealousy, of course. Yeah, it's probably, let's just be honest, it's probably funny about, look,

let's just not even give him the space. I've removed him from the nightmare situation. I'm going to... I don't know why I thought Salman Rushdie, probably because you've texted me. Have you heard of this book before? Is he Jewish? Well,

the Salman Rushdie book was seemingly kind of interesting. I bet you would like it. It's so cool how he bagged. He's not Islamphobic. He bagged about Padma Lakshmi. weren't they married forever? Yes, I think they were. She is so fucking cool.

I would literally, my dream guest. Actually, more of a dream, like, person to have 12 beers with. Padma. Yeah. A dream, you know who? Dream hang. Padma would be a dream host. Like, I would want to be invited to a Padma party.

Oh, yes. I would love to spend a really hungover morning with her. Oh, my God. And she has, you know she has all the cures. she's got fucking IV bags. She's got everything on lock. Here's a nightmare. I wake up and I don't know,

but they're filming impractical. Here's a nightmare. I wake up. Right. Every morning. I wake up and they're filming impractical jokers. It's kind of my nightmare, I think impractical jokers has got to be one of the evilest forces

in the American. It would be very easy to do it to you. Also, um, Fear tactics. That's kind of one of my nightmares. Scare tactics. I mean, the fact that they would have all the technology to frighten me.

Do you remember the show Boiling Points on MTV? When they just get angry, when they just get people angry or so... A hidden camera television show where people would go into various public spaces, like, you know, stores or libraries or whatever. And they would send someone in to be extremely, extremely annoying and confrontational. and they would wait for someone to reach their boiling point and have a complete and total freak out on the annoying person. Extremely funny show.

Oh my God, I've never seen it. It sounds amazing. Really funny show. But I'm like, Jack, what would be the worst thing? What could scare tactics do to you to really freak you out? Anything. Like, virtually. Burn all of the weed in the world.

Deplete the... global marijuana so i wake up and i'm chained like this and they're just burning giant bales of weed and being like this is the last weed you're ever going to see junkie before we throw you in the intoxicate camp right and you have a giant fish bowl on your head like uh sandy from sponge bob so you can't even get high oh that's high for you oh no high no woman no cry i actually i want to bring something up i got a piece of listener mail in my um twitter dms jock May I bring up, I know this is a tough topic for you, so if you don't want to talk about it,

you don't have to talk about it. But I did get a message from someone about scrumeting. Sure, we can talk about it. I thought you were going to bring up that guy that pranked me. Dane? I miss Dane. He's such a fucking icon. I would love to have Dane back soon.

He was brave. He was brave. He was brave to come at me. and not be scared of the consequences. Yes, he was. I guess so, yeah, you could say that. Maybe he's the one. If there's one thing, he might be annoyed,

he might be troublesome, and he might be a downright twirp. But you know what he is? He's brave. Dane, if you're listening, could you please reignite the conflict with Drak? I would love to do another chosen family court episode. I think he regrets it.

I think he regrets it. I don't think he regrets. I don't think he regrets. He loved the episode. I was talking with him to make sure that he is okay and wasn't fearing for his safety. I could tell you exactly why he liked it so much is because all these women were throwing themselves at him, posturing. Those were gay guys say they wanted to fuck him in the comments. I don't think those were many women personally.

I think women. Women. We got horny women. We got horny women on deck. Anyways, I got this in my Twitter DMs. My mom's best friend is currently in crisis because she thought her lesbian stoner daughter was going through violent. marijuana withdraws. But I was able to correctly diagnose her condition as cannabinoid hypermessy

syndrome by asking, is she screaming and vomiting? Based on the description you gave on seeking derangements. Never let it be said that podcast don't give, don't save lives. So Lex, if you're listening and if that lesbian daughter is listening, two messages.

Lesbian, put down the weed. Lex, I'm happy. Very happy to be a leading voice in eradicating and stopping the national marijuana addiction that is creeping our country. I want to break down to say that stop eating such acidic meals if you don't want to throw them back up. Such acidic meals? Yeah, I mean, I mean, stop eating sourcrow, stop being boiled meats, y'all.

No more than this acidic shit. I'm sure there's going to be no point where y'all truly believe this, but I mean, I can say it Anyway, I did go five days without dabbing, doing edibles. And I, I mean, I hit my vape maybe once or twice, but it was basically out, so I really wasn't getting anything. I think, though. That kind of counts, though, is hitting your vape. It kind of nullifies it. It's like saying I'm two months.

