Seeking Derangements - SD 478 - No No No No No No

Episode Date: March 1, 2026

It's Seeking Sunday! Ben here. Today Jacques, Hesse and I discuss our Bucket Lists, Jacques apocalypse plans, and the discourse surrounding the snowball fights in NYC. Plus I attempt to apply for Cajun citizenship, Jacques plans to become famous in China without realizing it, and then we quiz each other on geography. See you next week divas, have a beautiful Seeking Sunday!

How are you good? All right. Hello, everyone, welcome to Seeking Darrangements. We're listening to a free episode. If you'd like a bonus episode, weekly diva, go subscribe to our Patreon. Patreon.com slash Seeking Durangers. And yes, we're not like these other gay podcasts. No, we're not like them.

To put out one episode a month. Okay. Losers. They ought to, guess what? People who don't put out two a week, just consider them the freaking bane of our existence because we were so hard to, you know. We're the Batman of their existence. Hell yes.

The bane of our existence. And you know what? I'm going to tell you one thing else. Because this is a free episode means we're going to put our little hard souls and pussies into this episode like no other. So if you think that it's going to be just a little bit of fun, then you're wrong. What did you want

to talk about today, Jock? What's going on in your world? There's a lot on planet Jock. There's a lot that I do want to talk about and it's it goes further than I've talked about before. Recently this weekend I stared at an Airbnb and wow

those places. You got scared? No, I stayed. You were scared. You stared. You stared. Or you stayed at, I stayed at, I was trying to move an Airbnb with my mind. It was just cool. It's so good to be out of my room. That's not the address. It was nice to see my girlfriend.

It was nice to see all of my friends. I had vestibule. Okay, so I'm obsessed with this thing called the grilled wedge salad. It's kind of changed my life. They have bacon in it, but it masquerades to something healthy because it's greens that are cooked, grilled, charred. You're like catching up to like fat women, like who are Christians, like their diets in like 2008. I mean like grilled wedge salad is like 1970s, I feel like.

That's like 1970s. The idea that you can have a salad and it's healthy even if it's like swimming and like blue cheese cream dressing. Yeah. In all fairness, I think the dressing was something a little bit lighter. Vestal is good. Vestal is not a fat restaurant. No. Well, I made it into a fat restaurant last night.

I love Vestel. It was her last night's town. What is Vestal? Where is it? Vestal is a small plates restaurant and beautiful Lafayette, Louisiana. It looks like it was previously a Villanel that was remodeled into a restaurant

because of the modular shape of it and the walls curve on one side. And then they had these curves. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. It's a great restaurant. I would recommend it to anyone in the greater Lafayette region.

It's one of my favorite places. It's like it's a gay. restaurant. It's like gay little treats and you know tiny little plates. It's really good. I love it. Jock and I always have a great tier now. Jock, wait, speaking of Lafayette restaurants

did you see that old time grocery followed me on Instagram? Yeah, I first of all, I got really angry because I was like, if they aren't already following me. I was like, I don't already follow. I checked after they followed me. They do? Shut the fuck up, bitch. They do? They do.

Yeah. Yes, they do. They did it when I checked. Don't, don't try to lie. Don't try to intercept. Put your phone down. Put your phone. Put your phone. Put it down.

I'm just doing some independent verification on them. What's the place called again? It's called Old Time Grocering. I'm not seeing them. I'm not seeing them following it since. A guy named old Tim follows Jacques and he's like looked at it. I'm not going to be bullied. I'm not going to be bullied about this.

You're absolutely are trying to make. Here's the, here's the fucking. Okay. So the tea. Are they following sensitive jock? Doesn't look like they are diva. Don't just don't try to be a bitch right now. Old time grocery is one of my,

it's my second favorite restaurant in the Acadiana's right behind Boncriol. But I do, they have an amazing bow boy. And it's a very cute little establishment. Jock, what are you finding, Diva? I just, I want to move on from this talk. Okay, we can move on. I don't want I

You know what Ben You can try to take everything That I love away from me Call it your own They follow me girl I Ben I don't care I didn't do I didn't do anything It wasn't I didn't I had to do nothing

Ben Ben you can stab me You can shoot me I would never never do either You can You can do all the harm you want to me But what you're not gonna do Is try to put me

In old time grocery in a negative space and then try to escalate yourself for some kind of I bought you da-o-do I just saw what you just did and your R.A. I'm walking on your dumb little treadmill. You've got your

great lady. Don't even make me, don't even make me get started. Don't empty. I've been walking back. Your eyebrows are looking skinny, a little thin, perhaps. Well, you know, what can you do about it? Hessa, you're looking the same. Guess who just followed

me on Instagram? Boncriol? Boncriol follow me. I don't care about that. Spoonville watering hole in restaurant. Oh, not Spoonville. Wait, did Park Beach Road follow you, Hesse? Yeah, Jim Deggis.

Hunts, the restaurant, Jock, was kicked out of, followed you, Hessa. I was not kicked out of. I was not kicked out of. Sorry, banned. I was banned after leaving a negative review because I thought they sucked. You've read the review on the podcast. It was very funny. Oh, my God, yeah, I do remember that.

Hub City Diner. Oh, not Hub City Girl. you're bringing me back taking me back to Louisiana I think that hey hey knock knock who's there y'all are you

you two are a couple of fat bitches you two remind me of a fat bitch just not true period yeah I don't you I don't care your icon looks fat

you might be talking through no video but your icon looks fat your icon looks like that Abby Miller dance mom and Ben you look like

Sean Penn before he beat someone. Like, give me a fucking break. Everyone thinks he's texting. Yeah. I do, sometimes I do see Sean Penn and I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. Maybe y'all came a little too much for my Cajun. Jack, I didn't pay old-time grocery to follow me. I didn't do anything.

I'm, I am a completely passive actor in this. I want everyone out there to know that I know that this is not, this is happening because of something that Ben is designed in the background to secretly, to secretly. No, it's true. It's true. You've done. I'm looking at a map of the restaurants in Lafayette. They all look so cute. There's one.

Lafayette has the most restaurants per square mile in the country. Per capita. Right. Jock loves that facts. I'm looking it up again. Lappiet. Is that true? I actually don't know. I thought it was Houston.

