Seeking Derangements - SD 474 - Frying Them Deliciously ft Magda

Episode Date: February 15, 2026

[sorry for the noisiness on Magda’s mic it’s only at the beginning 😅] Hesse and Jacques are joined by Magda for a brainrotting episode of the highest order! The gworls discuss poultry science, Australian theater masturbators, and of course the timeless works of Ed Banger Records!

welcome to seeking derangements. Ben, unfortunately, Ben couldn't join us today. But we have an amazing guest filling in. We have... Do you want to introduce our guest, Jacques?

No, no, no. I don't want to introduce. I just wanted to say, da-da-da-da! In anticipation for our guest. Okay, our guest is full clip Magda herself. Is with us today. That's why. You wanted me to...

I named her full clip magda, because she always got that full clip mag on her, and she about to duh you. She about to do you. Hello, everyone. And yes, unfortunately for the rest of you, I am about to duh you. And the grape soda just went up my nose the wrong way.

It was not... I love grape soda, but that did not taste. Right. Y'all don't drink grape soda soda through your nose. It is not good for you. Don't. Do not.

Chat, chat, do not drink grape soda about listening to Magda Talk. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. I'm warning you now. The grape soda is worse than any nasal drip from Coke

that I've ever had. This is crazy. I feel like I've just been... Get my sister's and flonase. Get my sister some flonase right now. Yeah. Get some aphrine. and someone get my sister Magda some bullets

she needs I wait hello seeking arrangements hello Magda thank you for coming on I'm so excited I love you all down so much oh thank you we love you down boots this and this actually

is kind of a full circle moment for me because you're maybe the first guest I ever listened to on a podcast on the Nymphal Wars episode Wait, are we talking about edible ass paint? Yeah. I would never. Edible ass paint. That's a great way.

That's a fabulous jumping off. That is the most frankly deranged thing I think I've ever done. Those poor Sephora, those poor Sephora employees. Going into Spore and tasting the makeup. I believe what's been. This poor gay guy walking up and he was like, are you guys good? I'm like, no, we're back. And here we are.

Three big honkin. transsexuals just eat in makeup. A chudged baby. A smorgas bored, if you will. That is crazy town. I think like assholes look ugly enough. Oh my God. I don't think you paint the hole, right?

Well, that wasn't, well, the point edible ass tape. My microphone fell all the way off. Oh, my God. It wasn't necessarily asshole related. It was kind of like body painting vibe. I feel like, I don't know how we came up with that. I still don't.

I don't understand. I don't understand. I need to re-listen. If any of our listeners haven't heard this episode, it's incredible. I will say one thing. I do think it was somehow Tati Westbrook related. Yes. It was.

Somehow Tati-related. If I ever ate someone's ass and or pussy and my face turned a different color, or if I was sucking cock and my face turned. Wait, Jacques, wait, Jacques just broke the coat. that was it. When you get up in a bitchus and it's like, oh, and you look like the ghost of Christmas past, that's that's at a ass pain, baby. You look like Hans Gruber.

You have a goate. Exactly. See, you get it. Well, I'm very, very excited to be here today. Very excited. Thank you. Thank you for joining us. Today, we are going through the gay list. If there are any, are there any news stories?

Is there any current news? Yeah, I got some news for you. Honey. Why don't you get a Get a job? No, I'm kidding. Hey, I get some news for you, honey. Why don't you, why don't you stop calling me in the middle of the night and calling me a faggot?

I don't appreciate it. Jacques called me three minutes before we record it. Just to say, I just want to let you know I'm ready to record. No, first of all, my... He does it every single time. Your Majesty. quick clip magda let me tell you what really happened um what really happened as i was just calling and returning hessa's text messages back through a phone call six minutes before recording i did not

think it was so explicit it sent hessa into a blind rage and she called me several things that i don't even want to repeat on the air i didn't call you anything i just said stop calling me five minutes before recording magda i just met you almost every episode I know what Hesse would, I know what I heard. And I don't know you that well, Magda, but let me just tell you, I know it would shock you and offend you deeply. Period. Well, see, there are very, there are, and I'll tell you all right now today,

now that I'm here, there are very few things that would shock and offend me in any capacity. If anything. Well, prepare to be. And offended people with. Prepare to be, it's prepared to be shocked and offended in a way

you never could have imagined. It's, baby, it's 11 o'clock somewhere in some territory with some gay people and a trans woman telling them to chill.

Period. It's like it out fucking much. Does Magda short from Magdalene? Yes, it is. Oh, beautiful. Love it. Did you go to Magdalene

in Williamsburg when it was still open the restaurant? Yes, I did. Oh my god, you still love it. And I felt mad special. Yeah, I'm, I don't know, I felt mad special. I loved that place before my old friend who ran it, ran it into the ground. Well, me when I go to Denny's. Literally her fault. You, you, it's so, excuse me, I'll have the owner's table, the owner's booth. Let me just tell you, if you own a restaurant or you're managing a restaurant and you have the privilege to

hire people and then you go to a bar next to your restaurant that you work at and you tell everyone at the bar when you're drunk you go I only hire them and if they're pretty and if they're ugly I fire them in a week and that's how that is. What are you talking about? I'm talking about how the restaurant

Magdalene fell down the restaurant in Williamsburg that we were just talking about. Why do you know restaurant drama of Williamsburg? Because I used to know the owner. That was my favorite restaurant in New York for at least two years. But the owner said that... You was talking about the owner's table, baby.

When I show up to a... Baby, I'm at the onus table. Because I'm a burden. Baby, I know I did. I'm at the onus table. Owners? Ones. All right?

Full clip. Full burden. See how easy. A couple letters can change a whole scenario, baby. I was in a second. Mario. Oh, Magda's going to be on this episode. Let me CCHR and the Burden Department.

The Burden Department. Oh, we got another Magda. Contact the burden department. The tortured burden department, child. Okay. Magda, let me just get to know you through. That's the chapel rowan version of the... I don't want to hear her name.

Wait, good luck, babe. We're like, good luck, Missing. Hot to go. Sorry, I like my food cold to go. I like cold sandwiches. Get out of my way. Leave it out for an hour before you give it to me. I feel like she must think she's so brave for leaving a talent agency for a man that was related to Epstein to probably sign with some other.