It's like saying I'm two months sober except for a beer, like it right in the middle. I mean, in all fairness, that is literally, should I say. Let me just let look look let me just say I normally do dabs, edibles, smoke flour, smoke the vape. I usually have a huge mixture of everything. And for five days, all I was doing was once or twice a day doing this. Look, you know. And it wasn't even working that much. This is the one that's broken.

I commend you. Now I have a new one in it. Right. I mean, it hits more. was that um like last week hmm okay before i went to denver you guys denver beat the bills in in football you stupid bitch

you thought the bills were gonna do anything but loose they go up and down the court hello with the bills are you wearing a bowler cap right now why yes yes i am it's uh you're like a car center and bull You look like an obese Cuban comedian from 1999.

It's so strange to see you in a bowler cap. Hey, look, I've never worn this. It makes you look like a completely different type of person. It's not a bowler cap because a bollercab is like a detective cap. Yeah, it's like... It's the brimless, you know, kind of... No, it's got a brim. It's got a brim watch. Let me take it off.

Check out that brim. It's like a brim. It's like a brim. but it's like nylon and it looks like it looks like a NASCAR It's a nylon newsboy cap It's a creepy uncle hat

Wow thanks for calling me a creepy uncle I literally look like a cool Scottish person Period I wore this hat Just in case I had to deliver Some last minute news at any point in this episode This is my news cap That is a good news cap

Yeah it is Yeah. It's very extra, extra. Hassa and Ben confused me in the morning again. It was us. It was our fault. Maybe you should buy it. Have you ever thought about buying a clock before? For your room? Maybe like a big digital clock that says what day and time it is, so you don't have this issue again. Let me make a long explanation out of a very simple question. There's a man on the internet named Clock Lover, and he has a collection of clothes.

clocks and he has a lot of clock-themed clothing, clock-themed art. Everything he in his house is about clocks. I am a bit of the antithesis of that. You are an antithesis of that. Unless it is to be on time for work, I don't want to know what time it is in general. Good catch. I don't want to be on time in my own regular life when I'm not doing it. You know, why?

Because when it's fucking... That's rude to everyone you know. It is extremely disrespectful to everyone. I'm not talking about my friends. I'm talking about... How do you react when people are late to a dinner? No, no, no. Maybe you've never experienced that because you're always late yourself.

No, no, no. When was the last time someone showed up late for a gathering or whatever it may be? It was me. I was the last time that someone showed up late for a gathering. But, you know, I've been a little... So you don't like being on time for things unless it's work or your friends. Yeah, and with friends. What about doctors?

What about doctors? Doctors I get 20 minutes before the appointment starts. Okay, so you are capable of showing up to something on time. Medical. God forbid even early if you care. Well, if you care enough about it. I do care enough. I care a lot about this job.

I have, okay, let's get let's let's let's just let's just let's just. point out a little fact lately I've come to work a little bit more earlier y'all haven't even had the chance to say welcome to work well I do edit every episode and I will tell you last episode I did I was editing those cats in with the garbage cans I was but you I I'm trying to shoot you down I have seen me make more of an effort I want to be the best version that I can of this year 20 25 2026 2026 and I want to be just as I want to be just good as I'm a better man 2025 and look I have a new I have a new workout routine I'm about to try wait what's your workout routine I've been doing a skinny girl workout it's this new it's bethany frankle when she still looks like she had some soul left in there

life is hectic some days I have 30 minutes to work out other days I have 45 sometimes I only have 15 that's why I designed the skinny girl workout with three quick yoga never mind okay period definitely Anthony Frankel's whole job is like pretending to be busy have you um wait

have I told you guys this story about my my mom running into her at a pool in Florida no good God she's so running into her at a pool well she

my younger sister was six years old and Bethany Frankel had like a two or three year old kid and just like left the two left the kid in the deep, in like the shallow end of the pool, and then told my six-year-old sister, can you watch him for a minute? I'm going to go. And then left for like 30 minutes, letting a six-year-old babies in a three-year-old.

No, she's fully like, I need to go start a yoga business. Can you watch my toddler in the pool, please? Please. That's so funny. So she's been having her typical, you know, crash-outs type of things. And I'm going to bring up two things about Bethany. from recently. So she is pissed

that Nini Leaks is going back to Bravo. Nini Leaks is one of the only other people that had a big traction like Bethany from the Bravo real Housewives universe to sue Bravo and try to claim that they were treating the housewives unfaithely. Well, that happened about two or three. Andy Cole was having sex with other

with a man. Two or three years ago, Nini Leaks is like, never coming back. She's starting her own TV shows. She's shit-talking Bravo and all their experiences. Now we fast forward and they've got her back and she's about to do her own reality series. And Bethany is like tweaking, like shaking being like, I mean, I guess I understand. I mean, I'm glad for her. I'm glad for her that she's that she's getting a good show.

