Seeking Derangements - SD 487 - Secrets Aren't Lies

Episode Date: April 1, 2026

Hello Seekers! Ben here, reporting from LA. Jacques, Hesse, and I discuss us keeping secrets from each other, our inability to drive, and giving Jacques a hair cut. Plus we read through a selection of submissions to The Ethicist. Intro & Outro–Supermerk2, Que Calor

Hello everyone. Welcome to Seeking Derangements. We're listening to a free episode. So if you'd like where you hear, go to regard to our Patreon. Patreon. Patreon.com slash seeking derangements. Jock is putting up another one. It's two for two today, Divas. Hello. How's it going? Hello. Good. Good. Three for two if you count, or three for three if you count, the episode we recorded on yesterday with Jacques for the movie of show. Well, I wasn't there. so I don't care. But three for three. Three for three. Three for three. Are you getting excited for L.A.? I'm excited.

I'm really excited. I have all my documents. I'm doing my laundry. I've got my shit ready to go. I just got to pack up my bag. Yes. Yay. I have to bring my bag to.

All my game consoles. I'm bringing my PS5. I'm bringing all of them. You're bringing up, you're bringing your flat screen TV to set up your PS4 on the flight. Yeah, I'm bringing my VR headset. I'm going to have my VR headset on. Making a gun hands with my, with the controllers. Playing flight simulator and crashing planes.

That would be, that's a good bit, is to just stare at the person next to me as I just steer the plane into the ground and flight simulator. Yeah. I used, when I was living in the city, one of my. hangover activities. I'm not realizing this was some kind of like weird um kind of death fulfillment thing I was doing. I would play flight simulator when I was like a debilitatingly hung over and I would crash um I would set it to New York City and I would crash a plane into my apartment. Your apartment yeah that's a tough that's a tough target to hit honestly. Girl I did it it's I mean it's the canal and mulberry was there but like the apartments were

and all exact, but I did, it was at that intersection, you know, so I'm like, yeah, you've got the big, because like flying in at altitude, you've got that, that big dojo type building right across the way. Love that building. Love that building. Jock said, I'm coming, I threw up whatever girl. I don't even believe him. He's always having, he's always having accidents one minute before we record. He's either, like, I mean, he's, he's definitely lying about this, but it is also possibility that he is just like throwing up or shitting his pants every five minutes. Yeah. I think I think that's more likely, honestly.

I do believe that he threw up because he was probably running around like, oh, I got to get ready to record and just drank like five things. It's all kind of the same thing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's all the same thing. An inability to work. But yeah, I'm excited. I'm checking a bag for the first time in maybe 10 years, girl.

I never check a bag. I feel like such a fucking faggot and a fool checking a bag. I hate checking a bag, but I'm going to be there for a month. So I'm either like, you know, maybe I won't. I think you should. I'm not. Actually, no, I'm not going to. I checked a bag.

I bought the checked bag thing. I hate checking bags because I'm so like, I'm like, I want to go in and I want to walk as fast as I can directly to my seat on the airplane. And when the airplane lands, I want to walk directly out of the airport. I don't have time to dilly dally. I hate waiting like a fucking fooler on baggage claim. It takes 45 minutes. You just have to stand there. I hate it.

I hate it. And I hate that experience so much. I would rather wear two pairs of jeans and two shirts for a month to avoid that. Yeah. I thought you meant like on the plane wearing two pairs of jeans at the same time and two shirts. Being so immigrant about it. I mean, I do also do that. I have an amazing outfit planned for the plane that is going to slay.

I'm going to breeze through. I have this red, white, and blue track suit with, like, but not like America colors. Like a light blue, like very, it's like red with like a light blue and white stripe down it. And it's like very, very form fitting. It's very nice. That's iconic. like speaking talking about one thing. Welcome to work diva.

How's it going? Welcome. Hello. Hey, what's up? Hey, how's your tummy? Oh, my tummy's fine. It's a hurt me. It's hurting me so bad. No, no, no, no.

What happened was I was trying to chug some, uh... I called it, I called it. I was trying to chug something. And my phone started ringing at the same time, and it made me go, and then I just, I threw up just like a tip-top. of it got all the mucus gone and it just got just the acidic top part doesn't sound like it doesn't sound like it look a lot of

food matter didn't come out it was mostly just a big gaggle of sticky liquid period did you see the tip top of your meal I just mean like whatever the last few bites were and what was the meal a cheeseburger from Hub City diner raw I'm gonna vomit. Raw.

It's disgusting. No, raw. Raw. Red onion. Hearing this is his vile. And I can hear the, I can hear the vomit in your voice. Like it, like, you can tell that

this is not me just saying I just vomited. You can tell it's, I, I just had the vomit trauma. I do believe you about this, this emergency. It's not really that hard to believe. No, we had, we had this discussion. Yeah. Well, you weren't. You weren't here, but that's okay.

If I was. ready at three and then threw up in my hand. Okay, so that's not being ready. Well, Jack, imagine telling your boss that at it. It's ridiculous. I would tell my boss that at this. Well, that's why he doesn't

fucking have one. What? I don't have a what. A job. Who is calling you all the time, Jacques? Because you get calls. Let's let's just break. I do get calls off. Let's just break something down.

Do I have a job? You're fired. No. Well, then it's still I have a. job. You can't You've just been fired. Okay. And I have jobs outside of you. You didn't notice that. I have a manager.

Yeah. So I have a manager. And that manager encompasses all of my work that's not you. So the least lucrative job in the world. What is the least lucrative job in the world? What is the least lucrative job in the world, S? No, no, no, no, no. How much does your manager get? What cut does your manager get?

He's a very sweet man. I love Jock's manager. He's incredibly talented. I pay him well. I'm sure. I'm sure you do. 40%? Not much to do, if you know what I'm saying.

Look, it doesn't, I'm not, I'm not breaking down exact numbers on how much I give my manager. I pay him well. Yeah, probably not a great idea. I pay him well and I pay him fairly. And I guess what? You know who I asked how much he should get paid? him. I asked him how much he should get paid and he decides how much he gets paid.

I have nothing bad to say about him. I adore that man. This is the last, I'll punctuate on this. He is the best manager I have ever had. He gets me more gigs than I could ever imagine. He's articulate enough to know what is required and to articulate enough. It's crazy. He's a very smart.