I mean, it's also like a tiny town. So it's like, it's a. Syrika's Little Italy. There's not a little Italy. It's next to a ton of Chinese restaurants. That's very funny. Lafayette, Louisiana is widely considered to have more restaurants per capita than any other city boasting over 100 locally owned eateries in roughly 6 to 700 total dining establishments as of 2025.

100 restaurants is the most per capita? I love the food there, but look, it's easy to have the most restaurants per capita when your town is like 100,000 people. Per capita density Estimates one restaurant per a thousand people I feel like that's not that much 1.8 to 2.38 restaurants per thousand residents

Per thousand restaurants No one knows how to stop it Stop! Okay, look There's a lot of amazing places in Lafayette to eat There's Jimmy John's Subway I honestly like Subway and Jimmy John Chocolate put Subway on Mardi Gras Day Which was insane to me.

It was not busy. They loved me. I'm sure that, I mean, service workers love seeing you come in because you are, you know, a character. The Indian guys were getting so mad because there was a guy there screaming at the top of the table. Because you said, you said a few things. I know. No, stop. The Indian guy was so.

Sir, don't look at my skirt like that. I can wear whatever I want. Give me a second. The Indian guy was so mad because. Yeah, God forbid. You haven't been able to. You haven't been able to get a word in edgewise this whole episode. Right.

No, I mean, I'm just trying to say something. Go ahead. So the Indian guy was getting called Arab by this really belittled, like, stupid bean customer. And he was screaming. And he was making, like, crazy noises and talking in a fake Arab accent. And I was like, get out of here. No one gives a shit, dude. leave. At Subway

on Mardi Gras? Yes. I was not fucked up. Did they give you a free sandwich? Did they do anything for you for defending them? For not Big Aaron. They said thank you. They said thank you. And then someone came in and there's a sign that said the bathroom was broken, but they said you can go of course. But then

then you actually broke it. And then you actually got broke. Shut up! John, can you stop screaming? Shut up. Stop telling us to shut up. It is not how podcast. Every time someone other than you talk. It's just not. how a podcast works. Sorry, that was my fault.

It's okay. We can move on. But, Jack, have you been to Beastrology, breakfast, brunch, and dinner? Absolutely not. Beastrology. I drove past that restaurant and I was in Lafayette and I almost like, I, the name alone, bestrology is so fucking funny. Well, Lafayette makes in stupid name places.

We have Arctmosphere. I loved Arctmosphere. Anyways. E. Monelli, they seem to love doing an Italian restaurant where a letter in the middle of a normal Italian word is capitalized for no reason. Yeah. Judas Inn. The Judas In.

No, Judees. Judeece. That's a prominent family. Let me see. That's a burger post been open for 100 years. They joke that they haven't cleaned the grill ever. And that's why it has that unique flavor. They don't serve.

There's no mayonnaise on the burger. Shut up. There's no mayonnaise on the burger. It's just their signature, no recipe available. sauce and it has no cream in it. It's just like tomato onion based. It's sauce.

And then white on the burger. No. I love doing this whole thing. It's like, oh, it's secret sauce. And it's like it's mayonnaise, ketchup, maybe Dijon, lemon juice, and spice. It's just varying ratios of normal sauce. The secret sauce is like a, is a ketchup based or it's a tomato paste sauce with Worcester onion.

Right. Uh, whatever. Anyway, and then they put white onions on the burger. there's no french fries they have chips and they have such i hate when i place those chips yeah give me the damn fries okay i don't give me a damn fries like a house fried chip i'm like is not giving one and yeah same i just think y'all need to give it a chance before you write it off it's one of the top restaurants in lafayette louisiana okay mongus park oh girl mokinburgh's iconic why is it listed as a restaurant on here the munkus family is slowly

trying to take over. We changed it to be designated at the restaurant after a few jock picnics there, if you know what it was going. I've had sex on that park property before it was a boncus park. It used to be called the horse farm. It used to be just one big open feel with

woods at the back. So, you know. Period. Burger Smith. Burger Smith honestly does have really good burgers. Like, I love the smell and the flavor and the bacon and the egg and the, it's really greasy, but I haven't been in

years is probably falling off and it's all the way in the asshole part of town there's the the good part of town which is like near downtown and i'm in the same streets and then the other part of the town is called river ranch and it's all the rich people i love river ranch has a river ranch is like a it's extremely dallas it's like a um it's essentially functionally a retirement home um it's like a newly built development that's all made to look like an italian like uh plaza piazza whatever the hell they call it. It's designed architecturally by the same people that designed seaside, Florida. Right.

It has very much that kind of like Truman Show retirement home vibe for like elderly Catholic alcoholics. And they go, no, girl, I love the vibe there. It is such a funny place. It's full of retirees who get blackout drunk and then whip around their luxury like six cedar golf carts because it's all contained. You don't need a car, you know. And they get fucking wasted and whip those golf carts around.

It honestly, for a retirement, what more could you ask? What more for? What about Kaiser Steakhouse and Sushi? Is that a good place? Never, never even heard of it out. Well, actually, what do you think your retirement would look like? Do you think what, do you have retirement plans? Yeah, the injections, where they, the final injections,

and assisted suicide. You want to get assisted suicide? If I ain't working, put me down like the stable horse. What age are you getting retire? Are you retiring then? I'm 33 now, so I mean, 50. 32. God damn it.

I don't know. Maybe that's a little dramatic to say. I don't want people to think I'm being. Look, Carrabba's Italian grill. Is that a good restaurant? It's, it's. I'm kidding. I know what Carabas is.

No, it's just nothing. exciting. It's just like whatever. You were going to say something about your retirement. Um, my retirement, I mean, what do you want to do? Activities wise. A start with a lobotomy. I mean, that's my first. Do you have a bucket list, Chuck? Um, it's full of fried chicken. Oh. Before it was a Zionist thing or I knew it was a Zionist thing. Or I knew it was a Zionist. Wait, let me finish saying my sentence. You asked if I had a bucket list. I was about to say something. Um, if before I realized they were a Zionist front, um, I, a bucket list was performing a boiler room. I would have loved to have done a boiler room set. Um, okay. Um, let's see. Um, I would have liked to have been on a magazine, maybe. You're talking like you're already dead. You can still do all

this stuff. Um, you're 33 girl. Yeah. Um, you know, what, what else do I want out of life? I would like to get married. Kids, children? You're talking about wanting a kid when I... I do want kids, but I've settled for... I might not have children based on the person I date. Because they could be... Because they could mess them up.