What are you talking about? Jacques, again, getting his news from. Is this chapel really? Chapel Rhone dropped her talent agent. because of his relationship to Epstein that was revealed in the recent drop of the files. And she made this big public spiel about it. But I'm like, I didn't hear about it. So it probably wasn't that big.

I don't know. I'm not serious. I can't do anything right with this person today. Like an 11 year old girl on TikTok being like, Chappell-Wone has just created such a precedent. They're canceled, bitch. Get out. Magda, you are already on thin bird and ice.

Don't you dare join in with Hessa in your little merriment circle to bully me into oppression. I won't have it. What I won't have is someone I just met today, full clipping me, the whole mag released into my head. I am obliterated and I'm shot down. Okay. Okay, but continue. I'll keep it too. a minimum, my promise.

Oh, you don't have to. You don't have to. I'm just kidding. But Hessa, you straighten up. I'm not kidding about that. Oh, because I'm gay. Straight and the back is crazy. Hessa, get straight again.

Get straight. Everybody get more straight right fucking now. Everybody gets more straight right now. Speaking of being straight, everyone getting more straight. today we're going to go back to the gay list which is one of my favorite things that we do on this podcast

since Ben is since Ben is not here I will be taking over duties of reading through and deciding the things Magda you're familiar with the gay list right well yes well yes I've listened to quite a few

she's the full clip of course she knows what the gay list Jacques has one thing that is in his mind will not be able I'm like, well, as a woman of gay experience. Period. The gay list, as stated previously, is the keeper of the list is Elgin Barrett Eugene Smith the third on Twitter at Southside underscore gun with two ends.

And I love this guy. He also makes a bunch of lists. Like, he makes a new list every day. So I think he's just an expert at lists. he's sharing his talents with us. Not many people can write down list. That's so true. How many people?

I'm literally 43 years old and I have never seen one person write a list down. This is a list collated from Twitter of things that make you gay. And we're going to decide whether things on it are actually gay or not. Well, yes. So let me see. the first one will do send a text message period I mean why yes

like sending a text yeah sending a text to anyone I'm gay I 100% agree I've seen a gay person at a bar and they just sit there texting texting texting texting bottom for a second in the bathroom back to texting texting

they're texting while they're bottoming I actually do have a reason for this note you want to know why sending a text gay straight a Snapchat oh really Actually, yeah. Yeah, maybe.

I think also, maybe that's why Jacques called me because it's bye to call someone on the phone. Instead of texting them. Just cheating a little bit. This H-word bitch just wants to run me over with a fucking car today. H-word being H-word. I would never hit you with a car, even though I feel like you want to get hit by a car by everyone. No. Magda, she's saying that I want to get hit by a car because I've been hit by a car.

four times on a bicycle one time on foot. And it goes up every single time. It does not go up every time. It goes up every time. I mean, honey, that is a fabulous record right there. Thank you, Matt, definitely. I appreciate that. That is a fabulous record right there.

I, you know, it's taking a lifetime of achievement to get to this place. I'm like, I'm sorry. We got to make a new category at the Nightlife Awards for most times hit by a car. That's all yours. Are there really Nightlife Awards? Yes. Oh my God. What are the awards?

The BNAs, the Brooklyn Nightfly Awards, it's a cool thing. Oh, my God. I mean, I've never won one, but... Have you been nominated? No. Now, now, now has to, do I care? No. Do I care?

Also no. Hang on. I care. I got to dive into this. I'm already offended that I haven't been invited. to this Brooklyn Nightlife Awards. I think we can all fabulous sit here and be fake mad. Let's all be fake mad.

That sounds like something angel would win. No, I feel like, oh, this is the kind of like thing that probably Eric Adams invented this right before he laughed. Because it's literally just a bunch of like middle-aged city workers. I'm actually shocked that Eric Adams did not show up to any of like the Brooklyn Nightlife I'm like, because that, I'm like, baby, that's the exact spot that I could see him at, like, yeah, is like, um, Bushwick is, um, is the, what, what the fuck did he use to say? Like, what is like, it's the, the, the Kazakhstan of America. Like, what the way he was that?

Oh, what was that? Oh, he said it's like the, the Jerusalem of American nightlife. Or something like that. It was something so funny. To me, when I think about, we're awarding nightlife things. I'm like, that's got to be something wrong with that. There's got to be something inherently wrong with that. Because here's why.

Here's why it's fucked up. Because if you're going, because the Nightlife Awards, if they're held at night, only losers would be going to them instead of going out, you know, instead of hitting the club and going. Not as I said, not she said the self-clock. Ooh. Oh. You've unlocked a new feature.

Okay, first of all, gay list aside, I'm so mad that I've never been nominated for this Nightlife Award. I don't know what Eric Adams would be doing there. I keep trying to find the categories, but like, I can't find it. I think it's actually really funny. I mean, like, it's a great show. It's fine. a lot of my sisters have, like, won things for that, that show. And I'm just like, good for them.

I'm like, I just think at a certain point, I just make music now. Like, I don't really, like, have much of a foothold in, like, nightlife anymore. Yeah. Which is fine. Which is fine. I mean, I enjoyed it when I was, like, in my early 20s. And, like, it was a good time. But, like, you know what? It's okay.

I'm like, I'm just sitting in my room, making my little tunes. Yeah. Making my chunes, honey. We good. Um, the, hang on. I also, Magda, I want to tell you about this Eric Adams story that is incredible. Um, so there was a video of Eric Adams. It's him in, uh, in Dubai, um, with, uh, he's in Dubai.

Um, with, uh, the concept of Eric Adams in Dubai. I know. He went straight to Dubai, literally got on a plane like the day, the night that he, like, he like stopped being there and he went to Dubai and when he went there this was a while ago but I just love this story and I need to inform me about it. Why is his whole his whole arc is like so like Eddie Murphy boomerang like what is going on? I've always wanted to see that movie. I'm always wanted to see that movie. No, if you know you know like he's just doing anything. He's yes. Oh my God you're going to love this. He um so he went and he linked up with a gynecologist.

Um, and made a video with the gynecologist because, uh, he said, and he's going to give me a full body stem cell experience. He said, I was skeptical. Not the Brian Johnson of it all. No, literally. I like, is he going to, they're going to put him in a woman's pussy and like, give him. What is a full body stem cell experience? Like, they crush up a bunch of fetuses. Why are they inject it? It's really good for you. Why are they giving him the fab treatments? Why? Where is my fab treatment? I know. Seriously. That sounds lovely. Period.