He's very smart, but he's very articulate in particular. in the music scene to know what to ask for and what to make sure what I need to set up. What's on your rider? Do you have a rider, Jock? Like, if you're performing somewhere? Yeah. Speaking of, Chapo asked me, and I just answered for all of us, by the way. You answered the writer for us? What? Why? Yeah, I just filled out the writer for us. Come on. I said, I said just, just like two beers. Oh, great, because two beers, because there's one has to one bin, and there's zero Jock needing a beverage. That was the thought behind it.

Yeah. Man, fuck you, bitch. I'll text Chris myself to make sure that I get a damn writer. I'm not going to let you too. And then it's like, I accidentally, we're not invited to the show anymore. We can't perform anymore. That's not happening. Sorry, the writer is two beers.

One for me, one for Rassah. Period. Man, fuck you, bitch. God damn it. I'm kidding. I didn't. I said, I actually said, I actually said, we don't need anything. don't get us anything it's fine

that's even gayer and more retarded than the first thing you said when you picked it out there'll be like drink tickets and stuff oh yeah no first of all I am I am also joking I haven't even talked I'm not someone someone someone who we don't even expect is going to show up at that green room and steal all of our drink tickets or ask us for all of our drink tickets it always happens at these kind of show I'll just buy a fucking drink happen I don't care that can happen I don't care I might I'm probably not even going to drink there.

Honestly. Yeah. I'm just like, I'm not. I've been sober since Louisiana. I have so much work. Yeah. I've been completely sober. You haven't had a single glass of alcohol? I don't drink unless I'm partying.

And I'm not partying. Well, I did drink. And I wasn't. Do you still? You're not cast us. You're a perfect woman. You're not on trial right now. It's Ben who's on trial right now.

Ben, uh, answer. questions, thoughts. I don't drink unless I'm like on vacation or I'm like partying and yeah, Ben goes on. Certainly a wave of those things. Bender, Bender, non-bender way. I'm, I've been open about this forever.

I go on benders for sure. Yeah, and I will be on a bender in L.A. You see how dismayed Jock is that I'm not similarly addicted to a substance? I'm not addicted to a substance except don't do weed. I could not do weed for a long time. I challenge you Let's you do a 30 day no weed challenge Well has to start

I have to have a but yeah I could do a 30 day It has to start But let's start Let's start today Let's start now It's not starting today It's not starting after I get back from LA Why?

Because I have shit to do That requires me to have weeds So you do need weed So you can't stop So you do need it You know what actually Let me bite the bullet on this one and pivot Yeah you would have just

admit it like it's totally fine you can just say yes I need weed I'm comfortable with it needing weed and it's kind of like a package deal with me but I bet I quit if I wanted to I've quit it before I think you could I mean you've quit drinking you've quit I've been stone cold sober

from everything except cigarettes for no for some no no from weed too for seven months okay Period. Currently?

No, I have. I was just saying... For the first seven months of your life? No. No. What year was this? I was... Yeah, what year? I was 18.

Okay. Well, look, I... Look, I'm not telling you you have to quit weed. I'm just saying, you know, let's... How much money would you give me? None. Zero dollars. It always comes to this. We've had this exact conversation so many times.

Well, no, I just felt like he was... Because Jock just thinks I'm a piggy bank. Jock thinks if he does any... I don't think of it's extremely offensive in a terrible way to treat your friends. You literally just said how much money will I pay you? I'm not paying you anything. Well, it sounded like you were going to make a bet. That's not my fault for your phone.

No, it's a challenge. Okay. Hashtag no weed for 30 days challenge. A challenge is sort of like a Catholic bet. What is your, what do you get if I fail? I'm not. The reward is your own. Yeah.

That is the gayest thing you've ever said in your life. What would you want for me? It's not. What would you want for me if you could ask me for something? Well, don't smoke weed for 30 days. Okay, so I do to don't smoke weed for 30 days and I fail. What would you determine to be my punishment? That you have to stop smoking weed for 30 days.

This is like not, I don't even think you understand how this is supposed to work. Yeah. Do you get, if you fail, if you, listen to me, if you fail, you have to start all over. And you have to add a day. And you have to add a day. Interest. And you're trapped in that cycle until you break free by completing the no weed for 30 days challenge. Yes.

But if you do it, your goal, your reward will be the heavens in the earth. I know. It's incredible. Look, you people think that I only exist in one train of thought, but I have myself considered not smoking. I was actually looking at porn on my computer. I have multiple trains of thoughts. I'm going to be really frank and honest with all. And the reason that brought me to the consideration of possibly taking a break from weed

was mostly so I could have a tolerance. Tolerance. Oh, God. Yeah, take a tolerance break. Now, don't shake your little gay ass head back and forth at me. Like, I've personally disappointed you. And that I just feel like Ben, imagine, has to stop me if I'm wrong. I just imagine that if I was.

off of weed, Ben would look at me. Has it stopping? Stop. You'd be like, God, John, you're finally perfect to me. Everything that I didn't like about you from before is now fit. I love you. I love you. I adore you.

And I love the way you are in all forms. Like that song, you would sing that song. I love you just the way you are. Not that one. Would you like me if I started doing a thousand milligrams of weed a day? Oh, absolutely. You're so fun when you're on weed because you're relaxed and you just like you talk about things that you wouldn't normally talk about. You just like your relationships and your personal life.

I get more details and you're more forthcoming to other groups of people. I talk about my personal life. I just don't, it's been hard because I don't like talking to you about my personal life anymore because you will bring it straight to the podcast. I've never once brought it straight to the podcast. All right. You have secrets that I have not brought up here. Like what? I'll bleep it.

Say it, say it. Let's see. See, I'm going to test. He was trying to push me and I'm going to say, okay, yes and. What are they? What are they, draw consoling? Okay. Just like secrets that you've hidden from me before?

You're a liar. I'm not a liar. What are they? Name them. Name them. They won't hurt my feelings. Name them. I want to know what they are.

Shit, this is, Hess is just sitting there with eyes wide open. You're trying to distract me. I'm not distracting you. I'm just thinking about how this thing. Just admit you were bluffing.

Just admit you're bluffing and now you're backtracking. Okay. So the first lie that comes to mind. The first lie, that was a secret. Yeah. Now we're just listing lies. Secret.

I don't think you could remember. secret. You did not reveal who you were dating to me until you were on the marijuana and you were live. Okay, well, that's not a secret. That's not a secret, first of all, me not telling you every single thing about my wife. It's a secret. Not revealing something.

Hiding something from your friend is a secret. Hiding something. Hiding something. Hiding something. I don't hide secrets from my friend. Do you think, yes, you do, do you think you're personally entitled to know every single thing about my life? Um, yeah. Otherwise, it's a secret.