Right. You're afraid they might mess up. They're not responsible enough, y'all. No, no, no. Hear me out. Some people don't want kids, and I could fall for someone that doesn't want kids and that just as part of my life plan. That would...

What else? Bucket List? You know, having all the digital media I need in front of me safe in case of some kind of apocalyptic situation. That's why I've been stacking up on records. But you're going to start buying... You're prepping by collecting VHS. No, no, no.

It's like I have Sopranos on DVD. I got Strangers and Candy on DVD. I got Spice World DVD. I'm going to get up and buy... separate DVD players. How do you think this is going to work? That the power grid is out. People are shooting each other in the street over a loaf of bread. The government is collapsed. Money doesn't, shut up. Money doesn't exist anymore. You're just in your bed watching Spice Girls? So, like, if I can have the batteries, if I start stocking up on these charged up batteries and

have ones that can be replenished by hand cranking, I essentially have a power that I can always lie on. And then I, yeah, I mean, until I get murdered What about food? I mean, whatever we can figure out. You know what? You know, this could be my skinny error. People did Ozympic back of the day. In the future, I will just be starved.

Yeah, and then, I mean, other retirement. Wait, what about Hesse? Do you have an apocalypse plan? Do you have a doomsday plan? Oh, I'm going, that's why Jacques said, we'll figure it out because I'm going to go to Louisiana. Jacques and I are going to be watching movies. We're going to take. turns being the ones to crank the crank. And you know what? A sleepover never ends during nuclear fallout.

Oh my God. Hessa, honestly, when we stay up and just talk. Look at him. He's so happy. He's done being a bad thing. I know. And we're kidnapping. Ben, you didn't invite me to your apocalypse plan. Girl, I am not

sheltering in place with your ass. I'm sorry. We are. We're going to get you. Oh, no, no, no. You're going to come pick you up. Hear me out. Hear me out. They have reserved. Yeah, of course.

Shelter, please. Do you, Jock? I'm sorry, I love you dearly, but I just, I don't see you doing what needs to be done in certain circumstances like an apocalypse. I think it would be, I'm just sorry, you know. I've got to be efficient here. A super fan has built a shelter for us that only fits you, me, Hessa. No.

No, I will not go. Do you think any of these people could build fucking anything, Jock? Are you kidding? The way any scene or if, I'm sorry. I believe that they could. I believe we have some lesbians, some I'm so sorry that I made a

hypothetical situation where friends outlast the nuclear fallout, but I'm sorry that I'm not, I'm just so sorry that I am not a good enough friend for you. I forgive you. To survive the into the world. Thank you for

you for, thank you for. You forgive me? Well, you apologize. Tell me. Oh my. You know what,

Jacques, when the world ends, let's barricade ourselves inside of Takeria DF number 14. Period.

I don't know. He's been, he's been banned as they're not letting me under any circle. Let me just tell you something. Pizza artista.

Not. Absolutely not. No. No. I would like to kill myself. I'd kill myself. I'd be a good place

to buckle down. Well, you know, I would, I guess it depends what the apocalypse is but I guess the most likely thing right now is like nuclear war

I if it's gonna happen shut up shut up if it's gonna happen I would not kill myself I would never kill myself never kill yourself everyone but I would like to just if something like this becomes inevitable

and maybe it already is I don't know I just want to be like on a beach I want to be somewhere nice and then yeah just get like paper iced, whatever. If it's going to happen, it's going to happen. Right. Pompei, Diva.

Okay, give that. And all these, like, all these like nuclear, you know, scientists, whatever the hell, they always say, you don't want to survive something like that because it's so horrible. You just, if you don't get blown up in the immediate, sorry, Jack, I know this is triggering for you. Are you Googling is, am I going to be new? Yes, I am always Googling.

Yeah, I know. I hate when y'all do the threat level is high, Diva, because we're going to bomb Iran. And you know what? Nucous. I don't care. Nucos. We deserve it. Anyways, because you don't want to be in the immediate blast zone.

Yeah, which is why I love living downtown, you know, in New York City. Because I am gone, baby. I'm not even, there won't even be a stain on the wall where I used to be. Well, we had a BPD argument about this on a previous episode where I was saying we were all fighting about who would actually be killed first. And I maintain that they would nuke our arms manufacturing facilities and armed storage facilities before they nuke to civilian population center. But hey, we'll just have to see what happens.

Y'all make me sad, scared, and frightened when you talk. What's new, Diva? I just, you can't, okay, let's get back to bucket list. Hessa, what's on your bucket list? Have you gotten a jet ski before? Yeah, dying a nuclear war Dying. Y'all are so fucking stupid.

Witness Yellowstone exploding. Yeah. Yeah, for sure. I don't like that y'all. Solar flares wiping out the power grid is a big one for me. I would love to see that. Maybe a new pandemic that's even worse. Yeah.

A megastorm. Right. Food shortages. Burger shortages. I'm an optimist and y'all are pessimists. I would like to see rocket bill women just completely banned. I'd like to see them. I'd like to see a future where people are happy and peace is imminent.

and where things get better and we can look forward to society's starting to get better. And I'm sorry that you two are stuck on the negative train. Choochoo! But I refuse to fall into y'all's trap. My bucket list also includes kissing at Niagara Falls. My bucket list also includes... Well, Niagara Falls are actually drying up right now. I'm like not even joking.

It's like the water flow. It's like it's becoming like off. like it's like getting irrigated into the surrounding land and so the Niagara Falls you only have a few years it's literally like a spout right now it's like it's like it's like a thin it's like a line of urine it's like really really yeah they're trying to figure out how to get it like flowing more water we need more water and it's like no it's too it's too much water to keep I have a slim bucket list really honestly go back to Moab go back to Missoula love Moab go back to Ashland it's more of a bucket it's more of a canister list because I'll have a

how slim it is. I'm looking at the list of things I wanted to do that I had on my wall. I'm not going to read it all aloud, but and things that I wanted. So you literally have a bucket list written down and you're like, I'm not going to read them.

Well, no, that's, that's more of an item list. Okay. Eggs, milk, milk, butter. Wow, y'all. My damn grocery list, y'all. So I'm eating some of my bucket list.