Where's my pussy stem cell? Exactly. Give me those one stem cell. That's all I need. It'll grow into a beautiful pussy and then just install it. I'll tell you what. I know that I've got way more use for that than that mantis. Yes.

No, absolutely. I got way more use for that. I'm getting a pussy installed. Right. Eric Adams. Oh, gross. Yuck. Okay.

I do think under Moundani will see a cooler. What are the awards for the nightlife? Under Mondami, we're going to see something big and beautiful. It ain't political. I'll tell you that much. Okay. Well, it certainly is a political. It's definitely erect.

Jesus Christ. Well, you said we're under. Mondami so I was you know I'm I'm under him and he's having sex with you and he's hard I don't know he has a beautiful right what's wrong with that he has a beautiful wife

you never heard a married man having sex with a man that's married to a woman I've heard crazier things happen let's just put it down right now that if me and madami could have sex and it's just it's not it's not completely written off the

things that could happen. I guess not. I guess in the same way that pretty much anything could happen at any given time. Yeah. I mean, come on. I could be his type.

You don't even, you put me him and you put that infatuation song by Sophie on. It might start something inside him. I could, girl, I could literally wear a like farm animal mask and be famous and he would still be like,

this is my girl right here. Look, she's the Princess Diana of New York. York. Like, is that, I'm not care. That's Eric Adams asked to come to the rash reopening. Wait, now, you really want to talk about the gay list? Now, you want to talk about something gay? I broke my elbow at rash.

If you broke your elbow at rash, you're gay. Girl, if you broke your elbow at rash, you're gay. How'd you break your elbow? Slipping on cum on the dance floor. There's so much cum on the dance floor. You just see, now, if it was come, it would have been okay. Now, they didn't have a mat going down their stupid-ass concrete incline. Yeah, they have that incline.

It's so dangerous. Do you know the one I'm talking about? Yes, in the big circle area type thing. When you walk down and it's like there's no mat there, but I was wearing very high heels. And I slipped and I had a bunch of people in front of me and someone behind me pushing me. And I just, like went like three feet in the fucking air and landed right on my arm. That makes a lot more sense than what I had. Here's another gay thing.

Imagine that happened. I thought Angel might have surd, dude. If you're pushing a tall, beautiful woman in high heels down a slope, you gay. Where you got to get? I'm like, honestly, like, that's the kind of gay that I look back behind me. And I'm like, now see, that scares me. You should have sued rash, honestly. You could have, you should have sued them.

For what? Yeah. For what money? For what money? For what money, girl? Hey, hey. Hey, Hessa. Hessa.

You know, Magda could get $7,500 the listing price they're asking for for rash. So I think you ought to. Can I make a joke? I was like, so I actually made a joke with one of my sisters, one of my good duties. I was like, I saw the price they went up on Facebook Marketplace. I was like, said I'm like, let me sell my engagement ring. I could buy that at a whole like, bar like thing with just just off that.

I'm like, hold on a minute. Don't let me play too much. Y'all, let's just review that again. Rashes on Facebook marketplace. That is where you sell Cvr or C, whatever,

like old TVs. That's where you sell an animal that maybe didn't work out initially that you want your return on. Rehoming a pet. That's where you. You're at home a pet. Every time that someone complains about their pet, I'm like, sell that thing on Facebook marketplace.

You get a nice 50, 100 bucks. Is that what you say every time that happens? Why, yes. My yes, my darling, you're just getting to know me. This is true. I bet people in Louisiana have fucked up pets. I bet like there are people who have like a kimono dragon and shit like that, like a gila monster.

I just like, hold on, wait, hold on. To expand on the original question, of is texting somebody gay. I actually have a very good point, just a little cute little points to make. Texting people has become kind of like a lost art when it comes to being romantic.

People don't do that anymore. And it really, unfortunately, is gay guys. Yeah, no, you're so right, actually. I get more gay guys that I know flirting with me via text than straight men. Yeah. And it's like, at the end, I'm like,

but you don't want me. Mm-hmm. Yeah. It's just how you are. I know, well, okay, has you can just say I'm a whore. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's okay.

If you respect full clip, Magda, you tell her exactly how you do. Well, okay. Well, it's good. If Magda's going to give you the full clip, you better give her the full clip back. That's the least you could do. I'm just, I'm just saying, I'm just saying. God. Well, you know who else, you know who is the whole.

Mary Magdalene, so an iconic queen. I don't know why I legitimately thought you were going to say that the girl, Nicole Kidman, at the beginning of the AMC theater. What? Why would I call Nicole Kidman a horror? I don't know. I saw that last movie. I don't know why you were going to say that either. That last movie was just kind of slutty.

I guess I could tie it in with like, it's why we go to the theater. Yes. This is why to jack off. This is why we go to the theatre. This is why we go to the theatre. The theatre to Jack off. We go to the theatre. Because we love the cinema.

In Australia, you got to drive through the bush to get to the theatre. In Bushwick. We go to the movie theatres. In bush, in bushwick. Bushwick is what they call it in Australia. It's what they call the wilderness. Or we go down to the bushwick, you know, in the bush. Says in this, well, in the sense that sort of kind of.

Yeah. If you really think about it, sort of kind of. Yeah. No, period. Me, me, uh, me at Maria Hernandez when trades cruising me. Yeah, we're in the bush. We're in the bush looking at the wildlife. No, don't.

No, darling, we're in the bush stuff. I'm on walkabout. I'm sorry. We're in the bush stuff now. This is a rare braid. We've got a unicorn. This is a unicorn hunter. That's a couple looking for a transgender woman.

Meanwhile, meanwhile, it's me standing there in a fur coat, like smoking a Newport 100 and picking my nose. Newport 100 is crazy. I've met you before. I've met you before. Your nose.

Your nors? Your nors. Picking your nors. Oh, yeah. I met that woman. She was picking her Norris outside of the rash A or L'Bolk. Had a hundred Newport A and she had a coat. What the fuck is the A coming from?