I mean, I thought, I thought that's where our friendship was, but maybe I was just confused. And that you, you should know every single thing about my life. I think we, name another secret. Name another secret. That wasn't even a secret. That was not a secret. You're such a bluffer sometimes. Okay, sometimes he won't, he, um, he doesn't want to tell me what plans he has because because he knows that I'm going to try to ingratiate myself into the plan. So he just tells me I don't know the plans. Yeah.

This is just a feeling you have. It's also not a secret. No, no. I tried to make plans with Ben in L.A. And he said, oh, I'm going to be too busy. I have so much going on. Girl, I'm literally working. Can't tell me what's going on.

I'm like, okay, well, shoot. I'm launching a Interior Motors Patreon. Oh, I know that. And I have to, okay. Well, that's the answer. So that's it? Literally the answer. Yes, dude.

I'm working like son up to sundown. I still love you. I respect you even though you're a secret holder. But me, I have plans. I have plans I'm not telling you about. Oh, no, Lessa. But you know what? I just want to say, Hessa, I can't wish to go to Nobu.

I know. We're going to Nobu. Hessa's secrets are, don't hurt my feelings because they don't, they're, they're secrets to everyone. But when Ben has a secret, it's only a secret for me. Again, you haven't listed a single secret I have. You just listed a string of BPD. feelings you have about not knowing everything about my life and of course we'll hang out in

LA what are you talking about you have an issue with like well it's just called BPD of course we'll hang out in LA I don't know what you're talking about and I'm excited to hang out in LA and let me just say this right now and let the and let the listeners hear everything is such a threat it's such a threat if everyone could just listen up for a second especially the listeners because I don't expect Ben and Hesse to remember this at the rate that we've been going. What I expect is to hang out with them. And if I don't

hang out with them, let it be known. They're holding a secret back. We're literally doing a live show together. We're going to Spago. We're going to Spago. You told me that you wouldn't do that without me. Yeah.

No, I mean, my plans for it. The first two weeks are going to be like working like crazy. And in the last two weeks, I will be on a bender. It's my You always go on the bender when I'm so upset to miss the vendor, but that's, I don't think that's a secret, Jack. I mean, I do, actually, I do like, you are on to something, Jack. When I travel, I like to go out alone and be free of other people's, maybe certain people's very rigid desires. know, I will do this.

I won't do that. I will do this. I won't do that. My telfar, I stepped in a puddle and now I need to go home. Okay. Things like this that can derail. Let's break this out. That can derail a vacation.

I need you to remove the time that my shoes got wet from a reason. You cannot hold that. You cannot hold that. I need you to forget. I'm going to get this thing I did right now. No. No. Because we need to settle this because I'm tired.

Jock maintains that I pushed him, which I literally did not do. You did fucking push me. Girl, you tripped and you blamed me because whenever you get mad, you blame whoever is nearest to you because you can't take responsibility. You can see that that's a pattern. Bullshit! Yeah, yeah. It is bullshit.

It is bullshit. Literally doing it right now. This is bullshit because Ben, you knew my crocs were furry and that they were going to get ruined if you pushed me into a puddle and you did it in a way. I simply did not push you into a puddle. It's fine. I don't know what motivation Ben would have to push you to wet your shoes and he yelled at you. You stepping in the puddle, you stepping in the puddle forced us to take a two-hour detour when I wanted to go party.

Why would me pushing you in a puddle benefit me in any way? First of all, as I two-hour detour. I stayed with you. You have no sense of time. You're just holding on to something that's not even true. You're the one that seems like you're the one holding on to it. I let it go because I knew that Ben was good to you. You just screamed about it.

I let it go. You just screamed about it. Look, I'll say this. I'll reframe this in a positive way. I am looking forward to having a lot of fun with you in L.A. I'm looking forward to hanging out with you in L.A. And I'm looking forward to no accidents happening that derail the night and cut into having, you know. And I'm looking forward to you not pushing me into a puddle that is wet.

I'm not going to touch you. I'm going to stay six feet away from you. I'm going to see six feet away. John, how many times have you tripped in your life? How many times have you tripped in your life? That's an unfeasurable, reasonable, unreasonable. That's an unseasoned question.

That's a plain question. How many times have you tripped in your life? Just hazard a guess. I could say maybe for me, maybe like 50 times. I just think that's unrealistic. You literally just spilled a glass. You just spilled it. You just spilled a cup of water.

How do you know I did that? Because I heard it and then I saw you pick up a jumbo little toilet paper. I just think this episode has been completely derailed by delusions of grandeur from the, from mostly Ben, but has some or put some on you. I'm sorry. He has no secrets. Ben, I will say, I think you probably tripped more than 50 times total in your whole life.

I'm sure. I probably tripped a couple thousand if you can't be like a child. I ought to fucking decapitate you. Whoa. Okay, sorry. I took it a little far. Back it up. What is there to do in L.A.? What you guys... I'm actually not excited about it. I hate I had to rent a

car. I'm really not looking forward to driving. I mean, I've driven in New York City. I've driven in Jersey. I mean, I've driven all over the East Coast. I drive like a complete fucking maniac in Des Moinesia. I am not really looking for it. Because I think the closest city to L.A. that I've driven in is Dallas, where it is like five-lane highways, and everyone is, like, fucking angry and trying to kill you. Yeah.

And I really did not like that. Is your neighborhood central at least? Are you in Los Velos? Try again. Silver Lake? No. I'm in Brentwood Canyon. I'm in Eagle Rock. Russell's place?

No, I'm subletting from some random gay guy, who seems very sweet. I don't know him. I am subletting for the month. And I rented like a fucking little bubble car, like a Honda that is like kind of shaped like a sphere. It's really random. It's like one of those cars for like lesbians, you know. Okay. I'm having trouble.

looks like a sneaker. It's like a Honda Fit. Oh, Honda Fit. Something like that. That's not for lesbians. That's for gay guys. Honda Pilot. That's for gay guys.

Hessa, can you drive or forget? No, I can't drive. Hesse cannot drive. And I'm not giving you rights anywhere. Don't call me. I'm not giving you. I have Uber, bitch. I have a whole service dedicated to driving.

Oh, yeah. Zacher. Oh, yeah. It's called Jacques. Oh, yeah. Uber handicapped. I wish they had an Uber handicapped. I know you do.