But I mean, she used to be on my side. And what did they have for her? What did they have just jealousy and anger out of this? I'll always, I'll always love Bethany because of the, her unhinged videos. My favorite, of course, the crab boil delivered to her apartment. That made one of the most disturbing videos of all time. I was like, okay. I think the crab oil delivered to you, that is like literally satanic behavior. It's insane.

To make someone schlep over a judge. giant plastic pack of steaming hot tea food and broth is so mean. There's this funny guy in New York, and I don't know how to pronounce his name, but I think it's Alonzi. And he was pointing out that Bethany doesn't ever swallow any of the food she's reviewing in any of these videos. I mean, that's a big thing for food. TikTokers, a lot of them just like take a bite. Wow, must be real nice not to have to swallow all. that food, you fucking losers.

Yeah, don't they know there's a hunger crisis? Don't they know I'm hungry and it's a crisis? If you're not going to swallow, at least spit it into my mouth. Literally, I'm like, let me swallow for you. Don't you dare waste that expensive chicken salad. You rant and rave about the chicken salad and you can't even swallow it. I might have some eating disorders, but I'm definitely don't have the ones anymore where you eat too less.

I have the eating disorders. Was you ever anorexic? I was bulimic. Severely, you are, you are very bulimia. So this is a one day bulimia, three meals and one day bulimic. Start off and have a dump, a large, two large fries, two quarter pounders, 10 chicken nuggets and ice cream, two apple pies, large Coke, eat all of that, let it settle for about 15, 10 minutes, and then throw it up,

then drink more wine and a... Why would you let it settle? Wine. I just drink wine right after. I would just drink alcohol right after I threw up, so I would be drunk immediately. And then I'd take a whole box of mucinex. And then I would trip out and trip out for a few hours. And finally, when I came back, I would throw up again.

And then I would go to Zia's, and I would have ribs, cheesecake, shrimp, french fries, green beans. You know, root beer, throw it up. Then I leave, go to the Thai restaurant down the street and get deep-fried soft-shell crab with curry sauce on top. That was the worst to throw up. Because it would burn. And that's like a lot of money. And I'm better to be fat than to be wasting food. Am I right?

Well, you can just also not eat that much stuff. Well, yeah, I don't need that much stuff anymore, ish. Anymoreish. I have had some issues with binge eating, but I'm biting it. I'm coming back from it. Good. Good for you, darling. I haven't eaten anything today.

Please clap. Thank you, John. Yes, you skinny girl. I'm kidding. I did have a protein shake. I had some leftover horaceeta with broccoli, robin sausage. I went out to dinner the last night

Yes, honey Taken two creamy white loads Doesn't count as your morning protein shake Think again Gross Period

Do you ever get your cum And then whisk it in a cup And make it into a Ramos Gin Fizz And not tell anyone I'm not gonna Well, no But

You're not gonna answer that Interesting That was not what to be I was expecting He doesn't want to admit That he's giving people come Right Fucking

Brito loser. Even the fact that you would conceptualize that, Jock, makes me really worry that you do that often. I have not done anything. Well,

one time someone came on a on a popsicle and then put it back in the freezer and then I licked it when the cut was frozen. Did you know? Yeah, yeah, I knew. Ew.

Ugh. Who? Jesus. When? I mean, that was like a long time ago, you know, Were you still living at home with your parents at this point? Oh, god damn it, Jock, get to come popsicles out of the fucking bridge. My old friend, Kirstie, she would keep out.

Oh, I did not like her. Wait, what the fuck? She was doing that? No, no, no, no. For reference, this was an autistic, not trans, sorry, autistic tech lesbian. Okay. Who had a really freaky vibe. And she, like, squirted it on this popsicle?

No, no, no. She used to keep assesies. in her freezer at her parents' house instead of her own house. And so when she wanted to go, it's just a dangerous game to keep acid in your parents' house in your freezer. And then they get, anyway, okay, but she, but just real quick, sorry, did the parents accidentally had a previous? I mean, you can't mistake it for anything else, really.