Are you Canadian now? I'm coming a lot of different directions. I'll tell you that much today. Period. Oh, the U.S. hockey team is playing right now. Let's see if they're winning. Oh, but well. And they ain't fucking on the screen.

Turn it off. Actually, who cares? The next thing on the list. And you guys can help me. to code this one, because I'm not quite sure. Like women who have a low haircut. What is that even mean? Like, and does that mean like short or like low to the ground?

No, no. Like a low cut means a short haircut. Yeah. Okay. I get that. Wait, but are we talking like Lena Dunham fucked up bangs low or like, like what do we, or like a curtain? Or like Mia Farrow, Rosemary's baby. Oh, okay.

Diva. Courtney Cox. On Scream 3? You know what? Those banks. Those are some of the worst veins of all time. I do have an answer. Not gay.

Not gay. I would agree, actually. I, because you know what? I think I love a woman with a low haircut. It's so beautiful, you know. I'm going to counter that argument. But also I'm gay. I'm going to counter.

And now here she goes. Like what? I'm going to counter that argument. Example. The singer. songwriter pink with an apostrophe, short hair, she does give lesbian vibes. I don't think that. So, chat, it's an exclamation point just so everybody knows.

If you want to Google her. If you want to Google her and look it up. So, so chat, it's an exclamation point. Well, chat, I don't want y'all to Google her and then say, why is the color coming up? This is it. What? Why is the color coming up? Like if there was a musician named Brown and the zero, the O was a zero, and you Google just brown on Google and say brownness of color.

You wouldn't be able to find the musician easily. What? What kind of music would Brown make, Jacques? Probably Caribbean. God damn it. Okay. Interesting. I really

I will I will I will I will respectfully posit If an artist Actually was just called Brown I feel like it would give

like IDM like AX20s Let me Yeah it would be PC music Right Yeah Let me just

Or like that's like someone in Like For Christi We had girl We had girlfriend Of the year Like come on Brown's not that ball off

OTHY is amazing I just recorded An episode about the history of Nightcore With her old roommate Oh. Oh, I once won a trivia contest with her. Holly. Wait, you what?

I went, we entered into trivia. Wait, that's so funny. Oh, that's trivia! Oh, that's the Piccadilly! And I won because the last question was about, fuck, what was it about? It was about a TV show that no one's seen but me. And I was like, yes.

Colombo. Oh, my God, it's my time to shine. I think it might have been about Colombo. Yeah, it was literally a columnbo question. I was just watching Colombo before we recorded actually. I love Columbo. Not I'm learning my sister's a Colombo stand. I'm re-watching 30 Rock right now.

I'm learning more about Hessa right now than I have in a hot minute. Not she watching a Colombo stand. I was re-watching 30 Rock before this and Kenneth's mom came to visit. And Kenneth's mom is played by Catherine O'Hara. I totally forgot that she was even on 30 Rock. It was just so interesting. Everyone's on 30 Rock, dawling. The way everyone on 30 Rock is just funny as hell.

Yeah. Oh my God. I love 30 Rock. The Blackface episode that got taken off of every streaming, every streaming service. Which is unfortunate because that's a great episode. I'm sorry, Lee. It's such a good Oprah guest star. Yeah, I know.

It's just so good. My favorite joke in that episode is when, uh, Liz realizes that it wasn't Oprah. She was sitting next to. It was just like a black teenager. And she's like, I, she's like, a lot of the things that she, a lot of the things she said are starting to make sense now. And it cuts to Oprah being like, I kissed a 10th grader last year. And she's like, I love saltwater taffy.

Okay, here's another one. Major in poultry science. Oh, okay. I'm sorry. Let's break this down. Wait, is that a thing? Yeah, I'm like, have you ever in your life heard the words poultry science? I don't want to call it gay. I don't want to call it straight.

I don't want to hear about it. I don't give a, I don't want to want to know about this. Now, now I'm interested. Now, what you mean poultry science? Because, frankly, I'm an expert in bird bitches, so I'm trying to figure out where this fits in. I'm desperately trying to figure out where that fits in. And my, you know. Only poultry science I need to know is the temperature that chicken fries at.

Thank you very much. Bing. I feel like that's something like an 80s British dirt bag would say. Like, you could say I'm a bit of a poultry scientist, love. I know all about these birds. On some Jimmy Savile evil. Yeah, literally. Yeah, kids, look up that guy's name at your own peril.

Can we all agree that there's nothing game? or straight about the study of scientific chickens? I think I... You know what? I think I will agree with that. I think... I don't think that it's necessarily gay. I just think that looking up things about birds

is kind of inherently... Womanly? Sissy. Birds are... They're a very feminine creature, I would say. What did Billy Elish say the one? Birds of a feather? Oh, yeah.

Period. I see a bird walking... Well, yeah. I see... I see a bird. walking down the street and I look at it and I go now Sissy that walk I thought it was clear

I thought I was being so funny No you were that was incredible No it's okay you swore You swore that you ate that You swore you ate that It's okay I'm sending my funeral arrangements in now Because I'm dead No I just I actually know you know

Poultry science hold on because I do have a little bit Wait there's something brewing in the center of my brain that I'm going to throw off. Layed on us. Poultry science. You know what? I'm going to start actually, you know what? I've changed my mind. It is gay

because I'm going to start calling the way that I observe bird bitches poultry science. Oh my God. Yeah. Change my mind. Change my mind. That's gay. That's gay. Poultry science is observing a bird. That's observing a bird bitch. Yeah. What's a bird bitch? Observing, observing a bird would be a

fab title for a song, I feel like observing the bird or something like that. Yeah, that's Brown's first single. Sister, sister, do not tempt me right now. That's Brown's first single. I've got able to, I've got Ableton open upstairs. Do not tempt me.

Do not tempt me. Magda and Brown's new IDM track. Observing a bird. I just want to say too that I literally said to myself before I said, I said, name, when you said name the genre for Brown, I thought to myself, don't say anything. anything racist or divisive. And then I said Caribbean immediately.

And I want to apologize now. You didn't say it immediately. You waited for about like 25 seconds. Well, I didn't wait long enough. And I'm sorry. I was wrong. Thank you, Jacques. That's okay.