It says gravity ball 900 milligram vanilla cherry I got all the I mean that's just like my list Large surge protector Extra power strips New speakers Pet grief Kiki's delivery service vinyl

Sims You know there is something There is something about me though Where I would want to try to survive Nuclear Fallout I know that sounds like I'm being like annoying But I think if life, just like if the circumstances of our world like completely flattened and like condensed into like you just have to survive.

I mean, that's already what is the engine like powers everything. But there's so many layers of just like horrible capitalism and cultural obfuscation. All of it. And I'm like, okay, well, if it's just like you need to find it's just food, shelter, water, whatever. I actually think I could fully like dissociate from the circumstances and be like I'm playing a game and

maybe kind of tear it. I don't know. Yeah. I could also I would trust you. I would I would become like a gatherer for you. I'm a warrior. Send me out on a mission or something.

It's not me, us, honey, and the apocalypse chose period. Period. Period. So Hess is allowed to come over in the apocalypse. I would be project. managing. Yeah, yeah. Mostly hanging out in a home.

I'm just a little, I'm just hung up on just one little. Go get me some grapes, bitch. Let me just go over this. So you... Stop. Keep it going. Don't stop waiting the fan. You have a, you have a sanctuary that's large, a safe zone that you've created.

You could come as a kind of gesture, whatever, but you'd have to behave. Which I don't think you would, to be honest with you. How do you know? If the 15 years of experience, I've... I've... I've... I think it's 10, 15. 10, no.

Yeah, I was like, you're confusing me. I was like, have you gone back in time? Let me into the food room where I'll kill everyone in here. No, literally. It would immediately become emotional blackmail. And because the circumstances are so dire, it would be like, I'm going to kill myself if you don't let me into the food for. Yeah. I'd be like, Chuck, can you stop watching Buffy on VHS?

You'd be like, how dare you tell me to stop watching Buffy and gather berries? Look, I got my most important VHS's in front of me that would bring the hands down, the only ones I need for the apocalypse. It's Inya's Moon Shadows, which is her best music videos. It's Ray Ray spelled R-I-R-I-R-E-I, and it's tentacle porn and animated tentacle porn. And then there's Sade Diamond Life. There's none of that of my chosen family compound. And then perfect blue. No Jacking all.

Directors cut cut and then there's nowhere 1997 signed by Gregoraki That's the only tapes we need Love that For society I don't know if I don't know if Rai Rai is

If Ray Ray is spelled the way you think It's just spelled it Isn't it R-A-E R-A-E That noise you just made Oh that I thought you were talking about the other person Oh oh oh oh oh

You sound like a song why don't you start singing, bitch? Wait, you also did spell it wrong. You said R-A-I-R-A-I. I said R-E-I-I-E-I. I think he did say R-E-I. I think he did say R-E-A-I. I'm sorry.

I was still looking at this list of Lafayette restaurants. Oh, tell me another one. Oh, my back is... Legends Johnson. No. Legends is so good that they have seven different locations in the greater Acadiana region.

Shane's famous Casadieburg Absolutely not. That is a throw away. You know what? Bro away restaurant, yes. There used to be an amazing restaurant there called the Pilots Pub. And it was nowhere near the airport. And it was always really sad. And I miss that place all the time. That reminds me. There used to be a bar inside the Buffalo airport called the Lake Effect Grill. It was the saddest place on the planet. Yeah. But they got rid of it. That's a really good name for a bar. Well, speaking of Lafayette and drastic measures, we may have to take in our life.

I did recently find out, Druck, that you could apply, and this has been very... A point of contempt from the moment that ended between Jock and I for a very long time. I consider myself, as do other people, to be honorary Cajun. Jock does not. But little did I find out that there's actually... You can literally apply to be honorary Cajun. It's not fair. It's like you want to first of all, you've kicked me out of your apocalypse scenario.

You're like, hey, Jacques, if you want to be a gesture. You could come if you, well, what do you have, why don't you, instead of making, demanding that I accept you into it, what do you have to offer? I could make everyone laugh. I can emphasize. I can do that. I can do work. I can, well, Ben, no offense. I'm not trying to be sound rude at all because I know I'm trying to get your approval to go to the apocalypse situation.

Right, so back it up, Diva. Okay, so you just did some thinking, but you're deciding to ignore it. I did some thinking, and I decided to ignore. I think that you can make people laugh, but I think that I... They're laughing with me, not at me. That's something that you offer. Well, I don't care. If I'm making them laugh either way, I mean, I don't care.

I would never laugh at chalk. First of all, I like that y'all laugh at me sometimes. It shows that I'm human. Even today in the chat, when we put... pushed back a half hour from 4 o'clock. Oh, Jack, seven confirmations that he always claimed. And Jack said, that's 430, right? Yes, it is.

Which was funny, Jack. I threw out my back right before recording. Why do I have to inform you what time it is? Well, I threw out my back right before recording. So I don't know what time it is. What happened to your bag? I was lifting a mattress topper into Kelsey's car, and it just fucking, I don't know.

Well, you'll be happy to know that the fucking form on the Lafayette travel.com website for applying to be an honorary Cajun is literally down. No. Now we have to go. They closed up the damn borders. They're not letting me become honorary Cajun.

James. We can brainstorm still about it. Like, how about this? What I love about why I'm Cajun. I love going to Uncle T's oyster bar and going to y'all

y'all give me hemorrhoids and itchy ears she's blaming me for everything Prejohns I go to Prejohn Prejohns bitch See that wasn't bad Pat's bar and grill

Hot Crotchiero I go to both crawfish hole And crawfish time Weezy Snowshack I love going to Just search Lafayette Dacquerie and list how many. Let me do that, actually. I'll do that for you, Y'allafia.

I am a little dismayed. I can't become honorary Kedron. Okay, we've got... Well, you can. They'll open it back on. So, I hope still, girl. If you need to get dacqueries and Lafayette, don't fret, because we've got several options. We're starting off with Cupid's Dacquette.

We're moving on to Dacquette Depot. Next, we've got New Orleans original Dacchries. Then we've got another New Orleans original Dacquets. Wait, there's a place called Lush Dacery. I think. Sorry, Jacques. There's a restaurant called the huddle house. There's another restaurant.