I know you do. So with a wheelchair waiting an extra 30 minutes because Jacques is like, I need a big truck. I'm willing to have a surgery that makes me into a Down syndrome person or a retarded person as long as I get treated like one afterwards. And I people don't treat the same. I mean, to bring it back to the weed. I think you're in a. years long process of that exact surgery. You think my natural body is being shaped like a piece of coal into a retarded diamond,

is what you're saying? You can bring that way. I think you're doing a lot of weed and it's probably not good for your mind. Actually, I had my mindologist look and do a scan recently. He says that my brain... You know, they just published a study that it found that weed actually doesn't help with any the supposed health, mental health benefits. It's like anxiety.

Girl, do you know why I take weed? Actually, that is like, it's, yeah, to get paranoid. No. Fuck you, bitch. Why do you take weed? I mean, that's such a basic question, but I have, I don't think I've ever asked you why. For what pain? I got hit, my, I have permanent back injury and permanent shoulder and collarbone pain.

I broke my collarbones and shoulders in a violent way and I have an acute bulging disc. and a herniated disc and injuries that came forth in a violent way and they don't just heal they hurt. You have a herniated disc? That's like a very serious isn't that?

Yes. I don't know. I'm serious. I don't know. Yes, I've said it. They told me after I got my first like x-ray scan

after the accident after like a few weeks just to see how I was doing. This is when you got hit in Lafayette's by the judge's son around. whatever yes yes when I got hit and um they said to me Jacques you'll be lucky if you'll ever be able to do any kind of physical activity or I mean you've roller skate everywhere so I know so I proved them wrong but I mean there's a lot of pain that just comes with it I mean if I sleep even a

little bit funny I'm throwing my whole back how what is your sleeping position I sleep on my back like coffin Dracula a slide okay this says that a herniated disc heals in four to six weeks. It doesn't mean it's still hurt. It's a permanent back entry. Don't you dare try to. I'm saying out of this one. A cute herniated disc. Acute. Acute.

That means short period of time though. No, chronic would be for like, I think acute just means it's like on a more like specific place in the body. Acute disc hernia with the soft inner core of a spinal disc rustlers through its outer layer, usually causing a sudden sharp pain, numbness or weakening.

in the back. Most cases result, most cases, resolved in four to six weeks with consideration. I'm exceptional. And I'm, and I didn't do physical therapy, and I was not conservative care. Okay. Okay.

Well, I guess keep doing a thousand milligrams. Hey, keep trying. Keep trying. Keep smiling. Keep trying. Keep hanging on. You're so inspirational when you want to be.

Do you mean that? Yeah, you just, I just said it. Jacques, do you have saddle anesthesia? What in the hell is that? A progressive loss of sensation that affects areas that would touch a saddle, the inner thighs, the backs of the legs, and the area around the rectum. I can think I want. I think I do some of that definition might apply to my situation.

I love that character that we just have. I'm part of my sister away Madam, you're a mess because you look so beautiful in that this outfit. Jack, what do you want to do in L.A.? What do I want to do in L.A.? Since you're so like we're mandated

to spend every minute together. Not every limit. I just literally never get to see all of you. We're going to be hanging out all day Friday. Y'all. Also, I was just in Louisiana for like a fucking month with you. Yeah, but we didn't spend that much time together. We spent some. We spent six days and we spent some of that time. Some of the time you were

doing other things. So it needs to be all the time. So this is what I mean by everyone. No, no, just, you know, it's it's it's it's it's it's harder to um, you know, get those tender moments and if um, if, um, Ben is yelling at me that we need another 30 minutes before we go out so that he can walk on the treadmill and lift weights up at the same time. I actually never said that. I said to everyone, I need to get a workout thing. And then you got mad when we try to leave. No.

I said you guys are free to go. I'll catch up with you. That's what I said. But Chuck, do you see why Ben might not want to hang out if he knows that you're going to be complaining if he has to take an extra few minutes? And for the record, I want to hang out. I've never once said I don't want to. I don't want to hang out.

I have no plans to complain that been in L.A. Okay. Whoa. Or have some. That matter. Whoa. Okay. And let me just say.

That's on a damn recording. That's fine. And look, I just want you to, I just want you to have some fun with me. If what, if I had, what do I want us to do? Maybe go to Venice Beach. Maybe go to a museum. Maybe go to Los Angeles Apparel factory store. I don't know.

I'm not going. I hate shopping. Yeah, I don't want to go to the LA Apparel Factory It's obviously you're interesting going to Well, it's fine, you don't have to I'd go, maybe I'd go with you I mean, it depends, it depends Because LA is huge

I'll have to, I mean, I have to ask it off first Because we're supposed to have a meeting, so Yeah, yeah, you know, I'm asking for You silly Willie Well, I, I'm, you know Well, he and I both told us that you keep You keep messaging him It's fine, it's fine, it's fine, I don't need

Um, your, your, your, your, your, your double pile on you two trying to pile on to me because I try to bring up a little bit of loss of Thailand, great band. I love to the Japanese band.

Yes, no. No, the Athens, Georgia, baby. Post punk band. Oh, you show me then. I, I fucking hate the B-52. Can you imagine being P-F2?

No, I love the B-Fifty-2s and R-EM make it out of Athens. No. R-EM is so good, so are B-52s. You're a loser for a lot. I love it. I don't like R-M as much, but I hate 52-2.

by losing my religion. What else did you want to talk about today, except everything about me and about how I was worried about L.A. that we wouldn't hang out. Because I can now confirm that we would be hanging out. What time is your flight, Chuck? What time is my flight? It's at 6.

Did you check in? I had, my phone died and no. Your phone died four hours ago. And my younger brother, as the controller. You need to get checked in. Checked in. You need to get checked in today, and you need to get your boarding passes today,

I will be completely unavailable to help you tomorrow. Do it after. Please don't do it on the recording because we are recording. I'm not doing it. Do it after the recording. Let's get to the ethicist. I pulled some for today. Your face looks fresh today.

Who? Me? Well, Hess's face looks the exact same as she's a profile picture. So yes, you. Well, thank you. I just wanted you to give me a direct compliment. You look very tan today. Like the sociopath I am.

You have a normal hair style. Well, my hair is actually really frizzy because I just got out of the shower. I have to put body lotion in it. And yes, I still use body lotion for my hair, everyone. Back the hell off. Because it does work. That's crazy. I think it's...

It works. I mean, with your... You don't have a lot of hair, but with someone like myself with... I mean, for you or Jacques... I don't have a lot of hair. The amount of hair... I mean, for... Your...