We all, we accept your approach. Having a high sitting bed. High sitting bed. Yeah. Yes, very gay. It just looks like you're a queen Like you're a little princess It depends on how tall you are I feel like

It really depends I have a question How tall is everyone in this chat right now How tall is everybody? I'm six seven I'm five eight Five seven actually I'm five three

Yeah I'm six I'm six five actually I'm not six seven I would The way me and you saying We would look crazy as hell Like just crazy as hell Okay I lied

I am actually five ten Okay No, Jacques is not 510. Yes, I am. What do you mean? I'm taller than Ben. You're 5.8. You're like 5.8. Shut the fuck up. Okay. You're the same height as me.

No, I am not. This is a den of lies. Hessa. This is a den of lies. Hessa, honestly, you might be six foot. I wish. I'm 5.10. You're like 5.11, 6 foot.

And Ben is about 5, 6, 5.7. Well, it's like, Hessa, has a seem. me in person. I'm I'm so little it's like stupid like it's like even in heels I'm tiny as hell like it's so stupid. How big were the heels how big were the heels that you were wearing at rash

that you broke your ankle on? Five inches. So you're so the only thing that's that's holding your skinty body from falling through the subway cracks is your giant shoes. Your giant

heels. Well in In the sense that I know how to step over the fucking gap. In the sense that it knows of the fucking gap. You want to hear the funniest prank I ever did? I left my friend's house in Flushing and I called him and I said, oh my God, I didn't see this open manhole. And I fell into it and they close it up. And I'm sitting here. I'm looking out of the drain.

I'm on this corner. You've got to come get me. I can't get up. And I got down. next to the drain. Oh, so you went full Maryland. Yeah. So I took a picture. I'd put my phone through the great

looking out the drain and I took a picture where it was looking out of the drain and my friend and I sent my location as a pin from there and my friend was like, oh my God, I'm coming. And then I went into the coffee shop in front of that where I put my pin and I just sat down

and watched him trying to going, hello? That is a good gag. Not just that, but I'm sorry, I'm going to hold you. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm coming is crazy. Oh, my God, I'm coming.

Even to text a friend. Oh, my God, I'm coming. You know, if you come when your friend tells you he's in a manhole, you gay. I'm like, the collection of words that you just spilled to me, Nassi, you ate that. Also, Nassi, he ate that. Also, I just want to quickly circle back. Falling, I love the idea that falling into a man. hole is pure Maryland

full Maryland did I lie like what did she but she just stood on like a fan like a vent right well well honey I wasn't that wasn't the hole

I was talking about I just period okay and if you know that that was not the hole I was discussing honey okay I see I see I thought you just meant we all just had a friend named Marilyn I didn't know you met Monroe at first.

I didn't get that at all. And I was like, y'all's friend Maryland must be crazy as hell. I'm like the third member to y'all's like girl group. I'm like, well, honey, well, the Beatles always needed a fifth. Come on, come on. Yeah, fit the whiskey. They sounded terrible. They should have been drinking.

Fifth of vodka, damn you drive. Oh, my Lord. just say, Hessa, I actually wanted to say before we get into the next question on the gay list, I wanted to say, do you remember because you were there, did you go to Macy Robbins show that time when I did bitch better have my money?

Yes. Yep. Yep. I had a, I had a, I had a crazy dream about that last night. Wait, really? Like, no, like, I like relived it, like, in the like, in my head, I relived it in the moment. Because only Macy has the

full video of it and she, annoyingly, everybody bother her. I need the fucking video because I literally dreamt about it. I was like that was the hardest thing of all the time. Now see, you want to talk about something that is on the gay list, that's gay. Yeah, too much better have my money at a Nimfewars live show. But not just that, the heavy metal version? Yes. Oh, that was amazing. I bet I have a video of that that I could find. You sound like you ate. You, baby. That shit, that shit was nasty as hell. Oh, you binge me.

She ate like Jacques at a buffet. She ate like Jacques on a normal night. I'm like, I'm like, hold on. Now this bitch said, okay, well, I'll raise you golden corral. I don't know if you knew this. I'm actually 500 pounds. No, Jacques is not 500 pounds. Well, you said you were 6'5, so now I don't know what to believe.

See? You see how this works? Today, okay, I actually have really, This is the last off topic thing. I went to drop off some packages before doing this. And there was this crazy religious woman in line at the post office behind me. And she was like trying to get me to go through this pamphlet and give it out around into the neighborhood. And I was like, I can't do that.

I'm sorry. And I lied to her. I can't read. Well, no, my excuse, I was like, I'm sorry, I'm Jewish. And she was like, well, Jesus was Jewish. And I was like, I, it's, I'm sorry. I just, I can't do it because. it's a conflict of interest.

And I'm like, I'm not even a conflict of interest. And I said, and I, and I, I, I am not Jewish. I'm far from Jewish. And, um, what does that mean now? Well, I'm Cajun and I just don't think Cajun. I guess that's true. I guess you are far from Jewish. It's, it's, it's, Cajun is more East Coast and, you know, or Cajun is more South. It's Jewish is more East Coast.

You know what I meant there. We're far from the Jewish. Now From the Jewish now This is how we jew it How we Jew it, uh huh? Because that fry, I'm like, what does that mean? Yeah

This is how we Jew it. It's Friday night. Okay, I'm done. Producing an amazing 1970s American film Screaming when the DJ says make some noise. some noise. Make some noise! Actually, very straight.

Yeah. I think I would agree. I thought you were just saying. And I will, I will posit that screaming when the DJ does something, that's straight. Screaming when the pop star does something, that's gay. Oh, absolutely. I feel like that's the foil, right? That's a really good distinction. If you're at a set, and I'll say as a DJ myself, it's like, it doesn't matter if

it's a straight guy or, you know, like, somebody who's got, you know, like, who is, you know, like, uh, clouded, whatever the fuck, like is, you know, like behind the decks. It's like, if you go up for the DJ, that's, that's inherently straight. But I will say if you're at a show, like a big show, whether it's arena, stadium, and you yell and the girl hears you, that's it. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. That would be a huge turn off. I feel like. Right. I know. Right. because it was like, if you're on the stage, like, mind you, it's like, if you're with the, in the decks behind me, like,

I don't want to hear, can you please not screen? Can we have some decorum, please? Yeah. Like, it's like a pop show, it's fine. It's like, but I do think that it is like straight annoyance when somebody is like yelling, like, oh, yeah, oh! Like in the middle of a fucking set.