There was Legends Johnson. There's another one called Legends Scott. Yeah. There's seven great legends in the greater Acadiana area. There's a restaurant called Scott Boudan Festival. I mean, it's basically like a Boudna festival when you go hang out with Scott because he's got so much Boudin. Boudin is sausage, husband. There's Bid Busters, formerly Beards Galore.

I mean, also, we're just. got Frankie's best Dacqueries drive through. We got Dachry. We can stop listing restaurants or how compelling that is. Soul Sister's Kitchen. Okay, I'm done.

Love the soul sister's kitchen. Hessa, how's the weather there? Have you been in any snow fights with NYPD? It's actually not that bad. Are you in Buffalo or the city? I'm in Buffalo. I go back tomorrow. Oh.

Are you going to join in the big snowball fights that everyone is complaining about? Yes. And many are celebrating. The police. Yes. Yeah. I mean, it's such a gimmie for like cops to be like,

if someone throws a snowball at you, just get into a snowball fight with them. Right. I know. I'm like, they can't even like do effective, like, positive propaganda. Because it is like the image of like, oh, a cop like actually breaking character and just like being like fun and sporty and whatever with the general public would be a pretty effective image. But now they're just like they're literally being so sensitive. and like, and, um, wounded about having some snowballs thrown at them, Jock, I don't know if you've seen this,

but they're, oh, I've seen the videos and stuff. I'm surprised they didn't make bleach snowballs or piss snowballs or like, well, that would be iconic. Yeah. But no,

it is literally just snow. Um, and I, of course, everyone's just looking for an excuse to kind of back mom d'ani into it. Get them wet. Get them wet. They deserve to be soaking cold and wet.

They should, oh, if they want to be out in the street bothering people, get them cold, soaking wet with snow. Hit them with a million snowballs to the point where they're so cold that they have to go back to their mommy's house to go warm up because they're losers. Right. But everyone is trying to get Mom Donnie back into this corner of like some contradictory thing where it's like, oh, well, you have to like disavow these attacks on police officers, which is so fucking funny to me because his response was just like, he was needleed about this at a press briefing or whatever and he was just like yeah I actually don't think I need to like really do anything about snowball fights he's an insurious issue

which is like yeah that's all you have to say he's so he's so slick he's so slick he's just I love a dove ass yeah like every cop now is John C. Riley's character from Magnolia if either view has seen that movie 1,000% girl

yeah just a lonely in cell guy who's like very insecure. Right. Ready to snap at any moment. Right. Right. I saw this like very funny pose because of course like everyone on the right,

they're being extremely like bad faith about this and just trying to like I said get Mom Donnie back into a corner where he feels pressure to be like, I have to stop the snowball fights. I saw one person some fucking shot, I don't know. He was like, oh, so if the police hit someone with a snowball or a giant. thing of ICE. You're telling me they wouldn't be arrested in face charges? And I'm like, no. Yeah. They wouldn't. That wouldn't happen.

They kill people, girl. Yeah, they shoot people and get away with that. I don't think. Obviously, like, if there is any, if there's any political thing happening here, it's down from the fact that the ISIS been assassinating people. And any normal citizen has a

justified well of resentment for any uniformed agent of the state. right now. Yeah. But I don't even think that's it. I think people are just having fun. But like if there's any kind of like political thing here, it's, it's that. Lafayette has, has made it for the local deputies to enforce ICE policies without like, it's

really scary. It's insane that they're like, I guess it's happening all over the U.S. But it's like, yeah. Jesus Christ. Pardon me. I mean, they are like, yeah, they're ramping up for where it's like, it is scary and like, depressing and who knows but horrifying. I don't really have much

to say about it. I don't really know. I just don't know what there is no option for like a political response here because Democrats are like truly so weak. I don't know. It just, yeah. I can't see a way out of this. I mean, there's like community organizing. There's ice watch groups. There's all that stuff which is good and, you know, effective. But it's certainly not going to like really change the tides of iceification that are happening around the country.

and it's it's miserable. I hate this country so much. It really fucked up. Did I think you guys watch Trump's State of the Union? No. I don't even. I don't even. You don't care what the president says?

I just forget that this is, I just forget that there's actual politics afoot, that there's actual government in America right now. Yeah, I feel like you're like the average American, which scares me a little bit, Chuck. Yeah. What's wrong with being, what are you scared about because I'm uninformed? Well, I actually, I don't think like awareness building does too much.

It's just like everyone is like totally, well, not everyone. You're either like completely depoliticized and just like don't pay attention to anything and just want treats and entertainment and live the life that's like isolated from any true form of like politics. Do you think that that's me? No, I'm just in speaking in general term. I'm just like, like, me as well. It's like a lot of people. There aren't that many options. It's like, it's the, I don't think a lot of people choose this way.

They're kind of corralled that way by design. And then the other option is like you are just like a completely negatively polarized fucking freak. Who just is anti-social hates everyone. Yeah. It's truly like a third of the country. It's like all of the Maga die hearts. Like they need something I, it's a free episode, but something crazy needs to happen in this country. Yeah.

30% of us. And I'm like, well, can we just do the Balkanization already? Can we just finally give? Can we just split apart? What's, please, Diva, like, what are we even doing with this? Balkans, they, Eastern Europe, the Balkans. Yeah. That doesn't really go much further than that.

It's like a country splitting up into separate independent nations. Oh, one of a mess. Do you know any Balkan countries, Jacques? What's your favorite? He does. He gets mistaken for being a Balkan. all the time. Serbia, Algeria.

No. Algeria is a little far. Algeria is in Africa, Serbia, though? Serbia is. Belarus? No. Belarus is a little north.

Croatia? Yes. Yes. I love this game. Yes. I'm so close. Because of the B? Bulgaria.

Bulgaria? No, I don't know what Bulgaria is. I think they're two. I think they're two more. Ball, ball, but, uh, ball need, no. You almost have it. You're really close. You're literally close.

I, I have it on. Just start, just start saying sounds. Balistan. No. Give it another try. Backistan. No. You're getting, there's no stand.

We don't stand. A ballian, ball, well, we do stand the country, but it's not. Okay, hold on. Let me just think. Okay. The, the. that connects all these is they are part of the Belarus no no the Bella Russia is a former Russian territory but that's

Georgia Georgia's no Georgia's Balkans that's even further north I believe I think would Georgia be considered in the Balkans I think it would no no it's it's above it's I think it's above Belarus mm okay well Jack you were almost on there with a B1 Belgium no no girl but um I just feel like Bosnia. Yeah. Yeah.