For a human in general. Hessa, this is what we should do in LA. Like your short hair is what I mean. We should not. Thank you. I have that's, I have thick, thick short hair. That's okay. I'm sorry.

This is what we should do. Come correct. Those at home who've never touched Ben's head, he has the flaxen hair of a Chinese man. Yeah, we can't have these people thinking of thin hair. You should let, you should let me dump an entire bottle of body, uh, body, uh, moisturizer on your hair when we're in L.A. together. Why won't you hang out with me? Why won't you hang out with me?

I'll wear gloves when I rub the lotion. Can we shave your head? Mine? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'll hang out with you if I can shave your head. And then I have to go.

I have a thing. That is the bitch he is. That would be so. Hey, you got one of the jock to shave his head and then immediately leaving. You would shave my head and say, I have to use the bathroom, collect the hair in a bag, and then they use it for the witch. I'm not collecting that. Which is voodoo ceremony.

Chapel roaned honks thorned on a car outside. Then gets in. Cash Patel is in the backseat. Oh, also, we were lying to you about that. Yeah, she wasn't actually talking to Cash Patel. She wasn't talking to Cash Patel. We lied to you. So, for the first. How many people have you told that to?

So for the first 34 minutes of this episode, you kept telling me that you both are not liars. I never said a liar. I have no secrets. I have no secrets. Secrets are not lies. Lies are not secrets. A secret is not a lie.

It's actually a hidden truth, if you will. Thank you. So yes, he is. You're welcome. A secret is not a lie is not a hidden truth. I ought to get y'all. Ben actually lied twice at the beginning of this podcast. Ben lied several times in this podcast.

I'm a liar. He said two beers were on the rider and then he said he'd never even talk to Chris about it. I never maintained it was not a liar. I'm a liar as well. I am a liar. Yeah. I'm a liar.

I'll admit, yeah, I lie all the time. Do I keep secrets? It's for you to find out, Chuck. You'll have to solve my riddles. You'll have to solve my riddles. Hey, what are we going to do today? As been what we were going to do on the episode today, and I didn't see any of it,

the takedown of Jacques Gonselin, where we call him a liar. I don't think. I didn't call you a liar. I never called you a liar. But for the record, you are a liar. Yeah. Okay, shut the fuck up.

Your words are cursed. We're all liars. That's why we're such good podcasters, because we lie to everyone. Doctor! Medic! Jack, I do have a question. Jock.

I have a question. So did you actually believe that Chauperin and Cash Patel were having a text exchange about initiating an anti-lesbian sci-op across the country? I just believed that they texted. I didn't believe. I wasn't paying attention enough to. See, I told you that's the party he would believe. And the sci-up wasn't. We could have said anything.

He would have stopped paying attention. Yeah. I got bored. I mean, it's like Cachaportel, Snoosville, Chapplerone. So did you tell people? did you go gleefully tell people that chaperon is a massad agent no because i don't spend my time talking about chaperona mersa or chappellie fair enough what do you talk about with with uh normal people or my girl yeah yeah well she's a normal person too yeah um but i mean i talk about what i saw on ebay that night

or a television show that I've been watching. It's like talking to a crazy auntie, really, is what it's like. Period. No offense. It's not. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's cool. Auntie. I have, I talk about interesting stuff. We talk about philosophy and politics.

Who's your favorite philosopher? niche. Period. Period. Period. You do live his lifestyle. Oh, yes. Oh, shit, man.

How do we get this? far into the episode like this. Do you need me to pivot? Do you need me to pivot? Stop hitting glasses with spoons. They're going to break. And then you're going to be dancing on glass again. Yeah, that sigh.

That sigh was, yeah, you knew I was right. You knew I was right. You can't admit that Ben, you can't admit that Ben is looking out for those little piggies. I don't want your feet to get those cute little piggies. Those are adorable. little toes. I showed my

foot to Hessa's friend Michelle in the recording yesterday, and she didn't flinch. I think she was scared. I'll show it on this one. Pretty gross. Okay. Also, I don't think he did show Michelle his foot on the recording yesterday. I don't remember that.

Girl, he doesn't remember anything. Was that interesting? Yeah, that was great. Very interesting. Should we pivot to the ethicist, though? Yeah, I'm just, I'm being a lazy to Ambron. Let's get to the ethicist. My husband has dementia, can I put him in a home and move to Europe? Yep. The magazines... Well, this is the quickest one we've ever had to answer. Yep, get rid of that guy. You don't want to be there for that death where he doesn't even remember his children. Have a funeral.

My husband of 52 years was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease 10 years ago. Currently, I'm a full-time caregiver. I hope to place my husband in a memory care facility soon so that I can move to two of my children. their children, all of whom live in Europe. My husband does not know anything about this yet. My guilt is sharp over dumping him in this way, even though he might be safer and more active. Do I have the moral right to put him in care and saunter off to live my own life? Or do I have the moral duty to continue being his caregiver, having once promised in sickness and in health? I'm torn over what's right and whose rights should prevail. Okay, here's my solution. She does a 51st states to him, where he He wakes up, he's in a boat, and it's like, you have dementia. You're old as fuck.

You're in this boat. And you're in Europe. And then he goes outside of the boat and looks around. And he sees his children, his grandchildren. It's exactly like 50 first dates. And that's my solution. I just watched that a few days ago, too. That movie is upsetting.

That's a good movie. I didn't like it. I would say, okay, I mean, it depends on how many new memories he's actually forming. But, you know, what you could do? Let's see he is, let's see he's still, you know, forming memories, in particular traumatic ones, you know? Yeah. Fake your own death. Oh, that's good.

Fake your own death. He's not going to understand. It's the last thing he'll remember. And then he'll just spend the rest of his life grieving you. You're getting a lot of attention. You're getting a lot of attention. Faking. No, we'll be constantly talking about you.

Fake your own death. Carbomb or drowning. Make sure he's there. he can see it so the trauma of seeing a car explode or seeing his wife slowly drift into a nearby lake that's up there now. Ben, wait. What? You're totally, this is a silver platter that you're being handed and you're saying, we got to put

something nice on it. You don't have to put a nice meal on a silver platter. You can put anything because he has dementia. You can just have the caregivers tell him every time he asks, where's my wife? She's dead. She exploded, you know. was on the challenger. Right.

She got hit with a bazooka. She was hit with a bazooka. And she's done. I saw the stupidest Gray's Anatomy clip and a woman got hit with a bazooka. Yeah, it gets stuck in her and then it closed in the hospital.