Like, please shut the fuck up. I think it's so annoying when you go to a concert and people are singing out loud, so much to the point where you it's you can hear not the artist as well well unless it's me yeah period unless it's my

when's your next DJ show so you could tell everyone to go in New York well you asked me to plug so I'll plug I didn't say let the record show I didn't say shit I didn't say that I mean while you bring it up I'm just like

you're on a tell us your DJ let the record show I did not say shit my new album is coming out in two months almost done I just got to clear a couple samples what is it called full clip magda imagine it was no no I'm like called

no the new record it's called heaven scent oh heaven S-E-N-T or yes like smell like heaven heaven scent oh like S-C-E-N-T yeah oh my god love and also and Hessa has heard I know you've heard my first it's it's a sequel to the first record.

And that's, an amazing record. Everyone should pick that one up as well. I'm going to need all of your music when we leave. Yeah, Jack, you would actually love it. Have you not heard my first album? No, I would love to. Oh, my God.

Magda, I really... That's going to be a fun after this... I don't mean to sound rude at all. I just, I didn't, I just didn't know about your amazing musical heights. You're actually going to lose your mind. No, it's not really no, it's like, I understand that it's like a lot of what I do is niche. And like I am very, honestly, I'm happy with that.

I enjoy the space that I occupy. But, yeah, no, I've been working with a lot of really fun producers, people that I, you know, like, really respect. I've been working with me for the first time. I made my first record, I made myself entirely, self-produced. Oh, nice. I've had of one track. So it was like, everything was just me. And it's like, for the first time I've worked with five, six different producers on this.

Wow. So it's, yeah, it's a fun experience. Besides Dr. Luke, who was also producing on this? Besides Diplow as well as Nikki Minaj, who else is producing on this album? Oh, my God. And please tell us about the Beyonce feature song, because I know we're all wanting to know. Oh, my God. So, hold on a second.

I know it's not 5 o'clock, but. Go ahead. With Jacques, 5 o'clock comes early. Honey, it was No, sorry It's been 5 o'clock since this one By the way, y'all, I just want you to know And this is fun, and keep this in, I had a shot

poured already. Ready to go. Literally, right next to me, I had a shot poured right at my computer. I don't give a fuck. Period. Magda, I usually do about 50 dabs a day, and I didn't even do a dab before this because I wanted to be

as normal as possible. I'm honored. But of course, I came out. I just think it's just like, it's so, interesting for the first time in my life, I feel like it's like I've made an album with multiple people, which is not something I ever thought that I would actually

want to do at all. I didn't think that that would be something that I was interested in, but I did, and it's great, and it's worked out really well, and everybody that I've worked with are just great people. Marcus Zion, creepy,

who else is on this? This sounds hot. up. M. Zavos, who also worked on the Sophie record. There's a lot of people on this that I really, really love a lot. Who was the person that worked on the Sophie album? My friend, M. Zavos.

Mzavos Casas. Yeah, she co-wrote Love Me Off Earth. Oh, wow. The, yes. Wow, the Doss song, right? Yeah. I love. That's my good.

And Hesda knows that's my good sister. She knows that's my good sister. Yeah. So it's like, yeah, you know, I've been really excited about working on an album with a bunch of people for the first time where usually I was so like insular and just like doing it myself

where it's like no it's okay you can ask people for help Yeah We all heard it for sure Which by the way is Gay Asking for help is gay Asking for help gay See how I've looked like

Yes incredible Oh my god you're such a natural Being a natural at podcasting is gay Girl, when somebody asked you a stupid question, you got to answer with something even more stupid. Which is gay.

Yeah. Well, then I'm gay because everything I say be stupid. Okay. Be only 26 driving a Chrysler 300. I don't even know what that means. Straight. I agree. I agree.

That's super straight, I feel. Oh my God. You didn't know. Oh, my God. Heson, this is actually a great segue. I used to literally sell. cars. Wait, really? Like, yeah, it's my day job.

Oh, my God. What kind of car? I used to work at the Maserati Lamborghini dealer in Minniala here in New York. That was my job. Is Minniola a neighborhood in New York

or I don't... It's a town. Oh, wow. It's off the Long Island Expressway. It's like the main exotic car place. I used to work there. What exit? That's a...

John's question. I just don't know. I didn't know what miniola is. I didn't know what miniola was. I didn't know what miniola was. I just didn't know what miniola was. Wait, hold on.

She said, hole was mentioned? Yeah. I just didn't know what hole. I just didn't know what hole. That's a frivolous threat. It was straight, but now it's getting pretty good.

I lost my... I was getting tired from saying miniola so many times. I just said hole on accident. No, girl, we can say mini, mini hole. Oh, many, many hole. That was my nickname in high school.

That was yours? Yeah. Yeah. That was yours? I mean, that's what I signed the earbook. That was yours. Now see, that was. I'm having a little bit of difficulty understanding that.

It's kind of an abstract. You can't hit it. You can't. No, right? I'm like, now see, now glory hole I'd understand. I'm like, oh, you're going to love fucking me. My whole is just miniature, tiny, impossible to penetrate. It was straight guys.

It was straight guys constantly coming up to me at work and being like, because I was like the pretty girl they would have at the front of house. And I would like try to sell them the fucking like, you know, like some like pre-made Porsche or like some like really expensive Lambo. And like they look at me like, and I'm like the cute girl. I'd sit right there with them and I'm like, I used to get guys in cars. It was very easy. And I loved it.

So I don't know. It is straight, but also gay? Yeah. What's the car look like? I don't know what that kind of car is. What's the gayest car? What's the gayest car to drive? The gayest car.

There's some other selections on here. Okay. A fucking Fiat 500. Yeah, that's super gay. What's that small? It's not a Porsche, but what's that small convertible? A miata. Yes, that's the gayest car.

Honey, that is a homosexual car. Yeah. that's one of the gayest cars imaginable, I would say. And you know what? God bless. It's fabulous. So when I googled gayest cars ever, they include the Mazda Miata, Subaru Forrester slash Albuick.

This bitch actually Googled gayest cars. Yeah. Super Forrester's lesbian. That's a lesbian car. And guess what the final one is? The Fiat 500. Mm-hmm. Period.