Ding, ding, ding, ding. And Albania. Um, and Yugoslavia? Yugoslavia. Now it's the one that got broken up. Czechoslavia? Yugoslavia. Yugoslavia?

No, it's Bosnia and Herzegov. And, uh, Sarajevo is one. Wesleyan, Sarah Lawrence. Yes. Amy Wesleyan College. I went on a date with Sarah Yevo. she smelled like shit yeah I bought a um

a glow up globe like a lamp I know I saw one and I was like wait I need that so bad the sense of child within you was ignited and you said I want to glow literally girl I stared at it earlier today for like an hour

oh you're such a world traveler you really are thinking about the world unfortunately I haven't left the country a long time I need to get my damn Costaican citizenship back. I need to like chain myself to the fucking consulate in Chicago. I've been doing Italian lessons

so I can get my Italian. Girl, give it. Well, that just brings you into the EU. Then you have like a full year. And I want to wake that up because most countries in Central America a lot of like formally colonized by the Spain.

A lot of nations formerly colonized by Spain. Spain has introduced a like kind of forgiveness package. This is what Max did, where if you have citizenship to any of these countries, you can go live in Spain with a special visa for a year. And then at the end of that year, if you demonstrate cultural fluency in Spain, which is just like speaking Spanish and like eating ham or whatever. John Bonn. Being a cunty little bitch. Sleeping for four hours a day.

Right. Not having a job. I'm like, girl. Yeah. After drinking wine out of a leather bag. Yeah, girl. I could absolutely demonstrate Spanish cultural fluency. Yeah.

being a completely lazy fucking layabout. It's a shit, short, and like has a freaky little phenotype. Yeah, girl, I can do, yeah, girl, I can give that. So then I'm like,

okay, if I, I would love to get to Costa Rican, then Spanish, EU, three passports, renounce my American citizenship. Just never,

never do it again. Jacques, what if a bunch of French people came to you, a bunch of, like, French nationalists,

French monarchists came to you and they were like we're going to overthrow the French Republic you are the next in line to be the king of France.

What would you do? Would you say yes? I mean, Hessa, don't offer me... Would Jock willfully grab an outsized form of power?

Ooh, I can feel my belly getting bigger as king already. I can have my royal subject is bringing me every restaurant until I die of heart attack. at the age of 45.

Girl, you already do that. It's called Uberites. Hesse, did you know it in the late 1700s? France had a kind of a package for their prisoners because they were settling the Louisiana purchase. They offered French prisoners a clemency

to go to Louisiana and to marry a French prostitute. They were like, if you want to get out of prison, you have to wipe up a hooker and take her to the damn swamp. They got to white it up down there. Girl, that's what they were trying to do. It didn't really work, but it does make sense that much like Australia, Louisiana is a prison. You know how your family ended up there?

They were Acadians or were they prisoners who married a hooker? I don't believe we were, we come from those prisoners. the Acadians that were exiled. They were. They were scoundrels. They were rabscalians. They were hulums. They were thugs.

They were. They were cool. Not the kind of people you wanted to bring to your mama's house. You know, that kind of situation. And look how far they've come. Oh, Jamie just texted me. Hello, Jamie. If you're listening, we love you.

Jock Jamie is. I want Jamie to do a call in an episode with us. I was texting her recently. We should ask Mama to come back. I would love that. I'll arrange for Jamie. Mama, come home. Reappearance on the show for a call-in episode.

We need the queen to come home. We need to hear yours. Oh, we didn't do Valentine's Day. We could have done a Valentine's Day call. Right. We could do a belated Valentine. We could do a post-valentine relationship fixing course. Right.

If Valentine's Day didn't go well for you, if your boyfriend brought you to an uncheek restaurant. Well, I don't really know what kind of, I feel like our, audience is more like Polly Pan like trans gay Polly Pan trans and gay We got a lot of normal normals In our audience

Like I get recognized by straight cis women More often than It's always bro It's always the taxi drivers Who are just like Love you, love you man Love your work And I'm like that is so crazy to me

Let's go It's cold nuts I mean it is hilarious I think it's just because they have They've never seen a gay guy do it like me before Diva. And they're like, period. It's always people who speak only manner.

Bitch, that's crazy. It's kind of a grift, I guess. And for some reason, it's only people who speak Mandarin with me, but I guess I've started to bloom. You are so the type of person to, like, become famous in China without knowing it. It's absolutely, you know? Just like, wait, yo, they love me in China. What the hell?

Fat Kajun. No. Fat Cajun, loud mouth doesn't get it. Okay, there we go. Let's wake that up. Wake that up. This character. I know.

What's this character's name, Jok? I already went too far. Jok Ping. Jansos Hing. Jock in China, Jacques's known as Big Scary. I have actually a lot of friends from Lepin. Number one, big, scary fat man, Cajun. I have a, I have a lot of friends from Lafayette, Louisiana that have immigrated to China and have moved

there permanently. I mean, girl, that's the move. If you're gonna fucking do it, it's like living anywhere else. It's just kind of like, what are you thinking about? I would, of course, love to fucking live in China. I don't think I could manage to learn the language, and I don't think I would be dutiful enough to, like, even try. So that already bars me from...

Is weed illegal in China? Yes, it's illegal. It's extremely illegal. Yes, marijuana is strictly illegal. Oh, fuck. But my... My friend, my friend who lives there said that, like, they, because it's so illegal, like, you can, no one knows what it smells like. So you can just like smoke it.

You can just tell them it's an if you're rich. If you're rich. If you're rich. But they would love that. Yeah. It's called celiac. Say, use it a made of American thing. No, I'm kidding.

Seleac isn't made up. Where in, I believe. Where in Asia is weak. I wouldn't say it's made. it's probably only here because of how fucked up the food is here. I'll go to Thailand. It's like literally designed by like big ag. It's like, you know, it's fake in that sense.

But yes, no, I was going to say, Jock, they smoke joints all over Southeast Asia, probably with the exception of like Malaysia and Indonesia. Yeah, where they'll shoot you in the head. Right. But like Thailand, Cambodia, Vietnam, the like party, the Mexican Asians, they're smoking weed, girl.