The parents don't drink in the dad, well, the dad drinks a little bit, but the dad is so sensitive to drinking and drugs or whatever, that one time at the dentist, they gave him a nitrous. And he started having hallucinations, and he's a skinny, scrawny, no one of a guy. And he ripped out the sink out of the wall, like one who threw of the cuckoo's nest. Like, turned him into the hole? One who threw of the cuckus nest. Jesus. But, um, but look, this is a free episode also, by the way. That's fine. So, anyway, just a real quick thing. Kirstie had told me that I was a massage. because I wanted to vote for Bernie Sanders instead of Elizabeth Warren.

She was like, well, of course I'm I support Israel. I'm Jewish. I'm like, okay, but that doesn't even mean you. I was like, that's not even how that works. And this is just years ago. So she just had all the wrong views. And she'd get me gifts for years and then. But how did she come onto a popsicle and put it in the freezer? Oh, I just the acid in the pop. She has nothing. She would She hasn't. No, one time she saw me naked and she threw up, even though we were best friends.

She was such a lesbian. She just looked at me naked one time. That would be a good trick for your bulimia. We were getting ready for New Year's Eve, and she looked at me. We were getting dressed from across the room, and she looked at it, saw me naked for one second. She just turned and threw up into my trash can.

Oh, shock. I'm so sorry. Yeah, our friendship ended. Yeah. Our friendship ended because at the end of years and years and years, she told me, well, you know, you owe me $2,000 for the collective price of every gift I've ever gotten you for the last five years. I said, excuse me. And I was like, and she did give me some good gifts. So I was like, okay, well, here, I'll give you $50. And she was like, actually.

It's like, Target letting you steal. She was like, actually, it's $3,000. And I was like, what the hell? And then she was like, and I don't have, and I was like, okay, well, let me just see the list breaking down the, you know, the cross. How much you even can see any ground to this? There's like a farm industry of people paying each other $50 for no reason. Well, no. So I only pay her

once and then I said, hey, well, let me see the list of the itemized thing of how much I owe you. And she says oh, I don't, I'm just keeping it in my head. I'm like, bitch, how can you keep $3,000 of the... Also, you don't have to pay people for gifts that they give you.

I'm truly shocked you even gave an inch to her on this. Because she was my best friend since 13 and we went through some shit both of our our our our partners from louisiana well she was she's actually was born in indonesia but she and she grew up in australia and she lives some in china but she lived the majority of her life and well she lived all of high school in lafayette louisiana or most of it and then um when her parents moved to china her freshman year of college she moved in with me and my family So the CIA agent that was hired to follow you from birth.

Yeah. What the fuck? Doing, going to all the... Yeah, she was stationed in Jakarta. She was stationed in Venezuela. Wait, let's stop talking about her on the free episode. Wait, are you wearing your don't touch me shirt? It's been three XL.

So it's real comfy. You see how that diverge, how easy that diversion is, Hessa? Yeah. I just want to say, though, all that stuff, I'm taking note. All that stuff that I said about Kirstie is true. However, she did do a lot. for me and she was a good friend

for me for a long time. So it's, it's challenging. What does your hat say? Oh, you're so bad at this game. You don't. You, you found your hat so I could read it. You don't even, you found your head so I could read it where you realize it out. It was doing.

Wait, I can't read it. Ignition. What? It says Mallory Ignition. And Pal away. It does not say Mallory. Oh, it does say Mallory. It does say Mallory.

Mallory. Look, look, look. It's a hell away ignition, you dumb bitch. You think I don't know what that is? What kind of hat do you think I should? I've been interested in getting into hats. Do you think there's any kind of hat? Well, not leather fedora.

More like leather beret. You know what? Let's go with like something that matches your personality. One of those leather infantry men hats. Yeah, I was about to say that. Like off to the side. Yeah. Yeah, like jaunty.

A jaunty tilt to it. Just so people know that you. Black Panther Cres. Yes. And engraved in the in the, in the

well, you know, I'm known as a crazy white boy. I might get a little black. Play that fucking music, white band. Period.

Do you think the lyrics of that song are play that fucking music? Play that fucking music has to. Play that fucking music. Right. period.

I bet they censored it with funky and that it was supposed to be fucking. Yeah, probably. The song makes perfect sense. If you had someone naked laying in your bed and y'all were both just still and no one was saying anything

whether there's music playing and would you turn to the person and say, are we fucking or what? But also in this scenario, Walter White is watching from a window. He's about to let whoever you're with in bed die. Let's be honest, none of us had sex last night.

I did not have sex listening. And that's why you all should feel bad for us, because you're probably all listening after having tons of little quatus last night with your heart-ards. Well, I'm not going to insult. Our listeners fuck way more than any other podcast, I feel like.