Also, they're also including the Tesla Model Y, which I don't know what that is. and then the Kia Eve 6? Oh, that's the, no, it's the EV6. That's the, it's an electric one. Whoa. And then there's a car I've never heard. I don't, I've only driven a car twice in my entire life and I'm 33 Magda, but, and I've never heard of, is this a real car?

It's called a Polestar 2? Yes. Yeah, that's another electric car. Pol star, Polestar is a subbrand of Volvo. Do you like cars, Magda? I do. I'm a huge car fan. Me too, Dolly. I love a good car.

I used to. Wait, that's what I honestly, I didn't, because I remember, I think we actually, I think you and I did at one point have a little bit of like a kiki about cars. I do think he did. I know, I'm like, and I realized I was like, wait, I'm like, this bitch actually knows things about cars. I'm like, wait, that's so kind. See, now that's not gay.

That's not gay. That's straight. Absolutely. I have an addition for gay cars, the cube. Jesus Christ. Yeah. With the Nissan Q. Yes.

A cyan too. A cyan. Oh my God. No, the cyan X-B. Should we all kill ourselves? Oh, my God. I forgot about the Sion. Should we all fucking kill ourselves?

The Sion X-B. Yes. Yes, darling. I mean, that was my plans for after work. Girl, it's like, if I see a picture of a sign. You know what plays in my head? Genesis by fucking, uh, uh, fucking, uh,

justice. Yeah, for the commercial. That just goes off of my head. Yeah. Oh my God. We're bones, we're bones, girl. Oh, my God. Wait, that just fried me in the most delicious way.

That just fried me the most delicious way. I miss living in yesterday, in a time when Justice dance out or cross, that album had just come out, and it was just like so fresh. Baby, Cross was that girl. That was a truly. That was like, I was like, oh, I think I like.

Also, you guys are going to like my next record because there's a lot of French touch on this next record. Oh, period. Y'all want to hear a little. It's a lot of vocal and a lot of French touch. So I've heard this rumor before that the two guys that are justice actually didn't produce any of the songs. And it was all produced by Sebastian on the same. record label. That's only half true.

I believe it. I totally believe that they just chose. I mean, Sebastian is that girl. Let's be honest. He co-produced on a lot of the songs on the first record, but he didn't like make. Yeah. You can hear his touches, but they're also very signature justice type touches in there. And also it's like they released a bunch of other records after that where I was like,

oh, okay, because I did drag them in like, oh, nine. 2010, I was like, it's a little Sebastian tea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Sebastian is the tea of French house. That's the boys kissing boys' music. Y'all want to talk about the gay list? He's literally, if you listen to Total, you're gay. I knew you were going to say that too.

If you listen to Uffy, you're gay. You know what? I think I, Uffi's, I think nowadays, if you listen to Uffi, you're gay, or no, not even. I think. Yeah, all the people back then that listened to Up the only people that I knew that knew Uffy were gay. Yeah. Well, it's funny because like nobody really knew Uffy as an artist outside of working with other artists, not her actual records. Like no one really was listening to her music, her solo shit at all.

Yeah. And it's like, but I was because mental illness. Yeah. We were all popping that damn glock. I know. Baby, we was popping a glock. Oh my God. Ready to Uff, the best song of all times

Ready to up! On this beat that you hear It's a girl that you fear And if you don't enjoy the shit You can get out of here The hardest beat ever Her best song is called dismissed I also

What is the next question on the gay list? Okay, be bad at gambling Be bad at gambling Be bad So the gods Wait, wait, wait This is a measured question This is a measured question

BAT at gambling And also, this is a two-parter There's a slash and says Lose Your Parlay Oh Wait wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, this is what uncut gems was about. They're trying, it's like, will how he be gay or will he be straight?

Okay, I have, I have, I have one word, Drake. Okay, period. I don't know to say, I got my word. Yeah, it's steak gambling. Have you ever seen that picture of Drake sucking a dick? No. The what?

The picture where Drake has like a dick in his mouth and he's like looking with one eye towards the camera. Was that not AI? No, this is before. That might have been AI. This is way before AI. This has got to be a thing. I'm going to turn my camera on to show this, this coming picture. There's no, there's no fucking way.

I love it and I believe it to be true. The camera is not. for me for some reason. I think it's just the internet here is really bad. The way I'm Googling Drake sucking dick and it's not the first time I've Googled it. The way your

algorithm is going to just show you Drake dick sucking things all the time now? Congratulations. Yeah. Congrats, sister. Jacques's algorithm is already destroyed. Oh, wait, I have seen that. No, I have seen that. And then here's another, here's another angle.

I thought that was fake. I don't know. It's definitely fake. I, well, that's like a picture from like the beguiled or the beguards or the begu. Also, you see,

you see, she's, she's getting fucking text messages the same time. She's, yeah, yeah, you gay. Drake.

I mean, that one's obviously Photoshop, jock. You have to. What do you mean? It's Photoshop. How can you tell me that's Photoshop? That is,

um, you know that's him. Okay, well, well, I will because the, do you, the fake cum drops on the,

the eyebrow. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Like there's come on his lips and he's sucking a day. Like, I feel like... Have you never sucked multiple dicks with cum on your face? To the seeking deranged bitch chat, I know what cum looks like when it's on your eyebrow.

That is not what it looks like, babe. Period. I'm sorry, but... Because I used to look back at my Chanel compact and that is not what I look like. I've been in the glory. And I would taste a little bit of the Chanel right after to get the taste of the come out of my mouth.

I've been Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey! I've been knees down in the glory hole for two hours. And I'm telling you, that is what my face looked like. Two hours? Two hours? That's like you clocked in.

You fucking clocked in and clocked out. I was like, I'm like, damn, your jaw ant's sore? If I wanted to suck dick, I was going to suck a dick. And I was not just going to suck one dick. I was like, let me get a few in. She said, I'm like, I'm going to suck all the dicks. I mean, like, if you're going to go and do it, you might as well do it a lot. I mean.

Wow. Well. I mean, you know. But just so everyone knows that they couldn't see, it was, in fact, a picture of Drake. And I'm not going to be gassolid by these two beautiful, intelligent women that I am not looking at a picture of Drake sucking a dick but I love you.