Yeah. They're smoking weed. I'm surprised it's not legal in Japan. I thought they were hip. Did you know in Malaysia, there's a specific, there's a specific, like, staff member at the Australian embassy whose entire job is, like, helping, like, white guys with, like, leather skin and dreadlocks who try to bring Molly into Malaysia and get caught.

And, like, it's just his entire job. It's just, like, okay. We've got to figure out. The Wook coordinator at the Wall-Lampur airport. Yeah, one-thel. Okay. That's not even a joke. It's true.

Countries that have legalized recreational use of cannabis are Canada's Czech, Republic, Germany, Luxembourg, Malta, South Africa, and Europe, right? They would love you in Luxembourg. Yeah. Oh, my God. I'm trying to figure out what's the best place. They would literally study you like a fucking caveman, dude. Why in Luxembourg?

Isn't that between, like, Belgium and France? So very, very well. Yeah, actually, it's very close to there. Yeah, because they got Flemish, which arises from Luxembourg, but is. Okay, so you're on the Wikipedia page. I know that because I've been in a Belgium. I love playing geography games. Oh, my God.

Have you played geogessor, Ben? A girl, how do I play geogessor? Would I be good in South Africa? I, you know, well, would I like it? And what's your gay, like? Uruguay. beautiful

some of the they are an extremely stable nation in Latin America they have very high they have a very high quality of life they have a valley

that Manusos has to walk through to get to don't bring me back no Uruguay is iconic I would I would probably choose Paraguay over Uruguay I really want to visit Ascuncion Santiago

shout out diva I've always wanted to go to Peru Peru It's a little like dirty Not I'm like Not I'm not going to call me people dirty But it's like it's just like really underdeveloped and dusty It seemed

Yeah But but of course I would want to see I would want to see those ancient like temples and shit You know that's what I would be there for Mountains with a bunch of women Is Malta near Greece? Yes Malta is near Greece Malta also is an island

Okay okay okay Jock Name a country in Europe that ends with the letter D. Sad if it was a country, but I don't think that's a place. Okay.

It's probably... There probably is... If you think about it. Is there a lot or is there many or is there just one? There's a few. There's a thing about the letter and the placement of the letter. England. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. It counts. For sure. I was going to say there probably is like a county in the Netherlands. Greenland. Sad with two A. Oh, for sure.

Greenland, Iceland. Yeah. Yeah, I guess that, well, are those, is Greenland's Europe? Yeah. Yeah. Don't wake it up. Don't you dare question me. And then, um, okay.

So you give us a geography question. Jock and I will battle. Okay. How's this? Name a, country Okay, how's this, how's this? Poland. Oh, Poland also

Oh, God damn. Oh, you did it. You did it. And then, you know, this is asking a new question, bitch, let her ask it. Sorry, ma'am. Okay, name a former Soviet country that ends in why? Hungary? Oh, is that right? I actually don't know if there is one. I just realized I don't know if I don't think Hungary was Soviet well which is what I was thinking of

I don't know I Hungary seems like a really good guess to me I'm trying to think I think Romania was definitely one I don't think Hungary well that doesn't end in a Y I was just thinking in country yeah okay give us another one Hessa jocc you can't Google this come on diva I I'm curious now about the um about the okay jock you ask me and Hessa geography question what's the capital of Turkey Um, it's simple. And the, in, and the, no, the, the, right. Okay. And also, Hessa, to answer your, keep going, I want to keep going. Wait, wait, wait, wait. To answer your previous question, please, Hessa,

Germany is a former Soviet country ending in Y. Thank you. Oh. What is the capital of Romania? Transylvania. Whoa. No. Oh, capital of Romania. I could find Romania on a map. I don't. don't. It's close to another capital of a nearby country. It sounds like it.

What is the country, is the capital of that country well known? Like, is that like... Yes, very well known. What country? Uh, Hungary. Uh, what the fuck is the capital of Hungary? Do you know it? It's simple.

No, that's... Turkey. Girl, Turkey is a... What that? The capital of Hungary is Budapest. Oh, right. The Budapest. Oh, God.

Yeah. gay, retarded culture denied I don't know girl I'm throwing out of the towel Give me a group of course it's fucking Yeah What the hell's wrong with me

Yeah Can y'all give me one? You have to ask us one bitch Yeah I can think of one Okay If you can think of one Yeah sure sure sure sure What country

Um Oh yeah Northernmost territory in France I'll slace Lorraine Is it? Yeah, because that's on the border border of Germany. It's a region in France. Oh, period.

I don't know if it's a Normandy. It might be Normandy. I don't know. I have no clue. I think it's so cool. Well, all places around is a region. I don't know if it's like a designated like territory or whatever. I think it must be, right?

Which country is famous for shark meat and their dark liquor that is resembling a licorice and herbal? Brazil. No. shark meat no try again a dark liquor a country that's famous for its dark liquor and shark meat and shark meat well oh

Iceland yes correct he didn't hear you as a thank you I got the point there do you book Iceland of course shark meat of course of course of course I've had shark in Costa Rica before and shark saviche it was delicious what country is responsible for reducing such pop legends as well as the dream. Oh, fucking ether. Because, I mean, Sweden produces a lot of pop legends.

This is fun as fuck. We should all do geogessor against each other or something. This is my favorite. I love this. Well, we got to wake up the ethno guesser, which I am very good at. Should we play? Whoa. What's Ethno Gessor? We'd have to play it on a video episode.

Yeah. Let's do it on Monday or something. Sure, we're not. Perfect because that'll be a Patreon episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which country in the mid to late 90s produced the Ford Stratocaster and is considered the... The Fender Stratocaster? That's what it is.

You said Ford. I think you must have misunderstood. I ask the question. Take it from the top again, please. What country produced the most, the rarest and most acclaimed? Mexico. Yes. Whoa.

Period. How did you know that? Because I said I have one. No, I'm kidding. Googling. No, she knows. That's a fact. I do have a Mexican stratacaster, but it's not one of the super...

All right, John, give us another one. Okay. Which country has Tony Hawk moved to in the later years? Oh, I actually know this. You go to Canada. No, and also Apparently, this is just conspiracy. I'm not, I'm not, no proof, but

apparently he left around the same time. Oh, because of you have been so retarded. Yeah, another news story you got from TikTok. Literally. I don't watch TikTok. He went to Spain. No, he went to fucking Greece. Oh, fuck. I was close.