Our listeners are like their own sex club. Honestly, if... I hope not. Honestly, I actually don't. I don't. I mean, if you're having sex out there, listeners, feel free to comment and let us know. I would as a a big guess that they're probably not

having that much sense. The last time we did a meet and greet, we were supposed to come on at 7.7.30 and there were too many people in the building for us to have sex for it to be safe enough. Security escort us out and they canceled the event and y'all said

why did y'all cancel that event? And we said y'all were fucking too much and no one listened. I remember that. That was great. Thank you. Sorry, I woke up at a weird hour today. I thought I was going to wake up right and two hours before recording, not eight hours before recording.

Maybe we should start recording like super early in the morning to like fix your life a little bit. Let's just do it in the middle of the night at like 1 a.m. I think afternoon is an agreeable time. Listeners, why don't you comment what time you think we should record at since it would be best for you to decide? It's released.

whatever. I still don't think you. Listeners, click, vote, leave the comment, please record earlier. If you prefer us to record earlier, and then please leave a comment saying,

please record later if you think that we should record later. And then if you're out of a third group who thinks that we should record at the same time that we've been recording, let us know. We want the feedback. They don't, their feedback will not be taken into account. we're staying.

What? I just asked it for them. Sorry, listeners, feel free to let us know if you're having sex, though. Chocolate was the last time you had sex?

What was the last time was in Cleveland? Right. Okay, next question. Period. Did you guys see the milk video from the Department of Labor?

I know. Wait, did you really not see it? The milk video from the department? No, I haven't been on Twitter. I've just been working. Can we bring it up? Can we watch it?

Yeah, I'm going to send it to you, Ben. It's one of the, most disturbing things I've ever seen. Show it to me, Rachel! Please show it to me. Show me to me, Rachel. Do you know that that we started as an only fans? The mom? I would watch it.

She got so famous online that she started an only fans. I want to confirm, though. I'm not subscribing to a single person's only fans right now, so stop asking. What do you mean? What do you mean? Stop asking. Are people asking you personally to subscribe

to their only fans? I feel like that's the business model. Alright, Ben, can you pop that up? This is a video from the Department of Agriculture. It says kids deserve real nutrition. Always have. Let's see. Do they have down some room?

Milk. Milk. Right there. Look right here. Nice. Drink all milk. It reminds me of dog tooth. it's very strange movie

or yeah no it's um I said like I'm just picturing the I love this video because it's very clearly like the someone who works at the Department of Agriculture was like

why do we need to hire people to make these videos we can just make them ourselves save a quick buck let's just get get someone who works here get them to bring their kids in get them to keep their kids up for 48 hours before we record. I was sure it looked like chimney sweeps.

Yeah, they look dazed, and so that they look like they haven't slept. And, um, like this, it really is like a terrifying video. It is like a video that... This isn't a video, was it just for everyone watching. The video was about three or four kids who all look related and also maybe have a couple extra chromosomes and they're just drinking milk. There's strange cuts where the camera is in a lower, quality? Yeah, and it's shaky.

It's shaky. Very, very, very, very straight. Yeah, it's odd that they're showing the process of them taking the pictures versus just like having it as a display. It makes it feel extremely pedophilic, and like this is happening. Also, I thought it was AI where the FBI will be raiding very shortly. Also, it does, parts of it does do look AI.

I don't like... Yeah, there are parts that I totally thought were AI. I don't like that we live in a world now where we have to decide if every single visual medium that we see that is supposed to be a news or something is either going to be fake or real like AI hate. How do you think that'll impact? I don't want to say media. How do you think that distrust in anything you see on your phone will impact our country or world?

Well, as soon as we find the unicorn, no one's going to believe it. They're all going to say it's AI, it's AI. It's AI. It's going to be AI. Anytime that we find a clean, reusable energy source that's not as environmentally impactful, it's going to be AI. Anytime we find a safe gun to give to every person in the world that doesn't hurt people but protect people, it's going to be AI. Wait, walk me through what you mean by that. I don't understand. It's a gun that protects everyone in the world. It's a gun that doesn't kill people accidentally.

and it's a... So you have to want to kill someone. It's a safe gun. No, I understand the concept. You have to have a murderous intent in your heart to use it on someone, basically, is what you're saying? It has an autonomous moral complex. So it has AI, is what you're saying? No, never mind.

Take it back. I take back the... I'm totally horrifying. I take back the gun pitch. I hate AI Because when they come out with an AI gun Everyone's gonna think it's fake Look, I can't do everything right.