Okay. See how quick he flipped there? Yeah. See that? To intelligent women. I know that's right. I wanted to say to brave women. Two brave women. I wanted to say my difference of opinion respectfully. That's one of the meanest things

you can call a woman is brave. You two are just so brave. She's so brave. She's so brave. Listen up, mamas. You two are just so brave. Okay. Should we just kill ourselves?

I love that. Suicide has come up at least like six times in this episode. Should we just kill ourselves now? Or should we wait until the end of the episode? Okay. Let's do one more quick one. Kiss and tell. Kiss and tell.

Conceptually? Yeah. Yeah. If you kiss and tell, I think... Yeah, because if I got... What do you guys like? I think it's gay.

I think it's gay. Yeah, it's gay. Let me pose as a straight guy announcing this to his other straight friend, hey man, I just, I got to tell you about how last night I was able to kiss a woman. You know what? It was pretty amazing. Let me give like a little bit of just a different thing. scenario. Okay, like, but it's like, what if you kissed a guy you really like or what, you know,

kiss is a broad term? And you told you bestie. Is that gay? Well, honey, if it's a, if it's about broads and it really is a broad term, then I was going to say, I agree, I do think it's pretty gay. Yeah, for sure. I mean, straight people don't kiss. What are you talking about? Well, reason being straight people don't really talk about, you know, like, they don't kiss and sell with other people because of like literal shame. Yeah. We have none. We have none. Yes, exactly.

Well, Jacques, it's like your friend who texted you the other day and said, I just got my dick sucked by a, by a doll. Oh my God. Can you get me some weed? So, Magda. I just got my dick sucked by a doll. Yeah, Magda, I went into my friend. We don't need to rehash this. We don't need to.

I was doing, no, let me rehash it real quickly. Jack was mean to one of his friends. I was not mean. I was just like, by the way, I'm sure that this quote unquote doll, this fucking, yeah, this clocky bitch. Wait, hold on. Wait, wait, I'm going to stop it. This quote unquote doll is crazy.

It's crazy. Well, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I'm sure this woman doesn't want you, first of all, calling her a doll, second of all, bragging about her. You got your dick sucked by her. Like, she doesn't deserve to be fetishized by your fucking loser ass. Faggot. And, um, and, and then second, I'm like, you're messaging me at 9.30 in the morning asking me to get weed. I'm not your mommy.

I'm not your daddy. And I'm definitely not your fucking dealer. I'm no one's dealer. Get your own. I have a medical marijuana card. And that's how I get it. I'm not, I'm not in charge of your, your doll. What the hell?

Wait, hold on, you snatch this man's fucking wig on. And I had him, I had him apologize, and he asked me, please let me, wait,

and I, and I, and as he, he apologizes, like, look, let me please pay for your lunch. And I said,

no. That's such, is this how you live? Like, literally just yelling at your friends until they pay you money for no reason. Wait, wait,

wait, wait. Because this is like the 20th time you've mentioned doing something like this. No, no. I said, no,

How about instead you give that money to this woman? Yeah, pay this woman for sex. Make her feel way less objective. Wait, no, no. I'm like, I'm like, wait, hold on. I told him, I told him to give her, buy her some flowers, and then I said, donate the rest of the money to house of indigo, which is like a New Orleans trans-based thing.

And he did both. Bam, I just solved a problem. you you solved a problem that was who and it was created by whom I'm like trying to figure out where where this problem came from is truly crying

I'm like now was was this yeah this guy was having a great morning and I had to put a stop to it and I was like oh you got your dick sucked respect women okay period from what I understand

he was having a very good time Yes, he was having fun. And Jock had to shut it down. I was not shutting it down. I just thought I didn't. All right. I think we can move on. Magda, what's the name of your new album again?

Heaven Sent. The name of my new album is called Heaven Sent. Beautiful. And your first album is called Evangelion, I believe. Evangelion. Not to be confused with Neon Genesis Evangelion. Yes. Because I don't want to get sued.

And there are two eyes in it if you're looking it up. And it's fantastic. In case you were confused. If you want to pre-order heaven sent, just go to www. www.jogunrecords.com slash magda's new record. And then, and if not, just Venmo me, $50. And I can make sure you get that album sometime after it's released. Nessi.

I'm just kidding. And we'll put a link. Magda's album first. Chat, do you see how I get lambasted by MET? I'm a them. So you've just, you just been. Do you see how I get lambasted by them? Oh my God.

Wait, you know what? Actually, that's worse. Yeah. That's worse. Y'all, Evangelion is Magda's first album. Go look it up, stream it, buy it, download it. So go see her performance. We'll put a link to it.

Live in New York. Also, in case you guys are. Anyone who is going to be listening or watching wants to come on the 24th of February, I am performing at Brooklyn Art House. Oh, period. I would love to come, but I'll be out of town, unfortunately. What you're going to do is you're going to tell everyone to go. Yeah, everyone go.

Everyone go. Where? What venue is that at? I forgot there are people listening. Everyone go. I'll be there. I love you're like, wait, I forgot people we're listening. Everyone, Hessa's going to be there signing autographs

Underneath Magda as you perform. Underneath. I will be performing at Brooklyn Art House on the 24th of February. If anybody would like to come see me live. If anyone... I will be performing some new music. And she's amazing live, by the way, for everyone. On February 24th at Basadova, I'm going to be underneath

Montami performing live sex acts to raise money for the city. So it's going to be right before Magda's show. So you can go to both. So everyone, what I want you to do is report that for terrorism. That is... Call your local officials, because that's crazy. You got a band camp? Because I'm going to go look up your albums and dime on band camp.

I do not have a band camp anymore. My SoundCloud is the best place if you want to actually, because that's where I make the most money. We'll put a link to your SoundCloud in the description. Yeah. Your artist's name is Magda too before you go?

Yes. I'll send you a link, Chuck. Okay. Love you. It was so nice to meet you, Magda. Yeah, thank you so much for coming on, Magda. We got to have you back on when Ben's here. But honestly, thank you.

This was like so fun. Thank you. This was the time of my life. I'm fabulous. Thank you so much. All right. Bye. Shkata.

Huge vagina. Huge vagina, huge vagina, huge vagina, huge vagina, huge vagina. It's a right to get in the heart of a lady. We need to have a huge vagina. You, huge vagina, huge vagina, huge vagina. Yeah. You try China, you, you try tona. You're trying to.