Period. Jacques, do you want to give us some of your celebrity news stories? Hello, this is J.J.J.J.J.J.J.J. J.M. Z on the Thursday. Here with the celebrity news that you didn't even know existed. Recently a developing story has been developing in the New York

City area where famous politician disgraced former politician Andrew Cuomo has been seen kissing Patty Lepone, confusing gay and LGBT activists around the area. In other news...

Wait, why? I'm just trying to create. Why would that use gay and LGBT activists? Because they love Patty Lepone, I guess. I was just trying to generate fake news. I'm trying to make fake news up. This is what the JMZ is about. No, it's okay. I think you're doing right.

Okay, I get it. Okay. Let's hear another piece of fake news. Yeah. Little Wayne was seen walking down the street hand in hand with none other than Selena Gomez

confusing fans on the status of Binnie Blanco and Selena Gomez and if Little Wayne and her are just friends who hold hands Okay, little Wayne who's like 60, was 62 years old at this point. Well, I love

Okay, how's this for a fake news? FCA Twigs is surgically getting Marilyn Manson's two ribs that he got taken out inserted into her body As like, oh, that's pretty. She would too. Yeah. You know, FCAA Twigs

always struck me as like a extremely normie girl you know and I do think she is I do think she is like kind of like normie at her core

I don't think so I think she's got she's got a little bit of a freaky I feel like it's a normie understanding of alternative culture I know that's something for FCA Twigs

yeah yeah she I want to support her and I like a little bit of her music but I feel like it's not authentic when your presentation

is more important than your It's very style heavy. Yeah. I don't know. I like it. I like some of it. I have to be critical. I just,

there's something that keeps you from really like standing hard of core because I sense that there's a real purchase put on the stylization of her art that I just don't. I find it to be a little cloying. Yeah, I can see that. I don't mean to be a little piggy

and need everything directly the way I want that. But yeah, that's my T on FKA Twigs. Although, you know, she's some chill. I like Pink Panther's a lot more. Oh. And yeah, I'm just saying that because they're both Liceken and Black women from the UK.

And they don't really get that much. They're not lesbans. What the? Wait, FKA Twigs is from. FK.A. Twigs was with Shile above. Yeah, she was with Shile Above. Oh, yeah. And then Pink Panther is not a less.

She's looking so fucking. being sexy. She looks fucking amazing. I love her so much. If I was a straight guy, that'd be my type. Yeah, I would be like awuga-ing for Pink Panther so I was a straight guy.

Down. We don't see guys, straight guys don't awuga like they used to. A-wuga! No, they're playing Wasqueen and work, bitch. Literally. Really depressing. The fall of the West.

Ben, can you come up with a fake? a fake celebrity news item? Oh, no. All right, Jack. Kyle Richards and Morgan Wade were seeing kissing Morgan Warren at the same time. And what people are calling the surprise country threesome of the century. Who's Morgan Warrid?

Morgan Wade and Morgan's, wait, maybe, let me look up. I think there's one Morgan and you got his name. You got his last name wrong place. I know who you're talking about. I tried to do this. Morgan Wallin. Yeah. Probably right.

Morgan Wallen and Morgan Wade have been making out with... Who's Morgan Wade now? It's a basketball player. Morgan Wade is the... Now you're confusing me. Morgan Wade is the lesb... No, stop. Morgan Wade is the...

No, the TV shows. Stop! Morgan Wade is the country. He's a real estate agent. No! It's a woman. Shrimp fisherman. Astronaut.

An astronaut. Oh, my God. And woodworker. It was a lesbian that dated Kyle Richards. After the split with Mauricio. With a also a firefighter. I would actually get you today. What?

I would punch you today. Why? Because my back hurts and I'm... Thank you for at least admitting that it's your own... I'm wrong. You're right. And Hessa, I'm wrong. You've been making some really big changes.

Steps in terms of cognition and, you know, accepting fault. And I applaud you for that job. And I was nice. Marty girl. That's true. Morgan Wade looks like one of the lesbians who does those videos where they bite their lip

on TikTok. Oh, one thousand percent. I would take care of you, baby girl. Hey, mom, nice. I found this lesbian on Instagram last night who is making videos about her lesbian divorce.

Oh, it's her page is literally called the lesbian divorce. I'm obsessed. You know her? Yes. I love that bitch. I love that. There's like a new sad turning stone.

She seems pretty well. She is pretty sad. Girl, I would love to. I did post her on the Instagram and I was hoping she would see it. I'm just going to show. I'll put the audio in here, but I just want you to see this. Hello ladies and welcome to my lesbian divorce. Hello ladies and welcome to my lesbian divorce.

Okay. She's so like coffee. Hello ladies. And welcome to my lesbian divorce. She looks. Good morning, ladies, and welcome to my lesbian. Good morning, ladies, and welcome to my lesbian. She looks like she's in very peaceful and wonderful environment.

She is in the Gulf Coast of Florida. I don't know that, but she's extremely Tampa. She's under Gandhi-Lazars effect. Yes, period. Wake that. Wake it up, baby. And if you're listening to this episode, we're going to post a phone number below for you to start calling in so we can start well i have to then said i'm not allowed to say that never mind just let me handle it

if i change my name i'd go by utah ohio can we call should we call this episode the lazarus effects part two no no no no no no we should call this episode um no no no no no no no no no i think it would be a really funny vet to call it. Just one. No, no. How does it feel anytime you speak someone

no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. Jock, what did you eat today? Don't.

I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I only ate. No, no, no. I ate four. Hurst is hurt. I ate four strips. I ate four strips. of bacon and one sweet potato.

Okay, period. Everyone, thank you for listening today on that. Wait, one more thing. I think we should name the episode. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. Hello, ladies, and welcome to my lesbian divorce. I'm naming the episode, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Everyone, thank you for listening today. You can go find more seeking arrangements on. Thank you, everyone.com. My booking is gay. Just the fuck up. You can go find more episodes of seeking arrangements on Patreon.com slash seeking derangements. And now Jock has something to screech about.

You have the floor. You can book me for DJing or comedy or appearances at funerals or weddings. Through the email, yay, Y-A-Y-A-Y, very V-E-R-Y-F-U-N at g-mail.com. And it'll be in contact with my manager who will orchestrate me coming to you. All right, bye, everyone. Bye.