I'm not a genius. Clearly I've proven that 100 episodes later. What do you think about the ethical? Repercussions of AI? No. Of people making vertical, like, TikTok content of people in public

while they're wearing metaglasses. Everything is shot through the MetaGlass, you know, because they have cameras but do you think that should be legal, illegal? What is your take on, you know, secretly recording people with metaclasses? Here's my

take on it. I want a pair even though they look ugly as fuck. There's this girl named Natasha eats Monchies who eats a stack of edibles bigger than my fingers can, and thumb, my index finger and thumb can stretch.

And she then goes into a with her meta glasses and just sits there and eats food and is nice and pleasant. And she asked people beforehand if she can record them. What if they don't ask? So do you think they should have to ask before they record with metal glasses? Yeah, I don't think you should be featuring recordings of people without them knowing, however I've done it before. So I guess I'm... One was the last time you secretly recorded something?

Yeah. Well, I was... Besides me. It was pictures and yeah, besides you. but it was pictures of, it was the day after Red Larell, this famous gym owner in Lafayette, who was Mr. Universe before, all these older people. People that own Reds? Yeah, Red Larell died, and the next day, all these older guys started wearing their old Red Larel shirts.

So as we were driving by downtown. And you didn't like that. Well, no, I just took, I took about 20 pictures of this guy. He didn't know. And I sent them to my friends being like, look at this classic Reds shirt. but um that's fine i feel like that's fine if you just take a picture of a shirt someone's wearing well no i mean it showed the whole his face how many times do you think people have seen you in public and take pictures of you because you are like a cryptid dressed you know

maybe with a giant red shirt that says stay away do not touch do not touch on both sides it's happened so many times actually the last time i wore this shirt out at a kajun restaurant this guy i was with you doc remember oh yeah you remember and the guy came in And I saw the guy turning around. And put my hand on me. I was, Jock and I were sat at different ends of the I was supposed to beating the shit out of this guy. And I saw this guy who was back to back with Jock, turn around and like alert all

his friends, be like, look at this, what does his shirt say? And then at the end of our, what I will say was a delicious. That's pretty good. So, Jock stood up and the guy turned around again to try to get a full re- of what jock's shirt said and it says do not touch stay away stay away do not touch on the back in large impact fought and the guy

touched jock's shoulder and I was like oh my god oh buddy he told you he done warned you don't know if I yelled or not I don't think I did no you actually very well behaved you were kind of just like what the fuck and then we left I was just pissed I'm like if I'm wearing a shirt

it's clearly not a joke don't fucking touch me you have Mercer you should have told him no it's literally it's the Mercer shirt That's why I had it. Now I want to say I'm like, I have no... It's a medical garment. But also it's just a garment that says, hey, don't touch. It's not a fucking joke.

It's literally, I made it so that like... Maybe you should add it's not a fucking joke on it so people know you're not joking. I just need to consider that. And then maybe add a, maybe you could put a, uh, a sticky note on it that says, do not kick me. People are gonna know it's not a joke when I start open and carrying. Oh, please don't start open carrying, jock. Oh my God. That's why you want to the AI.

gun so he won't accidentally shoot someone or himself. He can shoot someone of them, blame it on the robot. We already know how that one's done. I don't want to shoot anyone, but I am tired of having drinks thrown out of me at windows as they call me a fag, because I have a bag. That hasn't happened in years.

It happens when they missed. Well, it doesn't count if they miss. It pisses me off. When did that happen? Jock one time got hit in the head with a bottle wearing a two-piece bright yellow women's suit that said Jamaica. I've been hit by a bottle

on the head four times and three of them were in downtown Lafayette and it was because I was wearing skinny black jeans and each time they they were like your jeans are faggy you look like a faggot in those jeans and the last time I got hit in the head of the bottle I gave me a black eye and I had just gotten kicked out of my workplace bar

after working for being too drunk and they had finally convinced me to go home, and I was on the way home walking home, and then I got hit in the head with the bottle and got a black guy, so I walked back to the bar, and I was like- You know, those are all legal hate crimes that you could make money off of if you get like a license plate or something.

Yeah. And sue the person, just say Indievah. No, these are, these are this is a- Just saying maybe put that banana yellow Jamaica two piece back on and put some meta-glasses on and go walk around and wait until you get harassed, and then maybe hit someone with a hate crime lawsuit. my brother got a pair of like

knockoff meta glasses and they look way less dorky and it's still like super high quality and like they kind of just look like normal glasses. I would love to get a pair and like do some pranks with it but I just don't have time right now. What do you all think

about me starting a new program using meta glasses? I'm not really considering. Because I really want to make some first person videos of me riding and skating and all kinds of stuff. I have never once told you you can't do anything creatively. Let me tell you all something.