What? Yeah. That's a famous Gray's Anatomy. I've never seen Grace Anatomy, but I remember this happening. She was hit with an RPG that got lodged into her body and then it blew up in the hospital.

Yes, they're like, we got a code black. We've got it. We don't. It's like a famous thing the show did. It's got a code black. Another RPG blew up. Yeah, another RPG stuck.

Not again. God damn it. I remember when this happened because they've like killed off like half the cast of the show in that one moment. It's so funny. It's a funny way to get a lot of money. They needed to kill half the stuff. After the fucking cast. That was holding the patient's body with the bazooka and they're like, don't move.

What about a gay guy who put a greenie? up his butt and then when he goes to the hospital to get it removed, the doctor pulls out the pin. Yes. Oh my God. That was a plot line too. That, no, like, literally, I think, like, what if it's, instead, it's a gay guy with a grenade in his butt and it's like, it's about to go off and the doctor has to fist him to sacrifice his arm to save everyone.

Oh, like to lodge it. To plug it. To plug it. And he has to put, and another doctor has to put his cock in the guy's mouth. Another. Another Grace Anademy. Give me a male nurse in here now. Another Grace Anatomy scene.

A woman goes, ow, it hurts down there. And there's another patient in the room. And then a gun goes off. And it's because there's a loaded gun in her pussy. Stop. I swear to God. I didn't know Grace Anatomy was this like stupid.

I just found out. Yeah. It's so like telenovela. Yeah. It was crazy. They were like, we shut this. down there's a gun in the vagina period

I remember when I was a kid my dad used to watch so many telenovelas and one of my earlier memories is a watching I forget what it was called I don't remember but it was also a medical

soap opera and there was a doctor no there was a male nurse who was trying to become the head doctor of a hospital and so he made a pill that he gave to all of his male superiors which made them rape and they raped everyone and then they got fired for raping whoa i was like what the that's like the movie trouble every day that's really good i don't see i mean one of the main characters in gossip girl tries raping another main character on the first episode so it's like you know it's never what is going on with these shows i didn't

I thought gossip girls, like, for teenagers. It is. It is, but guess what? You know who plays at their prom one year? Sonic Youth. The band Sonic Youth is in the show. You're thinking of Gilmore Girls. No, no.

Because they're in New York on this one. I'm going to go to this one. No, I'm not going to, look, I'm not going to have to do this. Jock does remember shit like this. It's the only thing you remember. No, we've had this discussion and it turns out they were on both shows, I think. Yes. If I remember correctly.

Yeah. Sonic. No, I was just telling you we had this discussion before, and it's turned out we were both right. Sonic Youth made a notable cameo in season three, episode five of Gossip Girl Ruth is getting married, which aired in October 2009. All right. Close out the tabs before your computer explodes. Let's get to the next one here. Please, Diva.

Yeah, I think just fake your own death at that one. That seems pretty simple to me. I I mean the guy's gonna be dead soon anyways Go be with your kids I don't know I mean

He would if he I guess it really would depend on like Is your husband Like a selfless husband He'd be like no go be with the kids It's fine I can have dementia Would he say that if he was cognizant If so

Leave his ass Let's get to our next one here I think just do a 50 first date It's easy as hell for me Right Or bring him girl Bring him Yeah whatever

He probably love Absolutely do not bring up. We were conquered. It would be so fun to be like in Morocco and be like, yeah, no, this is just what America looks like now. Yeah. We're still in New Jersey. Once the memories of your ex-lover dissolve in their own brain,

you are no longer responsible for taking care of him. So if you got dementia, if you got Alzheimer's. Shoot me. Okay. All right. I think it would be easiest. Look, I think it'd be easiest if y'all put me in the pool on a air-sized queen-matress, queen-size, lay me down, blindfold me, put on some loud music. So I don't know.

Can I shave your head? Metallica? We'll put on Metallica. Enter Sandman. If it makes it easier to shoot you in the head, me in the head. Enter Sandman is going to be playing. I think that's okay. If it's okay choice, I just think it's a okay choice.

I just think it could be a better choice out there. And then right when it goes, Astridite, we like shoot you with a flaming arrow or whatever. Well, no, you've got to do that. Or we shoot the air mattress and watch you drown. Well, I can't. Shock, what if you blinked right now and you,

suddenly you were 81 and you were floating on an air mattress and you were an enter sand. Girl, that is what is going to happen to him. I wouldn't, I wouldn't, if I had, if my life flashed before me and I was suddenly at the end of my life, and I, couldn't remember the years that happened in between, I would be grateful because I know I lived You would be scared.

Yeah. Excuse me? You want to speak for me? If I get dementia, bring me places, put me places, put me into situations. It's going to be fun. Get out in the museum. The thing is, even when you have dimension also, I mean, there are, like, core memories and, like, habits.

Moments of lucidity, and you're still, like, I mean, I've been around people who have known who have gotten it. And it's like, oh, they're still in there. And so I do think it's just like the core aspects of your personality do persist. And so I would be worried about me personally having Alzheimer's because I would be, I think I'd be real, I'd be really difficult. Oh my God. That's for sure. I'd be very difficult.

I don't want applesauce. Literally. No, I'd be like, oh, this apple, where'd you buy this? This crap, when you're trying to keep me poison? what is this fucking moths? Ptoe. You know, it would be done. I need to go on the Sniffy's podcast.

Right, right. Why haven't they let me on? Why haven't all of the one-sided beefs I've started that never, never resolved? Why have they, why haven't they let me on the Sniffy's podcast? Why are those two gay guys in L.A. stealing my show? Yeah, and all those people are like, they're on billboards everywhere. They're doing fine. They're doing just fine.

We should confront them in person. Oh, we should, but we're in LA. The one did message me, and he was being like so LinkedIn, L.A. retard about it. And I didn't know that this was a veiled threat. I put it together after the fact. But he was like, so where are you based? And I was like, do you want to come on the show? I invited them on the show.