It's on the end of the episode. I'll just say it right now. Y'all can expect upcoming a muckbang donut review that I recorded at 5 in the morning recently. Y'all can expect a muckabby. And by that he does mean 4 p.m. Everyone. And he plans to do this tomorrow. Last night I went to my favorite Lafayette restaurant

under the guise of being an influencer and recorded content. Please tell me how you pretend. What is, what was part of that guys? Yeah. Well, I told Leonard, the manager of the restaurant, I said, look, Leonard, you know me. I come in all the time. I love this place. I've been coming over 20 years.

I've been coming to Zia's. By the way, what you don't know. Z-E-A-S apostrophe. I've been going there since. Zia's regional chain in Louisiana it's only in

Baton Rouge New Orleans and Lafayette mostly Right that's what you call a regional chain Yeah And I told him Look

If I could just get a gift card For the half of the price of a normal meal I can get All the items I can review And I can let everyone know So last night I got a $50

Give card $50 $50 it's always in Louisiana had it with people giving each other $50 for no reason. This happened three times on this podcast. It's just the number that comes into Jock's head first.

That's a proper amount. That's the amount of money that it requires for me to get not only six Asian almond shrimp and a soy garlic marinade, but also for me to get six Thai ribs, also featuring a soy garlic marinade.

It is not a good restaurant. Zia's kind of it is a great restaurant. You just don't like good stuff and you know, I've been there three times and I've had it one. You've had it once. You've had it once and it's fine. I've been without you. Ben, Ben, I have other cage and friends. Ben has never been there twice. He's, he's lying to make a point and it's fine because I know that you want to sound special. What are you spraying? I accidentally cut my fingers. I spray disinfection. Just now. Oh God. I just with it. But look, look, look. So I ordered, I ordered the six ribs. I got corn grits. I got french fries. I got french fries. I

I got broccoli. I got collard greens. This is your donut muckpang? No, this is a second muck thing that I... Or not a mug bang. It was more of a food review, restaurant review. So I showed the videos and pictures of the plates of food before and video and pictures of the food after.

And it's going to be a real detail. What do you mean the food after? Did you poop in the toilet? No, I just meant that like the plate of... Real smooth. What the plate looked like after. Doesn't look as yummy anymore, y'all. And then I had a beer, like a non-alcoholic beer, and then I had a tapachico, and then I had a glass of water.

And then I had a cheesecake with extra caramel and extra pecans. God, the editing I'm going to have to do for all the food listing in this episode. Okay, well, congratulations on that. I think it was a delicious meal last. Stellar performance. I can't wait to see your... My sister works at a jewelry company called Stellar.

Okay. Shout out. Docs her a dollar. No, no, never. Oh, shit. I just wanted to compare, because you said stellar. And then it just reminded me of, there's a popular Lafayette name also. A last name. Stellar.

Really? Yeah. And so I went to elementary school with the... My name's Rombone Stellar. I went to elementary school. with the heir to this jewelry empire. And so on show and tell day at school, which is first and eighth grade,

anyone can show and tell, he brought an armed guard and brought literal fist-sized diamonds. It was so... Louisiana is fully a third world country. It's crazy. I love Louisiana so much, though. I'm really hoping to make it

from Rardi Gras. I hang out with you, I really need... Last year when I got to New Orleans, in the middle of winter, I fell to my knees and almost cried because I was so happy to be one, in New Orleans and getting to see you and all

of our friends there, and two, mostly because the weather was gorgeous. It was a spiritual experience. I'm in love with the New Orleans airport simply because it delivers me from winter every year. It's so true. The second that the sliding doors

open from departures into where you're getting picked up, you feel the immediate, overwhelming humidity and heat change. I love it. Period. I am coming in for Marty Gras, so I hope to see you there too.

Our mutual friend said that I can sleep on the couch at her place, which I will do. And then I'll probably come back to Lafayette with you. I think you and Frank should get another fight. I'm not getting another fucking fight with Frank.

time I ran and tripped and scraped up my fucking arm out. I was extremely drunk. No. You walked up to me at the DJ booth and you said, look, me and Frank, we got in a fight. That's why I'm bleeding. And I said, what? And then you said, and then you said, okay, can you let me take a picture behind the DJ booth? And I said, no, and you said, no, please, it'll just be for a second.

I just want to pretend that I'm DJ. I'm like, no, I'm actively DJing right now. He's like, please just do it. I just want to take one picture behind the DJ booth. Come on, Jack. Let him take a picture behind the DJ booth. He was on acid. He was bleeding.

I was not on acid. I was drunk and on cocaine and mushrooms. Okay, get your facts straight, bitch. I'm pretty sure you did acid too. I did not. Frank was on acid. I was not. Whatever.

Y'all was collected. You're on mushrooms. Frank's on acid. The collection of the both of them combined to be... Right. Right. I was really anti that night anyways because we were just like bouncing around

and not ending up at a party and I was starting to get pissed, but then it turned into a really fun night. We really literally went to a party. You literally went to a party. That was DJ. Well, a better party, no offense. Oh, my God.

There was a literal woman whipping people at our party. There was free alcohol. There were only 30 people there, and they were spread out. It was a big facility. Well, that's kind of what I'm saying. Yeah. How many parties have you been to at a screen printing facility? It's not appealing.

Like any garage, basically. Oh, my God, no. I loved the DJ. Oh, thank you. At the other party. Got you Mish. I'm going to smack you up your head, you stupid son of a gun. It was a real New Orleans DJ at the other party.

It was DOS playing. It was my favorite Southern Louisiana and DJ Buffon, Bufon, Bufon. Oh my God. Sorry for saying the double B word. But I'll throw them off just again. Is he still hot? No, I hate Bufon, Bufon, but he is like actually so fucking sexy. But the gag, the tea, the joke of it all is that he only...

I don't care. Well, it's just public college. I don't care. He kind of looks like a young Robert Teneiro. Actually, never mind, he's not sexy. I take that back. He's so stupid. He's actually very hot and sexy.

I think I convinced myself that I thought he was hot because... He's absolutely hot. It's undisputable. I agree. I'm sorry. It's fine. It's fine if you and Hesseh with your weird rand This picture is hot. This is a guy at a bus stop.

You'd both sleep at Benicio de Toro before you would sleep with Jim Carrey. So I don't know where you're taste the lines. That's true. That's true. And also... Let's end on this. Jock, name a celebrity. Name some celebrities and we'll do fuck Mary Kill.

I'll just name some celebrities. Whoopi Goldberg, Teddance, and Cheryl Hines. Okay, let's do that one. I would... I'd marry Whoopi because she's asexual. You wouldn't have to have sex with Whoopi. You literally wouldn't even have to see her. She loves about, she loves talking about how she doesn't allow people in her home.

So Whoopi, because my life wouldn't even change at all. And then she dies and I get all of her money. Mary Whoopi. I'm marrying Whoopi for love and a great relationship. I guess I'd have sex with Ted Danson. I also don't really want to. I also don't really want to. Well, I don't know.

Why would you not have sex with Ted Danson? I had sex with Cheryl because killing, killing her, probably RFK would be like, you know, yeah, he would go to completely like, or actually, maybe kind of be doing him a favor, seeing how his first marriage went, he seems to love a dead wife, if you know what I'm saying. Who's his dead wife? Yeah, exactly. It's like, either way, it wouldn't turn out for us. No, it would, yeah. RFC has a wife who died under suspicious circumstances. Oh, wait, she was, she, uh, he, uh, she got shot and then he threw her in the back of her trunk and then

left at the airport. She committed suicide by shoving herself in RFK's trunk. Yeah. Look, let me just say something. I'm shocked that you wouldn't want to have sex with Ted dancing. He's a tall glass of water. He's funny. He's a great actor. What's wrong with him? I don't like his face. Hessa? I like his face. I think he's, I think he's a handsome man. He looks like Hellboy. I think it's cool, but he looks like Hellboy, kind of. Hey, um, I think we did a little bit. a good episode. Let's all give ourselves a round of applause. As a round of applause is not just supposed to be one person.

I'm snapping. I can't. I'm holding the microphone. People are just so anti-selebratory. Yeah, gay people, women. Before we end the episode, Ben, can I send you a receipt for my emotional support, Beanie Babies? I need them for work. No. Well, I, wait, no, I already bought this one and it was $400, so I just need, you don't have fun that. Goodbye, everyone.

Wait, wait, wait, I want that now to me before I go. So I've parted ways with my clothing producer, and my final collection is out right now, and there will be a trickling of a few last pieces

coming out from now, but these are the final ones. Snatch them up, get them good, wear them hot, be sexy, and DM me on Instagram. All right, especially send those DMs at 7 a.m. Or phone calls at 7 a.m.

And we'll talk to you guys. Bye, goodbye, everyone. Bye.