Yeah. Not this show interior motives. I wouldn't actually have. them on but i was just like being i was like being yeah yeah you should come on the show and he's like no where are you based i'm like um why is that matter you should i'm i'm just it's a remote show i'm just asking if you want to come on it and he was like no like where are you based and then i was like well i think we're at an impasse if you're not going to end if you're not going to come on my show i'm not going to tell you where i'm based and bless you and and then he just stopped responding

but i realized that was his version of like pull up i'm going to pull up i'm going to pull I don't think that's true at all. I think you're being crazy. I think he was threatening. I think he would, no, I think he was trying to start me. Yeah,

when people ask me where I'm from, I do not think that's the case. He was like, he was like, where are you, where are you based? So where are you been based? All the times you call me,

all the times you call me. He was trying to hunt me and kill me. Period. As a literally, this guy. this gay guy who doesn't even know what he's done wrong because he's retarded goes oh so he's also incredibly stupid i did feel bad when i realized how dumb how truly profoundly dumb this man was okay yeah these guys are literally like oh they're like typing they're like oh so

ben where are you based ben is like you are not gonna crack you'll never kill me my secrets i don't even tell my clothes to spread my secrets you two aren't even gonna get you'll never be able to kill me you piece of shit it would be It would be so funny. Or no, you should go to L.A., pull up on them and be like, I'm based and I'm here. Right. Or something, you know. No, I'm going to go find a cafe he's working at, and then I'm going to respond to his message, and I'll be like, I'm, I'm right behind you.

I'm based right behind you. I'm based behind you at all times. Yeah. Try to kill me now. Try to kill me. I would love a situation where we would scare them. like a good scare moment. I mean, I definitely did.

I'm scared them. I kind of them don't think you scared them. I could be wrong, but it seems like they don't. You should ask them. You should message them and ask them if I scared them. Did Ben scare you?

Jock would immediately start talking so much shit about me to them too. You don't even know what that would. Yes, you would. I know you would. He would say, yes, Ben's scared me. He'd be like, he scares me every day. He's so. He's got a gun.

me, I'm in the basement. Hell. Okay, what's the next ethicist? We would pretend to be kidnapped. Okay, let's do one more. An acquaintance, well, let me see which, we'll just do this one. An acquaintance might be racist. Do I need to drop him?

I included him in an Instagram story before I knew. Should I have deleted it? The other day, I posted a photo of a soccer player whom I consider to be an acquaintance. I'm close to the photographer to my Instagram story. I'm in high school, as are all the people I'm discussing. I can't, what high schooler is. What kind of maniac is, you know what, this is probably, you need to smoke crack.

Yeah, this kids' parents were like, this is a complex question. Let us teach you something about using your resources by sending an email to this. It's like so fucking depressing. Put a pit in my stomach imagining that conversation. I'm so glad I did not have parents like that because I know so many parents who speak to their children

in like NPR. New Yorker, New York Times speak. And it's just like, girl, you... You lost your joke. Shortly after a friend DM'd me to say that the soccer player is, quote, a racist who, quote, did blackface. Even so, I decided not to delete it. I told my friend that even after I'd known earlier, I wouldn't have completely cut that soccer player off. I've become close with people I respect.

And other things being equal, I have less far respect for racist than non-racist. This kid is structuring sentences in such a strange way. Yeah, maybe this is the kid writing this. It's the kid writing it. But my relationship with the soccer player amounts to chatting in class and occasional texts. I didn't see a problem with that level of contact even if I had said or done racist things. I also said that what my friend was urging me to do felt like a kind of cancel culture that, in my view, makes liberals look bad and offers no one any grace. My question is, if I claim to be an equality-driven liberal, which I would have a kind of a general, which,

I imply on my Instagram, am I obligated to completely disassociate from anyone I know to be racist and should I have taken down the Instagram story? So posting a problematic person on the Instagram story, should you delete it? And are you by proxy then culpable for their transgressions or is this an endorsement? No, no, no, no. I took a picture with James Franco and I didn't know that he had some kind of sex scandal at his acting school. And I'm not going to take it down now that I found that out because it was a good picture of both of us and he's a famous person. And if someone can think that I'm famous for one second by seeing the picture of me

with the celebrity, that he had underage sex with someone, and then made a movie about it. James Franco said the N-word in 2013. I heard he didn't have underage sex. I think he just had the end word in 2013. And you endorsed that? No.

Wait, and you did know this stuff about cheap because you... No, I didn't. No, I didn't. No, I did not. No, I did not. Because I remember when you took this picture. No, no, I told you right away. I, I, I, no.

First of all, I did not know what it, I didn't know where I was barely. Okay, period. Okay. With you, you can post a picture with Hitler and people would be like, John. No. No. No. I feel like if I took a picture with R. Kelly, it would say,

send the wrong message, but I probably would take a picture with R. Kelly. You would take a photo with R. Kelly. What about P.D.? No. What's the difference? R. Kelly was never... I mean, personally, I don't give a fuck.

I just like... None of this matters to me anyway. I'm just curious. I'm just curious what your ethical lines are. It's not about ethics. It's about taking a picture that is controversial. I like the idea of having a controversial picture. I like Ignition part to the remix.

I love that. I like, I believe I can fly. I like, I'm a jiggle-lose, and lots of hos every time I got a lot, another show, always surrounded by so many hoes, jiggle-o, Nick Cannon, R. Kelly. I mean, it's just stuff that I grew up with that I can't say. So you would take a photo with Art Kelly.

He is in jail for sexual assault, right? Right. So you would be. Yes. Well, this is if I didn't know. on like 14 year old girls. Okay. Well, you do know.

Well, now if I didn't know, I'm trying to say, okay. You can forget. I can forget easily. You all don't understand. I just think it's like comical to, I don't know.

I don't know what, where I was doing. Would you take a photo with Jeremy Absin? No, that's weird. What about Jared Fogel? No. What about Bill Cosby? No.

I might take a photo with Bill Cosby. I got it. That might be kind of funny. I grew up with Bill Cosby. A fucked up old-ass Bill Cosby. I was the only TV show about a dad who was an OBGYN. So I identified with the Cosby show. So it's personal.

I had a personal relationship with that show, but it doesn't mean that I'm going to hang out with him. That's 68 women. I had a personal relationship with the Cosby show. No, okay, maybe I would. That's between me and the Cosby show. Keep your fucking nose out of it. Someone, okay, I truthfully uploaded the picture with James Franco when I saw him at the thing because I thought it was funny and I just thought it was a funny coincidence.

I truly didn't know. It was the one girl commented underneath it and was like, you complicit piece of shit. You're such a fucking asshole. Don't you know what he's done? Yada, yada, yada. And I'm like, bitch, you stole from the house mom at the strip club you worked at. I don't know why you're acting like you're some fucking I like you know This girl has problems with everyone in fucking new work

What the fuck is going on in Louisiana that there's a house mom at a strip club You stole from the house mother You stole from the maven from the you stole from the Maitron of the house She gives you change like an old school West, old west brothels Being around in Louisiana Literally you stole her gold to blues you bitch You stole a hundred pieces of silver

I'm sorry And you know what? He made settlements and he said, I came forward and said, I made dire. It's so funny how you're like not concerned with the ethical arguments, allegedly, but you're still being like,

well, he actually corrected his behavior. Yeah, but I know all about this case. Okay. Let me do another example. Shalabuff has never said sorry for once getting in the way of everyone during Marty Gras and making everything.

I think, you know, he did apologize on Channel 5. No. No, he fully said, I apologize for my behavior. And then he went back to New Orleans and gotten a new fight in the last few days. He doesn't deserve anything.

So you wouldn't take a photo with Shirelob of, but you would take a photo with R. Kelly. Yes. Who also hasn't apologized and is in jail? Okay, but like it's harder to explain if R. Kelly wasn't in jail and didn't have. Because for you, it's about the artist. If the artist is worthy of committing, an artist can be worthy of committing certain transgressions if their art is good enough. Or if you like their art enough. I would take a picture with Lady Gaga.

Period. Lady Gaga has taken a picture with R. Kelly. Does that make R. Kelly and Lady Gaga evil? How complicit is your favorite artist? How many times is Chapel Road and taking a picture with Benjamin? Would you take a photo of Chapel? I don't think.

Zero, probably. Well, that's what you would think. I can't think I could. My research, I think we're trailing in on one photo. Your research being that she was texting Cash Patel. We're getting close to one phone. I'm actually texting with Cash Patelie now, and he's done... Would you take a photo with Donald Trump?

No. Why? Because that is too damning. I feel like I could come back from a photo. What if in the photo you had a brownie face and you were giving a thumbs down? Right. Yeah. I don't think that would...

It would even... It wouldn't play well. Yeah. Would you take a photo with Bill Clinton? No. With Hillary Clinton? Hillary Clinton. I would love a photo.

Yes. Oh my God. I would like hold a gun to her, like two fingers like a gun to her head. You're like, oh, crazy. I would only... This bitch. I love this bitch. I'm just picturing the joy on your face, Ben.

Oh, why? Like a finger gun, Taylor E. Clinton's face is so... This is the situation. I don't, I don't know. I don't want to get a lot of flank for maybe saying I would have taken a picture. with Art Kelly because I like the song I believe.

I don't have a lot of steak in this. I don't want to get flink. Y'all don't even come for me saying that off the top of my head. But let's go back to what we were just saying. What was the question? Why are you holding a spoon? It's my emotional support spoon.

Okay. It really makes you look like a crackhead. I would encourage you to not wave around a spoon while making a point because it does make you look like a crackhead. It's literally a burned spoon. There's a burn mark on the back This is why I would take a photo with R. Kelly, but never, never shot above.

It's so cracky. Oh, my God. What have my... Okay, who's, who, I mean, Connie West, oh, wait, yeah, I remember the situation. I would take a picture of, with Hillary Clinton, as long as I could also take a picture at the same time with Casey Anthony. And there was a big, like, poster in the background.

And then Photoshop yourself out. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I want a big, I want to set up Hillary. I want a banner, a banner behind all of us. Me at the Women's Rights Conference. Excuse me. Markis, go ahead, go ahead. I want the picture to be of me, Hillary Clinton, Casey Anthony, all arms together,

and it's going to say, I'm with her. And it goes three ways. I'm with Jacques, I'm with Hillary, I'm with Casey. Anthony. United we stand as women. This is an ad campaign I'm coming up with mostly.

Right. I think that would be really successful. It would make me support women more if I saw that. Yeah, for sure. Talking about supporting women, some freaky men and I chick hit my car the other day.

And I was in the parking lot of a health food store. She fully like sideswives me. My car is 25 years old. I don't really give a shit. But I was just, like, shocked. And I wasn't, like, shocked that she hit the car. I was shocked because she rolls down her window.

And it's, like, one of these, like, she's, like, in a fucking bonnet. And then, like, you know, clothes made on the damn farm. And I was just like, do you can drive? What if you opened the hood and there was one horse underneath the hood with its head beating out? It was really giving that vibe. And I was like, you can drive. And she's like, I'm not Amish. And I was like, I know.

But, like, I thought you, I, I, I don't think they let you drive. And it was a Sunday? Interesting. Or do Minnanites have a Saturday thing? I don't know. It was like, it was over the weekend. But she was really cracky.

And I was like, what is going on here? Maybe it was Ramispring. And she didn't respond to me and she just looked at me. Well, that's Amish. Well, maybe the Mennonites want to do the Amish ways. Well, I think she was on some kind of Mennonite, Rumspringham, because she was on that Methanite. She was tweaky methanite.

Tweaky, tweaky, tweaky. And then I was just like, so do they let you drive? And then she didn't respond to me. And then I was like, okay. I was like, it's fine. I was like, honestly, girl, it's totally fine. Do you think it was a crackhead disguised to do like a crazy, a crazy mission? A crazy like.

I should be dressed as a religious person all the time. I forget that that's one of the easiest ways to be a criminal. No one would believe you. You could be a Franciscan with your hair. Right, you could be a Francescan monk. You should wake up some dead religion. I know a guy who looks as as fucked up as me, and he dressed as a priest. You could be a Hasidic Jew.

This guy dressed up as a priest in an all-white outfit and flew to South America, and he was a cocaine trafficker, and he got arrested. And he was from Louisiana. Seems like a different made-up story. It is not a goddamn man. I hate when you say that shit, bitch. You're fucking... I dressed in all-white.

I went down to Columbia and I was a cocaine trafficker like Scarface. He also like got caught so it didn't work. Well, it worked for years. He got caught somewhere else. I think you should do, final note, I think you should dress like a, like a Tibetan monk

orange robes. This is what I would look like bald. Can you tell now? I think you would look much better. I think you'd actually look a lot better. Like I've told you many times you should get a fade and you should cut the long hair. Yeah. You look up, it takes like 10 years off, honestly.

It literally makes you look 10 times younger. I'm not even kidding. Yeah. So when we get to L.A., Ben will shave your head, and then he'll get, he's got to go. He's got something else. I could give you a fade. I've got 20 minutes to give you a fade, and then I have to get to something else. I can squeeze you in 20 minutes.

I can squeeze in 20 minutes. Oh my God. You people give me the juice, juice. Oh, Jack. I'm so excited for L.A. I know it's going to be iconic. Well, everyone thinks you're listening today. Oh, thank you for listening today. If you like what you heard, go to subscribe to our Patreon, Patreon, Patreon,

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